Work Text
(This is NOT a fan fiction.)
(Do you like the Space wolfs) yes)
(opening music aka the song we made in music today but the original with the heavy metal at the end)(VERY zoomed in shot of space wolf on some random planet. He’s looking dramatically into the distance. There’s an epic explosion in the background. The camera pans out to show that it was actually just a hologram behind him)
(It cuts to emo furry looking really confused at Space wolf from behind the hologram. He then looks in front of Space wolf to see someone holding a camera towards Space wolf. rat boy, annoyed, glares at him)Rat Boy: HEy! (voice crack included) MOVE OUT OF THE SHoTSpace wolf: (howls)Emo Furry: What is even happening!?Rat boy: Space wolf and I are doing a photoshootEmo Furry: Don’t we have a meeting soonRat boy: I hope not, those meetings are usually SUPER boring and a waste of time for the princess to just have fun insulting our work ethicEmo Furry: Okay, you don’t have to go I guess. Space wolf and I are headed to the meeting(Space wolf runs over to Emo Furry and teleport away whilst Rat boy is left alone)Rat boy: WAIT! I don’t have a way back to the ship(he screams from outside the ship which is floating just off the ground. He also does a little jump as he says that btw. The scene cuts to Emo Furry walking up to the table where The Chef, Number Five and Clone Guy but Real Version are all chatting. The Princess lady promptly walks in)Princess Lady: Thank you all so much for joining me, I’m thrilled to announce that we are going to be able to relax and possibly have a picnic today.Number Five + The Chef: REALLY?Princess Lady: No. Of course not, we are in the middle of a war! You guys clearly aren’t up to date or in the right mindset. Also, I can’t believe I have to say this, AGAIN, but where is Rat boy?(Clone guy sighs and tiredly rubs his forehead. Emo Furry ignores that she even said a word and Space wolf runs in a few circles before teleporting away. After a few moments he appears back with Rat boy.)Rat boy: (sigh) Thanks Space wolf, SOMEONE didn’t think about the fact I was stuck out there!(Clone guy but Real Ver disappointedly looks at Emo Furry)Emo Furry: You said you didn’t wanna go!(He says defensively but Clone guy stops him to speak)Clone guy: Alright, at least everyone’s here. Princess Lady, continue your speechPrincess Lady: Right, well, we have much to do. You see, a photo of my father is lost! We must search the castle! Also- the mall pirates may have taken Moustache… captive. We can split up into two teams!Clone guy: Uh- are you sure that is our biggest issue right now? Moustache must be in danger!Chef: Yeah! In the nicest way possible. We can’t leave him alone and scared
Princess: No! We need AT LEAST half of this team searching for that photo and that’s final! That photo might be… in danger as well!Number Five: what!? That doesn’t even make sense!(incoherent yelling)Clone guy: GUYS! And the other two. We can’t waste time arguing, we must find Moustache. One person can stay behind with Princess Lady to find the photo, since I haven’t been to the mall I can stay. Also, to shut down this stupid conflict…(The princess whines something about how that’s not enough people. This is gonna be made on the spot coz that’s the energy it gives)Emo Furry: This is stupid!Rat boy: Yeah! I also really want to go back there to see if they have the game system and… possibly a cable so we could playNumber Five: OH YEAH! Rat boy and I spent all day collecting money for that! I can’t believe we weren’t even able to play itPrincess: Fine! Only Clone guy has to help, I guess it’s fair. I’m sorry for overreacting guys you’re right(there’s an epic shot of the space ship flying around planets and there’s cool music in the background. This goes for quite a bit.)
(We see a scene of Rat boy, Emo Furry, Space wolf, Chef and Number Five walking into the mall.)Rat boy: So, if I had a moustache where would I get stolen???Number Five: I mean he liked trading so he probably just made a shitty dealChef: HEY! Language. We are respectful investigators around here(There’s a shot of Rat boy trying to sneak away to the human collectables store)Number Five: Rat boy! AFTER we find MoustacheRat boy: Hey! That’s unfair, Emo Furry and Space wolf already teleported awayChef: What!? Why didn’t you tell us?(Rat boy shrugs and there’s a scene of Number Five being super annoyed)Rat boy: Its fine! We’ll just do it alone. with me, how bad could it be?Number Five: We are so terrible at working as a team why are we even here againChef: because we have to find Moustache, and because we have to protect the universe. So, let’s go to that weird shop!Number Five: Alright let’s get moving then(epic montage of them really coolly walking through the space mall and looking in shops. It then zooms in on a map coz they’re lost)Number Five: Guys if it’s a scam shop are we sure it would even be on the-Rat boy: SHHHHHH! It’s here somewhere, I can feel it(he’s really intensely looking at this map btw)Chef: Number Five might be right- I mean if I was running a shady business I wouldn’t shove it up on a map for the world to see
Rat boy: That must be it(he points to a stall in the mall)Number Five: Odd business tactic but okayRat boy: Well no time to waste let’s just walk over there… and SHOOT THE ANSWERS OUT OF HIM! Rat boy style(he does the finger guns whilst explaining the tactic and then almost trips as he bumps into someone)Chef: Oh, Space wolf!(Space wolf happily gets pat by Chef)Rat boy: Emo Furry!? Oh- so NOW you’re back, okay. I see how it is(extra sass on that line btw)Emo Furry: They already traded Moustache off to some guyNumber Five: WOAH BACK UP! How do you know this?Emo Furry: I… asked him? Space wolf and I can be pretty threatening if we try hard enough(Close up of Space wolf being happy or something)Chef: I get I’m really trusting but even I have some questions- how do you know he’s telling the truth?Rat boy: And you COULD have I dunno, WENT WITH US? It would be nice if you stopped leaving the team!(rat boy seems really annoyed, me too pal, but emo furry just shrugs, ignoring his problems like a champ)Emo Furry: Space wolfs teleportation can’t take us all. And I checked around, he doesn’t have Moustache now so we at least have a leadNumber Five: What kind of lead? Who is this person anyway, and why do people want to steal Moustache SO MUCH?
