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I would like to start by apologising. It is not my habit to post works by other authors.I have recently lost 5GB of fics I had saved pre-AO3, accumulated from various independant third-party websites which no longer exist. They are now gone forever. Sadly, AO3 isn't an exception, as many authors have deleted fics that I cannot remember; the only proof of their existence is the ominous "this fic has been deleted" message. As such, I decided to keep a copy of all of my favourite fics on ao3.I don't know if what I'm doing is right, in the sense that I don't know what Sumrase, the original author, wanted. I don't know what external factors lead them to delete their work, I don't know if it was pressure from friends or fandom, or themself, I don't know if they were dissatisfied, or insecure, or bored, or had other plans. I certainly don't want to speculate or project.What I do know, is that good fiction is worth more than gold. Art is meant to touch your heart, stir an emotion, make you reflect - and if you're as emotionally stuck as I am, be a tool you can use to feel those emotions you tied to a cinderblock and let drown in an unnamed lake in order to function in normal society, now that the old coping mechanism is a hinderance to your progress.All this to say: dear Sumrase,I am selfish. Your work is one of my favourites not because of the fandom or the characters, but because your writing touched my heart and is dear to me. Fandom is the foundation we use to built upon, the ingredients to exceptional comfort food. When I saw that your work was gone, I felt a deep loss. I was just lucky that my most recent download was 1 chapter shy of your entire work. Everything, from the title to the tags to the notes, save this first chapter, will be from the original work. There will be no updates.I don't want to keep your work imprisoned in my harddrive, and I don't want it to die within my memory. I want to keep it alive with other readers. I hope you can see how much the little things matter so much in life, and how sharing what you created within yourself has an impact.With love,Your fan who checked your work every single morning because it's awesome.
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"Alright, that's a wrap," the director called out. Yeosang bowed habitually with his membersas they offered their thanks to the staff. The filming crew returned their bows with lightapplause. While the other members relaxed and dropped their on-camera personas, Yeosanggrew tense. He silently faded into the background and tried to be inconspicuous as the alphaschecked in with the teams omegas. The days shooting had been particularly incredibly stimulating, so much so that even he as abeta was feeling overwhelmed. His sense were running haywire, his heart palpitating and hispalms sweating. He knew his limits and this was not an anxiety attack he could simply talkhimself through. He crouched down in a dark corner of the studio and desperately sought outthe alphas. Yeosang wished he could call out to one of them for assistance but he knew they'dfind it odd. After all, he was a beta. He was supposed to be self sufficient. Yeosang first spotted Hongjoong. The Captain was standing in front of Wooyoung, guidinghim through breathing exercises. Yunho was not too far away, hugging Mingi comfortingly ashe whispered words Yeosang yearned to hear. On the opposite side of the room, San wasgently calming a pacing Seonghwa. Though fans were aware of their secondary genders, thegroup did their best not to showcase that dynamic too much. It felt a bit more personal and sothey did their best to minimize it. Jongho was the only free Alpha, sitting near the exit withhis eyes hooded as he watched over the others. Yeosang stared at him longingly as hispalpitations grew fiercer. Yeosang watched from the sidelines with familiar jealousy as theomegas were doted on. He tore his eyes away and glanced at the other Alphas carefully.Yunho and San weren't giving him much to work with so he turned his full attention toHongjoong, secretly watching his hands and following the breathing motions he was guidingWooyoung through. He hurriedly erected a mental barrier as a pang of loneliness he couldn'tsmother echoed through his chest, filling his eyes with moisture. Thankfully, Hongjoong'sbreathing tactics were effective and his anxiety eased, leaving him overwhelminglydespondent. He stood and shakily made his way to Jongho in preparation for heading home.In the beginning, back when he had first presented as a beta. Yeosang spent many nightscursing his orientation. They'd all expected him to present as an omega due to his innatecharacteristics so they'd been caught off guard. Initially, their change in behaviour towardshim had given him whiplash. He'd gone from being treated gently to being left to fend forhimself, physically and mentally. As the years had passed, he'd just come to painfully acceptit. He was a beta and he was going to be treated as one. His only reprieve came on camera. Before presenting, fans had labelled him as soft and inneed of protection and coddling and so the company had requested they played it up a bit forpublicity even after they had all reached maturity. San and Wooyoung took to it the easiestwith Seonghwa and Jongho close behind. Of course, Yeosang had to make it interesting byplaying up the aloof beta but the members tenacity had become popular amongst fans.Yeosang truly cherished those moments. The pack bonds which grown increasingly painfulovertime were given a moment of reprieve with every on screen hug. Enough affection evenmade sleeping without waking up every two hours for painkillers possible. Out of the sevenbonds, four constantly throbbed. He didn't know why his bonds with the Alpha's hadwithered beyond recognition while the omega bonds remained relatively healthy. The packbonds were still a mystery to Yeosang. Science said that every bond needed to be nurtured.There were different ways to nurture each bond. Alpha's bonds were strengthened when theytook care of others. Beta bonds relied heavily on emotional connections. Omegas reliedmajorly on physical touch. Yeosang took great care in trying to remain connected with hismembers. For some odd reason, the bonds with the Alphas hurt constantly. It was odd,considering his sub-gender but the only time the pain lessened was when they were touchinghim. Kisses lasted him long enough to sleep a bit better and so he prayed for the moments themembers would fight his obligatory resistance. Unfortunately, he hadn't gotten more than a hug from Yunho today. He could already feel thebonds growing limp as he followed them to the change rooms. He blindly sought outSeonghwa's bond, seeking a little strength but found that Seonghwa's shields were up. Hewithdrew pitifully and stood in close range to Jongho. He zoned out for a bit, examining hisbonds and contemplating on whether he should just sever the withered ropes that caused himso much agony. If he cut those ties though, he would be torn from the omegas as well. Theycouldn't be pack with someone who wasn't bonded to their Head Alpha. "How's the suppressant working?" He overheard Jongho asking Wooyoung. He zoned back into hear his friend's response. "Could be better. Let's hurry home please," the younger responded. Yeosang grimaced andrushed to grab his things. The room buzzed with urgency as his members and staff rushed toget out quicker. Their managers had parked the car in the garage to bypass their fans but some had thoughtahead and were staking out the back entrance when they emerged from the elevators. Yeosang ducked his head and moved with the group, careful not to get separated. He felt afamiliar pair of hands grab his shoulders as San stepped up behind him, ushering him to thecar. Yeosang worked hard to suppress a shiver. San took his duty as a pack protector seriouslyand had self appointed himself to Yeosang when they were surrounded by outsiders. Heclaimed that an Alpha still outranked a Beta and it was his duty to make sure Yeosang wassafe from fan Alphas. It made Yeosang's stomach feel tight and gooey at the same time. Heknew San only did this since Yeosang was even worse than the omegas at upholding his ownboundaries when it came to strangers but it still made him feel cherished. As a beta, thisshould have made him feel uncomfortable but he secretly enjoyed it. He didn't understandwhy he was so different. All of his beta friends hated when their Alpha friends tried to assertany form of dominance over them but it just made Yeosang feel safe and flustered. Thefeeling of safety vanished the second they entered their van however. In his excitement of being safeguarded by San, he'd forgotten about Wooyoung's impendingheat and the unwritten rules of the pack. San growled and yanked him back by the collar ofhis shirt when he moved to sit beside him. "I'll sit with him," San said lightly, climbing in first and heading to the backseat. Goosebumpscovered Yeosang's arms as his beta shuddered in fear, curling in on itself. His beta was another mystery. His teachers had explained their sub-genders as a physicalentity; something deeply primal that sat deep in their chest. Beta's were supposed to beconfident, friendly, and laid back. Yeosang's beta clearly hadn't got the memo though. He wasanxious, shy, and extremely tense. Nothing made his beta more anxious and tense that thepossessive growls of the Alpha's as they claimed their territory. The gap between the deep growl and the light hearted sentences that followed always playedgames with Yeosang's psyche. When this had first started, he'd assumed it to be a joke andwould just respond with a light eye roll as he backed off to appease his beta's anxiety. Hewould blush darkly, a natural response due to his beta's primal response but he managed toplay it off as just being flustered rather than frightened. The Alphas had been consistentthough. The growl's had grown more menacing, shaking him up from the inside out. Now, thesound filled him with visceral fear, his stomach cramping with nausea and heart thunderingas adrenaline coursed through him. He sat down in the front seat and stared ahead blankly, taking deep breaths so the memberswouldn't hear him hyperventilating. The ride home was filled with heavy silence. The intensescent emanating from Wooyoung filled the car and had their alpha manager and the presentalpha members on edge. Wooyoung normally smelt like freshly baked cinnamon but, duringhis heats, the scent became overwhelmingly sweet. Yeosang was almost grateful that hewasn't as heavily affected by the omegas heats. While their smell was alluring, it didn't drivehim crazy like it did the alphas. Unfortunately for him, the scent triggered something else entirely. Intense feelings ofabandonment and fear. Yeosang teetered on the edge whenever a pack member went througha heat or a rut. The easygoing camaraderie vanished as the Alphas and omegas allowed theirmore animalistic instincts to surface. He became somewhat of an outsider at times like thisand had to tread carefully. When they arrived at their building, they entered through thebackdoor again and waited for the elevator in silence. Though all three dorms were on threedifferent floors, the pack spent a lot of time in the YunSang dorm since the third room inthere had been dubbed the pack's Nesting Room. The name rubbed Yeosang wrong as he hadnever been in there outside of his turn for clean up duty. Sometimes, his pack members wouldtake his sheets to add to the overall scent of the Nest but they had never invited him in. Seonghwa said it made the pack feel complete even if Yeosang was not physically present.Still, it was the room designated for helping the members out with their heats and ruts. Todaywas no different. Yeosang watched as the seven members headed straight for the pack room.He made eye contact with Mingi as he shut the door behind him, the rapper smiling andwinking before he shut the door with a deafening click. Alone in a full house, Yeosang sighed heavily. He wanted nothing more than to curl up underhis sheets and sleep the pain away but the withered bonds were throbbing incessantly. Hewould have to wait for the sleeping pills to kick in before he could lie down. He popped twoand a couple of painkillers before setting about his nightly routine. Halfway through,Hongjoong had knocked and asked for a sweater of his. He handed him an oversized hoodiehe knew Wooyoung liked to wear, wondering if this would be the last time he did it. Once done his routine, he headed to the kitchen and pulled out a tray. He placed two stacks ofcups and a large water jug on it and carried it to the pack room. There was a slim, long tableon the wall near the door. Moving some of the decor, Yeosang placed the tray down carefully.Someone would come out for it after the first wave of Wooyoung's heat receded. Yeosangreturned to the kitchen and set about making a snack tray as well. They would be hungry too.By the time he had finished, he still wasn't feeling tired enough to sleep through the pain.With a defeated sigh, he slipped under his sheets. Curled up in bed, he picked up his phone and opened twitter. He scrolled for a bit before hegave in and searched his own name. The first video that popped up was of San. The captionwas gushing over how San had chosen him back as the cutest member of ATEEZ. He'd doneone more and teased the fans, claiming ownership of the beta. Yeosang closed the app and puthis phone down, heart sinking in his chest. He couldn't do this anymore. What should havefilled Yeosang with joy instead burned viciously in his stomach. He was just so tired of thisact. His heart couldn't handle the difference in his relationships with the members on cameraversus off camera. He knew it was their job to make them look like a solid unit to the fansand maybe it wouldn't have bothered him if they all treated each other differently off cameraas well. But it was only him. If he was being honest, things had been going downhill since debut. It had all started whenhe'd presented as a beta instead of an Alpha or omega. He'd been the second member topresent, after Seonghwa's omega trait. Hongjoong had followed closely as an Alpha withJongho weeks after. Mingi and Wooyoung presented as omegas the following month withSan hot on their tails as an Alpha. With four Alphas, one beta and three omegas, finding anew normal had been a challenge for all the members. It had taken time for them to find arhythm as they navigated new heats and ruts together. The alphas grew more possessive andthe omegas grew compliant, submitting to the whims of the alphas. And somehow, duringthat single year, Yeosang found himself an outsider in his group. Overnight, he'd been pushedto the edge of their social group, designated to a role he didn't fully identify with. Maybe itwas because he didn't experience heats and ruts like they did that they had come to someunspoken understanding that he didn't need them the same way. The other members hadbecome romantically involved with one another after months of assisting each other throughtheir cycles and somehow, Yeosang had remained the only platonic member in their polycule.All these years later and the only kisses he'd received from them had been teasing kisses tothe cheek for their fandom. The worst part, though, was his painful bonds. No beta he knew ever complained of bondshurting. He remembered casually mentioning it to a beta friend and she had looked at himoddly and said she had never experienced that. He'd been humiliated by that and had neverbrought it up again. With only the Alpha bonds hurting, Yeosang wondered if he was ananomaly of sorts. He'd never heard of painful bonds in his beta sex ed class either. He'dthought himself lucky since he only had to learn about his gender while the others had beenforced to learn about each other too but now he felt like gaps were missing and the searchengines were not filling them. He was sure there were answers in the longer articles but henever had time to do a proper in depth search session with his packed schedule and sleepdeprived mind. He eventually came to the conclusion that the bond must not hurt from theirend. Unfortunately, he had never been the type to be able to seek out physical touch and hismembers didn't seek him out frequently so he remained in a constant state of agony. Hesimply tried to cherish the moments of peace they unknowingly gave him and left it at that.Besides, he was a beta. He wasn't supposed to need them like that. His bonds held a different opinion though. During heats, even the omega bonds began toweaken. The once thick and thriving bonds would slim down, barely pulsating in his head. Ittook days, sometimes weeks, of extensive effort to bring them back to their normal health.The shared emotions grew dull and he had to focus to feel an echo of their emotions. Heappreciated it at times like this, when he knew they were next door enjoying an intimacy hewould never get to experience with them. He didn't have to hurt further than his imaginationand early memories. With all of these anomalies, Yeosang had to wonder if he was the cause for the strugglingbonds. Maybe he hadn't worked hard enough to nourish them. He'd tried his best in thebeginning, before anyone had presented. He'd built strong and healthy bonds with all themembers individually after they had chosen to leave their family packs and come together.Eight makes one after all. Time had changed that though. His sex ed teacher had said it wasnatural. Beta bonds required less effort and tended to be smaller, though no less strong. Theyalso apparently took the platonic relationship into consideration, requiring even less fromthem. His mental health had taken the brunt as his bonds had decreased in size and strength.It had filled him with such strong feelings of rejection and loneliness to the point where he'dstarted to daydream about breaking the bonds. Night after night he'd spent in bed, wonderinghow that would look. The sleep would probably be immaculate. Four months ago, he'd decided it was time to let go; of both the pack and ATEEZ. He hadn'tthought they could get much thinner but the moment he'd made the decision, he felt a change.It had taken months to wither away and now, the Alpha bonds were holding on by a singletether. Once the first one snapped, Yeosang would have to manually cut the rest. Instead ofwaiting for that, Yeosang had been planning carefully. Come the weekend, he would do it. He'd already booked the hotel room where it wouldhappen. His research had warned him that breaking a bond was excruciating. To breakmultiple at once was considered dangerous and to not be done without a doctor present.However, this had been for healthy bonds. Considering the state of his bonds, it should not betoo bad. Yeosang plugged his phone into the charger and rolled over. He was running out of time, hecould feel it. They would snap by themselves if he didn't end up doing it. He just hoped thefallout was something he could bear. The medication finally kicked in and he drifted asleepstaring at the packed duffle bag in the corner of his bedroom. He could feel the deadlinelooming menacingly. Tears filled his eyes as he mourned the loss of his pack before ithappened. ****** Breakfast was normally a quiet affair now that it was just him and Yunho. Today was one ofthe exceptions. The entire pack had slept in the Nesting Room last night to help Wooyoungthrough his heat. All eight of them now crowded the small eat-in table in their kitchen,chattering incessantly. "Here, have more," Yunho placed a second serving of rice in front of Wooyoung. The lattergave him a lazy smile in thanks, his scent fully relaxed. Reaching out mentally, Yeosangcould feel the echoes of contentment through their bond. His chest tightened painfully at thehaziness of the connection. He wondered if any of them had noticed the bond thinning fromtheir ends. He couldn't imagine the bonds were thriving for them but no one had bothered tomention it. It just further reinforced his positioning in the pack. They didn't mind having himthere but they also didn't seem to mind him not being there. His chest ached at the thought ashe chewed without tasting. "Thanks for the meal," he forced himself to use an upbeat tone to not ruin the mood. He stoodand collected his dishes absentmindedly. Noticing Wooyoung was done with his rice bowl, hereached out to stack it with his dishes. A growl sounded, quickly echoed by three others. He yanked his hand back, clutching ittightly to his chest as his heart dropped before picking up pace. His beta was shivering,cowering at the sounds and filling him with dread. He felt cornered as the four Alphas baredtheir teeth at him, growls vibrating their chests. "S-sorry," his face grew hot again, the fear mixed with humiliation as the omegas laughed.Yeosang knew how his members were after a heat or a rut. He wasn't sure why but they didtheir best to bar him from touching them the next day. He'd just been lost in thought andforgotten the cardinal rule. "Stop being mean to my Yeosanggie," Wooyoung scolded them through light chuckles,slapping Jongho's thigh in mock discipline. Yeosang forced out a laugh of his own before excusing himself, his beta still curled upanxiously. He finished clearing his dishes with forced calmness then headed straight to hisroom. He needed to get out. Neither his heart nor his beta would be able to stand the stressmuch longer.
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San choked in agony as a sharp snap resounded in his mind. The pain was so overwhelmingthat it took him a moment to recognize what had caused it. "Yeosang," he croaked. Eyes wide with terror, he met Seonghwa's equally panicked gaze, his hand mirroring San's inthe way he clutched at his chest. Seonghwa jumped to his feet without a word, making abeeline to their front door with San hot on his heels. He cursed himself for not being faster asthey tore through the living room. A door opened further in their apartment as a teary eyedMingi emerged from his room and rushed after them. The three of them rushed out of theirdorm and into the stairwell. San's heart was aching but he couldn't find the strength to speak,too overwhelmed by the shock of the pain. He just needed to see him. He needed to know he was alive. The door to the stairwell the floor above flew open and Wooyoung, Jongho and Hongjoongran in. None of them acknowledged each other as they raced up the steps. Their footstepsthundered in the echoey chamber, matching the pounding of San's heart. Arriving at the targetfloor, they poured out into the hall and came face to face with a stunned Yunho. The dancerwas breathing heavily, one hand in his hair and the other on his chest. Upon seeing them, hisknees gave in and he collapsed onto the carpeted floor."Gone," he choked out. San followed suit, no longer able to carry his own weight. His bloodran cold and he could no longer breathe. "Yunho, what do you mean gone?" San heard Hongjoong ask through the rush of blood in hisears. Everything around him was muffled as he watched his pack-mates flounder."He's not in his room," Yunho seemed to notice the mistake he had made, glossy eyes wide ashe probably came to terms with the fact that there was another possible cause for the brokenbond. His words had pushed back the coldness that had taken over San's limbs though andgave him the strength to move again. Wooyoung and Seonghwa had already raced to Yunho's apartment door, tapping in the codeand making their way inside. Hongjoong was on his phone, pacing nervously while Mingiwatched him anxiously. Jongho stood slumped against the wall, staring at the open apartmentdoor blankly. The overwhelming mixture of all their scents made him nauseous. San's visionblurred as tears filled his eyes. Yeosang was gone. His pack bond had vanished. San prayedearnestly that Yeosang had cut it himself. "The managers haven't heard anything either," Hongjoong's shaky voice sounded like it wascoming from underwater. San gasped out a sob and slapped a hand over his mouth. Theywere in the hallway still. He couldn't make a scene. Dragging himself to his feet, he stumbledtowards Yeosang's apartment. He could vaguely hear footsteps behind him but he couldn'tcare less. As he passed the threshold , he realized that he was still barefoot. He headedstraight for Yeosang's room where he found Seonghwa on his knees beside the bed whileWooyoung cried next to an open drawer. "His stuff are still here," Wooyoung hiccuped, ruffling through the clothes. The panic that hadjust eased spiked again. "There's a note," Mingi announced with urgency. San's head shot up as he looked to therapper, waiting to hear the contents. Mingi sniffled before beginning to read. Hi,I'm so sorry to do this to you guys without preparing you first. I know this is going to bepainful and weird but I think it'll be better for all of us in the long run. I stretched theWithering process to last four months so the break shouldn't be too painful for you guys. If itis, there's some heavy duty painkillers in my top drawer. Make sure you rest up and drink alot. I heard broken bonds can leave you feeling pretty bad. I'll be back on Tuesday. Again, I'mreally sorry to put you through this.♡,Yeosang "What the actual fuck?" San breathed, his knees weakening once more. He had been killingtheir bonds for four months? How had he not felt it dying? He thought back to the past fewmonths. Had he even checked on their bond? It had been so innocuous, sitting discretely inthe corner of his mind. Yeosang had kept his barriers up for so long, San had stoppedchecking up on it. Shakily, he sat down on the edge of Yeosang's bed. As the panic gave way to pure pain, Saninhaled deeply. The space was filled with Yeosang's cherry scent. It was less tart than he wasused to but still so clearly Yeosang. His scent was overwhelming, untainted and pure. Theircurrent presence sat on his scent like oil on water. San frowned, sniffing deeper. He hadn'tcome to Yeosang's room much since the move. The beta hadn't really invited him over but hehad assumed that he had been mingling with the rest of the pack. At the very least, he hadexpected Yunho's scent to permeate the space. It was just Yeosang's though. He felt his heart shatter at this realization. His own room was a myriad of scents as the otherpack members came through so frequently. Yeosang's singular scent highlighted an isolationSan hadn't noticed before. Had Yeosang been planning this? He couldn't help but wonder ifthe space they'd given him had made things easier to do so. "It's only him," Mingi whispered, echoing his thoughts as he hugged Jongho. He sought outYeosang's bond and came up with just a fading nub on his end. The bond that he had beenblocked from touching for so long were nothing more than withered tendrils filled with thememory of a pain so sharp it took San's breath away. Had Yeosang been hurting? Enough tobreak seven bonds at once? What had he done? A sob escaped San's mouth, no longer able to control his pain. He had tried to hold it in,taking into account the emotional state of the rest of his pack. He just couldn't anymorethough. Hands were on him in seconds and then he was being embraced by the pack Alpha.Hongjoong was doing his best to emit calming pheromones but he was struggling too, Sancould tell. He hugged the smaller Alpha tightly, burying his face in his neck. "I failed him," he sobbed. He should have tried harder to close the growing gap in theirrelationship. He'd just chalked it up to Yeosang being a beta, so different from the rest ofthem that his behaviour became an expected norm. He'd jokingly brushed off anything thatraised warning flags with a light 'must be a beta thing' with the rest of the pack. He didn'tdeserve to have been in Yeosang's life. Seonghwa breaking down tore him from his own cries. He pulled back to check on him onlyto be hushed by Hongjoong. "Yunho's got him," the head Alpha reassured him. San hiccuped, doing a quick glance around the room to check on the others. Seonghwa wason the floor, clutching Yunho's shirt as he cried his heart out. Wooyoung was sitting next tothe nightstand, completely disassociating while Jongho rubbed his back gently. Mingi stood in the doorway, staring blankly at the note in his hand. "Where could he have gone?" Mingi lips trembled but he looked determined to solve theproblem. "What if he never comes back?" Wooyoung's words made Seonghwa whimper, shaking hishead vehemently. "He's coming back. He said so." Jongho said firmly. "We'll get him back, don't worry," Hongjoong's gaze was sharp as he looked at the brokenmembers of his pack. The determination in his gaze made San's racing heart calm a little. They would fix this.
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Yeosang screamed into his pillow as the frayed ends of the seven bonds reached out only tofind nothing. They had already begun to disintegrate, burning like they were beingincinerated and making a desperate grab to rejoin the pack. It was too late though. The packmark at the base of his neck had already faded with the distance he'd put between them. He'dneeded to do this for his longterm peace but he truly hadn't been prepared for the pain ofseven ties severing at once. In the haze of his pain, he finally understood why people oftenchose to slowly leave a pack one member at a time. He'd lost track of everything but the pain,only leaving the bed to relieve himself. He knew he needed to eat but he couldn't do morethan just chug water on his toilet breaks. The sheets beneath him were soaked with sweat buthe couldn't bring himself to take them off. He rolled off the edge of the bed and fell on thefloor with a thud, the room blurry. The carpet beneath him was soft and dry and so he laythere, dry heaving as his stomach tried to empty itself. And then everything went dark again.When he came to the next time, there was an odd beeping noise. The pain in his head hadreceded but his chest still felt unnaturally tight. No matter how deeply he breathed, there wasnot enough air. He groaned softly, his mouth dry but his bladder tight. He threw off hisblanket, immediately distressed by the odd sensation in his hand. Sitting up, he pried his eyesopen and was flooded with fluorescent light. His eyes squeezed back shut on their ownvolition. A door opened and he forced himself to face the light to see who it was."Yeosang-ah!" his mom rushed over, hands grabbing his face and working their way downhis arms as she checked his condition. "Yeosang, what happened? The doctors called me andsaid you were found unconscious in a hotel!" She was crying now, the relief of seeing him awake and moving too great. She kissed hisforehead through her tears and hugged him tightly. Yeosang slumped into her arms andallowed his own tears to fall, seeking comfort in her embrace. It felt like forever since anyonehad hugged him sincerely and so he clung to her desperately, breathing in her familiar andcalming lilac scent. She rubbed his back, soothing him with soft sounds until his chestexpanded a little more. He gently pulled away. "I need to pee," he told her. "Okay, go ahead. I'm going to get the food set up. You look like you lost weight. You need toeat when you're sick or you won't get better," she helped him off the bed and handed him theIV pole beside his bed. It was only then that he noticed he was receiving some kind of drip.With a mumbled thanks, Yeosang made his way to the bathroom and relieved himself. As hewashed his hands, he gained the courage to look in the mirror. Dark circles shadowed hiseyes and his cheeks looked hallow. His hair was oily and the hospital gown he wore hungloosely around him. Hating what he saw in the reflection, he turned away and headed backout to his mom. She was seated next to the hospital bed, the tray at the foot filled with open lunchboxes. Hesmiled weakly at her and sat back down. She covered him with his blankets and pressed thebuttons until the bed was on the perfect incline. She didn't stop fluttering about until he hadtaken his first bite. His stomach started to hurt after a few more bites but he pushed on so that he wouldn't worryher further. Finally, on the verge of puking, he put his chopsticks down. "Already?" His mom handed him a cup of water. He sipped it slowly. "I don't think my body is ready for food," he answered. His mom sighed and smiled sadlybefore getting up to start closing the containers. "What happened?" She asked softly, not making eye contact. "I had a fever," he answered. "At a hotel? In the same city as your dorm?" It was clear she didn't believe him. Yeosang just shrugged, looking out the window. The sky was a mixture of pink, purple,orange and blue as the sun prepared to set. "What day is it?" He asked. He had no idea where his phone was though he knew it must beclose. It was the only way the hospital would have been able to call his mother. "Sunday," she answered, stacking the containers and tying them back up. He hummed inresponse. Only two days had passed. That was better than he had expected. He had plannedfor five days and booked the hotel for seven in case it took longer. "Do you know where my phone is?" Yeosang turned his attention back to her. She made anaffirmative noise and dug through her purse. "It was dead so I charged it. Your members keep calling but I didn't answer," she said,handing him the device. He took it, grateful his mom had somehow known to do so. "How did you know?" he asked warily, surprised she hadn't said anything yet. "The doctors said they had an unmarked beta when they called," she smiled sadly. Tearsblurred his vision and he looked up to keep them from falling. "Yeah," he said brokenly. His mom rushed over and hugged him tightly and he clung to heragain. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" She cooed, stroking his greasy hair. "Tell me whathappened." "It was just hard being the only beta," he sniffled, unable to tell her the uncut truth. Shekissed his temple and hugged him tighter until his tears had subsided. "I'm going to go get the doctor," she said, releasing him when he tried to pull away. "Do youwant to come spend a few days with me?" He nodded, relieved for the opportunity to just be loved on for a few days, even if it wasn'tthe type of love his beta needed. She left for the nurses station, leaving him with just histhoughts. He wondered what his former pack-mates were doing? Were they upset? Relieved? His mom had said they had been calling. He grabbed his phone and pressed the lock button. The screen lit up. His notifications were full. 386 missed calls, nearly double that in texts and 67 voicemails. Then something else caught his eye. His mom had been right, it was Sunday. Only it was a whole week later than he had thought. Heart thundering, he unlocked his phone and opened his email. There were messages fromhis lawyer and the company staff but he couldn't muster up the courage to open them. Hemay have left the pack but he was still a member of ATEEZ for the time being. It would takelonger to sort that out but he'd put his lawyer on it the day he left. Opening the search engine,he searched his name. Articles about him being on a hiatus filled the first page. He opened up his contact list and searched for his managers' number. His call was picked upjust as his mom returned with a nurse. He apologetically held up a finger. "Hello," he greeted nervously. "Kang Yeosang! What the hell? Where are you?" his manager whisper yelled into the phone. "I know, I know, I'm sorry," Yeosang blurted out. "I lost track of time. What's happening rightnow?" "Lost track of time? The company said your lawyer is trying to break the contract. You can'tdo that to us! To your members! You never even spoke to them!" the managers voice wasgetting louder and so he just stuck to apologizing until he had stopped ranting. "I'll be back tonight and we can discuss it," he told the manager. "Where are you? I'll send someone to get you." "No, don't worry. I'll come by myself," he promised. He hung up the phone before themanager could respond. Turning his attention back to his mom and the nurse, he startled atthe group of doctors in the doorway. "Good evening, Yeosang-ssi. I'm Doctor Kim, your attending physician," one of the doctorsintroduced himself. Yeosang bowed his head in greeting. The doctor approached the bedwhile reviewing the chart on his clipboard. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Good, thanks to you guys,” Yeosang responded politely. “Will I be able to be dischargedtoday?" he asked. He needed to get back to the dorm ASAP. He should have been morecareful in planning. Ten days unaccounted for was unacceptable. Their company andHongjoong must be livid. "You can go home as soon as that IV finishes. You had us pretty worried. you collapsed dueto malnutrition, stress, and mild dehydration due to a high fever. Thankfully, you should befine in no time as long as you eat well and get enough rest. I'd like you to come back forfollow up tests though, if possible." Dr. Kim gave him a friendly smile as he spoke,maintaining eye contact to the point that it became almost uncomfortable. "Tests?" his mom asked, stepping closer. Dr. Kim glanced at his mother then turned to him, silently asking for permission to disclosehis information. "You can talk in front of her," Yeosang consented. "So, your secondary gender is marked as a beta on your ID," the doctor began. "However,and this will probably come as a shock, your blood work shows that you are actually anomega." Yeosang laughed weakly. Dr. Kim and the surrounding doctors just looked at him with aunchanging expression. Yeosang stared at him blankly, waiting for the 'just kidding' thatdidn't follow. "That's impossible," he said, sitting up straight. "I mean, I- I don't have any omega traits. Noheats, no sweet scent, nothing." Yeosang could feel himself growing panicked at the revealbut he tried to remain composed. "I know, it's very rare," the doctor nodded in agreement. "I was skeptical too. That's why weran the test three separate times with different samples to make sure it wasn't an error." "How is that even possible? His family doctor identified his sub-gender when he reachedmaturity," Yeosang's mom finally spoke up, just as shocked as he was. "I know. Like I said, it's very rare for this to happen. His annual health checks would not havepinged it either since it’s not tested for. Still, there must have been signs," Dr. Kim lookedbetween him and his mom. "Perhaps his temperament better aligned with omegacharacteristics. Or his pack bonds responded better to physical touch than any other form ofconnection?" His mom nodded in agreement. "We all thought he was going to present as an omega. It waspretty shocking when he didn't." “Yeah, that’s the thing in these cases. It should have been flagged earlier,” the doctor turnedback to Yeosang. “Have you been in a pack since reaching maturity?” Yeosang nodded stiffly. “Did you not bring up an of your concerns with your doctor? I can’t imagine your bonds werecomfortable.” Dr. Kim frowned, concern etched into his aging face. “I mentioned it briefly but he said I just needed to work on my relationship with the pack,”Yeosang swallowed dryly. Surprisingly, his mom had accepted the news relatively easily.Yeosang, on the other hand, was still reeling. An omega? It would definitely explain a lot of things. Yeosang couldn't help but feel cheated. He'd livedso long with an identity that he didn't connect with and to finally learn that there had been areason for that was both validating and upsetting. His mom's phone rang. She answered apologetically. "It's your father, I have to answer. He'sbeen so worried," she explained before moving away to take the call. The doctor stepped a little closer at that moment. "Yeosang-ssi," he said softly. Yeosangturned back to him. "Yes?" "Have you ever been sexually active?" The question caught Yeosang off-guard and he looked between Dr. Kim and the otherphysicians, wondering what that had to do with anything. "Uh, no," he answered truthfully, never one to lie to his healthcare worker. Dr. Kim nodded, like the answer was expected. "Like I said, your case is rare but there aresimilar cases of omegas initially presenting as betas only to actually present as an omega aftertheir first sexual encounter. I believe you fit into that category." As he spoke, one of the doctors behind him scribbled notes on her clipboard. Yeosangblushed darkly, embarrassed to not only have strangers knowing his intimate history but toalso document it for everyone to see. Yeosang glanced at his mom to make sure she couldn't hear their conversation. "I- what counts as a sexual encounter?" Yeosang asked quietly. "Penetrative sex with an Alpha ejaculating into you," Dr. Kim answered, coughingawkwardly into his hand. Yeosang’s face grew even hotter. "Once you experience that, you'llexperience your first heat within a month's time. You will then become just as fertile as anyother omegas so you will need to be careful. I know this is all very overwhelming but we arepartnered with some organizations that could help you navigate this change." "What kind of services?" Yeosang's mom rejoined the conversation. Dr. Kim turned andsmiled at her. "Well, he must have only taken the mandatory beta classes. He'll need to take the omegacourse as well now," he explained. His mom nodded in agreement. "I see," Yeosang mumbled. "Can I go home and think about it?" All of this was sooverwhelming. It still felt unreal. Was he still in the hotel room having an extremely vividdream? The doctor straightened up and stepped back. "Of course! I'll forward your blood work toyour family doctor and when you're ready, you can go to them. They'll be able to guide youthrough this." Yeosang bowed his head in thanks. The doctors returned it with small bows and smiles beforethey filed out after Dr. Kim. "This was a crazy day," his mom commented quite casually, fixing his blanket to busy herhands. "Kang Yeosang-ssi?" a new, female voice called out. Yeosang turned to the doorway wherethe same nurse from earlier had returned. "I'm here to take out your IV. Dr. Kim said you'reready to be discharged." "Ah, thank you," Yeosang said awkwardly, holding his hand out for her. "I can't come home today," he told his mom as the nurse got to pulling out his needle. "I needto go back to the dorm. Things have kind of gotten out of control." He wasn't supposed to be gone this long. His mom sighed but nodded in understanding. "Okay, I'll drop you off." When the nurse left, Yeosang got dressed in his clean clothes. He still smelled strongly ofsweat but hadn't had a chance to shower recently. He'd packed clothes in his emergency bagbut had been too disoriented to do anything during the recovery process. His mom wrinkledher nose when they were trapped in the small space of her car but said nothing. The ridehome was mostly silent until they pulled into the back of the building. "You'll call me if you need me," it wasn't a question. He nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I will," he answered anyways. His body ached as he climbed out of the car but he ignored it. He entered through thebackdoor so as to see the least amount of people and slipped into the closest stairwell. Theelevators were usually full at this time of day and he didn't want to be spotted looking orsmelling like he did. So he ignored his protesting body and climbed all the way up to the 16thfloor. As soon as he stepped into the living room, Yeosang’s stomach clenched with nausea asfear filled him. Their scents filled the house but a singular scent had his heart beatingerratically. There was no way the pack would be able to tolerate his presence at the moment.He could only imagine the very visceral reaction they would have to his presence, now thathe was a real outsider. Mingi was in heat.