Work Text
Night Before Mutiny
"Is Christmas really the right time for it? I mean, think of the children, won't they be disappointed?""They're not children anymore," Roy reminded his friend, the two of them in one of Smash Manor's only secluded compartments. "Four years he's had us trapped here, four years older they are now. They'll be fine.""But why now?" Ike shifted up against the piles of cardboard boxes at his back. They'd been collecting them for ages; items smuggled from the arenas, mushrooms, invincibility stars, giant clubs that nobody quite knew how to wield. "Why waste Christmas, why not wait until the new year?""Mario found a grey hair yesterday, did you know?" Roy turned on his friend quite alarmingly, then. "Master Hand won't be expecting it. And we haven't the time to wait. I had this horrible thought, the other day. What if we die here?""We respawn," Ike said gently. "Like we always do. Like when we lose a battle—"
"But we're getting older, and we respawn just the same. What if it never stops? What if Master Hand keeps us here together? Ike... what will Master Hand do to us if we die of old age?"
******
Christmas Eve came fast.
The dormitory on the fourth floor was still. It was a fuzzy stillness that said not yet, that eyes strained to peer through. The early hours of the morning when the shapes in the bedroom morphed into unfamiliar patterns.
The two boys inside were still awake.
“Theory number two-hundred-and-five,” Lucas declared, nose buried stoically in the largest of his notebooks, the sort which had more post-it notes than pages, fevered manic writings of enormous proportions. Ness wondered if the thing would do well as one of those posthumous books that people read and say how awful, that poor boy. Or one that some old witchy type would study as a bible.
“What is it, then?" Ness managed through an enormous yawn.
"We can't ever die here."
Lucas smiled, as though that wasn’t a profoundly horrifying concept. “No matter how old we get in Smash Manor, we can't die, we'll just respawn."
"Over and over?"
"Maybe." Lucas's brow furrowed. This last year, he'd thrown himself into his writings, which was slightly better than nihilism, at least. But it gave way to all sorts of ideas and philosophies that Ness wasn't quite sure how to understand. Master Hand had, for whatever reason, furnished the manor's library with exclusively books containing ethical dilemmas. Ness wondered which of them had made Master Hand resolve to trap eighty people in a house.
"Here's what I think," Lucas said. He was sitting cross-legged on his covers, book open in front of him. The candle under which he was working burnt low, made his hair look all orange and fuzzy. Lucas continued, "If we die of natural causes, we reset. We go back to how we were when we arrived. Otherwise, it'd just be an infinite loop."
"We'd be kids again, then."
"With full knowledge of how we'll develop." Lucas looked at his arms. He still remembered when they were little more than sticks. "Yeah, I hate that. Revolution is on for tomorrow."
"Hmm." Ness didn't much like the idea of a revolution on Christmas day. The last two coups the manor had attempted on Master Hand had led to strict punishments: exclusively cheese sandwiches and tofu for meals. "Lucas, how are you not tired?"
"When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago."
"Oh, not that Sneeze man again."
"
Nietzsche,
Ness! He's a—"
"Miserable old sod? Yeah." Ness stretched, leaning back against his pillow. The morning call would come in just three hours, Ness remembered, glancing at his alarm clock's display. Three hours of sleep wouldn't be bad. Though, not enough for a surprise revolution. Not enough for a completely ruined Christmas.
"I got you a present, by the way," Lucas said as though he'd read his thoughts, and Ness shot up in bed.
"You did?"
"You love Christmas. Of course I did." He spoke naturally, as if saying something as simple as 'good morning', but now Ness wanted to tear up, because Lucas was actually quite sweet sometimes, not just a nihilist and a dork.
"Thank you."
"You can have it tomorrow, though." Lucas dipped his pen in his inkpot (because of course he was too difficult for a ballpoint). "And why are you all upset? Did you not get me one?"
"Of course I got you one!"
"Then we're even."