Emo Furry: Well, you see-(That short space mall cop scoots up)Space Mall Security: Now- you guys seem sorta shady… Think I know you from somewhere. ARE YOU THOSE SPACE PIRatES?Chef: What? Us? Noooooooo…Security: IT IS YOU! IM GETTING YOU THIS TIME(they start like speed walking and worriedly jogging away but aren’t sure where to go)Number Five: On second thought you can spare the details. I dont have time for thisRat boy: Hey, Emo Furry? You think you know where that lead might be because if we could go now that might be nice!(Space wolf starts mauling guards face off)Emo Furry: I don’t think Space wolf is helping our case- you’re right… EVERYONE TO YOUR SPACESHIP(long chaotic scene of them running to their colour coordinated space ships and getting chased by other guards. Once inside they all sigh)(scene then switches to inside the castle. Princess lady is LITERALLY tearing up parts of the room whilst Clone guy is rushing around, fixing things and trying to clean up the castle again)Clone guy: IM SURE WE WILL FIND JUST PLEASE STOP KILLING EVERYTHING! It will be okay!Princess Lady: NO! You don’t get it! I HAVE to find this and I will actually tear this whole UNIVERSE TO SHREDS IF THAT’S WHAT IT TAKES(she screams and looks both crazy and insane. She dramatically sighs and then stares at clone guy like she’s gonna kill him)
Clone guy: OKAY! Just- please stop breaking things… Hey, wait I have an ideaPrincess: WHAT IS IT!?Clone guy: So, you have cameras up around the ship, I was thinking maybe if you play back some of the footage we can find out where you may have misplaced it. What do you think?(Princess Lady runs past Clone guy, pushing him over. He falls over. He sighs, done with this and probably his life at this point as well)Princess Lady: WELL GET ON WITH SEARCHING THE CASTLE! I can’t have ANY of us wasting time, we already sent the rest of those idiots on that stupid mission instead of getting them to help me find my father! No one understands what losing a family member is like! No one gets me!Clone guy: I’m sure most of us understand, we were taken away from our families when we had to save the universe. None of us know if we can ever see them againPrincess Lady: THIS IS DIFFERENT! There’s NO chance of me seeing him again, unless time travel existed… But that’s nonsense. AND I OBVIOUSLY HAVEN’T TRIED! Get off my back!Clone guy: Okay, sorry… I’m just pretty sure I know someone that would understand- You just have to talk about it, people will listenPrincess Lady: Right. I’m sorry, I’ve been acting out a lot. I just- don’t know what will happen if I lose this photo(Clone guy sighs)Clone guy: Ok, I will search the castle and I accept your apology, I hope we can find it(Clone guy walks off to search the castle and we have a montage of him looking under things, checking in cupboards, dusting out vents and even checking inside lights. He’s very dedicated. A PIERCING SCREAM ECHOES THROUGH THE HALLS)Clone guy: PRINCESS? Are you okay? What happened?Princess Lady: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!(Clone guy runs into the footage room to see if she’s okay)Clone guy: Whats going on!?(Princess Lady begins crying)Princes Lady: I- I ate it. I ate the photo of my dad!
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(scene switches back to the others all in their lil space ships, the space ships are huddled in a circle in space. Btw. As each person talks it switches to the inside of their ship)Chef: So, you’re trying to tell me that he traded Moustache off to Purpol 2.0!?Number Five: where would we find him!?Emo Furry: Well, I don’t KNOW that part. And since Purpol 2.0 ran away and… him and his family are trying to kill each other it makes things hardRat boy: Of course, you don’tChef: Probably better anyway, at least we don’t have to deal with Evil GuyNumber Five: I’d probably prefer him; his son needs some REAL help. LIKE A LOT of serious helpEmo Furry: Anyway, I perhaps… possibly know where he could be… the scams sales guy the stealer was purple and was consistently talking about how he was gonna get some new kind of stupid shampoo. Which was odd to say the leastNumber Five: Purple 2.0?Rat boy: I mean maybe he just wants to make sure his hair is shimmering. WAIT! Don’t call me cray-cray but I think the reason he bought Moustache was because his moustache is SO extravagant he’s trying to find out what shampoo he uses. That or…Chef: WHAT IF PURPOL 2.0 STEALS HIS MOUSTACHE TO USE IT IN A SPELL TO MAKE HIS HAIR EVEN MORE LUXURIOUS THAN IT ALREADY IS!Number Five: Oh my god, I have never been so proud in my life, this is revolutionaryRat boy: that’s some pretty epic detective shit right there. NOW where is he anyway and where can we find a hair salon of all places.Emo Furry: Good question. Maybe we can ask Space wolfRat boy: We’ve been over this! He’s not going to emotionally connect with you so you two can communicate, I know it sucksEmo Furry: I meant like he can point his nose or something, OBVIOUSLYNumber Five: How is a Space wolf supposed to know where to find a hair salon again?Chef: HEY! That’s wolfs fur is amazing. But also, good point.Emo Furry: OKAY OKAY! We just have to find someone with extraordinary hair and then ask them what salon they go to. Can’t be that hard.