Work Text
Courtney floated in the weightlessness of zero g, standing guard at the corner junction of a little used maintenance hallway in the scout ship Astral. Her hands trembled badly around the weapon she was trying not to think about. This wasn't her job. This wasn't what she had signed up for. Scratch that, this wasn't what she had been press-ganged for. A software engineer in her past life, she had been unable to avoid the Accord as they swept across the station she called home, sweeping up any able bodied person they could get their hands on in the increasingly desperate resistance to the plant invasion.A resistance that, now, the Astral was in the process of falling to.A little way past the bend in the corridor, sparks were flying as a fellow member of her crew performed the laborious process of cutting through the bulkhead that had sealed itself shut. The plants had taken control of the ship somehow, access codes that should have been entirely secure seemed to have changed. Doors wouldn't open. Computer terminals were dead. The very ship was being used against them, cordoning them off.Even with all the doors sealed, they could still hear the screams echo down from above.She had fallen in with a group of survivors desperately trying to make their way… somewhere. Courtney wasn't sure what the actual plan was, aside from staying alive as long as possible. They had grabbed her into their posse during their flight from the initial boarding party, presumably hoping her position as the ship's networking specialist would help them bypass doors and worm their way deeper into the ship. But that had been before the access codes had been scrambled. Now, she was nothing more than dead weight.They had given her a gun instead, and set her to covering them as they worked to bypass the doors the only way they had left.She tried to calm her trembling hands and focus. She couldn't manage it. Anxiety had grabbed her in a chokehold. Her heart was racing, her mind was a mess. She could feel herself trying to disassociate, to pull that cold numbness over her mind and dull herself to the horror of what was happening.It was her usual stress response. It had often gotten her into hot water during her time on the ship. This time, it would get her killed.“We're almost halfway through, any sign of them yet, █████?” Came a voice from the effort by the unresponsive door. She didn't know the man’s name, just one of the countless crew aboard the ship. She had kept her distance from most of them, for all sorts of reasons. Most didn't even know her true name. The few she had told had… not been supportive.She tried to form the words, but they wouldn't come. She shut her eyes and tried to ground herself. Not now. She couldn't afford to go nonspeaking now. Of all the stress responses… she tried to force her overburdened mind into some sort of order, she had to get something out.It took more effort than she thought she had, but she finally managed to make a vocalization.“No...”It was barely a whisper. Not good enough. She forced her vocal chords to cooperate.“No. Nothing yet.”
—
Terril Auxter, Third Bloom, He / They, drifted through the ill lit corridors of the Astral, looking for any little ones that might have avoided the initial sweep. They had been tracking the ship for some time now, building up a database of its movements and crew, learning every detail in preparation for its rescue. It had helped that, with the signing of the Treaty, they had access to the naval databases. Not all ships had willingly obeyed the treaty, this was just one of many that had gone rogue since that time. It was doubtful that its crew had even been told of their government’s surrender.He ran through his mind the dossiers of the 112 sophonts aboard. He had been involved in many such rescues, and had learned that having a working knowledge of those they were rescuing went some way to diffusing otherwise tense situations. It suited his role rather well. While the main recovery teams made their sweeps above through the main rooms of the ship, his assignment was to search through the maze of maintenance corridors and utility shafts that snaked their way through the vessel, looking for any sophonts the main sweep may have missed. Those who ended up there tended to be more focused on flight rather than fight. Sometimes, they could be talked down without conflict. Terril had always preferred to take the poor scared things in personally, rather than the xenodrug-heavy tactics of the main recovery teams. It all amounted to the same thing in the end, but he liked to think that a more compassionate approach for those who chose flight to violence was more conductive for their eventual reintegration into the Compact.Vines moving with practiced speed, he coasted down through the maintenance tunnels, honing in on the source of burning magnesium and titanium his senses could pick up on drifting through the air currents.
—
Courtney's heart was acting up now. She could feel the irregular beats, each one feeling like a sudden drop as her body's maladaptations to stress continued to make themselves felt. She was no soldier. No possible medical committee would have cleared her for duty. But the Accord had been scraping the bottom of the barrel as the war became more desperate. She didn't belong here. She wasn't any good here. Even managing the ship’s networks had been a departure from her usual vocation. She'd done her best, but her best hadn't been good enough. And now here she was, on the run from the plants, making a last desperate stand.She glanced to the side. The door was almost entirely cut through now. It wouldn't be long.She turned back, and there it was. Floating a few paces away. Watching her. A tangled, inhuman core, anchored to the walls by thick vines. Appendages spread out and open, as if waiting their moment to strike.She felt the adrenaline spike, felt her heart seize itself up briefly, felt the shaking in her hands redouble. Her brain was frozen. She fought every part of her body, her very mind, for control. She had to do something. Anything. Her voice failed to engage. Her muscles refused to respond. Her heart felt like it would explode at any moment.There was a loud metallic bang as the door they were working on finally gave way.“Thank fuck, come on, let's go!”They hadn't seen it yet. She needed to do something. Shout some warning. Anything. Do something.“I said let's go, █████!”She had a gun in her hand. They had given it to her. She had to use it. She'd never used it before. At least, not on a living being. She hadn't even been that good against the targets in the range.Hands trembling, she lifted the weapon up, hesitated…
—
Terril saw the terran floating at the junction. The little one was clearly terrified, shaking like a fern in a gale. They were holding a weapon they were clearly unprepared to use. The sophont had seen him, surely, but had made no effort to raise its weapon. Probably in shock, the poor thing.He heard the voice of another terran call out:“I said let's go, █████!”█████? The ship had two █████s on board, although one of them seemed not to have gone by that name in their private life. He scanned the sophont’s face, and matched it with the profiles he had reviewed prior to the operation.The sophont was raising its weapon now. Whatever great struggle it was under was coming to a head. By protocol he should be rushing to disarm them, but the voice around the corner indicated others were present. If he swooped in now, there was no guarantee that the others wouldn't fire upon him, putting the sophont directly in harm's way.He smiled. This was the reason he familiarized himself with what they knew of the onboard xenos before each and every operation. Sometimes, a little knowledge and compassion could make the difference between a sophont coming willingly or embracing the ways of a feral.“Hello, Courtney.”
—
Courtney froze at the sound of her name, shock making her body rigid, counteracting the uncontrollable shaking that had gripped her moments before. The… the thing had known her name. It had known THAT name. What was going on here? Barely anyone on the ship knew that name. Certainly none of the crew had ever called her that. How did…She felt movement behind her. One of their posse was approaching. “I said we're going, █████! Get your ass… WHAT THE HELL! FIRE! SHOOT IT!”She tried forcing her hands to raise, to bring the weapon to bear. Muscles fought themselves. She had only managed to raise it a few inches before the creature spoke again.“It's alright Courtney, you don't have to fight anymore. You won't have to fight ever again.”She couldn't. Not this. They were supposed to be monsters. They… Well, no two rumors ever agreed on what they did exactly, but it wasn't supposed to be pleasant. They weren't supposed to be pleasant. The voice had sounded… melodious. In all the chaos around her, ripped from her old routine into this living nightmare of a ship, it was the only calming thing she had experienced in months.She started to lower her weapon.“For fucks sake!” She felt herself pushed aside, the weapon snatched from her hand. The plant struck forward. She screamed as the sound of weapon fire broke right next to her ears, drilling into her head, blowing out her sensory world with its intensity. Her mind, overworked to the point of breaking, finally shut down.A long moment passed. She wasn't aware how long. She… wasn't dead, was she? How could she tell? Would she know the difference?Silence surrounded her. Thick and oppressive.Slowly, by inches, the real world crept back in. It wasn’t a welcome feeling.Gingerly, she released herself from the ball she had unconsciously wrapped herself into. Where was she? Right, the Astral. Oh stars, there was a plant…. But… she was still okay. Nothing had happened to her. Was it still there? Had the other crewmate killed it?She looked up, and saw the last of their little posse, unconscious in the… vines… of a creature that looked more like a bramble patch than anything sentient.Her body spasmed at the sight, but the feeling of vines she was previously unaware of tightened down and held her in place. She became aware of being drawn in, closer, felt the texture of waxy leaves press against her face, her body. Panic welled within her. Oh stars, it had her…A voice spoke, like the whisper of the wind through the trees, with a slight undertone of a melodious hum. It was right by her ear.“It’s okay, petal. Everything is okay now. It’s over, I can promise you that. You will never be unsafe again.”Courtney gave in. She couldn’t fight it anymore. She curled even more tightly into her ball, and felt her mind go numb, as dissociation descended on her like a sudden fog bank. The world became distant. This wasn’t her problem. There were no problems. She didn’t exist. She wasn’t here. None of this was happening. She wasn’t real.At some level she was aware of the momentum shift as the… thing… started to move. She… it… her body…. Was being taken somewhere. It didn’t matter where. None of this mattered.“I sense that you are under distress, little one. I think it’s best if you took a nap for now. Do not worry. When you wake up, everything will be okay.”The words didn’t matter. She barely understood them. They were meant for someone else. The prick at the back of… the body’s… neck, meant nothing. For a moment longer, unreality rolled around and through her, dulling everything. Until gently, the world behind her eyes switched off, and she fell into a deep sleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The gentle music washed over her, permeated her. She was aware of it even before she was aware that she was awake. The music was familiar, and brought with it a sense of calm and comfort. It was the same light airy music she put on every night, to keep her brain occupied and distracted every time she went to bed. She knew it intimately. It was the playlist she had put together over several years. She had been completely unable to sleep without it, not without the crushing weight of the silence overwhelming her.…Wait… wasn’t that a recent occurrence though? Something about tiny bunk beds all crushed together? Trapped like a sardine in a…No, don’t think about that. Clearly that had never happened. The music was here and she was safe. She must have put it on last night before going to bed. Everything was fine.Everything was fine…Gently she rolled over in bed and moved to pull the sheets up higher.A sense of Wrongness overtook her. The texture of the sheets was Wrong. Prickly, like tiny needles dragging against her skin. She nearly screamed at the unexpected sensation. This was wrong. They were wrong. Her sheets didn't feel like this. It had taken her ages to find ones she could live with, and these weren’t them. She sat up so fast she nearly collapsed again from the drop in blood pressure. With desperate movements, she flung the sheets aside.The room spun around her as she tried to slow her breathing. And only then, as the room swam into focus, did her memory come back to her.Stars… she had been press-ganged. She had spent nearly a month on that ship, that… sensory nightmare. Synthcubes… It was a rare day when she didn’t throw up at least once during a meal. The sheets, paper thin, crinkly, Wrong, doing nothing to keep out the cold. Packed together with so many other people… If she hadn’t found the rumbling hum of the ship’s systems so soothing she was certain she would have lost her mind entirely.So… where was she now?Recent events were hazy in her mind. She could barely pick out specific moments on that ship… But that wasn’t unusual. Stressful situations often made her disassociate, and that ship was nothing but stressful. It already felt like so long ago, so far away.She glanced around the room.It was… nice. The floors and ceilings were rounded into the walls, no sharp angles anywhere. A strip of light wrapped the circumference of the room, a few inches below the ceiling. It glowed a soft but vibrant orange, like the sunsets she had seen in photos of old Terra. It was a color that she had always found soothing. Built into one wall was a video screen of sorts, showing a binary star system rising above an unspecified planet. She couldn’t make out which planet it was. She had never seen one so green and vibrant before, nor ones with oceans so richly blue.She took a deep breath. There was a faint smell in the air. Cedarwood. The tree had been long extinct, but there had been a corporation manufacturing facsimiles of scents. She occasionally managed to save up enough to buy a canister, and saved it for days of high stress.She could feel herself begin to relax, and let the music drift deeper into her mind. The temperature was a perfect coolness, exactly how she kept her apartment. Well, the company’s apartment, really, the one they assigned her to for the duration of her employment. Back when she worked for that megacorporation, before the… well… before recent events.Aside from the matter of the sheets, everything about this location was soothing. It felt safe. Perfectly slotting into all of her particular sensory quirks like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle.She took another deep breath, and let the peace of it all wash over her.…The plant had known her name.Her eyes snapped open and she felt her heart give a sickening lurch as her anxiety came back in full force. By the stars… They had been boarded. The screams, the panic, the plants… One had found them. It had found them and now it had taken her and it had known her name!Something… wasn’t right about that.She had been told they were vicious monsters. Cannibals. They took slaves. They took your soul. So many rumors, each seemingly individually and collectively confirmed by the Accord. She had been told to hate them. Instructed to hate them. But… all the things she was told did not align with what had actually happened.She had been taken by them. That much she could remember.So why had she ended up here?It had been…. So gentle with her…It had known her name.Barely anyone in the Accord had known her as that name. Only a small circle of friends ever called her that, far flung acquaintances across the station and the planet below, forming a small support group around their common experiences.Hate… They had expected her to hate them. The plants. But it had all been unreal to her. The Accord had always told her to hate. The Plants, the Rinans… Even unofficially, Terran society in general loved to split itself apart, to mark a group as Other, and ostracize them from public life. She had never understood it, never could make herself feel the hate that was expected from her. Not even before… Well, before she realized she was included in one of those groups.And now here she was, presumably a captive of the enemy. And yet… they had been gentle. They had been kind. And this… Was this a cell? It was nicer in many ways than her apartment had been back on the station. Was this a trick? Were they trying to get her to drop her guard? For all she had heard about them, why would they even need that? Would they not just take from her by force?None if it made any sense.
It had known her name.
She couldn’t… she couldn’t…. She couldn’t deal with this. She could feel herself dissociating again, and she was too exhausted to fight it. Wherever she was, it was a significant improvement over what her life had been recently. She couldn’t process all of this. It was too much. She fell back onto the bed, viciously kicking the invasive sheets off the end. She curled up into a ball, rested her head against the pillow, clamped her arms across her chest, and let the soothing numbness take over.Whether it was minutes, hours, days that passed, it didn’t matter. She wasn’t here for it anyway. And slowly, by degrees, the numb non-presence of self was gently replaced by the cool oblivion of sleep.Her comforting music continued to play.She dreamed…
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Good morning, Courtney”The sound of her name triggered a sluggish cascade of feelings in her mind. She was gently floating in a void. Soft orange light surrounded her. The music filled every corner of her soul. Her mind danced to it, following the melody in a waltz of neurons. She was safe here. She didn’t want to leave. She wanted the music to take her. Every note and phrase swirled around her, and her mind eagerly arced and danced to each of them.Someone had said her name.It didn’t matter. Only the music mattered. She had listened to this playlist for hundreds of cumulative hours. She knew every swell, every tone, every rhythm. Drifting in the softness of the bed, surrendering to the medley of the music, she watched the vivid orange world inside her head pulsing and dancing in her mind’s eye. She was safe in here. The outside world wasn’t important. She was safe.Someone had said her name…
It had known her name.
Panic took her and ripped her from her reverie. The notes twisting, bending, breaking. The light was plunged into darkness. The smashed and scattered fragments of the waltz pinging off into the corners of her mind. With a sickening lurch she felt herself back in her body. Almost back. It seemed to be just out of her control. Instinctively she flailed, grasping for anything to hold on to.“Oh my dear! You seem to be experiencing some delayed panic! Here, I have something that will help you.”She fought for control of her body, and won. She looked up to see……A plant. Coming at her with what looked very much like a flower, within which sat...…a needle, sharp, inch-long, a bead of liquid on its end…Panic redoubled its grip on her. She screamed, and tried to back away from the sharp tip of oblivion approaching her.She backed off the bed.She was falling now, the sickening sensation of zero g that it had taken her no time at all to forget. She was weightless, falling. She was back on the ship, floating in zero g. She was being screamed at. She had done something wrong, again. She felt the tinges of her mind go blurry, trying to unfocus, to forget, to shut off. To shut out the world. She wasn’t here. This was happening to someone else… She wasn’t…She hit the ground with a thump, breaking her out of the Astral and back to the here and now.Immediately the plant was above her.“Oh you poor thing! Please remain calm, this is for your own good.”She screamed and covered her face with her arm. She felt the prick. Felt the panic well up. Her mind was beginning to snap. This was it. This was really it. She was going to have a meltdown. She had learned to fight them, to hide them, on the Astral. A critical survival skill, to hide away such tendencies. But now it was back, breaking towards the surface. She felt the inevitability of it. She could feel the overwhelming surge of raw emotion crushing through all her defences, thwarting her attempts to contain it. She had to force it down. She had to retain her composure. She had to…Like sand running through the pinch of an hourglass, it began to recede. Slowly, slowly… but with a deliberate unmistakably that brought sharp contrast to its unstoppable buildup. She could feel it draining out. Her mouth gasped in huge lungfuls of air, trying to make up for the earlier hyperventilation.She… she was in control of her body again. Quickly she pulled her legs in, held them tight against her chest. An instinctive gesture, and an often practiced one. Shut out the world. Shut everything out. Push everything else out.She sat like that for a long moment.Her heartbeat had come down somewhat, its beating more controlled. She was still tense, she could feel it through her entire body, but somehow she was in control. Her breathing slowed. Deep breaths, like she had learned in therapy. In… Hold… Out… Grounding techniques… Right… She tried one at random. Tapping each forearm with the opposite hand. One. Two. One. Two. She wasn’t sure if it was working. They never seemed to, but she still tried them all the same. Anything was worth a try.This time, it seemed to be working. Calmness descended further. Her heartbeat was still too fast for comfort, great big thumps in her chest, but at least it wasn’t erratic anymore. She took a deep breath.She became aware of a rustling sound, as of leaves stirred by a light breeze.She looked up, into…A plant. Taller than her by at least two feet. Vines curled and woven in an imitation of human form from the waist up. A face, like a five pointed star, made of innumerable smaller leaves. Three holes for… eyes? Some sensory organs, anyway. The torso ended in a myriad of thick bundled vines, giving it the appearance of standing on a dozen stilts. No arms, aside from the singular appendage that held…The needle…She felt her heart catch in her throat, but the creature did not appear to be doing anything else but observing her now.“Oh dear… You seem to be somewhat resistant to Class Es. That is quite the trauma response you have there, little one. We will have to see about a more appropriate remediation method.”Dead silence followed this statement. She didn’t know what to make of that. She didn’t know what any of it had meant. What had the thing done to her? She tried to pull her scattered thoughts together. She needed all her faculties now. She couldn't go to pieces here. The consequences of losing control of herself aboard the Astral had been bad enough. But now… here… In the midst of these… these things…“My dear Courtney, are you alright? The floor should have absorbed some of the force of your impact, but there may be some light bruising. Are you alright, little one?”Courtney’s mind was still frozen. The thing had spoken to her. It was… concerned? She had always been better at reading intonations of voice rather than faces, which was just as well given the face she was looking into had no discernable traits she could identify.It had asked her a question. It wanted to know if she was okay.She didn’t feel okay…She tried to speak, but her body refused the request. She tried again, and was likewise denied. Great, she had gone nonspeaking again… She gave it one last try. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.With a sigh, she let her head drop down. Then, she nodded her head, as if such a creature would even know body language.…wait, why was it speaking Terran?“Hmm…” came the response. Disapproval? “Well, I suppose that is the best we can hope for, given the circumstances. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Tracia Allowit, Seventh Bloom, Ey / Em. I will be your overseer during your initial processing and intake. You will be in my care for your initial checkup and observational period, until it is decided whether you will benefit most from a wardship or domestication. Your cooperation would be beneficial, but is not strictly necessary to the process.”The creature brought out some square thin device from the folds of its torso and consulted it.“Now… I see here that you had a somewhat cooperative experience with us during your rescue. That is always a good start. And I see a note left by the Affini who brought you in. It seems the name Courtney holds some meaning to you, but it is not the only name you have gone by in recent times. Is that the name you would like to be called?”Courtney stared up at the creature. She was still curled up, sitting on the ground where she’d fallen. Her brain was barely processing the words. Names… it… the creature… ey… was talking about names. Courtney… Right. She was Courtney. She had chosen to be Courtney. She had a list of them, once, names… she had tried a few, but Courtney was her name.She nodded, still not trusting herself to speak.“Very good. And your pronouns?”Pronouns… right… Those were easy, she knew hers. She tried to speak. Nothing happened. She tried again. Pushing, forcing the words out. Nothing happened. Not this… she needed words. Why didn’t her mind let her have them? She needed quiet. She needed this creat… Tracia, gone. She wanted space to herself for a while, to untangle the mess her mind had become. She was trapped inside herself and she couldn’t speak.She stared up at em mutely, trying to work her way back to her voice as a novice lockpick might regard a bank vault.Tracia seemed to sense that no verbal response would be forthcoming. Ey performed a series of quick taps on em tablet, filtering through the various paperwork ey had on file.“It seemed you went by She / Her on such networks as you used that name. Would those be sufficient?”Still lacking access to her words, Courtney nodded her head.“Very good. Now, would you kindly come with me? It is time to see the vet.”Ey lowered down a vine to her level.Courtney stared at it for a long moment.Well, this was it. There was nothing else for it. All the things she had been told of the plants, none of it seemed to fit. She had spent her days on that living nightmare of a ship, and before that had spent every day fighting to pass for normal. And now here she was, in the clutches of what everyone told her would be a fate worse than death. And so far, none of it had come to pass. This plant… Tracia… despite the formality of speech, despite the… needle… was still treating her far better than anyone in recent memory.Whatever lay ahead, it couldn’t be any worse than the world she had just left.Gingerly, she took hold of the vine, and let em pull her up.“Much better”, ey said. “Based on your behavior so far, I believe it is acceptable to leave you to your own locomotion. But I will be close by at all times. Please follow me.”Wordlessly, the door silently sliding open ahead of them, she meekly followed em out of the room.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The cold air hit her as Courtney left the confines of her… room… cell… whatever it was. The medical style gown she had been given did little to protect her from the chill, but at least the fabric didn’t chafe against her senses the way the sheets had. The coldness of the floor seemed to suck away at her body heat through her unprotected feet as she followed Tracia down the overlarge hallway that dwarfed her.She didn’t know what to do. Simply obeying orders seemed safest. She couldn’t think of any other action to take. Run? Where to? She had no idea where she was, no possible destination she could reach. She had a strong feeling that this entire place must be watched and monitored. It was reasonable to believe that others had tried to escape before. The… whatever they called themselves, the plants… must be prepared. No, obedience seemed the safest option.It’s not like she wasn’t used to obeying orders, the Astral had broken her to that real fast. At least these orders were being given in a gentle voice. Quite the departure from the world she had just left.Anyway, nothing actually… bad, had happened to her yet. …Except for the needle.She shuddered at the memory.The cold was really digging into her feet now… A dull ache like drills reaching up through her ankles. She didn’t know how much further she could go. She longed to stop, to kneel down, to lift her feet off the surface and its invasive coldness. To get some level of respite. She tried closing her eyes, shutting out all other senses to give headroom to the invasive sense taking her over from within.Maybe she should say something… No. Why would they care? She had to keep it to herself. It was a sensory issue. No one was interested in those. It was her fault. She needed to be stronger. She needed to clamp down on it.Thankfully, she heard the sound of a door hissing quietly open, and Tracia gestured her through.She hurried in, desperate for any kind of change in the temperature of the floor, to see a room roughly square in its proportions. A raised platform stood in the middle, taller than a terran, with the look of a soft surface atop. A medical bed? Over it, bright lights and unidentified sensors sat in a nest that was almost organic in its appearance. It was hard to tell, staring into the bright light fixture, but some of them almost had the appearance of flowers.Movement on the other side of the room caught her attention. Another door was opening, and through it…Oh stars, this plant was Massive. Even for the overscaled size of the door, it dwarfed the things around it. It didn’t so much walk through the door as unfold, moving in a complicated way to compress and decompress its body as it glided through the opening. It moved up to the medical bed in a smooth undulating motion, and spread itself out. It was… Wide. As wide as the table. It examined a tablet in one snakelike appendage, and turned a bulbous growth covered in a hard outer casing towards her.It spoke with the voice of a thunderstorm, deep echoes seemingly speaking in concert with it, in a way that did not at all match the acoustics of the room.“Ah, Courtney. Good morning to you. Please approach, this one will help you up onto the examination table.”Courtney took a hesitant step forward, to see……appendages spreading out. Each one holding a small flower of varying colors……needles…She stopped dead. The anxiety that had been gently put on standby gripped her again.A voice came from behind her. A few feet away, but separated by miles.“Ah yes, she did have a reaction as I went to collect her, and I have yet to update the paperwork. Trypanophobia, I suspect. The class E I have administered is doing little to help, I fear.”The creature laughed gently, a sound like the last dying vestige of a rainstorm on the distant plains. “That’s quite alright. This one has aerosol alternatives grafted, and a few varying formulas. It will see what can be done. Tracia, please bring her here, if you would.”Vines gripped her. She had only a moment to even think of struggling before she was securely wrapped up, lifted up, drifting through the air. Finally, she was set down gently on the table, her back to the material. It was soft, softer than she would have thought. The bright harsh light above drilled into her eyesight, but it paled in comparison to the relief she felt from having her feet finally leave the cold floor. Instinctively she gasped for breath, mind untensing from the effort of fighting back the invasive cold that had accompanied her on the journey.She didn’t know how the flower got there. It was just… there. Large and purple, an oblong shape spreading petals out and open. Before she could react, she felt it release a cloud of… something, expertly timed to one of her gasps. A grainy texture slipped in through her mouth, coating the back of her throat. She tried to turn away, but her head was held gently but firmly in place. She couldn’t stop the gasping. More and more she breathed the flower, its peculiar scent tickling her senses in a way she couldn’t quite understand.A sense of calm descended on her. Heavy, thick, sluggish calm. As the moments passed, her racing thoughts slowed, and she felt the tension in her body unwinding. Her breathing became calmer, became more intentional. In… Out… In… Out…Courtney closed her eyes, and continued to steady her breathing. Whatever had been done to her, it seemed to be over. Calmness percolated through her mind, and she leaned into it. Her body felt far away, she couldn’t move it if she tried, but at least she was whole. That counted for something. Whatever was going to happen to her next, would happen. She wasn’t going to fight it.Another rumbling of thunder unrolled across the plains.“That seems to have worked. It’s quite a strong dose though, she might have difficulty walking back to her room. Well now, let’s see what can be done for her.”
—
Archave Oblax, Fifth Bloom, It / Its, Xenovetenarian, reviewed the data as it poured in from the array of sensors. A few things stood out physiologically. She was badly malnourished, to start. It wasn’t too surprising, most of the terrans it had seen from the ship were in similar positions, but this was worse than most, and there were some signs it had been going on for longer than her conscription. Her body bore the hallmarks of prolonged high stress and hypertension. There were probably some psychological issues at play there, enough to warrant a follow-up. Of note, small breast buds, indicating she had started on what had passed for Class-Gs among the Accord at some point before being taken off them. Willingly, or forcefully? It would have to ask her about that, perhaps she would appreciate its assistance in the matter.Neurologically, things were more concerning.The poor thing was a mess of maladaptive coping strategies. There were strong signs of emotional suppression and disassociation, seemingly formed in response to a lifetime of chronic anxiety. As to why that had formed… the stars only knew. Terran culture was full of traps and snares, it could be any number of reasons. Regardless… it would be important to find a class E that worked for her, along with a delivery method that didn't cause undue stress. A light dose of a class D might go some way to help keep her grounded, although they would have to see on that.It rearranged the filters on its tablet, zooming out, getting a more broad view of her neural pathways and responses. There was the hint of something familiar to it… Terran brains were quite varied, of course. It had taken the Compact longer than average to fully map the workings of their minds, although initially the main limitation had been sample size. But like all xenos under their care, they had eventually succeeded in building a working understanding of their structure. Often, they would turn up patterns and variations that the species in question had not even been aware of. This particular pattern… Well, it seemed clear enough, but it would be good to confirm through observation.It cleared its throat. Metaphorically, of course. A habit it had picked up from the terrans, although no terran’s throat could make a noise such as the splitting of a tree trunk from a lightning strike.“Tell me, Tracia. Has Courtney made any vocalizations to you during her onboarding?”Tracia’s response came back, cool and professional. “She has not. I had put that down to delayed shock. Has the poor thing suffered damage to her vocal chords?”The laughter came again, or at least, more of a chuckle. Slight and gentle, echoes of a storm from miles away.“She has not. This one believes she will be capable of speaking, once she has acclimated. However, it suggests she be fitted for an AAC at the earliest opportunity. Tell me, Tracia, have you any experience with what the terrans called ‘autism’?”
