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Harry didn’t think much of it when Hermione asked him to meet at a Muggle café. She loved blending into the Muggle world now and then, after all. But as he sat waiting for her, twirling his now cold coffee, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was… off.They usually met at The Three Broomsticks for old times' sake—why here? Why now?Before he could dwell on it, the door swung open with a jingle, and Hermione strode in. She looked frazzled, her blouse half-tucked and her wild curls even wilder than usual. Harry raised an eyebrow, amused."Rough morning with the boys?" he asked with a smirk as she hurried over. The mental image of Draco and Theo tangled with Hermione flashed in his mind, and he quickly shoved it aside. A wave of nausea hit him anyway. Some memories really shouldn’t resurface in broad daylight. Ginny should have agreed to obliviating this specific memory for Merlin’s sake!“Sorry, Harry, I know I’m late,” Hermione said, breathless as she pulled him into a quick hug.“Don’t worry, I wasn’t here long,” he lied, returning the hug. But she pulled away sooner than expected. Harry frowned but let it slide.
They sat down, and he tried to ease into their usual rhythm, chatting about anything and everything. But then the subject of
/them/—their brief and awkward stint as a couple during the war—came up. Harry barely mentioned it when Hermione’s eyes darted around the café, scanning every corner.“Hermione, relax,” he said with a laugh. “We’re in Muggle London. No reporters here, I promise.”“Shhh!” Hermione hissed, her eyes narrowing at him. She ducked her head under the table, peering suspiciously at the legs of nearby patrons.“Hermione, seriously,” Harry said, trying not to laugh as a waiter gave them a confused glance. “What’s gotten into you today? Is this about the press? I thought Draco bought the
Prophet
for you as, what, some kind of… courting gift? The guy’s mental, honestly—”“SHUT UP, HARRY!” Hermione whisper-yelled, loud enough to draw the attention of several café-goers. Blushing furiously, she ducked her head. “Sorry,” she muttered, glancing around nervously before leaning closer. “It’s not the press,” she whispered. “It’s the boys.”Harry’s stomach clenched. “What do you mean,
/the boys/? What did they do to you? If something’s wrong—Hermione, you know I’ll help.”But she wasn’t paying attention. Instead, she was glaring at her bag.“If you hear this, you little fucker,” she hissed at it, “you won’t see me naked – ever – again.”Harry froze, his mouth slightly open. He stared at her, wide-eyed, waiting for her to laugh, to explain,
to say something—but she didn’t.“You know what?” he said finally, sitting back and rubbing his temples. “Let’s change the subject.”For the first time that morning, Hermione’s shoulders sagged in relief, the tension visibly leaving her. “Good idea” she said, hastily looking at the menu.
But Harry couldn’t let it go. He glanced at her bag, which she had hastily shoved under her chair, and lowered his voice. “Hermione, please tell me you’re not hiding one of them in there.”Her face turned beet red. “Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous,” she snapped, but the way she pushed her bag farther under the table told him otherwise.“Hermione—”“Harry” she interrupted firmly, definitely annoyed that he was prying.That shut him up. He sighed, studying her face—the wild curls, the flushed cheeks, the slight tremble in her hand. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t just her usual paranoia. Something was
/really/
bothering her.“Okay,” he said at last. “But you owe me an explanation. And maybe a drink.”Hermione smiled, albeit faintly, and squeezed his hand. “Thank you. I’ll explain everything soon, I promise. But not here.”
Just then, a loud
thud
came from under the table. Hermione jumped, and so did Harry. Before he could look, Hermione kicked her bag—a little too forcefully—and plastered on a tight smile.“Coffee?” she asked, her voice high-pitched and far too cheerful “yours looks cold”.Harry gave her a long, suspicious look but nodded. “Yeah. Definitely coffee.”
As Hermione signaled the waiter, Harry leaned down, pretending to tie his shoe. His hand brushed against the bag—and he felt it. Something warm, moving,
/alive/.“Oh, bloody hell,” he muttered under his breath, sitting back up.
Whatever Hermione was hiding, it was going to be one hell of a story.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Harry couldn’t shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong with Hermione. She’d been like this once before—just once. It was at the beginning of her relationship with the boys, when reporters hid around every corner to snap photos for tabloids about the “perversion of the Golden Girl.”His Auror instincts kicked in, and his mind began racing through possibilities:
Option 1: The boys and Hermione were exploring a new kink. Ew. No. Not thinking about it. Those kinky bastards.
Option 2: She was pregnant?
But no, she drank coffee. Hermione wouldn’t do that if she were pregnant, would she? He truly needed to learn more about woman bodies.
Option 3: They were separating, and one of them got jealous?
Unlikely, but maybe…

When Harry arrived home, Ginny immediately noticed the contemplative look on his face. “What’s wrong, love?” she asked, kissing him quickly.“It’s Hermione” Harry said, trailing off as he recounted what had happened. Ginny burst into laughter halfway through.“I’m sure they just found a new kink,” she said between giggles. “Remember when they got caught getting freaky in the bathroom at The Three Broomsticks? They were banned for a
month!”“Ginny, I’m serious,” Harry said, frowning. “Something’s really wrong. I can feel it.”She sighed, reluctantly putting on her coat. “Fine. We’ll check on her. But if we walk in on them doing anything, Harry, I swear I’ll divorce you on the spot.”
A few minutes later, they stepped into the Granger-Malfoy-Nott Manor (or whatever the hell it was called). No sooner had they entered the parlor than a loud crash echoed from the hallway, followed by Hermione’s voice.“I TOLD YOU ALREADY, THEO, I WON’T AGREE TO THAT!”Harry and Ginny exchanged a wide-eyed look before sprinting toward the sound of crashing and yelling.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hermione’s partners had found a new way to spend their days—and to annoy her in the process: transforming into their ferret Animagus forms, a skill they had developed during their boredom on house arrest. Normal horny boys might have spent their time shagging, but no,
/of course not/. They decided to stop speaking for a month so they could annoy their future partner, the bastards !
And now, here Hermione was, chasing Theodore in his ferret form through the library after yet another argument about how to organize the bookshelves. Theo wanted them arranged by
timeline
and subject. Hermione, naturally, demanded
alphabetical order and subject. It wasn’t even a debate—she was right!
Meanwhile, Draco sat contentedly in the corner, happily munching on popcorn as though this was some kind of movie. The smug bastard. He didn’t even bother to take her side, even though she knew
he agreed with her! Oh, she’d make him pay for this later.
Hermione had painstakingly reorganized the bookshelves while Theo was out running errands, only for him to return and gleefully start knocking books off the shelves, one by one. The nerve! When he got dangerously close to
Hogwarts: A History,
Hermione saw red.“How
dare
you?” she hissed, brandishing her wand. “That’s it!”
She flung a spell at him, and Theo squeaked, dodging just in time as a nearby chair exploded. He skittered toward the far corner of the library, clearly enjoying himself.
That was when Harry and Ginny barged into the room, wands drawn and ready for action.
Theo froze in his tracks, his ferret eyes darting wildly between Hermione and their visitors.
Draco stood up with a smirk, brushing imaginary crumbs off his shirt. “Well, well, look who decided to grace us with their presence. Here to help these two finish organizing the shelves? They’ve been at it for an hour.”
“What do you mean, ‘the two’?” Ginny asked, slowly lowering her wand looking at the room for the presence of the other person.
Draco smirked, strolling over to Harry and casually tapping him on the shoulder. “Ah, but we can’t share all
our secrets with you just yet, Potter number two.”
Harry barely had time to frown before he felt something shift beside him. Spinning around, he saw nothing. Brow furrowed, he crouched to check under the furniture—when something small and furry leaped onto his head. With a startled yell, he flung it off, revealing a sparkling white ferret landing gracefully on the floor, staring up at him with unmistakable smugness.
Ginny dissolved into laughter, clutching her sides as Harry stood frozen, pale and horrified.
“You could have warned me!” Harry hissed, backing away from Draco’s ferret form. “That’s not funny!”
“Oh, it’s absolutely funny,” Ginny wheezed, wiping a tear as her husband hurried himself to the door without breaking eyes contact with the ferret. “You’re terrified of ferrets. This is priceless!”
Meanwhile, Theo—still in his chocolate-toned ferret form—skittered back over to Hermione, who stood somewhere between exasperation and despair. Ginny shook her head and stepped toward the door.
“I’ll leave you three to… whatever new kink you’re exploring,” she said, still chuckling. “But Hermione, for the love of Merlin, send me pictures of the boys like this. I could use the blackmail material.”
And with that, she departed, leaving Hermione standing in a library filled with chaos, two ferrets, and a future of never-ending headaches.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

How did Hermione learn about her boyfriends' predicament, you might ask? Quite by surprise. She came home early one day to find two ferrets sprawled on their bed, tangled together. She might have screamed if not for the uncanny resemblance they bore to her boys. The sparkling white one was currently scooping the chocolate-colored one, who had a little mask over his eyes.
