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“All in.”
The tall Russian exclaimed while pushing the stack of chips he had in front of him on the table.
Maxim leaned back on his chair and eyed up his comrade, trying to figure out if he was bluffing or if he did indeed have a good hand. He wasn’t playing anymore, he’d been bust and out of the game for the last four rounds, but remained at the table to keep watching and chatting with the other men.
“Fine. All in,” the Uzbek responded while shoving his chip stack toward the middle of the table as well, taking up Alexsandr’s challenge. He wasn’t too confident with the cards he had at hand, but he knew the Russian tended to try and scare off others into folding when he didn’t have a great hand to have a win. He was taking the risk now. Then, he turned to his left to see what their last player would do.
“Fold.” The German tossed his cards face-down on the table, backing out. He didn’t trust his cards enough to take the risk. Out of the game, he waited to see who had the better hand between Shuhrat and Alexsandr. They already busted Maxim a while ago, now another one was about to be bust. Either way, the game was going to end. Dominic didn’t feel much like playing anymore, even though he was still not bust yet.
After their last player backed out, the two men flipped their cards face-up to see who was the winner. Shuhrat revealed his cards to be a Nine of Diamonds and a Queen of Clubs while Alexsandr’s were a Ten and Ace of Spades. Comparing both their hands to the community cards on the table wasn’t even necessary, the winner was clear between the two. With a cheeky snicker, Alexsandr slid all the chips on the table close to himself as his prize, then turned his eyes to the German.
“I’m done for the night.” Dominic shook his head and leaned back on his seat while Maxim nodded and picked up the cards to put them away. Shuhrat sighed and fished out his wallet to take out some cash in the meantime, Maxim doing the same after putting away the cards, and paid up their loss for the game while the tall Russian grinned and took his game winnings.
“We should play another game this weekend, after Timur comes back from his mission.” Alexsandr spoke after downing the glass of drink he had while Maxim stood up to get going.
“I’ll ask him.” The hunter nodded and took his jacket. “Have to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow.
While Maxim headed for the door, Dominic nudged the Uzbek’s arm with his elbow, gesturing toward the door with a tilt of his head. Shuhrat nodded and stood up, following after Maxim with the German.
“Something up?” Shuhrat questioned. Dominic didn’t usually ask anyone to come with him for something, so it caught his curiosity.
“Just come with me.” Dominic wasn’t getting to what he had in mind yet. He wanted some privacy for it. While the Uzbek just nodded and followed him along, Dominic led him to the fire escape stairs. The door was usually locked there, but the German had a key to it. Courtesy of Santiago. He liked to go up there for some privacy to speak with his husband on the phone, and got himself a key to the door. Dominic asked nicely, and he had given him a key as well. Unlocking the door, the German headed upstairs and went on the roof with Shuhrat. It was cold up there. Middle of December and late at night, it had just rained quite recently as well. He would rather have a seat to speak with the Uzbek, but he would have to do with standing.
“Must be serious if you’re bringing me out here to talk,” Shuhrat commented while watching Dominic take out his pack of cigarettes. He first offered one to the Uzbek before lighting one for himself, then pulled up his hood to shelter his head and ears from the freezing cold.
“Mhm.” The German nodded briefly and sighed out the smoke of his cigarette while walking over to lean his back against the nearby wall. Shuhrat followed along to do the same, staring into the dark distance. Dominic wasn’t sure how to word this or where to begin, he’d never been good at such personal subjects and conversations.
“Shuhrat.”
“What is it?”
Being called by his first name caught the taller man’s attention. He wasn’t used to hearing that from Dominic. That man never got past surname-basis with people and kept his distance from everybody. Hearing his name being spoken meant something serious was about to be brought up.
“Your brother.” Dominic went right into it. He wasn’t the kind of person to sugarcoat anything or try to soften something out. He much preferred to be open and blunt. Though, he was still going to at least try to ease into the subject first instead of dropping it like a bombshell. “Tell me about him.”
“He…” The Uzbek paused. He was surprised at suddenly being questioned about it. Shuhrat never really talked about his brother. Nor was he asked about it. Dominic was the last person he would have ever expected to be questioned by. It confused him. “He is M.I.A. Where is this coming from?”
“Tell me, how does it feel to have a missing brother?”
Shuhrat didn’t answer immediately. The subject was a sensitive one to him, and private as well. He didn’t like to talk about it. This explained why Dominic brought him out here to the roof to speak with, huh? Still, why was he suddenly asking about this? It put Shuhrat off a bit, but also brought some curiosity out of him. Dominic didn’t ask things without a reason, there had to be a good reason why he was questioning him about this.
“Quid pro quo,” The Uzbek responded. “You tell me first why you’re asking, and I’ll answer your question.”
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s always complicated with you.”
“Mm.” Dominic shrugged and flicked the ash of his cigarette, sighing. He didn’t want to talk about it, but if he was going to ask Shuhrat something so personal like this, he had to do the same as well. “I want to know what it must be like to… to, fuck.” He huffed, trying to find the right words. It wasn’t like Dominic to stumble on his words like this. “To not know about your brother, where he is, what he does, whether he is alive or not. I don’t know. I’m just trying to understand what that must be like.”
“It’s fucking shit, I’ll tell you that much.” Shuhrat frowned, huffing out his cigarette smoke. He didn’t want to think about it. He still didn’t know his brother’s whereabouts or even if he was alive or not. It was not something he liked thinking about. “Where did this come from?”
“I’m trying to understand how Cedrick must have felt all these years.” He finally spat it out and said it. “And how I should… I don’t know. What do I even do or say? Apologise?”
“Cedrick?” Shuhrat raised an eyebrow. He didn’t know about that man, or much about Dominic at all. The German had always been a closed off person.
“My brother.” Dominic sighed. “I’ve been…” What's the right word? “Missing, to put it simply. It’s complicated. I don’t know how to go about seeing him after so long.”
“So you want to know how he must feel through me.”
“More or less.”
Shuhrat looked down with a frown. Loosely crossing his arms, he flicked the ash of his cigarette and sighed, feeling the cold night breeze blast into his face. He didn’t want to talk or think about this, no, not one bit. But he knew Dominic enough to know that he would not have asked this if he didn’t really need it. This was personal.
