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Detective Kate Beckett should’ve gone home hours ago, but the thought of popping open a bottle of red in an empty apartment is too much to bear tonight, so she remains rooted firmly in her desk chair.Or at least she tries to, but not if Esposito has his way.“Beckett?”“Hmm?” she snaps her gaze toward the Hispanic detective, realizes she’s been out of it for the last few minutes — and the sympathetic tensing of his jaw tells her that it hasn’t gone unnoticed.She wiggles, sitting up a little straighter in her chair. She just needs a little coffee and she’ll be good to go for at least another hour, maybe two.“We found the boy. Closed the case. Why don’t you go home and get some sleep?” She waves him off dismissively. “I’m fine, Espo.”“When was the last time you saw the inside of your apartment?”She pretends not to hear him this time, turning her attention back to the report she was working on before her mind drifted off. Truthfully, she’s exhausted and the words won’t stop swimming across the page — but it’s still better than home.Esposito sidles closer to her and she grits her teeth against it. She can’t have this conversation — again. “Kate, you’re running yourself ragged-”“Javi, I’m fine,” she snaps, shooting daggers out of her eyes. “I’m out of here as soon as I finish writing up this report.”“Sure, you are,” he mutters under his breath, walking away with the shake of his head.Her body sags in relief. But just when she thinks she’s out of the woods, she hears - “Beckett!” Captain Montgomery calls out.  Fuck, not him, too.“Sir - “ she starts to protest, pursing her lips.“My office,” he replies sharply. Apparently her captain is not in a negotiating mood tonight either, she thinks dryly.With a sigh, she pushes back from her desk, brushing past Esposito on her way to Montgomery’s office. “Did you put him up to this?” she mutters under her breath.“Girl, you know I don’t have a death wish,” he fires back. She shoots him a little smile for that, hoping he can read the apology between her lips.Beckett steps inside her captain’s office, shutting the door behind her. “You wanted to see me?”“Sit down, Beckett.” Beckett lifts an eyebrow. “Sir?”“Sit,” he says again, more forcefully this time as he settles into his seat. She complies, doesn’t need a formal reprimand on top of all of it.He stares at her curiously for a minute, letting the silence fill the space between them. She shifts uncomfortably, fiddling with her father’s watch under Montgomery’s gaze. “Beckett, you’re running yourself ragged. You’re the first one here every morning and the last one to leave - even when there’s not an active case.”She shrugs. “Just trying to stay busy.”“Bull.”She startles. “Sir?”“Why are you blaming yourself, Kate?” Her fingers curl into her thighs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”“You’re hiding out here because you blame yourself for what happened to Detective Ryan.”“Captain -”“And you can’t go home because then you’ll start spiraling down that hole.” He pauses. “How am I doing so far?”Beckett expels a breath of disbelief, shaking her head as she fights back tears.“He’s going to be fine.” His voice is so gentle, so understanding that it cleaves her in two.“Barely,” her voice cracks.“Jerry Tyson had us all fooled, not just you.”Yeah, but she’s supposed to be better. Instead, she’s spent the last several months with a gaping hole in her chest that she can’t figure out how to fill.And there’s a small part of her certain that her job is suffering because of it.“Kate, take tomorrow off.”“We don’t have the manpower - ”“Let me worry about the manpower. Go visit Ryan. It’ll make you feel better.”She sighs, smoothing a knuckle over her eyebrow. “Is that an order?”“Yes,” he says firmly.“Fine,” she says, resigned.Roy jerks his head toward the door. “You’re dismissed.”“Thank you, sir.”She’s halfway to the door when he says, “Still hasn’t called, huh?”She freezes in her tracks, her eyes slamming shut. “No,” she croaks.And then she’s gone.Richard Castle steps into the dimly lit coffee shop, expelling a breath into his palms before he rubs them together briskly, shivering. He loves this time of year, but he wouldn’t mind if the nip in the air were just a little less….Well, nippy.He sucks in a deep breath, lets the delectable mix of coffee and sugar fill his lungs as he takes in the little shop adorned in twinkling white Christmas lights that he hasn’t stepped foot in for several months now.It’s close to 10 o’clock now and the crowd looks a lot thinner than the morning regulars he used to encounter here every day. Mostly college students on their laptops and a few writers, he thinks. They’ve got that familiar line between their brow that he recognizes all too well.A look he’ll become reacquainted with as soon as he gets back to the loft, he thinks sourly. He’s woefully behind on his deadline.He shuffles up to the counter, shooting a friendly smile at the young barista, whose warm gaze brightens with recognition when she spots him.“Mr. Castle!” she exclaims with a grin. “It’s been awhile since we’ve seen you around these parts. Started to think you forgot about us.”“I could never forget you, Sheila,” he replies kindly. “It’s good to see you.”“Would you like your usual?”He grins. “You still remember it?”The young woman scoffs. “Six months isn’t a lifetime, Mr. Castle. I got your back.”He laughs. “Thanks, Sheila. Can you throw in one of those delectable blueberry muffins, too? I skipped dinner.” He pats his stomach with a frown. It growls on cue.“You got it. I’ll just be a minute.”Castle leans against the counter while he waits, lets his gaze trip across pink-cheeked passersby outside. God, it’s good to be back. The unexpected extra leg of his book tour has left him depleted and he’s so glad to be home again just in time for the Christmas holidays. Now, if he could just figure out how to approach going back to the precinct after he left them all with seven months of radio silence.He doesn’t anticipate that going well at all, but he misses them all terribly. Especially her.And he meant to call, he really did, but - Sheila returns then with two coffees and a muffin. “That’ll be $13.80.”Oh, there are…”Two coffees,” he murmurs.Sheila cocks her head, confused. “Yes, that was your usual order. One grande skim latte with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla and - ”Castle waves her off with a tight little smile, slipping out a few five-dollar bills from his pocket. “No, of course. You’re right, Sheila. My mistake.” He drops the cash into her palm. “Keep the change and have a good one.”She smiles. “Same to you, Mr. Castle.”Castle can’t bring himself to throw the drink away or tell Sheila she made a mistake — she didn’t, really. He isn’t even sure he’s ever stepped foot into the shop to get a drink just for himself. The little place was just a few blocks away from the precinct, so he always stopped in every morning on his way to Beckett.He turns around to retrieve a cup carrier but isn’t paying attention, lost in thought as the solid wall of his chest runs straight into - “Beckett,” he gasps in surprised delight. It takes the brunette detective a second too long to recognize who she’s collided with, her reflexes slow as her eyes slam shut with the grit of her teeth at the inconvenience. In the few seconds he clocks before her gaze flickers with recognition, he can’t help but notice the tight lines in her face, the sharp protrusion of her clavicle that peeks out from beneath the cloak of her trench coat. She looks...exhausted would be one way to put it. She’s still gorgeous as hell, her hair much longer now, gorgeous waves that settle on top of her shoulders.Gorgeous, but a little worn out.When her eyes finally land on him, she inhales sharply, a spark flaring behind her eyes before she shutters it away, her brown eyes dimming as she takes a not-so-subtle step back.“Castle.” She shoves her hands into the pockets of her coat, flashing him the thinnest of smiles. “It’s good to see you.”He lifts his eyebrows. The flat tone of her voice sounds like it’s anything but good to see him. “How are you?”“Good.” He winces. A one-word answer and she doesn’t even bother to politely return the question.Worse than he thought.“Good,” he replies lamely before he can come up with something, anything better. They stand helpless and awkward for a minute, his fingers tapping against the cups in time to the beat of the Christmas pop song that plays over the speakers. She rolls her eyes. “Well, as much as I would love to continue this scintillating conversation with you, I’m on my way home,” she curves a thumb behind her. He wants to laugh at the wry sarcasm laced in her words, but it’s void of teasing. She is angry with him. Or something else is going on.Or both.“I’m sorry,” he blurts out.Her eyes slam shut. “Castle,” she warns.“I should’ve called - ”Her eyes fly open, flames alight in her gaze. “Castle,” she says again, sharply. He shuts his mouth and it’s quiet again. “Please.” She visibly swallows. “I can’t. Not tonight.”Her voice is pained, broken, and all he wants is to gather her in his arms and ask her to spill whatever demons are haunting her so he can right them and make sure they never find her again.But he doesn’t.“Okay,” he says gently. Her shoulders drop in relief, the fight gone. “Thank you.”His hands are warm, too warm, and oh — duh. “Here,” he says, handing her the extra cup he ordered. Her cup. Her forehead wrinkles in confusion.“I haven’t been here since - “ he stumbles, shaking his head. “They gave me my usual,” he tries again. Again, she’s slow to understand. “Your...usual?”“My coffee and yours,” he explains slowly. “This is the place I used to stop at every morning on my way…” It dawns on her then. “Oh.” She nods. “Right.”“Anyway.” He holds it out between them, a peace offering.“Thanks.” She shoots him a weak smile. “But it’s late. I should get decaf.” He doesn’t argue, though from the looks of the bags under her eyes, he’d guess that she’s hardly sleeping as it is.He licks his lips. “Right.” He forces a small smile. “I’ll let you go then.”“It was good to see you,” she echoes her earlier words, dull on her lips, far away from the woman he’d spent two years with. He winces at how hollow they sound, how they sink down into his bones, make him shiver. He swallows hard. “You too, Beckett.”And then he walks out of the shop, tossing her coffee into the trash can with a sick thud that settles into his stomach.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Castle barely makes it through the door before he finds himself calling Esposito. He’s sure the detective will be irritated with him, to say the least, but Kate…He’s worried about her. And maybe he lost the right to worry a little bit when he stayed away for so long, but old habits die hard.“Esposito,” the detective answers gruffly.“Hey Espo,” Castle greets him, forcing a little cheer into his voice. “It’s Castle.”A long, heavy pause settles over the line. “Hmm, sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name.”“Esposito - ”“What the hell, Castle?” he hisses. “You think you can just stay away for six months without a damn word and call me up out of the blue?”“The book tour ran longer - “ he starts to protest, but it’s weak and he knows it. Castle spots Alexis on the couch, her forehead wrinkled in concern and a textbook in her lap, but he waves her off with a reassuring smile. He points back to his bedroom and shuffles away for privacy.“And what? You don’t own a cell phone?”“Look, I know I screwed up - ” he whispers, closing the door to his office behind him.“No, you don’t. You don’t know a damn thing. If you did…” Esposito trails off. “Things have happened, Castle.”So he was right. Something was wrong.“I ran into Beckett,” Castle rushes out, trying to slip it in before the other man can hang up on him.“What? When?”“Just now, at a coffee shop near the precinct.” He pauses. “She didn’t seem…” he hesitates.“Okay? Because she’s not,” he snipes.“What’s wrong with her?”“It’s not just her, bro.” He hears the detective start to deflate, exhausted with it. Esposito sighs. “Look, have you kept up with the news at all while you were gone?”“Not really,” Castle admits. “I was back in the city for a week after the summer but I just got back from my West Coast tour a few days ago.”“We had a case a couple weeks ago, a bad one. Remember the Triple Killer who was in the news awhile back?”Castle’s blood runs cold. “How could I forget?”“He’s back. We thought we’d caught him, thanks to an old cellmate of his. Got the cellmate out in exchange for information and the man we thought was responsible confessed.”“Okay. That’s good, right?”“Turns out we had the wrong guy. The old cellmate was the Triple Killer. Man by the name of Jerry Tyson. Long story short, he got the jump on Ryan and shot him.”“What -“ “He’s fine, but it was pretty touch and go for awhile. None of us thought he’d make it.”And then it dawns on Castle. “And Beckett blames herself.”“She hasn’t said as much but you know Beckett. Plays it close to the vest. But it’s written all over her face every time she comes in here. And she never goes home anymore.”Jesus. He’s got to call Ryan. And Beckett.“Castle, don’t do anything stupid,” Esposito warns, reading his mind. “I don’t know what Beckett said to you earlier, but you’re not exactly her favorite person right now.”“Yeah, it doesn’t exactly take a detective to figure that one out.” He knows he screwed up, but the more he thought about coming back, the more he pictured her with her robbery detective boyfriend.Speaking of - “Espo, what about Demming?”“What about him?” he asks sharply.“Well, I just - I - “ he stammers. “Isn’t he helping Beckett through all of this?”“Bro, if you’d have gotten your head out of your ass sooner, you’d know that Beckett broke up with Demming before you jetted off to the Hamptons with your ex-wife,” Esposito snaps. And then the line goes dead.Fuck.It’s way too fucking early when Kate wakes up the next day. She can’t seem to put a stop to the nightmares — all of them. Ryan getting shot. Ryan dying. Castle coming back -No, wait. That one actually happened last night when she was ill-prepared to deal, when she’d barely had time to steel herself against his presence, a slap in the face after six months of absolutely nothing. And unfortunately for her, time had been nothing but good to him. She’d been avoiding news about him like the plague, but judging from the slight tan of his face, she imagines he’s been traipsing across the West Coast somewhere.After an hour of tossing and turning, Kate finally slides out of bed, wincing as her bare feet meet the cold floor. She stumbles into the bathroom, bracing her hands along the edge of the pedestal sink as she takes a long hard look at herself in the mirror.If the last half year had been good to Castle, it’d certainly gone in the other direction for her. Her skin is dull, lifeless, and the bags under her eyes are more prominent than ever. She hasn’t stepped onto a scale in ages, but if the fit of her clothes are any indication, she’s dropped at least a few pounds. At least she’s managed to successfully grow out her hair.Kate sighs and flicks the shower on, collapses down onto the edge of the tub while waiting for the water to warm up. She really needs to call the super about the hot water heater in her place.She’d missed Castle. A lot. She’d gotten pretty good at ignoring it, too, and then after Ryan was shot, she could go an entire day without thinking about Castle. But seeing him last night...it all just came flooding back. Not just the last seven months, but the last time they’d had a real conversation, when she broke up with her boyfriend and Castle left her standing in the precinct with her fissured heart in her hands as he dashed off to the Hamptons with a blonde on his arm.Kate presses the palms of her hands to her eyes. God, she’s tired. Always so tired.With a heavy heart and heavy limbs, she peels off her clothes and climbs into the shower, letting the spray of hot water scald her skin until she doesn’t feel anything else.Kate perks up a bit two hours later as she trails after Jenny O’Malley through the doorway of her little downtown apartment with Ryan. Her blue-eyed friend is propped up on the couch in a zip-up sweatshirt, a glass of water sandwiched between his legs. He looks a little tired and still too pale, even for his pasty Irish skin, she thinks as he flicks off the television. But his gaze remains bright, a match for the smile that graces his lips as he greets her. “Beckett!”Kate relaxes a little, relieved. She shoots him a smile. “Hey, Ryan.” “Kev, I’m going to finish cleaning up breakfast, give you two some time to catch up.” Jenny turns to Kate. “Can I get you anything? Water?”Kate lays a comforting hand on Jenny’s arm, squeezing gently. “I’m good, but thank you.” She nods toward the kitchen. “Need any help in there?” Kate turns to Ryan, lifting an eyebrow. “I work with him, I know the kinds of messes he leaves behind in the break room.”He snorts, looking mildly affronted. “I think you’ve got me confused with Esposito.”Jenny shakes off the suggestion with a friendly smile. “No, I’ve got it. Besides, it’ll give me some time away from the patient,” she teases, her green eyes glinting. “Hey,” Ryan protests. “I am an excellent patient.”Jenny heads off toward the other room, calling over her shoulder, “Whatever you say, honey!”Kate shakes her head on a laugh before taking a seat on the opposite end of Ryan’s couch, giving him enough space to stay comfortable.