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There were certain expectations that came with leadership. Commanding a room, a dominating personality, ability to garner attention, being accountable and responsible, and keeping track of everything that transpired within the reins of what the leadership was held over. Those were the qualities expected of a leader.Having those qualities weren’t what made a good leader, however. Being present, listening, caring, comforting, watching, and speaking up for the entirety of a team is what made a good leader.Well, at least to Bang Chan that was what being a good leader meant and he had learned from the best. He was able to watch and learn the traits of what constituted good leadership from all of his seniors. The great and good ones, he learned from. The bad and forgettable ones, he also learned from, being shown what not to do.And those were the traits of a good leader: Listening, caring, comforting, watching, speaking, and being present. All of which Chan believed he did fairly good at, not trying to brag on himself. He was attentive to the wants and needs of his members, he listened to their worries, looked after them as if they were his brothers, spoke up for the team as a whole when anything needed to be said, and he stayed as close as he could with each of them so that they all knew of their value,So, why did Chan feel like he had failed?His first brother, the first person – besides Chan himself – to join Stray Kids, the member that he had felt so close to that he could share any thought with, Han Jisung. Han Jisung was why Chan felt like a failure.Three weeks ago, Jisung had done something so out of character, that it had to have been him acting out, trying to get something that Chan had failed to provide for him. Jisung had messed around and posted his waist measurement on social media, which was a big enough problem in itself, but he did it because Jungkook from BTS had done the same only a minute beforehand.It hurt so much sitting through every meeting, every phone call, every practice with Jisung since that incident. It hurt because Jisung would not tell anyone, not even Chan, what had actually happened or why he did it. All Chan got were lies and misdirection, even after confronting Jisung about it when they were alone.While the lies themselves hurt, what hurt more was Jisung allowing the rest of the members to recon to try and distract from his mistake, instead of owning up to what had transpired.Two weeks ago, Felix was the first to be sent out for cover up. He was a mentor on some new show that MNET was doing for trainees. While the show was still filming, Chan had been tasked with doing something in the meantime to keep the media distracted and away from Jisung.Instead of being sent out as an instructor on a music show, Chan was told to write a new song and post it before Felix’s show was done filming. It wasn’t a particularly difficult task, but the company wanted a completely new song, not one that Chan could pull from their unreleased files. Also not that difficult of a task.The real problem with it was that Chan was strung-up tighter than a yo-yo. He was stressed, worried, anxious, and fearful for the future of their group as a whole. Sure, JYP wouldn’t have them disband or anything insane, but would they still be able to trust each other how they had before? Jisung had broken all of their trust by refusing to tell them the truth of what had happened.Chan was scared that they would not be able to recover from it; At least, not without a little push.Maybe that was why Chan found himself pacing outside of JYP’s office, trying to find a reason why he shouldn’t knock and pose his idea, trying to muster up the courage and bravery of a leader.With a deep breath, Chan knocked on the door twice. When he didn’t receive a voice, he pushed the door open, just like he had learned to do from his years at the company. JYP would only answer a knock with words if he didn’t want whomever was knocking to come in. It was an odd trait, but Chan never asked about it.He walked further into the room and stopped directly in front of JYP’s desk, not sitting and not speaking, waiting for the floor to be given to him.“Chan,” Jin-young said as a greeting, pulling his attention from the computer screen he was previously focused on toward Chan, “What do I owe this visit?”“I…” Chan trailed off, already too nervous to pose his idea. At the dull stare of JYP, Chan swallowed down his nerves and continued, “I have an idea that I would like to ask you about. It’s regarding what Jisung did three weeks ago.”At that, JYP perked up, “I’m all ears. Please, sit.”Chan sat, “As you know, no one has been able to get a firm answer from Jisung about what happened or why he did what he did. It’s caused a lot of proposed scandals, not only for Stray Kids and the company, but for BTS as well.”JYP nodded, so Chan continued, “My idea is that we have a meeting with Bang Si-Hyuk and BTS to clear the air. Also, I’m hoping we can learn the reasoning behind Jisung’s actions through this meeting, because the other party involved in the scandal, Jungkook, will also be present.”JYP hummed and slowly rocked his chair side-to-side, “I’ll get in contact with Si-Hyuk and set everything up with him.”Chan’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened, “You mean, you like the idea?”“Of course I do. The company needs to know what actually happened so that we can deal with it accordingly. If it was just a coincidence, then we can issue a statement and pull Felix from the MNET show so that he can focus on the next comeback.”“If it wasn’t a coincidence?”“Then, all of the previous plans for cover-up are still in motion and we leave it at that.”“Okay.”“Thank you, Chan, I will send a request to Si-Hyuk immediately.”“Yes, sir,” Chan nodded and stood.He took his leave without further conversation, everything always being direct and quick with JYP. He made it to the door when JYP’s voice rang out and stopped him, “Okay, we’re set to meet with Si-Hyuk and the non-military active members of BTS within the hour.”Chan felt horror and panic flood through him, “What?”“Is something wrong?”“No, I just didn’t expect this to happen so quickly,” Chan said. He hadn’t expected the meeting to be set up within minutes of proposing the idea. He thought he would have had at least a week to prepare what he was going to say, not the short time it took to drive to the HYBE building.“Si-Hyuk isn’t as busy as he once used to be, what with his company expanding and hiring other people to take over the tasks he used to handle directly,” Jin-Young replied, “I would appreciate it if you let the other members know of this plan while i finalize things. Please have everyone ready to leave in no less than thirty minutes.”“Yes,” Chan said simply, his voice wavering with anxiety through the one word.He left JYP’s office and immediately called Changbin, knowing he would be awake. The phone rang once, twice, and, “Hello?”“Bin-ah,” Chan said, his voice came rushed as his steps through the building quickened with his pace, “You need to get everyone up and ready to leave.”