“It’s haunting.” The Uzbek put it simply. “You go on without knowing where he is, what he’s up to, or if he’s even…” he paused for a second. “If he’s even alive.” The sad frown was stuck on Shuhrat’s face for the moment. “Then you blame yourself. You stay up late at night, thinking about it, contemplating, wondering what you could have done differently to prevent things, what you could have done to still have him here with you. You blame yourself for failing to be a good brother, for failing to take care of him.” He then sighed and slowly sank onto the ground with his back against the wall, taking another drag of the cigarette he had. “The more you think about it, the more you blame yourself for it. You wonder what happened to him, if he’s alive or not, where he could be, what he must have gone through. You think and imagine a million different scenarios and possibilities. It haunts you. Then years pass. You start getting used to it, think less about it, but…” staring at the burning cigarette, the Uzbek huffed and flicked the butt away. “It never goes away. Sticks with you like a ghost at the back of your mind. It changes you.”
Dominic didn’t even know what to say in response to any of that. He was never good at offering comforting words, so he wouldn’t try now and end up messing up. Flicking away his smoke as well, the German stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking down thoughtfully. “Then…” It wasn’t like him to be so lost for words, but there he was. “How do I go on about this? Reach out to him? What do I even say?”
“Depends.” He sighed. “It’s going to be awkward. There will be a lot of complicated feelings, and a lot more questions. It’s not going to be perfect. Far from it, if anything. But,” Shuhrat then looked up at Dominic. “He’s your brother. Blood runs thick.”
“That it does.” The German nodded slowly. He was still unsure what to say, all this was something he would have to think about for a while and wrap his mind around. It wasn’t going to be easy, but he was ready for that. With a sigh, Dominic pat the Uzbek’s shoulder. “I owe you one.”
Shuhrat scoffed and stood up now with a nod. “That you do.” Then gestured toward the door briefly. It was cold, too cold out here, he wanted to go back inside now since what Dominic wanted to talk about seemed to be finished.
“You go in, I’ll be here for a bit.”
“Be seeing you.” With that, Shuhrat headed off and back inside, leaving the German alone on the rooftop to his thoughts.
Though it was late at night, not everyone took their time to rest inside the base at this hour. On the other end of the base, the Swedish operator was out of breath and sweating his arse off with loud grunts and heavy breathing.
“Keep going, like that, just like that!”
The tall, muscular man encouraged Emil on while the repeated smacking noises filled the room. Emil grunted and gasped for air, at his limit. “Too much,” He huffed. “I can’t.”
Then, he gave up and took a step back. “Let’s…” Emil took a moment to catch his breath before he could speak. “Let’s finish here for now.” And bit into the boxing glove to take it off with his teeth before just sitting down on the floor of the gym.
“You did good, improving well.” Saif commented with an encouraging little smile while he took the pads off his hands. They had been doing some physical training for nearly two hours now, and after some hands-on combat practice, they decided to add more endurance into it and did some boxing. “Hitting much harder than last week already. We should increase your lifting weight a bit next time.”
“We’ll talk about that next time. Now all I’m thinking about is a shower and some rest.” The Swede chuckled a bit, grabbing his towel to wipe some sweat off his forehead and neck.
“Me as well.” The taller man nodded, huffing quietly and also catching his breath. He hadn’t really helped train another person in a while, it exhausted Saif as well.
“You go on ahead. I’ll get up when my legs start working again. Hah.” The Swede scoffed. With a nod in response from the other operator, Emil watched him leave first, then took a few minutes to just rest and catch his breath on the floor before he managed to pick himself up from the ground and headed off to the gym’s shower. He barely had the energy to make it back to his room at the moment. Taking the hair tie off and letting down his hair, Emil headed into the showers, turning the water on cold to cool off his body and wash himself up while quietly muttering and singing to himself as he was alone in there.
Once out, the Swede put his clean clothes on, and left the hair towel laid around his neck to not wet his shirt with his hair down and still dripping down from the ends of them, then heading upstairs and to his room before going on with the plans he had for the rest of the night. On his way there, though, something caught his attention that he hadn’t really expected. Was that Dominic’s voice he was hearing down the hall? With curiosity, Emil changed his path to head toward the other hallway and listened. That was certainly the German yelling from inside a room. It wasn’t his room, though, no, Emil remembered Dominic’s room being elsewhere. Another voice was yelling back from inside the room in response to the German’s. The accent sounded french, and it was louder than his friend’s, almost overtaking the seeming argument they were having.
Once closer, Emil could hear more clearly what they were talking about. Emil hadn’t heard Dominic ever yell like that before, he always came off as a calmer, cooler person to him, so this was rather surprising to hear. A loud stomping noise, then the argument quieted down for a moment. Did it turn physical? With concern, Emil went and just opened the door without a knock and witnessed the German holding a blond man at knifepoint.
“Hey, hey-” Emil was quick to intervene and put his hand on Dominic’s shoulder to calm him down. There was anger in the German’s eyes. An emotion on his face for once. He knew how rare that was to see. Whatever this guy did or said must have been really bad if it got this kind of a reaction out of Dominic.
“You’re getting out of here now, Flament. And not coming back for an hour.” Dominic ordered, not asked, and glared into the Frenchman’s eyes who glared right back at him without a response. At the sight, Emil stood behind the German and frowned up at the blond man for a moment to see his response, then tilted his head toward the door to gesture for the Frenchman to go. Dominic took the pocket knife away from Olivier and took half a step back to give him the space to move.
“Tch.” Flament snarled quietly and shoved Dominic back while he moved. Before Dominic would do or say anything in response, Emil quickly came in between to stop them from escalating again and simply grabbed the Frenchman’s arm to drag him out of the room.
“Be a good boy and keep this away from Gustave unless you want to wake up at gunpoint, mm?” Emil warned the blond, but he wasn’t talking about himself. He only spoke from experience with how he once woke up to Dominic’s gun to his face, and from how angry he seemed a moment ago, he didn’t doubt Dominic had it in him to threaten this man like that. Before giving him time to respond, Emil almost shoved the man away and shut the door after him, now turning to Dominic.
“What the hell was that?”
