Archive of Our Own

Work Text

Taehyung has always loved the winter holidays. Maybe it has to do with the fact that his birthday aligns with them every year, or maybe it’s because of the fond memories he has as a kid growing up and celebrating it with his loved ones. He’s not sure why, but whenever the temperatures start to drop and the days start getting shorter, it’s like butterflies start brewing in his stomach because of the anticipation of what’s to come.

This year, however, it’s different.

This year, as soon as the weather started getting cold and the days started getting shorter, Taehyung's boyfriend dumped him.

They’d been dating for a few months, nothing too serious but he did catch feelings for him.

Taehyung never really said the

L

word to him, and he couldn’t be more glad, now.

But they started dating in summer, when the weather was unbearable and all they could do was stay inside with the aircon on and make out.

It had been a good summer.

And he had been so engrossed in it and into him that when his mother calls a few days before the Christmas break, he forgot about the fact that she

knew

about him because he

told

her.

“I can’t wait to finally meet the boy that kept you away from us all summer, Taehyung-ah!”

his mother chuckles over the phone after Taehyung confirms that he will, in fact, be joining the family dinner.

“I told all the aunties and everything already and they’re all as excited as I am! They can’t believe you finally settled down after all these years!”

“Wh—Mom, what are you talking about?” Taehyung asks, heart starting to beat a bit too quickly for comfort.

“Oh, don’t act like that, now! You told me when I asked a few months ago that you would bring him home so that we could finally meet him! And trust me, we’ve been very patient and haven’t even asked to see pictures or anything because we respect your privacy but–”

Taehyung remembers, now.

He remembers telling his family that he would be bringing his partner over for Christmas. And he regrets it. He regrets it so much because he can

hear

the excitement in his mother’s tone, and he knows that his entire family must be feeling the same way because he’s never brought anyone over.

Ever.

And now that it looked like he finally might… turns out that he’s single.

“Right, yeah, of course, I—

We

are excited, too,” Taehyung nods, digging his own grave knowingly.

“When will you be arriving? On the 24th?”

she asks excitedly.

“I’m not sure yet, I’ll confirm with you when I know!” Taehyung bites his lip nervously trying to think of how the fuck he’s going to get out of this one.

“Alright, but don’t take too long because we need to prepare everything!”

“Okay, Mom, I’ll call you as soon as I talk to him,” Taehyung sighs. Whoever

he

is, he’s not quite sure just yet. “I gotta go now, but we’ll talk soon, yeah?”

“I love you, son! I can’t wait to see you!”

And, after a noise of agreement from Taehyung, he hangs up and stays staring at the same spot on his bedroom wall for like five minutes trying to come up with a plan. Any plan.

I should’ve just told her the truth,

he tells himself, falling backward on the bed and groaning.

It’s not like his ex was a bring-home-to-mother kind of guy either, so Taehyung is trying to understand what exactly brought him to confirm to his parents that he would be in fact bringing him along to the most important holiday of the year.

“The Honeymoon Phase,”

his best friend Jeongguk would mock him.

Taehyung sits back up in a heartbeat.

Jeongguk.

He gets his phone back out and opens his chat with his best friend to text him to come over immediately.

Maybe he has a plan after all.
  
“Absolutely fucking not,” Jeongguk stands up from Taehyung’s couch as soon as he drops the question.

“Come on, Guk,

please!

You know I wouldn’t be asking if it was important—”

“Hyung, I’m not going to lie to your family,” Jeongguk turns to glare at him. “Why would

you

want to lie to them in the first place, though?!”

“Because!!!! You didn’t hear how excited my mom was to finally meet my partner. I’ve

never

had a serious boyfriend—”

“And this one wasn’t that serious either, so your mom dodged a bullet with that one,” Jeongguk mumbles. Taehyung glares at him, too.

Truth is, his best friend wasn’t a big fan of his ex, and Jeongguk stopped trying to hide it the second that they broke up.

“But she

loves

you! Imagine how happy she’ll be when she sees you—”

“And what will you tell her later, huh? That we broke up and decided to just stay friends?”

“Yes!” Taehyung stands as well, reaching out to hold Jeongguk’s hands. “It’s perfect! Foul-proof!” he nods but Jeongguk does not seem as convinced. “Come on, please? Don’t you owe me one for something?”

“I’m pretty sure

you

owe

me

many, so don’t even try to go there,” Jeongguk lets go of his hands to cross them over his chest. He looks so intimidating like that. Good thing Taehyung knows him well enough to know that he’s actually a big softie.

“Alright, fine, I’ll owe you forever, but I really need you to do this. We are three days away from Christmas and it’s not like I can find a guy I trust enough to go meet my parents now.”

“I’m sure you could if you

really

put your mind to it,” Jeongguk leans in a bit closer as if to challenge Taehyung. “And I bet that

anyone

would swipe right for you, hyung—”

“I’ll buy you that motorbike you wanted,” Taehyung throws in as his last resort.

He knows that he’ll get ruined if he does, but he’ll also be ruined if he shows up without anyone back home.

Or maybe he’s just overreacting, but he can’t help it.  He knows how his family is: he’s seen this same situation play out whenever any of his cousins or even his younger siblings bring someone over for family birthdays or even ordinary meals.

But for

Christmas?!

It’s a whole ‘nother level.

“You don’t mean that,” Jeongguk looks actually shocked. “Hyung, you can’t afford—”

“I’ll do it. If you do this for me, I’ll buy it for you,” Taehyung nods. “If I need to move back to my parents after it, then at least they won’t be disappointed that I don’t have a boyfriend for Christmas.”

“But you don’t—”

“They don’t need to know yet,” Taehyung reaches over to shush Jeongguk up with his finger on his lips and

that

seems to surprise the younger more than Taehyung’s offer altogether. “So? What do you say?”

Jeongguk is quiet as he considers it, eyes looking deep into Taehyung and something in his brain is telling him

‘You’re gonna regret this’.

Maybe it’s the amount of Christmas films he’s seen in the past where something like this happens and the friendship gets ruined.

But that won’t happen with them, Taehyung is sure.

Nothing could break them.

“I still think this is a fucking terrible idea,” Jeongguk sighs eventually. “But at least I’ll get to have your mom’s homemade food.

My

parents won’t be too pleased that I’m skipping ours, though, so you better make it up to them, too—”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Taehyung jumps to hug him, his arms finding a home around his neck in the way they always do and pressing him as close as possible. “You’re saving my life.”

“And you are so dramatic,” Jeongguk shakes his head but lifts his arms enough to hug him back. “You better not kiss me, though.”

“Why not?” Taehyung pulls back enough to meet his eyes and there’s

something

there. “What if there’s mistletoe?”

“Then I’ll burn it. That’s my

one

condition, hyung. No kissing.” And, for some reason, that seems a bit silly to Taehyung.

Taehyung, who is so overly affected that he’s kissed more than one of his friends on the mouth more times than he could count.

Taehyung, who is always all over Jeongguk, and he’s never seemed to have any issues with it before.

Taehyung who, whenever they have a sleepover, ends up cuddling his best friend without a care in the world.

“Alright, then. No kissing,” Taehyung nods, letting go of him and taking another step back. “If

that

is your one condition, does that mean I don’t need to go bankrupt—”

“Oh, no, you’re buying it.” 
  
“Why would you say that?” Taehyung groans on the phone. “It will be

fine.”

“Keep telling yourself that if it helps, babe,”

Jimin chuckles on the other line. Jimin is the third part of Jeongguk and his puzzle. He was friends with Jeongguk first but, as soon as they met, it was like he and Taehyung clicked. Maybe it was their mutual age or their fondness for the youngest, but Taehyung can’t seem to picture his life now without either of them.

“What are you talking about? My family loves Jeongguk, they’ll be thrilled that it’s him! I have the entire plan in my head. It actually explains itself, almost. When they ask me why I hadn’t shared any information about my partner before I’ll say that it was because I didn’t want to get their hopes up! Wouldn’t

you

believe it?”

“And when they ask how it happened? When they ask what is it that brought you guys to take that step after years of being just friends? Or didn’t you think that far ahead?”

Taehyung ponders over it and, eventually, sighs.

“You always gotta ruin all the fun.”

“I’m just being realistic,”

Jimin chuckles.

“I can’t believe Jeongguk agreed to this, honestly—”

“I promised to buy him that stupid bike he wants,” Taehyung explains and now it’s Jimin that’s quiet. “It’s fine, I’ll figure it out. I owe him for… a lot, apparently.”

“You guys are both stupid as fuck,”

his friend concludes.

“You’re going to be spending your birthday over there as well, then?”

he asks, switching topics and Taehyung is grateful.

However, he cannot seem to stop thinking about what Jimin asked him.

“Probably, yeah. Aren’t you heading down to Busan to spend the holidays with your family anyway?”

“I am, yeah, but I could come back up to the city if you guys were there,”

he chuckles.

“Well, I’ll let you know if we change our mind, but since we’re driving down, I’ll spend it there, yeah.”

“With Jeongguk.”

“If he doesn’t dump me after spending three days with my family,” Taehyung chuckles jokingly but doesn’t hear Jimin’s laugh back. “Why are you so worried? It’ll be fine, Jimin! I could’ve asked you to do it, too!”

“It’s not—”

he sighs.

“Just be careful, alright? I’ve watched too many Christmas movies with this same stupid idea to know that it’s dangerous.”

“But those movies always end well,” Taehyung argues.

In those movies, they always end up

together, which

is what he should’ve said instead, but for some reason, he doesn’t.

“Whatever you say, Tae,”

his friend tells him.

“Let me know when you guys get there, alright? I gotta go finish packing, too.”

And that reminds him that he is, in fact, not packed yet, either.

“Alright, Minie. Have a nice holiday!”

“I love you, even if you are really fucking stupid sometimes.”

“Yeah, yeah, love you, too,” Taehyung chuckles before he hangs up.

And when they ask how it happened? When they ask what is it that brought you guys to take that step after years of being just friends?

Well, he guesses there are still some parts of his plan he needs to consider while he packs. 
  
It’s snowing outside while Taehyung waits for Jeongguk to come out of his apartment.

They’re driving down to Daegu today, on Christmas Eve as he promised his mom. He could’ve gone there on the 23rd but Jeongguk had plans on that day and, since he was going to ruin his Christmas break, the least he could do was at least respect his prior commitments.

Taehyung, for the first time since he’s met Jeongguk, is

nervous

to see him.

They haven’t spoken much since that day, only through texts and it’s not like Jeongguk is the best texter to begin with, so he’s not really sure exactly where they stand or how his best friend is doing.

The wippers keep the view pristine as the snow keeps piling up on the pavement. The temperature outside stands at -11ºC.

But the second Jeongguk steps out of his apartment, Taehyung’s chest feels a bit warmer.

He looks so cozy with his beanie, his padded jacket and scarf. Taehyung gets a few seconds before his friend spots him to simply

watch.

The second Jeongguk identifies his car, he rushes to it and Taehyung makes sure that the seat heating is on and unlocks the door as soon as he arrives.

“Holy fucking shit, it’s cold,” is the first thing Jeongguk says when he slides into the car, shutting the door and rubbing his hands together, even if he’s got gloves on.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” Taehyung chuckles. “I bought you some warm coffee and a muffin from the café down my street to warm you up some more,” he indicates to one of the two hot beverages that stand between them in the car. “I assumed you didn’t have time to have breakfast, so…”

“Thanks, hyung,” Jeongguk nods and takes one of them, and takes a sip. “Oh, that’s—”

“Hot chocolate?” he chuckles. “That’s mine.”

“Shit, sorry—”

“It’s fine,” Taehyung shakes his head. “I’d take a sip out of yours so we’re even but I don’t want to die or throw up before we begin our journey, so…”

“There goes the dramatism again,” Jeongguk rolls his eyes as he puts the cup down and picks up the other one. “You

really

should’ve pursued acting, hyung.”

“I know, right? A face like mine would look great on the movie screen,” he chuckles and takes his own drink to take a sip.

It tastes so good, so warm and so…

like Jeongguk’s cherry lip balm.

“Should we get going, then? Or are you waiting for the snow to die down a little?” Jeongguk asks, removing his beanie and trying to comb down his hair after that. He removes his jacket and scarf too once he’s gotten warm.

“Oh, no, I was just—We can go, yes,” Taehyung nods, putting the cup down again and straightening his posture to start driving. “You can choose the music—”

“Already on it,” Jeongguk chuckles and it feels so familiar, which helps calm Taehyung’s nerves a little bit.

After his conversation with Jimin, he couldn’t help but feel a bit scared that he pushed Jeongguk to do this with him, but looks like if the youngest feels any type of discomfort, he’s gotten really good at hiding it.

And, as someone who always gets to read Jeongguk better than anyone else, Taehyung would bet his life on the fact that he could be able to tell if there was anything off.

“Don’t give me any ballads, though, we need to stay awake for the drive,” Taehyung chuckles as he starts to merge into traffic.

The windows are a bit fogged up from the temperature difference and he sees Jeongguk draw a smiley face on his side, which makes Taehyung smile a little.

“I got you, hyung,” Jeongguk winks as the first notes from Michael Bublé’s

‘Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)’,

boast through the speakers, startling him. “It’s Christmas, isn’t it?”

“Guess it is, baby,” Taehyung giggles as the bells ring and the choir sings. The spirit of the season slowly crawls into his skin as they both sing along to the lyrics.

And, as Taehyung drives them away from the city, the Christmas tunes keep them company as well as their hot drinks.

Taehyung’s chocolate is a bit lukewarm now, but it keeps warming him up every time he tastes it.

Every time the residual cherry flavor reaches him.

“My baby is home!” Taehyung’s mother beams as soon as the door opens, making him laugh.

“Mom, I’m your eldest son—”

“You’re my baby,” she cuts him off and pulls him in for a hug. When they part, he can’t help but notice that she seems to be looking for someone else.

“He’s parking,” Taehyung chuckles, shaking his head. “I should’ve known, you’re not that happy to see me, you just want to meet my boyfriend.”

Boyfriend.

Feels strange to refer to Jeongguk like that, even if it’s a façade.

“That’s not true! I was just—”

“I’m joking, Mom,” he smiles. “Let me bring all of these inside before I freeze to death and then I’ll go get him.”

Halfway through the drive, they made a pit stop and switched so that Taehyung could rest a little and Jeongguk ended up driving the remainder of the way to his parents.

Since they live in quite a rural part of town, parking is a bit hard, so Taehyung suggested dropping him off first with their luggage before he went to find a parking spot so that they wouldn’t have to drag their bags all the way back to the house while it’s cold.

It’s not snowing down there as it was in the city but the cold is not going anywhere, that’s for certain.

Taehyung carefully brings both their bags up to his childhood bedroom and smiles when he sees both beds pushed together to make a double bed.

He used to share a room with his younger sister as kids and, after their little brother was born, his sister moved into another room for herself and Taehyung roomed with him.

There have always been two beds in this room, even after Taehyung moved away for college.

Even after his brother moved to the attic to have more space for himself, too.

And, it won’t be the first time Jeongguk sleeps in this room, either. The only difference is that those times, the beds weren’t pushed together.

His phone chimes as he takes everything in and when he checks it he sees that it’s Jeongguk informing him that he’s parked already, so he goes back down and, without greeting the rest of his family yet, he goes back out into the cold and heads to the location Jeongguk shared with him.

It took them around 5 hours to get there, considering they did stop to have lunch along the way, which means that it’s

almost

time for Christmas Eve dinner and his family should be about to arrive as well.

Taehyung loves walking around Daegu at Christmas. He loves seeing the houses decorated and the people walking around with their grandkids and loved ones. He loves the ice skating rink that they always place at the main square even if he never really tries to get on it fearing that he will fall and break something…

This is home, after all.

When he gets to the parking lot where he told Jeongguk to try his luck, he finds him there already, once again all layered up to fight the cold and, this time, he looks a bit more nervous.

“Hey,” Taehyung greets when he gets to him. “Ready?” he asks.

“No,” Jeongguk admits with a chuckle, and, although he was the one to literally force him to come, now that they’re here and reality is starting to sink in, Taehyung feels horrible.

“I’m sorry, Guk, I—I shouldn’t have asked. Let’s get in the car and I’ll drive you to the station and you can head down to Busan so you can spend the—”

“I’m doing it, hyung,” Jeongguk interrupts him. “I… I hate every part of the plan, but I’m not going to abandon you, now,” he offers him a small smile.

“I’ll buy you the bike anyway even if you leave now—”

“I’m not leaving,” he shakes his head. “So let’s go before we fucking freeze to death out here.” And he starts walking back to Taehyung’s house.

Jeongguk already knows the way. The only reason why Taehyung came back out to come and pick him up is so that, when they arrive at his place, they are together.

During the drive, they came up with an alibi to give his family if they were to bring up the questions that Jimin inquired him about.

At least, most of their story is true, anyway. The ‘

how did you meet’,

the ‘

how long have you known each other’,

the ‘

what’s your favorite thing about him’...

All of those are easy enough because they’re true.

But truthfully, Taehyung just hopes that they’re not sat down for an interrogation and they just have fun and celebrate the holiday in peace.

As they arrive at his house’s doorstep, Taehyung takes a deep breath and prepares himself.

“Are

you

ready?” Jeongguk asks him with a chuckle.

“No,” he replies as well. This was a horrible idea. He should’ve come clean and told them that he got dumped because he is so fucking unlucky when it comes to love and endured their never-ending teasing instead of doing this but—

“Well, at least we’ll be unready together,” Jeongguk snaps him out of his spiraling thoughts and is the one to ring the doorbell before he finds Taehyung’s hand and holds it.

And, although they’re both wearing gloves, he feels the warmth spread through his body again.

“Coming!” he hears his mother’s voice call from inside and feels the squeeze of Jeongguk’s hand, encouraging.

He squeezes back just as the door swings open to reveal his mother again.

And it’s as his mother’s eyes land on his best friend that Taehyung confirms that this was the worst possible idea that he could’ve come up with.

“Oh, my God!” his mother gasps, his eyes wide and glowing at the sight of Jeongguk.

She looks so relieved, so surprised, so…

happy.

“Hi, Mrs. Kim—” Jeongguk starts but he’s immediately quieted by

another

gasp from her before she hugs him tightly.

“Welcome back, Jeongguk,” she tells him and Taehyung’s heart does something funny. It shatters into a million pieces at the thought of how disappointed his mother will be when she finds out that this is fake.

Jeongguk is speechless, too, still in Taehyung’s mother’s arms.

“This is the greatest Christmas gift!” She pulls back to look at Jeongguk again and holds his face the same way she always has whenever he comes over during the summer holidays. “You’re freezing! Come on, inside, both of you,” she moves away from the door so that they can walk in, too, and the smell of homemade food makes Taehyung’s stomach churn.

This whole situation is making him feel a little sick if he’s honest.

