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"We gone a move the sheep today?" Ennis dried his face with the towel, glancing at Jack as he shaved. Jack winced as he nicked the side of his jaw, before turning to look at Ennis."Could do... long as we get up there soon. I ain't sure how long it'll take." Jack squinted in the mirror propped in the low fork of a tree. "Shit, I'm bleedin' now.""Here, let me see." Ennis tilted Jack's chin with finger and thumb, frowning as he blotted the cut with his towel. After a moment, he removed it and studied Jack's face. "You'll live."Jack flicked at him with his towel. "Thanks, doc."Ennis grinned as he re-tucked his shirt and straightened the collar. "Get yourself sorted, you lazy asshole, else them sheep'll be stayin' put 'til tomorrow." He returned to the tent and Jack's eyes followed him, before he reluctantly looked back to the mirror to finish his shave.
❖
They had started work on Brokeback Mountain three weeks ago. Jack, relieved to be partnered with someone his own age, was keen to engage Ennis in conversation. To compare notes, swap stories. To get to know him better.Ennis, who had only worked with his brother previously, was unused to so much chatter. No-one had ever expressed such interest in him before, and he was unsure how to respond.The first week had been hard going for both men. Now, however, any reserve between them was smoothed away, replaced with a comfortable camaraderie. Ennis could not understand why he'd previously found Jack annoying, and Jack— well, he wanted to get closer still. Ennis had kindled a spark inside him, unlike anyone before. He was hopeful a summer spent together would lead to something developing between them— something more than a casual fling.Ennis fastened the tent and checked the fire. He collected some biscuits and apples and stashed them in the saddlebag, looking over to where Jack was putting his shirt on, his shave complete. As he stretched up, wrestling with the shirt to pull it over his head, his jeans slipped lower on his hips. The darkening shadow of hair leading down from his navel stood out against the pale skin, and Ennis stared. His fingers fumbled blindly with the buckle as he watched Jack, unable to look away. Jack's head emerging from the top of the shirt broke the moment and Ennis dropped his gaze, his cheeks hot.
I been up on this mountain too long.
But there were still several months to go before the job finished.Ennis inhaled deeply and focused on his hands until Jack approached, fully dressed."Okay, friend. Let's get goin'."
❖
Jack and Ennis' time together ended two days later."Did he say 'xactly how bad she was hurt?" Ennis was helping Jack to gather his belongings, his head whirling with the sudden development."Jus' that she slipped on the stairs an' broke her leg. My pa weren't too clear, 'pparently."The consequence of Joe Aguirre's message meant Jack would return to Lightning Flat, his herding days cut short by his mother's accident. A replacement would be sent up to join Ennis as soon as one might be found.Jack stood up, running a hand through his hair. He regarded Ennis bleakly."I'm powerful sorry, Ennis. Fuckin' slipp'ry stairs—" He broke off, biting his lip. "I was enjoyin' this year a sight more'n last summer. I really wanted—"Ennis' mouth set in a thin line. "Can't be helped. You got a go see your ma, Jack." He offered a weak smile. "P'raps she won't be so bad, an' you can come back an' finish the season."Jack's shoulders sagged. He appreciated Ennis' attempt at optimism, yet it seemed unlikely."That'd be a fine outcome. But if not—" He held out his hand and Ennis grasped it. "It's been good knowin' you, Ennis del Mar.""Yeah... you too." Ennis released Jack's hand with a sense of reluctance. "Go easy, Jack."He watched the bay mare pick her way across the campsite. Jack twisted in the saddle to wave to Ennis, then horse and rider reached the tree-lined track which led down the mountain.Ennis returned to the tent and tidied the bedroll. He squatted back on his heels, staring at nothing as he pondered the odd sense of loss he felt.The prospect of being alone did not concern him. He'd always been a self-contained individual, happy with his own company. But he'd been happy with Jack, too.Ennis shook his head impatiently and stirred himself. He had work to do.
Supper that evening was a cheerless affair. Formerly one to welcome tranquillity, Ennis found it too quiet. He caught himself talking to Jack twice, and wondered where he was. What he was up to. How his mother was doing.He could not face the trek back up the mountain to the pup tent, so retired early after checking the animals and putting some more logs on the fire.
Jack Twist has spoilt me... it ain't so bad bein' on yer own.
Yet as Ennis tried to find a comfortable position for sleep, he had to admit he would be glad when a second herder arrived.
Or if Jack was to come back... that'd be the best.
He wouldn't have to get used to a new person. It would be easier all round.As he turned over again, his hand slid beneath the pillow and brushed against something hard. He sat up and pulled the pillow back to reveal Jack's harmonica.Ennis smiled for the first time that day. He picked up the silvery instrument, placing it to his lips and blowing gently. It made a discordant sound and he stopped immediately, his thumb rubbing along its edge.
I'll give it back to him next time I see him.
He settled down, slipping the harmonica underneath the pillow and resting his fingers against it as he fell asleep.
❖
"Down in Casper? But that's—""Three hours there an' three back again. You don't got a tell me, boy." John Twist regarded his son gloomily. "Was the nearest place that could do the surgery, see?"Jack stared at his father. The tremor in his voice was something Jack hadn't heard before."She's— she's gone a be okay though? She'll get better?"John gave a harsh laugh. "Might be six months, they said. It's a slow process."Six months. Jack couldn't believe it. His mother, always nimble on her feet, laid up for half the year."'Course she won't be down there all that time." John was elaborating, and Jack blinked and tried to focus. "Once they're sure it's settin' like it should, then there's phys— physi—""Physiotherapy," Jack finished."That's what they called it. They can do that at some place in Gillette. But she won't be able to use the stairs, not fer a long while."Jack could not recall when he'd last spoken with his father for this length of time without an argument breaking out. He bit his lip. There would be no more sheep herding for him this summer."Lucky I'm here, then. We got a get a bed set up down here, an' I'll stay on an' help." He eyed John, who opened his mouth, then shut it with a snap. "Shame 'bout the job, but Ma comes first," said Jack with conviction.John nodded. Jack gazed at him for a moment longer, but the conversation was at an end.
Later, lying in bed in his childhood room, Jack allowed his mind to travel back to where he'd been only that morning. To Brokeback. To Ennis. To the friendship which he was certain might have offered more.If only there had been time.He turned onto his side and pulled the covers up to his chin.The chance—slim though it was—had been snatched away. Something that was never meant to be.
Ma's got a get better 'fore I think of anythin' like that, anyhow.
Reminding himself there were surely plenty more fish in the sea, he finally fell asleep.
❖
Ennis spent three days on his own, too busy to dwell on Jack's absence for long. The memories of their evenings by the fire, sharing a cigarette and sometimes a bottle of whiskey, became fuzzy round the edges, the details blurring as though viewed through the spiralling smoke. He decided he would not mind if he was left to complete the job himself, after all. Working alone was not so bad.Joe Aguirre had other ideas."This here's Carl Schneider," he told Ennis the following morning. "'Pparently Twist won't be returnin', so that's the last we seen of him."Ennis squinted up at him, frowning. He couldn't understand why Aguirre spoke as though he had no time for Jack.Carl dismounted from the bay mare and took a step towards Ennis. "Pleased to meet you." He held out a hand and after a moment, Ennis gripped it. A fleeting image of another handshake, a broad smile, and blue eyes, presented itself.That was in the past now."Hi," he said. "Likewise."