If she’d known what she was getting herself into, she might never have demanded an explanation from them. Now, instead of spending time with her actual boyfriends, she spent most of her days chasing ferrets around the house.
At first, she appreciated the newfound silence—until it was replaced by her squeals of irritation every time they decided to hide in her bag, office, sweater, everywhere. Draco, naturally, had claimed her bra as his favorite hiding spot.
One day, feeling an all-too-familiar squirm beneath her shirt, Hermione scowled and snapped, “Draco Lucius Malfoy, I’ll say this just once—get out of my bra right now, or I swear I’ll reveal your little secret to the Ministry!”
Of course, this only encouraged him to snuggle deeper.
With a sigh, she resorted to her ultimate weapon. In an overly sweet voice, she cooed, “Darling, if you don’t get out now, you’ll never see me naked again. Poor Theo will have to suffer without you in bed.”
In the blink of an eye, Draco was back in his human form, a triumphant smirk playing on his lips. “You’re particularly bossy today, sweetheart,” he drawled, stepping closer. “I thought you learned your place last night, but it seems like you need a reminder.”
His hands drifted to her shoulders, slipping one strap of her bra down with deliberate intent, his lips curling into a mischievous grin. Hermione rolled her eyes, already anticipating the chaos this pair would stir up tomorrow—but for now, she allowed herself to be distracted.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hermione had every reason to expect more chaos—it had practically become a daily occurrence since she started dating Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Today was no exception.
In her Ministry office, a faint flicker of movement caught her eye. It was subtle, something she might have ignored if it hadn’t become a recurring habit. Sighing, she cast a quiet “Muffliato” and then, with deliberate sweetness, said, “It’s nice to finally be alone… but I do miss my boys.” Her voice carried a suggestive lilt as she scribbled on a piece of parchment.
Two seconds later, the sound of hurried little footsteps reached her ears, followed by the sudden appearance of two grown men behind her, each placing a hand on one of her shoulders.
“What would you do without us, darling?” Theo murmured, pressing a kiss to her hair.
Draco leaned in from the other side, his fingers wandering toward her chest. “Such a hardworking girl,” he purred. “Could use a little distraction, couldn’t you?”
Hermione swatted his hand away and stood abruptly, an annoyed look fixed on her face. “As much as I love you both, my work is supposed to be private, guys.”
Draco, undeterred, smirked. “And who’s going to protect you from all those idiots that march into your office every day? Your wards are practically nonexistent.”
“Draco, we are not having this conversation again. I’m in the Ministry—surrounded by Aurors—and I can handle myself, thank you very much!” she shot back. “Now, both of you, be good boys and go home. Make your girlfriend a nice dinner she can actually enjoy when she gets there.”
Theo chuckled, clearly imagining Draco’s predictable response. Hermione caught the glint in his eye and, as if reading his mind, giggled. “And no, Draco, you’re not allowed to pretend to be dinner tonight.”
The corners of Draco’s mouth twitched, but before he could retort, Hermione added with playful exasperation, “You two really need to find jobs if you’re this bored. I know you’re nepo babies, but come on.”
Theo’s grin turned mischievous. “Well, darling, I could be your private secretary. Always here to ensure you’re very… well taken care of.”
Before she could respond, a knock at the door made her jump. She quickly shooed them out, hissing, “Go! Now!”
As they retreated, Draco turned to Theo with a puzzled frown. “What’s a nepo baby?”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hermione came home late again, having worked extra hours much to her boyfriends’ dismay. The delectable aroma wafting through the manor reminded her of their earlier promise about dinner—but something was missing. Her lovers were nowhere to be seen.
She called out for them but received no reply. Instantly, she suspected another one of their pranks. I should’ve just married Fred and George, she thought wryly, casting a quick charm to silence her footsteps as she began her search.
She didn’t know when she agreed to live in such a massive mansion, but it was something she often questioned, especially during moments like this. She was halfway through the search when the obvious hit her: their room.
Hurrying up the stairs, anticipation bubbled within her. If this was a prank, maybe it wasn’t so bad if it ended with her finding her men tangled in each other… or better yet, waiting on the bed, ready for her to indulge herself. The thought sent a shiver of warmth through her as she reached their bedroom door.
But what she found inside was far from what she expected.
On the bed, two ferrets lay curled together, forming an intentional heart shape. The scene was completed with rose petals scattered around them. For a moment, she stood frozen before quickly snapping a picture to send to Ginny.
She felt a pang of guilt at making them wait so long they fell asleep. Smiling fondly, she stepped closer and gently kissed their tiny heads. The gesture stirred them awake, and they blinked sleepily up at her.
“You’re absolutely adorable like this, boys,” she giggled. Then, with a cheeky grin, she added, “But I’d much rather find you waiting for me in… other positions.”
The ferrets shifted back into their human forms, Theo wrapping his arms around her from behind, his chin resting on her head, while Draco leaned down to kiss her softly.
“Oh, don’t worry, princess,” Theo murmured. “We know exactly what you prefer. But first, there’s something else we need from you.”
Taking her hand, Theo led her toward the dining room while Draco poured her a glass of wine. Theo pulled out a chair for her, grinning as she sat down.
Hermione couldn’t help but smile as she looked between the two of them. Despite all their silliness, she truly was a lucky woman.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

So yes, maybe she shouldn’t have introduced Theo to Muggle movies.
The problem wasn’t the movies themselves, but something else entirely—the costumes in her dad’s favorite films that she’d shown the boys in a nostalgic moment. Big mistake. Huge mistake. She’d completely overlooked one critical detail: Theo’s ferret form and the way his fur created a natural mask around his eyes.
Hermione had been too preoccupied, lazily massaging Draco’s hair while he lounged across her lap, to notice Theo’s sudden reaction. One moment he was sitting beside them; the next, he shot up and hurried out of the room.
“Are you—?” Hermione started to ask, while Draco lifted his head, frowning, to see where Theo had gone.
Suddenly, a screaming ferret launched itself at them, a red scrap of fabric fluttering from its neck before tumbling to the floor.
“What the fuck, Theo?” Draco exclaimed, glaring as the ferret shifted back into his human form, laughing uncontrollably.
“Don’t you see the resemblance?” Theo gasped between chuckles. “I was born to be your savior, miladies!”
Hermione dissolved into helpless laughter, clutching her stomach, while Draco just shook his head in weary resignation.
At first, Draco wanted nothing to do with the ridiculousness, but Theo could be—very—convincing. The man had serious skills. And so, with a long-suffering sigh, Draco conjured a small red cape for Theo, tying it around his neck each time he transformed. Of course, he quickly joined in the mischief, gleefully teaming up with Theo to create a new game—one that involved endlessly pestering Hermione.
Now, Hermione couldn’t move through the house without Theo, as a chocolate ferret, jumping at her with his little cape, declaring he was there to “protect her from the enemy.” The so-called enemy? His counterpart: the “vile and dastardly” white ferret, who pounced at her any chance he got.
It was relentless. It was ridiculous. And it was the final straw.
That’s when Hermione decided it was time to unleash her secret weapon—a little something she’d been working on. A taste of their own medicine.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hermione wasn’t one for revenge—well, not all the time, at least. But if her boys thought she’d just stand by and let them have all the fun, they were sorely mistaken. They seemed to forget they were dating the witch who once trapped an Animagus in a jar.
No, she wouldn’t go that far, but scaring them a bit? Oh, that was fair game.
As a so-called “war heroine”—ugh, she hated that term—Hermione decided to take full advantage of its perks. With access to old, restricted magical texts, she spent months poring over ancient spells during her extra hours at work, researching for the perfect secret weapon.Eventually, she found it.
Was it illegal? Maybe. Had she ever cared about following rules? Not particularly. Besides, if anyone tried to snitch, she’d pay them off—her boys were loaded. And if that didn’t work, well, she could always resort to less pleasant methods.
Her opportunity came one night, after another round of Draco-as-ferret climbing all over her, only for “Super-Theo” to swoop in and heroically “save” her. She’d had enough.
Whispering the incantation under her breath,
“Claudam Formam Animagi,”
she waved her wand with precision. She didn’t want to kill them—Merlin, no—just a little harmless payback.
The boys, too caught up in their antics, didn’t notice a thing. Not yet. The spell was subtle, simply locking them into their Animagus forms temporarily. Now they’d get a taste of what it was like for her—trapped in a mansion with two overgrown man-children.
Setting her plan in motion, Hermione unbuttoned her blouse as she headed to their room, pretending she was about to take a shower. The boys never missed a chance to join her, and she waited, listening for the inevitable chaos.
It didn’t take long.
Two high-pitched screeches echoed from the room, followed by the sound of frantic scrambling. Turning back, Hermione found herself facing two panicked ferrets, their wide, pleading eyes locked on her.
“Well, boys,” she said, smirking in a way that would’ve made Draco proud, “you seem a little… stuck?” She feigned a pout. “What a shame. I was really looking forward to this shower.”