“Oh, I’m sure everyone is gonna be

delighted

to—”

“Mom, give us a second, alright? We’re gonna go upstairs to get changed and

then

we can do introductions,” Taehyung cuts her off before she drags them to the living room where at least Taehyung’s father and siblings will be assembled.

“Right! Yes, of course,” she nods, still watching Jeongguk like he’s the miracle she’s been praying for.

And maybe he

is.

“Don’t tell them,” Taehyung points a threatening finger her way.

“I won’t! Come on, go upstairs. If you want to shower, there are towels in your dressing room and—”

“We got it, Mom, thanks,” Taehyung smiles as he starts pulling Jeongguk up the stairs, their hands still holding each other.

It’s not until he closes his bedroom door after themselves that Taehyung lets go in order to take off all the layers that seem to be suffocating him.

“She looked so…” Jeongguk starts, also taking off his jacket and hanging it from the hanger behind the door.

“Yeah,” Taehyung nods, biting the inside of his lip.

“That’s—”

Horrible.

“I know,” he sighs as he sits on the double bed, letting his body fall back as he covers his face.

This was a mistake.
  
Taehyung went back downstairs while Jeongguk showered to make sure that his family didn’t need anything from him to start preparing everything, but it turns out that the table had been set even before they arrived.

He had to dodge questions from his sister, mostly, before he rushed back upstairs to finish getting ready.

He showered before Jeongguk, so all that’s left for him is to finish getting dressed and do his make-up a little bit.

It’s a special day and he hasn’t slept much so, dark circles are most definitely not the vibe for today.

He knocks on the door before opening it just in case Jeongguk is not visible.

“Come in!” he hears his best friend’s voice from inside.

“You should be more careful whenever someone knocks, it could’ve been one of my siblings trying to get one look at you,” Taehyung chuckles as he walks in and closes the door again.

He is faced with a shirtless Jeongguk who’s taking a white shirt out of his bag.

And, let it be known that it is not the first time Taehyung has seen Jeongguk shirtless, not even close. In fact, he’s seen his best friend naked before, too.

Which is why he’s not quite sure why his heart skips a beat at the sight.

“I knew it was you,” Jeongguk chuckles, putting the shirt on and turning to face him as he does his buttons up. “You always knock like that.”

“Like what?” Taehyung asks with a chuckle.

“Like this,” and he repeats what Taehyung just did. He wasn’t aware that he had a special way of knocking. Let alone, that Jeongguk would notice it. “Plus, I doubt your siblings would randomly want to barge into the room while I’m getting changed.”

“You’d be surprised…” Taehyung rolls his eyes and heads to his own bag. “Should I wear a tie?”

“You brought a tie?” Jeongguk laughs. “Of course, you brought a tie,” he replies to himself, shaking his head. “This shirt is the most dressed-up item I bought. Hell, it’s the most dressed-up item I

own.”

“I could’ve lent you something!” Taehyung offers. “I mean, ties. My shirt would be… small on you,” he mentions looking back at Jeongguk’s chest.

And really, he

shouldn’t

be looking that much, but Taehyung’s always known that his best friend was good-looking;

hot

even.

So he’s having a hard time understanding why he’s feeling differently about it now.

“It’s alright. Ties make me a bit uncomfortable,” Jeongguk admits. “Too tight around my neck and all.”

“And here I thought you’d be into choking and shit—”

“Hyung!” Jeongguk gasps, pushing him away hard enough that Taehyung lands on the bed.

Their

bed.

“I’m kidding!” Taehyung laughs. “Just—trying to lighten the mood a little,” he admits. Truth is, it’s his fault that ‘the mood’ was sour to begin with. He was the one that was feeling shitty about this whole thing. And Jeongguk, bless him, didn’t want to spit an

‘I told you it was a bad idea. I told you you’d regret it’

at him.

“Let’s just… Let’s just

not

think about this as what it is. Let’s just pretend that you just invited me over for Christmas because my family all decided to go on holiday and I couldn’t make it and you felt bad that I was going to be spending my holidays alone,” Jeongguk suggests.

Until someone asks us about it,

Taehyung thinks.

“Okay,” Taehyung nods nonetheless. “Alright, yeah, let’s do that.”

“Why does it feel like you’re now dreading this more than me? It was

your

idea,” Jeongguk unzips his pants so that he can tuck his shirt in.

“I’m just… It’s sinking in now that we are actually doing this and I’m just… I’m scared.”

“Of getting caught?” Jeongguk asks, fully ready now, and he looks gorgeous.

His hair is a bit wavy after the shower and he’s let it grow a bit these past few months and it just… looks amazing.

Taehyung isn’t sure if he’s told him.

“You look great, Guk,” he admits and it seems to take his friend by surprise. Probably not expecting

that

as a reply to his question. “Thank you again for agreeing—”

“Don’t thank me yet. The night is young and we still might fuck it up and you might regret my agreeing.”

“I won’t regret you agreeing. If anything, I’ll regret convincing you,” he sighs, looking down and this time it’s his turn to be surprised when Jeongguk walks into his space and lifts his chin up with his index to meet his eyes with a smile.

“Well, let’s try our best not to have any regrets, alright?” Jeongguk asks. “Are you ready?”

“I gotta put a bit of concealer on, I think. I look—”

“You look incredible,” Jeongguk interrupts him and there’s something in his voice. Something that Taehyung understands it’s just him stepping into the role. “But I’ll wait for you so that we can go down together.”

And, for a split second, Taehyung thinks Jeongguk is going to lean down and kiss him. Or at least, kiss his cheek or something, but he doesn’t.

He just pulls back and sits on the bed, leaning back and waiting for Taehyung to finish.

And he remembers then, Jeongguk’s one and only condition.

No kissing.

The worst part of this is that Taehyung isn’t sure

why

he’s even thinking about that or why he feels disappointed at it.

“Can I borrow your lip balm?” Taehyung asks before he heads to the bathroom again. “My lips are so chapped and I forgot mine,” he lies. Jeongguk doesn’t need to know that.

“Yeah, sure, it’s in my toilet bag. I left it in there,” he signals at the bathroom, and so Taehyung nods and heads there.

The second he puts it on his lips, he licks them.

So

that

is how he’d taste.

Sweet.

Taehyung remembers his high school graduation day very vividly.

He remembers the jitters, the mayhem around the house making sure everyone was ready to go, as if it had been his wedding instead of a mere graduation.

He remembers looking at himself in the mirror with his high school uniform one last time, getting ready to move on, leave his past behind, and start fresh somewhere else.

He remembers his parents waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs as if he were going to prom in one of those American movies his sister loved forcing him to watch (he only complained because it was his elder brother's duty, but, deep down, he loved them just as much).

For some reason, he feels the same way right now as Jeongguk and him make their way down the stairs.

The uncertainty of what’s ahead is a bit overwhelming and, although there’s nobody waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs, Taehyung feels almost as if the entire world is watching them.

Jeongguk is holding his hand again, and the bustling noise from the living room is making him feel even more nervous, but the stairs aren’t infinite and they reach the ground floor before Taehyung feels himself prepared.

His eyes meet his sister’s eyes as she comes out from the downstairs bathroom, and that is it.

His time to prepare just ran out.

“Oppa!” She cheerfully calls as she walks their way. By the look on her face, Taehyung assumes she still hasn’t seen Jeongguk, because, just like their mother, Taehyung expects her to

say

something about it.

“Hi, Innie,” he smiles and he can spot the exact moment her eyes meet Jeongguk’s.

Unlike their mother, though, she curses.

“Nice to see you again,” Jeongguk chuckles from behind Taehyung.

“You’re—” Jaein seems to be speechless. “Jeongguk is your boyfriend!?”

“Sh!” Taehyung tries to quiet her. “Don’t ruin the surprise for everyone else, will you?”

“Oh, trust me, there’s no way to ruin it,” she chuckles and walks to hug Jeongguk as well. He thinks she tells him something by the way Jeongguk’s cheeks burn a little, but he doesn’t get to hear it. “Well, Christmas suddenly got

so much better!”

she claps excitedly and heads back to the living room.

“I don’t get a hug, you brat?” Taehyung chuckles and his sister hurries back to hug him, too. “That’s more like it,” he smiles against her hair. She’s

almost

as tall as him now that she’s wearing heels, but to him, she will always be her baby sister.

When Jaein heads back, Taehyung turns again to Jeongguk and sees his fond eyes on him.

“One down…” Taehyung sighs, a small smile on his lips.

“Let’s go,” Jeongguk nods and finds his hand again to lead the way confidently.

The living room’s fire is lit, which is why Taehyung feels the warmth as soon as his body crosses the threshold.

“Hi, everyone, meet—”

“Hyung!” Taehyung’s brother gasps as well, interrupting him, and Taehyung sighs as he hears Jeongguk giggle by his side.

Maybe it would have been better to bring a stranger, at least his introductions wouldn’t be interrupted every single time.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung finishes anyway for those in the room who haven’t been introduced to Jeongguk just yet.

“My boyfriend.”

The words taste like cherry on his tongue as he says them.

It’s mayhem after that.

Taehyung sees his aunts who he hasn’t seen since last Christmas, his cousins and uncles, and his father all stand and rush their way to greet Jeongguk properly.

Taehyung needs to introduce each of them individually to Jeongguk, who very politely shows his respect and smiles.

“Oh, he’s such a lovely boy, Taehyung-ah!” One of his aunties tells him, smiling widely.

“I know,” Taehyung chuckles because he

does.

Jeongguk is such a lovely boy, they’re right. “Let him breathe, though, please,” he tells the rest of the family.

“We’re just so excited for you!” Another aunt tells him, and he

knows.

Their excitement is the sole reason why Jeongguk is here, to begin with. “You

finally

brought someone home!”

“You’re single, Auntie, I don’t know why you’re so eager for me to get a partner,” Taehyung turns to her and she shrugs.

“Doesn’t matter now that you have one, does it?” she winks at him and turns to look at Jeongguk again. “So nice to meet you!”

“You, too,” Jeongguk bows again. Taehyung thinks he might need to give his best friend a back massage after tonight from how much he’s having to bend over whenever he meets another one of his relatives.

“It’s good to see you again!” Taehyung’s father arrives at the scene as well and squeezes his shoulder tightly. So tight that, when he speaks again, Taehyung feels like he’s got his hand tightened around his throat instead, keeping the air from flowing. “Welcome to the family, son.”

A dagger.

That’s what his father’s words feel to him.

“T-Thank you, sir,” Jeongguk is about to bow again, but his father pulls him in for a hug.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell

us!”

Taehyung’s little brother punches his arm.

“Ouch! When the fuck did you get so strong?!” Taehyung rubs the spot where he got wounded.

“Since he’s got this girl he wants to impress in his class at college,” their sister joins in and she gets a glare from the youngest of the Kims. “What? Did I lie?”

“That’s not the point!” he whines. Always the baby, after all. “I thought that when Mom said you were bringing a partner, it would be someone we didn’t know, not Jeongguk hyung!”

“Well… I didn’t want to tell you in case it didn’t work out or something—”

“Son,” his father joins them, and Taehyung tenses again. “I’m so happy for you,” he smiles before he hugs him tightly.

“Thanks, Dad,” Taehyung feels choked up for some reason and he

hates

that this is fake.

That it’s all made up.

It feels so wrong to get congratulated, to get praise and smiles from his family when the truth is that Taehyung is single and, according to his ex, unable to love anyone properly.

“Hey, babe, should we go see if we’re needed in the kitchen?” Jeongguk asks, putting an arm around Taehyung’s waist and resting his chin on Taehyung’s shoulder and his entire being freezes.

Babe.

He doesn’t hate it.

“Right, yeah, there must also be some people over there who I need to introduce you to,” Taehyung turns to face him and he’s

right there,

so he can’t help but smile.

“You two are so cute,” one of Taehyung’s cousins says and Jaein agrees, both of them giggling away back to the table.

“Let’s go,” Taehyung whispers before he presses a kiss on Jeongguk’s cheeks.

Hopefully, cheek kisses are allowed because he just couldn’t help himself.

It just felt… natural. 
  
Although they prepared themselves for the interrogation that would most likely happen during dinner, the truth is that Taehyung nearly choked around his food more than once at the questions they were asked.

At least, it’s just their cousins, for now, since the tables are still split between children and adults, even though there are no actual children in the room, anymore.

They’ve already answered the basic questions, the ones they’d prepared for during their drive.

“How long have you been together?”

one of his cousins asked even before the food was served, but it was to be expected.

“Well, we’ve known each other for… seven years, now?”

Taehyung turned to look at Jeongguk who was already looking at him and smiled.

“But we only started dating a few months ago.”

That one had been easy.

Taehyung only needed to borrow the timeline for his actual past relationship and pretend that it didn’t end.

The food was delicious, as always, and the wine was starting to flow. Both Taehyung and Jeongguk drinking a bit more than they probably should if they planned on keeping up appearances and not blowing up their covers.

But, for some reason, Jeongguk was touchier, now.

He’s always been a touchy drunk, Taehyung smiles to himself.

“Who confessed first?” Jaein asks at one point, halfway through the bottle of wine and dinner.

Taehyung, once again, starts coughing, so it’s Jeongguk who takes this one.

“I did,” he smiles. His cheeks are flushed from the alcohol and the warmth from the fire by their side and he looks younger.

“I knew it!” she beams. “Oppa’s way too stubborn to be the one to admit his feelings first.”

“Yah!” Taehyung yells at her, but she’s right.

He

is

too stubborn.

And thank god that Jeongguk took over that question because, in his mind, the plan was to tell everyone that the first one to confess had been Taehyung.

And, apparently, they wouldn’t have believed it.

“How did it happen, though? If you’ve been friends for so long…” One of his little cousins asks, then.

“Well, we—” Taehyung starts and turns to look at Jeongguk, but he’s already taking over.

“It just happened one night,” he shrugs. “We were watching anime at Taehyung’s apartment like we always do and… I don’t know, I felt the need to confess to him. I just… I wasn’t expecting him to like me back.”

There are awe’s around the table but Taehyung’s eyes are still on him.

That wasn’t part of the plan.

“How could he not? Sorry, oppa, but he’s so hot,” one of his cousins admits with a laugh that makes Jeongguk blush deepen.

“Yeah, well, he’s

mine,

so, stop looking,” Taehyung sticks his tongue out at her and goes back to his food. However, it doesn’t taste as good as the word

mine

did.

“You know, my mom thought that you were pranking us when your mom claimed you’d be bringing someone,” another one of his cousins admits. Of course, they did.

Because, just like his ex, he’s pretty sure his family

also

thinks he’s incapable of love.

“I think some of them thought that you would either chicken out or cancel last minute,” they chuckle, but Taehyung doesn’t.

And, next to him, neither does Jeongguk.

“Yeah, well, I guess I surprised us all, didn’t I?” he fakes a smile and takes another bite.

Thankfully, the conversation switches away from their relationship since some of Taehyung’s siblings are talking about how classes are going for them since some of them are in college and the youngest ones are finishing high school.

“Hey, you,” Jeongguk bumps his shoulder against Taehyung’s to call his attention. Taehyung hums but doesn’t turn, so Jeongguk does it again until he turns.

“What?” he asks.

“Are you okay? Wanna go to the kitchen for a bit and pretend to wash the dishes with me?” he offers, low enough for nobody else to hear.

“It’s fine, they’ll think—”

“To hell with what they think,” Jeongguk sounds so serious, now. “Come on, let’s take a break,” he says before finding Taehyung’s hand on top of the table and bringing it to his lips to press a kiss there.

When Jeongguk stands, Taehyung follows.

Before heading to the kitchen, though, they go around the tables to pick up all the empty plates so they can take them there.

“Thank you, dear,” his mother smiles at them as they walk past.

“We got this,” Jeongguk nods, which is his way of telling them not to come to the kitchen to help out so that they can be alone.

In fact, as soon as they get there, Jeongguk closes the door behind them.

And, to Taehyung’s surprise, as soon as he leaves all the dishes in the sink, Jeongguk walks to him and hugs him.

“I’m sorry,” his best friend says and Jeongguk frowns.

“Sorry for what?” Taehyung asks, but Jeongguk doesn’t reply.

He just keeps hugging him, and Taehyung won’t be the first one to pull back.

He closes his eyes and breathes the scent of Jeongguk’s fabric softener that, for some reason, brings Taehyung a sense of peace that he’s never known how to explain.

“I’m sorry, too,” Taehyung says eventually. “For bringing you here and throwing you into the lions like that, and—”

“It’s fine, hyung. Now that I know what

the lions

are, I’m kinda glad I came. I don’t think you deserve to hear all that, especially after your break-up—”

“I don’t care about my break-up, Guk. I’m over that, over

him,

you know that.”

“I know that, yeah, and I’m glad. But it still doesn’t mean you should be mocked for it. Or for anything, really.”

“Well, that’s just how they are, unfortunately,” Taehyung sighs and slightly ends up pulling Jeongguk away. “But it’s fine, I’m used to it. I just hope you didn’t mind their questions too much—”

“I didn’t mind their questions at all, I…” It looks like he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t. “Don’t worry about me, alright? I can handle myself just fine. But if they say something like that, I can’t promise I’ll stay quiet.”

“They’re right, though,” Taehyung chuckles. “I mean, I

am

pranking them and I

did

almost cancel last minute because I got dumped.”

“They’re not.” Jeongguk’s eyes are on his as he says it and suddenly it’s like all the wine they drank evaporated. “They’re not right. And neither was that fucking asshole, by the way.”

“Guk…”

“No, actually, I feel like you need to hear this,” Jeongguk chuckles. “He was an asshole and didn’t deserve you in the first place. And I know you think I just say this because I’m your best friend and hate seeing you hurt, but that’s not it. I… I hate the way he made you feel and the fact that he told you that bullshit when he broke up with him is—”

“Stop,” Taehyung holds his face to shut him up. “Stop, I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Not now, not ever,” he sighs, closing his eyes. “I appreciate your words but…”

he was right, too.

“Let’s just wash the dishes and head back outside, alright?” he smiles sadly and lets go of his face, hating the way Jeongguk’s eyes were sparkling as if the entire galaxy belonged in them.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything else and they end up washing the dishes in the end, even if they planned on only pretending to do it.

Ironic. 
  
There’s someone singing a trot song on TV when Jeongguk’s phone rings and he stands to take it.

Taehyung tries to see who it is but doesn’t get the chance to, only hearing him say

‘hello?’

as he walks out of the room to find a quieter place to speak.

And, now that Taehyung is alone, he sees the vultures turn to him.

“Oppa, can I tell you something?” Jaein asks and Taehyung is a few too many drinks past caring at this point, so he just sighs and lets her continue. “I knew this was going to happen one day,” she admits.

“What?” Taehyung asks with a frown.

“You and Jeongguk,” she specifies. “I mean, I didn’t want to say anything but every time he came over in summer you two looked very…”

“I walked in on you one night sleeping all curled up together in bed,” his brother adds with a light giggle. “Never mentioned it just in case, but I always thought that maybe you guys were just keeping it secret because hyung wasn’t out yet, but when you

did

come out then it was just weird to keep hiding it.”