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mingi sniffled. His whole body still felt much too tight to be comfortable but the intense heatthat had been so overwhelming mere hours ago was finally receding. He could breathe deeplywithout his stomach cramping and form coherent thoughts again. He sighed softly andhugged the pillow in his arms tightly. The fruity scent filled him with both comfort and pain. He remembers nothing about the beginning of his heat except for an intense longing that hadonly lessened when Jongho handed him one of Yeosang’s pillows. He missed him so much. To this day, Mingi had spent all of his heats with something belonging to Yeosang. Sometimes it was his sheets, other times a shirt but the comfort of having Yeosang's scent soclose when he was feeling that exposed and vulnerable filled him with comfort. He knewYeosang wasn't interested in him romantically or sexually and so he always made sure tokeep a distance but it had been too much to not have Yeosang close and be unable to touchinghis bond during his cycles. Thankfully, Yeosang had always been accommodating and wouldallow them to take items with his scent. Yeosang was far too sweet, kind and generous. Heneeded him as much as he needed oxygen. He reached out to the others, obsessively checkingon their bonds. He'd found himself doing it every couple of hours since Yeosang left, findingcomfort in their presence. Yunho and Seonghwa were asleep so he didn't get much fromthem. Jongho’s barriers were raised, making him whine in distress. "What's wrong?" Hongjoong asked from behind him, spooning him carefully. "Jongho-ya," he pleaded. The younger’s barriers were lowered immediately and he was hitwith a wave of pure sorrow. The feeling was infectious and soon, everyone bond was taintedwith grief. "Sorry," Jongho mumbled, cuddling closer to Seonghwa. "It's okay," Mingi mumbled, tightening Hongjoong's hold around him. The Alpha kissed hispack mark comfortingly. "He's going to come back," San comforted from the opposite side of the bed. Mingi wishedhe could believe him. Yeosang had promised to be back five days ago in his letter but there was still no trace ofhim. To make matters worse, their CEO had told them that Yeosang was trying to dissolve hiscontract and leave the group as well. All of them had gone to his family home on Wednesdaywhen he hadn't returned but his parents hadn't known Yeosang's whereabouts either. Hisfather had promised to let them know if he heard anything but they had yet to hear any newsfrom him. So now, following the most desolate heat he had ever experienced, the seven ofthem lay together in silence, wallowing in their own misery. Mingi propped up onto his elbow abruptly, ignoring the annoyed groan Hongjoong let out.He sniffed the air deeply. Then he lowered his head to smell the fading scent in the pillow. Heraised his nose to the air again. The Captain tugged at him, encouraging him to lie backdown. Mingi ignored him, sniffing deeper to try and bypass the overwhelming scents in theNesting Room. He picked up on it again, his senses heightened by his still receding heat. Heslapped Hongjoong's wrist repeatedly, needing to be freed immediately. "Get out, get out, get out," he said urgently, words matching the light taps. His heat hadabated while taking Hongjoong's knot and it had deflated by now but Hongjoong hadn't beenready to let him go and demanded he remain still. Mingi had allowed it, recognizing that theirhead Alpha was being extra clingy since they still had no tab on Yeosang's whereabouts. Butnow he needed to be freed immediately. Sensing his urgency, Hongjoong pulled out, rolling away slightly to allow Mingi to scrambleto the foot of the bed. The commotion had woken the sleeping members and they were allwatching him with confusion as he dashed for the bedroom door. "Mingi, slow down, you're going to hurt youself," Seonghwa tried to coax him, sitting up.The others echoed his words, warning him to calm down but he just couldn't. He had to knowif he was dreaming. Mingi threw the door open and all the protests fell silent as Yeosang's cherry scent floodedtheir senses. Suddenly there was a loud commotion as the rest of the pack scrambled to getfree of the multitude of sheets. Mingi rushed to the living door, finding Yeosang standing stilllike a deer in headlights. His eyes widened further, taking in Mingi's body before gluingthemselves to the floor. "Sorry, I didn't- I didn't mean to- I didn't know-," Yeosang stammered, taking a flustered stepbackwards. By now, the rest of the pack had caught up with him and were standing close behind him.Yeosang noticed and brought a hand to his eyes, completely blocking his vision. Mingishared a confused look with Jongho before taking in the fact that they were all undressed. Hewas just about to turn to grab something to cover himself when Wooyoung pushed past him."Hey! Kang Yeosang! Where were you?" Wooyoung broke the silence with an outraged cry.Wooyoung threw himself at the beta but Yeosang quickly stumbled back and out of his reach,eyes darting to Yunho nervously. His scent had changed from the fresh, syrupy cherry tosomething more familiarly tangy. Wooyoung stopped in his tracks, hands falling limply to hisside as he stared at him with teary eyes, shocked by the outright rejection. "Yeosang," Yunho's voice cracked on the second syllable. Mingi looked at him with concern,feeling the pure agony permeating from his bond. He caught Yunho's hand in his own, tryingto offer him some comfort despite his own confusion at Yeosang's behaviour. He was actinglike they were a pack of rabid dogs, not people he had lived with for more than a decade. Heturned back to Yeosang, studying the beta. Yeosang was still trying his best not to look intheir direction. He'd turned slightly, like he was prepared to run on short notice. Mostconcerning was the growing tartness in his scent. Despite his familiarity with the smell,Mingi had never smelled it this strongly. He had also never seen Yeosang look so terrified.Was that the smell of Yeosang's fear? He'd often joked with Hongjoong that Yeosang didn't know fear. They had never smelt thevery putrid scent that came with the emotion on him. When Seonghwa grew scared, hisbright citrusy scent became musty. When Yunho grew scared, his grassy scent grew dirty.Whatever it was, the scent was very distinctly rancid. Yeosang's cherry scent had never beenanything but pleasant, in all of its variations. Now though, seeing the very visible distress onthe beta's face as he tried to avoid looking at them and pairing it with the pleasantly familiarscent of a tangy cherry, Mingi was hit with the gut wrenching epiphany that the scent heknew best was Yeosang's fear. Suddenly, Yunho's pain made sense. His knees gave in and hewould have fallen if Seonghwa hadn't steadied him from behind. He thought back to all the times he'd joined in on teasing the beta whenever the Alpha'splayfully taunted him. Yeosang's scent always intensified, the tangy aroma filling the space ashe blushed prettily and stuttered a lighthearted response. Mingi had enjoyed seeing theflustered expression since they rarely ever got a reaction out of him unless he was drunk oron camera. He'd thought nothing of it since betas were not easily threatened by an Alpha,especially one in their own pack. Clearly, the experience had been drastically different totheir beta for some reasons. Nothing about it had been lighthearted. He had been flustereddue to raw fear. The silence seemed to weigh heavy on Yeosang as the tartness of his scent intensified. Heshuffled in spot, peeking past his hand but hurriedly covering his eyes again after meetingMingi's gaze. "You guys want to, um, I don't know, shower and get dressed so we can talk?" Yeosang'svoice was shaky as he waved a hand towards the Nesting Room. Mingi took a step back, wanting to ease what he now recognized as anxiety in the depths ofYeosang's voice. He could feel confusion from the other members but he wanted to ease thebeta's fears first. When no one else reacted, Yeosang took a cautious step backwards. "Or..." he said weakly, "I can come back tomorrow?" He took another step backwards. Thatseemed to shock their brains into motion. "No," they yelled in unison, alarming Yeosang enough for him to physically startle. The betalaughed awkwardly and straightened his posture. "Then... do you mind if I wash up? I'm sure you can smell how sweaty I am," Yeosang'slaugh sounded forced as he rubbed the back of his neck as spoke. A flash of white caughtMingi's attention. Before he could say anything, Jongho had charged towards Yeosang.Yeosang shuffled backwards as he approached but when Jongho reached for him, hewhimpered and raised both hands to protect his head. Mingi's chest tightened, the emotionmirrored in Jongho's bond as he took several steps away from Yeosang. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Jongho said hurriedly. "Sorry, I was just trying toget a closer look," the maknae pointed at Yeosang's wrist. "You were in the hospital?" Mingi asked, feeling horrified. It would explain why he had beengone a whole week longer than he had promised. Taking into account the pain he had been inwhen the bond had snapped, Mingi had done research and saw that it would have been evenworse for Yeosang. They had lost one bond each. Yeosang had lost seven. "Why? What happened? Because of the broken bonds?" Wooyoung gushed, grabbing his armto look at the band. Yeosang yanked his hand free, looking as though Wooyoung's touch hadburned him. "Please don't touch me," he said. Mingi noticed that, although he spoke to Wooyoung, his eyes had flitted to Jongho. His heartshattered at the recognition of exactly what their teasing had done to Yeosang. He was soscared of their reaction that he wouldn't allow his longtime friend to approach him. "I just got a fever because of the break," Yeosang explained, shrugging as though it was nobig deal. "Just? You've lost so much weight!" Hongjoong snapped, causing Yeosang to flinch almostimperceptibly. "Hyung!" Yunho spun on their Captain, glaring at him harshly. Mingi quickly tightened hisgrip on him, trying to calm him down. Having two high strung Alpha's would not helpYeosang calm down at all. "I'll answer all your questions, promise. Can we please talk after we've washed up?" Yeosangasked feebly, wrapping his arms around himself. "Yeah, of course," Yunho quickly agreed, turning back to him with a tight smile. Hongjoonghad clearly recognized that he'd missed something and so he let Yunho take the lead. Wooyoung, on the other hand, did not. "You've been gone for 10 days!" he cried out. "I've waited long enough!" "Wooyoung," Hongjoong and Mingi warned in tandem. Wooyoung stomped his footchildishly but stood down, sulking over to them. "Go and wash up," Mingi said to Yeosang, albeit reluctantly. "We will too." They were blocking the path to his room so Mingi and Yunho ushered them backwards andtowards Yunho's room. The seven of them crowded into Yunho's en suite, needing to debriefduring their shower time. Seonghwa and Wooyoung took the first round, stepping into theglass shower. "What was that about?" Hongjoong asked Yunho. "He's terrified of us," Yunho heaved out a heavy sigh, sitting on the closed toilet seat. A smallsmile flickered across Mingi's face as he noticed the slight flinch as the cold porcelain madecontact with his skin. "What? No! He smells normal," Wooyoung denied, looking around at the others. "Yeah, I've never smelled fear on him," Seonghwa piped up as he shampooed his hair. "All we've ever smelled was his fear," Mingi said, tears filling in his eyes. "We just didn'trecognize it." This seemed to throw them into chaos as they all started talking over on another. Mingisniffled, stepping over to take Seonghwa's spot in the shower when he stepped out. He couldhear them all arguing about how that wasn't possible but he was more focused on the wayWooyoung stood frozen under the shower head. "Wooyoung?" Mingi said softly, tapping his shoulder. "I just thought his scent was just maturing," Wooyoung whispered, his tears blending with thewater. "Whenever I smelled his old scent, I thought he was just feeling happy." "I know," Mingi said softly, not sure how else to comfort the omega. They were all beingforced to face the consequences of their accidental negligence. Wooyoung sniffled butstepped out of the shower, allowing for Jongho to replace him. Remembering Yeosang would be waiting for them, Mingi rushed through his own shower.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Yeosang hated how hard he was shaking as he showered. His nerves were a mess and, asusual, he couldn't control them. His beta, no, his omega was a mess. In the recent years, it hadalways been on edge around the others even when they were pack members. Now that theyno longer had the pack bond, it was vibrating steadily with anxiety. Being an omega was starting to make a lot more sense in his head. Yeosang could finallyunderstand why he had felt that visceral fear. He'd gaslit himself for years but now, he knewthat his omega had simply been unable to see an Alpha growling at him as anything butterrifying. Sighing, he focused on scrubbing himself and wondered what to say. He'd knownhe would have to come back eventually. He'd just also hoped that the broken bonds wouldmake seeing them again less painful. Instead, he'd found himself reaching for the nonexistentthreads to try and gauge their emotions and feeling even emptier when it came back empty. He took his time in the shower, delaying the inevitable. Surprisingly, his room smelled of the members for the first time when he entered it. He couldcount on one hand the times his members had come into his room before so to find theirscents in it now was a bit overwhelming. He opened the windows and tried not to imaginethem sitting in here while he was gone. He wasn't sure why they would have come in to behonest. Had they missed him? Was it more bearable to be around his scent without him there?Had they needed to borrow something one after another? His brain came back useless and sohe pushed it away. Opening his closet, he picked out clothes at random. Reaching past his clothes into the depthof his closet, he carefully pulled out a blue stuffed bunny. He'd won it at an arcade when hehad been in high school and had become extremely attached to it. Sitting on the floor in justbriefs, he rubbed the ears between his thumb and forefinger, the softness grounding him. Hesat with it for a moment longer before he slipped it back into its spot and finished gettingdressed. Now in clean clothes, he headed to the living room cautiously. The other seven were alreadysitting down, silently waiting. All seven of them had squeezed onto the sectional. Hongjoongwas seated in Seonghwa's lap, his face buried in Seonghwa's neck, nuzzling into his scentgland. It was a habit of their Captain whenever things got stressful. Seeing the visiblereaction to his presence had Yeosang's stomach growing even tighter. Their intermingledscents had always being a reminder of his status as the outsider but witnessing it today madeit hurt more. Next to them, Mingi, Wooyoung, Yunho and Jongho were plastered together.There was still room on the oversized couch as all but one were sitting super close to oneanother. San had chosen to stand by the window, looking outside. The familiar scent offreshly cut grass dominated the space. Yeosang quickly recognized the cause as everyonebeing dressed in Yunho's clothes. Yeosang chose the armchair furthest from the sectional. It was always best to stay away fromthe pack after a cycle. They became unpredictably volatile. Everyone's eyes fell on him, amixture of pained and pitying expressions staring at him.When no one seemed to be prepared to break the silence, Yeosang sat up straighter andsteeled himself. "First of all, I want to apologize. I'm sorry for being gone so long. It was myfault for not being better prepared." Yeosang tried to keep an amicable expression on his faceas he spoke. "I know it was incredibly irresponsible of me but I really had planned to be backbefore the ATEEZ activities resumed. Recovery took a few more days than I'd expected."No one said anything. The silence was deafening. The looks of pity began to make way forrage as all the scents in the room grew thicker. Yeosang grew increasingly anxious thestronger their scents became. Needing to appease them, he nervously stood up and bowed at a90 degree angle. "Sorry, please forgive me, I'm sorry," he bowed with each apology, turning to make sure he'ddirected a bow to all the members. "Yeosang, what the actual fuck?" Seonghwa snapped, causing him to flinch. He frozehalfway, staring at the oldest member warily. Though he may be an omega, Seonghwa'sauthority came second to only Hongjoong. As such, Seonghwa's sentiments were usuallyshared within the group. Slowly, he straightened his back. "Sor-" "Stop apologizing," Hongjoong interrupted, rubbing his face roughly. Yeosang shut hismouth, pursing his lips together to hold back from apologizing for apologizing. The eyes ofhis members bore holes into him and he felt dangerously exposed. Eyes stinging, he lookeddown again. "Why?" Jongho broke the silence with a thick voice. Yeosang glanced at him before lookingback down sadly after seeing the dejected expression on the maknae. He must have struggledwith the adjustments to fill the gaps Yeosang had left behind. Guilt gnawed at his stomach.The young Alpha already carried so much of the team on his shoulders. Yeosang's absencewould have only added to his load. "I really didn't mean to. I- it was-," Yeosang couldn't hold back the shudder as heremembered his time in the hotel. "I unfortunately lost track of time while the bondsdissolved," he said shortly, echoes of the searing pain still lingering."It must have hurt so much," Mingi sniffled, interlocking his fingers with Seonghwa's forcomfort. "Who was taking care of you?" "It was fine, my mom helped me," Yeosang lied to spare the omega's feelings. He may havebeen an outsider to them now but that didn't mean they wanted to see him suffer. He knewthey would be upset if they learned he had dealt with it alone. A part of him wanted to tellthem, to allow himself be comforted by them. He could already feel the ghost squeeze ofSan's arms. That would only blur the lines though. And, to be quite honest, he didn't think he could affordto go back to the way things were. He had long accepted the fact that they were onlyplatonically interested in him and, perhaps someday that would be okay. Right now though,he needed to heal first. He could not have them constantly touching his open wounds. Heneeded to keep his distance. "Don't lie," Wooyoung snapped, jumping to his feet. "You think we didn't call your mom?She had no idea where you were either." Yeosang flinched but remained silent. Deny, deny, deny. Or just shut up. "I meant why did you run away?" Jongho corrected himself, leaning forward to prop hiselbow on his knees. This new position made his gaze all the more intense. Yeosang was confused. Run away? He'd left them a note before leaving. Yes, he had been lateto return but he'd still come back as soon as he could. Or was Jongho referring to his lawyertrying to cancel his contract with KQ? Were they upset he was trying to leave ATEEZwithout discussing it with them first? "I wouldn't say run away..., I guess I just thought that if I was leaving the pack, I should leaveATEEZ too," Yeosang explained with an awkward shrug. It made the most sense. Thingswould undoubtedly be awkward between them, more so than before. Their fans alreadynitpicked their behaviour currently. He couldn't imagine going out there day after day withoutthe pack connection. He could already imagine the video compilations. "Fuck ATEEZ!" San exploded, spinning sharply to glare at him. Yeosang held his breath,lowering his gaze and stilling himself so as not to make any sudden movements to furtherupset the already aggravated Alpha. San took a loud, deep breath and dropped into the last space on the couch. Yeosang exhaledwith him. "No one is talking about ATEEZ, Yeosang. We're asking why you left the pack."San said through clenched teeth. Yeosang blinked. He slowly lifted his head, mind blank. He'd known they would be upset about him leavingbut he hadn't thought it would be about the pack. He'd expected their careers to takeprecedence. His existence in the pack hadn't been very noteworthy. He had just be an extra,still in the pack because they had debuted together. ATEEZ, however, was built off of theireight names. Him leaving would definitely damage the group financially if not done carefullyand he'd come prepared to deal with that outcome. If it wasn't about the band, perhaps thebroken bonds had been too difficult to handle. He felt like he himself had barely survive it. Itmust have been bad. "Did it hurt a lot?" His question was met with a moment of silence. "We should be the ones asking you that," Seonghwa said bitterly. "Are you okay?" he asked.Yeosang nodded quickly, hating the look of distress on Seonghwa's face. "I-I'm fine,"Yeosang rushed to appease him. "I let it Wither." "Do you know how dangerous what you did is? I thought you died!" Wooyoung was cryingagain, leaning into Yunho's arms. The Alpha held him close, rubbing his arm soothingly.Yeosang's eyes widened and he jumped to his feet, taking a hesitant step towards Wooyoung.He hadn't considered that possibility. He'd been too distracted. "I left a note," he choked out.Yunho gently patted the blubbering omega's head in his stead. "It's still dangerous. You were hospitalized!" Hongjoong pointed out, gesturing at his wrist.Yeosang had torn off the band in the shower but he still covered his wrist with his other hand."Mild fever. I was there for just a day," Yeosang argued meekly, hugging his wrist to hischest. "Forget it. Let's remake the bonds," Jongho demanded. Yeosang paled and stepped back, forgetting about the chair behind him. He fell into it andstared at them in horror. He couldn't. He knew he couldn't. He also wasn't sure he could deny them. Yeosang's hand flew to his neck, covering themarking spot. "You can't just break them without a discussion," Yunho's agreement scared him further. If allof them agreed, wouldn't he be outnumbered? "Why?" Yeosang whispered, hugging himself. "It hurts too much." He hated himself so much. Why was he so weak? He just needed to say no. It wasn't thathard. He couldn't do it though. He knew he would never be able to refuse them if it camedown to it. "Please don't make me. Please." "It hurt?" Seonghwa was suddenly kneeling beside him. "What hurt? The bonds?" Yeosang nodded, curling into himself tighter to avoid touching Seonghwa. He didn't want totrigger one of the Alpha's accidentally, especially considering he wasn't in the pack anymore.If they'd growled at him while he was a member, he could only imagine their reactions nowwould be more severe. Logically, he knew it would be different if he were to join the pack again. He knew the causebehind his suffering after all. When they learned of his newly discovered sub-gender, theAlpha's would take extra care to nourish his bonds. But he didn’t want that. He didn't wantthem to feel obligated to provide the physical connections he would need knowing it was notsomething they were interested in doing. Yes, Hongjoong would scent his wrist everymorning but that was a basic pack Alpha duty. And yes, San enjoyed catching him off guardwith kisses on camera but that was to play up their group dynamics. If he were to rejoin them,every touch would remind him that he was a chore to them; something that just needed to bedone. He was pulled out his thoughts when Seonghwa reached out for his hand. He pulled his handaway and awkwardly got out of the chair, giving Seonghwa as wide a berth as he couldmanage. "Please don’t," he glanced at San and then Hongjoong. He was surprised to find both of themstring at him like he’d grown a second head. Their confusion baffled him further so he justwent with what he knew to be the law. No touching the omegas after a heat; no touching any of them after a rut. He could still smell Mingi's heat so he wasn't taking any chances, even if Yeosang wasn't theone initiating the contact. "Yeosang-ah," Yunho called softly. "No one is going to get mad if you touch them." Despite his reassuring words, Yeosang could hear the underlying tension in it. So he justnodded, pretending with him. If it bothered Yunho to just speak the lie, he really didn't wantto come face to face with the consequences. His heart was too fragile to take it right now."What? Touch who? The boys? Why would he be worried about that?" San asked, lookingaround in confusion. Yeosang stood still, completely out of his depth. He looked to Yunhohelplessly, his dormmate looking back with gentle eyes. It made Yeosang even more uneasy.“Oh.” Hongjoong's eyebrows flew up as he seemed to suddenly understand. "Yeosang, baby,it's not like that, I promise." Yeosang's brain short circuited. He nodded reflexively. Baby? "I'm serious. You can touch any of us. It was never like that. We were just teasing you,"Hongjoong said desperately. His conviction had Yeosang pausing and glancing around theroom. The others looked equally as distressed. He wasn't stupid; he knew it had something to do with how he left. But what was their endgoal if it wasn't their careers? Did they really just want him back in the pack? He pushed thatthought away as soon as it surfaced. There was no room for optimism right now. It wouldonly shatter his heart when he ended up being wrong. "I know," he lied blatantly. Seonghwa stepped closer and Yeosang moved back again, a tightsmile on his lips. He felt like he was being tested but there was no right answer. Seonghwacontinued to advance even after his back had hit the window. "I'll stay in ATEEZ," he blurted, hands outstretched. Seonghwa froze and so he continued,feeling like he'd finally found the answer they wanted to hear. "I'll stay," he breathed. "I knowI'm too intertwined in our storyline and if I leave now it'll ruin it. I'll tell my lawyers that I'llstay until the company can write me out naturally, okay?" Yeosang blabbered. Seonghwafrowned and stalked up to him. "Sang-ah," Seonghwa said softly, wrapping his arms around Yeosang's neck, hugging himtightly. Yeosang tensed, hands held far away from Seonghwa as he stared at Hongjoong togage his reaction. The Captain was watching with the same tight expression he'd had sincethe conversation had started. "I'm so sorry," Seonghwa murmured, nuzzling his neck affectionately. He accidentally grazedagainst Yeosang's scent gland. Yeosang gasped, not used to the very intimate sensation. Itsomehow filled him with both nausea and arousal. He pushed Seonghwa away, forgetting hisown strength and using more force than necessary. The omega fell backwards, landingheavily on his behind with a pained grunt. Jongho rushed to his side, crouching beside him. "Are you okay, hyung?" he asked. Seonghwa nodded. "Sorry, sorry," Yeosang's hands hovered in the air, wanting to help Seonghwa up but too waryto touch him. "I didn't mean to hurt him, I'm sorry. I- he just- my scen- I didn't mean to.""Don't worry about hyung," San said softly. "He said he's fine." "He’s fine," Wooyoung repeated, approaching Yeosang. "What about our Yeosanggie?" Yeosang short circuited again. It wasn’t odd for any of them to use the possessive pronounwhen talking about him. Something about hearing it now though made his heart falter though.When he came back online, Wooyoung was just a step away. He took tor last step andgrabbed Yeosang’s wrists gently. Yeosang tried to tug free, his anxiety growing stronger.Wooyoung tightened his grip. It’s not safe, it’s not safe, it’s not safe. Yeosang pulled harder, panicked gaze flying to thenearest Alpha. Yunho averted his gaze. "Sang-ah," Wooyoung craned his neck, pushing his way into Yeosang’s line of sight. "It'sokay. Look, they’re not mad.” Yeosang tucked both hands behind his back the secondWooyoung released him but the latter didn’t step away, instead catching Yeosang’s jaw in hisright hand. He forced him to look towards Jongho. Wooyoung was touching him but no one had growled yet. That somewhat eased his frayednerves. Heart still racing, he did his best to push past his panic and see what his friend wastrying to show him. He took in the scene before him, trying to use his brain only and ignorehis anxious bet- omega. Seonghwa was still sprawled on the floor, staring up at him with quivering lips and painedeyes. Jongho was crouched next to him, arms wrapped around his shoulders but his eyes weretrained on Yeosang. Mingi stood behind them, cheeks glistening with fallen tears. San wasperched on the edge of the couch, face buried in his hands while he peeked out through hisfingers. Hongjoong stood off to the side a bit, hands behind his back as his gaze matched theguilty look in San's eyes. Lastly, Yunho had inched closer, now towering over him withcomplete disregard for his personal space. His leafy scent was still extremely muddied as heemanated pure sadness from his eyes. Wooyoung guided his gaze back to himself, looking up at him through moist lashes. "See? You're fine. No one here would ever knowingly hurt you." Wooyoung said earnestly. Yunho murmured his agreement, pushing Yeosang's hair away from his forehead. Yeosangnodded again. This time though, part of him believed it. For the first time in forever, he feltlike he was with the people he knew before their secondary gender presentations. He took ina deep shaky breath and nodded again. "Good," Wooyoung smiled sadly. Yeosang heart beat thumped against his chest. Once, twice, three times. No. “Yeosang?” Yunho’s voice was muffled as Yeosang’s anxiety skyrocketed. Yeosang chokedon an inhale. Not now. Yeosang struggled to breathe as his panic attack hit full force. He clenched his fists to try andcontrol the extreme trembling but the tremors just wracked his body even harder. He couldn’tbreathe. He was going to die. His chest was too tight and his arms were tingling. It hurt. Wasit a heart attack? Oh my God, he was dying. “Kang Yeosang,” Wooyoung squeezed his cheeks harshly, forcing him to focus.“I can’t breathe,” he hyperventilated, taking short sharp breaths that did nothing to fill hislungs. Wooyoung grabbed his hand, unravelling his fist and placed it on his chest.“I know, I know. But you’re fine, I promise. Just breathe with me.” Wooyoung said firmly.He took a deep breath, his chest expanding under Yeosang’s fingertips. He tried followingbut his breaths were still too short. Wooyoung didn’t stop though. He continued to breathe,slowly and calmly. “Good, you’re doing great,” Yunho praised when Yeosang successfully matched one ofWooyoung’s breaths. Yeosang remained focus, looking at Wooyoung’s relaxed face as he breathed. Everything wasfine. It was just a delayed anxiety attack. He’s not dying. He was fine. As his breathingslowed, he became hyperaware of the cold sweat he had broken out into. His skin felt chilledand clammy. Yeosang could feel the thump of Wooyoung’s heartbeat against his palm, slowand strong. His eyelids fluttered as he focused on the feeling of Wooyoung's chest expandingwith each breath. "That’s it, just breathe,” Wooyoung murmured. Yeosang held Wooyoung's soft gaze as he continued to match his breaths. As his breathingbegan to regulate, and the irrational haze of fear receded, Yeosang felt the tension he hadbeen carrying since entering the dorm release. With this release, he was suddenly hit with astrong urge to cry. His lower lip started to tremble. "There we go,” Wooyoung praised as tears filled his eyes. “Let it out, he encouraged. “We’vegot you.” Yeosang sniffled and shook his head, shame overwhelming him. "Sang-ah,” Hongjoong spoke up. Yeosang startled. He hadn't realized the Captain had gottenso close but he was suddenly right beside him. "Tell hyung what’s wrong, hmm? Tell hyungand I'll fix it," he promised earnestly. The words had his tears overflowing, spilling down hischeeks. He covered his mouth to stifle a sob. "It’s okay, just tell us. You used to tell me everything," Wooyoung coaxed, stroking the handon his chest. Yeosang's bit his lip harshly, trying to regain some semblance of control as hisheart begged to let go. He wanted to talk about it; had wanted to for years. He just hadn'tbeen able to bring himself to speak up, worried about coming off as bitter or ungrateful.Yeosang wiped his cheek. "It's nothing, it’s just- It's a little hard.” “What’s hard?” Yunho asked, tucking a strand of hair behind Yeosang’s ear. When it fell backout, he repeated the motion. The sensation was so soothing that Yeosang wanted to lean intoit. “Being with you guys but not- not being with you guys." Yeosang wasn't sure how else tophrase it without completely baring his soul. He was terrified of telling them how he feltabout them, especially considering there were seven different opportunities to be turneddown. "Not be with us?" Wooyoung asked, frowning deeply. "Yeosang, we always want you around. I always want you around. We're forever, you and me. Don't you know that?" "I-," Yeosang dropped his head. Wooyoung's words warmed his tender heart but it alsobewildered him. If they had wanted him around, they sure had an interesting way of showingit. When Yeosang had moved out, he’d noticed a drastic shift in his relationship with themembers. Whereas before, they had been friends, they had become coworkers. They wouldspend an amicable time together during work hours and then go their separate ways. Everynow and then, he would approach a few of them to go out for dinner or something elsemediocre but no one ever approached him unless they were abroad. After months of hearingthat Yunho and Wooyoung had spent the night gaming or that Jongho and Seonghwa hadgone out for drinks, Yeosang took the hint and stopped asking them as well. "I'm sorry I ever made you feel like I didn’t want to be with you," Yunho grabbed his facewith both hands, forcing him to look up. "We love you to death. This pack isn't a packwithout you. 8 makes 1 isn't only for ATEEZ, you know that, right?" Yunho was looking at him so earnestly that he couldn't convince himself it was all emptywords. Yeosang was also far too embarrassed to correct him and tell them that wasn’t exactlywhat he had meant. When his lips started trembling again, he pursed them tightly and nodded.
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Over the years, Hongjoong had learned that sometimes, it was best to lay low and simplyobserve. Acting without a plan usually had rarely ever yielded the results he hoped for and sohe stuck to that. Since Yeosang's return, Hongjoong had been focusing more than ever before. He needed to know the problem in order to figure out the solution. There were quite a few issues that had arisen so far. At the top, of course, was Yeosang's fear. He had lost trust in the pack at some point, so Hongjoong needed to find a way to bridge thatwariness. Secondly, though they had not intended it, the pack had managed to make Yeosangfeel unwanted. This was going to be challenging to fix without regaining Yeosang's trust. Hongjoong feared that anything they said to remedy it would just feel placating to theyounger. None of this was going to be an easy fix though, so the first course of action was tojust convince Yeosang to give them another chance. To start, he needed to get the pack under his control. Yeosang was clearly overwhelmed andhis pack had a singular braincell being shared between the seven of them. Having noticed that Yeosang seemed to respond best to Yunho and Wooyoung's gentle butfirm approach, Hongjoong decided he needed to take a page out of their book. Even now,Yeosang hadn't pulled away from the tall Alpha, instead just staring up at him with a smallpout. His scent had sweetened again now that his anxiety attack had passed but Hongjoongcould still see the slight tremble of his hands. With Yeosang's full attention on Yunho,Hongjoong turned to the others. "Behave," he warned discretely, looking specifically at San and Jongho. They both nodded inacknowledgement. "Alright," he said a little louder, catching the trio by the window's attention. "I think we havea lot to discuss. How about we get comfortable for this?" Hongjoong phrased it as a questionbut, as expected, it was taken as a directive. The group shuffled around, taking theirrespective seating. Yeosang glanced at him nervously before making his way back to hisarmchair. Taking in Yeosang's still disheveled form, Hongjoong remembered there was something elsehe needed to do. When Mingi has suffered from anxiety attacks, Hongjoong remembered thatit would take him a few minutes for the adrenaline to subside. He had usually needed help alittle help grounding himself after them. Hongjoong wasn't sure what would help Yeosangbut headed to the kitchen anyways. Hopefully cool water would help regulate him a bit. He returned to the living room with a cold bottle of water and offered it to Yeosang. Yeosangglanced at him oddly but took the uncapped bottle from. Hongjoong waited until Yeosanghad taken a sip before stepping back. Ignoring the space Jongho had clearly left for him on the sectional, Hongjoong headedtowards the second armchair. He needed to get rid of the visual divide: the "me vs. them" thatYeosang seemed to see when it came to the pack. Hongjoong cleared his throat. "For starters, as much as we would like you to rejoin the pack, no one is going to force you todo so. It's entirely your choice." Hongjoong was devastated that he had to spell this out butYeosang's reaction earlier made him deem it a necessity. He wanted Yeosang to understandthat his voice mattered, no matter what. "You're invaluable to all of us and we want you closein whatever capacity you're willing to be." "But-." The heated glare Hongjoong shot at Jongho had the younger Alpha's mouth snappingshut. He ducked his head dejectedly. "I- umm..., thank you?" Yeosang said slowly. He seemed unsure but Hongjoong was fine with that. He just needed to make sure thatYeosang heard them today. Maybe later, their words would carry more weight. "Do you mind telling us why you decided to leave the pack?" Hongjoong could tell Yeosangwasn't expecting that question. His mouth opened and closed as he tried to figure out how torespond. The longer Yeosang took to respond, the surer Hongjoong became that whatever hesaid next would need to be taken with a heavy dose of skepticism. After a long moment of squirming, Yeosang said, "It was uncomfortable." Too vague. "Uncomfortable how?" Hongjoong pressed, tone still extremely gentle. Yeosang floundered again, gaze darting around the room. He was definitely hiding somethingand, whatever it was, it was big. Hongjoong looked to Seonghwa for assistance. "Yeosang-ah, look at me," Seonghwa spoke up immediately. Hongjoong was so grateful forthe omega, especially in times like this. He wasn't sure where the group would be if it weren'tfor their synchronicity in moments like this. Yeosang's eyes flickered to Seonghwa butquickly moved away. Seonghwa let out an exasperated chuckle. "Sang-ah," he called again, his tone still verycasual and light. Yeosang looked at him again, this time holding his gaze. His cheeks hadtaken on that pretty pink tinge they were all so obsessed with, causing Seonghwa to smileslightly. "You said it hurt, yes?" As soon as the question left Seonghwa's mouth, Yeosang had lookedaway again. "Was it the bonds that hurt?" Hongjoong's eyebrow's shot up at Seonghwa's line of questioning. His bond? Why wouldthey hurt? Still, trusting Seonghwa came easy and so he focused his attention on Yeosang'sreaction. The younger had lowered his head and was staring at his feet. From his angle, Hongjoonghad a perfect view of Yeosang's side profile. The beta's eyes seemed to have a glossy sheen tothem. Yeosang laughed dryly and shook his head, rubbing his face briskly. It was a splitsecond but Hongjoong saw it. He’d watched a tear fall from Yeosang's eye and land silentlyon his leg before Yeosang had wiped away any sign of it. His heart clenched painfully. Howmany times had Yeosang cried secretly right under their noses? "I don't fit into this pack," Yeosang said with a stiff smile, as though he was simply stating afact. "Of course you fit in," Mingi quickly refuted. "How could you not fit in?" Jongho scoffed. "There isn't even a requirement. You just have tobe you." "In what way?" Hongjoong asked instead of denying what Yeosang considered to be a truth. He wanted to nitpick the beta's mind so he could figure out exactly where they had diverged. Yeosang shrugged and gestured to them, as though that answered the question. Gettinginformation out of Yeosang was like plucking teeth sometimes. Hongjoong sighed louderthan he had intended. Yeosang glanced at him timidly then ducked his head. "You guys are all together," Yeosang said into his chest. Hongjoong's eyebrows shot up with surprise. Somehow, no matter how well he thought he knew Yeosang, he still managed to be surprisedby him. He knew Yeosang. He knew he was non confrontational. He knew he remained quiet,even when others had wronged him. He knew how hard he worked to not be seen as a weaklink in ATEEZ. He also knew how deeply Yeosang loved. He knew he was the type to puteveryone else's needs before him. He knew how eager he was to please others. He knew all ofthis but, somehow, he had still managed to miss Yeosang's yearning. Those five words weresaid with such hopelessness that Hongjoong almost jumped out of his seat to reassure thevisual. A quick glance at the others showed they were equally as surprised by the confessionIn all honesty, Hongjoong was surprised the rest of the pack had made it this far withoutcoming clean to Yeosang. He himself had always been secretly obsessed with the visual. Thefirst time he ever laid eyes on him, he'd actually choked on air. Yeosang's beauty had stunnedhim but it had been his heart that had won him over in a matter of weeks. His sweetinnocence and gentle nature had been a beacon of light during his most difficult days. Thosefeelings never left, he had just learned to tame it over the years. So much of his time in theirearly career days had been focused on surviving; everything else had taken the backseat. Debuting from a small company meant they had to work themselves to the bone to achieveany kind of result. It had taken him years to even put a name to those feelings. Hongjoong knew the others had similar stories. They were an anomaly, the seven of them. Tohave all of them feel the same way towards one another was undoubtably abnormal. Add tothe fact that they also shared that same affection towards Yeosang and they made for quite theodd pack. Of course, some of them gravitated towards others every now and then but never ina way that had made the others feel less loved. Except they had. Hongjoong could now see the damage that had been festering beneath their easy, jovialrelationship for years. Yeosang had been suffering in silence over something they could havefixed with one conversation. It wasn't Yeosang’s fault though. No, all of the blame laysquarely on Hongjoong's shoulders. He was their pack Alpha. He should have noticed.Would Yeosang even believe him if he told him that he had always been a part of theirtogetherness? It was customary for Wooyoung to try and convince them every couple ofmonths that he could successfully seduce Yeosang without scaring him off. San took everyopportunity handed to him in the public eye to hug, kiss or dote on the beta. Mingi could notspend a singular heat without begging for them to bring Yeosang to him. Unbeknownst tohim, the beta actually had all of them wrapped around his little finger. They hadn't taken anyliberties with their emotions though. He was a beta after all. Beta's were far more independent than Alphas and omegas. Theypreferred to be left to their own devices. Over 90% of beta's ended up mating with anotherbeta since the relationships outside of their sub-gender became too taxing long term. Flingswere common but it was very rare to see beta's settle down outside of their sub-gender. Therewere too many complications for them. Alpha's were overbearing and omegas tooacquiescent. Thankfully, they had no issues being in larger packs since their bonds relied onhaving a solid emotional connection. Hongjoong had always tried to foster a welcoming,loving and non-judgmental space for all of his pack and so he had never really tried to domuch more for Yeosang, not wanting to hover too much. Since Yeosang didn't seek him outoften, he had assumed his needs were being met. Besides, Yeosang was very particular about the forms of affection he could tolerate. He wasfine with them touching him, but he hated more intimate forms of affection like kissing,cuddling and scenting. He was also quite introverted and preferred to spend his time holed upin his room. When they had shared bedrooms, it had been easier to be around him since hisroom was a shared space. Hongjoong had lost count of the times he's entered his room,pretending to be there to talk to Wooyoung of Jongho in order to be around him. When theyhad all moved out though, Yeosang's room became much more isolated. He hadn't realize theextent until the day their bond had broken. It had been so jarring to walk into the room andsmell just his cherry scent. The pack had all kept their mouths shut though, doing their best to not muddy the water andmake Yeosang uncomfortable. They didn't have a catalyst like their heats and ruts had been tohelp them push past the moment of vulnerability. Hongjoong often wondered where theywould be if they hadn't had their cycles to push them together. Would anyone have everconfessed? Lost in his thoughts, Hongjoong hadn't noticed how quiet the room had gottenuntil Yeosang started rambling. "That's not to say that I have to- I mean I'm not trying... to make you- It's just a bit lonelyseeing- not that I don't love that you guys have each other. I'm really happy for you. I justmean to say that, you know, some space- Yeah, I need some space to sort myself out and thebonds were holding me back," Yeosang slumped back in his seat, looking defeated. "Okay, but that still doesn't answer the question of why your bonds had hurt," Jongho spokeup, bringing them back from Yeosang's deflection. "It shouldn't have hurt at all." Yeosang looked increasingly nervous, squirming in his seat. Jongho was right; it shouldn'thave hurt. His bonds had of course felt different from the others but that only made sense. Hisown bonds with the omegas felt vastly different than his bonds with the Alphas. Yeosang'sbonds often reminded him of his previous bonds with his own parents, a beta pair. Nothinghad been out of the ordinary. Hongjoong tried to focus on the facts again. Yeosang had been scared of the Alphas reactions to touching the omegas. Yeosang no longer trusted them. Yeosang's bonds had hurt. Yeosang's bonds had hurt. "Did all of your bonds hurt?" Seonghwa asked after a moment of deliberation. Hongjoongstraightened up. He had no idea how Seonghwa had come to this hypothesis so quickly but hewas extremely grateful. He kept quiet as Seonghwa continued to prod. Yeosang shrugged, looking down at his hands as he toyed with his shirt again. "Was it the Alpha bonds?" Seonghwa asked with a slight quiver to his voice. Yeosang frozefor a moment before shrugging again. Hongjoong's stomach twisted. "Fuck," Hongjoong breathed. "What? Why?" Yunho asked, leaning forward to look at Seonghwa better. "Why would ithurt?" "Yeosang, did it ever not hurt?" Hongjoong asked slowly, terrified of what Yeosang'sresponse would be. Yeosang hesitated before nodding. Blood rushed loudly throughHongjoong's ears. "When did it not hurt?" He could hear the fear in his own voice as he dreaded Yeosang'sresponse. Yeosang shrugged again, refusing to look up. There it was. The last piece of this God forsaken puzzle. "Fuck," Hongjoong was on his feet, needing to move before he lost his mind. "Fuck, fuck,fuck," he chanted, hands gripping at his hair as he paced the space. There was no way. Itcouldn't be. If Yeosang was really an omega, then... "What? What's wrong?" San was already by his side, worriedly touching his shoulder gently. Hongjoong shrugged him off. This was not the time to be receiving comfort. He had to getreal answers. He spun around, stalking towards Yeosang. "Come on, let's go to the ER." San stepped out of his way immediately. "What happened?" Wooyoung asked, also on his feet looking absolutely bewildered. "Hyung, what's wrong?" Jongho panicked with him but Hongjoong didn't have the energy torespond. He would get his answers and he would get them now. Hongjoong grew nauseous ashe remembered the state of Yeosang's bond. If Yeosang was an omega, then Hongjoongdeserved to die. Preferably in the most painful manner possible. How many years wouldYeosang have had to put up with such excruciating bonds? Had he even been able to sleep?He grabbed Yeosang's arm, tugging him out of the chair. The younger just looked at him inbewilderment but Hongjoong paid him no heed, simply pulling him towards the door. "Jongho, go grab my car keys please." Hongjoong told the young Alpha. Jongho looked justas confused but still followed them to the door. "Hyung, what's wrong? Why the hospital?" Yunho stepped in front of them, blocking theirpath. Coming face to face with Yunho's alarmed expression, Hongjoong was reminded that heneeded to remain level headed. He had a responsibility to protect his pack, and that includedensuring their emotional wellbeing. He had failed Yeosang so miserably but he could stillhelp them. He took a deep, grounding breath. "His bond hurt, Yunho. It hurt. But not all the time." Hongjoong stared at Yunho as he waitedfor the recognition to light up his eyes. When it didn't, he added "I'm willing to put goodmoney on the fact that it didn't hurt whenever me or you, San or Jongho were touching him." Yunho's brows furrowed for a moment before his eyes widened and his mouth popped open. "That's impossible," he breathed out. "Exactly," Mingi agreed. "Only omegas feel the strain on a bond like that." Yeosang tugged at Hongjoong's grip gently but the motion went almost entirelyunrecognized. He just tightened his hold. He needed to get Yeosang to a doctor immediately.If Yeosang had been an omega this entire time, then that means he had spent this entire timein utter agony. All they had done was treat him the way they knew most betas wanted but thatwas basically the opposite of what an omega would have needed. And, taking intoconsideration