Work Text
I know you’re not going to believe this, trust me I wouldn’t either. I used to be normal. I was never the same after that day. I was a skeptic of the paranormal and this might sound like I’m totally insane, but please, whatever you do, do. Not. Read. The Splatoon. Manga. Coroika. I don’t think I will ever touch another book for as long as I live in general. If you do own Coroika, please for the love of God destroy it. He will come after you, like how he came after me. Please hear me out…It was a sunny afternoon, I was sitting in my room playing Splatoon. I was a huge fan of the hit Nintendo game, I would literally play for hours with my friends from when the sun came up until it went down. Good times. My two best friends who I would play with…I’ll just call them by their Switch gamertags because I don’t think they would want to be named.There was DarkShadowDarkness. He was super cool and he was from England, he mained an Inkling male and used the Splatana because it reminded him of a razor blade. And there was MyNameIsSwissGlitchy, he was a fellow American dude, he was also cool and I spoke to him regularly. I bring them up because they’re important to this story.But anyway, I had been playing Splatoon in my dark room for over 46 hours without a break, not even to go to the bathroom so I decided to go outside on this beautiful day. Oh, how I regret it…I saw my neighbor having a garage sale, and I thought I’d check it out. She was a weird old woman who smelled like old vintage dolls with gangrene. She was really nice though.This fucking garage sale…How I wish I never fucking gone to it…………“Hey there son, I think I might know what you’d be interested in” This piqued my interest “Oh yeah? What would that be?” The old lady then picked up this book. It was covered in dust, mold, bugs, and unknown liquids but she got it all off with a single blow.My eyes widened, it was my favorite childhood manga Coroika!! I couldn’t believe it, this was the happiest day of my entire life. “Oh my god! I can’t believe it!! I haven’t read these in YEARS! These were a large part of my childhood, please name any price I will buy it!”I joyfully said. To my surprise, the old lady said “It belonged to my second cousin’s half niece twice removed. She was a deeply disturbed girl. She was fine until the day she read this book. She poked her own eyes out with sporks. Please, take it free of charge.”I thought this was kind of weird, but I didn’t really care because not only did I have Coroika in my possession again, but I was getting it for free! What a bargain! “Oh okay. This is so awesome!!! Thank you so much I am going to go back home and read this!” The old lady smiled and softly nodded at me as I ran back home.As soon as I got through my front door, I immediately ran into my room jumping on the bed I was so excited. I blew off the dust and cobwebs on my lamp and got to reading.It was just like how I remembered it. Goggles of team Blue winning every match, the pantsing and nakedness, the epic friendship lessons, the gay innuendos between Goggles and Rider. (I was a huge Gorai shipper), the turf wars, AH! I was flooded with so many fond memories of my favorite book.I was super excited to get up to the S4, they were one of my favorite parts of the entire series, but there was something strange…I noticed there was a small red pixel on each of the S4 members. A red pixel on Army’s chest, one on Mask’s eye, one on Skull’s bandana mouth, and one on Aloha’s crotch area. I figured it was just a glitch like in a video game but in manga form.I ignored this and continued on reading like normal. But it only got weirder as I continued…One of my favorite parts is when Team Blue fights Team Orange. But something felt……off….Instead of Army coming off as angry and confident, seemed somber. Like as if he was trying to beg me for help or something...like he was looking at me. I blew this off as me as misremembering the manga, since it had been years. But I still couldn’t shake this feeling of dread that was coming over me.But what had happened next….was DEFINITELY not in the manga. My heart started to race, I had watery eyes and sweat dripping down my face as I saw Army instead of battling team Blue, climbing up the tallest building near them. Army then outstretched his arms and got closer to the edge of the building.“NO!!!” I screamed out loud, like as if these drawings were alive but…I couldn’t help myself, something in me told me this was deeply wrong and I felt the need to help this poor inkling boy. But my worries had come true…Army….Jumped from the building, landing right on top of Spyke, impaling himself straight through his chest.There was hyperrealistic red blood gushing out of him. This manga was always in black and white, “what the fuck” I thought when I saw color. I was sick to my stomach, I was so close to throwing up. What sick FUCK would draw something so vile?? No..No this couldn’t be right…this never happened in the manga, this has to be some sort of sick prank right??? If it was, it was not a funny one.I started crying and hyperventilating. I wanted to put the book down. Forget everything I had just seen. But curiosity got the better of me and I picked up the book and continued. The most disturbing part to me though wasn’t even Army’s death and gore….It was Goggles smiling.The rest of Team Blue and Team Orange were distraught, crying screaming, all the emotions you’d expect. But Goggles especially not being upset and coming off as…this might be silly but…Evil..? No, Goggles is a good guy, a sweet innocent child who just loves his friends and having fun…Maybe he’s just naive or maybe this is how he copes or still processing this situation? I refuse to believe he is truly