“We weren’t—” Taehyung tries to defend but he realizes that, if he does, then he’s actually denying the fact that they are together

now.

“It just took us a while to come to terms with what we were feeling,” he nods. An efficient answer. “I didn’t know—”

“There’s no way you couldn’t know how Jeongguk oppa felt about you,” his sister twists the knife some more.

What on

Earth

is she on about?

“And him saying that he wasn’t sure you liked him back when he confessed… I guess it’s both of you who are blind,” his brother chuckles.

“You do look at each other with such love, oppa, it’s very cute,” one of Taehyung’s cousins adds, head on her palm as she looks at him. “Even when the other one isn’t looking.”

Do they?

“If I knew that you guys were going to be so weird about this and so annoying, I wouldn’t have brought him,” Taehyung groans.

“Oh, come on, there’s no way you weren’t expecting this,” one of their oldest cousins laughs. She’s been through some family speculation and also a victim of the scrutiny Taehyung is facing right now before with some of her boyfriends, too.

Maybe that’s why she’s one of the few who just smiled at Taehyung without actually contributing any further interrogation.

“Yeah, you’re right. But it was better than hearing about what a disappointment it would be if I didn’t bring him,” he shrugs.

The trot song ends and the Christmas Special program continues, and this time an idol band that apparently his sister and cousins are fans of starts singing, which means they all rush to the couch to watch it properly.

Taehyung sighs in relief at the quietness of the table but turns to see if Jeongguk is coming back.

It seems to be taking longer than he thought, and considering the time, Taehyung worries that maybe something has happened, so he silently stands and leaves the living room, trying to find Jeongguk, and eventually, he finds him in Taehyung’s bedroom, still on the phone.

He turns when Taehyung opens the door and smiles at him.

“Yeah, I know,” Jeongguk says, biting his lip in the way he usually does when he’s nervous. “I did, yeah, the food was very good. Of course not! I—” he shakes his head. “Mom, I gotta go back to the table or they will think I’m incredibly rude,” he chuckles.

“Oh, it’s your mom?” Taehyung asks and, by the look on Jeongguk’s face, his mom hears him, too.

“Yes, that was Taehyung,” he says. “As long as you don’t yell at him, sure.” And he hands Taehyung the device, putting it on speaker first. “She wants to have a word, she said,” Jeongguk informs him and, for some reason, he’s nervous.

It’s not like he’s

scared

of Jeongguk’s mom. The woman is an angel, and she’s always been so very nice to Taehyung. But, for some reason, the fact that he stole her son away during the holidays to play family together might not be her favorite thing about her son’s best friend.

“Hi, Mrs. Jeon! Merry Christmas!” Taehyung greets as soon as he picks up the phone.

“Look who it is! My personal Grinch!”

the woman chuckles on the other side of the line.

“Mom…” Jeongguk sighs.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Jeongguk told me that you have been having a hard time, Taehyung-ah, I hope you’re feeling better,”

she says and

that

sounds much more like the woman he knows.

“Oh, yeah, I’m… I’m better,” he nods, looking at Jeongguk with a frown. “I’m sorry about stealing him away but I promise I’ll make it up to you! I’ll send him to visit with some fresh produce from my late grandma’s farm!”

“You better! Alright, I’ll let you join back the celebrations, then. I just wanted to wish my darling boy a Merry Christmas before he got too drunk to pick up the phone,”

she giggles.

“Mom!”

“I know you too well, honey,”

she tells him.

“Merry Christmas to you both! Send my best to your parents, too, Taehyung.”

“Will do,” Taehyung smiles. “Merry Christmas.”

“Bye, Mom. Give my best to Dad and Grandma, too, and apologize from me again, alright? I’ll try to visit before the break is over,” Jeongguk promises, and after another greeting, Jeongguk takes the phone and hangs up. “Sorry, if I knew that we’d talk for so long, I wouldn’t have picked up—”

“Oh, no, please, it’s alright!” Taehyung shakes his head. “It’s your family, you should pick up,” he tells him. “I was just worried in case something happened.”

“Still, I’m sorry I left like that,” Jeongguk pockets his phone again. “Grandma wanted to talk to me, so…”

“I bet she hates me,” Taehyung sighs.

“She’s currently not your biggest fan, no,” he chuckles a bit. “But it’s alright, as I told her, I’ll probably go visit after we leave here.”

After they’re done.

For some reason, Taehyung hates the sound of that.

“Well, you didn’t miss much, so don’t worry,” Taehyung sits down on his bed. “Although the champagne should be pouring out soon if you want some.”

“Ew, no, I hate it,” Jeongguk sits by his side. “Plus, my mom was right, I’m already a bit too tipsy, I don’t really feel like throwing up in your bathroom.”

“Again, you mean?” Taehyung turns to look at him with a knowing smile and all Jeongguk does is roll his eyes.

“You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?” he complains.

“Nope,” Taehyung chuckles and messes up his hair a little.

And it’s as they’re sitting there in his childhood bedroom, their hands a few breaths apart that what his siblings told him resurfaces, and Taehyung can’t help the way his heart rate starts speeding up as if he were being chased by a lion.

“We—We should head back before they think that we’re… I don’t know, making out or something,” Taehyung stands a bit too quickly, and, with the alcohol he’s also had, he gets a bit dizzy.

“Woah, there, careful,” Jeongguk is quick to stand and make sure that he’s steady. “Isn’t that what we actually want them to think, though?” Jeongguk asks and he’s so close, now, as his arms are still around Taehyung’s waist to hold him upright. He’s not even touching his skin, but Taehyung feels the burn of Jeongguk’s touch, anyway.

Jeongguk’s breath brushes against his skin, making him shiver in his arms, and the thought of them making out makes room for itself in Taehyung’s imagination.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine, I—You go ahead, I’m gonna go to the bathroom first,” Taehyung nods, moving away from him.

“Damn, karma sure was fast this time,” Jeongguk giggles, unaware of Taehynug’s inner turmoil. “Are you sure you don’t want me to wait for you here?”

“No, no, you head back,” Taehyung nods and heads to his ensuite bathroom, closing the door after himself and taking a deep breath.

No more wine for the night, that’s for sure. 
  
It doesn’t take much longer into the night for Taehyung to decide it’s time to head to bed. Although some of his cousins are suggesting going out into the town for some extra drinks, Taehying is too exhausted to even consider it.

After all, he barely slept last night and he had to drive all the way from Seoul, and, although he and Jeongguk did take turns, he’s still tired.

Not to mention the emotional exhaustion of the day, of course.

The table has been cleared and all the furniture has been brought back to its original spot, and most of Taehyung’s uncles and aunts have already headed home since it’s already past midnight.

“Come on, hyung, don’t be a bore!” Taehyung’s brother insists, but he’s way too old to care about being called boring.

“You all go! And when tomorrow morning you’re too hangover to open your presents, I’ll do it for you and I’ll keep them, too,” Taehyung shrugs, throwing a blanket over his mother’s legs as they watch a Christmas special on TV.

“What about you, hyung?” Jonggyu tries his luck with Jeongguk instead. “Will you join us?”

Jeongguk’s eyes travel to Taehyung and he wonders if he

actually

wants to go. He thinks one of his cousins suggesting karaoke and, if he knows Jeongguk well enough, and he does, he knows that he got tempted by it.

“You can go,” Taehyung chuckles, reassuring him. “As long as you don’t wake me up when you come back later, you can do whatever you want,” he tells him. “But I’m going to bed, now,” he stands and stretches.

God,

every single muscle in his body is screaming at him to go lie down.

“Good night,” he bends down to kiss the top of his parents’ heads, although something tells him that they’ll both go upstairs with him not too long after now, since his dad is barely keeping himself awake, either.

“You’re no fun!” Eunjin groans.

“Try driving for three hours with barely any sleep,” he hugs her instead. “Go have fun but be careful, alright? You’re the oldest,” he tells her.

“I’m not! Jeongguk oppa is coming,” she reminds him.

Right.

“Still,” he turns and says goodbye to his cousins as well since most of them won’t be coming over for lunch tomorrow.

Lunch on Christmas day at the Kim’s is reserved for just the five of them. Six, this year.

“Merry Christmas!” He says one last time before heading to Jeongguk.

And, if they were actually dating, Taehyung would kiss him goodbye, but he can’t.

Jeongguk made it abundantly clear that kisses were off the table, so, instead, he just hugs him.

“Have fun babysitting,” Taehyung tells him and feels Jeongguk chuckle a laugh against his neck, humming. “See you tomorrow.”

“Look at you, keeping it PG,” Eunjin chuckles but Taehyung just flips her off. “Hey!”

“I’ll be up in a bit,” Jeongguk says instead and Taehyung assumes it’s to get his coat, gloves, and scarf since it’s freezing.

So he heads upstairs,

dying

to get in bed and drift off to a dreamland that can’t hurt him the way his thoughts and feelings are starting to.

And he’s in the bathroom washing the make-up off his face when the door opens and Jeongguk steps in, closing it after.

“I hung your coat in the wardrobe earlier so that it wouldn’t be too smudged,” Taehyung tells him.

“Mhm, thanks,” Jeongguk walks into the bathroom as well and picks up his toothbrush from his toiletries bag. “Shit, I think I forgot my toothpaste at home…”

“Are you gonna brush your teeth already? You’re

that

sure you won’t drink anymore?” Taehyung chuckles as he retrieves his own paste and spreads it on Jeongguk’s brush.

“I’m not going, hyung,” he tells him before he starts brushing his teeth and Taehyung looks at him through the mirror, frowning.

“But you said—” he stops himself, realizing that Jeongguk didn’t actually agree. “They’re going to a karaoke.”

“So?” Jeongguk chuckles with his mouth full of foam. “We can go together another day,” Taehyung thinks he says since it’s a bit of a struggle to understand him while thoroughly brushing his teeth.

“Are you sure?” Taehyung still asks, turning to face him, but this time, Jeongguk waits until he’s spat and rinsed his mouth to reply.

“Why would I want to go if you’re not there?” is all he says as he dries his face before he puts on one of his night creams. “Plus, I’m exhausted, too. So, let’s go to bed, yeah?” He adds once he’s done.

“Y-Yeah, okay,” Taehyung nods but still lets Jeongguk be the first one to head back to the bedroom.

He hears the rustling of Jeongguk trying to find his pajamas inside his bag while Taehyung finishes in the bathroom only to find him only with his underwear when he joins him in the room.

“D’you mind…?” Jeongguk asks with a chuckle. “I feel like with all the covers your mom put I’ll be too hot if I wear anything.”

“Oh, no, it’s—” Once again Taehyung can’t help but wonder

why

he’s stuttering. Why he feels his blood boil at the sight when he’s more than used to both seeing and sleeping with a half-naked Jeongguk.

He’s not even sure

why

Jeongguk felt the need to ask in the first place when he never did.

“Alright, cool,” he chuckles and rushes to the bed, getting in on

his

side. They didn’t even have to talk about it or claim it. “Oh, wow, I forgot how comfy this bed was.”

“Well, I’m glad you think so,” Taehyung smiles and starts to get undressed himself to put his pajamas on.

“Aw, that’s cute,” Jeongguk notices from bed. He brought a teddy bear pair that his mother got for him last Christmas.

“Shut up,” he shakes his head and rushes to bed as well, sighing in relief the second his body collides with the mattress.

“Good, huh?” he can hear the smile on Jeongguk’s lips before he turns and sees it.

“I am

so tired,”

Taehyung admits with a chuckle.

“Then, sleep,” his best friend reaches over to pull his eyelids shut. “Today was…”

“Yeah,” Taehyung doesn’t think there’s an appropriate adjective to describe it, so he doesn’t expect Jeongguk to even try. “Good night, Guk. And… thanks again.”

“G’night,” his best friend mumbles before he shifts in bed. Taehyung feels the movement from the sheets since they are technically on different beds. “And Merry Christmas.”

It is eerily quiet for a few minutes, as if both of them were afraid of moving too much or being too loud.

And Taehyung can’t help but feel stupid because it’s as if with this play-pretend thing they’ve got going on, their usual dynamic has shifted a little bit.

But he’s so used to the warmth of Jeongguk’s body next to his, to the sound of his loud breathing (sometimes even light snoring) as he sleeps that, without noticing, Taehyung’s body finds its way to Jeongguk’s arms without them either being able to stop the pull.

And, in his sleep, Taehyung thinks he hears sleighbells ringing above their heads.

Maybe the existence of Santa Claus would be easier for him to admit than the fact that he might have feelings for his best friend.

Taehyung was eleven years old when he found out Santa wasn’t real.

He was eleven and his sister was seven.

He was eleven and his little brother was three.

Taehyung was eleven when his parents asked him to help them pick the presents for his siblings for the first time. Although he was initially confused, he eventually understood.

Even if he had always been a kid who spent most of his time with his head up in the clouds, imagining that he lived in other worlds, it did not make much sense that there was this one old guy who was going to every single house in the world in one night, delivering presents.

Still, it felt like a part of him died that day, even if he still kind of kept that magical feeling and joy through his siblings.

But the excitement he usually felt on Christmas mornings started vanishing a little as the years went on.

But it is Christmas day, now, and Taehyung feels as jittery as he did when he was ten and still believed in the magic of Christmas.

He wakes up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and hotteok coming from downstairs, which always makes him feel like he’s home.

He wakes up feeling like he has slept better than in the past few months, even if last night he was worried he might have a hangover from all the wine that was poured during dinner.

He wakes up warm, cozy, and wrapped around the half-naked body of his best friend whose breathing keeps fanning against Taehyung’s hair and he can hear his heartbeat where Taehyung’s head is pressed against his chest.

Because, for some reason, the two pillows that he had stacked before going to bed weren’t enough and he needed a third. And Jeongguk’s chest has always been his favorite one, after all.

He hears voices from downstairs, too, probably belonging to whoever got started on breakfast. Taehyung takes an educated guess that it won’t be either of his siblings. He didn’t even hear them come home but he also isn’t expecting them to wake up until lunchtime.

He takes a deep breath and the lingering scent of Jeongguk’s cologne seeps through his nose, making him smile.

Taehyung got him that perfume for his birthday a few months ago. He knows how exquisite his best friend is when it comes to scents and he knew that getting him a perfume was risky, but the boy had told him that he’d run out of his favorite one and wanted to try something different, so Taehyung dared to try.

He’s been using it ever since.

Taehyung is about to peel himself off from Jeongguk when his best friend lets out a whine and Taehyung freezes on the spot.

He’s not sure what’s worse: having Jeongguk wake up to find him curled up against him or rush out of bed and wake him up anyway.

But, for some reason, he thinks

that

is not Jeongguk’s Christmas gift of preference, so he turns away from him and rushes to the bathroom before he can check if Jeongguk’s awake or not.

His reflection stares back at him flushed in the face, so the first thing he does is open the tab and wet his face with cold water. And when, after a few minutes, he makes it back to the bedroom, Jeongguk is indeed awake, checking his phone from bed.

“Good morning,” Taehyung greets, the few rays of sun that peek through Taehyung’s half-shut blinds painting a streak of light across Jeongguk’s cheek.

“Oh, hi,” he puts down his phone and smiles at him, stretching and whining in a way that makes Taehyung chuckle. “Smells good.”

“Dad probably made breakfast,” Taehyung explains as he keeps walking to the bed and throws himself on it, over the covers, safely away from the heat of Jeongguk’s skin and body. “Did you sleep well?” Taehyung asks, turning to face him and his sleepy eyes.

“Yeah,” he nods. “You?”

“Your snores woke me up,” Taehyung lies trying to ease the heaviness he feels in his chest at the memory of waking up tangled in him.

“Oh, shit, sorry, I—”

“I’m joking,” Taehyung reassures him. Usually, he doesn’t need to. Usually, Jeongguk would tease him back. “I was so tired that I could’ve slept through an earthquake.”

“Sounds about right. Santa surely had it easy with you, huh?” he chuckles. “Speaking of… Shouldn’t we go down and check under the tree?”

And it’s then that Taehyung realizes: he forgot to put Jeongguk’s gift there. Thankfully, he

did

buy him something, although the plan was not to give it to him until he came back from the break since, initially, Jeongguk would

not

be here with him.

“You don’t want to go to the bathroom first?” Taehyung asks, ever-so-subtly. “Bet all that whisky from last night wants to come out.”

“You make it sound like I drank an entire bottle by myself,” he laughs, throwing his tattooed arm over his eyes and Taehyung thinks that maybe if he asks again, this time he will tell Jeongguk to wear his PJs in the end. It’s much safer for him, after all.

“I mean… You kind of did,” Taehyung presses him a bit more. “But it’s alright, I would’ve drank another bottle of wine if we had it, too.”

And, to that, there are no laughs in the room. In fact, although he doesn’t turn to confirm it, Taehyung hears the rustle from the sheets which probably means Jeongguk incorporated a little bit.

“Hey,” Jeongguk calls and his voice sounds so… sweet. And it’s not like it sounds any different than usual, but maybe Taehyung is noticing new things now. Or maybe he’s just going insane, which is also a possibility. “Tae,” he calls again, and it’s not often that Jeongguk talks to him casually. It’s not usual that he drops the ‘hyung’, so it makes Taehyung turn which probably was what he intended in the first place. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?” Taehyung asks and he feels a bitter laugh bubble up his chest, but he keeps quiet.

“About last night,” Jeongguk states the obvious. “About… the questions and everything—”

“Didn’t we already talk about it?” Taehyung points out, knowing that they didn’t. Not really. “It’s fine, I’m fine, Guk, really, I just… Well, it wasn’t the best dinner I’ve ever attended but, thankfully, it wasn’t the worst one, either. Remember that time I told you that I went on a date and the guy set the tablecloth on fire while trying to kill a fly that ended up splashed on my food? Well, last night came close second after that,” Taehyung tries again to lighten the mood but Jeongguk isn’t laughing.

Jeongguk who knows him better than anyone.

“You know that you don’t have to put up a front with me, right? You can tell me if it hurt—”

“Of course, it fucking hurt,” Taehyung sits up, now, his back to Jeongguk again, but he can still see him reflected in the mirror on the side of his desk.

He can see him sitting on the bed, the sheets pooling at his waist and his back resting against the wall.

He can’t see the look in his eyes, and he’s grateful.

It’s then that the words from his sister return to him: how she said that it was

obvious

that they’d end up together from the way they looked at each other. And, suddenly, Taehyung wishes he could be a fly on the wall so that he could also see that.

“But it’s fine, we survived through it and now it’ll just be my parents and siblings,” Taehyung tries to remind himself. Thankfully, they are a much easier crowd to handle.

“I thought your cousins and stuff were coming today, too,” Jeongguk adds.

“Oh, fuck, no,” Taehyung laughs. “And I’m so glad that my dad is an only child because that means that we have no other family to have over,” he sighs. Back in the day, his grandparents used to celebrate Christmas Day with them, but ever since they passed a few years ago, it’s just the five of them. “I wouldn’t have brought you if you’d have to go through that every single day. I don’t hate you

that

much.”