(INSERT TOTALLY COOL EPIC RAD MONTAGE OF THEM ALL IN THEIR COLOUR COORDINATED SHIPS FLYING AROUND AND THEN LANDING ON PLANETS TO SEARCH FOR SOMEONE WITH LUCIOUS LOCKS)Rat Boy: This is useless! No one here has hair amazing enough to even COMPARENumber Five: Yeah, and I’m getting tired of searching so much, my eyes are in painEmo Furry: We just have to keep looking, we knew this would take a lot of hard work.Chef: Are we sure someone with luscious enough hair even exists!? What if it was all a lie(Space wolf barks at them and points their head towards a dark alleyway)Emo Furry: Guys, I think Space wolf wants us to follow it into that deadly alleyway(He goes to follow it but then stops and rolls his eyes as he hears a voice)Rat boy: You SERIOUSLY need to stop trying to emotionally connect with that wolf! I swear you need help, LIKE MORE THAN THE REST OF US(Chef and Number Five worriedly nod in agreement)Emo Furry: AGAIN, Im not speaking with it, ITS JUST POINTING ITS NOSE INTO AN ALLEYWAY! Obviously, I trust it, Space wolf is like my closest companionNumber Five: and what makes you think a Space wolf knows where a HAIR SALON IS?Chef: Yeah, that’s kind of a stretch. Maybe it just wants to play. I think you should spend more time playing with your dog then bonding by going on dangerous missions with itEmo Furry: Fine, Space wolf and I will just teleport there thenRat boy: WAIT!Im gonna prove that this is stupid and I wanna see the look on your face when your wrong about this so much mhahahaChef: Do we have to be going in there now?Number Five: I agree with Chef, I get that Space wolf is amazing but can we really trust this. it might be a waste of timeEmo Furry: Well, Rat Boy and I can teleport in, check it out and you two can go scope out some other areas. We’ll cover more ground.Rat boy: KEEP YOUR WALKY TALKIES ON GUYS! We can’t be losing more people on my watch, because im just so cool(Rat boy like smiles and waves excitedly as he says that btw. Space wolf excitedly runs around Emo Furry and Rat boy and then they all teleport away)Number Five: Do you wanna go get a snack instead of looking out for that space salon?Chef: I was gonna do that anyway if I’m being honestNumber Five: Oh, thank god because I am so done with thisChef: Yeah, they’ll work it out(They both nod and then scene switches back to Clone guy and Princess in the security camera room)Clone guy: WOAH! ATE the photo of your Dad!? HOW!?Princess (crying): I checked over the footage- It- I ate it… In my sleep. (she then gets angry instead) DAMMIT! Of all the
sentimental photos I should have destroyed my Mums photo.(she cries some more)Clone guy: Alright well… At least you will always have his memory, I’m sure he’d love you no matter what.Princess Lady: There HAS to be a way to bring him back! There has to. I just know it.Clone guy: I get that you’re dealing with grief but I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do about thisPrincess Lady: YOU DON’T GET IT! I WILL BRING HIM BACK! No matter what!(She runs out away to her lil magic sorcery lab)Clone guy (sighs): This was a disaster of a day(Switch to Emo Furry, Space wolf and Rat boy. They’re outside what is like a REALLY long alleyway)(They both look around and Rat boy fell over coz he’s not used to teleporting)Rat Boy: Ah Jeez, my heads all screwed up from that(Space wolf helps him up)Emo Furry: Space wolf usually doesn’t teleport with two people, or maybe your just not used to itRat boy: Not used to it!? Yeah right. I’ve totes got all this teleporting down.Emo Furry: Whatever lets just find this salon. Moustache needs us, we can’t just let him dieRat boy: What salon!? Oh- that’s right, this is an endless alleyway! I told you Space wolf wouldn’t take us to a space salon! I was right!Emo Furry: OKAY! I get it! We’ll just use the communicators to find out where Number Five and Chef are then. You don’t have to make a big deal out of it.(Space wolf growls and runs at the wall, phasing through it)Emo Furry: SPACE WOLF!(its head then sticks back out happily)Emo Furry; Okay? You had me worried there, bud(He walks up to the wall and touches his hand to it, his hand phases through and Space wolf goes back in)Rat boy: AHHHHH WHAT! A super epic wall you can… WALK THROUGH! Now that’s epic(Rat boy goes up to the wall as well as Emo Furry sprints through to get to Space wolf)Rat boy: Okay, wait up! Calm down! This could be dangerous or something.(Pauses for a moment and then gets annoyed as he follows after)(scene switches to Number Five and Chef in a nice Space Café. They are pleasantly waiting for their food)Number Five: Now this is the life, and also the best decision of my lifeChef: I agree with you more than words can even say. Where do they get these chairs anyway? They’re so cosy!Number Five: RIGHT!? And the food just smells amazing. We should have gone here soonerChef: SO true. Maybe we should tell everyone about this once we get Moustache, have some relax daysNumber Five: Maybe, I’m sure Clone guy wouldn’t mind taking us all. For once everyone can just have a day off, now THAT would be amazingChef: Yeah, there’s so much almost dying, training, finding lost people, getting lost, almost dying, defeating bad guys, training, almost dying. It takes a lot of energy am I right?Number Five: Totally. Although there will probably be some other big situation after we find Moustache and then we’ll never get here againChef: Hmm. Well, all the better to make it worthwhile. Should we just report to them that we can’t find anything yet or do you think they forgot we were looking and don’t care?Number Five: Don’t sweat it, they probably forgot anyway. We’ll be fine, trust me. They probably won’t even ask us for backup.
