Archive of Our Own

Work Text

It seemed like a terrible stroke of bad luck, to fall in love with your best friend's boyfriend. For someone as loyal as Frank, it was tantamount to an irreparable betrayal and yet, unavoidable. It had simply happened. An exchange of glances, words and boom! The damage was done. After all, Gerard was a very charming and handsome young man, with attractive olive green eyes and a lovely high-pitched voice. He was certainly the kind of person people easily fell in love with. The kind of sweet and personable person who made others smile. Even though none of this was reflected on his face, which was always covered by extensive amounts of sadness. That face, so exuberant, barely showed a twinkle, and when it did, it was always propitious, with a limited time and a correct magnification, made for social convenience, not at all genuine. It was clear that whatever it was that had previously made that smile shine had not been effective for some time. The blame could be straightforwardly laid on his poor choice of boyfriends, or, specifically speaking, Robert Edward McCracken, or just Bert, as he preferred to be called.You see, Bert wasn't a bad person, if he were, Iero certainly wouldn't be his friend. He was just, it seemed, disastrously unpleasant in relationships. He was violent and took out his daily frustrations on Gerard. He was inconvenient and harsh with him, he didn't respect his guy and... (secretly) wasn't faithful at all. There were days when Frank would wonder about this newfound personality of Bert's. It hadn't existed until Gerard came along. And although he knew what it meant, it was very hard to digest. Bert, the outgoing boy who had once been his college roommate, was now an abusive scum, who in plain sight mistreated the person he was supposed to love and care for, and reduced him to a simple, worthless possession, a common object. And the most incredible thing was that Gerard did nothing. Probably scared and uncertain, he accepted anything from Bert. For Frank, a passionate spectator and friend, it was difficult to watch in silence with his hands tied down. In addition to feeling like a terrible friend, having wanted Way since he had met him about seven months ago, he felt useless because he didn't know what to say when Bert had an episode of immense rage and screamed at his boyfriend, he didn't know how to react when he grabbed Gerard by the arm and yelled in his face. He wondered if McCracken wouldn't suspect his feelings if he defended Way. And that made him not get involved when the two argued, which was, ethically speaking, not good. "Hey, hand me that pencil, please?" The train of thought in Frank's head was soon cut off by Gerard's voice. He was soon filled with an unsettling feeling in his heart, which surfaced whenever Way addressed him. "Oh, 'course." He stretched out on the couch, picking up a single black pencil from the end table. "Here ya go.""Thanks." He took the pencil by the tip, being careful not to touch Frank's skin.It was so bizarre. They were sitting side by side, and they hadn't exchanged a single word until that moment. Frank didn't know how Gerard felt about him, but he was always so distant, as if he avoided any and all contact with him. The feeling Iero perpetuated was that Way felt extremely uncomfortable in his presence, as if he suspected his forbidden desires. Had he caught one of Iero's looks, the lustful ones? the passionate ones? Had he noticed something else in his body language, like the constant need for closeness? Had he smelled the essence of the masculine perfume that was always impregnated in his clothes, or the constant use of very well selected shirts, always of bands everyone knew Gerard liked, like The Smashing Pumpkins and Radiohead?Frank didn't know and he would never ask. This was an unusual situation and acting like a blind snake wouldn't be very smart on his part. If he went around asking questions like that, he would at least raise suspicions that he definitely didn't want to raise. After all, it could all just be paranoia."Frank, look at this!" Now it was Bert, with one of Gerard's papers positioned on his chest, on which huge breasts were drawn. Next to him was Zacky, with a drawing of a penis positioned over his crotch. They both laughed.It was at times like these that Frank realized that being part of a group of gay men did not save him from witnessing childish masculine behavior. Sexuality did not make them intellectually superior, because at the same time they believed they were partially cured of the fragile masculinity that plagued heterosexual men, they suffered from men's inherent stupidity in relation to genitalia and women. Frank wasn't even surprised, he just gave a small smile and caught something similar on Gerard's lips. "You goin' to waste all my paper like that." Way complained peacefully, directing his careful gaze at his boyfriend."Relax, it was only two." Bert retorted, slowly losing his temper to roughly grab a can of beer."I brought very few, how do you expect me to spend a weekend here with nothing to do?" Gerard questioned him, putting aside the drawing of some damn cool zombie mummy to look at his boyfriend hesitantly."What do you mean 'with nothing to do', you goin' to stay with me! We always have a lot to do." That was a lie. They never did anything, not like in the beginning of their relationship, when Bert took him to restaurants, bars and nightclubs. Now that the initial animosity of passion had gone down the drain, there was nothing left, not even a simple activity other than staying in that trailer on Saturdays, Sundays and holidays with McCracken, Frank and Zacky, drinking, watching TV and talking nonsense. "Not true," he pointed out cautiously. "Like, the stationery store isn't open on Saturdays, I-""Don't be a pain in the ass! We were just kidding, you always have to see the negative side of everything and bring this heavy, negative aura into the room." Bert hissed, sounding really angry. "Man, i hate this, i really fucking do!""Bertie, i just..."He stopped just as Bert stood up, beer in hand – he simply walked out of the trailer – Zacky glanced at the other two and promptly followed McCracken, Frank almost did the same, but chose to stay a little longer. He cast an ambiguous glance at Gerard, who was staring vacantly at the ground, his lips slightly turned down. Frank, who was bent forward, with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together, audibly expelled all the air, as if he was silently fed up with something, and pursed his lips into a straight line, then furrowed his eyebrows tightly. He didn't know what it was like to be in a 'romantic' relationship like that. He didn't know what it was like to feel so tied to someone to the point of becoming emotionally dependent, accepting anything. He didn't know what it was like to not be able to end a relationship for fear of what that action could trigger. Never, in all the relationships he had been in, had he experienced anything like what Gerard undoubtedly experienced. Something that not only visibly destroyed his days, but his entire psychological and attitude. In Frank's view, it was equivalent to torture, as if Bert was using all his violent weapons to take something from Gerard, such as his joy, his inner peace and his love, in that order. And that, shit, that was deplorable."Am I really that insufferable?" he demanded, suddenly lifting his head so he could look at the man beside him. "Tell me, Frank, do I bring you all down when I open my goddamn mouth?" Frank took a few seconds to answer, which must have seemed, to Gerard, like a consideration, or a silent affirmative answer. He soon lowered his head then, but as soon as he raised it, he heard the man's deep voice echo in the trailer."I think you're pretty cool, actually," he said, a little nervous. He and Gerard didn't talk much.Way laughed, a little hoarsely, and tucked a black lock of hair behind his ear."Bert texted me yesterday. Said there's this annoying way of being about me, a whack nature per se, this habit of drawing all the time, like i'm trying to show myself off, and complaining about everything at the same time. I also think I'm boring sometimes, and I think it's kind of you to say I'm cool. I know it's a white little lie. He told me you and Zacky think I'm boring too. Not a problem, i'm used to it." Frank was surprised to hear that since those words had never come out of his mouth. At most, he had heard his friends say it and refrained from saying anything, which didn't exactly mean that he had actually agreed, although McCracken probably hadn't interpreted it that way. "Don't feel better, y'know, but it's... a different attitude from what I've been getting lately. People haven't been holding back on telling me the truths."Frank thought about asking several things, such as: 'Didn't he know you drew when he started dating you?', 'Why the fuck does that matter anyways, is it jealousy?' and 'What does your mother think of him?' but he didn't know how to move his lips and formulate these sentences, the words got stuck in his throat. Then Gerard got up, leaving the drawing behind him. He went to Bert's little bunk, where he sat down and ran his fingers firmly across the mattress, as if to feel the padding under his pale fingers. "I like you more than Zacky." He confessed, suddenly.Frank held his breath at that, and instinctively bit his lips to keep from smiling in embarrassment. "Oh, really?" Was all he could respond, completely weak."Yeah." He nodded frantically. "You're different from them. I mean, from him, from Zacky." He corrected himself, his eyes widening slightly.Frank redirected his gaze to his clasped hands awkwardly"It's just, he's… too playful, too many unfunny jokes I guess. Not cool to be the center of shitty laughs. I envy your patience." He shrugged, stretching his lips. "I'm a bit idle compared to him. To them.""You're all sweet, dude," Gerard said again, and he looked up, meeting his glossy olive green eyes.Frank then took a deep breath, as if to gather courage, and said:"Ya know, man, when i said I think you're cool, i meant it." He confided, shaking off all his anxiety. "You... you draw some really cool stuff, and you're always so chill, I really like that. I appreciate your respect for other people's individuality."Gerard bit his lip, bringing his hands to his cheeks where a flat blush should have been located."Bert hates it all, says I should find different hobbies, try to be a little more active, like he is. The thing is, he's not active at all." He cocked his head to the side, his shoulder jerking upwards in an expression that betrayed his clear anguish at not knowing what to do, as if he were silently saying that he was 'unfortunately in an abusive relationship, and there was nothing he could do about it'. "I know he doesn't mean any harm, it's just the way he is."Frank shook his head, a little shocked by Gerard's words. Way had already accepted the situation, for him, McCracken's abusive actions were just the normal behavior of an overly eccentric person. That wasn't right. Frank gathered all the audacity he could muster and said:"He's being a dick, y'know, i don't think... it's appropriate... the way he talks to you." Gerard sighed deeply, and shrugged."It's not that bad," he said, sounding a little contradictory as he seemed so obviously hurt. "He'll get better, he's just going through a rough patch. We all have those moments where we get out of control, and we end up doing things that... aren't really our nature. He wasn't like that in the beginning, the way he talks to me now must just be the result of a lot of stress and... stuff. I don't know"That whole explanation sounded extremely strange to Frank. They barely talked anymore and maybe, after Iero's answer, they would never talk again, but he couldn't just listen to all that and act as if it were normal, not when it came from Gerard, the person who should have been most opposed to those violent attitudes. The person he fucking loved."You should tell him to go fuck himself every time he treats you like shit."Gerard stared at him, startled by that advice. He abruptly closed all the openings he had given Frank, as he supported himself on the mattress with both hands and leaned forward, staring at his dirty pair of Converses."It's getting too late, right? It must be about ten thirty already." Iero understood that comment, he was subtly shooing him out of the trailer. "Bert and i are going to... we're going to talk, like always." "Oh. 'Course, i'm sure." He nodded, as ironic as he unintentionally sounded, getting up from the couch a little embarrassed. "See ya, Gerard."He didn't answer him.Frank wasn't surprised, in fact, he expected to be looked at strangely by the artist. If his paranoia was correct, Way should have noticed one thing or another by now, and should have thought Iero was trying to manipulate him in some way. But Frank didn't do that, the one who did, well, had a name and a surname, and was the owner of that sky-blue trailer.As he closed the door behind him, he was faced with the empty back of Bert's parents' house, and when he turned his head, he could hear low conversation and laughter. It was McCracken, and he was talking about Gerard, with Zacky a few feet away. Frank shoved his hands into his pants pockets and walked towards his friends, who waved at him."What took ya so long in there?" McCracken asked, crossing his arms."Gerard was showing me some drawing and shit." He lied lightly, shrugging.Bert rolled his eyes and put both hands to his face."My God! Was he boning you with this?!" He asked in disbelief."No, he was just showing me some things, it was nothing, it didn't bother me."Bert shook his head, putting his hands on his hips."Fucking Gerard... he's hopeless!" He exclaimed, sounding really furious. "Holy shit man, sometimes I think about giving up, ya know, running away to Alaska or something. I can't stand him anymore, he never relaxes, everything I do, he has to complain, it's like I do everything wrong! The other day I forgot to lift the toilet lid and he freaked out when he saw the pee, like it was a big deal! If he was that bothered, he should have cleaned it up then, that's how it works! Told him to man up, but he keeps on being the faggiest fag of all times!" Bert muttered, sounding indignant and angry."It's a basic household chore man, didn't your mom ever get you used to doing it?" Zacky questioned him, following the same line of thought that formed in Frank's head when he heard McCracken's complaints."I'm not a housewife, I wasn't born to do this, Gerard is a weird guy, I only realized this after he started sleeping with me for days at a time, he brushes his teeth every day, and takes a shower whenever possible! He washes his hair with blackberry shampoo and conditioner too, and he doesn't burp when he drinks a coke! He's all... he's clean. He's not my type, I don't know how seven months have passed and I'm still with him."
How idiotic. Jesus Christ.
Zacky laughed. "You're just disgusting, dude. But yeah, you should end it, he's an ass. I just didn't know whether to tell you or Frank, but now that i know we all find Mr. Artist equally annoying... i think i can say outright that that guy has no sense of humor." "He really doesn't! And he still dares to give me shit, he'll see!" Frank narrowed his eyes, and hurried to ask: "What do you mean 'he'll see'?"Bert chuckled."I'm going to get him good today, and not in a nice way. He needs to understand that he's not my mommy. He has to stop trying to impose things on me, I'm the one in charge in this fucking relationship!""Isn't that kind of wrong? Like, isn't it the same thing as domestic violence?" Zacky asked, his voice slurred."Nah, that's just for women. Gerard's a man." He replied, with complete certainty. "Ah." Zacky muttered, as if he had figured out a complicated equation.Iero, however, could not believe what he had just heard. At first, he was perplexed, but then he thought about Gerard and his passive acceptance of the whole situation. He felt sick."Break up with him." He repeated Zacky's advice, trying to make McCracken understand that the whole relationship was pointless if he hated the guy so much. "You can't punish him like he's your son, Bert, he's your boyfriend... you... you can't... you can't do that!" He was afraid of sounding heated and defensive, but he found it impossible to remain silent in the face of Bert's statements. "You have always been the nicest of the three of us. Gerard's no damsel, he can fight back!" McCracken laughed, sipping his beer. Then he sighed heavily, as if exhausted, and patted his friends on the shoulder. "Boy, if i didn't need his money… fuck, see you tomorrow guys."Frank felt his sense of justice crushed there, seeing that everything he had said had been for nothing.They said goodbye, and Bert went back into the trailer, alone. Frank stared at the stalled car before following Zacky out of the lot. He thought that maybe McCracken was just bluffing, and that arguing with him was a waste of time because it would only hurt their friendship. Bert had never hit Gerard, otherwise he would have told his friends, and Frank concluded that the both of them would probably just argue, as they always did, and pretend nothing had happened the next day.He gave Bert a vote of confidence.
And oh, how wrong he was for this naïve decision…

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Frank's apartment wasn't fancy at all, but it was in a good area in the city center, it was comfortable and reasonably organized, it smelled of coffee and a bit of jasmine, it was surrounded by paintings by various artists and some portraits of his favorite bands (including a portrait of Sonic Youth that he was very proud of, autographed by Kim Gordon herself). The furniture wasn't extravagant, on the contrary, it was quite simple and cheap, but not ugly or tacky, it gave the place a homey feel. The apartment wasn't big either, it had only one bedroom and one bathroom. The living room and kitchen were open-plan, which meant there were no walls separating them. There was a window, with a perfect view of the park and the lake full of swans. That was Frank's little space, the place where he had the most privacy, the place where he took refuge every night. He had lived there since he had finished his degree in biology, about six years ago, and since then he had never looked for another place to live. He taught science at a public elementary school a few blocks away, to six and seven-year-old children. At the beginning of his studies, he had other ideals; he wanted to be a researcher, perhaps with a specialization in microbiology. However, he decided to change when he started teaching for the first time. His mother used to say he had found his passion in that profession and that it was quite noble of him to choose something that would leave him anonymous forever instead of something that could elevate him to certain levels — just to do a job that had touched his heart.When he turned the key in the lock and entered the apartment, he headed straight to the bedroom to grab a towel and take a hot shower. Once he was done, and dressed in red flannel pants and a gray blouse, he hurried to make some noodles. It was almost midnight, and he had to sleep so he could wake up early the next day and get his materials ready for Monday's class, plus he had to meet Bert at his sky-blue trailer in the afternoon. As soon as he washed the plate, he went to his room, grabbing the cellphone he had left on the headboard before undressing. He turned off the lights, and got under his soft black comforter; turned on his side, with the bright light of the phone against his face. His intention was to check the notifications and sleep, there were few, just messages from the teachers group, one from his mother and another from Zacky, confirming that he would show up at noon to pick him up.However…A new notification popped up in his inbox. It wasn't from an unknown number, quite the opposite, it was from someone he knew, and it immediately made Frank's heart jump out of his chest. He stared at the phone screen for a good two minutes, feeling like someone was dragging kilos of cold metal across his stomach. Many questions popped into his mind, but the one that prevailed was the most intriguing: why had he sent a message? And at that time of night?Curious, Frank clicked on it. 
bert's boyfriend: hey frank.
He took a deep breath, gritted his teeth, swallowed, and replied.
frank: hi…
Iero blinked his eyes nonstop, he felt anxious and euphoric. Gerard was talking to him! He was fucking talking to him!
bert's boyfriend: am i bothering u? i know it's late, sorry.
Gerard and his usual habit of apologizing. Frank pressed his lips together, thinking of what to say.
frank: no, no, i was just surprised, u never sent me a text :v
The answer came within seconds, as if the man on the other end was as anxious as he was. 
bert's boyfriend: yeah, don't even know why i did it just now. to be honest, i think it was an impulse.

bert's boyfriend: still thinking about what u said to me today.
Frank bit his cheeks and typed without thinking much.
frank: so u had a reason to reach me at midnight ;)
He only thought about the mistake he had made when the message was already sent. He put a ';)' at the end, that little face could have so many interpretations! What if Gerard interpreted it the wrong way? As a pick-up line perhaps? He felt a fever all over his body.
bert's boyfriend: yeah! HAHAHA.

bert's boyfriend: first of all, i'd like to apologize for practically sending u out that trailer.

bert's boyfriend: and tell u not to worry a thing about me and bert, we're fine :)
He narrowed his eyes, swore under his breath and sighed in relief, glad that Gerard hadn't apparently noticed anything, but hurt that he had thrown his advice in the trash.
frank: ok. gerard, for real.

frank: i didn't want to sound invasive, going beyond ur boundaries or some shit.
Even though he was apologizing, he knew deep down and on the surface that it wasn't real. He didn't feel bad about advising Gerard to call Bert names when he messed with him. He really didn't. He wished the guy had the courage to punch McCracken out of consciousness.
bert's boyfriend: no, u didn't, i understand ur concerns, ur not the first person to tell me that... but we're already grown men and i believe we know what's best for ourselves, i know how to get by.