❖
"You did a fair job." Joe Aguirre chewed on a matchstick and watched the sheep as they filed past. "Ain't lost as many as last year, anyhow."Ennis frowned. "We was lucky; there weren't no lightning storm this time."Aguirre grunted and gave a dismissive shrug. "Still helps if the herders are halfway decent."Ennis cursed inwardly at his words. It was as though he blamed Jack for something out of his control."We was lucky," he repeated stubbornly, but Aguirre had turned away to speak to Carl."Once we're down, I'll give you two your wages. Don't go spendin' it all on whiskey an' women," he leered.Carl grinned, but Ennis' mouth remained set. He wanted to take his pay and leave as soon as possible. The job was done. No need to be here any longer.
As he walked slowly away from the trailer office, a brown envelope tucked safely inside his jacket, Ennis thought about the months spent on Brokeback. Working with Carl—once it was clear Jack would not be returning—had been... okay, he supposed. He was a capable herder but did not appear to like the sheep, or any of the other animals. It was just a job to him.
An' he talked way too much.
Ennis smiled wistfully. He'd thought the same about Jack at first, yet that was different. Jack had been enthusiastic— excitable, at times. He had so much inside him, and he merely wanted to share it.Carl was not Jack. His conversation mostly comprised telling Ennis about all the women he'd bedded, with details of the good and bad aspects of their bodies. Ennis' insides shrivelled with embarrassment; he had no desire to take part in such discussions.
Not like I'd have much to say, anyway.
With that thought, his mind turned to Alma. Sweet Alma, waiting for him to bring back enough money so they might marry, and his adult life could properly begin.Ennis' footsteps slowed until he was almost stationary. He should be eager to return to Riverton; keen to reunite with his fiancée; impatient to start organising their wedding.The train was gathering steam. He was on board, leaving the station behind and heading towards the destination always intended for him. Ennis looked back, but the past was already disappearing in the swirling clouds of steam and smoke.His future was planned. Any suggestion it would be different was absurd.
An' why should it? It was only a job. Din't matter whether it was Jack or some other guy. I got paid... that was the point a goin' up there.
Ennis didn't understand why he felt as though he'd missed something. He wanted to leap from the train like they did in the movies, rolling over and over as it went on its way without him. Then run back to Signal, to—
Do what, 'xactly? Go after some fella I hardly know, for reasons I can't even make sense of?
The train picked up speed, whisking him away from Brokeback towards the rest of his life.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The men Ennis worked with on the road crew talked about their wives. Complaints and occasionally ribald comments, always ending with the observation they wouldn't be without the little woman.Their lives ran along predictable lines, and Ennis' ran alongside them. He rarely joined in the chatter, keeping his remarks mostly monosyllabic. The others teased him that his wife must talk a blue streak to keep him so quiet.Alma was not garrulous, though. At the start of their marriage they had proper conversations, and Ennis enjoyed being drawn out of his shell.It reminded him of Jack.But the years passed, two daughters arrived, and their exchanges shrank down to terse comments about his job, Jenny's health, and Ennis, why we got a live like this?Working on a ranch, with livestock and the smell of good earth and hay to sustain him, was no longer an option. It seemed whatever he did, Ennis could not bring Alma happiness. They were not facing life together; their desires differed and the gulf widened as time passed. When Alma asked for a divorce, Ennis felt no surprise at all."What about the girls? I got a see 'em regular, Alma.""Of course." Since suggesting they part, Alma was rejuvenated. She would not make things difficult for Ennis. He would always be a father to Junior and Jenny. "There'll be child support to pay, but they won't set it too high. Monroe says they'll take your salary into consideration."Ennis frowned. Alma mentioned her boss at the grocery store too often for his liking.
Huh, what's it to you? We're neither of us happy, an' if she's got her eye on him, why should you care?
With an effort, he swallowed down his pride. Perhaps another man could give Alma the life she craved.
I can't. Prob'ly should never a got married at all.
❖
Ennis moved to a small house some way out of town. It was shabby, but had two bedrooms, so his daughters could visit. That was more important than fancy wallpaper and new furniture.He did his best to make it homely for when they visited twice a month. A bright patchwork coverlet for the bed they shared in the tiny second bedroom; some flowers he'd gathered from the field margins in a chipped jug on the kitchen table.Alma started seeing Monroe outside of work. Ennis saw them on the main street, walking hand-in-hand like teenagers. He didn't know whether to laugh or puke.
Least she's happy. Shouldn't get sore 'cause a that.
His life settled into an easy rhythm, where he could focus on his daughters and do the type of work he preferred. No more bowing to Alma's demands he find better paying jobs closer to home.Occasionally, when the empty beer bottles outnumbered the unopened ones, his thoughts would drift back to a remote mountainside. When he was free of life's worries and enjoying each day as it came. At these times, he remembered Jack, and wondered what path his life had taken.
❖
"You gone a be home tonight, Jack?" Lureen's voice drifted from the kitchen into the living room, where Jack sat with his legs stretched out along the cream leather sofa. He put down the magazine he was leafing through and swung his legs round, standing with a groan."I ain't certain." He strolled into the kitchen, where Lureen was peering into a pan on the stove. She scooped a spoonful of its contents and tasted it cautiously, before frowning and reaching for the salt cellar.Jack watched her, the faintest smile on his face. She was still pretty... in a cold, crystalline way. Fourteen years of marriage had hardened her; soft edges sharpened by the life she found herself living. Yet despite her curves, her smooth skin, her dark eyes which had once looked at him in a way he could not resist— despite all this, he remained utterly unmoved by the sight.Lureen put the spoon on a saucer on the counter and licked her finger delicately. "Well, jus' be careful, okay? Don't want you comin' home in pieces." She arched one finely plucked eyebrow as she considered him."That makes two of us... don't you worry. I got a highly developed sense a self-preservation.""I sure hope so." She glanced at the clock. "Eatin' in twenty minutes?""Sounds good." Jack turned to go, then hesitated and looked back at her. "An'... thanks, Lureen. Reckon I don't say it as often as I should."Lureen's smile was thin-lipped. "It is what it is, sugar. Once Bobby's old enough to understand, then—"On an impulse, Jack crossed the kitchen and took her hand, leaning in to press a kiss to her smooth cheek.Lureen flushed slightly and drew back. "Twenty minutes," she repeated, her voice softer.Jack released her hand and nodded, pivoting on his heel and returning to the living room.
<<<<<<~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~<<<<<<
Bobby was barely a year old when Lureen discovered the truth about the man she'd married. After a night of sobbing, working her way through two boxes of Kleenex until there were no tears left, her pragmatic side took control. She had a baby to care for and a business to run. If her husband was not the man she thought he was, her life needed a realignment. That was all.When she confronted Jack, telling him she knew he went with men, initially he tried to bluster his way out of it. She'd got it wrong, it was a misunderstanding, he didn't—"Jack, honey. Don't you dare try an' pull the wool over my eyes. I ain't a silly lil girl with a bunch a romantic notions. Not any more."Jack opened his mouth to protest, then closed it and sank into a chair, staring up at her. Lureen's eyes glistened, but her mouth was firm.It was a relief to get it out in the open, in a way.