"...Sure." Ness folded himself back into bed. Now his digital clock read 4:05, and 2 hours and 55 minutes of sleep seemed somehow impossibly worse than 3 hours. Guilt was lumping in his throat again, too, as it seemed to all too often these days.
Lucas soon blew out the candle. The darkness came rushing in.
Outside, the broad sky was scattered with thin, moonlit clouds, familiar stars that hadn't moved for a minute since they'd arrived.
Eventually, Ness spoke again. He whispered like he was afraid the room would shatter if he spoke too loud. "I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.""Me neither." Lucas's voice came across the room. It was hard to see him anymore, but there were the rustles of him turning over in bed. Ness could still smell the smoke from the candle."What do you think everyone else is doing right now?""Sleeping," Lucas said. "Or preparing to fight."Preparing. That's what everything about Christmas was, really, preparing for one big day that'd be over soon. The tree downstairs would be waiting. There would be presents underneath from all sorts of people. Ness thought of the battle, then, the one that would be sure to rage through the manor all morning, could picture the gifts being stomped underfoot, the fire, Master Hand's inevitable rage. But then, the idea of success: Master Hand trapped, forced to send everybody back to where they came from. The contracts they signed altered, everyone returned to where they belonged.The preparations were complete, and a big, joyful day would follow.Would it, though? Ness was seized by the thought. What would he return to, a life which had been missing him for four years? A life which, by now, had to have moved on from him. A life where all the spaces reserved for him were gone, filled in with concrete or other people, doing his jobs, taking his place.A life with no way to contact all the friends he'd made here in Smash Manor. A life where every Christmas was normal. A life where nobody would ever understand him again."I don't want to go home," Ness said boldly into the silence. It was as though the room did shatter, then, when Lucas's breathing went completely still on the other side of the room."Ness," Lucas said eventually. It was a warning."I don't, I don't!" Ness tugged the covers a little further around himself. "It's not right, on Christmas. And it won't be the same, at home. I'll have to go back to school again. It's wrong," he finished. "I'm not ready.""A year ago, you'd have done anything to leave," Lucas said. "You talked about it all the time, everything you'd do when you got back to Onett. What changed?"Ness shrugged."You have a family, don't you? A sister? Friends? Don't you want to see them again?"Ness rolled over and spoke bitterly into his pillow. "I belong here now.""How?""My friends are here. You — my best friend — are here."
Lucas seemed almost lost for words, Ness thought, hearing the rustle of his covers, the creak of a floorboard outside.
"Ness, every day, Master Hand makes us fight one another. He makes us go out there on the battlefield and blast fire in our friends' faces as though it's the most normal thing in the world." At once, Ness felt a hand tugging at his, hard. He looked up to see Lucas standing over him. "We're trapped, Ness. We're not home, we're trapped, and you mustn't forget that. You mustn't forget that you deserve better. That this, here, isn't really living. We haven't lived properly for four years, so let's not miss this chance to save ourselves."
"But..."
"But what?" Lucas tugged at his hand again, and Ness was forced to face him. "If we get out of here, I'm making Master Hand explain how to teleport, like he does. I don't want to leave without you either. You're not going to be alone out there, not while you've still got me."
"You're here, too," Ness said flatly.
"And I hate it! Every day here is the same. Nothing ever changes. We have to get out of here, Ness, we can't ever forget what he's done to us. Don't forget how much this hurt when we first came here. You remember how it felt, don't you?"
Ness sat up a little, let Lucas sit beside him on his bed, in their tiny dormitory, in their little corner of Smash Manor, wherever that was.
"Of course I remember," Ness mumbled, a little watery.
"Then hold onto it. Your family still misses you, I'm sure of it. And who's to say we don't return to the exact time we left? We have to be brave about this."
"You're braver than me, I think," Ness said.
Lucas leant on his shoulder and shuddered. "I had to be. When Porky was changing Tazmily, I had to keep reminding myself, don't trust him. He's evil. Don't go to New Pork City, no matter how good it sounds. Master Hand makes us comfortable here, I think. He makes us forget what's important. Our families. Our lives."