bert's boyfriend: and sorry if i'm being rude, these are things i needed to say here, i could never say them to ur face :/
Frank shrugged and stared at the white lamp under the headboard, racking his brain over what to say.
frank: yeah, come on, i won't be resentful or anything.
He frowned as he sent the message, noting that Gerard had suddenly gone offline. And at that very moment, he heard a flash of lightning, followed by heavy rain outside. There were no more responses from Way, so he closed the message box, completely intrigued.He placed his phone on the headboard, laying down on his back, entering a state of deep contemplation about the words Gerard had used... his passive aggressive tone. He didn't know why the artist had left the conversation before getting a response, and that made him a little worried. But anyways, he would only have an answer the next day, and for that, he would have to close his eyes and sleep, that took him many minutes.•••At dawn, Frank checked to see if Gerard had responded, but the bar where his contact name was located said he had been offline since midnight, which was strange, considering it was ten in the morning. He tried to push away the bad thoughts and did all his chores, tidied up the house a bit, organized his materials for class, and when Zacky showed up in front of the building at noon, he almost ran down the stairs to the ground floor; he reached his friend, greeted him and they soon left. When they arrived at Bert's parent's, they waved to his mother, who was calmly watering the plants in the garden."Mrs. McCracken, how are ya?" Zacky asked casually."Oh, hello, I'm fine, and you, my dears?" "We're fine, Mrs." Frank smiled amiably."I'm glad you're here, maybe you'll calm things down between those two bickering lovebirds." She sighed, moving a little to the right to water the roses.Frank flinched, but didn't hold back from asking:"Did they have a big fight last night?" The woman made a straight line with her lips, and nodded, looking sad about the situation. "Gerard is too sweet of a boy, he's not for my Bert. Things like that happen to people who have different personalities in a relationship, they wear themselves out." The woman said, holding the watering can by the handle to water some hidden plants. "I go to bed early every day, by ten o'clock I'm already in a deep sleep. But i woke up yesterday, around eleven fifteen at night to horrible screams. I thought something had happened, i even prayed the Lord's Prayer three times and asked my husband to come down with me, and when we got to the fruit of the discord, it was just them, holed up in that trailer, fighting as always, only louder. We didn't even try to interfere, it started to drizzle as soon as we got in, but they kept on yelling, we took some heavy medication and slept, amidst the chaos.""Oh, oh, Bert..." Zacky muttered, putting his hands in his pockets and giving a short laugh, the woman followed suit."He has a strong personality." She stated, walking to the other side of the garden to water the bushes.Frank didn't know whether to be angry or appalled. It was as if everyone ignored what was happening, or refused to see it. Was it because of Gerard's gender? He was almost sure of it. Because people simply didn't take men seriously when they were abused. When a woman raped a man the person who suffered was considered lucky, and when the situation was triggered by the actions of another man, whoever suffered better stay quiet to avoid shame. That was absurd. Society was absurd.  When they arrived at the trailer, Bert greeted them with cheap wine and chocolate sweets, which his mother had prepared and taken to the lovers, thinking that a little sugar would make them happy. "Gerard, can you stop eating all the fucking chocolate?" Bert complained, opening the window behind the couch. "I've only had three balls so far, you've had eleven, Bertie." He pointed out, fiddling with his hair nervously, as if to hide something on the side of his face. "I didn't say stop eating, i meant slow down." Bert growled imperiously. "You always have to find a way to give me shit, Jesus Christ! My friends are here, so do me a favor and don't ruin it with that shitty vibe of yours!" That conversation reminded Frank of the types of fights that used to happen between his younger students, so childish and unfounded they were. He saw the little brat who bothered the quiet student in Bert, he saw Gerard in the quiet student. He saw that in their relationship, a lack of maturity, of reason, and basic understanding of respect.Bert, like the clueless, dull man he was, liked to act like a bad seed, looking for fights where there were none, and problems that didn't exist. All of this to reaffirm something that no one knew exactly what it was. Maybe something inherent in him, maybe the result of bad upbringing, whatever it was, was a fucking mystery. Didn't erase the fury growing within Frank by any means, if anything, made him more angry about the whole situation."He didn't say anything, dude." Zacky stated, expressionless. "You're the one who gave him shit this time."McCracken rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch next to his boyfriend, who was trying not to look at Frank."Fuck no. Shut up." He laughed, wrapping an arm around the artist and pulling him close. "Listen to this, i've got a hit pop summer song playing in my head: eat, eat, eat, my love, eat, eat, eat, love, and you'll lose your glitter." Bert sang humorously. "Eat, eat, eat and you'll make me feel so little, eat, eat, eat and you won't fit my willow." He laughed at the end, Zacky joined in, shaking his head in disbelief. "How much do you think this song would sell? It's good poetry."Zacky shrugged, still laughing."A billion copies, if we put a cool guitar and drums in it," he said, picking up a chocolate ball from the side table."And you, Frank, how much ya think this would get me in dollar cash?" Iero clenched his jaw, crossed his hands and looked at Gerard out of the corner of his eye, noticing that he was clearly embarrassed."Nothing." He shrugged, pursing his lips anxiously. "Wouldn't sell for two dollars. It's crap."Bert hissed, pulling his boyfriend tighter against him."Oh, please!" He laughed, somewhat ironically. "I sing well!""It's not about your fucking voice, it's about the content in the lyrics. It's shit, i would just kill myself if i wanted to be a singer and that's all i had in my mind," he explained.Gerard looked up at him in surprise. Frank didn't usually stand up to Bert, most of the time he listened to his nonsense and kept quiet. What had changed?"Wow, don't be so harsh." Zacky muttered, reprimandingly."Isn't making a stupid little song to embarrass someone already harsh enough?" He threw in, frowning in irritation. "The fuck you two on?"However, Bert laughed more."Look who woke up in a bad mood today!" He scoffed, removing his arm from Gerard's shoulders. "Relax Frankie, go have one." "Not in the mood." He pointed out, staring at Way.He was strange, definitely strange. Like there was something he wanted to purge, or show, but didn't know the right way to do it. Iero wasn't stupid. Could Bert have attacked him? Well, there was no shortage of threats, right? Frank had just been too frivolous to take them seriously, in that typical male camaraderie. And he felt guilty, without even knowing what was wrong with Gerard. He felt that somehow something bad must have happened. This was, like, the next stage of an abusive relationship, right? Would it go from psychological terror, screaming, cursing and humiliation to punching and slapping now? And Gerard would just accept it?That wasn't right, he thought for the umpteenth time.But… but that couldn't even be the case, Bert wouldn't go that deep... that Bert who had been his college classmate... he would never do such a thing. The thing is... he was already doing it, wasn't he? He was capable."Okay man, so just... relax, i guess..." Bert said, getting up to get a glass of wine for himself.Frank looked away when he felt he was bothering Gerard with all this inspection. He looked elsewhere, at the artist's papers, or at least where they should be."Where are the papers?" Frank asked suddenly, not caring if he was being too nosy. "Gerard's papers, where did they go?" Bert stared at Gerard, who stared back, both of them unsure of who to tell."A leak opened in the ceiling, i fixed it later, but it got all his papers wet." Bert began, pointing his index finger at Way while he was still filling his glass. "He made a huge fuss about it. And of course i acted quickly." He paused, bringing the wine to his mouth. "Picked them all up, threw them in the toilet, and flushed them to hell." Gerard swallowed hard and looked away, humiliated once again. It only lasted a moment, but Frank knew instantly what had happened last night when he saw a dark purple stain on the upper corner of the artist's eyelids."You're mean, Bertie." Zacky laughed. "With the drawings he'd already done and everything?""With the drawings and everything." Bert said, chuckling.That was enough for Frank, he felt stupid for believing that his friend was just bluffing, he was internally disappointed in Zacky, and especially in Bert. He took a pack of cigarettes from the shelf, and lit one with McCracken's motorcycle lighter, put the cigarette in his mouth, and smoked the smoke in, expelling it out afterwards. He opened the door in one movement, and when he was about to leave, he was interrupted: "Where are you goin'? You just got here!" Bert asked him, stopping a little behind."I forgot i had an appointment in about thirty minutes," he lied, glancing over at Gerard's instigators. "I can take you." Zacky suggested, already standing up."No, I'm gonna take an Uber, I'm in a hurry, it's school stuff." He lied once more, putting the cigarette in his mouth and blowing the smoke upwards."It's sunday, what the fuck, are you their slave? I don't believe this, you're organized, you wouldn't forget an appointment so easily." Bert articulated, with a certain amount of lip service. "Besides, you literally just gave me a lecture, my head is connecting things here, are you upset about something i said?"Frank took a deep breath and looked his friend dead in the eyes. "I have to go, Bertie. I'll talk to you later," he said with the same authority he used in class. "Take care." With the last word, he glanced at the artist, who widened his olive green eyes in confusion; he then walked away, leaving his friends in a daze.•••"What's gotten into him?" Zacky thought out loud, picking up a few more chocolate balls."I don't know, but i think something here bothered him..." McCracken muttered, returning to sit next to his boyfriend. "Did you notice anything i said that might have bothered him?"Zacky thought, moving his eyes from side to side, but soon denied anything."Hm, no, actually."Bert then turned to Gerard, and asked him the same thing."I didn't notice anything." He replied, biting his lips afterwards.McCracken grunted, remembering how affected Frank had been when he revealed he was going to teach Way a lesson last night... Could it be that...No!It couldn't be because of the way he was handling his relationship with Gerard, it just couldn't! After all, he had been doing this kind of thing since the fifth month of their relationship, and Iero had never said a peep, he wouldn't change now, or would he? Of course not!Frank was his best friend, almost his brother, he was on his side, how could he not be? His jokes were hilarious and Gerard was really becoming a pain in the ass, Iero understood his need to let off some steam.His friend definitely hadn't left because of some neglected commitment, or because of Gerard, that wasn't even an option. So for what? A new lover? New friends? Or had he ripped his pants or something embarrassing like that and decided to leave to avoid embarrassment? Could happen. He liked this version better.Whatever it was, Bert had chosen to leave it aside for now, or he would end up harboring incoherent suspicions about Iero, only to reach uncertain and stupid conclusions.He looked at Way, and brushed away a few strands of his hair, revealing the stain left by the punch he had landed on his face the night before, to plant a smacking kiss on his cheek. Zacky had immediately noticed the stain on Gerard's eyelid, but had decided not to say anything, taking another chocolate ball to his mouth.Way, however, felt confused, since his boyfriend was once again messing with his feelings, treating him well in a way he rarely did. He didn't understand, but he kept wondering why McCracken was acting so nervous and violent, when at the beginning of their relationship he was a completely different person, he was the person he had just been, two seconds ago.Bert was still the same guy with his friends, so why was he so different to him now? Was he so annoying that he had become the reason for McCracken's personality change? And why was his sudden rage directed at him so badly? How terrible was he as a boyfriend to awake something like that inside a person?One minute McCracken was kissing his face and caressing his cheek, the next he was yelling and... punching his face. He felt... distressed.Gerard saw that a caring attitude was easily capable of blurring all the extreme attitudes, as they always stood out amidst those horrible insults, and made him feel lost, not really knowing what to do, thinking that perhaps he was causing bad situations with the simple act of opening his mouth and saying something. Bert's lack of control came precisely from his lack of tolerance towards his boyfriend, it had to be his fault.It was as if McCracken was messing with his head, with his ability to reason and protect himself, his senses...Way could no longer see a healthy image on the future of their romance... everything seemed to be in ruins. He felt like a weak slob, for letting Bert do what he did, and for not reacting in any way. He couldn't stop wondering where he had gone wrong in that relationship, when he had given Bert permission to have so much power over him... he was so tired... so full of everything. Too ashamed to explain to anyone what was happening in his troubled life… he wished he could tell someone what had happened last night, from the moment he sent his last text, to the rain, the cartoons, and Bert punching him in the eye and then throwing his phone hard on the ground, shattering it into pieces.He wanted to be sure that there was some light at the end of the tunnel that could save him from all that submission that he couldn't get out of. Although...What if he found a light and his boyfriend went crazy like he did last night, what if he did something worse?He was afraid, and that feeling was beginning to take the form of huge, invisible hands on his throat, with each challenge, the grip intensified, and it seemed that at a certain point, Way would explode."Bertie... can i go outside?" The artist asked hesitantly, fixing his hair to hide the bruise."Sure, love," Bert replied, sipping his cheap wine. "To do what?"Way swallowed hard, and stared at the floor. "My head hurts a little, I'll ask your mom for some medicine." He lied, grimacing in pain to illustrate what he supposedly felt.Bert seemed to think, making a strange noise with his tongue, but nodded slightly as he came to the quick conclusion that the punch from last night must have caused the guy a migraine at least."Okay. Go and come back soon." He murmured, and continued, a little more quietly. "If she sees anything on you, tell her you tripped and fell because of the rain yesterday, understood?" "Yeah." Way replied, standing up quickly and receiving a slap on the buttocks from Bert. He smiled awkwardly and headed out of the trailer without even looking back.When he found himself in front of the house, he took a deep breath, and felt his eyes filling with water, as if a wave of emotions were overwhelming his entire being.He just wanted some time away from Bert, some time to be alone with his thoughts… but of course he wouldn't have what he needed, not with his mom right there watering the flowers and Frank standing on the sidewalk, phone in hand, probably waiting for an Uber.Iero immediately saw Gerard, and seemed to be surprised, at the same time he stretched his lips in a friendly smile and waved. Way swallowed hard and sucked all the emotions inside, like a starving vampire, hiding his hands in his pants pockets, greeting his mother-in-law briefly and walking to his boyfriend's friend, uncertain if that was really what he should have done."Hi," he said, forcing a smile. "Still here?" "Oh, er, yeah, waiting for the Uber, should be here by now, but it's late." He bit his lip, disconcerted."Happens when we need them the most..." He shrugged, looking at his own pair of All Stars, that typical Gerard habit of looking away. "The guys are obsessed with you..." He revealed, rocking back and forth, biting the bottom corner of his lip copiously."I was hoping they would be," he said, his voice strangely heart-rending. "But listen," Frank called out, scratching the back of his neck, embarrassed as hell. "You didn't see my last text yesterday... i wanted to know if everything was okay with you, i was thinking about it last night and... ugh i know it's none of my business, you said everything was fine, that you could handle Bert but... i just… i wanted to know how were you." He curled up, cursing under his breath in reprimand for his clumsiness. Gerard, however, laughed."You're kind, and also adorable." He stated, causing Frank to show off his perfect teeth in a majestic smile, blushing a little afterwards. "I'm fine, believe me. And i didn't see the text 'cause my phone broke, unfortunately. I don't know what happened exactly, it was very fast, i think the rain ended up damaging the inside when i dropped it."Frank sniffed, knowing it was all bullshit, he dared to ask: "What were you doing in the rain at almost midnight?"Gerard opened his mouth to respond, but closed it, and opened it again, like a fish. He raised his shoulders and touched his hair anxiously, unconsciously letting the bruise show."Oh, you know, i just wanted to feel it." He lied, scratching the right side of his nose. "I like the smell."Frank nodded, and raised his right shoulder, a small pout with his lips, making it clear that the story had not gone down his throat; he felt an overwhelming desire to say things he shouldn't."And that dark purple in your eye, was that the rain too?" He said, pressing his lips together in regret soon after. Gerard's eyes widened, and he fixed his hair so that it hid the injury once again. "There are things we see and learn not to point out." He reprimanded, harshly."I'm sorry, but i-""I ended up falling too." He cut him off, hugging himself uncomfortably. Frank looked away and scratched his head, feeling the short strands in the palm of his hand; he felt completely compassionate towards Gerard, he secretly fucking loved him and certainly didn't want to disappoint him. So, he tried to come up with some quick chat to change the course of that conversation, or they would end up having a disagreement like the day before and he definitely didn't want that."I have a cellphone at home, from the year before last, i can lend it to you, if you want." He proposed, casually. "And i think if you apply some ointment, it heals faster." He advised, referring to the injury.Gerard inspected him for a moment, curious. He really did need a new phone, and what harm would it do to accept some piece of junk? Bert wouldn't be jealous of his best friend, would he? He wouldn't break something of Frank's out of pettiness. So Way nodded, scratching his arm in resignation as he watched out of the corner of his eye Bert's mother come inside the house with the watering can after wiping her shoes on the doormat."I can meet you after your classes are over, as soon as i get off work too." Way suggested, shrugging, and continued. "You can lend me your phone. And we can go buy a new card later."Frank nodded nervously, and rocked back and forth, trying to sound merely interested and completely indifferent."Huh, 'course, we can even get ice cream ..." He blurted out, eager in intentions. "Or i don't know... something like that... if you don't get into trouble with your boyfriend because of that..."Gerard shook his head and decisively looked at the tattooed man with a serious expression."He won't know. So, tomorrow, at two-thirty in the afternoon..." Gerard paused, observing the surroundings, before continuing. "I'll see you at the entrance to that elementary school of yours." He said, and turned away, walking quickly towards the back of the house. Frank froze for two seconds, but responded, quickly this time, when he saw the Uber approaching."I'll see ya, yeah." He agreed out loud, taking a few steps back, when he realized that the car was parking behind him. "See you..." He muttered to himself, noticing that the artist had momentarily glanced at him, before returning to his subversive shitty boyfriend. Iero got into the car, closed the door, paid for the trip, and got lost in thought. That couldn't be real. It didn't seem real. But it was.He would meet Gerard the next day, in secret, and he couldn't be more scared.After all, what the hell would he wear?!

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

That night, Frank spent most of his time worrying about what to wear, like a futile fool, anxious about which band shirt he would put on. Something Gerard liked, probably. He thought about Melvins and Pixies, but ended up choosing Slayer, since the artist had been posting a significant amount of stories with songs similar to those. He also tested the old cellphone to make sure it was working properly, and to his relief, it was (if it wasn't, there was no doubt in his mind that he would buy a new one for Gerard, so as not to embarrass himself, or worse, disappoint him by saying he shouldn't have offered to give him something without being sure that he could actually keep his word. Fortunately, wouldn't be now that he would upset Gerard).The next day, he made sure to put on a lot of perfume before heading to school."Ms. Iero, did you fall into a flower bed?" A girl asked, handing over her worksheet on the table.Frank raised his eyebrows and looked at the child curiously."Why do you ask, dear?"The girl laughed and put both her arms behind her back."You smell like roses," she said innocently. "I can smell it from the last desk."Frank stretched his lips in a surprised expression and smiled gracefully."Oh, well, i guess so." He said, sniffing the coat to take in the delicate scent the girl had said she could smell. "I must have stumbled upon a garden." He joked, and then an idea came to his mind, he didn't take long to carry it out. "Can you do something for me, sweetheart?""What?" She replied, with interest."I'll give you a gold star for it." He explained calmly, so the child would understand. "If you draw me something.""What kind of drawing?" She asked excitedly."A rose," he replied. "A very beautiful, healthy rose."That afternoon, when he left work, he took off his coat and tied it around his waist, to show off his band t-shirt. He didn't expect the artist to notice, he never did, to tell the truth, but he still felt confident, imagining that he would approve silently."Hi," he said, nervously tightening the strap of his shoulder bag as he met Gerard at the school entrance. "You're here.""I am." Way nodded firmly, biting his lip briefly as if to hold back a laugh. "My mom must be worried about me by now, all these hours without sending a single message..." Frank obviously hadn't failed to notice that he was wearing sunglasses, probably in order to hide the injury from other people."I can imagine..." he nodded slightly. Then pulled a box out of his bag and carefully handed it to Gerard. "I don't know why, but i always keep the box for my cellphones. I thought it would be better to give it to you like this, since the instructions are inside, and the extra earphones too, they're not AirPods, but i don't think you'll mind since you've always used wired headphones. The battery is fine, and the charger too, if anything, you can contact me and I'll get it solved for you." He said, moving his hands from side to side. "I mean, about the cellphone and stuff...""Um, right." Gerard replied, seeming genuinely grateful. "How could i possibly thank you enough for something like that? You're amazing, man." Frank blushed and bit his lips."Hah, it's nothing much. Now we can go get some ice cream, as agreed, after we go buy a card, 'course.""Yeah, um, let's get going..." Gerard agreed, compulsively adjusting his sunglasses on his face.•••They chose the ice cream shop inside the mall, and sat at a table in the middle of an almost empty courtyard."What did ya think of this phone?" Frank asked, sucking on his vanilla ice cream through a straw."It's cool. Old, but cool." He assessed as he inserted the chip into the phone and activated the number. "I think you'll be my first contact."Frank's eyes widened in amazement and his heart began to pound. He looked at Gerard and smirked, resting his fisted hand on his cheek. "Oh yeah?" He muttered, taking more of the vanilla."Yeah." The artist laughed, scrolling through the screen of the phone to open his contacts. "Give me your number."And Frank walked on, slowly, letting the numbers float from his lips like feathers."Am i going to have to roll around in bed, waiting for your call or something?" He joked."Nah, i already sent you a text. You'll see it later. And don't block me, please." He asked in a playful tone, putting the phone aside to drink his untouched chocolate ice cream. "Never." He muttered, the straw stuck between his lips."So......." Gerard started, looking hesitant about what to say, sipping his ice cream with a voracious appetite. "You're not planning on telling Bert about this, are you?"Frank quickly shook his head, conveying the truth through his piercing gaze."This is between us. I don't want to see any more of that on you," he said, referring to the purple bruise that had come from McCracken's violence. "You don't deserve this. No one does."Way suddenly seemed annoyed by that statement. Everything was going so well, did he really have to go back to that conversation? Who did he think he was to keep saying things like that? What did he think he was doing?"Stop it," he whispered, palming the metal table beneath his hands with singular urgency."I only told you the truth...everytime." Iero replied, frankly."You have no right to do this, to judge me, and to judge him. You don't know me intimately. You don't understand how things work between me and him, you don't know anything." He defended himself, with desperation.Frank sharpened his gaze, ready to make his point even if no one had asked."And what does that have to do with the fact that he beat you up on Saturday?" he asked slyly. "Are you into BDSM now?" He scoffed, but not with the intention of degrading the other man, but rather to make fun of his silly excuses in order to try to ease a situation that could not be eased in any way. "I'm not the only person who sees what's going on, Gerard, everyone sees it, but they don't say shit.""You should do the same thing then," he snapped irritably. "I don't care what you think. It'll only make things worse, it won't help me calm Bertie down." Frank rolled his eyes shallowly, taking a deep breath, then letting it out in a tired huff."I care about you, okay? I'm not like Zacky, or Bert. I have different morals. I hate to see this happening to you, it's unfair, man, very unfair." Gerard swallowed, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear."They're your friends, what am i to you? Why are you doing this now? Giving him acidic answers on the spot and saying these things to me just like...? It doesn't make any sense."Frank thought about an answer for seconds on end, until he came up with a plausible one."Maybe i don't want to be their friend anymore." He mused, contemplative. "Maybe i wanna be your friend."Gerard's eyes widened, staring at Iero with that frightened and incredulous expression. Like he couldn't be serious."Bert and you have been friends since college and you've only known me for seven months, you've barely spoken to me. I don't believe you." He stated, with a certain harshness in his words. "I've lost count of how many times I've heard him talk about you. He loves you and respects you a lot. Don't say you prefer me to him... Bert would hate me..." Frank sighed and shook his head eagerly. He reached into his bag and pulled out a piece of paper, placing it on the table in Gerard’s direction. The artist was confused, not understanding the purpose of it. Iero, however, encouraged him to inspect the paper with a brief, anxious glance.“What’s that?” Gerard wondered, running his hand under the paper to get some of the crumple out. He wasn’t sure what he was looking at, but it was definitely something. Something very red. “Frank, what’s that?”"I asked one of my students to draw it. It's a rose. And it's for you, didn't have the time to buy you one."Gerard blushed and held the paper with both hands. He looked at Frank with embarrassment, and involuntarily, stretched his lips to the side, in a latent smile."A rose for me?" He said dreamily, looking over the messy, childish drawing, analyzing it as a true work of art. "What's the artist's name?""Tania Robinson, six years old. What do ya think?"Gerard's eyes flashed, and he stared at Frank intently."I love it. It's cute. Can I keep it?" He asked, carefully placing the drawing over the table."It's yours." Gerard blushed for the umpteenth time and shook his head. He couldn’t believe his eyes and ears. Had Frank really said he would buy him a rose if he had more time? And had he actually asked a child to draw one for him instead? That was... sweet, and adorable in spades. Gerard grabbed the glass of ice cream and focused on the frozen drink, sucking it down until there was nothing left. He felt dizzy. Frank was a nice guy and was just trying to help him, in a very nosy way. But what was wrong with that? He was the only person who raised his voice to show himself present in the midst of that chaos. The only person who had reached out to him and given him advice...Somewhat extreme advice for Gerard, but which still demonstrated a concern on Frank's part that until recently was completely unknown to the older man.Iero apparently cared about his well-being and that was... weird. Very weird. But oddly comforting, just slightly annoying."I'll keep it safe," he said, still staring at the drawing. "No one has ever given me a rose like that." Frank shrugged, feeling warm inside. At least the arguing had stopped."I didn't want you to be mad at me, i just wanted you to understand that I'm here for you, for anything you need." He said, gathering all the courage in his being to extend his hand to Gerard's. The artist's eyes opened like never before, and his heart skipped a few beats, but he let Iero squeeze his hand, and caress it, before continuing. "I don't like them as much as i like you, Gerard, not anymore, you're... a thousand times cooler.""What are you talking about?" He whispered, mesmerized by Iero's words, so much so that he took off his glasses, placing them on the table."I'm your friend." He reaffirmed, trying to restrain himself from revealing that he loved him or something like that, something that was being terribly complicated at that moment. "You can always trust me, if you feel like you need someone to talk to, I'm here and... that's it."All the air Gerard didn't even know he was holding was expelled with force and he found himself open-mouthed and in awe after hearing those words. He had never expected Frank to say something like that today, or any other day."Frank i...""I know I'm butting in where I'm not wanted, and no one asked for my opinion. I know you get pissed and you obviously don't like-""Frank, it's okay." Gerard interrupted him, gently pushing his hand away. "I appreciate it, but it's okay, really."How stubborn, Frank thought."Okay, Gerard. But promise me you'll talk to me when you feel the need?"The artist rolled his eyes, not in annoyance, this time, he just wanted to make it seem like Iero was exaggerating. He nodded anyways."Okay. But only 'cause you were nice enough to lend me your phone." He paused for a moment, to put his sunglasses back on, and continued. "And give me a rose."They both laughed. •••They parted ways shortly after, with Gerard insisting on paying for the ice cream, but eventually agreeing that they both could pay for their own drinks. Way had even posed with a cigarette in his mouth for a photo, which he said was for his new profile. Frank wouldn't lie, the artist had a special charm when he smoked.When Iero got home, he took off his shoes, put his bag on the coffee table, and grabbed a glass of milk from the fridge. He sat down on the couch and turned on his cellphone, lifting the drink to his lips. He checked a few messages and answered others. There was one from Bert in particular, saying that he was going out with his lover, Jacob, to visit a park that night. Frank didn't see any need for him to always contact Iero, and probably Zacky, to tell them about his betrayals, as if it was some great move of his, a master's advantage or something like that. It was ridiculous. And it made Iero lose more and more of his limited beliefs about his friend's dubious character."Bert..." He muttered disapprovingly.A little above, he saw Gerard's message from an hour ago, already with the photo that he had taken at the mall, but without a name, since it was a new contact. He saved the number and pressed the text.
gerard♡: i didn't know u liked slayer, good taste in music :))
Frank smiled, like a fool in love, and was quick to respond.
frank: u took notice :)))))
He could say he was surprised. But the feeling went beyond that, he couldn't even describe it. He was being noticed, this was new.
gerard♡: right away, how could i miss it? it was one of my fav bands when i was a teen.
When he was a teenager. When was that? Gerard was thirty. So probably... about ten or eleven years ago? Pff. Frank was being petty, it wasn't like he was that much younger, twenty-eight was more like thirty than twenty.
frank: it's been one of my fav bands lately and i only started listening 'cause of u.
And he waited, for about a minute, with the glass of milk still in his hands, for Gerard's response. 
gerard♡: cause' of me? how?
He smiled and answered immediately. 
frank: i see ur stories duh :v
And Gerard's response came as quickly as his, as if he was amazed that Frank was paying so much attention to his life. 
gerard♡: i don't even check who sees it anymore, i always guess maybe 5 people are seeing my shit, family included, u pay too much attention to me.

frank: always did.
Okay. He was going for sweetness and he didn't regret it.
gerard♡: ….

