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It was Christmas eve at the southern ranch, and the huge house was decorated with string lights in the shape of dildos. Instead of a Christmas tree, Tex Dinoco lay upside-down in the middle of the dining room, with tinsel wrapped around his dick and a little star on top. His wife Ginny hummed to herself as she baked Christmas cookies with her favourite white topping. Sterling could only see one present under the dilf’s dick, and he feared that he’d been forgotten again. Clearly, the pink box contained something for Ginny. Sterling had gone all out and bought an expensive chastity cage for Tex to put on him. He needed a gift that worked for him too because he was selfish.“Howdy,” said Tex as he saw Sterling drive over. “We’re going out.”“Is Ginny coming?” asked Sterling, hoping she wasn’t. He wanted his sugar daddy all to himself tonight.Ginny drove over to help push Tex onto his wheels. “I don’t need his attention all the diddly-dang time. I know I’m his number one.”“Ain’t no slut in the world that measures up to my pumpkin-nut.” He kissed Ginny on the fender.Sterling bristled at the insult, but followed Tex out into the night. His dick became even smaller in the cold air.It took ten minutes to drive down the tree-lined driveway. They’d lost all their leaves, but in summer they were trimmed to look like Tex’s penis. To the left was a field of tractors, and they were having an orgy. Sterling looked away, embarrassed. “How far do we have to go?”“Quit yer complainin’!”Despite what Tex may think, Sterling was smart, and he knew to obey the dilf when he used that tone.At the bottom the drive awaited one of the Dinoco helicopters, covered in bells to look like a sleigh. The helicopter gave him a disgusted look. Sterling guffawed, unsure what he had done to earn that. He realised that Tex had disappeared, and looked around. Had the dilf abandoned him on Christmas Eve? Tears pricked his windshield, but he fought them back.A few seconds later, Tex reappeared, wearing a Santa hat. “Ho ho ho,” he said.“Where?” asked Sterling, scanning the night for the hoes Tex had promised. “Where are the hoes?”“Get on Santex’s sleigh.” He gestured with a wheel, and Sterling jumped into the helicopter, Tex close behind. The motor turned on, vibrating so much that Sterling’s peepee got hard. Then the helicopter took off and the BMW clung to his sugar daddy for dear life. He didn't trust the damn helicopter not to yeet him into the abyss.“Quit bein’ so dramatic. You ain’t gonna fall out,” snapped the Texan.But Sterling was still scared, so scared he almost pissed himself like Miles Axlerod.. Luckily the journey didn’t last long. After a few minutes, they landed in a field, empty save for a large barn. Tex hopped out and Sterling followed, shaky from his time up in the air.“Why are we at this barn? What’s here?” To him, it just looked like an old barn in an empty field. “Will you stop yappin’ for two seconds? All I hear from you is complainin’!”“Sorry, daddy Tex,” he said, knowing what that tone meant (it meant a giant buttplug later).“I’ll forgive ya later. Ya comin or what?” He pressed a button to open the large doors.Sterling couldn’t believe his slutty eyes. This was no ordinary barn - it was as southernly decorated as Tex’s own house, but with touches of silver throughout. Sterling silver. And in the middle - a stage with two stripping poles. Cow hides hung over the leather chairs, with bull horns decorating the walls. Where did they get all this in a world where cows don’t exist? Who fuckin knows. “You - you got me a strip club for Christmas?” This time he did cry, tears streaming down his slutty hood. “It’s - it’s the most beautiful strip club I’ve ever seen.” The BMWhore had been in his fair share of strip clubs and then some, both as a patron and a stripper. But this… this was surreal. It was like the scene in Beauty and the Beast where the Beast gives Belle a library, but it was a strip club instead.The lights were down low, creating an ambience that made Sterling feel even sluttier than usual. Great silver curtains opened, and a blue Plymouth Superbird sauntered down the stage. The pole had tinsel on it, and a bauble hung from the King’s spoiler. The King!? What was he doing here?