Chef: I hope soNumber Five: Me too, I can’t be bothered anymore. Also- why does Rat Boy call our contacting devices walkie talkies? They’re like way more advanced than that. And we can send coordinatesChef: Good question, never really thought about that. Maybe it’s just a fond childhood memory?Number Five: Fond childhood memory? Maybe he’s just a bit goofyChef: Yeah, that makes more sense.(a random alien waiter comes by their food and they both smile VERY happily)
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(Scene of Clone guy and Princess Lady. Princess lady begins frantically gagging and trying to spew)Clone guy: STOP! You’re going to make yourself sick! For all we know it’s already been destroyed by your stomach acids. Gosh.Princess Lady: I NEED YOU TO SHOVE SOME TONGS DOWN MY THROAT AND GRAB OUT THAT PHOTOClone guy: WHAT THE- NO! EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE BUT THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT I’D DO THAT! Are you okay!?Princess Lady (Frantically passing tongs to him): No, I’m NOT okay! NOW COME ON! IF YOU DON’T DO THIS I’M THROWING YOU OUT TO SPACEClone guy: WOAH! Calm down! It’s okay, you don’t have to… THROW ME OUT TO SPACE!Princess Lady: You’re right… I CAN MAKE THE CASTLE DO THAT FOR ME(She begins emotionally connecting to the castle)Clone guy: Shoot- I’m gonna have to knock you out(Punches the Princess and she gets knocked out)Clone guy: I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry. Okay, okay! This is… (begins panicking) It’s okay I’ll just carry her to her bed and hope she doesn’t try… kill me once she wakes up. I’m sure a sleep will get her in the right mindset(Clone guy carries the princess to her bed. He then sighs, walks out and goes to the kitchen)Clone guy: I’m gonna need a coffee. Why am I alive?(We see the FULL process of him making a coffee)(scene switches back to the trio thing. Inside a fancy salon. There are only a few customers getting their hair done and It’s like REALLY fancy)Space wolf: (barks happily)Emo Furry: What the fuck? (mum recommends that line)I TOLD you so, Space wolf is just better, Rat BoyRat Boy: WHAT THE- I’m just a bit confuzzled on how that actually worked…Emo Furry: I’m more confused on why the hair salon is so extravagant. Who owns this place anyway?Rat Boy: I don’t know if I want to find out to be honest…(there are sounds of scratching n stuff, Emo furry and Rat Boy instantly look around the salon. Space wolf sniffs the ground and makes its way to a crate in the shady corner of the salon.)Emo Furry: Huh… a lovely suspicious crate with some kind of possibly aggressive animal insideRat Boy: OMG IMAGINE IT’S A GIANT DRAGON! And we could fly around together, like on a ship, but cooler… because it’s a dragon(Emo Furry looks at the small crate and then back at Rat Boy)Emo Furry: Right, because a giant, totally epic dragon would fit in that crate. That makes total senseRat Boy: (rolling his eyes): I meant like a baby dragon, and we would watch it age, taking photos every step of the way. I’d be a pretty good dragon parentEmo Furry: Yeah, I already have Space wolf, I’m not helping to parent your theoretical dragon, even though it would be cool to have a dragon, I’m outRat Boy: Okay, I get it. I’m all alone in this world after all. If you won’t raise a dragon with me, Chef will. He’s my best friend anyway, and a better choice(He says dramatically)Emo Furry (confused): Alright, you do that then.(Space wolf barks, at them and faces the crate again)Emo Furry: Oh, sorry Space wolf, we got carried away. We should open the crate nowRat Boy: Okay, but theoretically if there IS a baby dragon in that crate… Can I raise it?Emo Furry (now kneeling beside the crate): I dunno, we’ll see.(he grazes his hand emotionally on the top and then draws his attention to a sticker plastered on the crate. It’s the German Flag)Rat Boy (Leaning in to look at it too): Is that the German flag? Dang it! It means this is from Earth. Guess no dragonEmo Furry: Why is there something from Earth here?(Rat Boy shrugs and Emo Furry opens the crate, though we can’t see whats inside)(scene cuts off to Chef and Number Five in the café)(There’s a TON of food surrounding number Five and chef. And they’re both eating away as they happily chat.)Number Five: Hey, have you seen the new giant intergalactic planet eating space worm movie?Chef: Oh YEAH! That was a masterpiece. It was action packed and tragic and… beautifulNumber Five (tearing up): When the giant intergalactic planet eating space worm died I was actually sobbingChef: WHAT? They died!? Are you sure, because I was watching that movie literally yesterday. You know, the seventh one.Number Five: Chef, the newest one is the eighth one! Not the seventh.Chef: What!? When did that come out!?Number Five: 6 months ago! Everyone was talking about it how didn’t you know!?Chef: REALLY!? Damn… You- SPOILT THE PLOT TWIST!(Chef starts looking really sad.)Number Five: YOU SAID YOU WATCHED THE NEWEST GIANT INTERGALACTIC PLANET EATING SPACE WORM MOVIE!!!Chef: I THOUGHT THE NEWEST WAS THE SEVENTH!!!Number Five: WELL OBVIOUSLY ITS NOTChef: OKAY BUT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT, ALRIGHT?(A few customers complain and then a worker pushes them out whilst saying)Waiter: Get out of here with your screaming!Number Five: What!? We’re not done eatingChef: YEAH! You cant do this to us!(the waiter throws a few bags with their food in it)Waiter: Its to go now, so GO! (The waiter aggressively closes the doors and goes back inside)(Chef and Number Five ignore their food on the ground sadly and lament for a moment) Chef: I’m still sad about that spoilerNumber Five: OH SHUT UP DUMBASS YOU SAID YOU WATCHED ITChef: Okay, sorry(They both sadly look at the food on the ground again and SCENE CUTS to Clone guy stressing out sipping coffee. There are MANY empty coffee mugs around because for some reason he didn’t want to use the same mug. Hes shaking and very on edge and worried. He begins muttering for a few moments and hyperventilating. Then we hear princess lady say)Princess Lady: WHAT HAPPENED!??