Work Text
Dangling somewhere in the haze between dead of night and early morning, Sirius can’t sleep. The party in the common room ended hours ago, but he’s still energized. Usually he wouldn’t have this problem, but tonight is different.Sirius finally got Remus to dance. With him. After years of asking, Moony eventually gave in.It was monumental.They danced to Queen, Sirius bubbling with excitement and Remus just trying to get to the end of the song without tripping over someone’s feet. Sirius didn’t care. It was perfect.The trouble is, right after the song, Remus immediately left. Just… went away, to the bathroom or something, leaving Sirius there by himself, oddly giddy and sad at the same time. Sirius dances with his friends all the time, so dancing with Remus shouldn’t have made him all happy and flustered. Oh, but it did, and that’s why Sirius is staring at the ceiling, very much awake, very much confused, and very much thinking about Moony. His adorable deer-in-headlights face and the way his hands felt in Sirius.’So, Sirius does the reasonable thing and goes to Remus’ bed.Moony is still awake, sitting cross legged and reading some book by wandlight. He looks up when Sirius slips past the hangings and shuffles to sit down in front of him.“Can’t sleep?” Remus asks.“Nah,” Sirius says. He’s still thinking about Remus’ hands. Without much forethought, he reaches over and plucks the book out of Moony’s grip, who predictably furrows his eyebrows and tries to take it back. Sirius gently places the book out of Remus’ reach and brings his own hand to fit into Moony’s. Remus looks up at him, Sirius meets his eyes, and that’s the end of everything.Sirius rarely sees Remus’ eyes this close. He loves them; the way the soft brown color seems to change depending on what’s around, what the lighting is. How they crinkle a little bit when he smiles, and a lot when he laughs.Sirius could look at Remus’ eyes for the rest of his life and never get tired of it. He could look at Remus for the rest of his life and never get tired of it.He slowly reaches the hand that isn’t being held up to Remus’ face and lightly trails the pads of his fingers across his cheek. It’s so soft. He wants more.Sirius takes his other hand out of Remus’ and brings that one up to his face too. He finds a stray hair that shouldn’t be there and gently brushes it out of the way. His hands explore Moony’s face; his cheeks and forehead and nose and eyelids, it’s so lovely and soft. Does Remus know he is the most beautiful boy Sirius has ever seen? He’s so beautiful. Sirius wants him to know.His hands eventually come to rest on his jaw, thumbs brushing cheeks. Remus’ eyes flutter shut, and he exhales softly. He brings his own hands up to Sirius’ wrists, just holding them. Sirius’ heart clenches.“Do you know,” Sirius murmurs, very softly, “that you’re the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen?”Moony smiles, but his eyes are still closed, and they do the crinkly thing, just a little bit. “I didn’t know that,” he says.“Well, now you do,” Sirius tells him, so quietly.There’s a pause where they just breathe together, so close like this.“Sirius,” Remus whispers.“Yeah?”“What are you doing?”Sirius has no idea what he’s doing, to be honest. He’s just feeling, going where his heart wants him to and saying the things it tells him to. “I don’t know,” he says.Remus takes a deep breath, and he’s so close that Sirius can feel it. He slowly takes Sirius’ hands off his face. Turns away. And Sirius is cold now. His heart clenches painfully, he aches.Come back, Sirius thinks. He’d do anything for Moony to look back at him. Right now, it’s all he wants.And so he does something highly stupid but which he knows will fix the problem: puts both hands on Remus’ face, firmer than the ghostlike touch of before. Turns his gaze back towards Sirius, where it should be. Then he kisses him.And it feels exactly right at that moment, despite being a really bad idea. Because he doesn’t see Remus in that way. They’re friends. They’ll always be friends. Whatever else is just Sirius’ brain playing tricks on him. He’s good at ignoring these things. So he will crawl into bed with Moony, tell him stories and listen to his breathing and touch his hair.But this is crossing a line. He can’t just ignore this. This isn’t what friends do. It’s not —They break apart. Sirius’ mind is racing, should I apologize and why did I do that and he’s going to hate me and —“I’m sorry,” Sirius blurts out.Remus doesn’t meet Sirius’ eye, and takes a few deep breaths before saying, “I don’t think you meant to do that.”Sirius opens and closes his mouth a few times. Because what does he say? It’s not like he did it on accident. “Um,” he says.“I think you should go back to bed.”Sirius probably should go back to bed. But he doesn’t want to go back to bed. He wants to be here, with Moony. He’s finding that he really wants to kiss him again. “But I want to stay here,” he says, and Remus sighs.“Go back to bed, Sirius.”“Did you want to kiss me, too?”Remus lets out a long sigh. “I think we should ignore this.”“You’re not answering my question.”“I’m telling you to go away.”“If we both want it, then why don’t we do it?” Sirius asks. If he’s honest, he doesn’t know why he wants it, or when exactly that became a thing that is happening, but he will happily be with Remus in any way that he can until he figures it out. Remus is beautiful. Sirius just wants to be near him.Remus rubs his hand across his eyes, looking exasperated. “It’s complicated.”“Explain, then.”“I can’t,” Remus says, and Sirius facepalms.“Then do we have to talk about it? Can’t we just do it?” Sirius asks.Remus gives him a pained look, seemingly grappling with many emotions pulling him in different directions. Sirius stares back, until finally Remus gives in.“Fine,” he says, “c’mere.”Beaming, Sirius practically tackles Remus onto the bed. They spend the rest of the night curled up against each other, Sirius listening to his breathing and touching his hair, but this time he knows what it means.Sirius doesn’t end up sleeping at all, and that’s alright.