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Susie did not think; she got out of bed, got dressed, walked outside of her room, past her still-sleeping parents and the decrepit mattress they rested on, and then to the stairwell, coming to the door, and opening it into the sidewalk... and then, did she think.
God damnit god damn it. Why, why? Why can't this damn season end?
Winter meant cold; lizard monsters weren't adapted to cold, and during winter, they were often forced to go outside. The pain, or feeling, of being cold was unlike anything she'd felt previously; after a while, she forgot about the terror that lay in wait at home and at school; just getting to safety was enough, and when she entered school, and the heat fell upon her body, she would let out an extended sigh.
Sometimes, though, she felt as if she was missing something. In the cold, there wasn't only pain; there was a feeling,that made her feel emotions that she couldn't feel anywhere else; when the world turned white, she thought back to how summer felt in her previous town; the sun on her skin, the world bright and the trees green, where she could find warmth, on the sidewalk and walk slowly, to feel the heat longer. She didn't think about these things often, but something made those thoughts persist while she walked within her cold white world, lost in her own mind, and remaining lost in a nightmare she couldn't escape.
Susie had gotten better at resisting winter's offense; and even better, the snowy weather had passed for the most part, but the sidewalk hadn't melted it all, so she could enjoy the scrunch sound, without having to worry about snow getting trapped in her shoes.
Today was a Monday. Christmas had taken place two days ago. She had begged for something nice, or a group of nice things, from her parents, and got reminded of how deeply apathy, a word that she didn't know yet, ran in the family, and perhaps even every lizard; however, a more important topic crossed her mind:
By this point in her life, having moved here recently, Susie had gotten the flow of conversation; this place's form of speech, she had it down... and she knew that she'd have to deal with her classmates talking about Christmas, and the gifts that they would show... what had the residents of this well-off town gotten as gifts? They could have gotten sweaters, that ugly as they were, remained gifts! There could be books, or video games... how much could those gifts make her feel sad, after receiving almost nothing, for all her life? Several harsh yet hypnotic notes sounded in her soul.
Why do I have to be here anyway? I can always just run away. There's got to be something better out there if I look hard enough damn it! She herself had seen towns of summer and beauty, so why couldn't she find someplace else to live? It wasn't like she was trapped here; living with her parents made homelessness seem okay.
Noelle Holiday.
To Susie, she was a ray of light, here in Hometown. She didn't want to kiss her, but whenever she was around, Susie always realized that her mood had became better, so swiftly, that for a moment, she didn't realize what was happening... perhaps because of that golden hair, and those emerald eyes; something about them seemed to entrance Susie; when she saw Noelle, the world became just a little better, and for her, that feeling gave incredible relief, her experiences in life as they were.
Only now did Susie know her surroundings; being lost in thought was a joy, especially when about someone special, yet it could be unpleasant, for when she regained control of her senses, she found herself beset by images, that for valid reasons she didn't like; considering her social status in Hometown, they all seemed to attack her ideals, and her goals for the rest of her life, all those things which monsters of her kind treasure so dearly no matter their social status, and disregarding the prejudice that they faced, face, and will face.
After fully clearing her thoughts, Susie realized she stood at the entrance of the library. She loved this place. It was an area for her. She could get lost in books like Sarah's Wild Adventures, which provided good distraction from her problems; television might be better, if her classmates were right... but getting it seemed like a joke, because of her financial status. The only cartoons she'd ever seen were those on advertising boards, and they just repeated themselves over and over again. However, her endless thinking was over for now; she needed to get to school, after all!
As she walked inside, she felt the anticipated wave of relief. I'm inside, along with the heat...
She put her hands to neck and sighed, and saw Jockington, heh, what a silly name, look at her with a curious, yet scared expression. Then he speed-slithered into the classroom. A good way to start the day.
She walked into the classroom. Everyone was there before her... and the sunlight came straight through the windows, illuminating Noelle particularly, making her look rather privileged. Susie avoided looking at Noelle, because she wasn't ready for aimless thought... yet.
Kris looked somewhat dreary like all the days before, though just now, had she seen them smile at the board, and then at Noelle, then quickly return to neutral expression? They continued staring at the whiteboard, seeing things that Susie didn't.
Jockington looked even more elated than usual, yet he seemed to be unnerved by Susie, quickly turning his head away from her gaze when she looked at him. Ha, can't cope with my sheer badassery compared to you can you?
Berdly also looked oddly cheerful today. He talked about the presents he'd received, with an odd swift-and-spunk in his arms.
And Noelle... Restrain your thoughts. Noelle looked to be the brightest of all the students; she was the brightest in expression, clothes, hair, arms, they were stretched out, green eyes; her speech came out with terrifying exuberance compared to what Susie had seen previously, but it took a while for her to make actual discussion, because she only did so after lots of chatter, all of it about how great Christmas had been for her and her family. Susie enjoyed the view of the unique pure color created when the sun shone on her hair, and how the curls of hair adjusted themselves like sea waves, the texture like a strange ocean, shortly before the door opened, and Miss Alphys entered.
"Hello, class! I hope you all had a great Christmas!" Her voice, was a little less nasally. Where did that come from? Does Christmas have the power to unclutter someone's voice?
"So... we're going back to the subject of history, and in particular, how it could impact somones abilty t esk-" She fell into a chasm in her mind after a myriad of wordless speech from her teacher.
She swam, in this chasm. Where was she now? Many things resided here. Her real surroundings kept fading away.
She was quite deep. I can see things that I can't anywhere else. I like this place. I can think about Noelle safely, and find aspects of myself I'd not find out about in all world's nature, and see a snake, and I can touch it safely! Its skin with rough scales like me!
I'd like to stay here for a while despite some insistence that I stay there. I don't like that place in comparison. I could always just fade away, but there's something there that doesn't really explain itself to me. Why can't I just stay here for a while? Oh yes the world is cruel. Very cruel. But can I be still swimming right here in this void? Cause there's this angelic oxymoron here. Cause there's some creature that looks a nymph whose heart beats faster when I think about her though it might not want to and the nymph's close to a monster. Where have I heard about that before? I've researched monsters. Mostly the ones that eat things. I want to eat something. Could it be her? Mmm.
HAHA wow! What a thought. Could I do it though. Why exactly do I think about this? What kind of eat is it exactly? All the venison kin disn't so tasty, an dimmoral? I wannaeat Noelle Holiday in that way. Maybe she'd accept it and she'd be screaming both ways... anyway.
Break's started, class?
Those words were spoken, but to Susie, they weren't; they were just vivid text, perhaps transformed from speech by the surreality of dragging her mind outside of itself, and regaining sense of her surroundings, accompanied by the realization of a whole myriad of crudely drawn historical figures on the chalkboard. One of them had golden hair. They were all accompanied by words, that told Susie about their feats... their accomplishments and many of those other things that a part of her mind tried to make an attempt to care about, yet it faded away like her mental walls during that abstract scene in the chasm one minute before... and it also faded like the humor of the situation there, once she took a further look, into what really happened in the chasm. She thought about the effects that went through her mind, during that period; her increased affection for Noelle, and in particular her newly discovered lusts... Why was I so horny in there anyway?
Oh, and the classmates talked about their gifts. I'll eventually go insane cause of them, sure of it. Jockington went first.
"This is my new baseball bat! My dad gave it to me. He's really generous!" Jockington used his tail to make several restrained swishes with his new bat. He's pathetic, a part of Susie's mind thought. She phased away into the chasm for the rest of his talk, her mind occupied with more wholesome Noelle-related thoughts.
Catti spoke next: "I got a ukelele for Christmas." She didn't even get a response; Catti got a taste of the position Susie'd been in so many times, where entire social groups didn't want to interact with her! Haha, beautiful!
"I got quite a bit for Christmas," said Kris. "A video game. Dragon Blazers III." Everyone around them made small sounds of wonder; even Catti seemed awed to an extent; Susie heard her let out a small "Ah." Kris continued: "It's been really fun so far. Especially the Ice Area." It was rare to hear any enthusiasm in their voice; what had happened there... perhaps Christmas changed, you, in some way.
Ah! This holiday changed people by changing the fabric of their souls! You were forced to be kind, no matter your mind's health or what it valued! You were then given rudimentary kindness in the form of cards and platitudes (she didn't know that word, yet,) resulting in a never-ending stream of fake kindness toward one another, thankfully, the holiday itself hadn't been a school day this year, so she didn't have to endure too many platitudes, or weird gifts... wait, no; all of that couldn't be true; she knew, from previous, yet limited, experience, that there were still genuinely kind people in the world, so why couldn't Christmas be a satisfying holiday for her and her classmates?
Maybe I'm the damn problem. Maybe, cause of my cynicism, I need to reconsider my mindset- Noelle had begun speaking, while Susie was losing herself in rumination.
"So, my gifts! I have three. I have the first heeeere..." She unzipped her backpack in synchronization with the last word. "Dragon Blazers III!" The classmates that watched... they seemed even more enthusiastic, than they were for Kris. She's got good energy, good. What?
"Me and Kris have been... gosh, attempting to play the game. They've been such a nuisance! Their old spirit is back in force. They're constantly trying to unplug my controller! They have also... 'jumpscared' me, by poking my arm in the middle of an intense boss fight." She looked back at Kris, who flashed a smile. She went up to them and poked their arm in revenge. They and my classmates are laughing but I'm not. "I bet you'll talk too much about the Sweater," Kris said.
"Oh... yeah, I might, because you are wearing it!" Susie realized that she'd mostly ignored her classmates' clothing, up until this present moment. Kris wore a sweater, full of pattern designs, of trees, mistletoes, and stripes, of red blue, green white. Susie was relieved; the sounds of wonder before, they weren't present here.
"Can I have it back?" said Noelle. "Only if you try." "If I get to poke you extra can I have the sweater back?" Noelle looked a bit weirded out. Susie was too.
"My goodness, Kris! What a proposal! Okay, fine-wait, no." Whoa, like the entire class is watching.
"But I want to poke you!" "What the heck, Kris-mas? Angel above, you want it that much, huh?"
Are they blushing ? Well, they are, but... Kris continued:
"I'm tired... and a little embarrassed too. I'll give you the sweater, okay? I won't poke you anymore, okay?" "You said okay twice. But okay, I accept your proposal." Why... are they... Their talk...
W hat does that bag contain? For me it would be nothing good. Could it be something that she'd give-
"Here's a drawing of this entire class! It isn't a gift for me, because I made it... but I never said anything about exactly who the gifts were for! I tried to put a lot of effort into this... I hope ya'll like it!"