Draco and Theo stared at each other in horror before whipping their gaze back to her. After a moment of frantic deliberation, they awkwardly scurried together, forming a heart shape on the floor in a desperate bid for forgiveness.
Hermione burst out laughing. “Oh no, no, no. You’ll have to suffer for a bit, don’t you think?” Her grin turned mischievous. “You’re lucky I haven’t sent you off to Ronald—yet.”
The ferrets squeaked indignantly, but Hermione merely chuckled, savoring her well-earned victory.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

After taking her sweet time washing herself, Hermione decided to push the fun a step further. Slowly, her hands began to explore her body, never breaking eye contact with the two trapped boys still screeching wildly as though she could understand their frantic protests.
Her fingers teased over her breasts, pinching her nipples and reveling in the sharp pleasure that followed. She smirked as realization dawned on the ferrets, their squirming intensifying. Draco attempted to scurry under the stream of water to stop her. But the deluge proved too overwhelming for his small body, and he retreated, sulking beside Theo, who simply stared in stunned silence.
Hermione took her time, savoring her little victory. Her fingers didn’t quite replicate the skill of the men in front of her, but the satisfaction of knowing she’d won this round more than made up for it. When her orgasm hit, it was sweet like triumph, leaving her shuddering under the warm spray.
Opening her eyes, she met their horrified ferret stares with a wicked smirk. Deciding they’d suffered enough, she murmured the counter-incantation,
“Aperio Formam Animagi.”
In an instant, she was met with two very human, very aghast expressions.
“Oh, you are in so much trouble,” Draco said, his voice dripping with indignation.
Theo opened and closed his mouth, too shocked to form coherent words, before finally stammering, “How… how even—Hermione! How could you?”
Raising a brow, Hermione leaned in and pecked his cheek, the gesture making him all too aware of her current lack of clothing. “Being a war heroine has its perks, darling,” she said with an amused smile.
Draco narrowed his eyes, and Theo shook his head, his indignation softening into something else entirely.
“We’ll definitely be having words about this later,” Theo said, though his resolve seemed to waver under her confident gaze.
“Oh, I’m sure,” Hermione replied with a teasing lilt. “But for now, I believe I’m the one in trouble?” She turned, making her way toward the bedroom, the sound of two pairs of footsteps close behind her.
Before she could reach the bed, a pair of arms wrapped around her middle, and she gasped as teeth grazed the sensitive skin of her neck. Theo, of course—he always had a way of expressing himself that went beyond words.
That night, the boys made good on their promise, taking their time with her. They edged her mercilessly, bringing her to tears of frustration, only to pull her back from the brink again and again. They reminded her—/thoroughly/—of who truly held control.
And if it meant for her to finally come undone she’ll let them believe this a while longer.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They were spying on her again. Hermione had planned to get a head start on Christmas shopping, eager to find something meaningful for her boys. But as she browsed the shops in Diagon Alley, that familiar prickling sensation of being watched returned. A quick peek into her bag confirmed her suspicions: two pairs of tiny eyes stared back at her guiltily.
She suppressed a groan and instead, a new idea took root—a gift for herself, really.
After whispering the now familiar incantation, she veered off her planned route and took the nearest Floo to Pansy’s home. Dating Draco and Theo had come with an unexpected perk: a blossoming friendship with Pansy Parkinson. And today, Hermione fully intended to cash in on some girl-power solidarity.
As she stepped through the Floo, Hermione was greeted by Pansy’s sharp voice, “Hermione, darling! To what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?” Pansy’s tone was casual, but the way she positioned herself in front of the sofa suggested she was hiding something—or someone.
“Hi, Pansy,” Hermione said warmly, pulling her friend into a hug before leaning to the side with a knowing smirk. “Hello, Neville,” she said pointedly, her raised brows speaking volumes. Her look to Pansy practically screamed
you owe me an explanation later.
Neville gave a sheepish wave from where he sat, looking torn between apologizing and defending himself.
“Anyway,” Hermione continued, setting her bag on the floor and reaching inside to extract its unwilling contents. Two ferrets dangled from her hands, squirming and staring up at her with something bordering on fear. “Yep, boys, here’s another weapon in my arsenal,” she said smugly, her smirk only growing at the sound of their indignant squeaks.
Pansy’s eyes lit up with wicked delight as realization dawned, while Neville’s expression turned into a mix of horror and confusion.
“Hermione,” Pansy drawled, examining the ferrets with mock curiosity, “this might just be the best gift you’ve ever given me. What exactly are you suggesting?”
“Oh, nothing too extravagant,” Hermione replied innocently. “I just expect them back at the end of the day. Maybe dressed for a
fashion show?
I’m sure Draco, in particular, will be absolutely thrilled.” She planted a quick kiss on each ferret’s head, ignoring their outraged squeaks, and handed them over to Pansy, who was now grinning like a Cheshire cat.
Turning back to the Floo, Hermione called over her shoulder, “Have fun, Pansy! And Neville, sorry to crash your date!”
With that, she disappeared in a swirl of green flames, leaving behind two very displeased ferrets, one delighted witch, and one utterly bewildered wizard.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hermione returned hours later, arms laden with bags containing special gifts for the boys. What greeted her, however, was utter chaos. Pansy’s living room looked like a tornado had hit a tailor’s shop: clothes, fabrics, and threads were strewn everywhere. In the midst of it all, Neville stood doubled over, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks, as Pansy sprinted after a white ferret.
In her hands was a tiny bra, and she was yelling furiously, “YOU’LL LOOK STUNNING, DRACO! I DIDN’T SPEND MY AFTERNOON SEWING THIS FOR YOU TO THROW A TANTRUM! STOP RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!”
Before Hermione could fully process the scene, she felt a gentle pat on her leg. Looking down, she saw Theo, dressed impeccably in a tiny Slytherin bow and an adorable beret perched on his head.
“You’re enjoying this way too much, aren’t you?” she said, scooping him up with a chuckle. Theo gave a pleased squeak as she perched him on her shoulder. She approached Neville, who was trying—and failing—to compose himself.
“Pansy, huh?” Hermione teased, raising an eyebrow.
Neville flushed a deep red, a sheepish smile spreading across his face. “You were right,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “She’s incredible.”
Theo let out a chirp of approval and leapt onto Neville’s head, causing the poor man to startle with a squeak of his own.
Suddenly, Pansy appeared, holding a very disgruntled, sparkle-covered white ferret. Draco was doing his best to bite her fingers as she clutched him tightly.
“You better stop and behave, Draco,” Pansy warned, glaring down at him. “Show your girlfriend that you’re a good boy, or I’ll send you straight to the Weasleys and their horde of children!”
At that, Draco froze, his defiance evaporating instantly. He turned pleading eyes toward Hermione and wriggled in Pansy’s grasp, desperate to escape to her.
“Sorry for the mess,” Pansy said as she waved her wand, making the chaos vanish in an instant. “Now, sit down! We’re having a fashion show.”
Hermione and Neville exchanged amused looks before sitting on the sofa. Neville handed her a glass of champagne—no doubt influenced by Pansy’s over-the-top tastes.
Soon, a chocolate ferret strutted confidently into the room, wearing a tiny sweater with all the grace and pride of a runway model. Theo turned to look at Hermione, wiggling his nose like a pro.
Behind him, Pansy marched in, dragging a grumpy Draco on a leash. The white ferret was dressed in a sparkly bikini and looking utterly miserable.
At that, Hermione burst into laughter, tears pricking her eyes as she snapped a quick picture. She would
definitely
be sending this to Ginny for future blackmail material.
The show lasted nearly an hour. Theo enthusiastically modeled each of Pansy’s creations, clearly reveling in the attention. Draco, meanwhile, brooded with every fiber of his being until Theo gave him a playful ferret kiss on the cheek before nudging him forward with his tiny paw.
Then came the grand finale: both boys appeared in pink tutus. Theo marched forward gracefully, giving a tiny, theatrical bow with his head. Draco, however, was the picture of mortification, attempting to hide behind Theo but failing miserably. Hermione's laughter echoed through the room.
By the end, Hermione finally decided to free her boys. Theo immediately shifted back and threw his arms around her, proclaiming that it was the best day
ever.
Draco, meanwhile, chose to sulk, giving Hermione the silent treatment as they prepared to leave.
“Oh, darling, don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy the attention,” Hermione teased, laughing as she hugged Pansy and Neville goodbye.
When they Flooed back home, Hermione couldn’t help but giggle at the lingering sparkle in Draco’s hair. Finally, he broke his silence, muttering under his breath, “Never tell her this, but... the bikini was actually quite comfortable.”
Theo burst into laughter, and Hermione doubled over with him.
“Next time you boys spy on me, I swear, you’ll be off to Ronald,” she said with a smirk, planting a kiss on each of their cheeks.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hermione wasn’t the only one who got a shock upon discovering that her boyfriends could turn into ferrets. Nope, there was another household member who was
absolutely not thrilled by this revelation: Crookshanks, Hermione’s fiercely loyal and, in his mind,
only true love.