“Egocentric bastard,” the German grunted and shook his head with a frown. It wasn’t that easy to get such a rise out of him like this, but Olivier seriously crossed the line. Luckily this didn’t turn physical. Lucky for Olivier, that is.
“Forget about him. Why are you even here? This is his room?” Emil questioned, not recognising this place.
“Mm. Kateb wanted me to move. He doesn’t want me to be alone for a while, it seems.”
“You could use a better roommate. Stay at mine for the night, we had plans there anyway, then after that, you can ask him to change to another place in the morning.”
“We’ll see.” The German huffed and went to pick his things up. Not sure where he would decide to stay, but he was certainly not spending any more time in this place with Olivier without one of them coming out of here in a bodybag. “You go. I’ll pack my things.”
Emil nodded and let Dominic have a little time alone to calm himself down while he left to get back to his own room, first drying his hair, then taking a short bit to just sit down and relax his still exhausted body after that workout. A bit later, he checked the time on his phone and noticed a notification as he did so.
[Incoming text message from ‘Marius S.’: “Just checking in, I’ll be there in 45!”]
A brief smile crept upon Emil’s face, and he quickly wrote a response. “See you soon.” then just closed his eyes for a moment with a huff before getting up to set his laptop up. After speaking with the pilot for a while, they made a plan to watch a movie with the three of them tonight, and seeing how Dominic’s night was going, he could really use some fun time like this for sure. Emil took a few minutes to set his computer and their movie up, then heard his door knock. His first guess was the German, and he was correct. A moment later, Dominic walked in with his backpack. Looks like he might stay here for the night until he finds a better roommate to stay with. Emil welcomed his friend in, who just placed his backpack down by the corner.
“We have a while until he comes too. You want to grab a drink until then?” The Swede asked while reaching for his jacket.
“Mm.” Dominic nodded briefly and headed back for the door.
Half an hour later, the three gathered together in the Swede’s room for their planned little hangout. It was a good little change of pace. None of them really did things like this often. Dominic never bothered, Emil wasn’t good enough friends with anyone here to, and Marius was usually too busy for it. Now the three sat together on the couch with the pilot in the middle, Emil’s laptop connected to the screen with an HDMI cable, and started the movie they wanted to watch.
“Can’t believe neither of you ever watched this before.” The Swede chuckled quietly.
“I’ve been wanting to for a long time, just never had the time to.” Marius responded, keeping his eyes on the screen with full focus. The other German just shrugged in response, he didn’t care much for it, but he was somewhat enjoying it. About half an hour into the movie, Dominic’s attention was grasped by the movie now with the plot. It managed to interest him enough with the “who’s-the-mole?” plot.
“It’s ‘Mr. Orange’, isn’t it?”
“I thought you never watched Reservoir Dogs before?” Emil raised an eyebrow, looking at Dominic.
“I haven’t. But I’ve been undercover enough. He’s the mole.”
“Could be ‘Mr. White’, the least suspected or expected one is usually the twist.” Marius commented.
“It sure as hell isn’t ‘Mr. Blonde’, too obvious of a Red Herring.” Emil shrugged, not revealing who the mole was as the only person who knew how the movie ended.
“It’s Orange. I know an undercover cop when I see one.”
An hour later, Dominic would soon be proven correct with his assumption. Leaned back on his seat comfortably, watching the rest of the movie after the reveal while discussing the plot and the signs with the others. It wasn’t a bad plot or a movie, even though he figured out the main twist of the story very early on, he still somewhat enjoyed it. It’d been some time since he just sat back and relaxed like this.
“No, you have to explain to me just how you figured it out.” Emil chuckled while questioning Dominic. A weight was pressing down on his left shoulder while he spoke, Marius’ head was resting against Emil’s shoulder and the pilot had gone quiet. Considering the hour, it wasn’t much of a surprise that Marius had dozed off. Emil made sure to keep his voice a bit down to not wake the German.
“I don’t know what to tell you. I just knew.” Dominic shrugged, then eyed Marius for a moment. “Looks like he might be here for the night. Let’s not wake him.” And slowly stood up, motioning for Emil to move carefully as well.
The Swede nodded and carefully put a hand under Marius’ head to slowly move, squeezing himself out of there and with the help of Dominic, they laid Marius on the couch properly, putting a cushion under his head, then Emil went to take his own blanket from his bed and laid it on the sleeping German before vaguely motioning for Dominic to head for the door, leaving the room for a bit. After grabbing his jacket, the two left Marius to rest in Emil’s room and headed out, now speaking normally at a more comfortable volume.
“Nice to finally start having some friends here,” the Swede commented with a small smile while the two headed off to their ‘usual place’, toward that balcony they had most of their interactions at.
“Mhm. Maybe things won’t be as bad as you thought after all.”
Indeed. He had Jordan on his back, first and foremost. Dominic too, and now he had Saif and Marius. He’d been speaking with Masaru and Grace every now and then as well, and that new girl in his squad, Choi, wasn’t so bad either. Sure, there were still several people who treated him the same, but things were slowly calming down now. He was glad of it.
“I’m heading out for a week tomorrow.” Dominic added, seemingly out of nowhere too while they went out the balcony, and the German took out his pack to light a cigarette.
“Eh?” Emil raised an eyebrow, and watched the German’s face illuminate from the lighter for a moment. Debating for a moment, the Swede held his hand out to ask for it while speaking. “Mission?”
“No.” Dominic watched the shorter man for a moment, then with a shrug, held his cigarette out for him after taking a drag from it himself. “Germany.”
Taking the cigarette, Emil sighed and took half a drag from it, his face scrunching slightly for a moment as he held back a cough, but pushed through it and huffed the smoke out. Looks like he was starting to pick up a new bad habit. “At this time of the year, I’m assuming some Christmas family time? Bit early for it, though.”
“You could say that.” The German shrugged, taking the cigarette back to take a drag from it.
“Sounds like there’s more to it you’re not saying.” Emil sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets to keep them warm, his breath was visible as well from how cold it was. “Good for you, though.” There was a hint of sadness in the Swede’s voice from his last words.