Okay, okay. Think about this, Susie, but her golden hair...

The painting was, Susie thought, incredible; it made use of what seemed like all the colors her family could buy, and every technique that she had in her arsenal. It made every classmate their own in both color and form; in their postures Susie couldn't see any flaw or flaws, but especially... No, I don't want to think about that just yet.
But Susie couldn't stop focusing on the way Noelle Holiday drew her classmates. Each had expressive poses; ones that didn't fully comply with what Susie thought would be realistic depictions of them; even the already energetic Jockington had undergone dramatic transformation; his desk and chair were on the damned ceiling, and he hung with his head upside-down, his cap on the floor. But the other portrayals were less humorous than his.
Take for instance, how Noelle portrayed Catti. She was slouched on her desk and she was on her phone; an image that bore small hints of tragedy Susie didn't quite see... why'd Noelle choose that manner of portrayal? Susie looked at the real Catti. She looks different in the painting.
Susie... herself... was incredible. Noelle obviously didn't want to portray her as too strong, as not to evoke suspicion, but she was noticeably more muscular than her other classmates. She sat with her face to the sky, one eye visible from the painting's perspective. She knew her hair wasn't long enough to pool on the floor. For some reason, she and Kris had switched places.
And Noelle sat at her desk in the painting, and nobody seemed to pay attention to her; but she paid attention to everyone else, holding a notebook, with a barely visible, though quite detailed, drawing of herself bearing an exuberant smile like the one she had now, but different from her other pictured expression; one of general indifference; despite all of the chaos surrounding her, she remained calm. Why did Noelle choose such an expression, for her most prized painting?
Her mind was full of questions, and she began to realize... I need to have them answered or else I'll explode, yeah explode for no reason scattering myself into and out of the room and hopefully with
"Noelle?" Noelle underwent a metaphorical explosion; pointing her finger at Susie, and making the entire class motionless with just a single scream... like metaphorically unplugging all their controllers, heh.
"yeah, Susie?"
"I'm kinda interested cause of how you drew me. Why am I so strong? And cool? And why do I have-" Oh wow what's with me, her face's so red.
Noelle looked around at her classmates; most of them looked at her. They bore no unified expression; fear, happiness, and curiosity were all present; sometimes each emotion was combined with another and in other cases, there was only one expression-influencing emotion. I'm so slow at responding right now, will she still like me? Wait she's also kinda slow.
"I... like your body! It's like... powerful." She couldn't talk any more. She had to go out into the hallway. Susie hoped that the break wouldn't be over soon. Thankfully Ms. Alphys let her students enter the hallway even though most of her students didn't do that much.
When Susie walked out into the hallway, she found her potential interspecies mate sitting far from the class door, near the notice board, and near her locker.
"Erm... I think you know what's happening with me."
"No, I don't actually." Noelle began to laugh, but she tried not to laugh too hard. That's one of the cutest expressions I've ever seen cause her two big front teeth come all the way to her chin! She began to laugh too, but unlike Noelle, Susie could restrain her laughter better, and it also came out as an unintentionally seductive rasp. She couldn't tell if it made Noelle afraid or horny.
Why did I say that anyway? Hard to believe that that actually made her laugh.
"I... erm..."
"Wanna come to my house tonight?" Oh my goodness my goodness.
"For what purpose Noelle Holiday?"
She leaned against her locker, and turned to the opposite wall... probably thinking about me, wanting to
"You know what purpose, Susiee!" Her voice was weird. She had a nervous but excited look on her face. She put her hands near her thing. Noelle walked away, and went into the classroom with a weird gait with movement both erratic and confident.
Oh... She stayed perfectly still. She stayed right there. Susie moved toward the exit and then remembered where Susie was.
Susie didn't comprehend what was happening. As the looks on her classmates' faces faded and they went back to conversation she felt like Susie had been thrown back into the chasm and she'd never come out. The Susie that controlled her right now was just some pale imitation of her real self. Her eyes shifted to a singular too-dark-to-see-the-real-color dot on the ceiling. The effect that dot produced, was stunning. She could ignore her classmates and her surroundings for this one meaningless dot on the ceiling! Well, you couldn't ignore it forever...
"Susie... can you retrieve some chalk from the closet?" Well uh okay it's better than class I guess.
Susie walked to the closet, Noelle unpresent at her locker, and she opened its door to a world that, seemed to consume all light. My goodness. She was afraid but she wanted, to go inside, for some odd reason. What the hell is that reason for going down there? Should I go down there? I've heard about hallucinations and this might be one. How do I know if it's actually real? It might be a dream produced from staring at that dot too long. But I've never realized that I was in a dream. I should go in! That place in front of me might be magic!
Before entering the closet, she felt hesitation, but Susie entered the closet, and closed the door, and felt her legs, and the floor shake; she fell down into an unseen pit; the fall wasn't so hard on her mind; she didn't really care about what was happening right now; the amount of insanity today had escalated in such a short time, frying her brain a little; now she didn't feel like she could comprehend anything, so why should she; she was falling, deeper, but what kind of abyss was this? Since when was an infinite fall so soothing? Susie thought.
The light up there kept fading away and away, until darkness encompassed her. Susie couldn't see her hands, or her feet or shoes. She waved her limbs through nothing, and let out an ooooh. But when she closed her eyes, she felt and heard a thump on her back; she had landed on a patch of soft green grass. The surrounding environment was richly detailed, with four incredible columns, with patterns of various symbolic objects resembling her classmates of all variety, not unlike what Noelle had drawn.
But wait. She needed to focus. What new dangers could inhabit this world? Stay calm stay calm, stay calm. Stay, why am I thinking about danger in such a peaceful place?
Susie sat in the center area of a great garden. She still had her normal clothes... but they were fully repaired, like they'd been sewn up while she'd been falling. Including her shoes, even though Susie probably wouldn't find too much snow here. It was a while since she'd last been... in a place such as this; memories of last summer went through her mind.
The surrounding blue walls enclosed the garden in a square shape. She didn't know where her thoughts about engravings came from; those pillars were absent of any kind of imagery. They were just green columns. Oh this is surely magic of some kind. What else is in here?
There many flowers in the garden, all having dramatically varying shapes and colors. All of them were enclosed into many different yet neatly-arranged wooden boxes filled with soil of matching color. She touched one, but scrunching it between her fingers, she couldn't resist; the petals fell on the ground like eggs from a nest and scattered on the soil. Susie felt somewhat guilty; that was an innocent flower, after all. Why did it have to die? Susie had the power to save it and water it, take care of it for the rest of her life!
"Hey, that's a precious flower!" said a gentle voice from her side. She didn't feel any need to turn towards him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She looked upon him with nearly shut eyes, and felt a little better. Looking at him made her mind and body calm. She sensed an attestable character to his fluffy fur. And it made her smile. And I'd often come so close to finding a sweet person. But then she’d lost them, as that person's lack of sweetness in those crucial moments got revealed, and she’d fell back into loneliness. Was this Asriel, the brother she'd heard of from her classmates? It did seem like him. Her classmates talked about his kindness, his gentle heart, and sometimes they'd talk about his beauty... but was he as beautiful as this?
"What's your name?"
"Susie."
"Come on! I'll help you explore the castle... I... hope you enjoy your time within here!"
He had pink eyes, and no glasses. She felt more free, than she did with most people, to look into his eyes. And at the same time Susie enjoyed the feeling of her feet, hitting the grass. His cheeks looked to be permanently pink. His eyebrows were permanently furrowed in a sympathetic or sweet look.
The door they walked looked to have swung open with his wave, though she couldn't tell because her eyes were half-shut. Wish I could do that. Walking into the castle, she noticed a few formerly-ignored feelings as they went away. It was so warm out there, and she felt the sun on her skin, and she even felt it, though the interior torchlight. The floor felt almost as nice as the grass. The halls had dried paint on them; the paint formed thin, densely arranged lines that seemed to pool in small puddles on the floor, like teardrops falling onto a soft lip. Her eyes widened at their sight, and she became aware of just how well-lit the castle was, despite the lack of any sun-like object in the sky, or how few torches there were.
She was led into a bedroom, and invited to sit on a single bed, by the fluffy-furred and red-horned creature. He sat down on the floor.
Oh, I forgot. "What's your name?"
"Ralsei."
"Are you...?"
"I'm a boy... if that's what you're asking!"
"Ral-sei... can you... um... explain what's happening here?"
He looked into her eyes, and then to his side. Then back into her eyes.
"I woke up here one day. I stuck to the first floor at first... because I thought there could be danger up on the other floors... and it turned out they were completely harmless... in fact, they were full of rooms... that could produce effects I'd never even imagined before. I can't wait to show them all to you!
"I've been here ever since, tending the castle and keeping things in order. I've seen so many people come into here for support... I can't remember them all... I've been here for such a long time!
"It's beautiful here, and I like it. But... let's take it slowly at first. Do you have any ideas for things to do?"
"I... I don't want to..." Kiss you or anything. Whoa, where'd that come from? "I want to be hugged, mostly. Can you...?"
His arms wrapped around her body while the scales remained as they were. Awww, this... isn't so bad.
Hugs like this never happened in her life. Maybe once, they had... but she couldn't remember that time, trying as much as she could; it had been forgotten, or just didn't exist. Furthermore, Ralsei was so quiet, and so unafraid that Susie cried.
Susie held her hugger, and she wanted to cuddle with him on the bed, but she decided that cuddling him could come later.
"Okay. Where do we go from here?"
"Hm... let's take a tour of this castle. Bet there's a lot to see here."
"There most certainly is!"
Where should they go first? The closet apparently.
Even this humble space was pretty. Devices of all kinds populated the inside. Some discarded towels and even some clothes, that still remained clean. The mop, to her a rarely-seen object, seemed to have its end made out of Ralsei's fur. And what was that thing with a tube and what looked like a mop at its bottom end, but without any fluff, and with metal instead? I don't want to ask about what that is.
She picked up the actual mop and touched its end. Why isn't he saying anything? What did he think about what she was doing? She'd never felt anything fluffier, and she didn't care about any dust or dirt it had.
I'm so goddamn obsessed with this thing. It's kind of hilarious. I can't stop touching it!
"Susie... don't you want to feel... or touch... anything else?"
"Oh yeah I do." She went to each other item, and touched them all for brief moments. Her hand was still drawn to the broom. Haha. She even went to hug Ralsei again. This wasn't so bad.
She exited the strange environment, but not without pondering, on her experiences in that closet. She hoped to have another experience like that again. Now where could she find it? Would Noelle accept?