When Hermione first moved in with her lovers, Crookshanks had already been less than impressed. There were biting incidents, scratches, and plenty of disdainful glares before he reluctantly surrendered. Well, surrendered might not be the right word—he was bribed.
Draco, with his impeccable taste, had introduced Crookshanks to what he called
haute cuisine for cats.
The meals were so gourmet that even Hermione occasionally wondered if she could try a bite. Honestly, Crookshanks was eating better than her back when she was single!
But then came the day Crookshanks woke up to find two ferrets staring at him from the foot of the bed. For the orange fluffball, this was crossing the line. Completely.
For weeks, Hermione’s life turned into an endless game of cat-and-mouse—literally. She wasn’t just chasing after her ferret-formed boyfriends to rein in their pranks but also chasing after her furious cat to stop him from enacting ferret murder. The indignity of it all! What had her life become?
Thankfully, with time, the three of them reached an uneasy truce. They even seemed to warm to each other in their own strange ways. Draco, for instance, had taken to lounging on Crookshanks’s fluffy back. He even convinced the cat to ferry him around the manor. Hermione still wasn’t sure how Draco had pulled that off.
Where
was the stiff, uptight man she’d agreed to date?
Theodore, on the other hand, was not so easily won over. He would never, ever admit it, but Crookshanks
terrified him. That face wasn’t the face of a house pet—it was a face straight out of his nightmares. Crookshanks was a beast, a tyrant who had already wrapped Draco and Hermione around his massive, fluffy paw, and Theo was determined not to be next.
In fact, the fear ran so deep that Theo now secretly saw a mind healer every Monday. And yes, it was because of a
cat. No, he would rather be hexed into oblivion than admit that to Draco or Hermione.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Theo had been really determined to keep it a secret— until he got caught in his own game. While in the waiting room, Theo felt something weirdly soft in his pocket—odd. A fluffy head peeked out, making Theo go wide-eyed just as the mind healer stepped out of the office.
“Mister Nott,” the healer called.
Theo shoved Draco back into his pocket, panic flashing across his face as he made his way toward the office, paler than ever. Draco would never let him forget he needed therapy for a cat—the orange ball of fur that could be bribed with food, for Merlin’s sake!
The healer smiled politely as Theo sat down, looking awkward. “So, Theodore, how have you been? Any updates on Crook—”
“CROCHET!” Theo practically yelled, his voice cracking. “Yep, crochet! Love it. Great suggestion, mate. I’ve been crocheting my heart out.” He laughed nervously while the healer gave him a long, suspicious look.
“Theodore,” the healer said slowly, “are you feeling alright?”
“Me? Oh, totally fine. Never better! And, uh… how’s your wife? Kids doing well?” Theo asked, scratching the back of his neck.
The healer tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. Calmly, he scribbled something on a piece of paper and held it up:
“Are you under duress?”
Theo froze, his lips twitching nervously. Glancing toward his pocket, he gave a small, hesitant nod in its direction.
The healer let out a slow, measured sigh, clearly resigning himself to whatever madness was about to unfold, he should really pay the man more. “Alright, Mister Malfoy,” he said with deliberate patience, “why don’t you come out of his pocket?”
At that, Draco’s head popped out, his eyes wide and accusing, as if Theo had betrayed him. Theo gently patted him on the head, already thinking about how he might team up with Hermione for revenge.
Draco scrambled out of the pocket, shifting mid-air into his human form and landing ungracefully on the office floor. He straightened his clothes and tried to act like nothing strange had happened. “Pleasure to meet you gentleman,” he said stiffly to the healer. “I’ll be out there if you need me.”
Before he could leave, the healer waved his wand, and the door locked with a loud
click. Draco froze, turning back slowly to find the healer watching him with a tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“Please,” the healer said, pointing to the chair next to Theo, “have a seat, Mister Malfoy.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Well, it wasn’t like he could escape now, could he? So, Draco sat down next to Theo, shooting him a glare that promised revenge for dragging him into this mess.
“Well, Mister Malfoy, you’d better have an excellent explanation for why you were a ferret two minutes ago,” the healer said, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.
“Me?” Draco replied, feigning innocence with exaggerated hand gestures. “A ferret? Preposterous! Great joke on your part, but I fail to see any evidence of this supposed transformation.”
Theo cleared his throat, cutting off Draco’s theatrics. “He knows, Draco,” Theo said in a strained voice. “And therapy sessions are confidential... I think.” He shot an accusing glance at the healer, who nodded in confirmation.
“Ah, well... embarrassing, then,” Draco mumbled, deflating slightly. “You see, two hormonal teenagers may or may not have, um, baptized every room in my family manor after the war. To the dismay of every portrait present, I might add. Anyway, it was the only way to express ourselves after a month of not talking—built up a lot of tension, you know? Long story short: BAM. Animagus magic, and—well, ferrets. Not sexy.”
The healer sighed deeply, as though contemplating an early retirement. “Mister Nott already told me about that. He left out the ‘baptizing every room’ part, which, frankly, I could have lived without.”
“Apologies, mate. This one,” Theo said, gesturing to Draco, “loves to overshare to avoid
big topics.
But don’t worry, we’ll pay you extra for the trauma.” He gave the healer a cheeky wink.
The healer raised an unimpressed eyebrow and waved a hand at Draco. “Let’s focus. Mister Malfoy, we were supposed to discuss how things are going at home with Miss Granger. Care to enlighten me?”
Draco brightened at the change of subject. “Ah, Hermione? Absolutely fantastic! Really, she should’ve been sorted into Slytherin. She’s found some incredibly creative ways to get back at us for our pranks.”
“Pranks?” the healer asked, his tone growing wary.
“Oh, nothing serious,” Theo cut in, grinning. “Just harmless little things here and there, to keep her on her toes. Y’know, classic mischief.”
The healer’s stare turned sharper. “Mister Nott, have you ever heard of boundaries?”
“Bounda-what?” Theo said, scrunching his nose in confusion, as if the word were a foreign concept.
Draco snorted. “It must be the name of a French dessert. Never heard of it thought.”
The healer looked between the two of them, trying to discern if they were joking, before sighing deeply. He wondered how his life might have gone if he’d pursued his dream of opening a bakery. But here he was, tasked with explaining the most basic concepts to his two most ridiculous—albeit strangely endearing—patients.
Their girlfriend must be a saint.
“You see, doctor,” Draco began.
“He’s a
healer,
dumbass,” Theo interrupted.
“You see, healer,” Draco repeated with dramatic emphasis, shooting Theo a glare, “the girl is a menace. I’m proud, yes, but when did she decide it was okay to use her ‘war heroine perks’ to pull illegal magic on us?”
“Illegal magic?” the healer asked, now genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, trapping us in our animagus forms! And then she ships us off to Pansy.
Pansy!
She was
our
friend first! Why is she teaming up with her?!” Draco huffed indignantly. “She could’ve just kept on pleasuring herself in front of us—”
“DRACO!” Theo cut him off, smacking his arm, but not before the healer’s pen froze mid-scribble.
“...Ahem,” Theo said, awkwardly shifting in his seat. “Anyway, there isn’t a day she doesn’t threaten to send us to the ginger madhouse if we misbehave. You can’t tell me that’s not traumatizing!”
“Ginger madhouse?” the healer repeated, rubbing his temples.
“WEASEL. EWWW,” Draco groaned loudly.
Theo added, “You know, his horde of children? Too many Weasleys in one place—it’s unnatural.”
The healer took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling as if begging for divine intervention. “So, let me get this straight: you spied on your girlfriend, she used illegal magic on you, and now she’s threatening to send you to... gingers. Do you think you might have a
thing
about the color orange, Mister Nott?”
Theo frowned, his brow furrowing. “A thing about—what? No!”
Draco, however, looked smug. “Oh, he’s definitely got a complex. The cat’s orange too. Coincidence? I think not.”
Before Theo could protest, Draco added, “And did I mention the blackmail material she’s been giving Ginny?”
At that, the healer abruptly stood, clapping his hands together. “Oh no! Look at the time! Our session’s over. What a shame!”
Before the two could protest, he conjured a hefty book titled
/Boundaries for Dummies/
and shoved it toward Theo. “You two, read that. And for the love of Merlin,
communicate with your partner. With actual words,
I beg of you!”
As they shuffled toward the door, the healer added, “And don’t forget—compensation. I’ll be expecting it. In gold.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Talking about boundaries?
Overrated, Theo thought.
Violating boundaries?
Now
that
was where the fun began.
So, naturally, he started plotting his revenge on Draco. Not that it required much plotting—convincing Hermione was the key, and that? Easy as pie. Cherish her, spoil her, and give her a few toe-curling orgasms, and she’d agree to just about anything.
The plan was simple: convince Draco to shift—easy enough, the boy practically purred when Theo pet him—and then let Hermione take care of the rest.