—
Courtney floated deep inside her mind, hardly aware of what was going on anymore. A part of her, the endlessly curious part, was busy making comparisons between her current state and the more regular dissociation she found herself in. She didn’t know what to make of that, so she disregarded it. Nothing really mattered right now.Some conversation was happening… She made a small effort to follow the words. They were still speaking Terran, she thought, but it was hard to tell. Something about a follow up? Class Gee? Wardship? The words were unfamiliar, and in her dreamlike state she could barely parse the sentence structure. Oh well, it wasn’t important.She sunk deeper into herself. The words took on a more muted form.There might have been movement. Was she being picked up? It was hard to tell. She felt floaty enough already, maybe it was just that.Nothing actually mattered anymore.
—
Orlane Cyfrix, Second Bloom, She / Her, opened her tablet at the sound of a new message being received.
TAllowit: Good afternoon, Orlane. My name is Tracia Allowit, Seventh Bloom, Ey / Em. I am contacting you as part of my duties of the BXWC in regards to the standing offer you have registered with us to take up wardship duties. Do you have a moment to discuss things?
Orlane felt a well of excitement at the message, but tempered herself down.
OranElegy: Ah yes, I had put in the notice only last week. Is there anything I can assist you with?
TAllowit: I am curious about the specifications you indicated for the temperament of the sophont you wish to receive. Can you explain your reasoning?
Orlane considered the question. She did have her reasons, of course, but the sudden prospect of explaining it to a seventh bloom made her feel… inexperienced. Oh well. Honesty would probably serve her best here.
OranElegy: Well, I have been considering the adoption of a floret for some time now, but I do not wish to commit myself without first gaining hands-on experience in terran care. I figured a wardship would prove appropriate middle ground.
TAllowit: I see. Well, more regularly, it is the sophont that is matched to an Affini, but in your case I believe we might have a match that is mutual. I see from your file that you have taken a variety of courses on terran neurology. Preparatory work, I assume?
OranElegy: Initially yes, but I found the subject fascinating. They really do think in remarkable ways.
TAllowit: Indeed. Well, if you have some time to discuss the matter, we have a potential candidate for you.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney continued to play with the tablet she had been given. It was an interesting design, but the UX wasn’t up to her usual standards. Mentally she was already starting to form a checklist of what she would change, what needed adjusting, what quality of life features it would benefit from.There was an itch at the back of her mind. A voice that had been speaking had paused.Embarrassment washed over her as she realized she had gotten distracted in the middle of a conversation again. She desperately scanned her memory for what had been said, but found the information missing.
The Astral had not been kind to her about that.
Her heart rate jumped at the thought, but she looked up to see Tracia simply standing there. Em emotions were totally unreadable, on that alien facade of a face.Ey seemed to be waiting on her, as far as she could tell. Had ey asked her a question?She closed her eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath, trying to push the tablet’s intriguing design out of her mind. She tried to refocus.“I’m sorry… I got distracted… I didn’t hear what you said…”At least her words had come back.Leaves rustled, in a gesture she couldn’t understand. Annoyance? Probably… People always got annoyed when her attention drifted during conversations. It certainly annoyed her.Tracia spoke again.“I will start again, little one. Please try to focus this time. This information is important and will have a strong impact on your life within the Compact.”Ey made another curious gesture, leaves spreading out and settling back in, in a faint reminiscence of a terran taking in a deep breath.“Given the information we have recovered on your previous life, your unwilling indoctrination into the navy, and your behaviors since we have first brought you here, it has been decided to place you under consideration for a wardship. Should you continue to show progress, you will be homed with an Affini in a provisional state, who will assist you with becoming acclimated to life under the Compact. During this time, you will be monitored and your level of adaptation will be noted.”Tracia changed stances slightly, the leaves around em face shifted into new positions. If it had meaning, it was lost on her.“Most such wardships end in two ways. If you are able to adapt to life in the Compact, you may qualify to gain the status of an Independent. This means you would gain the freedom to live as a sophont with rights within the Compact, free to choose your own style of living.”There was a pause, before Tracia started again.“If it becomes apparent that you are unable to adapt to life within the Compact, or if you begin to show any feral tendencies…”Courtney’s brow furrowed at that. Despite the lack of human facial features, the plant seemed to understand her body language. Probably better than she understood her own, she would guess.“...That is, violence, resistance, rejection of the ideals that each and every sophont is worthy of love, care, and deserving of plenty, it may be necessary to put you under domestication. This would mean the loss of your independence, the loss of certain rights, and to be placed under the full ownership of an Affini.”Her heart lurched. Slavery, that sounded like slavery. Maybe some of the rumors weren’t too far off the mark after all.Once again, Tracia seemed to read her. Was she really that obvious? Stars, she wished she knew what to make of facial expressions.“You may have a misunderstanding of what domestication entails, and you would not be the first. I assure you that those who are domesticated are treated well. The process involves a minimum level guarantee as to the safety and comfort of the domesticated. You will not be a slave, in the terran sense of the word, as I have often heard terrans remark on. In fact, a great many terrans have opted into domestication of their own volition. That too is an avenue available to you, should you wish it. However, I will leave it to your warden to fill in your education on that topic.”There was a pause in the conversation. Right, she had to think now. Socializing was a dance, and one she was completely blind to. What was she supposed to do now? Was ey waiting for her to ask questions? Maybe she should ask a question.“So… I’m going to be living with a plant?”The rustling leaves again. Oh stars, did she say something wrong?Tracia's voice came back, level and chilly.“I believe the word you meant to say is Affini. We are Affini. I appreciate time spent in the navy may have… twisted your vocabulary, but I do ask that you take care to use appropriate names, whether it be for a species as a whole, or for individuals and their pronouns. We take great stock of sophont individuality in the Compact, and adherence to self-identification is an important tenant you will need to learn.”A deep blush enveloped Courtney. Of course that wouldn’t be the word they preferred… it was obvious in hindsight. The anxiety of simply managing a conversation had kept her from being able to put deliberate thought into the words she was choosing. She would have to be more careful.Tracia seemed to settle down somewhat. “As to your answer, yes. We are in the process of choosing an appropriate warden for you, although we have already narrowed it down. Most sophonts find the experience of being in a wardship to be a positive one, and we do our best to match each sophont to an Affini capable of supporting them and their particular needs. You will be safe and looked after, I can assure you of that.”Tracia gestured to the tablet on the side of the bed. Courtney had been deliberately keeping her thoughts off of it for fear of becoming distracted again. “The tablet you have been issued with will assist you during your wardship. I would recommend spending time familiarizing yourself with its operation, later on. For now, know that it contains maps, resources, information, and a communications platform which will allow you to build a social circle. Additionally, it will contain a dedicated page for tracking and communicating with your warden, once one is chosen.”Ey paused, as if pulling information from a file in em mind.“Ah yes, you will also find an AAC, as was recommended by Archave Oblax. It seemed to think you would benefit from such a device. Are you aware of its function?”“Umm… No, I don’t think I’ve heard of that before. Is it an acronym?”Tracia performed another gesture. Head lowering, leafs framing em face dipping backwards. A nod?“Indeed. It stands for Augmentative and Alternative Communication. If you find yourself unable to speak, you may find this device useful. It provides synthetic speech capabilities, both on preprogrammed phrases and custom messages. On that note, you will find the majority of Affini you encounter are on our standard messaging system, supporting both direct messages and local short distance broadcasts. If you find typed communication easier, that may be another method available to you, should you need it.”Courtney looked down at the device. That did sound useful. Incredibly so. It was a shame about the form factor though… The device seemed light enough, but it was overly large to carry around at all times. She would have preferred something smaller.In her mind, gears started to turn, designs came unbidden, pulled up by the intriguing idea of such a system. Plans, models, interfaces, swirling ideas coalescing into the shape of a… what had ey called it, an AAC, suitable for her needs. Wrist mounted, for ease of access. The interface would need to be adapted to the smaller screen size. Maybe a categorization system for phrases then, each category standing as its own phrase, but providing sub-categories for more specific ones of that nature…”“Courtney.”She snapped out of her distraction. “...I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”She got another Look, as far as she could tell on a creature without recognizable eyes.“Now, it is time for a followup visit with Oblax. It wanted to see you about a topic you might be interested in. Would you please follow me?”Courtney got up, grabbing the tablet, and started following Tracia to the door.…and stopped.
—
Tracia heard the terran’s footfalls as she followed em out, and heard their sudden cease. Em rear optical sensors showed em that Courtney was standing right at the precipice, a look of near-pain on her face. She appeared deeply worried and apprehensive.Tracia turned around, presenting em chosen face to the girl. She looked up at em, clearly wanting to say something, but hesitating.Tracia spoke first. “Is there anything wrong, petal?”The little one looked conflicted. Deeply conflicted. Clearly there was something she wanted to say, but she was fighting herself over it.Tracia adjusted the set of her voice box node, trying to give the sounds a softer, more gentle tone. “I think you will find adjusting to life in the Compact easier, my dear, if you learn to allow your needs to be known. Is there anything you wish to say?”The look of conflict did not soften, but slowly, hesitantly, she spoke.“Do you think… I could… maybe…”Silence.Tracia tried prompting her again. “Yes, little one?”Ey watched her take a deep breath, close her eyes for a few moments. She seemed to ground herself. Then, she spoke again.“Could I have some shoes?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney walked easily through the hallway, her feet well protected from the cold floor. She had been given a… well, a form of shoe. It had a thick sole, but it was kept in place by a thin clinging material wrapped around her foot. Clearly more medical garb. The texture of it was slightly sticky, gripping her feet in a way she didn’t quite like. But it was a significant improvement from going barefoot. Anyway, she had pushed her luck asking for such a thing. She couldn’t afford to be picky. She shouldn’t impose any further than she already had. If she had rejected it for her sensory issues then they might have taken it away entirely.She would have to deal with it.“My apologies”, came the voice of Tracia. “We keep the temperature of the terran onboarding ward quite low, as we found it decreases aggression. I was unaware that it was causing you discomfort. We wish to keep all sophonts under our care as comfortable as possible. I would like to thank you for bringing the issue to my attention.”That felt… good, in a way. Accommodations were very much not something Courtney was used to. It was something she would need to spend some time thinking about, once she had some time to herself.The distance to the medical office was much shorter, without the steely needles of the cold floor piercing her feet along the way.She entered to find the form of Archave Oblax in front of a large display screen that stretched floor to ceiling. Its surface was a matte grey, displaying a formless mannequin of roughly terran shape of about her height, standing at a one to one scale.The… Affini… greeted her as she entered. “Ah, Courtney. Welcome again. This one has something it wishes to discuss with you, if you would please come and stand in front of the screen.With only a slight hesitation, Courtney complied. Her nerves were still twanging in the unfamiliar environment, but already she was beginning to feel calmer in the presence of these… the Affini.She took her position, and turned to stare at the figure in the display.“Now, your physical turned up some signs of a previous attempt to correct your body shape. This one believes terrans used estrogen for such a purpose. Given signs of its previous usage and your chosen pronouns, it has suspicions that you did not stop this treatment willingly. Was this the case?”Oh stars, the… it… was talking about transitioning… The navy had laughed off her request to continue her treatments. Was it really possible she could start again?She tried to clamp down on her body at the budding excitement within her. Don’t flap… keep still… She tried reaching for her voice, and was gratified to find that she still had it.“I… didn’t want to stop. The… well, I couldn’t get any, on the Astral.”Archave's voice came from above, in that rumbling tone of his.“It believes you will find that we have treatments that are far more effective than those you are used to. It is aware that under the Accord, your options would have been severely limited. However, here, we are able to make precision edits to your body in the furtherance of treating dysphoria and other related conditions. Would this be an avenue you are willing to explore?”Courtney’s breath caught in her throat. They were really doing this? The pla…. The Affini… were willing to provide this? And to what, someone like her? Wasn’t she a prisoner of war? Why would they offer such a thing to her? What had Tracia said before… Every sophont is worthy of love, care, and deserving of plenty. Stars, did they really mean that?Silently, she nodded her head, not daring to speak.Suddenly, the figure in the display changed. It was her…It was NOT her…She stared into a feminine vision of herself. Contours were softer. Her chest, oh stars, she had breasts… Her face, more delicate, more feminine. Her waist… Her hair… Her… everything. Could they really change all that?A rumble of thunder, the Affini was laughing again. “This is only a rough guess of course. This one couldn’t be sure of your exact preferences, so it built a preset it thought might appeal to you. Feel free to change it. The screen will respond to your touch. It can help you with the specifics of anything you might wish to change”Even before Archave could finish, Courtney was already closing the distance. Gingerly, she reached out. She touched the facsimile of her hair.Immediately, menus flashed up. Styles, colors, variations, patterns she had never seen on any terran. Sliders and adjustments.She took a deep breath, and set to work.Not even in her dreams had she imagined she would get this opportunity. She resolved to make the most of it.Hair, longer. Add a bit more red, like a dark copper. In layers.Breasts? Slightly too big, actually. A few adjustments… Yes, that looked right.Face? A very good guess, very close. Maybe less chin. Cheekbones higher up.In the background as she worked, thunder rolled across the distance. “Yes, this opportunity can take some sophonts this way. Take as long as you need, little one. Find the you that you were always meant to be.”She had nearly refined everything to her liking before a horrible thought occurred to her.“Um…”Archave heard the syllable, as quiet as it was. A change had come over the girl. Fear?“Yes, little one?”“Is this… for surgery?”The distant thunder rolled again. “No, we do not require such barbaric methods to fix an issue as simple as this. There are several different ways we can help. With the scope of changes you are making, a nanotech pill would usually suffice. However, it may need to be paired with injections from time to time. It can’t get all its raw materials from your metabolism alone.Courtney hesitated at that. She knew what it meant… Needles……It would be worth it though? For this?She took a deep breath.“...Okay. I can live with that.”She glanced back at the display. Her true self looked back at her.She felt her heart leap at the prospect.“This is who I want to be.”Another rumble of laughter.“No, petal. This is who you always have been. We just need to let her out for you.”Unbidden, unnoticed, Courtney’s right hand began a slight flapping, before she fought it back under control.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Orlane Cyfrix scrolled through the checklist she had produced. She had only just received the message that she had been selected to oversee the wardship, and had immediately set her mind to preparation. It was just as well, there were some curious additional notes for the care of this particular terran. Temperatures, textures, even scents, had been specified as having a calming effect, cross referenced to purchase logs and data-mined records retrieved from the old Accord data networks which the OTNA had managed to recover. She looked again at the file of her ward-to-be, double checking it against her list, ensuring her plan to make the little one as comfortable as possible would be adequate.A previously-missed item stood out. A late addition to the paperwork: Trypanophobia; Class-E resistance.Oh stars… And she had already had the whole suite of standard xenodrugs installed in needle form… Oh well, more grafts were to be in order then.She glanced back at her recent conversation with the representative from BXWC:
TAllowit: I am sure you have received the official paperwork by now, but you have indeed been chosen to care for the sophont we previously spoke about. You will find everything in the paperwork, of course, but there is one particular thing I wanted to emphasize regarding her care.
OranElegy: Oh? What is that?
TAllowit: You specified certain parameters for a sophont for your wardship. While I can say she matches your specifications, you may have difficulty coaxing her out. She seems to be conditioned to suppress her own needs and personality. There is a lovely sophont here, but she will need care to reach her full potential.
OranElegy: Suppression shouldn’t be a problem. I have already had the standard set of xenodrug grafts installed. A Class-D should be helpful here, correct?
TAllowit: I caution you against relying too heavily on xenodrugs, especially for those seeking independence. They are a short term fix, nothing more. Her vet has already prescribed a slow-acting Class-D to assist things, but this is largely a matter she must overcome on her own. Your guidance will prove more valuable to her than any xenodrug.
TAllowit: I recommend contacting a xenotherapist to assist you further.
That last message had stung a bit… A rebuke against her inexperience. But she was not one to deny the wisdom of a seventh bloom, especially one that already had experience with the sophont in question. She glanced back at the paperwork, noting the neurological report from her vet. Interesting… It hadn’t been her intent to take on a wardship needing this level of care, but… It would make sense for her to take it. If this… she checked the paperwork again… “Courtney”, could be safe with her, could thrive with her, then certainly she would be worthy of taking on a floret of her own. And if she couldn’t, well, wardships were easily transferred.She would rise to the occasion.She added “xenotherapist” to her checklist.Perhaps it was even worth looking into the basics of xenotherapy herself. Xenoneurology had been a fascinating subject, so perhaps learning the practice to complement her theory would assist her in the care of such darling creatures as these.Well, on to the matter of Trypanophobia. She pulled up the messaging app and located the local xenodrug grafting center.
OranElegy: Good afternoon, I am soon going to be taking a terran under wardship who unfortunately is afflicted with a fear of needles. I am aware that alternative xenodrug delivery mechanisms exist, but I am not fully up to date on what options are available. Can you assist me with matters?
NernOrganic: Yes indeed! Needles are of course the preferred method as their dosage is more easily controlled and faster acting. However, certain xenodrugs can be produced in aerosol form for inhalation. They remain effective with uncooperative terrans, but their dosage is harder to control. There are also fruiting bodies; they will produce edible fruits containing the drug. Far more reliable with their dosage, but their reaction time is lower, and they do tend to require the terran to be at least somewhat cooperative with their consumption.
Orlane considered things for a moment. Well, an aerosol class E was a must. Probably a class Z too, if things got too out of hand. Other than that, the fruiting body idea sounded intriguing. It would be a show of trust, to allow the terran to accept xenodrugs willingly.
Your guidance will prove more valuable to her than any xenodrug…
OranElegy: Fruiting bodies may be just what I need. I would like to schedule an appointment, when is the soonest I could get in?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney sat and waited in her room, most of her breakfast having long gone cold. She had tried to eat it, she really did, it was just… the texture was off. She had always had a difficult time eating, most of the things people expected her to eat just didn’t sit right with her. She always put a lot of effort into suppressing her sensory issues, but somehow, her body had always been able to win out on food. Try as she might, she just couldn’t force herself to keep eating. Oh well, her dinner would just have to do double duty today.At least it wasn't synthcubes…She shuddered at the thought.It had been several days now since she had been brought… wherever she was. Long enough to at least become more comfortable around the Affini.It really helped that this room was so comforting.She had asked how they found her music, on one of her many checkups. Apparently they had mined all of the old Terran advertising databases for information, and could cross reference it to any terran they came across. That was… creepy. But it did mean they had come across her old playlist, in some dataset somewhere, and they seemed to have access to the entire catalog of music any terran had ever produced.It had been a surprise to learn that they had reconfigured this room entirely for her comfort, as part of her “acclimation”. It was hard to know how to feel about that. It was disquieting, knowing that they knew so much about her, but it was hard to argue with the results. She felt safe here.She had never said anything about the sheets, though. They wouldn’t care. She didn’t really deserve it. It was her fault for being so picky. They had put enough effort into her. No reason to ask them to do anything else.Regardless, returning here after each appointment, each visit to the “vet”, had allowed her time to decompress and relax. She was feeling better now, better than she had felt in months. It was a shame she would be leaving it today.An Affini had brought the news not long ago, bringing with them a curious looking bracelet. She was to be placed into a wardship. She would be living with an Affini for the indeterminate future.She glanced at the bracelet, secured against her right wrist. It was clearly organic in nature, almost looking like something from a children’s cartoon. Apparently this would track and monitor her for the duration of her wardship.Once it was on, the whole thing seemed to seal itself around her. There was no sign of a latch anywhere.The words of the Affini who had placed it on her came back: “Don’t worry petal, this one has no needles.” …Needles? They had needles on these things? The very thought of wearing something that could stab her was already making her heart pound harder in her chest.She picked up her tablet, desperate to find a distraction from that thought. As of this morning, it had gained a new icon: “My Affini”.She played around with it again.The landing page showed a name and a photo. Orlane Cyfrix, Second Bloom, She / Her. Scale was hard to judge without a reference, but she was closer to humanoid than some of the others. She was covered in flowers, small white, red, and orange, with six petals each. She maintained a mostly humanoid torso, although like Tracia she lacked any arms. Presumably they didn’t feel the need for them, given the dexterity their vines seemed to have. Locomotion was also incredibly varied between the Afini she had seen. This one had a thick carpet of foliage hanging from the torso, giving the appearance of a long green dress that delicately hugged the ground. Whether there were limbs under there, it was impossible to tell. Maybe the dress itself was the locomotion…She tried navigating across the app’s other pages. The “My Affini” app itself was overly cutesy, with a skeuomorphic design. Its function and features were a bit difficult to parse from the noise. She would have preferred something more focused, more direct.
She wondered if it had an api she could access…
No, stay focused. She couldn't afford to keep spacing out like that. She had to prove herself for independence. She wasn’t too clear on the requirements yet, but at minimum, it seemed to be showing them that she could adapt to their society. That probably meant proving that she could take care of herself.She… was a bit worried about that, honestly.Back before the navy had found her, she had lived alone, in that small apartment. She hadn’t been very good at taking care of herself even then. She had barely managed one meal a day. At least, she had when her hyperfixations hadn’t been too bad to manage. At least she had been able to stay on top of her medications, but only by making a custom alarm that blared its noise through the whole apartment until she physically opened the drawer they were contained in.She shifted around uneasily in the dress that had been given to her. It fitted perfectly, but the fabric was off. Too slick. Its movement against her skin had a disquietingly oily feeling that made her uncomfortable. Sensory issues… No. Ignore them. Don’t be so picky. She would just have to deal with it. At least the sandals they had given her felt right.Maybe she could replace it. How would she buy more? She would need to work somewhere, right? She couldn’t imagine she didn’t.The thought of that made her quite nervous. Even with prescription stimulants, she had never been able to focus long enough to cover the full range of hours the last corporation had required of her. The only reason she had lasted as long as she did was that her hyperfixation had locked onto her assigned projects often enough that she had managed to stay ahead of her responsibilities. Even then, if it wasn’t for her sympathetic manager falsifying her activity records, she was sure she would have been fired long ago.She felt some anxiety at that. What if part of independence was proving you could hold down a job? How could she possibly prove she was fit to be independent if she couldn’t even stay focused for a standard 11 hour shift?What jobs would there be, in Affini culture?They certainly had software of a form, the tablet demonstrated that. It would be nice to design user interfaces again.The UX of that tablet could certainly use some work…Plans bloomed in her mind, pushing out all thought. Designs, mockups, improvements…Time unfurled around her, unheeded. She wasn’t even aware of the door opening, nor of the pair of Affini that had entered.“Courtney?”…The notifications were poor. Some people liked unobtrusive ones though, so it would have to be configurable. In her case, she needed something kinetic, something to grab her attention. The static number was too unobtrusive, too easily missed.“Courtney…?”…The animation between screens was nice, but it took too long. Surely the tablet had enough processing power to load the next page quickly, so what was the animation there to disguise? It should be shortened, it would give the whole thing a more fluid feel.“Courtney.”Her heart jumped and she snapped out of her thoughts. Tracia was standing before her, along with an Affini she recognized as Orlane from the photos. Tracia performed the ruffling gesture again. Yes, definitely annoyance…“Good morning, Courtney. I would like to introduce you to Orlane Cyfrix, Second Bloom, She / Her. Given that you have been given a clean bill of health by your vet, and your behavior and temperament has so far been conducive for wardship, she has volunteered to be your warden as you adapt to life in the Compact.”Another indecipherable gesture followed, facial leaves shifting and moving into new positions.“I would like to congratulate you on this milestone, Courtney, it has not been a common one among those rescued from the Astral.”Her heart skipped a beat at that. Oh stars, what happened to the others? She wasn’t particularly close to any of them, quite the opposite. But… What did they do? What was domestication? By how much margin had she managed to avoid it?…It was still on the table, wasn’t it, if she messed things up?She felt the blankness begin to overtake her mind. Stars, no… not now…
—
Orlane was quite annoyed that Tracia had introduced her directly. She had hoped to perform that task herself. She had heard that terrans tended to put quite some importance to the ritual of introductions; the Terran Behavioral Patterns class had a whole chapter on it.She took in the sight of the sophont for the first time. She had seen photos, of course, full spectrum representations, neural mappings, the expected Class-G results, more details than the girl probably knew of herself. But seeing her for the first time was……Oh stars, this one was cute…She had been dressed in what the terrans had called a sundress. Similar to a companion dress, but with enough differences that she was unlikely to be mistaken for a floret. The color was a deep purple, with a lush green fractal pattern crawling along it.She was looking up at the pair of them, still sitting on her bed. Her face… Orlane brought to mind the lessons on expressions and microexpressions, and tried applying it to her ward-to-be. Nervous, certainly. Very nervous. Only to be expected, she hadn’t been introduced to the Compact for very long. But there was something else too, one she hadn’t seen catalogued. A sort of far away look… As if she wasn’t quite looking at them, but through them.She hadn’t said anything since the pair of them had entered. She had read about that, in the girl’s file, but in person it was a lot more clear. The girl had the most internal look she had ever seen on a sophont. She gave the appearance of someone who spent all of her time within her own mind, only occasionally reaching out to her body when necessary.Orlane tried to… what was that terran metaphor? “Break the ice”. She reached into her memory of terran introduction rituals, and pulled out a likely pattern.“Good morning, Courtney. It is nice to meet you.”The girl stayed silent, her eyes wide, slightly dilated beyond the normal range. She seemed to be staring down at the floor now. She performed a quick glance up, eyes briefly passing across Orlane’s decorative face, then immediately back down again.Right… that had been in her file too. Avoidance of eye contact. Surprising to see it here though, she had figured her lack of terran-identifiable eyes would go some way to alleviating that. Perhaps she was bothered more by the idea of eye contact than its physical manifestation.The girl still hadn’t said anything. She had a detached look now, like she wasn’t quite processing what was going on. Eyes fixed firmly on the floor.She has been conditioned to suppress her personality.Orlane refocused herself, trying to get a read on her new ward’s biorhythm. It was surprisingly difficult. There was… something… there, but it was subdued, dull, as if there was a great void between the two of them. Stars… what had happened to make the girl like this? How closed off to the world had she made herself?Well, she had been warned, but it was quite another thing to encounter in person. All the Terran florets she had met had been such happy bubbly things, wonderfully cheerful, so open to the world. Even the independents she had met had been more open than this….Did Tracia really think that this sophont matched the temperament she had specified?