happy about this.I continued reading. It skipped a bit later on when Team Blue was supposed to be celebrating their victory and eating curry together. That was still happening but everyone was still upset but also looking extremely scared and worried? While Goggles….Was Still smiling….The rest of the S4, Aloha, Skull, and Mask showed up like they were supposed to seeing that Goggles defeated Army. None of them seemed to know Army was dead. And those 3….still had those red pixels in those same spots as before…It was time for Team Blue to fight Aloha of Team Pink. I was dreading to see what would happen this time. But not as much as Mask and Skull though, because Aloha was always my least favorite. I always thought it was stupid and gay that they would make a boy pink with rainbow shoes. But I digress…Team Blue showed up at Mahi Mahi Resort like they were supposed to but I still felt something was off with this place. To my horror, I was right when I turned the next page. Where Aloha and his team were supposed to be posing and taunting…Team Pink besides Aloha, looked sad. Like as if someone edited their mouths by rotating them upside down in MS Paint. This disgusted me.Aloha looked normal though besides the red pixel on his crotch and when I looked down at his shoes…Even though this manga isn’t in color, I can tell his shoes were not rainbow. It was one solid color…Black. These sick fucks really took his fruity-ness away despite me not liking it, but still, that was a part of his personality. Oh yeah and the water at Mahi was blood instead of water… I could feel tears begin to well up in my eyes.It got worse as I turned the page….on that next page…I knew damn well was especially not in the manga and cannot blow off as “misremembering my childhood” this time…Goggles...His eyes…He was staring right at the ‘camera’ right deep into my soul. With big. Black. And red. Hyperrealistic. Eyes.This literally shook me to my very core. I had to get up and run as fast as I could to the bathroom, I didn’t know which end it was going to come out of, so I released a slip-and-slide lava-surfing chocolate fountain of diarrhea shit straight out of my anus into the toilet, and I had a trash bin in front of me to release my not-so-dry heaving. I was burning like fire.Tears went down my face, not just from the pain but because I was so utterly terrified to see what was going to happen to the rest of the S4, or anyone else for that matter. But curiosity always got the better of me so I got too eager to clean up or even wipe down there, and went straight back into my room and continued reading this fucking sick manga.I turned to the next page, Team Blue and Team Pink fight. Aloha had a special move called Killer Wail. And I swear to God as my witness…I could hear the scream coming from the special. But it didn’t sound like the ones in the game…It sounded like blood curdling screams of absolute pain and misery. It sounds like how I would imagine Hell sounding like. It was sickening but I pressed on, I am way too deep into this now I felt like I HAD to see the rest of this manga.This Killer Wail move caused his own team and team Blue to gush out hyperrealistic blood out of their ear holes…All except for Goggles. Fucking. Goggles. He would just stand there smiling, with his black and red hyperrealistic eyes with blood coming out of them. I was sick.Then the unthinkable happened…Goggles ran as fast as he could like Sonic.EXE, the music started to play backwards, he ran up to Aloha and kicked him as hard as he could right in the crotch. But it was alot more painful than you could have ever fucking imagined it looked.Aloha’s internal organs all exploded straight out of his mouth, even his bones and…EVERYTHING. I was disgusted beyond belief. I remember I always wanted to do this to Aloha, just simply kicking him in the crotch because I hated this prick, but…Not enough to cause serious harm or…Kill him…His ‘palm tree’ and ‘coconuts’ were completely destroyed of course…It made me grab my own junk out of pure cringe inducing imagery and imagining what that felt like…And just like that…Aloha was gone. He was literally an empty husk of what he used to be. He had his skin blood and guts all splurged out all over the place, including all over Goggles. And Of course…Goggles was still smiling. He didn’t have his black and red eyes right now but I can see in this sick FUCKS face that he is still thirsty for blood. I wanted him DEAD. Something I’d never think toward my favorite character of all time.Goggles spoke up…”Soggy.” He said as he started to play in Aloha’s red hyperrealistic blood like it’s a puddle on a rainy day. I am going to have serious fucking words with Sankichi Hinodeya when I see her at Comic Con this year. And they aren’t gonna be NICE ones.I continued to the next page, the rest of Team Blue and Pink were of course distraught again. But this time, one of them finally spoke up against Goggles. It was Headphones. She was my least favorite of Team Blue due to her having not much of a personality and being a female. But nevertheless, I felt terrified for her.“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!” Headphones screamed at Goggles. Bobble and Specs looked scared for Headphones, like they knew she was dead as soon as she opened her mouth. The next panel was just Goggles…turning around and then staring at her. Then for a split second I could have swore on my dead mother’s life…His eyes turned black and red for a single frame.The next S4 member to fight would be Mask of Team Cyan. Usually, after Team Blue defeated Aloha, Team Cyan were supposed to be watching it go down live on their phones, saying how Team Pink sucks to make it short. For the record I agreed with this.