Today isn't such a bad day.

"Where do you recommend going next?" I've only got a few hours. Only a few. He remained silent for a moment, but:"Oh, oh!" Ralsei put his hand out; Susie took it. He speed-walked upstairs, taking care to be gentle with Susie's body, and not to let her body move him, walking on the second floor of the castle.

Oh, there's more of those thin wall streaks. I'm liking this.

She couldn't resist exploring each and every room, despite Ralsei's insistence that she follow him. After a while she got too exhausted to continue.
They found their way to a kitchen. She scrounged around for any interesting materials she could find, and wondered how wide her eyes were at the moment.
And then she felt confident enough to confess her intentions here.
"Rals?"
"Yes?""I'm going on a date!" His face contorted for a while as if he'd been struck by surprise, then confusion, and then to happiness.
"Awww! Who's your date?"
"Noelle Holiday. It's this deer girl." He smiled wider. "And I'd like to learn to bake something for her."
"Alright, I'll see what we have."
She got some time to take in her surroundings. This kitchen sported a really big oven, for some reason, with its sides being taken by smaller ovens, the larger oven having twelve burners, the others having six. She stood beside a very large fridge.
She looked at the recipes he held out.
Weird blue brownies, cake designs resembling Ralsei himself, more weird recipes; a really, really big apple pie. Which ones should I make first? Oh, those involving Christmas.
Here was a recipe for a cake with red and white frosting, with some added decorations at the top.
Okay. But can I bake? Yeah, probably. Wonder how it'll turn out.
She gathered all the ingredients. Ralsei helped her with the ones she couldn't find, since the cabinet that contained them was full of small weird ingredients, making it hard to find the right ones.
The next minutes were a gigantic blur. Baking a cake was such a weird experience for her that all of the steps seemed alien to her mind and body. Stirring was hard, and so was mixing, and so was putting the pan in the oven. She almost got it in... before it slipped out of her hands and spilled its contents onto the floor. Ohhhhh no. Ralsei grabbed some cleaning equipment from a location she didn't look at and mopped it up. "Don't worry Rals. I'll do better next time!" Doing better would require... more... what?
I'm going to get Noelle a single egg. She'll love it, I know it! She knew the idea was odd... but she knew it would work, somehow. It seemed a little more genuine, than a Christmas cake. Susie looked for a normal egg in the ingredient storage cabinet.
This one looked too normal. Completely spotless, and white.
"Can I take this with me?"
"Hm... I do let people take souvenirs when they go. Do you want that to be your souvenir?"
"Yes, I do."
"Okay. That's your souvenir!"Egg in hand did she walk out of the door. Ralsei led her to another room. As he did that, she felt this icy feeling of wanting to go somewhere else. She wanted to go back home, wanted to go somewhere else and wanting to go to a world even better than this one. The arctic calling via its cold icy landscapes. Why am I thinking about that? She even felt a little unhappy, when she returned back to the castle. We're so happy here. And I'll probably have to leave someday. And where will I go then? And she was in the arctic right now, except for the door to the rest of the castle. The door wasn't even a door, it was a gateway to another world, one at night, with an aurora above. Zero animals or people in sight, river that flowed despite snow, this other world seeming oddly appealing. Susie inside of a desolate, lonely forest. Of the illusion or cold she felt nothing. Why does this even exist? Did he like the cold, the way she found comfort in heat?
"Do... you think about this a lot, Susie?" What is he-wait!
Susie exited the room and... Her room would have lots of Christmas decoration and a big chair and bed and ideally a double bed and many different areas and Christmas decorations that stay up there always always great
Entering the room she saw a bedroom with detailed Christmas decorations, a red velvet bed, a miniature Christmas tree on the floor, a red velvet carpet, a few pictures on the wall detailing memories with types of happiness Susie had yet to feel, even with her experiences in the castle so far. Along with a few others that kept forming through her imagination. Wow, where could I go next?
"I'm glad you're enjoying this room... C-can I offer a few suggestions?"
"Whaddaya want?""I want to see... your world! The one you came from!"Wait... oh... he hasn't seen too much of Hometown, has he?
She focused on Hometown: the apartment blocks, the... oh my, Noelle's house, the other houses with dramatically varying colors, QC's, and Ice-E's, I sees, Kris's house, the church in all false Angelic glory with Father Alvin standing beside it, and the city hall, the, graveyard, the hospital, police and lake, Susie falling over, then, in despair, and now, contented.
Getting up, she opened the door again... I don't want to go back it's so great here and it keeps getting better
When Ralsei went inside, he pranced around like some insane deer, eyes wide. Where did it all go so right with him and me? His prancing another kind of love. He had multiple... ways of doing it. Sometimes he'd jump in place and spin in a circle in the air. Other times he'd go to a grassy surface to jump high and spin slowly, to enjoy the sunlight, illusory as it was. Could that someone, who could also do that, be... her? Who was “her”? Susie joined him for a while. She was a little clumsy, but nobody was watching except him, so it wasn't that bad.
"Wanna take a tour?" said Susie. The sun was much brighter than usual.
"Sure!" said Ralsei.
It looked like summer. Many lawns had all-yellow grass. The sun was at the top of the sky. Sometimes she thought she saw a person or two before they vanished, like Hometown was some haunted paradise town, with ghosts doomed to forever wander its streets and sidewalks. Will I become a ghost after I die?
"Can I take you somewhere?" said Susie. Ralsei nodded.
It didn't take much time to go to the apartments. When she started to open the door to her apartment, she found herself jerking her hand away from the door in sudden fear. But when she looked around, and realized nobody else was present except for her new best friend, she opened it anyway.
She came to her apartment. It was full of junk, looking like a terribly-managed warehouse. Two mattresses were laid out on the floor, and a slit of light from the crack in the window shades shone on them, like it took pity on whoever had to sleep there.
Ralsei asked about the amount of... weird stuff scattered on the floor. He didn't recognize much of it, and Susie didn't want to talk about it. Maybe she'd be ready someday.
More weird stuff came when she went into her room, the one with scattered posters on the walls, none of them being without scratches, the characters and people on those posters being tattered remains of a bygone dream.
Her bed was... clean. Her parents thankfully gave it some consideration, unlike the rest of the furniture in her room, which were mostly just some stained shelves, as stained as the walls above them. The books there weren't so dilapidated, because Susie took good care of them. They were her only sources of entertainment... so she sometimes stole them from the library. Berdly wasn't very observant. She hadn't been caught yet, but she eventually would, and she'd suffer consequences. She didn't feel too guilty about stealing them, since they helped her get through the horrors that she had to endure throughout her daily life.
Susie gave one of them to Ralsei. He opened Sarah's Wild Adventures and began reading quite fast.He flipped a page every twenty seconds.
This tale was about a hero who always seemed to fail in every way possible, during her daily life. Sometimes she'd find success, but it was always short-lived, those moments often stolen away by other moments caused by her madness, or by a malicious figure, most often ones that came for one moment and were never seen again, or by her own parents. Her dad had torn away the last pages in some odd fit of rage that she couldn't pinpoint the cause of, despite his problems with alcoholism; and in a fit of mockery the library didn't have another copy. So she reread the chapters of the book over and over again, being too guilty to return the book, hoping to gain all she could from a story that ended too damn early!
In that process, Susie's mind constructed many endings, all of them with the goal to fix the situation Sarah found herself in. Sometimes one of the malicious figures or her parents finally did her in. Other times she found herself in dire situations that her mind made sub-extended-endings out of, or Sarah became her end after nobody would do it for her.
Susie'd become tired, of constantly rereading the same passages, and making up the same endings. She wanted a real conclusion, but couldn't get one, because her father, was too guilty, to admit his failures... and so she remained in place, hoping for a peaceful solution, just like Sarah on her final page.
"I can see why this is on your shelf. It's a really good story, even with the end pages' absence! I... felt like that at one time. But that's a story for later, heh!
"Do you think I could... make up a new ending, if you came back here sometime?"Hey, don't look so surprised, Susie. I immediately thought of... We can write it together, if you want!"
Could I write it well? Could I write it?
"Sure. We can write it together. Can I come back here sometime, after my date?"
"Yeah... certainly! It might take a long time, but you'll find your way back here... I'm sure of it!"
"What do you mean, find my way back here?"
He looked a little pained. "I'll elaborate on that later."
Susie was a little tired from so much deep discussion. She yawned. "Aaaaahhhh. Hey, Rals? Can I take a nap in your bed for a while?"
"Er... sure! But why do you want to leave Hometown so early?"
"Don't worry. Explore all you want Rals. Just don't explore for too long."
On the way out every single structure seemed to intrude upon her thoughts. She wanted to go to this one, then to that one, but to do any of that, was too much for her at the moment.
Entering the castle felt almost a relief.
She was walking down the hall, and then resting in the bed unable to sleep, while her mind thought, of Ralsei and Noelle. She compared the two. She wasn't attracted to Ralsei. She saw him as a friend instead of a lover. She didn't feel the same connection with Noelle. But is that a good or bad thing? Both types of relationship had their benefits, yet she wanted the affection that Noelle Holiday could provide; nobody else, she thought, could be her crush.
And with all likelihood Noelle had a crush on her as well.
She could taste Noelle's lips when she moved hers together. Her fantasies got more adventurous.
Just thinking instead of just doing got tiresome after a while, especially after her adventures in Dreamtown. She moved out of the door, and started exploring more of the castle.
She walked into another broom closet. There were many mops in this one. She found herself touching them all. In the order that they were arranged. None of them as soft as the one she had touched first. She wondered if all of Ralsei's problems were like this and got an idea.
She found him rummaging through some souvenirs of the last people to have come here, including what looked like a family photo of reindeer. She didn't look closer.
"Ralsei, can you come to the bedroom?" That sounded really weird.
"Sure!"
"Thanks... dealing with all this, the stuff that I see and encounter in Hometown... is hard. I need a short break."
"I'm sorry about forcing you to relive all that... and I'd be happy to offer you a break! How could I help?"
"I'd like to talk to you about what I'm feeling right now.""Okay!"
She ran through the castle, Ralsei in close pursuit. The teardrops on the walls, would her tears look similar? She didn't dare look into his eyes when she lay herself under the bed's covers.
"Can I ask you something, Rals?"
He didn't respond, and she was forced to look up. His eyes were wide and pink.
"What do you have to deal with... here?"
"Oh, not much. I do occasionally forget to maintain obscure areas of the castle... but nothing-"
"Ralsei, I've gotta interrupt you.
"Everyone I've ever met has hurt that they hide when you first meet them. Noelle Holiday, this classmate of mine, has been hurting because of her mom. I've heard how she talks about her, through whispers to her friend Kris. There's so much hurt in my life, from my parents and my social status. And even I've tried to hide it cause I can't tell people about it! This goddamned place has hurt me so much..." Damn it that didn't come out right!
"When I first moved here I was already so annoyed by my personal life. Sometimes I'd push people away on the street cause of anger... it's that bad, for Angel's sake!" Why did I say that. "I've been forced to remain here..."

Oh my goodness, I'm not good at this. What do I do do what to do what

He's staring at me. It's kind of cute.