You may have difficulty coaxing her out…
A pang of anxiety took her. She had never before encountered such a closed off sophont. She had trapped herself, cut out the world, retreated deep inside her mind and barred the way back out. She needed help… Orlane could help her, it would be so easy! A strong enough class D would certainly…
Your guidance will prove more valuable to her than any xenodrug…
She sighed, and let the tension drain out of her leaves again. This wasn’t a floret, to be broken down and remade whole. This was a sophont on the path to independence. She was here as a warden, and had responsibilities. She would have to help the girl on her own terms.Besides, the vet had already determined a daily Class-D dosage. She could feel the berries grafted deep within her. Quite a low dosage, surely the poor thing would need more than that?Well, she was committed. She would care for this sophont, give her the best start to her new life possible. Independence or domestication, she would ensure she would have everything she needed to thrive. She certainly wasn’t going to back down now, especially with the Seventh Bloom’s silent judgement permeating the room.She approached the girl, and extended a vine.“Shall we go?”
—
Courtney was trying her best to stay present, but she could feel herself slipping more and more. This… did not bode well for her future independence. And the stress of that thought made her dissociate even more. She fought against it, pushed against it, fighting a silent battle in her mind.Orlane was in front of her now, extending a thick bundle of vines dotted with flowers. It ended in a three-pronged bundle, right in front of her.She looked up, into that unreadable face.Stars… she really was struggling now. Something had been said, hadn’t it? She couldn’t remember what it had been… What was she expecting her to do?Maybe they were leaving? It did look a bit like an out-reaching hand…Gently, she took it.
—
Upon the girl’s grasp, Orlane felt the relief of a tension she wasn’t aware she had. She pulled gently, and the sophont stood up. A little more pressure, and she started walking. Well, that was a good start. She would have to keep a firm hold on the girl’s hand though, she had a look now that she wasn’t really in control of her body. Some automatic process had taken over. As they walked, Orlane ran through her preparations and research in her mind. Here she was, walking with her ward. It made everything feel so much more real, quite unlike she imagined it during her preparation. She wondered if she had done enough research… Lost in thought as she was, she almost missed it as the main entry doors opened, and Courtney let out a gasp. She turned to see the girl staring out into the vast enclosure.Without paying Orlane the least bit of attention, she ran ahead, up to the balcony overlooking the vista. For a moment, fear gripped her. Would the poor thing fall over? But before reaching it, she slowed to a reverential walk. Gently she continued, putting her hands against the rail.And stared.
—
Courtney gazed out over the railing into the great abyss beyond. This… couldn’t be real. This was it, wasn’t it? All those old books she had read, art from artists so long dead they didn’t even show up in history books.
The future as it was meant to be.
Most of the space was green. Parks like ribbons stretched across the ground, continuous lines of trees and grass. They stretched out, above, around, following the curve of the artificial gravity ring. Rivers followed their path, lazily snaking their way through, their water a deeper blue than she had ever seen. Along their sides, small structures dotted their length, growing larger as they reached the wall of the ring. The wall… It was entirely covered with living space. Balconies upon balconies stretching out in defiance of gravity.The scale was huge. She thought she was used to large stations, having been taken to some of the biggest terrans had ever built as part of her job. But this… This was on a whole other scale. The curve of the ring was barely visible, even from this height. How many miles of living space did this place hold? And they just… most of it was parks and greenspace? They could afford to use the space in that way?And the bridges… Silver serpents arcing gracefully from wall to wall. Some of them would meet up, forming a small floating island in the sky. Some even had structures on them! What a view those must have!As she watched, a vehicle of some kind rushed across a track, suspended directly in the middle of the ring. Its speed was immense, but that wasn’t what stood out the most. It was silent. It shot like a dart along its path, but not a single sound could be heard from its passage. Oh stars, no terran corporation would ever have cared about such a trivial detail as noise, but the Affini had perfected their living space to the point that even the transportation was silent.This was it. This was the future humanity should have had. The future dreamed up by those visionaries, so long ago. The future that had never come to pass.She realized she had tears in her eyes.
—
Orlane remained rooted to the spot. The girl had changed. Gone was the shut-in, blank quality that had been there since they had met. Her face had lit up, she seemed to be glowing with wonder, as if all the blankness of her time before had been a dam that had finally burst. But more than that, her biorhythm had exploded out of her. She could feel it pulsing, humming, dancing in the wonder of the sights in front of her. She felt alive, vibrant, eager, curious, enthusiastic, all the things she had been lacking in the cold sterility of the ward.It was everything Orlane had ever wanted out of a sophont.Oh stars… How had Tracia known this was what was inside of the girl?Orlane approached from behind, and brushed against her shoulder with a gentle vine.
—
Courtney felt the vine touch her shoulder. Instinctively, she moved her hand up, and took it.“Where are we…”“You are aboard the Alatamaha. This is the 0.86 G ring. We have habitation about a quarter turn away.”“...How far is that?”“About 4 kilometers, we’ll use the transportation network.”“...How big is this station?”“Oh, it’s a ship, not a station. It’s not very large, just a civilian administration vessel.”Courtney felt a lump in her throat as she considered what had been said. Not very large. Just an administration vessel. It was a ship? This thing moved? Stars… If this… this marvel… wasn’t impressive to an Affini, what would they consider impressive.She stared out across the vista for a long moment longer. Outside of her control, her right hand descended from the railing. Started clenching and unclenching. Began to move up and down.
—
Orlane’s thoughts were racing now. So this was what the sophont was like? Stars… what had happened to make the girl suppress this? She had already been determined to do everything she could for the ward in her care, but… this was what she was like inside? This flower was the core which the little one kept buried away from the world?She resolved herself. She would do anything to open her up, to dismantle the walls she had built around herself. She would show her that here, at last, there was no more need for them. No need to bury herself, to hide it away. This seed was buried deep, and the topsoil was full of rocks, but she was determined to see this sophont Bloom.Stars, she would make such a good floret... If only…Well, she had responsibilities to see to.“Come along, petal. We need to find you some food. I promise you we can make time to explore later on.”
—
Courtney turned to follow, but her head remained fixed on the wondrous sights beyond. She didn’t say a word as she followed her new… warden… along the path, across the silvery bridge, to the transportation station suspended high above. The deep silence of the shuttles rushing past making a statement of defiant engineering, from a species that would never stop at “good” when “perfect” was well within their grasp.In her mind, a new thought twisted, tangled, took deep root. A new special interest, growing out of the sudden unexpected jewel she found herself inhabiting.She would learn everything about this place.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Orlane sat across from Courtney, enjoying the sensation of a nutrient rich slurry she had ordered. Courtney seemed to have settled on a glass of what she called “club soda”, an odd choice she had not seen consumed before. Bubbles seemed to endlessly rise from every part of it, an artifact of the carbon dioxide gas diffused within. Not an uncommon feature among Terran drinks, but curiously it seemed to contain no flavoring at all. She had asked the girl why she had chosen such a thing, and had gotten a sheepish and mumbled answer. As far as she could make out, the girl found the sensation of drinking the fizzing liquid pleasant.The girl was studying the menu closely now. Seemingly reading and re-reading every item description with care, as if the choice of what to eat bore serious consequences. She wasn't sure why, she had taken care to ensure the sophont received a menu devoid of items with xenodrug additives. Now was not the time to find out if the girl had any other reactions to such things. They would need to experiment with them in a more controlled setting.Now that they had spent more time together, Orlane was beginning to get a better sense of her new ward. She hadn't been quite as shut-in as she had first feared, but neither had the girl reached such amazing heights as when she had first laid eyes on the Alatamaha’s habitation ring. She seemed to grow more open when she thought she wasn't being watched, letting down her internal guards as the curiosity of her newfound home rose to the surface. But whenever Orlane had addressed a comment to her, she clamped down hard on it, dulling out, becoming numb. It was a worrying response, and one they would have to work on together.At least the sights and sounds of the Alatamaha seemed to be keeping her somewhat engaged; she had yet to experience a repeat of the full mental shutdown that had occurred on their initial meeting. She seemed to be absolutely fascinated with the ship. Most new sophonts were, to an extent, but the memory of that first opening up still lingered within her. Courtney’s fascination with it had gone far deeper than most.Perhaps that would make a good conversation topic. The girl hadn't said a word in quite some time. Getting her talking would probably be a prudent measure in gaining her trust.“So, what do you think of the Alatamaha so far?”A complicated set of emotions flickered across the girl's face. For a brief moment, there was a sudden burst of excitement, but it was quickly clamped down on again. Nevertheless, the girl spoke. Her voice had a strained feeling, as if trying to hold back against her own emotions. “It's… beautiful. I never imagined I would actually get to see a habitat like this. It's like something out of the old stories…”Orlane felt a prickling of curiosity there. She had expected something more akin to “I've never seen anything like it”. As far as she was aware, the design of Affini ships was unique, no aspect of Terran culture had ever come close to replicating them.“Oh? What stories were these?”Courtney seemed to blush. For a moment, she gave the feeling of closing herself off again, but bit by bit, she seemed to recover.“Back before… Well, before, I was big into historical sci-fi. There was a movement, once, nearly a millennium ago, back when terrans were still confined to one planet. Centuries before we had even reached Mars. There were people who wrote stories, made artwork, painted pictures of what they thought the future was going to be like…”Courtney took a pause, sipping from her drink, and staring out across the view of the ring.“Some of them imagined habitation rings, just like these. Huge megastructures in space, with whole functioning ecosystems. They depicted the future as a utopia. They thought that technology would solve all of our problems. Everything they imagined was so wonderful, so perfect. The future they saw was so bright…”She trailed off, her gaze falling down to the table. The flicker of an intense emotion passed across her face, but was gone before Orlane could piece out what it was. She seemed to take a moment to breathe, collecting herself. Rebuilding the wall over the cracks of her emotions.“...that's… not the future we ended up getting.”Orlane spoke to break the silence. “That's… interesting. I had never heard any Terran mention this before.”Courtney sighed. “It's not common knowledge. The movement died out a century before we even left Terra. Barely any Terran knows about it. No corporation thought the material from that time period was worth anything. I only got exposed to it through a small group on the net, trying to keep the idea alive. Even though it was long past obvious it would never come to pass…”She took another sip, and glanced out beyond the balcony, taking in the sights of the ring.“This… the Alatamaha… it's actually quite close to some of the artwork I've seen from that era. It was made back in the 1900s, back before we knew what space would turn into. What the corporations would turn it into. It's like…”The girl choked off the last sentence. A look of emotional pain on her face, before being snuffed out entirely. Her biorhythm, having been steadily building up through the conversation, was suddenly cut off. Not far away this time, thank the stars, but subdued all the same. Clearly a nerve had been touched, and the girl was doing her best to suppress the thoughts that the conversation had unlocked.She picked up the menu and started inspecting it again, as if the intervening conversation had never happened.Well, that had been… productive, at least. The sophont had managed a conversation, and Orlane had even gotten to learn something new about her ward. But… her habit of clamping down and suppressing herself at the smallest sign of emotion would definitely need to be addressed.She once again became aware of the class D berries she harbored within herself. She would need to give serious thought as to how to introduce the subject. Would the girl take them willingly? Maybe she should have gone for the aerosol variety after all…Orlane gave her a few more minutes to study the menu, but still no decision seemed to be forthcoming.“Would you like some help choosing a meal?”
—
Courtney had re-read every item on the menu several times over, but couldn't make sense of any of it. The food she would usually eat, back before… before… was simple stuff. Basic canned soups, prepackaged foods, and other such low effort meals. Stuff she'd learned over the years, through trial and error, that her texture sensitivity would let her deal with.Nothing on the menu looked remotely palatable.She tried looking at the soups again, hoping against hope that she might have missed something. Soups were usually her best bet. Her issues with texture didn't seem to mind liquids, provided they weren't too thick or grainy.The selection wasn't very big, and each one she looked at seemed packed with ingredients that she really didn't feel like risking.She sighed and closed her eyes… She had to prove herself. A warden's job was to make sure she adapted, and adapting to their food was an obvious part of that. She would just have to get something at random and deal with it.“No, I'm ready”Orlane swept a vine against an unidentifiable symbol along the edge of the table. It began to glow faintly. In no time at all, they were approached by a Terran.Courtney stared.They were covered in tattoos. But that in itself wasn't unusual, she was familiar with the practice, although it had never appealed to her.She had never seen ones that moved before.They pulsed and glowed, changing patterns even as she watched. Fractals blossomed out from kernels, spreading across flesh, until they ran back into each other, recombining. Where they met, they beaded up, bunched up, formed tiny cores, which would once again explode outwards, repeating the process.It was mesmerizing…“Courtney…”She became aware of a gentle pressure touching her. She looked up and followed the path of a vine resting against her arm. Orlane was watching her. So was the waiter. She turned a deep red, realizing she had stopped paying attention to the world around her again.Right, her order…She glanced back down at the menu, saw a soup at random, and ordered it.“Very good choice! I will have it out directly.”Once again they were left in silence.Courtney tried inspecting her mind, only to find she still wasn't all there. There were a million questions she should be asking about now, but… everything happening seemed so distant. So unreal.She was going to be living with an Affini now…. Somehow, that still hadn't sunk in. She glanced out across the balcony, hoping the sight of the hab ring would at least rekindle some of that excitement she had gotten on first seeing it. Nothing… She sighed. She had a suspicion she knew what it was her mind was trying to avoid, but attempting to face it head on would certainly make things worse.Orlane was watching her patiently.She… probably should be making conversation now. That's what people usually did in these situations, right? Navigating conversations with other terrans had always been difficult for her… Would it be the same with an Affini?She tried reaching for a question at random.“So… how long have you lived here?”“Oh, I've been aboard the Alatamaha since well before the Terran domestication. About 230 years now.”Courtney felt a pang at the mention of domestication, but it was prodded aside by the other astonishing fact so casually dropped into the conversation.“You’re… 230 years old?”“Quite a bit more than that, petal. Affini lifespans are quite long, compared to your timescale. Surely you have noted the bloom count that most Affini introduce themselves with. Has anyone explained its significance to you?”Courtney sat and listened as the explanation washed over her. Stars… such incredible lifespan. And… they didn't die? Just… regrew? She couldn't imagine life on such a scale…. How many changes must she have seen? How many skills had she picked up? How much could one learn, over all that time……That was a point. That would make a good question. That's what being social was, asking people questions about themselves. At least, that's how it had been explained to her, all those years ago.“What do you do here? On the Alatamaha, I mean?”Orlane seemed to give the question some thought.“Oh… I've been studying terrans, mostly. The Alatamaha had gotten reassigned to Terran space, and it seemed like a good opportunity to learn of a new species. After all, I am now in my second bloom and I have yet to adopt a floret…”
—
Orlane paused, wishing she could take back that sentence. Courtney had that nervous, troubled look again, as she always had when topics adjacent to domestication came up. At the mention of the word, what little of herself she had let out over the course of the conversation had been snatched right back up again.The waiter came back, silent as ever, and gently put a plate and a bowl in front of them. Without a word, he slipped away.Courtney didn't seem to have noticed.She was about to grab the girl's attention again, but she spoke up once more on her own.“So… that's your job then? Studying us?”“Oh no, my interest in terrans is… well, I think your species would use the term “academic”. It's been some time since a new species has been encountered, and it felt like the right time to get involved in such things.”“Oh. What is your job, then?”Orlane smiled, putting some slight exaggeration into the gesture, given her ward reportedly had difficulty parsing such things. However, Courtney’s gaze had drifted away during the conversation, and she was no longer looking directly at her. In slight disappointment, she dropped the gesture, and continued.“I think…”, she said, putting a bit of playful cheekiness into her tone, “that there is a little bit more to Affini culture that I will need to teach you. Why don't you listen for a bit…” She echoed a perfect mimicry of taking a deep breath, and continued: “...While you eat.”Courtney looked at her in confusion for a long moment, then realization dawned. She looked down into the soup.A thick sticky substance was congealing along the top, peppered by small, crunchy kernels.Every texture alarm imaginable went off inside her head.
—
Courtney lay in the unfamiliar bed, digesting all the knowledge of the day.So… post-scarcity. Huh.It was too big of an idea. She just couldn’t grasp it. She hadn’t really known what to expect of Affini society but… this wasn’t it. She had been grappling with the idea ever since Orlane had introduced the topic. It felt like most parts of her brain had to shut down to make room for the idea. She was used to dissociation, it was a regular occurrence in her life, but… this was something else. She didn’t really feel not-present, but… more lost. Misplaced. She had been lost on the Astral too, but… not like this.Orlane… Her mind went back to lunch. She had tried the soup, after a while. Tried. It was exactly as… Wrong… as it looked. Her body had rebelled. She had forced herself to try a tiny bit of the sticky surface material, and her body had gagged at the sensation. It had taken all of her willpower to force it down, so as not to draw attention to herself.At least she had managed to sip on spoonfuls of the broth beneath. It had… not been good. But, it hadn’t had a texture that repulsed her, and that had made it the only part of the meal that she could eat.Whatever the broth had been, it hadn’t been filling. Orlane had noticed, after a while. The Affini had asked her how she had liked it, and she had given the response that was expected of her. Fine, the soup was fine. After all, it was a sensory issue that stopped her eating it. She wasn’t supposed to have those. She had to suppress those. Push them down, ignore them. They were wrong. Her feelings were wrong. She needed to have the correct ones.Orlane had seemed to accept the answer. At least, she hadn’t pressed the issue, but there was still something…She closed her eyes and thought back to that moment. There had been a… feeling… Far away, so very far away, but still there, like a lit match seen from across a lake. An emotion that seemed to come, inexplicably, from outside herself.Disapproval.Even now she felt disquieted about that. Sometimes she felt her emotions, and sometimes, her body took those away from her. That had been the way of it for as long as she could remember. But this… How could an emotion come from the outside? It was like she hadn’t felt it herself, it was almost as if……Someone else had felt it at her.She shook herself free of the thought.She was still hungry…It had been a few hours now since they had gotten back. Orlane had shown her to her room, and offered to let her rest. She had gladly taken her up on the offer. Too much had happened today, she needed some time to herself. She breathed deeply, sensing the faint scent in the air. Cedarwood again. Tracia must have communicated its impact on her. …Why though? Why go through all this trouble for her? She wasn’t important. She wasn’t worth the effort.Stars, she was hungry…She pulled up her tablet. Certainly there must be something in Affini culture she could eat. Terrans lived here too, didn’t they? The independents? Surely there must be something…She pulled up what seemed to be an information app. That would be a good start, she could see what food was available in Affini culture. It didn't take her long to find her way to food, but the sheer amount of information was overwhelming… She tried playing around with the filters, and managed to restrict the search to that which was edible by terrans. The variety was still incredible, but here and there were items that seemed at least somewhat familiar.She opened up one that looked palatable.An option caught her eye. “Add to HAB Library”. A bookmarking system? She pressed it. A moment later, the label changed. “Open in HAB library.”Curiosity had overtaken all other feelings, as it so often did. The hunger was nothing more than a distant twinge in her mind now, easily ignored. What sort of library system was this?She pressed the button again.The screen transitioned. She got the feeling she was in a different application now. This screen was full of details on the dish. Too many details. Strangely specific details. Surely the dish would vary between preparations… The calorie count seemed to have too many significant figures, and no possible recipe could consistently result in a weight that accurate. Why were these numbers so precise?There was a sidebar. Something about a compiler selection? It was set to Kitchen. Whatever it was, its status was “Ready”.There was a button beneath it. “Compile”.It was an inviting green color.She pressed it.A loading indicator… For a short while, nothing more happened.Unexpectedly, there was a soft chime, off in the distance.She stared at the tablet. Status: Occupied. The button was now labeled “Complete”.Oh stars… they couldn't possibly…Hardly daring to breathe, she stood up, turned around. The door was ahead of her. Moving like an automata, she approached, saw it open, heard it close again behind her. She walked in silence through some sort of living area, into what had the look of a kitchen.The smell of the dish reached out to her.Heart thumping, she tracked down the source. An alcove, built into a set of cabinets. It was higher up, making its contents impossible to see. She reached up with shaking hands, and managed to get her fingers around something contained within.She took down the dish.She looked up. Orlane was watching her.She took a deep breath.“What the hell…”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Orlane watched the girl devour the meal she had somehow managed to produce. It was clear from the speed at which she was consuming it that the poor thing must have been quite hungry. She sighed inwardly, silently chastising herself for letting her ward’s needs go unmet. She had noted the unfinished breakfast when she had picked her up, and she had definitely avoided eating most of her lunch, but the sophont had indicated she had been content with what she had, and so Orlane hadn’t pressed the matter.Clearly that had been a mistake.The fact that the girl had worked out how to use a compiler on her own was… quite fascinating. She had enabled access for the girl’s tablet in her last minute preparations before picking her up, but she had not expected her to discover such functionality unaided. She had intended to ease her in, teaching her the basics of living over a few days. Perhaps enabling it early had been a mistake. Then again, the HAB wouldn’t have allowed access to anything unsafe.…If she hadn’t enabled it early, the girl would still be hungry right now…She reviewed the activity logs again on her own tablet, watching a real time playback of the little one’s first journey into the HAB’s domestic interface. The interface was in terran, but… the Accord had nothing even remotely similar to atomic compilers. How had she known what the effect would be? Was it possible she was just… trying things? Pressing buttons just to see what would happen? She was aware that terrans could be quite curious, but that seemed… dangerous.She would have to perform a thorough review of the HAB’s safety protocols. It would not do to have her ward hurt herself in some way.Her mind went back to the scene that had greeted her, when she had gone to investigate the unexpected activation of the compiler. The little one reaching up, grabbing something she couldn’t see. If it had been something hot, she could have burned herself.Right… Terrans were smaller than a typical Affini. She would have to get the compiler lowered, for the girl’s sake.
—
Courtney devoured her unexpected meal. She couldn’t believe how good it tasted. She had picked it for its passing resemblance to one of her frozen meals, some sort of synthetic recreation of a traditional Old Terra food. As far as she could remember, the actual dish had long disappeared, given the near-extinction of the bird species that made up the bulk of it. She had heard in passing that some of them were still around, hoarded jealousy by the ultra rich, but she had never had the real thing.This… wasn’t the real thing either though, was it? Stars… it had been… built. Assembled right here, in an open air box nevertheless. This ship had given her the impression of those old stories, but… Really? Replicators? Those were science fantasy, they weren’t something that could actually be made… Surely not…She took the last bite. Tender, juicy, the sweet honey sauce with a hint of spice mixing perfectly with its texture, slotting smoothly into her brain. Finally, something she could eat without issues. And she knew how to access it now. Maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t have to go hungry anymore.She was aware of Orlane watching her. She had tried not to think about that while she ate but… she couldn’t help feeling guilty. …Was she even supposed to have access to this device? Was it going to be taken away from her?Orlane had let her eat it, at least… The Affini had helped her up onto the overly large chair, and had been silent ever since.She glanced up at the Affini, into that totally unreadable face. She glanced down again.“Courtney…”She tried to puzzle out the meaning of the tone. She could usually tell meanings from tones, at least, better than she could from faces, but… Sometimes, it was still a challenge. What was this one… Sad? No… Disappointed?Courtney remained mute, eyes focused on the table. The numb feeling was starting to creep over her again. She was in trouble… She had gotten herself into trouble…
—
Orlane watched as the girl closed up at the sound of her name. She was beginning to be able to recognize the signs of it now. The subtle shifts of facial expressions. Eyes dropping down, focusing on the ground. Her biorhythm closing off into a blank, distant, hollow echo, as melodious as a brick.She sighed… She really needed to have a talk with the girl. She had been clearly neglecting her own needs. Why had she said that her lunch was sufficient? If she was this hungry, then obviously that hadn’t been enough. Were it not for her chance discovery of the compiler, she would have been hungry for quite some time. No… It was clear the girl wasn’t willing to make her needs known. This wouldn’t do at all. They needed to have a discussion.The girl was walling herself off again. Retreating as far into her mind as she could, locking herself off from the world. Would she do this every time they needed to hold a conversation? How could she care for a sophont that wouldn’t willingly communicate its needs? Surely domestication was the only thing that could be done here…She sighed. That was the easy answer, to simply break her mind and remake her as someone new. She thought back to the girl’s first opening, upon seeing the vistas of the Alatamaha for the first time. The feel of her biorhythm in that one unguarded moment. There was something special here, a sophont worth preserving. She needed to remember that.If only there was a way to reach her…She considered the Class-D berries grafted inside her. They would certainly help, but… The variety was slow-acting, and wouldn’t be able to help her open up if she was already this closed off. She had intended to introduce the subject tomorrow, after the girl had acclimated. Perhaps she should’ve introduced it sooner…Her gaze came to rest on the tablet.…Right, the AAC. As locked off as the girl seemed to be at the moment, there might still be a way she could communicate.It was the work of a moment to tap into the girl’s tablet, and find the AAC that had been placed there. The girl had left her tablet in her room, but the software was universal. It would be a simple matter to download it to this one.The software loaded in. Orlane opened it up, and gently placed the tablet in front of the girl. She then stretched herself out, mind and body, and focused all she could on tuning her own biorhythm. Terrans were supposed to be quite sensitive to it, but if Courtney’s felt this far away, then it was possible that Orlane’s felt as equally distant to her. She tried to calm her mind, focusing on the peace of the moment. Gently, she fed the feeling back through her core, letting it wash over and around her, hoping against hope that it would reach the sophont sitting dejectedly in front of her.“Courtney… I would like to talk with you. Can we do that?”
—
Courtney heard the words, but they had come from a great distance. Everything was far away now. She had been aware of the tablet being set in front of her, but even that felt beyond reach, miles away. She could feel the great gulf of distance between her and it. She… wasn’t really here. She didn’t know where she was, but it wasn’t here.She closed her eyes and tried to focus. This… was important, wasn’t it? She needed to focus. The Affini… Orlane… wanted to talk. She was in trouble… she had done something wrong.There was a feeling, across a great distance. A tiny glimmer, as of the faintest star. It had that same external quality to it as the feeling earlier in the day. She tried to focus on it, but it was difficult. She couldn’t quite make it out.Still though, something about its presence was soothing. In a way, it made her feel like she wasn’t alone. Wherever she was now, the light was reaching out. A brief glimmer of a lighthouse, seen faintly through the fog. A tiny fragment of connection in the great void surrounding her.She felt herself inch back into her body. Still not actually present, separated from it by miles and miles of cotton gauze, but… She could just about feel the shape of it.She tried to nod her head. It moved, but only by a fraction.Orlane seemed to understand.“You were hungry, weren’t you?”More a statement than a question. At least she didn’t require words to answer this. She nodded her head. It moved a little bit more this time.“How did you know to use the compiler?”Shrug.“You didn’t eat much of your lunch. Were you hungry then?”A pause, as she tried to think back to lunch. It was so long ago, so far away. It had happened to someone else.Shrug.A moment passed. She got the sense that the question was still open. She needed to find an answer.She tried to focus. Tried to think… Yes… she had been hungry. She must have been.Nod.“Why didn’t you eat your soup?”Courtney closed her eyes. It was an obvious follow up question. Only, she didn’t think she had an answer that would satisfy. Why didn’t she eat the soup? Why couldn’t she? Her body wouldn’t let her. It wasn’t a matter of wanting to or not, she couldn’t. How could she possibly explain that?She glanced up again nervously, but her eyes were dragged back down. Along their path, they made contact with an unexpected object. Right, the tablet. Orlane had set it in front of her. Why had she…She glanced back at it. She knew that screen, she had seen it before.The AAC.She stared at it, her sluggish mind taking a while to connect the dots. She was being given it. For communication. Orlane wanted her to use it to talk with her.It took her a few more moments to work out what to do about that. Thoughts were moving through her mind like thick grease. How she longed to just give in, curl up, and let the nothingness consume her entirely…She fought back hard against that instinct.Finally, she reached out, took the tablet, pulled it towards herself.