“You're staying here this month, then?” Dominic didn’t really know that much about Emil’s family situation, so he couldn’t comment much on it. From the sound of it, though, he wasn’t going home this season. He could tell that much from the tone of his voice.
“Let’s just say I doubt they would be happy to see me. Hah…” The Swede scoffed, shaking his head. “Don’t have a
home
to go back to.”
So he did have a family still, from the sound of it they were alive and well, but had a bad relationship. For some reason, that didn’t really surprise Dominic to find out. Considering what terrible luck Emil always seemed to have following him everywhere, it wasn’t surprising to know he had bad luck with his family relationships as well. With a sigh, he held the cigarette out for Emil again.
“I’d rather spend this month and everything in it here anyway. At least some people like me here.”
“Everything?”
“Mhm.” Emil shrugged and took the cigarette again, taking half a drag from it, quietly coughing the smoke out a bit, then took another brief drag from it. “Birthday, Christmas, New years.”
“Winter kid.” The German scoffed quietly and leaned back against the balcony railings, then nodded. “Yeah. Better to spend the season here.”
“Don’t be gone too long.” He chuckled quietly and handed the cigarette back to Dominic, who finished the last bit of it before tossing the butt down the balcony.
“We’ll see. Not sure how it’ll go.”
“Mm, why’s that?”
“I…” Dominic hesitated for a moment first, then sighed. “I haven’t seen him in over a decade.” Of course there was much more depth to it than that, but he wasn’t just going to infodump here now.
“Him.” Emil too leaned back against the railings now. “Cedrick?” He remembered the name from a while ago. That had to be it. Dominic nodded quietly as a yes in response to it. “Unless he hates you like my folks do, he’ll be glad to see you.”
“He thought I was M.I.A. for years. Maybe even dead. Doubt he’d be too overjoyed.”
“Mm…” The Swede thought for a moment. He couldn’t really relate to that, so he wasn’t too sure what he could say in response.
“Why do yours hate you?” The German changed the topic from himself to Emil.
“Beats me.” Emil frowned now. “Not like I care anyway.”
He cared, though. That much was clear, at least to Dominic. Emil was trying to put up a front and repress his feelings, but Dominic could see the man was hurt and upset about it. He wasn’t going to pry and ask, though. If Emil wanted to talk about it, he could bring it up himself. From the looks of it, he didn’t want to discuss this matter, oddly enough. Emil had been fine with talking about all of his problems so far since they first met, but it seems this one was different. This one cut him too deep.
“It’s snowing.” Emil commented and changed the whole subject, looking out into the dark distance.
“Should get back in, then.” With a nod from the other man, the two headed back inside, then back to the Swede’s room. Dominic wasn’t going to return to Olivier’s room, he’d find elsewhere to spend the night. He did think about crashing at Emil’s, but Marius took over the couch and he was still fast asleep there. Checking on Marius once back in the room, Dominic went and took his backpack and mentioned he’d stay elsewhere for now and left while Emil went to his own bed, given the late hour. Checking his phone to see the time, Dominic headed off to somewhere he would be more comfortable to spend the night at. There were two names that came to mind, and he just went to the room that was the closest to him, knocking on the door.
“Basuda.”
“Brunsmeier.”
Two nights spent in the hunter’s room, Dominic had a small backpack ready for a short trip, and headed for the airport for his travel. He had to admit, he was more than nervous about all of this. So many complicated thoughts and feelings ran through his mind like a hurricane. For once in his life, he felt genuinely lost and confused. He didn’t know what he was going to say, how this would go, whether it’d go good or bad. He was just anxious. After a brief issue with the airport security, he headed in, then boarded his flight. Few hours later, mostly spent staring out of the window in silence, there he was. A short taxi drive later to get out of the airport and into the city, everything fell into place in his mind. Dominic hadn’t been to Germany in what felt like forever.
By now, he wasn’t even sure if any of his memories were real or not, if he truly remembered and knew any of this place and his memories here, or if the things he ‘knew’ were just another part of his old undercover personalities that muddied his mind. Now, though, as he stepped out into the streets, his memories were coming back. Real memories. He remembered this place. These streets, the sounds and the scents of his surroundings. Everything here. His memories came back flooding into his mind, and Dominic needed a moment to process all of it. Everything felt surreal. The place was familiar, but he felt out of place, as if he didn’t belong here. Every face he saw walking down the streets, passing by him, the strangers, every visage was a blur. He couldn’t see anybody. His brain was foggy, and his vision even more so.
Sitting down on a nearby park bench, Dominic lit a cigarette and took his phone out to send a text. He didn’t write anything, though. Just staring at the screen blankly for a minute, his fingers didn’t work to type. He didn’t know what to write. With a sigh, instead of writing anything, he just sent his current location as the text and sat back, waiting. It felt like Dominic’s brain just went haywire with thoughts. It was chaos running rampant inside the man’s brain. Anxiety, memories, fears, confusion… then, it was blank calmness.
“Dominic?”
While Dominic was losing his mind in anxiety and uncertainty down south, there was some fun happening back inside the base.
“No, no, no! Up! You need to turn left and go up, I saw an air vent there!”
“If I turn back here I’m going to get killed!”
“Loop around the hall there, hurry!”
“Helvete!”
“Nooo!”
The two laughed while Emil put down the controller at the death screen coming up. With a chuckle, he handed the controller over and leaned back on his seat, they were playing in rounds, one took over when the other one died in the game.
“Let me show you how it’s done.” Grace grinned while taking the controller and restarted the section from the last save point.
“Keep pulling up the documents you find, though. That story is interesting.”
“Ask Max for the lore, he made me play this.”
“Didn’t think he’d be into horror games. I mean, I didn’t think you were into them either, Grace.”
“They can be fun!” She smiled while progressing through the game to get back to the chase sequence Emil died at, and went on with shere she thought the way should be, then got right into it, finding the correct path as she had assumed, and progressed forth from where Emil had left off. “Shame we won’t get to finish it, though. When did you have to leave again?”
“Very early, that’s when.” Emil chuckled quietly and sat back while eyeing around his room now that he was reminded of it to check if he had everything ready and set to go. “Four thirty, if I remember right. Need to rest early tonight, so,
no, we can’
t just binge this to the end tonight.”