“You don’t hate me at all, hyung,” Jeongguk chuckles a bit and Taehyung can’t help the smile that creeps on his face.

“Mhm, depends on the day,” he says and, without a warning, he feels a pair of strong arms around his waist that hoist him back in bed, back against Jeongguk’s chest, taking his breath away with him.

“Say that again,” Jeongguk chuckles against his ear and the feeling of his breath on his skin sends shivers down Taehyung’s entire body.

He knows what’s coming, he knows that he’s about to be tickled until he’s crying.

“My sister’s asleep in the room next to this one,” Taehyung tries to plead, hands finding Jeongguk’s so that he doesn’t do anything silly, holding them still where they still burn on Taehyung’s waist. His shirt had risen up a bit from the sudden movement.

“I think it’s sweet revenge to wake her up,” Jeongguk tries to argue and tickles him once, making Taehyung squirm over him, turning to hide his face in Jeongguk’s neck to not be so loud, and, when Jeongguk does it again, Taehyung

bites

him.

And Jeongguk

moans

.

They both still after that, but Taehyung is the first one to feel Jeongguk’s grip loosen so he moves off him.

“Sorry, I—”

“It’s alright,” Jeongguk chuckles, touching the place where he was bitten and Taehyung sees that it was

not

a light one, either.

Probably it will leave a mark.

Good for their story, but horrible for Taehyung’s brain.

“Guess I’ll go to the bathroom, after all,” Jeongguk says before he gets out of bed and rushes to the bathroom, closing the door after himself.

For like ten seconds, Taehyung just stays there, in bed, breathing heavily and watching the shut door wondering what the fuck is happening to him.

Eventually, he stands to pull the blinds up and draws the curtains so that the room can ventilate once he opens the window.

The entire street is snowed in.

It’s been a few years since they had a

white Christmas

and Taehyung can’t help but smile at the sight.

“It snowed!” He says loud enough so that Jeongguk can hear him from inside the bathroom, but he still might not have because he gets no response. He pays it no mind and heads to his bag to get out Jeongguk’s present and heads back to the bathroom door. “I’ll head down first, alright? Careful when you come out of there, I opened the window and it’s so fucking cold,” he warns him.

“O-Okay, I’ll join you in a second!” Jeongguk says from inside and Taehyung leaves after that, closing the bedroom door again and seeing that, as he expected, his sibling’s doors are firmly shut.

He rushes down the stairs with a present in his hands, and the ghost of Jeongguk’s touch haunts him.

If only Charles Dickens wrote about how to confront that one, maybe he’d have a clue. 
  
Breakfast wasn’t as awkward as Taehyung feared it would be mainly because both his parents were there and engaging on conversation that had nothing to do with their relationship for once.

They were asking Taehyung about his job and Jeongguk about his family, which was always a safe topic.

When he came downstairs, Taehyung could see the blooming mark on his neck and he tried his hardest not to look at it. In fact, he barely even looked at Jeongguk. After all, he already knew what the youngest wanted for breakfast from the small range of variety that they had to offer, so he didn’t need to ask him.

Taehyung had placed Jeongguk’s gift under the tree and he also saw a few from him and he

almost

opened them, but he knew that his mother would be mad at him if he didn’t wait for his siblings as if they were kids again and not adults.

“Are you working now, then?” Taehyung’s father asked Jeongguk as he placed another

hotteok

on Taehyung’s best friend's plate. “Taehyung said that was why you couldn’t come earlier.”

“Yeah, yeah, I started not too long ago so it’s not like I could already ask for a day off,” Jeongguk admits. “It’s from this company I interned at during my last year of college and they must’ve liked me enough to keep me.”

“Of course, they did,” Taehyung can’t help but add, which is exactly the same thing he told Jeongguk the first time he told me, the same old deprecating tone on his voice. “They’d be dumb not to.”

“Well, we’re glad that they could at least spare a few days off so that you could join us for the holidays!” Taehyung’s mom adds, reaching out to squeeze Jeongguk’s hand; and Taehyung really doesn’t want to look, but he does, and he feels as if what’s being squeezed is his heart, instead. “Are you going to be staying until New Year’s?”

“I—” Jeongguk starts and turns to Taehyung who actually meets his eyes for the first time that morning.

“We don’t know yet,” Taehyung tells them, then. After all, he’s already considering driving back home to Seoul today just so that their relationship can go back to normal before the line is so blurred that they can’t even see it. “We were talking about maybe heading down to Busan as well so that Jeongguk can see his family, too.”

Taehyung sees the confusion in Jeongguk’s face because they have most definitely

not

talked about it.

“Oh, right, of course!” Taehyung’s mom nods. “Do they know about you two already or will it also be a surprise?”

“I mean, they know he’s here now, so—”

“My mom knows, yeah,” Jeongguk interrupts him. “We told her when she talked about Christmas plans and all so that she knew why I wasn’t going.”

“Bless her, I bet she was also surprised.”

“Not really, no,” Jeongguk chuckles a little bit and Taehyung finds him again. “I mean, she’s always known about my feelings, so I guess she was more relieved than anything.”

Taehyung has to make an effort to keep his expressions at bay because, unlike Jeongguk, his parents

can

see his face.

And right now, he is very much confused.

Jeongguk had told him the other day that maybe he should’ve been an actor, but right now it’s his best friend who’s giving an Oscar-worthy performance.

“So I guess it was just us who were blind,” Taehyung’s dad chuckles. “Still, I am so happy for you two. You’ve always been a part of the family, Jeongguk-ah,” he stands, having finished his breakfast. “But I guess now it’s official.”

“Exactly,” his mom joins him, both leaving their empty coffee mugs in the sink. “We’re gonna go next door to visit and wish a merry Christmas to the Mins, Taehyung, darling, do you guys want to come?”

“Oh, no, you guys go ahead. Give them my best, though!” Taehyung smiles at them, suddenly wanting to stay alone with Jeongguk.

But the minute the front door closes, silence falls upon them again.

Taehyung hates that he’s

never

been this awkward around Jeongguk. Not even when they first met. It’s weird and he hates it.

“I didn’t know we were thinking of going to Busan,” Jeongguk breaks the silence first. “Or you didn’t mean that?”

For some reason, Taehyung senses a slight tone in his voice that he doesn’t quite recognize.

“I mean, we

can

go, if you want,” Taehyung tells him. “I did tell you that you didn’t need to spend the entire break here. I can drive back to the city after dropping you off—”

“Oh, so you wouldn’t be coming with me,” Jeongguk turns, then. “You wouldn’t want to spend New Year’s with my family.”

“What is happening right now?” Taehyung asks, beyond confused. “Why would you want me to join you? Do you want to lie to your family too? Because, trust me, it’s not that fucking fun. Or have you already told your mom that we’re pretending—”

“I want you to come with me because you’re my

best friend

Taehyung, I don’t think I need to explain that,” Jeongguk chuckles in disbelief. “But I guess you were just trying to find an excuse and that was the first thing that popped into your brain, right?”

Taehyung stays quiet for a few seconds, his eyes nailed on Jeongguk’s and there’s a fire behind them, and, for the first time, Taehyung is afraid of getting burned.

They never fight.

And if they do, it’s usually stupid petty fights that end seconds after they started because they realize how stupid they were.

But this feels different, somehow.

His chest feels heavy and he’s not sure why Jeongguk’s words are affecting him so much.

He’s not sure if he’s maybe reading a bit too much between the lines but it almost seems like he’s blaming him for everything and, although Taehyung

knows

that he’s the one to blame, to hear it from Jeongguk… hurts.

So, instead of saying something he might regret later, he just stands and heads to the sink to wash the cups his parents used as well as his own, trying to calm down his own heart before he starts crying over something stupid.

This was a mistake.

Jimin was right.

And romantic comedies were wrong.

Taehyung should have never suggested this in the first place and Jeongguk shouldn’t have agreed.

But they did.

And maybe they can’t go back from it, now.

One of the mugs slips through his fingers and makes a loud noise when it hits the bottom of the sink, thankfully unscratched, but it’s enough for Taehyung to groan in frustration and close his eyes to keep the tears from flowing.

“Tae—”

“No, whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it, Guk,” he snaps, not even turning. “I know I fucked up, alright? I know I never should have brought you here. I know I ruined your Christmas and I know I’m a horrible friend, okay? I

know.

I just—I didn’t know what else to do, I never know what to fucking do and—”

There are arms around his waist and the press of a forehead against the back of his head that halt his speech.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk whispers, holding him. “I’m sorry, I—I knew what I was agreeing to, so it’s not your fault. I just… I’m sorry,” is all he says and Taehyung wishes that he could say

more

because it feels like he’s biting his tongue about something, and, at this point, he’d rather hear how horrible he is already rather than having to wait an entire week. “Now, can you please look at me again? I know you bit me and I moaned and it’s a bit weird but I can’t stand you not looking at me,” he nuzzles against Taehyung’s neck and it tickles again, so he almost bumps his head against Jeongguk’s but doesn’t.

His heart

does

bump really hard against his ribcage, though. Even worse when he allows Jeongguk to turn him around to face him and is met with those sad doe eyes that Taehyung’s always been weak for.

For some reason, now, it feels like he got weaker.

“There you are,” Jeongguk smiles.

“I’m sorry too, for what it’s worth,” Taehyung says again and is about to look away but Jeongguk tilts his head upward again with a finger under his chin and Taehyung feels like he’s on fire.

“I know,” Jeongguk nods. “You’ve apologized so many times already. And I shouldn’t have said that, I just—You took me by surprise, is all.”

“It’s okay,” Taehyung bites the inside of his lip nervously. “And we can talk about it later if you want.”

“About what?”

“Going to Busan,” Taehyung specifies.

“Oh,” he looks as if he almost forgot that they were talking about that in the first place. “Right, yeah, we can… we can talk about it later,” he nods.

“Get a room!” Taehyung suddenly hears his sister’s voice coming into the kitchen and he

almost

pushes Jeongguk away as if they were caught doing something they shouldn’t. But instead, Jeongguk just pulls him closer by his waist where he’s still holding him.

“Shut the fuck up!” Taehyung says instead and leans forward to Jeongguk because it feels right.

He

wants

to.

And, although he also wants to do something else, he kisses the tip of his nose instead.

“Come on, let’s go wake Jonggyu and open the presents,” Taehyung suggests while moving away from Jeongguk, feeling how his face burns a little but trying to act cool about it.

It’s gonna be a long day.
  
In the end, although they did wake up Taehyung’s little brother (and became victims of his wrath because of it), they still had to wait for their parents to return from their visit to their neighbor’s to open the presents.

They followed the same order they always did: from youngest to eldest, so Taehyung had a few minutes to prepare until it was his time.

Their mother got them all matching pajama sets (again) but Taehyung didn’t mind one bit. He loved traditions and that had become one in the past few years.

She always worried about what to get them all since now they were all adults and, whenever they needed something, they would all buy it themselves, so it was a struggle, but a few years ago she decided to gift them more practical things like socks and PJs and, although as a kid Taehyung would have loathed those type of gifts, he did appreciate them now.

Adulthood.

What he didn’t expect was for his mom to also get one for Jeongguk.

“I’m not sure if it will fit you, but I can go and return it if it’s too small!” She told him when it was his turn.

Jeongguk looked as surprised as Taehyung felt, maybe even more.

In fact, he’s had this same expression ever since, after Jaein’s turn, Taehyung told him

‘You’re up’.

“Oh, no, I’m sure it fits,” Jeongguk nods, unfolding it to check it properly. “I love it, really, thank you so much,” he said.

“Now we can all match tonight!” Taehyung’s dad added and he could see in Jeongguk’s eyes how guilt and regret were starting to pile over in his chest just as much as they already were in Taehyng’s.

“There’s something else there for you, hyung!” Jeonggyu mentioned, pointing at the gift that Taehyung brought. “Good thing Santa knows everything and brought your presents here,” he chuckles.

“God, I feel horrible, I didn’t bring anything to you guys—”

“Yes, you did,” Taehyung’s mom smiles and he feels like crying. “Making Taehyungie happy is the best present we could ask for.”

Taehyung feels like he’s the worst person in the entire world for putting his family through this.

He’s not sure if he’s going to be able to stand the entire holidays without telling them the truth because it’s just so fucking hard and heartbreaking to see how happy and excited they are about having Jeongguk be a part of the family when he’s not.

Not really, at least.

Not in the way they think he is.

“Although if you truly feel bad, I wouldn’t mind getting a PS5 or a new phone—”

“Jonggyu!” Taehyung throws one of the couch’s pillows at him.

“Go on, open it!” Jaein says instead and Taehyung can’t help but feel nervous.

In fact, he’s pretty sure he holds his breath the entire time until the gift is unwrapped and he hears Jeongguk’s gasp and sees his wide eyes meet yours.

“Hyung,”

is all he says.

“Merry Christmas, Guk,” Taehyung smiles.

And in a heartbeat, Jeongguk’s thrown himself at him, hugging him so tightly that they both fall on the floor while the rest of the family chuckle.

“How did you—” Jeongguk asks, pulling back enough to look at him

“I have my ways,” Taehyung chuckles. “That’s the one you wanted, right?”

“Yeah!” He lets go of Taehyung in order to pick up his gift again and stares at the box.

Jeongguk had been wanting to buy himself a vintage camera for years, but whether it was because something else came up or because he needed to use that money for other matters, he never did.

So, this year, Taehyung made himself the mission of getting it for him. He

almost

had it for his birthday but the man who was supposed to sell it to him ended up backing out, so it took a bit longer, but he eventually managed to get ahold of it.

“I love it, hyung, thank you so much,” Jeongguk says again, taking out the camera and inspecting it.

“It already has a film inside, so you can start using it tod—” Taehyung starts to say before the

flash

cuts him, Jeongguk aiming the lens at him with the widest grin.

“You two are so in love it’s disgusting,” Jaein groans

“At least they’re not all over each other like you and your last boyfriend…” Jonggyu mumbles under his breath and Taehyung has to bite his lips not to laugh because the youngest Kim is right.

“Alright, enough bickering, kids,” Taehyung’s father steps in. “Taehyung-ah, it’s your turn now!”

And he thinks that he doesn’t really care that much about what he gets anymore because the smile and the bright shine behind Jeongguk’s eyes as he reads the instructions and everything from the camera is enough of a present to him.

You guys are so in love it’s disgusting,

Jaein’s voice comes back to him as he reaches for his first gift: the matching PJ set.

Maybe they are just very good at pretending.

Or maybe… they

are.

Jeongguk got Taehyung a limited edition art piece from one of his favorite artists.

He couldn’t bring it with him without it being suspicious but he gave him a voucher with a picture of Jeongguk with it as proof and Taehyung almost cried again.

Yeah, he thinks he might be. 
  
“I’m not a big fan of this idea,” Taehyung complains for what feels like the tenth time in the past hour.

“Well, sucks to be you, hyung, but we’re going,” Jeongguk chuckles as he puts a hat over Taehyung’s head. “You owe me… many, actually.”

“I know I do, but does it have to be

this?”

“I mean, the point of you owing me and me claiming said debts is that you don’t actually want to do it but

have to,”

Jeongguk points out and Taehyung sighs.

That does make sense, but he still hates it.

“You know you’re going to have to take me to the hospital after, right?”

“No, I won’t,” Jeongguk laughs and puts his brand-new camera around his neck.

He’s been taking pictures all day of the smallest things, even if Taehyung told him to save the film for more important pictures, he didn’t care.

He documented Taehyung and his siblings bickering, documented them preparing lunch together and also the table once it was set with all the food already.

In return, though, Taehyung took a picture of Jeongguk while he took a little nap after lunch.

He’ll see that one when he develops the film.

“Fine, let’s go before I accidentally chain myself to the bed to avoid going,” Taehyung stands and reels in the laugh that bubbles up Jeongguk’s throat.

“As kinky as usual, hyung,” he shakes his head and zips up his coat.

“Oh, fuck off,” he groans as they get out of the room.

Taehyung’s siblings had plans with their friends as well today, so the house is a bit quieter right now since his parents are downstairs watching TV.

“We’re heading out to see the lights and everything!” Taehyung announces as he gets his boots on by the door.

“And ice skating,” Jeongguk adds because he has to. He is so pleased with himself and Taehyung is fearing for his life.

“Ice skating? Taehyung?” His father looks away from the television to look at him surprised.

“What can I say? Love makes you do crazy things,” Taehyung groans. He didn’t even need to fake that one. “Keep your phones close in case I slip and break my neck or something.”

“Oh, don’t say that!” His mother gasps, scandalized. “You guys be careful, yeah? It’s very cold.”

“We will,” Taehyung gets a set of keys from behind the door and opens the door for Jeongguk to step out first into the chill afternoon.

The sun is almost set completely which means the temperatures will only drop further from there, but they’ve brought all the equipment necessary: hand warmers, gloves, scarves, hats…

There’s still snow on the pavement from this morning but most of it has turned to ice already, so the roads are slippery.

“Careful,” Jeongguk tells him the first time Taehyung’s step wobbles and offers his arm so that he can hold onto it. “Those boots are

not

made for ice.”

“I mean, I didn’t exactly plan on leaving the warmth and comfort of my home, you know?” Taehyung chuckles.

“Really? You bought me a beautiful vintage camera and you didn’t think I would want to go out and take pictures of the city life?”

“I mean, I assumed

you

would want to, but I hoped you wouldn’t want to drag me with you,” Taehyung admits. “I mean, I thought maybe you would need a break from me and my family—”

“I would drag you with me anywhere, hyung,” Jeongguk cuts him off and he’s not sure if it sounds reassuring or like a threat. “Plus, what’s the point of taking pictures without my best model?”

“Oh, I’m your model now? For free?” Taehyung teases him, still holding Jeongguk’s arm as they carefully walk down his childhood road to the main square where the Christmas lights are and where they spotted the ice rink the other day.

“Mhm, for free,” Jeongguk nods. “I mean, I’d argue the fact that I’m here is payment enough.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Where do you want me, then? On that lightpost? On the bench? Naked in bed?” The teasing comes out naturally to Taehyung but, for some reason, as the words leave his lips, he regrets them.

In fact, he’s pretty sure that Jeongguk freezes by his side and it has nothing to do with the drop in temperature.

The silence between them is muted by the Christmas melodies that are playing in the distance as they approach the square and by the laughing children who run past them in a snowball fight.

“Hold on,” Jeongguk stops walking and opens his coat enough to bring the camera out and Taehyung watches him as he focuses hard on taking the perfect shot.

He’s got his lip between his teeth the way he always does when he’s focused on something, and Taehyung almost wishes he could snap a picture of him instead.

After the flash goes off, he puts the camera down, but this time, he doesn’t button his coat.

“You’ll get cold, Guk,” Taehyung points out and, before they resume their walk, Taehyung stands in front of him and buttons it for him, leaving the camera out so that he can access it better without having to undo it again.

