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Rook looked around the Lighthouse, and it hit her that she was truly alone for the first time in a long while, with exception of her stint of involuntary imprisonment in the fade. Her footsteps echoed off the walls of the kitchen as she paced, with only the sound of the crackling fire in the hearth to comfort her. She hugged herself tightly. Her devastation hit her as though a dragon had rammed her, her tears poured hotly down her cheeks and she crumpled to the floor, feeling utterly helpless and broken. She let out a primal scream, and sobs wracked her whole body for what felt like an eternity.In the beginning, the job was only supposed to stop Solas, and it turned into taking him, Elger’nan, and Ghilan’nain down as they had become drunk on power and increasingly out of touch with reality. As the job grew, so did the team, as well as the complexity of their dynamic (especially in the Lighthouse). There had been more than a few contentious moments, but there was a fundamental understanding between each other. They needed to be able to trust and depend each other, lest they fail and perish. But they hadn't, they had won, and now it was all over and time stood still for Rook while the earth continued to spin for everyone else.Bellara had been especially concerned for Rook’s wellbeing prior to leaving but Rook had assured her she was going to be fine. It was now apparent to Rook that she had made a grave error in judgment, one she could not undo without disrupting the lives of her team when they were just beginning to move on with their lives. She didn't think it wouldn’t be fair to them, to ask them to come back and care for her as though she was a child, this was her cross to bear.One by one, they each returned to their respective lives from before. Emmrich to Nevarra City to return to his post teaching, with his companion Manfred in tow. Neve headed back to Minrathous to help dismantle the remaining Venatori occupation with the collaboration of the Threads and Shadow Dragons. Bellara returned to Arlathan forest to continue studying artifacts, and Lucanis to Treviso to fulfill his duties as First Talon. Taash and Harding had made the decision to move in together in Rivain into Shathann’s old home and make it theirs.Rook had wanted that for her and Davrin too.They had talked about moving to Lavendel and building a small cottage on the cliffs, near the water. Assan was even going to have his own room. The irony of the Grey Warden warning her of this exact possibility early on in their romance was not lost on her, but it still hurt, the ache in her chest grew by a tenfold.----Rook had previously met up with Evka for coffee after the metaphorical storm settled, to figure out what would be best for Assan. He had seen Davrin go down during the battle with Ghilan’nain. He understood that he wasn’t coming back and was in mourning himself, unwilling to eat his favourite gingerwort truffles even while Neve softly coaxed him to. Although Assan was an immense source of comfort for Rook, she wasn’t sure she would be doing the right thing keeping him after Davrin’s passing. He was suffering the same way she was, and she just wanted him to be happy, even if she couldn’t be.“I’ll tell you what, Antoine and I will watch over him for as long as you need us to, but Assan was Davrin’s whole world until you came into the picture. I know he’s a handful right now, you’re both going through a lot, but you can come get him when you’re ready. It’s what Davrin would have wanted.” Evka had said, while placing her hand over Rook’s across the table, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Rook had not expected such tenderness from the newly minted First Warden, but everything felt surreal to her during this time in her life.Rook took a sip of her drink, swallowing the bitter black coffee. “You know, I almost thought he was invincible,” she laughed hollowly. “After he was ready to die taking out the archdemon at Weisshaupt, nothing happened. It felt like he could do anything.”“That’s the Warden life for you,” Evka shook her head solemnly. “I’m glad you found each other, though. He was a damn fine Warden, I just wish he was still here.”“I do too,” Rook said hoarsely, and excused herself to pack up Assan’s things.