When she had told him she was pregnant, only two months after they'd met, Jack did the only thing he could think of. He proposed, Lureen accepted, and they married hastily before the tightness of the wedding dress made it obvious what had happened.Despite her father's rantings and her mother's quieter remonstrances. Despite Lureen's acute disappointment at life as a single woman, cut short accidentally. And despite Jack knowing he preferred the company of men, with marriage never on his horizon.Now they were both caught in the same trap, with a baby son who had not asked to be born. Time to face the reality of an unsatisfactory situation."I like you, Jack. Can't say as I love you, if I'm honest. This was all—" she waved a hand to encompass the room around them, "—more of a necessity, given the state I was in." She paused, and when Jack remained silent, she continued. "I don't understand what— I don't want to know what kind a man you are. Not when it comes to that." Lureen wrinkled her nose and gave a small shake of her head. "But... if that's who you are, then I ain't gone a go on a mission to change you. So long as no-one gets to hear of it, you can do what you like."Jack shifted uneasily. He had no idea how to respond."We'll go on sleepin' together— if you can stand it," she said, a note of bitterness in her voice.Jack jumped up. "'Course I can stand it! You ain't— monstrous, Lureen." He gave the glimmer of a smile. "Thought you was the prettiest thing I ever saw, that time I picked up your hat."Lureen's answering smile carried more than a hint of sadness. "Thought you was, too." She sighed. "We was young and foolish back then."Jack reached out and took her hand. "We got Bobby, though. It ain't all bad." He squeezed her fingers and released his grip with a snort of laughter. "An' we ain't 'xactly old yet, are we? Plenty a life left in us, girl.""Yeah, but what we gone a do with it, Jack?" She eyed him sadly. "You don't want no more children, I'm guessin'."Jack's lips pinched. "Ain't such a good idea, given the way things are."Lureen straightened her shoulders. "I weren't ever certain I wanted 'em at all, but now he's here— I love him, Jack. Don't want a hurt him."Jack shook his head decisively. "Nor me. We'll raise him the best we can... an' as fer the rest—"Lureen folded her arms across her chest. "You jus' keep it well away from here. I won't tell, an' as far as everyone knows, we'll have a happy marriage. You reckon you can do that?""Sure. I'll be careful, don't you worry."
>>>>>>~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~>>>>>>
As Jack changed after their meal, he reflected they'd managed pretty well, all things considered. Yes, LD Newsome despised him, but Jack had ridden that storm and come through relatively unscathed. Truth be told, he enjoyed winding the old man up, and he knew that Lureen secretly approved. They had built a partnership based on trust if not on love, and he decided long ago it was the best he might hope for. He kept his true self hidden from everyone in Childress—except Lureen—and sought pleasure further afield. It had worked well this far, and he grinned at the image in the mirror as he combed his hair.Tonight was one of those nights. It had been a while, and Jack suspected he wouldn't be home later.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"I know we're always sayin' you don't got a be alone, but it's true, Daddy. We don't mind if you get a girlfriend." Junior put down her burger and gave her father a stern look. "Me an' Jenny aren't lil kids no more. We're mature enough to cope with a new woman in your life." She gave Jenny a sidelong grin and picked up her burger with an air of finality.Ennis managed to prevent himself from spitting coffee over the table as he suppressed a chuckle. He didn't mind eating at the Dairy Queen when his daughters visited, yet he always felt conspicuous as one of the few men alone with his children.
Not that it's a reason to get hitched again.
In the five years since his divorce, Ennis had been on exactly three dates. Two with a woman whose name he could not recall, and one last week with Cassie. She made the running, and he reluctantly allowed himself to be drawn in.It all seemed like too much trouble. He didn't need a woman to complete any aspect of his life.Not that he'd tell his children that. They saw him as a sad man, pining for the comfort of a woman's touch. They wanted him to be happy.Ennis was yet to work out what he needed to make him happy. Although now he was working on a ranch, that area of his life had improved, at least.If only to satisfy his girls, he would continue to see Cassie for as long as she wanted."Ain't certain she counts as that, yet. We only been out once." He considered them over the rim of his cup. "Anyway, what about you two? I want a hear 'bout your boyfriends now."Ennis grinned at their discomfiture. This should buy him some peace, for a while at least.
❖
"An' you're sure? You don't think Pete should do it?" Ennis gaped at his boss and removed his hat, gripping the brim."He could do it, sure 'nough. Only you got a real feel for the beasts, Ennis. Pete's perfectly capable an' he'll make a good ranch manager some day. But it all comes from the stock, in my book. If a man gets them right, everythin' else follows on. An' you're the best there is here."Ennis flushed, flicking a glance at Artie Campbell before looking away. Pride in being offered promotion was tempered with concern at his ability to do the job."I like workin' with the stock... but what about the rest of it? The machinery, paperwork, overseein' the other guys..."Artie clapped him on the shoulder. "I ain't goin' nowhere, Ennis. Jus' want a slow down a bit... I'll be here to answer any questions. I reckon you'll pick it up easy. The men all respect you, an' as for the rest, well..." He laughed. "Goin' to the shows to view stock and machinery is all part a the fun. You'll see."
❖
The extra responsibility meant more time spent on the ranch. A month later, Cassie had had enough."It ain't that I don't like you, Ennis... I do, for my sins. But when I do see you—which is hardly ever now—you stink a them animals. I get the feelin' you're happier with them than with me."Ennis' rebuttal was too little, too late, for Cassie. She left him to finish his meal alone, determined to put the sad-eyed cowboy behind her and find someone more attentive.When Ennis next saw his daughters, he hoped the subject would not come up. He was out of luck."Daddy!" Junior and Jenny chorused in despair.Ennis looked at them helplessly. "What? She said I din't smell good, an' weren't interested in her enough."The girls exchanged a look. "Really, Daddy. You're hopeless." Junior reached over the table and patted his arm. "But honestly... she weren't good enough for you.""You'll find the right person eventually," added Jenny. "Even if it takes you a hundred years!"They all laughed, and Ennis thought perhaps Jenny was closer to the truth than she knew.
❖
After a good few months, with some of the cattle released to graze for themselves, the feed storage reorganised, and a new hand successfully introduced to the ranch, Ennis sat down with Artie and a mug of coffee."So, what d'you reckon, Ennis? Ranch manager's life suitin' you?"Ennis took a slow sip of coffee and lowered his mug, turning it carefully so the handle was on the right. He sat back in his chair and looked at his employer."Yeah, I reckon so. Took me a while to get my head round the paperwork, but it's all makin' sense now." He paused. "Are you, uh... is ev'rythin' okay? You happy with how it's goin'?""Jeez, yeah... you got no worries on that score. The missus is right pleased we can spend more time together, visitin' the grandkids an' such." He picked up his mug and took a long slurp, giving Ennis a thoughtful look. "With ev'rythin' tickin' over nicely, I was wonderin' if you fancy goin' to the big show down in Cheyenne? I'm thinkin' it's time we replaced the tractor loader— it's been goin' twenty years at least. Have a look around, see what's available nowadays, an' there'll be plenty a stock on view, too. It's always a good event." He raised an eyebrow, and Ennis' brow furrowed."You don't want a go yourself, then? I ain't never been to Cheyenne."Artie shook his head. "I seen it plenty. I know Lenny Cooper's takin' some a his cattle down there; you could look him up if you like." He grinned. "Time to spread your wings, Ennis."
❖
Cheyenne was the furthest south Ennis had ever travelled.