(Clone guy looks sad and even more stressed)Clone guy (whispering): Shit(scene cuts to emo furry and rat boy opening THE BOX as emo furry slices it open with his super epic wiggly knife.)Rat Boy: OPEN IT FASTER! I seriously cant wait this longEmo Furry: IF ITS ALIVE I DON’T WANT TO KILL IT! And hopefully we wont have to later as well.(The is finally open and cats begin meowing, a pile of the MOST FLUFFY KITTENS EVER are inside)(Rat bot, Emo Furry and Space wolf all look at the kittens happily. Especially rat boy who’ s trying to stop himself from grabbing all the kittens. He then looks at emo furry very seriously and very emotionally)(btw the cats are all saying ‘stardenburdenhardenbart’)Rat Boy: If im not going home with ALL of these cats im actually going to scream and cry whilst beating you upEmo Furry: Well, you can beat me up later. We’re busy trying to find Evil Guy’s Son so we can track down MoustacheRat Boy: Okay, okay! But why did Space wolf take us here anyway, I mean this salon! AND WHY ARE THESE KITTENS SO DAMN FLUFFYEmo Furry: Good point. If only Space wolf could tell us(Rat Boy looks at him, rolling his eyes)Emo Furry: Im not trying to emotionally connect to Space wolf, Im just saying it would be useful if we knew what it was trying to tell usRat Boy (turning to face Space wolf): Yeah, it as hell would be useful.(Space wolf barks back happily to catch both their attention and Rat Boy freaks out, jumping back. Emo Furry just walks closer to Space wolf)Emo Furry: What is it buddy, show me(Space wolf runs around in a few circles and then runs off just to come back with a magazine from the salon and Emo Furry picks it up. It had purpol 2.0s face on the cover and the title ‘We have the smoothest hair around, almost as soft as a kittens’ fur’)Rat Boy (now leaning over to look at it as well): OH- IT ALL MAKES SENSE! He owns THIS weird salon and… for some reason has cats in a crate?(Emo Furry looks around a bit more and Rat Boy and Space wolf follows as he enters some kind of office off of the salon, right beside the crate of kittens. Inside there was a big mess, files scattered all over the place. Rat Boy picks one up)Rat Boy: Emo Furry, I think he’s running some messed up tests or something. Come look at thisEmo Furry (now looking at the opened file): He’s… measuring the smoothness and extravagance of all kinds of fur and hair… trying to make the sample for the best.Rat Boy: Well, we already worked out since Moustaches moustache is so amazing and extravagant Purpol 2.0 was probably trying to take sample from it.Emo Furry: So we just need to find out where he does these tests. Some kind of weird… salon lab.Rat Boy: OH! And its probably got some secret passage around here! Like over… HERE!(Rat Boy dramatically pushed against a whole filing cabinet and then quietly and slowly drooped to the ground in tears and pain.)(Emo Furry just stares at him and then continues to look through some random scattered files and Space wolf leaps over to comfort Rat Boy.)Rat Boy: At least SOMEONE cares!Emo Furry: Okay, okay, jeez. Just stop running into things idiotRat Boy: I was TRYING to push the cabinet to reveal a super epic secret passage. OBVIOUSLY!(Emo Furry looks at him confused)Emo Furry: Damn, you actually tried? How heavy is that cabinet?Rat Boy: (standing up to argue with Emo Furry now) Its very heavy, otherwise I WOULD HAVE MOVED IT WITHOUT BREAKING MY SHOULDER Rat Boy: (standing up to argue with emo Furry now)(Space Wolf now walks off and has had enough with Rat Boy and Emo Furry arguing)Emo Furry: ITS CLEARLY NOT BROKEN RAT BOY, I CAN SEE YOUR SHOULDER! And it’s VERY not broken!Rat Boy: I WAS EXAGGERATING! You know, TO PROVE MY POINT!Emo Furry: IF YOUR TRYING TO PROVE THE POINT THAT YOUR SHOULDER HURTS LIKE A LOT WHY LIE AND SAY ITS BROKEN WHEN ITS OBVIOUSLY NOTRat Boy: BECAUSE I WAS EXAGGERATING THE POINT! THAT’S NOT LYINGEmo Furry: WELL YOU CLEARLY WERENT TELLING THE TRUTH(theres a even louder yell that comes from what seems to be behind the cabinet Space Wolf begins growling)Mystery Yeller: ACTUALLY SHUT UP YOU TWO ARE SO FUCKING LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS I’M TRYING TO FINISH THIS HAIR TEST
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Rat Boy: What. Is that Purpol 2.0…(Rat Boy, Emo Furry and Space Wolf dramatically look at eachother)Emo Furry: WELL THEN COME OUT AND FIGHT US COWARD! I’m not afraid of you and you’re ass hair! COME ON!(Rat Boy and Space Wolf seem pretty worried and the scene cuts to Clone Guy)Clone Guy: Princess… You’re awakeClone Guy: sadly (whisper)Princess Lady: AND about time! I- Did I… try throw you out of the ship?Clone Guy: Maybe just a bit.Princess Lady: Is my cover bl- I mean! Im SO sorry. I was… VERY distressed. SO distressedClone Guy: I get it, you’ll be back to work soon, we all will. Everyone needs time.Princess Lady: Thanks for forgiving me because I need your help to get that photo out of my stomachClone Guy: EXCUSE ME!? I- Im NOT a doctor! How am I supposed to do that!?Princess Lady: PLEASE! Otherwise I’ll feed you to the next giant intergalactic planet eating space worm that is around the space ship. And by around I mean I’ll hunt the thing downClone Guy: Princess, what has gotten into you and trying to kill me!? I thought you were our friendPrincess Lady: I AM! I promise. I just REALLY need that photoClone Guy: Okay, okay. I can try. I’ll need- some medical supplies and maybe some sleeping gas because I’d feel bad if I knocked you out by punching you again.Princess Lady: YOU WHAT!?Clone Guy: KIDDING! I was kidding. Please don’t feed me to a giant intergalactic planet eating space worm.Princess Lady: You better get that damned photo out and it BETTER be all nice and cleanClone Guy: Yes! Ok! I can do that(Good awkwardly long shot of Clone Guy being scared and worried and then scene cuts to Chef and Number Five still solemnly looking at their dropped squished now shit food)Chef: I think this is the saddest I’ve ever been in my whole entire life. I feel… like a part of me has diedNumber Five: I get you man, I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that. All that delicious café food… on the ground. Dying, dead. Gone. I will miss and cherish every partChef: The food will be remembered for eternity and… no matter what, it will always live in our hearts, alright?Number Five (tearing up): So true. If you’re out there food, in the stars, in the sky I hope you’ll listen. I don’t think I’ve cherished anything like you. You were… my other halfChef (now crying): Mine too. Food, you were my best friend, my companion and the best part of my life. You will be missed, but never forgottenNumber Five (sadly): Never Forgotten! We will always love you!