gerard♡: ur such a character, frank iero.
And Frank laughed to himself, a loud, somewhat nervous laugh. They continued their almost relaxed conversation for the rest of the afternoon. They talked mainly about music, movies and common interests in general. Frank didn't touch on the obviously forbidden subject (Bert), for fear of alienating him once again. Instead, he focused on trivialities, on getting to know him better, something that was indispensable to him.He wanted to be someone to that man, as much as the artist had been everything to him. He wanted to be someone in his life and not just his boyfriend's friend. He wanted to kiss him, and sleep with him, and hug him, and pet him.Damn it, he wanted to be Gerard's boyfriend. And even though he knew how dishonest that sounded, since it would be like stealing him from McCracken, he couldn't help but want him more each day.And that was evident, in the way a plan was already being drawn up in his mind... He thought to himself, should he hit on Gerard, and show him how he feels once and for all? The answer came as a big 'YES' in big letters inside his head. Why not? Being a cad wasn't such a bad thing in that situation... one could even say it was upright on his part.He wanted Gerard. So why not?Bert wasn't honorable of his loyalty. Not anymore.•••The week dragged by quickly, like autumn leaves and gravel in the air. In the meantime, Gerard and Frank continued to chat by text, during their breaks from work, during the afternoons and evenings. They had discovered so much in common that they kept wondering why they had not stopped to talk before. The artist had been especially amazed to discover that Iero was an assiduous art lover, and that he had several paintings in his apartment, since he had assumed (mistakenly) that he was supposedly ignorant of 'artistic things', as Bert used to say at the beginning of their relationship, shortly before he had moved on to 'artistic shit'. He even discovered that Gerard had a crappy apartment, in his words. And that the view from the windows looked straight out onto the poorly made brick walls of some other crappy apartments. It was no secret that he was broke, since he was a mere librarian. However, he had been going through bigger fiascos lately, since Bert took half of his money to do who knows what. Frank refrained from revealing that McCracken actually invested the dollars in lovers and gay bars, wanting to avoid the conversation ending abruptly, or worse, Way blocking his number. But anyway... Iero discovered, with great surprise, that the artist had a younger brother named Mikey, he lived in Texas, with a blonde country girl named Emily, and their three children. They lived on the girl's father's farm, and had met in college. According to Gerard, they were the face of the Americanized family from cheesy heterosexual commercials, and yeah, they poked some fun at that a little, with pictures of the blessed family.As for his mother and father, well, they had apparently divorced when they were teenagers, but they kept in touch with both of them and still lived in New Jersey with their respective new spouses. That story was similar to Frank's, with the huge difference that his parents had broken up without even getting married when he was still a baby, and he didn't have as much contact or regard for his missing father as he did for his mother, who had raised him alone.Frank had also learned that Gerard knew how to hide an object. According to him, he was free to use his cellphone when he was at home, but as soon as McCracken walked past his apartment door, which was almost every day (except for some nights, when he would secretly lurk around the corners of that city, betraying Gerard like the clueless idiot he was), no one would hear from that device, it simply no longer existed, it would completely evaporate. And all thanks to this fantastic and sad skill he acquired over those seven months. It was supposed to be a secret, but every time Gerard had something he knew Bert would hate and had nowhere to hide it in the small, cramped apartment, he tried to put whatever it was in the highest places, knowing that his boyfriend would never be able to reach it and if he saw anything, he wouldn't have the courage to climb onto one of those old, rickety chairs that seemed to be about to fall apart at any moment just to kill his curiosity.Frank thought it was brilliant, and very well thought out, but he confessed that he had been a little worried about the safety of the older one, who pretended to be unaware of why Iero would even be worried, in that same meaningless narrative in which he followed supporting himself, that he had gone out in the rain with his cellphone and tripped over everything. Iero spared himself from starting a speech, and avoided the subject, knowing that if he adopted a warning tone, he would only receive stones from the other side.He wouldn't lie, that guy was a tough nut to crack. He kept himself behind a huge wall, opening up just a bit, making the feeling of talking to him almost the same as talking to a devious politician. They understood each other well, but there was still something there that separated them. Lack of sincere communication, perhaps.On Saturday, however, the artist smiled and waved to Iero, the moment he saw him get out of the Uber.Way was sitting next to Bert's mom in a sun lounger. It was McCracken's father's fifty-eighth birthday celebration. Zacky was on the grass with their mutual friend, Tom, who was the family's neighbor. Bert's childhood friend.The McCrackens didn't interact very well with the rest of the neighborhood, which was clearly reflected in their intimate parties. However, it wasn't as if they minded this; they were naturally antisocial and hung out with a very small group of people to survive in society. "Frankie, come here!" Bert said, raising his palm to meet Iero's, which he reciprocated with a loud thud. "I hope you haven't forgotten anything today." He laughed, in an ironic and playful tone.Frank frowned, and shook his head slightly."Totally free from school." He replied, his hands in his pants pockets. He sat down on a chair, a few meters away from Gerard (who was no longer wearing sunglasses, as he had reported in one of his messages the ointment was working) and greeted everyone present, wishing Mr. McCracken a happy birthday afterwards. "I hope you like Agatha Christie," he said humorously. "I love her entire collection of books." Frank said, very shy."Oh, you didn't have to, boy!" he exclaimed back, with that usual birthday person modesty. That afternoon passed peacefully, until four o'clock, when a drizzle opened in the sky and everyone had to take refuge inside the house. Tom had gone straight to his own, saying that it had been nice to spend some time outside, but that he needed to go, according to Mrs. McCracken, that solitary boy was caring for his sick mother and had been working hard to keep up with her attentive needs.They ate the rest of the barbecue in the dining room, and after almost an hour, the older hosts retired to their quarters, leaving that quartet of friends alone in the living room."I wanna a blowj so bad, dude," Bert said after a long silence. Everyone immediately looked at him, embarrassed. "Gerard, let's go over there," he suggested, with clearly imperious intentions for such a sly intonation. He was a little drunk."Bert!" The artist exclaimed, clearly ashamed, dividing his gaze between everyone in the room."What's up, can't you just squat over there in the pantry? Or get on all fours for me for like five minutes?" He asked, raising his arms in the air. "We're all little fag bitches here. This shit shouldn't be a surprise to you, what the fuck.""I'm not going to answer this bullshit, I'm going to just… ignore you." He retorted, dryly, crossing his arms somewhat abruptly. "You have no respect for me at all."He laughed. "What?!" "They're about to start..." Zacky muttered, rubbing his hands over his face in exhaustion. "I'm going to buy a pack of cigarettes around the corner, when they're done..." And he let his words trail off as he hurriedly headed outside.Frank shifted on the couch and swallowed hard."What you heard!" Gerard exclaimed, holding himself back from shouting, out of respect for his parents. "You always do that, and you know i hate it! I've been saying the same shit to you for months, I'm not like you, i'm not the type to talk dirty stupidity to the four winds around other people. This shit embarrasses me, it's just simple boundaries, it's all i ask of you. Am i going to have to beg you to fucking stop?"Bert quickly stood up, ready to throw nonsense in Gerard's face. Frank closed his eyes and leaned forward, lowering his head."You're a wimp, that's what, a wimpy little slut! You have no shame when you stick that hole of yours out for me, but you love throwing things in my face, don't you? As if i'm a monster and you're a poor little thing." He said loudly, probably getting everyone's attention in the house, he pointed his index finger aggressively at Gerard. "The truth is you're fucking annoying, you're unbearable, no one can stand you, no one likes you. Man, sometimes i feel like… i feel like...""Like what?" Gerard asked, tears already trapped in his eyes, ready to fall, getting up from the couch to be face to face with his boyfriend."Sometimes i feel like finishing you off, i feel like giving you a beating you'll never forget, that, Gerard, that little punch in your eye wasn't enough, i should have grabbed that knife near the microwave and stuck it in your throat." He growled loudly, showing no mercy for the artist's feelings, but ending up being revealing to Iero, who immediately raised his head, he already knew. "I should have killed you, you fucking bitch!"And in that same instant, he raised his hands, wrapping them tightly around Gerard's throat.At first, Frank was speechless, his eyes wide and his heart racing. He looked around, not understanding how a routine situation like the fights they usually had, could suddenly escalate into this. With Gerard's face quickly turning red, and the veins in his hands, which gripped Bert's fists, becoming evident in the midst of his despair, his mouth opening, as he searched for air that never came, and his eyes tearful, due to the tears that began to appear on his face, Iero realized that things had just taken a new level. It wasn't about insults anymore. And that was clear. The first sign had been given, a week ago. But he hadn't done anything, like the weak minimizer he was. And now this… Iero stood up, still undecided and confused about what was happening, frightened by the noises that Gerard's suffocated throat was producing amidst that show of horrible little outcries, like Bert's grinding of teeth, which became more and more accentuated as he tightened his grip on his boyfriend's neck who was already rolling his eyes in his sockets.Frank headed straight for McCracken, trying to pull him towards him, without much success."Bert-" He whispered, using all his strength to pull him back. "Stop it, you're going to kill him!" He exclaimed, raising his voice so that the McCrackens would come at once. "Help! Help!" He yelled, repeatedly.In just a few seconds, quick footsteps could be heard on the stairs, through the hallways, and into the living room, and after getting through the first stage of shock, without blinking Mr. McCracken ran towards his son and pulled him with all the strength he had, throwing him violently to the floor.The mother, with one hand on her chest and the other on her mouth, stared at the scene in disbelief."What the hell, Bert?!" She exclaimed, horrified.Frank frowned and hurried to kneel beside the artist, who had fallen limply to the floor, coughing incessantly in order to catch his breath. One hand, running compulsively over his reddened neck, in the midst of his distress."Breathe." Iero advised him, one hand on his shoulder, the other on his cheek. "Take a deep breath, and let it out." Gerard was shaking, and every now and then he sobbed, choking on his own attempts to get air."Breathe," Frank repeated, stroking his hair awkwardly.Bert had stopped fighting his father and had agreed to stay quiet. He stood up, fists clenched, and stood there, watching his boyfriend in his best friend's arms. "This is all nonsense. Nonsense." Bert said to himself, with some disgust. "Stop looking at me like that, he deserved it, you know he did!"His mother stared at the scene, perplexed, and his father didn't look much different, with his arms on his waist, not knowing what to say or do.Frank, however, was filled with an overwhelming rage. How could he do that? He had genuinely tried to kill Gerard in front of everyone there, and now it was all nonsense?No!Not this time!Frank gently dropped Gerard to the ground and flew at his friend with clenched fists, landing a solid punch on his cheek, then another and another, until he was forced to stop by his mother's screams and his father's tugs, trying to calm down the situation.Bert didn't say anything at first, he just held the spot and massaged it to help ease the pain. Everyone there (except Gerard) was now staring at Frank, as if this time he was the monster. "What's gotten into you?" Bert snapped, his eyes wide, his voice shrill. "You're supposed to be supporting me!""Have you completely lost your mind? You were going to murder him, and you expected me to stand by and watch it happen? You're a stupid pig!" He shouted, furious.The artist was still on the floor, abandoned in the midst of his lamentations, with his hands on his face, crying excessively. Mrs. McCracken approached him, carefully, touching his throat, analyzing the injury with a look of concern on her face."Oh, poor thing..." She mumbled, placing a hand under Gerard's head protectively. "I think we'll have to take him to the hospital." Bert denied it eagerly, scratching his head irritably."Fuck this!" He yelled, before running out the door, shrugging at Zacky, who stared at the scene in front of him with shock and confusion."What the hell happened here?" He asked, removing the cigarette from his mouth.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

"You've got a deep horizontal groove here," the doctor said, examining Way's neck carefully. "That was quite a strangulation..." He murmured, lifting the patient's chin carefully. "The stigmata is clear..." "What's a stigmata?" Frank asked, pushing himself off the wall to approach the gurney where Gerard sat."The five wounds of Jesus Christ?!" Mrs. McCracken exclaimed, one hand on her chest and the other on her husband's arm. Everyone frowned at the woman, including Mr. McCracken."No, ma'am..." The doctor replied, seeming to hold back a laugh in order to maintain his professionalism. "I mean in the sense of injuries caused by fingernails..." He explained, turning to the patient. "And what's the diagnosis?" Mr. McCracken asked him seriously."The diagnosis? Well, it's clear that there was an attempted strangulation by human hands, the handprints, which are still there, and the wounds caused by the nails, in addition to the horizontal groove..." He said, finally, shrugging and taking off his glasses. "He also has some bruising on his right eyelid... it's getting better, but to attentive eyes it's still possible to see clearly." He added, casting brief glances at those present. "In these cases, i always suggest this remedy: 911. This seems pretty serious to me." Everyone immediately exchanged worried glances."That won't be necessary." Of course his mother would intervene, to protect her child. "It's no big deal. These young people these days are wild, you know, trying new and stupid things in bed, not caring about the risks, they end up hurting themselves." She laughed, staring at Gerard. "Isn't that right, my dear?"Way swallowed hard, grimacing in pain."Yeah, it was a stupid idea..." He agreed, his voice hoarse.Frank had to restrain himself a lot so as not to say that he had, in fact, suffered from an attempted murder, which would certainly lead the doctor to call the police, who would undoubtedly start real chaos there."Are you sure?" The doctor asked, holding the clipboard containing Gerard's report in his hands. The artist nodded, squinting hard. "Hmm, okay then. You're cleared, here you go. And oh, you'll be hoarse for a few days, but it'll pass soon." Gerard murmured in understanding, taking the paper in his fingers and getting off the stretcher, with Iero in tow. "You have to be more careful, young man, these practices require wisdom and control, if you had pressed the wrong spot, you would have killed him." The doctor warned, addressing Frank, in his mistaken understanding of the facts presented."I-" Frank tried to explain himself, exchanging an embarrassed look with Gerard, but being quickly cut off by the woman's thin voice."Yes, my son will watch himself from now on, this will not happen again, i thank you for everything."They left the hospital and as soon as they reached the parking lot they had to watch Mrs. McCracken go into a nervous breakdown over a supposedly lost key, which turned out to be in her pocket. It was clear that she was not well, still stunned by the events of that afternoon. She had suddenly begun to shake and cry, and her husband, sympathetic, gathered her into his arms."I don't understand..." She sobbed, seemingly unconcerned by the presence of others. "What would our son do today?!" She screamed, clutching onto her husband's shirt. "I can't believe he would do something like that, he wouldn't go through with it, would he? He's just a very strong personality... he doesn't know how to deal with intense emotions..."This was disconcerting. Frank wanted to intervene, to say that Bert was a twenty-nine-year-old adult, not an inexperienced and unintentionally unwise young man. He was a grown dude with an almost impeccable academic background, sadly unemployed, who didn't make the slightest point of looking for a job, he was a person who supported himself at the expense of his boyfriend, whom he despised, and his parents, under the cloak of certainty that they would never say 'leave' to their only (and fucked up) child. He had plenty of time to figure out what was right and what was wrong, what was acceptable and what was not acceptable, morally speaking. There were no excuses for him, there simply weren't any. It took Frank a while to understand that, but now everything seemed so lucid and placid in his mind...He had some time to reflect on Bert's behavior, and the conclusion he had reached was that part of his personality had remained hidden for so long for one obvious reason: Gerard was the first guy he had asked out, after so many years of casual flings and short-lived affairs. Iero couldn't remember anyone else McCracken had named as a boyfriend before, to the point of introducing the guy to everyone, including his family. At least not since college.That 'new' personality was nothing more than his true 'self'. After all, what better way to discover who someone truly was than by observing how they acted towards the person they were most intimate with, with whom they most enjoyed the freedom to say and do whatever they wanted? And although Frank had a close relationship with Bert, he knew that he would never have the courage to tell him what to do, how to do it, and at what time. This would never happen, simply because McCracken was cowardly enough to only target the one who had given himself wholeheartedly to his whims and his crazy life, that is, Gerard. Furthermore, there was an equality between Iero and him, a camaraderie that would never exist between him and the artist, since the dynamics in that type of 'loving' relationship were different, much more linked to the clear abusive designs of owner and object.Frank had finally realized that he was completely wrong about Bert's eccentricity. He had previously thought that he was just clueless, clumsy, and a little bit malicious. But after that episode in the living room, he was almost certain, based on his disgusted view of the situation, that Bert was nothing more than a crazy narcissist, perhaps even a sociopath.And yet, he saw a strong denial on the artist's part about what was happening, as if despite everything, he still expected something from Bert... something that would give him certainty that his boyfriend might be getting better from that chronic lack of humor that never seemed to go away..."Men are unpredictable creatures, my dear," Mr. McCracken whispered, stroking the woman's back. "When they are confronted, and feel their manhood threatened, they can be very violent. That's what we saw today. Our son, despite everything, is a man like any other. Sometimes he loses his temper, and that's completely normal."The woman made a painful sound, like a wounded animal, and wailed:"Oh! may God have mercy on us and on our damned son."Frank struggled to keep quiet, perhaps for the millionth time, after hearing that nonsense, knowing that this was not a good time for lectures.But Gerard looked away. This was all his fault. If he hadn't upset Bert... he wouldn't be seeing his mother in tears right in front of him, and he wouldn't be getting that critical look from his father. The same look he had given him seven months ago when he was introduced to the family. The man certainly didn't like the idea of having a homosexual son, and even if he didn't say anything, Gerard knew how much his presence made him resigned, his own son, his own flesh and blood, wasn't enough... there was still that stupid, dumb boy, who surrounded them, bothered them and now caused them huge losses with hospital bills."I can call an Uber and take him home myself." Frank suggested, suddenly realizing that the McCrackens were exhausted from the day, and that they needed some time alone. "Are you sure?" The woman asked, somewhat ethereal compared to the others."Yeah, yeah, I'll stay with him, if that's okay?" And Frank looked at the artist carefully, to make sure he preferred to go with him, instead of going with his boyfriend's parents."Yes. I'll go with you." Gerard nodded, his lips curling to the side due to the pain that the simple act of speaking was causing him. They said goodbye to the McCrackens, who got into the car, but before they left, they were intercepted by Way, who with wide eyes, said:"Mr. McCracken, I'm so sorry i ruined your birthday."The man was thoughtful, but soon shook his head negatively, as if what the artist had said was nonsense."It's not ruined. Don't worry about it. And take care of that throat."And then they were gone, leaving the two men there alone, an awkward silence followed as Frank called for a ride. They only spoke when they decided that this time Iero would pay for the trip, since the artist was broke as hell.Frank sat next to the driver, glancing at Gerard every now and then through the rearview mirror. The artist looked listless, as if he didn't want to give in to any kind of emotion, with one arm under his belly, and a hand gently stroking his neck, deep in thought.When they arrived at Gerard's address, Frank was struck by how run-down the neighborhood was.He asked the Uber to wait for him while he accompanied his friend to the door of his apartment. The driver, however, was quite uncomfortable and asked him not to be more than seven minutes late, otherwise he would get out of there.Gerard lived in a ten-story apartment, with poor finishing, and a view of the absolute nothings of that part of the city. Frank followed him haphazardly up grayish brittle tiles, a staircase whose white carpet was clearly dingy and dirty, and the walls, which were previously supposed to be beige, were starting to turn mossy green, somehow. The ceiling, which had a yellowish color, was starting to peel off, which gave the impression that everything could collapse at any moment. It was a bizarre place and honestly it looked like the set of a gore movie. That was probably the most the man could afford, thanks to Bert's shenanigans. "Don't be alarmed if you see any rats, at this point, they're our pets." He warned, putting a hand over his mouth to cough.When they reached the third floor, where Gerard lived, they stopped in front of apartment thirty-seven, and spent a few seconds staring at each other in the yellowish light of the empty corridor."Um..." Frank began, scratching the back of his neck to hide his nervousness. "You gonna be okay?" "I will." Gerard replied, shyly tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, which was slightly red from the strangulation."Okay." Iero nodded, pursing his lips and putting both hands in his pants pockets. "So..." Way audibly swallowed all his saliva, feeling very anxious all of a sudden. "Are you going already or..."Frank leaned back, looking mock surprised, and scratched his head, then let out a hysterical laugh."Yeah, 'course. Of course I'll go."But he didn't go. On the contrary, when he was about to, with his back turned, he took a deep breath and frowned heavily, shaking his head. He turned around, coming face to face with the same Gerard from two seconds ago."You know what..." But he didn't finish the sentence, he raised his hands and cupped either side of Gerard's cheeks, pressing a quick peck against his warm, soft lips.When he cautiously walked away, it was the artist's fixed eyes staring at him expressionlessly that made him regret and rethink his actions, right on the spot. "Shouldn't i have done that?" he asked himself, in a probing tone. Gerard didn't answer right away, he stared at the door behind Frank, which hid the neighbor's apartment, and then looked at his dirty All Stars."That was so wrong..." He said, blushing completely. "Oh my god, that was so wrong. You shouldn't have done that."Frank rocked back and forth restlessly."It wasn't that bad..." He replied, shrugging his shoulders and raising them in the air, in a minimizing expression.Gerard eagerly denied."It's not that it's... whatever you want with me, you're not going to get it, man." He stated seriously. "I still have a boyfriend. You know that." And he raised his head to look the tattooed man straight in the eyes. "I don't give a fuck about Bert," he retorted, giving a small, disdainful pout to illustrate his point. Gerard took a key from his pocket, ready to unlock the door and enter his apartment, with the words:"Bert warned me not to talk too much to some of his friends. He knew they might try something. I just didn't expect you to do this, i don't think even he could have predicted that, his best friend..." He said, fumbling with the key and dropping it on the floor, as he went into a coughing fit.Frank quickly crouched down, picking up the small object."I... i don't want anything from you, man, other than what's best for you." He stated, handing him the key. Way took it, sharply. "I didn't plan for it to happen like this, but it did and I'm not going to apologize. I mean, maybe I'll apologize to you, but fuck him, i don't feel bad, not after what he did today." Gerard unlocked the door with a loud thud. "Do you really think i still consider him my best friend?""You should, because he is." Way muttered, gripping the doorknob. "He's your best friend.""He... he can take a cactus up his ass! For fuck's sake, i don't give a shit anymore." He said, enough of that stubbornness of Gerard's, enough of pretending that everything could be ignored and swept under the rug, as if it were no big deal. "He tried to kill you today. Your life... will end in a horrible way if you don't put an end to this!" He started, in a low tone, although distressed. "I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want you to become a statistic, a bar conversation, a breakfast small talk..."The artist shrugged and bit his lip."I need some time..." He whispered, his voice breaking. "I need to think about things... this isn't easy, it isn't easy..."Frank sighed, understandably, but was quick to continue his argument."I don't feel obligated to keep his secrets anymore. If you want to know anything, I'll be an open book," he promised, tilting his head to the side so he could look at him through the small crack in the door. "But i think i should start with the fact that he's not faithful to you, Gerard. He spends your money on lovers and random guys at gay clubs. You live in this dump, while he lives in that cute trailer with direct access to that big, cozy house. He goes out while you are at work, living a single man life. He treats you like a cat in a shoe, and he gets a kick out of it."Gerard shook his head, as if it was all nonsense."You're a liar, how could he do that?!" He exclaimed, in a completely defensive position. A little delusional, to be honest. "You've been trying all this time to get me away from him with your advices! Why don't you stop? Why do you have to get so involved? It makes me think you're trying something...""Shit, man. I don't understand why you do this! He hurts you and makes you feel bad. Why don't you stop protecting him, why don't you stop pretending he doesn't do anything wrong? Look at your eyes, your neck! He embarrasses you, bullies you and makes you look like an idiot every single day, how can you not see that?"The door remained static for about five seconds while Way absorbed those facts and thought about what to say."You don't understand..." He said, pressing his trembling lips together with his teeth. "Why not think positively? You know how much of a sweetheart he was... how much of a sweetheart he is, he couldn't have changed like that out of nowhere, for no reason. That can't be who he is now, he wouldn't be with me if he didn't love me, i..." He put a hand to his face, to hide the unwelcome tears. "If i hadn't pissed him off, then i..." But a loud sob burst from his throat, cutting him off before he could finish his thought.Frank then hurried to say something."Maybe he's always been like this. Maybe he's deceived us all," he said sincerely, shrugging. "It's not your fault. Don't feel that way, please."Gerard stubbornly denied."I'm the only person in this damn universe who can make him explode with rage. How can it not be my fault?"Frank sucked all the air in the room into himself, and let it out, clenching his jaw."You want to know what i really think?" The artist nodded, without thinking much. "I think there's something really wrong with him, and there's nothing we can do about it. I think he needs a psychologist and a psychiatrist, like, urgently." He said, paying attention to Gerard's expression. "I think he uses you, to dump all the shit he can't dump on others."The artist regurgitated those words in his head, thinking and rethinking."You said it in a way... that made it seem like you had been thinking about this whole thing for some time..." He insinuated."I think about it a lot," he confided.Gerard shifted his weight from one leg to the other, and looked away in torment."But still, it doesn't mean it's true." Iero rolled his eyes involuntarily."Gerard, just tell me one thing: do you feel safe in this relationship? Do you feel free and respected?"A few seconds flew before his eyes, but Way didn't answer him, instead, he tried to close the door, being stopped by Iero's thick, colorful hands, who spread the wood, holding it where it was."Then i'm willing to stand by you until you decide what to do. I'm not gonna be that person that watches someone getting slowly murdered like it's nothing."Gerard stared at him steadily, his eyes filled with tears and bit his lips to contain another fit of crying. The next moment, he slammed the door. Frank lowered his head, put his hands over his face and cursed under his breath. He wasn't going to give up. Of course not. But at that moment, he was fed up with that crap of a day. He didn't want to hear any more drama, he just wanted to go home to his warm bed. He would find a way to talk to the artist until the following week, when he was better and calmer. Because that way, they wouldn't get anywhere...Once inside the apartment, Gerard stared at himself in the mirror. He took off his sweatshirt and blouse, staring at his milky bust, and inspecting it in detail, carefully running his fingers over where Bert had placed his hands... staring without emotion at the colorful results of that violence, mixed with the abundance of water that ran down his eyes.He was crying, but he didn't feel anything, funny, isn't it?He wanted to throw himself on the floor and scream about what Frank had told him. Because deep down, he knew it was true. But he couldn't... he couldn't do anything. The tears ran down his cheeks, and they kept on running, as he showered, as he drank coffee, and as he laid down to sleep after taking a sleeping pill... they just kept on coming. There came a point where his throat throbbed with pain. But he ignored it, thinking about everything that had happened on that traumatic day, everything that had unfolded because of him...He just wanted to close his eyes and sleep, so he could maybe wake up to a better day. He ran his fingertips across his lips, where Iero had given him a peck, and without meaning to, he tilted his lips to the sides. It wasn't a smile. It was a worried expression.He didn't even want to think about McCracken's reaction if he found out about that…•••"Frank, if you're listening to this, and i know you are, call me right now! We need to talk about last week!" Bert said, via audio message. "Things happened too fast that day, i'm sorry if i was a jerk to you, i love you, man, so please come here, text, i don't know."It was already night and that had been the most recent message sent by McCracken. It didn't differ much from the previous ones, it just sounded a little more desperate. It was the sixteenth audio he had sent, out of fifty-four texts, since Tuesday, when he decided to talk to Frank again.However, it was Friday now, which meant Iero had completely ignored him.Bert seemed out of his mind to get his attention. The day before, his ex-friend had shown up at his apartment, according to a neighbor, and had knocked on the door in vain for about ten minutes while Iero was away. And earlier that Friday, just before recess, he had interrupted a class from the doorman's office, claiming that they had to talk urgently. Frank sent word that this was a terrible time to talk about anything, and asked them to send him away. He complied without much hesitation, to the teacher's relief.The truth was that Iero wasn't planning on talking to McCracken now. Fuck him. His mind wanted to know about Gerard and couldn't see anything else besides him. It was the artist he needed now. His sign of life, his shy messages and the clear certainty of his well-being... because Iero had found himself really worried when he got home that Saturday and realized all his ill-considered and dangerous words. He shouldn't have revealed so many things at once... and he beat himself up over it for all the days that followed, thinking that because of him something bad could happen… he took his cellphone out of his pocket, in a strong instinct of concern, sighing deeply, with his eyes closed, and inhaling that typical smell of coffee and jasmine that perpetuated in his apartment without any apparent logic.He accessed the messaging app and pressed the artist's contact, deleting the previous messages (to prevent Bert from seeing them, according to Way) and typed a new one right after.
frank: hey man, ur alive, aren't u?
A few seconds later, Gerard went online, much to Frank's delight.
gerard♡: yes! hahaha

gerard♡: i disappeared, i'm sorry.
Frank bit his nails, swinging his legs from side to side. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. Talking to Way always left him in a state of complete calamity.
frank: no, it's okay, i thought u would want this time alone.