Why didn’t you eat the soup…
She took a moment to compose her reply. It was difficult. The thoughts wouldn’t come. Everything was so far away. Even inside her head, words were difficult.Finally, she managed to decide on a message. She typed it in, with arms like lead. When she finished, it was read out. A feminine voice, but cold and flat. An echo of her inner world. The tablet read it out in its entirety:“Couldn’t.”It was hardly a magnum opus.“I see… Is there a reason you couldn’t?”Courtney took a deep breath. What would it matter now? She had messed up. Surely she was going to be… whatever they did. Domesticated. She couldn’t take care of herself. Not a day into her wardship and she had already failed. Nothing mattered now. Maybe she should just admit it. There was no point hiding her issues anymore.The mechanical voice spoke out.“Sensory Issue.”
—
Orlane considered the significance of the words, connecting it to what she had read about her ward. It had slipped her mind, in all the excitement of finally getting to meet her, but that’s what had been on the paperwork. Sensory issues. The information had been mostly hypothetical, tying together the Affini’s skill at decoding terran neural pathways with the fragments of purchase history squirreled away in the Accord's old advertising databases. Mostly it had been things the girl found comforting, things she had sought out in her past life, before the Compact had rescued her. But… that wasn’t all there was to it, was it? Sensory issues were a two way thing. Her preferences with certain senses wouldn’t only be positive, there would be negative experiences as well.Her mind went back to lunch, and the girl’s indecision over the menu. It had been their first meal together, and she had wanted to impress, but… perhaps a cafe with such a complicated palette had been the wrong choice. Had that been why she had seemed unable to decide?Stars… her first day with her ward and she had brought the girl somewhere she had no possibility of even eating. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this. The sophont would be better off under another Affini’s care…She looked back at Courtney. The girl had a worn down look now, as if their brief and nonverbal conversation had taken a lot out of her. Perhaps she should get the poor thing to bed.They would need to have a proper discussion about her needs tomorrow.“Courtney…”
—
Courtney was barely present now. She knew she was in trouble. A lot of trouble. Why on earth had she messed with the tablet? She should have ignored it. Being hungry wasn't so bad. She had gone hungry before.She should have just let things be.She heard her name. It almost didn't register. After a moment, she glanced up.“I think, perhaps, you have had an eventful enough day. I'd recommend getting some sleep. If you get hungry again during the night, you've worked out how to use the compiler, feel free to make use of it. Do be careful retrieving items from it, though. My apologies for not having it lowered ahead of time.”Orlane stood up, and approached the girl.“Let me help you back down.”
—
Courtney nodded mutely. That… didn't sound like trouble, but she really couldn't be sure anymore. Too much had happened. She needed time to process. Bed sounded good.She felt the vines pick her up again.She never knew why she did what she did. Her brain was a mess, she wasn't thinking clearly. Her mind was several star systems away. But as she was picked up, she leaned into it, leaned into Orlane. In a movement that was practically an instinct, she curled up, and rested her head against her.Her brain finally gave out. She fell asleep.
—
Orlane froze. As the girl had leaned in, she had needed to shift her vines around to catch her, to prevent her falling. This new position was… not what she had intended.The girl was cradled in her vines.As she stood there, she seemed to nuzzle in closer.She was fast asleep.Orlane didn't dare move.By degrees, she unfroze. Well, terrans had strong bonding instincts, it was true, but… the girl hadn't shown any other signs……No, it had barely been a day. The girl was just overwhelmed. That was all.Still though… To hold her like this, to cradle her in her vines… It felt…She shook herself gently. She was just a ward. It wouldn't do to get attached.She quietly carried the girl back to her room, and laid her gently on the bed.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Orlane exited her room to find her new ward already awake. She was seated awkwardly on the couch of the living area, built into a small depression along the main floor. Next to her was a plate, containing an unrecognizable terran food. It had the appearance of brownish sticks, which the girl was dipping into a thick, brown, sticky sauce. Not that she was giving much attention to eating. She seemed to be completely engrossed in the tablet resting on her lap.“Good morning, Courtney.”No response.She waited a bit, but nothing seemed to be forthcoming. At least the girl didn’t seem to be as closed off this morning. She could feel her biorhythm humming away, in a sort of energetic excitement. It was a nice change of pace, from their last interaction.Putting it out of her mind, she made her way to the kitchen. Her own breakfast awaited.“You didn’t tell me there was more than one habitation ring…”Orlane looked across at Courtney again. The sentence had been spoken loudly enough, but it had a mumbled quality. Apparently the girl had spoken with her mouth full.“Yes, the Alatamaha is home to quite a few different xenospecies. Having more than one ring allows us to provide a variety of gravities.”Courtney didn’t seem to have a reply to this, but it did result in a renewed flurry of activity on her tablet. Presumably the girl was looking something up.A thought occurred to Orlane.“How did you manage to get on the couch by yourself, petal?”“Oh, I climbed over the top.”Orlane paused at that. Yes… with the couch built into a depression, the top of it was just low enough for a terran to clamber over. Still though, she must have done it holding her plate of food. It would have been a risky maneuver. The couch was soft enough, but…“I would appreciate it if you asked for my help in the future, little one. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”She got a shrug in response.
—
Courtney kept browsing her tablet for information on the Alatamaha. Already she had a large backlog of bookmarks to go through. Each new page cross-referenced several others that had grabbed her attention, and they were piling up faster than she could read them. At some point, she had been redirected into what appeared to be a photo sharing system, and she had been eagerly swiping through them for close to half an hour. She had been bookmarking those, too. Several of them showed absolutely stunning vistas she would love to see in person.At some level she was aware of the distant chime of the compiler. It wasn’t important, not like the information she was finding on the Alatamaha. She bookmarked another image, and clicked on a likely looking tag. The name of some public park. Hopefully it was in this hab ring, maybe they could visit it today…She became aware of a rustling noise. She looked up. Orlane had sat down across from her, on the other half of the circularly wrapping couch.The Affini was watching her, insofar as she could make out on a creature without any visible eyes.Courtney could feel herself beginning to withdraw, but pushed against it. She closed her eyes, and took a few deep breaths, trying to ground herself. It seemed to be working, this time…“I’m… sorry about last night.”
—
Orlane had been about to speak, but the girl’s apology scattered her thoughts. She had been trying to work out how to broach the subject herself. The girl had been in such a good mood that she didn’t want to interrupt, but there were still some things that needed to be discussed.She hadn’t expected her to bring it up on her own.“That’s quite alright. I’m glad you were able to find yourself some food in the end. I do wish you would have told me though…”She waited to see if the girl had any response, but the little one seemed to be lost to herself again. Her eyes were starting to drift downward, eyeing the table between them without seeing it.“I would of course have helped you find something you could eat. Is there some reason you felt you couldn’t bring it up?”Courtney gave a shrug. For a moment, nothing else was said. Orlane was on the brink of speaking, but finally an answer came forth.“I dunno… I didn’t want to bother you. It was my own fault.”Orlane shifted her position, settling in for the discussion.“Petal… no… Making your needs known is not a bother.”She tried to gauge her ward’s reaction, but it was difficult. The girl was walling herself off again. Still, she had to try…“I’m sorry, I should have known about your difficulty with food. But I do wish you would be more open about your needs. As your warden, I am here to see that you have everything you need to get acclimated and settle in. You can ask me for anything.”Once again, no response seemed to be forthcoming. As Orlane watched, she pulled her legs up, knocking the tablet to the side. She reached her arms around them, hugging them close.Orlane tried once more.“I did volunteer for this, you know. I want to help you. It’s okay to ask for help. If you ever need anything, I want you to ask me, alright? No matter how small.”Courtney nodded her head, slowly. That was good, at least she was still present enough to listen. Would the little one believe her? Would she ask for help in the future? Orlane didn’t know. She had the feeling that the girl hadn’t internalized what she had been told yet. Whatever had prevented her from asking for help was probably still there. It would need to be dealt with, before this wardship was over.Well, she would have to see. For now, there was the other matter to discuss.How to introduce it…“I would like to discuss another matter with you. Your xenovetenarian has prescribed a series of xenodrugs it thinks would help you. There’s the typical Class-C of course, but it has also developed a slow-acting mix of Class-D and Class-E. Has the concept of xenodrugs been explained to you?”Silence, then:“Why do you guys call them vets? Isn’t it a doctor?”Orlane couldn't quite disguise the amusement that crept into her voice, but she did her best.“No, petal. Doctors see to Affini. Xenos like you are seen to by xenovetenarians.”Courtney seemed to blush. Stars… they really were such endearing creatures…“...No, I don’t know what xenodrugs are. Xeno is like… non-Affini, I guess, so… that's… drugs for terrans?”“Drugs for most xenos, actually. We specialize them to every xenospecies under our care. But the basic effects remain the same across all xenos, so they get labeled into classes.”“So… Classes are what they do? What do those ones do?”“Class-Cs are pretty standard in wardships. Typically, terrans have a quite strong bonding instinct, especially with Affini they spend an extended time around. The Class-C will help to reduce that. It’s quite standard in wardships with independence as their goal.”Orlane shifted position, and continued.“Class-Es are there to calm anxiety. It won’t remove it completely at this dosage, but it should help to keep it under control. Normally, your cuff would inject you with a stronger dose as needed, but…”“...needles.”“Yes… Archave determined that such a thing would put you under too much stress. It determined a slow-acting Class-E was the only alternative. Less effective, but it should still be of some help.”“Okay… So what does the other one do? Class-D?”Orlane steadied herself, trying to work out in her mind how the upcoming conversation would go. Just how much was the girl aware of her emotional avoidance? Would she even take the Class-D willingly? Maybe the berry had been a mistake after all…“Class Ds are made to help sophonts open up. Their overall effect is to lower inhibitions. They are quite useful, when sophonts are having trouble communicating their wants and needs. Sometimes, they are used when the sophont in question has a tendency to fall into habits of repression or dissociation…”“...like what I do.”Orlane stopped at the quiet interruption. So the girl was aware.“Yes… They aren’t a full solution, of course. You have already been scheduled to see a xenotherapist in a few days. But… These should help.”Silence rolled between them.Courtney’s reply came back. Quiet, but with a resolve in her voice that Orlane had not been expecting to hear.“Good.”Orlane felt her tension lesson. That had gone… better than she had expected. The girl was not only aware of the issue, but seemed to actively want to do something about it. That was a very good sign.Well, this was it. She reached inside herself, to the place where the berries grew, and picked one out. She extended a vine, and placed it on the table in front of her. Time to see how much the little one trusted her…
—
Courtney looked up at the sound of rustling, and saw the berry placed in front of her. It looked rather like a blueberry, but was a rich orange in color. It definitely looked far more ripe than most fruits she had encountered.She picked it up and stared at it. It looked harmless enough, but… This was some sort of medication? Could it really help her?“So… This is it? this will help me stay grounded then?”Orlane seemed to consider the question.“Yes… as far as I understand your language. It’s a different formula from the usual Class-Ds you might encounter. This one should help keep you present, more connected to your body.”That seemed… Well, she had tried other techniques, and none of them had really worked. Could a medicine really do that? Wasn’t the problem in her mind?“Does it… do anything else?”“Well, it is a derivative of the standard Class-D, and inherits some of its effects. You might find yourself a little bit more forthcoming with people than you otherwise would be. It might certainly feel that way, at first. Your body should adapt to that over time. Do not worry, this isn’t anything near as potent as a full dose.“More forthcoming? Like… a truth serum?”“Well, yes and no. Standard Class-Ds do have that effect, but that should be much reduced in this variety. You should still hold control over what you say. You might just find yourself more open to the world, more honest with who you are.”“Oh.”Courtney continued to stare at it. So, that was the tradeoff. Gain an edge in fighting off her dissociation, but lose her grip on hiding her symptoms. She needed that edge, she knew, if she was ever going to show her warden that she was fit for independence.
But… if she revealed too much of her struggles, maybe they wouldn’t let her stay independent anyway.
She took a deep breath.…She needed this, she really did. More than that, she wanted this. Some days it seemed she had to fight herself for every moment in her body. To finally have something that would let her stay there…She rolled it gently between her fingers, trying to gauge the texture. It didn’t seem too alien. She could probably manage to eat it.She ate it.
—
Orlane watched as the girl gingerly took the berry to her mouth. Gently, she placed it in. Chewed. Swallowed.She felt a wave of relief. It was done. The sophont had accepted her help. Maybe she could do this after all.Courtney spoke, but her voice had a far away quality. The girl was inside her head again.“I don’t feel any different…”“This variety is slow-acting. The idea is for it to work continuously through the entire day. You may start to feel something in an hour or so, but the effects won't be fully present until it’s had a few days to build up.”Courtney seemed to take a deep breath. She already had a more grounded look to her, but the Class-D wouldn’t be active this soon. Perhaps even the idea of its effects was helping to keep her present.There was something she should say now, wasn’t there? She thought back to the terran behavioral courses…“Thank you, Courtney, for trusting me.”The girl gave a nod. A faraway look on her face.“Well, we have the whole day ahead of us. Is there anything you particularly wanted to do today?”Courtney took a moment to reply. Orlane watched a change come over her. Her face was still held flat, but cracks of excitement were beginning to come over her. She retrieved her tablet from where it had fallen, tapped it a few times, and held up a photo.“Can we go here?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney stepped out of the HAB, breathing deeply from the clean air. Orlane’s habitation was up against the wall of the ring, providing a breathtaking view across the arc as it stretched across beneath them.Stars, there was even a slight breeze… How had they even managed to reproduce air currents?At least she had been able to find clothing that didn’t grate against her mind. Orlane had shown her how to properly navigate the library of items within her tablet, and she had picked out another sundress. This one was grey, with a floral pattern in orange embroidered along the bottom. It was also cotton, or at least, an artificial reconstruction of it. The texture gently nuzzled against her mind, a world away from the invasive feeling of the one she had been given.Orlane stepped out from the unit behind her, and performed a gesture reminiscent of a stretch, her leaves shifting about as she seemed to extend up straighter. After a moment, she approached, and put a vine against her shoulder. It was a curiously good feeling, now that her mind wasn’t overwhelmed. She didn’t know what to make of that. Touch had not been a sense she had liked to share with others… maybe her mind didn’t associate Affini with that in quite the same way.“Well, petal? Shall we go?”She fell into step beside her warden, the movement amplifying the pleasant breeze flowing through the ring. The cotton dress flowed against her legs, comforting and open. The temperature was perfect, cool enough to be breathed easily, but warm enough that the breeze held a welcoming feeling. Everything about this place just fit in to her sensory world, somehow.She turned her head again, taking in the sights.She felt a pang of excitement as a silver streak rushed across the elevated track. They were higher up than it, at this level, and yet the sound of it still couldn’t be heard.Already, she was starting to associate this place with comfort.Orlane spoke beside her.“The park isn’t too far away. We should get there by train in only a few minutes.”“Alright.”“We can stay until noon, if you would like to remain that long. There is a restaurant nearby, I’ve already checked the menu and I believe they may have some dishes you will find acceptable.”“Okay, thanks.”“If not, I would like you to let me know. Alright, little one?”“Sure.”That felt… good. It was nice to know someone was looking out for her. She never really had that before. She always tried her best to hide her issues away, but… Orlane didn’t seem to mind. At least, not with this one. She even seemed willing to plan around it. Courtney had always thought of it as something to be pushed down on, something to be suppressed, a flaw in herself that she had to pretend didn’t exist, but… Orlane was treating it like it was an everyday thing. It was… normal. Just a part of her. An accepted part.She turned again to look over the railing at the hab ring beyond. Maybe… this place wouldn’t be too bad. Maybe she didn’t have to worry.She looked back ahead, and the sight of what she saw lit off an explosion of anxiety in her mind.
—
Orlane made a gesture of greeting to the Affini that had exited the HAB ahead of them. She was well acquainted with them, a seventh bloom who had moved aboard the Alatamaha shortly after its arrival in terran space. It hadn’t taken them long to get settled, and they already had the most adorable floret, a terran male that had been rescued early into the domestication efforts, well before the signing of the treaty. She had been impressed at how easily the seventh bloom had handled the domestication, sculpting the terran’s mind with a well practiced skill, like they had done this hundreds of times before.They returned the gesture of greeting, and waited for the two of them to catch them up, before resuming their journey together.“Good morning, Yysris.”“Good morning Orlane! And I see you have a little one of your own now! How exciting! What is the cute little thing’s name?”Orlane felt a bit flattered at Yysris’ assumption, but alas…“Oh, she’s not a floret. This is Courtney, I have taken her up under wardship. Are you and Reg doing well?” She gestured to the floret asleep in the woven harness.“Ah yes, we’ve been wonderful! We just returned from the most wonderful excursion! Here, let me wake the little thing, let’s let the little ones socialize. I have the most wonderful photos to show you!”
—
Courtney’s heart gave a lurch as a needle, long and sharp, was produced from somewhere. With a movement that made her wince, it snapped forward, stabbing into the unconscious terran.She glanced up at Orlane, but the two Affini were now deep in some discussion, a tablet being passed between them. They had switched to a language she couldn’t understand.Something wasn’t right here. Why was the terran in a net? Why was he asleep? Was… Was this a pet? What had been their word. Floret? Owned? An owned terran? Someone who had failed becoming independent?She glanced to the side again. Oh stars… a collar? They even wore collars?She could feel herself going numb again. She fixed her sight forward, trying to ignore the uncomfortable sight of the terran in the netting.That… would be her, wouldn’t it? If she failed? If she couldn’t take care of herself? Is that what awaited her? To be property? Free to be injected with who-knows-what? Would it be her, carried around unconscious in a sack?All of her attention was going into walking now, one foot in front of the other. Keeping pace with the others. Her mind was going blank, erasing out her fears, but dragging her down with it. She tried to carefully balance it, letting it take away the emotional turmoil but retaining enough control to keep walking. It was a difficult balance to make.“Hi.”Courtney nearly tripped. The… The terran was awake now, somehow, walking right beside her. How had… He had been tangled up, last she saw him, and fast asleep too. How had he…“My name is Reg, First Floret. What’s yours?”Oh stars… he wanted to talk. She could feel herself shutting down more, avoiding the sudden unexpected plunge into a social interaction. She fought to keep ahead of it. Would her voice even work? She had to try…“...Courtney. It’s Courtney.”“Cool. We’re going to a playdate. Where are you going?”Courtney fought with her mind, trying not to lose her words. She tried to turn to face him. Eye contact. That was important when being social. She managed to turn her head.He had an almost manic smile about him, brighter than any she had ever seen before. His mode of speech, too… Short, clipped, direct. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. She had been given classes, decades ago, to teach her how to talk to people. This… wasn’t in the class. She had no handle on this, it was too unlike anything she had been taught.Without quite willing it, her eyes broke contact, and drifted down again.She needed to say something. She focused, and tried to form the words. To her relief, they weren’t entirely gone, and she managed to mumble out a response.“...Park. We’re going to a…”“Cool. Which park?”She glanced up again. Still that manic smile.…she couldn’t remember. The anxiety had taken the memory from her. She couldn’t remember the name of the park. She had just known it, and now it was gone.It was on her tablet, though. Where was it……She didn’t have it. Orlane had offered to carry it for her.She felt the bubbling up of anxiety. …Stars no, not now. She couldn’t. Not a panic attack. She wouldn’t let herself. Couldn’t let herself. She needed to prove herself. Prove that she didn’t have things like this. She had to clamp down… Her heart was thumping uncontrollably now. She felt the tension all over her body. She wouldn’t… She couldn’t drown in it. She had to hold on…Had to…She felt a comforting touch on her shoulder. She looked around, and up, into the face of Orlane. Or at least, what passed for her face.The Affini remained silent. She had expected a question, but nothing was said. She had that feeling again, that she was being read. Stars… did she… Did she know?Orlane finally spoke, but it wasn’t to her.“I think maybe Courtney isn’t quite ready for this level of socialization. Reg can be a little… intense. Yysris, if you would?”The other Affini stepped over, scooping up the terran in their vines. Together they broke out into speech. Courtney was barely present now, but in her overwhelmed state, she still couldn’t help but notice how closely it reminded her of how an old friend had treated her cat.“Are you intense? Is my Reggy Reggy too intense? Is my Reggy Reggy scaring the poor little thing?”Reg broke out into laughter, snorting merrily at the interaction.Courtney had her eyes closed tight now, grateful to have Orlane’s guiding vine on her shoulder. She tried to shut out the world, block it all out. It was too much… She needed quiet. She needed to get a hold of herself…Step. Step. Step. Just focus on walking. Each foot in front of the other.Deep breaths… In… Out…She had a hold on it now. It was still there, beneath the surface, but she was holding on. She could do this.Deep breaths…The vine curled around her arm, halting her. She opened her eyes.They were at the station.She heard Orlane’s voice, right next to her, but far away.“It was very nice catching up with you, Yysris. I hope you and Reg have a lovely time.”To her great relief, she saw the Affini and their… their pet… board a train heading in the opposite direction.She hadn’t realized she had been holding her breath, but she finally stopped. She gasped in lungfuls of air, as the anxiety began to level off.Gently, Orlane led her over to the opposite platform. A train was already waiting.They boarded it.
—
Orlane helped her ward up into the seat, and took position next to her.At least the poor thing seemed to be starting to relax. It had been difficult to keep walking with her, with the Class-E aerosol so close to hand. She had wanted nothing more than to deploy it, to help take away her rising panic. But… with the girl’s resistance to it, she had been too worried about pushing her over the edge. The little one was still very uncomfortable with the idea of xenodrugs, who knows how she would react to being given them unexpectedly.Seeing her panic over the interaction had been quite unexpected. She had been aware of her ward’s difficulty with social situations, but… certainly exposure would help with that, right? She had thought it a good idea, at first, to let the little one have a positive interaction with a floret, but… Clearly she had misjudged.She considered things… She would need to be careful in the future, then. Perhaps she could introduce Courtney more gradually. Find some Affini whose florets were calmer. Allow her to spend some time in their company without directly interacting with them. Maybe bring in an independent or two. Help the girl grow her social circle.She was aware of a pressure against her. Courtney had leaned in. She looked down at her ward, and saw her tilt her head towards her. Not looking directly at her, but enough to indicate the words were intended for her to hear.“...Thanks…”Thanks? The poor thing had nearly broken down from the interaction! Why was she thanking her?“For what, petal?”
—
Courtney felt her heartbeat finally softening. She was safe here. Back on the silver train. The moment should have held more excitement for her, but… she was too exhausted to process it.She thought back to that moment. She had been so close, so close… And Orlane had stepped in. Orlane had helped her. The Affini had noticed her discomfort, and had pulled her out of that all too stressful situation.“...For helping me. For calling him off.”No response was forthcoming from that. She didn’t need one. She leaned deeper in to her warden.There was that sense again... That unexplainable, external feeling. A feeling she couldn’t describe. An emotion, but… not hers. It was distant, so very distant, but… It was warm. Warm and comforting. And… Happy. It was happy. It was content. It had the feeling of… of slow-building confidence.There was a silent hiss as the train doors closed. The train began to move. Smoothly, powerfully, its deep silence a statement of defiant engineering. Courtney felt the acceleration, felt her entire body responding to it. The barest tremor of its motion resonating deep within her mind.She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. A sense of peace and safety washing over her.The silver dart accelerated out of the station.
—
Orlane felt Courtney let go of her vine as the girl ran on ahead, reaching the park that adjoined the station. Her biorhythm had spiked at its sight, a sense of excitement building within her. She glanced around, presumably orienting herself to the photos she had seen, then quickly set off in another direction.“Wait up, petal! I don’t want you getting lost!”The girl ignored her, too wrapped up in the moment to hear.Orlane increased her pace and followed after. At least the girl wasn’t too hard to find. She watched her turn a corner in the path beyond, her whole body thrumming. She had an anticipatory element. For what, though? Something beyond the park?She caught the girl up, to find her standing in the middle of a small clearing, framed by trees on either side. She was looking out across it, past the edge of the balcony, revealing a clear view across the hab ring. She had thought the girl would run up to its edge, as she did when she first laid eyes on the Alatamaha proper, but… she was just standing there. Waiting.Her biorhythm was singing now, a tense song of eager expectation. What else was there to see? Wouldn’t the view down from the balcony be better? Why hadn’t she approached the edge?She became aware of a silent hiss, steadily building up.The train flashed in front of them. Slower than its cruising speed, but still too fast for the eye to make out details. A blur, the blue stripe along its length the only discernible pattern in the blinding rush of its travel. A dull, rumbling sound emanated from it, so faint as to be totally unheard if you weren’t aware of its presence.Courtney practically exploded. Stars, how could a sophont contain so much emotion? The girl seemed to be vibrating with excess energy. Even as she watched, one hand began to move, up, down, faster and faster. Flapping against her side. Soon, the other hand joined it. Finally, she ran towards the railing of the balcony, crashing up against it with a resounding thump. Both hands gripped it fiercely as she watched the train continue on, still accelerating from its recent departure in the adjacent terminal.The girl was jumping now, in short hops, pushing herself up against the railing with each one. Bouncing up again and again.Orlane was lost in the moment. Stars… how could a sophont be this perfect…Dirt… she wished she had been recording this. She should at least get a picture. She brought out her tablet, engaging the appropriate function.Courtney turned back to her, a wide smile on her face. More expressive than Orlane had ever seen her before.She couldn’t have asked for a more perfect photo.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney idly kicked her feet as they waited for their food to be delivered. They were sitting at a table made for Affini again, and she had to be helped up into the tall terran-fitting chair. Her legs hung loosely from it, with no hope of reaching the floor below.She gave another glance around the interior of the restaurant. It had a decent amount of visitors. Not packed, but there were several others present when they had come in. Mostly Affini, although there were a few terrans around. A couple were at a low table of their own, idly chatting away over their meal. Independents? They didn’t seem quite so eccentric as those… florets, she had seen on the way over.She glanced around again, this time inspecting the neck of each terran she could find. There was an Affini and a Terran dining together off in the corner, at one of the high tables. No collar though… Another wardship? Friends? She couldn’t tell. She kept scanning.…A collar…It was on a terran being doted over by an Affini at one of the high tables. As she watched, the Affini lifted part of the terran’s food on a fork, and brought it to the terran’s mouth. Feeding them.She couldn’t tear her eyes off the scene.