“Chan? What’s going on?” Changbin asked.“We have a meeting with BTS and Bang Si-Hyuk in an hour. All of us need to be up and ready to go in thirty minutes.”“What? Why?” Changbin’s tone matched the panic in Chan’s.“I don’t have time to explain right now, I gotta call Seungmin to wake the other house up,” Chan said.“Fuck, okay,” Changbin replied, “I’ll make sure we’re all ready when you get here.”Chan was practically running down the flight of stairs, having chosen them to be quicker than the elevator, “Thank you so much! I’ll be home soon to help, but I am gonna stop by the other dorm to make sure they’re all good before then.”“Shit, Hyunjin went out earlier!” Changbin said, his tone sharp and rushed“I know,” Chan replied simply, “I’ll deal with him, you get Jisung.”“Alright, see you in a little bit,” Changbin replied and Chan could hear his rushed voice through the speakers.“See you,” Chan hung up the phone and finally made it out of the stairwell. His legs carried him through the lobby with muscle memory alone, his eyes scrolling through his contacts. He reached his manager and didn’t exchange a word as they walked back to the car Chan had arrived in. He clicked on the contact he was looking for and pressed call.The phone didn’t even ring before Seungmin answered, “What?”“Wake everyone up and be ready to leave in thirty minutes,” Chan said, getting into the car, “I don’t have time to explain why right now, but we have a meeting with BTS and Bang Si-Hyuk.”“It’s about Jisung, isn’t it?” Seungmin asked.“Yes, now please, wake everyone up and make sure they know–,”Seungmin cut Chan off, “Everyone’s already awake and you’re on speaker phone. You interrupted our movie.”“Hey Chan!” Jeongin said, enthusiastically.“Good morning,” Felix said, not sounding as happy as he normally did. Chan knew that he should have questioned it, but he didn’t have time for it at the moment.Instead, Chan said, “Hi everyone. Sorry about your movie, but please be ready in thirty minutes. I’m gonna swing by your dorm on the way to mine to make sure you’re all okay.”“You don’t have to,” Jeongin’s voice carried through the speaker instead of Seungmin’s, “We all already know what’s going on. Focus on getting Jisung out of bed and making sure that he’s wearing something presentable.”Chan silently thanked Jeongin for the permission to skip out on visiting their dorm, already feeling short on time, “Thank you.”“Uh-huh,” Seungmin said, “Bye.”“Bye,” Chan replied and the call ended.His leg was bouncing furiously where he sat, feeling like time was moving entirely too fast and entirely too slow at the exact same time.Chan quickly sent a text to Hyunjin, knowing that he was out shopping, asking him to come back to the dorm and briefly explaining the situation. A text was oddly the fastest way to get Hyunjin to reply. Calls always went to his voicemail, but a text received a response within minutes, if not seconds.Hyunjin didn’t reply to the text but sent a thumbs-up reaction to it. That simple and nonchalant response eased Chan’s nerves slightly. He knew that if anyone was going to be the most calm about the impromptu meeting, it would be Hyunjin. Always reliable in a stressful situation.The car came to a stop in front of Chan’s dorm and he got out immediately, moving as if he was running out of time to breathe. He put in the code to the door and it swung open. He quickly removed his shoes and ran through the house, his path set in stone.Chan didn’t even knock as he burst through Jisung’s door, the aforementioned man still sleeping. Chanbin was kneeling by Jisung’s bed and shaking his sleep-taken body.Anger, stress, anxiety, betrayal, and nerves made Chan push Changbin out of the way. He lifted Jisung’s sleeping body from the bed and hurled it over his shoulder.“What are you doing?” Changbin asked, following Chan through their home.“Waking him up,” Chan replied simply, his voice conveying the anger and frustration he felt.He kicked open the door to their bathroom. Chan, gently, dropped Jisung’s body into the floor of their shower. His hand found the knob for the cold water and turned it as high as it would go.Water fell upon Jisung’s body, shocking his sleeping frame awake. A sharp gasp left Jisung’s lips and his eyes frantically shot open, trying to figure out what was happening.“Chan?” Jisung asked, squinting, “Why am I in the shower?”“Because you weren’t getting up,” Chan replied, fists clenched at his sides. He hated being angry with Jisung, he hated it more than anything. But Jisung messed up and he had to know that he caused a problem, “We’re having a meeting with BTS.”Chan watched as fear passed over Jisung’s face and as it vanished as quickly as it came. Acting nonchalant, Jisung shrugged and said, “When do I need to be ready?”“Twenty-five minutes.” Changbin spoke up from behind Chan.Silently, Chan was grateful for Changbin speaking for him. He knew that if he had said anything, it would have been angered words he would have regretted immediately after saying them.“Okay.” Jisung stood, turning the hot water on and pulling off his shirt, “Please, leave so I can actually shower.”Changbin’s hand found Chan’s shoulder and gently nudged him out of the room, closing the door behind him.“What the fuck?” Chan said to Changbin as soon as they were further down the hall, “He’s the reason we’re in this shit and he’s acting like nothing’s wrong?”“To be fair, there very well could be nothing wrong. We don’t know what happened and he won’t tell us,” Changbin replied.A voice of reason that Chan didn’t know he needed.“You’re right,” Chan nodded, “We don’t know what happened, but we’re sure as fuck gonna know by the end of this meeting.”“Maybe you should calm down?”Before Chan could give the sassy remark he had on his tongue, the chime of their front door opening stopped him.“Hi!” Hyunjin’s voice carried over the room.“Living room,” Changbin said in response when Chan stayed silent.Chan heard light footsteps moving through their home, approaching where he and Changbin were at.“So, are you gonna give me an actual explanation of what’s going on now or are you just gonna keep me in the dark?” Hyunjin asked as soon as he rounded the wall separating the kitchen from the living room.“We’re meeting with BTS and the owner of HYBE,” Chan said, “I told you that.”“Uhuh, but why?” Hyunjin said, plopping down on their couch, “It’s not still about that whole Jisung problem is it?”“Yeah, it is.”“Jesus, did HYBE really have that much of a problem with it? It was just a stupid tweet.”“I set the meeting up,” Chan replied.Chan felt the energy of the room shift. Hyunjin sat up from where he was leaning and Changbin took a small step away from him.“You did what?” Changbin asked.“Why would you do that?” Hyunjin asked before Chan could answer Changbin.“So that we could actually get an answer about what happened? So that maybe we can clear all of this up before it becomes an actual issue?” Chan replied with his own counter-questions.