“T-Thanks,” he stutters. Or maybe his teeth are clicking from the cold, he’s not sure.

They keep walking, arm in arm, although the sidewalk they’re on right now has been cleared of snow so there’s no danger of it being slippery anymore.

“Oh, wow,” Taehyung can’t help but gasp when they arrive at the main square and he sees the decorations.

It seems like this year they knew that there was someone new coming and they wanted to impress him as much as Taehung did because he doesn’t remember it ever being this bright before.

The tree is the same one they always put on, and he’s glad that, unlike in other major cities, it’s an

actual

tree and not just lights that look like one.

The kids in all the schools around the city decorate it through their last days of school before the break. Taehyung remembers doing it when he was a kid and leaving his own mark on it that he would later show his parents when they brought him to see it again.

Since it’s a tall tree, the higher parts weren’t done by them, but the decorations

were

theirs, too.

The rest of the square is all lit up, too. All the buildings’ façades are decorated with lights and ribbons, making it look like a giant present.

“It’s beautiful,” Jeongguk lets out, too, pointing the camera at the tree behind Taehyung. And he snaps the shot before Taehyung can move away.

“You should’ve told me to move away!” Taehyung complains but Jeongguk just shakes his head and turns to face the other buildings.

“You’re as much part of the Christmas experience here, hyung,” is the only explanation he gives him.

“But I probably ruined the shot.”

“Nah, I don’t think you ever could,” he confidently adds before he takes another picture.

The sound of children skating is louder now that they’re closer, and the jingling bells and sound of choirs also fill the square coming out of the speakers that they’ve spread across it to fill it with festive cheer.

“Are you sure you want to do this? What if we fall and we break the camera? Trust me when I tell you it was

not

an easy thing to find,” Taehyung tries to bargain again. If Jeongguk doesn’t care about his best friend’s tailbone being destroyed, maybe he will care about his precious newly acquired item.

“I still can’t believe you got it,” Jeongguk shakes his head, clearly not having heard a word Taehyung said. “How did you?”

“I told you, I have my ways,” Taehyung shrugs. “I’m just glad that you liked it.”

“Were you scared I wouldn’t? I literally haven’t stopped talking about this for years,” Jeongguk chuckles, still holding it tightly.

“Well, yeah, I know, but… I don’t know,” Taehyung chuckles, embarrassed for some reason. “Gift-giving is always a bit nerve-wracking.”

“Well, I love it, hyung,” he repeats. “And I love you.”

“Mhm, I love you, too, even if you want to murder me in cold blood by making me ice skate,” Taehyung rolls his eyes and Jeongguk laughs.

“I mean, I already got this, so…” he lifts the camera, and Taehyung gasps, making his best friend laugh even harder. “I’m joking,” he sing-songs to the tune of yet another Christmas carol. “Let’s go before it gets even busier!”

And he reaches for Taehyung’s hand and starts walking to the queue at the ice rink.

There’s a sign next to the ticketing booth that states that there’s a ten-minute wait time, so Taehyung decides to do something that will avoid them freezing while they wait.

“I’ll be right back,” he says and Jeongguk turns to look at him confused. “I’m not gonna run off now, don’t worry.”

“And where are you going?” he questions.

“It’s a surprise, but I promise I’m not leaving you here.” Jeongguk glares at him as if he’s not entirely convinced, but Taehyung still leaves, even if he feels Jeongguk’s gaze on the back of his head as he crosses the square to go to an old café that’s around the corner and he knows sells the best hot chocolate in the city.

The old lady there has been tending to the store for as long as Taehyung can remember, and she still remembers him, apparently.

“What will it be today, dear?” she asks him.

“Two hot chocolate cups and… are those churros?” he asks surprised.

“They are! My grandkids said that they would sell well, so, we made them this year,” she smiles at him. “Want some, too?”

“Yes, please! Two of those, too,” he nods.

In hindsight, maybe he should’ve told Jeongguk to come with him if only to not have to carry everything by himself, but hopefully, they give him some cupholders for the chocolate which makes the delivery easier.

When he returns to the queue, Jeongguk’s advanced a few places, but he’s looking at his phone so he doesn’t see Taehyung arrive until he’s next to him.

“Is this spot taken?” he asks, morphing his voice to make it even lower than usual and it startles Jeongguk.

“Fuck you,” he chuckles once he sees it’s him. “Wh—”

“Hot choco and churros?” Taehyung offers. “Or should I have both?” Of course, Jeongguk doesn’t even get to reply before Taehyung is handing him his share. “I thought we might as well while we wait.”

“Smart,” Jeongguk nods before he takes a bite of his churro. “Oh, these are great.”

“Wait until you try the chocolate…” Taehyung warns before he takes a sip himself but he burns off his tongue.

“Too hot?” Jeongguk chuckles.

“Just a little,” Taehyung replies with his tongue out so he’s not quite sure if his words were understood at all. Thankfully, the cold helps soothe it.

The queue keeps advancing as they enjoy their little snack and, eventually, Taehyung’s most dreaded moment arrives.

“Two tickets, please,” Jeongguk tells the girl inside the booth.

“Did you bring your own skates or do you need to rent them?” She asks.

“Rent,” Jeongguk nods and, when asked, he gives her both their shoe sizes. Taehyung is a bit surprised that his friend knows his. And, when the girl gives them the sum to pay, Jeongguk turns to Taehyung with a wide smile. “He’ll pay,” he says.

Of course.

“I fucking hate you,” Taehyung mumbles to Jeongguk as he steps forward to pay for it.

“You owe me,” Jeongguk whispers in his ear and he can hear the grin behind it, too. He hopes Jeongguk’s the one to fall on his ass in the rink, but he knows his best friend well enough to know that he won’t.

Taehyung pays and the girl hands them their skates so that they can get ready.

“I’m so excited!” Jeongguk admits as if it wasn’t obvious by the way his legs keep bounding while he sits as if he were a rabbit. “Are you actually scared or are you just being dramatic?”

“I mean, I

am

scared,” Taehyung chuckles. “I suck at this, you know I have shit coordination.”

“Have you ever tried?” Jeongguk asks.

“I did, yeah. When I was a kid I thought I was good because they had one of those penguin things that you hold onto so that you don’t fall and I thought it was so easy but… yeah, no. When I got older and tried again, I fell and got a cut from the skates and I decided never to do it again.”

“A cut? Where?” Jeongguk frowns.

“You know the scar I have on my thigh?” Taehyung asks, not sure if his friend ever noticed it. But Jeongguk, to his surprise, nods. “There.”

“How the fuck did you cut your thigh?” He laughs.

“I don’t know, but I did,” Taehyung shrugs. “So, you know, I’d rather not get hurt now, if possible.”

“You’ll be fine, hyung, I’ll be by your side the entire time,” Jeongguk stands and holds out his hands for Taehyung to take them so that he can stand as well. “There’s no way I’m letting you fall, trust me,” he reassures him as they slowly take steps to get out on the ice.

And, as they start to slowly skate, Jeongguk skates backward so that he can hold Taehyung’s hands to make sure that he doesn’t get hurt, he thinks that it might be too late for him.

He thinks he might’ve already fallen.
  
Taehyung will never admit it to Jeongguk, but he actually had fun.

Even if he did end up falling and landing on his ass a few times, he still had fun. And it was incredibly entertaining to watch Jeongguk move across the ice as if he was born for it.

There’s something Taehyung grew to get used to when it comes to his best friend and it’s the fact that, even if he doesn’t even try, he will excel at everything. And, of course, ice skating was not an exception.

Jeongguk also took a few shots of Taehyung on the ice that he hopes he never gets to see because he’s pretty sure his posture was horrid, but his best friend couldn’t stop smiling the entire time they were in there, so it was worth it.

They decided to head back home when it started to snow a little again, and when they get home, as Taehyung is opening the door, he hears Jeongguk gasp.

“What?” he asks, turning and seeing how Jeongguk is looking above him, so he follows his gaze and sees it.

Mistletoe.

That wasn’t there before.

Taehyung would have noticed.

His eyes find Jeongguk’s again and suddenly, all the laughter and the bubbliness that had surrounded his best friend through the entire afternoon seems to have gone with the wind.

No kissing,

he’d stated his only condition before he agreed to this.

And if there’s mistletoe?

Taehyung had jokingly asked back then.

I’ll burn it.

But what seems to be burning right now instead is Taehyung’s desire to pull from his best friend’s scarf until his lips are pressed against his and he can taste the sweetness of the chocolate on them with the excuse of the mistletoe hanging over them. As if it were an unstoppable force, as if, not doing it, cursed you in any way.

It doesn’t.

They could just ignore it.

In fact, they

should

ignore it.

But Taehyung’s still staring at Jeongguk like he’s waiting for him to do something, to

say

something, but he doesn’t.

Instead, he takes out the camera and aims it at the little branch over Taehyung’s head.

Click. Flash.

Taehyung opens the door and Jeongguk walks inside first. And, as he watches him go up the stairs after removing his boots, Taehyung reaches over to yank the branch off and puts it in his pocket.

He could’ve thrown it away, but he doesn’t.
  
Jeongguk’s in the shower when Taehyung calls Jimin.

He went to his little brother’s room to make sure that his best friend didn’t accidentally hear him, because, for the first time since he’s met him, Taehyung thinks he’s keeping something from him.

Something big.

Something scary.

Something he’d rather not know himself, either, but it’s becoming increasingly harder to keep a secret.

“You were right,” that’s the first thing Taehyung says after Jimin picks up the phone.

“Oh, I love to hear that, thank you very much,”

his friend chuckles.

“About what, exactly?”

Taehyung exhales loudly. He

knows

that Jimin is fully aware of what he’s referring to but, as usual, his friend is tricking him into

saying it.

Into admitting it.

“It was a mistake to bring Jeongguk here,” he ends up saying, instead.

“What happened?”

Jimin asks, now, and for some reason, he doesn’t sound as cheerful as he did before Taehyung said those words.

“Are you guys alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re fine. It’s just… You were right. I should’ve come by myself or just told them the truth but now… they were so happy, Jimin, you should’ve seen the look on my mom’s face when she saw it was Jeongguk. And I

hate

to lie to them because it’s going to break their hearts when I tell them that it was all a lie or when I tell them that it’s over,” he lays back on his brother’s bed.

“Of course, they’re happy, Tae. They want to see you happy and there’s no one that makes you happier than he does,”

Jimin points out and Taehyung hates that he’s right.

“There’s no lie there, and they probably can see it, too.”

“That’s the problem! Because it

is

a lie! We’re not together!” He feels like he might be the one needing the reminder more than Jimin. “But…”

“But?”

Taehyung hears rustling on the other side of the line and he assumes his friend just sat upright.

“But what?”

“I don’t know, Jimin, it’s just… Everything is so confusing,” Taehyung admits. “It’s like suddenly everything changed, you know? Like I can’t tease him the way I did before, whenever he says something about me or something it makes my heart act so stupid like—”

“Like what?”

Jimin pushes him again.

“Oh, fuck off, you’re doing this on purpose,” Taehyung complains. “Can’t you come to your own conclusions for once?”

“Honey, I’ve had my own conclusions for years,”

Jimin laughs.

“I just want to hear you say it.”

“What?” Taehyung asks out loud. “What do you mean

for years?”

“Come on, Tae… I think you’re the only one who doesn’t see it”,

Jimin points out, and all at once, the voices from his family these past two days come rushing back to him.

“You love him.”

“Of course, I love him,” Taehyung says like it’s the easiest thing in the world because it is. “He knows that, I even told him today!”

“Not like a friend. Not like a best friend. Or rather,

more

than just like a best friend,”

Jimin points out.

“I—” Taehyung gulps. “I’m scared, Jimin.”

“I know you are, which is why I said this was a fucking horrible idea. I knew this would happen, and I knew at least one of you, if not both, would end up calling me crying in the middle of the night.”

“I’m not crying and it’s eight,” Taehyung points out like it matters. It doesn’t. He’s just stalling. “Wait, why do you mean one of us?”

“And to think that you claim to be the smartest one of us,”

Jimin mumbles.

“You figure it out, big guy. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m about to go into the movies with my nephews, so I gotta leave you.”

“Oh, right, sorry, um—Merry Christmas to you and your family,” Taehyung says automatically as if his mind wasn’t elsewhere.

“Yours, too. And say hi to Guk from me, yeah?”

Jimin says and Taehyung can hear his nephews calling from him, so he says goodbye again before he hangs up.

And it’s as he does that he hears his mom calling his name from downstairs.

“What is it?” he says opening the door to the attic where his brother sleeps.

“Honey, it’s Jeongguk—”

“What happened?” he rushes down to meet his mom.

“I was calling you, couldn’t you hear—”

“Mom what happened?!”

“He left,” she says. “Your dad is taking him to the train station, now. His mom called him, he said. Something about his grandma.”

No.

No, no, no.

“Why didn’t he—” Taehyung starts to say and then freezes.

What if he

did

try and tell him before he left?

What if he heard his conversation with Jimin?

What if he got freaked out?

“He told me he’d call you when he got there,” his mother tells him and Taehyung feels like crying. In fact, he thinks he might be. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry, come here,” she hugs him and he’s still in shock.

“I—I gotta call him,” Taehyung says but something tells him he won’t pick up. Something tells him that he might have put his phone on airplane mode until he gets to Busan.

And part of him hopes that the reason why he left is his conversation with Jimin and not because something

actually

happened to his grandma, but Jeongguk wouldn’t lie about something like that.

And it’s then that Taehyung admits it to himself.

He does love Jeongguk as more than just his best friend.

And he might be a bit too late to tell him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jeongguk remembers thinking that the

‘Train to Busan’

film had been scary when he watched it with his friends at the movies. He remembers thinking that he’d taken that same train so many times to go back and forth from university back home for the holidays. However, as he sits in the seat that he managed to book last minute and looks through the window at the dark and snowy view, with his phone on airplane mode because he used up all his battery throughout the day and there are no working outlets where he can plug it and only his own thoughts to keep him company for two and a half hours, he thinks

this

scenario is far scarier.

Jeongguk’s heart keeps hammering against his ribcage as he remembers the panic in his mother’s voice when she called. She even had the nerve to tell him that he didn’t need to go, that they’d be fine, but there was no way Jeongguk would listen.

Especially after he was already panicked about his and Taehyung’s situation.

He’d known from the beginning that it was a bad idea, but he felt a bit like Icarus and wanted to get a taste of what the warmth of the sun felt like. Wanted to get a taste of what dating Taehyung would feel like, even if it was fake. Even if he

did

tell him that kissing was off-limits.

After having been in love with his best friend for years, he thought he would be able to handle it.

But one look under the mistletoe from Taehyung and he was done for. And he

almost

broke his own rule, but he managed to stand his ground, managed to keep himself at bay even if it hurt.

It hurt to have such feelings, it hurt to want him in a way that Jeongguk knew for sure wasn’t reciprocated.

So, as he was in the shower, he was practicing a speech that he planned on giving Taehyung later that night. He was planning on telling him. After years of hiding it, all it took was a mistletoe branch for Jeongguk to decide to tell Taehyung. He wasn’t expecting anything in return, just for him to know just so that he could maybe act in a way that didn’t make Jeongguk want to tear his heart out and give it away.

Because the truth is that, every time Taehyung held his hand, hugged, or kissed his face, Jeongguk fell even harder.

So, he was getting ready to confess to his best friend when the song that had been playing on his phone abruptly cut, and the ringtone he had for his mother started playing.

Jeongguk sighed and let it ring. After all, he was almost done and could call her back later.

But it rang again, which worried him enough to close the tab and reach out for his phone.

Needless to say, after the brief conversation, Jeongguk didn’t even finish showering. He just wiped off the soap and dressed as quickly as he could while trying to book himself a train ticket.

But, before he got them, he went back out to the room to tell Taehyung, but he wasn’t there.

He tried calling for him, looking for him when he eventually heard his voice coming from his younger brother’s room.

And only one phrase was enough to halt Jeongguk’s feet.

“It was a mistake to bring Jeongguk here.”

He closes his eyes and tries to get Taehyung’s voice off his head, but he can’t.

Everything was a blur after that: he booked one ticket and bumped against Taehyung’s dad who saw how upset he was and offered to drive him to the station.

Jeongguk left without saying goodbye like a coward but he had bigger things to worry about at that moment.

He can see his reflection in the window as the train takes him away, the lights from Daegu slowly dimming and Jeongguk just sighs, wiping away a tear that dared to slide down his face as he prays for the first time in years that his grandma will be okay. 
  
It’s been two days since Jeongguk arrived in Busan and he still hasn’t talked to Taehyung. Not properly.

He texted him to let him know that he made it home as he promised Mrs. Kim that he would, but nothing beyond that.

It’s not that Jeongguk is actively avoiding him (at least, that’s what he’s telling himself), but he’s been too busy helping around the house and taking shifts at the hospital to stay with his grandma while his mom goes home to rest.

Thankfully, his grandma is alright.

She had a heart attack, but they managed to bring her in in time and she is stable now.

They are keeping her in the hospital mainly to keep her in check and monitor her heart but mostly because it’s the weekend and the Christmas holidays and there are fewer doctors available and many patients to attend to.

“Jeongguk, dear,” his grandma calls from the bed. She’d been asleep when Jeongguk came to switch with his mother a few hours ago and he hadn’t wanted to wake her. After all, she still had a few hours before the nurses returned, according to what his mother had told him.

“Hi, Grandma,” he smiles, standing to walk to her and hold her hand. It’s a bit cold, so he puts it under the covers right after. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

“I’m alright,” she nods. “This bed is so uncomfortable, though, I want to go home,” she complains and Jeongguk’s smile is sad.

“I know… Hopefully, we can go home tomorrow,” Jeongguk smiles even if he doubts it. At least, it might help her feel a bit hopeful. “Are you thirsty or anything?” She nods at that, so Jeongguk heads to pick up one of the cups and fills it with water, adding a straw so that she can take small sips.

“You know you didn’t need to come, right?” She asks after a while and Jeongguk just glares at her. “Don’t look at me like that! I am fine. The doctors said that I’m out of danger now—”

“They said that you still need to watch what you eat and try to go out on walks around the neighborhood,” Jeongguk cuts her.

“Well, yes, but I’m fine,” she chuckles. “You could’ve stayed with your friend.”

“I wanted to be here with you,” he sits down and crosses his arms. He feels both very adult and like a little kid. “He—he understands.”

“Did you talk to him?” she asks and Jeongguk doesn’t reply. “Jeongguk…”

“I told him that I got here safely and that you’re doing better,” he shrugs.

“That’s not what I meant,” she smiles a bit. “You know, your mother told me about him. And about

you.”

Great.

So now, his grandma also knows that he’s in love with his best friend.

His

guy

best friend.

“Grandma—”

“I just want you to know that sometimes, one has to take a leap of faith when it comes to love before it’s too late. Look at me, one never knows what tomorrow might bring, so we better make the most of the time we have with those we love.”