"Hey... Sorry Rals, I just need some time with my thoughts. I'm sorry if I offended ya in any way.""Hey, you didn't offend me! I'll walk out... you do need some time alone, I agree."
Oh... my goodness. I need some time to think about what to say. What do I do next?
"There is only one thing in my life. It is pain." He didn't say anything and he walked in. He just stared at her, confused yet sympathetic.
Hey, that isn't true! I have a crush and I'm lucky to have a cute deer girl classmate! "Um, sorry Rals. I was just trying to say that...
"It seems like my life is doomed to go nowhere. Where am I supposed to go after... adolescence? It's like I'm forced to continue driving on this deserted road across some snowy hellscape. And Noelle is a stop sign. She could take me away from that road, no matter... how far... it goes!"
"Hey... I hope I can comfort you by saying... that you were able to speak that very well. Better than most people who come in here!"
Oh wow. Is he being serious?
Ralsei turned his head to the side.
"I don't think I've ever been through such a plight... on that level, Susie... But trust me, I do sympathize with you. That doesn't sound good at all!
"I hope you can find a way out of your situation... and that your date with Noelle goes well!" There was a stillness in the room and the castle, that Susie became aware of, something always there yet ever unnoticed, until now; she wondered... did it have something to do with her new friend's plight?
"There was once another deer girl that came in here." said Ralsei. "I heard a sobbing noise while watering the flowers. I looked back... and saw her falling on the grass in the center. Her clothes were damaged in terrible ways... it looked like she'd been physically attacked.
"I brought her to my bed and allowed her to stay... under the covers for a little while. An hour later, I came back to her, and she had stopped crying. I was afraid that she'd start crying again, so I held onto her and asked her what she was crying about.
"She told me that her family was... severely damaged by a recent tragedy. She refused to specify what that tragedy was, but some of what she said... implied, to me... that she had something to do with it. In that moment I didn't feel as much resentment... as I did pity.
"She also told me, with, well, a lot of swear words, from both her and her mother... that her mother disliked her, even before the unspoken tragedy... that she once overheard her mother wish she was dead... that her mother would always apologize when she did something bad... but then do the same things again. She cried and cried about her situation, and I told her that she could find new companionship in places that she wouldn't normally look. She cried even more after I told her that... yet I saw those tears... as happy ones, brought on by the sudden sensation... that everything would be okay.
"When she left the castle, I found myself crying too. Most of my guests didn't have such... harrowing stories to share... and she might have had the worst of them all!
"But she was one of the only residents... that made me feel like I could bring light... to someone else's life. I'd tried in the past, but that had always turned out... with mixed results.
"And as she ascended back up to the real world, the one that you've told me so much about, and let me see for myself, I found a form of real peace, a fleeting and mysterious thing, for my attempts at getting it back have proven fruitless... as I wander the halls in search of new feelings, on most days I think back, to that wondrous and fruitful day, when I finally found something that I felt was worth real effort, even more than taking care of the place and cooking meals for myself, as much as I love this place.
"It felt like that deer girl was, on that blessed day, sent down by some higher power, to let me know about something, that I could not only provide love to, but receive love from, and if your descriptions of the real world are anything to go by, that's one of the rarest things one can find up there... and I think that based on what I've seen so far, you're the one who could do that again, perhaps... even better than the one who I cared for all those many years ago."
Susie'd never heard anyone pour their heart out like this. Not even in the few pieces of fiction she'd gotten to read, or the other mediums of entertainment she'd overheard conversation about. She cried. She felt envious, of his speech. Ralsei looked happy, but then he realized how... uncaring he looked, and began to cry with Susie, sitting next to her on the floor, for this precious moment, they sat still there, and on occasion, they glanced into each other's eyes.
In some kind of trance, they went back to the garden, the flowers again entrancing her.
"I just want to water the flowers for a while," she said.
Ralsei went away. Susie picked up a watering can and rotated it rhythmically, so that it hit each flower with the same amount of water. Rainbows, rainbow, rainbows, rainbow, that's a lot of pink, that's a lot of blue, that's a lot of white
Ralsei had a look at Susie. Then he stepped away in gentle manner, back into the castle, to unknown pursuits.
She started watering the flowers. This felt nice because it had purpose, that went beyond necessity. It wasn't like what she did at home, because she did those things only to survive. She maintained this garden, which Ralsei prized, along with any other lucky souls that could happen, or have already happened, to stumble into here. Would Noelle stumble into here? I wonder what she'd think of this castle. But it wasn't just her, it was anyone else who could stumble in here. From what Ralsei said, she imagined that the castle had many entrances in random spots, affected area unknown.
But she thought about Noelle Holiday despite how unlikely her visit was. Susie thought about her crush while watering a small patch of yellow flowers. Ahhh. This would be a great place for her to live in. She'd get to skip around the castle, probably with her eyes closed, hair flowing. Susie could get some help from her with watering the garden. And if there was a double bed they could sleep together. That couldn't happen at the Holiday household, I bet. When could that happen in any other place?
Susie, realized... she'd been thinking too quickly again. From what she could see, Ralsei was the sole permanent resident of the castle. Perhaps she and Noelle could go away together, live a better life in a distant town, neither of their parents able to reach them. Married to me, in a nice house with children and the sun in her hair.
She went back to watering flowers. The first-watered ones, had they grown a little, in the past minutes?
When she finished, Susie called for Ralsei, he came. "I've finished watering the flowers." They went to the center of the garden.
"I don't want to leave!" Susie cried. Sadness struck Ralsei.
"HEY, hey!" Ralsei said. He hugged her. His fluffy arms again. His grip tight on her jacket. He ran into the castle for many, many minutes. For Susie, those minutes were just her crying at the night sky, and praying that Ralsei would bring an amazing gift, like the sky could support her as much as he could. When he came back, he had a blanket on him, and he sat down with Susie next to the wall.
Her eyes were red from crying. She didn't feel so great, but I want to go back to Noelle. Do I want to remain with Ralsei? But it's getting late outside, probably. There's nothing more to do here. And Noelle is waiting, at her house probably, or at our school's entrance.
"Ralsei... can I go back to Noelle in a few moments?"
"You can go back to Noelle. I think she'd be happier with you around, from what you've told me.
"And besides, your parents are probably really worried!"
Ralsei raised his arms up to his chest, and put on a big smile, for his current best friend. He hasn't done that before. Hey wait a minute, I never got an answer as to what he was thinking! "Hey Rals what did you mean when, you said that thing about finding my way back here eventually?
"Well... this deer girl I told you about?
"You might not believe it... but one day... I thought I saw her in the garden's center! I ran down to say hi, but she'd already gone back to your world. I don't know why she did it... or why she went back... but she was able to find her way back to the castle! And that's the important part. Many people have come here... but she was the only one who visited for a second time!"
"Erm... t-t...time to go back, Rals. Bye!"
"Bye!" Twice wasn't good enough, for these fine few hours.
"Bye!" "Bye!" Why do I like this so much? "Bye!" "Bye!"They both stopped; their meeting was over. I could meet him again in the future...
She went to the light at the center of the floor. Susie raised her arms up in some kind of prayer; when she looked up, she saw the sky; it looked dark, yet it somehow provided light to the whole garden, and that light came from stars that looked strangely... green like his outfit; it reminded her, that it would come to Hometown very soon. And she felt her body being lifted, and she watched the world below grow farther and farther, until it was just a speck of dim light.