Anyways, but instead of this, it was just showing me empty panels of the Walleye Warehouse. And what’s even more terrifying, is that it was live action hyperrealistic photos of a dark abandoned warehouse. It kinda looked like…The local Costco in my neighborhood that went out of business like 30 years ago. I did think it was kind of strange to set up a Costco in the middle of a suburban neighborhood. But anyway, the panels were back to their normal drawn-self in the next pages. I was so scared I was shaking and could feel myself about to cry again, Mask is one of my favorite characters in the manga so I wanted to get through this as soon as possible. But before I continued, I decided to get onto my knees and pray to a God if one existed. I begged for forgiveness for anything I did that made me deserve this. I gave this God a name because I felt disrespectful for just calling this Being “a God” so I called it, Wheeaboo Cephlogod Antsholemittens.I turned the page, Team Cyan vs Team Blue commences. But I noticed something very off…There were only 3 members of Team Blue. Headphones was not there…Oh no… What has Goggles done…I didn’t wanna think about it, otherwise I would puke again and I really didn’t want more crusted over liquids on me. I had to keep going.Team Cyan used their signature sub-weapons-only strategy. They managed to splat Specs and Bobble. Their faces looked like they were in genuine pain…Their hyperrealistically drawn faces will never leave my mind…it looked like that of a grandmother who died with a shocked expression, and then after she had passed, her family got her taxidermied which had been unfortunately botched. I wanted to just hop into this book and save them. I felt so useless… I failed them. But Goggles was nowhere to be seen. Mask and his team were looking all over for Goggles but to no avail. I could feel my stomach sink so low that it started to fall out of my anus. Then all of a sudden…GOGGLES JUMPED OUT FROM AROUND THE CORNER. I was so scared to turn the next page and see what he does to Mask. I just couldn’t bear it.Now at this point, you may be thinking, “Why don’t you just stop reading?”
There is a very good explanation I have other than my curiosity. So anyway I turned the page, and I wish I didn’t. I really. Fucking. Wish. I hadn’t. I started to hyperventilate and sweat like crazy…Goggles was gouging Mask’s eyes out. Hyperrealistic blood was spilling everywhere, and he had hyperrealistic eyes…Like actual photos of gore it looked like.“YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT GAS MASK OFF MORE MASKY!! SO I CAN SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL EYES.” Goggles said as he was still gouging away at Mask’s eyeballs. Mask was screaming in a loud CAPS lock keysmashing way as in, I could hear him literally screaming in real life. I turned my head, making sure nothing was behind me I was so scared and traumatized…Goggles had his hyperrealistic black and red bleeding eyes back again. But this time…They looked even more demonic. All of a sudden on the next page, the sky was red with black clouds. It wasn’t like Big Run, this was looking like real Hell. I was sick to my stomach.I thought to myself “Okay I guess it kinda sucks that Mask is blind now, but at least he might leave him alive if this is all Goggles will do to him?” I thought. But then I thought too soon…Goggles was then killing Mask in unspeakable ways, with lazers.I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Just when I thought my stomach was empty, I couldn’t make it to the bathroom and puked all over myself. I didn’t feel like cleaning up at that moment so instead I threw off my soaked shirt. It made a loud wet *SPLACK* sound as it hit the floor. I wonder if that's the sound blood makes as it hits the ground…After Goggles had killed poor Mask, he went to refill his ink in not a normal way….He refilled his ink by swimming inside of Mask’s blood instead of the ink. “This is my time of the month to shine.” Goggles said with his black and red eyes. “Oh no…” I thought. I knew what he was going to do….He was going to have red ink.The rest of Team Cyan were, of course, reacting the same exact ways as the previous teams after their captain had died in a brutal way. Goggles’ Tentacles were now red and he licked off the hyperrealistic blood from his fingers, still. Smiling.Next up, and last of the S4 was Skull. If anyone could defeat this evil blue-now red DEMON of hell, it would be him. “Don’t let me down Skull…” I said outloud. This battle will take place on Moray Towers, the sniper's playground. This was in Skull’s element. There was NO WAY he could lose…I prepared myself. I reached for my crusty Sally Acorn plush for comfort and turned the page. Usually, at this part Rider would be helping to train Team Blue on Moray to fight Skull. But he was not here…In fact, I haven’t seen Rider since the beginning before everything