“Shame.” Grace shrugged and reached to the table to grab her cup to take a sip of her drink. “At least it’s just for three days, though. We’ll finish the base game and get on with the DLC when you’re back.”
“Yeah.” Emil nodded. “Just hope it goes well. First time Captain Trace is sending me off to a mission without him or any other Red Hammer superior.”
“Who’s going again?”
“I’m going with Maxim, and two people from your squad. Yumiko, and, err… Ryad, I think, was his name.”
“You’ll be fine. Yumiko’s a good friend of Jordan, she won’t let them bitch at you if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I hope so.” Then, while it was still Grace’s turn on the game until she died and he would take over, the Swede stood up to double check his things to ensure he had everything set. In the meantime, his phone chimed with a notification, and Emil went to check, a smile coming upon his face as he read it.
[Incoming text from ‘Marius S.’: “Good luck with the mission in the morning! I’ll come see you in 30 if you’re free, got something to give you. Also, check this out, just saw this on my recommended, it’s really neat; (linked video)”]
“How’s Choi adapting with the rest of the squad?” The Korean asked to break the silence while picking up a document in the game and reloading the camera battery, going up the air vents to crawl around in the dark.
“Better than me for sure.” Emil scoffed quietly. “I think she’s good for the Captain, he’s been looking a bit better since she came in. I worry about him.”
“Mm, we all do. Yumiko’s been trying to contact Apha to get her to talk to him for a while.”
“He tries to put up a front and pretend he’s fine, but…” the Swede frowned for a moment with a sigh, sitting back down beside Grace on the couch. “I see the way he looks when he thinks nobody’s looking.”
“He does that.” Then Grace gasped, sitting up right with slight panic. “No no no, get away from me!” She frantically pressed the controller buttons, then groaned in frustration while smacking the controller down on her lap as the death screen came up on the screen. “Nooo!”
“Ha!” Emil scoffed with a brief laugh. “Wasn’t so easy now was it?”
“
You
try getting past this guy then!”
The wind had calmed down a little by now, the weather had been gloomy earlier on, but now the clouds were not as dark any longer. The cold was making people’s breath visible as they walked up and down the streets. Snow fell slowly from the sky, making the children walking outside with their families smile and stare up into the sky. The Brothers sat across each other on the small coffee table outside, an ashtray on it with a cigarette left burning on it, and two beers sitting on the table, half finished by now. Silence and tension in the air was suffocating, it was consuming the two men. Neither knew what to say or where to even begin speaking. Then, after about a fifteen minute silence, it was finally broken.
“Where have you been?”
Dominic didn’t immediately respond to the question. His eyes stared down, just watching the bubbles rise up to the surface in their glasses of beers. Then with a sigh, he finally uttered out a response.
“Near Russia, for a few years. Then Frankfurt for a few more. Here and there. Then Hereford.”
“Why didn’t you-” Cedrick paused, tracing his fingertips on the rim of his glass, then took a sip of his drink, sighing. “Why did you never reach out?”
“It’s complicated.”
“I thought you were dead.”
He wasn’t, but he sure wished that he had been.
“I get undercover means you couldn’t reach out to anybody you knew, but, fuck, Dom.” Cedrick frowned up at his brother, hurt and confusion in his eyes, just wanting an explanation. “It’s been far too long. You went ghost. We thought you…”
“I couldn’t remember, Ced.”
“Remember what, exactly. To write a fucking message to your own family?”
“That you were even real, Cedrick.”
“What?” Cedrick paused at that, the hurt in his face replaced by more confusion becoming stronger now. Couldn’t remember that he was real? What did that even mean? He needed a moment to just think, process, and understand this. Dominic wasn’t in a hurry, he just sat there in silence with understanding, giving his brother the time he needed.
“I…” He began, but his words just trailed off, still unsure what to think or say. With a sigh, Cedrick took another sip of his drink while his brother finished and put out his cigarette. “I know undercover fucks with your mind on the long run, but…” he understood, or at least he tried to. “I didn’t think it would be this bad.” So bad to the point of mistaking reality and fiction? How and why did they even let Dominic keep working when he became like this? “You always put yourself and your own well being last and put everything else first. I should have gotten you to retire too when I did it.”
Dominic was glad that he didn’t have to stumble on his words trying to explain everything now that Cedrick seemed to understand what was going on with him. Of course there was so much more depth to it that he couldn’t understand, but at least he got the gist of it and that was more than enough for the moment. With a sigh, he drank from his glass as well and rested his elbows on the table, arms loosely crossed. He usually never sat like that, in an oddly skittish and defensive looking body language and position, but this was no normal time. “Yeah, I didn’t let them see through it. You learn to act when you do this job, eh?” He scoffed quietly and sighed again. “Maybe I should have. Too late now.”
Cedrick wanted to insist for a moment and ask him to reconsider whether it was truly too late or not, but that was a conversation for later, not right now. Instead, he tried to lighten the mood a little now. “I’d ask how you have been, but…” Then gestured vaguely at his brother. “You look like shit.”
“Tch.” Dominic scoffed. “Great observation skills you got there.”
Cedrick laughed briefly at that, and finished his drink. Then, turned serious again after the very much needed moment of lightheartedness. “But, seriously, how have you been?”
“I…” Dominic paused momentarily, also finishing his drink after he did. “Recently, or?”
“Sure.”
“Dunno.” He muttered, then turned to the side for a moment upon spotting the place’s waiter walking around to take the empty glasses from the tables around, and asked for two new glasses. “I guess you could say it’s been a bit better? Or just about the same. I don’t know. I don’t think.”
“At least you cut through the mess of a fiction and reality mesh in your head and came here now, didn’t you? I’d say it’s better than nothing.”
“Suppose so.” He nodded, then looked back up at his brother. “Back at you, though. How have you been, then?”
“Good, more or less. Retired, married, kids. I told them about you a couple of times before, though briefly because I was unsure of your whereabouts. But I think they’d love to meet you.”
“Look at that.” Dominic’s face lit up a bit now, a small smile slowly coming onto his face. For once in a very long time, Dominic was smiling, genuinely too. “Little Ced is a dad now.”