This time, the light came closer, instead of going farther. She watched her hands and arms grow brighter. I'm going back, to the light and to my date. The light began to hurt her eyes; why was that so? I'm right here, in the closet. She couldn't get enough of her newfound confidence and optimism. She walked out of the closet.
The day had progressed to the afternoon. Most classrooms were dark and somewhat foreboding with their turned-off lights and empty desks. Nobody was in the school except for her.
There was something special about this environment, she saw. Nobody being here, meant something more than just emptiness. With no one else here, the emptiness seemed to fill itself. What normally was ignored took center stage.
She explored for a while. She saw several doodles on her classmates' desks. On Jockington's was a baseball bat. Badly drawn. Kind of cute though.
And she saw some others, and decided to draw her own doodle, using her nails. There came the sound of her nails against wood.
It showed her and Noelle holding hands. She tried to indicate that her and Noelle were looking at each other, but it eventually turned into lines to each other's faces... it looked creepy... but also cute! Like a pair of insects disguised as humans falling in love with each other... but both of them think their sweetheart is a human... hm, not a bad book idea!
She walked outdoors, into Hometown,
Where the whole world had gone beautiful in seven hours. Standing still outside of the school, Susie took some time to admire the sun peeking through the clouds... which seemed a little less thick, around the small area, where the sun shined, so she could look at the sun, without it being too hard on her eyes. It looked less like a star and more like a white eye in the sky. There were small snowflakes fluttering down from the supposed heaven the Angel resided in, watching over all humans and monsters.
Even with the beautiful scenery, she felt that something had changed, since she fell into the garden. Her head felt heavy with feelings she couldn't quite name. She took the first few steps toward Noelle's house. She felt real courage, for the first time, in a very long while.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Yes, Susie walked on the sidewalk. Her walk felt amazing.
Yes, the neighborhood had begun to settle down, its inhabitants seeming sparser than normal on this winter afternoon.
Yes, Noelle's house could be seen vaguely through the trees. The house was more amazing than any other in the neighborhood, being great in size, decoration, and pure incredibility, its incredible amount of Christmas decorations shining under the light of the western sun, and its beauty struck Susie straight onto, and then into the eyes, where the feeling it created went to the heart.
Yes, she waited for the gate to open, looking out for Noelle Holiday or Carol in the front yard and driveway, sensing newly gained vigilance: her own.
And yes, Kris was walking towards her. Wait, what? Something important was about to happen. Kris Dreemurr came within one meter of her body and stuttered. No ideas. Even though they'd probably heard about the date by now. From someone, obviously. Various musical melodies she'd heard, they went right through her head. They repeated over and over
"Listen to me, Susie...
"Noelle's been going through some hard times. She hasn't told you about them, I don't think. Maybe you could help her. By just talking to her about this you could do wonders for her mental state!"
She'd overheard a lot of this without knowing it was, that severe.
For such a quiet and odd human...
"I'll hold up to your word, Kris. But I... might be a bit rough with her."
Oh no uh oh. Weird sensations coursed through her body. Susie imagined her face looking like the top of a matchstick.
"Hey hey hey, I meant... like..." Nodding head, a kinda good sign. Oh dear I've probably ruined this discussion can I make sausages out of it? Make salvages outta it? Sausages don't seem too bad at the moment heh. Even though I don't like them very much.
"Forgive me Kris. I got a little carried away."
"Well... I hope she'll be happy with you doing that. Good luck Susie." Kris walked away in nonchalant manner. Like nothing interesting had happened in their conversation together. Ha, that's kind of funny.
Yes, she went back to waiting. This was getting rather tedious. When would someone come? All the thoughts in her mind consisted of solely when Noelle or her mother would come to open the door.
She heard clomping sounds, and looked to her left, to see Noelle Holiday walking toward her.
"Where were you?" said Susie.
"Oh, I'm sorry Susie! I was looking all over for you! I thought you'd disappeared until Kris told me that you were waiting at my door!"
"Well, sorry to keep you waiting." When Susie smiled, Noelle moved back and blushed.
"Er..." Noelle Holiday tried to keep her composure, yet the blush... it spreads further. Hehe.
"Come on in!" said Susie, knowing full well that she didn't own the house.
Noelle got her keys, and the gate swung open, with an ease that made Noelle look strong. A fun mental image. To see her so strong and...
Yes, this house was beautiful; there were decorations all over the walls and ceiling and even the floor with its carpets, and the patterns on the carpets and the armchairs and sofas, because the word for it was lost and the ceiling was even, brighter and there's a kitchen and stairs with another seemingly copy of this room on the two downstairs pathways
"You look kind of weird, Susie. Are you okay?"
"I'm always weird."
"Hell yeah." Noelle Holiday went to sit on a couch and blush. She invited Susie to sit with her, who tried not to laugh at the way she said hell yeah.
"Thank you for bringing me here!" So oddly genuine for me, why is that so weird? It's having a big effect on her, too. Look at how her body is shaking. Wow. She looks very pretty in this state.
She liked being around Noelle better, than being with Ralsei. Susie draped her arm around her future girlfriend.
"Hey, Susie."
Oh, yes! The egg! She took it out of her pocket, instinct having kept it safe since it was put there.
"How do I boil an egg, Noelle Holiday?" From Noelle, there came surprise.
"You don't know how to boil an egg?"
"I don't really know how to cook, sorry."
"I'll teach you!"
They went to the kitchen. It seemed a lot like the castle's, even with one fridge and one oven. Noelle grabbed a pot. Then she went to the sink and put some water in it. Then she asked Susie for the egg. She felt like laughing. Laughing a raspy laugh.
"Susie?"
"No, no, don't worry. Just a little bit... entertained, by the situation I'm in, having to be taught to boil an egg at the age of fifteen."
"You can come stay more often if you want," said Noelle. "Do you want it soft, medium, or hard boiled?"
"I'll have it soft boiled."
"Hey, that's how I like it too!"
She felt a little hot. Maybe because of the egg that was about to boil. Maybe 'cause of something else.
After getting the egg ready they waited on the couch for the timer to ring.
Okay, can I cuddle with her? Are you serious right now. Oh, but I could probably cuddle with her, couldn't I? She wondered what Noelle thought at the moment.
She cuddled Noelle.
She could hear her laughing. Noelle moved herself in a nicer position; near Susie's chest.
Noelle made herself comfortable there. She rubbed her face against them and tried to wrap her legs around Susie's. This eventually escalated into kicking on each other, Noelle making a small yelp with every kick. The closer I kick to her...
She looked around, and listened, and saw that there was nobody else around. Darkness encroached on the outdoors.
Susie began to get more adventurous with her kicking locations. Noelle yelped in the way that Susie wanted.
Susie planted a massive kiss on Noelle's forehead. She tried to kiss Susie's forehead in response. Susie grabbed her head and forced her to kiss her lips instead.
MMMMM. I kissed Noelle Holiday!
Their lips were still together. She could feel her power to do whatever she wanted. But then the timer rang and they broke away. Noelle still looked at Susie.
"That was... really nice of you." said Susie. Noelle just giggled, and wiggled her hips while still on Susie's lap.
Noelle smooched her again before they got up and went to get the egg out of the pot.
"Alright... yes, lean the pot like...
"SUSIE NO!" The egg fell down into the strainer; it cracked, and so did Noelle.
"HOW COULD YOU... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" She put her hands to her mouth.
But it didn't really crack. There were no visible cracks on its surface. The thing looked perfectly fine. Noelle examined it, and she said what Susie thought.
"Wow, it's lucky that you're so good at maintaining the condition of an egg!" Yeah, sure is!
"You can have it," said Susie.
She got a metal spoon from the corner. She put the egg into a holder, and began cracking it. The top slid right off. Susie was quite envious of her date, after years of having to tear the tops off with her own hands.
She inserted her spoon into the egg, and ate a large part of yolk. Her head was still, like she had just found some great revelation.
"Oh my goodness, where did you get this egg?"
"I... my mom got it from the grocery store."
"We must locate this brand of egg! It must be, mmph..."