frank: without me bothering u.
This was the classic 'puppy that fell off the moving truck' approach. It was a cold and cruel tactic to make the person on the other end feel sympathetic to your guilt. It always worked when you wanted something in return, like a compliment, for example.
gerard♡: u weren't bothering me…
That wasn't true. But Frank still managed to vibrate inside, even letting out a strange whimper into the air.
frank: nah, that's bullshit. i'm kinda annoying. what ya say?
Rhoda Penmark from The Bad Seed came to mind when he said that, in fact he even thought about quoting: "What if I gave you a basket of kisses?" as in some kind of morbid reference, meant to apologize for all his insistence on the 'Bert' problem. However, he gave up before anything came to life, thinking that perhaps the man would not even understand.And also because, well, it would be idiotic of him to say something like that.
gerard♡: imma say stop being fucking silly!

gerard♡: u were really nice, actually.

gerard♡: accompanying me to the hospital, staying with me, taking me to the door…

gerard♡: a true gentleman from another century.
Frank blushed, feeling his heart beat like crazy in his chest. Ah, that damn feeling… 
frank: imma explode of embarrassment, man.

frank: like monster elisasue or some shit.
First: Frank was a fool in love, showing too much when he received nothing.
gerard♡: don't be dramatic now

gerard♡: i wanted to talk to u

gerard♡: face to face
Second: Absolutely not! Iero was lying on the couch, completely disheveled and ridiculous. What kind of man would Gerard think he was, seeing him with that scrunched-up face?
frank: video call? The signal isn't very good here, too windy :(

frank: u know how it is, autumn…
That was nonsense, a big, round nonsense... If there was something Iero knew he was terrible at, it was, without a shadow of a doubt, making up excuses not to go out/see people. 
gerard♡: no! face to face, tomorrow, at the same time as the other day, if u can.

frank: and the reason?

frank: i mean, course i will

frank: but i'm curious
Frank swallowed hard, and bit his lips anxiously.The mere suggestion of meeting the older guy was capable of destabilizing all his internal structures.
gerard♡: i need to ask some questions, know some things

gerard♡: things u promised you'd tell me

gerard♡: remember?

gerard♡: it hasn't been that long
It was stressful for Frank, seeing Gerard always feel that way, like he was so unimportant. Of course he fucking remembered!
frank: course i remember, i will, for sure.

frank: at the mall?
And while that seemed like an attractive possibility for a date, it definitely wasn't one. 
gerard♡: yeah, see ya, frank.
He stared at his phone screen and reread the messages as soon as the artist went offline. Gerard seemed so... objective, cold... and honestly, serious. He even seemed willing to finally hear him out. Frank felt shivers run down his spine. Had Way finally accepted that Bert was a troglodyte? Man, he was praying for that.Iero had considered, during the week, that the artist no longer wanted to know about his existence, he thought that he would even break up with McCracken and disappear from his life forever... he also thought that he would not end the relationship, and that he would actually tell his partner about Iero's advances and 'truths', which would make Bert very angry and cut off contact with him, leaving him, in the end, in the agonizing darkness of excruciating doubts.Frank had flown through many horrible possibilities, and now he found himself contemplating new ones. Gerard wanted to meet him, once more. Which meant, for him, another chance to get closer. •••In another area of the city, on a deserted and unfinished street, under a payphone, a few hours after arranging the 'meeting', Gerard waited for his boyfriend to answer a call. "Come on, come on..." He muttered impatiently. "Come on, Bertie..." Since Monday, they had been communicating via phone calls, as, strangely enough, McCracken had been too busy doing who knows what to physically meet him throughout the week (although on Sunday, Bert had shown up at his apartment with excuses and cheap wine, persuading the artist, still very hurt, to have sex and, consequently, return to the supposed 'normal' life they had).When the 'beep' stopped sounding, a few minutes had already gone by."Who is it?" Said an unfamiliar male voice on the other end, a voice that instantly made Gerard uncomfortable. "Hello?" "Hm, i think i dialed the wrong number, sorry." And he hung up, this time paying attention to every number he dialed. He called again.About two minutes later, that voice again."Who is it!?" Gerard shifted his weight from one leg to the other, disconcerted."I think i dialed the wrong number again." And he hung up, repeating the same process as before, making the next call with a pitiful insecurity."Look here, you fucking teenie-bitch, i'm not going to answer anymore, and next time, go suck your mommy's tit's instead of boning strangers, bum." The voice said, irritated this time.Suddenly, Gerard spoke, his voice hoarse and choppy:"Do you know Bert McCracken?" A few seconds flew by between the question and the answer. "And who wants to know?" "Gerard, his boyfriend," he replied, pressing the phone to his ear. "We agreed to talk every night... are you his friend?" Another torturous few seconds passed, and Gerard could hear a faint conversation in the background before he heard that voice once more."I'm Jacob. I don't think we've had the pleasure of talking yet, dear. But Bert is busy right now." He informed him, in a weird, sarcastic tone. "Busy? With what?" he asked, apprehensive. Another conversation could be heard in the background. Gerard pressed the phone even tighter to his ear in a foolish and futile attempt to hear something."We're planning a little party," he replied, muttering something else incomprehensible, and then returning a moment later with a bizarre sigh that reverberated throughout the artist's ear. "Call back another time." He hung up, suddenly.Gerard stood there for a while, the phone still pressed to his ear, trying to make sense of what he had just heard.He felt like crying.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The next day Frank woke up too late for his liking, almost at two in the afternoon. He didn't even have time to take a shower, he dressed as best he could (this time, with a Danzig t-shirt) and walked out of the apartment, his hands shaking, hurriedly calling an Uber.When he arrived at the mall and saw on his cellphone screen that it was already two thirty-nine, he practically ran to the food court, where Gerard was peacefully enjoying a soda."Hey, sorry i'm late," he said, hurrying to sit across from the artist. "I don't know what happened, seriously.""Oh, hello..." He said, straightening himself in the chair with a forced doll-like smile, although the dark circles under his eyes showed all the suffering he had been through in the last few days, and especially last night. "It's okay, it happens... means your dreams are too good.""Don't remember anything, but i guess so." He agreed, holding the sealed soda in front of him with a questioning expression. Gerard quickly noticed his doubt, and soon revealed that he had paid for his soda too. "you didn't have to... i didn't want you to spend your money on me...""It was only four dollars in total, don't freak out about it, please, let's get down to business." He insisted, nervously wrapping his hand around his can. "You promised you'd be an open book to me, and i want you to keep your word. Tell me: is there any truth to everything you've told me, or is it just some kind of jealousy? Are you trying to destroy my relationship?"Frank denied, masterfully removing the seal from his soda."I would never do that. I would never try to ruin someone else's relationship out of stupid jealousy. I tend to swallow what i feel. If it didn't happen this time, you can be sure that the matter is serious." He confided, removing the plastic from the straw with his teeth. "I didn't lie. Everything i told you is true. I swear on my mother's behalf that i don't want to ruin anything." He paused, putting the straw inside the can, sucking the sweet drink with relish, before commenting: "This is good.""Okay. Let's pretend all this crap is real. Why would anyone do that? If he wants to be a free soul so badly, shouldn't he break up with me?""No." He answered simply. "You give him money and a false sense of stability. Besides, he only wants a person to dominate." He explained, sucking his drink. "It's like i told you on Saturday, this is all a game to him. The most profound hypothesis i could come up with is that he likes control and power so much but is so frustrated at not having been able to reach the necessary levels to actually exercise these things, that he takes it out on you, the only person who submits, emotionally and physically, to his shit. It's an abusive relationship, Gerard, there are many types. You can toss and turn at night creating theories, but you'll never get past the main question: how are you going to get out of this?"Way blinked his eyes a few times, then redirected them to his pale hands on the marble table."I don't know," he stammered, biting his lip lightly. "Maybe i shouldn't leave. What if I'm the only one who can help him?""Cut it out." Iero said, making the 'death hand gesture' on his neck. "You're not a doctor, and much less a medicine. It's not your job to fix, cure, or whatever, that twenty-nine-year-old bearded dude. Your only obligation is to yourself, and to kick that bastard's ass.""It's just... maybe i can be an incentive for him...""He's killing you, how are you going to be his incentive? How..." He paused, pinching the flesh between his eyes. "Look, okay, i understand where you're coming from with that idea but... it's completely unrealistic." Gerard rested his elbow on the table and put a hand to his face, covering his eyes. He was not crying, he wasn't the type to do such things in public, he was just really worried and tired..."Do you think i should break up with him?" He asked, moving his hands abruptly to convey his doubt. "Throw those seven months in the trash?""I don't just think so, I'm sure as hell." He said, stretching out his hand to hold Gerard's, like the other time, noticing that as their skins intertwined the artist jumped a little, as if he wasn't expecting that affection at all. "And i don't say this with malice, like someone who just wants an opportunity with you, i say it as a friend, and i know you must be fed up with that word by now, but that's it." "A friend..." The artist pondered, staring at the hand intertwined with his. He wasn't an idiot, and he hadn't cried his entire soul out over the course of that week over suspicions he knew were unfounded. He was sure that whatever he was about to hear would be nothing more than the purest and most exhaustive truth. He needed to hear what Iero had to say, because now, it was a matter of sanity. "Tell me then, tell me everything he did behind my back and maybe then i'll dump his ass."Frank smiled indulgently and patted his palm. "He cheated on you. Many times. The most recent one was a guy named Jacob, buff boy, looks like a werewolf, no joke-""Jacob!?" Gerard exclaimed, quickly acquiring a melancholic expression. "Are you sure that's the name?"Iero frowned."Yeah, they went to a park, last time Bert made a point of informing me." Gerard gave him such an inquisitorial look, Iero felt bad, knowing that it was all so damn terrible, and that the older man definitely didn't deserve to hear all that shit. "Yes, i was an accomplice. Me, Zacky, and who else. I have the recorded messages here, if you want to see them." A moment of silence followed and Gerard stared at the soda."Tell me more."Frank hesitated, since Way was visibly upset, but thought it best to get it over with."He uses your money to hang out with these guys and buy them stuff. He also goes to clubs, he goes there and... i don't know what he does exactly, but it's certainly not the kind of thing a faithful and committed man does." He shrugged. "It's an unprecedented spending spree, man. He has no respect for you. He talks about going to Alaska 'cause he 'can't stand you', you're one of the sweetest people i've ever met, and he has the guts to say this bullshit! He plans the shit he's going to do to you before he does it, it's not just momentary outbursts. For him, this is a fair way to punish you for things that, damn, are pure idiocracy, i mean, his idiocracy, okay? Nothing makes sense to me, it's all the height of human stupidity in one single person. I already told him to break up with you, if he hates you so much, but the guy would rather make your life hell than do it!"Gerard took a few seconds to himself. His head throbbed and his heart shattered right there into a thousand little pieces. Bertie... smiling, outgoing Bertie, who had won him over at a party, stealing a joint from his mouth to take a few rebellious puffs. That Bert... wasn't who he had been these past few months. He used to be nice and easygoing, he didn't belittle him, he didn't hurt him, he said he loved him, he said he was there for him no matter what, he said they would be together forever...Gerard still didn't understand what had changed, what had led McCracken to do those things. But he knew, now he knew, there was nothing else he could do. His boyfriend was happily out there, kissing and having sex with other people (not that he and Gerard didn't have sex regularly, they did, Sunday was proof of that, but it wasn't good... with the real meaning of the word. It was just sex. In and out, one cums and leaves, as if the partner below isn't worth the trouble of even a blowjob).Gerard shook the blue scarf around his neck, uncomfortably.Jacob, the stranger from the night before was with Bert now... it was ridiculously obvious! All of Way's insomnia that night, which had resulted in a dull paranoia, visible in the depth of his dark circles, actually had a reason. Come on, the guy answered the call from Bert's trailer and called Gerard 'dear', like the shameless fool he apparently was, he had probably been with McCracken at that moment, doing very depraved things, hence the bizarrely sensual sigh he made at the end of the call. Gerard couldn't organize the disgust he was feeling into coherent words."I'm being cucked." He said in a breath, relaxing his tense shoulders. "This is... this is fucking humiliating. How many people know?" Frank shrugged and Gerard narrowed his eyes, pulling his hand back. "I'm going to kill that... that idiot." He hissed softly, trying to control his fragile, torn emotions. "This is all... this is all fucking cowardice. How could he? I trusted him!" He fumed, pushing his greasy hair back. "I want to get back at him. I'm so angry. I want him to feel what I'm feeling right now, I want him to feel what it's like to be... disposable."Frank's eyes widened and he shook his head in disapproval."Revenge is not pleasant, Gerard."The artist denied it, somewhat bitterly. "It depends on the kind of revenge." He tilted his head to the side, as if thinking about something. "Sometimes she can be hot." He redirected his gaze to the man in front of him, who was hesitant. "I want you to do it for me, film it and send it to him. Please."Frank frowned, wrinkles appeared on his forehead, he didn't understand."Do you want me to do...?""Sex."Oh. Sex with Gerard was all he wanted. But... It wasn't what he had planned for a possible first time with the artist. It was selfish sex. In order to, you see, prove a point and look better on tape. It was disgusting in a way. And not only because it was supposed to make Bert bite his tongue in anger, but because it came from a completely illogical place, one he hadn't known existed in Gerard until then.It was like the artist just wanted to use him, and god, that was depressing."I don't know if that's a good idea," he said, shrugging."You don't like me?""I like you!" he said urgently. "But it's not healthy, it's... it's not nice."Gerard took a deep breath, and his gaze wandered idly around the food court, before leaning forward in what looked like a conspiratorial stance."Like you said, he's killing me, so i'm going to kill him first. I don't care. If it's not with you, then it's going to be with some call boy." He pointed out, accurately and objectively. "What he did to me isn't fair, you know. So all this drama, all this thing about the evils of revenge, jesus no, i beg you, don't say any of that to me. I'm not crazy, I'm not obsessive. I just want him to pay for everything he did to me, and what better way to make him fall out of his world than to record a video of me fucking his best friend? That's even, I need that..." Frank was thoughtful, for he understood the artist's revolt. Now that the facts had been laid out on the table and no doubt remained in the man's olive green eyes, it was possible to see a gray, impatient hurricane within his sparkling orbs...Frank thought, it was just a favor, nothing major. It would be funny, in the end, to see McCracken's explosive reaction... It was lousy, vile and selfish, to tell the truth, but clearly very important to the artist, almost a matter of moral integrity even. He had given everything he had to receive absolutely nothing from McCracken in return. He was cheated on, brutalised ... and deserved a full recompense. No one comes out of an abusive relationship unscathed, and while some try to escape, perhaps forever, from the ghosts that surround their ever-present memories of the past, others hold grudges and hatred, they waited for the right moment to strike back.It wasn't a cold revenge, quite the opposite, it was hot, filled with fury, with a fixed and reachable sender. It was a mocking revenge, the kind that everyone laughs at. It wasn't like the artist was going to kill Bert or anything like that...That retaliation would be like… stealing candy from his (hypothetical) little sister who put glue on the sole of his shoe. And even though it seemed like a 'silly' little thing, he would not, under any circumstances, let the 'I can't' override the 'I will'. Especially because in that context, revenge seemed a lot like justice.And frankly, Iero had been in his hands for too long to even think about denying that sudden request, still so questionable in his mind.He would do anything for that guy..."Alright. Let's make your video." He consented, wrapping his hand around the cold can of soda to suck out the last remnants of the drink. What he really wanted was to stick his head in the ground for a few hours. "Let's fuck with Bert a little."Gerard lowered his head, this time blushing, embarrassed by what he had just suggested. He wouldn't back down, not at all. And would no longer deny what was happening. Bert had mistreated him, humiliated him, and on top of that, tried to take his life with no real regret! What he was going to do wasn't even close to a proper rematch, but it was still something, oh yes, it was. If McCracken wanted Jacob, he would have Jacob, but he wouldn't get away with all the mess he had caused. Because for someone like Bert, being double-crossed would be like the prelude to the end of the world... and Gerard couldn't stop thinking about the look of shock and disgust on his face when he saw the video… He smiled ever so slightly, a smile that represented the refreshing relief of finally having opened his eyes to see the true face of Robert Edward McCracken, who with considerable modesty could easily be described as the 'worst person to ever come across the world', or Gerard's life.And well, anyone who thought that the fear and terror had been exhausted from the artist simply because he had decided to fight back would be terribly mistaken. No, those feelings were still there, they were part of him, they were just being canonized into something more... bitter. Frank realized that all those revelations had been just the confirmation of something Way already knew, or imagined (even if covered by mountains of doubts). He accepted the story of the betrayal without much insistence on Bert's 'innocence', as he had done other times. Something had happened..."It'll be fun." He promised, stretching out his left hand so that this time he could hold Iero's colorful palm, feeling, from the touch, a strange and nauseating rumbling in his chest. An atypical fall, which he quickly attributed to unknown feelings about that man. "You'll see."•••On Monday, right after work, Frank stopped at a coffee shop near his home and ordered a Chocochip Frappuccino. However, as soon as he reached the front door he accidentally dropped the rest of the drink on the floor, staining not only his shoes, but also his jeans and the shiny floor in the hallway.He hissed as he felt the hot liquid slide down his legs and penetrate the sensitive skin beneath his pants, but he paid little attention to what had just happened, he had more to worry about...The door was open, except... Frank never left the door open. "What the hell..." He muttered, inspecting the lock and the doorknob (the latter was almost falling from its place) coming to the quick conclusion that both were obviously broken, and very, very damaged, as if someone had used very brute force to break them. Almost immediately a shiver ran through his entire body, and without delay, he pressed the bag against his chest which did not stop rising and falling, denoting that a torpor of anxiety had just taken over his being.There was panic at the thought that someone had forced the entrance to the point of breaking it. And fear, at the possibility that there was still someone inside, waiting for his arrival. And yet, he took careful steps forward, feeling as if with each step, he was closer to finding something he definitely did not want to find."Is anyone there?" He asked, scolding himself in the next moment. That was exactly the kind of thing victims in horror movies said before being chopped up by the killer. Except, well, there wasn't really a killer there. Because as soon as his voice made itself present and a slender shadow danced across the walls, revealing itself in the form of his former best friend, his posture softened, and his shoulders relaxed. But soon he was furious, he threw his bag carelessly on the couch, glancing sideways at the result of his drama from a few seconds ago... the damn Chocochip Frappuccino now resided scattered on the hallway floor, taking with it a portion of Frank's four dollars…Bert, with wide eyes and parted lips remained in the center of the room, like a statue, with one hand on his waist, while the other held a crowbar, watching the newcomer as if he was the criminal."How long have you been here?" Frank asked, his gaze shifting from the door to McCracken, and then to the object in his hands. "I-I've been here for about fifteen minutes.""You used that to break the door?" He fumed, feeling like he could fly at him at any moment. "Are you serious, the fuck?!""I-I've been calling you all week and you haven't answered-""It doesn't matter. You had no right. Get the fuck out of my house." He cut him off, avoiding looking him in the eye. Instead, he steadied his steps towards the bathroom. "I'm sorry! But I needed to talk to you!" He defended himself, slamming his palm against his chest as he dragged the long, sharp object across the wooden floor, right behind Iero. "Why are you ignoring me?""Didn't want to talk to you," he replied bitterly. McCracken, disoriented by that answer, blinked his eyes and said indignantly:"If I send you a thousand texts and audios, the least I expect from you is the decency of a response."Frank laughed a loud, disbelieving laugh. "How ironic, of all people, you talking about the bare minimum and decency." His voice was a river of sarcasm, and he didn't feel bad about it, because all he wanted now was to hit McCracken and make him go away. "You don't have an ounce of shame, do you?""I-I just wanted you to know that i already understand. What i did to Gerard was wrong, so you don't have to crucify me anymore, or be an asshole.""Do you really understand?" he said, in a falsely reflective tone, picking up the squeegee, the floor cloth, and the detergent. "I have my doubts about that." He wrapped the cloth around the foot of the object, and walked back to the entrance, with Bert in tow. "And I'm being an asshole? Me? You try to kill your boyfriend in your parents house, makes your mom have a public breakdown, break into my house, and I'm the villain? You're a fucking cunt.""Frankie? For God's sake, you're my best friend, you know me better than anyone else. You know what happened that Saturday was an accident, Gerard provoked me, you saw it! I had to react, but killing him? How absurd!" And he laughed outrageously, as if the mere thought of taking his boyfriend's life was too funny. "He and i have already made up!" Peaces that didn't do balls, Frank thought. 
If McCracken only knew what would happen later that night...
"I don't care," he said, grabbing the (broken) plastic cup with his fingertips to throw it in the trash can by the door. Then he sprinkled the detergent on the floor. "And don't call me Frankie. There's no more Frankie for you," he said, finally scrubbing the squeegee. McCracken fumed, throwing his arms in the air as if Iero had just kicked him in the left nuts."What do you mean by that?""I mean I want you out of my life. Forever." He replied coldly. "I want you to get your arrogant ass out of my house and never come back."Quiet, awkward seconds passed after that confession. And Frank, realizing that McCracken had grown roots to the ground in a continuous state of shock, not moving even a single muscle, gave his ultimatum in a shaken and tired tone: "I'm gonna call the cops if you don't leave, man.""Are you..." He took a few hurried steps forward, standing right behind Iero. "Breaking up our friendship?""Is that not obvious already?!" he snapped, though his voice came out in a shaky breath. Bert's lips parted and he began to cry profusely behind him, his entire face drenched in water in a matter of seconds. Frank rubbed his nose in discomfort. "Bert, you—""It's all Gerard's fault, isn't it?! What did he do in that hospital? Told you some bullshit? Is that it?" He shouted, squeezing the crowbar so tight that his fingertips got red, not caring about Iero's neighbors. "He means nothing to me, I can break up with him if that's the problem. Friends before lovers, you know."Frank looked away for a moment and swallowed all the saliva he didn't even realize he was saving, turning to McCracken with a perplexed look."He's your boyfriend, how can you talk about him like that?" He asked, astonished. "He's just a boyfriend." He replied, with a disturbing conviction, making it clear that what he was saying was nothing more than the cruelest truth. Gerard was just a piece to him. "My list of lovers is huge." He boasted."What about Jacob? Is he another one on your list too?" He asked, holding his gaze firmly. "Are you going to dump Gerard when he's no longer useful to you, and jump into this one the next day like nothing happened? Are you going to repeat all this shit? Or are you going to keep using Gerard, and changing lovers every three weeks?""You can't ask questions without answering mine first." He yelled, pointing the crowbar at his former friend, who widened his eyes and took a few steps back."Careful with that," he warned, in a low, harsh tone. McCracken stared at the object for a moment, then lowered it, seeming to realize that one wrong move and he would end up hurting Frank, something he decidedly did not want to do, yet."Does anything you're saying have any influence from Gerard? Yes or no?""Forget it, i already have my answer." Iero tried to change the subject, going back to cleaning.Bert crossed his arms, taking a few more steps forward, with the crowbar residing dangerously in his hands to stand next to Iero and whisper close to his ear:"Answer."Frank frowned and stepped back abruptly, startled by his threatening tone, he denied it frantically. Although yes, it was indeed all related to the artist."No.""So what?! Because I'm honestly lost, and I'm already thinking about putting half an hour of pressure on Gerard to see if he'll at least tell me something and-""You're not going to do anything to him," Frank said, his tone serious and alarmed. He understood what McCracken meant by 'putting pressure on him'. Bert frowned, arching one eyebrow defiantly. "And why not?""Because he has nothing to do with it! You have to stop blaming him every time something goes wrong in your life." McCracken made a disgusted expression, as if he hadn't understood the other's words, and was making his own version of them, a kind of twisted and cunning version, where everyone was a monster, exiling him from their social circles, while he, the poor guy, was unfairly misunderstood.Bert grew angry, his eyebrows drawn together in the middle of his forehead, his eyes glowing as if he were seeing flames through them, his shoulders hunched forward, his nostrils flaring... then, unexpectedly, he leaned towards Frank, to yank the squeegee from his hands sharply, catching him by surprise."Do you want to know the truth? Gerard was the biggest mistake of my life. If he didn't exist, my parents wouldn't be avoiding me, Zacky wouldn't disappear like you did. And I wouldn't be here now." And he threw the mop hard on the floor, not damaging it, but making the floor even dirtier with the traces of the drink that had splashed everywhere. Iero jumped at the sound, which reverberated throughout the apartment."If all this happened, it's 'cause you deserved it." He hissed, trying to hide the cowardice that had taken over his body, turning around to get the object, taking it by the plastic handle in order to analyze it, his hands trembling subtly. "Son of a bitch, look what you did!" He stretched his hand into the air, in order to show him the splashes on the floor and walls.McCracken looked around and shrugged. "This is nothing compared to what you're doing to me." He dramatized, the rims of his eyes red, ready for another show. "This isn't right."Iero gave him a stern look, like the one he would give to a stubborn child, and shouted: "You're a sick fuck, Robert." McCracken clenched his fists, the redness around his fingers deepening, and his lips curled into a disgusted pout, expressing all his distrust."You're lying. Stop lying." He muttered, a suspicious tone in his voice. "You wouldn't end our friendship over a door, or anything else I've thought of before, a new boyfriend, a new circle of friends... of course it's because of Gerard. Which is bizarre to me, because if I'm not mistaken, you didn't care, you just looked the other way and pretended i wasn't treating that bitch the way he deserved to be treated. Every time we argued, every time i yelled at him... when i told him i was going to beat him up, you didn't really mind, did you? Not to the point of saying shit to me. Then that day happened, and now you stopped talking to me. What's your deal now?"Frank clicked his tongue and pressed his lips together. He was starting to get nervous, his forehead sweating, his eyes twitching... if McCracken didn't leave within a minute, he was sure to snap."What's my deal? I think I've made it pretty clear here. I want you far away from me, damn you fucking stupid pig! Has it never crossed your mind that maybe you're an unpleasant person to be around? A bad person? And that your latest actions were the last straw for me? And that, shit, they have, I don't know, a direct connection to you and only you? There's no way you're so selfish that you can't see yourself!" He said, gripping the handle of the squeegee as if it were his only sustenance. "And no one influenced me to do anything. I'm not a child, in case you haven't noticed. I can make my own decisions."McCracken shook his head in disbelief. He tucked his black hair behind his ears and wiped his eyes."Listen here: if something's going on, I'm going to find out. Zacky's fine away, who cares, but you're not. You're my buddy." Iero locked the intensity of his mossy greens directly into his crystal blues, tangled in anxiety."What the fuck do you mean by that?!""Expect to see me again," he muttered, fixing Frank with a frighteningly icy stare, just before bumping shoulders with him, purposefully stepping on the Chocochip Frappuccino, and thus leaving a trail of footprints behind as he finally left.At the same moment, his phone vibrated. Frank pulled the device out of his pocket, overcome with shivers and worry.
mom𖤓: Frankie, Baby!