Two minutes into his cuddle session with ferret-Draco, Theo
almost
felt guilty. He really did enjoy these little moments, where Draco’s tiny ferret nose twitched contentedly against his chest. But the moment passed quickly when Hermione appeared behind him, wand at the ready.
Before Draco could react, the now-familiar warmth of the spell enveloped him. His tiny ferret body jerked upright, and he shot Theo a betrayed look.
Theo just mouthed,
"Sorry."
Draco’s instincts kicked in, and he bolted, clearly hoping to find sanctuary—or, better yet, his other ally, the orange menace Crookshanks. But Hermione’s reflexes were faster.
“Busy spying on Theo during his
private therapy session,
darling?” she asked in that overly sweet tone that made Draco’s fur stand on end. “I thought we agreed no more spying, hmm? But I guess your time has come,
sweetheart.
Ron’s children just found out I adopted a ferret, and they’re
thrilled
to meet you.”
The second she mentioned
Weasley children,
Draco began to wiggle frantically, trying to escape her grasp. What had happened to normal punishments? The kind that involved handcuffs and silk scarves? He really should’ve read that book on the French dessert thing, or whatever it was called.
Still, deep down, he admitted this was deserved. The safe word they’d put in place for pranks-gone-too-far crossed his mind, but he decided against it. No, he’d take his punishment like a Malfoy... even if it involved screaming toddlers.
Hermione Apparated him directly into the Weasley madhouse. Draco braced himself, but nothing could have prepared him for the chaos that awaited him.
Almost immediately, he was swarmed by what felt like
dozens
of tiny hands. Rose and Hugo squealed with delight, declaring him the
“cutest ferret EVER!”
Soon, he was being passed around like a prized stuffed toy, cooed over, and smothered in sticky, candy-coated fingers.
At first, it wasn’t
entirely
terrible. The sweets were decent, the cuddles were tolerable, and, well, Rose did have a surprisingly gentle touch. But after hours of nonstop chaos, Draco decided he’d had enough. He just wanted a moment of peace and quiet.
So he wriggled free of Hugo’s grasp and scurried off, hoping to find a secluded corner to regroup. Instead, he stumbled into the stuff of nightmares.
Ron’s bare ass.
Draco froze, every tiny muscle in his body locking up as his brain screamed in horror. He had not signed up for this. He had
never
signed up for this.
Ron turned, catching sight of the ferret frozen in place. “Oh, hey, little guy!” he said, completely unfazed, bending down to scoop him up.
Draco gagged internally as Ron scratched behind his ears.
This is it. This is how I die.
But even ferret survival instincts kicked in. Draco wiggled violently, finally managing to escape Ron’s grasp. He bolted blindly, eyes squeezed shut to erase the image burned into his brain, and made a mad dash for the Portkey Hermione had thoughtfully left for his escape.
The moment he landed back at the manor, he screeched—a sound that echoed dramatically through the halls. Still trembling, he sprinted into the drawing room, where Theo and Hermione lounged near the fireplace, clearly enjoying themselves.
Under
different
circumstances, Draco might’ve paused to admire the scene. But this was a time of
EMERGENCY.
He leapt onto the couch, landing between them with all the grace of a ferret possessed.Hermione gasped, immediately shifting him back to his human form. “What’s wrong, darling? Did Rose try to dress you up?” she teased with a giggle.
Draco, now fully human but still pale as a ghost, dropped dramatically to his knees.“WEASLEY BARE ASS!” he cried, gagging at the memory.
Theo choked on his drink, while Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.
Draco clasped his hands together, pleading. “Please, darling—the most perfect woman I know, the love of my life, the light of my existence—Obliviate me!”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Today was Hermione’s
favorite day of the year, her most cherished tradition with her two favorite boys: decorating their home for Christmas.
The level of organization for the day was unmatched. Draco had been assigned to decorate the entryway and main rooms because, naturally, his obsessive attention to detail made him the perfect man for the job.
Meanwhile, Theo was in charge of decorating their more private spaces—/for good reason/. Last year, Theo’s newfound obsession with online shopping had resulted in an ill-advised purchase of a Christmas-themed dildo. The boy had proudly displayed it on the living room mantle for all to see, ensuring Hermione could never ever
invite her colleagues over during the holidays again.
As for Hermione, she was tasked with decorating the outside of the house—her happy place, where she could string up lights and create her little winter wonderland. But there was one task they always did together: decorating the Christmas tree.
The tree was gigantic, easily towering over all of them, and it became clear very quickly that they had one glaring issue.
“How,” Theo asked, staring up at the impossible height of the pine, “are we supposed to decorate the top without magic?”
Hermione crossed her arms, giving them both a look. “No magic. That’s the rule for today. You know this.”
Draco sighed dramatically. “Then you should’ve gotten a
smaller tree,” he said, gesturing wildly at the massive spruce as though it had personally offended him.
Hermione ignored him, deep in thought. A light suddenly sparked in her eyes, and a mischievous smile spread across her face.
“Draco, Theo—I just had the best idea ever!” she said, clasping her hands together in excitement.
The boys exchanged wary glances.
“Your animagus forms will finally be of
actual
use to me,” she continued, grinning. “Can’t you just climb the tree as ferrets? You’d look absolutely adorable. And while you’re up there, I’ll take pictures of you and Crookshanks in front of the tree—it’ll be
perfect!”
The silence that followed was deafening. Neither of them looked remotely amused.
Hermione batted her eyelashes at them, leaning in with faux innocence. “Pleeeaase?” she said sweetly, stealing a kiss from each of them.
Theo groaned first. “I hate how manipulative she is.”
“She’s terrifying,” Draco muttered, already resigning himself to his fate.
And so, they gave in.
What followed was hours of chaotic decorating as the boys shifted into their ferret forms and clambered up and down the massive tree. Hermione stood nearby, directing them, her camera in hand.
Draco meticulously hung garlands with a precision that could only come from being a Malfoy, while Theo took a much more “creative” approach, occasionally tangling himself in the decorations just to hear Hermione laugh.
Crookshanks, for his part, took it upon himself to join the fun, following the ferrets around the tree in a game of predator and prey. Theo, thoroughly unimpressed (terrified), frequently scurried out of reach, shooting glares at the orange menace.
Despite the chaos, there were sweet moments too. Hermione would scoop up whichever ferret wasn’t actively climbing and cuddle them against her chest, peppering their little furry heads with kisses before sending them back to work.
Hours passed, but by the time they were finished, the tree sparkled like something out of a Christmas fairytale.
There was one last thing to do: the Christmas picture of her favorite people.
Did it take a lot of negotiation? Absolutely. But was Hermione a master negotiator? Without a doubt.
And so, there they sat in front of her camera—a disgruntled Crookshanks dressed as Santa and two ferrets proudly wearing tiny scarves in festive Christmas colors. Hermione couldn’t help but beam as she clicked the perfect shot.
Draco, even leaned over and gave the orange fluffball a tiny ferret kiss on the head, earning a squawk of indignation from Crookshanks. Yes, Hermione thought smugly, she truly
was
the queen of negotiation!
Later that evening, the boys flopped onto the couch, sandwiching Hermione between them. Without missing a beat, Draco and Theo leaned in simultaneously, each pressing a soft kiss to one of her cheeks. Hermione laughed in surprise, the sweetness of the moment making her heart swell.
But, as always, Hermione had something extra planned, the source of the boys’ cooperation. With a sly smile, she reached for the tie of her robe and began to undo it, the silky fabric falling away to reveal a stunning new set of lingerie.
Draco and Theo’s exhaustion melted away in an instant, replaced with eager, matching grins. Whatever plans they had for the rest of the evening could wait. Hermione’s boys were nothing if not devoted—and she’d made it clear they could take their sweet, sweet time with her.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Draco and Theo had one secret they’d managed to keep from Hermione. Something that, at times, drove her absolutely crazy—how her things always seemed to disappear. At first, it was just small items: a silk hair tie here, a favorite pair of panties there, or a scarf she’d left on the couch. But when entire pieces of clothing began to vanish, culminating in the disappearance of her beloved cashmere turtleneck—the one that fit her like a glove—Hermione knew something was up.She assumed it was her forgetfulness at first; stress and long days could do that. But
her turtleneck? No. That was her holy grail of clothing, and she would never just misplace it.And so, Hermione began her investigation. She had a pretty strong suspicion about who was behind this nonsense; she just needed proof. Pretending to leave for the day, she instead snuck back into the house, hidden under Harry’s invisibility cloak (which she may or may not have borrowed without permission the day before). Then, she waited.It took only a few minutes before her patience was rewarded. From her hiding spot, she spotted a familiar chocolate-colored ferret darting past her, a pair of her panties clutched tightly in his mouth. The tiny thief bolted for their bedroom and scurried under the bed.
Gotcha!