both his innate personality type as well as the inherent qualities of an omega, itwas not in Yeosang's nature to make a fuss out of it. "It didn't hurt on my end," Wooyoung backed him up. "You're an omega," Hongjoong said, patting his pockets searchingly. "Jongho, I need mywallet too. Please run downstairs quickly." Hongjoong tried to order calmly but he knew hehad failed by the grimace on San's face. He hoped he was wrong. He needed to be wrong, forYeosang's sake. "On your table, right?" Jongho asked, as he shoved his feet into his shoes. "Hongjoong-hyung," Yeosang tugged again, this time harder. Hongjoong turned to him, hisbrain finally noticing it was the second time. "Yes? What's wrong?" he asked the suspected omega. Everyone else had silenced as well andwere looking at him as well. Yeosang squirmed under the attention. "I don't need- we don't need to go to the hospital," Yeosang said tightly, tugging atHongjoong's grip again. He freed him this time, raising his hand instead. "It's okay," Hongjoong pet the side of his head. He hadn't controlled his own emotions andhad further stressed the younger man. "We're just going there to do a quick blood test,okay?" Yeosang's countenance tightened and he stepped back, breaking free of Hongjoong's touch. "It's okay, there's no need." Yeosang sighed, turning to call out to the maknae who had justopened the front door. "Jongho-ya, come back. I did a blood test already," Yeosang confessedguiltily. Hongjoong's jaw dropped. "What? When? " Hongjoong asked, heart thundering. Yeosang hadn't said anything to themabout his sub-gender. Had Seonghwa been wrong? Hongjoong thought back to earlier, whenSeonghwa had first asked what he meant by the bonds hurting. Yeosang had teared up anddiverted the conversation. There was no way he was wrong. "Earlier today," Yeosang fidgeted with the hem of his pants. He knew. He just hadn't wanted to tell them. "And?" Jongho pressed after a long moment of nothing. Hongjoong wanted to close his ears.His heart was sitting low in his stomach. Yeosang didn't want to tell them something so lifealtering. Hongjoong had realized this earlier but to see Yeosang's distrust laid out so blatantlyhurt far more than he'd expected. Clearly still not ready to tell them, Yeosang just shrugged again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Yeosang kicked his sheets, thrashing in frustration as his phone alarm went off. It was already 8 AM and he had not slept a wink all night. His brain simply wouldn't turn off,instead replaying the conversation with the pack from yesterday. His misery had finallyreceded, only to be replaced with an immense feeling of mortification. He had been far toorevealing last night. He thought he had learned to not run his mouth but had managed to sayenough for his members to figure enough out. Hongjoong, for sure, knew that he had a crushon them. Seonghwa had been far too quick to pick up on the whole omega thing. To top it alloff, he had even gone so far as to have a panic attack in front of them. There was no comingback from something like that. Yeosang had basically fled the moment the information hadbeen revealed. He hadn't waited around to see their reactions and, quite frankly, he hoped tonever find out how they really felt about it. He was still officially on hiatus, so he still had aweek in which he could safely avoid them. It wasn't a promotional season so they would notbe as busy as he hoped but, at the very least, they would all be out pretty frequently. Exhausted but just as tired of rotting in bed, Yeosang decided he needed to move around. Hehadn't gone to the gym in over a week. Perhaps he would go now. He needed to do somethingto take his mind off of the shit show that had gone down yesterday and sleep was clearly notan option. Yeosang shot a quick text to his lawyer, asking for an update on his conversations with thecompany before getting up and heading to the shower. The other members had an earlymorning schedule so his dorm should be empty right now. He took his time under the water,the heat relaxing his tense muscles. When Yeosang stepped out of his room, he was surprisedby the smell of food. Yunho hadn't left yet? Turning the corner, he came face to face with a vaguely familiar scene. Yunho was standingat the stove in a pair of bright red shorts and the white and pink Hello Kitty apron Wooyounghad bought as a housewarming gift. Yunho reached for a plate on the counter, the actionbringing Yeosang into his peripheral. "Oh, morning!" he greeted Yeosang with a small smile. Yeosang took in the tight expressionon his face, his own stomach lurching in response. He could tell Yunho was holding histongue and hoped it stayed that way. Maybe they could pretend yesterday hadn't happened. "Good morning," Yeosang replied, slowly walking to the table to look at the meal spread. Thetable was already laden with food. There was a seasoned cucumber salad, kimchi, whatlooked like soybean stew, and two bowls of rice. "How come you're still here? Are youexpecting a guest?" "A guest?" Yunho's brows furrowed before understanding filled his expression. "Oh! Oh, no.I just made you breakfast." "Me?" Yeosang tilted his head in confusion. Why would Yunho make him breakfast on arandom Monday? It wasn't his birthday, was it? Yeosang glanced at his phone screen. No, itwasn't. "You didn't eat dinner last night," Yunho explained as he plated an eggroll. Yeosang's face heated just at the reminder of yesterday. Noticing there were no utensils on thetable, Yeosang hurriedly busied himself as he glanced curiously at the Alpha. There have been plenty of nights when Yeosang had gone to bed on an empty stomach andYunho had never woken up early to prepare breakfast for him. Yunho making him breakfastwas odd. There had to be an ulterior motive. After a moment of deliberation, Yeosangdecided it was most likely due to the omega reveal. It was something the other Alphas alwaysdid. They were taught to be quite particular about the health of the pack omegas, consideringthe fast paced industry they were in. When they had lived together, the Alphas had takenturns waking early to make breakfast. Ever since they moved out though, Yunho had notneeded to do it. With the table set, Yeosang took his usual seat at the table and waited for Yunho to join him.Yunho brought egg rolls and a vegetable stir fry to the table before taking his regular seatopposite him. The meal passed slowly as they, thankfully, both ate in silence. Yeosang keptsneaking furtive glances at Yunho as they ate, trying to gauge the likelihood of a conversationfollowing the meal. Yunho just ate quietly, smiling whenever their eyes met. Once finished,Yeosang thanked him and hurriedly started to clear the table. Yunho stood and started tocollect the dishes as well. "I can do it, don't worry," Yeosang offered quickly. Yunho wasn't even dressed and Yeosangknew he had at least one group schedule today. He needed to get ready but more importantly,he needed to leave so Yeosang could breathe comfortably again. "It's okay, I'll help," Yunho said lightly, stacking the dirty dishes. Yeosang felt too awkwardto insist further and so he just sped up the process. It had been a while since they had lastcompleted such a mundane task together but it moved smoothly. They cleared up the mess,moving around each other with surprising familiarity until the kitchen was clean. "Thanks again," Yeosang said politely before quickly running for the front door. Yunhoshould be long gone by the time he returns. ******************* It soon became glaringly obvious that the breakfast had not been an odd event but rather hisnew routine. Not even a full week had passed but Yunho had managed to take over breakfast,making sure that there was a full meal for Yeosang each morning. Even when Yunho had anearly schedule, Yeosang still woke to find a covered meal sitting on the table, waiting forhim. It wasn't just Yunho either. Despite avoiding the rest of the pack, someone would alwaysfind a way to sneak in dinner. One day, Wooyoung had put food in the fridge while he hadbeen visiting his parents. Another time, San had food delivered to his dorm when he got backfrom the gym. The pack was hovering and Yeosang hated it. Waking to the smell of food hadstarted to make him nauseous. Now, when Yeosang smelled the aromatic smell of a savourybreakfast, his stomach lurched. With a defeated sigh, Yeosang got out of bed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He slipped into hiscloset and blindly reached for his bunny. It was easier and faster to push back the bout ofanxiety when he had the comforting texture of its fur to ground him. After a couple ofminutes, Yeosang could take a full breath without his stomach tightening. He headed for thekitchen. "Morning," Yeosang greeted the dancer brightly as he headed for the dish cupboard. He'dgotten up early enough that the table had yet to be set. Good.Yunho had been looking in the fridge when he entered and was startled at the sound of hisvoice. "Shit, Yeosang, you scared me," he rubbed the spot on his head that he had banged onthe fridge shelf. Yeosang grimaced. "Sorry." Yunho spun to face him, hands planted on his hips. "Why did you wake up? You should haveslept some more," the dancer chastised. Yeosang shrugged as he grabbed the rice bowls to set the table. It wasn't like he could just tellhim that he felt too anxious to fall back asleep knowing Yunho was out there labouring awayon his behalf. Up until his hospital visit, the two of them had always either gone withoutbreakfast or ate something light and easy like toast or cereal. Now though, Yunho keptgetting up early just to prepare him a nutritious breakfast. Yeosang worried that Yunho wouldgrow resentful of the increased workload. The Alpha had taunted San for weeks when theyhad chosen their new dorming arrangement since he had been the only Alpha in his dorm.Yunho had bragged that he could sleep in peacefully now, only for him to suddenly have tostart making breakfast again a year later. So Yeosang made sure to get out of bed as soon ashe heard or smelled breakfast being made so he could at least help. He would try his best tocome out and help set the table and see if Yunho needed anything. "I smelled the food," Yeosang said simply. Yunho hummed in response as he sauntered over. "I'll take care of this," he grabbed the bowlsand placed them on the counter before turning to Yeosang. "Go wash up," Yunho grabbedhim by the shoulders and ushered him out of the kitchen. Yunho had been getting firmer in his refusal of Yeosang's help as the days passed but this wasthe first time that he had walked Yeosang out of the kitchen. "I can help," Yeosang said weakly. "By sleeping for another thirty minutes," Yunho countered smartly as he headed back to theopen fridge. Yeosang hovered for another minute but, when Yunho pretended he wasn't there,reluctantly slinked off to shower. By the time he finished showering and doing his morningskincare routine, breakfast was served. "Thanks for the food," Yeosang said politely as he picked up his chopsticks. Yunho grunted inresponse. Despite how normally bubbly he was, Yunho was usually pretty quiet in themorning. "Did you take cooking lessons without telling me?" he asked after taking a bite, playfullycomplimenting Yunho's cooking skills. "Hm," Yunho hummed in response. "We all had to do a three-month course after beingclassed, remember?" Yeosang slumped into his chair awkwardly. How could he have forgotten that? It had beenmandatory for all the Alphas and Wooyoung had joined them voluntarily. "Right," he mumbled, his attempt at lightening the mood going down the drain. It wasn'tpersonal, he knew that. Yunho was always like this when he had just woken up. It just feltweird because Yeosang was not used to being around him for this long in the early mornings. Logically, he knew he shouldn't take it personally. Unfortunately, being logical hasn't beenone of his recent virtues. He couldn't help but feel that Yunho's behaviour was due to thefrustration of waking early to feed him. When they finished eating, Yunho helped Yeosang clear the table despite all of his protests. Yeosang wished he would just let him do it. It would at least feel like an even split of labour. Instead, as usual, he just rushed the cleaning process so Yunho could start getting ready forthe day. Tomorrow, breakfast was on him. ******************* Yeosang woke to his alarm an hour earlier than necessary. It was his first day rejoining thegroup activities and he wanted to start it off right. He groaned, unhappy about being up soearly but far more determined to treat Yunho. He had prepared some recipes last night andmade sure he had all the necessary ingredients before going to bed last night. Today, hewould return the favour. Maybe he could even convince Yunho to take turns makingbreakfast. He just really didn't want the Alpha to think he was taking him for granted or eventhat he expected this from him. Also, he would never admit this aloud but, deep down, hewas scared of getting used to it only to eventually lose it again. He needed to make sure theywere on more equal footing so Yunho didn't grow resentful. So, squinting sleepily, he navigated the kitchen with dimmed lights to whip up some of thefew things he knew how to make. Yeosang very quickly realised he was in over his head. Hetried to clean as he went but ended up burning the eggs. He cut three separate fingers on threeseparate occasions trying to chop vegetables. He forgot to put rice in the rice cooker andended up having to use the instant rice. He should have taken those damned lessons too. Despite his setbacks, Yeosang had a set table ready before Yunho woke up. When Yunho emerged ten minutes later, he stared at the table spread in dismay. "What isthis?" the Alpha asked, approaching the table carefully. "I-um, heated up some leftovers and made a little extra," Yeosang gestured to the dishesnervously. "Come, sit." "You shouldn't have." Yunho frowned as he sat slowly, eyes darting over the dishes on thetable. Yeosang's stomach dropped as the familiar feeling of rejection settled in his gut. He looked atthe table with fresh eyes. The rice and side dishes their parents had given them were the onlyperfect thing on the table. The egg rolls he'd made were overcooked, the pollack soup lookedrather grey and his attempt at Dalgona coffee hadn't gone too well with the time constraint. "Don't do this again," Yunho said curtly, his frown deepening. "Okay," Yeosang readily agreed as he fought to keep a neutral expression, even as hurt andhumiliation threatened to overwhelm him. He had clearly overestimated his cooking prowess.He sat across from the Alpha, eyeing the lacklustre spread before him. Twisting his fingers,he waited for Yunho to take a bite. When Yunho didn't pick up his chopstick after a longmoment, Yeosang felt obliged to break the tense silence. "It's not much but it tastes good," Yeosang said with forced cheerfulness, picking up some ofthe kimchi Yunho's mom had sent over. It was a safe bet and would hopefully snap Yunho outof his current displeasure. He placed the kimchi on top of Yunho's rice and offered him anencouraging smile. Yunho's eyebrows shot up and he focused his sleepy stare on him. Yeosang squirmed underthe sudden attention. "You don't have to eat the soup. I found the recipe online so you might not like it." Yeosanglooked away, picking up his chopsticks and bringing them to his mouth habitually. He knewhis scent had soured but he wasn't sure how to mask that. He just hoped Yunho was toodisoriented to notice it. "Yeosang," he looked back at the sound of his name. Yunho was smiling now, the dark cloudthat had been hovering over him since he entered dissipating. Yeosang relaxed slightly. "I'msorry, I should have said thank you first." "It's okay, you might not even like it," Yeosang waved him off. He picked up an egg roll andtook a small bite. "It's edible." "I still appreciate the thought," Yunho said softly. Those words had Yeosang's eyes burningand he quickly lowered his gaze to regain control. When had he become so bad at controllinghis emotions? "I said what I said earlier because I'd rather you spend your time resting," Yunho continued. "I know you're not used to it but omegas need a good three more hours ofsleep than Alphas and betas." Yunho stood and came around the table, forcing Yeosang to tilt his head back just to see hisface. "You've already spent so much time not being able to give your body what it needs."Yunho brushed his hair off of his forehead, holding it out of his eyes. "And it's my fault,Yeosang. I should have continued to cook after we moved in together. Even as a beta, Ishould have taken better care of you." Yeosang's neck strained as he looked up at the talldancer standing next to his chair. "It's okay." The topic was triggering Yeosang and he felt like he would burst into tears anymoment. He needed to move on from the conversation immediately. However, Yunho seemedfar more determined than he'd seen him in ages. It wouldn't be easy to get out of this.Yeosang had chosen the worst morning to decide to cook for the Alpha. Hopefully the timecrunch would encourage Yunho to drop the subject. "No, it's not," Yunho said as he lowered himself into a crouch, the hand on Yeosang's headmoving down his temple to his jaw. "I was wrong for that. I should have done better. I don'twant you to just forgive me in order to avoid your feelings, Yeosang. I was wrong and there'snothing I can say to change what I did and I have no idea how to fix it. But I want you toknow that I'm trying." Yeosang felt the dam in his chest start to crack. He closed his eyes tightly and clenched hisjaw in an attempt to push everything down. Now was not the time. They had to leave for thehair shop with the rest of the group soon. This was not the time for a heart-to-heart. "It's okay," he repeated adamantly, pushing Yunho's hand away. "Let's just eat, please. Wedon't have much time." Yunho stood but, instead of going back to his seat, he pulled out the chair next to Yeosang. "Okay, but I'll just feel better knowing you're getting that extra hour so please, leave breakfastto me." The crack in his chest grew wider and Yeosang found his mouth moving before his braincould catch up. "I don't want to," Yeosang confessed, the words that had been sitting deep inhis chest surprising them both by suddenly pouring out. "There's no need to change. I wantall of you to stop treating me differently. I'm still me. Kang Yeosang. I'm the same person I'vealways been. I don't want you guys to do this just because I'm suddenly an omega. I hate it, Ihate it, I hate it," Yeosang snapped his mouth shut. "Yeosang...," Yunho breathed out, blinking at this in shock.. "Yeosang, I didn't mean to-."Yunho abruptly stopped mid-sentence, instead reaching over and pulling him into a hug.Yeosang almost fell out of his chair, catching himself on Yuho's thighs. "I'm so sorry," Yunhoapologised insistently. He pulled back and cupped Yeosang's face, wiping away his tears withhis thumbs. Yeosang swiped at his face too, trying to get rid of the evidence of his weakness. "It's not like that, Yeosang. I- yes, it has to do with you being an omega but that's not the onlyreason. I've always tried to do what's best for you. All of us have. You always sayeverything's okay so I just... the way we were caring for you before is clearly not enough. Ididn't know- I thought I was doing what you needed before by giving you space to be moreindependent but now," Yunho dropped his hands dejectedly. "I don't think I'm making muchsense. It's just that now, I know that you need certain things and they're all things I can easilyprovide. So why wouldn't I? I'd do more if I just knew what you wanted." Yunho was looking at him despairingly, an expression Yeosang found out of place on thedancer's face. Yunho was supposed to be happy. Relaxed. There was usually always at least ahint of a smile on the Alpha's face but now, his brows were furrowed, his lips a straight lineand his eyes pleading with him for understanding. Yeosang slowly lifted his hand to Yunho'sforehead, trying to smooth the creases. Yunho relaxed his countenance, catching Yeosang bythe wrist and pressing it to his own. "I...," Yeosang looked at his wrist as their scents blended slightly. He didn't know what to sayto that. Yunho had no reason to lie about something like this. He hadn't even denied that thechange in treatment was because of his sub-gender. Was it possible that the changedbehaviour was more than just an obligation he needed to fulfil? "Maybe it's hard to believe me but, Yeosang?" Yunho grabbed Yeosang's chin with his freehand, demanding he look at him. "Can you try? I'll do my best to meet you where you're at socan you meet me halfway? I'm not running around caring for random omegas, am I?'' Yunho'sthumb caressed Yeosang's scent gland as he spoke. "I'm only doing this because you're KangYeosang and I care about you a lot. Just let me take care of you, hmm?" Yeosang knew his face was extremely flushed. Yeosang's desperate pleas made his heart acheand his sincere gaze wore down on his resolve. Most of Yeosang was yelling at him to trustYunho's words and he really wanted to. But a part of him he couldn't shake off still felt likehe was being scammed. Like Yunho was simply saying what he wanted to hear. Yeosang felthorrible for feeling that way. It felt like he was degrading Yunho's character and turning himinto a cunning, unreliable person. He was terrified of allowing hope a seat in his heart.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Where is he?" Jongho pushed open Yunho's bedroom door carelessly, the door hitting the wall loudly. Yunho startled and removed his headset, swivelling in his seat to face the younger Alpha. "Jongho, what the-," Yunho took an exaggerated inhale before smiling at him. "Hello." Thegolden glow of the setting sun filled the bedroom, casting Yunho in a halo that warmed hisgaze. Jongho smirked at the suppressed irritation, bypassing the Alpha in favour of the bedcalling his name. There was already a lump under Yunho's sheets and the scent of cinnamonpermeated the air, mixing with Yunho's fresh scent. Jongho was tempted to join the manunder the sheets but, unfortunately, he had just returned from a solo schedule and had yet toshower or change. He settled on sitting on the edge, tapping the lump in greeting. "Why do you never wait for permission to enter?" Yunho turned in his chair to face him. "I knocked," Jongho argued, slapping the lump harder when his light tap got no response. Theomega groaned and threw the sheets back, sitting up to glare at him. Jongho chuckled at thecrumpled look the older man was sporting and rubbed his hip apologetically. His hair wasstanding on end, defying the laws of gravity, and his cheeks were decorated with sleep lines. "No manners, whatsoever," Yunho grumbled, putting his headphones back over his ears. "You owe me three kisses now," Yunho smirked, turning back to his screen. Jongho scoffed. There wasn't a large gap between the desk and bed so simply Jongho reachedover, pulling the chair towards him. "Now?" Yunho asked, surprise filling his face. Jongho hummed in response. He knew he was complicated. It had even taken him a long timeto figure himself out. Initially, he had thought that he disliked physical affection. He used tohate when Wooyoung would try to kiss him, would get annoyed whenever San wouldsqueeze his cheeks, and get aggravated when Seonghwa would squeeze his thighs. He hadalways been like that for as long as he could remember. Because of this, Jongho hadgravitated towards Yeosang in the beginning. Yeosang was calm, predictable, and didn't takeliberties with Jongho's body. As Jongho had grown more comfortable around the elder, henoticed that he had no problem being affectionate with him. When he was with Yeosang, hewas free to do as he pleased. Touch came on his terms. He learned that he didn't hate it, per se. It was just that he preferred to remain in control of when, where, and how he was touched. That epiphany had greatly improved his relationship with the rest of the pack. Once he hadtold the others, they had quickly fallen into line. Of course, there were times when it didn'tmatter. Most times though, Jongho operated on an ask-before-you-touch basis. They still tooktheir liberties and tried to extort extra affection out of him at any given point, but they alwaysremained within the confines of his boundaries. Most recently, Yunho had taken to creatingridiculous rules and demanding kisses when Jongho broke them, his most recent beinggetting permission to enter his room. Payment could be delayed until Jongho was ready andthe price was always subject to Yunho's whims. Jongho held his chair firmly as he planted three consecutive kisses on the dancer. Yunhocaught him before he could retreat, squishing his cheeks and stealing a few more beforefreeing him with a satisfied grin. "You're spending too much time around Wooyoung," Jongho grumbled, wiping his mouth themoment Yunho freed him. Yunho laughed loudly, turning back to his setup. "That's a compliment, Yunho-yah," Wooyoung giggled, clamouring to his knees and throwinghimself against Jongho's back, nuzzling his neck giddily. He'd immediately taken advantageof the fact that Jongho was currently fine with being touched. "I deserve a kiss too." "No, you don't," Jongho shrugged him off, pushing him back until he was lying down again. "Yes, I do. Especially if you want to know where Sangie is," Wooyoung grinned widely,looking extremely pleased with himself. Jongho looked over his shoulder at the older Alphabut Yunho just turned back to his computer screen, pretending not to see him. Jongho rolledhis eyes and turned back to Wooyoung. "Fine," he leaned down and planted the wettest, sloppiest kiss he could manage withoutgrossing himself out. Wooyoung immediately struggled to escape, pushing at his shouldersinsistently. "Okay, okay," he squealed when Jongho didn't let up. "I'll tell you." Jongho sat back with a satisfied smirk. "He went out with Soobinnie for dinner," Wooyoung answered, chest heaving as he caughthis breath after his little struggle. "Choi Soobin?" Jongho frowned, immediately annoyed. Wooyoung nodded, studying him carefully. "They made last-minute plans." Jongho's frown deepened as his stomach knotted with hurt and rejection. Jongho thought hehad been doing a good job at giving Yeosang the space he needed. Ever since the day he'dreturned, Jongho had steered clear of the omega, making sure not to hover. Considering theway he had reacted to the others' change in behaviour, Jongho had thought it best to pull backa bit and allow Yeosang some time alone. Maybe that had been the wrong choice since Yunhohad managed a breakthrough with his insistence. So Jongho had decided to ask Yeosang todinner so they could spend a little time together, especially considering Jongho barely sawhim all day. He had only had one schedule with the group before he had separated from themfor his solo schedules. Hearing that he had been turned down so that Yeosang could have dinner with a randomAlpha was deeply hurtful. The pain quickly morphed into misdirected anger towards Soobin.Deep down, Jongho knew he had no one but himself to blame. He had been the one who hadstepped aside stupidly in some twisted belief that Yeosang would appreciate the space. Hehad failed to take into consideration that all of this mess had occurred because of how muchspace they had given the man. "Whoa there, big guy," Wooyoung sat up, reaching for him but hesitant to touch him. Jonghostood quickly, moving out of Wooyoung's reach. He could smell the rancid burning of hiscoffee scent filling the room and knew Yunho had picked up on it from the careful way he sethis headphones down. "I'm going to go wash up. Let me know when he gets back," Jongho told them, trying to keephis tone casual. They both nodded, Yunho looking between the two of them as he tried topick up what he had missed. Jongho ignored it, instead rushing out of the room. He had to get his emotions under controland it was easier to do it alone. Thankfully, the dorm was empty when he entered. Jonghoappreciated the silence that welcomed him. Hongjoong was, in all likelihood, still holed up inhis studio. Jongho made a beeline towards his bedroom and set about starting his nightlyroutine. His tendency to pull back at moments like this made him consider his own responseto Yeosang's clear distress. Did he project his own wishes on the elder, treating him the wayhe preferred to be treated in moments of distress? If so, he needed to change tacticsimmediately. In the shower, Jongho played an upbeat playlist in the hopes that it would lift his mood as hetried his best to shake off the jealousy he was feeling. He really had no cause for jealousy.Soobin was just Yeosang's long-time friend. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the twoof them meeting for a quick meal. Jongho himself often goes out with his friends all the time.Why was it suddenly irritating him so much? As soon as he pondered the question, the answer came to him. Yeosang was out there,unmarked, with a random Alpha. Jongho hadn't even had the opportunity to scent him thismorning. Yeosang was currently in some random restaurant, unmarked, unscented, and with arandom Alpha. Jongho gritted his teeth in annoyance, growling low to release some of thetension. By the time Jongho had finished showering, he had managed to work himself up even more.His soured scent suffused his room, adding to his irritation. Jongho opened his windows andturned on his air purifier, hoping to combat the oppressive scent. As he dressed, he decidedthat seeing Yeosang would be counterproductive considering the mood he was in. Yeosangwas still very cautious around the pack. He didn't want the omega to see him at such a lowpoint. He yanked his t-shirt over his head and headed back to the bathroom to grab his phone.He would let Yunho and Wooyoung know he was going to sleep and to forget about hisrequest. A knock sounded out in his bedroom as he picked up his phone and unlocked it. "What?" Jongho called out, voice more peeved than he intended. When no one responded,Jongho grew more irritated. He grumbled under his breath as he made his way to the door. "I said wh- Hyung!" Jongho's eyebrows shot up in surprise to find a very nervous-lookingomega at his door. He'd taken a startled step backward when Jongho had whipped the dooropen and was now staring at him like a deer in the headlights. "Oh, are you busy? I can- I can come back," Yeosang took another step back. He was stillfully dressed, clearly having come to him as soon as he arrived. Jongho took a moment toappreciate the soft, pastelly look Yeosang was sporting. Yeosang tended to lean towardsdarker colours when he dressed himself, so seeing him in the light pink cardigan filled himwith a burst of warmth. He was so impossibly cute. "Oh, no, I thought you were- never mind, come in, hyung," Jongho opened the door wider ininvitation. Jongho could see the exact moment his scent reached Yeosang. The omegastiffened, eyes darting to him with cautious curiosity. Jongho plastered on a smile, hoping totrick his body into believing he was happy. "Are you okay?" Yeosang asked worriedly as he stepped into his room. Any pleasure he mayhave felt from having Yeosang's concern evaporated as he caught a whiff of caramel mixed inwith Yeosang's cherry scent. He growled, covering it with a cough when Yeosang jumped insurprise, his own scent growing sour. "Sorry, something in my throat," Jongho smiled tightly, coughing again for effect. Yeosangsmiled quickly, immediately brightening his entire demeanor but warning bells soundedloudly in Jongho's head. His scent hadn't softened, instead growing more bitter with eachpassing second. What had caused such an intense reaction? He had startled when Jongho hadgrowled and that alone was not concerning. However, Yeosang's increased anxiety level hadJongho concerned. "You need water?" Yeosang asked, looking around his room in a bid to avoid eye contact.Jongho watched the omega study the empty walls of his bedroom as though he were in an artexhibit. He hated seeing Yeosang look so uncomfortable and out of his depth in a space thatwas perfectly safe to him. "I'm fine," he said after a moment. "You can sit wherever," Jongho gestured to his desk chairand his bed. "It's okay, I know it's late," Yeosang said, eyes darting between Jongho and the door. "Yunhojust said that you asked me to drop by when I got back. I can... go?" Jongho made a quickmental note to give Yunho a gift for going the extra mile. He had been scared that seeingYeosang in this mood would only cause problems but just being around Yeosang was calminghim down. "No, no, stay. I was just going to catch up on my drama," Jongho quickly refuted. "I wantedto hang out earlier but you were busy so I told Yunho to let me know when you got back,"Jongho explained. "You want to... hang out now?" Yeosang asked, looking at Jongho through his lashescuriously. Jongho groaned inwardly. Seriously, how was he so damn cute? "Mm," Jongho nodded happily, those few words washing away all the jealousy that had beensuffocating him. He gave Yeosang his first genuine smile of the night and the omegarecognized it, his own demeanour lighting up in response. Yeosang quickly turned away. "You changed a lot in here," he commented, walking around Jongho's bedroom. Jongho watched him take in his bedroom, looking at it through fresh eyes. It had taken himforever to decide on how to furnish and decorate so now, even though he had all his mainfurnishings, it still wasn't pulled together. His mess littered the space, giving it a lived-in feeldespite the decor. His hamper was overflowing and his desk was littered with random items.Yeosang was looking around slowly, taking in the most minute details carefully. SeeingYeosang studying his room filled him with guilt. It was insane that one of his pack memberswas so unfamiliar with his personal space. He silently vowed to do his best to get Yeosang tospend more time here somehow. "Yeah, it's messy, I know," Jongho headed to his bed and perched in the centre of it. "Howwas dinner?" Jongho hated this feeling of uncertainty as he floundered for things to discuss. It never usedto permeate the space before but now, he found himself overthinking everything. What hadonce felt as natural as breathing air now felt like trying to fill his lungs through a straw. Hemissed the natural chemistry and camaraderie that he had shared with the elder before. Hewondered if this was how Yeosang had felt all this time; floundering for solid ground as hetried to pretend he wasn't drowning. Had what had felt so easy to Jongho been hard forYeosang? "Fine, we had chicken and beer," Yeosang answered, fingers trailing along his desk. "Whatdid you eat?" The older avoided looking in his direction, instead focusing on random things. He was currently reading the ingredient list of one of his supplement bottles. "Nothing." As expected, that caught Yeosang's attention. Jongho hid a satisfied smile when the older manspun to face him. "What, why?" Yeosang looked worried again. "Are you hungry? Should we ordersomething?" Yeosang pulled out his phone and came to stand by the bed. "I think thejjajangmyeon place is still open." Jongho hummed in response, settling back against the headboard as he watched Yeosangscroll through his phone. "Don't worry, I'm not hungry," he promised. "Come, sit, let's justwatch something," Jongho patted his bed in invitation. He hoped Yeosang would accept. He wanted the elder close so that Jongho's scent couldsettle on his skin and mask the sweet caramel that covered him. Yeosang locked his phoneand looked at him hesitantly. Jongho could see the gears turning in his head as Yeosangcontemplated how to respond. "I'm dirty," Yeosang finally answered, gesturing to his clothes. Yeosang was still in the outfithe had gone to dinner in and, like him, did not like mixing the outdoors with where theyslept. Jongho almost protested, swearing it was fine. Anything Yeosang did was fine. Beforehe could speak though, a better idea crossed his mind. "Hmm, then why don't you jump in the shower and I'll find you some clothes to wear?"Jongho pleaded, looking at Yeosang sweetly. He was well aware that the likelihood ofYeosang agreeing to change was low. The older would probably suggest going back to hisroom to shower and change before returning but Jongho didn't want that. He wanted Yeosangin his clothes. So he added the showering part in the hopes that Yeosang would try to meethim halfway. Jongho was well aware that the elder would find it difficult to completely deny his requestand he wasn't above using Yeosang's soft spot for him to his advantage. The latter had alwaysbeen extremely tolerant of his antics and playful disrespect. Despite the way Jongho carriedhimself, he was technically still the youngest member of the pack and, every now and then,he acted the part. Before joining ATEEZ, Jongho was used to being the elder; whether it waswith his siblings or friends. Fans and even ATEEZ had noticed that he still carried that energyover to their group dynamics. Him being an Alpha didn't help push down that part of hispersonality. However, Jongho also knew that his older members had a lot of tenderness andpatience that was reserved for him and he used that whenever it best suited him. Yeosang hadbeen no different. Even now, when he was feeling so cautious around him, Yeosang stillseemed unable to put that side away. "How about I just change?" Yeosang compromised, twisting his fingers nervously as thoughworried Jongho would force him into the shower. Another time, Jongho might have. Nowthough, he was being extra careful to not push Yeosang too much. "Okay," Jongho agreed easily, hopping out of bed with a grin. Yeosang smiled weakly inreturn, recognizing that he had been tricked but too good-natured to go back on his word.Jongho rushed for his closet before Yeosang could say anything. He offered Yeosang a pair ofshorts and a t-shirt, making sure to smile brightly so that Yeosang couldn't misread hisenthusiasm. He wanted Yeosang to be fully confident that Jongho wanted him there. Jonghoushered Yeosang to his en suite, closing the door before Yeosang could overthink. While Yeosang was in his bathroom, Jongho set about preparing his bed. He carefully stackedhis pillows so they could recline comfortably as they watched his TV. When Yeosangemerged, Jongho was fully settled. He took in Yeosang's form. The white t-shirt he had givenhim drowned out his broad shoulders and fell to mid-thigh, nearly covering the blue shortsJongho had given him. Jongho's satisfaction at everything going to plan was tinged withsorrow as he noted the way his clothes further accentuated Yeosang's weight loss. Noticing his stare, Yeosang paused at his bedside, tugging lightly at the hem of the shirt. "It'sa bit big," he commented self-consciously. "It's perfect, you look cute," Jongho replied. Yeosang's face grew expressionless and hecleared his throat. Feeling the air grow a little awkward, Jongho rushed to move past it. "Come, sit," Jongho pulled his sheets back. Yeosang glanced at the empty spot beside him for a split second before bracing his shoulders. "What are you watching?" Yeosang asked as he climbed in beside him. "You're going to watch the first episode of Queen of Tears," Jongho told him, earning astartled laugh from the omega. Jongho grinned in response. Everyone around him had grownexasperated with his obsession with the drama but he found a certain joy in that. Besides, itreally was a good show. "Haein-ah," he called out, earning him another laugh. "Okay, let's see what all the fuss is about then," Yeosang smiled, leaning back against thepillows. Jongho grabbed the remote on his nightstand and turned on the TV mounted on thewall opposite his bed. "You'll love it, I promise." As they watched, Jongho took the opportunity to rub his wrist against Yeosang's arm. Hisclothes had done a decent job at masking Soobin's scent but Jongho wanted to wash it awaycompletely. Yeosang didn't seem to mind when Yunho had done it. Jongho was hoping for thesame grace to be shown towards him. Yeosang glanced at their enjoined arms for a longmoment. Jongho froze, worried any movement would remind Yeosang that this wasn'tsomething they normally did. When Yeosang just turned back to the TV without a word,Jongho smiled victoriously. It had been a while since he scented Yeosang, longer than he could remember to be quitefrank. He missed the closeness that came with the mixture of their scents. The vaguelyfamiliar sensory explosion of their intermingling scents had him desperate for more. Jonghohad long learned to reign that desire back. He had become an expert at denying himself overthe years. He had learned to not cross the invisible line in the sand that they had drawn butthat annoying, sweet caramel scent was stubborn. It taunted Jongho as, no matter how long hescented Yeosang, it refused to go away. And so his next move caught them both by surprise."Jongho?" Yeosang said quietly. "Hmm?" Jongho pulled his gaze from the TV to meet his gaze. Yeosang tugged at his holdgently, bringing his attention to their hands. At some point, Jongho had mindlessly broughtYeosang's hand to his neck and was rubbing it against his scent gland. "Oh!" Jongho dropped Yeosang's hand like he had been burned by fire. "Sorry, I didn'tnotice," Jongho quickly apologised. Due to its sensitivity, the neck gland was considered tobe quite intimate. Making someone there was considered just as invasive as touching theirswithout permission. Jongho felt horrible. "It's okay, it was an accident," Yeosang consoled him, rubbing where his hand had touchedJongho. Jongho's stomach churned uncomfortably. He wanted to cover the older in hispheromones, to completely wash out the sweet caramel that sat so comfortably on his skin. He wanted Yeosang to remember where he belonged. "Hyung," Jongho said, his voice hoarse. Yeosang looked up, eyebrows raised in surprise. "Yeah?" Yeosang asked. Jongho's gaze dropped to the spot where his neck met his collarbone. "Can I?" he asked.