It's still the same state, though. Just.
Wyoming was enough for Ennis. It had held him all his life, for better or worse.
Spread my wings, huh? Reckon they was clipped years ago.
He'd become comfortable in his small world, with no desire to travel. This was far enough.He left the motel promptly and drove to the show-ground. A steady stream of other vehicles was heading the same way, and when he finally parked his truck and walked to where the displays were set up, Ennis felt he'd done a day's work already.He collected a flyer listing what was on show and the timings of specific events. As he drank the weakest cup of coffee he'd ever tasted, he scanned the sheet, noting where the equipment demonstrations were located.This was a huge site, with numerous activities aimed at the more casual land users and their families. Ennis smiled at the Junior Rodeo, where entrants could prove their worth mounted on presumably docile sheep. A distant memory surfaced from his time on Brokeback Mountain before his first partner left.
"I couldn't wait a get up on the woollies, even though my ma was worryin' herself I was gone a fall. I jus' wanted a be like my pa, a proper bull rider. Wanted him to notice me."
Ennis' feet slowed, and a burly individual walked into him from behind."Don't jus' stop when there's folk wantin' a get past!" He gave Ennis a dark look and Ennis mumbled an apology, moving to the side away from the flow of visitors.Why had that reminiscence appeared, today of all days? It had been over fifteen years, yet he still thought of Jack and their spell on the mountain, cut short by Mrs Twist's accident.Ennis found himself wondering if she'd made a full recovery, and it distressed him to realise he hadn't thought about this before. His memories of Jack resurfaced now and then— although less frequently now he had a more responsible job and plenty of other matters to occupy his thoughts.
Wonder if he ever got back into the rodeo, like he said he would?
Ennis glanced at the sheet of paper still clutched in his hand. There was no proper bull riding event taking place, just the junior one. He shook his head, a rueful smile on his face.
The boss ain't sent me down here to daydream 'bout all that nonsense, anyhow. I got a job to do.
He squinted at the map on the reverse of the program and noted where he needed to be. Then he stuffed it in his pocket and finished his coffee, striding with renewed purpose to a trash bin to throw the empty cup away, before heading out into the crowd.
Jack had high hopes for this event. The prospect of establishing a new showroom was appealing, and as the Cheyenne show was always well-attended, he was confident it would provide an impetus to the venture. He walked briskly across the show ground to where the company had their allocated pitch, pleased to note it was at the junction of a side avenue with the main route through the site. The two vehicles they'd brought up were already in place, the stand was erected, and the red and white bunting fluttered in the breeze.It promised to be a good day.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Hiya, Ennis! Artie said you might be stoppin' by." Lenny Cooper mopped his shining face with a large blue and white patterned handkerchief. "Warm enough for you?""It's gettin' there." Ennis removed his hat and held out his hand to shake Lenny's. "How you doin', Lenny? Much interest?"Lenny leant back against the railing of the pen holding his stock. "A fair bit... this show has gotten busier over the years. Your first time here?"Ennis nodded. "Artie reckoned it was time fer me to take a look round. I got a say, I weren't expectin' this many people.""Like I say... it's gotten busier. Still, lots to see an' do. You're here fer machinery, ain't that right?"Ennis wondered if his boss had discussed his trip down to the last detail. "Yeah... on the lookout fer a new tractor loader. I'll have a wander round the whole place, though. Make the most of it.""Good idea," said Lenny. "I'd offer to show you round, but I got a stay here. Don't want a miss the chance to persuade folks to part wi' their money."Ennis grinned. "Spoken like a true businessman. Anyway, I'll be gettin' on... good to see you, Lenny.""Likewise... an' if you want a catch a bite to eat later, be sure to drop by. I can introduce you to some a the other ranchers here.""I will, thanks." They shook hands once more and Ennis left, his step more confident. He was no longer merely a ranch employee, but something more. A man who might chat on equal terms with someone like Lenny.Ennis allowed himself a small smile. It had taken many years, but he was getting to a place where he was comfortable with himself.The day was warming up, and it was too early for lunch yet. As Ennis walked slowly, scanning the somewhat crumpled program, he passed an ice-cream truck. On a whim, he retraced his steps and bought a cone, licking it carefully as he continued past numerous stalls and displays. Up ahead, at the end of the avenue, he could see what looked like a machinery display, so he sped up to join the people already gathered there.
"So you can see, folks... this lil beauty might not be the biggest on the market, but she sure packs a punch. You got the option of two- or four-wheel drive, with power steering, an' a range of attachments— front-end loader, backhoe... even a snow blower. Not much call fer that in Texas, but up here it's a diff'rent matter." A ripple of laughter ran through those watching. "If you're in the market for one like this—or a bigger one, we can get anythin' in the current catalog—now's a good time to buy. Newsome's is openin' a new branch right here in Cheyenne next month, an' any orders I take here today will be discounted by five per cent. We got very favourable finance options, too. Spread the debt— you don't have to pay it all yet!"Ennis stared at the man who'd just finished speaking. The voice was a little different, but the confident pose as he stood in the opening of the tractor cab, his eyes scanning the small crowd, was unmistakeable.Ice-cream trickled unnoticed down Ennis' hand and dripped onto the ground.
It can't be... can it?
What the hell was Jack Twist doing here, selling tractors, and who knew what else?
It can't be... it's jus' someone who looks like him.
"I'll come down now an' answer any questions you might have..." He scanned the crowd as he prepared to climb down, and his eyes met Ennis'.Ennis felt a shiver run all the way from the small of his back to the top of his head. Blue eyes he'd never expected to see again stared at him as Jack froze in his descent.Ennis saw his lips move to form a silent question.
Ennis?
Then two potential customers stepped forward to speak to him, and Jack's attention slid away from Ennis as he listened to their questions.
Ennis stumbled backwards, bumping into several people before finding a quieter spot. His eyes never left Jack's face, watching his animated expression as he spoke to one person after another. The sharpness of his jawline had softened, and the moustache he'd grown made him appear older, somehow. Yet it was Jack. Jack Twist.Ennis blinked and shook his head, suddenly aware of the sticky mess coating his hand. He cursed, licking the drips and biting at the cone to finish the ice-cream as quickly as possible. The last piece slid to the ground, and he rubbed his hands on his jeans in an attempt to dry them.He didn't understand why seeing Jack here was affecting him so much. His heart was racing and his clothes were too tight, as beads of sweat edged past the collar of his shirt and down his neck.
I must be comin' down with somethin'. It'll be them sausages I had at breakfast.
There was no other rational explanation.
Jack glanced repeatedly to where Ennis stood, away from the press of people in the shade of an awning, his hat pulled over his eyes.
It was 1963, and he'd arrived in Signal to find a job for the summer. As his truck spluttered to a standstill on the dusty gravel, he noticed someone else waiting by the trailer office. A lanky someone, young like him, face shaded by the brim of a light-coloured hat. On that distant May day, when Ennis lifted his head and their eyes met, a nugget of warmth made its home in Jack's chest.
It had never quite left.When the last interested visitor shook Jack's hand and departed, he tossed his clipboard onto the tractor seat and turned to see Ennis gazing at him. He straightened his hat, ran a finger round his shirt collar, and swallowed hard before strolling over to Ennis.Ennis watched him approach.Jack smiled as he drew near. "It is you, ain't it? Ennis del Mar, as I live an' breathe."Ennis opened his mouth, but his words caught in his throat. He settled for nodding, and clasped Jack's outstretched hand. Jack gripped it firmly, his hand warm. After a long moment he released it, and Ennis felt an urge to grab it again.