“How is the patient, anyway?”“Beckett, I’m bored out of my mind,” he stage-whispers, sending her eyes rolling.“You want me to call Espo?” Kate asks, making a show of sliding her phone from her coat. She flashes it with a quick flick of her wrist. “I’m sure he’s got plenty of paperwork he could offload - ““Oh no,” he interjects hastily, shaking his head. “Then he’d have to bring it all the way uptown and I don’t want to bother him.”Beckett’s mouth twitches in amusement at his exaggeration. “Uh-huh.”Ryan cocks his head. “Actually, I’m surprised you’re here.”She purses her lips. “Yeah, well, Captain Montgomery practically ordered me out of the office last night. I’m pretty sure he’d suspend me if I showed my face in the precinct before tomorrow.”“Can’t say I’m surprised. You look like hell, Beckett.”She scoffs in disbelief, tucking a leg under her knee. ”Okay, what, do the three of you just like all have a little powwow,” she wiggles her fingers, “when I’m not around?” “I’m going to assume that was rhetorical,” he replies nonchalantly, taking a very long sip of water.“You are so lucky that -” A snarky comment about him being lucky he’s injured so he doesn’t have to incur her wrath sits on the tip of her tongue, but she chokes it down, mildly horrified.But he knows, of course. The longer she’s worked with the boys, the harder it’s gotten for her to maintain any kind of poker face.She loves them. But she hates that.Kevin lowers his water glass back to his lap. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”“Ryan, I’m - ”“Fine?” he interrupts. “Then why aren’t you sleeping? Javi says you don’t leave the precinct, that you’re barely eating.” She swallows roughly, propping her elbow onto the back of the couch. She rests her cheek on her palm, lets the weighted silence fall between them.Ryan reaches for her other hand, his mouth twisting in a grimace as the movement tugs at him. The physical gesture is so foreign to her that she flinches a little under it. But he doesn't let go, rests his hand on top of hers. "Beckett, I'm alive. Physical therapy is slow, but I'm getting there. And once I'm up and running and psych clears me, I'll be back in the field by February. Maybe even a couple weeks sooner."“I should’ve had your back,” she rasps, licking her lips, her throat dry, wishing she’d taken Jenny up on that water.“I’m the one who walked into that hotel room without backup. We had no reason to suspect Tyson was 3XK. He had us all snowed.” He shakes his head. “When his girlfriend was safe and he didn’t even pretend to care, I should’ve called you guys right then instead of confronting him.”But he didn’t. And the price tag was a bullet in his chest, way too close a call.Ryan removes his hand from hers, looks like he wants to say something else, but hesitates. “What?” she asks.He opens his mouth, closes it on a wince. “I’m going to say something and you’re not going to like it.”“Because I am really enjoying this lighthearted conversation so far,” she says wryly.“It’s about Castle.”“Of course it is,” she mutters.“You think that if he’d been here and played out all his little theories about the case that we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”His words douse her in cold water. “Castle has been gone for six months, Ryan. It would be…” she pauses, stumbling for the right word, “ridiculous to blame him.”He smiles sympathetically. “Makes it a little easier when you’re already angry with him, doesn’t it?”Fuck, does she just walk around moping all day long or what?“No,” she says tersely. “This has nothing to do with Castle.” At least not in the way Ryan’s thinking of, anyway. “Come on, Beckett. You’re really going to sit there and tell me that none of this started before Tyson? What about that case with your old training officer?”Well, he was right about that one. She’d been doing all right until then, making it through with just a dull ache in her chest, but one more betrayal from a man she thought she could count on and -“Look, I know you didn’t come here to have some long drawn-out conversation about your feelings,” he says. “You and Espo really are cut from that same cloth.” She shoots him a playful glare for that. “We all know there’s no one better at this job than you, so you gotta cut yourself some slack.” He pauses, grimacing. “And Castle.”Wait.She laughs hollowly. “He called you, didn’t he?”“Maybe,” he drawls.She glares. “Ryan.”“Yeah, he called me this morning. He’s stopping by here this afternoon.”“And what, that’s it?” she asks, incredulous. “He didn’t call you or Espo either.”Ryan shrugs. “He’s been away on a book tour.” She scoffs, shaking her head. “What? Beckett, your relationship with Castle,” he points to her, “is not like my relationship with Castle,” he pokes a thumb into his chest, inches away from his bullet wound.She narrows her eyes. “And how is it?”“Yeah, I’m not touching that one with a 39 and a half foot pole.”She sighs, running a hand through her hair. “Look, Ryan, I really don’t want to talk about Castle.”“All right,” he lifts a hand in supplication. “But don’t be surprised if he comes crawling, begging you to take him back as your partner.”Yeah. Well.Hell might freeze over first.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Some of the tension in Castle’s body releases after he visits his friend, after he can see for his own eyes that the detective is fine and will make a full recovery. He feels guilty that he’d been away when it happened — that he didn’t even know about it at all — but Ryan thought nothing of it, brushed off Castle’s apologies.He knows Esposito won’t be nearly as forgiving. And Kate — well.By the way both the boys talk, he’s not sure any form of heartfelt apology or begging will carve a chink out of that armor.He can’t put his finger on it, but he just feels like there’s an important piece of the puzzle he’s missing out of this whole thing — other than the last six months and Ryan’s brush with death.He knows even Beckett can be a slave to unnecessary guilt sometimes, but from what little he’s gathered and observed, she seems to be... drowning in it. There’s something more at work here, and he’s itching to figure it out.And, at the root of it all, there’s just the plain fact that he’s missed her terribly. When he goes to bed that night after visiting Ryan, he dreams about the haunted, broken look on her face the night before in the coffee shop.When Beckett steps off the precinct elevator on Friday, she feels a little more human, more alert. She hates to admit it, but her day off yesterday had been (mostly) exactly what she needed. Despite the rocky start to her conversation with Ryan, it eased some of the tightness in her chest to be able to see with her own two eyes that his recovery is going well.After she left his place, she stopped for a coffee at one of her favorite book shops and just let herself linger there the rest of the early afternoon, cozying up in a worn-out armchair with a wrinkled paperback as she watched the first snowfall of the season hit the New York streets.On her way back to her place, she picked up a bottle of wine and an early dinner from her favorite Chinese takeout place before kicking back with a “Temptation Lane” marathon the rest of the day.Her sleep that night was still fitful, restless, but it’d still been a marked improvement over the last week.Beckett shoots LT a friendly little smile as he steps onto the elevator behind her. “Hey, Beckett. You know you just missed Mr. Castle?”Kate freezes in her tracks, looks over her shoulder at the uniformed officer so quickly that she jerks her neck. “What?”“Castle, he was just he-” but the ill-timed closing of the elevator doors cuts him off. It takes her a second to recover, off-kilter now, anxiety roiling in her stomach, as she approaches their set of desks. Her gaze immediately snaps to Montgomery and Esposito talking in low, hushed voices in the doorway of the Captain’s office. Montgomery’s eyes flicker up to meet Beckett’s, noticing her arrival for the first time. He nudges Esposito away with the shake of his head and ducks back into his office, closing the door behind him.Huh.“Beckett,” Esposito greets her with a smile that’s too wide, too flashy. “How was your day off yesterday?”Kate narrows her eyes at him. “Cut the crap, Espo. What’s going on?”“Nothing. A guy can’t ask his friend how her day off was without getting his head bit off?”She sighs, cocking a hand on her hip as she drapes her coat over the back of her chair with the other. “No, I just…” Her jacket falls to the floor and she purses her lips in irritation, bending over to pick it up. But the rest of her sentence gets stuck in her throat as she spots a too familiar to-go cup beside her keyboard.Startled, her eyes fly to Espo, who stands calmly, waiting her out.Her jaw clenches. “Is he still here?” she asks tightly.He shakes his head. “He popped in for about 5 minutes, said he just wanted to bring you that.” Espo nods to her drink.Beckett nods dumbly, her eyes falling to the cup as she lifts a hand to trace the rim of the lid with her thumb. She spots a yellow post-it on the side, recognizes it from the stack on her desk. There in his blocky scrawl: I just got back to town, but I should’ve called sooner. I’m sorry. Yeah. So is she.Without a second thought, she tosses his apology coffee into the trash and turns her attention back to Esposito. “Bring me up to speed on the body drop from yesterday.”Beckett manages to put Castle out of her mind for the rest of the day, tracking down a few leads on their latest case. She’s more than ready to stay late again, but closing the case relies on an essential witness, who’s unreachable out of state until Monday.And unfortunately, she’s not the only one with that pertinent bit of information.“You heading out soon, Beckett?” Montgomery asks her around 5 o’clock, shrugging into his coat, briefcase in hand. But she knows him - it’s not a question.“Yes, sir,” she confirms. “I’ll see you Monday.” She’s kind of hoping to get a call for a body this weekend, but he doesn’t need to know that.Esposito snags her attention. “Yo Beckett, you want to grab a drink? Lanie and a couple others from the ME’s office are headed to a bar downtown.”She opens her mouth in reply, gets cut off by the vibration of her cell, alerting her to an incoming text. She looks down and her mouth goes dry when she sees it’s from him. Can we talk? is all it says.“Beckett?” Esposito asks again.“Um,” she pockets her phone, blinking slowly at the intrusion. “Yeah, Javi. A drink sounds good.” Forcing a small smile, she looks up at him this time. “Where?”They head to a quaint little bar she’s never heard of called The Old Haunt, a bit of a hole-in-the-wall type of place. She’s curious how they ended up here to start with, but Lanie tells her that one of her colleagues in the M.E.’s office is close friends with the bartender working tonight.Leaning against the bar, Kate takes a long swig of her beer, nudging Lanie with an elbow. “So what’s up with you and Espo?” She nods toward the Hispanic detective.Several feet separate her friends — Esposito deep in conversation with a uni he’s pals with — but Kate clocks the two of them eyeing each other every 30 seconds or so. Lanie nearly chokes on her cocktail. “What? Me and Javi?” She wipes her mouth. “You’re funny, Kate.”“Javi, huh?” Kate rolls her eyes. “You remember what I do for a living, right?” Her gaze flits between her two friends and she quirks an eyebrow at her best friend. “Besides, the two of you aren’t exactly subtle.”Lanie lifts her drink, unraveling a finger to point it at Kate. “All right, but this stays between you and me.”“Understood.”“Javi and I…” Lanie grins a little. “We’re just havin’ fun right now.”“But you really like him, huh?”Lanie narrows her eyes at her. “Don’t tell him I said that.”Kate laughs. “I think he probably knows, Lane.”“So what’s going on with you?” Lanie takes a sip of her drink, turning away from making eyes at Esposito to clamber onto a bar stool next to Kate.Lanie’s voice is a little too casual though — and Beckett wonders how far exactly Lanie and Esposito’s pillow talk goes.Kate sighs, settling in on the seat next to her. “Esposito told you that Castle’s back, didn’t he?”“Why didn’t you tell me?”Beckett shrugs. “I ran into him two days ago for about 2 minutes. Not much to tell.” Her gaze dips to the distracted play of her hands, her fingers digging at the corner of her drink label. “And uh, that little coffee this morning?”Kate groans. “Okay, seriously?”“What? Javi and I don’t keep secrets from each other.”“No, just between you and the rest of the world,” Beckett replies wryly.“Look Kate, I’m your best friend.” Lanie lifts her drink to signal the bartender for another round. “And I know you like to keep your heart locked away so no one can ever see it, but honey, it’s clear as day how much you want that man.”“But - ”“Yeah, I know he was a jackass who didn’t call, but you’re not really going to hold that against him forever, are you?” Lanie tilts her head in sympathy and Kate’s heart clenches in her chest.“It’s not that simple,” Kate says weakly. She’s not mad at him, not really. It’s so much deeper than that and it’s just...better this way. For everyone. Including Castle.“Yeah, well, who said love is?” Off Kate’s horrified look, Lanie adds, “Oh don’t give me that look, Kate Beckett. If you’re not already in love with that man, you are well on your way.”The bartender sweeps in then, depositing two fresh drinks in front of them. Lanie tosses a couple of ones onto the bar. “I’m going to go find Javi. You comin’?”“In a minute.”“All right, but if you’re drinking by yourself for longer than five minutes, I’m hauling your butt out of here.”The corners of Kate’s mouth twitch in amusement. “Noted.” Lanie saunters off with one last disapproving glance over her shoulder and Beckett takes that as her cue to remove herself from the lonely spot at the edge of the bar.She walks past a middle-aged man playing the piano effortlessly, stopping to pull a few ones from her pocket. Kate smiles and tucks it into his tip jar with a brief nod before she slides away to a wall that caught her eye earlier. She sees now that it’s adorned with dozens of framed photos of famous writers — Hemingway, Faulkner, Vonnegut, Steinbeck, and a handful of others she recognizes upon first glance.Including a very familiar face in a gold frame. Hang on, is that - “I know what you’re thinking: ‘He hasn’t aged a bit.’” Kate’s fingers dig into her palms as the deep chuckle of the man speaking behind her caresses the shell of her ear.
Castle.