mom𖤓: You coming tomorrow?

mom𖤓: Haven't seen you in a long time…

mom𖤓: By the way, i love your profile picture! Is that a military cut? Shows all your beautiful angles you got from me!
Frank sighed in dismay and pressed the flesh between his eyes.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They arranged to do the recording at seven-thirty that night. But when Gerard arrived at the apartment, Frank received him with some tension."What happened to your door?" He asked, pointing curiously at the handle and lock, before widening his eyes at the tiny stains on the wall."Your boyfriend.""What!?" Gerard exclaimed, completely shocked and confused. "What did he want?""He wanted to talk to me," he explained, hiding his hands in his pants pockets. "Didn't he come after you?""No, he didn't." Way crossed his arms. "What did he say?" Frank swallowed hard and looked down at the ground, immediately worrying the older man. "He didn't like it when i said i wanted to keep my distance from him, he thought you had something to do with it." Gerard's face showed the expression of someone who had just seen a ghost, haunted and horrified. "I denied it, but he suspects. He said he'd find out everything.""Oh." Gerard sighed, looking away, clearly distressed.Frank hurried to put a hand on his shoulder. "Good thing he didn't go after you." Gerard looked into his eyes, those beautiful olive greens, crystal clear as the waters of a river surrounded by green trees. He looked so worried, but at the same time, so hurt. Frank couldn't say what it was in the artist's eyes that always left him with a melancholic look, as if he was trapped in an eternal cycle of regurgitated bad feelings.Frank let his hands move from his shoulders to his cheeks, where he gently palmed the soft skin, receiving in return only the unknown in his gaze."Better leave this for later," he whispered, catching the bottom corner of his lips between his small teeth. "He can't do anything to us now."Frank bit his lips and nodded, although he still felt that talking about it was extremely necessary at that moment."Let's go to my room, I'll find a place to position the phone." He suggested, blushing just like Gerard. Way followed him down the hall to a dimly lit room (only one lamp on), gray walls and a box spring bed big enough for the both of them. He sat on it, his hands neatly on his knees, watching Iero position the phone, with the front camera activated on a small drawer cabinet next to the bed. It was positioned close enough to see everything, every sordid detail. Gerard tilted his lips in what seemed like a pleased expression and began to unbutton his flannel shirt."Are you still sure about this?" Iero asked him, wanting to get back to the subject, leaning against the doorframe. "Do you still think it's the right thing to do to heal...?"As if he were smoking a cigarette, Gerard took a deep breath, only to exhale it immediately afterwards, in a puff that could be interpreted in many ways: exhaustion, nervousness, anger, sadness. And all of them would be undoubtedly correct, as exact as the result of a mathematical equation.He thought Frank would ask that question… and he asked himself: how could he vomit in the right way everything he was feeling without looking like a crazy person?"I've been thinking a lot these past two days and i think I'm still absorbing this story. Sometimes i still think it's all a lie, but then i evaluate all the clues... little things that I've been noticing for a few months... and... i don't know, it just hurts a lot. On Friday, i spoke to this Jacob guy by accident, and I'm sure it was him because i called the same number several times, Bert's number, this guy answered them all. I spent the whole night racking my brain over it, until you confirmed to me that he really did have a lover with that name." He said, gesturing from side to side. "And you know what, I'm still not sure if he's changed, or if he's always been this way, just waiting for the right moment to show himself, like... like a fucking caterpillar being a butterfly on the inside, only an evil one, in this case." He confided, with his eyes fixed on the man in front of him, who was listening to him very attentively. "Sorry if that seems like a shitty explanation." He laughed, shaken. "But with all this chaos he's done to me, i can't help but feel hurt, and i know that... revenge won't heal anything but... damn, the son of a bitch did some really nasty shit, don't i deserve to fuck him up too? Look at your front door! He deserves to collapse in rage for a few minutes, don't you think? Fire with fire and all that."Frank thought about it and shrugged, although he was stunned by the new information... now he knew why Gerard had agreed with McCracken's bad character without much hesitation. He had talked to his lover. Iero couldn't even measure how fucked up that was."Fire with fire and everything goes up in smoke, i think i read that somewhere." He replied, rocking back and forth. He didn't want to sound dismissive to Gerard, but he needed to know how much this really meant to him."I think I've read it somewhere, too: one should not compare the reaction of the oppressed with the violence of the oppressor." He rushed to say, quickly. He needed Frank to understand his point of view completely, even if they had to engage in a game of quotations.Iero was caught off guard by that response and raised his eyebrows."Malcolm X," he muttered, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. "You're... ruining my peaceful state, man."Gerard lowered his head, causing a few strands of hair to fall out of his tiny ears."Is this that bad?""It's stupid. We don't know how he's going to react, could be dangerous.""You protect me then, and I'll protect you. Then we're safe from him."Frank blushed, but denied it, trying to bring back a rationality that no longer seemed to be part of him when he was so close to Gerard. All that sweetness would screw them both up at some point."I don't know if that would be enough," he said. "What do you say then, are you going to flip?" He blinked his eyelashes nervously at the man in front of him, anxious about his answer.Frank pursed his lips and shrugged."I just think it's a terrible idea. But if you think that after this you're going to find your justice, or whatever, something like that... you know you can count on me now, and always.""Thank you." Gerard said, relieved. They exchanged a meaningful and awkward look at that moment, which completely disconcerted them, to the point where they both laughed."This is going to be a huge mess, i just hope you're prepared for the consequences." He warned him, pressing his lips together in a straight line."I'm not this poor boy you think i am." Gerard said defensively."I didn't mean it that way..." He explained, crossing his arms. "I don't think you're weak, and you know that. It's not just your safety that's at stake."Gerard sighed."I know..." He put a hand to his forehead, scolding himself. "And I'm sorry... i understand what you mean. And i understand the risks, too." He hunched his shoulders forward, resting his hands on the mattress. "We'll see what happens tomorrow, okay?"Frank nodded, tapping the door frame lightly. "Of course. I just wanted to make sure," he said, watching anxiously as Gerard slumped back onto the bed. "So... um... i'll go get the stuff."He added, making the sound of his bare feet on the wooden floor heard.When he returned, with his hands and nails washed, a condom and some lubricant, he was shocked to see Gerard on his knees, wearing only his underwear on the bed. He stared at the scene for a while, feeling immature."Have you turned on the camera yet?" Way asked sheepishly, hugging his pale, bare torso."N-no, i'll turn it on when we're, like, doing... actually doing it, isn't that how it is in adult films?" He asked nervously, not really expecting an answer. "If we film the whole thing, the chance of him seeing anything shocking is like zero. Plus, it cuts down on the editing." "Editing?" Gerard asked, biting his lip discreetly as he watched the way Frank's muscles became evident with the sudden movement he made as he removed his shirt, exposing all those prominent tattoos. "Yeah, the first few minutes. I think i'll just leave enough." And by enough, Gerard understood what he meant. Iero would leave the hottest moments, the ones where they would be most out of control in search of pleasure, like wild animals fucking in the middle of the jungle. The artist blushed and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, then shuffled a little to the side so that he was lying flat on the bed. Frank took off his grayish trousers and slowly slipped into the garment, which immediately sank under his weight, to lie flush against Way's fleshy legs, he was as red as the dawn sky, with his silky black hair falling perfectly over his bare shoulders.  He looked like a flower about to be bathed in the sun, so fragile and vulnerable.Frank timidly stretched to get on top of Way, who immediately wrapped his legs around his waist, pressing his back with his open palms... the dangerous proximity of their faces awakening a frantic beating of hearts. The first contact of their skin, half-naked and surrendered, was warm and welcoming, rising to something extremely exciting, at which Iero moved his hips against Gerard's, without meaning to, rubbing their intimate parts in a way so... provocative, that a murmur could be heard being purged from between the artist's lips.And even though they couldn't look into each other's eyes with absolute clarity since they were so close, it seemed so clear that this would be much more than a recording. Just looking at those erections under the only fabric that separated them from nakedness. They hadn't grown so fast for nothing. Proximity was enough. And they both had to act as if that instant stiffness was completely normal, and not something that resembled their teenage years, when the slightest bit of attraction could make them grow in their pants.Frank closed the distance between the two, smacking their lips together in a shy kiss, which naturally evolved into something bolder, with tongues and saliva.For Gerard, those warm, wet lips slamming against his own had been, incredibly, the most satisfying thing he had tasted in months. Frank pressed their mouths together so tightly, parting his lips for their cheeky tongues to slam into each other hungrily in what was their first real kiss, the older man found himself stunned halfway through, thinking that, well, this was too good. He didn't know how to control the frantic pressing of his fingers on some points on Iero's back, satisfying the touch of that appetizing skin, as he felt all the air being stolen from his lungs... tilting his hips up when he realized that things were starting to become slightly too damp down there, thanks to the brief brushing, and the prelude to what was to come next.He snaked his hand down to Iero's underwear, where he squeezed the thick volume with some hesitation, confirming his unbridled arousal while at the same time eliciting muffled sighs from his reddened lips, which made him go down to his neck, and wrap his lips around it with desire. Way tilted his head back, sliding his hands down the sides of the tattooed man, until he reached his buttocks, where he groped with some need, wanting to be eaten once and for all. He danced his fingers along the waistband of his underwear, gradually lowering them to his thighs, as the sucking on his neck intensified, making a curved, smooth, thick penis spring out, which completely satisfied Way's newfound expectations.Gerard grabbed the phallus, pumping it expertly with firmness, which made Frank instinctively go towards his hand, needing that delicious sexual contact."I like that..." Iero murmured, against the artist's throat, who bit his lips, lingering a little on the glans, where he slowly stimulated with his fingertips, then moving down the wet and sensitive skin, up and down with his closed hand, milking him in the same way he liked to be milked."Yeah?" he asked, lasciviously, in the form of a moan."Mmm, hun." Frank replied, grinding his hips against the artist's."I want you, now." Gerard said, in a sly and needy tone, stopping the masturbation that had barely begun abruptly. Iero frowned, not liking it very much, but pulling away, he realized Way's eagerness to reach the shocking finale which would delight McCracken in the deepest hatred."You better lie down." He instructed, and Gerard obeyed him, hurriedly removing his underwear to throw somewhere in the corner of the bed, Frank did the same, picking up the pillow for the older man to position under his hips. It was surreal for Iero, being naked in front of him, after wanting him for months on end, after fantasizing about moments like this countless times..."Is it weird to be embarrassed now?" Gerard asked, blushing from the tips of his toes to his cheeks, as he covered his intimate area with the pillow given to him.Iero frowned, grabbing the oiler and removing the cap."I don't think so," he replied, putting a considerable amount of the gelatinous liquid with a fresh, minty aroma on his fingertips. "I'm so nervous it feels like it's my first time." And he laughed nervously, as if an embarrassing image had just crossed his mind. "How was your first time?" Gerard wanted to know, trying to ignore Iero's erect member, which looked like a one-eyed squint, pointing upwards when it should have been pointing forward.Frank shrugged and grimaced. Maybe Gerard just really wanted to kill some tension. He went along with it."It was on my sixteenth birthday." He began, taking the condom in his hands, then opening the package with his teeth. "I threw a Halloween party just for friends and friends of friends that day." He recalled, holding his erect penis to put on the thin latex. "My mom had gone to dinner. So I was in charge of the house and all those teenagers." He paused, slipping on his knees across the bed, close to Way, holding the younger's knees and giving him a caress that shattered all the artist's mental components. "I'm going to do it, okay?" He warned, waking him up. "Oh, yes, please." Gerard nodded, lying down to relax, and arching his body so that Iero could adjust the pillow beneath him, although he was still interested in the rest of the story. "So," He continued, with a sigh, as he observed his partner's body, the fat that stood out here and there, and the marks that came from them, the redness of shame that spread throughout his exposed body, giving him that naturally adorable, exciting look... "We were playing 'truth or dare', classic." He rolled his eyes and moved his hands in the air as if it were obvious, before taking a finger to the artist's entrance, where he mocked for a while, until he slowly inserted one digit into Way's tight interior. Gerard gasped, and narrowed the path for a few seconds, dominated by tension, relaxing only when he felt the man's zeal, which penetrated him with calm and courtesy. Taking all the care in the world not to reopen all his dormant folds as if he had a fork for fingers. "What happened next, you can imagine, I chose dare and the idiots dared me to have sex with a girl they insisted I liked, when I definitely didn't." He said, shaking his head negatively at what had happened, and introducing a second finger, bending them a little, and plunging them more precisely inside the older one, feeling that he was doing the right thing when he saw him meet his hand. "They teased me, called me a fag, stuff like that. So I ended up accepting it, to prove that I wasn't a fag at all." He clicked his tongue, introducing his third finger. Way bit his lips, clenching his hands into fists beside his head. "We went to my room, we made out and everything, but... at the time, it didn't come up, you get me?" Gerard suppressed a murmur when Frank introduced the fourth finger, and began to move them inside with more intensity, voraciously stimulating his prostate. "We ended up having sex anyways, but it was weird. Not just because I'm gay, but because she rode my soft dick. And neither of us were satisfied in the end." "Did she tell your friends?" Gerard asked, leaning on his elbows on the bed to watch Iero's fingers move in and out.Frank laughed awkwardly, his lips curling."She did worse, spread it around the whole school. I was 'dormant chick' for a year and a half until they forgot about that shit. My mom found out too, it was the worst time of my life.""What a bitch, I'm so sorry." Gerard lamented, staring at Iero and his hand, which still resided deep inside his anus. "My first time was also shit, to be honest." Frank made the 'come here' movement inside Gerard, removing two fingers, and bending the other two, to rub the small nut of his prostate, in that lascivious and repeated stimulation. "Tell me."Gerard groaned and struggled not to be driven insanely by Iero's skilled fingers."I was twenty-two, it was with a guy who lived in my old building." Frank made an expression of surprise at the age, but tried to camouflage his reaction at the same time, not going unnoticed by Gerard's judgment radar, which made him squirm with embarrassment inside, and feel a stupid need to explain himself. "It's just, um... I had never been comfortable with the idea of having sex before, i felt too immature, too childish." He said, with a pout on his lips. "And I felt insecure about my body, too." He stared at the white ceiling, avoiding looking directly at Iero. "When it happened, i didn't know what to do, or what had to be done first. And he didn't have much empathy for me either. It was painful. And I ended up peeing in the middle of it." He put both hands on his face, hiding it. "I never did it with him again. That was like, terrible, but i laugh now at the fact a peed on his whole chest.""Oh, Gerard, what an asshole." He murmured, slowly removing his fingers from inside him to plant a kiss on his cheek. "I would never do that to you."The artist uncovered his face, smiled, and caressed his arms, pulling him in for a quick kiss. With that cue, Frank pulled away a little, picked up the lubricant, and soaked his penis in the jelly, rubbing the product over the fabric of the condom.Frank stared at Gerard for a moment and smiled gently at him, conveying all the confidence he wanted to, and receiving the same gesture in return. He stood up, going towards his cellphone, and turning on the video recorder. Way watched him the entire way there and back, his fit, slender, and well-framed body, that skin that seemed to be naturally dyed by the midday sun, the tattoos... the damn tattoos that covered every part of his body, his beautiful body, giving it a unique, exotic look. The short, military-style hair, which left his face visible, and the marked jaw, the virile, active, and strong appearance... the line of hair that started at the navel and went all the way to the inside, the toned legs, the veins screaming in his arms...Frank was the definition of a sexy man. As soon as Iero returned to his initial position, close to Gerard's bent legs, he held his penis by the base and approached carefully, gently moving his legs apart.Frank thought to himself at that moment: this is my chance to prove that I'm better. To show that I can give him more than Bert.Gerard wrapped his legs around him, leaning forward to watch what was happening. Frank moved towards his entrance, pressing the glans gently and sliding inside with impressive ease. The lubricant had made everything incredibly wet and slippery, so much so that Iero only encountered resistance halfway, having to lean back on the mattress and lay his head on the artist's shoulder, who squeezed his forearms tightly, tensing his legs around him, to continue."Does it hurt?" Iero asked, turning his face to look at him."It's just burning a little, but it'll pass." He replied, and Frank looked at him, worried, but nodded, he continued, bending over even more, as he felt every inch of himself being sheltered by Gerard's inner walls. He had to control himself not to thrust like a beast, as he felt him restrict the path even more and squeeze his penis in that warm and delicious embrace. "You can go faster if you want. I get used to it pretty quickly." "Are you sure?" He asked, still with slow, calculated movements."Yeah, i do, just... fuck me." He asked, in such an... imperious and sensual way, Iero couldn't hold back the whimper that came out of his throat as he felt an intense dizziness hit his penis, it crushed inside the artist, pulsed insanely, like it had never pulsed before.So, Frank went in all at once, snapping their flesh together as they began a frenetic back and forth, followed by a precise hip roll, which sent shivers down Gerard's spine, who closed his eyes and let himself be rocked up and down in that carnal wave in which they were both immersed.Feeling Frank's penis pulsating inside him was a unique experience, as it seemed like its vibration was being emitted throughout his entire interior, from the beginnings to the depths, such was the appetite... breaking down all the walls, passing through all the barriers... slippery and full, filling the tight space as if it was filling a bag of cotton candy.At one point, Iero grabbed one of his thighs firmly, laying almost completely on his body, his head still resting on his shoulder and one hand next to his head on the pillow. Way rolled his eyes, satisfied with the determined thrusts, which made him let out muffled and frantic sighs against the younger man's shoulder, while his hand danced across his back, replacing it with the short strands in a matter of seconds. Frank was penetrating in such a mouthwatering way, Gerard couldn't keep just one thought in his head, several came at once, randomly, and scattered.Their hips, exploding together in clicks, filled the room with a stimulating and indecent noise, which excited them both more than they already were, to the point both of them could no longer contain a single moan of pleasure.The bed seemed to be as animated as the two men who moved libidinously on it, creaking adjacent to Iero's penetrations. The artist groaned as he felt a sudden thrust in his prostate become frequent. One came after the other, without remorse, without mercy, precise and direct. "Um?" Iero rasped, blowing air into the older man's ear."Nothing, just... it's really good, keep going." In an erotic tone, Way let the sentence slip. "Keep going... there, um, like that... just like that..." "Fuck." Frank moaned back, voluptuously slamming his flesh hard in order to hit him right on the sensitive spot. "Whatever you want."Way placed one hand on Iero's jaw, while the other wrapped around his neck, already wet from the light droplets of sweat that projected from his tattooed skin.Iero stared at his face for a moment, feeling fulfilled when he realized that he was making him happy and amazed. It was visible on the artist's face, in the way he moaned softly, grabbing parts of his body as if he really needed this contact... Gerard was ecstatic, and feverish. Frank, in turn, was in a daze, trying at all costs to hold back the climax, Way was so hot he would have come in six minutes if he didn't want to maintain a good impression.The artist sighed obscenely, running his hands down Iero's sweaty back until he reached his buttocks, pushing them forward along with his body, making them seal another kiss, this time a wetter and lighter one. Gerard pulled his head back, exposing his neck, and let out soft moans that melted Frank completely. He just wanted to make the older man feel good.Iero let go of his leg, and brought his hand to his head, pushing the wet strands back, withdrawing for a moment, and pushing himself forward again, not taking long to reestablish an intense, fast rhythm. "I won't stop until you cum." Frank groaned, enraptured by the thermal sensations that were taking over his head, leaving him blind and deaf to anything other than Gerard, and his moans, his sweat, his body writhing on the bed, his grip, his eyes wide open in pleasure, his skin, his wet hair... there was only him there, and nothing else. The artist bit his lips, feeling the spasms getting bigger and bigger... his vision was simply majestic... because Frank was simply the hottest creature on the face of the Earth, he saw that fact there, when he looked at him, submerged in the thrusts, flooded with lust, thrusting wildly, colliding their wet flesh with a lust that went beyond this world... going in and out as if he was hungry for Gerard... and maybe he really was.This was, in fact, much more than a silly recording, intended to cause envy and anger. Something was solidifying at that moment, something much deeper than any carnal penetration.Something... indecipherable until then for Gerard, but that had made sense to Frank for much longer... they just needed time to adjust things.The question was: could they do it?No much thinking was done, not when they were orgasming their eyeballs out.•••"I have a question for you," Frank announced shortly after turning off the camera. He had a bath towel around his waist, admiring the older man as he dressed."Ask," Gerard murmured, tucking strands of hair behind his ears to tie his shoelaces."Wanna come over to my mom's house for dinner tomorrow?" He threw it into the air, apprehensive."W-what?" Gerard stopped in surprise and looked at him. "At your mom's house? I..."Frank interrupted him, approaching in an urgent need to give him an explanation."It's no big deal! She asked me to come, that's all. It's not a formal dinner or anything." Way stared at the floor, with an embarrassed smile, pressing his lips together as he felt his cheeks flush. Then he looked at Iero with those beautiful eyes, a little different from the ones he had been using when he entered the apartment. Maybe it was the recent orgasm, or the feeling of security that the environment gave, Frank couldn't tell, but if he was sure of anything, it was that this was his new favorite Gerard look."I think... that's okay. I'd love to meet your mom."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