This is plain daft, you fool... get a grip an' talk to him like a normal person.
He lifted his eyes and met Jack's gaze. The eyes were not quite as blue as he recalled, and there were crows' feet at their corners, but Jack's smile was as warm as ever."So you're, uh... some kind a salesman?" Ennis looked over Jack's shoulder at the display. "Newsome's, is it?""Yep. My father-in-law's business.""You're married, huh? Congratulations." Ennis gave him a faint smile."Kind a married, anyway. Got a boy. He's thirteen now." Jack eyed Ennis. "What about you? You marry that sweetheart a yours?"Ennis winced at the word. How long had it been since he'd thought of Alma that way?"I did, an' we had two fine girls, but— well, it din't work out in the end. Been divorced 'bout five years since.""You din't try again? Good-lookin' fella like you?"Ennis felt his face warm, and he glanced at Jack. He was surprised at his expression— it was teasing, and yet soft, somehow.Ennis looked away. "Never found anyone I wanted a spend my days with.""Yeah, I get you. Anyway—" Jack checked the time. "You fancy gettin' a bite a somethin', Ennis? We can catch up a bit. I got 'bout half an hour 'fore I'm needed back there." He jerked his thumb towards the Newsome's display."Uh, sure. Actually—" Ennis looked at Jack properly. "I'm interested in a new tractor loader; p'raps you can help?""You've come to the right place! I'll be glad to help you any way I can." Jack touched Ennis' elbow lightly. "I know where we can get us a cup a coffee worth drinkin'."Ennis stiffened at the faint pressure of Jack's fingers, yet he did not move away.
Ten minutes later, they sat on folding chairs on either side of a round red metal table. Ennis sipped his coffee and hummed in appreciation. "This is a darn sight better'n the slop I had earlier."Jack grinned. "I know Crystal who runs this truck. She's at all the shows, an' she always makes a decent cup.""She sure does." Ennis bit into his donut, licking crumbs of sugar from his lips. "This is good, too," he mumbled through his mouthful of food.Jack sucked his fingers and gazed at Ennis. "So how's life been treatin' you, Ennis?"Ennis swallowed a mouthful of coffee and sat back. "Not so bad. Got a tidy job helpin' run a ranch up near Lander. See my girls regular.""No Mrs del Mar, though."Ennis' lips pinched. "Reckon one a them was enough fer me."There was a brief silence, then they both started to speak at once."Go on, Ennis. You first.""I was gone a ask if you ever got back on the rodeo circuit? Din't you say, all them years ago, you was gone a try that?""You got a good memory! I did, fer a couple a years... till I'd run out a bones to bust, pretty much." He grimaced. "There weren't the money in it, anyhow. An' then I met Lureen, an' that was that."Ennis, not always the most perceptive man, heard the edge in Jack's tone and noticed how his mouth hardened. It sounded as though his marriage was struggling, as Ennis' had."You ever win that prize buckle, or whatever it was you was after?" Ennis was pleased to see Jack's face brighten."I did, yeah! That was a day, I'm tellin' you. Almost got my head kicked in..."Ennis sat back, enjoying the sight of Jack's lively expression as he related the tale of that incident, and several others, too. When he finished with the sorry story of how he'd entered a competition still drunk from the previous night, and fallen off the bull before it had even left the bucking chute, Ennis sat up, shocked."Christ, Jack... you could a been trampled to death. That don't bear thinkin' about." He flushed, surprising himself with the intensity of his words. "I mean— you did well to get out in one piece," he added, glancing at Jack, then looking away."You said it, friend." Jack glanced at his watch. "Shit, I got a run." He swallowed the lukewarm remains of his coffee. "You, uh... you fancy gettin' some food later, when I'm done here?"Ennis' face fell. "Said I'd meet up with someone— Lenny Cooper, you know him? Otherwise..."Jack shook his head. "Not met him, no." He looked thoughtful. "You're here tomorrow? You want a watch the horse auction, you said?""That's right... an' you still got a show me what you got in the way a loaders."Jack stood up. "We din't really get far wi' that, did we? Okay, come over around eleven... I know the guy who runs the auction an' he'll let you get a close-up look at anythin' you're interested in. But I got a dash now." He held out his hand across the table and Ennis half stood and clasped it."See you tomorrow, Ennis. Once I get the first session over, I'm all yours." Jack held his gaze for a moment, giving the ghost of a wink before releasing his hand and turning away.Ennis watched him go, a small smile on his lips and a flush on his cheeks.He spent the rest of the day wandering the show-ground, looking at everything yet seeing little. Except Jack's grin as they parted, and his words.
I'm all yours.
Ennis huffed, lighting another cigarette even though he'd promised his daughters he would try to cut down.
Don't mean nothin'. Just his way.
Don't mean nothin'.
But the stirring deep in his gut meant something. The thought of what it might be frightened him more than a little.
Could jus' leave. Now. Turn round and get in my truck. Drive away from all a this.
Whatever this was.He would not do that. He'd come here with a job to do, and he was damned if a ghost from his past was going to get in his way of doing it.So he straightened his shoulders and focused on what was around him. The myriad images flickering at the edges of his mind would have to wait.
It was fortunate Jack had done this so many times. As he delivered the well-practised lines, engaging with potential customers and using all his powers of persuasion to convince them Newsome's was the place to spend their money, his thoughts returned repeatedly to the chance meeting with Ennis. How often had he rued that truncated summer, wishing it might have lasted longer? He did not know whether anything would have happened between them, but Jack was ever hopeful. And now—
I jus' got a feelin'.
He had to admit, his feelings had led him astray before on occasion.This time, it seemed different.
❖
Later, drinking alone in a bar in the seedier part of town, Jack did what he almost never did. Turned down the offer of a drink—and judging by the pressure of a firm thigh against his, the offer of something more—from a stranger.Ennis' shy smile filled his thoughts, and right now, nothing else appealed."No thanks, not tonight," he said, offering a pleasant smile to the other man. "See you 'round." He drained his bottle and left alone.
❖
Ennis' minimal conversation went unnoticed during the meal with Lenny. There were enough ranchers seated at the table to provide anecdotes aplenty, and he enjoyed listening to their tales. Some were amusing, some bleak. He wondered if, in twenty years, he would have stories to tell of his own.
Huh, like I could even string two words together. Look what happened when I met Jack earlier.
Ennis hoped the low light level would hide his blushes. Later, chatting to Jack was fine, but at first—It was the sausages he told himself firmly.With an effort, he pushed the image of Jack to one side, and endeavoured to focus on the conversation swirling around him.
Some of the ranchers were staying at the same motel as Ennis. They all shook hands at the end of the night, and as Ennis made his unsteady way to his room, he reflected on his new position in the world. He was part of the ranching community. It was a good feeling.As he turned restlessly in bed, his thoughts travelled in another direction. And when he woke later, in utter darkness, it was a minute before he realised the images in his mind were echoes of a dream. In which he walked across a yard and climbed the back porch of a ranch house to be greeted by two lively dogs, before opening the door to find Jack sitting at a kitchen table with two mugs of coffee and a welcoming smile.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ennis woke with a middling headache and a grumbling stomach. Too much beer, followed by whiskey late into the evening, did not agree with him.