She spins around so fast that she narrowly avoids sloshing her drink all over the two of them. “Fancy meeting you here.” His blue eyes twinkle with affection and she swallows hard, steeling herself against it. He looks good in his dark blue shirt that’s skipped the first two buttons, his hair deliciously tousled. Even now, her attraction to him curls low in her belly.Ugh.“You stalking me now, Castle?” She’s shooting for a joke, but it comes out harsh, makes the bright lights in his eyes dim.  Oh, but that doesn’t make her feel good, either.“This is a writer’s bar, Beckett. And I do believe,” he adds, taking one step closer. “You came into the coffee shop after me the other night.”She rolls her eyes. “Whatever, Castle.”“Did you get my text?” he asks.“And your coffee,” she confirms tightly, gritting her teeth.He cocks his head, a little incredulous. “You are mad at me.”She sighs. “I’m not...anything at you, Castle.”“Yes, you are,” he protests. “Fine,” she snaps. “I’m mad, okay?”“Kate - “Her first name on his lips makes her heart clench painfully in her chest.“Now that we’ve solved this little mystery, can I go? If I don’t find Lanie, she might send out a search party,” she says lamely. Kate starts to turn away, but he stops her with a gentle hand at her elbow. “Kate, I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.”She hesitates, softening at the sincere apology written all over his face.Damn it.“I appreciate that,” she says softly, swallowing hard. “I just don’t think this is a good idea.” His hand falls away, his shoulders stiffening in response. “And by this, you mean…”She bites her lip. “Any of it.”Kate swears part of her dies in that moment and she forces herself to look away, can’t take the disappointment that radiates off him.She sucks in a breath. “Goodbye, Castle.”Castle is at a loss, can’t do anything except watch her disappear into the throng of patrons. He knows her, knows she’s saying goodbye to Lanie now and heading home. Won’t stay now that she knows he’s here.It was by pure coincidence that he ran into her — Alexis went ice-skating with some friends and his mother had a date, and he decided he had better things to do than sit at home by himself on a Friday night. He called up a few of his old writer friends and they got around to reminiscing, realizing it had been far too long since they’d graced the hallowed halls of their favorite haunt.He’d walked up to the bar to order a Scotch just as Beckett was leaving her stool, and Castle watched with a smile as she tipped the pianist. He told himself he’d stay away — at least for a few more minutes, so he could figure out how to utilize the opportunity to the best of his ability, figure out the right thing to say — but then when she paused in front of the Wall of Writers, her breath hitching as she spotted him, his feet flew to her on their own accord. Their encounter had been all too brief, but it revealed a lot.Namely, that this seemed to be about a hell of a lot more than a six-month lack of communication. He needs to talk to Lanie, if she hasn’t left with Kate.He checks in with his other friends — who are hundreds deep into a tipsy poker game — and wanders around for a few minutes, spotting both Lanie and Esposito in a corner with a couple of unis he thinks he recognizes from the precinct.Esposito notices him first. “Castle? What are you doin’ here?”“I’m here with a couple of my writing buddies. I used to spend hours in this place when I got my start,” he says, shaking hands with LT as he claps him on the back.“Huh. Small world.”Castle turns to Lanie, opens his mouth to say hello but she cuts him off, her gaze narrowing in suspicion.“You talked to Beckett just now, didn’t you?”“We may have bumped into each other,” he hedges.Lanie purses her lips. “No wonder that girl hightailed it out of here so fast. I knew somethin’ was up.”Castle winces. “Yeah. Sorry.”Lanie waves him off. “It’s not your fault, Castle. Beckett’s weird these days.”“So this isn’t about me?” he asks.“Oh no, it’s about you, all right,” Lanie nods, pointing at him with her drink. “But maybe it’s a little too much about you, you know what I’m sayin’?” “I really really don’t.”He looks helplessly at Esposito, who just shakes his head and points at Lanie, curling his other hand into an imaginary cup as he pretends to down it.Lanie slaps Esposito gently on the chest. “Javier Esposito, I am not that drunk.”“Girl, you got eyes in the back of your head or somethin’?”“Guys,” Castle interjects. “Can we just focus for like five seconds?”“Bro, I don’t know what to tell you. She’s as stubborn as a damn donkey, that one.”Castle blinks at him slowly. “The phrase is ‘stubborn as a mule,’ Esposito.”Lanie snorts. Esposito glares at her, turns back to Castle. “Whatever. I don’t know how to help you.” He looks him up and down. “Or even if I want to. You know, come to think of it, I’m still mad at you, too.”Castle groans, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Okay,” he sighs out. God, he’s been here all of 20 minutes and he’s exhausted. “How can I make it up to you?”He’s already made up with Ryan, and it wouldn’t hurt to get Esposito back on his good side, too. He missed all of them.“Floor seats to the Knicks.”Well, that’s not surprising. Esposito has always been less forgiving than Ryan, but he’s also wildly transparent. Castle lifts his hands in supplication. “Fine. They’re yours. Happy now?”“Ecstatic.” Esposito bends over, dribbling an imaginary basketball before he takes a jump shot.“Okayyy,” Castle drawls, clapping his hands together. “I think this is where I say goodnight. Thank you both, you’ve been... surprisingly very little help.”“She’ll come around, Castle. Just keep pestering her in that annoying way like you always do,” Lanie says sweetly.Castle frowns for a second. He shakes his head, lets it go. “I’ll talk to you both soon.” He turns away to rejoin his poker pals, but - ah, wait. “Before I forget,” he snaps his fingers. “My annual Christmas party. Two weeks from tonight. Catered, lots of booze. You’re all invited.” He points at LT and the rest of the unis. “Count us in, bro.” Espo holds his fist out and Castle taps it with his. “You want me to pass along the message to Beckett?”Castle hesitates. “No. I’ll do it.” He needs an excuse to see her, anyway. Even a flimsy one like that.Esposito shrugs. “Your funeral.”“Is she working tomorrow?”The detective shakes his head. “She’s supposed to be on call, but Montgomery doesn’t want her working ‘til Monday.”Hmm. All right. Castle can work with that. Maybe.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Castle knocks on her door Saturday around lunch time, giving her plenty of time to sleep in before she’s forced to deal with him. He listens closely for her footsteps, hears her approach the door. And then - nothing.Yeah, he was afraid of that — that she’d just ignore him once she looked through the peephole and saw who was behind the knock. But she can’t shake him that easily. He waits another brief moment and knocks again, louder this time. “Beckett, I know you’re in there. You’re a loud walker.” He burrows down a little into the scarf wrapped around his neck, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. Her building is freezing.Kate swings the door open, her mouth set in a firm, indignant line. “I do not walk loudly.” She crosses her arms over her chest, looking adorably angry in an oversized sweatshirt, a pair of leggings, and a thick pair of knit socks. Her hair is scraped back into a messy bun, a few strands falling along the curve of her jaw.Despite her countenance, the sight warms his insides, flickering like a candle.“Then how did I know you were home?” he challenges.“Esposito told you.”“He did mention that last night,” he admits. At the roll of her eyes, he adds, “But I did hear you approach the door.”“What do you want, Castle?”“I need your help.”She drops her hands, all traces of her defensive posture gone now as her forehead wrinkles in concern. “Is everything okay? Is Alexis - ““She’s fine,” he interjects hastily as the guilt creeps in. “It’s about Nikki.”“As in Heat ?”He winces. “Yeah.”“Jesus Castle, I thought something was really wrong.” She exhales in relief. “Don’t do that.”“Please, Beckett,” he whines. “I’m having trouble with her and the murder in my third book, and since you won’t let me shadow you anymore…”A flash of guilt briefly dances across her face. “You’ve written how many bestsellers? More than 2 dozen? You don’t need my help.”He shakes his head. “I’m stuck, and Gina is breathing down my neck.”“I’ll bet she is,” Beckett mutters under her breath, cocking her hip against the door. But he hears it.   Oh. Wait. She thinks - And she’s jealous. Well, this is interesting.He cocks his head, a little amused. “Gina and I aren’t together, you know.”Her hazel eyes flicker in surprise, but she shutters it away on a shrug. “Makes no difference to me.”Mmm-hmm. Yeah, right. He could call her on it, ask her what happened between her and Demming last spring, but that’s a surefire way to make sure she slams the door in his face and never talks to him again.And she might be irritated with him right now, but at least she’s speaking to him.“Please, Beckett? Just an hour and then I’ll be out of your hair.”She sighs, rolling her eyes. “I doubt that, but fine.”He suppresses a full-watt grin and his cheeks hurt with the effort. “Are you going to let me in now?”She steps aside. “Just for a minute so I can change. If we’re doing this, I want brunch.”“Sold.”They walk a few blocks to one of her favorite diners that he knows she frequents. The coffee is perfect, the food always hits the spot, and it’s never too crowded — even at noon on a Saturday.They settle into a booth and Castle watches as she shrugs out of a tan wool trench coat that he doesn’t remember seeing before. He wonders if it’s new, along with the chunky knit sweater that’s wrapped around her. It might be his new favorite — loose enough in the neckline that sometimes when she jostles her arm, it slips down and reveals the perfectly delicate skin of her shoulder.“Still got that staring thing down, I see,” she grumbles, interrupting his musings. He snaps his gaze up, but she’s already moved on, looking down at the laminated menu in her hand, biting her lip as she ponders her choices.The waitress comes by and Kate puts in a coffee order along with eggs, bacon, and a side of fresh fruit. Castle skipped breakfast this morning — having slept most of it away after getting in late from his night at the Old Haunt — so he’s starving. He orders coffee, a short stack of pancakes, eggs, toast, and fruit.When the waitress shuffles away, Beckett’s looking at him in slight amusement, eyebrow raised. “I got a late start today and skipped breakfast,” he explains. “Late night?” she asks.“Yeah. Mother and Alexis were out last night so I played cards with some of my poker buddies after I ran into you. I just got back into town earlier this week, so we spent a few hours catching up,” he explains.She nods absently and another apology is about to fall reflexively off his lips when the waitress returns with their coffees.“Thank you,” Castle says graciously, shooting their server a small smile. The silence stretches on between them for a few moments, Kate filling the quiet with the fidget of her fingers along a row of sugar packets, her brow furrowed in thought.“So, Ryan seems like he’s doing well,” Castle hedges carefully.He follows the line of Kate’s neck as she swallows with some effort, her fingers curling around the handle of her coffee mug. “Yeah,” she manages, grief shining in her eyes. He’s silent, waits for her as she takes a long sip of her coffee. When her cup meets the table again, she clears her throat. “It was pretty touch and go for awhile.”“They never found him, did they?”“Tyson?” she laughs hollowly, brushing her hair out of her eyes. “No, we never found him. I’m sure he’ll turn up again with more blood on his hands.”“Beckett, it’s not your faul - ” “Castle,” Beckett interrupts him. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, I really do.” She bites down on her lip, eyes shiny. “But I can’t do this. I can’t talk about it.”“I wish I had been there,” he blurts out stupidly.“So you could’ve gotten hurt, too?” she chokes on it, shaking her head furiously. “Please don’t say that.”“You care about what happens to me, Beckett?” he asks, forcing a bit of teasing into his tone. But it comes out a little too high to play it off purely as a joke.The look she gives him, full of something he can’t quite place (regret? longing?), makes his heart thud painfully in his chest. And then she clears it all away with the twitch of her lips. “Of course I care about you, Castle,” she says, rolling her eyes as if he’s said the most obvious thing in the world. “Don’t be an idiot.” If that’s true then why won’t you let me come back to the precinct? he wants to ask.But he lets it go (for now), can see that she needs something else to talk about for awhile. Their food arrives minutes later and he starts diving into the working plot of the third Nikki Heat book. If Castle’s being honest, he doesn’t really need any help with the story — not the kind he’s asked for, anyway. He has been having a hard time nailing the story down, that part’s true, but only because this is the longest they’ve been apart since he started writing Nikki. He misses his muse, misses the woman he brought coffee for every morning. What he wouldn’t give to bounce theory off her again.What he wouldn’t give for her period, but one step at a time.  She’s eager as she listens to him weave the story, her eyes sparking with rapt interest in between bites of pancake doused in syrup. He leaves out key plot points about the case for her to help fill in, feeling like a bit of an ass as he does it, but it’s the most she’s looked like herself since he first saw her again a few nights ago. The relief he feels is palpable.It’s clear that she’s struggling, but his Beckett is still in there somewhere — he just needs to figure out how to help her.He pays for their breakfast when she excuses herself to use the restroom. When she returns to find the check gone, she narrows her eyes at him, but he just shakes his head.“I dragged you out here, Beckett. Just let me get it.”A reluctant smile tugs at her mouth. “Okay. Thanks, Castle.”If it wouldn’t annoy the shit out of her, he thinks he could skip the entire way back to her apartment.As they approach the door to her place, his stomach twists itself into a dozen little knots. He needs to see her again, desperate to figure out how to worm his way back into her life beyond one Saturday lunch.As she fishes out her keys, he shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his coat to keep them from fidgeting. “So I’m having my annual Christmas party in two weeks. Friday night. Espo and Lanie are coming. I think LT too, maybe a few other guys from the precinct. You should come.”She hesitates, her gaze flicking up to his briefly before falling down to the keys in her hand. “Maybe.”But he can read the discomfort that’s settled over her body. He’s pretty sure she’s lying, has no intention of coming, but is growing tired of letting him down so she couches it in a “maybe.”“Are you punishing me, Beckett?” She flinches, looking wounded as she meets his eyes. “No, Castle.”“Because I meant it when I said I was sorry - ”“I know. I - “ she breaks off on a sigh. “I’m not mad at you. Not really.”He frowns, confused. “But last night, you - ”“I know what I said last night. I was hurt when I didn’t hear from you, but I’m not angry anymore.” She smashes her lips together, a tight line across her mouth. “It’s just easier to deal with.”“Easier than what, Kate?”“Everything else,” she scrapes out, frustrated. “Our partnership, our friendship. What happened this summer - ”“What about this summer?” he pushes, his heart thrashing furiously now in his chest. He’s been dying to ask ever since Esposito told him that she broke up with Demming.“What happened with Ryan,” she adds brokenly, ignoring his interruption.“How does Ryan getting shot have anything to do with us, Kate?” he asks, edgy as he steps closer to her.“There is no us,” she says tightly, backing away from his body. She spins around, shoves her key into the lock with a force that jars his teeth. “There could be if you’d let there be.”Her spine stiffens at his words and she stops for the briefest of moments. He wills her to turn around, just turn around Beckett, and then she does, but shit, there are tears in her eyes now and her mouth is twisting in fury - “No, there can’t be,” she spits out. “You’re a distraction, Castle. Ryan got shot because I was distracted and I’ll be damned if I let that happen again.”“What are you saying? You were distracted because of me ?” She doesn’t answer, just lets out an empty, watery laugh but that’s all the response he needs.“Make me understand this, Beckett. How could I have been a distraction when I was gone when this whole thing went down?”“That’s exactly how,” she croaks.And then she’s shoving her door open, slamming it behind her without another word.He sighs, exhausted, mind spinning as he lets his forehead fall to the door.Well. That could’ve gone better.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Despite the blustery morning, Beckett’s relieved when Monday rolls around, has been practically crawling out of her skin since her disastrous brunch with Castle on Saturday.She’s not an idiot, she knows in all likelihood that Castle didn’t really need help with Nikki, that he just wanted an excuse to see her. She’d decided to give in to a moment of weakness because...well, despite everything, she’s missed him like hell since he’d been gone. As she slips into a turtleneck and a pair of jeans, her mind replays their last conversation for the umpteenth time since Saturday — the despair in his voice when he asked her if she was punishing him, the way he’d pushed her to tell him what she meant about this summer, his implication that the two of them could be something more if she’d just let there be. Beckett hadn’t meant for it all to spill out like that between them, and she’s grateful to at least have had the foresight to stop before she confessed something she’d regret telling him — like the fact that she broke up with her boyfriend for him and then he disappeared for half a year. She pulls out a travel mug from her cabinet, reaching for her coffee pot before she realizes she forgot to set the timer. Groaning at her lack of foresight, she sets her mug back on the counter. Kate really doesn’t want to stop at a coffee shop in this weather, so she’ll just have to make do with the machine at the precinct that she somehow still struggles with.“What do we got, Espo?” Kate asks, pocketing her gloves on a shiver as she stops in front of the murder board where the other detective stands in thought. “27-year-old Melissa Montgomery. Found dead inside her apartment on 27th and Lex late last night by her boyfriend, Jimmy Carson.”