(Chef and Number Five finally stand up and look down at the food. They there for a moment and salute it)Chef/Number Five: Never forgotten.(the random waiter comes out and looks at them annoyed)Waiter: I said GET OUT OF HERE! SO SCRAM(The waiter then throws a mug at them and it hits Chef)Chef: OW! OKAY OKAY!(They both scuttle away, along the streets)Number Five: What an asshole!Chef: Okay, the waiter was just doing their job. Maybe in a bit of a… mean way but they’re probably underpaidNumber Five: YOU’RE UNDERPAID!Chef: Thank you?Number Five (angrily): YOU’RE WELCOME!Chef: Do you wanna go find Space Wolf and the other two? Because if they found Purpol 2.0 you could probably beat him up if you wantedNumber Five: YES! Okay, lets track em down!(Scene switches back to Space Wolf, Emo Furry and Rat Boy)Rat Boy: Are you really just insulting him right now?Emo Furry: It’s not MY fault he’s such a pathetic loser. COME OUT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A REAL PERSON- alien. THING!Rat Boy: WE PROBABLY COULD TRY FIND OUT HOW TO GET TO HIS LAIR INSTEAD!Purpol 2.0: Yeah, that would take you a while. My lair is SO secret and hard to get into it would take you YEARS to figure out how to enter(Emo Furry scratches at the walls and the cabinet and aggressively tries punching it as well)Emo Furry: SCAREDY CAT! YOU’RE SUCH A LOSER NO WONDER YOU’RE PARENTS DIDN’T WANT YOU! YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AT ALL AND YOU’RE TOO SCARED TO FIGHT!!(Rat Boy seems annoyed)Rat Boy: At this point we might as well just blow the wall up and get throughPurpol 2.0: AH HA! But you’re wrong, if you do that Moustache will die along with itEmo Furry: OH YEAH!? How do we know he’s even there with you!? We have no proof so we might as well just kill you. Get it over and done withPurpol 2.0: OKAY! Just don’t blow it up, it took a long time for me to make this.Moustache: Oh, you lil purple fella! Thank all things spacey I can finally speak. Please help me guys! This is a bit of a pickle as you Earth folk would sayRat Boy: Okay so guess we can’t just blow him up. I bet he only has one exit and that’s why he can’t leave because we’ll see the way inEmo Furry: He’s SO stupid, obviously you would need a secret exit that’s different from the entry in case of emergency.Purpol 2.0: What!? NO! I- I have a secret entrance AND exit. I’m just… messing with you guys!Moustache: His lab isn’t even in this secret room and he is stuck.Purpol 2.0: SHUT UP! I’ll just kill you now! I bet someone else out there has hair as good as yours(Moustache seems to be surprised and stays silent)Rat Boy: What is happening!? This is stupid!Emo Furry: what is happening is that Purpol fucking shit ass hair loser is too much of a little bitch to FIGHT US HIMSELF!Rat Boy: Damn, relaxPurpol 2.0: What. NO! MY HAIR IS AMAZING! AND I am NO coward! And why are you calling me a little bitch!? I’m taller than you, shortieEmo Furry: OH THERE’S NO WAY SOMEONE HAVING TO STEAL THE EPICNESS OF OTHER PEOPLES HAIR IS CALLING ME SHORT! YOU AND YOUR PRETENTIOUS ASS SHOULD GO DIE IN A HOLE! AND NO ONE IN ANY UNIVERSE WOULD GIVE A SHIT! YOU’RE PARENTS WOULD JUMP IN JOY KNOWING YOU’RE GONE! Your existence is just a nuisance.Rat Boy: YEAH! Get him Emo Furry!(Space Wolf starts barking and we can hear Purpol 2.0 crying)Rat Boy: Oh jeez, is he crying?Emo Furry: He BETTER be!Purpol 2.0 (definitely crying): No I am NOT! I don’t careRat Boy: Ha! He’s crying! HEY! If you give us Moustache Emo Furry will stop insulting you, deal?Purpol 2.0 (still crying): No! I’m fine! Insult me, I don’t care at all!(Space Wolf runs around in a few circles happily and looks at Emo Furry)Emo Furry: Last time I checked anyone who was an even half decent villain wouldn’t be here weeping over some teenagers’ insults!Rat Boy: AND I BET YOU ONLY WASH YOUR HAIR ONCE A YEAR BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE PAINTED STRAW AND STUCK IT ON YOUR HEAD(Purpol 2.0 weeps a lot. Like a lot. And won’t stop. Then the secret passage behind the cabinet opens up and Moustache walks out and then it closes after him)Emo Furry: What? Didn’t he tie you up!?Moustache: He did! But luckily my pop pop wizzler taught me as a whipper snapper how to untie a triple Purpol extra knotRat Boy: uhhh… okay. That made no sense. Lets’ just get out of here before he stops cryingEmo Furry: We’re not gonna kill him!? This is such a easy way to murder him! We need him dead.Moustache: As me pop-pop always said, don’t kill a weeping man. It’s not honourable. And all your goo will get mouldyEmo Furry: What- But we have such a good chance!(Rat Boy and Emo Furry look at him confused and Space Wolf starts running out.)Emo Furry: SPACE WOLF! Okay, we’re going.Rat Boy: OH MY JEEZ! stop running away wait up!(He starts jogging after it and they both follow)(Scene cuts to Clone Guy who is setting up equipment.)Princess Lady: Do you really need all that?Clone Guy: Be quiet for one second everything must be placed PERFECTLY!(Princess Lady goes quiet and we see Clone Guy perfectly setting up all kinds of medical devices and beds n stuff. It takes him 10 minutes and we see the whole process)Clone Guy: Okay, I am finally set up and ready to get this photo from Princess Lady’s stomach(Princess Lady is already asleep on the dissecting table because she got so bored)Clone Guy: Oh… Better still get the sleeping gas. Better safe than sorry! Am I right!?