“Where do ya think I got the name ‘Strip’ Weathers?” asked Strip, as if reading Sterling’s slutty mind. Then the King pulled off a sticker, revealing the smooth blue paint beneath. Sterling didn’t know if he could handle two dilfs without spontaneously combusting, Tesla-style. “Are ya gonna tip me or just stand there lookin’ stupid?” asked the Piston Cup champion, not to be confused with the Axlerod-sponsored Piss-ton Cup. “I don’t have any money,” he lamented. Because Ford help him, he would’ve drained his whole bank account to see Strip Weathers take off one more sticker. But his bank account was in the negatives again.Strip raised an eyerim. “Aren’t you a billionaire?”“I spent it all on cryptocurrency.”“You fucking idiot,” said Tex as he rolled behind him. “Luckily, daddy Tex brought enough to make it rain.” He turned around, and dollar bills started shooting out of his exhaust.Two other strippers, Mia and Tia, appeared and started fighting over the dollar bills. Sterling turned up his nose in disgust. “You two need a sugar daddy,” he said. "You won't ever catch me scrounging for money." That was a lie, but the miathoes didn't need to know that.“Can we share yours?” asked one of them, but he didn’t know which was which.“No way. I’m not sharing his money with anyone.”Tex laughed texanly. “You ain’t my only sugar baby, but you are my favourite."“Don’t undermine me,” snapped Sterling.“What did ya say to me?” The Texan grabbed a horse whip and cracked it on Sterling’s slutty bumper. “I’m sorry, Daddy Tex. I won’t talk back again.” His peepee grew hard beneath his undercarriage, but no one noticed because it was tiny.“ At any rate, I ain't takin' no miathoes as my sugar babies,” said Tex. “Strip, I’m gonna give you a Texan sized tip.” Sterling expected it to be the tip of his penis, but Tex pulled out his car phone and transferred one million dollars to the King. “A little Christmas gift. Get yaself something nice.”“Thanks, old friend,” said the famous stripper. "I'm gonna buy myself a new set of stickers to strip off." “Santex’s sack is full this year,” said Tex. “And I’m ready to give all the cars in Texas sex toys. Yee haw!” With that, he went back outside, yelling about hoes again.Mia and Tia looked like they wanted to shank him for not leaving a tip, so Sterling reversed away nervously. Suddenly, hundreds of cars swarmed into the strip club. “We heard about the grand opening,” said Chick Hicks’ mustache. A few forklifts drove around with platters of fine meats, Ginny’s cookies, and salad topped with southern ranch dressing. Other forklifts had glasses of champagne and wine. He took a glass of champagne and downed it in one gulp.As Sterling watched the customers throwing money at the strippers, he had a horrifying realisation. There was only one way he was going to be able to make money. Apprehensively, he drove round to the strippers’ locker room, where he saw only three lockers in use. Mia and Tia’s were decorated with pictures of Lightning McQueen, and they’d even left their Lightning McQueen dildo out. Sterling felt a tinge of pride - that had been one of his personal marketing ideas. He put his dildo in a locker, then drove onto the stage nervously. The club went quiet except for a few cars muttering among themselves, shocked to see how far the Mudflap King of the Eastern Seaboard had fallen. He could see the cogs in Chick Hicks’ small brain turning. This would be a number one story on Dick Pics with Chick Hicks.His wheels were sweaty as he grabbed the pole. Then he spun round, dizzy from the champagne and his nerves. Even though Daddy Tex had left, he knew he’d be disappointed if word got back that Sterling was a sub-par dancer.“Good Ford!” shouted Doc’s ghost. “He’s the best stripper I’ve ever seen.”A torrent of dollar bills fell like Christmas snow as a bass-boosted pimp remix of All I Want for Chrysler by Mariah Car-ey played. Even Strip Weathers paused his stripping to stare in awe. Somehow, Sterling got the feeling this wasn’t the last he’d be seeing of Strip. He stripped all night, until the doorjeeps closed up the club. BREAKING: THIS JUST IN - STERLING BURNISH BECOMES A STRIPPER
A Christmas surprise that none of us could have expected! Disgraced former CEO of Rust-eze Sterling Burnish has been spotted pole-dancing in his own strip club. The BMW was seen getting down and dirty last night…
The rest of the article was behind a paywall, but Tex had printed out the free part and pinned it to his kitchen corkboard.“You’ve done made me proud,” said the Texan. “I always knew you’d make a great stripper.” He scowled. “But I ain’t payin’ no Miata for an article. Yee haw!”