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The sun hung low.
Grass crunched beneath his red sneakers.
His grief weighed him down like a boulder as he walked.
Lucas carried his feet to a quiet, grassy hill. A cemetery.
He knew this feeling. Having lost his mother before, he recognized it all too well.
Like his insides were clogged up. Like his heart wanted to speak, to scream, but his body couldn’t.
So he continued to walk.
Despite having dealt with the loss of his mother at such a young age, she wasn’t who he was visiting today. While she still remained in his and the townsfolk’s remembrance daily, Lucas had found himself gradually growing from that loss, from that burden. He’d gotten stronger.
Or so he thought.
But so much had happened the past few weeks.
He didn’t know how to balance everything, how to keep himself together for everyone.
Maybe he couldn’t. Maybe that’s just who he is.
Not now. He continued to walk.
Finally, after what felt like longer than it should’ve, a curved stone grave met his gaze, engraved with a name he knew all too well. A name that tore at his mind ever since the day he'd gone missing.
“Dearly Beloved Claus.
Son of Flint and Hinawa, Brother of Lucas.
May he finally rest.”
The boy tightly gripped the flowers he’d brought as his eyes gazed over the grave’s message. He knew he was indirectly responsible for his twin brother’s passing. Guilt such as that doesn’t subside.
The ginger boy had simply collapsed under the weight of his own actions, deciding to end his own life.
Lucas knew that wasn’t his fault.
But if he hadn't worn that deflective badge…maybe things would be different.
As he silently sighed, trying to ignore his own troubling thoughts, the blonde boy sat himself down facing his brother. He didn’t know where to begin with all of this.
Gathering his will and his own sheltered emotions, Lucas spoke.
“Hey, Claus. This is…
so
much. I’ve missed you.”
…
“I’ve spent so much time missing you these past years, but…there always seemed to be some kind of hope back then, I guess.”
“Now it’s different. So, so different.”
Lucas shifted his gaze as words began to spill out, one by one. Quicker each time. His words held a hidden tremble as he spoke.
“I’m so sorry, Claus. I’m sorry you were put through all of that. It was never your fault things turned out the way they did. You just wanted to help out, and they…they used you. For their own selfish needs.”
Once more, his guilt began to reach the surface, escaping through his words quicker than he’d realized.
He didn’t want to blame himself. It made him feel so…fragile.
But his emotions couldn’t stay hidden forever.
“I’m sorry I wore that badge. I’m sorry I didn’t look for you sooner. I…I’m sorry I had to attack you. I never wanted to.”
During that fight, Lucas felt like everyone on the islands was staring daggers at him, screaming at him to do the right thing. Screaming at him to save humanity. This incentive to attack after what felt like ages was what helped him tip the balance of the fight, even if he didn’t want to. Even if every part of him was wanting to run, to sob.
Even if the Masked Man’s tooth gap reminded him of who he was fighting.
This rush of emotions and memories from that dreaded day overwhelmed Lucas, so he tried to take a moment to recollect himself. He didn’t want to cry more than he already had these past weeks. And, after all, this visit wasn’t about him. Far from it.
He felt selfish for acting like this.
Words finally bubbled their way up to Lucas once more, breaking this gap of silence filled by his own grieving thoughts. He continued talking to his brother.
“Dad’s been dealing with the wreckage from all of this too. He’s been wanting to visit you, but he just hasn’t had time. Rebuilding the town has kinda been his way of coping, y’know?”
“He’s gotten a little better each day. I can tell.”
Lucas paused, staring into nothingness for a few good seconds.
“I can’t say it’s been the same for myself, but I’ve been trying, at least.”
“ I…I still think about you constantly.”
“I miss you, Claus. I miss you so much.”
“So much more than I’ve realized…”
He didn’t want to notice he’d started to cry.
“I miss running around in our yard with you, I miss pretending to be sheriffs and robbers, I miss telling stories with you…”
“And I...I miss your hugs.
So much.
For these past few weeks, that’s all I’ve wanted. Just to feel your embrace again, without any of that heavy rickety armor on you.”
Silence fell over the grassy hills.
It was here that, for a moment, Lucas let himself cry.
He’d been holding it all together for so long, the boy needed some sort of space where he could just express his own grief.
These quiet, hiccuped sobs reminded him of how he’d acted after his mother had passed.
But he didn’t want to care about that for the time being.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried like this. His throat began to hurt, akin to his eyes.
However, as he wept, the boy suddenly felt a nudge against his leg.
And another,
And another,
Followed by a whimper, clearly coming from his dog, Boney.
Boney had known Lucas left, and he’d wanted to check on the poor kid. He was worried.
This dog had been there since before the blonde boy was even born. He’d seen every ounce of sorrow and every life changing moment.
Lucas began to pet Boney’s scruffy head as his tears subsided, now being able to focus on something other than this loss.
“H-Hi, Boney. You really came all this way, huh…Good boy.”
The blonde boy gave a sorrowed smile, surprised at Boney’s arrival. He lifted his hand from Boney’s head, and slowly stood up. “Let’s…Let’s go home. I don’t want to spend too much time out here.”
Boney eagerly nodded and wagged his tail, glad he’d cheered up his best friend. He prepped to follow Lucas on their walk back, but the boy solemnly stopped after he’d stood.
He stared off into nothingness once more, then began to quietly speak.
“I’ll…I’ll try to come back tomorrow, Claus.”
“I love you. Goodbye.”
After these words escaped him, Lucas finally dropped the bundle of flowers he’d been tightly holding since he’d first arrived, resting them against the stone pillar.
Orange lotuses, picked from a nearby bed of plants. In the language of flowers, they often symbolize growth from tragedy.
He knew it’d take much longer for him to let go of this.
Letting go takes time. He often forgot that, especially on days like today.
Lucas’s feet finally began to carry him away from his brother's gravestone, with his trusted dog sticking by his side, as always.
He knew his emotions would continue to weigh him down after this point.
After all, he’d lost the one person who knew his ins and outs. The one person he’d looked up to in life.
But it was a step. A small step, in the right direction.
The walk back seemed much quicker than the walk there, as the blonde haired boy gazed at the setting sun along his hometown. Fields of flowers grazed his tired legs, gradients of orange and yellow and red brushing the boy like soft clothing.
Partway though his walk, Lucas passed by an iron capsule, with vines beginning to creep up the side of it as time has passed.
The grass crunched as his worn tennis shoes stopped in their tracks. Lucas turned his head to face this prison cell, heaving a silent sigh.
He knew this wasn’t his own fault.
He didn’t know if that immature kid’s fate was deserved, but…
There was nothing to be done now.
He just hoped the kid knew how much damage he’d caused. How many lives he’d ruined.
Including his own.
The worn boy continued to walk home, once again faced with the reality of what his brother had gone through.
Faced with reminders of that day once more.
Faced with that feeling of weakness, of losing grip on his own emotions like the child Lucas knew he was.
Faced with his grief.
After all, letting go takes time.