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She’d woken up to the sound of something dragging ominously down the wooden hallway floor.At first, Ziva was not sure what it was through the haze of sleeping pill induced semi wakefulness.
If she had not realized she was in Tony's vast bed in Paris and the first week of December she might have thought someone was trying to bury a body under the floorboards.
An amused smile flittered across her face; remembering the fright she gave Tony.
‘You want a body buried McGee?’
Honestly sometimes Tony could be such a drama queen.
How odd though that all these things were coming back to her these times of all.
They were good memories though and she was glad of that.
Then it was the sound of that certain man’s voice followed quickly by their daughter’s.
“Tals can you get hold of that white bag?
The decorations should be in there”, Tony asked to hear a little voice chirrup ‘okay’ in response as she heard Tali’s footsteps go back past the bedroom door.
A floor to ceiling cupboard at the end of the hallway held all kinds of random delights she had found and one of them seemed to be Christmas decorations.“Christmas tree” Ziva muttered to herself as she stretched; realizing that was what the dragging sound was.
This new medication had her sleeping like a corpse and there had been a few times this week that the first time she had opened her eyes on a new day, it was almost lunchtime.
Today was not so bad though as she squinted at the clock on the wall.
10.30.
Saturday.
Tony had never said anything to her about it and for that she was grateful.
Grateful for another thing that she could add to her list of things she owed him for since she arrived.
Laughter from the front room interrupted her melancholy thoughts.
Whilst she never celebrated Christmas herself and had not done when Tali was a toddler, she knew Tony would never give up the Holiday.
Ziva did not object; she liked the lights, the way people dressed up their homes, singing and the music.
She had only been back with them in Paris for a mere few weeks, but Tony had decided that Christmas and New Year this time was just for them.
The three of them.
Senior had taken himself off to the Canary Islands already with his girlfriend and in truth, they really had nobody else.
She did not think she would cope with parties, crowds or noise even with the new medication. Not this time.
Perhaps next year.Ziva felt her neck crack with the effort of hauling herself out of bed; feet finding the thick bedroom carpet. She wiggled her toes, eyes closing for a second at the welcome sensation.
Simple things were such a comfort these days even though those tablets were giving her such a vague feeling of nausea the second she sat upright that she had to take a second to breathe through it.Out of the corner of her eye, through the half open door, she saw Tali walk back down the hallway, almost dwarfed by a large white plastic bag that Ziva was fairly sure was also blocking her from even seeing where she was going.
Still though she seemed to make it past fairly safely.She could hear odd sounds of conversation and Tali laughing with her Abba as she got up and pulled on her
satin dressing gown.
Tony had bought it for her out of blue the other day.
His logic was simple.
‘You didn’t have one and you suit emerald green’.
She’d joked that she should have kept Sophie’s dress and Ziva was fairly sure that she saw his pupils dilating at the prospect.
She needed some new clothes but there was no way she would cope with the sales this time of year so it would have to wait.Occasionally she had thought they had fallen too easily into the couple routine but, today of all days, with Tali and Tony laughing in the front room and Christmas only days away, she was not going to concern herself with things like that if she could help it.Quickly she downed her morning medication from the little pot beside the bed, grimacing at the water that had gone warm overnight.
Despite it being a Parisian December with ice on the ground, the apartment was toasty so in bare feet she padded out of the room and towards the lounge.
It was Tali that noticed her first. “Ima! Are you helping?” she asked enthusiastically from her seat cross-legged on the floor. The white plastic bag had been ripped open and out of it, Tali was unwinding garlands and garlands of sparkly tinsel in every colour known to man.
“I will if you want me to” Ziva responded, still observing from the sidelines.
No matter how many times Tony had said she did not need to seek permission to be involved with her own family, she still could not shake the feeling that she should ask.“You can help me!” Tony replied with a laugh. He was fighting trying to extract the artificial 6 foot tree from its box.
“I’m sure its grown since last year!” he exclaimed. Ziva smiled and walked across, stepping over some of the tinsel that Tali had laid out in pieces on the floor.
“I know Christmas is not your thing Zee” he started as soon as she arrived by his side, keeping his voice quiet, “but Tali…”“I am not here to judge your decision” she whispered in response as she grabbed hold of the box so he could lever the tree from it.
“If our lives had been different and we were in DC, I could not withhold Christmas from a six year old when it is all around her.
I doubt she would understand why not”.
Tony smiled and leant past the tree in his arms, dotting a kiss to her lips in response before the remainder of the artificial fir was birthed from its hiding place.
Ziva moved the box out of the way.
“I will just get dressed” she smiled, feeling a little naked in her dressing gown, stepping over the even greater pile of tinsel.
“Do not finish without me”.She had slipped on some jeans and was just about to pull a sweater over her head, when there was a polite cough coming from the doorway.
Ziva had not realized he had followed her.
He was wearing a green piece of tinsel around his neck like a scarf; no doubt placed their by Tali and a warmth settled in her chest.
Tony knew not to creep up on her; knew not to do anything sudden. Her heart broke and swelled in almost the same moment at how much consideration he was showing her, particularly when she did not deserve it.
A second later, he was helping pull down her sweater and gently moving her hair out of the way where it was trapped at the neck.
“Thank you” she smiled, leaning to take a pair of socks out of the drawer. “Is everything alright?”He frowned and a lump formed in Ziva’s chest.
It was the only way that her body knew how to react to things these days; nausea, crushing chest pain, so different from the feeling that had been there seconds before at the sight of the tinsel around his neck.
“Tali and me…These last few years when we’ve put the Christmas tree up, we normally go to the café in the park and drink hot chocolate to celebrate.
Well Tali has chocolate milk but…” Tony swallowed.
He had already picked up that she was reluctant to go outside; even to collect the post from downstairs but he did not want to exclude her from this.
“Would you like to come with us?”Ziva hesitated and glanced at the pair of socks in her hand before she felt him tip her chin up to make sure he had eye contact with her.
“If you don’t want to it’s fine…”“No” Ziva responded, her mouth speaking before her brain stopped it.
The park was an open place, the cafe probably had tables outside and she had not left the apartment since she arrived; not even to help Tony shop for food.
“I would like to”. It sounded like Tony was forming traditions for their family and she did not want to miss out.
She had to get over this fear of being in public; only just managing the plane ride here with sleeping pills.The wide smile that immediately crossed Tony’s face triggered the same in her.
“Okay” he replied.
“We’ll finish the tree, and we will go. Maybe have something to eat too?” Ziva nodded in agreement as she received the press of a kiss on her forehead. “Good” Tony responded.
“Come back through when you’re ready”.She smiled at his retreating form, sitting back down on the unmade bed to pull on her socks.
Putting up a Christmas tree with her daughter and…well whatever Tony was because she had no idea…Even weeks ago it was almost impossible for her to imagine it but now?
She could manage this; she really could.How different her future was going to be from her dark, destructive past and it would start with tinsel, lights and a trip to the park for hot chocolate.
She'd not tasted hot chocolate in years or sat in a park cafe without looking over her shoulder for the next threat.
But this time?She really could manage this.
She really could and she was going to!