It was a good night, though.
As he washed and dressed, he wondered how Jack had spent his evening.
Jack had—for him—an early night. Yet sleep proved elusive, and at one point he considered getting up again, to dress and pick up his evening where he'd left off. That should guarantee sleep would come quickly.Yet despite his wakefulness, he did not leave his bed.Sleep would claim him when it was ready, and until then he mulled over his interactions with Ennis, looking again for the signs he was not deluding himself.
❖
Ennis blinked in the bright sunlight as he walked from the motel office to his truck. He squinted at the sky, pale blue with tufts of cotton candy clouds scattered across it.It promised to be a fine day.The traffic heading to the show-ground was heavier today, and it was almost an hour later when he parked his truck. The walk to the entrance was longer, too.Ennis did not enjoy crowds. Yet this morning, he barely noticed the swell of humanity around him. He'd told Jack he'd call by at eleven, and it was already a quarter past.
You don't got a worry 'bout him... it ain't like bein' late fer a date.
He chuckled to himself at the preposterous concept, and sped up.
"Ennis! I was startin' to think you weren't gone a show." Jack clapped him on the shoulder and guided him forward. "Here, say hi to Marty an' Cheryl."The young man and older woman smiled and they all shook hands."This is Ennis del Mar, a friend from way back. He's lookin' to buy some kit; we're gone a get a coffee an' I'll persuade him to part with his money.""Jack's the best salesman we got," Cheryl said. "We'll sure miss him when he's here runnin' the new showroom.""Childress' loss is Cheyenne's gain," grinned Jack. "I'll see you in a bit." He raised a hand and turned to leave."Good to meet you," said Ennis, nodding to Jack's colleagues before following Jack away from the display.They walked to Crystal's coffee truck, and she greeted Jack with a smile."Your friend back again? He must like you, Jack," she teased as she slid their cups towards them.Jack grinned. "Ev'ryone likes me, Crystal. Even you." He paid for the coffees and glanced at Ennis, standing to one side and wishing he was elsewhere. "Can you get us some donuts, Ennis? I'll grab a table."Ennis hesitated before stepping forward and feeling in his pocket for some change. He looked up at Crystal as he placed the money on the counter."Here you go, my darlin'. Plenty a sugar on these, although I reckon you're sweet enough already."Ennis mumbled his thanks and turned away, red to the tips of his ears. He joined Jack and sank into the chair with a relieved sigh."Don't you pay Crystal no mind," Jack said as he took his donut. "She's got a cheeky word fer ev'ryone."Ennis shot him a glance over the rim of his coffee cup, and Jack raised an eyebrow as he licked his lips. "Mmm, can't beat a sugar donut. My favourite."Ennis set his cup down. "So Jack... you know ev'ryone here? I seen so many people tip their hat to you as they go by."Jack shrugged. "Comes with the job. I got a be friendly to ev'ryone, see? Makes 'em more likely to buy somethin'."There was a sinking sensation in Ennis' chest. "So it's all an act?""Kind a." Jack noticed Ennis' expression. "Not with ev'ryone, though. Some people I know, I really like. It ain't pretend." He smiled at Ennis. "Like you, friend."Ennis spluttered into his coffee. "You can't say somethin' like that, Jack!""Why not?" Jack's tone was nonchalant. "Life's too short, Ennis. You jus' got a come out with it, you know? Who's gone a care?"Ennis wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I s'pose... guess I ain't made that way."Jack grinned. "We can't all be the same, bud. You're fine jus' how you are."Ennis gazed at him. He'd never met anyone who just said things in the way Jack did.It was kind of scary. Yet a little exciting, too.
Coffees and donuts finished, Jack returned the cups to Crystal, and they walked to the furthest corner of the show-ground, where the horse auction was taking place a little later. On the way, they chatted about nothing, and Ennis enjoyed the easy way he could talk with Jack. It was how he remembered their time together on Brokeback Mountain once he'd overcome his initial shyness.It felt like the intervening years had faded away. As though they'd never been apart."What time you headin' back, Ennis?"Ennis removed his hat and scratched his head. "Uh, it's about a four-hour drive, so... by six?" He glanced at Jack. "How 'bout you?""The others are packin' up an' leavin' first thing in the mornin'... I'm prob'ly gone a stay here a couple a days, check out places to live."Ennis nodded. "Next month, you said? The new showroom?""That's right. I want a have a place by then." Jack gave Ennis a sidelong look. "How 'bout grabbin' that meal 'fore you go? Seein' as we din't manage it yesterday."Ennis hesitated for only a fraction of a second. "Yeah, sure thing. Shall I, uh— I mean, I ain't certain when this auction'll wrap up. Shall I come by when it's over?"Jack beamed. "You do that. I'll make sure we don't overrun this afternoon." He looked ahead. "An' here we are. Let me introduce you to Herman."
Ennis had loved horses from the moment he first met one. A sad old mare, her best days long past, on the ranch his parents worked when he was small. Before they ran themselves off the road, and his life derailed along with it.Yet horses were a constant. A non-judgemental part of his life which he understood better than any person he knew.In truth, the ranch he currently ran did not need another horse, but Ennis would not miss the opportunity to mingle with horses and horse folk. So he thanked Jack and told him he'd see him later, before turning his attention to what Herman had to say.The auction ran over, and by the time the last lot finished, Ennis' stomach was churning with a combination of hunger and mild apprehension. Seeing Jack had brought back happy memories of their short time together, along with perturbing thoughts of how he felt about his former herding partner. None of it made any sense, yet he was ready to eat enough for two, so with a determined step he set out for the Newsome's pitch."Hey... Ennis, isn't it?" Jack's colleague Cheryl hailed him as he approached the Newsome display. There were a few people scattered nearby, and no sign of Jack."Hi there... is Jack around?" Ennis scanned the area anxiously. "We was gone a meet up, but I'm a bit late.""I think he— oh, here he comes!" She waved to Jack, calling, "Ennis is here!"Ennis shrank into himself, flicking her an anxious glance before looking to where Jack was approaching."Sorry, Ennis. I jus' had to speak to the guys loadin' up the kit here."How you doin', Cheryl?""Not bad, It won't take long to dismantle the stand." She ran a critical eye over the activity behind her. "We'll be done here soon.""Okay with you if I head off? Ennis here is gone a buy me dinner 'fore he leaves," Jack grinned.Ennis' eyes narrowed. "Am I? Don't recall that conversation, Jack.""Jack's a terror, Ennis. Don't let him mess with you," Cheryl laughed. "You get off, then. We'll see you back at the hotel later, Jack.""Sure thing." Jack raised a hand in farewell."Bye, Cheryl." Ennis followed suit, and the two men walked away."So, Ennis... we ain't got that long. You like pizza?""I might. Never had it." Ennis stuck his hands in his pockets. "We ain't all globetrotters like you, Jack.""I've never left the country, you asshole. I went up to San Francisco once," he added."There you go, then." Ennis chuckled. "You thinkin' a pizza, huh?""Yep. There's a place down in South Greeley, run by Italians. They make the best pizza, see? An' it's quick. I know you ain't got much time.""Sounds good, then. I'll follow you down there.""Uh, might be better if we only take one truck. Parking gets pretty busy with all the visitors." Jack touched Ennis' elbow and steered him to the left. "My truck's over here. I can run you back when we're done.""If you're sure...""Yeah, no problem. Christ, I'm beat! But it's been a good day— plenty of interest. It'll keep the ol' goat happy, an' justify openin' a showroom up here, I hope."Ennis nodded, wishing for the umpteenth time in his life he was better at small talk. Even though it was easy with Jack, he would like to contribute more.Jack scanned the parking lot. "Now, where did I leave my truck..."