“I thought you said you were fine and out of danger,” Jeongguk tells her.

“And I am. That doesn’t mean that I couldn’t get another heart attack in a few months or years. We never know, my dear. I know it’s scary. Trust me, I remember. I remember falling in love, I remember the rush and the anxiousness of it. I remember how intense it feels and how much it hurts when it goes wrong. Do you remember Grandpa?” She asks Jeongguk. He’d been a little boy when his grandpa passed away, but he still hears his voice now and then. Jeongguk nods. “When we got married, love wasn’t really in the picture. It was more of a convenience than anything else, but with time, we grew to love each other. I fell in love with him for the little things, and when I lost him, I lost a part of myself, too. But that’s what love

is.

You give yourself to someone wholeheartedly even if it might hurt in the end.”

“But he’s my best friend,” Jeongguk points out like it matters. “What if everything changes?”

“Isn’t that the ultimate goal? For everything to change?” She smiles at him.

“But I like how things are now… I’d rather stay just friends with him than lose him.”

“How do you know that you will? What makes you think that he might not feel the same?”

“Because I know he doesn’t,” Jeongguk says confidently. “He doesn’t love me like that.”

Jeongguk’s grandma doesn’t seem that convinced but says nothing about it.

“Well, all I want is for you to be happy, my dear. And I saw the pictures you sent your mother from you two and you look so happy with him.”

“I am—”

“Then chase that happiness, whatever form it may have.”

That is the last thing she says before the nurses come back to check her charts and bring her the medication she needs to take for the day, and it leaves Jeongguk with many more thoughts than he had, replaying the speech that he’d been practicing in the shower just before he ran away from Daegu.

Just before he ran away from Taehyung and his feelings. 
  
He’s exhausted.

His brain is fried and due to that, he’s been having trouble sleeping.

One would assume that being in his childhood bedroom might help him sleep since he is in a comfortable and familiar environment, but he can’t.

He stays wide awake, staring at the ceiling, worrying about everything, and feeling his own heart beat funnily.

Maybe he should ask the doctors at the hospital to check him just in case he’s also having a heart attack or something.

He’s home after the hospital now. He had to stay there for longer today because his mother had another previous engagement that she almost canceled but Jeongguk told her that she should go and that he could stay with his grandma for as long as necessary.

After all, his mother has been shouldering the burden of staying at the hospital every night since the rest of her siblings are away on holidays and she’s the only one that can stay.

She and Jeongguk, of course.

Today, he helped his grandma take a little stroll down the hospital halls as instructed by the nurses and, thankfully, his grandma didn’t want to talk about Taehyung today.

But he is home and he’s staring at his phone, at his lock screen picture which is one that Jimin took of him and Taehyung last summer when they all went to Jeju together.

He misses him and he hates it.

He misses him because he’s pretty sure that they haven’t spent this long without talking to each other before, but every time he thinks of calling or reaching out, Taehyung’s voice comes to haunt him.

He regretted Jeongguk being there.

And, although Jeongguk himself thought that it wasn’t a good idea, to hear it from Taehyung hurt.

But he knows he’s being petty because he can see that Taehyung actually did reach out to check on him and on his grandma and he’s just being difficult on purpose.

It’s almost midnight and he’s not sure if calling now would be the smartest idea but before he can chicken out, he presses Taehyung’s contact and lets it ring.

And it rings.

And rings.

Until Jeongguk hears the voice that’s been haunting him for the past four days.

“Guk?”

Taehyung sounds as out of breath as Jeongguk feels just from waiting.

“Hi, hyung,” he almost whispers, shame filling every fiber of his body because Taehyung sounds so worried. “Sorry, I didn’t call before—”

“It’s alright, I—How are you? How’s your grandma?”

he asks.

“She’s alright, she… she had a heart attack but Mom brought her to the hospital in time, so she’s fine. Still at the hospital, though.”

“God, that’s… That must have been so scary, I’m sorry.”

Jeongguk hates that he knows him well enough that, even if he can’t see him, he knows Taehyung’s biting his lip nervously.

“Why are you sorry?” he chuckles a little bit. “It’s not like you could’ve done something to stop it.”

“No, but if it weren’t for me, you would’ve been there,”

Taehyung points out.

“I am here now,” is what Jeongguk replies. “So, don’t blame yourself, alright? We’ve got enough of that going around here, too.”

“And how are you?”

Taehyung asks again as if Jeongguk hadn’t ignored that part of his question on purpose.

“I… I’m okay,” he lets out and it takes a second for Taehyung to point out that he’s lying. “I’m not lying, I’m just… I don’t know.”

“I’d rather you tell me that you don’t know than pretend to be okay when you’re not, you know this,”

Taehyung says.

“And it’s okay not to be okay in times like these, Guk. It’s scary.”

“Yeah…” he lays down on his bed and closes his eyes, exhaustion getting the best of him. “I wish you were here,” he admits before his brain can stop his heart. Or maybe he doesn’t say it out loud, because Taehyung doesn’t say anything back.

“I… Guk, there’s something—”

Taehyung’s words get cut off when someone barges into his room and Jeongguk’s entire world freezes when he hears what they’re singing.

He forgot.

Taehyung’s family keeps singing on the other side of the line and Taehyung doesn’t hang up the phone.

“Hyung, hyung, it’s fine, I’ll—”

“No! No, don’t hang up,”

he tells Jeongguk, and the room quiets.

“Don’t hang up,”

he says again.

“It’s okay, I should head to bed too because I have to be at the hospital tomorrow at eight, anyway,” he tells him. “But I want to also say happy birthday,” he smiles. “I’m sorry I’m not there to celebrate like I was supposed to.”

“Oh, no, please, don’t apologize, it’s okay,”

Taehyung is quick to reassure him.

“Getting your call was the best present I could ask for, anyway.”

And there it is again: Jeongguk’s heart speeding up and acting all funny even if Jeongguk is pretty sure that he’s joking.

It’s been years since he’s felt this way about Taehyung but he doesn’t think it’s ever been this bad.

He’s always been able to act normally around his best friend but, right now, just a phrase from him and Jeongguk is coming undone in his childhood bedroom.

“Have a good day tomorrow, hyung, and… well, happy birthday, again.”

“Thanks, Gukie,”

he hears the smile on Taehyung’s lips as the nickname pours out.

“I miss you too, you know?”

And, like the coward Jeongguk has certified himself to be, after another good night, he hangs up and covers his face with his hands, wanting to scream.

Maybe he shouldn’t be so afraid of everything changing because, unfortunately, Jeongguk feels like it already has. 
  
Jimin’s hugs have always been healing as far as Jeongguk is concerned.

He’s outside of the hospital where Jimin told him to meet him since he is probably going to spend the entire day there today and, for the first time since he arrived in Busan, he allows himself to cry a little.

“Why didn’t you call me as soon as you got here? Didn’t Taehyung tell you I was also here for the break?” Jimin asks, pulling him back enough to look at him and his smile is sad.

“I—I forgot hyung, I’m sorry,” Jeongguk admits. “It was just a lot and my phone was dying so—”

“It’s alright, Guk,” Jimin reassures him. “I’m just glad that your grandma is okay. But how are you?”

“I’m—”

“No lies, please,” he points out and Jeongguk rolls his eyes.

“You talked to Taehyung, right?” He wants to sound accusatory, but he doesn’t.

“I talk to Taehyung quite often, actually,” Jimin chuckles. “But no, I didn’t talk to him. I just know you.”

Jeongguk sighs and hugs Jimin again. That feels like enough of an answer, he thinks.

“I told you not to accept, Guk,” Jimin tells him and Jeongguk wants to point out that right now is not the best time to pull out an

I told you so

out of his ass, but Jimin is right.

He did warn him.

And Jeongguk was dumb enough not to listen.

“I thought it would be fine,” he whispers.

“Just because you’ve been in love with him for five years and have managed to successfully keep it secret and act normal around him didn’t mean that you’d be able to pretend to be together in front of his entire family without feeling a thing.”

“I know, hyung! I know, now,” he snaps a little bit, making people around them turn to look at them which makes him apologize. “I know, alright? It was fucking stupid and now I can’t even talk to him.”

“You still haven’t called him? You know today’s—”

“I called him last night,” Jeongguk cuts him off. “At midnight.”

“Aw, that’s romantic,” Jimin teases him and Jeongguk feels even worse.

“I didn’t remember,” he admits. “I would’ve hung up and gone to bed without wishing him a happy birthday if his family hadn’t barged into his room to sing it to him. I completely forgot and I feel horrible about it.”

“Oh, Guk,” Jimin’s expression turns sad. “It’s normal, babe, you’ve been on a never-ending loop of repeating the same day going back and forth from the hospital. No wonder you don’t know what day it is.”

“But it’s his birthday, hyung! It’s my best friend’s birthday and I forgot and—”

“Your grandma is in the hospital, Guk. Taehyung knows

that

is much more important than his birthday.”

And, deep down, Jeongguk knows that Jimin is right but it doesn’t remove the sour taste from his mouth whenever he remembers.

“It was so hard, hyung,” Jeongguk admits after a while. “To pretend.”

“I know,” Jimin hugs him again. “You… did you…”

“Nothing happened,” Jeongguk tells him even though he’s pretty sure Jimin must know already if, as he said, he talks to Taehyung that often.

Although, if he’s honest, maybe they don’t talk about him at all.

“Before this whole thing started, I told him that I drew the line at kissing,” Jeongguk tells him. “I don’t actually hate myself that much to torture myself with that.”

“And how did that work out for you?” Jimin asks, probably already guessing that it backfired.

“Horribly,” Jeongguk admits. “It only made me want to kiss him more.”

“Then why didn’t you?” Jimin asks and Jeongguk’s eyes widen so much that he fears they might fall out of their sockets. Good thing they’re already at the hospital if anything like that were to happen.

“Why

would

I?” Jeongguk asks, almost scandalized. “Taehyung wouldn’t even want that—”

“How do you know?” Jimin asks so naturally that Jeongguk thinks his friend might have gone insane.

He’s known both Jeongguk and Taehyung for long enough to know them better than themselves, but he also knows that through all the time that Jeongkook has been in love with Taehyung, his best friend did not feel the same at all.

“I just do, alright? Plus, I didn’t want to kiss him there, it wouldn’t feel…”

“Right?” Jimin tries to guess but Jeongguk shakes his head.

“No… It wouldn’t feel real. I’ve been… I’ve been in love with him for five years now. If I ever do kiss him, which I doubt, I don’t want it to be part of a game or any stupid shit like that. I want it to be real. I want him to want it, too.”

Jimin takes a few heartbeats to take in Jeongguk’s words, but eventually, he nods.

“Why did you think everyone in Taehyung’s family bought it so much?” Jimin asks, then. “Why did no one question it?”

“Because we were great actors with a rehearsed plan to make sure that we could answer all their questions to their satisfaction,” Jeongguk nods and Jimin lifts his brow. “What?”

“Nothing, I was just curious,” his friend says like he knows something Jeongguk doesn’t. “But anyway, I should head back home now. We gotta start preparations for the New Year’s party my brother is throwing,” he chuckles. “You should come if you want!”

“I—Thanks, hyung, but I’m not sure I will… After all, it looks like grandma will still spend the night here today, so I’ll very highly be exhausted.”

“Well, if you change your mind, you know where I live,” Jimin hugs him one more time and pats his back. “And one last advice before I leave, try to

not

take things for granted.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeongguk frowns as Jimin walks away. “Hyung!”

“Just stop thinking you know everything, Guk! And just… listen.”

“To what?” But all Jimin does is twirl and give him a wink and a smile before he keeps walking down the stairs of the hospital, leaving Jeongguk there with his thoughts.

Again. 
  
New Year’s Eve comes with cold winds but cloudless skies.

It also comes with Jeongguk’s grandmother’s discharge from the hospital, which feels like a blessing.

Of course, they still need to monitor her to make sure that she’s alright, which means that she will be staying at Jeongguk’s house for a few days.

Jeongguk is helping her get settled into his younger brother’s room for the night since he’s going to be away with friends to celebrate the new year and, by the time he returns, Jeongguk will most likely be back in Seoul, so he can take his bed instead.

When his mother told him the good news, Jeongguk started clearing out drawers so that he could walk to his grandmother’s house and bring some things over so that they didn’t need to go back and forth between both houses more times than necessary so, by the time his grandma arrives, the room is ready for her.

“You’re such a good kid, Jeongguk,” his grandmother hugs him tightly. She feels a bit more brittle than the last time he saw her but, after all, a stay at a hospital is never that great when it comes to food.

“You raised me well,” he chuckles and helps her get inside the bed. “If you need anything, call and either Mom, Dad, or I will come, alright?”

“Okay,” she nods and reaches out to turn on the TV. That is also one of the reasons why Jeongguk set her up here and not in his bedroom, because his brother has a TV and he doesn’t, and he knows how much his grandma loves her dramas.

He exits the room and heads straight to his mother to hug her, too.

“Please, go take a nap,” Jeongguk tells her. “I’ll take care of lunch and everything—”

“I’m fine, darling, don’t worry.”

“I know, but still,” he starts pushing her toward her bedroom. “I’ll take care of everything. If I need you, I’ll wake you, but you haven’t slept properly in like five days, Mom.”

After one long sigh, she nods and allows herself to be taken to her room.

“Thank you, baby,” she holds his face before she gets in bed. Jeongguk just smiles and pulls down the blinds so that she can have some sense of darkness and sleep for longer.

He closes the door and heads to the kitchen to check what they have on the fridge in case he needs to go to the shop down the road and get anything.

Since tomorrow all shops will be closed, he decides to make a list and go shopping anyway.

After all, his mother’s car is now available so he can go to a bigger supermarket where they’ll have everything he needs instead.

Before he leaves, though, he goes back to his granda’s bedroom to warn her that he’ll be gone for a bit and that his mother is asleep, but she’s too engrossed in the TV to pay him much mind.

“The youth…” Jeongguk chuckles as he closes the door again and heads to his room to get his coat and heads out to go shopping.

The streets are buzzing because, although it is windy and cold, it is a lovely day overall and his neighbors are using it to enjoy the final day of the year.

It feels crazy to think that another year has gone by in the blink of an eye.

Jeongguk remembers when he was a kid and the adults always complained that time flew the older you got. Jeongguk never quite believed it but he’s suddenly twenty-seven and he barely remembers most of his past few years because they went by so fast.

However, there is something that’s a constant in all of his memories, or rather, someone.

Taehyung.

He’s spent most of his twenties by his side and just the thought of losing him makes him want to cry.

It’s such a scary thought, and he hates that he’s the one to blame for having been distant these past few days but he hopes that, as Jimin said, Taehyung understands and doesn’t blame him for it, even if Jeongguk feels like maybe he could’ve done more than he did.

He drives with a Christmas playlist in the background, the playlist he made for the drive down to Daegu from Seoul that was still open on his phone since then.

It reminds him of Taehyung singing the tunes as he drove, it reminds him of the times they spent together at the Kim's residence, the slight touches, the smiles, the glances…

The feeling of waking up wrapped around him, even if Taehyung bolted out of the room the second Jeongguk gave away that he was awake, as he feared he would.

He did it on purpose. He’d been awake for a few minutes, thriving in the way Taehyung’s body felt around him, wrapped so tightly like they were puzzle pieces made to fit.

But he knew it wasn’t real.

He knew it was all a farce.

So, he moved and Taehyung bolted as to make Jeongguk believe that he hadn’t been hugging him all night.

Jeongguk didn’t mention it, but it hurt like hell.

When he gets to the supermarket, the parking lot is so full that finding an empty spot takes him five minutes. Looks like everyone had the same idea as him.

Thankfully, he manages to get everything that he’d written down on his list and, although it takes him longer than he would’ve liked to get back in the car because the queues are ridiculous, he eventually makes it.

To be fair, the only reason why he didn’t want to take too long outside the house was because he didn’t want to leave his grandma alone too much, so he drives back a bit faster than he should. Thankfully, though, he doesn’t get a ticket for it.

He parks in their driveway and starts to get all the bags, not even bothering to announce his presence to the rest of the house just yet, not wanting to wake his mother up.

He takes the bags to the kitchen and puts everything away except for what he plans on using for lunch before he heads up the stairs to warn his grandma that he’s returned.

“I’m back,” he tells her and she does look away from the screen this time. “Need anything?”

“No, darling, I’m alright,” she nods. Jeongguk notices that she’s not inside the covers anymore.

“Were you too hot? I can lower the temperature–”

“I just came back from the toilet,” she chuckles. “And I could go all on my own, would you believe it?”

“That’s good,” Jeongguk nods. “Get inside the bed, though, it’s so cold outside today.”

“You sound like one of my nurses,” she complains but Jeongguk helps her inside anyway, tucking her in.

“I’ll make lunch in a bit, but you don’t need to come down to eat, I’ll bring it over.”

“I’m fine!” She whines but Jeongguk’s heard the doctor’s orders so, as much as he wants to let her do whatever she wants, he won’t.

So, after that, he closes her door again so that the noise from the TV doesn’t disturb his mother and heads back to his room to drop off his coat and get changed into something comfier for his kitchen duties.

He pulls his bedroom door open as he takes off his coat and the garment almost falls on the floor when Jeongguk spots a familiar figure standing in the middle of the room.

“Surprise,” Taehyung says with a small smile as if he was scared that he wouldn’t be welcome.

And the truth is, Jeongguk’s reaction might give him that impression because he is frozen on the spot, eyes wide and his hand still wrapped around the door’s handle.

“W—What are you doing here?” Jeongguk asks and he hates how much he sounds like he didn’t want him there in the first place when he’s been missing him so much that it hurt.

“I told you,” Taehyung bites his lip nervously the way he always does. “I missed you, and you said…”

For the first time since they’ve known each other, Jeongguk thinks that Taehyung looks nervous around him. Anxious, even. He’s never been left speechless and yet right now he doesn’t seem to find the words.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come unannounced like this. I—I can go—”

“No!” Jeongguk lets go of the door’s handle, taking a step into the room. “Don’t go, I… I’m sorry, I was just—I wasn’t expecting you, is all,” he tries to smile but he’s not sure if he manages. “How did you…?”

“I drove,” Taehyung puts it simply. “I tried parking two streets down so that you wouldn’t see the car, but when I arrived, you weren’t here, because your grandma opened the door for me. Sorry that I made her get out of bed, though, but I’m glad that she’s home and looking alright,” he smiles and now that Jeongguk isn’t holding onto the door anymore, he can’t stop his feet from walking forward and towards Taehyung.

“You didn’t need to come, though,” Jeongguk points out, feeling his heart on his throat and feeling a prickling feeling behind his eyes that warns him that tears might be on their way.

“I know,” Taehyung smiles again. “But I wanted to.”

And it’s then that Jeongguk’s feet drag him right in front of Taehyung and his arms find a home around his best friend, pulling him in and hugging him close.

