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Most days, it's easy to ignore. Others, not so much. On this day in particular, Void wants the ground to swallow her whole.Nothing's working.
Nothing seems to have triggered it- it's just there. Hands, everywhere, whispers in her ear and cold breaths on her neck. She goes under the covers, hides away from the world, but it's still so damn cold, and no matter how heavy the blankets are the hands are heavier. Music plays through her headphones, so loud that her ears feel like bleeding, but the whispers are louder, they always are.So loud that Void doesn't notice the door opening. So loud that she doesn't hear her name being called. Hands so heavy she doesn't notice that she's being held.But there's warmth, stronger than the cold breath on her neck. It's not hot, just warm, and the relief makes Void sob. Hands still hold but they're not heavy, they're gentle, like she's something precious that mustn't be broken, like she's not broken already. The music's off, the whispers are gone and the hands can't touch her. But they already have. Meanwhile, Blitzø is trying to calm his kid down and he has no idea what the fuck to do.
So much is wrong. For one, Void was under three blankets in the middle of fucking summer, she didn't respond when he knocked on the door to offer her a snack because she always responds, unless she's asleep, but she doesn't sleep during the day or much at all because she's fucking insomniac-Then there's the blood. All over her hands, her arms which he had to pry her hands from, her ankles, her legs, her face, mixing with her tears and turning them red. Blitzø is fine with blood, but seeing it all over his kid makes his stomach churn. Should he get up? Should he call Stolas? Can he even move?
For fucks sake, snap out of it.
Blitzø stands with Void, doesn't flinch when her claws dig into his skin painfully."It's okay, you're okay, it's gonna be okay..." He doesn't quite know if he's saying it more to Void or himself.The talking seems to help, is it helping? Is Blitzø even actually helping or is he making things worse, what the fuck should he even be doing right now? He doesn't fucking know. When Void returns, she's sitting on the edge of the bathtub and Blitzø is wrapping her arms in bandages. He's speaking without looking at her and she can't make out the words. Everything is fuzzy. "Blitzø?..." "Hey, Beebs. You with me?" The name hurts. Not because it's personal but because it shows how bad it is. It's been a while since Void didn't call him 'Dad.' Years of negative association with words are hard to get over, so calling him 'Blitzø' seems to be her way of acknowledging that he's different. It hurts that she needs to, but damnit if he doesn't reassure her as much as she needs it. Void nods slightly. "Want me to keep talking, sweetie?"
"Yes please."
Fuck, her voice is so small. As if she's scared of asking, as if her needing something so simple is a bad thing. It makes Blitzø want to scream.But he doesn't, because that's not what Void needs right now. He talks. He cleans Void's wounds and all the while he rants about clients, retells dramatised renditions of latest missions, bitches about how Moxxie's been listening to nothing but Hamilton all fucking week.
Void looks down at nothing but recognition slowly returns to her expression. That spark in her eyes he's so fond of doesn't.He gently takes her hand, cleans the blood caked under her manicured nails. Void had kept them short for years, tending to claw at herself as a habit, but to celebrate her mental health improving she had gone and gotten her nails done with Loona. He tries his best not to chip the paint.
As soon as her wounds are dealt with, he grabs his phone.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Blitzy: V had an epsoed. Dealed wit woonds, pls cum home soonn , it was rely bad this tiem.
Stolas excuses himself at once, promising to make it up to Vassago at a later stage. He's through a portal before another word can be said. He walks into the living room and he feels his heart break. Void sits on the couch in silence. Blitzø doesn't push her to speak, which she thinks she's grateful for.
Grateful? When you still treat him like a stranger? When you won't even call him 'Dad?'
Not that she could speak right now, even if she wanted to. Because what is there to even say? She fucked up again. That's all there is to it. She fucked up because that's all she ever does, because that's all she is, just a fuck up, just a used up, fucked up little slut-"Moonbeam? Are you alright?" Oh. Her da- Stolas is here.
Stolas? Just call him 'Dad,' ungrateful brat. Get over yourself.
She opens her mouth. No words come out.
Just do it. Just call him Dad, he's different, why are you still so scared, why can't you just get over yourself-
She tries again. She feels her throat close up. Tears cloud her vision but she pulls away when Stolas reaches out, even though Stolas is different and she shouldn't be scared but she is scared, she's just so fucking scared and she doesn't know what to do-But Stolas doesn't pull away. He keeps holding his hand out, smiling encouragingly even though he should be repulsed by her. He doesn't push and neither does Blitzø. Neither of them are mad, even though they should be because Void can't do anything right, can she? Then why is Blitzø saying she is?Stolas asks her to breath with him and all she can manage is short, erratic gasping but Blitzø says that she's doing good.
She's doing good.
Void squeezes her eyes shut. She takes Stolas' hand. He doesn't immediately pull her forward, doesn't trap her. He slowly, gently takes her hand in his in a way that she could still pull away if she wanted to. That simple fact is all that it takes for Void to crash forward into him. Long arms wrap around her without a second thought and he's rocking her gently, humming a tune she faintly recognises but can't pinpoint. Void doesn't let go of him until she falls asleep.