“It wasn't a real issue, until now. You couldn’t just take Jisung’s word for it and leave it at that?” Changbin asked. Chan didn’t answer because he didn’t know how to. He hadn’t thought of it that way, “Fuck this, I’m not going.”“What?” Chan asked.“I’m not gonna sit around with you and set up Jisung like that. I’m not going and I’m gonna call Seungmin and tell him that none of them have to go either.”“You have to go,” Chan said.“Why? I’m not involved in this. You set this up, you deal with it,” Changbin replied and left the room, pulling out his phone in the process.“Hyunjin?” Chan asked.“Oh, I’m going,” Hyunjin said, “Someone needs to make sure this doesn’t turn into a shit show and apparently, it’s not going to be you.”“I’m doing this for the group!” Chan yelled, letting the bits of anger pour out, “This is what’s best for us! Jisung lied to us! I’m trying to help!”“Whatever you need to say to convince yourself,” Hyunjin stood and walked away, “Let me know when the car’s here.”Chan was dumbfounded. He had thought the other members would feel the same way about the meeting as he did. He had thought that they were all hurt by what Jisung did and wanted a real answer.He wasn’t wrong for needing to know what happened, for needing to know how he failed so that he could prevent it from happening again.Desperate for another opinion, Chan pulled out his own phone and dialed Minho’s number.“Hey,” Minho said after answering.“You know about the meeting, right?”“Yeah. Seungmin texted me.”“Do you think I’m in the wrong for setting it up?”“If you have to ask my opinion on it, I think you already know the answer,” Minho replied.Chan hated that answer because he knew Minho was right. Chan shouldn’t have set the meeting up, but there wasn’t anything that he could have done about it at that point. It was too late to cancel and the smallest thought in his head still wanted to know the full truth of the situation.“Are you gonna come?” Chan asked, hoping to have more than Hyunjin and Jisung by his side for the meeting.“No, I’m at my parent’s house, remember? Maybe call Felix?”“Okay, thank you.”“Yeah, of course. Tell me how it goes.”“I will,” Chan replied and hung up. He immediately pressed on Felix’s contact and pressed call. The phone answered after a few rings, “Felix.”“Hey Chan,” Felix replied, his voice still matching the less happy tone from earlier, “What’s up?”“The meeting, are you going? Or are any of the members at that house going?”“Oh, uh…We all kind of decided not to after we talked to Changbin and he said it wasn’t mandatory.”“Felix, please. Please come with us. I don’t think I can handle this if it’s just Me, Jisung, and Hyunjin.”“Hyunjin’s going?” Felix asked, “I thought he was going shopping today?”“Yeah, he came back early. He said he needs to make sure that I don’t fuck things up more.”“He said that? It doesn’t sound like him.”“I’m paraphrasing, but please. Felix please, I'm begging here,” Chan replied.“Fuck, fine,” Felix replied.“Thank you! Thank you so much!” Chan practically yelled.“Yeah,” Felix said, “I’m gonna head to your dorm since I'm the only one going from mine apparently.”“Okay, get here safe.”Felix didn’t reply, but hung up the phone. Chan thought that was odd, but he wasn’t able to question it.In the silence and rejection of his fellow members, Chan started letting his thoughts run. Should he have organized that meeting? Should he have just let the entire thing blow over? Why were the members so upset with him over it? Were the rest of them not angry or hurt by Jisung’s actions?What exactly were Jisung’s actions? He just posted a tweet, right? So, why wasn’t he explaining the reason behind it? If it was just a simple coincidence or a joke, why hadn’t he said that?Chan was truly hurt and betrayed by the lies. He knew that Jisung wasn’t telling the truth, but he wasn’t sure about what or why. What could Jisung possibly have to lie to the group about?No.What could Jisung possibly have to lie to Chan about?Chan heard footsteps in the hallway behind him and his mind caught on one idea and didn’t let it go. He tried to push it away, tried to forget about the idea, his mind having already betrayed him earlier with his other idea. But, then a door fell shut and Chan was moving before his mind had a chance to catch up.He was in the hallway and standing in front of the only thing blocking his path: a door. Having already accepted the idea into his head, he turned the doorknob, surprised it wasn’t locked, and pushed it open.Chan hurried inside before someone else could see and the door fell shut behind him.“Goddamnit, Chan! Why are you in here?!” Jisung raised his voice to a low yell, “I’m naked, man!”“I know, I’m sorry,” Chan said, looking Jisung directly in the eyes and refusing to allow himself to glance anywhere else. Sure, they had all seen each other without clothes before and sure, Jisung wasn’t technically naked because of the towel around his waist, but what Chan was doing felt like an invasion. He didn’t want it to feel even worse because of wandering eyes.Jisung sighed loudly and shook his head, “What do you want?”“I…” Chan trailed off, scared for the second time that day to say what his mind wanted him to.“You’ve already made a fool of yourself by coming in here while I’m hanging D. Whatever you’re not saying can’t possibly be worse than that,” Jisung said, not appreciating the hesitation and meeting it with humor.Chan took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “This meeting with HYBE is about you, you do know that, yeah?”“I’d be an idiot not to,” Jisung replied, pulling a shirt over his head.“So, I’m only going to ask you one more time before I’ll drop it,” Chan started, leaving out the fact that he knew JYP would force an answer out of him if Chan was unable to, “Why did you post that tweet?”Chan watched as Jisung momentarily went stiff where he stood, watched as chills formed down his arms and his eyes seemed to be far away.Then, the moment passed and Jisung seemed to be back where he was before Chan had asked.“I already told you why,” Jisung replied. He dropped his towel from around his waist and walked through his room, entirely naked.Chan looked at the roof immediately, his head having moved out of instinct, “Tell me again.”“It was a joke. I thought it would be funny and I guess I was wrong about that. I’m sorry,” Jisung replied.Chan almost barked out a laugh for a number of reasons. It was the blatant refusal to tell the truth, even after being asked when alone without cameras. It was the disregard for how much his actions impacted those around him. It was the fact that it had been three weeks and that was the first time Chan had heard Jisung actually apologize instead of brushing it off.“Please don’t patronize me,” Chan replied, trying to be a good leader, trying to listen, comfort, provide, and be attentive.“I’m not—,”Chan was in front of Jisung in seconds, holding his wrist within his palm, looking deep into his eyes. He heard Jisung’s breath hitch and watched as his mouth snapped shut.“Don’t lie to me. Just tell me what happened. If you tell me, we don’t have to go to the meeting and we can drop this.”