“Any witnesses?” Beckett asks, leaning against her desk.“Nada. Uniforms did a canvass early this morning but neighbors don’t remember hearing anything or seeing anyone unusual at that hour.”“Last known whereabouts?”“Boyfriend said Melissa had a late rehearsal for a show that’s opening in the spring. I called the theater. They said the only people at last night’s rehearsal were the director, Melissa, and her scene partner.”“How late did rehearsal go?”“About 10:30. Street cam footage puts Melissa near her apartment 20 minutes later.”Beckett nods. “Okay, sounds like she went straight home, which means that the last two people to see her alive before her killer were the director and Melissa’s scene partner. Did you get their names?”Esposito nods, hesitating. “The director is 60-year-old Martin Russell, lives uptown on the West side. And Melissa’s scene partner is, uh, Martha Rodgers.”“I’m sorry. What?” Kate says, disbelieving. “Castle’s mother? That Martha Rodgers?”Esposito cocks his head. “Beckett, how many stage actresses named Martha Rodgers do you think there are in this city?”“I don’t know,” she says defensively, making a face. “It’s a... common name.”“We gonna go interview them or you wanna stay here and pout some more?” he asks.She narrows her eyes. Fuck . She does not want to deal with Castle this morning, especially before she’s had her coffee.“Guess there’s no point in taking my coat off,” she grumbles. “Let’s go. We’re stopping for coffee on the way.”They question Martin Russell first, but he doesn’t give them much - other than the fact that Melissa had been having a hard time focusing during the rehearsal. She’d gotten into a fight with her boyfriend earlier that day about all the time she was spending on the play.Something Jimmy neglected to mention, so they’d definitely be bringing him in for questioning later.Martin had gone out with a couple of his buddies after the rehearsal and paid the tab with cash he’d gotten from an ATM withdrawal during the time of death window that Lanie had given them, so his alibi is pretty much rock solid once they verify his story with the footage from the ATM camera.It’s nearing 11 a.m. when Beckett and Espo buzz Castle’s door and she prays that he’s out for lunch or a Black Pawn meeting or any other godforsaken appointment that will make it possible for her to avoid him.But, as the universe would have it, Castle is the one who answers the door...with a strand of tinsel garland wrapped around his neck and giant ball of lights in his hand that he’s going to have a hell of a time unraveling, Beckett thinks.“Beckett?” His face flickers in surprise. “Esposito?” “Are we interrupting something, bro?” Esposito smirks in amusement, his gaze trailing dipping down to Castle’s makeshift scarf.Castle ignores the smirk. “Just trying to get all the Christmas stuff out before Alexis comes home from school so we can spend the night decorating the place.”Oh. That’s really sweet.Castle scratches his head. “Uh, what are you guys doing here?”“Castle, is Martha home?” Beckett asks, shoving her hands into the pockets of her coat.His forehead wrinkles in confusion. “Yeah, she’s upstairs.” He hesitates. “Why don’t you come in?” “One of the actors working on the same play as your mother was killed late last night,” Beckett explains, following Castle and Esposito through the doorway. She closes it behind her. “It looks like Martha and her director were the last two people to see this woman alive before she was killed.”Castle blanches. “You don’t think that she - ”“No,” she shakes her head. “But you know we still need to ask. What time did Martha come home last night?”He rubs the back of his neck in thought. “I was up late writing but I went to bed shortly after she got home, so it must’ve been between 10:45 and quarter after 11?”Beckett’s shoulders drop in relief. Lanie placed time of death between 11 and 11:45 — when she was found by her boyfriend — and based on the distance between Castle’s place and Melissa’s, it was certainly not enough time for Martha to follow Melissa to her apartment, commit murder, and come home.She doesn’t think Martha is capable of murder, not even close, but she’s grateful she can pretty much rule her out. “Mother!” Castle yells up the staircase. “Can you come down here please?”While they wait for her, Beckett notices for the first time the sheer number of boxes of decorations Castle has in view. He did go all-out at his Christmas party last year — the place was fully decked in lights, garland, and every ornament and tchotchke imaginable. She thought maybe it’d been a one-off, just a special occasion, but she sees now that it truly is how into the holiday he gets.Pure Castle. Kate is a little envious, to be honest. She loved Christmas growing up and now she’s lucky if she puts up even a tree or a strand of lights.It just...hasn’t been the same since her mother died.The sound of Esposito hooting breaks her out of her reverie, but she finds Castle’s curious gaze on her — as if he can tell exactly what she’s been thinking. His blue eyes are soft on hers, too soft, and it makes her heart clench in her chest.Beckett clears her throat. “Esposito, what the hell is with you?”Esposito’s grin slowly drops from his face. “Just you know, Knicks tickets.” He flashes an envelope he definitely didn’t have a minute ago.Beckett lifts an eyebrow. “From Castle? For what?”Esposito flicks his thumb against the envelope. “Apology for not calling us.”“Seriously?”“What? He asked how he could make it up to me!”Her gaze flicks to Castle’s face, but he stays silent, looking a little uncomfortable, actually, by the entire exchange.So not his idea, then. And maybe a little hurt by Esposito’s request, she thinks. Yeah, she doesn’t blame him.Oh, Castle.“You’re shameless,” she hisses at the Hispanic detective.Esposito opens his mouth to reply, but then - “Darling, I was just settling down for a nap, what - oh. “ Martha Rodgers, graceful in a loud printed silk robe, finds them at the bottom of the stairwell. A bright smile stretches across her pink-lipsticked mouth.“Detectives Beckett and Esposito, how lovely to see you,” she greets, stepping down into the foyer. “It’s been far too long.” Beckett smiles. “It’s good to see you, Martha.”“Ah, but not a social call, I take it?” Martha gathers, but her smile doesn’t dim.“Unfortunately not,” Beckett says grimly.“Martha, you’re familiar with Melissa Montgomery?” Esposito asks.“Of course,” Martha says, clapping her hands together. “Such a delightful young woman, and a lovely scene partner. I tell you, it’s very hard to come by talented young actors these days, and…” The light in her eyes dims as the reason for their visit dawns on her.“Oh no, don’t tell me,” she says, dismayed.“She was killed late last night,” Esposito confirms. “Her boyfriend found her in her apartment.”“Oh my.” Martha presses a hand against her chest. “That’s awful.” Castle sighs, rubbing his mother’s back in comfort.“Why don’t we have a seat?” Kate suggests gently, nodding toward the couch. The detectives settle down into armchairs while Castle and his mother take the couch.“What can you tell us about Melissa?”Martha sighs. “I can’t say that I knew her terribly well, but she was a very sweet girl. Always on time, always got along well with everyone.”“Did she have any enemies or rivalries that you know of?” Esposito asks.“No, nothing.” Martha looks at a loss. “The only time I think I’ve ever seen her upset was...well, last night, actually.”“She was upset last night?” Beckett coaxes.Martha nods. “When she came into the theater, her eyes were red, as if she’d been crying. I asked her if she was all right, you know. All she said was that she’d gotten into a fight with her boyfriend but that she didn’t want to talk about it.”“That corroborates what Martin Russell said,” Beckett confirms.“Did you question the boyfriend?” Castle asks.“Briefly, but we’re bringing him back in later today for more questioning.”“And we haven’t verified his alibi yet,” Esposito adds.“Martha, is there anything else you can tell us about their relationship? How long they were together, what their relationship was like? Anything like that?”“Oh, I don’t know,” Martha sighs. “I think Melissa said they’d been together a little over a year? They met at her last job. She was a barista at a little coffee shop near her place.”Beckett nods, taking notes.“There’s one other thing,” Martha says slowly. “I wear a piece of costume jewelry on my ring finger a lot,” Martha gestures to her hand, “I had gotten it at a flea market years ago. Of course anyone who knows anything about jewelry could tell you it was fake, but I caught Melissa staring at it a few weeks ago.”Beckett frowns. “And that was unusual?”“Oh, no, not that, dear. But then she made some offhanded remark about how the design resembled some ring her boyfriend proposed to her with.”“Proposed? He didn’t say anything about them being engaged,” Esposito says.“Yes, well…” Martha trails off. “I believe she turned the poor fellow down. Said she wasn’t ready, had too much life to live.”Hmmm.Beckett smiles, getting to her feet. “Thanks for your help, Martha. If you think of anything else, don’t hesitate to call us.”Castle’s mother nods, but looks quite out of it. A little stunned by the news, Beckett thinks.Esposito’s phone rings and he pulls it out of his pocket, checking the caller ID. “It’s Montgomery,” he says. He nods to the kitchen, “I’m gonna take this.”Leaving her alone with Castle and his mother? Great.“Beckett, can I…?” Castle trails off, nodding to the foyer. She swallows. “Uh, sure.”Castle glances at his mother in worry, seems almost torn about leaving her alone for a minute. But Martha, of course, doesn’t miss a thing.“Oh, Richard. Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine,” she waves him off. “I could use a moment alone, anyway.”“Okay.” He settles a hand on her shoulder, squeezes it briefly before Kate follows him into the foyer, out of earshot. “What is it?” she asks.Castle glances over at Esposito, making sure the detective is still busy on the phone. “Look, you made yourself clear on Saturday, okay? I heard you.” He hesitates.Uh-huh. She feels more coming on here. “But?”“Can I just help you close this one? For my mother?”She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Please, Kate?” Oh, first-naming her. Playing dirty.She knows there’s a good chance he’ll use this as a gateway to weasel his way back, but she can also tell when he’s being sincere.And right now, all he seems to want to do is provide his Mother some comfort in whatever way he can and make himself useful.Ugh, this is a terrible idea.“All right, Castle,” she agrees softly. “But just this one. That’s it.”He smiles. “Thank you. You won’t regret it.”Oh, but she has a very good feeling that she will.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Castle is practically giddy the next morning when he gets up for a day at the precinct. He even wakes up extra early to make sure that he retrieves Kate’s coffee with enough time to get to the precinct around the same time she does.Before he rolls out of bed, he texts Jenny to see how she and Ryan are doing with his recovery. He tells her he’s going into the precinct and asks her to let him know if he can bring them anything on his way home later.When he steps off the precinct elevator, he’s arrested by the sight of Kate sitting on a desk in front of the murder board, closed-cap marker in her mouth. She’s soft in a purple silk button-down, a pair of dark-wash jeans, and a curly ponytail and he’s not sure she’s ever looked more beautiful.Okay, yeah, no, actually, he can recall several competing times in his memory, but he’s feeling a little grateful this morning.“Good morning, Detective,” he greets her, holding out her coffee for her. Kate turns to him, her eyes flicking down to the cup in his hands. She hesitates for a brief second, but takes it from him, a small smile stretching across her lips. “Thanks, Castle.”She takes a sip, her eyes slipping closed. Tearing his gaze away from her, he settles down next to her —  keeping a foot of respectable space between them — and stares up at the murder board.“A little early for you, isn’t it?” she asks him, a slight tease in her voice to match the lift of an eyebrow.He narrows his eyes. “Maybe I became a morning person while I was gone.” It’s out before he can stop it, the reminder that he was gone, but her eyes don’t dim like he expects them to.She snorts in disbelief. “Right.”Castle nods toward the board. “What’s going on with the boyfriend?”“After we left your place, we brought Jimmy in for questioning. He said he and Melissa had been arguing lately, but nothing serious. The boys at his weekly game night alibied him out for our murder window.”“His friends are his alibi?” Castle asks skeptically.“Yeah, I had the same thought,” Beckett says thoughtfully. “Which is why we haven’t completely ruled him out as a suspect until we have more concrete proof.”“What’s our next move?”“We notified Melissa’s parents, but they were out of town on a trip so we didn’t get to interview them. They got back last night, so I thought we’d go talk to them, see if they know something. Espo’s talking to Melissa’s friends, so we can all regroup later and compare notes. Someone’s gotta know something.”They’re out most of the morning and early afternoon, chasing down a few leads Melissa’s parents offered up. It’s nearly 2 o’clock by the time they get back to the precinct, bags of Remy’s burgers in their hands that they’ll share with Esposito.With the exception of a few awkward moments between them, being back at Beckett’s side felt like coming home, almost as if no time at all had passed.Almost. She’s still playing it close to the vest, doesn’t offer up anything more beyond the case and some surface talk about their friends and how Ryan’s doing.But at least it’s something. He’ll get a Christmas miracle out of her yet, he thinks.“Yo,” Esposito ducks his head into the break room. He fishes a double cheeseburger out of one of the bags and unwraps it before taking a large bite. “I got something you’re definitely gonna want to see,” he says through a mouthful.Beckett presses her lips together, suppressing a smile.“You couldn’t have waited until you were done chewing?” Castle asks, taking a sip of his milkshake.Esposito glares at him, but does swallow before he opens his mouth again. “You remember that big Missing Persons-turned-homicide case a few years ago? Danielle Mason?”“Um,” Beckett looks skyward, sorting through her memory. “I think so, yeah. NYU student. Disappeared in the middle of the day between classes - ”“I heard about that case,” Castle interjects. “It was all over the news. They searched for her for weeks and then her body turned up in the middle of the Hudson. Did they ever catch the killer?”Beckett shakes her head. “By the time they’d found her, the water had washed away all forensic evidence and the detectives on the case had no solid leads.”“Until now,” Esposito says grimly. “You’ll never guess who she was dating at the time.”“Son of a bitch,” she murmurs. “Jimmy Carson?”“Yup.” Esposito snags a fry off Castle, who slaps his hand away. Esposito grins, shoving the fry between his lips.“That can’t be a coincidence,” Castle says.“No,” Beckett agrees.“How do you wanna handle this?” Esposito asks.“We’ve already interviewed Jimmy twice. If he’s the one behind all this, he’s not going to give us any more. All we have right now is a theory.” “A hell of a theory,” Castle counters.“Yeah.” Beckett bites her lip in thought. “All right, I want unis to have eyes on him until we can come back with solid evidence. Castle and I will interview Danielle’s parents. Maybe if we offer him up as a person of interest, it’ll jog their memory of anything suspicious that might have happened with Jimmy around that time. We’ve dug through his background and spoken to his friends, but expand the pool. Talk to professors, classmates, anyone in his circle from around the time that Danielle was killed.”Esposito nods. “You got it, boss.”Kate wipes her mouth with a napkin. “You happen to have an address for Danielle’s parents?”“Yeah, but they moved upstate. Ithaca.”“Oh.” Damn. Castle does some fast math. Three and a half hours each way - in good traffic - in the middle of the day?“Hey Beckett, if you’d rather, I can - ” Esposito starts.Kate shakes her head. “No, it’s fine.”“We can ask Ithaca police to talk to them.”She sighs. “I can’t imagine the Masons are thrilled with the cops, so one shot at talking to them might be all we get. I’d rather just do it myself.” Kate turns to Castle. “7 hours round-trip, Castle.” Her gaze flicks down to her watch. “If you’d rather stay here - ”“No,” he says quickly. “I want to go with you.”He can’t tell if she’s relieved or irritated by that, but she doesn’t fight him. “Okay. Grab your coat. We’ll stop for coffee on the way. Something tells me we’re gonna need it.”The heater whines as Castle shifts uncomfortably. If possible, the spring in the passenger seat has only gotten worse in the last six months — as if it too was punishing him for his absence.“Castle, can you quit fidgeting?” Beckett grits, her hands white-knuckled around the steering wheel. He doesn’t blame her — the light flurrying that began nearly an hour into their trip is really starting to come down outside now.“Sorry,” he grumbles, wincing. “It’s the spring.”She doesn’t reply, just clenches her jaw and flicks the volume to the radio up when a familiar chime signals a local weather report. “Nearly all of New York will continue to accumulate several inches of snow tonight as the East Coast battles the first major snow event of the season. The storm will continue to worsen as it moves north into the Finger Lakes region. Residents are encouraged to stay off the roads when possible and - ““Shit,” she mutters under her breath. “Why don’t we turn around and head back to the City?” Castle suggests gently.Beckett shakes her head. “We’re moving with the storm now and we’re only about 45 minutes out from Ithaca. If we turn around now, I’m not sure we’ll make it home.”“Okay,” he says slowly. “But it doesn’t sound like it’s going anywhere if we try to wait it out. We’ll be dealing with lake effect snow, too.”“I know,” she says tightly, licking her lips as the tension in her body continues to coil around the wheel.Oh, wait. Beckett’s not nervous about driving in the snow. She —“We’re going to be staying the night in Ithaca, aren’t we?” he asks.She sighs, tearing a hand through her long locks. “Barring a significant break in the weather that we can count on, yeah.”Well, fuck. If there was ever a time where Beckett could kick herself for not paying closer attention to the forecast before leaving, it’s now.If she thought she wouldn’t kill them by turning around and driving back to Manhattan, she’d do it in a second. The very last thing she wants to do right now is spend the night near Castle away from the city.At least she won’t have to share a room with him. Thank god for small favors.