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Can I?" Those two words out of Jongho's mouth had Yeosang's brain short-circuiting completely. Heknew what Jongho was asking and yet, he couldn't process the question. His immediateinstinct was to tilt his head back and bare his neck but alarm sirens went off in his head,freezing him in his tracks. Jongho's eyes were still fixed on his throat, gaze flitting to his faceevery few seconds as he waited for Yeosang's answer. Since he had entered this room, Yeosang had felt split in two. On one hand, he was extremelynervous. Jongho was already upset, his entire room reeking when he'd arrived. He had beenworried that Jongho would be upset that he turned him away due to his previous plans. Onthe other hand, the need to appease the younger was just as strong and got him through thedoor. Surprisingly, Jongho slipped past his defenses almost immediately. Not only had heconvinced him to change, but he had even gotten Yeosang to comfortably lounge on his bedwith him. Jongho had come in with such confident familiarity that Yeosang had started to feelrelaxed as well. So, while Jongho scenting his wrist was odd, it had felt so natural he hadn't really thought toquestion it until he'd found his hand on Jongho's neck. Wrist scenting was a natural part oflife for him. Yeosang scented his family often and even some friends. He used to scent thepack when they had been younger as well, as they grew their relationship as trainees and gotto know one another better. He had stopped, however, when the growling had begun. Hehadn't wanted to instigate anything further by mixing his scent with the pack. For a bit,Wooyoung and Hongjoong had continued to scent him but, after a while, they too hadstopped. The neck, however, was completely off-limits. Scenting someone's neck wasconsidered more intimate than kissing in most circles. Whereas people may casually kiss oneanother, no one ever casually scented someone in this manner. "Huh?" Yeosang let out a small laugh, hoping to bring down the intensity a bit as he pressedhis hand to his neck. Jongho leaned back slightly, putting a little more space between them. "Can I scent you?" Jongho asked explicitly, nodding to his neck and leaving no room formisinterpretation. Yeosang's heart pounded loudly in his chest. Yeosang was baffled. Why would Jongho even want to do it? Yeosang thought back to howthe night had progressed. In retrospect, Jongho had seemed pretty determined to mix theirscents from the start. He'd tried to get him to shower even. Yeosang wondered how he coulddiscreetly smell himself without the younger noticing. The younger man was fully fixated onhim, waiting tirelessly for Yeosang's answer. Looking at Jongho, Yeosang could clearly seethe hope behind his intense gaze. He didn't want to hurt his feelings by outright refusing himbut Yeosang also could not just allow it like he did most things. That would be crossing a lineJongho didn't seem to notice. The other pack members would undoubtedly notice. That kindof scenting would not wash out easily. He knew, despite their insistence on him being free totouch them as he pleased, neck scenting was not going to fly. They were very territorial abouteach other. Even if, for some deluded reason, Jongho wanted to try, the fallout would bedisastrous. He was already concerned about the blend in his scent since Jongho had rubbedhis wrist against his neck. "Oh, um, well," Yeosang stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence. He looked aroundthe room wildly, trying to think of a way to let the younger one down without hurting hisfeelings. He wasn't sure what had caused Jongho to want this but he knew the younger hadput himself out there to make this request. He contemplated just giving in and allowingJongho to have what he asked for. His heart was pleading for it after all. He wanted it but heknew he shouldn't cross this line. Whatever Jongho's reasoning was, Yeosang didn't think hisheart would survive the ramifications. Not knowing what else to do, Yeosang let out a long yawn. "Oh, wow, look at the time. Well,this was fun," Yeosang jumped out of Jongho's bed as he spoke, stretching dramatically. "I'mreally tired. It's been a long day. I'll see you in the morning." Jongho sat up straighter, studying him as he put on his show. Yeosang was positive theyounger saw through his little act but he had committed to the bit. When Jongho didn'trespond, Yeosang took it as his escape opportunity. "Alright, goodnight." Yeosang smiled tightly and rushed to the door. "Hyung," Jongho called out. Yeosang froze with his hand on the door handle. Jongho didn'tcontinue speaking so he turned to look back at him. Jongho was sitting at the edge of the bed,looking at him with pursed lips. The clear disappointment on the maknae's face hadYeosang's heart beating harshly against his ribcage. "You know just saying no is an option too, right hyung?" Jongho asked, his voice carrying thesentiment on his face. "What?" Yeosang asked weakly. Jongho was clearly bothered, but Yeosang wasn't sureexactly why. Was his excuse too forced? "You can say no. You don't always have to run away," Jongho raised a brow, daring him torefute his words. Jongho's gaze had darkened and he was looking at Yeosang with anexpression he'd never seen on him before. The mixture of hurt, disappointment, andannoyance had Yeosang's throat closing. "Run away?" Yeosang repeated dumbly. Jongho sighed loudly and stood up. "Yeah, you always do this. As soon as something getsuncomfortable, you just run off and hide. You did the same thing when you broke our bondsand when you found out you're an omega. You didn't give us a chance to try to fix it or help.You just ran. Maybe it worked before but I refuse to let it continue." Yeosang stared at him in complete shock, unable to refute anything he had said. He knew hehad a tendency to avoid confrontation. Until now, it had always benefited him. He was likedby others and didn't hurt their feelings. Usually, it was to keep the peace but, with his formerpack, it had been how he had protected his heart. He didn't want to hurt their feelings just asmuch as he was scared they would hurt his feelings. He worried that, if given the chance,they would reaffirm everything Yeosang thinks they believe about him. "It's unfair to all of us if you just continue to bottle things in. I'm not a mind reader, hyung.None of us are. Just say what you mean instead of shrugging and having us play a guessinggame," Jongho's tone was calm but his words were harsh. Yeosang's heart beat faster, far toofast. Again, he was left floundering with nothing to say. Jongho's words echoed Yunho'ssentiment from the other day, just more direct. "I-," he didn't know what to say. Everything in his body was telling him to leave but thatwould just reinforce Jongho's accusation. The air in the room thinned, making it harder tobreathe as Yeosang scrambled for a rebuttal. How did he explain his reasoning withoutexposing his heart? Oh God, he was running out of oxygen. As the impending sense of doomapproached, Yeosang realised he had no choice but to run this time. He didn't want to haveanother public panic attack. The last time had been embarrassing enough. "Sorry," he squeezed out before yanking open Jongho's door and rushing to the front door. Hecould hear Jongho following him but he didn't look back, just trying to get to somewherequiet. "Yeosang? What's wrong?" Yeosang heard Seonghwa's voice, but his words didn't register.He couldn't focus on anything past the rolling anxiety in his stomach. His throat burned buthe swallowed harshly. His vision had begun to blur. He heard Seonghwa stopping Jonghobehind him as he tried to figure out what was happening. Grabbing his shoes, Yeosang ranout of the dorm barefoot and raced towards the stairwell, silently praying that it would beempty. Yeosang collapsed on the concrete floor of the stairwell, clutching his chest as he tried tobreathe. Thankfully, he was aware he was having a panic attack; it made it a lot easier to pullhimself out. He tried breathing through his nose but immediately felt even more suffocated. So he just focused on taking deeper breaths. Yeosang felt for his pulse under his jaw, findingthe pounding point easily. He focused his attention on his heartbeat as he counted his breaths.His heartbeat slowed, his panic receding with it. Yeosang dropped his hand and leaned backagainst the wall, body trembling with the adrenaline rush his anxiety had caused. With theworst part of it over, Yeosang shakily put his shoes on and headed up to his dorm room,scared of what tomorrow would bring. ********** A loud thud sounded, startling Yeosang out of his sleep. He straightened up, blinking sleepilyas he looked around. The flood of sounds that had functioned as white noise grew clear again,the voices of strangers filtering through his ears. They were currently in the waiting room at a major broadcasting company, waiting until itwas time for the final stage so that the winner could be announced. In the corner, theirmanager was helping a staff member put the spilled contents of a bag back in their rightfulplace. Yeosang stretched, yawning tiredly. Thankfully, ATEEZ had already finished theirspecial performance and had about an hour left until they needed to do their makeup touch-up. Since Yeosang's night had been filled with a restless night of tossing and turning, he'dtried to squeeze in a cat nap. With all the bustle happening around him, Yeosang had finallybeen able to get out of his head long enough to doze off while seated. It made him laugh that,at one point, he had believed dissolving the bonds would at the very least give him a peacefulsleep. Instead, he found himself struggling to sleep more often than not due to the problemsthat had arisen since. Last night, he couldn't get Jongho's words out of his head. He'd playedhis words over in his head, the harsh truth in them filling him with shame. He knew that,come morning, the whole pack would have heard about last night. Jongho had been prettyannoyed. He'd heard Yunho leave the dorm last night too. There was no way a conversationhadn't happened. True to Jongho's words, Yeosang had avoided being alone with the pack all day. He'd left thedorm before breakfast to go to the gym and come home just in time for their manager toarrive for the pickup. Yunho had packed him a lunchbox with breakfast, making him feeleven worse about his avoidant behaviour. Maybe Jongho was right. He should havecommunicated with the pack better. Maybe then, things would not be so strained right now. Compared to before he’d broken their bonds, Yeosang felt even more awkward being aroundthem following the breakage of the bond, always on edge since he had no way to gauge theiremotions anymore. Even his relationship with Yunho was still filled with palpable tension. Itwas as though everyone was holding something back, showing him only their bright andhappy sides. It felt uncanny. "Yeosang-ah," Seonghwa called as he approached him. "Yeah?" Yeosang replied. "You're tired. Go lie down," Seonghwa told him, holding out his arm in invitation. Yeosangshook his head immediately, gaze flitting to the corner of the room reserved for the omegasmidday nap. He couldn't see past the partitions but he knew Wooyoung and Mingi hadalready gone to lay down. "I'm okay," Yeosang declined politely. "Yunho told me you woke up early. You need to get some rest," Seonghwa argued. Yeosangglanced across the room at the mentioned Alpha. Yunho was sitting beside Jongho andHongjoong, the three of them having a heated, whispered conversation. Everyone waswearing scent blockers and Yeosang no longer had a bond to consult so he was leftwondering what had caused the exchange. "I'm fine, I'm used to staying up." Yeosang brushed him off. There were so many people inthis room and it felt embarrassing to go lie down in a corner, especially since they all stillthought he was a beta. "What's wrong with the guys though?" he deflected. "Nothing," Seonghwa said quickly. Yeosang turned his attention back to the older omega butSeonghwa just smiled. "Don't worry, it's probably about a game or something." Yeosang frowned, turning back to them. If it had been just Yunho and Jongho, Yeosang mighthave been inclined to believe it. However, Hongjoong looked quite invested as well,whispering just as heatedly as the other two. "Forget them. Come, you need a nap. Today's a long day." Seonghwa grabbed his wrist,tugging lightly. "I can just doze in a corner, don't worry," Yeosang said, his arm outstretched between them asSeonghwa continued to try and get him to stand. Seonghwa pouted and dropped his arm witha huff. Yeosang almost smiled at his antics but it was washed away the moment Seonghwaspoke. "Hongjoong-ah," the older man turned to their Captain. Yeosang jumped to his feet, catchingSeonghwa's wrist to stop him. He didn't think his refusal was such a big deal but Seonghwacalling Hongjoong worried him. He didn't want to upset the older Alpha, especiallyconsidering his current expression. When Hongjoong turned to look at them, his entiredemeanour was filled with sharp annoyance. Yeosang dropped his gaze quickly. "What?" Hongjoong asked, sounding exasperated. Yeosang looked at Seonghwa in panic,tugging his arm pleadingly. "Hyung," he whispered desperately. "Yeosang is refusing to nap," Seonghwa said anyway, patting his arm in "No, I didn't! I said- I said I can sleep where I normally do," Yeosang blustered about, neckheating as his anxiety started to climb. The staff were looking at them too now, curious aboutthe unusual exchange. "That's not proper sleep. Go join the boys, please," Hongjoong's tone had gentled and hespoke sweetly now. Despite this, Yeosang knew there was no room for argument. Most times,Hongjoong was very laid back when it came to his leadership style. He was fine allowingthem to run amuck and do as they please. There were times, like now, when his gaze wouldchange and they all knew better than to push back then. Yeosang deflated in defeat. Seonghwa switched their grip so that he was holding Yeosang and led him to the nap corner.He kept his eyes glued to the floor, avoiding the gaze of their staff members. He knew theywere probably wondering what had just happened and was worried he was about to becomethe gossip topic during their break now. The nap corner was just a foldable partition wall thatseparated the corner from the rest of the room. They placed foldable mats to cover the floorand there were a couple of small pillows and throw blankets available for them to use. Wooyoung and Mingi were already fast asleep, heads resting carefully on silk pillowcases toprotect their hairstyles. Seonghwa gestured for Yeosang to lie down first. Yeosangbegrudgingly kicked off his shoes and lay down beside the sleeping rapper. Seonghwacovered him in a fleece throw before lying beside him and slipping under as well. Seonghwafell asleep almost instantly, leaving Yeosang alone to stare at the ceiling. He could stillclearly hear everything happening in the rest of the room but the partition gave him asemblance of privacy. He turned to his right, facing Mingi but, as he moved, his armaccidentally hit the rapper. "Sang?" Mingi's deep voice was filled with sleep, peering at him through squinted eyes. "Shh, sorry. Go back to sleep." Yeosang whispered, patting Mingi's arm gently in an attemptto coax him down. Mingi grumbled then curled around Wooyoung, tucking him to his chest.Yeosang's heart swelled at the soft picture they made, the softness tainted with jealousy. Hehated how he couldn't witness them in moments like this without feeling so painfully alone.His mood soured as he grew upset with himself. He loved them as they were and was alwayshappy to see them love and care for one another. Why did he have to be such a jealous personthough? Witnessing this should not have his stomach churning with envy. Yeosang lay there, wide awake and unable to fall asleep. He was tired but his brain wouldn'tquiet down. His mind jumped from one concern to the next. He still had to decide if he wouldrejoin the pack. Lately, he had found himself making a pros and cons list. His older sister hadonce told him that, if he ever found himself doing that, he should just leave. His heartrejected that idea, clinging to the hope that he would eventually move on and being aroundthem would become easy again. He hated to imagine a life without the pack and, now withoutthe pained bonds pushing him into a corner, Yeosang thought maybe he could hold on just alittle longer. Then there was what Jongho had said about not giving them a chance; had calledit unfair. Was Yeosang being unfair to the pack by withholding his own feelings? The sounds beyond the partition increased and then lulled to a hush, catching Yeosang'sattention. The voices seemed to be intentionally lowered, making him wonder if the staffwere already talking about him. Did they find it odd that the beta of the group was nappingwith the omegas? No one outside of ATEEZ knew of the change and Yeosang wasn't sure heever wanted them to know. There were some things scent blockers could cover but he didn'tthink it would mask his subgender when it changed. If it changes. At this point, Yeosang wasconsidering a life of celibacy so as not to present fully as an omega. That way, no one wouldever know. He sighed softly and sat up slowly, sleep refusing to take over him as the muffledsilence allowed his brain to run nonstop without distraction. Light footsteps approached the corner. Yeosang recognized the footsteps immediately andfrowned, wondering why San was coming over. He had been gone since their performance ashe had an individual interview scheduled. Yeosang lay down quickly and covered his eyeswith his arm, peeking out to see what the Alpha had come for. Maybe he came to cuddle withWooyoung. He did that sometimes, especially after a stressful day. Instead, San crouched at his feet and tapped his calf lightly. Yeosang slowly removed his arm,peering up at the larger man. San gestured for him to approach with a finger. Unable to sleepanyway, Yeosang quietly slipped out of the blanket, making sure to tuck the blanket underSeonghwa before shuffling over. "Yes?" He whispered, half curious, half concerned. San stood and held his hand out. Yeosangtook it, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. San readjusted his hold so that their fingersinterlocked, leading him toward the wall. Yeosang followed easily, curious. For some reason,San's hold didn't feel off to him. Maybe it was because he had grown used to San's physicallove language. Still, Yeosang peeked over his shoulder, wondering if they were filming abehind-the-scenes clip. There was no camera in sight. San let him go and sat down, leaningagainst the wall close to Mingi's feet. Yeosang moved to sit on his other side, body stutteringwhen San caught his wrist and patted his lap. "Huh?" Yeosang looked around in confusion, wondering exactly what he had missed. DidSan want him to sit on his lap? He looked around again for a camera, baffled by San'sbehaviour. "Lie down," San whispered. "On your lap?" Yeosang whispered back incredulously. San rolled his eyes and tugged hisarm, pulling Yeosang down onto his lap. Yeosang lay there uncomfortably, head resting onthe arm draped over both of San's thighs. He could feel the warmth from San's thighs seepinginto his body, the heat causing his face to flush. Why did San want him to lie down on hislap? San sighed and rearranged his body until he lay with just his head resting on San's lap. "There, that's better," San murmured, poking Yeosang's forehead lightly. "What are we doing?" Yeosang asked, trying to figure out what was happening. "You're not sleeping by yourself." San traced the furrow of his brow, reminding Yeosang torelax his features. Yeosang's face scrunched further as the light touch was ticklish. He wantedto argue that he didn't need help sleeping but he also didn't want to lose this moment withSan. He felt like a silent prayer had been answered as San played with his hair mindlessly. Hetried not to move, not wanting San to stop the soothing motion. San rested his head on thewall with a soft sigh, looking at the ceiling blankly. Yeosang frowned. San being quiet alonewasn't odd. San being quiet while staring off into nothing definitely was. Something wasclearly on his mind. He wondered what the Alpha was thinking about so carefully. Did ithave to do with why he was sitting here in the first place? "Sang-ah," San said after a moment of silence, hand still carding through Yeosang's hairgently. Yeosang hummed in response, looking at him patiently as he waited for San tocontinue. San looked down at him thoughtfully, smiling after a moment. "Never mind," San shook his head. "Close your eyes." Yeosang's eyes fluttered shut obediently but opened seconds later. Something was off. TheAlpha was no longer looking at him so he continued to watch him, trying to figure out what itwas that San was holding back. He had seemed like he was going to ask him a question buthad decided against it. His behaviour, paired with the heated exchange he had seen the otherAlphas having, worried him. Something was going on but no one was willing to tell him. Hewasn't able to study him for long because San quickly caught him. "Yeosang," San scolded lightly. "I said close your eyes, you only have thirty minutes left tonap," San flicked his forehead lightly. Yeosang still flinched, covering the hit area with hishand. "Sorry," he pouted subtly as he rubbed the imaginary sting. He had just been trying to figureout what San had been mulling over so seriously. San let out a soft laugh, Yeosang looking at him curiously. "What?" "Nothing," San pulled his hand away from his forehead. "You're just too cute," he said,leaning down to press a kiss to the spot he had hit. Yeosang blinked up at him, trying to holdback his reaction. San had just kissed him. Off camera. He forcefully tamped down the giddyfeeling in his stomach, trying not to get excited. San likes cute things. He would kiss a lizardif he found it cute. Yeosang was not special. "Close your eyes," San coaxed him sweetly, squeezing his cheek as though he were a child. Too embarrassed by his own thoughts to face the Alpha, Yeosang squeezed his eyes shut.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Seonghwa stared at the bright ceiling tiles, silently listening to the murmur of voices beyondthe partition wall. His nap had been short-lived, too restless to sleep for long. Sleep hadalways come easy to him but, in recent weeks, Seonghwa found it difficult to remain asleep. He wasn't sure if it was his subconscious mind running a thousand miles a minute or if it wasthe uneasiness of his missing bond with Yeosang but, either way, he had yet to find asolution. He had begun sleeping with his boyfriends more frequently since being next to themhelped him relax but it was only a temporary solution. He needed to deal with the root cause. He rolled to his side, that hand reaching for Yeosang coming up empty. Seonghwa frownedand sat up, wondering where the younger had disappeared to. Yeosang needed the sleep morethan him. Last night had been rough on him and he’s even left the dorm in the early morningwithout even eating. Seonghwa knew the younger was bothered. Motion in the peripheralcaught his attention. He turned only to make eye contact with San. The Alpha was seatedwith his back against the wall, his lap filled with a head of hair. He quietly made his way to the two, not wanting to disturb any of the sleeping omegas. Sansmiled and patted the open space beside him in invitation. Seonghwa took the seat graciously,resting his head on San’s shoulder as he stared down at Yeosang. It had been a while since hehad seen Yeosang look so relaxed. All the tension that the younger one carried had vanished.His jaw hung open, parting his lips slightly. Though Yeosang recently didn’t show manyexpressions, the emptiness of his face looked peaceful rather than calculated. “He’s so precious,” Seonghwa whispered. San hummed in response, resting his head againsthis affectionately. “Do you think he’s still upset?” he asked the Alpha. San shrugged lightly, the motion jostlingSeonghwa slightly. He sighed, patting the fluffy mess of hair on San’s lap. “The stylists are going to hate you,” he commented teasingly, taking the opportunity toscratch Yeosang’s scalp lightly. His hair was already disheveled. San had clearly been toyingwith the locks. “I'll live.” Seonghwa could hear the smile in San’s voice and feel the satisfaction thrummingthrough the younger’s bond. He smiled in response, happy that the Alpha was feeling calmer. San had worried him last night, closing off his bonds and remaining eerily reserved whileeveryone else yelled at one another. Reminded of the chaos, Seonghwa quickly checked onthe other bonds only to find the other Alphas completely blocked off. He sighed, gnawing onhis lip as he recalled last night’s events. ****** "What happened?" Seonghwa caught Jongho by the wrist as he tried to follow Yeosang out ofthe dorm. Jongho stopped, looking between him and the door as he was torn between the two. "Give me a second, let me just-," Jongho pulled out his grip but Seonghwa quickly caughthim by his shirt before he could get too far. Taking into consideration that Yeosang had justran out reeking of anxiety, Seonghwa wasn’t ready to let the possible cause chase after him. Itwas even more concerning that Jongho’s barriers were up. Seonghwa had no way to gaugewhether the young Alpha was in the right state to calm anyone else down. "No, let him go," Seonghwa ordered. "You're too wound up." Jongho looked at the door longingly but stopped tugging on his grip, silently agreeing withhis observations. Seonghwa frowned, wondering what had caused the younger to react thisway. Jongho was usually the most calculating out of the group. He was methodical in the wayhe went about everything so for him to be reacting so emotionally to the situation meant thatsomething had happened. "You go after him then, hyung," Jongho tried pushing him toward the door. “I think he’sabout to have a panic attack.” Seonghwa braced himself, not allowing the younger to body him towards the door. “I don’tthink I should. He seemed to really want to be alone,” Seonghwa protested. Jongho stoppedpushing him, hands dropping limply to his side. “Jongho-ya,” Seonghwa said carefully, watching the younger wilt under his eye. “I think I fucked up,” Jongho sighed, rubbing his face roughly. “I didn’t mean to-,” he trailedoff, eyes closed tightly and he looked to the ceiling. “Hey,” Seonghwa caught his face in both hands, forcing him to look at him. “It’s fine,everything is going to be fine. Just tell me what happened.” Seonghwa put on an air of confidence he didn’t feel. The younger was completely distressed,worrying Seonghwa as to exactly what went wrong. "I-," Jongho paused, looking down at the ground shamefully, his hands toying with the fabricof Seonghwa’s shirt. "You what?" Seonghwa pressed. "I asked to scent him," Jongho mumbled. Seonghwa tilted his head in confusion. Was that the reason Yeosang had run out like thehounds of hell were on his heels? Impossible. He was missing something. Jongho sighedheavily, pulling Seonghwa’s hands away from his face. “I asked to scent him and he said no,” he clarified, going over to the couch and sitting downheavily. Yeosang’s scent profile as he left had been overwhelmingly strong. He had been emitting avery strong flow of pheromones, the tangy aroma of cherries still lingering in the air. Nowthough, Seonghwa noticed the light scent of coffee. He had initially assumed that he hadsimply been smelling Jongho since he was in the room with him but the scent profile wascompletely different from the one Jongho was currently emitting. Seonghwa turned to him in horror. There was no way. Jongho looked at him in confusion before his eyes widened and he jumped to his feet. “No, Ididn’t force him, I swear. I would never. You know that!” Relief hit Seonghwa so hard, it almost hurt. He swallowed heavily. “You scared me!” heslapped Jongho’s shoulder harshly. Jongho flinched and rubbed the spot. “I’m sorry. That was an accident. I wasn’t focusing and did that thing I do,” Jongho sighed,flopping back down on the couch. Seonghwa sat next to him, patting his thigh comfortingly. “Tell me everything, please,” he demanded nicely. Jongho sighed again but started talking. By the end, Seonghwa was staring at him, completely dumbfounded. Jongho looked at himwarily, though there was a hint of defiance in his gaze. "What on earth possessed you to say that?" Seonghwa finally spluttered. Yeosang wasalready so fragile with everything else going on in his life. The accusation from the youngestAlpha must have overwhelmed him. Seonghwa also didn’t appreciate the way Jongho’s wordshad pinned the blame for this rift between them on Yeosang’s shoulders. Seonghwa was evenmore to blame. He had neglected the omega to his own vices all because of his secondarygender. He made grand assumptions that had completely failed to take into considerationYeosang’s temperament. "What? I'm not exactly wrong,” Jongho protested, the defiance moving to the forefront. “He'salways doing this!" "Jongho, you're-" Seonghwa growled in frustration. This wasn’t a conversation only the twoof them should be having. He needed to call an emergency meeting with the rest of the pack. He stood and pulled out his phone, sending a joint message to the other five pack members. “What are you doing?” Jongho asked, the wariness coming back. "Calling the others. We need to do damage control," Seonghwa replied. Jongho gaped at himbut Seonghwa just paced the living room as he waited for the rest of his partners to arrive. Wooyung appeared first, dressed in only boxers as he towel-dried his hair. “What’s up?” Wooyoung asked, plopping down next to the Alpha. “Why do you smell sogrumpy?” “I-.” “It’s a long story. Let’s wait for everyone to get here,” Seonghwa responded, looking at Jongho sternly. Jongho huffed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “Fine.” Wooyoung looked between the two of them studiously but Seonghwa ignored him. He neededto brainstorm the best way to tell the pack without it turning into a fight. They were normallypretty good at remaining level-headed but they were all unpredictable when it came toYeosang. He was worried the pack would turn on Jongho and he would feel targeted by theirupset and lash out against them as well. He was most concerned about Wooyoung’s reactionsince he was extremely protective when it came to Yeosang. Seonghwa continued to pace the room, waiting for the others to show. His phone pinged inhis hand. He read the message on the lock screen. ‘ Be there in 10 ,’ Hongjoong’s message read. Seonghwa sat down again. He had to keepcontrol of the pack for ten more minutes. He needed to make sure Jongho didn’t say anythinguntil Hongjoong arrived. He wasn’t ready to handle the chaos alone. Yunho arrived next, taking one glance at the three seated men before joining them silently.Seonghwa smiled weakly, appreciative of the tall Alpha’s intuition. Mingi and San arrivedmoments later, entering together. Mingi’s face was slightly swollen, indicating that he hadalready been asleep when Seonghwa had sent the message. The six of them sat in tensesilence, waiting patiently for Hongjoong’s arrival. When the door beeped five minutes later, everyone straightened in their seats, Seonghwaincluded. He glanced at Jongho briefly, the younger looking unsettled. "What happened?" Hongjoong asked as he kicked off his shoes, and entered the dorm. Hiswords triggered a reaction from the previously silent group. "Yeah, what happened?" San echoed, standing up from his seat. “I had to wake Mingi forthis.” "Is it because of Yeo? He smelled really upset when he came home," Yunho spoke up, lookingaround the room. Jongho flinched beside him at his words. Seonghwa patted Jongho’s thighscomfortingly before making his way to Hongjoong. “I’m just worried about Yeosang,” Seonghwa told him, before turning to the members. “He’salready been going through a lot and tonight might have pushed him a bit further than weintended.” “What did you do?” Yunho turned to Jongho with a disapproving frown. Seonghwa bit his lipnervously at Yunho’s immediate reaction. Jongho glanced at him, waiting for him to nodencouragingly before repeating what he had told him to the rest of the pack.When Jongho got to the part where he had told Yeosang it was unfair to them, the roomerupted with reactions as five people spoke up simultaneously. “Why the fuck would you talk for us?” San snapped, standing up and putting distancebetween them. "You didn't!" Mingi gasped, sleepy eyes doubling in size. "Are you serious?" Yunho looked at him incredulously. "Jongho…," Hongjoong sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know damn well it was unfair of you to say that to him,” Wooyoung glared at Jongho,voice louder than everyone else's. Maybe that was the reason Jongho chose to respond tohim. "I didn’t lie!” Jongho stood, arms raised defensively. "I simply said he could just say no nexttime and that it's hard to play this guessing game since he never wants to say thingsexplicitly," Jongho's pitch had gotten higher as he spoke, noticing the appalled expressionson the majority of the faces in the room. His defence got even more aggravated reactionsfrom the pack. "Jongho, you know he- oh my God," Mingi stood up, hands on his head. As the tension in the room escalated, San made his way to Seonghwa’s side. Seonghwaglanced at him briefly but the Alpha made no comment, instead wrapping his arms aroundhim from behind and burying his face in Seonghwa’s neck. "Why would you put that all on him?" Yunho asked any trace of softness wiped off hisexpression. Seonghwa grimaced, feeling bad for the youngest Alpha. Since Yunho was alwayssmiling, he was twice as scary when he was upset. He wanted to step in for the younger butHongjoong grabbed his arm, shaking his head. Seonghwa shuffled nervously, waiting to seewhat Hongjoong planned on doing. San’s hands tightened around his waist and he lifted hishead, pressing his cheek against the elder’s face. Seonghwa knew that San had initiallyapproached him to avoid the yelling and upset near Jongho so his heart swelled at the factthat the young Alpha was trying to help Seonghwa relax despite his own unease. Seonghwacovered San’s arms with his own, encouraging him to hold on tighter. "What? I wasn't wrong! I have no idea what he's thinking and I don't have the damned bondto check!" Jongho snapped back at Yunho. "Please, like you ever checked," Wooyoung scoffed, glaring angrily at Jongho. Seonghwa’seyes widened as Jongho's face darkened. Unable to wait for Hongjoong to step in, Seonghwatried to stop Jongho from saying whatever it was as he spun to face the omega. “Guys, thi-,” Seonghwa’s words were drowned out by Jongho’s growl. "Oh, that's fucking rich coming from you," Jongho said harshly. "My bond with Yeosang hadbeen malnourished, yours was fine. If anyone could have checked in on him properly, it wasyou, not me." Wooyoung’s bond filled with pain, the expression mirrored on his face. Clarity hit Jongho ashe realised the impact of his words and his expression softened. "Woo, I-," he started but Wooyoung cut him off with a raised hand. "Either way, I wasn't the one who had to open their big ass mouth and tell him he was wrongfor keeping his shut, was I?" Wooyoung retaliated before Jongho could apologise, angrytears wetting his cheeks. “Enough,” Hongjoong bellowed, the volume startling everyone. Seonghwa stared at him inshock. Hongjoong never raised his voice, no matter how difficult the pack was. Seonghwa’sbrows furrowed in concern. This situation had gotten too far out of hand. "Wooyoung, you’re doing exactly what Jongho did to Yeosangie. Jongho might havemisspoken but you’re absolutely out of line for acting like he was the only one who failedYeosang when we were bonded,” Hongjoong told the upset omega. “And Jongho,” Hongjoong switched targets before Wooyoung could respond. “The way youresponded was completely out of line. I know you’re not in the best place today but this iswhen you need to control yourself the most. You hurt two people you love with your wordstoday,” Hongjoong looked at the young Alpha pointedly. Seonghwa could physically see the fight drain out of Jongho at Hongjoong’s words. “Woo-,” Jongho turned to Wooyoung slowly. The omega wiped his cheeks roughly, refusingto meet his faze. “Hyung,” Jongho called out again. Wooyoung peeked at him this time. “I’msorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Wooyoung sniffled and wiped his cheeks again. “Whatever, you weren’t wrong,” he mumbled,ducking his head. “Still, I shouldn’t have said it in a bid to hurt you,” Jongho apologised sincerely. “I started it,” Wooyoung pouted. “I’m sorry too.” Jongho nodded in acceptance and Wooyoung threw himself at the Alpha as he started to cryagain. “I didn’t mean it. I just feel so bad for Yeosangie,” he sobbed into Jongho’s neck, scentinghim for comfort. “He was just trying to get Yeosang to understand that we would be fine no matter how hechooses to express himself,” Mingi spoke up, trying to soothe Wooyoung. “Yes, but he failed to take into consideration that-,” San dropped his head to Seonghwa’sshoulder, stopping himself mid-sentence. Seonghwa waited with the others as San tried tofind a nicer way of what he wanted to say. When San lifted his head again, he spoke calmly,“it’s a lot of pressure to put on Yeosang. I thought we agreed to take it slow to rebuild histrust.” San looked around the room. Seonghwa nodded in agreement. They had. After Yeosang had returned, they had sat down onhow to proceed with the changes. All of them knew they needed to work to convince Yeosangto rejoin the pack. There were disagreements among them as to exactly what Yeosang hadmeant by feeling like he didn’t fit in because they were all together. San, Hongjoong, andWooyoung were convinced that this meant that Yeosang was interested in them romantically.Mingi and Yunho thought it meant that Yeosang was uncomfortable with their relationshipand Jongho was somewhere in the middle. Seonghwa, however, was doing his best to notmake assumptions. He thought it best to spell things out for Yeosang and to allow him tomake an informed decision. The rest of the pack weren’t ready to take that step though andso, they had settled on trying to slowly mend their relationship with Yeosang and just showhim that they cared for him no matter what. "Well, I think we can all agree that Jongho went about it terribly," Hongjoong sighed. "Whether he meant it or not, his words had a pretty big impact on Yeosang. And, I want toremind you, Jongho-ya, that we don't have Yeosang's trust. Where you think your relationshipwith him is; he's not there. He's overthinking everything. That's why we agreed to give himspace and take it slow. You went against that agreement." Jongho deflated at Hongjoong’s scolding. He looked down dejectedly. "All the conversations in the world could happen but until we show Yeosang how we feel,we'll still see no progress. He has to feel safe before anything else,” Seonghwa remindedthem sternly. If they fail at this, they may as well give up then. ****** Although the events of last night with his pack had been resolved, there still remained apalpable tension in the group that they couldn’t seem to shake off. He knew it was gettingharder for the others to give Yeosang his space. Jongho’s impulsivity had been a result of thisfactor. Prior to this past week, none of them had gone so long as to not spend time withYeosang on the clock. They were regularly scheduled to be together, whether it was forsomething as mundane as dance practice or a radio event. This small moment, sitting in aquiet corner with San and Yeosang, was probably the most intimate interaction Seonghwahad been privy to with the younger omega since the bond snapped. It filled Seonghwa with asense of peace. No matter what happened, they were going to get through it. They were one,after all.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Isn’t that right, Yeosang-ssi?” Mingi asked, leaning over to see him past San’s body. Yeosang smiled and nodded in agreement, silently praying that he had not just walked into atrap. It wouldn’t be the first time his members had played this trick, proving that he hadzoned out during the conversation. Thankfully, today didn’t seem to be the case as Mingi satback in his seat and nodded in affirmation at the production team before them. Yeosanghoped he hadn’t agreed to some ridiculous terms for the second day of filming but he wouldfind out then. Right now, he was counting down the minutes until the director called it quits. He had no idea why the program wanted to do these interviews now, especially consideringthey would still be filming with them tomorrow. They were filming for a variety show withjust the eight of them. The concept was that of a vacation trip but Yeosang felt anything butrelaxed. With constantly rolling cameras on him for the past fourteen hours, Yeosang had nothad a moment of reprieve. The idea of falling asleep on camera only to wake up to it as wellmade his stomach roll. And all these ridiculous interviews were getting under his skin. It washis third interview of the day. Wouldn’t it make more sense to do the interviews all at once? The staff had said they wanted to get their thoughts while it was still fresh but Yeosang wasreaching his breaking point. He plastered on a soft smile, rolling his shoulders subtly to tryand shake off the tension. The others were struggling too. Their day has been just as long ashis but they were still functioning. He could pull through this. The relief when the interviews ended was short-lived. The staff gathered them in the livingroom and announced that they had one last game to play before they slept. “Is it about who makes breakfast?” Wooyoung asked, hand raised high above his head.Yeosang did not understand how the omega was able to keep his energy up. The productionteam had made them play multiple games throughout the day. They’d decided what activitiesthey did, where they went, and what they ate through a thousand mini-games. Knowing them,this last game was where they slept. “You might have noticed that all the rooms here are not the same,” the head writer affirmedhis thoughts. When they arrived at the vacation home, they had all taken a tour of the space.There were three bedrooms. One room had a king-sized bed, the second a double bed, thethird two single beds with a floor mattress, and the last, two floor mattresses. As the writerexplained the game and prizes, Yeosang fervently hoped for a single bed. “Last place is sleeping on the couch,” she finished, gesturing to the loveseat San andWooyoung were cuddling on. The revelation resulted in an onslaught of loud complaints from the pack, Yeosang voicinghis agreement to every few of their points. When the dust had settled, the rules still remained. The competition for the game was fierce as everyone turned on one another in a bid for theking bed. Surprisingly, Seonghwa emerged victorious. Hongjoong and Yunho ended up onthe double bed, Jongho and Wooyoung on the single bed, and San and Mingi on the floormattresses. This left Yeosang with the cramped loveseat. Though he had been aiming for thesingles, he was relieved that he would still have his own space. At least he wasn’t left toshare a bed. The production team stuck around as they prepared for bed, cameras filming them even in thebathrooms. Yeosang was on the verge of collapse. His omega was incredibly tense andoverstimulated and he was desperate for a moment without a camera in his face. As the nightcame to an end, Yeosang crawled under the blanket strewn on the sofa. He could hear themuffled laughter coming from the rooms down the hall as they prepared for bed and wasfilled with an odd mixture of happiness, jealousy, and resentment. He loved to hear their joy,he wished he could participate with ease but he also needed them to settle down so theproduction team and their million cameras would leave. After what felt like an eternity offaking sleep, the staff turned their equipment off and retreated silently, leaving Yeosang alonein a dark room. Yeosang slowly relaxed, prepared for the physical reaction of his repressed emotions. He wasone step ahead though, and well versed in managing himself. He sat up and pressed his backagainst the seat, pulling his knees to his chest. His heart thumped irregularly in his chest,feeling as though it was skipping beats. Yeosang choked on an inhale, chest tight beyondbelief. Instinctively, he reached out mentally, searching for Wooyoung’s bond to help regulatehimself. Coming up empty, Yeosang was hit with immense isolation. Maybe it was time torejoin his parent's pack. It would be mortifying to go crawling back at his age but he had toadmit he needed the connection. He had never been alone like this before and he was slowlyreaching his breaking point. “Five,” he murmured, looking around the dark living room. The only light came from thevent hood in the kitchen, diffusing the space with barely visible shadows. His watch, the sofa, the coffee table, the lamp, and the vase. Yeosang closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He was so sick and tired of his constantanxiety attacks. He hated that he was constantly on a hair trigger, one bad moment away froma breakdown. The soreness in his shoulders travelled down to his shoulder blades, causing hisback to cramp. Yeosang could hear motion further in the house, the members movingbetween the rooms quietly. He was familiar with the routine. After a schedule like this, theAlphas would rally, no matter how tired they were, to help the omegas regulate. Yeosangsqueezed his eyes, trying to drown out the noises as the desperate longing threatened tooverwhelm him. “Four,” he exhaled. His satin pyjamas pants, the soft blanket, the rough fabric of the loveseat, his hair. Yeosang had read about this grounding technique long ago but he didn't get many chances touse it. Normally, his attacks were far more overwhelming and he struggled to think clearly. Today though, he was lucid enough to remember the steps. “Three,” he inhaled. His own breaths, the ticking clock, footsteps. Yeosang raised his head, looking down the hall as a slender figure materialised from thedarkness. He swallowed harshly, choking back the emotions his body was trying to dispel.His scent had soured already but he wasn’t bothered by that. As long as they didn’t notice, hewould manage. ‘Two,’ he thought, resting his cheek on his knee, watching Hongjoong pass him and head tothe kitchen. However, ever since Hongjoong had appeared, all the effort Yeosang had put intorelaxing himself had flown out the door. His body was tense once more as he anxiouslywatched the Captain move around the kitchen, nervous he would notice how close to theprecipice Yeosang was standing. It took more effort to focus, making the technique feeluseless. Still, he tried. The detergent on his blanket, Hongjoong’s woodsy scent. Hongjoong made his way back, a glass of warm milk in his hand. However, instead ofheading towards the hall, he came to Yeosang’s side. “Hey, you up?” Hongjoong asked softly, the inquiry a simple courtesy. Yeosang looked up athim from his seat, the answer glaringly obvious. Hongjoong smiled and placed the glass onthe coffee table. He settled down on the seat beside him, pinning his blanket beneath him. “How’re you feeling?” Yeosang looked at the trapped material, wishing he could pull it out and cover himself. Hefelt too exposed, even in the darkness. He answered carefully, “Fine. What’s up?” “Nothing, just checking in,” Hongjoong turned to face him, resting an arm on the back of thecouch. Yeosang’s eyebrows furrowed momentarily before understanding dawned on him. TheAlphas had rallied and, now that he was an Omega, one of them had come to find him. Rather than relief, Yeosang was surprised to feel irritation bubbling in his chest. He lookedaway. Just moments ago, he had been yearning for exactly this but now that Hongjoong satbefore him, he wanted to be left alone. Once again, everything felt so performative. Yeosang had spent many hard days like todayalone, pushed to the side because everyone thought him to be self-sufficient. After a while,he’d had no choice but to fill those shoes. He’d spent years developing his copingmechanisms but everything had always been temporary. Eventually, it would stop workingand the knot in his chest would just grow tighter. And every single time, he’d longed foranyone to notice. He couldn’t bring himself to ask for help, especially since everyone wastelling him that he shouldn’t need it. He had just silently hoped that someone would notice.Now though, with a label to validate his feelings, his group mates were making the effort buthe found that he hated it. Despite Yunho’s reassurance, everything they did felt like aperformance. If he wasn’t careful and relied too heavily on them, he would end up a uselessburden. “I’m good, I know how to handle it,” Yeosang said politely. Hongjoong’s lowered his headsilently. Yeosang heard him take a shaky breath before he raised his head once more, a sadsmile on his face. Yeosang frowned, the expression hurting his heart. “I know you can,” Hongjoong said softly, putting his hand over Yeosang’s. “But I want tohelp. Please, let me?” Hongjoong was looking at him earnestly, eyes glittering in the dark room. Yeosang’s heartstuttered in response. His omega was pleading with him as well, begging him to hand overthe reins and let someone else carry the burden. Hongjoong was dependable, it cried.Hongjoong would make everything better. Unable to turn away Hongjoong’s sincere pleading or his own desires, Yeosang relented. Heshrugged. Hongjoong tongued his teeth, studying Yeosang carefully as though he was tryingto decipher what Yeosang’s shrug had meant. Jongho’s criticism echoes in his thoughts. ‘I’m not a mind reader, hyung. None of us are,’ Jongho had said. Worried Hongjoong might be feeling conflicted, Yeosang nodded slowly. The gesture broughta smile to Hongjoong’s face and he shifted closer until their bodies were touching. Yeosang’somega melted at the touch, itching to burrow closer to the Alpha but he restrained himself.Despite the tension that filled his body, his heart was beating slowly at the moment. He wasstill fine. Hongjoong frowned. “You have to let it go,” he murmured, bringing the hand on the couch over Yeosang’sshoulder and pulling him closer. As he spoke, Hongjoong flipped over Yeosang’s hand,exposing his wrist. “Stop fighting for control. Relax your body.” Yeosang didn’t want to relax. He was holding onto control with a thread. He couldn’t bear tolet it snap right now. For one, it would be absolutely humiliating but also, Hongjoong wouldnot be able to handle it. The older man cradled his hand, thumb brushing over Yeosang’swrist gently. He focused on the sensation, watching the hypnotising motion of Hongjoong’ssteady movements. With his other hand, Hongjoong pressed softly on his temple,encouraging him to lean against him. Since Yeosang had already slumped as he sat, his cheekcame to rest on Hongjoong’s shoulder, his forehead against Hongjoong’s neck. The positionfelt oddly intimate but Hongjoong didn’t move away. Rather, he adjusted his other hand sotheir wrists could come into contact. “I’m going to scent you,” Hongjoong murmured, giving Yeosang a moment to refuse. Yeosang didn’t pull away, silently staring at their joined hands as Hongjoong stimulated hisown gland. The warm scent of sandalwood melded with his fruit scent, filling him with anodd sense of satisfaction. It felt different from when Yunho and Jongho had scented him,something so purposeful and methodical in Hongjoong’s actions. Their scents intertwined,the mixture providing Yeosang’s omega with a semblance of home and safety. There was a reason Hongjoong was the pack Alpha. Everything about him called to theothers, promising protection and comfort as long as they remained close. Yeosang had not feltthe protection that came with having a pack recently and so his omega clung to theinteraction. As they sat together in silence, Hongjoong’s