“Would you tell JYP and the members?” Jisung asked, his voice soft.“I would have to tell JYP,” Chan replied, his tone matching the softness, “Just so that we can put this all to rest.”“I, I can’t tell you. I’m so sorry,” Jisung pulled his wrist from Chan’s hold.“So something did happen?”Chan felt like he was on the verge of a major breakthrough. Jisung had finally admitted to there being a cause behind his actions, that it wasn’t just a simple joke. He was so close to finally being able to get them out of their situation.“Please leave.”“Jisung, talk to me. We can work through this together. I’m here for you.”“Please leave my room. I need to finish getting dressed,” Jisung pulled on his boxers and moved to the other side of the room to grab a pair of pants.“We can skip the meeting. Just work with me here, okay? You can tell me and I can fix this!”Jisung scoffed and turned around to yell, “It’s not something that needs to be fixed, Chan! It’s my life and my decision!”“Ji-”“Get out. I’ll be ready when the car gets here,” Jisung went to his bedroom door and opened it, forcefully showing Chan the need for him to leave.Silently, Chan made his way to the door, the weight of his consistent failures bearing down in his head. He paused in the doorway to utter a small, “I’m sorry.”He left without getting forgiveness from Jisung or even acknowledgment. Chan didn’t figure that he would have, though.Somehow, in the past three weeks, he had completely failed not only as a leader, but as a friend — as a brother. He was meant to handle everything with care, to ensure the comfort of the Kids.In the past three weeks, maybe he had been the real separation between them. Maybe he had been the one to carry the weight of betrayal alone, if it could have been considered a betrayal at that point.What Jisung had done was truly just an inconvenience. That was all it was and Chan couldn’t comprehend why it mattered so much to him or why it hurt so bad. Why his mind cataloged it as an act against him, something that would tear all of their lives apart.It wasn’t anything and Chan would have to deal with his own actions, his blowing it out of proportion before he had fully come to understand how insignificant it all was.At least it was just one member, though. It was one insignificant thing that only happened with one member. Chan wasn’t sure how he would’ve handled it if more than one member had done something within the time he was processing what Jisung did.“Chan?” Felix’s voice carried through the home.Chan decided that instead of replying, he would just go to where he assumed Felix was. He moved through their living room and went to the kitchen where he found Hyunjin sitting at the table, Felix standing next to him, Changbin at the stove making something that smelled delicious.“Hey,” Chan said once he entered the room. Before anyone could say anything, Chan continued, “I talked to Jisung.”“Why? Forcing him into a situation where you know he’ll break down wasn’t enough?” Changbin said, evidently still upset from earlier.“That wasn’t what I was trying to do, but that doesn’t matter. I apologized to him and now I’m apologizing to you as well. I was out of line and only thinking of myself. I’m sorry,” Chan said.“It’s not our place to forgive you. It’s about Jisung, not us,” Hyunjin stood from his chair and took to leaning against the table, “Did he forgive you?”“No.”“Did you give him a chance to?”“Not really.”“Does he know that you set up the meeting?” Hyunjin asked.“Yeah, I know,” Jisung’s voice came from behind Chan, “I didn’t figure that HYBE or even BTS would give a fuck about what I did, and definitely not enough to set up a meeting.”“You know and you’re still going? It’s not mandatory,” Changbin said.“It’s about me and what I did. I would like to at least be there to defend myself,” Jisung walked further into the kitchen, “Felix? Why are you here?“I’m going too.”“Why?”Felix glanced at Chan, then replied, “I wanted to be there for you. Besides, how often is it that people just get to sit down with BTS?”Chan didn’t say anything, but Felix looked almost nervous. He figured it was because of the blatant lie he had told to Jisung, but decided to ask Felix about it at a more appropriate time.Jisung smiled, “Yeah, but what about your show? Don’t you film today?”“Not until later tonight.”“Alright,” Jisung turned around and looked at Chan, “You and I are going to have to talk later, but I forgive you for now. Let’s get through this fuckass meeting with our, mainly my, dignity.”Humor.The way Jisung liked to deal with everything. Chan knew him and he knew him well. He knew that Jisung was still very upset. He knew that Jisung was keeping everything cool so that there wasn’t further damage to their group.Chan knew that once they got back to the dorm after their meeting, Jisung would pull him aside and they would have an intensely emotional conversation. It would fix everything between them or Chan at least hoped it would.Sometimes, there were issues that couldn’t be fixed with conversation.Back before Stray Kids debuted, Jisung and Hyunjin held a lot of hate toward each other. It led to many long talks between them that always ended with them on worse terms, sometimes a fight would even break out.It took locking both of them in a closet of their old dorm, the one that they all shared together. That closet oddly had a lock on the outside of the door and it was used for “timeouts”.Before conclusions are drawn that were false, the closet was very large. Big enough to hold all of the members at once and it was well lit. It wasn’t small nor was it a torture chamber. Just a quiet place to settle differences.Anyway, they were locked in that closet together for around an hour, maybe two now that Chan was really thinking about it. No one else in Stray Kids knows what went down in those two hours Hyunjin and Han were locked in that closet, only that they emerged from it as colleagues, as friends, as family.Chan wasn’t saying it would come to that for him and Jisung, he just knew that it might not be a simple conversation that would fix things for them.“When’s the car getting here? I’m hungry and sitting next to Changbin’s food isn’t helping,” Hyunjin spoke up.“You’re going too?” Jisung asked him.“Of course I am,” Hyunjin smiled, “I gotta be there for you, don’t I?”“Thank you,” Jisung smiled back at him, he then turned to the rest of the room, “Wait, so who all is going?”“You, me, Felix, and Hyunjin,” Chan said.“The rest of us didn’t want to go so that you wouldn’t feel too overwhelmed or anxious,” Changbin responded.“I’m an adult, Bin. I can handle myself and my anxiety just fine. I appreciate the concern, trust me, but I don’t need to be babied.”“I don’t think he meant it in that way,” Chan said, “I think he just wanted to be considerate of your feelings and not crowd you with pressure.”“Okay,” Jisung replied simply, not fully acknowledging Chan, “I think the car’s here. That or a random black van just pulled up outside our house and we’re going to be kidnapped.”Chan took a few steps forward and looked out the window that was in Jisung’s view. Sure enough, the car was there.