(He looks around awkwardly and then then realises hes alone so he clears his throat)Clone Guy: Yes, yes, I am right. Thank You.(He realises he keeps going insane and talking to himself)Clone Guy: I can’t believe I’m talking to myself, this is sad. I just keep talking! Shut Up! NOW IM TELLING MYSELF TO SHUT UP!(he has a minor mental breakdown and then puts a gas mask on and fills the room with sleeping gas)Clone Guy (muffled from gas mask): It’s alright, I’ll do fine(he grabs a dissecting knife and we see this whole epic intriguing operation and he grabs out a sheet of folded paper, stitches princess lady back up and then opens it)Clone Guy: What is this? This isn’t a photo its…(he tries to read but fails)Clone Guy: I can’t read with this gas mask on hold on(He takes off the gas mask and looks at the sheet of paper. He seems shocked)Clone Guy: PRINCESS LADY HAS AN-(he passes out and the note flies into the scene. Its Princess Ladys Evil Plan)
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(Scene cuts to Emo Furry Space Wolf Rat Boy and Moustache all running)Rat Boy: WHERE- (wheeze) ARE WE- (deep breath) GOING!?Emo Furry: I DON’T KNOW RAT BOY! Maybe YOU should ask Space Wolf and find out!Moustache: Always trust a space wolf with a good nose Rat Boy, it leads to good luck and a plate of space wobllasRat Boy: Right. Why is he always saying weird stuffEmo Furry: I have no idea, lets just get going and-(Suddenly Space Wolf stops and Emo Furry almost trips over it and then Rat Boy and Moustache run into him and they all fall over but its ok coz space wolf teleports out of the way and the rest of them fall on the ground and topple)Chef: Oh guys! We found you! And you found Moustache! That’s just- amazing! Great job guysNumber Five: No! NUH UH! Not great job they should’ve left Purpol 2.0 for ME TO BRUTALLY MURDER AND RIP APART! Who took my kill!? Rat Boy!? Emo Furry!? Which one!?Moustache: Actually, we let him go. With the good of our hearts because he was crying and defencelessNumber Five: YOU LET HIM GO!?Emo Furry: Space Wolf started running away and I trust itRat Boy: I didn’t want to be left alone with MoustacheMoustache: See, the goodness of their hearts. Now lets get going, Princess lady and Clone Guy must be really worried about where I wasChef: Im sure they are MoustacheNumber Five: You guys are idiots I would’ve killed Purpol 2.0 so much you have no ideaEmo Furry: Yeah, me too. I really hope he dies soon that would be amazing. I might even throw a partyRat Boy: For realsies… Wait how did Moustache even get in this situation anyway?(Dramatic closeup of Moustache)Moustache: I’ll explain on the way(the rest of this shows the flashback and not them actually getting there)Moustache Voiceover: I was looking for a deal around the space mall. I know, shady business. But with such a good deal this time I couldn’t let it go to waste(hes walking through the mall dramatically)Number Five Voiceover: With the mall pirates really?Moustache Voiceover: Let me get on with the story wont ya!? Well… I walked into the trader store ready to make a dealMoustache in flashback: You know any deals around here I could make?Moustache Voiceover: Well, the dealer was eager and we began tradingTrader: What about 5 duck stickers for your shoes?Moustache Flashback: I say you trade 5 jewels for this neat bowtieTrader: 27 space cat hairs for only 2 of your friendsMoustache: You trade me 20 nails for this half eaten human food called a pancakeTrader: What about you get a carton of eggs and I get you as my slaveMoustache: DEAL!!!(They shake on it setting the deal in place and now its their real life faces)Emo Furry: YOU SOLD YOURSELF FOR A CARTON OF EGGS!?Chef: You’re worth more than that!Rat Boy: Maybe the eggs were just that goodMoustache: Well, like all traders I got too invested and lost myself. Quite literally.Number Five: How did you get with Purpol 2.0 though?Moustache: Right! Back on track(The flashback starts again and we see moustache cooking and eating his eggs. The eggs are all burnt)Moustache Voiceover: I decided to cook those eggs, really feel joyous in my victory. And it felt good for a bit until I ran out of eggs(We see flashback moustache cry over this)Moustache voiceover: Then I got sold to Purpol 2.0. So, I was free from the deal!(Flashback of Moustache now taken by Purpol 2.0. his hands are tied up and he’s dragged to the salon)Moustache Voiceover: But Purpol 2.0 now had me, and he kept weeping about how his dad will never be proud of him and hows kicked out and how he plans to kill everyone in existencePurpol 2.0: I can’t believe I got kicked out! I mean my parents don’t think im good enough!? Im literally way more evil than them. Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll kill everyone else in existence once I steal the amazingness of your hair and become the best person ever(moustache in the flashback nods)Purpol 2.0: What am I kidding, you’ll be dead soon. ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS DAMNED UNIVERSE! ALL MY FAMILY, AND EVERYONE AND THEIR FAMILIES! I can be free! I can live without the noise of all those POINTLESS beings! I cant wait for everyone to be dead.(he starts manically laughing)Moustache: And then Emo Furry and Rat Boy found me, they started insulting Purpol 2.0 angrily, especially Emo Furry which, was a lot. Anyway, he started crying and I had time to flee the scene, using what I learnt from me pop pop back in the old daysChef: Right, that’s great.