“I’m sorry, what ?” she snaps.The hotel receptionist looks flustered. “I’m sorry, ma’am - ”“It’s Detective.”“Detective.” The receptionist swallows hard. “I wish we had more than one queen-sized room available for you, but Ithaca is a large college town that houses both Cornell University and Ithaca College. Many of our students were set to fly home today for the winter holidays, but all flights have been grounded until the storm passes.”“They don’t have dorms they can stay in?” Beckett mutters under her breath, pinching the bridge of her nose.The other woman pastes a tight smile across her lips. “Most of the dorms close over Winter Break.”“Kate,” Castle says softly, laying a warm hand on her shoulder. She sighs, letting go some of the tension she’s held on to in the last few hours. “I’m sorry,” Beckett apologizes. “It’s not your fault.”The other woman’s shoulders drop a little in relief as she turns her attention back to her computer. “You’ll be in room 308.” She slides the keycards across the counter toward them. “Your food delivery options are probably limited right now because of the storm, but we do have a full kitchen operating and in your room, you’ll find a room service menu.”“Thank you, Brittany,” Castle’s eyes dip down to the young woman’s nametag as he flashes her his bright, charming smile.Brittany’s eyes brighten a little at that and guilt washes over Kate. “Please call down if you need anything. Check out is tomorrow at 11.”Castle grins, pocketing the keycards and takes Kate’s arm, hooking his through hers. “Come on, Beckett.”She doesn’t pull away, too exhausted to fight him. Not that she really wants to anyway. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you, Castle?”The smile drops off his face, but the light in his eyes remains. “I don’t enjoy seeing you upset, Kate.”She swallows hard at the gentle sincerity in his voice as she follows him onto the elevator. “I’m sure the roads will be better in the morning,” he reassures her. “We can check out before 11, talk to Danielle’s parents and be back home by dark.”She presses the button for their floor, squeezes his arm with her other hand. “Thanks, Castle.”This smile, the one that crinkles at his eyes, takes her breath away. “Anytime.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Kate reads the hesitation all over Castle’s face when they step into the room for the first time. She’d heard the receptionist say there would only be one queen-sized bed in the room, but it didn’t register until right this second when they were both confronted with the stark reality of it right there in the middle of the room.No cot, no couch, just one bed and a chair — that’s definitely not fit for sleeping — to go along with the small table in the corner. She supposes one of them could sleep on the floor but that sounds less than ideal.The tension crackles between them like static electricity and it’s too much for her to bear right now, on top of everything else she’s been fighting against the last several months. “I have a gym bag in the car with some sweats,” she says flatly. “I’m gonna grab it and then take a shower.”The abrupt change in her demeanor — again — doesn’t seem to faze him. “Okay. What do you want to do about dinner?”She shrugs. “Whatever you want is fine with me.”Beckett returns to their room 15 minutes later, completely chilled to the bone, a gym bag slung over her shoulder. She reaches for the doorknob, a curse falling from her mouth when she remembers Castle still has both key cards.She knocks on the door, hears him shuffling inside the room. A group of young coeds whoop a little further down the hallway and she shakes her head in mirth. Ah, to be young and carefree again. The door swings open a moment later and she finds Castle deliciously — uh, sufficiently — more rumpled than he was when she left. He’s removed his jacket and rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, his hair askew as if he’s been running his hands through it.Perfectly kissable. Damn it.She swallows hard. “Forgot the keycard,” she says sheepishly.“You were gone awhile,” he observes without judgment. “Almost sent out a search party.” She catches the glint of his eyes before he turns away from the doorframe.“Yeah, just needed a minute to get my bearings,” she admits, following him through the door. The line of his back ripples with tension, but he doesn’t say anything to that.She sighs, tossing her bag onto the bed, next to the spot where the room service menu and his cell phone lay. Beckett shrugs out of her coat, shivering a little, and drapes it over the back of the chair.“So. Dinner?” she asks casually, glancing at him as she unzips her bag.“Right,” he claps his hands together, blue eyes sparkling in delight. “There’s a great little pizza place here in town with the best pies - ”Beckett cocks her head, surprised. “You’ve been here before?”He nods. “Some small weekend trips. There are no shortage of wineries and waterfalls around here, so Alexis, Mother and I have come up a few times.”“That’s sweet, Castle.”He looks pleased. “What about you?” he asks, settling down onto the edge of the bed.She shakes her head. “Just once on a weekend trip. I toured Cornell with my parents when I was applying to colleges.” Kate smiles a little at the bittersweet memory. It had been one of her favorite trips she’d ever taken with her parents. The two of them had been completely taken with the small artsy college town, dragging her to local hotspots all over town, like Collegetown Bagels and Cinemapolis. They’d been stoked at the prospect of her going to school there, especially close to home, but she’d completely fallen for Stanford and never looked back — until Johanna died. “What’s the name of this pizza place?” she asks.“Sammy’s,” he groans a little in pleasure, hands fisting at his side, and it startles her, makes her mouth go dry. Off the look on her face, he clears his throat. “It’s really good and just a couple of miles from here. If they’re not delivering, we can stick with the room service menu.”Beckett fists her clothes in her hand, still recovering from his reaction. “Sounds good.” She licks her lips. “I’m gonna take a shower. I need to warm up a little.” Actually, she needs to cool down, put some space between them, but he doesn’t need to know that.“I have an extra sweatshirt in here,” she points to her duffel, “It’s pretty baggy so it would probably fit you.”He shrugs, looks down at his shirt. “I’m fine.”She lifts an eyebrow, dragging her gaze down the length of him. “You’re going to sleep in those clothes?” A button-down and a pair of slacks sound like the absolute worst way to sleep.And she’d know, from the few times she’s caught some sleep at the precinct without a change of comfortable clothes in her locker.He frowns. “I didn’t really think about that,” he admits, scraping a hand through his hair. “It’s there if you need it.” She bites down on her lip. “I don’t, uh, have any extra pants though.”A flush climbs up his neck and it’s kind of adorable. “I think I’ll manage,” he scrapes out.“Yeah,” she lets out quickly. The sooner she can duck into another room and get her nerves under control, the better. “I’m gonna - “ she nods to the bathroom, her hands wrapped around her small bundle of clothes.He lifts his phone, flashes it with the flick of his wrist. “I’ll order the pizza.” Kate takes her time in the shower, thoroughly defrosting her body with 30 minutes of scalding hot water. The hotel’s brand of shampoo and conditioner is a little hard on her hair, but nothing she can’t fix with a 20-minute deep conditioner when they get back to the city.She doesn’t have a comb handy either, so she decides to scrunch her damp hair in the palm of her hands so there’s a little more wave to it. Not ideal and it’ll be frizzy as hell tomorrow, but it’ll do.When she steps out of the bathroom, warm and relaxed, she barrels right into Castle, who’s headed for the door. “Sorry,” they exclaim in unison as she jumps back, hands raised in front of her. A flush creeps up the apple of her cheeks and the tips of her fingers tingle with the unexpected contact. “I, um,” he stutters, looking flustered. He brushes it away with the shake of his head, starts again. “The pizza’s here,” Castle explains, nudging his head toward the door.“Ah,” she says awkwardly, biting down on her bottom lip.“So I’m gonna - ”“Yeah, you should get that,” she replies lamely. God, what is wrong with her? “I have some cash - ”“Negative, Ghost Rider,” he shakes his head. “I gave them my card over the phone.”She narrows her eyes. “Fine, but breakfast is on me tomorrow.”A very Castle-like grin forms on his face that puts her much more at ease than she was 10 seconds ago. “You’ve got yourself a deal. You know, there’s this incredible waffle place in the Commons -”“Castle,” she interrupts, smashing her lips together to suppress a smile. Of course the man has a favorite waffle place in town. “I think the pizza guy might take off with our pies if you don’t answer the door soon.”“Right, good call.”She chuckles to herself as she leaves him there in the short hallway, padding softly over to the bed, collapsing onto it gracelessly. Kate fishes around for the TV remote while she waits for him, rolling her eyes at the sounds of their conversation. Always making friends, this man.Three minutes later, she’s settled on an old rerun of Seinfeld when he finally returns, three boxes in his hands and a plastic bag dangling off his wrist.“Did you make a new friend, Castle?” she teases, propping her elbow onto her knee before she rests her chin on her open palm.“As a matter of fact, I did, Beckett,” he replies, indignantly. She rolls her eyes at that, pushing away from the bed toward the siren call of greasy cheese. “Are we hosting a hotel room party and you forgot to tell me?” she asks, amused.He doesn’t get her joke, his forehead wrinkling in confusion. “No, why?”Her eyes dip down to the spread and back up at him. “You ordered, what, two large pizzas and some cheesy bread?” She reaches over, rustles through the plastic bag. “And four sodas?”“Hey, you never know,” he protests. “We could be stuck here for days, Beckett.”“No, Castle. We will be going home tomorrow.” Even if they have to walk home, she cannot spend another night alone in this room with him.Kate looks down at the table, shoulders drooping in realization. “You didn’t happen to ask if that had any plates, did you?”“Um, interesting, no,” he replies regretfully. “Let me walk down to the front desk and see if they have anything.”She nods. “Better hurry before I eat all the cheesy bread.” Her stomach rumbles in agreement.His mouth drops open in feigned shock. “Beckett, you wouldn’t.”She lifts an eyebrow, challenging him. “You sure about that, Castle?”“No.” And then he’s out the door in a flash.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She smells absolutely incredible, and it’s all he can think about as they plate their food with the flimsy paper plates he retrieved from downstairs, leftover from a continental breakfast.He’s not sure what brand of soap or shampoo the hotel uses, but he will definitely be investigating the contents of the shower later. Though, it could just be her. He realizes with a rough swallow that their current quarters are about as intimate as they’ve ever gotten, with the exception of those couple of days she stayed at his loft after her apartment burned down.But even that was a far cry from this — far less space, far fewer occupants.And her hair is doing this adorable wavy thing that he’s never seen before, and he wonders if it’s natural - “Castle, you’re staring,” Beckett murmurs, soft and amused, her gaze focused very intently on a slice of pepperoni pizza she’s tearing off the pie. He clears his throat, ducks his head away. “Sorry. Just, uh, your hair. It’s - I’ve never, um - “She sighs. “It’s a mess, I know. I usually smooth it out with a blow dryer -”“No, it’s, uh, nice. I like it.”She looks at him now, raising an eyebrow. “Really?”Her surprise steadies him, makes him a little more confident. “Yeah, it looks great on you.”“Thanks, Castle.” Kate shoots him a brief smile and turns away, food in hand, hesitating in front of the bed.He’s briefly puzzled by her hesitance, then realizes - “Let me guess: You’ve never taken a walk on the wild side and eaten in bed, have you?”A beat of silence. Then - “On very rare, special occasions.”Castle can tell by the dip in her voice and the heat in her cheeks exactly what she means by that, and it’s taking every ounce of his willpower not to linger too long on the idea of the two of them in their own, uh, special occasion.He swallows the images down, playfully nudges her shoulder with his. “Come on, Beckett. Live a little.” She rolls her eyes. “Fine, but only because that chair in the corner feels exactly like I imagined the Iron Throne feeling.”Castle gapes at her. “You’ve read A Song of Fire and Ice and never told me?”A smirk settles over her mouth, mirth dancing in her eyes. “Beckett onion, Castle. Beckett onion.”They settle in, quiet for a bit while the show plays, too hungry for much chatter. They haven’t had anything to eat since the burgers and fries earlier, and that was more than four hours ago now. His stomach is not going to be happy with a second heavy meal today, and he should probably see if he can at least track down a vegetable sometime while they’re out tomorrow.He finishes wolfing down his second slice while Kate contemplates a second, the edges of her crust and bread scattered across her plate. She’s still thinner than she was when he left seven months ago, and he wonders how often she’s been skipping meals in favor of burying her head into her work. More often than not, probably. But he tries not to think about it—she’s a grown woman, and while he would relish the opportunity to take care of her, it’s not his place. At least…not now, anyway.Though he certainly hasn’t given up hope for the future, despite their current awkward status.Long after they’ve polished off their meals and washed their hands, TBS has stopped playing Seinfeld in favor of an old Julia Roberts movie. And it’s one that Beckett — much to his delight — seems to know very well.Castle is a bit surprised. As she already pointed out once tonight, there are layers to her that he hasn’t been privy too yet. And he’s seen enough in their short years together to know that despite her tough exterior, she’s a big ole softie in a lot of ways. So he really shouldn’t be all that shocked that Kate Beckett loves Runaway Bride, and yet … he is.“Exactly how many times have you seen this movie, anyway?” he asks, biting back a grin. “A lot,” she admits, hesitating. “It came out the summer after I lost my mom.”Castle’s heart sinks. “I’m sorry, Kate.”“No, it’s fine, Castle. Really.” She shakes her head, forcing a reassuring smile that doesn’t quite reach her hazel eyes. He doesn’t want to push, so he turns back to the movie, desperately wishing he could just once offer her some semblance of comfort beyond his words. Words that he usually takes pride in, but often feel like never quite enough when it comes to her. “I was home on summer break, getting ready for my sophomore year at NYU.”Castle stills next to her, doesn’t dare turn to look at her or remove his eyes from the TV screen. Afraid to make any sudden movements lest he spook her.“My dad had already started losing himself to the bottle, and I wasn’t all that interested in seeing my friends. I didn’t want to see their pitying looks, you know?”He hums in acknowledgement.“For the first half of the summer, I’d just take my Harley out -”His head snaps toward her. “You have a motorcycle?”“Castle.” “Sorry.” But the corners of her lips twitch slightly, giving her away. “I’d just take it out and ride and ride until I was weightless. So numb I felt like I could fly through the air. Untouchable.” She shakes her head, a little wistful, he thinks.Castle swallows hard, imagining her so young — just a couple of years older than Alexis is now — and struggling to carve her way through a mountain of grief without anyone steady to lean on. She deserved so much more.Beckett clears her throat. “Anyway, I think my dad figured out that I wasn’t exactly being safe while I was out riding, so he locked my bike away until the following spring. And the last thing I was going to do was sit at home and watch him drink his life away, so - “ she shrugs. “I went to the movies. A lot. And eventually, I ran out of ‘em, so I saw some of them quite a few times.”“And Richard Gere’s not hard to look at,” he points out, lightening the mood.She snorts. “Neither is Julia Roberts.”“She’s all right, I guess.”Kate rolls her eyes, shoving a pillow into his chest. “I’m going to bed.”“Wait, can we circle back to the part where you have a motorcycle ?” he whines.She laughs, so light and airy that it sends his heart soaring. Maybe his words aren’t so bad, after all. “Maybe tomorrow.”Castle struggles to fall asleep, uncomfortable in his day clothes and completely unable to stop thinking about the fact that all that separates him from Beckett is a few inches.He’s never wanted anyone the way he yearns for her, and even now, he can still smell the vanilla — he checked earlier while he was in the bathroom — lingering on her skin.He tries to keep his gaze trained anywhere but her, but the bathroom light spills out just enough that he can’t help but notice the way the loose collar of her t-shirt has pulled away from the delicate curve of her neck. If she’d let him, he thinks he might like to run his tongue - Castle bites back a groan. Okay. This is officially not helping.Baseball stats? (No, he hates baseball.) Sheep? (Whoever came up with counting sheep, anyway? He needs to look up the lore of that later.) Titles of Patterson books? (Yeah, that might work, actually.)He’s only been asleep for what feels like an hour when a loud whimper startles him awake. Sleepy and confused, he twists his body toward Kate, bleary eyes falling to the deep lines of distress etched across her face. Their bedsheets are twisted up in an angry storm around her legs, and he wonders how he slept through her thrashing.She cries out, the pillow beneath her head clutched tightly in her white knuckles. “Not Castle. Please, you can’t take him.”Fuck, she’s having some type of nightmare. About him . Castle’s heart clenches tight in his chest; he should wake her, bring her out of it, but he knows she’ll feel incredibly embarrassed about it. Maybe even push him away.He leans in a little closer, carefully, noticing for the first time the thick beads of sweat that dot her forehead.  “Please,” she sobs, her body jerking against the mattress. All right, that’s it. She might hate him for it, might shove him away even further, but he can’t let her go on like this.Castle hesitates. He learned years ago that touching someone in the throes of a nightmare is not a good idea, so he keeps some space between them. Calls out to her in a loud, but gentle voice. “Kate.”But she doesn’t stir, thrashes again. “Beckett,” he says, more firmly this time.