At three forty-five in the afternoon, after almost twenty minutes of delay, Frank showed up, meeting Gerard at a strategic point, close to his apartment. From there, they walked to Linda Iero's house.Three blocks later Gerard found himself amazed by the outside of the house, the exemplary artistic endowment that the garden housed was visible. Exceptional care, passion, time and commitment come together in the form of hydrangeas, escalonias, deutzias, viburnums, buddleias and laurels. All these plants and many others, diverse in their colors and shapes, were very well pruned and arranged in the small plot, breathing the same air as them, and dancing in synchrony with the wind. “Your mom's a botanist?” Way asked, climbing the small steps to the front porch, Iero at his side."No." Frank laughed lightly, pressing the doorbell. "It's a hobby, she's been doing it since i was a kid.""It's very beautiful." Gerard murmured, looking around the garden."Yeah." Frank agreed and sighed. "Wow..." He said, catching Way's attention, who even thought about exclaiming a high pitched 'what!?'. However, before he could say anything, Iero leaned towards him, to whisper, softly: "Can you smell that?" Gerard took a breath and bit his lips."Yeah, actually, what is it?" His belly growled at the same moment, stirred by the smell that entered his nostrils. He concluded right then and there that standing for so long waiting for the youngest had somehow made him zombie-like hungry.“Ossobuco.” Iero snorted, a pleased expression on his face. “It’s a traditional Italian dish from the Lombardy region of Milan. Where my mom was born and raised before coming to the States.”"Sounds delicious." Way murmured, smiling briefly at the tattooed man.From that sweet gesture on, they stared at each other for a while, and looked away, when the reflection of what they had done the night before came back to their heads with full force. This had been happening all the time. It was a singular embarrassment... especially for Gerard. Because, you see, although he had noticed some signs in Frank over the months that indicated a possible (although he wasn't sure) desire to attract attention, it never crossed his mind the possibility of sharing something as intimate as sex with him. And much less, did he think he would like it. He had learned to see him as Bert's best friend, and now, he no longer knew... it was as if a third and fourth eye had appeared on his forehead, to make him see in that man much more than he would like to admit. "You regret what we did yesterday?" Frank blurted out, his lips pressing into a thin line. Gerard widened his eyes in surprise, his breath immediately catching in his throat as a side reaction to Iero's sudden question... "What-"Suddenly, the door opened, interrupting them and revealing a pale woman with dark, wavy shoulder-length hair on the other side. Her eyes, large moss-green emeralds, subsequently met the olive green of the stranger in front of her, which caused her lips, adorned with a carnelian red to part in surprise. She looked like an actress from the twenties with that charming mole just above her thin lips, and those striking youthful features... there, it seemed that not even the marks of life had been able to erase her unusual beauty... Frank's mother, so insanely similar to him... stared at them for a while, stunned to find, besides her child, a mysterious and attractive young man. Her eyes grew on him instantly, with curiosity, and shrewdness, looking maliciously at her own son next, as she assumed things about this unprecedented convenience. She couldn't even say when was the last time Frank had brought someone home, and the mere possibility that he had finally found someone, someone he could finally settle down with, filled her with animosity."Ah, a friend? What a surprise, how are you?" Said Linda with a characteristic accent, extending her hand to the guest, who returned the gesture friendly. "Everything good, and how are you, ma'am?" He asked back, timidly, in that old and usual mannerism."Well, very well, just... really missing my little boy here." She joked, reaching out to pat Frank on the shoulder, while giving him a suspicious look. "Come on, come in, I'm almost done with dinner." Gerard's first impression of the Iero's house was that they didn't come from a very rich ground. It was so normal, and small, with a beige and woody chromatic... the kind of uniform palette you saw in every house in that country, in a suit, but it was definitely cozy and comfortable for a person to live in, it had that familiar look. Cliché, yes, and it smelled like good memories. He could almost see a small Frank running around while that model figure of a woman chased him with laughs and happiness in her heart."It's a very beautiful house," Gerard complimented warmly. "And the garden... it's amazing.""Oh, thank you, honey." She laughed, used to hearing that kind of thing. "What's your name?""Gerard." He replied, looking at Frank, who approached his mother to give her a light hug, followed by a kiss on the cheek. That left him speechless for a moment, since that custom didn't exist in his standard American family. Kissing a mother on the cheek like that? Ew."Hmm, what a pretty name, is it French, an american version of Gérard?" she asked, returning her son's kiss. "Mine's Linda, by the way, it's the feminine version of 'lindo' which means clean and pure in Italian. But 'pretty' in portuguese." She explained enthusiastically. "I love reading the meanings of names.""Mom, i'm the teacher here." Frank joked, making her laugh briefly."You took the calling from me," she told him. "You took everything from me, for a change. Thank god, nothing from that fugly deadbeat sperm donator." Frank rolled his eyes, shoving his hands in his pants pockets. "But tell me, Gerard, what's your sign?""Mom!" Frank hissed, grabbing Gerard's arm in order to drag him upstairs once and for all."Um, i don't know where my name comes from, ma'am." Gerard shrugged sheepishly. "And i'm an Aries... but i don't really believe in those things besides from the fun aspec-""Aries! Aries and Scorpio, it's quite a combination, the chemistry is intense... the passion is spot on." She rambled on, with a strange wisdom. "It's perfect." Frank blushed, and shook his head. "With dedication and effort-""I'm going up," he said, hurriedly guiding an embarrassed Gerard up the stairs. "Oh, you're so annoying." Linda muttered, rolling her eyes. "It was nice meeting you, Gerard," she said, adding a refined Italian accent to her pronunciation of the name. "I'll find out what your name means any day. Now, you guys can make out up there all you want, i'll call you both in a bit." She said, showing off her perfectly polished white teeth, just before turning on her black flats to walk into the kitchen."Non è stato divertente, mamma." Frank reproached, with words that Gerard didn't understand. "Lo ha messo in imbarazzo ... queste cose tengono lontani gli uomini, sai?"A Machiavellian laugh sounded from the kitchen. "Faresti meglio ad abituarlo, se è il definitivo. E ... non fare sesso adesso, per favore, so come sono le persone della tua età ... sempre alla ricerca di spazi vuoti per fare sesso, sappi che non qui!"Frank blushed, staring at the artist's face, searching for some sign of understanding of the words his mother had spoken, fortunately, there was nothing."I'm sorry about her," he apologized, slipping his hand to grab Gerard's. "It's okay, she's nice, and Italian sounds really lovely," he replied, accepting Iero's warm grip, tucking strands of hair behind his reddened ears.•••"She always does that, the star sign thing..." Frank said, closing the door behind him. "Can you believe she told my last boyfriend to his face that we wouldn't work because he was an Aquarius?""Your mom is one of those people." Gerard chuckled, sitting up in bed. "Doesn't she make friends with Geminis, either?""She hates that sign, actually," Frank replied, and grimaced. "To her, every human being on Earth can be put into these personality and behavior boxes. It's stupid... but if she's not hurting anyone, so what?""Yeah, so what." Gerard agreed and looked around to take in Iero's old room.There was a weird diagonal ceiling above the bed with several old posters of unknown local bands and angry slogans. Gerard traced his fingertips against the writings, one in particular caught his eye, and brought a smile to his face... a chubby heart, with Corey Taylor's name, lead singer of Slipknot of course, highlighted in red gel pen."Since i graduated from school I've only been here for a night or two, when i come to visit her." Frank said, approaching the older man and sitting down next to him. "It's kind of empty, isn't it? I only left the posters and furniture here, my mom thought it was better this way... you know, to keep some memories. I even told her to paint over all this graffiti, but she refuses, can you believe it?"Gerard laughed and nodded."My room hasn't changed since i was eighteen either.""I guess it's a mom's thing, right?" Iero trailed off, catching his lips between his teeth."Yeah, it must be..." Way said, inspecting slightly more of the room's structure. "You when you were younger, right?" He asked, pointing to a photograph on the headboard. Frank tilted his head to understand what he was talking about, nodding slightly when he realized it was an old photo. He stretched a little, and took the picture frame in his hands."I was seventeen here." In the photo, he had a huge fringe covering his right eye, a reddish dye on the left side of his head, where he was shaved. A pendant with two male logos adorned his neck. "It's a gay symbol, no one noticed, it was my dirty little secret..." There was a white bracelet with rivets on one of his arms, he wore a Nirvana T-shirt and a leather jacket. He was also with a few friends there, all dressed like him. "You would have hated me then," he murmured, running his fingertip along the glass that separated him from the printed paper."Why?" Gerard asked curiously. "You were cute." "Oh yeah?" Frank laughed, a blush forming on his cheeks again. "No amount of cuteness could save me, i was a pest.""A pest who ended up becoming a teacher, how ironic." Way muttered under his breath, taking the photograph into his own hands to study it."Many such cases." Iero sighed and laughed briefly, cracking a hand to his forehead as he seemed to remember something. "You won't believe me if I tell you something.""What?" Gerard breathed, with interest, and curiosity."Have you seen Titanic?" Way nodded, a fake sad expression forming on his face. "You know that scene where Jack draws Rose?" "What? You posed naked?" The artist laughed, amused."Something like that... there was this girl, Margot, we used to smoke joints together every now and then, i used to call her Maggot, we were both into Slipknot. She was an artist, like you." Frank said, tilting his head discreetly in Gerard's direction. "One day she said she wanted to try 'something with me'. I thought she wanted to have sex, i don't know, that was all my teenage-self thought of 24\7, ass and dicks, adam's apples, fake stupid performances in porn videos, vaginas, without the girl aspect of it... um, i dated this man in college for 3 months right after it started. He found someone else and dumped me later on but... damn, i was just like, i really like men, y'know what i mean? Doesn't matter what's between their legs. If it's a man, i'm in."Gerard laughed kindly. "I get it.""Maggot... i mean, Margot! I was just... mentally in trouble with sexuality and stuff so i said yes, we went to the bathroom and i pulled down my pants, i was already prepared to try it again with a girl and embarrass myself... but then, out of nowhere, she pulled a notebook out of her backpack and said she wanted to study my anatomy, she wanted a portfolio for college! Said i had an ideal body for a junkie lookalike." Way laughed, visualizing the scene. "It was really embarrassing, she was staring at me like i was a pervert... but it happened anyway, i sat on the toilet, and she sat in front of me, drawing.""Did she give it to you later?" Gerard passed the picture frame to its owner, who took the object and replaced it in its rightful place."No. But i saw it.""Did it turn out well?""If it looked good? It looked like a real nude. She was well self trained." They laughed together. "After that I never pulled my pants down for a girl again.""You were a crazy kid," Gerard muttered, scooting back until he was leaning against the white wall. Iero mimicked his movements, moving on the bed until he was shoulder to shoulder with the older man. "I was just a little rebellious," Frank said, unexpectedly laying his head on Way's shoulder. Gerard was speechless for the first few seconds, but a smile quickly blossomed on his lips and he rested his head on Iero's in an affectionate and delicate gesture.He thought about what it must have been like to meet him back then, to be his friend, and to enter that room where everything was so typically teenage, so different from the other one in his apartment... he thought, as he looked at the tattooed man's youth, so apparently cool, what his daily life must have been like in the not-so-distant past... waking up, coming face to face with those politically-related graffiti on the walls, the posters, the drawings of penises and other bizarre things here and there, the view from the window, which illustrated a crooked and hideous tree, scarce of life and leaves... there was a certain nostalgia in that room, even though he had never set foot there before... that room, so fascinating, was a short piece of Frank's life, and yet it seemed to be more interesting than Way's entire life... there was personality and... that dominating aura, which made Gerard believe that Frank would be the kind of boy he would easily have desired throughout high school, the kind who would end his entire life... without even exchanging a single word. "You know... i don't regret what we did yesterday." He said suddenly, immediately catching the man's attention. "I liked it and..." He bit his lips. "It was hot." Frank blushed, fired with shame, and (secretly) with delight at those gratifying words being uttered from the lips of the one he loved."Hot?" He chuckled and arched his eyebrows, lifting his head so he could look him in the eye."Yeah." Gerard nodded, tucking a considerable amount of hair behind his ears. "You're a good kisser and also a..." He laughed, shy, just for a bit. "A good shagger."Frank approached and gave him a peck on the lips then. Gerard laughed more, making the folds around his eyes visible. The truth was Frank himself was surprised by the unstoppable diligence that took over his body at that moment... like a charge of energy, running through his veins, and making him kiss him again, and again, and again..."Calm down." Way sighed, instinctively wrapping his arms around Iero's neck. "We have to move before your mom calls. Did you edit the video?" he asked.Iero blinked, a little sad that the moment had been interrupted with such a... shitty subject."Yes," he replied. He spent nearly an hour editing, trying to condense what had been over more than twenty-five minutes into three."I think it's about time." Way said, slowly lowering his arms to clasp both hands in his lap."Are you sure about this?" Frank pressed his lips together."I…am." He said, though something about his delay, and hesitation, made it seem as though there was still a gap of doubt in his mind. A gap in his genuine desires… as if gears were turning inside him at that very moment."Okay."Frank sighed, pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and stood up straight as he sent the following messages:
bert (craken): man, i always knew u were sensitive but not to this extent.

frank: first of all, go fuck yourself.

frank: secondly,

video sent

frank: enjoy, it's a farewell gift.

frank: don't call me, don't text me, don't come to my house, and if u dare touch him, i'll end u.
"Wait!" Gerard exclaimed, eyes wide, grabbing the younger's arm with some urgency."What?" Frank jumped, startled. "Delete it," he said, shakily, in a decisive tone."Gerard, can't do that." Iero sighed, in disbelief at what he was hearing now. "The video will automatically delete itself when he closes the player, but the messages will still be visible.""Shit." He sighed, palming his forehead."You said you were sure-""Nevermind, it's done." He cut him off. "It was just a feeling...""A feeling?" Frank tilted his head to the side, confused."It was nothing," Way muttered, shaking his head avidly with his eyes closed."What kind of feeling?" Frank insisted, wrapping a hand around his arm.Gerard stiffened his posture, and pressed his lips together."Frank, Gerard, dinner is served," Linda said from downstairs, accompanied by a metallic clang as she probably banged a spoon on a pan."We better get down," Way said, leaning forward to stand up. "I'm starving."•••At the end of dinner, after so much conversation, laughter and blushing cheeks, Linda left to wash the dishes, along with Gerard, who persistently managed to convince her to help.Frank was leaning against the doorframe when he opened the message box.
bert (craken): WHAT THE FUCK?

bert (craken): U FUCKING HIM? SERIOUSLY

bert (craken): FRANK I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT! I WAS EXPECTING ANYTHING BUT THIS

bert (craken): YOU CHEATED ON ME, YOU RUINED EVERYTHING

bert (craken): HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU, BUT YOU JUST HAD YOUR EYES ON WHAT'S MINE, DIDN'T YOU? FUCKING FAKE

bert (craken): HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?

bert (craken): YOU WILL PAY ME, YOU BOTH WILL. NOBODY FUCKS WITH ME
Frank looked at Gerard for a moment and even thought about telling him about it, but it would be much easier to just say that McCracken had blocked his number, and vice versa. Much easier than having to deal with something that was uncontrollable, and almost impossible to predict. Much easier than wiping away the smile that had been living on his lips as he talked to Linda about the garden. Gerard was always covered by this dark and stormy cloud Bert had brought into his life... he deserved the calm, until everything stabilized and McCracken was finally able to put it all aside, as Frank innocently thought would happen.He made perhaps the second biggest mistake of his life by putting away his cellphone and pretending nothing serious had happened.Underestimating people (especially those he knew) and their facets was something Frank found himself doing constantly. He just didn't expect this time around the results would be so disastrous.•••In her apartment, watching a boring late afternoon show, was Mrs. Eleanor McCartney, an eighty-seven-year-old retiree who lived alone with her two pet dogs, Reginald and Wakey. She had no family ties, as she was an only child who never married or had children. She had lived there since she was in her early thirties, making her the oldest resident in the building. Eleanor, who was assiduous in her daily and repeated programming, was waiting for participant number seven to spin the wheel of fortune, when an uninterrupted noise was heard in the hallway. Curious, the elderly woman turned down the volume of the TV, and with the help of her cane, walked towards the door, undoing all the locks with a certain slowness in her trembling fingers.When she opened it her wrinkled lips parted when she saw, in front of her, a slender man with dark hair and black clothes. He kept grunting and banging violently on the door of Gerard Way, her neighbor."Excuse me?" she said, grabbing her rosary beads. "The gentle faggot who lives there isn't home." Then the man turned around, and as incredible as it was (due to her impaired memory), the old woman recognized him right away, as she had seen him several times entering and leaving that apartment. She imagined, due to the rumors circulating, that he was a boyfriend."Then where is he?" the man muttered, in a strange, rude tone that sent shivers down Eleanor's spine, since people were usually kind to ladies her age. "Where is he, you fucking witch?"The old woman jumped in her shoes, and her eyes widened in horror."I-I don't know, how could i know? I spied him leaving from my balcony about an hour and a half ago. He caught a bus, but i don't know where to. Maybe a faggot disco? That's where you all brilliant stars go, right?" On the man's reddened forehead, a thick, throbbing vein showed, making his boiling anger evident.  "I'm going to kill him." The man hissed, staring at the floor for a moment, his pupils dilated as coffee. "I'm going to kill them both." He gave the door one last punch and ran off down the hallway. A beam formed between Eleanor's eyebrows.•••"I'll leave you two alone... Frank, let me know when you're leaving." Linda said, rubbing her hands against a cloth towel. "Divertiti." She smiled, winking suggestively at her son, who rolled his eyes and could only blush. "Anyway, I'm in my room." And she left, leaving the door ajar for the two men."I wish i knew what your mom says that makes you blush like that." Gerard sighed, looking at him curiously."You wouldn't want to know." Frank laughed, rubbing his hands nervously on his pants. "She takes advantage of the fact that you Americans are as dumb as a doornail to say things she'd never say if she thought you could understand her."Gerard arched an eyebrow."Are we Americans as dumb as a doornail?""Like a broken door!" The tattooed man reiterated, with a harmless chuckle."But you're an American too, idiot." Gerard laughed, bumping shoulders with Frank. "Yeah..." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "I guess so," he muttered, rising from the front steps where they sat under a purple late afternoon sky to fly to the flowers. There, he plucked one from Linda's majestic orchard. "Tell me, if you were a robot and your mission was to exterminate this country, would you hesitate?" Gerard asked, blushing as Frank held out the flower to him. He accepted the gesture willingly, although a little embarrassed."Take the emotions out of my system and i wouldn't hesitate," he said gracefully, sitting down beside him. "America is a cancer." Gerard nodded silently, nibbling on the bottom corner of his lips. "Self claimed cops of the world. Imperialistic entitled empire destroying billions of lifes everyday. In a need of constant war to keep it's golds. If Satan was a country it would be the States, that much i know.""You've got a rebel in you still." He stated, somehow that made him even more plugged to the guy. "Won't get in trouble with your mom for this, will you?" He asked, analyzing the small piece of nature in his hands, dazzled and admiring, despite its prosaic simplicity. It was pink, with white ornaments around the green core, and its shape was somewhat peculiar, as it seemed to have been bitten at the ends in the shape of a waning moon."Just don't tell." He shrugged. "Or let her see.""Okay." Way smiled, amused by the boyish tone of those words. "What's it?" he asked, smoothing the soft petals carefully."It's a Cornus. It's not the most impressive, but it's the least complicated if you want to wear as an ear ornament." Gerard stared at him for a moment, and smiled, pushing a considerable amount of hair back to place the plant behind his ear. "It's the second flower you've given me." He recalled, a faint smile on the corner of his lips. "Does it look nice?" He murmured, looking at the other expectantly."Looks... beautiful." Frank whispered, leaning in and planting a surprise kiss on the older man's lips. Gerard pulled back as if startled, blushing and batting his eyelashes in quick succession. "Sorry." He tried to make amends, fearing that he had invaded his personal space too much already."No, it's okay!" He stepped forward, placing a hand on the other's thigh. "I just wasn't expecting it." Frank felt relieved, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. A breeze flew by at that very moment, almost carrying the flower away if Gerard hadn't caught it with his fingertips. "It's so damn cold," he muttered, hugging himself."The temperature dropped quickly." Iero bit his lips, feeling the shivers on his own body. So, he gathered all the courage in himself to wrap his arms around the artist, in a firm and precise grip. "Better?" He whispered against his ear, letting the heat of his breath reverberate across the short distance."So cliché." Gerard stammered, narrowing his eyes. Iero frowned at him saying that."Cliché is good, sometimes." He stated, hugging him tighter as he felt a cold breeze blow against their uncovered faces. "I know i'm right."Gerard sighed, trailing his hands down the tattooed man's neck until he reached his defined jaw. Frank's breathing became erratic in his lungs, and goosebumps tore through him as he felt the cool, almost vampire-like touch on his warm skin. He stared into the artist's sweet eyes, now glued to his own, and bile immediately rose in his stomach. It wasn't disgust, fear, anger, or anything like that. It was the same overwhelming feeling of love and passion, piercing through each of his pores, like sharp needles cutting through human skin in search of blood, draining him of what gave him life, and leaving him aimlessly in the darkness of a dizziness that he could not overcome in any way. The vertigo of loving Gerard, a man who at first 'belonged' to his best friend... and who now, although technically free, remained trapped in the cage of that old relationship, in the hell of being Bert's lover, a man who couldn't treat him like a human being but more like an object. In the psychological after-effects that he probably hid under all that sweetness, it was impossible to measure how much he was suffering, but Frank wished, oh, how he just wished to be his number one, to be the one who would heal his wounds, and help him cross to the other side of the bridge, where he would be safe from McCracken and his sick selfishness."I, i-"Gerard put a finger to his lips, silencing him before he could say what he felt at that moment."Yeah, i guess so," he said, smiling. "We're in your mom's rose garden, cuddled up on a staircase, under a beautiful sunset... just feeling the breeze and the sound of people in the distance." He mused, lowering his finger. "My life has been shit lately, and even though you were the catalyst for it all, i feel like..." He sighed, searching for words. "I feel like i can trust you."Frank could no longer breathe, for all his air was trapped in his throat. I feel like i can trust you. His eyes grew bright and kind."Yeah?" He sighed, reaching out a hand to caress Gerard's facial lines, so delicate and precious. "Yeah, weren't for you i wouldn't have realized how wrong my situation with Bert was, at least not so soon... who knows how long i would have stayed silent, putting up with all that and blaming myself?" He lamented, knowing that in some alternate reality everything could have been different, without Frank, or with Frank. "I owe you some of my sanity, I really do. I've been so down these past three months... not that... that feeling has gone away, it hasn't gone away at all, I just... I'm just grateful that you stepped in, helped me with the video... and..." He smiled, pressing the tips of his pale fingers against the other's silky hair. "I'm grateful for your friendship.""I am too... really." Frank sighed, leaning in slowly and joining their eucalyptus lips in a friendly kiss. Their tongues met in a silent thud and touched harmoniously in the heat that was the inside of their warm mouths, rough in moments of haste, and soft when they caught their breath.Frank moaned as the other's fingers squeezed the fabric of his shirt. The artist was incredibly desperate for the wet and receptive touch of those lips that he had yet to get used to. Iero slid his hand down Way's back until he reached the nape of his neck, where he felt it firmly, twirling a few black strands of hair around his tattooed fingers. Gerard exhaled against his lips at the delicious sensation and frowned, leaning over the younger man, distressed by his carnal desires... he was voluptuous on Frank's lips, as if he was hungry and could no longer hide the desire he had to swallow him right there. "Hey..." Frank sighed, another throbbing wave hitting his lips. Way lowered his hands to the gap between his groin, tracing a dangerous path to the buttons of his pants. "What are you doing?" He murmured, breaking the kiss to stare into his bloodshot eyes. He was startled to see only desire and greed there."Let's go to your room." He sighed lewdly against his ear, squeezing his groin gently. This was so strange to Frank. From what he knew, sexual topics were completely off limits in public... unless... unless he felt close enough to whine about such lewdness. "I... I don't know... it's weird but... but you... you know, I want you."Frank’s eyebrows rose in surprise, and a troubled smile danced over his reddened lips. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Gerard wanted him. "We can't here, my mom will catch us." He sighed back, bringing his hands to his rosy cheeks, transferring a portion of strands behind his ear, taking due care not to drop the plant."We'll do it quietly." He insisted, biting his lower lip and planting a small kiss on Frank's cheek. Iero blushed, and pressed his lips together slightly, traveling his hand to Gerard's mouth, where he caressed the soft, pink skin with his fingertips. He stared at the house and the half-open door for a moment. His mother's voice warning him in Italian not to take advantage and have sneaky sex filled his head with force.No, they wouldn't do that at Linda's house, but..."I'll let she know we're on our way." •••Eleanor's eyes widened as she heard a loud thud in the hallway. She lowered the TV again and picked up her cane, unlocking all the locks once more. Her lips twitched downwards as she saw the same boy from before standing there in front of Gerard's door. This time, with a crowbar."What are you doing?" she asked, clutching the beads of her rosary as if it were the only thing that could keep her safe."Stay out of it, you old trash," he muttered, slamming the sharp object against the doorknob. "Or do you want that on your head too?" Eleanor didn't answer him, instead taking a few steps back in fear. "Damn it, i had to lose that fucking key today, of all days!" He swore, growling against the wood like a wild animal, and ironically, managing to force his way inside at the same time."What a... ill-mannered young faggot." The old lady muttered, approaching the broken door. From there, with attentive eyes, she saw him open drawers, rummage through furniture and disappear, as if he was looking for something. "I'm going to have to call someone here if you don't leave the apartment."He completely ignored her, and continued to the kitchen, as if he knew he would find something there."Come on, Gerard, i know you hide things up here, come on, show me what you've got." He muttered, putting the crowbar down and bracing his hands on the counter, to climb up and rummage through the cabinets. Although a little clumsy, he managed to overcome the height problem, and roared as he got his hands on something. Eleanor trembled at the base, and took a few steps forward, watching him bring a silver cellphone up to her eye level. "Aha, no!" He laughed outrageously. "Fuck you." "Young man?" The old woman murmured, astonished by the insane size that the man's irises assumed at that moment. "You know..." He went down, crouching down to pick up the crowbar. "I don't have a future, I'll always be a fucking loser. I'll always depend on men. And on my parents, my parents who will never forgive me for almost murdering my boyfriend in their living room." He said, with a weird smile plastered on his lips, analyzing the cellphone in his hands with a hint of recognition. "And now, my best friend left me to sleep with this boyfriend." He bit his lip, as if to contain a laugh, and walked over to Eleanor. "This life is torture. And I don't mind going down a few steps, if it's to show them that they can't snub me like that." He said, putting both hands on the old woman's shoulders, who stared at the crowbar residing a few inches from her head. "What they expected would happen when i saw that video, did those idiot fags think i would jerk off and forget about it?" The lady denied it avidly, although she didn't know what the man was talking about. "Of course not! In addition to that, i'm also going to get my revenge and it's going to be just as horrible if not worse!" Then, he raised and lowered his eyebrows, staring straight into the woman's eyes. "I'm going to find out where they are." He said, indicating the cellphone with a nod. "I think in the end, we'll all get what we deserve." And he laughed, pulling away from the lady to drag that sharp object out, leaving a torn and misshapen line on the wooden floor of the hallway.Eleanor blinked, paralyzed.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