mmph

"bought in bulk!"
"Can I have a bite?"
"Oh, of course!"
At this exact moment, Susie realized that since the morning, she hadn't eaten anything at all. She had been too distracted by her adventures through castles and schools and sidewalk pavements. This egg is going to taste unbelievable.
It didn't taste unbelievable. It tasted amazing. The yolk was, on top of being distinctly yellow, especially milk-like, and the white tasted like a combination of melted butter and cream cheese. There's the two of us, one starving and one relatively full... and we both taste the same thing... and I love eggs, and I've never heard her talk about them...
Wait, is it... Don't mention that. What to do next?
Some weird instinct caused her to take the hand of Noelle and lead her upstairs.
Susie entered her bedroom. Oh my goodness she's so nice and sweet like her bedroom. It's like I imagined in that castle room. There's so many Christmas decorations everywhere. And that bed, would be good, for... I don't wanna think about that, just yet.
Noelle laid herself down on the bed... and made perceptibly horny body movements. The next few moments consisted of deciding what to do next, while Noelle wiggled her hips, and stared at Susie with big emerald eyes.
Oh my goodness this night has gone so well. We're together without any of the why that plagues the other relationships I've had. We shouldn't be here yet we are.
Susie let out a gigantic yawn... and like so many times this day (no amount is enough) she realized something obvious: she needed to go to sleep.
That bed looked quite comfy.
Noelle tried to do things to Susie when she climbed in with her... but Susie pushed her hands away. She told Noelle that she was about to go to sleep.
She dreamed about... oh my goodness, what's this?
Scenes changed, objects flew, and her world spun.
But she focused her eyes on a single spot, and there stood... something. It was Ralsei. He adapted with the scenery, in multiple ways involving his expression and the color of his clothes and fur. He sometimes... flickered, to spots around him for a few moments in more chaotic scenes. But his expression never turned explicitly hostile or creepy, no matter the other expressions in the scene. What the hell is happening to him and me?
She woke up to a shoulder massage from Noelle Holiday. Who sighed as if she was the one getting massaged. Susie giggled.
"So should we do it?"
"Sure, but can I be a bit rough?"
Noelle clamped her hands on her mouth. When she revealed her cheeks, they were phenomenally red.
"Don't worry, I'm not too surprised," she said.
The wait was too much to bear. Susie took off Noelle's clothes. She looked as if she'd been caught in headlights.
"Do it to me too," Susie said.
...