While the tension between the two brothers finally started to ease out as they spoke more and more, the tension within the Redhammer Captain’s office seemed to remain right in place. Discussions, doubts, and such. At least it was not as bad as it could have been. Although Jordan usually discussed operations and mostly tactical things with his right hand man, Jalal, he preferred to discuss more personal matters with someone he felt more understanding and open minded about the subject. When it came to the operators as singular people, he spoke with Gustave about it. It was late at night, a day since four operators flew out for their small mission, and considering how restless both men tended to be, it was no surprise that both of them were still awake and now in Jordan’s office, discussing things. The Texan had taken out the bottle of whisky he had kept hidden somewhere in a shelf under his desk, and Gustave did not decline the offer.
“What are we going to do about them?” The medic vaguely questioned with a sigh, sipping from his glass while leaning back on his seat and watching the snow outside the window.
“It’s all going to shit. Something’s gonna happen sooner or later. Maybe tomorrow, or next week, or a year from now. The tension and the pressure is building up more every day. Not just with our people, but everything as a whole.”
“Let’s hope that day takes as long as possible to come,” Gustave muttered, placing down his glass. “Didn’t think you’d send Svensson off alone just yet with how everyone still treats him. Are you sure it was the right call?”
“Truthfully? I don’t know.” Jordan shook his head with a small frown, and subconsciously picked at the skin around his fingernails that were already scarred, red and scabbed all around. He had the bad habit of picking at his skin until it scarred and bled when he was nervous, and it looked like he’d been doing it much more often than before lately. “Had to happen eventually, I’d rather it be on a small thing like this one, in a close circle, than a big one. So, I guess this was the best option for it. Basuda will keep an eye on him, if anything.”
“He doesn’t like him much, though, you know,” The Frenchman commented. “But I know Maxim. He wouldn’t let his personal thoughts get in the way of a mission. So I suppose sending him off with him was a good call.”
“Mm, tell me about it.” The Texan frowned. “As if there aren't already more than enough things to deal with, I also have to keep everyone in check and stop some in-squad feud from starting.”
“Ditto.” Gustave shrugged and took his glass again to take a sip from the alcohol. “My fault this time, though.”
“And what did you do?” Jordan raised an eyebrow and looked over at the Frenchman in confusion and curiosity now. It wasn’t like Gustave to be so quick to take the blame for something upon himself. He was a rational man.
“I made the mistake of rooming Dominic with Olivier temporarily.” He began, then went on to explain a little bit of context for it before he got to the next part. “I’ve been, well, worried, to say the least. About Dominic as of late. Thought it’d do him good to not be alone for a while, but I didn’t think about how badly they would collide when I moved him with Olivier. Long story short, they were at each other’s throats the other day. He didn’t tell me every detail, but it was bad, from what I know.”
“Christ.” Jordan frowned. “I heard he also had a bit of an argument with Jalal a while ago. No wonder he worries you.” Then he thought for a moment, and made a suggestion. “He could room him with Maxim. They aren’t best friends or anything, but they get along from what I know.”
“Either him or Gilles would be the best options. I’ll let you ask Maxim first and see if he obliges.”
The time passed as it usually did within the base; mundane and tense. Two, three weeks passed by without much of an issue. The small operation the four operators were sent to was successful, no issues arising about either the mission or among the operators. Dominic returned from Germany after staying there for a short three days, not wanting to overwhelm his brother by suddenly popping into his life too much, giving him time to process everything. Maxim gave the green light to the question and let Dominic temporarily move in with him. The two got along and were a good match
if anything. Both of them were mostly quiet people who usually kept to themselves, they didn’t bother each other or even speak much even when in the same room aside from some casual, surface-level conversation every now and then. Dominic was going to be left alone for a few days there soon, though. It was Christmas time. That time of the year where there were odd feelings among the operators with how they went about the holiday. Some spent it the way most normal people usually did; taking a few days off work to go visit and spend the holiday with their family and friends. Some did not have that luxury, though. Few of them stayed in the base, either not having any family and friends to go to, or not wanting to see them. Jordan used to be the first category, always visiting home and spending a few days with his family, but ever since he lost his mother and sister, holidays were just a time of depression for the man that he spent alone, locked in his office, not wanting to see anybody. Gustave had a lot of work to do, but he treated himself with one day off to go and simply have a small vacation to relax for once. Maxim took several days off to fly to Russia and see his family. Dominic was spending it in the base, not wanting to bother his brother and his family so much so suddenly.
And Emil… well, there he was. He did have a family, sure, but it was a complex subject that he did not want to talk about. The Swede had tried to distract his mind from it by nesting himself inside his laboratory and just trying to focus on doing some work and research, but it eventually proved to be futile. He couldn’t get his mind to focus on any work at that moment. After a while, Emil found himself just laid down and staring into the ceiling. Laid on the cold hard floor, hair spread out like a peacock’s tail, lab coat wrinkling under his body, eyes staring up into the ceiling with an empty gaze.
He hated it. He hated any and all “cheerful family time holiday” kind of things. It was painful to him, as much as he tried to deny his feelings about those things. Emil wasn’t too private of a person when it came to his problems and feelings, but this was a wound that simply cut far too deep. He tried to put on a façade about it, pretend that he didn’t care about it or them, act like he was fine and not hurt, say he didn’t think about them, but in reality, he was just lying to himself. Maybe if he lied long and hard enough, he would eventually believe it, right? Not right now. He said that he hated his family. He
wanted
to hate them. Alas, he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried to, a part deep inside him kept thinking about them, imagining how it could have been, what he could have done differently, what he could do to make them stop hating him. He wished they loved him. He yearned for it. He hated that he still wished for all of this. He hates himself for it. This was not one of those many times where things were just a misunderstanding or an honest mistake and with enough effort it would be fixed. This was not it. And Emil could not stop blaming himself for it, even though he knew it wasn’t even his fault.
The Swede’s silent sadness was eventually disturbed by a knock on the laboratory door, though. Hell, can’t even be upset in peace in here, could he?. Emil’s brows furrowed into a frown at the sound of the door, and with a sigh, he sat up a bit from the floor and called out. “What.”