pulse beating slow and steadyagainst his cheek, Yeosang slowly began to relax. Maybe it was because he was too tired to hold himself back or his curiosity won out, butYeosang found himself voicing his thoughts unprompted. “You guys have been doing that alot recently,” he commented. “Hmm?” Hongjoong tilted his head, trying to see his face. Yeosang noticed this out of hisperipheral but didn’t lift his gaze. Yeosang twisted his wrist lightly, pulling Hongjoong’s attention to it. “Scenting you?” Hongjoong asked. Yeosang nodded, his forehead accidentally grazingHongjoong’s scent gland. “Sorry,” he lifted his head slightly but Hongjoong stopped him, pushing him back down. When Yeosang settled back down, Hongjoong asked, “Would you like us to stop?” Yeosang considered his question. It was definitely different but he didn’t hate it. When he hadbeen in the pack, they had rarely scented him. Now though, within the course of one week, hehad been scented by almost all the Alphas. The behaviour was odd and, while it bothered himthat they had started this after he had left, he didn’t have the strength to lie. He couldn’t helpbut feel robbed by the behaviour though. If they had been like this before, he would not havespent years in constant pain, praying for their next touch. “Maybe we’re trying to stake a claim,” Hongjoong said lightly after a stretched silence. Yeosang furrowed his brows at the statement. “Why?” he asked. “Well, speaking for myself personally, it’s been…” Hongjoong paused suddenly, looking upat the ceiling. Yeosang looked up too, trying to read his expression. Though all he could seewas the sharp angle of Hongjoong’s jaw and the graceful line of his neck, he couldn’t tear hisgaze away. He waited, watching the bobble of Hongjoong’s Adam’s apple as he formulatedhis thoughts. “Having you out of my pack has been really hard. I know you left for a reason and I respectthat. It’s just, you’ve been mine for so long,” Hongjoong spoke to the ceiling. “Now thatyou’re not, it feels so empty here.” Hongjoong released his wrist, rubbing at the centre of hischest. His normally earthy scent had taken on a smokey undertone, carrying his sadness. “Iknow no one else knows right now outside of our staff and families but, I’m just so scaredevery day that someone’s going to whisk you away and I’ll lose any chance of ever gettingyou back.” Yeosang’s own chest echoed the agony in Hongjoong’s words. He leaned closer toHongjoong, wrapping his arm around his waist comfortingly. Hongjoong’s words carved ahole in his chest, filling him with doubt. He’d thought for so long that his existence didn’tmatter much to them. He’d felt like an extra, someone tagging along just because they couldnot get rid of him nicely. Now though, Hongjoong sat beside him, vulnerably expressing hisfears and Yeosang didn’t know how to relieve them. He couldn’t make empty promises,swearing to stay when he was still so conflicted. But the sorrow emitting from the Captainwas undeniable. “Hyung,” Yeosang murmured, not sure what else to say. Hongjoong’s head lowered, his chinresting on Yeosang’s temple and the arm around him tightening. “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad or pressure you, Sang-ah,” Hongjoong said, just assoftly. “I just need you to know how precious you are to me. I’d chase you to the ends of theworld if I had to,” Hongjoong said devotedly. Yeosang hugged him tighter, not sure what he could say to Hongjoong’s declaration. He hadforgotten how close he was to Hongjoong’s neck and accidentally rubbed at his scent glandagain. Hongjoong’s pheromones burst out, the familiar scent so heady in such a large dose.Yeosang inhaled secretly before pulling back slightly but Hongjoong cupped the back of hishead, encouraging him to stay still. "It's okay, you don’t have to say anything," the Captain promised. “Just stay with me a littlelonger, hmm?” Yeosang was tempted to pull away. The situation had gotten so far out of his control, that hedidn't even know where to start to remedy it. What had started as Hongjoong coming tocomfort him had turned into something so emotionally taxing, that Yeosang could barelybreathe. So many unexpected occurrences had thrown him off course in so little time and hewas floundering in deep waters with nothing to hold onto. Hongjoong felt like a glowingbuoy, promising to hold him afloat long enough for him to regain his strength. It took amoment to build up the courage, but he relaxed again, melding his forehead into the nook ofHongjoong’s neck. "We're okay. I'll make sure of it," Hongjoong promised, resting his cheek against Yeosang’stemple. Hongjoong's scent grew stronger as he purposely released calming pheromones, thefingers in his hair encouraging him to relax. The gentle touch and the warm scent ofsandalwood helped wash away the budding anxiety that had been sitting in his stomach. Hongjoong's scent called to him, beckoning him closer until Yeosang could no longer resist. He tilted his head slightly in an attempt to better smell him. Overestimating the space, hisnose gently caressed Hongjoong’s gland. Yeosang froze, waiting for a stern scolding forcrossing the line but Hongjoong just leaned closer, pressing closer to Yeosang’s face."Go ahead," Hongjoong cupped the back of his head, holding him steady. Yeosang's heart stuttered. Was Hongjoong really inviting him to scent his neck? Yeosang hadnever done it before with the pack Alpha. His only experience with that type of scenting hadbeen with Wooyoung, prior to their presentations. He had just recently rejected Jongho out offear because this type of scenting was considered pretty intimate. If Hongjoong was allowingit though, no one would be upset. Though he may not act like it, Hongjoong had the last wordwhen it really came down to it. Hongjoong's nails lightly scratched at his scalp encouragingly as he tilted his head backslightly in an open invitation. Unable to gather the courage to nuzzle him, Yeosang settled forbreathing deeply. The warm, woody scent filled his senses, instantly soothing his frayed nerves. Hongjoonghad always stood strong and unwavering, radiating a sense of stability and so, despite theAlpha's smaller stature, Yeosang found himself fully resting against the pack Alpha. Hongjoong bore his weight silently, rotating between massaging his neck and scratching hisscalp. Yeosang knew he shouldn't allow this to continue. He shouldn't take advantage ofHongjoong's guilt. He had been so adamant that he wouldn't settle for their pitying obligationand yet, now that he was face to face with it, he couldn't find the strength to step away. Hescoffed, a soft burst of air puffing against Hongjoong's neck. Hongjoong's scent grew headier,slowly burning away his shame. Yeosang could hear the soft murmurs from the Alpha but he couldn’t focus on the words,completely surrounded by this warm cocoon Hongjoong had created around him. Hongjoong's tender touches snuck past his self-control and he found himself feeling fuzzilywarm. Without really thinking about it, Yeosang gently nuzzled Hongjoong's gland. He washit with a burst of pheromones so warm and sweet that he couldn't think about anything butgetting more. He rubbed his cheek against his gland, wanting to absorb the scent into his ownscent profile. As Hongjoong’s pheromones flooded his senses, he no longer cared aboutanything outside of Hongjoong's soft skin and woodsy scent. All of the tension of the daymelted away and Yeosang's larger body slumped against the small Captain as his limbs turnedinto jello, unable to withstand his own weight. His eyelids grew heavy as he grew drowsy, hisomega finding complete security for the first time in forever. “Goodnight,” Hongjoong murmured against his temple. Yeosang hummed in response, toorelaxed to move his jaw as sleep overtook him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The clock ticked silently, the numbers staring at him tauntingly. It was already 2 a.m. andYeosang had still not returned. Wooyoung was beginning to grow concerned. Yeosang hadsaid he would be back last night but it was already past midnight. Wooyoung had been eagerto wait for him since he had been gone for four days already. After the previous week ofgruelling schedules, the company had granted them a week’s vacation before they threwthemselves into comeback preparations. He had been looking forward to spending time withhis favourite person but the latter had surprised them all by announcing that he would bespending the break at his parents home. Wooyoung had been gutted. This was their only freetime for the foreseeable future and Yeosang had wanted to spend it as far away from them aspossible. He’d stupidly believed that things were improving. Ever since the night that Yeosang hadscented Hongjoong, he’d been more laid back, a glimmer of the old Yeosang starting to shinethrough. But he had run again at the first opportunity granted. To make matters worse, Mingihad run into Yeosang and his lawyers leaving the CEO’s office a couple of days ago,reminding Wooyoung of a fact that he had been trying to forget lately. Yeosang still wasn’t willing to rejoin the pack and he was adamant on leaving the group.Frustrated, Wooyoung sighed, and kicked the throw blanket off of him. He was startled whenSan snapped beside him. “Jung Wooyoung, I swear to God-,” San threatened, cutting himself off with a short growl.Wooyoung pressed his lips together tightly, stifling a laugh as he grabbed the blanket off thefloor. “Sorry, sorry,” he appeased, taking care to tuck San in delicately. He has been so lost inthought, he had forgotten that San was sharing the blanket with him. He knew San wasalready on edge, grumpy for being awake for so long. When Yeosang had announced in thegroup chat that he would be returning early, Wooyoung had decided he would wait for him inhis dorm. However, Yeosang had not given a specific time and so Wooyoung had just hungaround the entire day. Initially, Jongho, Yunho, and Mingi had waited with them but they hadtapped out at midnight, Jongho declaring the day officially over. Only he and San hadremained and yet, two hours later, Yeosang was still nowhere to be seen. Wooyoung sighed again, grabbed his iced coffee off the table and took a long drag of thewatered down drink. Yeosang would definitely be home before the sun rose. They sat insilence for another couple of minutes before San grabbed the remote and turned off thetelevision. “It’s late, Young-ah. He’s not coming back tonight,” he said, untangling himself from thecocoon Wooyoung had stuffed him into. “I’m going to bed. You coming?” Wooyoung was almost tempted to give up; San’s offer was extremely appealing. Stubbornly,he shook his head. “He is. He said so,” Wooyoung said firmly. “Okay,” San smiled tightly and ruffled his hair. “No more coffee though.” The sternexpression on the Alpha’s face pulled Wooyoung out of his melancholy briefly and hegrabbed San’s face. He loved how thoughtful and caring San was, even if some of theirboyfriends’ affectionately called him domineering. He showed his appreciation with a seriesof kisses, San tiredly allowing him to kiss him to his heart's content before freeing him.“Goodnight,” Wooyoung, giving him one final kiss. San sleepily returned his farewell,standing with a laboured groan. Wooyoung hid a smile again. Sometimes, San really did actlike an old man. Wooyoung followed him to the door, disappointed that his partner in crime was leaving himbehind. San paused on his way out, turning to look at him carefully. Wooyoung poutedexaggeratedly, hoping it’ll encourage the Alpha to change his mind but San just chuckled,poking his forehead lightly. “Don’t stay up too long,” San reminded him. “I know, I’ll just wait one more hour,” Wooyoung promised. The Alpha pursed his lips, frowning as he considered something. “Actually, wake Yunho upin an hour if he’s still not home. Send a message in the group chat also. I’ll leave mynotifications on.” Wooyoung agreed easily. If Yeosang didn’t come home soon, it was definitely cause forconcern. San bid him goodnight one more time before exiting, leaving him alone in an emptyfoyer. He sighed, pulling out his phone. Seonghwa had been the last to message in the groupchat, acknowledging Yeosang’s text. He reread Yeosang’s texts again. Hey (4:36 p.m.)I’ll be coming back to the dorm tonight (4:37 p.m.)might be late (9:49 p.m.)going for dinner with my noona ^_^ (9:49 p.m.) Wooyoung had simply liked the messages and had refrained from texting Yeosang since heknew he was going to be out with his sister. It had taken a lot of effort but he didn’t want tocome off as overbearing, especially since Yeosang was finally returning. He would have threedays with him before their work began once more. The automated light shut off as he staredat his phone, leaving him in the dark. He bit his lip, finger hovering over Yeosang’s name. Itwas 2 in the morning! Wooyoung was just being a good friend. It was far too late for Yeosangto be outside gallivanting doing God knows what! Before he could fall too deep into his imagination of Yeosang’s night out in the town, thefront door beeped. Wooyoung lit up, rushing to open the door. “Yeosang-ah,” Wooyoung cried out as he threw the door open, throwing himself at theomega. Yeosang jumped back, moving just out of his reach as he looked up at him startled. “What took you so long?” he whined, throwing himself at Yeosang once more. This time, hestood still, allowing Wooyoung to drape himself against him dramatically. He pulled backquickly, grabbing Yeosang’s face in his hands. “Do I have to start paying to see your face?” he asked grumpily. Wooyoung took in hisimage: the fluffy hair, the bright eyes, the red birthmark, his plush lips. He wished he couldkiss Yeosang as easily as he had kissed San moments ago, the man before him too precious tojust look at. Yeosang chuckled lightly and pushed his hands away. “Maybe,” he joked. “Why are you up so late?” Yeosang asked, stepping over the thresholdand holding the door open for Wooyoung to come back in. “What do you mean why am I up so late? I was waiting for you!” Wooyoung huffed,stomping in and stepping up into the rest of the house. “Oh,” Yeosang nodded as though it was perfectly natural to come home and be ambushed inthe doorway. It was one of the things Wooyoung loved about Yeosang. He was so acceptingof Wooyoung’s behaviour, no matter how random it may be. “You’re late,” Wooyoung pointed out, crossing his arms. “I said I would be,” Yeosang replied, taking his shoes off and placing them neatly on theshelf. Wooyoung narrowed his eyes as his dismissive response. Yeosang tilted his headcuriously. Wooyoung narrowed his eyes even more, looking at Yeosang through two slits.Yeosang cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Are you going tomove?” “I guess,” Wooyoung mused, snatching Yeosang’s bag out of his hand and turned to marchtowards his bedroom. “Now that you’re here, we can sleep.” Wooyoung announced, mentallycrossing his fingers. He hoped that if he moved with enough confidence, Yeosang wouldn’tfind his request odd and allow him to spend the night. It had been ages since they’d slepttogether, just the two of them. Yes, they’d roomed together for years and shared hotel rooms.They had even cuddled to sleep together on camera as they lay like packed sardines with therest of the pack. But it had been longer than he could remember since it had just been the twoof them and he really needed just one night. “In my room?” Yeosang asked, voice trailing after him. Wooyoung nodded, turning to walkbackwards. “Together?” he clarified, looking absolutely bewildered. Wooyoung’s confidence faltered. Would Yeosang be too uncomfortable? He knew thatYeosang liked his space. Whereas Wooyoung always wanted to be doing something with thepeople close to him, Yeosang enjoyed his solitude. Was Wooyoung pushing too hard? He hadthought that Yeosang’s aversion to his and the other omega’s touch had been amisunderstanding. What he had initially believed to be stemming from Yeosang’s naturalreservedness had turned out to be concern about the Alphas reactions. Yeosang’s omega hadgrown anxious around them and had taught him to keep his distance. Wooyoung wasn’t toosure how he had gotten to that conclusion since the Alphas in the group weren’t thosetraditional Alpha’s who believed a mated omega was their property. Still, now that thosemisunderstandings had been cleared, shouldn’t Yeosang be fine having a sleepover with him? Still, he nodded brightly. “Yeah, it’ll be like old times,” he said with forced cheerfulness. Like always, he would fake ituntil he made it. He did this in all aspects of his life. It was how he had befriended ATEEZ,how he had mustered up the courage to ask Hongjoong for help during his heats, how he hadconvinced the world that nothing embarrassed him. It would hopefully be how he mended hisbroken relationship with Yeosang. And so he pressed forwards, switching to begging whenYeosang looked like he would turn him away “Please, Sang-ah? Please, please, please?” Wooyoung pleaded, eyes widening to makehimself cuter. Yeosang had never fallen for it before but, every now and then, he would relentsimply for optics. Today was thankfully one of those days. “Okay, but I need to shower first,” his best friend told him. Wooyoung squealed, quicklysuppressing it when Yeosang’s eyes widened, looking towards Yunho’s bedroom. “Sorry,” he whispered, trying to hide a grin. It resulted in an obnoxious smirk that Yeosanggracefully ignored. “That’s fine, I’ll just wait in bed,” Wooyoung responded to his earliercomment, twirling then skipping the rest of the way towards Yeosang’s bedroom. “Did you drink coffee?” Yeosang asked, trailing after him. Wooyoung chuckled inwardly. Leave it to Yeosang to immediately figure out why he was so high energy. After all theseyears, no one knew him like Yeosang did. It filled him with a burst of warmth. His motherhad always said that to be loved was to be known and no one embodied that quite like KangYeosang. He had thought he knew Yeosang too but this past month’s events had provenotherwise. It hurt to know that something he had thought to be unbreakable had shattered sothoroughly without him even noticing. He quickly pushed those thoughts outside. Yeosangwas still here. It wasn’t unrepairable. “What gave it away?” Wooyoung replied, pushing the door open. His stomach tightened atthe sight of his room, remembering the last time he had been in here. He could feel the ghostof their missing bond tickling at his senses, the agonising pain rearing its head once more. Hequickly put up his barriers, not wanting to disrupt the others in their sleep. He inhaled deeplyto ground himself, his nose filling with the scent of cherry tinted with freshly cut grass.Yunho’s presence eased some of his pain. Yeosang wasn’t as isolated anymore. Still, it wasn’tenough. Wooyoung made a mental note to scent as much of Yeosang’s space before he left sohe could really leave his mark behind. “You can…,” Yeosang trailed off, gesturing to his room in an open invitation to make himselfcomfortable. Wooyoung didn’t need to be told twice, jumping onto Yeosang’s bed and laying down on hisside. He patted the spot next to him invitingly. “I’ll be here waiting, honey,” he flirted.Yeosang rolled his eyes, turning to head to his closet without a word. Wooyoung giggled tohimself, having noticed the way Yeosang’s cheeks had darkened in response. He wanted tocoo and tease him further but he tempered his mischievous side down. Yeosang avoided eyecontact as he headed to the washroom with a bundle of clean clothes in his arms. “Hurry up,” Wooyoung called after him, rolling off of his bed. He needed to get ready for bedtoo. He had already showered earlier and done his night time routine but he had yet to brushhis teeth after drinking coffee. When Wooyoung returned from Yunho’s bathroom, Yeosang was still in the shower.Wooyoung decided now was the time to scent Yeosang’s bedroom and infuse his scent in thespace. He used to do this when he roomed with Yeosang all the time. His friend wouldalways pretend to be annoyed but Wooyoung knew he hadn’t truly been upset. He startedwith the closet, rubbing some of Yeosang’s clothes against his scent glands. He focusedparticularly on the recognisable items, since they were things Yeosang wore often. As he wasburrowing through the closet in search of Yeosang’s favourite items, he came upon a familiarblue bunny. “Oh! He still has you!” Wooyoung held the doll up into the light, turning it around to inspect it. Yeosang and him had won it at an arcade in a claw machine years ago, back when theywere still in high school. It had taken multiple failures from the both of them until Yeosanghad finally succeeded. He had offered it to Wooyoung but Wooyoung had turned it down,declaring he had rightfully won it. Despite how old it was, the bunny was still in great shape. After scenting it, Wooyoung made the executive decision that it didn’t deserve to live in thedarkest corner of Yeosang’s closet and brought it out to his bed, flopping down beside it.He rolled onto his side, scavenging in Yeosang’s nightstand for a charger. They both sharedthe same phone model and, since Yeosang tended to lose things often, Wooyoung knew healways kept extra chargers. After plugging his phone in, Wooyoung lay on his back and heldup the blue bunny. “He took good care of you,” he murmured to the relic of their past. He missed those days, when everything had been so easy. His crush on Yeosang had beennothing more than a school boy crush, making it easier to be himself around him. Ever sincehis feelings had deepened, Wooyoung found himself constantly controlling his naturalreactions, reading into every interaction and then doubting his scrutiny. It was exhausting. Heremembered the early days, after they had begun presenting. Nothing had changed and yet,everything had. Everyone had presented as expected but Yeosang had shocked them all. Inhindsight, they really should have known. They had been a hundred percent sure he wouldpresent as an omega and were taken aback by his beta presentation. When their mandatorylessons on their subgenders had begun, Yeosang had begun to behave differently andWooyoung had been so confused. He remembered adamantly arguing with one of histeachers, unwilling to believe that Yeosang’s changed behaviour was due to his subgender. And yet, that’s what everyone insisted on and so, he started to believe it. “Really?” Yeosang’s voice snapped him out of his dark musings and he panicked, worried histhoughts had affected his scent. A quick sniff relaxed him, his cinnamon scent only slightlyspicy. Wooyoung lowered the bunny. “You still have him,” he commented, placing it down carefully. “You scented my things,” Yeosang said, brows furrowed in familiar annoyance. Wooyoungsmiled. Yeosang really was much more expressive lately. “Yes, really,” Wooyoung answered smugly. “I don’t like that your room doesn’t smell likeme,” he huffed dramatically. Yeosang had been drying his hair with a towel but, at Wooyoung’s words, he stopped andtilted his head like a confused puppy. “Why should it smell like you?” Yeosang asked, face frighteningly innocent, as though therereally was no reason his scent should fill the space. Wooyoung’s heart stuttered, his breathcatching in his throat. “What do you mean why? We’re a pack!” Wooyoung huffed, hurt. Yeosang raised his browsin surprise and Wooyoung quickly realised his mistake. “I mean… we’re- we’re bestfriends!” Wooyoung corrected, albeit sadly. It was still hard to accept that Yeosang was nolonger a pack member. In all honesty, he didn’t think it would ever get easier. Every smallreminder poked at the open wound on his heart, exasperating the pain, never allowing it toheal. He no longer had the comforting presence of Yeosang’s bond or the status of a packfamily. They had reverted to just friends and, while Wooyoung was grateful he still had that,he needed more. “Sure,” Yeosang said dismissively, going back to drying his hair. Wooyoung’s hearttightened. “What do you mean sure? We are, aren’t we?” he asked, studying Yeosang’s face closely. Yeosang looked completely unbothered but Wooyoung could see a tightness in his expressionthat hadn’t been there before. Yeosang shrugged. “Sure,” he said again, expression unmoving. Wooyoung frowned,uneasiness bubbling in his gut. Yeosang’s behaviour was almost contemptuous, like he washolding onto something that he didn’t want to voice aloud but was struggling to keep close tohis chest. He wanted to dig out whatever it was, scared of the insinuation in Yeosang’s tone. “Kang Yeosang! Stop saying sure like that! Why can’t you just say yes?” Wooyoung presseddesperately. “Yes,” Yeosang said placatingly without a moment's hesitation. The discomfort in Wooyoung’s stomach grew exponentially, spreading to his chest. Yeosangwas being purposefully difficult. It had been so long since Wooyoung had seen him like thisthat he floundered, unsure how to react. Yeosang was normally calm, kind and easygoing. Hewas gentle in all his mannerisms and did his best to maintain peace. He rarely lost his temper,far too worried about hurting someone’s feelings. Outside of him, none of ATEEZ had everseen him like this and Wooyoung wondered if this side of him was always specificallyreserved for him. Wooyoung bit his lower lip, studying Yeosang closely. He was still dryinghis hair, studying Wooyoung with similar intensity, daring him to escalate it. Wooyoungclosed his eyes and counted to three. He couldn’t afford to meet Yeosang where he stood. Heneeded to keep his cool and handle things maturely before he accidentally pushed Yeosangfurther away. The blank look on Yeosang’s face was grating on his nerves though. Wooyoung gritted histeeth. He had already left his pack. Was he planning on truly leaving them all behind in everymanner possible? Wooyoung could live without Yeosang being in the pack and even ATEEZbut he absolutely could not live a life without Yeosang in it. To see Yeosang looking like hedidn’t care which way things went fueled his anger and he had to put effort into maintainingcontrol. “Kang Yeosang,” he bit out. “You swore on it. I’m your best friend! For life,” Wooyoung saidtightly. “Why are you being so weird about it?” Yeosang turned away, refusing to hold his gaze. He casually tossed his damp towel on theback of his chair and took a seat. “I don’t know,” Yeosang mused. “Nothing about you hasreally screamed best friend in a bit.” Wooyoung’s heart fell into his stomach. Despite the casual tone, Wooyoung felt the pain thewords carried as Yeosang busied himself with preparing his skincare, still avoiding his gaze.He wanted to argue, to refute those words but Yeosang was right. He had lost sight of whoYeosang was just because of a label. He had ignored his own gut feelings hundreds andthousands of times, telling himself that this was just how betas were. If he had made an effortto have a real conversation with Yeosang, would things have gotten this bad? He’d distractedhimself, throwing himself into his relationships with the other pack members since it had feltsafer, easier. Now, he was faced with his biggest failure and he wanted nothing more than toshut it down. Something must have happened with Yeosang before he came back. Maybe he’d had a talkwith his parents or sister but, for the first time in years, Yeosang was ready to talk. And yet, Wooyoung selfishly prayed he wouldn’t. He wasn’t sure how to react, how to respond without coming face to face with his negligence. He couldn’t afford to miss this opportunity though. Yeosang was currently on the precipice,ready to take a leap and air out his grievances, at least concerning Wooyoung. He couldn’t lethim step back tonight. Knowing Yeosang, he might not get to this point of bravery again. Toomuch had gone unsaid for far too long. He had spent far too long allowing Yeosang to pushhim away in the name of comfort. He was going to get his answers. Wooyoung took a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever was about to come out. He hadto remember to remain calm and open or Yeosang would shut him out. “I know, I’m sorry,”Wooyoung apologised. “Can you tell me how your feelings have changed?” Wooyoung askedsoftly. He was done assuming things, projecting his own ideas into Yeosang’s behaviour. Hewanted to hear from the man himself exactly what his thoughts were. Yeosang glanced at him furtively as he rubbed a cream under his eyes. “Everything,” Yeosang replied. Wooyoung’s heart thundered in his chest but he remained silent, waiting on Yeosang to continue. It seemed like Yeosang had already reached his limit though, refusing tocontinue unprompted. “Everything, how?” Wooyoung pressed after a long bout of silence. Yeosang glanced at himthrough the mirror again, quickly looking away when they made eye contact. Wooyoungclenched his fists tightly at the sight of unshed tears. He wanted to get up, to wrap Yeosang inhis arms and apologise over and over again but he wasn’t sure it would be welcome. “It’s…,” Yeosang paused again, swallowing visibly. “I- I just don’t think that… I don’t thinkI’m a priority to you anymore.” “Yeo-,” Wooyoung started to refute him but Yeosang rushed on, as though afraid to lose hiscourage. “It’s kind of like that thing with San, except…, it was all of you. As soon- I feel like as soonas you all started dating, you,” Yeosang swallowed again. “You forgot about me,” he pausedhis cream application. “Well, maybe even before then,” he muttered softly, his tone barely awhisper. Wooyoung could feel his heart being torn in half, nails digging into his palms to try and keephis composure. On a surface level, he had known Yeosang had felt neglected. He had gonethrough so much for so long without any of them recognising it. It was different hearing it outof Yeosang’s mouth though. Noticing the tight expression on Wooyoung’s face, Yeosang quickly added, “Not that-, I don’tblame you guys for it. It’s just,” Yeosang smiled at him, his eyes carrying so much anguishthat Wooyoung felt like he was choking on it. “Maybe it’s time we admit that we’re not whowe thought we’d be when we were seventeen,” Yeosang finished, his tone carrying a finalitythat crushed Wooyoung’s heart. Wooyoung rushed to Yeosang’s side, dropping to his knees before him. “Yeosang, I’m so, so,sorry,” Wooyoung didn’t know what to do other than apologise. “I know I get caught up inmyself easily and that’s my biggest shortcoming. I should have been better to you. I shouldhave paid closer attention. I should have noticed you were struggling,” Wooyoung carefullytook Yeosang’s hand in his own, sandwiching it between his own. Despair filled Yeosang’s gaze, vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. “It’s fine,” Yeosanggently pulled his hand out of Wooyoung’s grip. “If I had meant anything to you, you wouldhave. But when I needed you more than anything, you were too-,” Yeosang stopped abruptly,dropping his head and taking a deep breath. Wooyoung choked out a sob, unable to hold backhis tears at Yeosang’s words. “No, no, it’s not like that,” he whimpered, reaching for Yeosang’s hands desperately again.Yeosang quickly stood, moving out of Wooyoung’s reach. “Yeosang-ah, Yeosang, please,” heclambered to his feet. “I was wrong, I know, I was. I- I don’t know how I could ever make itup to you but-,” Wooyoung’s rambling was cut off by Yeosang shaking his head repeatedly.He grabbed a couple of tissues off his vanity and held it out for Wooyoung. Wooyoung staredat it dumbly, his apologies catching in his throat as tears streamed down his face. “It’s okay, it’s fine. Forget I said anything,” Yeosang said sorrowfully, dabbing at his cheekswith the tissues as his own spilled over. “I’m sorry, it’s fine. Don’t cry,” Yeosang brushed athis own face harshly, ridding his cheeks of any wetness as he continued to wipe atWooyoung’s cheeks. “Sang-ah,” Wooyoung said weakly, throat burning and thick with emotion. Despiteeverything, here he was apologising to Wooyoung, as though he had been the one to wronghim. “I’m serious, it’s fine,” Yeosang grabbed more tissues and held them out to Wooyoung. Hetook them numbly. “My feelings are my own problem. And it’s not fair of me to ask for morethan you or any of the other guys can give…,” he trailed off again, looking up at the ceiling. “Yeosang, I swear with everything that I am that you’re wrong,” Wooyoung sworevehemently, catching Yeosang’s face between his hands and forcing him to look at him. Thesight before him wrecked him. Yeosang’s face was hot under his hands, the matching flushfilling his cheeks with colour. His eyes were glimmering with tears he refused to allow fall. “Whatever it is that you want, you just need to ask. I can give it to you, I promise.” Wooyoung promised earnestly, swallowing past the heavy emotions. “I love you so much, ithurts,” Wooyoung couldn’t stop his eyes from tearing up as he spoke and he cut himself off,taking a deep breath. He couldn’t cry again and make Yeosang feel as though he needed tocomfort him once more. “I-,” Wooyoung bit his lip to stop the words from pouring out. Wooyoung couldn’t take itanymore. He was done with all this secrecy and planning. Yes, there were definitely benefitsto the pack’s current plan but, like all things, there needed to be room for flexibility. Yeosanghad poured out what he could and now it was Wooyoung’s turn to reciprocate. The anguish inYeosang’s eyes was unbearable and Wooyoung had run out of ideas that veered away fromtelling Yeosang the truth. His partners were all so worried about chasing Yeosang away butthey had failed to consider that Yeosang was already halfway out the door. Maybe this wouldmake him pause at least, to understand just how much he really meant to them. Wooyoung steeled himself. Rejection couldn’t hurt more than this anyways.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Yeosang’s body ached, despair woven into the very fabric of his being as Wooyoung cuppedhis face so delicately, swearing that he loved him. Regret had long consumed him, from thevery moment Wooyoung’s first tear had dropped. It sat heavily on his chest like it had aphysical form, compressing his lungs. The weight was suffocating, choking him as he staredhelplessly at the man before him whose eyes were pleading with him to just believe him. If only he hadn’t opened his mouth. He thought it a blessing in disguise when he’d come home to Wooyoung, eagerly waiting forhis return. The courage his sister had given him was still fresh in his blood. It had takenmonumental effort on her part to encourage him to open up. She had sat with him in the parknear their condominium for nearly three hours, advising him to just start with Wooyoung. Hissister had always been his guiding beacon, her advice priceless. It was difficult to open up. She had understood that.And so, she had encouraged him to open up to the one person hetrusted to be able to shoulder his burden, to understand his pain. Now though, as he watchedWooyoung fight to hold back tears, he wondered if she had been wrong. Yeosang couldn’thandle his own emotions; why did he think Wooyoung would be able to shoulder them? Yeosang hated himself more than ever. Why had he lashed out like that? Wooyoung hadn'tdeserved the vitriol he’d spat, no matter how true the words had wrung. Yeosang took hold of Wooyoung's forearms delicately. "I'm sorry," he said sorrowfully, tryingto gently detach the hands on his face. He needed distance to regain control of himself.Wooyoung’s face was infused with desperation and Yeosang knew he couldn’t calm himdown while he himself was so tightly wound up. Wooyoung immediately tightened his hold,refusing to let go. "Don't you dare apologise," Wooyoung said roughly, his voice nearly a snarl. Yeosangflinched slightly, startled by the sudden switch. Wooyoung's eyes flashed, his determinedgaze pinning Yeosang in place. "There’s nothing you need to apologise for. I,” Wooyoungsighed, hanging his hand for a second. “You're right. I was a shitty friend." "No," Yeosang interrupted, shaking his head as much as Wooyoung would allow. "I was rude,you didn't deser-," Yeosang's words were cut off by Wooyoung's hand, muffling the rest of hiswords. “Let me finish!” Wooyoung scowled, hand pressed tightly against his face. Yeosang instinctively tried to break free, pulling back but Wooyoung was ridiculously strongin moments like this. Their scuffle came to half when Yeosang backed himself into a wall,trapped between the hard surface and the determined omega. “Jung Wooyoung,” Yeosang narrowed his eyes, the words dampened and barely audible. “I’mtrying to say sorry,” he argued. Despite the suppression, Wooyoung still understood hiswords. "Well,” Wooyoung huffed, pushing his hair out of his eyes with his free hand. “Stop tryingand I'll let you go!" Wooyoung scowled. Yeosang blinked, staring at the determined man before him. Wooyoung was completelyunwilling to listen to his apology and Yeosang could no longer tell if Wooyoung was still hurtby his earlier words. Seeing that he had stopped trying to speak, Wooyoung slowly pulled hishand away. “So-,” Yeosang groaned as Wooyoung slammed his hand back over his mouth. Withoutthinking, he stuck his tongue out, licking Wooyoung’s palm. “Yeosang!” Wooyoung cried out, yanking his hand away and wiping it off on Yeosang’sshirt. The absurdity of the situation had Yeosang giggling, coughing quickly to cover it up. Howhad they ended up here? Just moments ago, Wooyoung had been crying and now, they werefighting childishly like two middle schoolers. Wooyoung’s puffy eyes widened and hepouted, pointing firmly at Yeosang. "Don't laugh, I'm being serious!" Wooyoung cried out. Yeosang shook his head, pressing his lips together to suppress his laughter, losing hiscomposure immediately at the sulky expression Wooyoung was wearing. He looked up at theceiling, carefully avoiding eye contact. It had always been this way with Wooyoung. Nomatter the severity of the situation, the smallest hair trigger could set him off, bringing himback to his carefree youth. "Yeosang!" Wooyoung stomped, laughter infusing his tone. "Listen to me!" “Okay, okay,” Yeosang agreed, still avoiding his gaze. “I’m listening,” he agreed. He wasn’tsure why he was feeling so giddy all of a sudden when not too long ago, it felt like his heartwas splitting itself open. Wooyoung’s behaviour felt so refreshing. It felt like everyone hadbeen treating him with kiddy gloves lately but Wooyoung charged in headfirst, open andunbothered. He both loved and hated this quality about Wooyoung. It was what had broughtthem so close together but also what had taken Wooyoung away from him. To haveWooyoung behaving so comfortably familiar with him, even after everything he had said tohim, made him feel like their situation just might be salvageable after all. Wooyoung seemed caught off guard by his easy agreement, stepping back slightly. “Oh, um, Iwas going to say,” Wooyoung trailed off, looking around the room before settling back onhim. “We need to dry your hair!” Wooyoung nodded firmly, reaching up to touch his head.It was painfully obvious that Wooyoung had planned on saying something else but hadchanged his mind. Curiosity gnawed at him but he kept it to himself, heading to his vanity. Yeosang often slept with damp hair but he knew how Wooyoung felt about it. He was carefulabout his haircare, especially considering the amount of tempering it deals with due to theirprofession. To avoid unnecessary breakage, Wooyoung always made sure to sleep with dryhair. It had been a point of contention when they had roomed together. He used to get soannoyed when Yeosang would go to bed with it damp. It had been hard to functionsometimes, especially with four withering bonds and a neglected omega, though he hadn’tbeen aware at the time. Oftentimes, Wooyoung would come sit on his bed and blow dryYeosang’s hair as he lay, too exhausted to move after a long day. As he sat down to dry hishair, Wooyoung approached from behind, hand coming to cover Yeosang’s as he grabbed thedryer. Yeosang looked at him through the reflection, trying to ignore their proximity. Wooyoung hadpractically moulded himself to Yeosang, their cheeks brushing lightly. “Can I?” Wooyoung asked softly, meeting his gaze through the mirror. Yeosang’s heartstuttered nervously but he nodded, letting go of the dryer. He wasn’t sure why Wooyoungwould want the chore but he was more than eager to hand over the task. He missed thefeeling of Wooyoung’s fingers carding through his hair as he dried it for him. “I miss this,” Wooyoung said, the words barely audible over the hum of the dryer. Yeosangstayed quiet, not sure how to respond. It seemed that Wooyoung didn’t expect him to. “I miss spending time with you like this,” Wooyoung continued, eyes focused on Yeosang’shair. “We should do this more often.” Yeosang hummed in agreement, unsure what to do with the shift in the atmosphere. Theyreally were all over the place today. Either way, Wooyoung purposely committing tospending more time together filled him with grief. At one point, this had come naturally. There had been a time when Yeosang hadn't taken a single breath without Wooyoung beingthere with him, taking in the same air. Now though, he was given a glimpse of what used tobe and it hurt that this may never be their norm again. "How's mom doing?" Wooyoung asked conversationally, referring to Yeosang's mother. "Good,” Yeosang replied. “Her and Dad said to give everyone their regards." "How come you stayed there for so long?" Wooyoung asked. Yeosang almost snorted. Hewould have stayed there longer if his parents hadn't been so pushy. Truth be told, Yeosang had left his parent's house earlier than planned because of theirconstant badgering. He had gone there in a panic, scared to spend his free time with the pack,especially after he had scented Hongjoong last week. It scared him how easy it had been, howaddicting it had become. He found he couldn’t look at the Captain without wanting to be backthere, face buried in his neck as he took in all the affection and sweet words he had so easilyoffered. In all truth, Yeosang was quite affection-starved. Something about that interactionhad made it easier to relax and he found it getting harder to hold himself back. His familyhadn’t been happy when he’d come home. They had been adamant that everything had been amiscommunication and so it should be easy to fix. His father had almost driven him back tothe condominium if it hadn't been for his sister’s intervention. Eventually, though, she hadworn him down and brought him back. "Haven't seen them in a while," he responded selectively. "I missed them." "You haven't seen me in a while either," Wooyoung countered, bending low and looking atYeosang intently. "Didn't you miss me?" Yeosang craned his neck, moving his head away. Wooyoung was far too close and he lookedlike he would try to steal a kiss soon. It had become almost second nature, after years ofavoiding Wooyoung's affection. Though it had been years since Wooyoung had tried it off-camera, something about Wooyoung's demeanour made him instinctively alert. Hefloundered for an answer, too flustered to formulate a coherent thought. "I saw you a week ago," he ended up saying. Wooyoung stood up with a pronounced pout. "You're so mean," he huffed, returning to drying his hair. Yeosang couldn't help but smile athow familiar Wooyoung was behaving. Maybe his sister had been right after all. He had beenconcerned since Wooyoung had been so hurt earlier but he had bounced back quickly. Wooyoung suddenly leaned over again and smacked a kiss on his cheek. Yeosang’s eyeswidened as Wooyoung stood with a satisfied grin. “I missed you. I always miss you. I missyou even when you’re with me.” Yeosang’s face heated up, growing noticeably red. Wooyoung cooed, his grin growing widerand he leaned down again, catching Yeosang’s head to hold him put as he littered more kisseson his cheek. Yeosang wondered if he should complain, the way he did when Wooyoungbehaved this way on camera. As he was debating this, Wooyoung stopped and stood oncemore and continued to dry his hair as though he hadn’t just attacked him with kisses. Yeosang was pretty sure his hair was dry but Wooyoung didn’t stop. He continued to card hisfingers through Yeosang’s hair, the warmth from the dryer enveloping Yeosang softly. “Young-ah,” Yeosang spoke up after a moment. Wooyoung looked at him, a troubled look inhis gaze. Yeosang swallowed his words. “Never mind.” Wooyoung was clearly stalling, dragging this out as he worked up his courage to saywhatever it was he had held back earlier. Yeosang was exhausted and Wooyoung’s gentletouches were making it difficult to remain alert but, still, he waited. It took another fiveminutes before Wooyoung turned off the appliance, abruptly filling the space with silence. Wooyoung hugged him from behind, setting the dryer down in the same motion. “I love you,” Wooyoung said softly, pressing their cheeks together as he looked at him in themirror. “I- I love you too,” Yeosang responded, his heart growing heavy as sadness overwhelmedhim. He knew their declarations did not hold the same weight. His ‘I love you’ was an all-consuming declaration, intense and overwhelming. Wooyoung’s was carefree and light, withaffection that was easily given to all of his friends. He had come to terms with the fact yearsago. He would never know the love Wooyyoung gave to those he was in love with. He wasokay with it; he had no other choice. It still hurt though and had become one of the biggest reasons Yeosang knew he couldn’t stay.He would never overcome this if he was constantly surrounded by them. It had been easier totry and move on before when he had been a beta. Despite the agonising Alpha bonds, therehad been distance, a line the others hadn’t been willing to cross. And even then, it had beenimpossible. Now, with their shift in behaviour, it has become utterly hopeless. Every sweetword tried to settle in his mind, to delude him into thinking that maybe, just maybe, theycould come to love him the way they loved each other. He could not afford to fall deeper. “You’re my best friend, my everything,” Wooyoung continued, his voice thick with feeling. “I just want you to know that I would do anything to make you happy, to see you smile. Youknow that, right?” Yeosang turned, needing to see Wooyoung’s face, not just his reflection. “What’s wrong?” heasked, unable to read the emotions in Wooyoung’s eyes. “I know I don’t deserve to tell you this, after everything I’ve done,” Wooyoung closed hiseyes tightly, blocking him out. Yeosang cursed the fact that he had nothing else to go off of. Despite his odd behaviour, Wooyoung’s scent was relatively calm. “You haven’t done anything,” Yeosang refuted, grabbing his hand. Wooyoung smiled sadlybut shook his head. "I let my fear control me.” Shame filled Wooyoung’s face and he lowered his head. “I didn'twant to ruin what we had but... I kinda did anyway by pretending like nothing had changedwhen so much did." "It's okay,” Yeosang interrupted, “you don't have to explain yourself." Worry filled him at Wooyoung’s demeanour. He looked like he would cry again and Yeosangwasn’t sure he could handle that again. "No, I have to say this now," Wooyoung shook his head. "I know Jongho made