Ah Ah ah ah AH AHHHH

...
Why didn't this feel correct?
Why didn't this feel nice? Well it did but there was something she was missing.
...
...This isn't Robin and Marianne... It's Sarah's Wild Adventures! WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS!
...
Yes, she decayed because that was the closed case which she was trapped in, for her fantasies and those torrents of the waves, she knew those things would just lead to the end of the road, before after she realized it she was dying, for the world before was so much greater, so much greater so much juster when my cold white world became a terrible reality you found the worst thing of all because your fantasies and their flow will, lead beyond the end of the road to places where stands the endless desert and deserts have snow too you know and you can't see it can't see can't see anything you have never seen.
...
She was outside the house... and she didn't understand how. She still felt very much naked even with clothes on, and the brutal wind and snow blowing upon her scaly body. Her hair in the wind framed her as some fallen fashion model, who clung onto her few remaining good attributes.
Well, she did understand how she was out of the house. But she hadn't fully understood why she was out of the house. When would she fully comprehend the situation she had just experienced?
Noelle's mother walked out of the door, while Noelle remained in her room, too traumatized to confront the disaster that had come. Her fault?
"Hello, Susie. You can't date Noelle anymore. I'm sorry, but that's how it is."
"Get your hand off my shoulder."
Noelle's mother had a sad look on her face, but she had to go back to Noelle's room for purposes incomprehensible... the things that Susie'd been subjected to... she didn't know why they'd happened...
Those purposes also destroyed her would-have-been-happy memories of today. She hoped she'd be able to appreciate them in time, if time ever let go of her.
When the two of them, Susie and Noelle, broke apart, something else was severed. Not the relationship. She didn't dare guess what it was, for the thoughts of it, those that plagued her mind, terrified her. Had Noelle experienced terror in that moment? Had she misinterpreted her yelping?
Her kisses seemed so foreign, to this Susie who stood still in Hometown's sunset, watching the sun set and reminded her of frost to come. Thinking about that moment; thinking about things that would never come. She'd never get to kiss her again... She'd never get to have sex with her again, or do gross things to her while they did it.
The emotions were gone, and there was only the apathy that remained. She still did not know what apathy was.
The stars would come out soon. Would they be green, like in the great big sky above the castle? She wished to return there. Ralsei would probably be the best support for her. And she could reimagine the situation in that castle room... and make it better.
She walked toward the school.
The doors were unlocked. Susie left the gaze of the sky, and the embrace of the cold... now, wasn't this more comfortable? She found the door to the closet, and kneeled there like a priest in prayer... so desperate, Susie was. When she rose higher and opened this closet door, she saw nothing. She put her toes up to rise even higher, in hope of getting a different result, and gave up opening the closet door to a distant resemblance of those closets in the castle, those with soft mops.
And the arctic called from inside and outside the closet, and Susie, even though she was a lizard, couldn't refuse. She'd grown tired of refusing. Now, she just wanted to find peace. In what place she could find peace, she didn't know. She desperately wanted to know, but the whole world worked against her... and her kind; the coming... cataclysm, would kill many lizards, who would die in spades unable to find warmth. They could just fall on the ground and shiver till death. Mislocated lizards wouldn't be able to find any place warm enough to stay in, Winter scarring some of them with permanent frostbite whether or not they had the luck to survive, destroying their dreams of strength.
Her fear of the future and of the dying lizards seemed foolish in response to these great happenings of today. Many of those in her life had prioritized these moments above all else even as their lives, did crumble. She grew to dislike these poor lost souls; because they were her and she didn't like herself... well, something grew inside her that rejected such notions... but it would probably wither soon.
If an event like this happened in their lives, could they find peace, as Susie did during those brief few moments with Noelle, before death? What a messed-up thought. I don't want them to die, even if it means peace for them! No, maybe, there was another option, an in-between.

I may be forced to embrace pain... but I shall not be forced to embrace death.

Yes, that was it... it was. Susie cried because of the... the... relief. Relief.
She went outside, and... lo... there stood Kris under a streetlamp, who looked directly at her. Oh! What now? They cried, and held their hands up. Sobbing, they said: "I'm sorry."
Maybe... for just a moment...
"May I hug you, Kris?" That statement... unlike her. This day never stops changing me. They look surprised too!
She found peace in their embrace. It wasn't like Noelle's; they did it out of sympathy, not with sexual or romantic intent. She almost wanted to plant a kiss on their forehead, but decided against it. She saw Kris, as one of two people who genuinely wanted to help her at this moment.
Wait... are they blushing? Oh, that's how they feel too. I... I don't mind too much. Even though it broke another fantasy of hers, this one especially short-lived. They could hug as much as they wanted, without the shame of being gazed upon by passersby, after the time she'd spent with Noelle. She even stroked their neck a little, and they gently massaged her arms.
Why did she feel more sympathy for them, than she did with Noelle? Noelle... had inflicted lots of pain on her... whether or not intentional, and broke again, her broken heart...
"Please tell Noelle that I love her, still. Even though we can't meet up or kiss anymore. And tell her that I'm sorry for being so rough. I was just trying to make her happy." Kris stared at her with... when did they have crimson eyes? The light of the street lamp there, made brilliant reflections on their irises. Oh, that wasn't important.
"Don't worry. As I told you, Noelle likes roughness." How come she'd failed to see that?
Susie rested her snout on their head, as a gesture to show that, in a weird little way, she liked them a lot. They ruffled her hair; some kind of playful gesture, or maybe they just liked how her hair felt.
She raised her head, and pointed to her teary eyes. Kris grabbed a handkerchief from their pocket and wiped them, staring into her eyes as they did. They were very gentle with her, even though she could take quite a beating. They'd seen how brutal she could be with both words and fists, though she used the former a lot more.
Susie found that she wanted their touch. They wanted it too. They desperately wanted to feel safe with their special girl. No, they didn't. That was just a fantasy her mind had conjured up, to make her feel better. Well... maybe it wasn't the falsest of fantasies!
"Kris... you!"
She sobbed. Kris gripped onto her jacket and held on, for their mutual sanity. Kris wrapped their head around her right arm, the arm that dug into them the hardest. She looked up at the sky, and opened her mouth in wonder. She felt her throat stretch when she finally closed it, making her feel even more vulnerable with her throat exposed to Kris... but being vulnerable at the moment... it wasn't so bad.
She directed them both away from the streetlamp so she could see the stars better. She had thoughts about what it meant as she cried, the night sky, even though it had virtually no meaning at the moment. She released one hand of hers and used it to reach up to the night sky like some amateur child astronomer. She counted all the stars that she could see, abandoning the cold white world for a moment.
Calling, calling, to you or you all. Help me out here! What the hell am I doing? HELP!
Kris had raised their arm too, she saw when she looked back. She held their hand, still pointing up. They stood together without why and with hands in the sky.
So long, so long... could she stand here with them. Hometown seemed silent just for them. They moved away from the street lamp and into a darker area for a moment. She could do this for the rest of her life, perhaps. Could they grow old together... but with another kind of marriage?
But she was getting so tired. She looked into Kris's eyes and thought... why are they so red? She'd seen them wandering Hometown at midnight, and sometimes she'd walk past them, but when she looked into their eyes now... what strain had they put on themself, so that their eyes could look so tired? She smiled despite their inevitable parting.
"Can we go back to our places?"
"Sure."
With her hand still around their body, she walked back to her apartment. Only when she began feeling tapping sensations on her arm did she realize her stowaway. Kris smiled in her embrace.
They both had a good laugh, while she scratched their neck. Eventually, she let go of their warmth.
When they parted, Kris had their hands to their chin, but with a more moderate smile, unlike Noelle's. She remained there for a while, enjoying their presence, and catching the occasional glance from them, to which she winked every time.
During the walk to her apartment, she had... full awareness of her surroundings. She could recognize each and every house that she walked alongside. She saw the library, the best of Hometown's buildings, she thought. It was closed. Susie saw the hospital. It wasn't closed. She wondered who maintained it, at this hour.
She saw QC's Diner with its lights still on. That was a little ridiculous. Who would go at this time? Perhaps for something... atmospheric. Like when you wouldn't want anyone else to see you, or the person you were with. Perhaps she should go there with Kris sometime... it would be a very nice outing!
Through the trees she could see the entrance to Kris's house. But she didn't knock on the door or even think of it; Susie wouldn't want to anger Toriel.
She came to the apartments, and went inside.
Her parents were asleep on their mattress, with a blanket draped over the both of them. She walked quickly. They were both steady sleepers. With their faces in neutral expression, they looked like a couple that had died holding each other, and were thus entombed in the same position. The image remained in her mind as she went to her room, which her imagination had exaggerated the greatness of. The shelf had more scratches, and her bed sheets were a disaster, the books were more damaged, and Sarah's Wild Adventures had... fewer pages than she remembered.
She went to read the book, yet again.
The section she could remember imagining... fit very well, into the rest of the book.
Susie sat on her bed, and imagined an animation scene, using the few animations she'd seen as reference; mostly ones she'd seen from billboards or other advertisements. Sarah had a huge city adventure, in some foreign land full of wonder and delight and city lights, and she fell into each and every tourist trap.