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Fabrizio's was on a small strip mall some way from the centre of town. The area had a mildly shabby air, like a well-loved piece of furniture which had seen better days. The restaurant itself, however, sported bright red and green paintwork, and strings of Italian flag bunting adorned the inside of the windows. Jack glanced at Ennis as he reached for the door handle."Hope you're hungry, friend. The portions here are pretty generous." He pushed open the door and Ennis followed him inside, his stomach gurgling at the enticing aromas.They were speedily seated in a booth towards the back of the eating area. There were several people sitting on stools at the bar, only a few empty tables, and a lively air about the place.They took the menus, and Jack smiled at the server. "You're busy with the show in town, I'm guessin'.""We are, sir. We'll be full later; you picked a good time to eat.""We're lookin' forward to it, ain't we, Ennis?"Ennis looked up and mumbled an agreement. He was thankful when they were left alone to look at what was on offer."You're still shy, then." Jack eyed him mischievously. "Ain't grown out of it yet.""Ain't likely to, when you talk enough fer three people." Ennis raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching.Jack laughed. "I always did, you know that.""I remember." Ennis dropped the menu on the table and looked at Jack. "Damn, I forgot to ask, an' it's been on my mind... how's yer ma, Jack? You never came back, so I guessed she—" He tailed off, the realisation she might not have gotten over the accident suddenly hitting him.Jack's smile brought swift reassurance. "Took a while, but she was back on her feet after a time. Still gets some stiffness in her leg, 'pparently, 'specially when the weather's cold an' damp." He laughed, and Ennis relaxed. "She said she won't be dancin' the fandango no more. Whatever the hell that is.""Must a been a relief.""You bet. An' I'll tell you somethin' else— it changed my pa some. For a while, anyhow. Thought it'd be a nightmare stayin' there, lookin' after Ma an' helpin' round the ranch, but... it weren't so bad. Reckon it made him think, her fall, I mean." Jack shrugged, his laugh mirthless. "Not that I know how his mind works. But we din't come to blows, so that was somethin'.""Every cloud has a silver lining, so they say." Ennis smiled at Jack tentatively, receiving a broader smile in return. Contentment settled in his chest as he studied the menu."So, what you goin' for, Ennis? Reckon I'll have the pepperoni and black olive."Ennis had never eaten olives. He frowned as he looked down the list of toppings."Uh, beef and onion for me.""Good choice," Jack nodded. He scanned the room and after a few moments, a server approached."Ready to order, sir?"Jack gave their order, then sank back into the padded seat. He still felt tired, but it was a satisfied weariness.Looking at the man seated opposite definitely helped.Their drinks arrived, with a helping of garlic bread. Ennis had only had it once before, but this was much tastier."This is good, Jack," he said, his mouth full."It is. I'll be eatin' here more often, fer sure." Jack gazed at the white painted walls decorated with wreaths of leaves and red flowers. "It's like a little bit a Italy in Wyoming. Least, that's what it said on the menu," he laughed.Ennis grinned, continuing to eat steadily, the formerly unsettled sensation in his gut now completely gone. Jack chattered on about life in Texas, his son, what he liked and didn't like about his job."An' what about you, Ennis? Workin' on a ranch, you said?""Uh huh." He glanced at Jack and looked away, colouring slightly. "Kind a the manager now, I guess.""Really! That's grand." Jack picked up his beer bottle and tipped it towards Ennis. "Well done, bud." He set the bottle down and sighed. "I'd a liked a ranch job a some sort— maybe my own place, if I could get the money together. P'raps—" He sat back, one finger tapping on the table rhythmically. "Once I got this new showroom up an' runnin'... we'll see. I might find I want a move back to Wyoming permanent.""Had enough a Texas?" Ennis smiled. "Weather too hot fer you down there?""Can't say as I miss the snow up here too much. But I reckon it's time fer a change. I can get back there in a day, so if there's somethin' on at Bobby's school, it ain't a problem."Ennis nodded. "I ain't so far from Riverton, so seein' my girls is easy. Wouldn't want a go too far from them.""Makes sense." Jack resumed eating and Ennis followed suit.After pizza, two more helpings of garlic bread, and several beers, Jack declared himself done."You want dessert?" He pushed his plate away and picked up his beer."No thanks. Wouldn't mind a coffee, though." Ennis drained his bottle and set it on the table. "Make sure I don't fall asleep on the way back.""Good idea." Jack looked around and signalled to their server."Two coffees, please."The coffees arrived promptly. Jack added cream and sugar to his, while Ennis left his black.Ennis eyed Jack thoughtfully. Something was nagging at him, and he decided he should take the bull by the horns. "I was thinkin' 'bout what you said yesterday. You said you was kind a married? What's that mean, 'xactly? You're married or you ain't, surely?""Huh, well." Jack put down his cup and gave Ennis a thoughtful look. "A marriage of convenience, that's what you'd call it."Ennis scratched his head. "What's that, then?"Jack sighed. "I never had no thought a gettin' hitched. I ain't one fer the ladies, generally speakin'. But Lureen— well, it jus' kind a happened. Then she was gone a have a baby, an' I din't see as how I could do anythin' else. We got married, Bobby was born, an' I tried..." He fell silent, staring at the table. "I din't try hard enough, if I'm honest. I weren't the husband she deserved." He raised his eyes. "We get on fine, now. She—" He huffed out a breath. "She knows the kind a person I am, an' we play happy families fer her folks. But—" Jack shrugged. "That's how it is. Prob'ly get a divorce in a year or so."Ennis stared at him. Not one for the ladies. Jack's marriage sounded uncannily like Ennis' own. He shifted in his seat, a tightness in his chest. An image of Jack on Brokeback Mountain, shirtless, floated before him, and he blinked rapidly."You okay, friend?"The simple question caught Ennis by surprise. After a moment, he said, "I, uh— yeah. Leastways—" He gazed at Jack, as though seeing him in a new light.Jack's lips pinched. "Look, if you don't want a— I mean, what I jus' said... I get it if you don't want a talk no more. I'll go an' pay at the bar—" He stood abruptly, his legs knocking the table and rattling their coffee cups."What? No, it ain't—" Ennis half stood, uncertain what he was doing. "Sit down, Jack. It ain't that at all." He glanced round nervously, but no-one was paying them any mind.They sat down and stared at each other in silence.Jack gave a mirthless laugh. "Fact is, it wouldn't be the first time someone's washed their hands a me when they found out. I ain't seen my folks fer years 'cause my pa won't have me there."Ennis shook his head. The conversation had entered unexpected territory, and he was struggling to make sense of what Jack said, and of his own feelings about it."Thought you said you an' him was on better terms now? You don't go home no more?""Nope. He was alright fer a while, after Ma's accident. But when it came out— I din't mean him to know, but he kind a guessed... he told me to my face I weren't no son a his. Ma did her best, but he wouldn't budge. All but kicked me down the porch steps.""Jack, that's— well, it ain't right. You ain't done nothin' to hurt him.""That ain't how he sees it." Jack gave a tired sigh. "Anyway, I don't want a think on him no more. I miss my ma, though. Speak to her on the phone once in a while... when he ain't there.""'Must be tough." Ennis paused. "P'raps yer ol' man'll come round. Times are changin', as my two keep tellin' me."Jack's laugh was mirthless. "Reckon hell's got a freeze over 'fore he sings a diff'rent tune." He shrugged. "I don't think 'bout him if I can help it.""Fair 'nough." Ennis swallowed the last of his coffee. "We should prob'ly get goin', anyway.""I'll get the check... don't worry, Ennis. I can put it on expenses." Jack smiled and gestured to a passing server."Must be nice to be you, Jack." Ennis gave a small grin. Once again, the suggestion of awkwardness receded as he realised he didn't care if Jack was... like that. He was just Jack, and he made Ennis smile.