“It’s alright, Guk,” Taehyung whispers and it’s only then that he notices that the tears have made their appearance at last. “I’m sorry it took me so long to be here,” Taehyung tightens the hug and Jeongguk lets him. He lets him put his pieces back together even if they will shatter once more when he realizes that his feelings will never recover.

Jeongguk has so much he wants to say but it’s almost as if a cat swallowed his tongue because all he can do is keep hugging Taehyung while he tries to calm down.

“I–I don’t even know why I’m crying,” he admits, still in the embrace. “She’s fine, she’s right there, I—”

“But it must have been very scary,” Taehyung pulls back enough to look at him and

God,

is he beautiful.

Jeongguk doesn’t remember a time when he didn’t think that Taehyung was the most gorgeous being who walked the face of the Earth.

Even before he admitted to himself that he was in fact in love with his best friend, Jeongguk thought he was beautiful.

There’s just something about him that makes it hard to look away from, which is why he can’t blame others for falling in love with him, too.

Luckily for them, Taehyung gives them a chance, even if it ends up not working in the end.

At least, they are brave enough to ask, not like Jeongguk who’s always been watching him from a safe distance. Safe for him, at least.

“It was,” Jeongguk admits, gulping and wiping off his tears with the sleeve of his jumper. He can see the trail they left on Taehyung’s shirt as well and feels himself blush from embarrassment. “I… I’m also sorry I left like that,” Jeongguk brings up. He’s been meaning to do so for a while but it’s best to do it face to face even if he hates the way Taehyung’s looks

hurt.

“Can I ask… why did you?” Taehyung asks as if he’d been also holding back the same question. “You could’ve told me, I… I would’ve come with you in a heartbeat.”

“I know, I—” Jeongguk gulps. He could give him an excuse, any excuse, and he knows that Taehyung wouldn’t question it, but he doesn’t want to lie to him. “I heard you talking on the phone, I think. And I… I was already so freaked out about the call and a bit in my head about other things and hearing you—”

“You heard me talking to Jimin?” Taehyung asks and Jeongguk frowns. “Fuck, Jeongguk you weren’t—”

“I heard you say that you thought me being there was a mistake,” Jeongguk tells him and Taehyung has the audacity to look

relieved.

“Why? Did you say anything worse than that?” He asks, taking a step backward.

“No! No, that’s not—I didn’t mean it like that, either,” Taehyung takes another step forward and reaches out for Jeongguk’s hands. They’re warmer than his are.

“Then how did you mean it? Because it seemed quite straightforward to me. And it’s not like I didn’t agree with you. It was a mistake to do what we did.”

“Why?” Taehyung asks and Jeongguk just stares at him. “Why do you think it was a mistake?”

“Well because lying is

wrong,

to begin with. And lying to your family felt so fucking cruel because they were just… they were so happy and I hated that I was just playing along and they were being so kind to me. Fuck, Tae, they got me matching pajamas to all of you and I’m not even—”

“You

are

part of the family,” Taehyung finishes the sentence for him but it feels like a stab to the heart.

“Not in the way they think I am! We might have pretended a bit too well because they never even questioned it.”

“Of course, they didn’t,” Taehyung chuckles this time. “They know me better than I know myself, they see right through me even when I try to board up the windows of my heart.”

“Guess they don’t know you

that

well, then,” Jeongguk throws his arms out. If they knew him well enough, they would know that he was lying. They would know that they’re not dating and that the love they share is strictly platonic. The one they share, at least. Jeongguk loves him way beyond the planets and the galaxies.

“Or maybe it’s you the one who doesn’t,” Taehyung points out and it feels like a slap on the face. “Maybe I just got too good at pretending around you. Or maybe I’d been lying to myself for long enough to believe my own lies, too.”

“What are you talking about?” Jeongguk asks, feeling exasperated and like he wants to pull out every single one of his hairs. “I do know you, I’ve known you for years, I—”

“Why did you leave without telling me? Why were you in your head? Was it because of this?” And when he pulls out the mistletoe branch from the pocket of his jacket, Jeongguk’s entire body freezes.

It’s the same one.

Jeongguk knows because he’s replayed the same scene in his mind for days, wishing he could’ve pulled Taehyung close and kissed him.

“I told you, I left because I thought you didn’t want me there and I had no time to waste for you to explain whatever you meant on the phone,” Jeongguk tells him, trying to not look at the small branch on his best friend’s hand.

“If you’d stayed to listen to the rest of the conversation, I feel like this all would’ve turned out differently,” Taehyung sighs.

“Well, I wasn’t particularly interested in hearing anything past that—”

“The reason why I told Jimin that bringing you home was a mistake was not because I didn’t want you there. It was because it made me see you in a different light that I had tried to turn myself blind to for so long. The reason why I said that was because, by pretending to be in love with you, I realized that I

was. That

is why nobody questioned it. That’s why it came so fucking easily for me to play the part because I—”

Mistletoe in hand, Jeongguk pulls from Taehyung’s to quiet him with a kiss. His other hand cupping Taehyung’s cheek to keep him there, to not let him move an inch.

And it takes a few excruciatingly long heartbeats for Taehyung to kiss him back, but when he does, it’s like someone set off the fireworks that will most likely happen in a few hours early.

Taehyung’s hand lets go of the mistletoe in favor of pulling Jeongguk even closer, and Jeongguk goes willingly, opening his mouth to breathe but ending up allowing Taehyung’s tongue to taste him instead.

And the first brush of Taehyung’s tongue against his is something that Jeongguk feels like he will be thinking back to and reminiscing for as long as he lives.

They eventually pull back, out of breath, and stare at each other like they’ve never met before, like they’re looking at each other for the first time.

And maybe they are.

They are

really

seeing each other for the first time: their heart on their sleeves, and it turns out they beat at the same rhythm.

“I thought you said no kissing allowed,” Taehyung teases, his hands still clutched around Jeongguk’s jumper. “Breaking your own rules now, are we?”

“Why did you think I said that?” Jeongguk tells him, still breathing heavily. Still with his heart beating so fast that Jeongguk fears it might run away from him. “I wanted it to mean something.”

Taehyung’s face shifts into something softer, then, and his smile reaches his eyes when he leans forward to press another quick kiss on Jeongguk’s lips.

Quick enough that Jeongguk feels he might’ve dreamed it.

“It would have always meant something,” Taehyung points out.

“You know what I mean—”

“I do,” he smiles. “But what

I

mean is that if you were afraid that I would’ve kissed you with no feelings involved, you’d be wrong. Not that either of us would’ve known at the time, but feelings would have been involved. At least on my part,” he chuckles and it’s then that Jeongguk realizes he’s never really

said

anything.

He just kissed Taehyung and hoped he’d get the message.

It was a pretty clear message, to be honest.

“I had this whole speech prepared, you know?” Jeongguk admits with a chuckle. “I was practicing it in the shower when my mom called about Grandma, and after that, I just felt like… there was no point.”

“A speech?” Taehyung tilts his head, still so dang close to Jeongguk that he could break the distance if he wanted to.

And he does.

But he just nods instead.

“Do you remember when I got so drunk that one night that we went out and you had to walk me home and stayed all night with me just in case I got sick and you even cleaned vomit off my clothes?” Jeongguk asks and Taehyung squints, trying to follow.

“Is this the speech?” he asks with a giggle and Jeongguk nods, so he plays along. “Of course, I remember. It took me two showers at your tiny-ass apartment to get the smell off me,” Taehyung reaches for his hand and walks until they’re both sitting down on Jeongguk’s bed. “Why?”

“I fell in love with you then.” Jeongguk’s always tried to pinpoint the exact moment that it happened, and he’s pretty sure that was it. “When I woke up the next day and you were asleep on the floor next to my bed with a bucket on your side just in case, I… I’ve been in love with you since.” The shock on Taehyung’s face is obvious and all Jeongguk can do is look away embarrassed and smile a bit. “It’s been a long time, huh?”

“You—” he tries to come up with something to say but, once again, it’s almost as if he’s speechless. “Why did you never tell me?”

“Because I was scared and because I was certain that you didn’t feel the same way,” Jeongguk chuckles dryly. “I mean, you did date through all that time, and I at first didn’t think it was anything other than a silly little crush or, I don’t know, an infatuation because I loved you so much as a friend. But I know now that it wasn’t. I’ve known for a while, really.”

“No wonder you hated all my boyfriends…” Taehyung tries to tease him but Jeongguk just rolls his eyes.

“It’s not my fault all your boyfriends were fucking pricks,” Jeongguk points out. “I wouldn’t have minded you dating if they had been decent, but they all treated you like fucking shit and it pissed me off because I knew you deserved better. You’ve always deserved better.”

“Are you a fucking prick, too?” Taehyung asks, taking him by surprise. “You know, just checking in case I have a type after all, since you’re my boyfriend, too.” There’s a glint of a smile on his face that Jeongguk doesn’t match.

“I’m not,” he answers. “That wasn’t real.”

“But it can be if you want to.”

Jeongguk holds Taehyung’s gaze for a few seconds, waiting until he breaks into a fit of laughter that tells him that all of this has been a prank, but it never comes.

Taehyung holds his gaze just as intensely.

“I’m sorry it took me this long to notice, Guk. I’m sorry I’ve put you through all of that and—”

“Don’t apologize for living your life, hyung, I never… I never held it against you. It wasn’t your fault I had feelings for you and was enough of a coward not to admit it. You didn’t owe me anything and you sure as hell don’t owe me an apology now.”

“Still,” Taehyung reaches over to place his hand on top of Jeongguk’s thigh and squeezes. “I’m sorry we wasted so much time when we could’ve…”

The sentence is left unfinished but Jeongguk’s always been good at reading through the lines, especially when it comes to Taehyung.

“I wouldn’t call the time we spent together this past five years a waste,” Jeongguk points out. “We grew up together, didn’t we? Our friendship would never be a waste of time.”

“We did, yeah,” Taehyung smiles and nibbles at his lower lip again. Jeongguk still can’t believe he got to taste it. “And you’re right, but I guess I’m just… Scared.”

“So am I,” Jeongguk admits with a chuckle and places his hand on top of Taehyung’s still on his thigh. “But… I guess it’s just another adventure we can go on together, right?”

“I really don’t want to lose you,” Taehyung’s voice quiets as he says that and Jeongguk’s heart breaks a little. He lowers his gaze, too, so Jeongguk moves a bit closer and tilts his head upward to look into his eyes as he claims as earnestly as he can:

“You’ll never lose me.”

“How can you be so sure?” Taehyung asks and Jeongguk knows why he’s so scared. He knows that he’s been hurt before, he knows that his past relationships have deemed him unloveable and have left him feeling exactly that way, but Jeongguk would never do that. Not to his favorite person in the world.

“Because I don’t want to lose you, either,” Jeongguk reaches to cup his face again and Taehyung leans against the touch, closing his eyes and sighing. “So I won’t let it happen.”

Jeongguk can’t help it this time: he leans forward and presses another kiss on Taehyung’s lips.

It’s slower this time as if they have all the time in the world to taste their love for one another. Jeongguk’s thumb keeps brushing against the skin of Taehyung’s cheek, reddening by the second in a blush.

“I can’t believe I get to do this,” Jeongguk chuckles, pressing his forehead against Taehyung’s. “I can’t believe

you

want this, too.”

“What’s not to want? Have you seen yourself? I’m shocked and embarrassed that it took me this long to realize how I felt about you.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I’m hot?” Jeongguk pulls back and he feels such a light feeling on his chest at the realization that they are back at teasing each other again the way they always did before. The way they had stopped doing during their trial dating period back at Taehyung’s parents.

“Of course, you’re hot. Are you kidding me? You sleeping in your briefs with me on Christmas Eve was possibly the hardest time I ever had,” Taehyung admits and all Jeongguk needs to do is raise his eyebrows for Taehyung to understand the double meaning of his words. “Not—

that!”

“I think I did feel something against my leg as you were wrapped around me…” he points out and Taehyung’s face flushes red, making Jeongguk laugh.

“You were awake?”

“I was,” he nods. “You ran out of bed so quick that I couldn’t even tell you.”

“I… I thought you’d find it weird—”

“When have I ever found weird or been bothered by you cuddling me at night?” Jeongguk shakes his head in disbelief.

“But it was—”

“Different?” Jeongguk finishes for him because he felt the same way. They were doing the same things they’d always done but it felt different. It felt very odd.

“Yeah,” Taehyung nods. “But it doesn’t feel different anymore.”

And, in a way, Jeongguk thinks it’s ironic that, now that everything has seemingly changed, they feel much more like themselves than they did before.

Nothing has changed, not really.

Their hearts are still the same. 
  
Turns out, Jeongguk had been the only one in his house unaware that Taehyung would be coming over.

Apparently, he’d called Jeongguk’s mom yesterday after he talked to his parents about the situation and asked if it was okay for him to join them, if it would be safe or if he’d be too much work considering everything they had going on, but the woman, of course, said that she would be delighted to have him. Unfortunately for his son, he also told Taehyung how much Jeongguk seemed to miss him and how much it would help him to have Taehyung there because he had been so very sad since he arrived as if something had been weighing him down besides the situation with his grandma.

Jeongguk had to endure endless teasing during lunch because of it, but that was the truth, after all.

“Looks like I’d also been feeling miserable because it was actually my parents who suggested me coming down for the New Year,” Taehyung admits once they’re clearing up. Jeongguk’s mother went back to bed and his father went to keep her company and to make sure that Grandma didn’t need anything, leaving the two of them alone.

They haven’t let go of each other’s hands even as Jeongguk was making lunch. And now, as they do dishes, it’s becoming a bit of a challenge, but they’re taking it on.

They still haven’t actually agreed on

what

they are, but for now, they’re just themselves, and that’s enough.

“Really?” Jeongguk smiles feeling giddy. “Were you all sad and mopey because I left?”

“Well, yeah,” he admits. “Don’t laugh, I did miss you! And I was so fucking worried because I wasn’t sure

why

you left like that and you weren’t texting me back or calling or—”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Jeongguk admits and wraps his arms around Taehyung’s body.

“Promise me that, no matter what, even if things get bad, you’ll still talk to me, alright?” Taehyung turns around in his arms to face him. Jeongguk kisses his cheek quickly. “Guk,” he glares.

“I promise,” he nods and leans in to kiss his lips instead this time. “You know I suck at texting, though…”

“Well, suck something else, then!” He seems to realize the error of his ways a bit late, but by the time he does, Jeongguk is already laughing so hard that he feels like he might die. “That’s not—Oh, for fuck’s sake…” Taehyung covers his face with his hands as Jeongguk keeps laughing.

“I mean—” he tries to calm down. “If that’s your way of asking…” And Taehyung removes his hands from his face to look him dead in the eye, serious.

“Don’t play with fire, Guk…” he warns.

“Who says I’m playing?” the younger asks with a glint in his eye that he doesn’t think he’s ever experienced before. With a burn in the pit of his stomach that he usually tends to extinguish in the shower. He takes a step forward so that Taehyung is pressed against his kitchen countertop and sees him gulp.

“Your family’s upstairs,” Taehyung whispers, and Jeongguk just chuckles.

“I know,” he nods. “Guess I’ll have to save that for later, then.” And after that, he walks back to his post and keeps washing the dishes, seeing Taehyung murder him with his gaze as he waits for him to pass him the plates so that he can dry them and put them away.

“I hate you,” Taehyung shakes his head and hits him with the cloth.

“I thought you said you were in love with me two hours ago. You changed your mind that quickly?” Jeongguk giggles and all he gets is a middle finger from Taehyung.

Jeongguk moves to kiss his cheek instead.
  
New Year’s Eve has never been Jeongguk’s favorite holiday.

There’s something about the finality of it and the amount of expectations that a new year brings along that never sat well with him.

And, although he’s a Virgo and likes his things organized, there’s something about New Year's resolutions and all of that that just stresses him out.

He always wants to treat it like

just another day

but the reality is that when the rest of the world acts like it’s a big deal, he can’t help but be swept along to that same feeling.

Still, there’s something that feels different this year because he might have something to actually look forward to in the new year: and that something is currently getting ready, combing his hair in Jeongguk’s bedroom.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to Jimin’s?” Jeongguk asks again. He told him about the party Jimin told him about a few days ago but Taehyung declined, which was very unlike him.

“I’m sure. Tonight I just… I want to spend it with you,” he admits and turns to face him. “Plus, your grandma said she would join us for dinner!”

“She can’t join us for dinner, the doctors said—”

“It’s New Year’s Eve!” Taehyung crosses the room to be standing right in front of him, shaking his shoulders. “She’ll join us for dinner,” he nods and all Jeongguk does is roll his eyes.

Taehyung kisses his lips quickly after.

“Did you call your parents earlier to tell them you made it safely?” Jeongguk asks and Taehyung nods.

“They were scared that maybe we’d broken up and that’s why you left so suddenly,” Taehyung admits. “I kinda thought we did, too.”

“Well, I’m sure they’ll be glad to know that we didn’t,” Jeongguk chuckles and helps him straighten up his tie. It’s definitely not a suit-and-tie occasion, but Taehyung’s always been one to wear whatever he wanted no matter the circumstance, so here he is.

Looking absolutely dashing.

“I can’t wait to tell them,” Taehyung smiles and Jeongguk makes a face. “What?”

“They already know,” Jeongguk points out. “I mean, they were the first ones to know. Or are you going to tell them that the entire Christmas thing was a lie but that we are

now

together for real?”

Taehyung seems to consider it.

“You’re right. It’s best if we don’t say anything,” he chuckles. “I can’t believe my parents knew we were dating before we did… I can’t believe my little sister

knew

how I felt before I did!”

“She did?” Jeongguk looks at him with wide eyes.

“She told me that she knew it would happen because of how we always look at each other when the other isn’t looking,” Taehyun tells him and Jeongguk can’t help but blush at it. “I wasn’t even aware of it until she said it.”

“I wonder

how

exactly I look at you when you’re not looking,” Jeongguk smiles a bit. “But if it’s anything like how I do when you

are,

then it’s no wonder she figured it out.”

“You’re so—” Taehyung shakes his head laughing and pulls him close to kiss his lips again.

“Thank you,” he chuckles and kisses him again. This time it’s not as short. In fact, Jeongguk thinks he might need to lower the thermostat a little because the heat is rising and they can’t afford to be late for dinner, even if all they need to do is go downstairs.

But Taehyung’s lips are so addictive. His tongue so sharp and so needy, demanding more from Jeongguk. More than he would give up willingly if he could.

His hands roam down Taehyung’s body until they reach his ass and he presses him closer to him, pressing their crotches together and sighing against Taehyung’s mouth.

“We should go,” Jeongguk points out before he kisses him again, letting his mouth fall open so that their tongues can keep getting to know each other, figuring out what each of them likes.

It’s such a weird feeling to think that this right there, the guy that’s sucking his tongue into his mouth, is his best friend.

But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

A knock on his door makes them split, faces flushed, lips swollen and hair messed up.