turned into this fucking living Hell.I was absolutely horrified to my very core. This was truly worse than anything I had encountered in this sick fucking book. Please, if you even made it this far I beg of you. Prepare yourself for what I am about to say here, this is not for the faint of heart or even for those who have strong stomachs. You will never be the same person you were 2 minutes ago. I already thought what I have seen throughout this was changing me as a person, Oh…How I was very. Very. Wrong. I feel like projectile vomiting just trying to write this. But I must, I must warn those who ever dare to open this book. What I saw…When I turned that very page….It was a two page spread….Instead of Moray Towers…It…Was…….A hyperrealistic drawing that looked like a real life photo of…………... The Twin Towers.The image….The implication of……Did…Goggles do 9/11? Was this some sort of sick confession to taunt me? Because I knew no one would ever believe me and why would they? I wouldn’t even believe me…The sky was red…But not just any red, it was BLOOD red. And it started to rain hyperrealistic blood…I had to stop and take a breath and try to rationalize what I have just saw. But there was nothing I could do to help myself. I had to keep going on at this point. There was no turning back and my curiosity got the better of me. I was dreading what would happen to Skull…I realized those red pixels’ on each of the S4 members was a hint on where and how they would die. Army with the red pixel on his chest got impaled there, Aloha with his crotch, and Mask with his eye…Skull had the red pixel on his mouth. This couldn’t be good.Skull of Team Purple showed up at the top of the left Twin Tower. “Your reign of terror ends right here, right now, Goggles. You may have killed the other S4 members, but you will not get me. I am taking you straight down to HELL where you belong!! You will not hurt another soul, as God as my witness!!” Skull yelled at Goggles across to the other tower. “WHAT” Goggles yelled because the towers were too far away to hear and it was windy up there.“I am going to assume you said some sort of…Heh…’heroic’ speech at me, or how you will ‘defeat’ me. HA HA HA!!! You make me laugh. Okay then, Skull. I do like playing with my food. Come here and fucking TRY” Goggles responded to Skull, and he had a Kefka laugh. I gasped, I never in a million years thought I would see Goggles say the F word, this caused me to go into a crying fit until I threw up again. At least this time it was on the floor and not on myself. Skull and Goggles didn’t do a normal turf war. In fact, their teammates weren’t here. It was just these two. This truly is the final battle. They both leaped across to eachother off of each of the Twin Towers right in the middle where they meet and then *KABLAM* they both punched eachother mid air, and as their fists met, a lighting strike shot down behind them. It was truly epic and dramatic.I would enjoy this if this wasn’t Coroika or some sick fucks fucked up mind. I was sweating so much, I just ripped off every article of clothing I had on. I pumped my fist in the air and screamed out loud “GO SKULL GO!! YOU CAN GET THIS FUCKING BASTARD!!” after I threw up again, I read on and watched as Skull and Goggles were punching, kicking, biting and shooting eachother in midair falling.Whenever the lighting crashed behind them, it brought out their silhouettes, and the blood rain was still falling. But all of a sudden… “OUCH” I said when Goggles…punched Skull?? I was feeling what Skull was feeling. “WHAT THE FUCK” this was serious now. If Skull dies, do I die?? I didn’t want to know but I had to find out as curiosity got the better of me.I now felt the biting kicking and punching Goggles gave to Skull. I screamed so loud that I cured the deaf. It was the most painful experience in my life…right above seeing Aloha for the first time.Skull was actually getting in some good hits himself, something the others couldn’t do. This gave me some more hope. “DIE YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH!!” Skull screamed with tears coming out of his eyes. He then pulled out his sniper, aimed it at Goggles and fired.Goggles yelled, his head flew back and his whole body went limp. I cried tears of joy this time and couldn’t believe this demon was finally dead!!Is what I foolishly thought.Goggles as quick as an octopus if it were a cheetah (a cheetah) shot back up, and opened his eyes wide which were hyperrealistic black and red, and glowing while still bleeding. He grabbed Skulls’s sniper “HA!! FOOLED YOU.” Skull was too stunned to speak at the moment. “Hey now…it was a good effort, much better than those pathetic fucking LOSERS I killed earlier I’ll give you that!” Goggles said as he started to slowly clap “so why don’t you accept…this REWARD!!”Goggles pulled out a jar of his all time favorite food in the world… pickled plums. I just feel