Work Text
Streetlights in the dark don't promise much
But a vague hand in helping sight;
Blurring bleary lines in weary eyes
Begging for another sign.Is this sign enough?
To satiate your ebbing need?
Can you taste it on your tongue,
My name, my shape,
Bringing you to your knees?Take.
Take what it is you need.
Feed.
From the plate of plenty
Until the chorus of voices
Cease.Destruction and devotion are fine lines
Painted with the same brush,
Which war you wage,
Dependant on
Your definition of love.Don't you, love?Wage such war in the name of love,
Don't you love?
My name, a mantra in your head.
My shape, a phantom in your bed.Lying with a lost host fallen from so far,
A vessel of your false hope,
A climbing prophet born from
A single scar.Stars are only open scars on
Skin long soaked
In rain.
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Rage in the shards that remain,Reminders, soaking skin like rainI close my eyes and all I seeIs what you left,The ghost of me I never wanted to be.I fear that this is going to hurt.Tear my skin from bone,Carve in,Aren't I just so pretty on the inside?Nest inside my broken bonesCradled in like sand to the tide.God forbid you're on your ownGod forbid you're not below meGod knows what you did is so,I'm haunted by an unspoken sorry.Such a sorry state of affairs.Sinking lifeless,It's not you I need.I never needed you,But I've needed what you taught me.Shame it had to be so ruthless,My blood on your tongue like glass to concrete.
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Words inside my chest andStomach likeRazorblades in a balloonThey start to seep through.Pooling through my hands,Like blood, like sand,Time tests those who have to grow.Cerebal storming and numbnessPouring through cups andEating through platesAnd falling.Forever, falling,Nowhere soft on my bruised knees.Is this what I am doomed to be?
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Disgusted by the viscera but they love to watch me bleed,They hate the ugly process,But they say my blood is sweet.Sweet like powdered sugar, soft like wildflower honey,Warm like winter fire, spiced like dark barrel whiskey.The blood I bleed is all these thingsBut never satisfying,It stains your lips and coats your tongue,Not perfect,But not for lack of trying.I'm growing from the ground inWhich you buried me.Not gently, not quietly,Not prettily,Not digestibly,Not any of these things thatI was meant to be.I became all i never thought I'd be,None of which was what I wanted for me.All these things I couldn't see,Until I was crawling,screaming, sobbingChoking on your name untilIt ate me on the inside.I lost myself in love that felt likeWithdrawal,Caffeine headaches and sleepless sprawl.Scrawled on sanctum walls like an ebbing curse,Your name, your face,"You hurt me first." Tell me why I still can't sleep at night and I can't even look at my arms in the morning or in the mirror and it makes me want to disappear. Tell me why it sinks into my skull and hides behind my eyes just waiting for a moment of weakness to set itself upon me, feasting with it's broken maw, lapping up my blood with it's tongue. Tell me how you could look at me when I was on my knees, sobbing, hopelessly screaming for a reason to continue on, and decide to take my scars and make them reminders of why I will never be enough?How could you point with one hand, and wrap your other around my throat?I will never be the same I will never be the same I will never be the same I will never be the same Walking past like you'd never even met me,I can't bear to even look in your direction, afraid that it would be the end of everything as I knew it,Instantly transported back to the meThat I still have blood on my hands from killingMy hands will never be clean again.My body will never make amendsFrom the choices I made and forced myself throughTo be a version of me that appealed most to you.Entitled until it made me sick,Gorged until I was brought to the brinkOf all I knew and thought I was,Pushed off the edge, on a whim,Just because.You could. You could. You did.I will never be the same.Crying on the bathroom floor.I will never be the same.Caught between a broken jawI will never be the same.Scarring teeth from a lying mawI will never be the same.Dyed with ink and blood and ashI will never be the same.Burning all I thought we had.I will never be the same.Show me how you quantize my sickness,Pulseless, prodding progress slippingThrough my hands like sand or waterHelpless to the pulling tideAnd lungs filling with the blood I've bled down the drainsIn my head and my bathroom sink.But God forbid I don't write your name in it.
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Where time can end again.This window opens inward,Let it be a dark sign, then,That the tide's come in.Let it mean something,These hypothermic agitations,Let it mean something,The locked-in implicationsOf a faucet, a window, a bandageAnd glass.A pen, some paper, some mileage andGas on my hands.Pour from the bottle to sterilise,Everyone around you can see it in your eyes,There is no hiding it this time.
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Do you miss them, too?The person you were before what theyDid to you?This fire is grief with nowhere to goBut it bleeds and it burns through the seedsThat were sewnIt eats me up, I believed it was all I'd ever know.How could I ever have thought that was love?But desperation with nowhere to go.A blind, deafening cry out for something more.Or maybe justTo be let go.