—
Orlane gave thanks to the Affini who brought their food, and flashed them a sign of gratitude. The gesture was returned, and the Affini left them to their meal.Courtney seemed to be distracted again. Her head was fixed to the side. She seemed to be staring at something.Orlane glanced over, trying to work out what was on her ward’s mind. There were a few diners in that direction, but nothing particularly stood out to her. What had caught her eye?Oh well, she should get her attention again. The little one seemed to have a habit of getting lost in her head. It was entirely possible she hadn’t noticed that their food had arrived.“Courtney, our lunch is here.”It took a few moments for the words to sink in. Eventually though, she turned away from whatever had stolen her attention. It seemed to take her a moment to work out where she was, but her eyes eventually focused on the plate of food that had been delivered.She watched as the girl picked up her fork, and prodded it a bit. She seemed to think for a moment. Gently, she skewered the vegetable, brought it up to her mouth, hesitated… then finally took a bite.She chewed thoughtfully for a moment.She took another bite.Orlane relaxed. It looked like the meal she had helped the little one order was indeed acceptable. She refocused on her own meal.For a time they ate in silence. Courtney didn’t seem to be an eager conversationalist, and Orlane didn’t want to risk distracting her from her meal again. She was content enough to just enjoy the moment.…The little thing really was cute. She had a charm to her, when she wasn’t closing herself off. She seemed to always be in motion, as if burning off excess energy she couldn’t contain. Orlane had been aware of her legs kicking out under the table, swinging back and forth, and had taken care not to allow any of her own extremities to get in the way. She probably wasn’t even aware she was doing it.Courtney really was settling in well. Whether that was the Class-D in effect, it was hard to tell. Regardless, it was nice to see her more open. She had even asked for help picking a meal. Orlane had felt a surge of pride at that. At least something of their discussion had gotten through to her. She was making progress. If she could prepare the girl for independence, she was certainly fit to take on a floret of her own.…The girl really would make such an adorable floret, though…“...What is domestication?”The girl’s vocalization snapped her back. Her ward was staring fixedly at her plate now, still chewing her last mouthful.“I had thought terrans found speaking with food in their mouth rude.”Courtney blushed, not shifting her gaze from the plate. She swallowed.“Sorry…”Orlane kept her gaze on the girl, trying to judge her mood. She still seemed present, at least, but deep in thought. She didn’t seem to be anxious, as she had been every time the subject got brought up previously, but… she got the sense that her anxiety was waiting just below the surface, ready at any point to jump out again. She would need to navigate this conversation carefully.“Domestication is… when an Affini becomes the owner of a xeno. Sometimes, some xenos aren’t able to care for themselves. Others might be feral, or may have maladaptive tendencies that could lead them to harm themselves or others. Some xenos simply want to be cared for, and can voluntarily enter domestication, either through a domestication center, or directly with an Affini they know.”The girl seemed to give this some more consideration. She had stopped eating, but her legs were still in motion. Kick… kick… kick…“...That’s it? Just being cared for?”“Generally… although it’s a lot more than that. Typically, it involves an Affini taking on full control and responsibility for a xeno, although what that means can vary significantly from floret to floret. There’s a wide variability in how it’s done. Sometimes, a xeno can even have a say in the process, making stipulations as to the contract they will be domesticated under.”More thought, then:“Is that what Reg did?”Orlane took a moment to consider her reply. This… would be tricky.“No, petal. Reg… went feral. I believe he was part of the navy all his life, and wasn’t able to adapt to life under the Compact. He proved to be a danger. To Affini, other terrans, even to himself.”“Oh.”Courtney had ceased moving her legs now. She was starting to have that empty, far away feeling again, her look of internal concentration beginning to dull over. Orlane felt herself wilt a little inside. As she watched, she set down her fork and brought her hands around herself. Not tightly this time, but crossed across her stomach nevertheless. The poor thing was going to close herself off again…“What did you guys do to him?”Orlane sighed… Well, the little one would have to know sooner or later. At least she was speaking still. Maybe, that was a good sign. The Class-D must be working. Even so…“We wanted to give him the best life possible. He had habits and modes of thought that were self-destructive. We simply… removed those.”Orlane had expected the girl to fully fall into herself at that, but to her surprise, she kept the conversation going.“...How? You, like, edited his brain?”“Terran brains are malleable. We understand their structure, how they work. If needed, we can rework them, in the service of giving someone the best life possible.”Orlane waited for a reaction, but none seemed to be forthcoming. She tried to continue.“It’s… not perfect, of course. Thoughts like that can be rooted deep. For Reg, they were his whole life. Too much of his self was wrapped up in them. They couldn't be removed without taking some of his old self with them. In his case, a certain amount of rebuilding was required.”Still no reaction. But… the girl was at least listening, she could sense as much.“He is much happier now petal, believe me. I have spent some time in his company, and I can say without a doubt that he enjoys his new life immensely. Yysris takes very good care of him. I have no doubt that his life is significantly better now than it ever has been, especially given the life he was rescued from.”Orlane waited a moment longer, but her ward didn’t seem to be up for discussing the topic any further. At least she felt present, in a way. This wasn’t the full shutdown of the night before, but something less serious. She got the feeling her inaction was more from being deep in thought than from disconnecting herself from the world. She was working through things. Perhaps it was best to leave her to it.She went back to eating.After a minute or two, the girl spoke again.“Is that what will happen to me, then? If I don’t get independence?”Orlane refocused, giving the girl her full attention once again.“Unlikely. You haven’t shown the least bit of feral tendencies. You are taking your time to adapt. I don’t believe anything like as such would be necessary for you, even in the case of domestication.”Once again, no response came. Orlane tried to think… The girl was worrying about this, wasn’t she? Was that why she was so uncomfortable with the topic?“Whatever happens, Courtney, you will be well taken care of. Florets are treated very well, as is any Affini’s obligation. And you have been adapting well so far. From what I know of Tracia, she wouldn’t have chosen a wardship for you had she believed independence wasn’t a viable path. As your warden, I am fully committed to seeing that you reach that independence. I could give nothing less to you.”After a moment, the girl nodded slightly. Gently, by degrees, her legs began to move again. Some life seemed to come back into her, although she continued to stare unseeing at the plate in front of her.Orlane gave her a moment to process things in her head. She seemed deep in thought.After a little while, she had to speak up.“Eat up, petal. I don’t want you going hungry again.”Gently, she seemed to come back to herself. She picked up the fork, and wordlessly, began to eat once more.
—
Courtney continued chewing. The vegetable had a soft texture to it. Not the best, but… Her body wasn’t reacting negatively to it. She could eat it.She glanced again at the Affini and their floret. The two were side by side now, the Affini had them surrounded by vines, petting, stroking each part of them. As she watched, another vine came up with a forkful of food. She got a glance of the terran’s face as they leaned into a doting vine, before the forkful was stuffed into their mouth.They looked… happy…She took a deep breath, and fed herself another forkful.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ferrac: Heather could certainly do with more friends, I’m sure she would love to meet your ward.
OranElegy: Alright, Fercian, I’ll let Courtney know. We will see you this afternoon.
Orlane looked over to the form of Courtney. She was still deep in her tablet. Whatever new project had grabbed her ward’s attention had been taking up most of her time recently. She would have to look into it, when she got a moment. It would be good to keep tabs on what she was up to.“Courtney? We are going to be having guests over today. I would like you to remain with us in the living area.”The girl nodded, without saying anything.
—
Courtney’s fingers danced across the tablet as she worked on building out her first program. Now that they had visited quite a few places in the Alatamaha, her newest hyperfixation had started to lessen in intensity. It wasn’t gone, not by a long shot, but an older one had started to grow, until it became too powerful to ignore. It had woken her up early, and had led her to perform some research, to try and figure out what software development meant in Affini culture.What she had found had amazed her.Every programming language, every tool, every code library the Accord had ever produced was available for her use. And that wasn’t even touching on what the Affini themselves had to offer.She had been aware of others entering the HAB, but that wasn’t important. Not like the information she was finding. Already she had a developer environment up and running, and had started putting together a few demonstration projects, trying to test her understanding of the Affini’s preferred operating system.She felt a presence beside her.She looked up.“Hi.”There was a terran sitting next to her. A girl, with long bronze hair. About the same age as her, as far as she could tell. “My name’s Heather, Second Floret. What’s yours?”Courtney’s eyes were fixed to the collar on her neck.“Hello?”Courtney tried to pull herself together, and tried to get her words in order.“...it’s Courtney.”“Not a floret?”“No.”“Oh.”Courtney’s eyes had drifted down again. She really didn’t feel like engaging in social situations today, but Orlane had wanted her to stay here, so…Her eyes drifted down further, onto the tablet.A software compiler warning caught her eye. Her mind locked onto it. Without quite willing it, she started tracking down its source.“What are you working on?”The words were distant, unimportant. She had managed to find the source of the issue. It would be a simple matter to restructure.“Hello?”The restructure was working well, but the change in design would benefit from a cleaner API. She started working on abstracting out the function, cleaning it up, making the whole thing easier to follow.“Courtney?”The new design was quite an improvement. Already the whole thing had a cleaner feel. She was glad of that. She had been a bit worried about learning a new programming language, but thankfully it seemed some of her skills from her past life were still relevant with the Affini’s own languages.She felt a touch on her shoulder. She looked up into the form of Orlane towering above her.“I believe Heather wants to talk to you, little one. Why don’t you give me the tablet for a moment?”Courtney blushed, as a vine took the tablet. She pulled her legs up, crossing them in front of her, and made an effort to sit up straighter against the couch. She tried to turn and face the girl who had spoken to her, but couldn’t quite manage eye contact.“So umm… What were you working on?”Courtney tried to bring the words together. They were far away, but with effort, she was able to tap into them.“I’m… trying to learn Affini software… For a project.”“Oh, what project?”“It’s… like a tablet. But, on my arm. So I don’t have to carry it everywhere.”“Oh.”The girl seemed to consider this.“Why don’t you let your Affini carry it?”“She's not… I mean… I’m going to be independent so…”“Oh.”The awkward silence stretched on. Courtney tried to make eye contact, but her body rejected the idea.A new thought seemed to cross Heather’s mind.“What do you do for fun?”“Umm… Make things, I guess…”“Oh, what things?”“Umm… Like the arm tablet.”Heather had no response to this.Courtney felt her blush worsen. She was no good at conversations, and she could feel this one slipping away from her. She was well aware how bad she was doing, but had no idea how to make it any better.She tried to put in more effort.“I… like building things. Software, mostly, but… I’m trying to get into hardware.”“Oh, that's neat.”Courtney didn’t know what reply was expected of her.Heather must have eventually gotten bored of that line of conversation, because she tried to introduce another.“Do you play any games?”Courtney tried to give this question headroom, in the mess her mind was rapidly becoming.“Sort of. I guess. I like solitaire style card games. Digital ones. I used to build software to try and solve them.”“What do you mean, solve them?”“Oh, the software would like, inspect what cards were face up, and decide on the next action. It would play the game automatically and try to beat it.”Heather gave this due consideration.“Why?”Courtney tried to put an answer to this, but couldn’t. Why? It was satisfying. Watching her software deftly juggle cards across the screen, processing each step, dancing alongside the game, seeing the two programs reacting to each other in a deft ballet of technology.She shrugged“It’s… fun to watch.”“Oh.”This too was considered.“Isn’t it more fun to play them though?”“I just… like solving them. With software.”“Oh.”Courtney pulled her legs up onto the couch, hugging her knees. The conversation was getting to her. She could feel the awkwardness surrounding her. She was no good at this. She didn’t want to be doing this. She wasn’t good with people. She never had been. She just wanted to be left alone, with her projects.She closed her eyes and tried to take deep breaths, pushing out the world.Mercifully, Heather seemed to lose interest in her.
—
OranElegy: Good evening, Archave. My apologies for the lateness of the hour, but I have some concerns regarding Courtney.
AOEchoes: Oh yes, how is the little one doing?
OranElegy: Slowly settling in. However, she does not seem to be socializing well with any other terrans. I’m concerned she may not be able to get herself established among other xenos.
AOEchoes: Hmm, this one was concerned of such a possibility. She exhibits signs of social anxiety, which may make it difficult for her to build her peer group.
AOEchoes: Unfortunately, the Class-C inhibitor might be making things needlessly harder on her.
AOEchoes: We may need to consider lowering the dosage.
OranElegy: Will that not result in her becoming overly attuned to my biorhythm?
AOEchoes: Possibly… She seems to be remarkably insensitive to biorhythms, possibly an aspect of her emotional blindness.
AOEchoes: Developing a social circle would be instrumental in her development. This one believes such a risk might be in order, if handled with care.
AOEchoes: It will send you an updated dosage. Continue to monitor her, the dosage can always be increased again, if need be.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney rotated her newest mockup around on the tablet, inspecting it from every angle, trying to get a sense of how the arm-mounted display would feel to wear.She still couldn’t quite believe it. All she had to do was sketch a design? And someone would design and build it for her? For free? Okay, post-scarcity. She got that. And people had to do something with their time, after all, but… It still wasn’t quite believable.Her research into hardware had led her to a communal chat group, based on the Alatamaha. She had gingerly asked a few questions, and the support had been… overwhelming. One particular member by the name of FaeForm had eagerly taken her under their wing, helping her get set up with the design software, explaining the process, even offering to manufacture whatever she came up with.She jumped again back to their discussion, trying to cross reference a hastily given tutorial to the software she was using. FaeForm had been quite ecstatic at the prospect of teaching her how to design hardware, and had a breathless, near manic style of writing. But she had been incredibly helpful so far, and Courtney was finding her strangely easy to get along with.She switched back to the CAD tool her new friend had shown her. She already had several variations designed out. Small watches, larger arm-bands, variations in between… She kept jumping between them, changing her mind on which would work best. Stars… maybe she could just have all of them built and give each of them a try.“Courtney, remember to eat, please.”The voice was far away, unimportant. She switched back to plans for a larger model. How much would the final thing weigh? It needed to be lightweight, or it wouldn’t work.“Courtney?”How would it connect to her wrist? What materials were available? She really didn’t want to end up with something that set off her sensory issues. What types of materials were available? Maybe someone in the group specialized in materials. It was worth asking.She switched over to the chat group, but a gentle vine landed on her hand before she could compose a message.She looked up.Orlane was sitting across the table from her. Another vine was holding a fork.Fighting back a wave of embarrassment, she reached out, and took it.
—
Orlane watched her ward as she took her first bite, waiting to see her reaction. The girl had been too absorbed in her work to prepare food for herself, so she had chosen something she hoped she would be able to eat.To her relief, she took another bite.“Courtney, today is going to be your first visit to xenotherapy.”She watched her ward to see if this would have any effect. No reaction seemed to be forthcoming. She had that internal, far away look again. She was eating, but it was clear her mind was still on the tablet.The tablet chimed. Immediately the girl set her fork down, and went to open the new notification.She was stopped by Orlane’s vine settling across its face.“Courtney, I’m glad to see you are starting to branch out, but I need you to listen for a moment.”A blush settled across the girl, and her gaze drifted down and to the left, but she nodded her head. At least she seemed to be more present than she had all morning.…She really did have the cutest blush…“We will be visiting your xenotherapist this morning. It's not going to be long, just 30 minutes to get you started. Our schedule is clear for the rest of the day, I'll let you choose what we do afterwards. Whatever you feel up for.”Courtney nodded her head. “Alright.”Orlane let the girl get back to her breakfast, and pulled out her own tablet, trying to see what it was that had caught her ward’s attention. To her surprise, she found that the girl had managed to join an overnet community. She seemed to have been working closely with someone to learn the basics of hardware design. That was a really good sign, the girl was reaching out on her own. Perhaps her fears about her ward’s trouble with social situations had been a little unfounded.She looked up the public records behind the name that had been helping her ward with her project. It seemed to be another floret living on the Alatamaha. She would have to reach out to the little one’s owner, see about arranging a playdate.
—
Courtney sat beside Orlane in the waiting room of the xenotherapy office, trying to keep her mind carefully blank. She had no idea what to expect. The therapists she had seen back in Accord society had been… well, helpful enough, she supposed. Or at least, as helpful as she figured they could be, which wasn’t much. Some had tried to teach her strategies, grounding techniques, little rituals to try and deal with the problems of her life. Others had just talked at her. A few had even got her talking back. All told, none of it had ever really helped her much, but she had at least gotten the impression that some of what she learned helped prevent her from getting worse.What on earth would an Affini therapist be like? Stars, they could even edit minds…She glanced around the office again. She wasn’t the only Terran here. Another Affini was sitting against the wall opposite, with a girl of about her age. Whenever Courtney stole a glance at her, she had been firmly looking the other way. Another wardship? She didn’t seem to have a collar on, at least.Courtney closed her eyes, trying to take deep, regular breaths, making use of one of the techniques taught to her. It was strange, but… they seemed to be working better now than they had before. She could still feel her mind closing off, but somehow, she was able to keep a foot in the door to her body. Maybe that berry… the Class-D, was working. It had been a few days since she started it, at least. Enough time for it to build up.She heard movement outside herself, a small rhythmic rattling, like rain on a tin roof. There were voices, speaking terran. A name. Ornsley, Eighth Bloom, Xenotherapist, They / He. A mumbled reply. The curious rattling faded off into the distance, accompanied by the sound of footsteps.Courtney took another deep breath. She still hadn’t opened her eyes.The rattling came again.“Good morning, I believe you would be Courtney, correct? My name is Ornsley, Eighth Bloom, They / He. She snapped her eyes open. …How long had she been out? Was it her turn already?It took a moment for her eyes to focus, but the sight that greeted her made her wonder if they had. This Affini was… curious. All of the Affini she had seen up to this point had clearly demonstrated their plant-like ancestry, but this…They were suspended in the air by numerous jointed legs, seemingly tipped in metal. Beyond that… It was hard to say what was organic and what was artificial. There were clear signs of each, but… they were interwoven and interlocked. She tried following either facet with her eyes. They didn’t seem to be connected anywhere, but… somehow, each was part of the whole. They were endlessly shifting, resulting in a beautiful ballet of movement, each part smoothly moving against the other.“Courtney, petal…”Orlane’s light touch against her shoulder brought her back from wherever her mind had got to. She briefly looked up at the… her… Affini, before looking back at the curious sight in front of her. Right… introductions. They had asked her if she was Courtney, didn’t they?She thought for a moment of what to say, but the words wouldn’t come. She sighed, closed her eyes, and tried to ground herself. Therapy was… not a time to go nonspeaking. She would have to fight against it, once she was in the office.In the meantime, she settled for nodding her head.“Excellent. Will you please follow me?”Silently, she got up to go, but a vine on her shoulder held her back. She turned to see Orlane produce her tablet, and hold it out to her.“Remember your AAC little one. It’s there if you need it. I’ll be here when you are done.”She nodded, took the device, and resumed following after Ornsley.The journey didn’t take long, but the office was bigger than she had suspected. They passed a few rooms before a door finally opened. Ornsley spread out an appendage, interweaving metal and organic materials giving the impression of an outstretched wing. Without a word, she entered.The door closed behind her, without anyone else walking through.Her heart lurched with anxiety. Had it malfunctioned? Was she trapped in here now? She turned around, trying to gauge what had happened, if there was any way to…“Right over here, little one. Go ahead and take a seat.”She spun around.Ornsley was… here. In the office. No… Was the office. It was recognizably the same Affini, the same hybrid of machine and organic, but… They were the desk, the wall, smoothly connected, one gently shifting into the other. It was impossible to say where either began or ended. A face and torso, the same winged arms, but… blending into the furniture and building.Ornsley made a gentle chuckle. “It’s okay, little one, it’s okay. You haven’t been in the Compact very long, correct? Yes, this is me. The one who brought you here is also me. So are the several in the adjoining rooms. I am a digital construct, I chose to forgo my original form at the eve of my last bloom. I’ve simply let my mind expand across more forms over the centuries. It’s a much more convenient state of being than my organic self ever was.”Courtney didn’t move, trying to let her racing heart calm down. Eventually, Ornsley gestured once again to the couch. “Take a seat, do.”Finally, she unfroze enough to move. On shaking legs, she worked her way over to the couch, and sat down gingerly. It was softer than she was expecting, and she felt another spike of adrenaline at the unexpected sensation of sinking into it.Ornsley spoke again. They had a quiet, calming voice. It was gentle, but confident, each word seemingly carrying their lifetime of experience. Stars… how long would that be? How many blooms did they say they were? It had been a lot…“Before we begin, would you like something to drink? Many of the xenos in our care find they have a more productive session when they accept a mild Class-D beforehand. Any drink, Class-D or no, just say the word. It’s up to you.”Courtney tried to think through the fog her mind was becoming. Class-Ds… Truth serum… She really shouldn’t. She had to prove herself here, show she was capable of taking care of herself. If she shared too much, certainly it would make its way back to whoever would decide her independence…Then again, rejecting it wouldn’t look good either. And she did need something to ground herself. The fog was closing in, and beginning to smother her out. She had the distinct feeling that her words had gone too far away for her to claw them back. Her daily berry hadn’t been enough, if only she could……Well, maybe she could?She pulled up her tablet. It took her a bit of effort to navigate to the AAC. It was hard to concentrate, her arms didn’t quite seem to be responding as they should. She eventually found it, opened it, typed out a message.“Grounding berry fizzy water”That seemed to give Ornsley pause. “I’m sorry, little one?”Courtney tried again.“Grounding class d carbonated water”
Ornsley seemed to hesitate. Then for a brief moment, they stilled, the smooth motion of their ever-flowing features ceasing briefly in their movement. Briefly enough to make her question if it had really happened. Immediately after, they spoke.“Ah, I see… Yes, I have here that you are on a low dose Class-D variety. Unfortunately, that variety doesn’t lend itself terribly well to a fast acting short term dosage. We could prepare a stronger dose for future visits, but it would need to be taken ahead of time.”They seemed to think for a moment, and began again.“If you would like, the standard variety does also help with dissociation. It might help you to know that everything in this office stays private. Nothing of what we talk about will be shared, unless absolutely necessary for the safety of yourself or others. You don’t have to worry about what you say between us.”Courtney tried to focus, tried to keep up. Her foot in the door was slipping, she could feel it. Stars… she needed help, she really did. But… that’s what was being offered, wasn’t it?
Nothing of what we talk about will be shared…
She closed her eyes. …She was going to take it, wasn’t she? She needed it, she really did… Maybe… maybe it would be okay.She nodded, and typed out her confirmation. The flat voice of the tablet spoke out.“Sure. Class D carbonated water.”There was a sound behind her, of smooth pneumatics. A gentle appendage unfolded from the wall, metal and plant flowing as one, as it placed a drink on the table. Clear, bubbling, cold. She took it. Hesitated…She drank.She had expected harsh bitterness, or tang, or… something, to indicate the presence of the drug. Instead, there was nothing. It was just a perfect glass of club soda, the sparkling gas dancing across her tongue, the slight taste bitterness of the carbonation, all of it played against her senses in a satisfying way. The sensations like a puzzle piece slotting smoothly into her mind.She took a few more sips, savoring the sensations it produced. She was starting to feel better already, although it was hard to say if that was from the effects of the drug, or from having a favorite sensory experience from the drink. Regardless, it was a welcome change.Well, she had taken it. What would they ask her? What would she even say? She was in uncharted territory now. She had no idea what was going to happen.“So, Courtney, you have been in the wardship program for four days now. How are you finding the experience?”Courtney shrugged. Had meant to shrug. But to her surprise, words came easily to her mind. Without really intending to, she spoke them aloud.“It's… different. I don't know what I would have expected, but… this isn't really it. It's… kinda nice, in a way? Too nice. Like, I keep worrying I'm going to mess it up somehow…”“Oh? Mess it up how?”“I… well. I don't want to do anything wrong. I need to prove myself. I don't… I don't…”The words stopped coming. A well of conflicting thoughts had opened up. She could feel the dark knot of them in her mind, refusing to untangle into the smooth flow of words.She tried to refocus. Her thoughts branched off, onto a new topic, and suddenly the words were back, pouring out of her, just beyond her control.“My first day… I couldn't eat anything. Both my breakfast and lunch were… I just couldn't make myself eat them. The texture of the food was just… wrong. So by the afternoon I was getting really hungry. I started messing around with my tablet and… accidentally made myself dinner. From that box thing. The compiler…”“I see. Well, that is what it’s for. And you are worried it got you into trouble? What ended up happening?”“Umm… Orlane saw. She let me eat it, but… I dunno. I felt really guilty about that. I thought I was in trouble. I guess I still don't really know if I should have done it or not…”“Did she say anything? Did you get into trouble over it?”Courtney had to think about this one.“I… don't know. She told me I could keep using it. She even showed me how to make more things from it. But… I still feel like I did something wrong. Like I disappointed her.”“Have you talked to her about that? Heard her side of things?”“Well, we did talk, the next day. She told me I should have told her I was hungry. That I should ask for help more.”“And was she disappointed?”“I… don't know. I still feel guilty about it…”A moment passed, then another question came.“And what about asking for help? Is there a reason you weren’t able to?”“I don’t… I can’t… I don't want to be a bother. I need to take care of myself. I'm supposed to. I don’t want to…”Courtney could feel the knot forming again. She didn't want to be talking about this. She couldn't be. These were her problems, problems she wasn't supposed to have. She had to work on hiding them. The words were getting tangled, her flow of speech daming up. There were so many things she wanted to say, couldn't say, had to hide, wanted to be known. They coagulated into each other, forming a sticky lump her vocal chords couldn't parse.She tried to ground herself again, backing away from the turmoil in her mind. By degrees, the knot in her thoughts receded, fading away back into the depths. She took another sip of the fizzing liquid, to clear her head. The words came back.“I just need to prove I can be independent.”Ornsley put their hand to their chin, in a gesture of thought.“That's an interesting point. Who to?”Courtney was surprised by the question. She hadn't questioned that when she had said the words. She didn't really know…“To myself.”The words had been said. She had said them. They were her words. They had come out of her mouth.She froze, unsure of what to do. Unsure what even to make of that revelation. Did she believe that? Was that actually true?Ornsley took a moment before replying.“So gaining independence is important to you, then.”Courney closed her eyes as the knot came back. She fought against it, pushing it down. It was wrong. Of course she wanted to be independent. She had to be, like everyone else. It was what was expected of her. She had to be normal. You have to be normal. You have to be normal…The words in her head started to leak out. She fought to keep hold of them. She needed time to think, to work this out. She was having the wrong thoughts. The Class-D was malfunctioning. Maybe it didn’t work right with her, like the other one, the Class-E. That must be it. “I… I want to be…”She bit back the next word, unsure which one it would even be. There were two in her head, conflicting, fighting. Tangled up, each wrapped upon the other. One was wrong. Very wrong. It wasn’t what she wanted. Wait no, the other one. Not that one. She had to prove herself. Had to. You have to be normal. You have to be normal. You have to be normal. You have to be normal.She sat still for a long moment, eyes closed, pushing out the world. She wanted another drink of the fizzing liquid, to calm herself, but didn’t dare. Not if this was what the Class-D did to her.For a long while, nothing was said. Not by her, not by Ornsley. The silence stretched out.Ornsley’s voice reached out once more.“So, what have you thought of the Alatamaha so far? Orlane tells me you two have been taking in all the sights since you got here.”The words burst forth.
—
Courtney lay in her bed, trying to make sense of the thoughts their session had unlocked. It wasn’t anywhere close to evening, but she had been quite exhausted by the time the session had ended, and Orlane had led her straight home afterward. She was thankful for that. She had a lot to think about, and wasn’t looking forward to spending the day outside after what had happened.Stars, she had even started infodumping. They must have known that would happen, Orlane must have told them. She just couldn’t help it, though. She had badly needed a distraction, and they had given her one. Her attention had been ripped away from that turmoil in a single question.The Class-D must be well worn off by now…What did she want…She closed her eyes and thought back to that moment. The two competing thoughts. She wanted to be independent, of course. She had to be. That was what was expected of her. She needed to meet expectations. She had to prove she wasn’t a drain on society, that she could take care of herself. That she was fit to be productive, to contribute. That’s what she wanted. There wasn’t any other option.Why had that other thought been there…The moment of that question came back to her. The memory of her thoughts, conflicting, fighting. Reaching its peak. Trying to form an answer. The words slipping so dangerously close to making themselves said.
I want to be looked after.
She grabbed her pillow, thumped herself face down into the mattress, and buried her head beneath it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
FaeForm: Heeyyy!!!! Exthorp says we can meet up!!!
FractalBits: Who is Exthorp?
FaeForm: My owner! Exthorp Nordane! He said your Affini reached out! We’re gonna meet up!!!
FaeForm: He / They by the way.
FaeForm: Fifth Bloom.
FaeForm: My full name’s Fae Nordane, Second Floret, She / Her
FaeForm: What’s yours by the by?
FractalBits: Courtney Bower
FractalBits: She / Her
FaeForm: Are you a first floret??
FractalBits: I’m not a floret.
FaeForm: Ohhh, but you live with an Affini??
FractalBits: I’m a ward. Under Orlane.