disgusted when I see them now. These pickled plums were not like the original. The plums looked like they were made out of hyperrealistc flesh and gore, surrounded by a green burning liquid.Goggles pulled one out with his bare hand, shoved it into Skulls’ sniper and said words that I will never forget again forever... “the S4…S stands for Sleep forever 4. Now. DIE!!!!” Goggles then shot that strange plum from Skulls’ sniper straight into Skulls’ mouth.It was a horrific sight, I cried so hard I couldn’t stop. I had to grab a handful of Pringles I had on my nightstand, crush them up, and shove them into my eyes so that it could stop more tears from coming. Surprisingly, that made my eyes burn and hurt so bad, so I had to run to the bathroom to wash my eyes out. Good thing this is my home in which I live in so even though I had my eyes closed running to the bathroom, I instinctively knew where it was and didn’t knock over anything.So unfortunately I go back to reading. And I wish I just. Fucking. Stopped. This was the worst death yet…
That green stuff with the pickled ‘plums’ was acid. And I saw it burning away at Skulls’ bandana. He was making blood curdling screams, it was so hyperrealistic that I had to run outside for a second and make sure it wasn’t coming from my neighborhood.When the bandana was completely gone…I’ll just say that Skull is really living up to his name now. His face… completely melted away…his mouth looked exactly like his bandana except that there was so. Much. Hyperrealistic. Blood. And his bones…oh god his bones… inklings don’t even have bones but yet Skull has a grotesque, disgusting horrifying skeleton inside of him.It continued melting away at his flesh, huge and small chunks were flying up (they were still falling from the twin towers) His face revealed more and more skeleton and gore. Suddenly Goggles spoke up “Oh as much as I’d love to chat!! Not that you can anymore anyway HAHAHA!! But I really gotta get going now! TA TA!!” Goggles then sprouted a pair of huge, leathery, bat-like wings out of his back and began to fly.*KERSPLATTER BLAMA FLAP FLOOBBER SPLAT*
Skull splatted on the ground. There was not much flesh left on him, just a bunch of bones and blood. Goggles did it. He killed all of the S4. There was no hope left in the world now. I went absolutely insane, I paced around my house, splashed some water on my face and tried to calm down but I just couldn’t. I didn’t know what to expect in the last few pages. I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible so I opened it back up…And what I saw will forever haunt me for the rest of my life forever. Goggles…On the next page…Was staring right at me and his whole face was hyperrealistic with those black and red bleeding eyes…He looked somewhat like a fetus who had an accident involving skydiving into a bowl of spaghetti with tomato sauce. It was horrific. But what he said….“I. Am. GODggles!!!”That was the very last page of the book, I closed it immediately and threw it across my room, slamming it against my wall. I was shaking and crying and I screamed “DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU FUCKING DEMON OF HELL!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR FRIENDS!? YOU MONSTER!!” I was about to go jump onto my bed and curl up into a ball, but when I turned around…There I saw…a bloody Goggles plush with it’s eyes missing. And a full jar of pickled plums.This happened to me 10 years ago now. I was never the same after that night. I can’t go outside and look at the colors blue, pink, orange, purple, cyan, and red the same ever again. I go into hysterics, I get stress induced seizures and have a full on mental breakdown and can’t stop screaming. I blame everyone else around me for daring to even wear a color on their clothing that causes me to go into these stress induced seizures…It’s like they’re doing it on purpose specifically to get at me…I now have to wear these specially made glasses. They’re kind of like those colorblind glasses that help colorblind people see color but these work in the opposite way…I now live in a world of black and white. But it is for my own good… I miss color. I miss the rainbow. I miss seeing the world in it’s pure natural beauty. But I cannot risk it…I cannot risk going into the fruit sections of any grocery store either. I am too afraid of seeing plums of any kind there. Last time I did, I started going into an uncontrollable episode where I started flinging the plums around the store and even AT people, like a monkey flinging their own shit.And to this day…My toenails ache and are sore. So, please…Whatever you do…Do NOT read the Splatoon manga whatever you do. If you see it, burn it. Throw it in the ocean, whatever you need to do to rid of these evil fucking books. I wish I had stopped when I had the chance…I swear, I will never read any books or play any video games to do with cephalopods ever again.