(Their space ships landed at this BIG spaceship house thing)(Then they walk out of their space ships obviously)Emo Furry: Damn, that was a long day. I’m gonna go to bed and stare at my wall for a couple hoursNumber Five: I’m gonna go play some video games, judge the quality and fall asleepChef: I might bake some cookies to calm me downRat Boy: You guys are boring. I’m gonna watch mean girls again whilst crying. Then I’ll take a shower and go to sleepMoustache: Luckily since I’m back you can all do that in peace. I say, I can’t wait to see what Clone Guy and Princess Lady were up toNumber Five: Oh damn, I forgot that they were looking for that photo of her dadMoustache: Oh, she lost it?Chef: Yeah, she seemed pretty worried about that photo as wellRat Boy: Do you think they found it?Emo Furry: I just wanna know how annoyed Princess Lady got. She can be pretty scary when she’s angryNumber Five: That’s weak, you think she’s scary?Emo Furry: Oh shut up! I was trying to be nice alright!?Chef: Yeah, Number Five and I are just sad about the whole café thing. We got kicked outRat Boy: You two weren’t helping!? So you just chilled at a café!? Without me!Number Five: Hey! You decided to go into that weird creepy alleyway. Apparently just to prove Space Wolf wrong but it was right anyway.Rat Boy: SHSHSHHHHH! Nuh uh! No no no no no no no no! Nuh! Lets get back to the mother shipEmo Furry: We are not calling it that.(they all walk inside and seem confused when they cant find clone guy and princess lady they get confused)Moustache: Princess Lady! Where are you!(Number Five resorts to her laptop to search the security cameras. Chef is stressing out. Rat Boy is looking in pointless places like the fridge and Emo Furry is sitting by Space Wolf on the couch)Number Five: Princess Lady flew away on a pod!Chef: Why would she do that?(Suddenly Clone Guy bursts out a room)Clone Guy: Princess Lady! She has these evil plans to kill us all and join evil guy’s son! They had a plan all along!Rat Boy: Ha. Funny. We have to go find out why she left and get her backEmo furry: Rat Boy! Listen to Clone GuyNumber Five: Theres no way shes evil! It must be a coincidence!Chef: Clone Guy… How do you knowClone Guy: I found her evil plans. She wrote them down in great depth and then swallowed them. I found it when looking for her photo of her dadRat Boy: what? Why would she do that to us? I thought we were friendsNumber five: Did she swallow the photo of her DadEmo Furry: We have to go get her before she does somethingChef: RightClone Guy: Okay team! Head to your colour coordinated space ships! Lets go!Moustache: I will- stay behind!!!(they have a long scene of getting into their spaceships and flying in formation and stuff.)Number Five: She cut off her connection to our GPS!Clone Guy: She’s not totally stupid thenEmo Furry: Wow, I’m impressedChef: Just because she’s evil doesn’t mean you have to be so… well meanRat Boy: I wonder if she really wants to kill us? Would she actually do that?Clone Guy: I hope not Rat Boy, I really do.Number Five: Yeah…Chef: Come on, she’s evil but I’m sure she cares about us. At least a little bit, deep downEmo Furry: We can’t afford to give her the benefit of the doubt right now. She’s made her choice and someone who considers killing us all isn’t worth our timeClone Guy: Emo Furry is right team. We have to go into this with the information we knowRat Boy: I really thought she cared. That she was a part of our team. Our family, you knowChef: I feel you, this is gonna be hard to move past from itNumber Five: Her tech abilities aren’t good enough! She didn’t encrypt her codes! I know where she is.Clone Guy: Good job Number Five!(we see a map and all the dots of their ships are colour coordinated to the dots n stuff. Oh, and Princess Lady is just her colour)Emo Furry: Okay, lets get going(they chase her ship pod down)Clone Guy: Okay, team-(she swiftly flies away and leads them into a planet filled with fog and forest)Number Five: Shes stopped… She must have escaped her shipChef: Oh no… Are we gonna have to get out as well?Clone Guy: Okay team, exit your space ships(Emo Furry gets teleported out by Space Wolf so hes earlier than everyone else)(Everyone then walks out of the space ships)Number Five: You’re such a cheater Emo Furry(He just does something emo)Clone Guy: Princess Lady could be anywhere. So, we could split into 3 groups. I should be fine on my own as leaderChef: You sure? Okay…Rat Boy: Splitting up!? You do know that is prime zone in a horror movie for people to get killed off! No way I’m doing thisEmo Furry: You scared of a little fog?Rat Boy: WhAt!? No- I was- I was just saying that it’s stupid!Number Five: I’m not sure horror movie rules are that truthfulClone Guy: Emo Furry and Chef, you go that way(He points leftish)Clone Guy: Rat Boy and Number Five you’re headed in the opposite directionChef: Are we sure about splitting up?Emo Furry: You’ll be fine, lets go(Space Wolf follows as well)Rat Boy: Wait! That’s unfair, Space Wolf is like an extra member of the groupNumber Five: Does it really matter?Rat Boy: Yes!Clone Guy: We really need to get moving, if you really care about amounts guys, Space Wolf can go with meEmo Furry: Space Wolf goes with me thoughNumber Five: We really need to get moving she could be leaving by nowChef: Im still not sure about the splitting up thoughRat Boy: Uh- YEAH! We’ll get killedEmo Furry: Im leaving this is a waste of time. I can find her myselfClone Guy: Emo Furry no!(they keep arguing)Clone Guy: FINE! We’re all going together. No tactic since NONE OF US can work together. Sorry, we just need to get used to working without Princess Lady. We’ll have to do trust exercises and drills once we get back and calm down(Everyone pauses and listens)Rat Boy: Oh thank god I was not ready to die so young and beautifulNumber Five: Because splitting into pairs would kill us. Even though we had more of a chance by doing so and also we already split off beforeEmo Furry: Okay! Can we just go?Chef: Yeah. This arguing is pointlessClone Guy: Alright! Team, we will walk together, and try to not yell out where we are)(The group spread out a little but walk in silence for a bit. Number Five and Clone Guy are at the front since she’s got the navigation tracker and Clone Guy is super epic leader.)Number Five: (stops and whispers) Shes here…