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They say you'll meet your maker one dayBut I've met her and I'veCrawled into that graveI was created, then molded and misshapen,Mistreated at hands and the graves that I fell in.None worse than mine.None worse than mine.How do I hold,With bloodstained hands?Living just too boldTo have such gentle-placed plans.The flame that burns alsoCooks and cleans.Taking my raw, filthy formAnd giving it meaning.
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Afraid that you'll fall apartWho do you think you are?Who do you think you are?What could I say to make you see?Before your eyes, the autopsy of me.Blood weeping,Will you say that you remember me?Crying outThis age old jokes' on me.Feasting on in separate roomsA child, on her knees,Oh, what did you do?Tell me there's more to it than this,This isn't our forever,There's just something that I missed.Little eyes sayingI'm afraid of you.I'm destined to be a product of you.Fated to follow the same steps you do.Watch me burn, at a hollow age before you.Afraid that you'll fall apartWho do you think you are?Who do you think you are?What could I say to make you see?Before your eyes, the autopsy of me.Oh, what did you do?
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You are nothing likeYou thought you'd be.But you've grown up so strong,Do you even think of me?Stone.Encased in stone.A reflection from someoneLong gone.How could they have known?That it'd eat you aliveFrom the insideFor years in silenceBecoming completelyBeside yourselfFrom fear ofWhat you see in the mirror.Who do you see?Do you wish it was different?Could it ever be any different?
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Such painful words in knowing sighs.Like painful truth in pretty lies.Clinging to me, the scent of a pharmacyBut mercy wasn't something you'dReadily show me. If you know me like no other,Why do you see me as cold?When I've bled all this boiling bloodTo keep you warm,But you bottled it, then it was sold. These scars weren't yours to claimMy eyes weren't yours to change.Talk in the name of helpingBut you surrounded me with bladesKnowing that I'd take themAnd bleed,Bleed,BleedUntil I'd never be the same.I will never be the same.I will never be the same.
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You dream of city skylines and neon lightBouncing off of puddles in the summer nightFilled with bustling ambience,Muffled radios and speakers,Passing talkers and the rain,The sounds of the oncoming train.The parallels of a penthouseAnd a group huddled by an open flame.Which side are you on, again?Watching from a rooftop above,Mouth of a wolfWings of a dove.But you wouldn't know peaceIf it stared you in the faceAnd offered you a warm handAnd a gentle embrace.You only know howTo sink your teeth like hooksInto my fleshAnd how you pull,Remarking how i bleed the bestOf anyone you've ever known.And it's my fault,My fault,My faultThat the blood runs thin like riversAnd deep like oceans,Blue like the waters,Dark like their depths.Cold, cold like the shadows that creptAlong the walls of your room at night.Does it haunt you,Like it haunts me?Part of me hopes that it might.Part of me hopes that it might.
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You are so much more than just one shadow.I am so much more than something hollow.Show me to the edge,The razor sharp nick of timeIn your flesh,The beat, beat, beatingPoundingPulsingOf your fantasy,Stars aligning in the blood I bleed,An act of worship,Caught in the teeth.I'll show you to my dark dissection,Haunting, lulling,One simple directionDerivative of the maw of fateFoaming, enthralling,Promise of a God.Such riding tidesEbbing and flowingBeautiful lies of blood's false prophetIt's all the same to me.It's all the same to me.
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These thoughts do not deserve the blood I have spilled,You did not deserve the versions of me that I've killed.Buried under creaking floorboards,Baring teeth like collapsing walls,Acting in a way against the accordsOf the words you spoke,deaf to crying calls.I know it now.Do you know it now?No. No.Breaking a silence,Holy my rage,Holding my quietCollapsingTraumatic bleed.I know it now.No, no. Falling into rebirth because there was no other way,We may fight it but cannot deny it,We are inevitable creatures of change,Reflection blurred and missing pieces,Smiling but it doesn't reach the eyes,I cannot keep itFrom fizzing away,I don't believe itTo have been mine.There is no rationale this time.I know it now.Do you know it now?No. No.Breaking a silence,Holy my rage,Holding my quietCollapsingTraumatic bleed.I know it now.No, no.The way it was was lost on youHearing nothing but what you wanted toHearing something, but it falling through,Falling in.Falling in.Falling in.I know it now.
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It's falling into place by falling apart.If you be my forever,Then I will be your last,And if time is something you cannot give,Then leave me in the past,In the dust of what I once was.In the fragments of what I cannot become.Like rhinestones glued to plastic cupsYour word is pretty butI'll call your bluff,And when it falls, it does not matter,You are not glass, you do not shatter.But there are a million shards of me.Tortured by all I cannot be.
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How many hours spent sitting here?How many times have you killed me in your mind?You look at me somewhere between disgust and fear,Am I built from hate, or just love maligned?Do I remind you of unspoken pain,Turning my back as I leave again,Fractures on the bones,Trauma on the brain?Blooming in the voidWhere consolation should be,Lies a solitary tree with it's roots planted deep.Nature or nurture?They cried.Nothing more than an outside observerAt the scene of my own murder.How many times, now, have I died?