“Let’s get this over with,” Jisung said and walked toward their front door. He didn’t wait to see if anyone was behind him, he just opened the door and went outside.Chan took one step when Changbin stopped him. Felix and Hyunjin left, feeling as though whatever Changbin was going to say, they didn’t need to hear.“Please don’t make things worse for him. He’s already been crying himself to death over this and he feels bad enough about it already,” Changbin said.“I didn’t plan to make it worse. I only want things to get better.”“You might have prevented things getting better by organizing this meeting.”Chan was shocked that Changbin had said that to him. Did Changbin really lose that much faith in him, just from a possible solution? Granted, Chan already regretted the meeting, but he didn’t think that anything worse would come from it.Without a response, Chan turned and left the house. He quickly rushed into the car and buckled into the last seat available. Changbin was upset for the time being, but he would come around. Just as soon as Chan fixed everything.He had to fix everything. It was his responsibility as leader to do so.“Where’s everyone else?” Jin-Young asked, turning around from the passenger seat.“The rest of the members requested not to come as they didn’t see a reason why they needed to,” Chan responded.“And all four of you have a reason to go?”Chan saw Felix stiffen out of the corner of his eye, in the seat next to him. He really needed to speak with Felix alone later and figure out if he was okay.“Everyone here is here for support,” Chan replied for the group once more.The car went silent after that, each person attending to themselves. Chan allowed himself to finally think.He had been so negligent as a leader recently, something that he continued to further realize the longer the day dragged on.He had no idea that Minho had taken the day to go to his parents house and only found out through asking him. Even living in different houses, he always knew when the members were set to go visit their families. Knowing where each of the members were was part of his responsibility and he had failed in that aspect.Changbin was angry and had been hearing how badly Jisung had been handling himself. Something that Chan had failed to do whilst trying to find a solution. Perhaps Chan could have fixed everything on that first night had he been calm and rational with Jisung. He had failed at doing so and everyone was paying the price for it.Hyunjin…Hyunjin…?Chan had no idea if anything was going on in Hyunjin’s life. Now that he was really thinking about it, he wasn’t sure when the last time he and Hyunjin had truly talked was. He had failed by not being attentive enough to every member.Jisung was going through something. Something that felt he needed to carry all alone. Something that he refused to talk about. Chan failed him if Josung felt he couldn’t even talk to him about it.There was so obviously something gnawing away at Felix as well. Chan hadn’t even asked or noticed. He could have blamed it on Felix’s time being taken up by the show JYP had put him on, but it would have been a subpar excuse to his failure.Seungmin. He was the member that Chan had spent the most time around since whatever Jisung did happened. He knew that Seungmin was okay. That was probably his only success at the time.Jeongin had been with his own parents after the incident and Chan hadn’t had the time to visit with him or check in on him. He had failed at being there to hear about anything going on with Jeongin.In every aspect of what made a good leader in Chan’s mind, he had failed. Not just with one or two things, with all of it. He had been selfish and it had harmed the rest of the group without him even realizing. He was trying so hard to fix the problem and hadn’t realized that he had become part of it.How could he have been so negligent to the people he cared about the most? He needed a serious self evaluation once he was alone later in the night. He had to ensure that nothing could ever spiral so out of control for him and the Kids ever again.Chan needed to make a list of everything he had done wrong and ways he could have done better. He needed to be able to visualize his mistakes in front of him.The car screeched to a stop behind the HYBE building, a garage door opening with a code that JYP read off of his phone for the driver to put in. Chan had never been to the HYBE building, never having a reason or need to. He was quite excited to see what it looked like on the inside.He had stumbled upon a few videos and photos here and there of what the building looked like. Never of the inside, though. To Chan’s disappointment, the parking garage looked like an average garage with absolutely nothing special about it. Just concrete and extremely expensive cars, with the occasional motorcycle.JYP instructed their driver to park in a specific area marked for visitors, and he did. With the car parked and turned off, Chan took a deep breath, ready to address the Kids. He was unable to before JYP spoke first, giving a quick nudge toward getting out of the car. The Kids moved, opening the van doors and getting out, before Chan could even unbuckle his seatbelt.With a deep sigh, Chan followed. He silently got out and allowed himself to be led wherever JYP was given instruction for them to go.He was led into a stunning lobby, people bustling all throughout. His eyes caught on various signs, unending important titles passing over his sight. He was loaded into an elevator and watched as the floor number was selected.Nerves began flowing under Chan’s skin, pricking his fingers and quickening his breath ever so slightly. When the elevator stopped, noticeably quick, the five of them filed out and into a hallway. JYP continued to move them all throughout the building with surprising ease.Silently, they arrived in front of a door. JYP knocked lightly before entering, not waiting for an answer. Chan allowed the other members to enter before he did, rounding out their group, and closing the door behind him.As he turned around to face the room, the air left Chan’s lungs. Standing from their seats at a conference table, the non-military-active members of BTS. Starstruck was not nearly enough to describe how Chan felt. His eyes traveled down the occupied side of the table, staring deeply at each member.“Si-Hyuk, thank you for allowing this meeting,” JYP said, speaking for the room.Chan and the Kids nodded in agreement, bowing to show respect. As he lifted his head, Chan caught sight of the BTS members reciprocating said bow.“Of course! It’s about time we clear this up!” Si-Hyuk replied, “Please, sit.”Hyunjin moved first, placing himself in the closest seat which happened to be in front of Jimin. Felix was next to him, in front of Jungkook. JYP placed himself in the middle, facing Bang PD. Jisung took the place on the end, in front of Taehyung. Leaving Chan to situate himself between Jisung and JYP, to stare at Namjoon in front of him.Chan didn’t allow himself to comfortably melt into the conference chair. He kept himself upright and on edge, awaiting what was to come.