Unable to hold back a smirk, Hermione slipped off the cloak and quietly crouched down to peer beneath the bed. What she found was
a treasure trove—a mountain of her missing belongings. At the very center of the chaos sat Draco, proudly nestled into her cashmere turtleneck.The second he saw her, Draco froze, his little furry body going rigid with guilt. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned his head toward Theo for backup. Unfortunately for him, Theo had already decided
this
was his moment to flee. The problem? In his panic, Theo tripped over one of Hermione’s highlighters, knocking it loose and sending glittery powder cascading through the air.Hermione gasped, scandalized.
Her favorite highlighter!Theo, now more sparkle than ferret, lay sprawled in defeat, squeaking in indignation. Draco attempted to hurry to his accomplice’s side but only succeeded in kicking up more of the shimmering mess, coating himself in sparkly powder too.Finally, Hermione cleared her throat. “What is the matter with you two?” she said, unable to keep the amusement out of her voice. “If you missed me
that
much, you could’ve just asked for cuddles, you know?”Two guilty sparkly heads peered up at her from beneath the bed, their little ferret expressions full of regret.Hermione huffed a laugh. “Look at you! You’ll both need a bath now.”Draco’s eyes widened in horror at the dreaded “B” word, while Theo let out an excited squeal and scrambled toward her feet ready for the spa time.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

To say Draco hated baths in his animagus form was an understatement. He loathed them with every fiber of his body—the way Theo loathed Crookshanks. Becoming a soggy pile of wet fur? Absolutely not. He was a Malfoy, for Merlin’s sake. Wizards invented cleaning spells for precisely this reason—why bother then?
But his fate was sealed as he helplessly watched Hermione prepare the bath, humming cheerfully as she filled it with warm water and placed two ridiculous little floaters inside. Draco could only glare as Theo squealed with excitement and launched himself headfirst into the bath, resurfacing a moment later lounging triumphantly in one of the floaters.
Draco groaned internally.
Idiot.
While Hermione doubled over laughing at Theo’s antics, Draco decided to seize the opportunity. Quietly, he scurried out of the room in search of the one who might save him: Crookshanks.
It didn’t take long to find the orange menace curled up in his usual spot by the fireplace. Without hesitation, Draco latched onto the cat, gripping his fur tightly. Hearing Hermione calling for him in the distance, Draco smirked to himself. Surely, she wouldn’t
dare
subject her beloved Crookshanks to the indignity of a bath.
Or so he thought.
With a single glance of pure betrayal, Crookshanks stood, stretched lazily, and began trotting directly toward Hermione—Draco still clinging desperately to his back.
“Traitor!” Draco squeaked in indignation, but it was too late.
And that’s how Draco found himself unceremoniously plopped into the lukewarm bath, splashed relentlessly by a thrilled Theo who paddled around like a rubber duck.
Hermione cooed at him from above, murmuring sweet nothings and occasionally flicking water at him with her fingers. Begrudgingly, Draco found himself... not entirely hating it.
Only the cooing,
he assured himself.
Finally, once she was satisfied that every trace of sparkly highlighter was gone from his pristine white fur, Hermione took pity on him and lifted him out of the tub. She wrapped him snugly in a tiny, fluffy towel before holding him close to her chest to dry him off.
Warm, pampered, and utterly content despite himself, Draco closed his eyes and nuzzled against her. Perhaps—just
perhaps—baths weren’t the absolute worst thing in the world with Hermione by his side.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The thing that Hermione sometimes brushed away was how much she had grown fond of those little ferrets running around her home. To the point that, on particularly stressful days, she’d sometimes take them to work with her—intentionally this time !
She had this vest with oversized pockets, perfect for slipping each of them inside. On grueling days full of contentious meetings, she liked knowing they were close by, their small, warm presence grounding her in a way few things could.
It was ridiculous, she knew. But they were hers. And having them close soothed her, especially when she had to face those colleagues who still clung to outdated beliefs about blood purity or male superiority.
Keeping them in their ferret forms, however, was a necessity—it was the only way to stop them from being sent to Azkaban for killing one of her coworkers.
Today, she needed them more than ever. She had poured her soul into crafting this legislation: a law to ban arranged marriages among purebloods, a barbaric practice still haunting the wizarding world.
It wasn’t just about justice. This was personal. The law would free Draco from the legal marriage contract binding him to Astoria Greengrass, a lingering chain that had kept them from truly, officially, building a future together. This law was their way out, their chance at freedom—and, maybe, the next step in their story.
As she stood before the gathered assembly, she took a steadying breath, her hand gently stroking Draco’s silky fur in her pocket for reassurance.
She began her speech, her voice steady and commanding, but she could see the skeptics—the sneering faces of those who didn’t want change, who didn’t want her to succeed. Her words were powerful, but she knew they wouldn’t listen.
That’s when Theo, unleashed earlier, began his part.
Each time someone rose to speak against her, there was a subtle yelp, followed by confused glances downward. A quick, sharp nip to the ankle here, a little tug on a hem there—just enough to throw them off their game.
“Who bit me?” one man whispered furiously to his neighbor.
“I didn’t see anything, but something just pulled my sock!” came the frantic reply.
The room devolved into subtle chaos, with agitated mutterings and distracted fidgeting. No one could concentrate, and Hermione pressed on, undeterred.
When it came time for the vote, the members were so rattled and distracted, they barely seemed to register the significance of what they were doing.
One by one, hands were raised in favor of the law.
“The law to forbid all arranged marriages—both past and future—is hereby passed. Any binding contracts will dissolve as of tomorrow morning,” the chairperson declared.
The room erupted into chaos at the announcement. Outraged voices rose in protest, but it was too late. The law was official.
Hermione, ever the master of theatrics, decided to add one last touch. Releasing Draco from her pocket, she pointed dramatically at the floor and yelled, “Rats! There are rats!”
Panic ensued. Wizards and witches scrambled from the room in every direction, their pride discarded in the face of an imaginary infestation.
Hermione wasted no time, scooping Theo out of hiding and darting back to her office. As she shut the door behind her, she turned to see her two favorite troublemakers back in their human forms, watching her with matching grins.
She beamed, her chest swelling with pride and relief. “I did it! Oh my god, I actually did it!” she cried, tears spilling down her cheeks.
Draco stepped forward, his silvery eyes glistening with unshed tears of his own. He knew what this meant. He was free—free to choose his own future, free to love Hermione without any legal constraints hanging over them.
He wrapped her in a tight embrace, his voice thick with emotion. “You were brilliant,” he whispered.
Theo joined them, pressing a playful kiss to the top of Draco’s head before adding, “I always knew you’d pull it off, love. Also—so weird that rats got in, huh? So, so weird,” he said with a laugh.
Hermione chuckled, wiping her tears away. “Yes, such an odd coincidence,” she teased, her voice trembling with joy.
Draco took her hands then, his touch gentle but purposeful. “Darling,” he said softly, his smile full of warmth, “we still have a surprise for you.”
Before she could ask what he meant, Theo grabbed a pinch of Floo Powder and tossed it into the fireplace. “Home awaits, my love,” he said, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Stepping out of the Floo, Hermione barely recognized her own home. The familiar warmth of the foyer was now transformed, dimly lit by the flickering glow of dozens of candles. She paused, her heart already racing, as her eyes searched for her boys.
It couldn’t be real. Not yet. The law had passed mere minutes ago—surely, this wasn’t what she thought it was.
Her train of thought faltered when she spotted them waiting for her in the living room. Both men stood amidst even more candles, their faces illuminated by the warm light. Theo looked on the verge of tears, his emerald eyes shimmering with barely contained emotion. Draco, on the other hand, held himself with practiced composure, though the tremor in his hands—tucked away in his pockets—betrayed his nerves.
Theo was the first to notice her. The way he smiled at her—broad, radiant, and so full of unguarded love—made her heart stutter in her chest. In that moment, she thought, she truly was the luckiest woman in the world.
Taking a shaky breath, she stepped toward them, her fingers brushing the edge of the doorframe for support.
“What is all of this?” she asked, her voice soft and uncertain, the weight of the moment pressing down on her. “You really shouldn’t have. I know how much this law means to us, but it was the right thing to do—it wasn’t just for us.”
“Hermione,” Theo began, but before he could finish, Draco reached for her hand, guiding her into the center of the room. His gaze caught hers—steady and unwavering—and she felt her breath hitch.
“Hermione,” Draco began, his voice as smooth and deliberate as ever, though there was a warmth in it she rarely heard. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough—for accepting us, for cherishing us, for putting up with all of our chaos and antics.” His lips quirked into a faint smile, but his silvery eyes remained serious, as though he was baring a piece of himself he rarely showed.
“We never thought our hearts could feel this full,” he continued, his voice quieter now. “But with the law passed, I can’t wait to take the next step. To call you my wife, my husband. To officially call you mine.” His hand, now clasping both Theo’s and Hermione’s, trembled slightly as he spoke.
Theo’s laugh broke the tension, soft and full of affection. “Trust me, darling,” he murmured, squeezing Hermione’s hand. “We’ve grown rather fond of you too.”