No answer came, but someone came in after that. Opening the door, the short Aussie walked inside the lab. “Sorry to disturb ya, mate. Just gotta grab somethin’, Grace said she forgot her thingy ‘ere.” He explained while walking around the lab to find the keys Grace had dropped from her pocket. Then took a moment to look at Emil. “The fuck’s up with you?”
Emil frowned at the way he was spoken to, not wanting to give an answer because of it he ignored the question. He never interacted with this man before, only came face to face with him a few times, never any direct conversation, but he didn’t like the way he spoke to him. It was vulgar.
“Oi, cunt.” Max spoke again with some curiosity, getting Emil’s attention with the snap of his fingers.
“What the fuck do you want?” The Swede snapped, not in the mood for the mockery right now.
“Ya look like you’re up a gum tree, mate.”
“I…
what
?”
“I’m sayin’ ya look upset. What’s gotten to ya?”
Was he seriously asking that, or just making surface level conversation for some reason? Emil couldn’t tell, but from Max’s vulgar speech Emil thought the man didn’t like him much, so he was probably just asking to taunt him about it. With a shrug, the Swede just rolled his eyes, wanting to be left alone. “Personal things.”
Max hummed, then grabbed the keys he was looking for and quickly pocketed them before turning back to the Swede, hands resting on his hips. “Lemme guess.” He spoke, thinking. “This time ‘o the year, and ya still ‘ere. Family issues?”
“Hmph.” Emil frowned again, averting his gaze. He did not want to talk about it. “Like you’d know.” Should he just leave the lab himself and go to his room instead? This guy didn’t seem to wanna leave.
“Mate.” Max took a step forward, and went to crouch next to Emil who was still sitting on the floor so he’d be on more of an eye level with the man as he spoke to show his sincerity. “Believe me, I’d know.”
Emil was confused, to say the least. The man was saying one thing while doing another. He’d been around enough people to learn to read body language. Mostly from observing Dominic, in fact. Trying to read Max was a confusing deal, though. On one hand, his gestures spoke sincerity, but his mouth was foul. He couldn’t help but to just ask now out of confusion.
“You act like you care but you keep insulting me, Goose.” Speaking to the person by the surname to put a distance between himself and them, a little habit he picked up from Dominic.
“I ain’ insulted ya, mate.”
“You did just a minute ago, and everytime you were referring to me as well.”
“Ya mean when I say ‘cunt’?” Max scoffed now, then let out a small chuckle. “Sorry ‘bout that, it wasn’ with bad intentions. Though I ain’t been home in a while, it’s hard to get rid of habits. Cunt ain’t an insult, Aussies just say it to refer to anybody.”
“Seriously?” Really? So had it just been a stupid misunderstanding this entire time that left Emil thinking this guy disliked him? How embarrassing. Max nodded to confirm it, and the two just scoffed about it now, Emil shaking his head. So it wasn’t what he thought at all. “Sorry, I just thought…”
“It’s fine, mate.” The Australian smiled, then just went and sat down cross-legged on the floor with Emil to speak with him. “Say. What’s gotten ya all gloom ‘n doom?”
“Like you guessed. Family stuff, to say the least.”
“Yeah, I get that.” Max’s brows furrowed into a small frown for a moment. He didn’t like talking about it either. “I get ya wouldn’ wanna talk ‘bout it, I don’ either, but know that I get ya.”
“It’s not like I care about it, actually.” Oh, what a blatant lie that Emil kept telling himself. “But I guess that doesn’t stop the holiday ‘
gloom ‘n doom
’ from getting to me.”
“I don’ care either.” Max responded to one lie with another lie. He knew Emil did care, he could tell as much, it was just like Max. He too always said how he didn’t care when deep down he kept yearning for it. He wasn’t going to just open up and tell the guy all that about himself here and now, no, he never told anybody. Only Tori knew. No one else needed to know. And he was sure that Emil wasn’t too eager to talk about his things either. Both men knew the other was lying, and they now had an unspoken understanding about the subject. Although they didn’t speak about it, they both felt it nice to have someone that could relate and understand. “Shouldn’t spend the day cooped up alone all sad like this, though. Go out ‘n do somethin’. Do yaself a favor. I was gonna go out with Tori ‘n Masaru later, could come join us if ya wanna.”
“Sure. I’ll think about it.”
Christmas time and the days after it really was something in the Hereford base. It was two thirds empty there, only people remaining in there who hadn’t taken time off and went to either take a solo vacation day or spend the day with their family or friends. Dominic was spending it there as well, even though he did have his family back now. He’d spend the next holiday with them, not this one. Both sides still needed more time to adjust to all of it. Without his roommate present, the German just sat by the window and watched the sunset with tired eyes. It was the end of the month now, new year tomorrow. He had spent the week mostly alone in his room with Maxim gone, having some talks with Cedrick on the phone every now and then but not too often. Marius had gone off for two days on Christmas to just have a small solo vacation for himself, so Dominic didn’t really have anyone around in the base. It wasn’t like he spent time with people too often or even had people that he really liked. Out of the entire team, he had perhaps two or three people he enjoyed the company of, and the rest of them he simply tolerated. It was lonely without those few people, though. Dominic never thought he’d miss them. To just have some talk and get away from the voices in his head, the German turned to a different person. Sure, the two never had been close, but they knew each other for several years, and of course he felt bad for the woman for the situation she was in at the moment.
Dominic had gone down to pay a visit to Eliza, luckily not running into anybody on his way there. She was still out cold, but alive. He was glad about it. Pulling a chair to sit next to her bedside, the biker just talked to her. Dominic didn’t like to talk about himself, his thoughts, or feelings, but there was something oddly comforting about saying it all out loud to someone when he knew she couldn’t hear them, so he had the comfort of not being judged or questioned about any of it. It felt good. After a short while of ranting quietly to Eliza -or mostly just to himself-, Dominic sighed and looked back at the unconscious woman again with a frown. He felt bad for her. He really did. Though they have never been close, he did have some admiration and respect for her.