“Would you like to begin?” Si-Hyuk asked, directing the question to JYP.“Actually, I have a question,” Jungkook of BTS said, before continuing, “Why are we here?”Chan furrowed his eyebrows, confused. Were the present members of BTS not aware of the cause of the meeting? Were they unaware of the situation that Jisung caused? There was not a chance of them not knowing the uproar caused…right?“The situation regarding the unauthorized use of the BTS Twitter account and the subsequent use of the Stray Kids Twitter account,” Si-Hyuk answered.“I’m sorry, we’re holding a meeting because Jungkook used Twitter?” Taehyung asked.Chan lightly flinched at that. When it was phrased in that manner, he could understand how it seemed unnecessary.“No, we’re holding a meeting due to the effects of Jungkook’s actions,” Si-Hyuk answered once more.“So, why are the rest of us here?” Taehyung asked once more.“We’re a team,” Namjoon answered in place of their boss, “We face this together.”Hearing those words, seeing the immediate agreement, Chan felt that feeling of failure once more. He hadn’t even been able to get his members together for that meeting. Namjoon, the leader of BTS, had been able to unite them with one sentence.Taehyung stayed silent after that, settling into his seat.“Jungkook,” Si-Hyuk started, “Would you please explain the use of the Bangtan Twitter account in which you wrote the number eighty-seven and nothing more?”Chan’s eyes settled on Jungkook, finally getting the answers he had been desperately fighting for.“Oh, that tweet’s why we’re here? I posted that after I formally met Jisung for the first time,” Jungkook replied.“When did you two have time to meet during your promotions?” JYP asked, mainly aiming it toward Jisung.“MNET,” Jungkook answered instead, “I got there super fucking early, pardon my language. Jisung forgot his jacket in the dressing room I was put in and he kinda walked in on me, which was fine because I wasn’t doing anything. I asked him if he wanted to stay and chat. One thing led to another and I measured his waist for him and he measured mine, and then that led to the two of us fucking. Then, he left and I posted for ARMY and I guess Jisung posted too. Then I performed. It’s quite simple really, I don’t know why that constituted a meeting, but yeah.”The room went silent enough that the short breaths each man took could be heard as loud as a yell.“That’s it?” Chan asked, breaking the silence. He stared Jisung deep in the eyes, saw the fear in them and disregarded it. He had no reason to have fear as he had done absolutely nothing. Stray Kids didn’t have a dating ban nor anything that stated they weren’t allowed to sleep around. JYP and every member knew that they all had casual sex on occasion. Chan was dumbfounded, “That was the giant secret? That you had sex with each other?”“Oh, shit. You were keeping that a secret?” Jungkook continued, “I totally told Jimin about it after he and Felix fucked.”Chan whipped his head around, meeting Felix’s gaze, seeing nothing but the same fear that Jisung had. Tears started to well-up in Felix’s eyes.“Excuse me, Jimin and Felix slept with each other? When?” JYP asked.“On the first day of filming that reality show. I stumbled upon his room thinking it was my own and he and I ended up having sex with each other,” Jimin answered for the pair of them, “Jungkook called me after Felix and I finished up and told us about him and Jisung.”“You knew about Jisung?” Chan asked, only looking at Felix.“I’m sorry,” Felix replied.Chan felt his entire world collapse in on itself.He used to be a person that his members could rely on, could tell anything to. A year ago, Jisung would have ran and told him about having sex with Jungkook immediately after it happened. He would have been happy for him and let him rant about it for hours. Felix would have joined in on the gossip and shared about his time with Jimin. They would have talked and talked the night away.Somehow, somewhere along the line, something had apparently shifted without Chan’s knowledge. Why would his members, the people he considered family, not have come to him to share something so crazy? When had they chosen to stop coming to him? How had he not noticed?Chan had failed at being a place of comfortability for his members, therefore he had failed in his position as their leader. He had irrevocably messed up and he hadn’t been aware of it.With a shaky breath, Chan leaned toward JYP and said quietly, “I need to be excused.”JYP nodded in response and Chan stood. In the back of his mind, he heard the other members calling his name and checking on his well being. He was too occupied to care, focused only on his failure and getting out of that room before he broke in front of them all.Voices overlapped in the recesses of his mind and his vision began to brim and blur with tears.Once in the hallway, Chan turned to his left and walked until he found an open door to an empty room. It was another conference room. Chan went inside, not bothering to shut the door, leaned against the closest wall, and sank to the floor. He pulled his legs to his chest and felt the weight of his failure take over.He hadn’t been that busy that he had neglected his members so badly that they no longer trusted him. It had only been a few weeks of comeback preparations and him not being available. Even through that time, he had taken the time to sit with each of his members.Well, had he?Chan was firmly behind in anything regarding any of his member’s lives that did not pertain to their most recent comeback. Even within their comeback he had been mainly focused on himself. How could he have been so neglectful, so selfish?These were people he was meant to lead, to care for, to protect. He had failed them. He hadn’t even been trusted enough to be informed about something as insignificant as sex, which truly used to be a hot topic of gossip among all the members.“There you are,” A voice rang out, pulling Chan from his well of despair. He looked up and his breaths hitched. Namjoon of BTS was towering about his frame, looking at him with what resembled pity.Chan sniffled and wiped away the tears that had begun to slowly fall and stain his cheeks. Embarrassed that he had been caught in such a state by someone so put together.“I’m sorry,” Chan said softly.“For what?”“Causing a disturbance, wandering through this building without permission, utilizing this room, arranging this meeting, wasting everyone’s time,” Chan replied, rambling on about all the things he had to apologize for.Namjoon sighed and squatted down to Chan’s level, “You haven’t caused a disturbance and you needing to get out of that meeting is completely understandable.”“No, I was being overdramatic and I failed them by leaving. I’m meant to be their leader.”Namjoon smiled softly, “How old are you?”“Twenty-six.”