“Castle,” she whispers, her forehead wrinkling up in confusion. Still dreaming.“Katherine Houghton Beckett!” Her middle name is a little odd and foreign on his tongue, but it does the trick. She jolts awake on a gasp, and he backs off onto his side of the bed, giving her the room. “Kate,” he says gently. “Are you okay?”“Castle?” Her voice is heavy, thick with sleep.“Yeah.” He clenches his fists around his pillow to keep from reaching for her. “Sorry to wake you, but you were having a nightmare.”“Oh.” She sighs, spent. “Yeah, I was. Fuck.” Kate swipes at the back of her sweaty forehead in disgust, kicking the sheets off her legs. “Do you wanna tal-”“I’m gonna shower,” she cuts in. “Go back to sleep.”“Kate - ”“I’m fine, Castle.” Kate slides out of bed and stumbles toward the bathroom, a little unsteady in her foggy state. She pauses in the doorway and turns back toward him, the harsh, yellow glow of the light highlighting the sweat on her brow, the grey circles under her eyes. “Thanks for waking me up.”He licks his lips. “Sure thing.”Castle doesn’t sleep; he listens for her instead — the kick of the shower as it turns on, the low gentle whine that the old pipes make as hot water runs through them. The muffled sound of her cries.Oh, Kate.He needs a distraction, anything to keep himself from going to her, so he calls down to the front desk to ask for a fresh set of bed sheets. Despite the sheen on Kate’s forehead, he doesn’t think she sweat all that much, but it gives him something to do. They kindly ask few questions and a worker is gently tapping on their hotel room door just a few minutes later. Castle thanks the man and closes the door just in time to hear the shower flick off. Working quickly, he strips the bed and tosses the old sheets into a heap on the floor. He slips the fitted sheet around the corners of the mattress and lays the top sheet down before sliding under it.Mere seconds later, the bathroom door opens, and she steps out in a haze of steam and vanilla. He doesn’t pretend to be asleep, but keeps his gaze focused on the ceiling, so he doesn’t unnerve her by giving her too much attention. The mattress sags a bit as she clambers onto it. Kate makes a move to lay down, but stops, her hands skimming over the bed sheets. “Did you -” Her voice comes out raspy, a little rough. She had been crying. Clearing her throat, she tries again. “Did you change the sheets?”“Yeah,” he confirms gently. “Don’t think they needed it, but thought it might feel nice.”She doesn’t say anything at first, just takes a cue from him and settles down onto her back. “It does, thank you.”It’s silent for several moments, and he thinks maybe she fell asleep again. And then he feels her warm hand slip hesitantly into his, and he stops breathing.“I’ve had a lot of nightmares since Ryan was shot,” she admits quietly. “But this one was different.”Castle doesn’t verbalize his reply — lest he break the spell, and she pulls away from him — but he laces their fingers together, gently squeezing her hand to let her know he’s there with her.“The Triple Killer took you this time, too.” Her voice is hollow, distant and far away. She’s removed herself from it, done with her tears. “And I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”He wasn’t around for it this time, but Castle certainly remembers the horrifying details of the original case. He can only imagine what it must’ve done to her to miss the details that almost cost Ryan his life. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he says sincerely. “But that monster is the only one to blame, Kate. Tell me you get that.”She sighs, tries to relinquish his hand, but he doesn’t let her — not yet. “I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. Neither is Ryan. Do not let this case eat you alive. That bastard doesn’t deserve it.”This time when she pulls away, he lets her.Castle sleeps fitfully for most of the night, keeping one ear open for any more distress from his partner. At around 5, he can’t fight it anymore and falls into a deep, uninterrupted sleep. He awakens to morning light spilling gently through a gap in the curtains — and a warm Kate Beckett snuggled into his chest, one arm slung loosely around his waist. Oh. Oh, this is bad. Well, it’s good, actually, so, so, good — but bad. She will absolutely not be okay with the knowledge that her body betrayed her sometime in the night. He could try to extricate himself, but it would be dicey. His best course of action — if he knows what’s good for him — is to pretend to be asleep when she wakes, save her at least some of the embarrassment he knows is coming. One thing he knows for sure: she’s definitely going to be prickly all day. Between their current state as snuggle partners and her rare moments of vulnerability last night, it’s quite possible she’s going to eat him alive today.But he'll allow himself to take a risk and relish this for at least a few minutes; he has no idea when it will happen again.Or rather, if it'll happen again.He knows they'd be unstoppable together; it hadn't taken long for him to realize that no other woman could ever compare to Katherine Beckett. But she's scared of him, of them, in a way that he's worried he can't overcome. A wall he can't scale or bulldoze his way through.And what exactly is he supposed to do with that?He sighs quietly, searching her sleep-slacken face, wishing he knew what she’s thought of him, of the possibility of them. God, she’s perfect. Her hair is a rioting mess of waves around her face, spilling onto her pillow. A golden sliver of skin shows where her shirt has ridden up, and he longs to brush his fingers there, wonders if it's as soft as it looks, if goosebumps would pimple up and give her away. Castle clenches his fist against his side, tamping down his instincts (and his morning erection). Carefully, he cranes his neck to check the time on the alarm clock. It's nearly 8, which means she'll be up any second. He's certain, actually, that she'd be awake already if her nightmares hadn't interrupted her slumber last night. On cue, she begins to stir against his chest, her toes curling in a long stretch at the foot of the bed. Immediately, he slams his eyes closed and tries to control his breathing so it mimics sleep.Hopefully, she realizes her predicament sooner rather than later so his racing heart doesn't give him away.He feels it the moment it happens. Her body tenses up against him, and she removes her arm from around him as quick as lightning — like she’s been burned. Cursing under her breath, she rolls the few inches over to her side of the bed.Castle doesn’t move.She gets up, and he hears her walk to the window; he braces himself, knows exactly what’s coming next.The curtains are shoved aside, forcing all the sunlight into the room. He blinks hard against it, groaning as he rubs his fist into his eyes. “Let’s get a move on, Castle,” Kate says firmly, walking past him towards the bathroom. “It’s stopped snowing and the roads are clear.”She comes out ten minutes later in the clothes she wore most of yesterday, hair tamed as best as it can be, tucked back into a loose bun. She’s professional Beckett again, all put back together. Few traces of the woman who held his hand last night while briefly confessing her demons.She avoids his gaze all the way out to the car, and that’s when he knows for sure — it’s going to be a hellish day together.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Their day doesn’t get any better once they step inside the house of Danielle Mason’s parents. The veggie omelet he’d chosen for their quick breakfast churns unpleasantly in his stomach. Danielle has been dead for a few years now, but this part—the talking to the parents—is not any easier.Frustrated that the case remains unsolved, Danielle’s parents are predictably frosty at first, but warm up under Beckett’s frank but understanding demeanor. “Danielle had a boyfriend at the time. Jimmy Carson? Can you tell us what you remember about him?”The mother narrows her eyes. “You’re looking at him as a suspect?”“Unfortunately, I can’t talk about any suspects in an active police investigation, Mrs. Mason,” Kate says, apologetic. “What I can tell you is that another young woman was murdered in the city a few days ago, and she was heavily involved with him. We were hoping you could shed some light on his dynamic with your daughter.”Mr. Mason sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Jimmy and Danielle started dating in high school. He was a sweet kid once, but…”“But?” Castle presses. “His mother was killed in a freak accident when he was 18. Jimmy was never the same. He seemed angry all the time,” Mrs. Mason adds. “Jimmy and Danielle went to separate colleges, but even when they came back on breaks, they fought all the time. She thought he was cheating on her.”“On Christmas morning one year, we noticed bruises on her arms,” Mr. Mason hesitates. “She said she got them in volleyball practice, but the thought did cross our minds that maybe…”“You think Jimmy had something to do with it,” Beckett concludes.“We never had any proof,” Mrs. Mason says. “We mentioned it to the cops after Danielle died, but they just waved us off. Said he had a solid alibi.”“But his alibi was some show he went to in the city with his friends, and there was no real proof, other than the tickets. I just don’t understand how the cops were so sure.”Kate purses her lips grimly. Castle knows there’s fewer things she hates more than police incompetence.“I’m so sorry for your loss, again, and I apologize for any more pain that the initial investigation caused you,” Kate says sincerely. “I promise I’ll be in touch as soon as there’s any news about Danielle’s case.”“Thank you, Detective.” Mr. Mason shakes their hands. “We hope you have a safe trip back to the city.”“What’s our next move?” Castle asks as he opens the passenger side door, hovering, waiting for her reply before he slides in. Kate’s eyes slam shut as she wishes desperately that he was literally anywhere else right now.Kate’s not being fair, she knows. She’s freaking out about last night and this morning and Christ , all of it, and that’s not Castle’s fault. She’s trying her damndest not to let him be collateral damage, but the only way that’s going to happen today is if she can find a way to get some space from him for a couple of hours before they make the hours-long drive home.She sucks in a breath, steeling herself. “I’ve been through the old case file. Jimmy and his friends did allegedly go to a show in the city the night that Danielle died, but his friends were just visiting. They still live here in town.”Castle’s forehead wrinkles in understanding. “You wanna question them before we head home.”“Yes,” she confirms.“Okay, so -”“Alone,” she adds quickly, shifting uncomfortably, her gaze darting to her shoes. Castle flinches. “And you want me to…what? Wait in the car?” he asks, incredulous.“I…” she trails off, biting her lip. “I just need a little space right now, Castle. Can you understand that?”She can see from the hurt and hesitation written all over his face that he very much doesn’t understand, but wants to try. Kate has her suspicions that he wasn’t as asleep this morning as he pretended to be, but it doesn’t matter. Not really. She doesn’t blame him for trying to tiptoe around her.It’s clearly warranted, as she is demonstrating right now.Castle clears his throat, shutting the car door. “Go talk to the friends. Text me when you’re done, and I’ll let you know where I’m at.”Guilt washes over her. “What are you gonna do?”Castle nods toward the end of the block. “The Commons is just a few blocks that way. It’s a nice little spot to roam around, maybe pick up a few Christmas gifts.”She hesitates. “You’re sure?”Castle throws her a look, and it makes her want to wither away. Like she’s not the one who put him in this predicament in the first place. “It’s fine, Beckett.”“Thanks, Castle,” she says quietly.He doesn’t say anything to that, and doesn’t wait for her to slide into her cruiser before he begins walking toward his destination. As she slides into the driver’s seat, she feels about six inches tall.She puts Castle out of her head while she spends a couple of hours questioning every one of Jimmy’s three friends that alibied him out the night that Danielle Mason died. Different friends than the ones who provided him an alibi for Melissa’s murder, and she can’t help but think it’s all so blatantly uncreative for premeditated murder.Hmm. Sounds like something Castle would say.Luckily, Kate has the element of surprise and discovers that the friends have lost track of the agreed-upon story after a few years. The details of their night vary wildly among them, and each of them is nervous at best.The complete opposite of a solid alibi, which the cops would have noticed if they’d dug a little deeper.It’s nearly 2 p.m. when she wraps it all up, which means she and Castle can be home by dinner time if they hit the road soon. Beckett picks him up outside a bookstore, noting with amusement that he has at least three bags in his hands. “You leave anything in the store, Castle?” she teases, shifting the car back into gear. “Get anything out of the friends?” he asks, ignoring her joke. She swallows roughly and looks over at him, but his gaze is carefully trained on the street in front of them. Well, she can’t say she blames him. She pulls out onto the road. “Their stories were all over the place, and there wasn’t a calm one in the bunch.”“You think all of it’s enough for a warrant?”“Hopefully.” She glances at the clock on the dash. “Ryan and Espo should be talking to the DA right now.”“Good.”It’s horribly silent the rest of the ride home. She tries a few times to spark a conversation, but his few-word answers don’t allow for much. He’s hurt, and she doesn’t like it, but she gets it. If the situation was reversed…well, it never would be. Because he’d never do the same. If there’s one thing Castle hates, it’s any semblance of space.Kate even offers to stop for a quick roadside bite—they haven’t eaten anything real since breakfast—but he politely declines, says he’ll just eat when he gets back to the loft. Eventually, she gives up and flicks on the radio, if for nothing else than to fill the awkward quiet that’s taken up residence inside the car.  She pulls up outside his apartment just before 6, assuming he’d be in a rush to escape this godforsaken ride, but he surprises her. Maybe he can’t bear the thought of them leaving things like this, either, she thinks.She kills the engine and the silence. “I’m sorry about earlier,” she says softly. “I didn’t mean to ditch you, but…”“You needed space,” he finishes, shrugging. “I get it.”“Do you?”He sighs, scraping a frustrated hand down his face. “Yeah, Beckett. I get it, but you hurt me. Is that what you wanted to hear?” “No, Castle. Jesus. Of course it isn’t.”She stares at her lap for a moment, deep in thought as a siren screams past them down the street. Another hour, another emergency in the heart of a city that feels like it belongs to her. But one that felt so much less like home without him in it for the last half-year. And fuck, she doesn’t know where to put that when there’s so much at stake, lives on the line that aren’t hers, ones that she has a responsibility to protect.Like Ryan’s.It was desperately hard without Castle, but some days, it feels just as hard with him, here in this in-between space, where there’s so much that exists between them that they’ve never really spoken aloud without a joke or innuendo attached to it.It would just be so much easier if the possibility of them was just gone, if he was still with his ex-wife, and she’d found someone over the summer—like maybe a tall hot…doctor or something. A distraction from all of this.The words clog in her throat. She can’t say any of that right now, but she owes him at least something after today.“Thank you for last night,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “You being there for me like that…it meant a lot.”Castle looks over at her now, his eyes softening a little. “You have those a lot, don’t you?”“Yeah,” she admits. He hesitates. “You ever think about talking to someone about it?”“I have. Thought about it, I mean.” What she really means is that Montgomery brought it up to her recently, and then it took her a month to work up the nerve to make an appointment that she ultimately bailed on.Maybe someday. She’s certainly got plenty of baggage for it. But this?This feels like maybe she just needs a little bit of time. And perspective.“Okay.” He nods, doesn’t push her further.She smiles a little, her shoulders sagging in relief. “So. Tomorrow?”He smiles back. “Tomorrow.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