"Oh!" Gerard exclaimed, pressing his feet into the bed, spreading his legs a little wider so that the other guy had all the access he wanted inside of him. Frank's fingers had been buried inside for a few minutes, he was milking his prostate like no one had ever done before. There was so much zeal and perspicacity in his movements that Gerard found himself completely off guard… whatever that man decided to do with his body, he would be one hundred percent in agreement. "Almost there, almost... don't stop..." He sighed, rolling his hips. Iero's skill was something phenomenal, almost supernatural. Who else had the ability to handle fingers so precisely and exquisitely on a prostate like that? Definitely no one he ever knew. His touches were so... fast and focused, the artist barely had time to breathe, all he could think about was the damn orgasm that was forming in his stomach."You close, Gee?" Frank said calmly, crooking his thumb and forefinger upward to apply more pressure to Gerard's small internal gland – it was like a marble, full of nerves and extremely sensitive... as easy to find as it was to massage.Gerard couldn't keep a shiver to himself, every touch reverberated through his body in the form of moans and physical agony. He wanted to cum, he wanted it so bad…"I'm going to... i mean, i am..." He murmured, groaning deeply as he felt the ecstasy, acting like a bullet in his head, shaking his body as if an overwhelming wave had taken over him, his legs, his arms and his head. Nothing remained of his consciousness, only the deadly sensation of bliss, weighing on his flesh like a ton of bricks. His eyes opened only to fall back and close once more, in a torturous expression of contentment. His previously soft body stiffened and his hips rose upward, his head fell to the side and on his lips a pleasant smile was present. There was no better feeling in the world, he was sure. As the tingling process built up in his fragile flesh, lips planted themselves on his, and warm arms encircled his naked body."What was that, a seizure?" He teased, massaging his collarbone."You..." Gerard sighed, reaching out to caress Iero's cheek. "Oh my God, how do you do that?""Practice," he replied, positioning a knee between Way's legs. "I guess." Gerard bit his lip, lifting a leg up Iero's thigh until he was wrapped around his waist. Frank sighed against his lips, and kissed him lightly, pulling away only to brush away a few strands of hair that were in the way. Gerard stared at him for a moment, his hands sliding down his hard arms, his sweaty neck, and finally his tattooed chest. He traced his fingers around his pink nipples, and pressed his palm firmly where his heart should be. A wide smile formed on his lips, revealing his small teeth and the wrinkles around his radiant eyes."Your heart..." The artist murmured, locking his gaze with Iero's, and planting a hand on his cheek, to make sure his beautiful irises wouldn't stray from his. "It's beating so fast." Frank blushed and tried to look away, but Gerard's hand remained firmly in place, not letting even an inch of his attention be lost. "Now feel it..." He sighed, pulling the tattooed man's hand affectionately, to fix it on his own chest... Frank's eyes grew wide at the same moment, as if a spell had been cast over them. "It's beating the same way, fucking crazy.""Gerard..." He would have cried if he didn't want to maintain his dignity. Was that a... declaration, or was he just going delusional? "I'm thirsty, very thirsty." Way laughed, placing his elbows on the mattress, inches from the other's face.Frank blinked his eyelashes, falling out of the spell with his heart still in his chest, he wanted to say so many things."I can get us Cokes, what do you think?" he suggested, in order to continue the conversation naturally, although he was bubbling inside."Perfect." The artist agreed, planting an innocent peck on the corner of his lips.•••"Where is he, Mrs. Iero?" Bert asked, a friendly, unassuming smile on his unnerved face. "Where's Frank?""Well, he was here with a guy, Gerard, they went to his apartment, what's the problem?" She asked him, crossing her arms."It's an emergency on our part, nothing you need to worry about," he assured her, frowning obnoxiously to start another conversation. "And which apartment exactly?""Oh, i think Frankie's." She replied, her eyes widening slightly as she noticed the sharp object in the boy's hands. "But what's that with you?"Bert jumped in surprise and opened his lips wide, bringing the object into view for both of them."It's a crowbar, Frank borrowed it from school for me. I'm doing a project in the garden at home, but I don't need it anymore, I wanted to give it back to him and...""Why did you come here then, wouldn't it be easier to go to his apartment?" She cut him off, careful not to sound rude.Mccracken choked."I-I went there yesterday and he wasn't, and you know me..." He laughed, although the truth laid in hacked text messages, which set the time, place and destination of the meeting to that house. "So um... I'll be going, it was nice seeing you, Linda.""Likewise." She returned, her gaze distant and vacant. This was a friendship of her son's that she detested with all her being. She did not trust McCracken, not in heaven or in Hell. Something was strange in his posture, and the urgency in his steps as he disappeared down the sidewalk made her uneasy. She even thought about calling Frank... a fleeting thought, which soon vanished into thin air. •••Gerard ran his fingers over the framed artwork on the wall. He didn’t recognize the artists or the art, but he liked what he saw. Angelic demonic landscapes, dogs in hats, and sensual male bodies. It was an interesting repertoire, to say the least. There was also a Sonic Youth poster autographed by Kim Gordon herself. He didn't dare touch it, afraid of damaging the object, which probably held sentimental values that were almost unheard of for Frank. Therefore, he headed towards the window. He would never tire of looking through it and finding something other than poorly finished bricks. It was a privileged view, indeed. A view that belonged to people like Frank, wonderful people, people who harbored a unique soul. When Gerard thinks that he could have ignored his misery, that he could have done like Zacky and laughed at his degradation, something inside him warms, because Frank had gone against his best friends to help him and guide him through that hell. He was truly something more... he deserved to wake up every day and find the warm rays of the sun against his tanned skin as he prepared breakfast. He deserved to know that he was a good person.Of all people, he deserved it all.A knock echoed through the wooden door and Gerard started, staring at it as if it were a big fucking tarantula."Already?" He muttered to himself. Iero had gone down to buy the cokes a little less than ten minutes ago; it would take him at least twenty-five minutes to get to the market and back. The artist narrowed his eyes and walked slowly to the door, silently wishing there was a peephole there as he pulled his black coat down in the hope that it would hide his red underwear.In one swift movement he placed his hand on the new doorknob and pulled.But when he opened it, his eyes widened in complete horror... no, no, it couldn't be! "Hello, bitch.""Bert?!" Gerard exclaimed, nearly tripping over his own feet.“In the flesh.” He smiled, a vast, sublime smile. In his hands, a black, sharp object gleamed against the light of the incandescent bulb overhead, as menacing and terrifying as its owner."What are you doing here?!" He would have shouted, if his voice hadn't been stolen by the sudden exorbitant fear."I came to visit my best friend, what are you, my boyfriend, doing here?" He threw back, taking a few steps forward. Gerard took a few steps back. "What, did a cat eat your tongue?"Gerard swallowed hard and put a hand to his throat, his heart was so desperate... as if it was on the verge of tearing all his tissues and muscles in search of some air."You must have seen the video, so you know what happened, that's why you're here." He sighed, stopping walking as he felt the solid, icy wall collide against his back."No, I don't know what happened, could you explain it to me?" He pouted, stopping a few meters away from the artist."Stop it." Gerard muttered, struggling to maintain his posture as his legs kept shaking. He looked around for things he could use to defend himself if necessary. There was a remote control on the couch, a plastic vase filled with freesias on the coffee table, a few books on the bookshelf by the window, and a miniature candelabra (adorned with beautiful Mexican skulls) on an oval table to his left."Stop what? Explain to me Gee, explain to me what i have to stop right now." He laughed, dragging the tip of the object across the floor, scratching the wood playfully.“Stop!” Gerard hissed, tugging the edges of his coat down. His eyes swam anxiously around the room until they settled on the kitchen, specifically on the closed drawers next to the stove. Knives."What, my dear? I don't understand you." Bert laughed, in that wild, abused and unscrupulous way. There was something in his eyes, something different and macabre. McCracken was out of his mind, that was obvious. Those blue eyes, as crystalline as the cutting ice of a freezing land, hovered robotic and insane over Gerard, possessiveness, aggression; good things were far from carrying the glow of those eyes... there was something... evil in their contours, and Gerard did not like it one bit."Robert!" His eyes filled with tears, and everything blurred in a matter of seconds. His lips trembled as he saw him tilt his head strangely to the side, like a villain in a horror movie."Yes?" "How did you know I was here?" McCracken pursed his lips and buried his hands in his pockets. From there, the cellphone Iero had lent him became visible, before his restless eyes.
Fuck.