FractalBits: Orlane Cyfrix, Second Bloom, She / Her
FaeForm: Ohhh okay, that makes sense.
FaeForm: We’re gonna meet uppp!!!
Courtney looked away from her tablet, up to the unreadable form of Orlane.“Umm…”
—
Orlane looked up from her tablet at the sound of her ward’s voice.“Yes, Courtney?”“Did you… contact Fae?”“Hmm? Oh, yes, Fae Nordane, your new friend. I reached out to her Affini, we are going to schedule a meetup for you two.”To her surprise, Courtney didn't seem to perk up at this news. Instead, she seemed to be worried about something.“How did you know who they were? We just started talking two days ago…”“Oh, every user profile holds public information, particularly for Florets. It helps to be able to look up their Affini if needed.”“But… how did you know I was talking to her?”“You've been spending an awful lot of time on your tablet recently. I wanted to know what you were working on.”Courtney had gone silent now. She had a distinctly worried look. Was she stressed about meeting her friend?“I'm really glad to see you reaching out, petal. I know you find social situations difficult, so I figured it would be good to introduce you to someone you already knew.”Still no response.“Is something wrong, little one?”She didn't get an answer. Instead, Courtney set her tablet aside and pulled her legs up into a ball, her usual anxiety position.Well, the poor thing always was nervous around other terrans. The stars alone knew what experiences she had in her previous life to give her such anxiety. It would do her good to have a positive experience with one.
—
The door slid open, revealing a towering Affini, with the comparatively delicate form of Fae riding astride his shoulder. Gently, he picked her up and lowered her, ducking himself to make his way through the door.“Greetings, Orlane! I have my little Fae here, where is this ward of yours?”“Good morning, Exthorp, she's sitting on the couch in the living area. She already has her tablet with her, go ahead and let the little ones meet. I know Courtney has been really appreciating her help so far.”
—
Courtney looked up as an Affini entered the room, carrying a girl in their vines. She was a little younger than her, but more muscular. Piercings covered her ears and eyebrows, each one flashing through mesmerizing rainbow patterns. Curiously, they all seemed to be in sync with each other. As she watched, a wave of purple and blue washed up one ear, across her eyebrows, and down the other.Even before she was set down on the couch, she was already talking.“Heyyy! You’re Courtney, right?”Courtney nodded her head, and tentatively reached for her words. To her relief, they weren’t very far away.“Yes. Umm, thanks for your help. I doubt I could have navigated this stuff without you.”“No problem at all! I looove helping fellow hardware hackers get started! So you’re a ward right? How long have you been here?”Courtney tried to think. Time didn't seem to pass as regularly for her as other people, and she always found it difficult to gauge its passage.“...a week? I think? Not long, I guess.”“...You think?”Courtney shrugged, but had nothing else to add.Fae was on the couch now. She made her way over in a series of bounds, settling in close.“You do hugs?”Courtney stayed quiet, not quite sure what answer was expected of her.“...nevermind, no worries. Oh! So what have you been working on! Show me show me show me!”Courtney pulled up her own tablet and flipped into the CAD tool.“Umm, these. The tablet is useful, but I don't really like carrying it around. I'm not sure yet on what to make, though. I keep switching between wanting a full tablet replacement armband and just a micro AAC wristwatch.”“Oh? What's an AAC?”Courtney went silent, wishing she could take back the words. How could she possibly explain it? Explaining it would mean admitting that, sometimes, her words left her. And then she'd have to explain why…To her mute embarrassment, it seemed no explanation would even be needed. Fae perked up as a thought came to her.“Oh wait! No no no I know what those are! Someone in our group was talking about those a while back! They're those speaking tools right? For people who go nonverbal?”Courtney nodded her head, hoping against hope she wouldn't need one now. Her already red face turned a little bit more crimson.“Okay, cool! Cool! How far have you gotten? I'd love to help! Exthorp got a high precision compiler installed for me, so I can totally fabricate some designs for you!”Courtney took a moment to ground herself, and pulled up the design she’d been working on. It had a smooth edged rectangular screen, with a pair of bands to hold it in place.Thankfully, her words still hadn't left her. Surprising, given the intensity of the girl in front of her. It must be the Class-D again.“This is the one I've gotten the farthest on. I got stuck trying to figure out how to attach it to my arm. I'm worried about making sure it’s comfortable to wear.”“Oh, you mean like how tight it has to be? Or do you mean like, sensory issues?”Courtney stopped. Fae was watching her with that same bright smile as she had before. …Did she know? Was it because she slipped up about the AAC? Did she know she was… she was…Courtney tried to gauge her new friend's expression. Such a task was always difficult for her, but as far as she could tell the girl still held her same open and enthusiastic smile. She searched her face for any hint, any trace, of the mockery that so often followed, but couldn’t find it anywhere.Fae seemed to read her. Her expression changed a bit, and she brought her voice down. Gone was the overly loud cheerfulness, replaced by a soft but compassionate whisper.“It's okay, I know what autism is. It's not like it's that uncommon in our hardware group. Are you… autistic?”Courtney's heart was thumping now. She rarely ever admitted it to anyone. She tried her best to hide it. But this girl had read her, had put together the clues. Maybe she had even read it off her face, as some people had seemed to do.Well, there was no point denying it. Fae had cracked her almost immediately.She nodded. Tried to nod. Her head barely moved, but Fae seemed to get the message.“Alright, cool.”The words were gentle, calm. No sign of condescension at all.Fae seemed to light up again.“Heeeyy, I got it! I got it, I got it! Your compiler here can't do hardware but it should have no problem fabricating materials! Give me a moment to hook up to it, I can throw together a mockup and a few different test materials no problem! We can try them out! See which ones feel the best to you!”Courtney breathed out. Well, it was out. Her new friend knew. And she hadn't judged her for it. Maybe things would be okay.She took a deep breath. The words that had gone into hiding crept their way back.“Alright… sure, that sounds great, thanks.”
—
Courtney tried on the new band. They had gone through several so far, testing variations of material and attachment style. They had given up on the larger arm mount design and were now focusing on a simple wrist mount one, rather like a large watch. Fae had made a dummy model from her design, even going as far as to include artificial weight where the display would be, based on her guesses about the weight of the final product.“I like this one. The material is nice. The latch doesn't feel right though, the bump is a bit uncomfortable.”“Oh no problem, let me adjust it. The Affini have these awesome latch designs for their own bands, you know. I'm sure they can set you up with something like this of their own design if you want.”Courtney shrugged. “I kinda like the idea of making one custom. It just feels… more personal.”Fae broke out into an even wider smile.“I knew you were cool. Ya, making stuff on your own is always so much more satisfying. Where are you getting the software from?”“Oh, I was going to make that myself. I used to do software development back in… well, before, and I wanted to get into it again.”Fae lit up at that. “Oh you do software!? Sweet! Hey hey hey hey! If you want, maybe after I help you with this, you can help me with one of my projects! You know, if you want. I'm really not that good at software, I usually just ask some friends I know on the overnet for help. I'd love to do a collab or something with you!”Courtney felt a smile try to escape her at that thought. She took a deep breath, trying to focus on not flapping. Fae already knew, but… still.“Sure, that sounds like fun. What do you work on?”“Oh I'm pretty much all hardware. Lately I've been messing with, like, a modular musical instrument. Little blocks with magnets in them. Each one does something unique. You can flip them around and connect them together and they pass the sound between them, each one changing it in some way.”She shrugged, and grinned. “It's incredibly impractical, but super fun.”Courtney felt herself sharing in the smile. Fae’s enthusiasm was infectious.She looked up at her new friend, as she worked away on her tablet. A thought nudged her.“Umm, you said you were a floret, right?”“Hmm? Oh, ya. Why?”“You don't have a collar…”“Oh that. Nah, didn't want one. Anyway, doesn't really matter. I got this.” The girl tapped the back of her neck, before continuing her work.“Got… what?”Fae looked back at her. “Oh you don't know about the implants? Here, look at the back of my neck…
—
Exthorp helped Orlane in the kitchen, preparing meals for themselves and their little ones, only mildly hampered by the little one’s constant interruption of the compiler for their own purposes.As they worked, they chatted away in their own language. With one thing and another, it seemed like they would be spending more time together. At least, if their xenos had anything to do with it.“So, Orlane, how have you been finding the life of a warden?”“It's been quite the experience. I wasn't quite expecting anyone like Courtney, but it's been satisfying watching her grow.”“You haven't taken a floret before, correct?”“That's correct. I figured I'd start with a wardship and see how things went. Prove myself out for it, if you will.”“I see. And you didn't expect to become attached to her, right?”Orlane paused her cutting, and put the knife down. The remark had gotten through her composure, but she at least tried.“I'm not sure what you mean by that.”Exthorp grinned.“Your biorhythm is practically humming. I’ve seen how you've been watching her every time she's come in here.”“Yes well… it's satisfying to see how far she's come.”“Sure… sure…”Orlane bristled theatrically.“As her warden, I am committed to see that she achieves her goal of independence. That is what she wants, and that is what I will prepare her for.”“Is it really? Is that what she wants?”“It is. She has said as much.”Exthorp gave a brief chuckle.“Of course she did. Fae said the same thing too, before she met me. So, you haven't filed an intent to domesticate for her yet?”“Of course not.”“Ah, alright. So it must have been someone else then.”Orlane couldn't hide the burst of panic in her biorhythm. She immediately grabbed her tablet to check.A reverberating laugh came from Exthorp.“Orlane, really… You are too easy to read. You are, as the terrans would say, head over heels for her. Still though, I hope only the best for you and your ward. Whatever path you two might take.”Orlane set down the tablet and eyed the fourth bloom. There had, of course, been nothing filed for Courtney.
—
“So… there's a part of Exthorp inside of you?”Fae grinned. “Yep!”“...attached to your brain?”“Uh huh!”Courtney stared at the girl. There were too many questions flooding her mind, she had no idea where to start.“...does it hurt?”Fae laughed at that.“No, but it did itch for a bit at the start. It's worth it though. This way, I get to feel his biorhythm all the time!”“Biorhythm?”“Oh, you don't know about those? It's like… the Affini have this thing. It's how they move, how they act, everything. It's like… you can feel them, somehow, when you are near them. It's almost like you can feel their emotions. It's comforting. Surely you've felt Orlane’s, right?”Courtney hesitated at that. There had been something, hadn’t there? Those far away feelings… those external ones… was that what that was?Fae was watching her, waiting on a response.“...Maybe?”“Oh. Well, ya. With the implant, I can feel it all the time.”“Is that what it's for, then?”“Kinda, it's part of it. It does a lot more than that. It's got xenodrugs, for one. Lets him put thoughts in my head too.”The last sentence took Courtney completely by surprise.“What? Why?!”“Oh, for whatever. Sometimes he gives me a little nudge, pushes me in the right direction. It's been helpful from time to time.”“But, I mean… You let him edit your brain?”“Oh no no, we don't do that. It's part of our contract. I'm still me. And like, at some level I'm aware of when he does it. Like, he doesn't change my mind or anything. Just gives me hints sometimes.”Courtney considered this for a moment.“How… did you get… you know…”Courtney didn't know how to finish that sentence.Fae waited a bit, then finished it for her.“Domesticated?”She nodded.For a moment, Fae’s eyes were unfocused. She seemed to be far away. Finally, she spoke.“Well… I just… didn't like living alone. Tried living with a Terran once. That… didn't work out. So I lived by myself for a while, and… I dunno. Something was missing. So one day, I approached a domestication center. Put in an application. Met Exthorp.”“That's it?”Fae looked at her. For the first time since they met, her face didn't have that cheerful smile. There was some emotion there, but whatever it was, Courtney couldn't read it.For a long moment, no one spoke.Fae finally broke the silence.“Anyway, it's worth it. I'm a lot happier now. Like, you've no idea.”Her smile returned, as big and bright as ever.“Hey, are you thinking about it? You'll want to figure out what to put in your contract. I can help with that, we put a lot of thought into ours.”Exthorp’s voice came echoing down from above, a boisterous laugh cutting through Courtney's racing thoughts.“Of course not, Fae. Courtney here is bound for independence. Aren't ya?”Courtney's heart froze. She looked up into that massive Affini, the totally unreadable face.“Come along you two, lunch is ready.”
—
Courtney lay in her bed, facing the ceiling. Her music played gently in the background, but she couldn't quite get to sleep. She had too much on her mind.What would she put in a contract?Not that it mattered much. She was still going for independence. That was certain.It was an interesting idea though…But even those thoughts were nudged out of the way. There had been that other thing…She couldn't quite get her last interaction with her new friend out of her head. They had been at the door to the HAB, seeing them off, and Fae had again offered a hug. She had never really given those before, but had decided to accept. After all, she had been a really good friend, and hugs were something you gave your friends.She thought again to that moment. The embrace had been tight and warming. It had felt… good. Unexpectedly good.But it had been nothing compared to the feeling of her lips brushing against her neck…She lifted her arm up, taking a look at the prototype against her wrist. It felt nice, the material soft and fuzzy, its weight making its presence felt without being overbearing. Fitting perfectly into her sensory world.Just like Fae had, in that moment.Only, there had been something else, too…She took a deep breath, and tried to calm herself. She really didn't know what to make of that thought. Best disregard it.She rolled over, hugging her pillow close, and eventually, drifted off to sleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney lay against the couch, feet idly kicking in the air. On her tablet, the virtual hardware of her new watch ran in a simulator, showing a simple UI she had put together to test her understanding of the unfamiliar operating system.She couldn't quite keep the girl who had helped her with it out of her mind. Fae had said she had finalized the design of the hardware, and was going to manufacture the functioning product today. Already they had plans to meet and try it out.The image of her friend lingered in her mind a moment longer. That bright open expression, endlessly cheerful, the illuminated piercings dancing across her face.…the piercings…An idea formed in her mind. She held her breath, as if the jostling of her breathing might dislodge it. It was an interesting idea…She opened her chat app again.
FractalBits: Hey, question. How do your piercings work?
FaeForm: Ohhh those, I made them myself! Mostly they are just dumb multicolored lights, all their function is controlled by software on my tablet.
FractalBits: Do they have an API?
FaeForm: Ya! Are you thinking of making something for them!?
FractalBits: Sort of? I just had a thought. I don't know how easy it would be.
FaeForm: OMS! Do it! Do it! Do it! I'd love to run something you make on them!
FaeForm: If you want to… No pressure.
FaeForm: I’m sending over the specs for it now, and a simulator. I don't know too much about the software side of things but feel free to ask me if you need any help.
Courtney inspected the information sent over. The control of the lights seemed simple enough, but the idea in her mind needed their precise location. The tablet could tell her where they roughly were, but how to work out the movement of the piercings?She scrolled through the list of values they reported back. Fae had made them herself, but would she have included this function in them?Finally, she found what she was looking for.Accelerometer data.…Good enough. It wouldn't be too accurate, but it would work for a first pass. That would get her started.She jumped onto the overnet and began searching for libraries. Surely what she was looking for would be somewhere in the Affini’s stockpile of knowledge.An item caught her attention: a 3D mandelbrot plotting library.That would do.“Courtney, petal. Come along, it's time for your xenotherapy visit.”Reluctantly, her mind lingering over the last few details of her plan, she grabbed the tablet and hopped down.
—
Ornsley greeted her as she stepped into the office. This body of Ornsley, at least. He’d greeted her in the lobby as well.“Good morning Courtney, it's good to see you more relaxed. How are you feeling today?”“I'm… good.”“I'm glad to hear it. Would you like something to drink?”Courtney considered things. She felt more comfortable now than last time, and she still seemed to have her words… probably best to avoid the Class-D for now. She really didn't feel like a repeat of the last experience.”“Umm, just a fizzy water, please. No Class-D”“Alright, if you're sure.”The drink was dispensed. She slipped from it, savoring the feeling.”“So, what have you been up to since we met?”Courtney took a break from drinking. She felt a burst of excitement at that question, but took a moment to temper it down.“I umm, made a new friend.”A smile passed across Ornsley’s face, playing curiously with the rest of the constant motion around him.“I'm glad to hear that! Tell me about them.”“I… well… I wanted to see about starting to do software again, so I was looking up resources for how to get started. I found this hardware group, and one of them reached out. She's been helping me with the hardware; We made this.”She held her wrist up for inspection.“I see, very nice. What are you making it for?”“This one is just a prototype. The finished version will be like a smart watch, so I don't have to take the tablet with me at all times.”“I see. I'm impressed, Courtney.”Courtney blushed. “Oh, she made the hardware. I'm just starting to play with the software part.”“No, I'm impressed that you were able to reach out and ask for help.”Courtney went mute. She could feel her heartbeat increase in tempo, felt the feeling of non-presence beginning to uncoil within her.“That is what I wanted us to work on today. Last session, you seemed to have a reluctance to make your needs known, to ask for help. I'm very glad to see that you were able to do so in this case.”Courtney took a moment to think of a response. To her surprise, she still seemed to have her words. She marshaled out a sentence and fed it to her vocal chords.“It's… different, with software. No one can know everything. Different people have different specialties. Pretty much all projects are communal efforts. Even the software I make on my own is derived from libraries and tools made by other people.”“So you have no problem asking for help with designing things, then?”She shook her head.“And how have you been doing with asking for help with other things? With Orlane?”Courtney pulled her feet up onto the couch, and hugged her knees close. She could feel the numbness inside her, trying to escape. She pushed against it.“I… have been trying. It's… difficult. Like, I should be able to handle things myself.”“You ‘should’? Where is that expectation coming from?”For a long moment, Courtney didn't respond.“I'm… not sure. That's what's always been expected of me. I just don't want to disappoint people.”Ornsley leaned back, and spoke again.“Such feelings aren't too uncommon among recently rescued terrans. Living in the Accord, you would have been exposed to a significant amount of pressure to conform. Such a thing can leave lasting marks. I understand such thoughts may have been important for your survival in the Accord, but one thing to consider is that this isn't the Accord anymore. Thoughts meant to keep you safe in that society are out of place here. The Compact is a much more gentle place, and much more supportive.”He considered something for a moment, and spoke again.“I'd like you to imagine something. You are with your friend. She asks you to go grab something. Say, she's made something, and she wants you to grab it from the compiler. Would you do that?”“Sure. We already did that last time we met.”“Alright, and you had no problem with it?”“No, not at all. She was helping me.”“Alright. Now let's say the item you got doesn't work, so it has to be returned. She asks you to bring it back and fetch a new one. Is that still something you would do?”“Yes…”“Okay, now consider this. Imagine you are serving tables at a restaurant. You bring someone their food. They try it, but don't quite like it. They want to order something else. Is that unreasonable?”Courtney thought, but her rising heartbeat suggested that a part of her had realized where this was going. She tried to push it down, and find her honest answer.”“I… don't think so. That would be my job, wouldn't it?”“Sure, you can think of it that way. Although do consider that in the Compact, we don't have ‘jobs’ as you have internalized them. A server would be there of their own free will, for the love of the task.”Courtney nodded. “I guess… they would want to help, then. If it's what they want to do.”Ornsley smiled at that. “Well done Courtney. Yes, such restaurant staff as you will find in the Compact are doing what they love. But, let's refocus. Let's say you bring them a new dish. They try it, but it turns out this one isn't quite what they wanted either. They want to try once more. They are apologetic about it of course, but they ask you for one more dish. How would you respond?”“I… would want to help, I think. I'd want to find something that works for them.”“I see…”He stretched himself up straighter, and repositioned along the desk. He gave a momentary and theatrical pause, before continuing again.“And now, let's say, those positions were reversed.”Silence passed between them. Courtney was looking down now, staring at the desk itself.Ornsley took a breath, and continued on.“I think you will find that in Compact society, the default is that any individual you encounter is more than happy to provide you with help. It's a stark contrast from the Accord, I am sure, but it's worth keeping in mind. All of us are doing what we want to do. Take me, for instance. There is nothing I am receiving in exchange for these sessions between us. I wouldn't want there to be. This is my calling, and I do this out of love. The same is true of any other establishment you visit.”He paused, and branched the conversation into a new line.“You are aware, aren't you, that Orlane volunteered to be your warden?”Courtney blushed. “...ya, she mentioned that. But, I just don't want to be too needy.”“But who defines what ‘too needy’ is, Courtney? Because if you are going off of Accord standards, you will find those woefully incorrect when compared to Affini culture.”He paused, and continued.“I would like us to work on this more. We are, as I'm sure you have been told, a post scarcity society. Once a want is made known, it quickly stops being a want. To adapt to life in the Compact, it would be prudent for you to re-frame your needs and wants to our societal view.”He gave her a smile. Gentle, as far as she could make out on that alien face.“Your world of software and hardware seems to be quite heavily based on a culture of sharing and assistance. I think you will find, with time, that the same applies to all aspects of life under the Compact.
—
Courtney continued working on the idea that had first grabbed her. She had been working on it the entire day, after returning from therapy. She was beginning to feel a bit exhausted, but she was so close to getting it working.She tried out the software against her friend’s piercings in the sim, noted a flaw, and jumped back into the code. What she was working on was quite a lash-up, a far cry from the standards of quality she usually kept herself to. But, it would be good enough for now.Anyway, she really wanted to finish it by tomorrow. Fae was going to give her the watch, and she wanted to be able to give a gift in return.She ran her code through the simulator again. The displayed piercings on the screen lit up. She picked up the tablet and moved it about, watching the effect it had.Perfect.Well, not perfect. The messiness of the code was getting to her. Perhaps she should make a second pass, clean it up.…No, that would risk breaking it. She didn't want to accidentally mess something up and get stuck reworking it through the entire night. She normally wouldn't have given that a thought, but… They were meeting up tomorrow, and she wanted to be awake for it.She turned the tablet off, took a deep breath, adjusted the volume of her music, and tried to lay back down. She needed sleep.…she couldn't do it.Her mind was racing. Excitement had a grip on her. She would be getting her new watch!
She would get to see Fae again…
…why did that thought hold even more excitement than the watch? She liked her new friend, but… there was some emotion there, unrecognized. She wanted to see Fae again. She really wanted to see Fae again.She tried focusing on that thought, but couldn't make out the shape of it.She took a deep breath, and tried to calm herself.…It wasn't working. She was too excited.She thought back to therapy, earlier in the day. So they were going to work on asking for help. That sounded… easy enough, she supposed.She tried to calm her mind again.…it wouldn’t calm down.She sighed. She had the feeling she would be up all night at this rate.Maybe… Well, she was supposed to be asking for help. Maybe this was one of those times.She opened her messaging app
—
FractalBits: Orlane? Are you awake?
OranElegy: Yes, petal, I'm awake. Do you need something?
FractalBits: do you have, like, sleeping pills? I don't think I can sleep tonight and I don't want to be tired in the morning.
OranElegy: I do, petal, I'll be right there.
Orlane stood up, and made her way to her ward’s room. She could feel her core humming. The sophont had asked for help! Bit by bit, she was making progress!She made her way over to her ward’s room, to find the little one laying down face up on her bed. Her music drifted softly between them. It seemed to her that Courtney kept it playing any time she was in her room; she had never entered to find the girl without it.“Good evening, Courtney. You would like some help sleeping, then?”The girl nodded her head.“Alright, I do have a Class-Z xenodrug grafted. It should put you right to sleep. Will that work for you?”The girl seemed to tense up.“Does that involve… needles?”Orlane let her features soften. “Oh no, petal. I am well aware of your aversion to needles. I had a special graft installed. This one is in aerosol form. You inhale it.Courtney seemed to give this some consideration.“Sure, alright. I’ll try it.”Orlane knelt down beside the bed, and took the relevant graft out. A bulbous flower, light blue in color, gently moved to the girl.For a moment, she tensed up, but seemed to relax again.“Ready, little one?”She nodded. “Ready.”She released the aerosol. Courtney seemed to hold fast against it for a moment. But then, with a deliberate effort of will, she opened her mouth, and started to breathe deeply.By degrees, she drifted into sleep.Orlane spent a moment watching her ward. She had a peaceful look to her. No worry could possibly bother her, in that dreamless sleep. She would be well rested for the day ahead.
And she had asked for your help.
Filled with a confident satisfaction, Orlane turned, and made her way back out of the room.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The door opened to Exthorp’s massive frame, but Fae cut under his arm and ran out to meet her.“Heyyyy! Courtney!”She ran up, nearly throwing her arms around her, before pausing.“...Hug?”Courtney thought for a moment, then nodded.The girl smashed into her, wrapping her arms around her. For a moment she was trapped in a warm embrace. She could feel every inch of contact, all across her body. Warm and gentle. One of Fae’s hands came up, and brushed against the back of her neck, sending a burst of something coursing through her, a feeling that she couldn't quite place.After a while, her friend disengaged, and backed away.“I got it working! It’s all set up, I put that operating system you sent me on it. Should be ready for you to jump right in!”Courtney smiled a warm smile. She was immensely grateful for her friend’s interest in her project, and it was gratifying to see just how into it she had become. She seemed to share in a joy of creation that was equal to her own.“Come on in! It’s all set up in my room. Let's hang out and work on stuff for a while, you down?”Courtney nodded her head eagerly. “Yep! Orlane said she’d come pick me up whenever, so, like, I have the whole day free.”Fae’s smile brightened considerably.“Okay, awesome! Ya, let’s work on stuff! I have some more to do with my music blocks but I would love to see how your project is coming along too!”Without another word, Fae grabbed her by the hand, and led her into the HAB.