As it happens, Jimmy flees town minutes before they execute the search warrant for his apartment early the next morning. If Beckett had to guess, she’d say she’s almost certain his Ithaca pals tipped him off after she questioned them yesterday. She calls Castle, who answers the phone, low and gravelly, sounding absolutely exhausted. She wonders how poorly he slept next to her the night before, if he was on edge and on deck, ready to step in again if she had another nightmare.This man.After she updates him on the case, she convinces him to stay home and catch up on some rest. It’ll be a boring day at the precinct while unis are out looking for Jimmy. She over-explains herself to make it clear to him that it’s not another rejection on the heels of what happened yesterday. She knows he’s exhausted when he doesn’t protest even a little, taking her at her word.“Rest up, Castle,” she says warmly. “I’ll call you first thing tomorrow morning.”Although the search warrant ultimately turns up very little, unis are able to intercept Jimmy later that afternoon, just as he’s getting ready to ditch the murder weapon. “Ballistics from the gun are a match to the bullets that killed Melissa and Danielle?” Castle asks the next day, handing over the fresh latte he picked up for her on his way over. He woke up this morning to Beckett’s voice in his ear over the phone, asking if he wanted to join her while she breaks Jimmy Carson. Not that Castle thinks it’ll take much, but he never turns down an opportunity to see his muse in her element.Kate smiles at the familiar gesture, lifting it her coffee in thanks. “Yeah,” she confirms, taking a long sip. “Seems like Jimmy bought it a few years ago on the black market. There are no registered guns to him or anyone else in his family, so nothing flagged for the cops on Danielle’s case.”Castle nods. “He ready for us in the box?”She grins, lighting up in a way that makes his insides shiny. He’s always loved seeing her like this—the way it thrills her just to do her job, to break a suspect and get him to spill all his secrets. Come clean in absolution. “Yep.”“Ready when you are, detective.”“Jimmy, we’ve got you dead to rights. You had the murder weapon in your hand when the cops found you. How else would you explain that?” Beckett crosses her arms over her chest, face wrinkled up in displeasure.Castle always relishes the show she puts on. It changes, depending on the suspect, but this one is one of his personal favorites: the angry and disappointed schoolteacher, ready for her eager and guilt-ridden students to lay out all their sins to her. “I found it on the street,” Jimmy replies, shrugging. He tries to act nonchalant but the slight quiver in his voice and the sweat glistening on his brow gives him away.“Oh really? So it’s, what, just a coincidence that you happened upon the same gun that killed two of your girlfriends?”The young man winces. “Yes?”“Jimmy, you’re going to prison no matter what. But think about your friends,” Castle chimes in. “All those guys who covered for you? You think the cops are going to go easy on them?”“They could spend years in prison as accomplices, Jimmy. All because you asked them to lie for you,” Kate adds. That grabs his attention. “Hang on. They didn’t do anything wrong.”“Jimmy, the cops don’t exactly take lying to cover up murder very lightly around here,” Castle points out.“But -”“If you tell us what we wanna know, we can talk to the DA, see what we can do for your friends.” Kate leans in, nostrils flaring. “But if you sit here and continue to lie to us? I’ll make sure your friends never see the outside of a prison cell for at least 10 years.”It takes another 30 minutes, but Jimmy Carson breaks, spinning dual tales of jealousy, grief, and desperation.“You know it never fails to surprise me how much jealousy motivates people to do crazy things,” Castle says, closing the door to the interrogation room behind him.“Jealousy is a powerful emotion, Castle,” Beckett agrees.He can’t imagine ever being jealous enough to commit murder, but he also can’t say he didn’t want to absolutely wring Detective Demming’s neck last spring. And he definitely saw more than a spark of jealousy in Beckett’s eyes when he mentioned Gina being on his case about his latest Nikki Heat draft.But a familiar voice coming from the direction of the break room snaps him out of falling down that particular rabbit hole of thought any further.Castle grins as they turn the corner. “Is that -”“Ryan!” Beckett exclaims, her face lighting up as the detective's familiar mug comes into view.She scampers into the break room — scampers, he notes with awe; he's never seen Kate Beckett scamper before — with Castle close on her heels. His injured friend greets them warmly from his spot at the table, where he sits carefully upright across from Esposito.“What are you doin’ here?” Beckett asks, bending down to wrap him up in a gentle hug. “Jenny dropped me off while she ran some errands. I think she's getting sick of me,” he jokes. Beckett eyes him suspiciously. “And the doctor cleared this little outing of yours?”“He says getting out a bit is good for me. But the wheelchair is over there if it gets to be too much,” he juts a thumb over his shoulder, where his temporary wheelchair rests next to the vending machine.Kate's face falls. “Oh. Right.”Castle exchanges concerned looks with the boys. Off Beckett’s concern, Ryan hastily adds, “Yeah, but I hardly need it. The doc says I'm recovering nicely.”Her answering smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. “Good.”Ready for a subject change, Esposito nods toward interrogation. “You break the boyfriend?”“Oh, she snapped him in half,” Castle tosses out over his shoulder with a proud smile, his back turned to his friends while he makes Beckett a fresh cup of coffee. “Suck up,” Esposito mouths soundlessly.Kate rolls her eyes, suppressing a smirk. “It wasn’t too hard. We just him on his weak spot: his friends.”“Hang on: he murdered his girls, but rolled to protect his friends? Yo, that’s cold.” Esposito shivers.“But the real test of friendship is whether or not he called them when he went away for the summer,” Ryan says.Castle fumbles Beckett’s coffee cup, sloshing the hot liquid over his hand. It scalds him as he whips around to face his friends, hissing as he sucks the edge of his thumb. “Guys, I said I was sorry.”Ryan smirks, no hint of real anger to be found on his face. “Sorry, Castle.”“Oh-ho, very funny.”But when Beckett snorts out a laugh, it fills him with hope. Maybe they really can get past all of this somehow.A short while later, Castle sits quietly at his seat, watching Beckett as she sips on her fresh cup of coffee, filling out the paperwork on Melissa’s case. She’ll call Danielle’s parents with a bittersweet update for them once they’ve crossed all the T’s and dotted the I’s.“Hey, you wanna grab a drink tonight? Maybe celebrate closing the case?”Her fingers cease their typing, hovering over the keyboard in hesitation. “I don’t know, Castle.”He pouts, making a show of it. “Come on, Beckett. Live a little. It’ll be my treat.”“All right,” she concedes with a small smile. “But just one.”He’d take a picture of this moment if he weren’t so sure Beckett would kill him for doing so.The two of them sit in a dimly-lit downtown pub decorated for Christmas, lights strung up alongside dark green wreaths tied with festive red ribbons. There’s a gorgeous light snow falling outside but it’s got nothing on Kate Beckett; she’s two glasses of wine in and floating on air, all pink cheeks and bright eyes.He hopes it’s a good sign, that it means that the more she sees Ryan recovering nicely, the less hard she’ll be on herself — and everyone around her, for that matter.Like him. (And of course, nailing a perp to the wall didn’t hurt anything, either).“This is a great little place, Castle,” she admires, her gaze dancing around the bar that hums low with New Yorkers shaking the workday off them ten days before Christmas.He beams, taking a sip of his old-fashioned. “It’s not half-bad,” he agrees. “Great happy hour deals, too.”“Doesn’t have your picture up on the wall though, so how great can it be?” she says wryly, eyes glinting as she reaches for a fry from the basket they split.“You’re so right, Beckett. It’s the only downside.”She laughs full and rich, swirling her wine glass. “I don’t know. The decor must pale in comparison to the inside of your loft.”“I guess you’ll just have to come to my Christmas party and find out for yourself,” he blurts out, but she dips her head, pleased by his reaction.“I don’t know, Castle. Christmas is…complicated for me,” she admits with a sad smile, “But I’m thinking about it. Genuinely.”He hesitates, wants to tread carefully here. “Because of your mom?”Kate nods slowly, taking a long sip of her wine. “Yeah,” she confirms, swallowing. “She loved Christmas, you know? She’d cover the entire apartment in decorations. No surface left untouched.” “On Christmas Eve, my mom and I would go ice skating and walk down 5th to look at all the window displays. We always ended our night getting lost in St. Patrick’s Cathedral.”  She gets a faraway look in her eye as she reminisces.He tilts his head curiously. “I thought you weren’t religious.”She shrugs. “I’m not, but sometimes it’s nice to think that there’s something out there bigger than you, you know? I don’t know if I believe in God, but I think the idea is nice. Comforting, when people don’t use it as an excuse for their bigotry.”Her words warm his insides. “I agree.”“Anyway.” She sighs. “My mom always made Christmas magical.”“And now it’s…” he trails off.“Unbearable without her,” she confirms. “My dad and I haven’t celebrated since. I can’t even tell you what he does on the day.”“And you?”“I have my own tradition now,” she says, a hint of pride in her voice. “I work, keeping watch so the city stays safe and other cops can celebrate with their own families.”“Your tradition sounds lovely,” he says quietly. “But I hope some day the magic finds you again, Kate.” He lays a warm hand over hers.She bites her lip, squeezing his fingers. “Me too, Castle.”Castle walks her the 20 blocks home in the falling snow, grateful that the serious conversation about her mother hasn’t dampened Kate’s mood. She’s deep into a story about a case he missed while he was gone — a psychic, no less, he always misses the best ones — and presses her shoulder against his every other block or so. He’s pretty sure it’s intentional. He can’t quite believe his luck, that she’s seemingly forgiven him enough to spill this story for him, no trace of anger while she tells him what he missed while he was gone.In fairness, she had said when he ran into her at the Old Haunt that she wasn’t mad anymore, that it was just easier to deal with than - Well, everything else. And he gets that, but he thought there was still at least a small part of her that was angry with him for his absence. She’s adorable like this — light and happy under a breathtaking snowfall that makes the whole city feel still. Some of it is the alcohol, he’s not an idiot, but the rest of it is all her, all them. It takes everything in him not to stop her right there on the sidewalk, interrupt her tale with the delicate press of his mouth against hers.He settles for looping his arm through hers, watching, pleased, as her story falters, her breath catching for just a brief moment.
I see you, Kate Beckett. You can’t hide from me.
“Thanks for the drink,” she says softly, her head tipping aside to lean against the doorframe, making little movement to retrieve the keys from her pocket. “Anytime.”Then she’s just staring openly at him, wanting, like maybe she wants to make a move but just can’t bring herself to — it makes him feel bold. Brave. Maybe a little too brave.“You have snow in your hair,” he says in a voice barely above a whisper, lifting a hand to smooth over her brown locks, tucking a damp curl behind her ear. Kate’s lips part as she shivers under his touch, and it curls low and deliciously warm in his belly.Her long eyelashes flutter closed for a second as her teeth catch the corner of her lip. “I had a nice time tonight, Castle.”He cants toward her unconsciously, his feet running on a mind of their own. “Me too.”Mere inches separate them now as Kate’s dark gaze falls to his mouth for just a beat too long for it to be an accident. His mouth goes dry. Shit , he shouldn’t. Wasn’t it just less than 48 hours ago that she freaked out after waking up in his arms?“Castle.” He watches the delicate work of her throat as she swallows roughly.“Kate.”He shouldn’t, but he does.  Before he can agonize over it for a second longer, his mouth crashes down onto hers in the middle of the dimly lit hallway outside her door. She freezes for a second — caught off guard by his boldness maybe — and it’s enough to make him begin his retreat before she’s sliding her hand around his neck and opening her mouth for him. 
Oh.
She’s hot, wet, so pliant under his hands that splay in the low curve of her spine. Kate moans around his tongue, her nails digging crescent moons into his skin as she clutches him tightly. Fuck, this is more, so much more, than he’d ever imagined. His skin is a live wire, sparking, burning for her, alight for this, and he realizes he’s never truly kissed a woman before now. Nothing in the entire world could ever measure up to this kiss or this perfect and maddening and gorgeous woman in his arms. And then she’s gently shoving him away, dazed, a deer in the headlights as she swipes at her kiss-swollen mouth.“Castle,” she breathes, a hand coming up to rest at her chest. “Castle, I’m sorry, but I can’t.”He flinches, trying to get his bearings. Kissing her was a big risk, he knew. “Can’t or won’t?”Beckett frowns. “Don’t ask me that.”Slowly, he takes a step closer, hands up so she knows he won’t touch her again without permission. “What are you so afraid of?”“Nothing,” she says, quick and defensive.“That’s bull, Kate.”And sure enough, the flirtatious and soft Kate that’s been keeping him company most of the evening evaporates in front of his eyes, replaced by a Beckett he knows all too well — the stubborn, bullheaded version who doesn’t take kindly to being pushed or bullied.Pursing her lips, she ignores his goading and yanks her keys from the pocket of her coat. She fumbles with them, brain still fogged from the alcohol, before she slides the key into the lock and twists the doorknob. But no, he’s not letting her off that easy. She can’t keep shutting him out like this, not without a real explanation. Primed and armed for an argument, she doesn’t try to stop him as he follows her into the apartment, door slamming closed behind him. “I don’t need the neighbors knowing my business, Castle,” Beckett says tersely, jerking out of her coat before she tosses it onto the counter. She shoves the sleeves of her sweater up to her elbows, ready to go a few rounds with him in the ring.It’s in this moment that it hits him like a freight train — what he should’ve seen earlier. Tonight, this whole evening, was a goodbye.She wasn’t planning on coming to his Christmas party.Hell, she definitely wasn’t planning to let him come back to the precinct after they closed this case.“I’m not coming back to the precinct, am I?” he asks, quiet and pained. He thought they’d been making slow progress over the last week, but no — she’s just been placating him, biding her time. A shred of empathy, regret, flickers over Kate’s face before she shutters it away. Folding her arms across her chest, she leans back against the counter. “Oh, don’t give me that wounded puppy dog look. We agreed. One case. I did it for you, for Martha, and that’s it. You’re done.”“That’s it? You and I, it’s just done? We’re never going to see each other again, is that it? Just like that,” he says bitterly.Her eyes slam closed, her body bowing over — like his words cause her pain and not this utterly senseless bullshit she’s putting them through. “Castle -”Castle laughs hollowly. “You know what? Don’t kid yourself, Beckett. You did this for yourself just as much as you did it for me. You can stand there and act like you don’t give a damn about me, but we both know that’s not true. If it was, we’d never be having this argument in the first place.”And she never would've kissed him back out there, either.Her gaze hardens. “You think you’ve got me all figured out then, huh? Don’t stop there,” she says sarcastically. “Enlighten me, Castle.”“You’re afraid of this -” Beckett stiffens. “Is that right?”He doubles down, ignoring her interruption. “You’re afraid of having something real, something that matters. Can’t you see how much I care about you? There could be something real between us, if you’d let there be.”Shaking her head furiously, she starts to pace the floor. “No, there can’t.”“Why the hell not?” He clenches his fists at his side. God, he just wants to shake her, make her see reason.“Castle - ” she warns.“Kate, if we’re never going to see each other again, you at least owe me that. Why ?”“Because I tried, Rick,” she shouts, her voice cracking under the weight. “Christ, I broke up with my boyfriend for you. And you just…jetted off to the Hamptons with a bright and shiny and…uncomplicated replacement.”His heart skitters in his chest. She didn’t just break up with Demming before he left for the Hamptons — she did it to be with him?Wait.“Kate, I -”She glares at him, cutting off his interruption. “I couldn’t get you out of my head for months. I walked around with the dullest ache in my chest all the time.” Lifting a thumb to the corner of her eye, she brushes away a tear that hasn’t yet fallen. She always did cling to her dignity when she felt like she had nothing else. “And then I got distracted, waiting, wondering, if you were ever going to show up and grace us with your presence again,” she says, stopping in her tracks to turn and face him again. “And then what happened?”He stays quiet this time, frozen as he lets her get the monster off her chest that she’s been carrying around for months.“Ryan could’ve died in that hotel room, in that ambulance, in that operating room... because I couldn’t get my head screwed on straight. If I’d been thinking clearly, I would’ve seen it. If I’d been thinking clearly, he wouldn’t have - ” She sucks in a shaky breath, eyes flashing as wayward tears escape, despite her best efforts. “I’ll be damned if I let that happen again.”“No one saw it coming, Kate,” he sighs, deflating. “It wasn’t your fault. Why are you trying to be a martyr for this?”But he knows the answer — it’s easier for her than dealing with the fact that her pride had taken a hit this summer, that he hurt her. Easier than facing the fact that she has feelings for him, and that all of that comes with risks. Risks that, he imagines, probably feel like they carry so much more weight in the context of the loss of her mother. She’s gotten used to playing it safe when it comes to heart, and now it’s too much for her — even if pushing him away means she’ll essentially lose him anyway. He doesn’t know how to argue his way out of this one. Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t have an answer for him. “I’m sorry,” she says brokenly. “I just… can’t.”It hangs there in the air between them, heavy and defeated. There’s nothing else for him to do right now, except to try to respect her wishes. The thought is depressing as hell. For once, Castle doesn’t have much hope at all that she’ll change her mind. “I should go.” Her eyes snap to his, startled, like she didn’t expect him to give in that easily.But if there ever is a chance for them — she has to figure it out on her own. It’s her decision now; she knows where he stands. Carefully, he closes the distance between them and kisses her cheek in parting, just like he did a couple of years ago when they’d first met. “Goodbye, Kate. Take care of yourself.”His heart snaps in half as he shuts the door behind him — and if he’s not mistaken, he thinks he hears hers break, too.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Beckett wakes up to the sun blaring in her eyes, a dry mouth that feels like cotton, a heart riddled with regret, and a nagging feeling that she’s forgetting somewhere important she’s supposed to be this morning. When she checks the time on her phone — 10:02 a.m. — she sees the reminder that tells her exactly what she’s supposed to be doing this morning.Brunch with her dad in less than 45 minutes. Fuck. Fuck. Kate throws the sheets off her and stumbles out of bed, a deep pressure building behind her eyelids. Ugh, okay. Water first. And maybe some pain reliever.Water first and then a shower and then coffee. And eggs. And bacon. Maybe some pancakes - After she chugs a glass of water and tosses back a couple of ibuprofen, she shuffles to the bathroom, sluggish, limbs heavy. She flicks on the light above the sink and winces at the woman staring back at her in the mirror. Pale face puffy with too much wine from the night before. Dark circles. Her hair is tangled and ratty from walking in the snow last night, and she doesn’t have time to wash and dry it before she has to leave to meet her dad. Maybe she can save it with a brush, some dry shampoo, and a ponytail. 
Yeah, you’ve seen better days, Kate Beckett.