“Don’t take too long to come back to us, yeah?” He spoke directly to her now, and after a moment of hesitation, placed his hand on hers. “You’re one hell of a woman. This is not going to be what takes you down. You’ll come back to us. They need you.” When the German touched her hand and spoke directly to Eliza, he heard the monitor tracking her heart rate spike for a moment. Ah, so she was hearing it, perhaps? Dominic’s face changed to a very brief smile for a short moment at that. “You wake up soon, and I’ll take you for a drink,
ja
?” He quietly scoffed, and patted her hand before standing up to leave. As he went to the door, Dominic unfortunately ran into someone. There he was hoping he wouldn’t see anybody when he was going in and out of here, but luck wasn’t on his side today, was it? Luckily it wasn’t someone he would have to explain anything to.
“Trace.”
“Dominic.”
Jordan looked like absolute shit, to say the least. Dominic didn’t need to be a genius observer to see that. He did, however, see some minor details that most people overlooked or didn’t notice, some things Jordan kept trying to hide. Like that very brief scent of cigarettes that sank into his clothes which Jordan tried to cover up by spraying air freshener on his clothes, or his droopy eyelids and glassy eyes that showed Dominic the Texan had been drinking. His scarred fingertips that he’s been nervously clawing and picking the skin from. The darker under eye circles he tried to cover with foundation to not worry the people around him. Dominic saw through it, but he was not going to say anything about it. The man deserved his peace and silence. He wasn’t surprised that Jordan was coming to pay a visit to Eliza, in fact he did it quite often. The Texan felt guilty over what happened to her. He blamed himself for it. Jordan always blamed himself for everything, as if every single little thing was always his responsibility, and as if it was always his job to take care of everything and everyone. The weight of the guilt was crushing him. Dominic wondered if Jordan could take this for much longer or if he would break down. Hopefully not.
The two men just briefly greeted each other with a quick nod and parted ways without a word, Jordan walking in the room as Dominic headed out. As the German headed out, his phone vibrated in his pocket with a notification.
[Incoming text message from ‘Svensson.’: “I know you’re not doing anything tonight, neither am I. Got a bottle of something you like. Come grab a glass?”]
Dominic wasn’t much of a texter, though, so he did not write a response to that, but instead simply reacted to the message with a thumbs up to indicate he was up to take that offer.
It was late night, the usual time when these two men ended up hanging out together on the occasion that they did. God forbid they ever interact with each other during the daytime. Half past eleven at night, sitting on the Russian’s empty couch, the furniture moved slightly to turn and face the window whilst the two sat there and kept their eyes mostly outside the window to quietly watch the calmly falling snow in the dark. They didn’t turn the room lights on, it was not necessary, they could see just barely enough from the lights coming in from the outside. Down more than half the bottle by now, the Swede went to grab the bottle to unscrew the lid and poured another glass for the two of them before leaning back on his seat.
“Basuda’s not going to like finding out you have been here,” Dominic muttered while taking out his pack of cigarettes and reached for the window handle to open the window before he’d light one up so the room wouldn’t reek as badly.
“Mm, I can imagine. He doesn’t say anything directly, but I know he dislikes me.”
“Dislike is one way of putting it.” He shrugged and lit the cigarette, minding to keep it pointed toward the window and blew the smoke out toward it as well.
Emil scoffed and reached for Dominic’s pack to take one for himself as well. The German rolled his eyes briefly before reaching for his inner pocket to take out an unopened new pack of smokes and held it out for the Swede. “Here’s the start, then you need to start getting your own packs now, can’t freeload off me every time.”
“Your fault that I started, so.” Emil laughed momentarily while taking the pack and opened it up to take one out. He didn’t have a lighter, though. Not yet he didn’t. Wasn’t going to swipe Dominic’s, though, and the German had already shoved his lighter back into his pocket, so, Emil went and scooted closer to Dominic for just a moment to touch the tip of his cigarette to Dominic’s to light it off of the other’s before scooting back away to his spot. “So.” The Swede huffed the smoke out, it was less coughing and more breathing normally now that he was getting used to the smoking. “New year in a bit. How’s this year been for you?”
“Eh. You know.” The German shrugged while grabbing his glass and took a sip before leaning back on his seat. The wind outside had calmed down a bit now, the snow was falling more slowly and gracefully, it was a pretty sight to watch for sure. “I barely realise the time passing by anymore, every day feels the same. I guess, though…” he stopped for a moment and took a drag of his cigarette, sighing the smoke out. “For once, it’s better than before. I found Cedrick. That’s something.”
“You know,” Emil thought for a moment. “I don’t talk about family stuff, I don’t like to, and as much as I say that I don’t care about it or mine… it does sometimes make me envious a little to see people spending time happily with their families. I’ll admit that.” He spoke truthfully about it for once now, just a bit honest about the subject for once, opening up just a little about it. “But not about you. I’m very happy for you, I’ll say. You needed that. I’m glad you found him.”
For once, for the first time ever since they met, perhaps, Dominic showed a smile on his face to the Swede. He was happy to hear that. He was happy to have found his brother. “
Danke
, Emil.”
Now
that
took Emil by surprise. Dominic never addressed him by his first name before, having heard the man only ever call one or two people on that name basis and using surnames with everyone else to put a barrier between them and himself, he didn’t expect Dominic to lower that barrier with him. He was glad about it, though. He considered the German a friend. A good friend, in fact. If anything, Dominic was probably the person he trusted the most in this entire place, even more so than he did Jordan.
“So, then. Any new year resolutions?” The Swede asked for a light conversation.
“Ehh, I don’t really do those. You tell me yours and maybe it’ll make me think of one.”
“My new year's resolution? Not killing myself, probably.”
“Ditto.”
The two scoffed and grabbed their glasses after that before downing the rest of their drinks in one go, Dominic then took the bottle to pour the last remaining bit left inside it to finish it, then flashing lights coming from outside the window caught his attention followed up quickly by a loud banging noise. Fireworks.
“Looks like we left the year behind.”
Emil nodded and took his glass as Dominic did the same, waiting for a moment before the Swede spoke.
“Here’s to getting better, then. You got something good to end the year and begin a new one with. I’m sure I will too.”
“Here’s to getting better, then.” Dominic nodded.
“
Skål
.”
“
Prost
.”
The two clinked their glasses while saying their cheers and finished their drinks. It may be a long, rough road, but they were on the way. They would be okay. Or, so they thought.
Worse days were ahead. They simply weren’t aware of it yet.