The drive back to the show-ground parking lot was quiet. Jack put the radio on low and hummed along to It's Like We Never Said Goodbye by Crystal Gayle. Ennis reflected on Jack's revelation, and their conversation at the restaurant.He wished talking to Cassie had been this effortless.
Is this how it is when Jack— when he's out with a guy?
Did that even happen? Did men go out together like he did with Cassie?Ennis couldn't imagine it.His thoughts sped ahead to the end of an evening, when Jack and whoever he was with went back to a motel or behind a barn or wherever these things played out. Warmth crept up his neck and a trickle of sweat slid down inside his collar. He fidgeted in his seat, flicking a covert glance at the man alongside him. Thinking of Jack in a situation like that unsettled him, yet he was not repulsed. With a shock, Ennis realised he was intrigued, and a little excited."So where you parked exactly?" Jack looked at him as they approached the show-ground.Ennis' thoughts jolted back to the present. "Uh... area B. Opposite side from the entrance.""Okay." The truck turned off the road and bumped along the track. Ennis guided Jack to where his truck was parked, and Jack pulled up alongside. The area was almost empty of vehicles, litter strewn across the rutted ground.Ennis climbed from the truck and slammed his door shut. Jack did likewise, and they faced each other across the roof."Thanks for the ride.""No problem."There was a brief silence. Jack drummed his fingers on the truck's roof, then walked round to Ennis' side of the truck."Hope your drive back—""It was sure good—" Ennis stopped with an embarrassed laugh. Jack raised an eyebrow."It was sure good to see you, Jack." Ennis looked away as he felt his face warming. "Sometimes wondered what that summer would a been like, if you'd a stayed."Jack leant against the truck, one arm stretched out along the edge of the roof. "I did, too. Thought about it a lot."The air felt heavy, as though a thunderstorm was imminent.Ennis flicked a glance at Jack and dropped his gaze, his mouth working.He had to ask."Jack... if you say you prefer—" His voice was almost a whisper. "Do you have— I mean, do you go—" He swallowed painfully. "Do you have guys... like that?"Jack's eyes widened. After a pause, he replied. "Yeah... leastways, it'd be truer to say they have me, mostly. But— yeah." He laughed. "Don't think no-one's asked me that before."Ennis shot him a look, his face red. "I shouldn't—"Jack waved his hands in a dismissive gesture and thrust them into his pockets. "Don't worry none. You ain't punched me yet; I count that as a win.""But—" Ennis considered the jumble of feelings which ran through him when he thought about Jack. He remembered the strange desolation after he'd left the mountain. The disappointment when Jack had not returned. The sense he'd missed something when he finished the job. And his failure of a marriage.Why had he never found a woman he could love? Whose absence made him feel less than whole?Was he like Jack?"I— I ain't queer," he whispered, almost to himself. There was the hint of a question in his voice as he looked up to see Jack's face, his tender expression warm with sympathy."I gave up tryin' a put a word to it, friend. I mean— I got a wife an' kid, so what am I?" He gave Ennis a half-hearted smile. "Ain't no makin' sense of it. It is what it is."Ennis unclenched his teeth and took a deep breath. The fact they were having this conversation while the world around them remained the same was more than a little bewildering."She knows... ev'rythin'? Your missus?""Uh huh. Lureen's nothin' if not practical." He gave a short laugh. "Decided it was best if we jus' carried on like ev'rythin' was normal. An' it's worked, pretty much. Bobby don't know an' we won't tell him, not yet anyhow."Ennis nodded in silence. Jack scuffed the ground with his boot, his expression hard to read."Ennis."Ennis looked at him. "Yep?""What, uh— I wondered, back on Brokeback—" He tailed off, before trying again. "So, you know now the kind a man I am. An' you ain't runnin' away." He swallowed and looked Ennis square in the face. "Does that mean somethin', friend?"Ennis gazed at Jack. There was hope in his eyes and the merest curve to his mouth.He had a wild urge to reach out and touch Jack's lips. To trace the outline of his mouth and feel the rasp of stubble beneath his fingertips."Might," he mumbled, as heat blossomed from his core to fill his chest.Jack's hand slid along the edge of the truck's roof towards Ennis. After a moment, Ennis rested his own near it, their fingers almost touching."I got a go," he said."I know." Jack inhaled deeply. "An' we still ain't fixed on your loader.""I could, uh... come down some other time... if you're gone a be here."Jack grinned. "I'm always keen to make a sale." His smile faded, replaced by a more earnest expression. "Seriously, though. It'd be real good to see you again, Ennis.""Yeah." Ennis drew in a breath. "You got a number I can get you on?""I sure have." Jack pulled out his wallet and peered inside, drawing out a business card, which he handed to Ennis. Their fingers touched, and it was several seconds before their hands parted.Ennis squinted at the printed name and number. He raised his eyes to Jack's face."I'll call you. Prob'ly next week.""You do that. An' if I ain't available, leave a message an' I'll call you back."They shared a smile."I'll hit the road, then." Ennis shifted his feet, then held out his hand. Jack looked at it, and Ennis wiggled his fingers. "Shake it, you asshole."Jack grinned and clasped his hand. The handshake was firm and warm, and he resisted the temptation to pull Ennis close.
Bit soon fer that.
After the longest moment, Ennis released his grip. "Be seein' you, Twist." He opened the door of his truck and climbed in.Jack stooped and rapped on the window, gesturing for Ennis to open it. He wound it down, grinning. "Got a have the last word, huh?""You know me, bud. Jus' wanted a say— drive careful." Jack squeezed Ennis' shoulder before standing back."I will." Ennis looked up at him, giving him a small nod, then closed the window. He started the engine and swung the truck in a wide arc to face the exit.Jack raised his hand in farewell, and Ennis did the same. Then the truck moved off and Jack watched it make its way out onto the road.He leant back against his truck, arms folded across his chest. He felt as though he'd reached a longed-for destination after a weary journey.With a smile he opened the door and climbed in, to head for the hotel and join his colleagues.
As Ennis drove north, twilight gathering around him, he had to remind himself this was not a dream. Part of him wanted to remain in Cheyenne, but he dismissed it with a pragmatic mental rebuke.
It ain't all that far from Lander, anyhow.
His fingers brushed the pocket of his shirt, pressing the edges of Jack's business card through the fabric.With a small smile, he switched his focus to the road ahead.