But even if she can make herself look at least somewhat presentable, her father is no idiot. And she’s always been lousy at lying to him, anyway.She sighs, switching the shower on, waiting for it to scald her.She’s got a sinking feeling that she’ll be spilling her guts over dual cups of diner coffee and a couple of breakfast platters before the morning is over.Beckett squeaks inside the diner on the dot and immediately catches her dad in a corner booth, already nursing a cup of coffee.She isn’t late, but he’s nearly always early. His punctuality was always a point of pride for him and a never-ending source of frustration while living in a house with a teenage daughter who was consistently at least 10 minutes late and a wife who was rarely in a hurry.She’s stepped into his line of sight for all of a few seconds before she catches the concerned wrinkle of his brow as he slides out of the booth to greet her with a warm hug.Forcing a bright smile, Kate wraps her arms around him, squeezing him gently. “Hi, Dad,” she murmurs.Jim Beckett pulls back, his careful gaze flickering over her face. A million words for her, ready to go. But he doesn’t say anything yet, biding his time, too polite not to let her get her bearings before she faces an inquisition.And hopefully at least a little bit of food in her first.“Katie,” he greets her back. “Glad you could make it.”“How’re things at the 12th?” Jim asks, subtle as a brick as he slips a bite of his omelet into his mouth.Well, at least glad he’s taking his cardiologist seriously. “They’re fine,” she says carefully, slicing through her stack of pancakes. She’s already finished a few pieces of bacon and her first cup of coffee and starting to feel much more human again.“And Kevin? How’s he recovering?” She didn’t give her dad much of the details when it happened, but enough that he wouldn’t panic too much when he read the news about a serial killer on the loose.  “He stopped by the precinct yesterday, actually,” she replies with a happy grin. “Gonna be out of the field until at least the end of February most likely, but his recovery seems to be going well.”And thank god for that.“That’s great, Katie.” He pauses, opens his mouth to speak again, but hesitates, his fork hovering mid-air.She rolls her eyes. “Dad, whatever it is, just say it.”“Just,” he shrugs, nonchalant, “anything else you wanna tell me?”She drops her fork to her plate with a clatter, narrowing her gaze. Two can play this game. He might be a lawyer, but she’s the youngest woman to ever make detective in the NYPD. “What do you know?”“I might have heard that a certain shadow of yours came back to town recently,” he says, eyebrows raised in question. Her mother did always like to say that Kate got that particular trait from her father. As if Johanna didn’t have a naturally inquisitive — and sometimes, rather invasive — nature of her own.Kate’s mouth drops open. “Who told you?” she asks, incredulous.“I was in the neighborhood Wednesday morning, so I called the precinct to see if you wanted to grab a quick cup of coffee. Javier said you wouldn’t be back until later that day. Apparently you were snowed in Ithaca with Castle?” His lips twitch in amusement.“Oh, I’m going to kill Esposito,” she groans, gritting her teeth.“I didn’t know he was working cases with you again.”“He’s not,” she says defensively, her cheeks growing warm. “I mean, he was. One case. We closed it yesterday.”Jim frowns, sipping his coffee. “He just came back for one case?”Oh, she is so not in the mood to get into this with him, but he’s always been like a dog with a bone. He’ll extract it from her sooner or later, so she might as well just get it out in the open now.“Yes,” she sighs. “Castle asked to come back. I said no. Then we caught this case involving an actress that his mother was in a show with, and he asked to work it with me. I said yes, and we closed it yesterday.”Jim’s mouth twists in surprise. “He asked to come back to the 12th and you said no? I thought you liked working with him.”“I did,” she splutters, “I mean, I do. I do like him.” Oh. Oh god. “I like working with him, I mean,” she adds quickly. Jesus Christ, Kate.“I think maybe you got it right the first time.”Her eyes slam shut. “Dad - ”“You like him, don’t you, Katie?”Kate doesn’t answer, her stomach twisting in a way that has little to do with her hangover or their food. She always was a lousy liar when it came to her dad. He’d gotten so good at sussing them out in his career, long before she came along. She never stood a chance.“If you didn’t like him, you’d have no problem with him coming back.”She rolls her eyes. “You sound just like him.”A waitress steps in with coffee refills, granting Kate a brief reprieve. Jim takes a long, thoughtful sip of his fresh cup, looking serious.“Katie, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. You’re an adult, and you can make your own choices.” He sighs. “Not that I could tell you what to do back then, either. You’re just as stubborn as your mother was.”Kate cracks a smile.“But let me tell you this: I waited three years to tell your mother how I felt about her. I’d give anything to have that time back that we lost.” Jim scratches his chin, hesitating. “And look, maybe I’m wrong. I’ve never met the man, and I know he’s had a reputation in the past. But he’s stuck around for two years.” “Yeah, he has,” she whispers.“Hell, he offered up a large sum of his own money to help solve your mother’s murder. So you tell me, does that sound like a guy who wants something quick and meaningless?”“No, but - ”“That’s the problem, isn’t it? You’re not afraid he’ll leave again.” Jim pauses. “You’re afraid of getting attached.”Kate bites her lip, fiddling with the straw that bobs out of her water glass. She is really not equipped to discuss this — especially with him. “Sweetheart, I hate to tell you this, but I think it might be too late.”She chokes out a laugh. “Yeah.” It is, that she knows. If she’s learned anything over the last seven months, it’s that she’s already way too attached to Richard Castle. Which is why she sent him away.“What happened to your mother was devastating, Katie. A pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But I would’ve missed out on so much happiness in life if I took any of it back, if I decided that the pain wasn’t worth everything that came before it.” Jim covers her hand with his. “Don’t let what happened to your mother rob you of the joy you desperately deserve. No one deserves it more than you.”Does she, though? She’s not convinced. Maybe her brokenness is too much to overcome, too much for one person to deal with.Ugh, she needs time to think. Digest.She swallows roughly. “Thanks, Dad.” “All right, you can wipe that terrified look off your face, Katie. We’ll move on to safer topics,” he says wryly. “What’s the update on Javier and that M.E. friend of yours?”She laughs; Jim Beckett - ever the gossip.After she says goodbye to her dad and promises to call soon, Kate finds herself wandering around the city for awhile. She needs to clear her head, and she can’t do that inside the confines of the apartment, not when it’s such a stark reminder of her blowout with Castle last night and — that kiss. God, that kiss. She tried to put it out of her mind this morning, but it’s nearly impossible now that she’s alone with her thoughts. She’s never been kissed like that before, not once. On the occasion that she allowed herself to contemplate what she and Castle would be like together, she always wondered if she was overestimating their chemistry.But, uh, no. The opposite was definitely true. Christ, his mouth alone made her want to set them both on fire just to see the sparks fly. She can easily check physical chemistry off the list — though that was never really the concern, was it?It was the emotional baggage. Namely, hers. (And maybe a little bit his; she doesn’t know much about why his two marriages didn’t work out.)She moves through her Saturday afternoon on autopilot while she dodges Christmas tourists, and it takes her a full hour and a half to realize what she’s doing — retracing the very first crime scene locations that she shared with Castle.Kate sighs, burrowing down into her coat to stave off the winter bite in the air.  I’ve never met the man, and I know he’s had a reputation in the past. But he’s stuck around for two years, her dad had said.She was devastated when he walked out last summer with his ex-wife, spent months licking her wounds and fueling her anger, only worsening when Ryan was shot. But the truth is that Castle has largely been so steady over the last couple of years. Saved her life a few times, never left her side after she shot Dick Coonan.And if she’s being honest with herself, really being honest with herself, she has to acknowledge that she hurt him back then, too. Whether or not it was fair of him to have expectations about the two of them when he’d never vocally expressed how he felt — she could see it in his eyes, his actions. The open jealousy he couldn’t manage to swallow down when Demming was around. She has a feeling he never would have even considered going back to Gina if he truly thought he had a chance with Kate after she rejected his invitation the first time. And it hadn’t lasted anyway — Gina wasn’t what he wanted. She was. Is. Was?Kate’s been trying to dig up any reason she can not to give them a real chance because she knows deep down that it would be absolutely gut-wrenching if they couldn’t make it work. It would be the biggest risk she’d ever take.But she also knows how absolutely horrible their fight felt last night — the devastated look in Castle's eyes. The way her heart felt like she'd yanked it out of her own chest and shoved it down a garbage disposal.
So, Kate Beckett, the question remains -

What the hell are you gonna do about it?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s the night of his Christmas party, and Castle wishes he’d never said a word to anyone about it.The last thing he wants to do right now is celebrate the holidays.It’s been almost a week since his fight with Beckett, and call him ever the eternal optimist, but he’d hoped she would’ve come to her senses by now. But trauma and denial are a hell of a combination to overcome.He has to start accepting that she might not overcome them — at least not anytime soon. And how long can he wait around for her, especially when she won’t even let him work alongside her?It all seems so bleak and futile. But. He doesn’t wanna waste the holidays being depressed — that can wait until January, when all the winter joy has been swapped out for a bitterly cold and detestful slow climb to spring.Castle flicks on some Christmas music to lift his spirits while the caterers finish prepping in the kitchen, his mother and Alexis upstairs primping for the evening. His guests should start arriving any minute, and they’re expecting a decent turnout — Montgomery and his wife, Espo, Lanie, his author pals and their partners, Gina and Paula (and their dates), a few of Alexis’ friends, and some of his mother’s.The mayor promised to swing by, too.Everyone except the one person he’d move the entire earth for, if she wanted him to. (And Ryan and Jenny, of course, but his friend is still trying to be careful while he heals.)“You okay, Dad?” Alexis asks him, catching him deep in thought as she glides down the stairs, a vision in deep velvet green. He forces a smile, waving her off. “Just mentally checking things off my list, making sure we’ve got everything covered.”“Mm-hmm,” she hums, the concern in her eyes unwavering. She’s quiet as she lays a comforting hand on his arm, straightening his tie. When did she get to be so grown up?“Maybe you shouldn’t give up hope, Dad.” She sighs. “Aren’t you always telling me that’s what Christmas is about? Hope?”Ah, the portrait of a young teenager in love, unmarred by the complications of adulthood. “You’re right, Pumpkin. I do say that.” He kisses her cheek. She cocks her head, shooting him a knowing look. “I’m old enough to know when you’re just placating me, but I’ll let you have this one, under the circumstances.” Castle laughs. “You’re very kind.”A knock interrupts them. “Our first guest is here.” Alexis grins. “I’ll get the door.”Perfect, because he could really use a drink right about now.“Great party, bro,” Esposito greets him an hour later, a burgeoning plate of appetizers in his hand.“Thanks.” At least someone is having a good time.Javier cranes his neck, looking around at all the guests milling about. “Beckett’s not here yet?”Castle snaps his gaze to his, surprised. “No.” He perks up a bit. “Why?”“Weird.” Espo makes a face. “She said she was comin’.”What? Castle’s mouth goes dry. “She did? When?”“Yesterday?” He shrugs. “Though, I’m not sure I was supposed to know. Overheard her talking to the Captain about taking the night off.” He leans in, looking around for eavesdroppers. “Lanie will kill me if I spoiled something I wasn’t supposed to, so keep this between us, huh, bro?”Castle opens his mouth to reply, but is quickly interrupted. “What are you two whispering about over here?”Esposito shoots Castle a look, a reminder to keep his mouth shut, before he turns toward his date, stunning and draped in shimmering black silk. “Just telling Castle here that this crudité is bomb.”Lanie’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Okay, look at you all fancy. You know what crudité is?”“Girl, when are you gonna learn that I am a classy guy of substance?”Her eyes trail the length of him as she looks impressed, though still maybe a little doubtful. “You know what? I’m gonna get you another drink.”When she leaves them, Esposito turns to Castle. “These are crudités, right, bro?”Castle smashes his lips together to keep from laughing at his friend, clapping him on the back. “Yeah, Espo.” It’s two hours in and Castle’s starting to think Esposito is willfully misinformed — not for the first time — and he’s more than ready to duck into his office and sulk for awhile. Most of his guests are deep in conversation, and he thinks maybe he could sneak away to his office without anyone noticing. He plates a couple of gourmet cookies and snags a bottle of water — he’s had enough to drink tonight — and slips into his office. If anyone asks, he’s not feeling well and needs a few minutes to regroup.He collapses into his chair and spins it around to face the back wall; sometimes when he just wants to numb out, he’ll get lost inside the image of the winding staircase. Cumulatively, he’s spent hours staring at it — especially when he’s suffering a bad bout of writer’s block.He loosens the tie around his neck and sighs. It’s only 9 p.m., far too early to start kicking people out, as much as he may want to. He’ll allow himself 30 minutes to sit, stare, and sulk before he’ll rejoin the party like a good host would.All of five minutes go by before there’s a familiar knock against the open door — he recognizes the sound of his mother’s costume jewelry rapping against the frame. “Richard, stop sulking and greet your new guest, darling.” The last he’d seen of his mother this evening, she was crowded around the piano with a few of her rowdy theater friends and a grey goose martini in each hand.He groans, starts to turn his chair back to the door. “Mother, please, I just need some time - ”But she’s already waving her hand dismissively and sauntering off — far better things to do — as the guest in question steps into view. Castle’s heart falls through his stomach and onto the floor.“Hey, stranger. Sorry I’m late.” For the briefest of seconds, he wonders if he’s hallucinating Kate Beckett, stepping hesitantly toward him, dressed in a shy smile and a wine-colored dress that hugs her body like she was poured into it. “Kate,” he breathes. “You’re here.”“Yeah.” Regret flickers in her gaze, and she looks back over her shoulder to the open door. “Sorry, um, can I close the door, Castle? This won’t take long.”Oh. She’s not staying. Maybe Esposito misunderstood, and she’s swinging by on her way to a more important celebration. “Oh. Sure.”Castle steps around to the other side of the desk and leans back against it, hands bracketing either side of him. He can’t imagine what there could possibly be left to say after the other night. Wasn’t he pretty clear?She certainly was.“Why are you here, Kate?” he asks, not unkindly, as she closes the door behind her. Beckett flinches, startled. “You invited me, Castle.”He cocks his head. “Right, but that was before you ended our…friendship.” The word feels all wrong on his tongue, but what else would he call it at this point? “So you can imagine my surprise when Esposito mentioned you were stopping by.”“Esposito told you? I am going to kill him,” she mutters under her breath, frowning.Off his questioning look, Kate sighs. “It was supposed to be a surprise, but then I got called to a crime scene.”“What surprise?”She tucks a curl behind her ear, ducking her head before she meets his gaze. Beckett clears her throat, steadying herself as she closes most of the distance between them. “I made a mistake, Rick. That’s why I’m here.”His fingers clench the edges of his desk tightly. “A mistake?”“Yeah,” she whispers, swallowing roughly. “You were right. You were right about all of it.” She sucks in a breath. “It wasn’t about Ryan or Jerry Tyson. It was about you and me.”He doesn’t dare breathe, watching in stunned silence as she slowly reaches down for his hand and clasps it in hers. She tilts her head, thoughtful. “You scare me, Castle.”“I’m sorry,” he says dumbly. “Tell me what - ”Kate shakes her head, cutting him off. “It’s not - this is me. My hangup. When you left last spring, it killed me. And I think that was the worst part of it, you know? Knowing that I’d given someone else that kind of power over me. Knowing that I’d finally given myself permission to tell you how I felt, only to end up rejected.”“Kate, if I had known,” he starts hastily, tugging her gently between the vee of his legs, thrilled when her cheeks flush in surprised delight, “I never would’ve gone with Gina. I wasn’t rejecting you, at least not consciously.”“I know that, Castle.” She smiles, easing the ache in his heart. “I turned you down, and it wasn’t fair for me to expect that you’d wait around in case I changed my mind.”“I’d wait for you forever. You know that, right?”“I do.” Her eyes shine bright, lighter, freer than he’s ever seen them. She wraps her hands around his neck, brushing the delicate skin there with her thumbs. He shivers. “But I don’t want either of us to wait anymore, and I don’t wanna live with any regrets. Do you?”Castle shakes his head. “No.”Beckett leans in, skimming his nose with hers. “Good.” She presses her delicious red mouth to his, and he eagerly opens for her, groaning as his hands slide up to sift through her soft hair and cradle her head. “God, you’re perfect,” he murmurs against her lips, brushing a thumb across the apple of her cheeks. She laughs gently into his kiss, pleased. “You’re not so bad yourself, Castle.”He pulls back, serious as he scans her face. Needs to make sure they’re good and solid before this goes any further. “I’m sorry I hurt you last summer, Kate, even unintentionally.”She leans her head down against his, her eyes fluttering shut. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry, too. I wish I’d handled all of it better.”His lips skim over her forehead, placing a kiss there. “You did your best.”Beckett hums in disagreement. “We’re here now,” she concedes.Oh. Wait - “Does this mean I can come back to the precinct full-time?”Kate peers up at him, a grin tugging at her lips. “Cleared it with Montgomery a few days ago.”“Hang on, you've known about this for days ?” he pouts.She winces. “I wanted it to be a Castle-flavored surprise. The dramatics of showing up at your Christmas party in this dress?”His hot, lazy gaze travels the length of her. “You’re right, it’s perfect.”“Would’ve been even better if Esposito hadn’t spilled the beans.” Kate rolls her eyes.“I bet he’s still here.” Castle’s eyes gleam with an idea. “Let’s go mess with him.”“On one condition.” She pecks him on the mouth and gently nudges the knot of his tie back into place.“What is it?”Fiddling with the buttons on his shirt, she looks up at him from under her lashes, all dark eyes and seduction, her tongue darting out across her lips. “Do I get to, uh, unwrap you after everyone goes home?”He groans, capturing her mouth in a deep kiss. “I think that can be arranged.”