Hermione’s breath hitched as she felt the tears start to well. “Oh, Draco,” she whispered, shaking her head as though to clear the overwhelming swirl of emotions. “Theo. I don’t even know what to say—there isn’t a moment, not a single moment, when I’m not so full of love for you two that I feel like I’ll burst.”
Her tears spilled over then, but before she could wipe them away, Theo leaned in, brushing one from her cheek with his lips.
“I love you both so, so much,” she whispered.
Theo took a step closer, his voice thick with emotion. “You know,” he began, “I spent most of my life wondering what love was supposed to feel like. Chasing this warmth everyone talked about—thinking it was a fairy tale or something I’d never find.” He let out a shaky laugh, one hand running through his curls.
“But you,” he said, looking between Draco and Hermione, “you’re not just warmth. You’re light. The kind of light that cuts through the darkest places in my head. You’re the last ray of sunshine before nightfall and the first glow of the moon. Wherever I go, whatever I do—I know I’ll always find my way back to you. You’re so much more than I ever thought I deserved.”
Draco’s composure finally broke as he surged forward, cupping Theo’s face and kissing him fiercely. Hermione couldn’t hold back her laugh, covering her mouth with her hand as her boys lost themselves in the moment.
And then, Draco pulled back, clearing his throat awkwardly as though remembering something important. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small packet of treats and shaking it loudly.
From the shadows, Crookshanks padded forward a little bow attached on his collar, clearly bribed by the promise of snacks. Hermione gasped when she saw what was dangling from his collar—a tiny velvet box.
Her hands flew to her mouth as she crouched down to pet him, her laughter bubbling out. “No, you didn’t,” she said, her voice trembling with disbelief. “Are you serious?”
Both men nodded, their faces alight with joy.
“Like... dead serious? No joke?”
Theo laughed tearfully, crouching down beside her, and Draco followed, taking her hands in his.
“It would be an honor,” Draco said softly, his voice trembling with sincerity, “to officially make you ours, Hermione Jean Granger.”
Hermione let out a breathless laugh, her tears now flowing freely. “Well,” she said, pulling both of them into a tight embrace and kissing them in turn, “it would be an honor to finally be yours.”
They sat like that for a moment, the three of them wrapped in each other’s arms.
Finally, Hermione pulled back, laughing incredulously. “But wait—the law just passed! You didn’t even doubt for a second that it would fail?”
Theo grinned, brushing her hair behind her ear. “Love, if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s to always believe in you. You’re unstoppable.”
Draco smirked, brushing his thumb along the curve of her cheek. “Although,” he added, his voice dropping to a teasing drawl, “we might have planned something else. There’s one more surprise.”
With that, Theo stood, throwing open the doors to the dining room to reveal all of their friends, cheering and ready to celebrate.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

If Hermione thought their engagement would end the boys’ shenanigans, she was utterly mistaken. If anything, it made them worse. Yet, as her eyes caught the glint of the ring on her finger, she couldn’t help but smile. She loved their antics and pranks. It had become their own strange version of foreplay—much to her friends’ dismay, especially when they stumbled into her home unannounced, only to find the three of them in some...
compromising positions.
Hermione had also started to embrace the chaos of her “fluffy boys,” as she called them. Letting them loose in the park had become a regular occurrence, though keeping them from terrifying Muggles was a battle she often lost. She was almost certain they were a week away from being banned from every park in the area.
Today, however, Hermione had something different in mind: a trip to see Santa. Or, more accurately, a man in a Santa suit.
She didn’t particularly care about Santa himself, but the idea of a holiday photo featuring her two troublemakers was irresistible. If nothing else, it would be worth it just to see the horrified look on Draco’s face when the man asked him to pose.
So, there they were, weaving through a crowded Muggle mall, turning the errand into a spontaneous date. That was, of course, until Theo decided it was time to spice things up.
“Come on, Draco,” he whispered, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.
Before Hermione could stop him, Theo was leading Draco toward a quieter corner, where both of them quickly shifted into their animagus forms.
Hermione groaned. “Don’t you dare,” she muttered under her breath. But it was already too late.
The two ferrets darted back into the crowd, heading straight for the queue of children waiting for their turn with Santa. Theo leapt straight onto Santa’s lap, his little paws fidgeting with the fluffy red coat. Draco followed a moment later, looking as though he’d rather be anywhere else.
The resulting photo was, in a word,
chaotic.
Draco’s tiny ferret eyes were wide with unmistakable horror, while Theo gave him a light swat on the head as if to say, “Relax.” Meanwhile, in the background, a mother struggled to console her wailing child, who was convinced the “giant rats” on Santa’s lap were out to get him.
By the time the boys rejoined Hermione, now back in their human forms, she was doubled over with laughter, wiping tears from her cheeks.
“Draco,” she managed between giggles, “you looked absolutely
traumatized.”
“I was not traumatized,” Draco huffed, adjusting his coat with exaggerated dignity.
“Oh, come on,” Theo teased, throwing an arm around him. “You were trembling!”
Draco shoved him lightly, but Hermione could see the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement.
The day might have ended there if Theo hadn’t stumbled upon something new: an ice rink. His emerald eyes lit up as he turned to Hermione, clasping his hands in a dramatic plea.
“Please, please, please?” he begged, practically vibrating with excitement.
Hermione sighed. “Fine,” she relented, already eyeing Draco, who looked far less enthusiastic. “But don’t blame me when you both end up on your arses.”
The prediction proved to be entirely accurate. None of them knew how to skate, which turned the experience into a spectacle for the other, far more graceful couples gliding by. Hermione clung to the railing, while the boys flailed across the ice, falling so frequently that they might as well have been performing a synchronized routine.
Every time one of them managed to stand, the other would topple over, dragging them both down in a tangle of limbs.
After nearly an hour of laughter, bruises, and bruised egos, they admitted defeat, limping back to the apparition point with aching limbs. Eager to use magic to soothe the worst of it, but Theo’s determination hadn’t waned.
The very next day, Hermione watched from the kitchen as Theo froze the lake in their backyard. Every morning, she’d see him out there, trying—and failing—to stay upright on the ice. He was as persistent as he was clumsy, and Hermione had to admit, it was endearing.
Then, one day, she noticed the spark in his eyes—that familiar, dangerous spark. Moments later, Theo shifted into his ferret form, skittering across the ice with surprising grace forcing Draco to join him.
Draco shifted an annoyed look as well on his face, sliding across the ice to join him. For hours, the two of them skated and tumbled around the frozen lake, their fur glistening in the winter sun. They’d return home every evening, shivering and half-frozen, using their condition as an excuse to burrow under the blankets with Hermione by the fire.
Sometimes, she wondered if she was engaged to two men or raising a pair of overgrown children. But as she sat there, nestled between them, she decided it didn’t matter cause if anything she gained excellent cuddle partners!

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

After discovering that Draco had sneaked into Theo’s healer session, Hermione decided he ought to attend every session from now on—clearly, he had some unresolved issues with boundaries. Their healer, however, looked increasingly on the verge of burnout each time he spotted them lounging in the waiting room.
“Ah, Mister Nott and Mister Malfoy. Please, do come in,” he said with the kind of false enthusiasm that had long since lost its shine. Once the door closed behind them, he immediately poured himself a large glass of firewhiskey.
“So, how have you been, boys?” he asked, taking a generous sip.
“So kind of you to ask, Mister—WAIT.” Theo’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You never told us your name, have you?”
The healer sighed deeply, the weariness of dealing with these two etched on his face. “Mister Nott I’m Your Healer, not your friend, and I will not be telling you my name.” He had abandoned any attempt at pleasantries weeks ago.
“Well, I’m calling you Bruno,” Theo declared confidently.
“He’s more of a George, don’t you think?” Draco interjected, smirking at Theo.
“Right, George it is!” Theo nodded in agreement. “So kind of you to ask, George. These past few weeks have been a thrill! And you? Wife and kids doing well?”
The healer pinched the bridge of his nose but pressed on. “I’m glad to hear that, Theodore. And what, exactly, has been so thrilling about these weeks?”
Theo grinned. “Ah, I thought you’d never ask! You see, we have a very hot, very intelligent girlfriend who also happens to have saved the wizarding world once—she’s a total badass. And as the badass she is, she passed a law to ban all betrothal contracts and the like. I hear my dad’s been rolling in his grave!”
“And, as the absolutely perfect girlfriend that she is—whom we never doubted for even a second,” Draco added dramatically, “we asked Granger to marry us. And…” He paused for effect, lifting his chin smugly. “She said yes.”
The healer blinked at them, unsure if he should congratulate them or prepare for the apocalypse. “That’s… great to hear. Congratulations to all three of you.”
“And so,” Draco continued, leaning back as if delivering the highlight of a grand saga, “we’ve embarked on the noble and arduous journey of ensuring our witch becomes full with our heirs.”
“Draco, don’t say it like that in public! It makes me blush!” Theo scolded, smacking Draco lightly on the leg.
The healer closed his eyes briefly, muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like a prayer.