“You’re too young to be this burnt out,” Namjoon readjusted himself, fully sitting in front of Chan and crossing his legs, “Take it from one leader to another, sometimes the best thing you can do for your members is let go.”“Let go?”“Mhm. You’ve gotta know that you are not responsible for the actions of your members. You’re simply the face of your group and the one who receives instruction. You need to let your members do what they’re gonna do, without feeling like you need to be in control of them, otherwise you’re gonna end up running yourself into the dirt.”Chan was shocked to say the least. He didn’t know how to respond or how to process the advice being given. Was he meant to not care about his members' lives? Was he supposed to just let everything run into the ground?He couldn’t do that. He had to be the pillar, the foundation upon which their group stood. He had to ensure everything was fine and that all of the members were fine in turn. He had to do everything, yet, maybe he didn’t. Namjoon, a fellow leader, was telling him he didn’t have to and that he himself had let go. BTS was the biggest boy band in the world and Namjoon had let go. It hadn’t run into the ground nor had it all failed.Perhaps Chan simply needed to calm down and figure it out, “How do I do that?”“You accept that everyone is responsible for themselves and leave it at that. You can’t be simultaneously responsible for yourself, the group as a whole, and each individual member. We accept what we can and can not control. You can only control yourself and partially the group as a whole, so you let go of everything else.”“But what if something bad happens?”“Then you face it as a team and fix it together, otherwise leave everyone to live their own lives. You’re only the leader of your group and the members as a whole within that, not of who they all are as individuals.”“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Chan responded, finally understanding and intaking the advice presented to him, “I’ll try to let go.”Namjoon smiled, “I think that’s a good idea.”Chan sniffled lightly and gave an embarrassed chuckle, “Jesus, I’m a mess. I’m sorry you’re having to see me like this.”“Oh, no, it’s fine. Don’t even worry about it.”“I really feel like I need to keep apologizing. I’m sorry for everything. This whole meeting, for Jisung, and for Felix apparently.”“Nah, seriously don’t be,” Namjoon reassured, “I’m almost certain it was my members that came onto yours first. They have a tendency to be very big flirts and unfortunately, they act on that flirtation as well.”Chan laughed, “Trust me, my members are huge flirts too. I can guarantee they’re to blame as well.”Namjoon continued on, laughing and joking, “BTS has a bad habit of getting sexual very quickly when flirting. It started when Jungkook finally turned eighteen and he became insatiable, the rest of us all followed suit after that.”“Oh, trust me, we had our own version of that when our youngest, Jeongin, turned eighteen too,” Chan shared, enjoying the playful conversation. It had been far too long since he had been able to talk to someone who understood him.“Birds of a feather,” Namjoon smiled, “Almost every idol I know has their exceedingly sexual tendencies. It has to be some sort of underlying condition in our contracts or a crazy side effect.”“Well, what about you?” Chan asked, feeling it to be a harmless question, “You don’t seem to be nearly as sex driven as the rest of the members.”Namjoon smirked and tilted his head to the side, “I’m the worst of them all. I just happen to be the best at hiding it.”“Honestly, sometimes, I’m the worst out of my members as well. The stress of being a leader just gets to be so much sometimes and I need a way to get rid of that stress, you know?” Chan admitted.“Yeah, I do.”Chan smiled, “I figured you would. You seem to be one of the only people I’ve ever met that truly gets it.”“Like I said, birds of a feather,” Namjoon replied before going silent. He studied Chan, dragging his eyes up and down his entire body, “I wish there was a way for all of our stress to go away.”Chan nodded. He had felt that way each day of his life since becoming a simple trainee in the industry. Everything was always so much stress and effort. Surely, there had to be a way to completely rid himself of all the weight and pressure of it.“Yeah, I wish there was too,” Chan replied, deep in thought.“Yeah?” Namjoon asked, a hint of something else in his voice that Chan disregarded.“Mhm, I think it would be great actually.”As soon as that final word left Chan’s mouth, his lips were parted once more. Namjoon leant forward and brought them together in a kiss. Soft and yet all too fast.Chan pulled away, utterly shellshocked, concerned, and deeply confused.“What-, Why did you do that?” Chan asked.He watched as matching confusion passed over Namjoon’s expression before it was replaced with something else, “Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, I thought you were flirting back.”“I wasn’t even aware you had been flirting,” Chan admitted, his voice soft and shy.“I’m so sorry. I really thought we were on the same page there.”“No, don’t apologize! It’s fine!”“Uh, would you like to try that again, then?”“I would, but we can’t.”“Why not?” Namjoon asked, truly not seeing the issue.“Our groups are already in a deep mess as it is. We shouldn’t add more on top of it.”“Who’s gonna know? We can shut this conference room door and keep this to ourselves if you would like to.”“I really shouldn’t.”“It would just be to help with the stress. Let go of being the leader and of your members. Do you still think you shouldn’t?”Chan allowed himself to pause. He had been dealing with so much for the past few months; the comeback, Jisung, new music, promotions, and his daily life. As the leader, he had certain expectations to always be there and to be reliable.But, if he let go of that and allowed the lives of the other members to fall off his chart of responsibility, suddenly over half of the things he allowed himself to stress over would be gone. It would take him a long time to build up to the point in his life where he would be able to do that freely; However, he could easily forget about his responsibility as a leader for the time being.He could take the short period of time he would be with Namjoon as a break, to only think about himself for once and not of the consequences his actions would hold toward the group.“Fuck it,” Chan said, finally.In moments, Chan’s lips were on Namjoon’s once more. Chan allowed himself to be guided by Namjoon. When their lips met again the contact was gentle and teasingly slow. Namjoon’s lips were soft and they smelled and tasted sweet, like an expensive lip balm.Namjoon pulled away from the kiss, leaving Chan’s lips feeling tingly and empty as he panted into the open air. He stood from the floor, mimicking Namjoon’s actions and watched as the conference room door was swiftly shut.Chan decided to plop himself down directly onto the long, wooden, empty table in the room. His legs dangled off of the edge.