that mind-reader comment but it goes both ways. If I don't say it, how will you know?" When Wooyoung lifted his head, Yeosang was surprised to see the level of resolve in hiseyes. He braced himself for Wooyoung’s confession, hoping it wouldn’t hurt. He had no ideawhat to expect. The suspense was terrifying. What had Wooyoung been scared of? What hadchanged so much that Wooyoung had to pretend it hadn’t? Had Yeosang done something along time ago? He racked his brain, trying to remember any point of contention they had everhad. They had barely fought over the years. Wooyoung must have really been holding on tothis if he hadn’t brought it up until now. Wooyoung squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m in love with you,” he blurted, the words so closetogether that Yeosang was sure he had misheard him. “Huh?” Wooyoung peeked at him out of one eye and, seeing what Yeosang assumed was utterbewilderment on his face, he opened the other eye. "I'm in love with you," Wooyoung repeated, slower this time. Yeosang’s world came to a sharp halt. He had to have misheard him somehow. “In love?” he asked. Wooyoung nodded. “With me?” Wooyoung nodded again, his scent growing thicker as concern filled his face. “I mean, Iknow it’s out of left field and you might not feel the same way about me but I just felt likeyou deserved to know why I’ve been so distant. I didn’t want to make you feel awkward, youknow, like especially since-,” Wooyoung trailed off, shrugging and looking down. “I mean, Iguess now I am making you feel awkward. I just thought that maybe I should explainmyself,” Wooyoung shrugged again. "Oh," Yeosang nodded, completely unable to process any of his ramblings. Wooyoung was inlove with him. “Do the others know?” Yeosang knew how possessive the pack was with one another. They had made it very clear inthe beginning that they were to not pursue any relationships outside of the pack. “The others?” Wooyoung tilted his head, taken aback. “Oh! You mean the pack? Yeah, theyknow.” “And, they’re fine with it?” Yeosang asked, completely befuddled. “Uh…, why wouldn’t they be?” Wooyoung looked just as confused as he felt. “What do you mean why?” Yeosang jumped to his feet. “You guys agreed that you wouldn’thave any relationships outside of the pack!” “What do you mean ‘you guys’? We all did!” Wooyoung defended himself. “Besides! Upuntil like a month ago, you were in the pack! I didn’t do anything wrong!” “We?” Yeosang tugged at his newly dried hair, pacing the room nervously. “Wooyoung, I wasnever part of the ‘we’”,” Yeosang explained. There had been a lot of drama surrounding their beginnings. It had all begun on their firstWorld Tour. They had all been quite newly presented and were still trying to learn to balancetheir heats and ruts with their professional careers. Wooyoung, unfortunately, did not meldwell with most suppressants. As such, he had a special prescription that went missing duringthe tour and his heat hit full force. To make matters worse, they were unable to refill theprescription until they flew back to Korea but he could not fly during active heat due toairline regulations. He tried to ride it out but Hongjoong hadn’t been able to stand hearing hissuffering. Without their manager knowing, Hongjoong had decided that he would help nowand deal with the consequences later. Wooyoung had eagerly agreed. Following theexperience, the dynamics shifted completely. Though there were no feelings involved at thetime, the line had already been crossed. Not long after, Mingi had taken advantage of Yunho's rut to confess his feelings and the twoof them started the first romantic relationship in the pack. Mingi chose to come off hissuppressants now that he had an Alpha. However, there had been an unfortunate time whenMingi suffered from major anxiety. His heat was somehow triggered after a particularlyintense attack but Yunho had been in his hometown. Mingi and Yunho had given Jonghopermission to help only for Mingi to confess that it had felt like cheating because he hadbegun to develop feelings for Jongho. That was when the pack had the meeting and came upwith their first rule. As long as they were comfortable, they were all okay helping each otherout with their heats and ruts. Of course, since Yeosang did not experience either, he hadremained silent. That rule had further blurred the lines and, as they began to mix more comfortably, theirfeelings for one another had changed. Merely a year later, they had come up with the secondrule. No relationships outside of the pack. However, since every confession had been sotightly intertwined with their secondary genders, Yeosang didn’t find any room to step in. Itdidn’t matter though, because he quickly realised the rule didn’t cover him. One day, whendrunk, one of his beta friends confessed to him. Although he turned him down, he hadscented Yeosang after a few more drinks, mixing their scents intimately. When Yeosangreturned to their dorm, no one seemed upset, instead asking how his date went. Then, San started to get possessive of the pack. He would teasingly tell Yeosang to ‘ go touchyour boyfriend ’ anytime Yeosang got too touchy with any of them. With that, Yunho alsostarted to growl more frequently and the others had picked up the habit. It had beencompletely downhill from there. And now, Wooyoung had confessed to liking him but,instead of feeling elated, Yeosang couldn’t shake the fear. They were going to be so upset.San especially. He was very attached to Wooyoung. Would he hate him If he found out? Yeosang didn’t know if he could survive San’s hatred. He knew how cold he could be whenhe didn’t like someone. If he were to ever face that empty stare, he might actually die. “Yeo-Yeosang, look at me,” Yeosang was yanked out of his thoughts by Wooyoung’s voice. He hadn’t realised it but he had started to hyperventilate. “You can’t,” he told Wooyoung tightly. “You can’t like me.” “I can and I do and they do not care,” Wooyoung said, turning his nose up. “Wooyoung,” Yeosang tried to reason with him. “You know how they are.” “Exactly, so I know they don’t mind,” Wooyoung said firmly. “The Alphas literally growl at me for looking at you wrong!” Yeosang snapped, losing hispatience as his anxiety hiked up. He needed Wooyoung to take this seriously. “Huh?” Seconds after, Wooyoung’s eyes widened as understanding hit him. “Oh.” Yeosang nodded, relief filling him. “Exactly. We can’t.” Wooyoung didn’t say anything, instead heading straight towards his bedroom door. Yeosang’sstomach tightened as he watched him go. He hadn’t expected Wooyoung to leave so abruptly,especially after dropping a bomb like that on him but he understood. He was just surprised athow much it hurt for Wooyoung to walk away so easily. He knew he could never compare tothe other six men, but knowing and experiencing it were two different things. Of course,Wooyoung wouldn’t jeopardise his relationships with the others. He wasn’t worth it. Wooyoung left his door open and so he followed him to close it, noticing belatedly thatWooyoung was heading for Yunho’s room. It was in the middle of the night. “What are you doing?” Yeosang asked hesitantly. While Wooyoung often slept in everyoneelse’s rooms, he always made sure to go to bed at the same time as them so as not to interrupttheir sleep. If they were already asleep, he would go to his room. Him heading to Yunho’sroom had every alarm bell ringing in his head. “To wake up Yunho,” Wooyoung answered. Yeosang’s heart sank.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Hun, wake up,” Wooyoung’s voice called out softly. The light filtering into Yunho’s bedroom had woken him before Wooyoung spoke up but hehad tried to ignore it, squeezing his eyes shut and turning to hide his face in his pillow. “Yunho, baby,” Wooyoung said softly, his bed dipping as Wooyoung perched on the side. Yunho opened his eyes, glaring into his pillow as he pondered on what could have possiblybeen important enough for Wooyoung to interrupt his sleep. He had been looking forward tosleeping in, without an alarm to pull him from his sleep. “Mmm?” he grumbled, the warmth of his breath dampening his pillow. He lifted his head andturned to look at Wooyoung grumpily. Yunho was not a morning person, everyone knew that. It took a while for him to wake up andhe often walked around grumpily for a good thirty minutes before he could manage a smile. He was never the type to lash out but he did have a shorter temper, so he made sure to remainsilent until he knew nothing he said would hurt his pack’s feelings. “Yunho-ya,” Wooyoung whispered. “I need you to wake up, please.” Disoriented, Yunho lifted his head, peering around until his eyes settled on Wooyoung’sshadowed frame. “What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly, the tone in Wooyoung’s voice alarming him. Before the omega could respond, Yunho’s senses were met with a familiarly tangy scent. Hebolted upright, pushing the covers away from his body. “What happened?” he hissed,swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Yeosang’s scent had drifted into his room throughthe opened door, filling his space with the fresh, tart aroma of Yeosang’s fear. The lack ofacridity in the scent still baffled him but, since learning what it truly meant, he wasdetermined to never smell it again. His Alpha stirred, his protective instinct surfacing. Whatever was causing Yeosang to be afraid, he would find a way to fix it. Wooyoung didn’t answer immediately, looking between him and the door hesitantly. Yunhonarrowed his eyes, impatiently taking in Wooyoung’s body language. The omega was rockingon his heels, meeting his gaze with wide eyes. “What did you do?” he asked, eyeing Wooyoung skeptically. The shorter man was exuding guilt. He had definitely walked himself into a problem andcame to Yunho to have him fix it. Part of him warmed at the revelation, his Alpha takingpride in Wooyoung’s faith in him. The rest of him grew nervous, wondering if he couldhandle whatever Wooyoung was about to throw at him. “I-,” Wooyoung trailed off, hesitant to admit what he had done, worrying Yunho further. Yunho looked out into the bright corridor from the shadows of his bedroom, catching sight ofthe anxious omega in the hall. Yeosang looked frozen, like a deer in headlights, staring intothe darkness of his room. Yunho growled, turning to Wooyoung. He didn’t have time to coax it out of the omega. “JungWooyoung,” he said warningly. Wooyoung’s eyes widened in a panic and he brought a finger to his lips, shushing him.Yunho’s chest rumbled again warningly but Wooyoung looked even more panicked. “Shh, stop, don’t growl,” he whispered harshly, rushing over to try to physically silenceYunho. Yunho stopped the noise, caught off guard by Wooyoung’s frantic reaction. Wooyoung glanced over his shoulder before looking back at Yunho. “Just, shh,” he pleaded.Yunho nodded in agreement, though thoroughly confused. “Why?” he murmured. “Yeosang’s scared of it,” Wooyoung explained, glancing over his shoulder once again. Hegrabbed Yunho’s hand and continued as though he hadn’t upturned Yunho’s life with thosefour words. “Come on, he’ll just get more nervous the longer we’re in here.” Yunho stumbled after Wooyoung, too shocked to do anything. Yunho automatically wanted todeny it but it explained everything. Yeosang’s absolute terror, his anxiety, and his distrust. Yunho had single-handedly created every single one of these. After all, it had been him whohad first noticed the pretty blush that spread across Yeosang’s cheeks. It had been he who hadpointed out the cute, soft chuckle Yeosang would make afterward, the way he would duck hishead demurely and scamper away. He had started to do it whenever he exited the nestingroom, desperate to see Yeosang flushed and flustered. His Alpha was hard to satisfy at thosemoments when all his baser instincts were at the forefront. Yunho was known for his mellowtemper and friendly demeanour. When it came to Yeosang though, Yunho often fought tomaintain a mild attitude. Yet, he’d managed to maintain firm control over his emotions forthe most part. He was careful to never say more than he intended or to even hint at it. Theonly time his self-restraint ever faltered was after he had just exited a rut. He had thought it aharmless way to satisfy his own urges. Even after Yeosang’s omega reveal, the dots had notconnected. It all made perfect sense though. The biggest question now was how did he explain this to Yeosang without sounding like aleering pervert. “Wooyoung-ah,” Yeosang’s apprehensive voice pulled him from his thoughts. Thepheromones rolling off of him were light and tart, the scent almost mouth-watering. Yunho’sstomach rolled uncomfortably as he took in the smaller man. Other than his scent, Yeosang’sface was clear of any expression and his arms fell neatly to his side. If Yunho hadn’t knownthis scent signalled Yeosang’s worst emotions, he would never have noticed the pure anxietyrolling off him. “What’s wrong, are you okay?” Yunho pulled away from Wooyoung, moving closer toYeosang. The latter flinched almost imperceptibly, Yunho only catching it because of howcarefully he was studying him. He stopped in his tracks, heart tightening painfully. He wasthe one Yeosang was afraid of. He turned to Wooyoung, silently pleading with him for ananswer. “I confessed,” he blurted, smiling with exaggerated brightness to mitigate the weight of hiswords. Yunho’s eyes widened, his jaw falling slightly as he whipped his head around to seeYeosang’s reaction. The omega tensed, looking down quickly. In all fairness, Yunho wasn’t shocked. Caught off guard? Absolutely. However, it was amiracle that Wooyoung had made it this long without confessing. Wooyoung had beensmitten with the omega for as long as he could remember. He’d noticed it immediately afterWooyoung had joined KQ but had ignored it. He had been far too focused on debuting for acrush to make it onto his radar. It had only gained importance when he realised that he hadfallen for Yeosang as well. By then, he had already been dating Mingi and casually sleepingwith Seonghwa and Wooyoung. It felt like one morning, he had woken up and just stoppedseeing Yeosang as the sweet, kind, and cute beta he had to watch out for. Suddenly,everything he did made him want to hug him close and never let him go. Every coy smilemade Yunho want to capture his mouth in a searing kiss. Every soft blush made him want topin him underneath him and make him burn with pleasure. It had taken everything in Yunhoto lock those feelings up and treat Yeosang normally. Wooyoung, however, had never beenable to compartmentalize the same way. Yunho had been subjected to many of Wooyoung’slengthy monologues on random nights on how precious Yeosang was and how, given thechance, he would take it. It appeared he had been given the chance. And he had taken it. Unsure of what else to say, Yunho just nodded. The others would be upset but Yunho couldnot find it in him to blame the omega. He had tried his best and Yunho knew he would nothave acted thoughtlessly. Noticing Yeosang was still focused on the hardwood beneath hisfeet, he quickly verbalised his response. “Oh, nice,” he said weakly, not sure what else to say. He had no idea how Yeosang had takenthe information. Considering Wooyoung had come to him for help, he had to assume that ithad not gone smoothly. “And… how do you feel about it, Yeosang-ah?” Yeosang’s head shot up and he stared at Yunho dumbly. “Huh?” Yunho looked between the two omegas, one clearly frazzled and the other looking sheepishlytriumphant. Yeosang was clearly not okay with Wooyoung’s confession but he could notfigure out what had caused the fear. “Are you okay with Wooyoung liking you?” he clarified, concerned. Yeosang never wantedto hurt anyone’s feelings. Was he nervous to accept Wooyoung’s affection? Or was he scaredto turn him down? He didn’t think Yeosang was polyamorous. When he returned after thebreak, he had voiced his discomfort with their polycule. Did he feel like he was being pulledinto it by Wooyoung’s confession? Or was he simply afraid that Wooyoung’s confessionwould ruin their friendship? His question only seemed to confuse Yeosang more, so he looked to Wooyoung for help. Yunho turned to look at him too, waiting for an explanation. “He was worried you would be upset,” Wooyoung explained. Noticing the lack ofcomprehension on his face, he clarified further, “he said I’m not allowed to date outside ofthe pack.” “Oh!” Yunho exclaimed, glad to find the crux of their problem. This was an easy fix. Heturned to Yeosang, smiling for the first time since he had been woken up. “Oh, don’t worryabout that. Wooyoung’s had feelings for you since you were in the pack so it doesn’t count,”he explained. Yunho was tempted to squish his cheeks and gush at how adorable he was. Yeosang beingconcerned by semantics was quite on brand. “And you’re okay with that?” Yeosang inquired, looking at him as though he had grown asecond head. Yunho glanced at Wooyoung, trying to understand what it was he was stillmissing. “Uh, why wouldn’t I be?” he responded slowly. Had he picked up on Yunho’s feelings? Didhe notice that Yunho was feeling jealous? “Yeah, Yeosang, why?” Wooyoung asked, arms crossed and eyebrows raised pointedly. Thequestion was purely rhetorical because Wooyoung turned to Yunho immediately after andbegan explaining. “Basically, somewhere along the line, he got the message that he was notpart of the pack the same way we were.” Yunho wanted to bang his head on the nearest wall. Every time he thought he had caught upto whatever mess he had woken up to, something new was thrown at him. Not pack in thesame way? “What does that even mean?” Yunho sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Itwas far too early for his brain. “He thought that the pack rule did not include him,” Wooyoung spelled out.It took a moment for Yunho to figure out what rule Wooyoung was referring to. They hadplenty, ranging from things like ‘Don’t Take Clothes Without Asking’ to ‘No Guests in theNesting Room.’ He nodded slowly in understanding. Yeosang seemed to believe the “NoDating Outside the Pack’ did not apply to him. In a way, Yeosang was right. They had neverheld him accountable for breaking the pack rules, instead brushing it under the rug instead ofdealing with the pain it had caused. When Yeosang had started dating other betas, Yunho had only recently realised that he likedhim. He had been utterly distraught and could not understand how Yeosang could so brazenlybreak the rule. It wasn’t that he wanted Yeosang to be more secretive while doing so but thelatter hadn’t even tried to hide it. He’d been furious, as were some of the others. Hongjoongand Seonghwa then explained that betas tended to prefer mating with other betas. It was abiological tendency, they had claimed, much like their own attraction to their opposite subgender. Of course, the conversation hadn’t gone smoothly. San and Mingi had valiantlyargued that they were all attracted to their own subgenders as well but, in the end, they’dcome to the realisation that the exception was not the rule. And, to give Yeosang credit, hehad never explicitly agreed to follow the rule; he had simply been present. “I mean, we definitely let you break it,” Yunho said diffidently, rubbing the back of his headas his attempted smile came out as a grimace. “But that doesn’t mean it changed anything forthe rest of us,” he told Yeosang. Yeosang’s face visibly soured. “Let me break it?” Yunho’s heart sped up in alarm. He had hoped he had reassured the omega but Yeosanglooked upset at the revelation. “Why? What’s wrong?” he asked. “I didn’t,” Yeosang mumbled. Yunho glanced at Wooyoung. “Didn’t what?” the omega asked Yeosang. “I’ve never broken any pack rule,” Yeosang said, louder, jutting his jaw out. “What do you mean you-,” Wooyoung looked at him, his face mirroring the shock onYeosang’s face. “What about Hyeongseop?” Yunho asked, heart, hundering against his ribcage. “Ew,” Yeosang said immediately, scrunching his nose in disgust. “Hyeongseop's my friend.” “Friend?” Wooyoung echoed emptily, looking at Yunho in complete stupefaction. Yunho was at an absolute loss. “So, you’ve been single this entire time?” he asked, needingthis in as clear terms as possible. He was not about to leave any room for misinterpretation.Yeosang blushed darkly but gave a curt nod. “Fucking hell,” Yunho breathed, tugging on his hair to feel something other than the rock inhis gut. All this time, he had assumed Yeosang was seeing other people. He’d recentlylearned that Yeosang was a virgin after learning about his mistaken presentation but he’d stillthought that Yeosang had at least been going out during all these years. Yeosang often wentout and would come back smelling like other betas, most often Hyeongseop. Their scentswere often mixed quite intimately afterwards and he’d believed that this was due to the natureof their relationship. To find out now that, this entire time, Yeosang had remained single dueto the pack ruling hurt more than the idea of Yeosang breaking the rule. They had completelyisolated him and then left him alone. “Sang-ah, I-,” Yunho’s throat hurt but thankfully, Wooyoung took over. He threw his armsaround Yeosang’s neck, pulling him flush in the tightest hug he could manage. Yunho couldhear Wooyoung breathing a multitude of apologies as Yeosang looked at him in confusionover his shoulder. “Sorry about what?” Yeosang asked, hands coming up to comfortingly pat Wooyoung’sback. “For thinking you broke the rule,” Wooyoung sniffled, clinging to him tightly. “And for making assumptions without clarifying things with you,” Yunho added dejectedly.Every conversation he had with Yeosang just further highlighted how terrible theircommunication had been up until this point. He was trapped in a maze of misunderstandings,too lost to even recognise what had been misunderstood until he walked straight into it.Nothing he knew to be true seems to be correct anymore but he wasn’t even sure where tostart to unravel the mess they found themselves in. “Is that why you guys…,” Yeosang trailed off, losing confidence before finishing the fullquestion. “Didn’t make a move earlier?” Wooyoung pulled back, gently cupping Yeosang’s face in hishands. Yunho felt his stomach roll at the ease with which Wooyoung touched the omega. Hewished Yeosang would allow him to hold him as freely but he finally understood whyYeosang did not feel at ease around him. He had only himself to blame. Yeosang shrugged slightly, lashes lowering to the ground. “Sang-ah,” Wooyoung said softly, taking his chin between his fingers and tilting his headback. “Forget everything else. Just look at me,” he coaxed. Yeosang’s eyes flickered to Yunho tentatively before meeting Wooyoung’s gaze. Even fromthis distance, Yunho could see the timidity in his eyes. He exhaled slowly, not wanting hisown emotions to distract Yeosang. “I’m going to give you three seconds,” Wooyoung said softly, “and then I’m going to kissyou.” Yunho’s eyebrows almost shot up but he held it back at the last second, keeping aneutral expression as Yeosang glanced at him again. He did his best to come off asunassuming, casual even. His heart thundered in his chest as he grew nervous on both of theirbehalf. “One,” Wooyoung murmured, leaning in slowly. Yeosang’s whole body was tense but hedidn’t pull away, pleasantly surprising Yunho. “Two,” Wooyoung bridged the gap, closing the space between them carefully. From Yunho’svantage point, they looked as though they had already connected. He only knew they hadn’tbecause Wooyoung had yet to finish his countdown. “Three.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Wooyoung’s declaration nearly made Yeosang’s heart stop. He froze completely, chin heldfirmly between Wooyoung’s fingers. Yeosang knew there was barely a difference betweentheir heights yet, at this moment, Wooyoung felt larger than life. His heart beat steadily,pounding against his ribcage forcefully until it was almost painful. He had no idea how torespond. He knew what he wanted to do: he wanted to throw himself at Wooyoung and kisshim until he could no longer breathe. Yeosang just wasn’t sure that’s what he should do. “One,” Wooyoung began the countdown. Yeosang stared at the man before him. Was he really going to do this? He would be crossing aline he’d never even neared before. Until a few minutes ago, he had been a thousand percentsure that his feelings were unrequited. Now, Wooyoung stood before him, barely an inchbetween them as he counted down to Yeosang’s first kiss. “Two,” Wooyoung's voice softened as he grew closer. As his face neared, Yeosang’s heartincreased its pace. It still blew his mind how pretty Wooyoung was. He tried not to but hiseyes fell to Wooyoung’s mouth. His lips were perfectly plump, beaconing him closer withsoft promises. His eyes flickered back to Wooyoung’s, surprised to find they were intenselyfocused on his own mouth. “Three,” Wooyoung whispered, their noses brushing lightly. Yeosang hadn’t known how he was going to respond until he actually did. He squeezed hiseyes shut, unable to handle the intensity of the moment, but didn’t pull away. He could feelthe warmth of Wooyoung’s breath fanning him. At the last second though, Wooyoung turnedhis head. Yeosang’s eyes flew open when he felt Wooyoung’s lips press against his cheek,dangerously close to his mouth but still not close enough. Before disappointment could takeover, Wooyoung smirked and leaned in. He nearly gasped, a jolt of pleasure stabbing at hisabdomen as Wooyoung finally kissed him. Yeosang had always imagined Wooyoung’s kisses to be as intense and animated as he was.He was surprised to find Wooyoung’s kiss almost painfully gentle, soft lips coaxing Yeosanginto responding. Their mouths melded perfectly as Yeosang hesitantly returned the kiss. Wooyoung tilted his chin further, bringing him closer as his other hand slid around Yeosang’swaist. Wooyoung’s mouth was intoxicating, warm and sweet and so inviting. His cinnamonscent enveloped Yeosang in the softest embrace, warming his chest until Yeosang felt tearsburn at his eyes. When Wooyoung broke the kiss, Yeosang unconsciously followed him,chasing after him pitifully. Wooyoung’s face showed clear surprise but he quickly closed thespace again, peppering him with gentle pecks until Yeosang pulled back shyly. He’d nearly forgotten about Yunho’s presence but Yunho’s scent had gotten stronger, aheaviness Yeosang wasn’t familiar with lurking under the scent of freshly cut grass. Hequickly peeked out at him, curious as to how he would react now that he knew he would notget mad. His expression was more familiar. His eyes had darkened and the tips of his ears hadgone red. It reminded Yeosang of the times when Yunho returned from one of the otherdorms, smelling strongly of one of the other pack members. For a brief moment, Yeosangfound himself wishing that Yunho would get jealous; not of Yeosang, but of Wooyoung. Hewanted the Alpha to want him as well. Yeosang quickly pushed the feeling down, remindinghimself to not get greedy. Wooyoung liked him back. That was enough. It would have to be. Catching Yeosang’s gaze, Yunho quickly cleared his throat and straightened up, his facerelaxing. “Well, I’m going to go back to bed then,” he gestured to his room, albeitawkwardly. “Already?” Wooyoung asked, stepping away from Yeosang. Yeosang suddenly became awareof the coolness in the room, the draft chilling him. He wanted to step closer to the omega butfelt nervous, not wanting to be seen as needy. “It’s really early,” Yunho nodded. “You guys should get some rest too.” “Okay, goodnight,” Wooyoung said. “Thanks,” he added softly. Yunho smiled and crossedthe hall, towering over Wooyoung. Wooyoung expectantly lifted his head, accepting Yunho’sgoodnight kiss. Yunho paused in front of Yeosang and then awkwardly waved. “Night.” “Goodnight,” Yeosang replied, just as softly. As Yunho walked to his bedroom, Wooyoung linked their arms together and watched him go,giggling. “He’s so awkward.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Yeosang awoke feeling refreshed and well rested. Sleeping had been a struggle for thelongest time, he had come to accept it as his new normal. He’d expected last night to be thesame. As a matter of fact, he’d expected it to be even harder. Yeosang had been nervous tosleep with Wooyoung after the kiss but the latter had behaved regularly, curling up under hissheets and pulling Yeosang close. He’d gone to bed cocooned in Wooyoung’s arms for thefirst time in years and knocked out after just a few strokes of his hair. He rolled over,expecting to see Wooyoung and was met with an empty bed. Yeosang sat up, looking around the open bedroom. He was tempted to go out in search ofWooyoung but decided to at least wash up first. At least that way, he wouldn’t seem too muchlike an abandoned puppy. As he brushed his teeth, he wondered what he would say. WhileWooyoung had confessed last night, Yeosang had been too shocked to respond. Even after thekiss, he hadn’t been able to verbalise his feelings. And, if he was being honest, Yeosangwasn’t sure he wanted to say anything just yet. It felt too raw. He was terrified to put it outthere, even though he logically knew there was no reason to be. Deciding to just go with theflow, Yeosang braced himself and twisted the door handle. The moment his door opened, the scent of the full pack hit him. He peeked into the hall, catching a glimpse of the living room. He could hear their voicesdrifting towards him, too layered to be distinguishable. A sharp pang of anxiety coursedthrough him, tightening his throat. Were they talking about him? About last night? “Oh, Yeosang-ah,” Yeosang nearly jumped as a voice came from behind him. “I was justcoming to get you,” Seonghwa smiled, glancing past him at the living room. Relief floodedthrough Yeosang. Seonghwa’s presence was a calming force, filling him with familiar safetyin moments of turmoil. He felt the urge to cling to Seonghwa, to let him guide him throughwhatever was waiting in the living room. But instead, he just nodded, trying to mask hisnervousness. Seonghwa grabbed his hand and tugged him in the opposite direction. “Come, I warmed upbreakfast.” Yeosang followed easily, eager for any excuse to delay the inevitable. The dishes on the tablewere still steaming, hot and ready. Seonghwa pulled out a chair for him and gestured for himto take a seat. “Thanks, hyung,” Yeosang smiled, sitting down. When Seonghwa reached out to ruffle his hair affectionately, Yeosang ducked slightly,successfully avoiding the tousle. Seonghwa pouted slightly, giving him a side eye as he satdown beside him. Yeosang pretended not to notice, feeling slightly guilty about hisavoidance. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Seonghwa to touch him—far from it.. Rather, hedisliked the insinuation that came with the head pat. Over the years, it felt as though he hadnever aged in Seonghwa’s head. Seonghwa still treated him with the same kiddy gloves hehad always used. If their relationship had been different, Yeosang knew he would not haveminded the coddling. He just resented their current status and could only express it this waywithout getting caught. “Eat,” Seonghwa reminded him, propping his chin on his palm as he watched Yeosang. Seonghwa’s expression had tightened almost imperceptibly but Yeosang noticed it. Notwanting to disappoint the elder further, he picked up his spoon and tasted the kimchi stew inthe centre of the table. “Mmm, did Sannie make this?” Yeosang asked, trying to focus on anything other than thegnawing uncertainty. Though the Alpha’s had all taken classes together, over the years, they had all developed theirown cooking styles that were easily recognisable. The stew tasted like San’s work. “Yeah, he brought it up with him,” Seonghwa responded, catching his chin suddenly.Yeosang stilled, allowing Seonghwa to wipe the corner of his mouth. As expected, thetightness in Seonghwa’s face vanished and he smiled softly. “Always so messy,” Seonghwamurmured, licking the sauce off his thumb. Yeosang quickly looked away, trying to hide theheat in his face at the intimacy of the action. It was such a small thing, but it felt like toomuch, like it exposed the ache he was trying so hard to hide. “Why is everyone here?” he asked conversationally. The group didn’t regularly gather likethis and the fact that it happened right after his kiss with Wooyoung did not sit too well withhim. “Hongjoong called a pack meeting,” Seonghwa replied, filling his glass with water. Yeosang’s eyes widened and he turned to Seonghwa in shock. Noticing his panic, Seonghwaquickly patted his thigh reassuringly. “It’s fine, it’s not a big deal. Joongie just wants todiscuss something.” “Is he mad?” Yeosang asked tentatively, his appetite waning. He hated how weak he sounded,how he automatically sought reassurance from Seonghwa like a lost child. He habituallysought out Seonghwa’s bond, mood dropping further when he came up empty. He delicatelyplaced the chopsticks down and turned to Seonghwa helplessly. “What? No, of course not!” Seonghwa turned as well, grabbing Yeosang’s chair and trying topull him closer. Yeosang felt a small, amused smile tug at his lips when the chair barelybudged. Seonghwa huffed in frustration and adjusted his own seat instead, manoeuvring sothat Yeosang’s legs were trapped between his own. “You trust hyung, right?” Yeosang nodded instinctively. He did; more than any of the others. Maybe it was becauseSeonghwa had always been the most consistent, the one constant in his ever changing world.When Yeosang had pulled away due to the Alpha’s possessiveness of the pack omegas, theothers had mirrored his behaviour. Seonghwa had been the only one to remain unmoved. Hehadn’t pushed, but he hadn’t pulled back either.Sometimes, Yeosang wished Seonghwawould push just a little more, would demand something from him that would force him tospeak up, but he never did. Instead, Seonghwa had simply stayed, a steady presence on theedge, always there if Yeosang needed him. For so long, he had been his only refuge. There had been countless times when Yeosang had sought him out for comfort without everadmitting it, allowing himself the quiet reassurance of Seonghwa’s presence. Sometimes, hewould just reach for his bond and other times, he would simply sit within Seonghwa’svicinity, feigning nonchalance. There was something in Seonghwa's calm, unwaveringpresence that grounded him in a way nothing else could. A feeling of solace he had yet tofind elsewhere. “Then I promise everything is fine,” Seonghwa reassured him, taking Yeosang’s hand into hisown. “The others are all happy for you and Wooyoung.” Yeosang tried to take comfort in Seonghwa’s words, but his stomach still churned nervously.He nodded, trying to convince himself as much as anyone else. Seonghwa smiled and pattedhis thigh encouragingly before leaning back. “Are you done?” he asked, gesturing to thefood. Yeosang glanced at the barely touched meal. His stomach was too knotted up to handleanother bite and so he nodded. “Okay, come on then, let’s get this over with,” Seonghwa stood and held his hand outexpectantly. Yeosang stared at the offered limb, puzzled. Not wanting to leave Seonghwa hanging, he tookit gingerly as he stood. “Where are we going?” “Huh?” Seonghwa matched his confused expression. Yeosang tugged slightly on their jointhands in response. “To the living room?” Seonghwa answered, his tone turning upward at theend, as if unsure himself. Yeosang peeked out into the hall before leaning closer to the elder omega. “It’s a packmeeting though,” he whispered, gently pulling his hand free. Perhaps Seonghwa hadforgotten the rules but no outsiders were allowed at those. Understanding flickered across Seonghwa’s face before he sighed, snatching Yeosang’s handagain. “Pack plus you meeting,” he remedied, giving Yeosang’s hand a gentle tug.This time, Yeosang followed, though a bit reluctant. He worried about the meeting agenda. Ifit wasn’t about Wooyoung’s confession but he was still involved, that meant it was stillrelated to him. As they entered the living room, Yeosang noticed that the rest of the pack had already settleddown. He was reminded on the day he had returned to the dorm, following the bond breakage.Like before, the majority of the pack had all piled up on the sectional, with little regard forpersonal space. Yeosang looked around carefully, trying to gauge the atmosphere. There weresnacks on the coffee table and the speaker was playing low, background music. Jongho wasperched on the edge, close enough in proximity but avoiding touching any of the members. Across from them, Hongjoong sat in an armchair with Mingi on the floor beside him. Theomega was resting his head on the Alpha's knee as Hongjoong mindlessly rubbed hisshoulder soothingly. Yeosang grew uneasy seeing that. Mingi only did that when he was verynervous. As Yeosang took in the mingled scents of the house, he realised that everyone, exceptSeonghwa, seemed tense and on edge. He unconsciously tightened his hold on Seonghwa’shand, only noticing when Seonghwa squeezed lightly in return. Since Wooyoung was in themiddle of the sectional, pinned down by both San and Yunho, Yeosang stuck close toSeonghwa, trailing behind like a freshly imprinted duckling. All eyes were fixed on them as they crossed the room, Seonghwa heading for the secondarmchair. He lowered himself onto it without releasing Yeosang’s hand, leaving Yeosangstanding beside him unsure of where to go. Just as he started to grow anxious, Seonghwagave his hand a little tug, drawing his attention. Yeosang looked down at him and, whenSeonghwa patted his thigh invitingly, Yeosang took it thoughtlessly, needing the comfortSeonghwa’s presence always offered. As he did, Yeosang caught the surprised look on San’s face and came to his senses. Embarrassed, he moved to get back on his feet but Seonghwa's arm quickly circled his waist,pulling him back down. “Stay with me?” Seonghwa asked, breath brushing against his ear warmly, making him evenmore frantic to get away from the omega. “Please?” The soft plea made Yeosang pause and he looked over his shoulder at the older man.Seonghwa had resorted to pouting again, looking adorably pitiful with his large brown eyessilently pleading with him. Yeosang gave in, perching carefully on Seonghwa’s thighs.Seonghwa grinned and squeezed his waist tighter, pulling him closer. Yeosang glancedaround, taking in the reactions of the Alpha’s quickly. Yunho was pointedly looking away, hisgaze fixed somewhere in the distance. San had a slight pout on his lips, his head resting onWooyoung’s shoulder as he eyed the two of them with mild displeasure. Jongho lookedfaintly amused, one corner of his mouth curved up in a barely-there smile. When Yeosang'seyes met Hongjoong's, the elder gave him a gentle, reassuring smile. “Alright, perfect, now that everyone is here, the meeting is officially in session,” the headAlpha announced, clapping his hands. The already silent room grew quieter as everyonestraightened in their seats. “First things first, I believe congratulations are in order?” Hongjoong began, phrasing it as aquestion and looking to Yeosang for confirmation. He shrugged, unsure how else to respondsince he still hadn’t yet confessed to Wooyoung. He glanced over at Wooyoung and saw himnodding in agreement. Hongjoong watched their exchange with curiosity before giving asmall shrug himself. “Alright then, you two can figure that out on your own time.”“Secondly, Yunho wanted to bring something to the pack’s attention,” Hongjoong continued,shifting the focus to the tall Alpha. Yunho cleared his throat and smiled weakly. “I mean, there’s a couple of things I wanted totalk about. I think we can all agree that we’ve done a pretty terrible job of communicatingand relying on assumptions so I want to clear the air with all of us here.” Yeosang glanced at the others curiously but, aside from Hongjoong, they all seemed just aslost as he was. Then Yunho turned his gaze directly to Yeosang, his eyes intense andunwavering. “Sang-ah, I’m really sorry. For everything. I shouldn’t have assumed you broke the pack ruleand-,” Yunho began, but Jongho quickly cut him off. “What pack rule?” the maknae asked, his tone curious. Yeosang wanted to roll over and justdie. Last night’s revelation seemed to have stuck in Yunho’s mind and, while he appreciatedthe effort Yunho was putting into trying to clarify past misunderstandings, he couldn’t helpbut feel mortified. The rest of the pack already weren't interested in him but now they wouldthink that neither was anyone else. Last night, he had just felt aggrieved, not really caring ifthey knew the truth. Now though, he wished he had kept his mouth shut. “The dating ban,” Yunho clarified, still not breaking eye contact. Yeosang looked away, hiseyes dropping to the hands still resting around his waist. “Wait, you weren’t dating anyone?” Mingi asked, lifting his head from Hongjoong’s knee. “This whole time?” Yeosang’s face burned with an odd mixture of shame and vindication. Seonghwa’s griptightened around his waist, and his citrusy scent grew stronger, clearly an attempt to soothehim. “Yeah, he said so last night,” Wooyoung interjected. “I’m sorry too, Yesang-ah,” Hongjoong added softly. Yeosang peeked at him from behind hishair, catching the Alpha's regretful expression. “I should have brought it up with you insteadof brushing it under the rug,” the Alpha admitted, looking defeated. “It’s all my fault, in allhonesty.” Yeosang shook his head quickly. “It’s not, I’m fine,” he insisted. “Don’t just say it’s fine when it’s clearly not,” Jongho chimed in, sitting up straight, his voicefilled with concern. “Jongho’s right,” San agreed with a nod. “I know you don’t want to make things worse, butit’s important to us that you’re honest about how you feel. It’s hard to know how to act whenyou keep saying everything is okay.” Yeosang shifted uneasily, feeling the pressure building around him. He could sense all eyeson him now, their gazes heavy with expectation. Mingi quickly spoke up, noticing Yeosang’sdiscomfort. “That’s not fair,” he frowned, sitting up straighter. “That’s a lot to put on Sangie.”He shifted slightly on Seonghwa’s lap, feeling the comforting warmth of the elder omegabehind him, but he still felt exposed, vulnerable. He knew they expected him to speak up butthe weight of their eyes felt like a physical pressure, and it made him feel small, unsure ofwhat to say. His gaze flitted from one face to another, before finally settling on Wooyoung. The graveness on Wooyoung’s features softened as they made eye contact before Wooyoungtook it upon himself to speak up, pulling their attention from him. “Look,” Wooyoung began, his voice gentler than usual, “at the end of the day, some thingsare just common sense. I’ll admit, I’ve been really self-absorbed and haven’t always thoughtthings through. But I also think we've been focusing too much on Yeosang’s subgenderbecause it was easier than having more difficult conversations about how we’ve been treatinghim.” Wooyoung’s words lingered in the air, thick with a tension that seemed to seep into everycorner of the room. Seonghwa shifted beneath Yeosang, his scent a mixture of surprise anddiscomfort, mirroring the expressions of those around them. Yeosang’s heart pounded in hischest. He hadn’t expected Wooyoung to articulate what he had been feeling, especially sinceWooyoung hadn’t seemed aware of the issue the last time they spoke. As the silencestretched, Yeosang braced himself, his heart pounding. No one could refute Wooyoung’swords and, while it should have brought Yeosang comfort at finally being seen, it filled himwith sorrow. “It’s fine,” Yeosang dismissed it as the tension in the room grew more palpable. Just as thewords slipped past his lips, he remembered Jongho’s earlier words. Jongho’s eyes narrowed, and he let out a low growl, frustration clearly evident. Yeosangflinched at the sound, his body instinctively reacting with a tremor of fear. He clenched hisfists, trying to stop the trembles. Seonghwa’s arm tightened around him protectively, hisvoice soft but firm. “Jongho,” he warned, shooting the Alpha a pointed look. Jongho immediately looked regretful, but before he could say anything, Yunho slumped backin his seat, a sigh escaping his lips. “That’s the other thing,” Yunho said weakly, rubbing histemples. His words barely settled in Yeosang’s consciousness, his focus fixed on regainingcontrol of his limbs. He hated the intensity of his reaction, especially since Jongho’s growlcould barely classify as one. “Yeosang, honey,” Seonghwa whispered, his voice filled with concern. He waited forYeosang to meet his gaze before continuing gently, “Did Jongho scare you?” Yeosang hesitated, considering denying it. He didn't want to make things worse, but underSeonghwa’s earnest stare, he found it impossible to lie. He gave a small, ashamed nod. “Sorry,” he mumbled, feeling a flush of embarrassment creep up his neck. A wave of shock swept through the room, several curses murmured under their breaths.Seonghwa hugged him tighter and linked their hands, rubbing his thumb soothingly over hiswrist. San’s voice was filled with a tentative hope as he asked, “Did you get scared every time wegrowled, or is this just since we haven’t been bonded?” Yesoang hesitated to respond, wondering if he should tell the truth or not. He could feel theheaviness of the room pressing down on him, the guilt and regret emanating from his formerpackmates. His silence spoke for him though and Yunho sighed heavily, dropping his faceinto his hands. “And that’s why you stopped touching us,” Mingi murmured, realisation dawning on his face.Yeosang bit his lip, torn between comforting the omega and speaking his thoughts. He heldback, not wanting to hurt them the way he had accidentally hurt Wooyoung the night before.Yunho stood up and crossed the room to kneel in front of Yeosang, a pained expression on hisface. He gently placed a hand on Yeosang’s knee. “I’m so, so sorry, Yeosang-ah. Last night,Wooyoung explained that the growling scared you. And, in retrospect, it makes perfectsense.” “Oh, um,” Yeosang glanced at Wooyoung, surprised that he had noticed his fear just off apassing comment. “It’s fi-,” The word nearly slipped out, but he hesitated, casting a waryglance at Jongho, who was unsuccessfully hiding an endeared smile. “No, it’s not,” Yunho said. “It was a crappy thing to do and, even if I thought it wouldn’tbother you much because you were a beta, I still should have been more considerate. I-,” hesaid softly, his voice thick with regret. “I never wanted to make you feel like that. None of usdid.” Yeosang let out a small, forced chuckle, trying to lighten the mood even just a little. “It’sokay,” he murmured, squeezing Yunho’s hand on his knee in reassurance. “I shouldn’t bescared of something like that anyway.” “It's totally natural to feel afraid,” Jongho said firmly. “Especially with our bonds being sofrail. You didn't have a reason to trust we weren't being hostile.” Seonghwa pressed a soft kiss to Yeosang’s temple, his voice soothing. “And you never haveto apologise for your feelings,” he whispered. “We should have noticed sooner. Especiallysince you had such a visceral reaction.” Yeosang shook his head, face burning from the affection Seonghwa gave so easily. Hewanted to argue that Seonghwa had only noticed because he was seated on his lap. Yeosangknew he was good at minimising his reactions so that they weren’t observable.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