I'm right here with you, Susie.

She imagined herself in Sarah's place. She'd never been to a big city before, but one time she saw one in the distance, so full of lights and who knew what else. She wanted to go there for a while, and, escape... to somewhere... better, like the castle...
"I'm right here with you, Susie."
Ralsei stood right at the foot of her bed. His eyes were red. His fur looked like he'd been in a fight.
Susie ran up to hug her best friend. He was, so real. Ralsei's so warm. Susie could feel his fluffy fur, on her hands.
"I'm very happy to see you!"
"I am too!" Another unnatural response, from me.
Ralsei motioned to the bed.
Susie went under the sheets. It's so warm. He sits on the bed, but doesn't get under with me. He starts talking. He's crying...
"Do you know what I've been through, today?"
"No, I don't."

How do I explain this...

"The date was... we really bonded over our shared attraction to each other.
"And that egg you gave me, we ate it, and it tasted great!"
"That egg... was a unique one. They're in limited supply at the castle because they're so tasty, I'm often tempted to eat them all! Oh, and as far as I know, they're vegan. I've never actually seen a chicken lay one."
"But bad things happened after we ate the egg.
"We screwed... and while we were screwing, her mom came in.
"She was very, very unhappy with us being together. She screamed at us both before getting calmer, and calmly escorting me out of the room, while she stayed, probably ‘cause she wanted to chastise Noelle."
"Both of us got their clothes on as fast as they could... but we tripped over each other, prolonging her mom's view of the two of us naked."
"Once we had our clothes on, Noelle cried while holding her private parts. She was so pathetic... well, she didn't look pathetic... but that's how my mind saw her. I... I really don't like how I saw her, but..." And now the tears came. She got up from under the covers to sit with Ralsei and hug him. We're the loneliest two people in the town. Actually, there's also Noelle. I wish she was here. I really do.
"After that we left, and... I went to find you at the school. I opened the closet door several times and it was just a normal closet!" She breathed in. "I wanted to... hug you like I'm doing now!" Her hands bit into his body. "And now that we're hugging, I feel great!"
His hands dug into her body. She dug her hands in too and breathed air so heavily that his whole body moved. She didn't dare look into his pink eyes. Now she absolutely couldn't. It was too much for her in-repair heart.
"I want to comfort her in some way, Rals," Susie said. "What do you suggest?"
"You've got a great imagination. Why don't you send her something creative?" One of the first times today her mind instantly decided on one option.

I could... write to her. With a letter. If I'm too sad about it to tell her personally. But I've never written a letter before.

You've also never kissed before. And you did really well. Did you hear how she moaned? Did you hear, damn it? Shameful, Susie!

Go away... for a moment. Then you'll be able to come back.

Susie ripped off a blank page from Sarah's Wild Adventures, one covered with stains and rips, looking dilapidated. Sarah wouldn't mind such an action, would she? Using a decaying pencil, she wrote, using her mattress as a table, and without Ralsei's help, and with vigor that brutally strained her hands:

Dear Noelle

I'm so sorry. I never wanted it to be that way.

When we kissed and did each other I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to be a better person.

But I guess it was never meant to be. I'm sorry for putting you through all that.

I guess I should let you know that Kris talked to me after I walked away from your house. It made me feel better. We hugged. Give them thanks from me for doing that.

Love, Susie

"Does she still hate me, Ralsei?" Would Ralsei mind such a question?
"I don't think she ever hated you, not once in your life!" His smile beamed through tears. Maybe she won't. Should I walk out the door right now?
"I think this turned out pretty well!"
"Yeah, but you were really authoritative!"
"I see your vocabulary's increasing!" Susie felt a pang of embarrassment. But it was a type she couldn't remember feeling. It was forgotten by both her parents and her, but it was here right now. Like so many other emotions on this day.

There's still one last thing to do.

"Ralsei, didn't you mention something about finishing the book?"
"You did too, Susie."
She ripped off several blank pages from other books. I could use a tape dispenser or stapler at school to bind these, or carry them all to Noelle's house by myself in the snow and darkness.
The power she felt when she picked up the pencil was unequaled by anything felt before; none of those situations made Susie's hands shake like this.
Where do I draw inspiration from?

There are so many different things I could do with the ending. There's Evie and Chloe. There's my own life. With all the scares and nightmares I've been through.

There's so many of them. They could all coalesce into a single moment. Perhaps they have already.

So much to do. So much. And she heard the wind, beginning to howl.

The sky's so beautiful this time, even with the snow. That should be the setting. Or what's over Sarah in the ending.

The city should be the setting. It's a pretty place, even with all the malice that inhabits it.

Now what will kill her in the end? Hopelessness? Suicide? Or maybe it could be me.

It'll always be me that kills her, no matter what option I pick. There's so many ways I could kill her, yet I'll always be responsible... perhaps I don't have to be.

After all, I don't have to die in my own life. So why should she die?
It was finished. They were finished... both the letter and the story.
Now it was time to go out to Noelle's house. She was so tired, but that was the only way she could go.
She opened the door to the apartment... my, what a blizzard!
She'd never seen such a thing. It was almost magical, watching all the snowflakes blowing through an endless fog! But would running through that... be as magical? She'd heard of blizzards around this area...

I've found magic in unexpected places, today.

Oh...

I need to...

I don't want to do this. I'm a lizard, don't make me do this.

I'm running. The snow and wind blows through my hair.
I run past all those buildings, uncaring, about what they represent or stand for, and I dodge the patches of snow on the sidewalk, and with the papers blowing in the wind!
QC's is closed! But the Hospital's open!
I run all the way to Noelle's house! And the gate... isn't open! I can't knock on the door and tell her that I'm sorry in person! AND THERE IS NO MAILBOX!
And I have, to go through the trees! OW! I'VE TRIPPED!
My knee is sore! And I'm crying and... my hair is still ruffled, from that moment with Kris!
I have to get up, and get the papers over to Noelle no matter the state of my knee!
The door is so far away... and I must get there anyway... when will I finish my run?

I'm walking to the door... so far away...

I fall...

I'm falling...

I'm, aaaah... getting up...

I must get to the door, one day...

So cold so cold so cold!
I'm right here at the door! Where to put the letters?

Under the mail slit...

They're there...

Collapsing...

So cold...

I can see... other places... I can see worlds long-gone.

Is this how all lizards feel... when they die?
I may be forced to embrace pain... but I shall not be forced to embrace death!

I, am running

HELP

toward the, final running

Nobody watching

I'm not dying

HELP

Final death of Susie

Final pain of Susie true

Susie is in her, apartment

Under the bed.
I'm not frostbitten, thankfully. Will Noelle dislike the letter? Oh dear, was that all worthless?

I might have written it too cheesily... I might have written it too much... I might have to apologize for its contents.

No, she loves me! She couldn't just abandon me after one failed date.
And her mother acted respectfully to me! Not like the way she acted to others, she treated me well.
And Noelle herself wouldn't be that unkind! She knows about my life in poverty! She has a picture of how much I've endured over the course of my life!
And besides, it doesn't even... oh my goodness... It doesn't even matter whether or not she likes the letter or story or not because we can both survive without each other despite the pleading of my mind for me to see reason!
It doesn't matter, what a surprise!
It doesn't matter, I can still comfort her through teary... eyes!
It doesn't matter because she still has Kris and we're friendly and we can both group hug her and,
It doesn't matter, there's so many people I can talk to besides her now that this day has happened! It doesn't matter, there are so many different things to show her and ways beyond just creative writing!
It doesn't even matter! There's nothing to fear! Nothing more to say about that! I can go on forever and ever comforting her into adulthood!

It feels like I exist... and she does too.

Calm... calm yourself... calmer, Susie. Enjoy the feeling that washes over you right now. It's okay to feel safe.

This is, the feeling that lizards experience, when they're about to die. No, every species experiences this. Every single one. But I'm not even dying right now. I'm perfectly fine. No one has to die to feel these sensations. They just need to... be supported in some way...

Since when... could I do so much?