—
Courtney looked up across the shelves covering Fae’s room. An eclectic mix looked back down on her. They were covered in various shapes, some clearly electronic, others more abstract works of art. Interspersed with these were stuffed animals, some recognizably terran, some very much not. Of those, it wasn’t entirely clear if they were based on real species or something else entirely.“You like them? Most of it is my stuff, but the stuffed animals I get from elsewhere. Won my first at a festival a while back, been kinda collecting them ever since.”“They look really soft…”Fae looked at Courtney for a moment, then turned, grabbed one at random, and tossed it at her.Instinctively, she caught it.Courtney looked down into the face of a racoon. The entire thing was covered in a wild and vibrant rainbow pattern. But that wasn’t what stood out the most.It was soft.She had never really felt a material with this sensation before. It was delicate, fuzzy… She couldn’t stop running her hands over it. Instinctively, she pulled it in for a hug, the way it softly yielded to the pressure pressing all the right buttons in her head. Almost without willing it, she lowered her face down, going nose to forehead against the stuffed creature. It had a scent to it, something undefinable, but soothing, dancing alongside all the other sensations in a sensory orchestra.Fae’s voice came from a long way off, gently tugging her back to the present.“You want it?”“Umm, but it’s yours…”“Ya, so hold on to it for me. Gives me an excuse to visit you more often.”Courtney hugged it close again, burying her face into it. The pleasant sensation of its fur playing against her senses.“...Sure, okay. I’d like that.”A moment passed in warm silence.Fae lit back up. “The watch! Come on, it’s right over here.”She picked a device off a shelf, and held it out.Courtney took it.It was exactly the same as the prototype, but had a more polished, refined feel. She inspected it for a while, then took off the prototype she had been wearing, and gingerly, attached the real thing.Responding to the presence of skin contact, its display lit up, booting into a slew of time and sensor readings.“I took that operating system you sent me, the one designed for watches. It took a bit of doing, but I was able to work out how to get it booting up. I think it’s properly configured now. It's paired with my tablet, I can help you connect it to yours, so you can start working on it.”“Alright, thanks!”As Fae took her tablet to start the pairing process, Courtney’s thoughts turned to the software she had designed for the girl’s piercings. It had seemed like a nice idea at the start, but… would she like it? Would it be any good? The piercings seemed pretty personal, maybe she had been overly presumptuous over wanting to write software for them……Fae had been rather excited when she had asked about it……Maybe it would be fine.“...Fae?”The girl didn’t look up from the tablet.“Hmm?”“You know the specs you sent me on your piercings? I umm… got something working that might be cool.”“Oh? Oh! OH OH OH! Yes! You made software for them? Let’s try it! Send it to me!”She tossed Courtney’s tablet back at her, where it bounced on the bed.Courtney took it, found the software, and sent it over.“Okay, you should have it. Umm…”Fae was already messing with the tablet. “Hm? What?”Courtney had an idea, but was a bit embarrassed to make it known. Was she getting too into this, too excited?…No, it would be fine.“Maybe you can… stand in front of the mirror when you start it up?”“Oh, good idea! Let's do that!”She nearly ran over to her mirror, tablet still in her hand. Gently, Courtney made her way behind her.“Okay… I have the software loaded. It seems to be compatible. I just run it? Any configuration?”“No… no configuration. It’s… kinda sloppy, I didn’t have much time to work on it, but… It might be cool?”“Okay, cool! Tell you what. I’ll close my eyes, and start it up. Count me in.”“Count you…”“I mean like, count down from three, I’ll open my eyes at the end. Got it?”Courtney couldn’t help a laugh escaping from her. Her friend seemed way too into this, way more than her silly little project probably warranted.Fae took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then without looking, launched Courtney’s application. Unseen, the piercings covering her face took on a new look.“Okay… Three… Two… One… Open them.”Fae opened her eyes. All the piercings were faintly glowing, fading in and out. Not doing much of anything.“Okay…”Said more confused, than hurt. For a moment, Courtney felt a lump in her throat. Would she even like them?Well, she hadn’t seen the actual feature yet.She spoke up.“Move around. Like, turn your head. Move side to side. That sort of thing.Fae did, and to her delight, the lights seemed to stay in one spot. Colors and patterns sliding across her face, like the piercings were a window into a colorful painting.She lit up.“Oh, Stars that's cool! How did you get them to do that!”Courtney couldn’t stop the relief washing over her. She fought down her flapping hand, and launched into an explanation.“Have you ever seen Mandelbrot patterns? It's one of them, but in 3D. I mapped it to the worldspace, to the habitation ring, so like, there's an invisible three dimensional pattern across this entire ring. Your piercings are just showing the colors of that pattern where they currently are. So like, when you move around, it's like they are showing you a window into that pattern. Umm, I also added faint random pulsing to their brightness, so hopefully it’s not too boring when you are still. But like, if you move around a lot, it should look really cool.Fae practically squealed.“Ohhhh my stars, that is soo cool! So cool! I absolutely love this! Hey! Hey hey hey hey! I know the perfect place for this! Do you dance at all?The thought gave Courtney pause.“I umm… never really tried before.”“You should go dancing with me! There's this awesome nightclub not far from here! I absolutely can’t wait to show this off there! And I definitely want people to know you’re the one who made it! Stars, Courtney, this is so cool!”Courtney felt a drop in her stomach at the thought. Going out in public? To a nightclub? There would be… people… there… Could she really…She looked again at her friend, her face beaming, the patterns on the piercings remaining defiantly in place even as her head shifted from side to side.…Yes, she could. If it meant spending even more time with Fae, she absolutely could.“...Sure… Let’s go.”Fae punched the air.“Yessss! I can’t wait! We’ll go tonight! Oh, let Orlane know. She doesn't like… have any rules of how late you stay up, right?”“I… don’t think so? We never discussed that.”“Alright, just check it with her first. Then let’s get to hacking!”
—
FractalBits: Hey, Orlane? Fae wants to take me dancing tonight. ...Is that okay?
OranElegy: I think that’s fine, little one. Are you sure you are up for that though?
FractalBits: I think I’ll be okay.
OranElegy: Alright, but remember you can ask for help at any time, okay? If things get too much. I’ll be in contact. If you need to leave early, just ask me. Otherwise, spend as long as you want.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney kept fiddling with her new watch as she and Fae rode the rail network to the dance club. She hadn’t put much of her own software on it yet. She was still getting used to the array of features that the Affini’s standard OS seemed to come with.“Hey, this thing says it wants emergency contact info. I guess that would be Orlane, right?“I guess? Your tracking cuff already does that though, right? So, you could put someone else in. Like… Maybe…”Courtney looked up. Fae looked like she wanted to say something, but was holding back.“Hmm?”“Well… If we’re going to be out doing things like this, maybe… You could, like, put me in… If you want…”Courtney stared at the girl for a moment, shugged, and added her in.“Sure, done.”There were a few other steps to complete. Apparently, it had a heart rate and blood oxygen sensor in it too. Fae really had gone all out, adding every hardware feature she could think of, making sure the operating system had access to every possible sensor it supported.She played around with it a bit more. The graph of her heart rate showed it at an elevated point. Makes sense, she really was nervous about this outing. But… Fae had seemed so excited, and truthfully she would take any excuse she could get to spend time with her friend.The train rolled into the station.Fae jumped up, and held out her hand.“Shall we go?”Courtney smiled, reached up, and took it.
—
The noise hit Courtney like a solid force as they entered the nightclub. Deep bass reverberated through the room, she could practically feel her teeth thrumming to it. Instinctively, she bunched up closer to Fae as her friend led her deeper in.She could barely hear Fae’s voice, even as she screamed the words.“Isn’t this place awesome!?”Fae turned and looked at her, her ecstatic smile winding down as she read her face.“Hey, you okay?”Mutely, Courtney nodded her head.Fae seemed to consider things for a moment, then took her by the hand.“Come on, there’s some booths in the back. Maybe we can hang out there for a bit, get some drinks while you get acclimated. I guess it can be a little much if you aren’t used to this sort of thing.”Courtney nodded gratefully, and let herself be led deeper into the press of bodies.Bit by bit, they made their way to the tables.
—
Fae watched the girl plop herself down into the seat. She had a hunched up look now, and her face betrayed a deep worry. Maybe… this hadn’t been her best idea ever.Fae tried to think. She had wanted to take the girl dancing, and had been ecstatic that she had accepted, but… the look of anxiety on her face was heartbreaking. If only there was something…She perked up. The bar! They had all sorts of drinks, and quite a few xenodrug additives. There would definitely be something there that would help.“Hey, Courtney. Want me to get you a drink? They have Class-Es, might help you relax.”Mutely, Courtney nodded her head.Alright, they had a plan. That would certainly help matters. And if not, well… they weren’t committed. She could always come back and show off her friend’s incredible new light pattern later.Give her 15 minutes, then. If she still wasn’t comfortable, there was a streetside cafe not too far away. They could relax there. The HAB rings were always quite beautiful to see at night. That would make a great fallback plan.“Cool, I’ll go grab some. Just hang tight, alright? I’ll be back in a moment.”She gave her friend a small hug, then made her way back across the dance floor to the bar stretching across the wall.
—
Courtney had her eyes shut tight now, the force of the music overwhelming her senses. She could feel the vibrations in her stomach, in a way that was heavily disquieting. She curled up on the seat at the table as best she could, and tried to ground herself. Breathe… breathe… It will be fine… It will be fine…A hand touched her shoulder. She nearly screamed.She looked around, and up, into…The face of a terran. Tall, muscular, bald, male. Heavily tattooed. He grinned at her, in a way she couldn’t quite make sense of.“Hey girl! Stop slouching around in the corner! Come on, let’s dance! You in?”“Umm… I’m waiting for my friend.”He grinned again. Even his teeth seemed to have tattoos. Or some form of marking on them. They didn’t quite look human.“Nonsense! Come on, loosen up! Let’s go!”The hand grabbed her arm, and tugged.Panic grabbed her, swelled within her, became her whole world. She flailed, kicking out, a scream escaping her lips. She tried to pull away, but the grip was like steel. She couldn’t free herself.The panic exploded.Lost in the commotion, her wrist mounted display began to flash red.
—
Fae was exchanging excitable words with the Affini bartender mixing their drinks when she felt her tablet go off. It wasn’t a single chime, but a continuous vibration and beep.It had never done that before… Strange…She pulled it out.
Emergency: An individual who has indicated you as an Emergency Contact is experiencing elevated stress levels. Name: Courtney Bower. Distance: 8 meters.
Her heart sank, she turned around and looked across the club to where she had left her friend.
—
Courtney’s whole world was panic. It was everywhere, all around her. She was drowning in it. The hand gripping her arm sent painful signals worming into her mind, the invasive sound drilled deep into her head, the sensations combining to overwhelm every barrier she tried to put up against them. She needed to get out, to get away. She needed quiet. She needed…She heard Fae’s voice, barely audible amidst the invasive sound that crushed all attempts at thought. She sounded… angry…“What the fuck did you do!?”The pressure on her arm was suddenly released. “I’m sorry… I…”She felt skin contact. She screamed out.Fae's voice came, right by her ear.“It’s okay, it’s okay, I got you… I got you…”
—
Fae led Courtney back through the press of bodies, making their way to the exit. Stars… she really fucked up. Why the hell had she thought this was a good idea? She had just been… too excited. At the gift, at the prospect of showing it off, at the idea of……taking Courtney on a date.Well, she had really blown it. She wouldn’t be surprised if Courtney never wanted to hang out with her again.As they passed the far wall to the door, she saw the Affini at the bar turned to face her. She hesitated, then gestured for them to follow. She saw them give a signal to one of their fellows, then head to the exit themselves.
—
The cool night air blew across Courtney’s face as they exited the nightclub. Mercifully, the sounds died away, leaving a cold numbness in their wake.She was taking deep breaths now, deep gulps of air. She was on top of her panic, but it was still there, boiling below the surface. She kept fighting against it, pushing it down.Stars… she fucked up. She let herself have a panic attack. In front of Fae. She wouldn’t be surprised if the girl never wanted to invite her out again.She was led over to a bench, at the far end of the breezeway, overlooking a grand vista of the hab ring that she was far too overwhelmed to notice.Her legs encountered a chair. Gratefully, she sunk into it.She was aware of a feeling. Warm and soft. Fae had sat down next to her, and was holding her close, in a warm embrace.She was saying something, but it was hard to make out. Something repeated endlessly, like a mantra. She tried to focus on the words.“...sorry. I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”More words, this time from the other side.“Are you alright little one? You seem to be deeply overwhelmed. I have a Class-E graft that might help.”Courtney shrank back at that. Needles……but… they did help, didn’t they?She made a decision. Panic was threatening to overwhelm her again. She couldn’t let it. Wouldn’t let it.Moving fast, in case she changed her mind, she rolled up her sleeve, extended the arm, shut her eyes as tight as she could, and nodded.She felt the sting. She cried out.In a flash, it was over.Time stretched out.Bit by bit, the panic started to recede. Her breathing became more controllable.For a long moment, she waited. No one was speaking. There was nothing to be heard.Silence wrapped around her.The tension finally receded.Fae was silent now, but she could feel the girl holding onto her. Feel the warmth, feel her heartbeat, feel her breath against the back of her neck.Gently, she reached out, and took hold of her.Courtney finally spoke.“I’m sorry…”She felt Fae hug her tighter in response.
—
Half an hour had passed since then. They were sitting at a streetside cafe. Courtney sipped her club soda as she looked out over the railing. The jewel of the hab ring stretched beyond it, its snaking rivers lazily flowing through a field of green. The sight was comforting.As she watched, a silver dart flashed across on its elevated tracks.Fae had offered to take her back to Orlane’s, but… She wasn’t ready for that. She wanted to stay out here, in the cool night air. Inside had been so… stifling. Fae had recommended this place, and Courtney was glad that she had. Between the drink and the view, she was feeling much calmer.Fae spoke.“I’m… sorry, Courtney.”Courtney turned back to face her friend, trying to gauge her facial expression. It was hard. It didn’t make any sense. Why was she sorry? It was her own fault…She tried to form the words. It was difficult, but she managed it.“It’s okay… It’s my fault. I’m just… not good at handling those situations.”Fae’s response came back, sharp and upset. At who? Her? …Herself?“Yes, but I should have known that! I was being… stupid. I got too excited, I wanted to show it off to everyone, I… wanted to show it off with you.”She took a deep breath and sighed.“I… should have known. With the autism thing. Loud noises and people… That's like… basic stuff, isn’t it.”Courtney went silent.“...is it?”Courtney took a deep breath. She didn’t know if it was the Class-E, or the sudden peaceful quiet after the noise of the club, but she found herself thinking more clearly than she usually would. She felt… strangely at ease, after the night’s events.Maybe she should try to explain…“It’s… hard for me to process things, sometimes. Like, sensory things. Loud noises, certain textures, smells, foods… It’s like, they take up all available space in my head, and make thinking about anything extremely difficult.”She paused, and took a drink from her fizzy water, before continuing.“Sometimes, it's good. Like… this drink. It always calms me down. Some sensory input just fits well into my head, puts me at ease. But… sometimes it does the opposite…”She took a deep breath.“The music in there, the noise, the people… I just… It stopped me thinking clearly. I couldn’t really think at all. My head was a mess. And when that guy… when he… I didn’t know what to do. I panicked. I should have been able to handle that, but… with everything that was going on, I wasn’t able to. I’m… sorry”Fae had gone quiet now.“...Thank you. For rescuing me.”Fae snorted.“Ya well… this date has been a disaster I guess.”Courtney looked up.“...Date?”“Well… ya… I thought…”She paused, her hand went up to her mouth.“Oh my stars, you didn’t realize? I’m so sorry, I just thought…”She trailed off.Courtney thought about this.“...No one has ever asked me on a date before… At least, not that I realized, I guess.”Fae gave a self deprecating laugh.“Well, I’m sorry your first one sucked so bad.”Courtney shrugged.“...I like this part of it.”Fae looked up.“...You’re not… upset at me?”Courtney thought for a moment, then shook her head.“No… I’m… sorry. The idea of going to a nightclub with you sounded like a lot of fun. But… I guess I just wasn’t prepared for it. I’m sorry, I’ll do better next time.”Fae snorted again.“Stop apologizing you dork! It's not your fault!”Courtney could feel herself getting angry at that. She tried to calm herself.“It’s not your fault either! I knew I had these problems! I shouldn’t have… I mean… I wanted to go, but I…”She trailed off…Fae rested her face in her hands, her spoken words muffled by their presence.“Urrg… We are doing that thing, aren’t we? You say it's your fault, I say it's my fault. Stars… I bet both of us think the other is mad at us, don't we?”She dropped her hands. When she next spoke, it was close to a whisper.“I’m… not mad at you. I want you to know that. And… I’m really afraid that this experience will make you not want to hang out with me anymore…”Courtney looked up. Fae wasn't looking at her now. Her mind was starting to go numb, but she refused to drown. Putting in as much effort as she could, she tried to say the words that absolutely needed to be heard.“I… want to keep hanging out with you. A lot.”Fae broke into a deep breath.“Oh, thank the stars. I do too. I really, really want that too.”Courtney took another sip of her drink, and glanced out at the Alatamaha once again.A thought occurred to her.“Can… I have another hug?”The effect was immediate. Fae jumped down from her seat, and rushed over.They embraced.
—
OranElegy: Courtney? Petal? Is everything alright?
Last received 1 hour ago.
OranElegy: Little one? Your cuff sent me an alert. Your heart rate is all over the place. What is going on?
Last received 1 hour ago.
FractalBits: Hey… I’m sorry. I didn’t bring my tablet, only the watch. I don’t have messaging set up on the watch yet.
FractalBits: I had a panic attack, but it’s all over now. Fae helped me. I’m fine.
FractalBits: We are heading back now, she’s walking me. Be there soon.
Orlane finally allowed herself to relax. Without a response from Courtney, she had sprang into action. The cuff had told her exactly where she was, and she had sent out an emergency query to the establishment she was visiting. That had put her into contact with an Affini at the nightclub who had given them assistance.Stars… Courtney had willingly accepted a xenodrug, in needle form no less.That… was good, though. She had accepted help. She had overcome her fear and allowed herself to be injected.She had followed the girl’s progress to the cafe, and a quick check-in with Exthorp told her that her new friend had still been with her. And in time, the girl’s biosigns had come back down into range. Whatever had happened, it seemed to have passed.Something had happened, clearly, something they needed to talk about. But, the girl had handled it. Well, girls. Together, they must have worked it out.She switched back to Exthorp’s chat, and sent a message of thanks. Fae was turning out to be a precious bloom in Courtney’s life.
—
Fae led Courtney up to Orlane’s HAB. Together, they stopped right outside the door.For a time, no one spoke. Courtney made no attempt to enter. Despite everything, she didn’t want this night to end.Fae spoke.“I’m… sorry dancing didn’t go too well… I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ll think of something better.”Courtney thought about this.“I… don’t think I would change anything about tonight. If I could, I mean.”Fae looked up sharply. “What? But…”Despite everything, Courtney felt a smile try to escape. She tried to focus on Fae, but her eyes betrayed her, and slipped back down again.“We… got to hang out longer…”She glanced up. Fae was looking at her, but her expression was difficult to read. Upset? Disbelief?She tried again, trying to make sense of the strange thoughts in her head.“That… made everything worth it. I think…”Fae’s mouth moved for a moment, but no sound came out. Finally, she managed to say something.“Oh my stars, how are you this hopelessly romantic?! Seriously, girl…”She turned back, and fixed Courtney with a stare. This time, the emotion was entirely unrecognizable.Fae seemed to lean in.There was a moment of tension.Then, Fae backed off, closing her eyes, and took a deep breath. She seemed to relax. Finally, she spread her arms out in a now-recognizable gesture.Courtney leaned in for the hug, wrapping her arms around Fae as she did with her.For a while, they stayed locked in an embrace. Stars, how did this feel so right? She had always avoided physical contact. Most of the time, another’s touch felt like needles on her skin. How could it be any different here? What was different about it?Courtney let out her breath. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter at all. All she knew is that she wanted more of this.Reluctantly, the embrace ended.Fae spoke.“So… umm… Exthorp and I are busy tomorrow, but… I’ll be in contact, okay? Let’s meet up again. If you want. Just let me know when.”Courtney nodded her head, and cuddled the gifted racoon close, trying to keep the memory of the embrace alive.“Sure… thanks…”Silence.“Have a good night.”“Thanks, you too.”Silence. Neither moved.“I… Think you better go in now. Orlane is probably worried.”Wordlessly, Courtney nodded her head, and made her way into the HAB.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney sat and studied the graph she had spent all morning designing. It contained various phrases at the root, dropping into individual words the further it got out. It turned out designing constructed languages was much easier with resources from a species that had mastered the languages of thousands of different sophonts. Already she was beginning to feel the shape of the whole thing in her head. That was a good sign, she had been a bit worried about being able to remember the whole thing. An AAC with a novel input method would be quite useless if she couldn’t remember where any of the words were.Her tablet chimed as a new message came in, and her heart jumped at the sound. Only one person really messaged her, and she eagerly switched over to see what she had to say.
FaeForm: Heyyyy so I think I broke something. The reverb block code won’t compile anymore. I don’t know what I did to it! I was just trying to change the sensitivity but it just won’t build anymore!
FaeForm: I didn’t write this so I have no idea how to fix it. Is it okay if I send it to you? Can you take a look?
FractalBits: Sure, send it over. I’ll see if I can figure it out. Send the error message too.
The file flashed up on her screen. She spent some time going over the indicated function, until the problem stood out to her.
FractalBits: So it looks like you have this branch here, when the knob is at zero. It doesn’t set the delay variable if it goes that path, but there’s no return. It’s angry that nothing ever sets the variable in that case. Did you mean to return from here?
FaeForm: Return?
FractalBits: Exit the function. Without a delay there would be no reverb. So I’m guessing it used to quit out there. That would make the compiler happy, anyway.
FaeForm: Ohh, you are right! I just pulled up the original. I see it. “Return”. Okay, that makes sense. Thanks!!!
Orlane’s voice called out from the kitchen.“Finish eating, petal. You have a vet appointment soon.”“Alright.”“Afterward, we will be visiting the botanical garden. I would like you to spend more time away from your tablet today. I think you will find the gardens quite interesting.”“Okay. Sounds good.”She stuffed another french toast stick into her mouth, and went back to studying her AAC word tree.
—
Courtney sat on the overly high medical bed as the form of Archave Oblax moved various devices around her body, running diagnostics whose meaning was lost on her. Briefly, her eyes raised up to see the form of Orlane, waiting patiently on a chair against the wall.Eventually, it spoke.“Everything seems to be in order. The Class-Gs are operating effectively, it shouldn’t be too much longer until they have completed their task. Signs of malnutrition are decreasing. However…”Here, it seemed to address a remark to Orlane.“...There still seems to be signs of hypertension. Are you keeping the little one relaxed?”Orlane stood up and approached, the conversation going over Courtney’s head.“I am trying… However, her resistance to Class-Es is making it difficult. We are making do with the aerosol as best we can, but… the little one is starting to branch out on her own, I can’t be there at all times.”A low rumbling sound came from Archave, a summer storm echoing off the mountains.“Yes… This would be much easier if the cuff could administer them, but… making the poor girl wear a device that could issue a needle at any moment would not be good for her mental well-being. Associating her anxiety with injections would only make both issues worse, it fears.”A thought occurred to Courtney.“Umm…”They ignored her.Orlane spoke again.“Is there any possibility of increasing the potency of her Class-E?”“Unfortunately, the stronger potencies have a shorter half-life. Her current dosage is as strong as it can be to last the full day. There is an alternate variety, of course, but it is incompatible with her Class-D. This one had considered it initially, but determined she would be better served by treating her dissociation, as helping her stay grounded will be crucial through the rest of her treatment plan.”Courtney tried again. Despite her efforts, the words still came out soft and quiet. “Why don’t I…”Orlane’s voice spoke over her.“She has been making progress there. Perhaps with time, she can be weaned off the Class-D…”“I don’t want to stop the Class-D.”The words echoed in the mostly empty room. Courtney hadn’t intended them to be that loud. She hadn’t really intended to speak them at all. She went mute with embarrassment.The two Affini looked at her, as if registering her presence for the first time.Courtney took a deep breath. Well, she had their attention, maybe…“What if… I could give the Class-E to myself? Like, an inhaler or something?”A moment of silence, then a rumble from Archave.“Interesting idea… Such a device could be manufactured, of course, but its dosage would be limited. The compounds don’t remain active for long, the device would need to be replaced every few days.”Orlane leaned down to her level.“Are you sure you will be able to manage that, petal? You seem to shut down during anxiety. Would you be able to administer it yourself?”Courtney took a deep breath.“Well, I’ll need to. I think I can manage… Anyway, I can’t always rely on you, right? If I’m going to be independent?”That seemed to give Orlane pause. She straightened back up, as the echoes of Archave’s laughter rumbled through the room.“She makes a very good point. This one will see about formulating a proper dosage. If you have time, it believes it could compile a suitable device within the hour.
—
Courtney sat across from Orlane at the table of an outdoor cafe. It offered a stellar view of the Alatamaha, as they all seemed to, and the pleasant breeze was just as nice here as elsewhere. Not that she had been giving the view much thought. She had been inspecting the device she had been given, turning it around and around in her hands. It was round and flat, with a press-grip button and a spring loaded lock, over a mouthpiece. It was larger than she thought it would be, and took up an entire pocket on its own, but at least she had it now. …Two doses of Class-E. A lightweight first dose, to head off anxious situations, and a much more potent second dose, for emergencies.Just having it was relaxing on its own. Already she felt more in control. As long as she kept it with her, she was safe. Maybe now, she would finally be able to make headway against her anxiety.“Petal, have you chosen?”She ripped her attention away from the device.“Oh, sorry, give me a moment.”Orlane performed a gesture that Courtney had learned to interpret as a sigh, as she grabbed the menu once more.“What is tethtath?”“I'm sorry, little one?”Courtney put the menu down and pointed.“Oh, tetarreh. It's a meat dish. I don't believe the species is native to Terran space. It's shredded and mixed in a vegetable sauce, usually eaten on bread.”Courtney stared at the menu item for a bit longer.“...it's fine to replace it if I don't like it, right?”Orlane smiled. “Of course, petal. It wouldn't even be wasted. Anything you don't eat is returned back to the compiler. Its component atoms will be recycled into something else.”“...Okay. I'll try it.”
—
Orlane smiled, and caught the attention of the Affini doting among those seated on the balcony.“I'm glad to see you branching out, petal. It's good to see a more adventurous side of you.”She thought back to her ward's first experience with a nightclub.“...within moderation, of course.”Courtney shrugged.“I guess… I'm getting used to things. It still hasn't all sunk in really…”The Affini handling the tables approached them. Courtney remained silent as Orlane ordered for them both. Again they were left to themselves.“...Orlane?”She glanced up at her ward. She wasn't making eye contact, and had that internal look again. Her eyes were focused on nothing.“Yes, petal?”“...thanks.”Orlane reviewed their previous few words in her mind, trying to work out what the little one was referring to.“Thanks for what, little one?”“...For volunteering to deal with me. For taking care of me.”
—
Courtney could feel her mind retreating from the thought, but it had to be said. This Affini had given up a lot of her life to take care of her. She said she had wanted to, but still. She was a lot to deal with. She had no illusions as to how much effort the Affini had been putting in for her sake, and it was worth thanking her for.…That feeling…There it was again. An external emotion. Just like the others. What had Fae called them? Biorhythms?She looked up into Orlane. The face was still unreadable. She wasn't doing anything special as far as she could tell, but…The feeling was there. Stronger, this time. She tried to focus on it. It still felt far away, but if she reached out…By degrees it grew. The more she focused, the more clear it became. It was an emotion, and it wasn't hers. She could feel it on the Affini. Stars, it really was coming from her…“It's quite alright, little one. I'm glad to be on this journey with you.”The words were far away, she almost didn't hear them. All her effort was going into focusing on the feeling. Now that she knew what these feelings were, now that she understood their significance, she was finally able to make out what it was.Satisfaction.Orlane must have noticed her staring.“Do you need something, petal?”“Huh? Oh, no. Sorry.”She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. But even like this, she could still feel it.It was… comforting.Lost to it as she was, she didn’t register the clink of the plate being set in front of her.The words came, from far away.“Eat up, little one. The garden doesn’t have any food in it, and we will be spending the rest of the day there. I don’t want you to go hungry again.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
A large organic arch was in front of her, set in the middle of the path. Through it, the park spread out, taking over all space beyond. There was a name on the arch, made of interwoven vines, covered in delicate flowers. Its language was unrecognizable to her, but it couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than the garden Orlane had told her about.“Here we are, Courtney. Stick close to me, okay little one? The gardens are a very popular spot, and they are easy to get lost in. I can track your cuff if you get lost, but it’s best to not get separated in the first place.”Courtney nodded. The garden ahead did seem quite full. Affini, terrans, even a few species she couldn’t identify, were wandering around the visible paths she could see. She felt the spring of anxiety tightening within herself at the prospect of being in close proximity with so many people.Orlane seemed to have noticed.“Is everything alright, petal?”Courtney paused for a moment, feeling the weight of the inhaler in her pocket.Well… That’s what it was for, wasn’t it?She took a deep breath, unpocketed the device, and placed it against mouth. She slid the latch, as she had been taught, and pressed the button. There was a click. A grainy texture flowed in through her mouth, out her nose, as she breathed through it.She lowered it down again.“Yep. I’ll be okay. I think.”She felt Orlanes vine on her shoulder slide down, giving a gentle stroke along her back. It was curiously comforting.Another vine came up, in front of her, at arm height.She took hold of it.Together, they entered the gardens.