San's heart raced as he took in the sight of Yeosang lying beneath him, flushed and covered ina thin sheen of sweat. Yeosang's brows were furrowed, his eyes squeezed shut as he struggledto maintain control. He was breathing harshly, chest rising and falling as he strained with theeffort it took to finish his last set. The sight was breathtaking, and San had to remind himselfto focus. He couldn't afford to lose concentration now, not with the omega so close to hislimit. "Come on, just one more," he encouraged. His hands hovered inches below the bar, ready tocatch it at the slightest sign of failure. Yeosang whined, a desperate plea for relief that San was both desperate to answer andequally anxious to prolong. He bit his inner cheek harshly, forcefully reigning in his thoughtsas he watched Yeosang determinedly force the bar up. For a heartbeat, San thought he mighthave to step in, muscles tensing in anticipation. Yeosang successfully finished the set, the barcoming into contact with San's hands as Yeosang silently asked for help. San caught the barand quickly racked it, the sound of metal on metal ringing through the empty gym. Yeosang lay beneath him, chest still heaving, his gaze victorious and a small grin toying withhis lips. San couldn't help but to return this smile, reaching for the bottle of water Yeosanghad set down earlier. "I told you you could do it," he praised enthusiastically, offering Yeosang the bottle. Yeosangsat up, pushing his damp hair out of his eyes and smiling wholeheartedly, an expression Sanhadn't seen in a good minute. "I wasn't sure; it's been so long," Yeosang said heavily, still trying to catch his breath. "Myarms are shaking," he chuckled, the tremble made obvious as he brought the water bottle tohis mouth. San squeezed his shoulders and down his arms, gently massaging the probablysore limbs. He had invited Yeosang to work out after leaving him alone for a few days so thathe could spend time with Wooyoung since it seemed they still had things to sort out after thekiss. He hadn't expected to feel as sidelined as he did, gut burning with jealousy as hewatched other members of his polycule get along with the omega in a way that didn't leavespace for him. San had always thought his relationship with Yeosang to be pretty solid. Unlike the others,who were pretty smitten by the omega from almost first sight, San had felt pretty neutral.They didn't seem to have much in common, and while Yeosang was nice and cute, therewasn't much else to him. And so he'd busied himself with the more excitable members of thegroup. As time passed, though, and as he learned to look past the first impressions, he'd foundhimself falling fast and hard for Yeosang. They got closer with time and by the time they haddecided to become a pack, San had been absolutely smitten. So now, as he witnessed Wooyoung, who was the most similar to him in terms of lovelanguage, get to constantly hug, kiss, and dote on Yeosang the way he wished he could withevery fibre of his being, San found it unfathomably difficult. Even the other omegas seemedto have made progress in tandem. San hated it. He hated the way jealousy churned his gutswhen Seonghwa wrapped an arm around Yeosang's waist, pulling him close offhandedly. Hehated the way Mingi could easily pull Yeosang in for a crushing hug when he got excited. Butmost of all, he hated the careful way Yeosang always glanced at him whenever any of theomegas took liberties with him. San knew he wasn't great at controlling his facialexpressions. That's why there are countless fan compilations of him staring intently at hispack, sometimes sweetly and other times simmering with heat. And he knew that every timeYeosang glanced at him, he would undoubtedly catch San's jealousy starkly etched into hisfeatures. San squeezed Yeosang's shoulders again, a little tighter this time, the touch grounding him ashis thoughts spiraled. Yeosang glanced back at him, a slight furrow in his brow. "I'm good, thanks," Yeosang said, rolling his shoulders to loosen the remaining tension. "Doyou want to do your set?" "I'm done for the day," San replied, dutifully dropping his hands. "I did arms and backyesterday. You ready to hit the showers?" Yeosang nodded, a satisfied smile spreading across his face. San knew he was happy to beworking out again. San knew how much Yeosang enjoyed the gym—the rush of pushing hislimits, the satisfaction of feeling his muscles grow stronger. It was something they shared andwhat San had fallen back to in a bid to close the growing gap between them. They walked tothe communal showers together, discreetly stripping off their clothes with practised easebefore stepping into separate stalls. The stalls only came up about a third of their height,allowing them privacy but to still see each other’s faces. The sound of rushing water filled thespace, a steady white noise that drowned out any awkwardness. San fumbled with his shampoo bottle, the slick plastic slipping from his fingers and clatteringloudly to the floor. He cursed under his breath as it rolled away and reached for it, only tokick it accidentally, sending it skittering across the tiles. Annoyed, he let out a low growl, thelow sound echoing off the shower walls louder than intended. Worried, he glanced over hisshoulder. He saw Yeosang standing motionless under the spray, suds clinging to his handsand hair. It only lasted a second though, before Yeosang resumed his task, scrubbing at hisscalp nonchalantly. San retrieved the bottle and returned to his spot, silently musing over yesterday'sconversation. ****** San carefully studied Yeosang’s uneasy expression, watching as his eyes darted across theroom nervously. He was no longer comfortably perched on Seonghwa’s thighs, insteadlooking sheepishly mortified as Seonghwa tried to reassure him that his fear was completelynatural. It was obvious he wanted to shrug off the attention and downplay his fear, but theothers wouldn’t let it go. "Sang-ah, I really am sorry,” Yunho said contritely. “I know it’s a stupid reason, but Ihonestly only ever growled because you’re really cute when you blush,” he confessed. Sannodded in subtle agreement as Yeosang flushed once again, said blush spreading over hischeeks at Yunho’s words. "If we knew it scared you…," Wooyoung started, his voice trailing off. They all sat quietly fora moment, the weight of their errors hanging heavily in the air. "It's okay," Yeosang broke the silence with a forced chuckle. "It’s fine, really." Jongho suddenly stood from his seat on the edge of the sofa, his movements abrupt and tense.Yeosang instinctively shrank back into Seonghwa, eyes tight with contrition as though he haddone something wrong. Jongho faltered, a sad look fluttering over his features before hesteeled himself and continued his approach. Through their bond, San could feel Jongho’stension, but his expression remained composed as he reached down and pulled Yeosang fromSeonghwa’s lap. Yeosang’s surprise was clear, his mouth opening in silent shock as Jonghoused brute force to lift him, arms wrapping around Yeosang’s torso. San sat straighter,worried that Yeosang would react poorly. Instead, Yeosang wrapped his arms aroundJongho’s neck, making it easier for him to hold him, though he couldn’t suppress a startledprotest. “Jongho-ya,” Yeosang said, his voice catching. “What’re-,” “I just want to,” Jongho grumbled, carrying the stunned omega back to the sectional. Seonghwa laughed, shaking his head at the maknae’s boldness as he triumphantly sat down,manoeuvring Yeosang so that he sat sideways on his lap. San watched, stunned as well. Thespoiled display was truly something only Jongho could get away with. Yeosang’s face andneck were flushed a deep red as he sat carefully on Jongho’s lap, confusion tinting hisexpression. Jongho, however, had calmed considerably. His scent had been simmering, slowlystarting to smell burnt as the conversation unravelled but with Yeosang in his lap, it returnedto the familiar, comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee… "It's totally natural to feel afraid," Jongho said gently, his eyes lingering on Yeosang’s scentgland, though he visibly held back from acting on the instinct to nuzzle closer. "Especiallywith our bonds having been so frail. You didn't have a reason to trust we weren't beinghostile." "So basically, by treating him like a beta, we've done the exact opposite of everything heneeded us to do," Mingi said with a heavy sigh. "I hate all of you," Wooyoung said sourly, lightly pushing San off his shoulder. San pulledback, hurt lancing through his chest at Wooyoung’s harsh words. Mingi’s hurt echoed his ownthrough their bonds, and Wooyoung, feeling their distress, softened slightly, a flicker of regretin his eyes. “I told you I should try,” he muttered. “I know,” Hongjoong soothed, his voice steady as he stepped in to control the rising tension.Yeosang glanced between them, confusion flickering in his eyes but San and the rest of thepack were keenly aware of Wooyoung’s sentiment. He dropped his head shamefully. asYeosang looked between them in confusion. “I’m sorry, Young-ah. And Yeosang. We’re allsorry,” Hongjoong emphasised the collective apology. “I don’t know how we can even beginmaking it up to you, but I promise we never meant to hurt you.” “I know it’ll probably be hard to trust us again, but do you think you can try?” Seonghwaasked softly. Yeosang squirmed, clearly uncomfortable and overstimulated by the happeningsin the room. Recognising this, Jongho hugged him tighter, encouraging him to rest againsthim. Yeosang slouched slightly, leaning into Jongho’s broad chest as the contact subduedhim. San watched the scene unfold, his heart heavy with the weight of his own failings. Howhad they remained so blind to Yeosang's true sub-gender for so long? Watching the wayYeosang found so much comfort in physical touch had his stomach rolling with guilt. He musthave been willfully blind. “Does that include reconsidering coming back to the pack?” Mingi asked hopefully, his voicetinged with desperate optimism. Yeosang tensed, but San couldn’t blame the tall omega forhis eagerness. "C-can I think about it?" Yeosang asked weakly. San blinked in surprise. He had expected a panicked refusal similar to the last time. Judgingby the silence, the others were just as surprised. "Of course," he agreed readily, the other members quickly echoing his sentiment. Yeosangsmiled tightly as he carefully extricated himself from Jongho's lap. “Then… I’m going to go shower,” Yeosang said, moving stiffly as he backed out of the livingroom. He was clearly running away again but no one made a move to stop him, still stunnedby his response. ****** "Yeosang?" San started, ducking under the spray and closing his eyes to hide from Yeosang'sreactions. The suds from his hair melted down his face, forcing him to keep them shut."Hmm?" Yeosang's response was faint, almost drowned out by the sound of running water."Do all growls scare you now?" San asked, the question hanging heavy in the air. Silencefollowed, stretching a moment too long. San couldn’t help but peek one eye open, ignoringthe sting of the shampoo. He needed to see Yeosang's face. The omega’s expression was tight,eyes fixed on the shower wall before him. "You noticed?" Yeosang asked, surprise evident in his tone. The omega’s expression wastight, eyes fixed on the shower wall before him. San’s heart sank, mood plummeting as hetook in Yeosang’s reaction. Clearly, Yeosang had grown accustomed to his fear flyingbeneath his radar. "I-," Yeosang scrubbed his face with a deep sigh. "A little. I'm trying to get over it," headmitted, his defeated tone violently ripping a San’s heart. He quickly rinsed his face so hecould pay Yeosang better attention. "Hey, no, that's not something to feel embarrassed about. It's totally natural to feel nervousabout growls,” San said, his voice cracking with emotion. “And... I haven't exactly given youany reasons to feel safe." The admission weighed heavy on his chest. He had done a lot ofretrospection since Yeosang had left the pack so suddenly. The consisted guilt twistedpainfully in San's chest. He had prided himself on reading people well, especially those hecared about, yet there was Yeosang, everything hidden so neatly just barely beneath thesurface. And he had missed it all. San recalled all the moments he had dismissed as nothing,the small flinches and hesitations he had always chalked up to something else, never onceconsidering that his actions or those of his pack could possibly be the cause. Yeosang's eyes widened and he shook his head firmly. “You don’t make me feel unsafe,” heinsisted, his words rushing out as if to reassure San. "You don't feel safe around me either though," San pointed out the obvious omission.Yeosang lowered his gaze guilty. "I-,” Yeosang bit his lip nervously, biting back his words. San remained silent, hoping itencouraged him to finish his thoughts and was surprised when it worked. “I guess I just get abit nervous sometimes,” Yeosang confessed. “Like… maybe you'll think I'm trying to stealthem from you." San cursed inwardly, not having expected the years of playful growls to come bite him in theass like this. Clearly, he’d been extremely short sighted, focused solely on instantgratification. His lack of reaction must have alarmed Yeosang, who immediately rushed toexplain. "Not that you do! It's just I know you can be a bit possessive, and that's not a bad thing, it'sjust." He was rambling now, looking more panicked the longer he spoke. His eyes flickednervously to San, searching cautiously as though afraid his words would hurt San.And they did hurt—but San would take that fact with him to the grave. He couldn’t makeYeosang worry about him. Not when it was his fault that Yeosang believed the bullshit hewas spouting. "They're just as much yours as they're mine," San cut him off. Yeosang looked at him withwide eyes, taken aback. "You can't steal something that already belongs to you."For a moment, Yeosang’s expression darkened, his brows knitting together as though San’sreassurance had only dredged up doubts and insecurities. His expression cleared before Sancould process it. "Then... why do you always look at me like that?" Yeosang asked carefully, his voiceuncertain. "Like what?" "Like,” Yeosang paused, “you're... jealous?" "Because I am," San admitted, the truth slipping out before he could think about it. Both theireyes widened in surprise. "I thought you said...," Yeosang trailed off, his hesitation palpable. San took a deep breath, steeling himself. “Yeah, I did. And I meant it. But…” San hesitated,torn between the urge to be completely honest and the fear of scaring Yeosang off. He wantedso badly to tell Yrosang the truth but he wasn't sure how he would react. He’d seen howYeosang had responded to Wooyoung’s confession, but their dynamics were different. WouldYeosang be receptive? San bit his tongue. Probably not. San had accidentally burned far toomany bridges for Yeosang to respond similarly. "It's okay, you don't have to force yourself," Yeosang said, his tone strained as he tried tosound reassuring. "I'll be more careful." "Careful?" San echoed dumbly. Yeosang nodded brightly, misinterpreting his reaction asencouragement. "To not do anything that will make you jealous,” Yeosang clarified. San barely restrained afrustrated snarl, letting out a loud groan instead. Yeosang still flinched. "I told you, that doesn't bother me," San said stiffly, struggling to keep his voice even sinceYeosang looked nervous again. He turned off the shower, the cooling water no longer worththe discomfort, and wrapped a towel around his waist. His mind was racing too much tofinish his shower here; he’d finish at home. Yeosang’s timid expression gnawed at hisheartstrings, and San realised he couldn’t keep skating around the truth. He decided in that split second that honesty was better than dancing around the truth,especially if it would ease Yeosang’s concerns. Wooyoung was right—what did they have leftto lose? The worst had already happened when Yeosang left the pack. "I'm not jealous of you, I'm jealous of them," San threw caution to the wind and blurted outthe truth. "Of them?" Yeosang repeated dumbly. San’s resolve wavered as the weight of his confession hung between them. No doubt, thelatter would remember all the liberties he'd taken with him over the years. The hugs, thekisses, the playful fights for possession with their fans. All of it would finally hold meaningto Yeosang as well and San didn't want to be there when the epiphany hit. He’d thought hecould handle this, that he could be calm and collected, but now that the truth was out there,he felt unbearably exposed. The fact that he was only in a towel did not help. Embarrassmentcoursed through him, hot and suffocating, burning away his composure. San couldn’t stay,couldn’t face the weight of his truth in Yeosang’s eyes—so he spun on his heels and boltedfrom the showers without a wordJongho was going to have a field day with this.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Yeosang stared blankly at the door San had disappeared through, the cold water from the gymshowers still beating down his back. San’s cocoa scent lingered in the air, its usual sweetnessnow tinged with a spiciness that made it clear how uncomfortable he had been. Frowning,Yeosang replayed San’s words in his head. San was jealous? But jealous of what? His pack? Why? Yeosang struggled to make sense of it. If San had singled out Wooyoung, Yeosang mighthave assumed he was jealous in a romantic sense. But he had said he was jealous of all ofthem. For the life of him, Yeosang couldn’t figure out what made San feel that way towardsthe others. Confused and distracted, he finished the rest of his shower, thoughts racing as hetried to piece together a puzzle with several missing pieces. As Yeosang dressed, unease settled over him at the thought of walking home alone in broaddaylight. Sure, he had a mask, but he knew his fans could still easily recognise him if theylooked closely enough. The thought of calling a manager for a ride briefly crossed his mind,but he quickly dismissed it. It was just a ten-minute walk. He would manage. Still, it took him nearly ten minutes to gather the courage to leave the changing room, hischerry scent subtly sharp with anxiety. He mentally cursed himself for not bringing any scentblockers. To his surprise, when he finally stepped outside, he found San casually leaningagainst the side of the building, arms crossed, his eyes fixed on the pavement. “San-ah,” Yeosang called out, his relief evident. San’s head whipped up at the sound, and hiseyes locked onto him. Like Yeosang, San was wearing a mask, but he also had a baseball cappulled low over his head. San straightened as Yeosang approached, his posture stiff. His brows furrowed with concernas he quickly looked Yeosang over. Without a word, San grabbed Yeosang’s wrist and gentlyturned him, his hand firm but careful as he searched his body. “Are you okay? What happened?” San asked, his voice filled with concern. “Huh?” Yeosang blinked, momentarily confused, before realising it was his scent that hadtriggered San’s worries. His chest warmed at the thought. It was still new to him, having thepack react so quickly to his emotions now that they had familiarised themselves with hisscent profile. The change was as comforting as it was strange. For so long, Yeosang had felt so alone,confused as to why they didn’t seem to care. It had taken time for him to realise they simplydidn’t know what it meant, and by that point, Yeosang had already withdrawn within himselfand was comforted by the fact that he could hide his emotions in plain sight. He only had towatch for his physical tell signs but he could get away with most things as long as his bondwas closed off. Now, they were hypervigilant, with every slight change in his scent seeminglynoticed. It warmed the long-neglected corners of his heart, the parts of him that had yearnedfor this kind of attention. But there was a bittersweetness to it too. Maybe all of those yearswould have been easier if he had trusted them with his heart. He swallowed the ache, pushingit down where it wouldn’t surface. “Oh, it’s nothing,” Yeosang shook his head, brushing it off with a soft smile. San’s eyes narrowed as he glanced back at the building, still holding Yeosang’s wrist firmly. “Did someone say something to you?” he asked, a protective edge creeping into his voice. “No, no,” Yeosang quickly shook his head. “I was just… a little nervous about walkinghome.” He tried to downplay it, not wanting to make San feel bad, but San’s eyes stillwidened in surprise. “You thought I left you?” San asked, his voice tinged with a hurt that made Yeosang’s hearttwist. Yeosang ducked his head, guilt tightening his chest. In hindsight, of course, San would neverleave him stranded. Even back when they had thought he was a beta, San had always beenprotective of him in public. Now that he knew Yeosang was an omega, it made even lesssense to assume San would just leave him. “I… you just left,” Yeosang shrugged, unable to refute San’s words. San exhaled audibly and looked up at the clear sky for a long moment. “Let’s just go home,”he said softly, his voice devoid of its usual energy. When he looked back down, Yeosangcould see the visible defeat in his eyes, and it unnerved him. He simply nodded, unable toshake the feeling that he had somehow made things worse. The walk home was quiet. San stayed close, as usual, ensuring he was always betweenYeosang and the road. He paused to pet a familiar street cat and offered a polite greeting tothe owner of their favourite food cart, but he didn’t say much to Yeosang. With every stepthey took toward their condo, Yeosang's heart raced a little faster. Once they went their separate ways, he knew whatever was brewing between them wouldfester. Time would distort and dramatise it, making reconciliation even harder.Unfortunately, Yeosang couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was wrong. Was San upset that Yeosang had assumed he left him? Or was this about the jealousy San hadconfessed to earlier? Both were equally possible and yet, equally damning. What if hementioned the wrong one and further exacerbated the situation? He bit the inside of hischeek, trying to push down the growing ache in his chest as he watched the space betweenhim and San widen further. By the time they reached the lobby, Yeosang still hadn’t gathered the courage to say anything.His mind raced, but his mouth stayed firmly shut. He silently followed San to the elevatorsand stood stiffly beside him as San pressed their floors. His heart lodged in his throat,frustration clawing at his chest. Why was it so difficult to start the conversation? Whycouldn’t he confidently address the rift that had ripped open between them? His eyes burnedwith unshed tears, and he felt a sudden wave of helplessness wash over him.When the elevator reached San’s floor, San stepped off with a quiet goodbye. Yeosangnodded in return, his gaze fixed on the floor, unable to meet San’s eyes. As the doors slidshut, Yeosang’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Before the doors could close completely, a handshot out, holding them open. Yeosang looked up, startled, meeting San’s determined gaze. His heart skipped a beat as San stepped back inside, brows furrowing with concern themoment he noticed his eyes glistening. "Sang-ah, I’m not mad," San said quietly, his voice a mixture of reassurance and weariness. "I just… I need some time to gather my thoughts. We’ll talk later, okay?" Yeosang nodded grimly, anxiety twisting in his stomach. What would San want to discusslater? The uncertainty gnawed at him, and though San’s words were clearly meant to comforthim, they left Yeosang more worried than before. Before stepping out again, San leaned inand pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Yeosang’s face, his lips lingering in an apologeticgesture that made Yeosang’s chest tighten further. By the time Yeosang entered his apartment, the silence that greeted him felt suffocating. Itwas always quiet since it was just him and Yunho, but today it felt oppressive. Kicking off hisshoes, he let out a heavy sigh, the post-workout glow completely extinguished by the weightof the interaction with San. “Sangie?” Mingi’s voice came from Yunho’s bedroom, and moments later, the taller omegaappeared in Yeosang's line of sight. He was dressed in bright red shorts, his hair tousled fromwhat had clearly been a restful nap. The sleep lines decorated his cheek and forehead, but hissoft brown eyes were filled with concern. “What’s wrong?” Yeosang harshly wiped at his face, those two simple words cracking something open in hischest. A tear fell before he could stop it. Ducking his head, he muttered, “Nothing, I’m goingto change,” and tried to brush past Mingi. Mingi stepped in front of him, blocking his path. He stared down at Yeosang, eyes scanninghis face. "You're crying," he stated, his voice still thick with sleep. "What happened? Are youhurt?" Yeosang sniffled and wiped his cheeks again, embarrassed by the flow of tears that suddenlyseemed unstoppable. He wanted to tell Mingi it was nothing, that he was fine, but his wordsfailed him. Mingi didn’t hesitate, pulling Yeosang into his arms and hugging him tight. Hisscent, warm and comforting, enveloped him as Mingi rubbed soothing circles on his back. “Shh, it’s okay,” Mingi whispered, his voice gentle. “Everything’s going to be fine, Ipromise.” The words pierced Yeosang’s heart, making him want to believe in them, but how couldMingi promise that when he didn’t even know what was wrong? Even Yeosang couldn’tfigure it out. He held his breath, trying to stop the sobs that threatened to escape, feelingridiculous for breaking down like this in front of Mingi. “I’m fine,” he finally managed, pulling back and wiping his face again, though the tearsseemed determined to keep coming. “It’s stupid. Don’t worry about it.” Mingi frowned, shaking his head. “It’s not stupid, Sangie. You don’t have to act like you’reokay when you’re not. It’s better to let it out. Keeping it inside won’t help, trust me.” Hisvoice was soft but firm, carrying the weight of someone who had learned the hard way.Yeosang knew he spoke from experience. Like him, Mingi had struggled with anxiety, but ithad gotten better over the years with the pack’s support and regular therapy. Yeosang felt his chest tighten at Mingi’s words, guilt and frustration mixing with the ache inhis heart. Mingi’s understanding gaze made it hard to hide, and at that moment, he wished hecould just release the weight pressing on him. He wanted to be as open as Mingi, but years ofpretending had made it difficult. His lower lip trembled, the words right on the edge of his tongue. Mingi only needed tomurmur a soft "It's okay, just tell me" before Yeosang blurted out the earlier happenings withSan. He nervously recounted San’s confession, the confusing emotions it stirred, and theawkward, heavy silence that followed. By the time he finished, Mingi’s face was etched withunderstanding. "So, he said he was jealous of us?" Mingi asked, brows furrowing as he tried to piecetogether what Yeosang had said. Yeosang nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "Yeah, but... I don’t understandwhy. And then he left but didn’t leave, and then I got sad when I thought he left, and I… Idon’t get it,” Yeosang breathed out heavily, relieved to get it all off his chest. Maybe Jonghoand the others were right. Now that Mingi was here, listening and trying to help him makesense of it, Yeosang felt a bit of the weight lift. Mingi smiled and carefully lifted the gym bag off Yeosang’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s getsome liquids in you,” he said, gently redirecting the conversation as he led Yeosang into thekitchen. Yeosang followed obediently, gratefully accepting the glass of water Mingi handedhim. “I think I know why San acted like that," Mingi began, watching Yeosang closely for hisreaction. When Yeosang nodded, Mingi continued. "You know how San is… he’s prettymuch an open book. Straightforward, always says what’s on his mind, and he’s superprotective of us. But with you..." Mingi paused, his expression growing more serious. "Heblames himself for a lot of what happened when you left the pack. We all feel guilty, butSan... I think it hit him a bit harder." Yeosang looked down, the words sinking in. Yeosang had had conversations with a handfulof the members about the happenings of the past month but he hadn’t had the chance to talkto San. Hearing how his actions had affected the Alpha weighed heavily on his heart. Hehadn’t expected it to affect anyone else when he’d done it. He’d been on the brink of insanity,the pain and the constant second-guessing overwhelming him. He’s naively assumed that,like him, they would be better off. “And I think when you thought he left you today, it hurt him because that’s exactly what he’safraid of—that he lost your trust.” Mingi continued, voice softening, his eyes filled withconcern. "San would never leave you behind, Yeosang.” Yeosang nodded in agreement, the guilt returning in full force. "I didn’t mean to make himfeel like that," he whispered, rubbing his hand over his face. "I know he wouldn’t leave me…but… I guess I just panicked." Mingi nodded. "I get it. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s hard to undo that kind of damageovernight,” he said, hugging Yeosang from behind. “We’ve put you through a lot,” hecorrected himself. The words “It’s fine” hovered on the tip of Yeosang’s tongue, but he swallowed them back.He was trying to be more honest with himself and the others, and brushing things offcarelessly had never seemed to serve him well before. Mingi’s chin rested lightly on hisshoulder, warm breath puffing softly against Yeosang’s ear as he watched him quietly. Theextended closeness felt strange. Mingi had never been particularly touchy with him, at leastnot for this long. His hugs were usually brief and playful, like when he’d excitedly spinYeosang around after winning a game. But this was different. The moment had shifted fromcasual to something deeper, teetering on the edge of intimacy. Yeosang didn’t want to pull away, though. Mingi’s touch was the only thing keeping himgrounded, his concerns about San too close to the surface. He worried that the tears he hadjust managed to swallow would resurface the moment he was out of the omega’s hold. So, hestood still, waiting for Mingi to grow tired of the embrace, hoping the warmth between themwould keep his worries at bay, even if only for a moment longer.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mingi rocked on the spot, Yeosang swaying with him effortlessly in his embrace. Yeosangfelt so warm against him, their cheeks brushing slightly. He could smell the anxiety clingingto the smaller omega, the scent oddly pleasant to his senses despite its bitterness. It stillbaffled him how, even in distress, Yeosang’s scent remained tantalising. He tightened hishold, continuing the swaying motion he hoped would help dispel Yeosang’s anxiety. He triedhard to suppress his own growing unease, his mind running with scenarios of where thingshad gone wrong. San leaving without fully calming Yeosang was completely out of character. San pridedhimself on caring for the pack, and unless something was seriously wrong, he would neverhave left Yeosang so abruptly. Had San hurt himself? Did something happen to one of theother pack members? The sudden chime of Mingi’s phone shattered the fragile silence, jerking him out of hisspiralling thoughts. Yeosang flinched, blinking out of the daze he’d slipped into while Mingiheld him. He quickly withdrew from Mingi’s arm with a dark blush. “I’m going to make a shake,” he mumbled, avoiding Mingi’s eyes. Mingi nodded, offering him a small smile as his hand itched to reach for his phone. It pingedrepeatedly in his pocket, each notification making his pulse spike. As soon as Yeosangdisappeared into the kitchen, he snatched his phone out of his pocket. He had multiplenotifications from a barely used group chat, the chat that alerted when someone had enteredtheir cycle. Opening the app, Mingi took in the SOS message Seonghwa had sent, letting them know thatSan had started his rut earlier than expected. Mingi’s stomach twisted at the unexpectednews. San’s rut had arrived three days ahead of schedule, and San’s were never off by morethan a day. His gaze flickered toward the kitchen, where Yeosang moved quietly. The thought of leavinghim alone like this made Mingi’s chest tighten. Yeosang’s tart cherry scent was still thick inthe air. But San could be uncontrollable during his ruts, especially if he felt incompletewithout everyone present. Yeosang’s absence would already have him on edge. If Mingi wereto stay away as well, it could push him over the edge. He skimmed the rest of the chats. Wooyoung and Jongho were already on their way up, andYunho was almost back from the corner store. Even Hongjoong, who was still at his studio,promised he’d be there in 20 minutes. At least the others would be there soon. Mingi took a deep breath and forced himself into motion, mind still racing. As he steppedinto the kitchen, the sight awaiting him twisted his heart. A tray sat on the counter, stackedneatly with seven cups. Mingi’s throat tightened, and a familiar sadness filled the pit of hisstomach. Seven always felt like the wrong number. This was also the first time he hadwitnessed Yeosang preparing the tray, and the vision was painfully lonely. Yeosang shut thefridge, a large water jug in his hand. He glanced at Mingi, face carefully void of anyemotion. “You can take this with you,” he said flatly, placing the jug on the tray before turning back tograb his blender. Mingi shifted on his feet, unsure how to respond. He had never been good with readingemotions, especially Yeosang’s, whose moods were like subtle shifts in the wind: hard toread, impossible to predict. He had thought things were improving, thought that maybe thedistance between them had been shrinking, but now, faced with Yeosang’s flat detachment, hedoubted himself. The kitchen buzzed with the low hum of the blender, a stark contrast to the cacophony ofthoughts racing through Mingi’s head. He clenched his fists, nails digging into his palm toground himself. He couldn’t spiral with Yeosang. He was supposed to be the one providingcomfort right now. The front door opened with a beep, and Mingi immediately caught the scent of San’s cocoa-rich pheromones, now overpowering with the onset of his rut. The tension in the airthickened instantly. Yeosang glanced over his shoulder, surprise flickering across his featuresbefore it was quickly replaced by a mask of indifference. They could hear the soft murmursfrom the hall as Seonghwa gently coaxed the grumbling, whining alpha towards the NestingRoom. The door closed behind them with an audible click, leaving Mingi and Yeosang insilence once more. “Why aren’t you going?” Yeosang’s voice broke the silence, quieter than before.Mingi hesitated. “He has hyung with him right now.” Yeosang looked at him oddly but just nodded, placing the blender in the sink. “Does it bother you?” Mingi asked hesitantly. Yeosang turned back to him, and confusion etched on his features. The expression soothedsome of Mingi’s nerves, no longer facing the measured, expressionless Yeosang. “Does what bother me?” Yeosang asked. He sat down gracefully at the table, taking a slowsip of his shake as he waited for Mingi to respond. When he pulled the cup away, foam fromthe protein shake clung to his upper lip. Mingi instinctively reached out to wipe it away, butbefore he could, Yeosang’s tongue darted out, licking the foam clean. Mingi awkwardly dropped his hand. "That," he said, motioning toward the Nesting Room. Yeosang laughed, but the sound was strained, lacking any warmth. “No, it's natural. Justbecause I don’t experience it doesn’t mean I’d find it weird.” Mingi shook his head. “No, not the rut. I mean...” His words trailed off as the front door opened again. He heard rather than smelt Jongho andWooyoung’s arrival, the two of them bickering their way to the Nesting Room. Yunho’sfamiliar scent accompanied them, though he moved without a ruckus. Yeosang didn’t press for more information, and so, when Mingi continued, he felt even moreawkward. “I mean, our relationship,” he explained. Mingi watched Yeosang closely, noting the way his brows furrowed at the mention of theirrelationship. A flicker of something Mingi couldn’t quite read passed through Yeosang’seyes, making his stomach twist tighter. Did Yeosang really find their polycule weird? He hadwanted to believe that Hongjoong, Wooyoung and San had been correct; he had hoped thatYeosang’s claim to not fitting in had been due to being interested in them romantically. Itseemed he had been right to be pessimistic, though. Yeosang seemed greatly uncomfortable.Yeosang downed the rest of his shake in one gulp, his eyes darting anywhere but Mingi’s. “No, it doesn’t,” Yeosang finally answered, his voice strained. He rushed to his feet, avoidingMingi’s gaze as he placed the cup in the sink. “Don’t forget that,” he added, nodding towardsthe tray before rushing out of the kitchen. Mingi sighed as he grabbed the tray and carried it to the Nesting Room. He stopped at thenarrow console table in the hall, struggling to make space among the clutter of decorativeitems while balancing the tray. Just as he placed it down, Hongjoong finally arrived. “Ming,” Hongjoong spoke softly, casting a wary glance toward the Nesting Room. “Whathappened?” “I don’t know. I think Yeosang accidentally triggered it, but I’m not sure how,” Mingi saidhelplessly, shrugging. “And Sangie’s not in a good place either right now, so I don’t want toleave him alone,” he added with a whine, feeling the weight of the situation withHongjoong’s arrival. “That’s fine, I’ll stay with him. You go to San. He’ll handle it better with me not being therethan without you,” Hongjoong reassured his calm demeanour soothing Mingi's frayed nerves.He hadn’t even considered asking one of the Alphas to take over with Yeosang, butHongjoong was right. San would be far more protective right now, especially regarding theomegas. It would be easier to handle him if he was sure about Mingi’s safety. “But what’s going on with Yeo?” Hongjoong asked worriedly. “If I knew, I’d tell you,” Mingi sighed. Still, he recounted the earlier events so Hongjoongwasn’t walking in blind. Hongjoong listened attentively before pulling off his cardigan andhanding it to Mingi with a reassuring pat on his arm. He then made his way toward Yeosang’sroom, leaving Mingi to join the others in caring for San. The moment he opened the door, Mingi was hit with the oppressive atmosphere. He couldfeel the tension rippling through the room before he even passed the threshold, sharp andstifling. San paced the floor, his body taut with barely contained tension. Seonghwa wasnervously constructing a nest on the bed while Wooyoung sat nude at the edge, anxiouslybiting his nails as Yunho tried to comfort him. Judging by Wooyoung’s state of dress, Mingicould only conclude that his attempts to seduce San had failed, leaving the atmosphere evenmore charged with desperation. “San-ah,” Mingi called softly, shutting the door behind him as quietly as he could.San’s wide and wild eyes snapped to him instantly. His normally sweet and gentlepheromones had turned sharp and overwhelming, a clear indication of his distress.“Where’s Yeosang?” San’s voice was almost a broken plea. Mingi’s omega whimperedpainfully at the sound, and he moved towards the Alpha, desperate to soothe him. Unlike his heats, ruts weren’t inherently sexual. Whereas Mingi found it extremely difficultto spend the time without Yeosang, he was biologically inclined to want to breed. Thepresence of the Alpha’s and their heat-induced ruts helped distract him for the most part. ForSan, however, he did not have the luxury. San was a relatively calm person on most days. Hehad a dominant streak but he was mostly very sweet and protective. During his ruts, though,his need to possess increased, and being kept away from Yeosang did not appease his Alpha.The pack worked tirelessly to distract him, and when successful, San would get distracted bytheir bodies. There was something about their post-orgasm haze that seemed to calm San’smore possessive instincts. To see that Wooyoung’s efforts had gone mostly ignored wasdeeply concerning. If they missed the beginning window, San would be in this state for therest of his rut. Soon, he may even turn on the other Alpha’s, seeing them as an obstacle in hissearch for Yeosang. “He’s fine,” Mingi said gently, unwilling to mention Hongjoong being with the omega. San’sjealousy would rear its head, and he’d have walked them all right into the wall they weretrying to avoid. Unhappy with his response, San growled low and spun on his heels to resumehis frantic pacing. Mingi glanced helplessly at Jongho, who was trying his best to calm Seonghwa. The olderomega's nest-building had grown more frenzied as San’s pheromones became increasinglyoppressive. Jongho shrugged just as helplessly. “Nothing we’ve tried has worked,” he murmured. “EvenHwa-hyung and Wooyoungie-hyung’s pheromones didn’t calm him. He just keeps saying thatYeosang is sad.” Given the state Yeosang had been in when he entered the apartment, Mingi could onlyimagine how pitiful he’d looked when San had left him. He hummed in understanding.“I need-” Seonghwa’s voice cut in, breaking suddenly as his hands reached for Mingi’swaistband, tugging it down with urgency. “Hyung!” Mingi yelped, startled, but still, he stepped out of his shorts, allowing Seonghwa totake them for his nest. He handed him Hongjoong’s cardigan as well, and Seonghwa took itgratefully, frowning when he caught Hongjoong’s fresh scent. "Where is he?" Seonghwa hissed, eyes flashing desperately. He had been with San since hisrut began, and Mingi could see how much it had worn him down. Seonghwa looked like hewas drowning, struggling to keep his head above water in the overwhelming sea of San'spheromones. “With Yeosang,” Mingi whispered, and it was all the explanation Seonghwa needed before hescrambled back to the nest, his hands moving hurriedly to finish his arrangement.Mingi watched empathetically. The atmosphere in the room was suffocating, and the tensionwound so tightly that he felt like he could barely breathe. Mingi felt moments away fromjoining Wooyoung and Seonghwa in their spiralling panic. His mind raced, glancing aroundthe room for a solution. He had to calm San down before things got any worse. Then, an idea struck him, absurd in its simplicity. “I’m fine,” he whispered to Jongho before he groaned loudly, clutching his stomach as ifstruck by a sudden, sharp pain. Jongho’s eyes widened in concern before understandingdawned on him. San’s pacing came to an abrupt halt, his attention snapping to Mingi. His dilated pupils fixedon Mingi’s form, studying him with predatory intensity. Mingi groaned again, moredramatically this time, and collapsed to the floor, clutching his stomach as if in agony.In an instant, San was by his side, pulling him into his arms. A moment later, the other packmembers surrounded them, concern etched on their faces. Mingi shook his head almostimperceptibly, discouraging them from stepping in. “What’s wrong? Where does it hurt?” San asked, his voice filled with urgency as he cradledMingi close. Mingi pressed a hand against San’s chest, giving him a weak but reassuring smile. “I’m okay,San-ah. Just a cramp, I think,” he lied, wincing for effect. He needed San focused on him butbe calm. “He must have eaten and then exercised,” Jongho piped up, lamely supporting his ruse.Wooyoung rolled his eyes behind San’s back and Yunho stifled a chuckle with a cough.San frowned concernedly as he gently rubbed Mingi’s stomach in soothing circles. “Youknow not to do that,” he reprimanded softly. He stood and lifted Mingi in a princess carry, hisarms strong and protective. Mingi groaned again, playing up his role, while Wooyoungsnickered behind them. Seonghwa guided San to the bed, inviting him to lay Mingi down in the nest he hadpainstakingly crafted. San settled into the nest, spooning Mingi delicately as Mingi made theright complaints at the right times. The rest of the pack joined them on the oversized bed,sprawling out in close proximity, their low murmurs filling the room as a semblance of peacewashed over the room. Unfortunately, it didn’t last. After only a few minutes, Mingi felt San’s body tense again, his muscles bunching againstMingi’s back as the restless energy returned. San sat up, letting Mingi slip out of his hold.Mingi rolled onto his back, looking up at the agitated Alpha as he scanned the Nesting Room. “Where is hyung?” San asked, looking over his shoulder at Seonghwa. Mingi’s eyes darted toYunho’s, his panic reflected in them. “He’s coming, don’t worry,” Seonghwa said soothingly. “I’ll go find him,” San declared, moving toward the foot of the bed. Jongho rose from hislounging position, trying to casually intercept the Alpha without alerting him that he wasblocking his path. “No, no, it’s fine,” Mingi interjected, sitting up and taking San’s hand into his own. “Heknows his way, trust me.” San’s gaze softened momentarily before flooding with despair. “What about Yeosang?” hewhispered, his voice breaking. “He’s… He needs me.” And there it was—the inevitable. It had become almost routine by now. If they didn’t manageto distract San in time, he would unravel, slipping into a state of inconsolable distress. Mingisighed inwardly, bracing himself for another long, exhausting rut. At least the Alpha only hadone natural rut a year. If they were as frequent as his own heats, Mingi was certain he’d havelost his mind by now.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Yeosang stared wearily into the darkness of his room. His blackout curtains blocked out thecity lights, leaving only a faint sliver of light from the hallway sneaking in under the door. Itwas already the second day of San's rut, and things didn’t seem to be going smoothly. Yesterday, Hongjoong had stayed with him for about three hours before Jongho came lookingfor him. Yeosang had felt relieved when Jongho arrived. Though he knew Hongjoong meantwell, having company at a time like this felt unsettling. It made him feel like an extra burdenthe others had to juggle alongside San's rut. When Hongjoong left however, Jongho stayedbehind, the two simply swapping roles. With Hongjoong gone, Yeosang finally felt brave enough to voice his thoughts. Jongho hadjust laughed, pulling him into his lap for a tight hug. Yeosang had spluttered in surprise, butbefore he could respond, Wooyoung had burst in, looking frazzled, and demanded Jonghoreturn to the Nesting Room. When Wooyoung had tried to stay back too, Yeosang had put hisfoot down. San clearly wasn’t handling the absence of his pack members well, and Yeosangdidn't want to be the cause, especially since he was still unsure what San had been insinuatingwith his jealous comment. So, Yeosang fell back into his usual role: keeping everyone fed and hydrated. Ruts werealways more challenging than heats, with the alphas being far more headstrong than theomegas. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been able to shake the familiar anxiety sitting in his chest,so sleep had evaded him last night. Every time the door to the Nesting Room opened, San’spotent scent blended with the rest of the pack, drifted to him, and made the ball in his chesteven tighter. Now, with the light under his door signalling someone had stepped out again, his heart racedas footsteps neared his bedroom. A soft knock came, followed by the slow creak of the door.Even before Yeosang could make out the silhouette, Seonghwa’s familiar fruity scent reachedhim, cutting through the chocolatey scent of San’s rut. Yeosang pushed himself up on hiselbows. "Hyung?" he called when Seonghwa remained silent in the doorway. Seonghwa cleared his throat and stepped further inside. "You're awake," he said softly. "Is everything okay?" Yeosang asked, turning on the lamp beside his bed. The suddenbrightness stung his eyes, but he couldn’t shake the growing worry. "Yeah, yeah, fine, great, it's all good," Seonghwa said, too chirpily for it to be true. Yeosangsat up, frowning. "Are you sure? Do you need me to go out and grab something?" Yeosang got out of bed as hespoke, his mind already racing. He couldn't imagine Seonghwa would leave San for anythingless than an emergency. Yeosang just couldn't imagine what the emergency could be and sohe started to panic. He rushed to his closet, mind buzzing incoherently as he looked forsomething to throw on over his pyjamas. "Sang-ah, wait," Seonghwa caught his wrist, pulling him back. "I don't need you to goanywhere. Please." His voice sounded worn out. "I just... I have a favour to ask you." Seonghwa looked exhausted, his expression tight. Yeosang waited, almost afraid to hear hisnext words. "Would you be okay with— and it's fine if you say no— but would you be okay coming tothe Nesting Room for a bit?" Seonghwa asked, his voice tentative. Yeosang's jaw dropped. Seonghwa's request was so far out of the realm of possibility that hestruggled to make out the meaning for a minute. Did Seonghwa just ask him to come to theNesting Room? His heart hammered wildly against his ribcage, an uncomfortable,quickening rhythm. Why would they need him? Should he say yes? But what if he seemedtoo eager like he was desperate to be included? Seonghwa noticed his hesitation, the uncertainty painted across his face, and quicklyamended, "It’s okay, you don’t have to. I just thought I’d ask." He looked away, awkwardlyrubbing the back of his neck. "Then... can I borrow your shirt?" he added softly, gesturing tothe pyjama shirt Yeosang was wearing. Realisation dawned on him, hitting with the force of alightning bolt. Seonghwa was here because San wanted him. Yeosang had grown accustomed to his pack using his belongings during heats and ruts. Hehad always attributed it to his pack status. It wasn't exactly normal to want everyone in yourpack's scent close during those moments, but there also wasn't anything normal aboutATEEZ's approach to packhood, so he hadn't really questioned it. But now, he wasn’t part of the pack, and yet San still wanted him. "Is he okay?" Yeosang asked. Seonghwa smiled, but it was a tired smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, he’ll befine. He’s just being a brat." Yeosang began lifting the hem of his shirt, preparing to hand it over. He had missed hischance due to his shock and Seonghwa had rescinded his request. If he were to bring it backup, would he not seem pathetic? As he lifted the shirt over his head, he silently beratedhimself for his cowardice. The words tumbled out before he could stop them. "I—I can go," he mumbled, so quiet hewasn’t sure Seonghwa would hear him. Seonghwa’s reaction was immediate, his eyeslighting up as relief washed over his face. "Really?" Seonghwa's voice rose, almost disbelieving. "Oh my God, thank you, thank you,thank you." He threw himself at Yeosang, pulling him into a tight hug. "He’s been impossibleto deal with," Seonghwa stepped back, looking at Yeosang like he hung all the stars in thesky. Yeosang felt his face heat up and ducked his head shyly. "Don't worry," he reassured. "He'll behave. And if it gets too much, just tell him to stop. He’lllisten." Yeosang felt a pang of loneliness hearing Seonghwa speak so intimately about San. Theyknew each other in ways he might never experience and it was a hard pill to swallow. Hepushed those thoughts away, focusing instead on the fact that he would, for the first timeever, be present for one of their ruts. He was extremely nervous, unsure of what to expectoutside of what he’d seen in movies and the like. “But maybe…,” Seonghwa said as he reached out and took the shirt from Yeosang’s hand.Yeosang blinked in confusion as Seonghwa dressed him again with a light smirk tugging athis lips. "Just to be safe." Seonghwa offered a string of reassurances as they made their way to the Nesting Room, butnone of them settled Yeosang's nerves. “You ready?” Seonghwa asked, his hand resting on the door handle. Yeosang swallowed, thesound unnaturally loud in his ears, but he nodded anyway. Seonghwa smiled softly beforepushing the door open. The Nesting Room was, in essence, one giant bed. Technically, it was three king-sizedmattresses shoved together, but the effect was seamless. The bed stretched wall to wall,leaving little floor space. The scent hit him first—overpowering, thick, and intoxicating in its intensity. His breathcaught in his throat as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. The second thing he noticed was thenearly feral eyes locking onto him. San sat at the foot of the massive bed, elbows on hisknees, his posture rigid and tense. The moment the door opened, his gaze froze on Yeosang,eyes dark and hungry. Behind him, Jongho and Hongjoong mirrored San’s intensity, theirpostures taut with unspoken tension. Further behind them lay Yunho, Mingi and Wooyoung,the two omegas looking as drained as Seonghwa had when he’d come to find Yeosang. ToYeosang’s relief, everyone was fully dressed. Yeosang turned his attention back to San, whose entire body was coiled so tightly it seemedready to snap at any moment. He stood slowly, his gaze locked onto Yeosang with such rawintensity that it made his skin prickle. It was as if San had stumbled upon an oasis afterwandering a barren desert, his thirst palpable in every deliberate step. "San-ah," Yeosang whispered, his voice barely audible over the pounding of his heart. Hecouldn’t believe how much tension radiated from San. Despite his muscular build, San hadalways moved with fluid grace, like a panther prowling with quiet confidence. But now, therewas nothing smooth about him. He was predatory, tense, and on edge as if the smallestprovocation would cause him to shatter completely. Yeosang’s pulse quickened as San approached, unsure of what to expect. The uncertaintyseemed to echo through the room, the air thick with unspoken disquiet. Hongjoong andJongho suddenly got to their feet, hovering just behind San, their watchful eyes tracking hisevery move. “Yeosang,” San breathed out, his voice hoarse. He raised his hands and cupped Yeosang’sface, his touch so gentle it was almost shocking. Yeosang had instinctively braced himself forsomething more aggressive, something that matched the raw tension in San’s posture. ButSan's hands moved over him with reverence, his thumbs brushing delicately along Yeosang’scheekbones as if he were fragile, something precious to be handled with care. Then, without warning, San pulled him into a crushing embrace, pressing their bodiestogether as though he wanted to meld them into one. The force of it took Yeosang's breathaway. The pressure wasn’t painful; rather, it was overwhelming and desperate, like San wasclinging to him for survival. San’s face buried itself in the crook of Yeosang’s neck, and heinhaled deeply, breathing him in with a long, shuddering breath like a man starved, finallygiven the one thing he had craved above all else. Yeosang tentatively returned the hug, overwhelmed by the intensity of San’s need. His heartraced, both from the closeness and the unexpected fragility in San's posture. San was usuallyso composed, but here he was, unravelling and clinging to him like a lifeline. Instinctively, hepushed out his calming pheromones, hoping to ease the rigidity in San’s body and providehim with some relief. It wasn’t something Yeosang had ever consciously done before, butwith San so stiff in his arms, it felt like the natural response. San’s arms tightened almostimperceptibly, his cocoa scent growing lighter and sweeter the longer they stood there,enveloped in each other's warmth. Yeosang glanced over San’s shoulder, catching Seonghwa’s gaze. The older omega had takena seat on the bed and was watching with a small smile, his cheeks and eyes glittering withtears. Yeosang frowned, concern growing in his chest. Taking in the others, they lookedequally sombre. He shifted his gaze to the others. Jongho and Hongjoong had relaxed backonto the bed, their earlier tension melting away, but there was something else in theirexpressions. Their eyes shimmered with an odd mixture of relief and sadness. EvenWooyoung and Mingi, who were curled up in Yunho’s arms on the bed, looked oddlysubdued. A knot of unease tightened in Yeosang’s chest. He couldn’t help but wonder if they were hurt.He wasn’t part of their pack after all. Even when he had been, he hadn’t shared the deep,intimate bond that they had cultivated throughout the years. And yet, here he was, the one tocalm San down when even Seonghwa had seemed at a loss. The realisation made him feeleven more like an outsider, intruding on something he wasn’t meant to be part of. Did theyresent him for being the one San wanted at this moment? Yunho was the only one in the room who seemed relaxed, and so Yeosang looked to him forsome kind of guidance. An almost playful smile flitted across the Alpha’s lips as their eyesmet, and he mouthed, “watch out,” just a split second before San let Yeosang go. Yeosang barely had time to process his brief moment of freedom before San had lifted himclean off his feet and tossed him over his shoulder with a grunt. A few chuckles soundedthrough the room, easing the nerves that had been building within him. His attention wasconsumed by San’s single-minded determination as the Alpha carried him towards theoversized bed and practically tossed him into the nest of clothes in the middle of the bed. Themixed scents of the pack surrounded him, overwhelming his senses for just a moment beforeSan followed him down, pinning him firmly to the mattress. San’s weight pressed him intothe soft layers of clothes beneath them, the Alpha’s capturing both of his wrists and holdingthem above his head. Yeosang could barely move under San’s grip as the Alpha dropped hisface to his neck, clearly aiming for his scent gland. But, before San could make contact, Jongho’s hand shot out, gripping San by the shoulderand pulling him back. A feral snarl tore from San’s throat, the menacing sound reverberating through the room.Yeosang froze, fear spiking in his chest at the sound. For a brief moment, he was back at thekitchen table, scared to look or touch any of his pack members. Jongho, unphased by San’s aggressive display, met the Alpha’s gaze with a firm look. "Youhave to ask," he scolded. San’s head snapped back to Yeosang, and all the feral intensity in his eyes was replaced withpanic. He scrambled off of Yeosang, backing away so quickly that it left the omega moreconfused than afraid. He watched, stunned, as San moved as far from him as possible,apologising repeatedly. Yeosang sat up slowly, looking around at the others for answers. Theroom had gone quiet, his confusion shared with the others. Understanding dawned on Hongjoong’s face. “San-ah,” he said, his voice soothing. “It’s notlike that. Your growls just scared him.” It wasn’t until then that Yeosang realised that his scent had soured, giving away the burst ofanxiety that had flared in his chest at the sound of San’s snarl. Yeosang quickly nodded inagreement. The sound had triggered something deep within him, something reflexive that hedidn't know how to fix, but he hadn’t actually been afraid of San himself. San lookedcompletely horrified with himself, his cocoa scent turning bitter with guilt. “It’s okay,” Yeosang said softly. “I’m fine,” he promised, and, for the first time in a long time,he found the words to be true. The fear that had gripped him a moment ago had faded themoment he’d laid eyes on San’s panicked expression. He knew ruts often amplified theprotective instincts of Alphas, and he could see just how much his momentary fear hadaffected San in this vulnerable state. “You didn’t hurt me, I’m fine,” he repeated, his voice steady. He held out his hand ininvitation, ignoring the soft coo from Wooyoung in the background. “Come here.” San’s eyes widened slightly, the relief immediate. He still looked hesitant, caught between hisdesire to prevent further stress and his instinct to claim what he seemed to desperately crave.After a tense pause, San finally made his way back toward him. Yeosang exhaled with relief,and the others seemed to breathe out with him, silently observing San as he returned to him.San threw a leg over Yeosang’s thighs, his weight pressing down on him as he settled on toponce more. He hovered there for a moment, eyes searching Yeosang’s for any sign ofdiscomfort. “Is this okay?” he asked Yeosang, the intensity in his eyes restrained by his need to protect.With San so close, the others seemed to fade into the background, allowing Yeosang to reactwithout thinking about their reactions. His hand trembled slightly as he reached up, slidinghis fingers into San’s hair and pulling him down in a silent offering. San’s breath ghostedover Yeosang’s throat before he placed a soft kiss against his skin. San nosed along Yeosang’sneck, his breath coming in soft, shaky exhales until he reached Yeosang’s scent gland. Hepaused, hovering over the stretch of skin as if waiting for the last sign that this was trulyokay. Yeosang’s body responded before his mind could. He tilted his head slightly, baring his neckin silent permission. He distantly registered a soft gasp, but his focus remained solely on Sanas the Alpha pressed his nose into his scent gland. Goosebumps bloomed over his body asSan nuzzled and nosed at the sensitive spot. The sensation was entirely unfamiliar. Yeosangcould count on one hand the number of people who had scented him there, and he’d still havefingers left over. His heartbeat quickened as his scent intensified, responding to San’s touch. It was intimate,almost too much. The Alpha’s gentle stimulation coaxed the gland to release more of hisscent, the room filling with a sweet scent that was uniquely their own. Yeosang forced hiseyes open, unaware of when he had shut them, to begin with. He scanned the room, suddenlyneeding reassurance that he wasn’t stepping over any boundaries. His gaze found Seonghwa,who had been making his way over. The omega paused when their eyes met, momentarilystartled before breaking into a grin and crawling over faster. San also paused, lifting his head just enough to glance at Seonghwa before a rumble vibratedfrom his chest. He buried his face back into Yeosang’s neck, his grip tightening slightly,ignoring Seonghwa as he nestled up beside Yeosang. Seonghwa didn’t seem bothered. He propped himself up on one elbow, reaching out to gentlytouch Yeosang’s cheek. “You okay?” he asked softly, his thumb brushing over the warm skin.His cheeks grew hotter, the flush spreading under the older man’s touch. He nodded, a littleshy, unsure of how to respond in the intimacy of the moment. Seonghwa’s grin mellowed intoa warmer smile and he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Yeosang’s cheek. “Thanks for beinghere,” he murmured, his breath warm against Yeosang’s skin. Yeosang could feel the heat in his face. He nodded shyly. Seonghwa smiled and kissed hischeek softly. “Thanks for being here,” he murmured. Yeosang’s heart tripled its pace as herealised how close Seonghwa’s lips were to the corner of his mouth; just a tiny shift left, andit would have been a real kiss. “Ah,” he gasped softly, unable to hold back the sound at the sharp sensation.Seonghwa chuckled, covering his mouth to hide his smile. He pulled back and gave San alight slap on the shoulder. “Yeah, he’s a biter,” Wooyoung giggled from above Yeosang’s head. Yeosang craned his neckto look up, but San took the opportunity to gently nip at his throat. The bite was soft butsharp enough to make Yeosang shiver. “San-ah,” Yeosang said in surprise, squirming slightly. They had to go back to work soon,and if San kept this up, he’d leave a mark. “Be nice,” Seonghwa scolded, though the grin on his face was playful. San grumbled butrelented, sitting up. Wooyoung took the moment to shuffle closer, lifting Yeosang’s head.Yeosang let out a startled noise but allowed Wooyoung to slide his leg underneath, makinghimself a pillow. Seonghwa shifted as well, moving higher up the bed to rest his head onWooyoung’s chest then curled up against Yeosang’s side. San watched them, his gaze heavywith satisfaction, before glancing around the room. “Come closer,” San beckoned Yunho and Mingi, who were leaning against the wall. Yunhosmiled and gently nudged Mingi forward until the tall rapper settled down on Yeosang’s otherside, fitting perfectly into the growing pile. “I guess it’s time for our dog pile,” Hongjoong chuckled as he joined them, finding his placenext to Mingi and resting his head on the omega’s outstretched arm.“What are we doing?” Yeosang whispered to Seonghwa. “Sleeping, hopefully. He’s been up this entire time,” Seonghwa replied, nodding in San’sdirection. Yeosang observed San carefully watch as Yunho nestled in, curling againstHongjoong’s back and draping a long leg over both him and Mingi. Only when Jongho hadsettled beside Wooyoung did San seemed satisfied with the arrangement. With a small smile,he gracefully rose off Yeosang’s lap. Instead of settling on the outside of the pile, San moveddown to Seonghwa’s legs. He tapped the older omega’s calf, waiting for Seonghwa to shiftonto his back and spread his legs slightly. San then slotted himself into the space, resting hishead on Seonghwa’s thigh and hip. The position placed him close to Yeosang, allowing Santo wrap an arm around both Seonghwa’s thigh and Yeosang’s torso, pulling them closer.Yeosang lay still, trying not to move too much and disturb the bodies pressed against him. The warmth and closeness of the pack was comforting, but it also left him with anoverwhelming sense of loss. He found himself wishing he still had his bonds, ao that he couldfeel connected to them in such an intimate moment. Despite the pain that had accompanied it,he still missed the echoes of their emotions pulsating in the background of his consciousness. “Ugh, the light,” Wooyoung groaned, breaking through Yeosang’s darkening thoughts. Yeosang giggled as the others erupted into a chorus of groans and complaints, followed by atleast two quick “not it”s “I’ll get it,” Yeosang offered, beginning to sit up. “No!” nearly everyone said at once. San’s arm tightened, blocking him from rising further. “You can’t move if you’re in the middle,” Yunho explained as he got up, stalking toward thelight switch. “We really need to get those clapping lights or something,” he muttered as heflipped it off.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Hongjoong awoke to hushed whispers and a tickle of hair brushing his nose. Groggily, hetook note of his bearings. He was still sandwiched between the two tallest members ofATEEZ, but they had rotated at some point in the night, and now, his back was heated by thewarmth of the omega behind him. Mingi’s arm draped over him to embrace the figure nestledagainst his chest. Yunho was curled into Hongjoong’s chest, head tucked under his chin as hebreathed evenly. A wave of fondness filled Hongjoong, and he gently patted the stray hairsback onto Yunho's head. A quiet, playful murmur caught his attention, reminding him of what had pulled him fromsleep. “Wooyoung, they’re going to wake up,” Yeosang whispered, voice tinged with mildexasperation. "So?" Wooyoung whispered back. "I just want to give my very cute boyfriend a morningkiss." Hongjoong’s lips curved into a smile. He had been concerned that the two had not beenable to explore their new relationship but he never should have doubted Wooyoung’sproactiveness. "Who said I'm your boyfriend?" Yeosang retorted, making Hongjoong smile wider. Yeosangalso seemed to be quite comfortable with the way things were progressing, seeing as he hadreturned to his dry humour. "Me," Wooyoung replied confidently. There was a faint shuffling sound, no doubt Wooyoung leaning in for a kiss, whichHongjoong could visualise Yeosang half-heartedly resisting. Hongjoong shifted slightly,trying to catch a glimpse of the adorable scene, calling attention to himself. The moment hemoved, though, Yunho lifted his head, craning back to meet his gaze. Clear brown eyes methis own. Hongjoong raised a brow inquiringly. "Let's not interrupt them," Yunho mouthed carefully. He waited for Hongjoong’s agreementbefore settling back into Hongjoong's embrace. "Did you sleep well?" Hongjoong whispered, giving Yunho's neck a gentle squeeze. Clearly,the Alpha had been awake for quite a while. Yunho hummed softly in reply, pressing a light kiss to Hongjoong's jaw affectionately beforeburrowing his face back against Hongjoong's throat. As Hongjoong lay quietly, he felt theothers around him gain consciousness as their bonds flared awake. Like them though, theyalso didn’t call attention to themselves, allowing Yeosang his perceived privacy. They lay there quietly, basking in each other’s warmth until Wooyoung and Yeosang’smurmurs faded into the calm of the room. Then, with a languid stretch, Yunho pulled away,arms reaching overhead and his shirt lifting, revealing a sliver of skin that had Hongjoong’sgaze lingering. Mingi’s arm lifted lazily, reaching out to poke Yunho’s side playfully. "Morning, Princess," Yunho laughed, leaning over him to place a soft kiss on Mingi's cheek. “I’m hungry,” the omega grumbled, his voice an octave lower due to sleep. “I'll make breakfast,” Yunho offered quickly. “Any requests?" "Pancakes!" Jongho's voice piped up from somewhere above them. "Pancakes? What are you, American?" Seonghwa teased from across the room. Hongjoongchuckled. It was an odd breakfast choice, but considering how often they travelled, it wasn’tparticularly out of character to have pancakes for breakfast. "Pancakes sound good. Let's have an English-style breakfast today, then," Yunho agreed. “Sounds good,” Hongjoong agreed easily, detangling himself from the pile of limbs to gowash up. "I'll make the pancakes. You always burn them," Wooyoung offered teasingly. "Then I want an omelette," San chimed in. Hongjoong's heart warmed as he realised that, forthe first time since they'd moved, they could all leave the Nesting Room without worry. Usually, most of the members stayed in with whoever was experiencing their cycle to avoidmaking Yeosang uncomfortable, but with him there, everyone was free to come and go asthey pleased. "Make it yourself, big guy," Wooyoung shot back playfully. Breakfast turned into quite a rambunctious affair. The table was filled with dishes eachmember had contributed to: Yunho's French toast, Wooyoung's pancakes, Jongho's cut-upfruits, San's omelettes, Seonghwa's scrambled eggs, Hongjoong's breakfast potatoes, andMingi's freshly brewed coffee. Yeosang, though eager to help, had been unanimously voteddown from anything requiring heat. His resulting pout had almost made Hongjoong give inbut Seonghwa had stepped in and delegated the task of setting the table. As Hongjoonglooked at the spread, he couldn't help but wonder if they'd managed to finish it all. "Thank you for the meal," Seonghwa said, echoing the others. The room grew quiet exceptfor the sound of forks and requests for "syrup, please" or "pass the salt." Hongjoong smiled to himself, savouring the rare, festive atmosphere. They'd soon be knee-deep in comeback preparations, meaning indulgent breakfasts like this would be few and farbetween. Chances for them to all sit down for a meal would also be just as rare. He silentlyappreciated the scene knowing soon, he would barely see them for days on end. Everyonelooked relaxed and content, their faces still slightly swollen with sleep. Hongjoong took inYeosang’s relaxed form across from him, his hair adorably tousled and his lips jutting out ashe chewed. A deep warmth spread through Hongjoong chest, his Alpha purring withsatisfaction at seeing his loved ones gathered, content, and at peace. Cleanup was just as lively as breakfast had been. San took charge, directing the omegas toshower and relax while the Alphas handled loading the dishwasher and storing leftovers.Hongjoong watched the bulky Alpha move around with an unusually content smile. "Someone's chirpy," Hongjoong teased. San's grin widened as he pulled Hongjoong into ahug so tight it bordered on uncomfortable. Hongjoong laughed painfully, rubbing his backfirmly until San pulled away. "Sorry, I just needed to get that out," San laughed. Hongjoong patted his cheekunderstandingly. "I don't think I've ever seen you this calm during a rut," he mused, tugging on San's cheeks tostretch his smile further. Even when they had managed to distract him in the past, San hadrarely smiled and always carried tension in every line of his body. It was refreshing to see thelightness in his form and the easy laughter that lit up his whole face as his eyes disappearedinto crescents. "I've never felt this calm, that's why," San replied, pressing a hand to his chest in emphasis.Hongjoong nodded empathetically, the ghost of the oppressive tightness from a multitude ofruts passing through his chest. "It's just... that feeling... it's gone." San's grin returned, andHongjoong couldn't help but mirror it. "I'm glad," he said softly. San pulled him in for another hug, this one far more gentle, and kissed the crown of his head. “If you’re done being mushy, get back to work,” Yunho teased lightly, tossing a dishcloth atthem as he spoke. They laughed as they separated and got back to helping Jongho and Yunhofinish the cleanup. Once done, the four of them headed to Yunho's room to shower, a luxuryduring this usually tumultuous time. Judging from the wet shower, the omegas had alreadycome and gone. Their shower took longer than usual since San insisted on washing them all. Despite not appreciating the lack of autonomy, Hongjoong relented, as did the other two. Allof them understood the pressing need that came with ruts; the need to provide, to care, and toprotect. This was just one of the ways San fulfilled that need. When they returned to the Nesting Room, however, the moment of peace had passed. Mingiawaited them, sitting nervously on the edge of the bed. Hongjoong touched his bondworriedly and found it writhing with agitation. “Where are the others?” San asked, stepping in behind him. "Uh...," Mingi scratched his head awkwardly, frustration flashing in his eyes. Hongjoong’sheart twisted uneasily. San tensed, a growl slipping out as he spun around, ready to leave, only to be stopped byYunho's hand on his arm. "You, wait," Yunho said, pointing firmly at San, who ground his jaw in silent frustration butstopped in his tracks. Satisfied he wouldn't go storming off, the taller Alpha turned to Mingi. “What happened, Princess?" Yunho asked gently, sitting beside him on the bed. "I- I don't know," Mingi said, looking defeated. "After his shower, Yeosang said he'd be in hisroom if we needed him. Seonghwa-hyung and Wooyoungie are trying to get him to comeback," he explained. Hongjoong and Jongho exchanged a look. Without a word, Hongjoong slipped past the others and left the Nesting Room, hearing thesoft click of the door as Jongho quietly shut it behind him. He strode down the hall, mindreeling. Everything had been fine, hadn’t it? Why had Yeosang suddenly retreated? Yeosang’sdoor had been shut when they’d passed by but it had opened in the moments they had beengone. Seonghwa was standing in the doorway now, arms crossed tightly as he gnawed on hislower lip. “What’s wrong, hun?” Hongjoong asked softly. Seonghwa’s head snapped towards him, eyesfilling with relief. “He won’t say,” Seonghwa replied, shrugging. Hongjoong slipped past Seonghwa, patting hiship reassuringly before stepping further into the room. Yeosang sat on his bed, sunlight streaming in and casting a soft glow around him. The sightmomentarily caught Hongjoong off guard; Yeosang looked ethereal, his expression bothvulnerable and distant. Noticing Hongjoong, Yeosang quickly looked down, his handsfidgeting in his lap. Wooyoung glanced at him, helplessly shaking his head. “Yeosang,” Hongjoong said softly. “Baby, what happened? What’s wrong?” Yeosang’s gaze had flickered upwards at the pet name just long enough for Hongjoong tocatch the confusion in his gaze. “Nothing,” Yeosang mumbled, twisting his fingers together. Hongjoong observed the nervous habit for a moment, wracking his brain as to what couldhave possibly triggered it. "Can I sit?" he asked Yeosang, approaching the edge of his bed. He kept his tone calm andlight, settling down when Yeosang nodded without meeting his eyes. "Is there a reason youdon't want to come back to the Nest?" he asked softly. Yeosang shrugged one shoulder. "Sang-ah," he murmured, leaning forward to catch Yeosang’s chin. "Look at me, please?" hecoaxed, gently upturning Yeosang’s face. Yeosang didn’t fight him, but his eyes focused onthe tip of Hongjoong’s nose instead of his eyes. "Tell me what’s wrong,” he said softly. “Do you need some alone time?” he asked, wonderingif perhaps the younger had gotten overstimulated after spending the night only toimmediately follow it up with a boisterous breakfast. Yeosang shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. Hongjoong released his chin to tuck thehair behind his ear. “Come one, tell me. Sannie's waiting for us," Hongjoong said softly, hoping the mention ofSan might encourage him. He’d come for him last night, after all. Instead, Yeosang lookeddistressed, his face paling. "Oh! It's okay! Go to him. I didn't mean to…," he began, gesturing wildly towards the door asif ready to usher them out. “I’m fine, I promise.” "We will, don't worry about that," Seonghwa quickly interrupted. "He's fine too, he has theothers." The guilt etched onto Yeosang's face only deepened. "Nothing's wrong," he said, lookingback at Hongjoong. "I just... I didn’t want to overstay my welcome, that's all. You guysshould-." "Overstay?" Wooyoung interrupted, sounding incredulous. "How could you overstayanything? You're under -staying right now!" Hongjoong nodded firmly in agreement. Heneeded Yeosang to know he was always wanted, no matter what. This insecurity was amonster of his own creation and one that must die by his own hands. Before Yeosang could respond, San appeared in the doorway, Jongho standing sheepishlybehind him. Without a word, San stalked into the room and headed straight towards them.Despite the aggression in his steps, his bond was just mildly agitated, so Hongjoong allowedhim to lean past him and grab Yeosang by his arm. "Wait," Yeosang exclaimed as San lowered his body and hoisted Yeosang over his shoulder ina fireman's carry. “Hyung!” Yeosang yelped, looking to him for help. Hongjoong turned toJongho for answers. The young Alpha was normally very level-headed and would thinkthings through before acting and, by his lack of reaction, he had agreed to allow San to dothis. Instead, Jongho just slapped San's sleeveless arm, the sound of skin echoing in the quietspace. "Don't be such a brute," he berated lightly. Yeosang blubbered incoherently, though he didn’t resist, just lying limply over San’sshoulders. "What are you guys doing?" Wooyoung asked, confusion clear on his face. "Being a little more proactive," Jongho smiled wryly, following San out of the room.Hongjoong's brows shot up in surprise, the words completely out of character. Then again, itseems Yeosang has been having that effect on him lately. Hongjoong stared at the empty doorway for a moment, and both Wooyoung and Seonghwawere stunned into silence. "Well," Hongjoong sighed. "Let's go see what that's about." Hongjoong briefly thought that he should be a lot more stressed than he was. If this hadhappened two months ago, San would not have made it through the doorway forget leavingthe room with the omega in tow. Now, though, Hongjoong was tempted to just allow things toplay out. He was tired of fighting his instincts and trying to plan every little step. Perhaps alittle chaos is just what the doctor prescribed. They entered the Nesting Room just in time to watch San gently toss Yeosang on the bedbeside Yunho. Yeosang scrambled upright and tried to stand, only for the man on the bed tocatch him by the waist and tug him into his lap. “Yunho!” Yeosng gasped in shock, whipping his head to the side to try to see his face. "What're we doing?" Seonghwa asked slowly, his tone light and casual despite the concern onhis face. Hongjoong hid a smile, pretending to rub his mouth. Seonghwa sounded like anexasperated kindergarten teacher, catching their students tangled up in yet anothermischievous act. "He's running again," San pointed at Yeosang accusingly. "I'm not running!" Yeosang argued, trying to get up once again, only for Yunho to pull himback. Gone was the guilty expression he’d worn in his bedroom, replaced by heatedincredulity. He pointed back at San just as accusingly. “I was trying to give you guys somespace!” Hongjoong mentally patted himself for not interrupting San earlier. It seemed the Alpha’sbehaviour had caught Yeosang completely off guard, and he was no longer policing his ownbehaviour. The truth had slipped out uninhibited. Hongjoong finally understood his hesitancyto say it. He must have felt uncomfortable bringing it up and wanted to retreatinconspicuously. “Space for what?” San snapped, too annoyed to read between the lines. Hongjoong touchedthe muscular man's arm, gently urging him to calm down. Yeosang blushed and shrank back into Yunho’s hold, ducking his head shyly.. "Nothing, never mind," he mumbled. Yunho’s lips pursed tightly but Hongjoong could stillsee the curvature of the smile he was trying to suppress. “Oh,” San breathed out. His empty response had the pack rushing to fill in the space. "He's fine without it," Seonghwa tried to reassure him, the other’s words mirroring hissentiment. "Just join us then," Wooyoung said just a beat later than the others, his words filling theroom. “Wooyoung!” Hongjoong reprimanded in unison with the rest of the pack. The reprimandhad been instinctive, but the moment it was out, Hongjoong realised it had been a mistake.Rather than the discomfort he’d expected to see on Yeosang’s face, he was instead faced withYeosang’s deflating frame. Immediately, he recognised how the reprimand could be taken asdisapproval, a rejection of having Yeosang in their polycule. "What?" Wooyoung yelled back, huffing and crossing his arms tightly. "If he knows, it mightmake him feel better." "Or not," Mingi argued, getting on his knees to match Wooyoung's height. “Mingi,” Hongjoong warned. "We won't know anything unless we talk about it. He already left the pack. What else do wehave to lose?" Wooyoung argued back heatedly, glaring at the man on the bed. "Still, you could at least be more tactful about it," Mingi insisted. "Enough," Hongjoong snapped, startling them out of their staring contest. Mingi grumbledand sat back on his heels. Hongjoong turned his attention to Yeosang, who was watchingthem cautiously. "What Wooyoung was trying to say is that we would love to have you in our," Hongjoonggestured to the pack. His heart was thundering in his chest as he spoke as nerves settled lowin his stomach. He wasn’t sure how to phrase his feelings and it was even harder since he wasspeaking on behalf of the pack. "I meant it when I said we would have you in whatevercapacity we could." Somehow, he misstepped again. Yeosang physically flinched at his words and shook his headroughly, Yunho having to lean back to avoid being hit. “ It’s okay,” Yeosang said thickly.Hongjoong looked around in a panic, not sure if he’d been wrong about Yeosang’s feelings orif he had somehow confused the omega. "No, no, no. He doesn’t mean it like that," Wooyoung quickly said. “Yeah, he just means we’ll go as far as you’re comfortable,” Jongho explained on his behalf.Hongjoong nodded in agreement. “Whether it’s friends, pack, or lovers, whatever you can give, we’ll take,” Seonghwa furtherelaborated, cheeks turning a rosy pink as he spoke. Yeosang’s eyes doubled in size, his mouth parting in surprise. “Lovers?” he repeated.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Seonghwa nodded once, face perfectly neutral. Yeosang glanced around the room, trying toread the atmosphere better. Wooyoung’s playful invitation had been hijacked by the rest ofhis pack and Yeosang wasn’t sure how to react. He once again found himself missing thebond they had once shared. Navigating this scenario would have been much easier if he couldjust tap on their bonds and feel an echo of their emotions. What would he have felt? Amusement? Worry? Revulsion? Carefully, he took in the expressions on their faces. San’s eyebrows were raised slightly, ahint of a smile on his mouth. Wooyoung’s grin was far more obvious, mischievous and smug.Mingi avoided his gaze entirely, toying absentmindedly with the bedsheets. Hongjoong hadcrossed his arms and was studying him with a focus that mirrored his own. Jongho leanedagainst the wall, posture and expression relaxed. Behind him, though he couldn’t see his face,Yunho’s scent remained light and fresh, completely untouched by turmoil. The fragile hope that had bloomed in his chest wilted defeatedly. His omega, the instinctualpart of him, recoiled like a wounded animal, curling tightly into itself. The silence grew heavier with every passing second. Finally, Yeosang let out a laugh. Soft,bitter, and painfully out of place. Seonghwa’s expression faltered, confusion flickering across his features. That only madeYeosang laugh harder, the sound spilling out uncontrollably. His shoulders shook with theeffort to suppress it, but it was no use. “What?” Jongho asked, straightening from his position against the wall. “Nothing, nothing,” Yeosang replied, covering his face with one hand as tears burned at thecorners of his eyes. He forced another laugh, secretly wiping the tears before they couldspill. “What’s funny?” Mingi asked, his deep voice coming out weakly. Now it was Yeosang’s turnto look confused. He quickly clamped his mouth shut when no one else joined his laughter onwhat clearly felt like a cruel joke. “You’re serious?” he asked, heart pounding in his chest. “I wouldn’t joke about something like this,” Seonghwa replied thickly, furrowed browsmirroring the ache in Yeosang’s chest. "All of you?" Yeosang asked disbelievingly, looking around the room again. Nods, murmursof agreement, and quiet gestures met his disbelief. His mind raced, the past years flashing by like a catalogue. Why were they suddenlyinterested in him joining their polycule? There were no clues, no moments he couldremember that would have foreshadowed this scenario. As he looked around the room, hisfocus landed on Wooyoung. His budding relationship with Wooyoung had been the onlychange recently. Was it possible that the pack were struggling with their relationship typechanging? Was their solution that they just absorbed him into their polycule so Wooyoungwasn’t dating an outsider? No, there was nothing logical about that. “Why?” The question slipped out before he could control it. It’s just that none of it madesense. Then… was it because he was an omega? Yeosang thought carefully about the pack’s changed behaviour since his return from thehospital. They had all changed drastically: whether it was Yunho cooking for him, Seonghwadragging him to take a nap, Hongjoong helping him through a panic attack, Jongho invitinghim to watch a show with him, Wooyoung confessing, Mingi hugging and comforting him, orSan needing him in the Nesting Room. He’d been sceptical initially but recently, he realisedhe’d stopped thinking about it so frequently and had let his guard down. This confession fromthe pack had him scrambling to protect himself, terrified of what would happen to his heart ifhe let himself believe them. There had to be something else going on. “Sang-ah,” Seonghwa’s voice broke through his spiralling thoughts. He was right in front ofhim now, kneeling on the bed with his face inches away. Yeosang flinched back, startled byhis sudden appearance. Yunho’s arms tightened imperceptibly as though to reassure him.“Were you listening?” Seonghwa asked, tilting his head slightly, concern etched into hisfeatures. Yeosang cursed under his breath as his eyes began to blur. He shook his head, mumbling asoft, “No, sorry.” He felt so far out of his depth, flailing in a sea of his emotions with no way to tell whichdirection the surface was in. Something about Seonghwa’s pained expression madecontrolling his feelings so much harder. He wanted to throw himself in the older man’s armsand have him make everything make sense again. He wanted the comfort and safety that onlySeonghwa ever seemed capable of providing. He quickly averted his gaze, afraid the intenselonging would be visible to the human eye. “No, look at hyung,” Seonghwa said firmly, catching him by the jaw. The gesture wasuncharacteristically rough. Seonghwa usually treated him like he was fragile glass,susceptible to breaking under the slightest pressure. Now though, he forced Yeosang’s faceupwards and captured his mouth in a scorching kiss. Yeosang whimpered, the sound mortifying to his own ears. Yunho groaned in his ear, thesound immediately distracting him from his own embarrassment. He could feel the hands onhis waist clenching and unclenching as Yunho’s arms tensed. Seonghwa didn’t give Yeosanga chance to form another coherent thought. His kiss burned like wildfire, spreading with aheat so intense that it scorched away every coherent thought Yeosang might have clung to.Despite this, Yeosang suddenly felt like he had surfaced, Seonghwa’s kiss holding him afloat.Seonghwa’s grip on his jaw tightened, his fingers firm yet trembling slightly. Everymovement of his lips against Yeosang was consuming, filled with a wave of raw need thatthreatened to overwhelm Yeosang. Yeosang’s breath hitched as Seonghwa devoured him without a trace of his usual gentleness.He pressed forward, pushing Yeosang into the solid body of the Alpha still holding him.Seonghwa’s fingers slid from Yeosang’s jaw to tangle in his hair as his lips demandedeverything, holding him in place as though afraid he might vanish. Yeosang’s hands clutchedat Yunho’s arm, his fingers twisting the fabric of his shirt as he tried to ground himself.Yunho’s hand came to rest on top of his, long fingers enveloping both his hands in a tightgrip. When Seonghwa finally drew back, his breathing was ragged, chest rising and falling intime with Yeosang’s. His forehead rested lightly against Yeosang’s, their proximityamplifying the intensity of his dark stare. Seonghwa’s eyes burned with the same fireYeosang had only ever seen when he performed on stage, his skin prickling under the weightof Seonghwa’s gaze, every nerve ending alive with sensation. He felt frozen in place, caughtin a spell he couldn’t break, like prey held captive under the unyielding stare of a predator.“This isn’t something new, Yeosang-ah,” Seonghwa murmured, his voice hoarse. “I- we’vefelt this way for years. We just weren’t sure how to broach the topic when we weren’t surehow you felt about us.” Yeosang tried to respond, but his voice cracked on the first syllable, and he quickly clampedhis mouth shut. Seonghwa’s lips quirked into a soft, teasing smirk as he released Yeosang’shair and sat back on his heels, giving him back control of his head. “I know it’s very sudden and lacking in any kind of decorum,” Yunho spoke up, his deepvoice steady as his thumb brushed against the back of Yeosang’s hand. “But it just feels likethe longer we drag this out, the more unsure you feel about where you fit in.”Yeosang tugged lightly at Yunho’s hold, subconsciously testing it, but the Alpha’s grip onlyfirmed in response. Oddly, the possessiveness settled him, his omega instincts preening at thesilent display of care and protection. “Even if you don’t like us that way or, if you, I don’t know…” Mingi’s voice faltered as hefiddled with the edge of the bedsheet, his fingers moving restlessly. The action suddenlyregistered in Yeosang’s mind as nervous fiddling. He hadn’t been indifferent to theconfession, he’d been trying to mask his nerves. Guilt filled his stomach and he gnawed at hisswollen lip anxiously, unsure of how to soothe the seated omega. “We figured it’s a risk worth taking if it makes things clearer for you,” Mingi continued. “Even if you only like Wooyoung, we’d-” “I like you too,” Yeosang blurted out, the words tumbling from his lips before his brain hadthe chance to intervene. His only thought had been to erase the uncertainty etched on Mingi’sface, to smooth over the apprehension that tugged at the omega’s pout. But the weight of what he’d just confessed hit him like a freight train the moment Mingi’sexpression lit up with relief. Yeosang’s mouth fell open in a silent gasp, and his head droppedforward as his knees curled instinctively to his chest. He hid behind his arms, his faceburning with mortification. Years of carefully guarded feelings, secrets he’d vowed to keepburied, had unravelled in mere seconds. All because he couldn’t stand seeing Mingi look so unsure. Shyness overwhelmed him like a tidal wave, a voice in the back of his mind cruellywhispering, ‘There’s no way they all feel the same. You’re delusional. You’ve read into thingsthat aren’t there.’ “Only Mingi?” Yunho’s voice was light, teasing. Yunho asked, his voice teasing but lacedwith genuine curiosity. The warmth of his breath tickled Yeosang’s already burning ear,making him squirm. He shook his head but couldn’t get himself to verbalise it, suddenlyterrified of the implication of his words. Yunho loosened his hold, dropping his arms to give Yeosang space, but the omegainstinctively took his hand without thinking. It wasn’t until he had guided Yunho’s arm backaround his waist that he realised what he’d done. He dropped it quickly as the Alpha behindhim let out an incredulous laugh, the sound light and full of pure joy. “That’s enough of an answer for me right now,” Yunho said, the gentle vibrations of hislaughter resonating through Yeosang as he held him close.