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Rook rummaged through a crate, trying to find her hair pins. She cursed at herself for being overly efficient at packing, but simultaneously appreciated how far she’d come in the past couple of months. She went from being essentially catatonic over the loss of her lover, to becoming almost fully functional again, save for her spotty memory.Her heart still ached and longed for Davrin, but it became more bearable with time. She had made the executive decision to grow around her grief, and not succumb to it. She knew he would have wanted her to live on and not prolong her suffering, even though it felt impossible at times. Some days were better than others.She had found what she sought at the bottom of the third crate, and stuck a couple pins in her mouth to hold while she tried to arrange her long hair in a quick bun. She had gotten very comfortable with being alone at last, opting to wear an oversized dark blue blouse she had picked up in Treviso as her outfit of the day. She figured she’d spare herself the hassle of extra laundry by foregoing pants and undergarments, she had no one to impress.She hummed to herself as she worked, organizing everything from her magically imbued weapons to ordinary kitchenware, labelling each crate with care, marking down which things were fragile or straight up dangerous. She stopped to stretch, as her back started to ache, and only stopped when she heard footsteps behind her. She spun around quickly.“Rook?” Lucanis said, when he came around the corner into the library. He quickly averted his eyes, as he realized her state of undress. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I was hoping you heard me come in.”“Oh Maker,” she muttered, her face turning crimson. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone, please wait right here, I-I’ll go get changed quickly.” She darted up the stairs and she heard a stifled laughter.“No, I’m sorry Rook, for showing up unannounced,” he called after her.After quickly putting on the rest of the outfit she had been told was all the rage in Crow fashionwear, she made her way back down the stairs, smoothing out wrinkles in her pants as she spoke, buckling the double clasped belt. “Sooooo, what brings you back to our humble abode?” She queried, trying to dispel her feelings of embarrassment.“I’ve been looking everywhere for my wyvern tooth dagger, you know, the one you got me?” He said, pushing back his hair with one hand. “I’ve been so busy with work since becoming First Talon, I should have come back sooner to look for it.”Rook smiled at the memory of that day. Lucanis had brought her to the market to show her around his city, and bought thoughtful gifts for everyone on the team except himself. A weapons vendor stall had caught her eye and she purchased the dagger in question for him. It had looked elegant, with a silver hilt and purple gemstones inlay perfectly complementing the forked blade, expertly crafted. It suited him perfectly. He had looked at her with childlike-wonder upon receiving it, cradling it back in forth between his hands, carefully maneuvering it. He told her he had always wanted one as a boy, but it never occurred to him to buy himself one as an adult. He in turn, presented her with a beautiful bouquet of lilacs. She later took a page out of his book and bought each team member a little something throughout their travels.“I don’t think I’ve seen it,” she mused, placing her finger on her chin. “We can check your old room if you want, but as you can see things are a bit chaotic around here.”He looked around seeing things in mild disarray, glancing at the crates. “I should have wrote you a letter but I wasn’t even sure you were still here, and I hadn’t realized how many months it has been. Please forgive me for not being in touch,” he lamented, while looking away. He turned to lean against the bookshelf. “I can see you’re doing well, it looks like you are getting ready to move.”“Yeah, I figure it’s time,” she replied, shrugging. “I finally am starting to feel like myself again and I can’t see myself returning to Arlathan. Not after everything.”“I can understand that,” he nodded in agreement. “If my gods betrayed the world, I think I’d do the same. Where are you planning to go?”“I was thinking Minrathous, I’ve been in contact with a couple agencies to view some apartments later this week,” she recounted.“Oh, did you not consider Treviso, where yours truly could help you secure an apartment in the merchant district, perhaps even near our favourite coffee shop?” He said with mock betrayal, clutching at his heart for dramatic effect.Rook rolled her eyes. “Come on, you said it yourself, you’re busy! You don’t have time for dragging little old me around the city. I don’t want to add stress to your plate.”“After all this time and you still don’t know I’d do anything for you?” He asked, and then realized the weight of his words. “I-I mean, I care about you, even though I have been unintentionally distant, I still care.”“Maybe. Let me think about it,” she replied noncommittally, hoping he didn’t see the flash of shock in her face at his initial words. “How’s Neve coping with your workload by the way?” She started walking towards the door to the courtyard, and he followed."I thought you would have heard by now,” he said casually as they walked. “We broke up a while ago. She didn’t want to leave Minrathous, I could not leave Treviso, and even with the eluvians, it became increasingly complicated with the nature of our respective work. We’re still friends, though.”Rook stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. She felt like she had whiplash. “I…. did not know, but granted Neve always kept me at an arm’s length, I haven’t heard much from her either,” she said, quietly, continuing to walk towards the kitchen. “I don’t think she ever forgave me for picking Treviso over Minrathous. I don’t blame her, it was an impossible choice. I only wish she understood that. I am, however, glad Minrathous has been able to start rebuilding.”“Is that why you were planning to move to Minrathous?” Lucanis asked, putting his hands in his pockets while approaching the building he used to sleep in, keeping a respectful distance from Rook.“Yeah, I mean Dock Town is gritty but it’s still beautiful in its own way. And I’m a mage, so I figured it might be fitting,” she said as she held the kitchen door open for Lucanis.“Rook, you don’t belong there. Not with the slavers and the blood magic. Please, stay with me in my guest house. We will get you situated, it would be my pleasure.” He stated firmly, following closely behind her now.Rook felt a warmness bloom across her chest, but tried to push it away. She pushed the door to the pantry open. “I need to think about it, but let’s find your dagger first.”