—
Orlane led the way through the gardens, deftly guiding her ward along the path. The little one had been apprehensive of the crowds at first, but she had remained collected the deeper they went. At some point, curiosity at the sights of the garden had overtaken that apprehension, and now Courtney was constantly looking around, taking in all the sights of the biodiversity that surrounded her. It was all Orlane could do to prevent her from bumping into anyone else as she guided her ward along the meandering paths.That was a good sign. With her obvious anxiety at the garden’s entrance, she had been worried if her ward would be calm enough to explore the premises. But, she had seemed to recognize that as well, and her use of the inhaler seemed to be a success, if her current state was anything to go by.She glanced at a sign above a path, and redirected her ward along it. The Terran section. It would make a good shortcut to their planned destination, and perhaps Courtney would recognize some of its exhibits.
—
Courtney stared at the malevolent ball of white and brown fluff that had crossed their path.“What is it?”Orlane’s voice came from beside her.“It’s a chicken, Courtney. I believe it used to be a rather common animal on old terra.”The creature turned on the path and wandered up to her. She took several steps back.“That’s… what a chicken is? I thought they were birds…”“They are, although I don’t believe they can fly.”The creature redirected, approaching her again. It seemed fascinated with her shoelaces. She moved again, orbiting around it, trying to avoid it.A horrible thought dawned on her.“That’s… what I’ve been eating? These things?”Orlane let out a noise reminiscent of laughter.“No… Courtney. Compilers don’t need living things to reproduce the meat. And I doubt you would have encountered them in the Accord. I believe they went nearly extinct long before you were born.”`The creature was closing in again, in a series of seemingly meaningless hobbles. Apparently paying her no attention, but getting closer each time. A faint, odd noise was coming from it, indescribable from any bird call she had ever heard.“Umm…”Having lulled her into a false sense of security, it struck. Charging her down, pecking viciously at a dangling shoelace.She shrieked, and tried to run away, pushing herself backwards before she was even fully turned around. A maneuver that caused her to trip.She fell.Into the vines of Orlane.The Affini lifted her up off the ground, to the safety of the air, her amused laughter making Courtney blush.“Really, Courtney, they aren’t dangerous. I believe terrans used to raise them, for thousands of years. I’m sure it doesn’t mean to harm you.”“Well… maybe we can just… leave it here? And go somewhere else?”“Very well, petal.”Safe in Orlane’s vines, to the gentle swaying of her Affini, she continued to watch the creature, until it was out of sight along the path.
—
Courtney eyed the sign on the archway they were approaching as she was carried along. This one, at least, had a terran translation below it.Sensory Garden.“Alright, Courtney, I’m going to put you down now.”She nodded, and let herself be placed back onto her feet.They were in a plaza of sorts. All around them, Affini were moving to and fro, quite a few of them accompanied by florets. To her surprise, there seemed to be just as many unrecognizable species as terrans. She watched one particularly towering Affini pass them by, carrying a terran, and something small and indescribably fuzzy.“So… what’s this place?”“The sensory garden, petal. All the plants here are divided into senses. Terrans don’t have all of them, of course, but the garden has been adapted to serve an educational role in terran space. You may find it interesting.”Orlane led them down one of the many branching paths from the hub, grabbing a device from a rack by the side as she did so.Courtney glanced around. Flowers and broad leaves were in abundance. They all seem richly colored, but nothing else really stood out.“So, what sense is this, then?”“It’s sight, little one. Here, take this.”Courtney was handed a transparent square slate. Its center was totally clear, with only a sliding adjustment along one side.She looked at it blankly.“Umm…”“It’s a lens, Courtney. Look at the plants through it.”She did so, holding it up in front of her. If there was anything different, she couldn’t tell.“Umm… I don’t think…”A vine came down from behind her, and adjusted the slider mounted to the side of the lens.The plants through the lens exploded into patterns. Vivid spots, swirls, fractals, playing across every surface. One flower had bright red swirls, a broad leaf had a fractal pattern of dots, one plant’s petals seemed to be an optical illusion, having far more depth to it than the flower could possibly hold.Courtney felt her heart sing out at the beauty that surrounded her. She turned in place, taking it all in. Every plant around her had a mesmerizing look, far beyond the plain mundanity that her own eyes had seen.Curiously, she took hold of the slider herself, and moved it. To her surprise, the patterns on the plants changed with it. Some plants seemed to animate with the movement, spirals spinning around each other like galaxies as she slid the filter back and forth. Others changed patterns entirely. Spots, stripes, fractals, geometric shapes, the pattern changing wildly with each new position on the slider.
—
Orlane watched her ward open up to the beauty of the garden, and felt her own rhythm quicken in response. The girl was absolutely enraptured with what she could see through the lens. As she watched, the girl stopped her wild turning, and ran up to one particularly impressive specimen, holding the lens close to its leaves, playing with the slider all the while. After a short while, another specimen caught her eye, and another, and another. Orlane had to apologize to an Affini that got bumped as the girl ran across, studying a flower large enough for her to fall into.Orlane spent a moment longer watching her ward, drinking in her rhythm. The wonderful, curious eagerness had finally returned. The same she had let out at the sight of the train, the same as she had felt when the girl had first laid eyes on the Alatamaha. That same precious core that Orlane was determined to let loose.The girl was certainly enraptured with the plants around them, but she hadn’t seen Orlane yet.Orlane chuckled to herself, and approached her ward.“Courtney, step over here for a second.”
—
Courtney let down the lens and turned to Orlane, a wide smile on her face.“This stuff is amazing! Are all plants like this?”Orlane chuckled again.“Not terran ones, no. Most of these have been bioengineered, although a few are still the same as their native predecessors.”Courtney hesitated, as a thought occurred to her.“You don’t have a lens? Have you seen them before?”Orlane gave her ward a smile.“Affini don’t need the lenses, little one. Our sight naturally responds to a much wider spectrum than your own. What you see through the lens is what we can see all the time. Wide spectrum vision was quite important through our evolution.”Courtney gave this some consideration.“Oh, so the plants on your homeworld were like this?”Orlane laughed again.“Some of them, petal. But it’s more than that. Why don’t you hold that lens up again?”Courtney hesitated, then realization dawned. She quickly brought the lens back to her eye level, placing it between her and Orlane.
—
Courtney stared at the vision Orlane had become. Outside of the lens, the Affini was simple. Shades of green, interspersed with orange flowers. Inside the lens…Orlane glowed with patterns. Complex, shimmering patterns covered every surface. Each small orange flower was the kernel to a whole kaleidoscope of coloration surrounding it, all connected by a complex network of wandering bands of color.She moved the slider.The patterns exploded out. Changing, but still obviously part of the whole. An entire four dimensional artwork was overlaid all over the Affini, the pattern evolving not just in space, but as the spectrum shifted. It was beautiful, a whole world of vision that had been hidden away from her all this time.A thought struck her. She held up her arm behind the lens.Orlane started laughing again.“I’m sorry, petal. Terrans are rather spectrally uninteresting. However, if you are interested, you can get tattoos that respond to certain frequencies.”Courtney lowered the lens and looked around again, with a new appreciation for the plants surrounding her.“If you are ready, there is still a lot more to see, little one. Don’t worry, we can always come back here another time. As often as you’d like.”Courtney took one last look around, nodded, then held out her hand.
—
Orlane watched in satisfaction as her ward held out her hand, awaiting her guiding vine. She had often needed to keep a vine on the girl, the little one had a tendency of getting lost in her head while walking, and it was all she could do to keep her from bumping into people. But more and more now, she was reaching out deliberately, making it clear she wanted to be guided. It was a touching display of trust, and a significant milestone in the wardship.She would have to work on the girl’s habit of losing focus while walking eventually, of course. She wouldn’t always be around to guide her, after her ward had achieved independence.But still, for now, this suited them both perfectly.Hand in vine, they began walking back toward the sensory garden’s hub.
—
Courtney could feel Orlane’s biorhythm as they walked together back down the path. She hadn’t really been aware of it, in the excitement of the spectral garden, but… now that she had calmed down, she could feel it if she focused.She tried to make out the shape of it, testing the unfamiliar sense. She was… Proud? Happy, certainly… Some positive emotion. Only, somehow… it was directed at her. Why, though… Was it really directed at her, or was that something her mind was making up? Why would Orlane be proud of her? Only, it wasn’t quite proud… More… Satisfaction? Contentment? No… more than that…She sighed, and gave up trying to understand. If this was how complicated emotions were, no wonder she had never been able to get a sense for them from other terrans. Biorhythms were hard enough, trying to parse such meanings from faces was clearly impossible.Anyway, it didn’t really matter. The feeling was comforting, and that was enough.Without quite being aware of it, she started walking a little closer to Orlane.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Courtney eyed the applicator Orlane was holding out for her.“I thought xenodrugs were, like, medicine…”“Oh no, petal. They can be used that way, but they aren’t limited to that role. Most xenodrugs are used recreationally, to enhance experiences. It doesn’t make sense to restrict their use to the baseline when they can be used to reach much greater heights beyond that.”She considered this, trying to imagine how a Class-D could ever be used recreationally.“And this one is… for touch?”“Yes, it will enhance tactile sensations wherever it is applied. Don’t worry, this is a very mild form, and it remains local to where it’s set. It will help to get a full appreciation of this particular garden.”Courtney glanced again at the garden beyond. People were everywhere. Affini, florets, sophonts… The spectral garden hadn’t been all that populated, but apparently this section of the garden was significantly more popular. The garden was certainly laid out to be touched; winding plants stood in circular patches of mulch, surrounded on all sides by path, their broad leaves and flowers dangling into the walking space. All around it, sophonts were touching, feeling, playing with the flora. Some with hands, some with cheeks, some with feelers, or whatever particular appendage was native to their species.She could feel the anxiety winding tighter within her. Not overtaking her… She was still in control, the inhaler was certainly working. But… the ever-increasing crowdedness of the gardens was starting to weigh on her mind.She glanced again at Orlane, her stabilizing anchor in the unfamiliar environment. She tried again to feel the rhythm coming from her. It was harder, with her mind fighting against the anxiety, but… it was there.She sighed… She would be okay. She could do this. She could keep going.Gently, she nodded her head.“Alright, petal. Hold out your arm.”She did so, feeling the bristles of the brush as Orlane painted a coating of a thin liquid across it. For a moment she felt the dampness, before it quickly evaporated, leaving a curious tingling sensation.She waited a moment, but nothing felt different.Curiously, she poked her arm with her other hand.And gasped.The sensation was… deep. There was no other way to put it. The feeling of her finger had a depth to it beyond her usual experience with the sense. She was almost certain she could feel every ridge and valley of her fingerprint against her skin. There was a clarity to it that was unreal, as if everything up until now had been felt through a thick sheet, and she could only now appreciate the full magnitude of what “touch” was.A gentle vine was brought against her back, curiously dull compared to the sensory experience present on her arm.“Are you ready, little one?”Reluctantly, Courtney let go of her arm, and glanced again at the crowded garden.She nodded her head.Together, they entered the tactile garden.
—
Courtney tried to stay focused on the moment, but she could feel herself slipping away. The pressure of the ever-increasing crowd was pushing into her mind, and the noise had been steadily rising. The ebb and flow of sophonts among the paths was pushing her from exhibit to exhibit, and it was all she could do to keep up.She tried her best to interact with each one. Each plant seemed to have a unique texture. Some were quite pleasant to the touch, containing a soft or fuzzy feeling quite unlike any plant life she had encountered before. Still others felt scratchy, almost needle-like. Quite a few of them had shapes, patterns, artistic images and stylized scenes, delicately depicted in ridges that became razor-sharp in her mind to her enhanced sense, but quite undecipherable when she tried to feel them with her other hand.The most curious seemed to contain illusions; the patterns tricking her mind, giving her the sensation of heat, coolness, even bleeding into other senses at times. Once, she even heard a melodious background hum curiously audible above the crowded space, and it took her a few false starts to realize it was only audible when brushing her arm among the underside of a particularly broad leaf.But she could feel herself fading. It was taking a greater and greater effort to focus on each new sensation. The noise of the crowd was becoming incessant, its presence beginning to drown out her attempts to focus on the garden. She was already having to carefully guard her sensitive arm from the rest of the sophonts surrounding her. Getting jostled amongst the exhibits was bad enough without it coming into contact with the Class-A.Still, there was a lot more to see. She couldn’t let herself give up now.She took a deep breath, tried to dig up energy from her dwindling reserves, and doggedly continued exploring the garden.
—
As they moved from plant to plant, Orlane had been noticing a change come across Courtney. By degrees, the eagerness and excitement had been fading. Now, her movements had become more mechanical, her reactions more subdued. Her sense of presence was greatly diminished, as if she wasn’t entirely taking part in her surroundings anymore.Gently, she took Courtney by the shoulder, and turned her around.“How are you doing, petal?”She got a shrug in response. Courtney didn’t even make eye contact.“Would you like to go somewhere quieter? Take a break? I’m sure we can find somewhere more secluded, if you need some time to relax.”
—
Courtney tried to make space in her head for the question. The noise of the garden was an invasive force now, filling her mind with a pressure that was tangible, pushing away all attempts at thought. She could feel the stray air currents playing against her skin where the Class-A still sat, sending incessant signals to her brain, making it hard to think.Orlane had brought her to the gardens. Orlane had wanted to show her them. There were still areas they hadn’t explored yet. There was still more to see.She closed her eyes, and tried to take a deep breath; pushing the intrusive sensations out of her mind. There was still more to do, she couldn’t fall apart here.It didn’t seem to be working.Her mind was overburdened. The noise was digging into her. The sight of so many sophonts so close was winding away at her anxiety like a spring, and she could feel it pushing against the Class-E, overtaking it inch by inch. The novelty of touch, having started off so strong, now possessed a strong sense of dread at the prospect of having to process each new sensation.She needed quiet.Slowly, she nodded her head.“Alright. Let’s go, little one.”
—
Orlane placed a guiding vine on Courtney’s shoulder, and gently ushered her out of the garden. She was moving with a stiffness to her, as if she was not entirely in control of her own body. Her eyes were open, but downcast, not quite focusing on anything. Orlane had to stop her with a vine several times to avoid her bumping into other sophonts.After the third near-miss, she decided something needed to be done.“Let me carry you, little one.”For a time, no answer came. Courtney remained still, taking deep breaths, eyes closed.Finally, she gave her head a slight nod.Orlane reached down, easily lifting her up, and together, they sought out the quiet in the rest of the garden.
—
The distant sound of birdsong unrolled through the air, just audible above the gentle hiss of the wind in the trees.By degrees, Courtney was relaxing. Her mind still felt overburdened. But here, at least, there was quiet, in this safe and secluded grove, far away from the popularity of the tactile garden. She had kept her eyes closed for a while, but she could still feel the comforting presence of Orlane, beside her on the bench.After a time, the Affini spoke out.“How are you doing, petal?”Courtney took a deep breath, and tried to make room in her mind for an answer. Her words were somewhere, but they felt out of reach. If she forced herself, she was sure she could catch one or two, but…She shrugged.After a moment, a thought occurred to her. She still didn’t have her wrist-mount AAC working quite right, but that wasn’t her only option. Her tablet had one too.Orlane was holding on to it, though…She tapped the Affini sitting next to her.“Yes, petal?”She hesitated, trying to dig the words out of her mind for the one simple request. She didn’t need much. Even one word would do it.She tried. Concentrated. Seeking out the words. Any word.She couldn’t do it.There was a wall in her mind. She could sense the words, just on the other side. But they were inaccessible. Walled off. No matter what signals she sent through her brain, the words just wouldn’t come back the other way. Like a light switch to a socket without a bulb.She felt the frustration welling up, expanding out, burning away her hard-fought calm, filling the tiny space she had managed to clear in her overwhelmed mind. She fought it down, pushed it down hard, refusing to let it escape. Not here. Not ever. She was done with those.Despite her efforts, something of it leaked out. Without ever intending to, a hand started to flail, just briefly, trying to shed the energy of the overwhelming emotion inside. She finally managed to wrest control back, and stopped it.It took all her concentration, but she was able to still her mind. Bit by bit, the emotion passed, leaving her feeling drained in its wake.She finally remembered to breathe again, drawing in a sharp breath. She waited as her body drew in oxygen, making up for lost time.She was aware of a vine on her shoulder.“Petal?”She looked up into the face of Orlane. The expression, as always, was unreadable, but there was a hint of concern in her voice.Courtney thought for a moment. Then, hesitantly, she held up her wrist, tapped the watch a few times, then pointed to Orlane.For a moment, Orlane continued to observe her. But then, understanding seemed to dawn. She shifted around, and brought out the tablet from wherever she kept such things.“Is this what you want, little one?”She nodded.The tablet was passed over.She took hold of it. Launched the AAC. Brought her hand above its controls.And hesitated.What was there to even say?Well, she should at least start there.Quickly, fluidly, with the practiced movement of a lifetime spent in front of the terran standard keyboard, she punched in 5 letters, and let it get read out.“Sorry.”Orlane continued to look at her.“For what, petal?”Courtney couldn’t bring herself to meet Orlane’s gaze. Eyes fixed firmly on the tablet, she continued to type.“Getting overwhelmed. Leaving the garden.”Orlane continued to look at her. Her biorhythm, still quite far away, changed. It was as difficult to read as ever.It felt… puzzled?She must be misreading it.“There's nothing to be sorry about, little one. I only, as ever, want you to be comfortable.”Courtney tried to sort through the thoughts in her head. She started typing again. “I want to do better. I want to keep up. I don't want to make people stop and wait for me all the time.”“Petal…”She didn't wait for the Affini to finish. Her thoughts flowed freely to her hand, her decades of experience typing giving her a conduit for her words far more reliable than her voice ever could be. “This shouldn't happen. I shouldn't be like this. I want it to stop. I want to go and do things. I want to not have to worry about shutting down or losing myself or getting overwhelmed. I just want to be…”Her hand, flowing so freely over the keyboard a moment before, seized up as the emotions caught up with her. A tear gently formed, beaded up, and fell onto the screen of the tablet.Finally, she pushed through them, and willed her hand back into motion. Punching out the last several letters with more force than the screen required.“Normal.”The silence flowed back around them.Orlane broke it once more. “Courtney, you are as normal as anyone else in the garden, as anyone else on this ship. Everyone has their limits, including you. You are normal.”Courtney took a deep breath. She hadn't looked up from the tablet the entire time. Her fingers flashed across it once more. “No I'm not.”For just a moment, there was a flash of… something. Orlane’s biorhythm took on a sharp edge, harsh and grating. A distantly felt burst of… Annoyance? Anger?It was gone before she could fully make out what it was, but in its absence, a single thought echoed through her mind, blotting out all other thought.She had upset her. But whatever it had been, there had been no outward sign of it. Orlane merely sighed, and laid a gentle vine against her shoulder. “I think maybe we should go back home now, petal, and let you rest. We can explore the gardens more another day. They'll still be here when we return.”Courtney tried to think, but all thought had left her. She just felt drained. Whatever emotions had been flooding her mind a moment ago had left. She tried to push her leaden hand into motion, having to focus on pressing each letter in turn.“Okay.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Fae reviewed the design of the texture synthesizer block she had been working on for the past few days. The circuit unrolled before her, each part perfectly in place, each component lending itself to the process of chopping, replaying, and randomizing the sound. She came across the microcontroller again, the black box the only part of it not completely understood. She could just as well write “Here be Software” above it and leave it at that.She tended to avoid software where possible, seeing it as more of a shortcut than a final product. Most of her blocks had started off as basic software defined audio processors, but she had been steadily replacing them with hardware-only solutions as she got around to it. Still though, sometimes software was just too convenient to pass up.Especially now, with Courtney helping out on the project.They had been spending a lot of time together lately. She had been worried that her poorly conceived first date would have held her back, but much to her surprise, the girl seemed to still place a lot of value in her friendship. They had been in contact every day since that point, sharing ideas, helping each other with designs, and just idly chatting. And while Courtney hasn't ever asked her directly to meet, she always eagerly accepted Fae’s own suggestions to do so.Meeting up for “hacking time” had become a regular part of their routine now.She glanced up from her project at her friend. She was highly focused, and had been so for over an hour. She hadn’t said anything in all that time, but she didn’t need her to. Her presence alone was comforting enough.She refocused on her project.
—
Courtney was making good progress on the AAC. Everything was finally falling into place. She had thought she had gotten close to finishing it a few times, but each time another issue had come up, and she had pulled back and restructured the whole project rather than accept a sub-par solution.It was paying off. Every part of the system felt well designed, well structured. It would be easy to continue to refine and make adjustments as she got settled in.She was making her own AAC.That… had started to prey on her mind. The farther along she had gotten, the more its existence had started to worry her. She had done her best not to give headroom to that thought, but it had been building up anyway. And slowly, the numbness had started to descend over her.She paused for a moment, and took a few deep breaths, as she was taught. Trying to ground herself.She felt… a little better. Not much. The blankness was still there. Creeping in, supplanting her thoughts. Her words already felt distant.She glanced over at her friend, but she was deep in her own project. Courtney was grateful for that. She hadn’t often gone nonspeaking around Fae, and would prefer to keep as little of her symptoms from leaking through as possible. Not that she didn’t know, but… she would rather not.She reviewed the final adjustments she had added to the gesture recognition system. Everything seemed to be in order. This should work.Time to test it.
—
Fae looked up as a voice spoke out. It wasn’t Courtney’s, but had come from her direction. Flat individual words, spoken without emotion.“Hello. World. Test. One. Two. Yes. No. Hungry. Thirsty. Home.”She looked up, to where Courtney was working on her watch.“Oh is that it? Did you get it working?”
—
Courtney stopped playing with the watch, and tried to focus on Fae. Her body fought her intent, shying away from eye contact. She settled on staring at her shoulder instead. She dug into her mind, looking for where her words had gone off to. The thing in the back of her mind was really bothering her now, she could feel the numbness spreading, taking over, blotting out her world.She sighed… Well, she had been hanging out with Fae quite a lot now, so it was only a matter of time until this happened around her. But… she already knew. Maybe it would be okay.Mutely, she began to nod her head, before realizing that another method was available. She swiped across the watch screen, selecting the word.“Yes.”She was aware that Fae was studying her.“Are you just testing it out, or…”Courtney tried to work out a reply. Her AAC design was predicated on the fact that she would be sending simple messages. It didn’t have the nuance to explain the particulars, but there was one message it could do.“No. Words. Gone.”There was a pause for a few heartbeats, then Fae crawled across the bed and sat down next to her. Courtney felt her lean in, felt her warmth. In a movement more instinct than intent, Courtney let her head fall to the side, landing on her friend’s shoulder.A few moments passed, before Courtney willed her arms into motion again. She swiped across the watch, following the map in her mind through the word tree.“Thanks.”The reply came back, faintly whispered.“...Anytime.”Time unwrapped around them, before Fae spoke again.“I’d… ask if you wanted to talk about it, but…”Courtney thought about this. She had an AAC now, but… no, it wouldn’t work for this topic. Even if it had the vocabulary, the flat way it spoke the words would… not be fitting.But… there was a way.She reached out for her tablet, opened the messaging app, and fired off a message.
—
Fae watched as Courtney grabbed her tablet. She seemed to type something out, and almost as soon as she was done, her own tablet chimed off. For a moment, she didn’t make the connection.“Oh! Umm, one sec.”She crawled across the bed, grabbed her tablet, and leaned back into Courtney. As expected, there was a new message from her. She opened it.
FractalBits: Sorry. Just dealing with something.
Fae was about to speak, but then thought the better of it. Silently, she tapped out her reply into the tablet.
FaeForm: Want to talk about it?
FaeForm: ...I don't know how much help I’ll be, but...
She felt Courtney take a deep breath. For a moment, her head leaned against her shoulder again, before she refocused back on her tablet.
FractalBits: It’s just... I’m not supposed to be like this.
FaeForm: Like what?
FractalBits: Autism.
FractalBits: Even typing it out feels wrong.
FaeForm: Wrong how?
FractalBits: I dunno… Shame, I guess.
FractalBits: I’m not supposed to be like this.
Fae paused, trying to work out what to say.
FaeForm: I mean... A lot of people are like that though.
FaeForm: It’s not like you are even the first in our group.
FaeForm: It’s just a thing. Kinda normal, actually.
Courtney’s reply took some time.
FractalBits: I dunno... All my life, it’s been something I had to hide. Something to push down.
FractalBits: I’m not supposed to be this way.
FractalBits: I have to be “normal”.
FractalBits: Even having this tool makes me uncomfortable.
FractalBits: Like, I’m supposed to hide it, and the fact that I made this thing is like… admitting I have it.
FractalBits: I don’t know...
Fae leaned her head against Courtney’s, providing the only support she could think of.A thought occurred to her.
FaeForm: Wait, so... When I asked you if you were autistic when we met...
FaeForm: Stars, I’m so sorry...
Courtney’s reply took a bit of time.
FractalBits: It’s okay... I’m kinda glad you know.
FractalBits: Kinda. Another part is still afraid, but...
FractalBits: You accept me.
FractalBits: I’m not used to that.
Fae took a long moment to hug the girl sitting next to her. Eventually, she continued.
FaeForm: All of us are accepted here.
FaeForm: I mean, I’m not autistic so I guess I might not notice too much, but... Whenever I’ve noticed it come up it’s always been no big deal.
FaeForm: I dunno, I guess I never really came across it until after the Affini showed up so... maybe it’s better now.
Fae waited a bit, but no reply seemed to be coming.
FaeForm: I’ve never really known that much about autism though.
FaeForm: Like, I know some things, but I've never talked to someone about it.
FaeForm: Do you want to talk about it?
FaeForm: It's okay if not.
For a while, Courtney remained still. Long enough for Fae to begin to regret the question. But eventually, a reply came in.
FractalBits: I guess I really don’t know much about it either.
FractalBits: They put me in special classes for it, but it was mostly about teaching me to pretend to be normal.
FractalBits: I don’t really understand what it is. Just that I’m different somehow.
FractalBits: Like there’s that sensory thing. Apparently that’s part of it?
FractalBits: Some senses can be really good, others can be incredibly bad. Apparently that’s not normal.
FractalBits: It’s not just liking or not liking something.
FractalBits: Certain smells, textures, tastes, sounds, are just... Wrong.
FractalBits: Like, physically painfully wrong.
FractalBits: And this thing. The AAC.
FractalBits: When I get overwhelmed I can’t speak. I don’t know why.
FractalBits: The words are in my head, they just won’t get out.
FractalBits: I can’t even force them.
FractalBits: It's like parts of my brain just shut down.
For a while, the messages stopped, before Courtney started again.
FractalBits: A lot of this is fighting my mind, I guess.
FractalBits: Words. Sensory issues. Flapping. Meltdowns. Everything.
FaeForm: Flapping?
FractalBits: It’s... If I get too emotional, my hands start moving on their own. I have to fight them, keep them still.
FaeForm: Oh.
FaeForm: What are meltdowns?
The answers stopped coming. Fae was aware of Courtney taking deep breaths next to her. It was impossible to tell what she was thinking.
FractalBits: You haven’t seen one of those. I don’t want you to.
FractalBits: Ever.
FractalBits: I don’t really want to talk about it.
FaeForm: Okay, that’s okay.
For a moment, nothing else came through. The quiet moment stretched on.
FractalBits: Can we go somewhere? Back to that cafe?
FractalBits: I’m stuck inside my head right now.
FractalBits: Going outside might help.
FractalBits: I want a fizzy water.
FaeForm: Sure, let’s go.
She gave one last hug to the girl sitting next to her, stood up, and extended her hand.Courtney looked at her for a moment, then grabbed it.Together, they exited the HAB.