“Yeah?” Jeongguk asks, trying not to sound as affected as he feels by a mere make-out session.

“Jeongguk, darling, dinner is ready!” His mother calls from outside.

“Coming, Mom!” He says and pinches Taehyung when he whispers

not quite yet.

“We’re almost ready.”

“Okay!” And after that, he hears her footsteps head down the stairs.

“Shall we? Or do you plan on eating me for dinner?” Taehyung is fully aware of his choice of words this time and Jeongguk hates how his body reacts to the mere thought.

“Maybe for dessert,” he says back, trying to sound teasing but meaning every word. He reaches for his hand and heads to the door.

The sooner they go, the sooner they’ll come back to this very room.

And Jeongguk can’t

wait.

Dinner is spent with Jeongguk’s grandmother telling Taehyung stories from when he was a boy and Jeongguk failing to switch the topic of conversation every time.

They also bring out pictures and Jeongguk

almost

throws them all to the fire.

Taehyung, of course, finds them endearing. Claiming how similar he looks to his baby self, and the rest of the family agrees.

“You’re all ganging up against me,” Jeongguk groans at one point, taking a sip from the champagne that his father opened after they finished dinner.

There’s still a while until midnight, but Jeongguk’s grandma has already gone to bed.

“So… Is this actually a thing now?” his mother asks after she returns from helping Grandma. “Or are you two pretending?”

Both Taehyung and Jeongguk stare at each other for a few seconds.

“It’s real,” Taehyung speaks first. “We… I mean, I don’t know what Jeongguk told you but—”

“He didn’t tell me anything,” she chuckles. “But I know my son.”

“It is a thing, now,” Jeongguk nods. “Took us a while, but we got there.”

“Oh, that is amazing,” she sighs in relief and stands to hug both of them. “I knew that having him here would cheer you up,” she squishes Jeongguk so hard that he realizes where he got his strength from.

“Thanks, Mom,” he chuckles before she hugs Taehyung as well. His father looks at them with a fond smile from the other side of the table.

“I’m sure I don’t need to give you the Dad speech, Taehyung, but… you know,” he chuckles.

“I won’t hurt him,” Taehyung nods, hand on his heart.

“Cheers to that!” His mother says before he lifts the flute of champagne and they all raise theirs as well.

“To the future,” Jeongguk’s father says as he points at them two and Jeongguk feels giddy. Maybe it’s the champagne bubbling in his stomach already.

“To

our

future,” Jeongguk turns to look at Taehyung and smiles before clicking his flute with Taehyung’s and they both drink at the same time.

Taehyung makes a face and Jeongguk can’t help but laugh. He

hates

champagne but he still drank it because Jeongguk’s father poured it for him.

“You don’t have to drink it,” Jeongguk reminds him, reaching to take the glass from him and putting it back down.

“I did want to drink to us, though,” he pouts a bit and takes a sip of wine instead to erase the taste.

“Mhm, you’re cute,” Jeongguk pulls from his hand and presses a kiss on Taehyung’s cheek. A loud one that makes him blush and his parents giggle.

“Alright, you two, we’re going to head upstairs as well,” his mother says. “Are you going to go somewhere for midnight?”

“Don’t think so,” Jeongguk says. “Maybe to Jimin’s but we’re still deciding.”

“Well, whatever you do, be safe and be careful, yeah?”

“I’m not a kid anymore, Dad,” Jeongguk chuckles as he rushes to hug them both. “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, son,” they say before they leave them alone again, with yet another musical special on TV in the background.

“Want some more?” Jeongguk asks, swinging the wine bottle at Taehyung.

“I think I’ve had enough,” he chuckles, still having not finished his previous one. “Don’t wanna be drunk today.”

“Oh? And why’s that?” Jeongguk asks, moving his chair closer to Taehyung’s.

“Because I don’t want to risk forgetting a single minute of today,” he smiles and he’s still smiling when Jeongguk pulls from his tie to kiss him.

He can taste the wine on his tongue, the sweetness of the chocolate he ate mixed with the slight bitterness from the alcohol.

He could easily get drunk on it.

And it’s only when Taehyung moves to sit on his lap to keep kissing him that Jeongguk notices that he already might be.

“Wait, wait, let’s go to the couch,” Jeongguk whispers against his lips but still chasing them, sucking Taehyung’s lower lip into his mouth and nibbling at it the same way Taehyung loves doing.

“Are you afraid we’ll break the chair?” Taehyung chuckles, arms around his neck and grinding his hips, making Jeongguk feel just a little bit dizzy.

He doesn’t even have it in him to reply, so he just hooks his hands under Taehyung’s thighs and lifts him with ease, swallowing his little gasp as he walks to the couch, with Taehyung’s legs around his waist.

“There, better,” Jeongguk whispers as he puts him down on the couch, climbing over him and

devouring

his mouth.

He’d be lying if he said that he hadn’t been dreaming about this exact moment for so long that he feels like he needs to slap himself just to make sure that he’s awake, this time.

To be fair, he never actually considered the scenario of them making out and maybe doing more on his parent’s couch, but one can never control these things, now, can he?

“Take this off me,” Taehyung tells him, pulling from the tie. Jeongguk is quick to replace Taehyung’s hands with his and he slowly loosens the tie as he keeps kissing him.

It ends up discarded on the floor, and both their blazers meet a similar fate soon enough.

The bulge in Jeongguk’s pants is growing a bit uncomfortable as every few seconds either of them grinds their hips, looking for friction and trying to quiet their moans on each other’s lips.

“I feel like I’m seventeen again,” Taehyung admits, one leg hooked around Jeongguk’s waist and pulling him

down

while Jeongguk takes his lips down his neck, taking his time there. “What are you—”

“Payback, baby,” Jeongguk smirks against his skin before he bites it slightly, lapping and sucking at it right after.

“Fuck,

Guk,” he whines, pulling from his hair to guide him back to his lips, and he could just keep kissing him forever.

He’d die a happy man if this was his final hour, for sure.

Jeongguk starts unbuttoning Taehyung’s pants before his shirt, but he’s got a promise to keep, and his mouth waters at the thought alone.

He lifts himself enough to pull Taehyung’s pants off and he kicks them on the floor before Jeongguk returns to him, positioning himself lower this time and leaning down as he hooks his thumbs on the band of his underwear and sees the way Taehyung’s reacts to the closeness of him, to his breath fanning his skin.

“S—Should we be doing this here?” Taehyung asks, a bit paranoid but very much horny.

“They’re not going to come down,” Jeongguk reassures him. He knows his family enough to know that, once the bedroom door is closed, it will stay closed until morning. “But we can stop, if you want—”

“I might

die

if you don’t keep going,” Taehyung claims, wiggling under Jeongguk’s body to find a more comfortable position.

“Always so dramatic,” Jeongguk can’t help but chuckle as he pulls his briefs off completely. “Oh, fuck, I forgot you’re—”

“Big?” Taehyung chuckles a bit. “Why, thank you for stroking my eg—

ah,”

Taehyung can’t help but moan as Jeongguk starts stroking something else.

“You gotta keep quiet, though, hyung. Can you do that?” Jeongguk challenges him as his hand speeds up a little bit.

“Honestly? I’m not sure,” Taehyung admits and Jeongguk loves his honesty.

“I’ve never really done this,” Jeongguk admits as he licks his lips. “So… tell me if you hate it or whatever.”

“Want me to—

shit,”

he hisses when Jeongguk kisses the tip. “Want me to guide you?” Is what Taehyung wants to say and, for some reason, the thought of it, the thought of doing as he’s told while pleasing Taehyung seems rather inviting.

“Guide me,” he nods and gulps, mentally preparing.

“Alright, baby,” Taehyung lifts himself a bit, resting his weight on his forearms to be able to look at Jeongguk. “Open your mouth for me and start slowly. Don’t get it all in at once or—” his voice gets cut the second Jeongguk lowers himself and wraps his lips around him. He starts sinking in, the heaviness of Taehyung on his tongue, and, surprisingly, he doesn’t mind it. “D-Don’t forget to breathe through your nose,” Taehyung reminds him and Jeongguk notices then that he’d been holding his breath. “That feels so good, Guk,” Taehyung tells him as he reaches out and locks his fingers around Jeongguk’s long hair, pulling slightly and guiding his head down. “Tell me if it gets too much, alright?” he asks and Jeongguk just nods, feeling him go deeper and deeper until he reaches the back of his throat.

He can’t help the gag and has to pull out to cough.

“‘s okay, you’re alright,” Taehyung brushes his hair.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk says, looking at Taehyung’s wet cock pressed against his white shirt.

“No, no, nothing to be sorry about,” Taehyung shakes his head and pulls from his hair enough for him to meet his eyes. “It’s normal, baby, most people can’t—”

“I wanna go again,” Jeongguk says and Taehyung can’t help but laugh.

“Of course, you do, my overachiever baby,” he shakes his head. “Go ahead, then, but don’t push it, yeah?”

“I just wanna make you feel good,” Jeongguk tells him before he wraps his hand around the base to keep him still while he lowers himself, mouth open wide and seeing how a string of saliva falls down Taehyung’s shaft, making him shiver.

“Oh, Guk, I already feel fucking fantastic,” Taehyung closes his eyes and bites his lip, preparing himself.

Jeongguk doesn’t attempt to get the entirety of it on at first, but he does bob his head slowly, going deeper every time. And, this time, when the head of Taehyung’s cock brushes against the back of his throat, he breathes in through his nose and tries to stay there. Tries to coach himself to just take it.

And he does take it.

In fact, he manages to take Taehyung even deeper, loving the way his best friend seems to be losing all self-control as he tries to keep himself quiet, biting at his own arm.

“G-Guk, pull out, I—” Taehyung taps his head and tries to warn him, but Jeongguk wants him. He wants to taste him.

He wants to

eat him,

so he doesn’t move.

He buries himself as far as he can and

sucks.

Taehyung’s moan is hardly muffled by the pillow as Jeongguk feels a hot and sticky liquid coming down his throat.

It is surely a weird feeling, but he swallows it. He stays still until Taehyung pulls from his head again to get off him, and in a heartbeat, Jeongguk’s the one with his back on the couch and with Taehyung over him.

And he looks

wild.

“You’re telling me…

that

was your first time giving head?” he sounds so out of breath it’s almost as if he’d been the one doing it. “Holy fucking shit, what am I going to do with you?” he mutters almost to himself before he lowers himself down and licks into his mouth without a warning, moaning when he gets a taste of himself in Jeongguk’s tongue. “That was so good baby, you were so good,” he whispers against his lips, against his neck.

“I want to—I wanna make love to you, hyung,” Jeongguk admits, his hands on Taehyung’s hips. “But I don’t know if this—”

“Let me ride you,” Taehyung offers. “Unless you’d rather take—”

“I’d like that,” Jeongguk cuts him off. “You riding me, I’d like that.”

“I’d like that, too,” Taehyung smiles against his lips before he kisses him again. It’s slower this time, taking his time as he unzips Jeongguk’s pants. “I… Do you have any condoms here?” Taehyung asks and Jeongguk freezes.

“I don’t think I do,” Jeongguk kicks himself for it. “I—I mean, I’m not…”

“I’m clean, too,” Taehyung informs him, understanding that Jeongguk is trying to tell him that, as well. “So, if you want, we still can—”

“I

want,

” Jeongguk feels like he should be embarrassed about sounding so needy, but the reality is that he doesn’t give a fuck. He’s desperate for his best friend and he’s not ashamed of it.

“Good, because I very much want you, too,” Taehyung admits before he kisses him again. “I’m—I’m gonna need you to open me up first, though. Because if I remember correctly, I wasn’t the only one that’s

big,

here.”

“You remember my dick?” Jeongguk can’t help but tease and all Taehyung does is shrug. “Thought about it much?”

“Tried hard not to,” Taehyung admits and sneaks his hand into Jeongguk's briefs to squeeze him and his entire body reacts to it. “Good thing now I can have you.”

“How do—” Jeongguk starts asking. It’s not like he’s a virgin, but it’s been a while and last time, he did have lube and condoms so this wasn’t much of an issue.

But, without a warning, Taehyung reaches for Jeongguk’s hand and sucks three of his fingers into his mouth, licking around them and coating them with spit to ease the intrusion. “Fuck.” He can’t help but let out. “That was so hot.”

“Wait until I get my lips around you,” Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows. “Not now, though.”

But someday.

Jeongguk’s dick twitches just at the image that Taehyung’s words evoke.

As Taehyung keeps slowly stroking him into full hardness (it doesn’t really take much), Jeongguk starts to slowly finger him.

“Another one,” Taehyung instructs him as well, his fingers digging against his chest. He’s already two digits in, scissoring them to open him up nicely and make sure that it doesn’t hurt, but he’s not sure if he’s going to last long.

“Stop jerking me off or I’ll come,” Jeongguk warns him. “And I want to come inside you.”

“Fuck, Jeongguk,”

Taehyung whines when he presses another finger inside as he says those words. “You better fuck me

now,

then.”

“There’ll be no fucking happening tonight,” Jeongguk shakes his head, speeding up his movements even if the angle is incredibly uncomfortable. “Only making love.”

“So sappy,” Taehyung chuckles as he slowly tries to fuck himself against Jeongguk’s fingers.

“I’ve waited years to do this, of course, I’m sappy,” Jeongguk angles his fingers in a way that brushes Taehyung’s sweet spot and makes him collapse against him. “Like that?”

“L-Love you,

fuck,”

Taehyung whispers. “I need you right now.”

And, of course, Jeongguk complies straight away.

He moves to place himself in the best position possible and Taehyung straddles him properly, still holding the base of his cock to align with his already-prepped hole.

“Ready?” Taehyung whispers and all Jeongguk does is nod before he feels it.

Before he feels Taehyung engulf him completely.

He bites his lips so hard to keep himself quiet that he tastes blood on his tongue.

“It’s so tight, shit,” he mumbles as Taehyung keeps sinking into him slowly, slowly.

When he eventually fully sits on him, they both sigh in relief.

Jeongguk’s hands find Taehyung’s and he intertwines their fingers, giving Taehyung enough time to adjust.

“Good?” Jeongguk asks, still not moving. Taehyung is the first one to do so, rounding his hips and making Jeongguk’s eyes draw back from pleasure.

And they haven’t even started.

“Amazing,”

he whispers and slowly, he starts lifting himself back up and dropping so quickly that Jeongguk thinks he passes out for a second at the feeling. He reaches over to turn up the TV in the background so that the sound of their skin slapping isn’t as obvious, which turns out to be funny because the trot songs make quite a hilarious soundtrack to their first time. Jeongguk wouldn’t have it any other way, though.

Taehyung starts to pick up the pace, riding Jeongguk’s cock like he’s used to it, like he doesn’t mind the burn because Jeongguk still feels the tightness of Taehyung around him, but all he does is put his hands on Taehyung’s hips to help him move, to offer him some assistance as they both let out small whimpers.

“Fuck, I forgot how much of a workout this is,” Taehyung groans, taking a break, fully sitting on him and swinging his hips instead. “‘m not used to this,” he admits, bending down to kiss Jeongguk’s mouth eagerly.

“Not used to what?” Jeongguk asks, kneading at the skin of his ass and fighting the temptation to slap him gently.

“To power bottoming,” Taehyung laughs. “Or to

making love,

actually.” He admits. “It’s usually quick and hard and on all fours, for me.”

“Do you prefer that?” Jeongguk stills Taehyung’s movements, worried that maybe this isn’t being as enjoyable for him.

“With others, maybe. But with you? I want to look at you, I want to see how good I feel for you, I want to watch as you fall apart,” Taehyung caresses Jeongguk’s face. “I want to look into your eyes as you come inside me and feel that I’m

yours.”

“Fuck, Tae, you can’t just—“ Jeongguk groans before he pulls Taehyung down by his neck and kisses him. Kisses him so intensely he feels like his entire soul might have transferred to Taehyung’s body after it. And in the midst of the kiss, Jeongguk holds his waist enough to keep himself buried inside him as he flips them around, pressing Taehyung against the couch and swallowing his moan deliciously.

“I got you, now,” Jeongguk whispers, nuzzling against his neck and thrusting once, feeling how close he is already.

“I love you,” Taehyung admits, gleaming as he lays under Jeongguk, one leg around Jeongguk’s hips to push him

deeper.

“Make me yours, baby.”

And Jeongguk does as he’s told, once again. Although he starts a bit slower, trying to find the best possible angle, when Taehyung’s body snaps at one particular thrust, he knows he’s found it.

So he starts thrusting into that same spot harder, faster, lowering himself to kiss Taehyung through it, keeping him quiet, letting the voices from the TV drown theirs as they start to count down.

Funnily enough, Jeongguk is starting to feel his climax rise as they approach the new year.

“I’m close,” he warns Taehyung and all he can do is nod, agreeing, his mind halfway gone already from pleasure.

“Five, four, three, two—“

“Fuck, Jeongguk,” Taehyung moans loudly this time, and Jeongguk isn’t quick enough to quiet him before he spills all over his shirt and clenches tightly around him, making him moan as well and—

“Happy New Year!”

“Shit, shit, shit,”

Jeongguk curses as he comes, as he fills Taehyung up and keeps riding out his orgasm as the fireworks go off somewhere in the distance as well as in both their chests. “I love you, Tae, I love you so fucking much,

fuck.”

Jeongguk eventually collapses on top of Taehyung, still breathing heavily and feeling Taehyung’s cum stick to his shirt, too.

But he doesn’t mind.

Not one bit.

“Damn, this year has a lot to live up to if

that

is how we ended the last one,” Taehyung chuckles as he runs his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

“It sure did go off with a

bang,

didn’t it?” Jeongguk teases back, lifting his head enough to meet Taehyung’s eyes and they both giggle, the movement making Jeongguk moan a bit again at the sensation. But he still doesn’t pull out. Not yet.

“I can’t wait to spend another year with you,” Taehyung admits, cupping his face so tenderly. “Discovering new ways to love you.”

“Me too,

my boyfriend.”

Jeongguk loves the taste of the word in his tongue. He loves saying it and knowing that, this time, it’s

real.

“Yours, yours,”

Taehyung reassures him, nodding and pulling him down for another kiss. A lazy one this time since they’re both spent.

The TV keeps playing in the background, the fireworks keep going off out in the streets and they keep holding each other for a bit more until they eventually detach themselves from each other, Jeongguk feeling grateful that there was a cover over the couch so that he can throw it to the wash along with their clothes.

They head upstairs to shower and get their matching pajamas on while they clean up all the bottles and the mess they made, taking breaks in favor of kissing some more, in favor of laughing at something funny that each of them says or does, the way they’ve always done.

Everything has changed but, as the new year comes, everything’s stayed the same.

They’ll still be cleaning out bottles together on New Year’s Day.

The difference is that, after they clean up and head to bed at three in the morning, they get to hold each other tightly and kiss each other good night.

Besides that, they’re still the same.

Just… better.

Just

each other’s.