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“Got it!” Rook exclaimed, after sliding underneath Lucanis’ old cot. It took everything in him to not ogle her, so he stared at the ceiling. In the recesses of his mind, he heard Spite snicker. “You. Still. Like. Heeeeer.” Spite sing-songed in his ears. He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.“Are you alright?” Rook asked full of concern, still on the ground on all fours. He glanced back down at her and quickly looked away again. It felt impossible for him to look at her this way, especially with Spite’s incessant crude commentary in the background. “I’m fine, Spite’s…. Just being a handful today.”“I thought you two had worked it out...” Rook ventured, while standing up and wiping dust off her form fitting trousers, bending over slightly.Lucanis could see down her shirt, and he noticed her lack of a bra. He looked away again and cleared his throat, trying to maintain his composure, trying to ignore his pants getting tighter.He knew things had been difficult for her after Davrin, after Varric, after Solas, after everything that had transpired throughout their journey. Multiple levels of loss and betrayal had been bestowed upon her and she seemingly took it in stride, but it still didn’t feel right to look at her this way.“We have, mostly. Some days are still…. challenging, shall we say.”“I get that,” she said. “I still have bad days too.”This was the first time he had seen the true level of sadness in her face. It made him want to close the distance between them and hold her, to be her source of comfort in this moment, but he refrained. “Please, consider my offer about Treviso, Rook. I mean it. I would love to have you there.”“I…. Will,” She said. She heard a tinge of desperation in his voice, which caught her off guard.They walked back to the eluvian in silence, and Rook wished him well. He took her hand and pressed his lips against her knuckles softly, and went on his way.His scent still lingered in the air, of tobacco, spice, and coffee. She stood still, unsure what to make of his last gesture.Was that the gesture of the average Trevisian saying goodbye, or did that mean something more, she wondered. They were after all, a very passionate people. How would it feel to her if it meant more? She hadn’t considered the possibility of moving on romantically, it felt like a foreign concept. She was ruminating, getting ahead of herself.The history was complicated. Davrin and Lucanis had had their differences, and the three of them had been together at Weisshaupt. This had been before Davrin and Rook had taken the steps to become an official couple. Lucanis had told Davrin that he had his utmost respect for his willingness to sacrifice himself to take out the archdemon. Then, they had had words back at the lighthouse after Lucanis missed his one shot at Ghilan’nain.They had later patched up, over a bottle of terrible tasting whiskey, while Rook sat in Davrin’s lap. They all talked until the early morning about battles, hunts, and contracts and howled with laughter. She missed those moments, the feeling of camaraderie, the feeling of Davrin holding her.If Lucanis hadn’t missed, would Davrin still be here? No, she thought to herself, do not open that door. Lucanis might have died too, which would have been just as bad. She sighed, ran her fingers through her hair, removing the pins. She combed her fingers through her hair quickly and stepped through the eluvian, deciding to go pay an old friend a visit, to gain some clarity on it all.