Ness nodded a little.
"Please join the fight," Lucas said. "It's right, I think. It's what has to happen. Even if we don't win, I think it's the right thing to do."
"Even if it ruins Christmas?"
"Especially if it ruins Christmas. Christmas doesn't have to be perfect, remember you telling me that? Christmas doesn't just end the next day, Christmas is the beginning of something else."
And, shattering all the tension and darkness in the room, Ness spluttered, "Lucas! You're supposed to be a nihilist, don't go telling me you've found the true meaning of Christmas."
"Nietchze has some very festive insights."
Shoving Lucas from his bed, Ness rolled up under his covers. Eventually, he said, "You're right, I think. About everything."
"I know."
"And you're awful to me," Ness was sure to add. "But — I will try tomorrow. I'll PK Fire the hell out of Master Hand's face if I have to."
"He doesn't have a face. He's a hand."Ness looked up to see Lucas standing over him again, this time smiling. It was fond."You're supposed to say 'thank you, Ness'. 'Well done, Ness'," Ness said, though that was fond too."Well done for doing the bare minimum."Ness scowled. But Lucas grinned, and Ness couldn't help but share it for a moment. He looked away at his alarm clock."We'll need to be awake early if we want to open our stockings before going to war.""You're still opening your stocking?""You're gonna waste good chocolate coins? Go on, go to sleep, stop looming over me, you stupid vampire.""Don't think I will.""Why not?""Oh, I don't think I'll be able to sleep," Lucas said, sitting down against Ness's bed and throwing his arms back in a stretch. "Tomorrow's the big day. I'm too excited. Aren't you?"Ness sighed, rolled his eyes, and almost kicked Lucas out. He would've got the hint, Ness knew that, knew Lucas would go and leave him in peace if he thought he really wanted it.But part of him knew that he, too, would just toss and turn if left to his own devices. 5:00, read his little alarm clock. Two hours left until everything might change. Until the beginning.So, he sat himself up, threw off the covers, then sat beside Lucas on the floor. They could sit there together, stay up and talk about nothing till the morning.There was nowhere else he'd have rather been.
*****
In an unremarkable corridor, a floating hand rose, then all of a sudden, knocked wildly at the nearest door."Come in," came the bored voice from inside.WIthin the office, Master Hand drifted over some paperwork, signing away at some new contracts. Crazy Hand flew through the door and almost smashed into the opposite wall."BROTHER!"Master Hand slowly stopped writing. "Crazy Hand."Crazy Hand whizzed around the room. "THEY'RE SCHEMING AGAIN! CHRISTMAS MUTINY!""Hm. Adorable." Master Hand picked up his enormous pencil. "What are their demands this time?""THEY WANNA BE SENT HOME!!!""Oh, do they now?" Master Hand flipped over the topmost contract. "Which versions?""SMASH ULTIMATE, BROTHER!"Master Hand sighed. He studied closely the words written atop the page:
SUPER SMASH BROTHERS LICENSING PROPOSAL: SMASH MELEE 2
"If only it were possible." He signed a little signature in the corner of the document. "I suppose with how little they know... but never mind. Are the sponsors here yet, Crazy?""WHAT SPONSORS???""Oh, never mind." Master Hand waved him aside, then drifted over to the door. "I've got a meeting... you'll see to it that their revolt fails, won't you? Build up the tofu supply again for their punishment. I've got other business to attend to.""BUSINESS? EXCITING!!""If only." If Master Hand could've frowned, he would've. "Somebody tried to host a Melee tournament without my permission again. Dead software, they claim. Ha! Tell the fighters that. 23 years they've been there, stuck in that manor. I'll be getting out my biggest lawsuit, I think.""HOORAY!! LAWSUITS!!""And then," Master Hand said, hand on the door. "I'll get to work on the crossover event. The sponsors are extremely excited. And so are the readers." He reaches out from your phone, tablet, laptop, whatever, and grabs you by the arm. "Aren't you all?".....
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT CHRISTMAS!