“Come here.”Chan’s voice was demanding in a way Namjoon couldn’t resist. And soon his lips finally met those soft pink ones. There was a definite moan that escaped Chan’s lips as Namjoon pulled him closer, inching himself between spread thighs. Chan’s hands crawled over him, exploring the man’s chest.Namjoon’s tongue finally pressed its way into Chan’s mouth, curiously wrapping around his. Chan hummed into the kiss, rubbing his thumb along Namjoon’s cheek. Hips bucked slightly into Chan’s own. It was enough to force another moan from his lips. Namjoon must have been aware of the effects of his actions, because he began fully grinding forward, seeking pleasure.Chan’s hand slid from where it held Namjoon’s jaw, crawling underneath his shirt to graze along his back. Namjoon hissed at the touch, arching his back as Chan’s nails dragged at his lower back, tongue moving hungrily inside of his mouth.Namjoon pulled away from Chan briefly, “Let me help you let go.”He fell to his knees and took his place between Chan’s legs on the floor.Everything moved entirely too fast as Namjoon unbuttoned his pants and pulled down the zipper. Chan felt as though he could barely keep up with the events occurring, but he said nothing. He allowed himself to get lost within it, reminding himself to give up control.Namjoon pulled down his pants and underwear at the same time, the garments falling to Chan’s ankles. Wordlessly, he lifted a hand to wrap around the length presented to him. In slow strokes, he pulled his hand up and down.Namjoon leant forward and suckled on the head. He dug his tongue into the slit, collecting the pre-come that had situated there. Boldly, he took more of Chan into his mouth. His tongue moved along the shaft, tracing the veins. He hummed deep in his throat at the weight occupying his throat.He pulled off and brought his mouth to Chan’s balls. He took one of them into his mouth, sucking on it. Chan bucked his hips in response, bringing fingers to tangle into the hair on Namjoon’s head.“Jesus, you’re good at that,” Chan said breathlessly, his hips lightly bucking forward.Namjoon chuckled in response, pulling away, “Would you like to use my throat?”A moan died in Chan’s throat at the offer, “Would that be okay with you?”“Of course. I wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t want it.”“Okay,” Chan said, bringing his hands up to thread his fingers through Namjoon’s hair. His fingers tightened on the strands, experimentally pulling on them.
Namjoon immediately parted his lips again. Chan watched the way his cock just seemed to slide in, resting heavy against tongue.He waited, exceedingly patiently for a sign to continue. That signal came in the form of Namjoon staring up at him with lust-heavy eyes. Slowly, Chan began rolling his hips forward as if in warning.Namjoon sighed through his nose at the feeling of Chan guiding himself in, encouraging it by using his grip on the back of Chan’s thighs to push him forward. Namjoon hummed around the length entering his throat, his eyes pleading where they looked up at Chan above him.Chan pulled out to the tip before slowly guiding himself back in to let Namjoon adjust once more. He sped up with each thrust into Namjoon’s throat, breathless groans followed with each snap of his hips and his hands tightened in Namjoon’s hair, chasing the pleasure he had been so denied of as of late. He was properly abusing Namjoon’s mouth, enveloping his cock in that tight heat with every thrust.He loved every second of it. He truly would have wanted to use Namjoon’s throat all night if he were given the opportunity and time. Just from being used, Chan could see Namjoon was chasing his own orgasm. Rutting into the air and trying to get pressure on the ever present bulge in his pants.Chan began to thrust increasingly faster, desperate for a release. He moaned each time his length was constricted by Namjoon’s throat. His thrusts began to grow erratic and uncoordinated.“I’m close” Chan panted, his eyes squeezing shut as he shamelessly sped up his thrusts. Namjoon’s hands moved from Chan’s thighs to squeeze his butt, pressing Chan in harder on every painful intoxicating thrust he made into his throat.It was only a few more hard thrusts later before Chan came undone. Namjoon hollowed his cheeks around Chan’s length through the rest of his orgasm, taking every drop of come and swallowing it down.Chan hissed sharply and leaned his head back, closing his eyes and letting Namjoon have his way with him for a little longer. His hips started spasming erratically and his nails dug into Namjoon’s scalp, pulling his head back.“Good,” Namjoon scratchily whispered once Chan’s cock was pulled from his mouth, his voice coming out hoarse and broken, “You did so good for me.”Chan couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped between his heavy breaths. He truly felt so much better just from a simple orgasm. Sure, the underlying stress was ever present, but it was nowhere near as overbearing as it normally was.Silently, he pulled his underwear back up his legs. He left his pants pooled around his ankles for the time being, having had a realization, “Oh, do you want me to help you out now?”“That’s not gonna be necessary,” Namjoon replied, sounding sheepish, “I kinda already came.”Immediately Chan looked down and caught sight of the wet splotch seeping through the front of Namjoon’s pants. The sight was so incredulous that Chan had to keep himself from dropping his jaw. Perhaps he hadn’t been the only one who needed the stress relief that came from a good orgasm.“I, uh, I can help you come again, if you want?” Chan offered, not fully liking the uneven distribution of pleasure and aid.“Oh, nah, it’s okay,” Namjoon replied.“Are you sure?” Chan asked once more, “It’s really no trouble!”Namjoon parted his lips to respond, Chan watched it happen in what felt like slow motion. Within the next second, before a single word was able to escape Namjoon’s lips, the door to their private conference room flung open.Chan’s eyes widened, knowing that the situation he was in looked exactly like what it truly was. Namjoon still firmly on his knees between his legs, his pants around his ankles, the ever present stench of an orgasm encircling the room, and worst of all was the come staining the front of Namjoon’s pants.He watched as Namjoon closed his mouth and mimicked his movement, turning to the door. In the open doorway stood the shellshocked frames of their members, with their bosses hidden behind.Long moments passed, each present party staring deeply into the eyes of those opposite. Chan made direct eye contact with each man, finally stopping at Jisung. Pain and confusion seemed to be the only emotion present within Jisung, at least from a simple view.“What the fuck?” Jisung said aloud, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Chan watched the anger form in Jisung’s words as he repeated in a yell, “What the fuck?!”Before Chan was able to explain himself, to prove he wasn’t a hypocrite nor a bad leader, Jisung turned and pushed through the crowd of people. That simple action was enough for Chan to know that he truly had messed up everything.