From there, the boys launched into a vivid—too vivid—recounting of their week, especially their nights, while the healer drained his glass of firewhiskey at an alarming pace.Finally, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he slammed his empty glass onto the desk and said, “Please. Don’t reproduce.”
The room went silent for a moment as both Draco and Theo stared at him in shock.
“What?” Draco asked, genuinely bewildered. “Us? We’re just fools in love! What do you mean, ‘don’t reproduce’?”
The healer didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he shuffled through his papers, pulling one out with a sense of grim finality before slapping it onto the desk in front of them.
Theo leaned forward to read it, his brow furrowing in confusion. “What’s this?”
Draco, peeking over Theo’s shoulder, paled. “Is that…” He looked up at the healer, horrified. “This is a resignation letter.”
The healer nodded, his expression deadpan. “You two are
unmanageable.
The last healer I know lasted a few months with you before cracking, and I’ve made it half that long. Congratulations—you’ve driven me to early retirement.”
Draco and Theo exchanged a glance, both torn between indignation and pride.
“Us?” Theo asked, still incredulous. “We’re not that bad! Are we?”
The healer gave them a long, withering look before finishing off the last dregs of firewhiskey straight from the bottle. “Gentlemen,” he said, ushering them to the door, “you’ll find another healer soon enough. Hopefully one who doesn’t mind chaos, oversharing, and well
/ferrets/.”
As the door closed behind them, Draco huffed. “Well, that’s just rude. We’re delightful.”
Theo nodded solemnly. “Absolutely. A new healer will see that. Probably.”
“Definitely,” Draco agreed.
And with that, they walked off, already planning their next therapy session—or as they liked to call it, free entertainment for the healer of their choice.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It was Christmas Eve in their cozy little home, and Hermione felt tears prickling her eyes as she stumbled upon the scene in the living room. Her boys were curled up on the sofa, cups of tea in hand, whispering softly as they waited for her to wake. Despite their fondness for cuddling her through the night, they were always hesitant to disturb her sleep in the morning, especially on her rare days off.
She padded closer, a tender smile on her face, and gently kissed the tops of their heads. “Good morning, loves,” she said softly, a yawn trailing her words.
“Slept well, darling?” Draco asked, his voice smooth and warm as Theo stretched to make space for her between them.
“I did,” she replied, slipping between them and nestling against their sides. “I’ve got the best pillows in the market, after all,” she teased, winking up at them.
Mornings like these—unhurried, full of love—were her favorite.
After a moment, Theo couldn’t hold back his excitement. “Can we open our gifts now? Before we have to host everyone… even the ginger madhouse invading our peaceful home?”
“You’re such a child, love,” Draco quipped, though there was a fondness in his tone as he stood to retrieve the presents he’d carefully hidden. “This is for you, darling,” he said, placing a neatly wrapped gift on Hermione’s lap. “And this,” he added, depositing a large box onto Theo’s knees, “is for you.”
Theo’s eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning, while Hermione’s fingers lingered over the elegant wrapping. She half-expected to find books or lingerie, but when she opened the box, her breath hitched. Inside was a photo album with “My Family” embossed on the cover. As she flipped through the pages, she found pictures chronicling their journey—from their earliest memories to their most chaotic moments, including candid snapshots of Draco and Theo as ferrets.
“Oh, Draco,” she whispered, tears spilling over as she laughed. “This is beautiful. Theo, look—how adorable you were in that outfit Pansy made for you!” She pointed to a particularly comical photo.
Theo, however, was too busy tearing into his own gift. He let out a gleeful noise as he unearthed a pristine pair of ice skates and a book titled
How to Stay Upright on Ice.
“Ah, I knew you believed in my talent!” he declared dramatically, jumping up to kiss Draco before scampering off to grab his own gift.
When he returned, he held a chaotically wrapped package, plopping it onto their laps with a flourish. “No one’s allowed to judge my attempt at Muggle wrapping,” he warned. “Or I’ll charm your presents to catch fire.”
Inside, Draco found a set of cufflinks in shades that matched Hermione’s and Theo’s eyes, while Hermione unwrapped a charmed bracelet that would allow them to send her little messages.
Finally, it was Hermione’s turn. She returned with a single, small box, setting it carefully in the middle of her boys and looking at them anxiously. “This is for both of you,” she said softly.
The two exchanged curious glances before opening it. Inside were three tiny shirts.
Draco was the first to react, holding one up. “Hermione,” he began, squinting at the words printed on it, “are you planning to dress Theo up as a ferret
again? Because—” He froze mid-sentence, realization dawning. His eyes snapped to hers. “Hermione—darling, what is this?”
Theo, still trying to catch up, glanced between them. “Ooooooh!” He gasped, grinning wickedly. “You want to call me Daddy in bed again, don’t you?”
“Your dumbass,” Hermione said, laughing through her tears. “I’m pregnant.”
The words hung in the air for a moment before Theo let out a strangled sound. “You’re what?! Oh my god—you’re—” He tackled her into a hug, leaving Draco frozen, staring at the tiny shirt in his hands.
On the first two shirts were the words “Daddy” and “Dada,” while the last read “Our Little Star.”
Draco finally found his voice. “Since when did you know?” he asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft.
“For a little while now,” she admitted. “I wanted to be sure everything was okay before I told you. I think I found out just before we passed the law banning forced marriages.”
Draco groaned, his head falling back. “So all of our efforts—the wooing, the pampering—”
“—were entirely worth it,” she cut in, blushing. “I quite enjoy how thoughtful you’ve been lately. You’ve both been cherishing me so much.” She smirked. “I think I might even enjoy your newfound… breeding kink.”
Theo, who had been staring at her in awe, suddenly perked up. “Do you think we can finally ban the gingers from invading our home when our little star gets here?”
“No one will touch what’s mine,” Draco said possessively, pulling Hermione closer.
“Oh, stop it, you two,” Hermione said, rolling her eyes. “The Weasleys aren’t
that
bad—they’re just… loud. But don’t you dare start treating me like a porcelain doll.”
Draco leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her neck. “Darling, we’ll do far more than that. You’re the mother of my child, and I intend to cherish you more than ever.”
“That we do, love,” Theo said, wrapping an arm around her with a grin.
And for a moment, in the warmth of their little home, surrounded by laughter and love, all was right in the world.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

A Few Years Later

Theo often found himself marveling at how suddenly and completely his wishes had come true. The lovers he cherished, the child they had welcomed into the world—it all felt like a dream. After years of living in shadows, his world was now so bright that sometimes he had to pinch himself to believe it was real.
Welcoming their little boy into the world had been one of Theo’s most cherished memories. From that moment on, he had vowed to do everything in his power to ensure their son grew up surrounded by love, laughter, and a sense of belonging.
Even their animagus forms found new purpose. Their ferrety abilities, once a source of mischief, now served to bring endless joy to their child. The two of them would often put on playful performances, scurrying about or pretending to be plush toys. The laughter that filled their home was the purest magic Theo had ever known.More often than not, one of them would climb into their son’s stroller, delighting the little boy who now saw his parents not just as caregivers but as his favorite companions. Every opportunity to be close to their "little star" was seized without hesitation.
That night, Theo was wrapped around a pregnant Hermione, his arms encircling her protectively as he placed soft kisses on her hair. His hand moved in slow, gentle circles over her growing belly. He wasn’t sure when she had stirred awake until she murmured sleepily, “Where’s Draco?” She stretched, snuggling closer into his embrace.
“I don’t know, love,” Theo replied softly, though he had a hunch. Hermione shifted upright, her brow furrowed.
“Off with Leo again?” she asked, her voice tinged with affectionate exasperation.
Theo chuckled, tightening his hold around her waist as she shivered briefly. “Most likely,” he whispered. Draco was fiercely protective of their little boy and often snuck off in the middle of the night to check on him—or, more often than not, to climb into bed with Leo and hold him close. Many mornings began with Draco carrying their sleepy son back to their room, claiming it was “cuddle time.”
Hermione smiled knowingly. “Should we go see them?” she asked, her voice soft.
Theo nodded, and together they slipped out of bed, moving quietly through the house. They found their little boy sound asleep, his small arms wrapped tightly around a white ferret nestled snugly against him.
Hermione’s breath hitched, her heart swelling at the sight. “He’s adorable like this,” she whispered, adjusting the blanket over both of them with gentle care. She leaned down to kiss her son’s curls, then placed a tender kiss on the ferret’s head as well before straightening up. Her eyes sparkled as she turned to Theo, her voice thick with emotion. “I can’t believe I got so lucky.”
Theo’s lips curved into a warm smile as he pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Oh no, love—we’re the lucky ones.”
They lingered for a moment, watching over their little star as he slept. The quiet peace of the scene was a stark contrast to the chaos and pranks that usually defined their days. Yet in that moment, Hermione’s heart overflowed with gratitude.
Her boys—chaotic, mischievous, and endlessly loving—had become her entire world. And in that cozy little house filled with laughter, warmth, and love, she knew without a doubt that she wouldn’t change a single thing.