No.
"Do you really think I don't know about your hiding place? You really are so stupid, Gerard." He laughed, waving the object in the air. "You didn't even put a password... and you put a heart next to his name! What did he put next to yours? If it were me, I'd put a clown, wait, no! That's exactly what i put!" He forced a provocative laugh and put the phone back in his pocket. Gerard knew that his only goal was to disturb him, so he tried to stiffen his posture and sound serious, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he couldn't stop blinking his eyelashes... and the sentences came out shaky and weak, revealing his fear and fragility."Frank will be here soon, you better go.""And why would I go away and leave my boyfriend alone with my best friend?" Bert insisted, acquiring a tone of suspicion that the older man knew very well was false. Mccracken wanted to play a game, but Gerard was honestly fed up, and scared. "Please...""What?" He widened his eyes, intoning the question in a tone too childish for his height."Why don't you just leave? Why can't you just let me go?!" He sobbed, pressing his lips tightly between his teeth."Go where, my love?" He acted like he didn't understand, shrugging his shoulders as if he wasn't aware of their situation, as if he had come back from a miraculous sanctified amnesia, which had rid him of any memory of the last few months."I'm not your love. We're not together anymore." Gerard groaned, though he was suffering from a violent internal earthquake. Everything in him was cracked, broken, or shaking, he feared that at any moment he would faint."What do you mean we're not together anymore, I thought you loved me." He said, putting on the mask of sadness."Bert, stop this shit! Stop it now!" He screamed, pulling all the strength he had left in him to say what was stuck deep in his heart. "We're not together anymore, you're a bad... person, you cheated on me, used me, humiliated me and treated me like shit!" He pointed out, holding his hands close to his chest to control the shaking. "I wish I could say I don't love you, but I do, damn it! I insisted on us so much, so much..." He said, letting out a desperate noise. "But I'm going to get over you, and move on with my life my way, isn't that what people do when they end a relationship? They move on, Bert. They leave behind what hurts them.""Where did you get the idea that I was cheating on you, Gee?" He persisted, sneaking closer."Don't be cynical, I called you the other day and Jacob answered. I'm not stupid, and you know very well this happened." He spat, moving away from him in order to seek refuge on the other side of the room."Jacob is just a friend, we were preparing-""Don't even come at me with this bullshit, I know everything. I know you were using my money to have fun, I know about the lovers. You don't need to lie. Be honest for fuck's sake, i took too many bullets up my ass these past few months thinking it was me, but it was you all along, you." He cut him off, nervously patting the wall behind him.Bert was quiet for a few seconds, as if he was analyzing the situation. Soon, he gave a bizarre smile and started walking towards him. Way felt as if the world was falling on him at that moment, sucking all his energy, leaving him with only shaking hands and a bittersweet, mediocre air to breathe, an air that barely escaped his lungs."Okay, then you don't have to lie either." He said, stroking the iron-like length of the object. "As far as I know, until two minutes ago you were still my boyfriend. You cheated on me, Gerard. So don't play the victim, because you're not." He stated, stopping a few inches away from the other. "You didn't consult me before making that ridiculous little video. And you know what... I would have accepted a threesome, Frank is hot, isn't he?" He smiled sideways, stretching out a hand to caress the face of his then ex-boyfriend, who froze completely at his ghostly touch. "But you did it all in secret, you broke my heart! You deceived me, and I have every right to demand some explanations." He caressed the artist's cheek, taking the opportunity to tuck a stubborn strand of hair behind his ear. Then he looked him deeply in the eyes and smiled, brushing his fingertips against his pink lips. "You're a little slut, aren't you? So handsome, you'd make a lot of money on the streets... doing something that's worthy of you, selling that fat, ugly ass of yours to bald fifty-year-olds pensioners." He teased, finally lowering his palm, letting it fall sloppily to his side. "Since that's all you are, a hole."Gerard looked down, embarrassed."Why are you saying this?" He whimpered, clutching the edges of his coat as if it were the only thing capable of keeping him steady on his feet."Because that's what people like you deserve to hear. You didn't even have the decency to end it early! Being a pest is more enjoyable, right?" "You have no right to hold me accountable for this, you did the same thing!" And as soon as the last syllable left his lips, McCracken audibly crashed his left palm against his cheek, turning it a shade of coral red. Gerard gasped, and instinctively brought his hand to the spot. Tears ran freely down his cheeks, he could feel them pooling on his chin, there was so much pain... he could barely manage it in his own body."Yes, I do, I have the right to do this because you were still mine while you were fucking my best friend." He yelled through gritted teeth. "And you have no proof that I cheated on you, you just think that. I saw a whole video, so don't fuck around, okay? You don't go out there, cheat on Bert McCracken and get away with it.""What does it matter now? It happened, let it go!" He cried, bringing a hand to his face to wipe away his own tears. He was sure his face looked like a wet tomato now. "Would it have been better if I had just killed myself eventually, while you tortured me?!""Anything would have been better than this humiliation!" he exclaimed, gripping the crowbar so tightly that his fingertips turned pale."Get the fuck away from me," Gerard pleaded, indulgence in his voice. He could feel his anger growing by the second, along with his dread."Are you scared?" Bert bared his teeth, grinning broadly. "We still have a lot to talk about.""Bert...""So you also went to his mother's house today? Serious shit.""How did you know that?" Gerard asked, but the realization came as quickly as the question. "The damn cellphone..." He sighed."The damn cellphone..." Bert repeated, in a mock-dismayed tone."You had no right to take it, you broke mine, and you weren't even willing to buy another one!""I wouldn't spend a dime on you, even if I were a billionaire!" he threw back, in that rude, vicious way. "You don't deserve anything from me.""Then why the hell don't you forget me!?" He yelled, waving his hands in the air as more tears fell from his angry, red eyes. "You want to know what I won't forget, and neither will you?" He muttered bitterly, just before raising the crowbar and striking it hard against the left side of the artist's head. Way fell instantly, without making a sound. "That's it! Do you like that, Gerard?" He didn't reply, he was in shock; one trembling hand rested on the ground while the other slowly slid over his head, searching for the spot where he had been hit. The pain was excruciating, that much he was sure of. It was as if there was a pulse in his skull, throbbing aggressively. When he finally put his fingers on the wound, he shrugged, it was open. He stretched his shaking palm before his eyes and saw blood, pure and dizzying, swaying and doubling. He looked up at his attacker, who was agitated and temperamental, glaring at him atrociously. "You feel it?" He collapsed, looking his ex straight in the eye. "That's how you deserve to be. And don't you dare scream 'help' or any shit like that or this thing will fly harder at your head." He threatened, pressing the object against the artist's cheek."Bert..." He sobbed softly. "I won't tell anyone you were here, just go... please." He pleaded, staring deeply at his bloodied fingers. Salty tears fell onto the wood. "Go? No. I didn't come here to spend some time, I came to settle beads." "Beads?! What the hell do you mean by beads?!" Gerard screamed, slamming one hand against the floor and reaching for his hair with the other, pulling it back. In addition to the tears and blood, there was also sweat running down his face; he was drained, disgusting and dirty."Let's start with Frankie, you didn't just steal his friendship from me, you stole him entirely. Now you're sleeping together." He pointed out with some sarcasm, placing the crowbar on the floor, as if it were a crutch. "You both cheated on me, behind my back, and I don't even know how long this has been going on." "It's not what you think, he and I are nothing-""Don't lie to me Gerard! No one fucks like that without feeling anything. You like him, and he likes you, that's obvious." Bert claimed, a ton of times more nervous than before."Bertie..." Gerard breathed his nickname, as lovingly as he could. "I'm begging you, leave me alone... go live your life, there's a world of people out there, you can still find someone to love... really love. Don't waste your time on me.""Leave you alone?" He chuckled. "Not even after your death."•••Frank placed the bag on the counter. "Brian?" he called, leaning his elbow on the white marble. The man looked up from his computer and stared at him."Mr. Iero, is there a problem?" He smiled friendly."Um, no, i just wanted to talk to you about the entry permissions, I wanted to change one." "Oh. Sure." Brian turned his attention back to the computer and muttered a few things to himself. "Name, please?""Bert McCracken." Brian checked something on the computer, frowned and twisted his lips, looking at Iero with an apprehensive and uneasy look. "What is it?""That guy came up a few minutes ago." Frank's jaw dropped at the last sentence. He didn't even stick around to hear the rest, he dropped his bag and ran towards the elevator, pressing the button repeatedly. "What should I do?" Brian shouted."Call 911!" He yelled back, throwing himself into the elevator as soon as the doors opened. •••"You know, Gerard, I really liked you, I thought this relationship would last." Bert rambled, shifting the crowbar from one hand to the other. "I thought you were The One." He laughed. "Remember that story I told you about you being my second boyfriend?" Gerard did remember the moment when McCracken had made him feel special, a rarity in a sea of men who weren't worth the effort of maintaining a serious relationship. "Yeah... only two in twenty-nine years... I was seventeen when I met Quinn... he sat next to me in biology class, he was quiet, smart, charitable... the months I spent with him before college were the best of my life." Bert recalled. "And then you came along, over a decade later. And I thought, 'damn, look at him, how handsome and quiet he is, how intelligent and charitable he seems' and at first you were all of that, and more. We had so much in common..." The last syllable left his lips in a tone too bittersweet, too disbelieving, as if it were absurd to find familiarity in Gerard, after all these months. "Something changed in you... out of nowhere, just like that." He snapped his fingers. "Like magic. You weren't the same guy you were months ago. Ever since you started sleeping with me, literally sleeping with me... I've discovered things about you that..." He paused, shaking his head. "Why didn't anyone warn me that you were so insufferable? So picky? Shit, you fooled me for so long, seemed so passive, so laid back, and then, in the blink of an eye, you were fighting with me in front of my friends over things that, God!" He forced a laugh. "Don't make any fucking sense. I just wanted you to be a man, to relax and take it!""You wanted me to relax?" Gerard placed his bloody palms on the ground. "You wanted me to relax while you treated me like a thing?!""I didn't treat you like a thing! I gave you everything!" "And nothing." Gerard snapped, unable to control his own emotions. "You gave me everything and nothing. You said horrible things to me, about me... and when i got upset you showed up at my apartment with sweets and promises of a supposed redemption. You manipulated me, made me feel guilty... guilty for the jokes, guilty for your 'suffering'. And I thought, for a long time, that we were in a normal relationship, with some occasional fights. You just have a very strong personality, isn't that what your mom always says?" He mumbled, shrugging. "I thought everything was fine, that it was just a bad phase, I thought you would go back to being who you were in the beginning, kind and caring. Then... you hit me, you strangled me, you cheated on me before all that even." He said, slowly raising his head to finally look him in the eyes. "Look at yourself, what would your parents think if they saw you right now?""I'm too big to worry about what my parents think of me, you don't-""Gerard?!" Frank exclaimed, drawing all attention to himself in the doorway. He sweated, leaning against the doorframe to catch his breath, quickly finding himself unnerved as he locked eyes with Bert, and a little further down, Gerard, who laid sprawled on the floor, shaking and covered in blood."Hello, Frankie, I told you we'd see each other again." Mccracken laughed, placing the crowbar on the ground. "Bert," he began, extending his hand peacefully. "Can we talk?""There's nothing to talk about here." Mccracken squeaked, his tone a mock. "You fucked my boyfriend, there's nothing to talk about.""We don't need to resort to violence, all of this can be resolved through talking; don't do things you'll regret later." He tried to calm the situation, exchanging worried glances with Gerard. "911 has been called, the police are on the way-""O-oh, Frankie, by the time they get here we'll have solved this problem, believe me; I don't want a monologue, I'm not going to do a monologue; I don't care about fate, about my fate, what's left of me out there? I have nothing. Maybe life between four walls is better than this." He said, gesturing to his surroundings, gesturing to the world. "What else is prison other than a mansion full of dangerous men, accumulated lust and lots of stories to tell?"Frank frowned, clenched his jaw and paid attention to what was important, the damn crowbar, gripped tightly between his bony fingers."Bert,""Bert, Bert, Bert, if you say my name one more time, this is going to fly in his face." He threatened, indicating Gerard with a nod. Okay then."You're a maniac, a maniac." Frank sighed, stopping a few feet away from him; far enough away not to trigger extremes; close enough to act. "You're a spoiled brat; you've never heard 'no' from your parents; you've never had any boundaries; you've always been like this, a... an asshole... don't blame him for your-""So that's what you thought of me, while you were drinking with me in that fucking trailer-""Don't blame him for your cowardice, your-""Fuck, of course! You always thought I was an idiot, you just never had the courage to say it, what it is, you didn't know how to end the friendship-""Your mediocrity, your-""You're all fake, I can't trust anyone, not even my parents, snowflakes-""Your stupidity, your-""Fucking parasites, you're all parasites, and I'm a fucking beggar, metaphorically eating you all because I need it to survive-""Your insanity, your-""And that will never change, I will always be like this-""Son of a bitch, let me talk-""Talk what, Frankie? That you're successful and I live in a crappy trailer? Tell me you have... you have this bitch," He shot a disdainful look in Gerard's direction. "And I have nothing but a few lovers and some borrowed money, huh? Tell me how you can go to all the concerts you want, to all the restaurants you want and I can't!? Throw in my face how insignificant I am, come on, Frankie, I'm waiting.""Tell you," Frank began, relatively calmly. "You had everything to be better, and this isn't about jobs, money, meritocracy and all that nonsense. I know how flawed and unfair the system is; I wouldn't mind lending you some money if you had asked me, I don't think he would mind sharing half his salary with you," he said, glancing briefly at the older man. "We were friends and I respected you for who you were, not for what you had, or didn't have; you ruined that by being a horrible person, potentially a fucking murderer; an unscrupulous guy, someone impossible to trust!" He articulated, as simply as possible. "I don't know you anymore, you've changed, for the worse... look what you've done, look at this whole disaster, you did all this!"Bert swayed in his posture, slightly disconcerted, his cheeks flushed, his heart pounding; he did not let himself be carried away, despite everything, by Iero's words, it was too late for that, part of the damage had already been done, it was his job to finish what he had started; besides, there was no forgiveness, his shell was hard and he would not let words break it so easily. "And so what now? Nothing, absolutely nothing!" He shouted. "You called the police, and there's a guy bleeding on the floor. What's next, charges? Are you going to say I broke into your house? And what about you, Gerard, huh?" He looked at his ex-boyfriend, questioning, swinging the crowbar inches from his bloody face. "Are you going to say I squeezed your little neck, that I tried to kill you?""I-I-" Gerard tried to speak, only to be cut off by Mccracken's escalated voice."Fuck this shit, everyone can go to hell, I don't care anymore!" And that was enough for it all to break loose.Bert raised the crowbar, ready to hit his ex-boyfriend with a fatal shock, when Frank lunged towards him, holding the sharp object as if he were in a sword fight with McCracken. "You need help, Bert, you need to get your head together." Frank sighed, catching his lips between his teeth. "And you need to mind your own business," he retorted. "No meddling in other people's business, no telling secrets, no stealing boyfriends!" Frank flinched, but kept his grip on the object firm, forcing it towards the other. "No making sex tapes with this boyfriend in question and sending them to me as some fucking provocation!""Can't you see how stupid you are? You can't," he paused, staring at the artist, who was slinking strangely across the floor. "Can't you see through your delusional visions?" He looked back at the man in front of him, who with those piercing blues was cursing his soul. "You're not the victim, never were, never will be, you're the kind of guy everyone is afraid to get involved with, the kind of guy no one dreams of dating and yet they end up dating; because you're liars and know how to pretend very well, because you're all flowers and delicacy at first, but end up showing yourselves to be thorny and dangerous once your claws are already in. You're a fucking predator.""Shut up!" Bert collapsed, forcing the object even more against Iero, who, by not anticipating the action, unintentionally let the crowbar slip out of his hands.Still, he did not let himself be intimidated, he continued:"You're the kind of human no one wants around, and yet you have everyone around you; you manipulate everyone, and you manipulate them so well that the narrative of 'strong, rude and outgoing personality' fits you like a glove." He said, not at all regretting his words, although he was horribly scared."Shut up!" Bert shouted, loud and indigent, holding the crowbar threateningly at his former friend."And you know what? I don't regret anything! I don't regret helping him, telling him all your secrets, taking care of him; I don't regret sacrificing this friendship of years... you're not worth my consideration; I want you to go to hell, which is where you deserve to be." From there, everything happened so fast that words failed to describe the moment; there was pain, excruciating pain, agonizing pain, and a curved steel spike embedded in Frank's stomach; blood, so much blood, and suffering; not a syllable escaping his lips, only ragged puffs of air; he looked down, where the crowbar was cutting through his clothes and flesh."I'm so sorry, Frankie, you really pissed me off." He said, just before his eyes widened, cold, freezing eyes, turning into agony, his lips parted, and Frank stared at the reason for his distress; a sharp knife, piercing his neck, his neck covered in blood; his neck spurting with blood; Seconds were enough, and he fell to the ground, making a nasty noise as the knife unintentionally deepened in his neck, he was shaking from head to toe until he laid there, motionless, drenched in his own bloody mess.Iero sobbed, haunted by the harsh vision of sudden, violent death.There was blood on his face, there was blood on his clothes, there was blood on his shoes, there was blood on the floor, and there was certainly blood on the walls.There was blood on the couch, there was blood on the table, there was blood on the ceiling, there was blood on his autographed Sonic Youth poster.There was blood on Gerard's hands. Gerard. Gerard had done it.There was blood everywhere.A lone tear trickled down Frank's left eye, and he took a few steps back, suddenly too dizzy to bear his own weight, his own shock, the immensity of his own pain... pain that burned in his belly, pain that left him numb, decaying, and somehow subservient... he fell back, fell into darkness, but not before he heard a distinct noise echo in his ears.Shots.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Those images didn't disappear from his head, on the contrary, they were the first things he saw when he opened his eyes; blood, pain, horror and nothing else. And then the discomfort of the incandescent bulb vibrating against his numb eyelids; the white walls acting as flashes of light against his dilated pupils; a bed, a heart monitor, a needle stuck in his arm. Surely a room, surely a hospital, surely he wasn't dead, but surely, maybe, just maybe, he had been very close to it. "You're awake." He knew that voice; the high-pitched voice of an angel, hitting the calmest frequency in his eardrums.He blinked, and a grimace formed on his face; his stomach... his stomach hurt, hurt like hell; he remembered vividly, oh yes, every second of what had brought him to this bed... every second of the premeditated tragedy; the crowbar going through his belly, the shock, the thick liquid gushing from his open wound, Gerard and... Gerard!"Y-you..." He raised his voice, realizing he wasn't alone, of course he wasn't alone. "Are you okay?" He asked, before he could even contain himself, or check if there were other people in that room."I should be the one asking that." He sighed, a stab of guilt shooting through his chest. Frank frowned, staring at him intently until he noticed a bandage on his head."What happened after... after I..." He swallowed hard, he didn't know how to express himself, after I fell asleep, fainted? "An officer showed up at your door," he began, not needing specifics to understand what the younger man was talking about. "He shot me in the shoulder." Frank's eyes widened, and he wandered around his torso, until he stopped at the aforementioned spot, covered by a black coat. "It was nothing serious, didn't go through, got lodged, they managed to get it out, a projectile about this size here," he made a sign with his fingers. "They put some gauze on it; it hurts, and I don't think I'll ever be able to play a guitar, but I'll be fine.""If they had gotten there two minutes earlier..." Frank sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. "I can't believe they shot you.""It was a misunderstanding, they said." Gerard rolled his eyes."It's always a 'misunderstanding' with these fucks." He exhaled, making another grimace of pain, which did not go unnoticed by the artist, who approached the bed, concern evident in his clear eyes."How are you?" He asked gently, placing his hands on the metal railings of the bed."For someone who's been stabbed with a crowbar," Frank murmured, moving his hand carefully over the light fabric covering his stomach. "I'm okay, as much as i can be." He tried to smile, though there was nothing funny about it. "Did it make through my skin?""No, thankfully it wasn't that deep, but it was inches from your pancreas when you got to the hospital." He explained, wetting his lips. "You lost a lot of blood, your heart almost stopped..." He gasped, shrugging. "There was an infection too, but they managed to control it and stop it before it could spread..." He brought his fingers to his mouth to bite his nails. "You had a high fever, 104 degrees, hypothermia, was shivering for two nights... it was scary..." He paused. "It was... it was really scary.""Oh." He blurted out, not quite sure how to deal with the information overload. So he'd been dancing with death; death that had always seemed far away and unattainable... well, not anymore. "What about my mom?" "She went home." Gerard said, glancing at the red clock across the room. "It's five thirty in the morning, yeah, she's probably asleep now, but she'll be so happy to know you're awake.""God... shit, how did she react?" The image of his mother suffering was not one he liked, he hated every aspect of his illness, and he hated the prospect of making her suffer even more."She was very rational," Gerard said, in a somewhat friendly remark. "We talked a lot, these last few weeks have been difficult, at least... at least she didn't blame me, or herself..." "You... how long have you been here?" Iero interrupted him, suddenly very concerned by his use of the word 'weeks'."Ah... well, you know how it is, shifts, since seven o'clock."Impossible. Iero blushed."You shouldn't stay up all night, you should focus on your own recovery." Gerard shook his head."Oh Frankie, I was discharged a while ago."He replied, staring at the younger man as if he was preparing to tell him something bad.Lethargic and distressed, he asked, "A while ago?!" "It wasn't a millennium, just some time." Way repeated."Okay, how long?" Iero raised an eyebrow impatiently.Taking a deep breath, Gerard said, "Weeks." "How many weeks?" He asked, with a little more force, the act giving him a sharp pang in his stomach."Three." Gerard finally answered, wavering."Fuck..." Iero pursed his lips. "The school...""They found a substitute teacher, your mom told me, as soon as you can go back to work you'll have your class back." He soothed him, a tender smile on his lips; Frank smiled back, a half-hearted smile. "Bert," he said suddenly, feeling the older man immediately tense beside him. "What happened to...""He's dead." Gerard cut him off, answering him bluntly, without hesitation, although he wasn't absorbed in feelings there was too much on his mind, it was visible, guilt, above all else."Okay..." He nodded, staring at the tube TV on the glass table a few feet away."I'm so sorry." He sobbed, though he wasn't crying. "I didn't mean to do that in front of you, not like that, shit, I didn't mean to do that at all!" He cleared his throat. "I saw what he did to you and I was in despair!""It was self-defense, you were within your rights, he would probably do the same thing to you." Frank tried to calm him down, catching his lips between his teeth."I know... the police know... but... but...""But you killed a guy and you feel guilty?" He suggested, with a slight shake of his head. Gerard brushed back a few black strands, disconcerted."I killed a guy and I feel guilty," he repeated. "But I feel free, I feel... I feel safe." He said, as if he were revealing a very, very dark secret. "I feel terrible for his parents but… Jesus, I'm a horrible person." He whimpered, bringing a hand to his face.“You’re not a horrible person,” Frank said, his tone grave, almost demanding. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He said, earning a kind look from the older man. Strangely, he understood what Gerard meant about feeling safe; he was a victim, after all, a victim finally free of his abuser. “Did you go to the funeral?”"No, his mother made it very clear that she didn't want me there, I don't even know where he was buried, they didn't tell me anything." He stammered, reaching out to gracefully caress the other's skin, who sighed passionately under his gentle touch."You don't need to worry about that." He pointed out, moving his head to look at the heart monitor; eighty bpm. "What about Zacky?""He testified on my behalf, about the verbal abuse, some other friends also testified... a neighbor who saw him breaking into my apartment, making threats... they contacted the doctor, I had to tell him the whole truth, and he confirmed the strangulation." He explained. "Even... Bert's father confirmed my version, contradicting his mother, who wanted to kill me."Frank let out a 'wow' without meaning to. "I'm glad about that, not about Mrs. McCracken wanting to kill you, about... about there being evidence in your favor, it would be unfair if they arrested you for that." "Yeah..." He stared at the younger man. "Frank, I... I'm really sorry, it's all my fault, I was so selfish, I completely ignored the risks you would also suffer from this, you... you almost died for revenge." He said, lowering his tone on the last syllable. "T-the lawyers tried to use this against me, but it didn't work very well, they made a weak comparison between Scott Amedure and John Shmitz's case with mine and... well, they used Bert's 'humiliation' as a very lucid reason for him to have tried to do what he did."Iero felt a pang in his chest, he clutched the sheet lightly."What idiots," He spat, glad they hadn't heeded such an offensive accusation. "I accept your apology," He swallowed a considerable amount of saliva; eighty-five bpm. "Even though I never blamed you.""You should." Gerard said apprehensively."I love you," he declared; ninety bpm. "Then, no way." He laughed, not because he found his speech funny, but because he was insanely nervous.Gerard widened his eyes and frowned, slowly backing away. This is not good, Frank thought. "I'm going to visit my brother in Texas," Gerard revealed, crossing his arms; ninety-five bpm. From the surprised look the younger had given him, he thought it was necessary to continue. "I've been thinking about it for a while... as soon as he wakes up, I'll book the tickets and... go.""Really?" Frank sighed, feeling his lower lips tremble; his poor eyes, floating in salt water, burned as if they were submerged in lava. "But I... I love you." He repeated with a sob, squeezing his eyes shut, an act that caused the dreaded tears to fall uncontrollably."You're kind, Frank," Way said quietly, reaching for a white handkerchief on the table beside the bed."Don't you love me?" Iero whispered; a hundred bpm."How could I love you in such a short time?" Gerard replied, reaching out with the handkerchief to wipe away his tears."Give us more time, then." He insisted, blushing at the delicate touch."That's not how love works, it's not something you force until it happens." He stammered, stepping away to put the handkerchief back where it belonged. "Your feelings for me have completely blinded you, haven't they?""Give us a chance." Iero insisted. "You and I... we... that night in my apartment was... there's no way you don't have feelings for me!""Frank...""I would do anything for you. I've been... I've been in love since the moment my eyes first lay on you." He confessed; one hundred and five bpm. "You saved my life, if you hadn't done what you did, who knows what else he would have done, it could have been worse, I could actually be dead right now, if this comes from guilt too... no... don't think I'm mad at you, I-"“You could be home, too, if I hadn’t done what I did, if I hadn’t provoked him.” Way interrupted, a little more sternly, his jaw clenched, his brows furrowed. “If I had handled this on my own…things would have been different.”"Gerard... just wait... wait until I can get out of this bed, okay?" He pleaded, soaking his face again; he just couldn't control himself, his sobs were back, more shaky than before. "It won't cost you anything, absolutely nothing.""Frank...""I... I'd let your dad piss in my mouth, just to convince you." He said, without thinking too much. He regretted it immediately. "Forget what i just said. You don't have to go through all this shit alone, you don't.""Frank!" Gerard exclaimed; he wasn't upset, nor was he thinking about complying with the other's wishes. He studied the bed for a moment, searching for the red button that would call the nurses. "This isn't about you, about... what I should do, to make you happy," he pressed the button. "This is about me, about my happiness, about my freedom. I need some time, I can't just jump into a relationship after what just happened." He said, pulling an object from his pocket, the cellphone, the damn cellphone that had started all of this; a cellphone that the artist could never keep, not after it being soaked in McCracken's blood. He cleaned it for him, or someone else did, didn't matter. Iero wouldn't keep it, he knew well it was going in the trash as soon as he was able to get out of that bed. "Thank you so much, for doing the best you could, I wish you the world, always, Frankie." He placed the object on the table, with a dull thud. Three nurses entered the room. "Gerard." That was all he could say; tears reverberated through every part of his body, shattering his heart into little pieces. "I-I... will I see you again?" The older man didn't answer, he just nodded to the nurses, and gave him a condescending look, something very much like pity, before leaving the room. "Gerard?" So, that was how it would be. A hole in his stomach, and a hole in his heart. "Gerard!?" That wound would heal, the scar wouldn't be a problem, maybe he would leave it visible, so everyone could see what kind of pain he had faced, maybe he would cover it with a tattoo, it would be okay, he wasn't that vain. "Gerard..." The other wound, however, was the problem, this one wouldn't heal any time soon and the blood would continue to flow, for who knows how long, like a daily reminder that he had lost everything he feared losing, something rare and exceptional.Gerard would not return. But how foolish he had been to think that, at any moment, he would stay.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

"Frank, it's Gerard, I'm in Jersey, I'm going to be staying at my mom's house for a while, until I move completely to another apartment, and... I was wondering if we'd meet up sometime, could you call me back?" The voicemail said for the fifteenth time. Frank couldn't stop listening to it, it had been playing periodically for two weeks on his Alexa.A year and a half had passed since Way had abandoned him in that hospital, with the emphatic statement that he didn't love him. A year and a half of pure bitterness in Frank's heart. Was he still upset? Upset was a rather light word to describe what he felt. In his heart and in his mind it was as if he would never not be upset with Gerard again. Not because of rejection, Frank understood that a no was a no. Way wasn't his, never had been. Frank had no right to be angry about his refusal; however, anyone who was in that room that day would know that there were other reasons to hold a considerable amount of hurt.Even after so much time, Frank had never been able to understand why he had left him like that. Why hadn't he talked to him, after everything they had been through together? Why had he left so abruptly, and never contacted him again? Frank blamed himself, he thought he had been too quick, saying his feelings so warmly, making his insides clear in a way that perhaps Gerard wasn't ready to hear. But nothing, nothing justified his reaction. He could have kept in touch, he knew his number. He could have sent an email, or a measly message on a social media. He could have asked someone to inform him of his situation. He didn't need to leave him in the absolute dark, without the help of a single candle to guide him. Gerard chose another path, and walked out of his life as if whatever had happened, in every way, was regular shit. As if that nightmare was something he could cure with a field trip while Frank laid in a hospital bed.How could he be so selfish? He thought. How could he disregard him like that? He walked away, as if Frank hadn't nearly lost his life protecting him. What kind of son of a bitch does that? Well, it didn't matter. Frank was an idiot. He wanted to see him. He wanted to know how he was. He wanted Gerard to see him, to know how he was. Iero shook his head and pressed his fingers between his eyes for a moment. With a long, drawn-out sigh, he selected the number that had been ringing for the past two weeks in his voicemail. “It’s me. When can we see each other?” If he thought about it, he would never have sent it. If he thought about it, he would never speak to Gerard again, and they would both be in this awkward silence for the rest of their lives. Not knowing exactly why they were acting this way. This was exactly the kind of thing older people regretted never having done before. He wouldn’t be this guy, spouting off forty-year-old pains to disinterested young nurses. Frank wouldn’t let Way turn him into a bitter old man. That wasn’t him. It wouldn’t be him. Whatever Gerard wanted, he would listen. He would always listen. And he would find a way to make it all work out, because he was a peacemaker, and he didn’t like to leave things unfinished, empty, and incomplete the way they were.Gerard, on the other hand, wouldn't be exaggerating if he said that every day he woke up with a stomachache, and that it was all Frank Iero's fault. The waiting could be very painful. Day after day, waiting for a signal that never came. It was as if his voicemail had landed in someone else's inbox, in another universe. And when it arrived, two weeks late, he immediately hit play, but stopped after "it's me" and could only continue three days later. He was so afraid of what he would hear that he wasn't able to hear it all at once. It turned out that all he said afterwards was a simple and direct "when can we see each other?" Gerard could hardly believe it, he bit his arm so much that it left a horrible mark. As soon as he could, he sent a time and place. And as usual, in their current strange situation, the message only arrived four days later. It was a confirmation.Gerard knew he was the one who should apologize. What he had done was unforgivable, maybe even criminally unforgivable. He didn’t know. But he had this strong feeling that he had messed up. Maybe… no, he had definitely messed up. The thing was, he had never gotten Frank out of his head. There had not been a single day since that day in the hospital in which his mind had been free of his face, his voice, his expression... the guilt he felt was enormous. He constantly imagined himself in the same situation, but acting differently. Staying a little longer, maybe taking care of him. Taking him to Texas. Walking through the fields, holding the hand of one of his brother's children, while Frank held the hand of another, as they talked quietly towards the late afternoon sun.But that didn't happen. It doesn't happen to anyone. People always make the worst choices when they need to make the best ones. It was human at least. He knew that. The problem was: how would he fix this huge, absurd human fuck up?He met Frank at the same place they first met, right after he handed him the cellphone they would use to talk for days on end.Iero's hair was longer this time, reaching his chin. But he was young and handsome, just like before. Those things hadn’t changed in a year and a half. He looked embarrassed when Gerard came into view, but as soon as the older man sat down in front of him, his expression darkened a little. Now he looked upset, dissatisfied, suspicious. "Hi." Gerard smiled weakly. "You really came.""I needed to know what you were going to say." He replied seriously. His arms were crossed on the table.Gerard nodded, clasping his hands together under the table. “Long time no see. Are you back to teaching?”"For 6 months, yeah." He said, a little hesitantly. "And you... have you found a job in the city yet?""I have some interviews." Gerard could have sworn he had swallowed all the saliva in his mouth, let alone his anxious body. He wanted them to get to the heart of the matter. "Did you heal okay?"He nodded a brief yes. "And you?""I can't pick up heavy things with this shoulder anymore." He held said shoulder with one hand. "It hurts now."Frank nodded slightly. "That happens when you get shot, or when some bitch sticks a crowbar in your stomach. Consequences. We both paid."Gerard gave him a broken, guilty smile. His heart was pounding in his chest. "Frank, i, i, i don't know what to say."Frank frowned, as if it was hard to believe. "You called me here. You must have thought of something."Gerard nodded eagerly, leaning his arms on the table. He would tell everything, or he would faint there. "I wasn't lying that day, about what I felt for you, I mean, about what I didn't feel." Suddenly, his eyes filled with tears, to Frank's surprise, he didn't know how to react. "Maybe, deep down, I wanted something big to end it all. No matter how tragic it was. And the video was just a way to get it over with." He said, staring at Frank with his big, sad eyes. "It was worse than I thought. I didn't think he would do what he did. I was ashamed of having brought you into that." Frank didn't know what to do with that information, he looked away. "I used you to scare him away. I thought he would only fight with you, and with me. Despite everything, I always underestimated his real ability to do the things he said he would do. It doesn't mean you're nothing to me."Frank could feel his mouth going dry and his hands sweating. "I knew it. But it's still low, Gerard." Gerard laughed. "I know. I just wanted you to forgive me. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I'm sorry i got you hurt. Sorry i left the hospital that way." Frank looked at his red face, wet with tears. He was being sincere, speaking from the heart, with his true intentions. Gerard knew he shouldn't have done what he did, the way he did it. He knew it had been a near-fatal mistake. And he apologized not only to heal himself, but to make sure Iero was truly fine. He cared then, to Frank's surprise, all this time he had assumed Way had simply used him and moved on like a real bastard, despite understanding his reasons, his motivations, he couldn't get past the cold feeling of being left behind back then. He could see in his eyes now that he felt guilt and... shame. He stretched out his hands and placed them over his, forming a big ball of hands, as ridiculous as it was. Gerard almost jumped in his seat, his eyebrows raised and his eyes widened as if he had received waves of shock through that simple contact."It's okay. I... I don't hold grudges. I did, but I don't anymore. I always understood your reasons, regardless of whether I thought it was right or not."Gerard was surprised, after so many months he believed Frank would hate him deeply. The kind of hate not even forgiveness could calcify. He thought it would take centuries to make him understand his side. But now he saw that he did understand, it was clear in the way he looked at him and held his hands.There was a deep understanding there. He softened for the younger man even more."You're such an adult, argh. Thank you so much, Frankie," he said, letting out more tears than he should have in public, people were staring, and it was embarrassing, but he couldn't stop. He felt overwhelmed. "I have to ask, because it's important. How do you feel about his death after almost two years?" He knew it was a sensitive question, but he couldn't stop asking himself things.Gerard took some time to answer. He already expected such a question."Spiritually, atheist. Morally, I feel bad for his parents. Everything that was his, everything that was in the old apartment, I returned to his father right before I left the state. It's bizarre, living in a world where you took someone's life. It's not something that happens often, you know, you live a whole life without a burden like this and then it drops on your head like a bomb, you find yourself thinking a lot. I had a few therapy appointments that helped me see the nature of what I was facing in its entirety," He lowered his head and faced Frank with some determination. "When I killed him. I saved us both. That's how I feel about it now. Not that the matter doesn't break me some nights, when I'm alone. But I'm positive that... like I told you in the hospital, I'm free. In a way I never would be if he were still out there threatening my life."Frank took his calmest breath in hours."I was afraid you'd put yourself in a fucked up situation mentally. You survived, man. I'm so fucking grateful for what you did for me as well.""God, don't say anything else, I'm gonna ugly cry. Even uglier this time around."They laughed lightly.A little later, as they walked through a small park under construction, they both recounted what they had been up to lately. Frank talked about his new class, and Gerard smiled as he talked about Texas, ranches, and his brother. The truth was, there was very little time in their adult lives for big excitements, and they were grateful for that. There wasn’t much to talk about, really. They sat down to look at the unfinished public toys, with their half-assembled parts, and went back to talking about things from the recent past. "I would try, this time." Gerard said suddenly, catching the younger's attention. Iero knew what he meant by that, his heart sank in his chest, and a great pressure built up there, ready to explode his body into little pieces. "I... realized that I feel more than I thought I did. It's weird. Being away from you made me see that I wanted to be with you all this time." Frank thought about saying something, anything, but it was as if he had a dizziness in his head that prevented him from acting. It was as if he were a child again. In that park with the boy he liked, side by side without knowing how to proceed. "I don't know what to do with this. I think only you can help me. You said you loved me some time ago. Fuck, from my fucked up shoulder to the tip of my fingers, I think I feel the same way about you." Gerard, as always very direct. Scarily direct. The younger blushed, it was the adrenaline running through his body, sparks and everything. Taking blood from one side to the other. He looked at him, and Way looked back. He had no doubts. "Fr-" He held his face with both hands and kissed him, before he even finished speaking. He kissed him for a long time. Long enough. To the point where it looked like he was swallowing him. Because he didn't know what words to puke out of his system right now. After all this time, it was as if his heart had started beating again. Gerard had a huge grin on his face as they pulled away. Frank stuttered madly until he got the words out. "I'd try again, too."Gerard placed a hand on his cheek, caressing it lightly before kissing him, this time more gently. "Good," he murmured against his face. "Let's try again."