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The world is beautiful when it is quiet,And I think they say the same about me.Much more digestible,A blood bath undetectable,Bubbling just under the skin.It never truly mattered,The shape that I am in,Only that I can meetThe pedestal, dragging myselfBleeding and screaming.But you will only know what I tell you.It doesn't seem quite so bad,Made into something new,Built from the fractions ofThe past self's I had.But they all have the same affliction.That self-sore, numbing inflictionA deeply kept conviction,Forged from years of the heart'sMalnutrition,So I'll bite the baitAnything to satiate,The innate desire to be lovedAnd kept close,Held by someone.
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There is space where you should be.At the kitchen table,In every fable,In your mother's speech,When she is able.In time, in tide,In the dark and in light,In the bedsheets beside me,In the vastness of the sea.Somewhere between it's blueAnd green.There is space where you should be.In grinning faces from memories,Kept quietly on the mantlepiece,In warm and gentle remedies,In hard-earned, blissful peace. There is space where you should be.In the elements,And luminescenseLighting the way likeOne lonely star,In a lightless expanse.There is space where you should be.There is space, where you should be.
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And will you still be here,After I take the image of me in your mindAnd I set fire to it?It's become such an easy habit,To tear myself apart to beA part of your design.Marred by the things I cannot be.Clawing for peace I seldom see,Biting with broken teethOn the hand that feeds.It isn't that love isn't enough for me,It is that I only knowHow to love, on my knees.And to bleed,To bleed,To bleed.What a pathetic sight to see.But it's easy,So easy,So easy for me.
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It's beautiful,It's wretched,A love so plentiful,Spilt kerosene in the wreckage.It's tender,It's scorching,The flame of the heart's splendour,Torching shreds of what little self respect you had.I'll choke on the fumesAnd bring more matches to the party,Fire feasting on the rooms,Of which I've died in.We haven't come that far, have we?Oh, I have made tombs of my arteries.Rivers of my veins.Sins on display likeKnives on tables of carveries.The breath sustains the blood,But does nothing to numb the oncoming flood.
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I wonder if you think like I do,Under the same skies,Under the same stars,Do we both silently surrend our agony, too?To the moon like a prize,Like gasoline to cars.Like kerosene to flames.Does it sit in your ribcage,Knowing all the space is made for love and yet,It's flooded with boons and blames,A bitter truth learned from a too-young age.But you fight for the space back,Heart at war with head,You have a hundred bags to unpack,And you can't forget what they said. Such a fickle thing it is,To be caught on the fine lineOf loving and destroying,The bringing of my sinsTo the start of your design,An upcoming truth we've both been avoiding.My name is such a heavy weight,So call me love and lay to wasteThe compendium of my tragedy.Remind me that love is a part of me.
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It's the memory in the picture frameIt's the scorching searing kiss of flame.The fighting then fading of daysNow gone.Bitter like coffee left for too long,Flickering, sincerely, like a matchTaken from where it belongs,Struck with a spark,Fizzling out into smoke,A weak cry in the dark,Light's last protective cloak.It's such a wretched thing,Following a trail;Straight into the jawsOf an age-old abyss,To it's teeth, it's depths,It's holy grail.
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Floating around somewhere in the atmosphere,Caught in a snare,Blurry eyes fight the hardestTo be clear.Won't I just disappear?Some day, no word, no light,On a random rainy night,When the light is cool blueAnd the sky is grey,Where the wind has strengthAnd there's nothing in the way.From a plunge into oblivion.An echo at a depth where the light barely cuts through.A trench, a death.A torch, a breath.
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An end, because nothing lasts forever.A beginning, because eternity will continue and time will continue and we find ourselves at an ending and a beginning, again.2024 is laid to rest, but it has left it's scars and imprints like bruises. It has left it's lessons and the remains of who I used to be; tangled messily like discarded clothes on the floor.I must be someone new, now.The collision created a pathway through.Beginning something terrifying, but true.Finally the truth.A truce.Who I was and who I am sit facing eachother."A truce. An end. A beginning."Blood-soaked hands, gore-stained teeth, bloody noses, phantom breath beneathThe surface of my skin.Who I was andWho I amIn quiet oddsWithin.Feeling is a fickle thing,Acceptance in the words you sing.A year has gone, a life forever changed.Altered in ways I will never be again.I will never be the sameBut I will be someone newAnd I'm going to do it allIn spite of the way IHad to survive you.
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Can't let it go or watch it fadeWhen all that's left of you decaysYou're looking inside yourselfAnd hate what it is you find.Hostage of your mind.Pain to you likeOxygen to blood,Crawling through your vena cavaLet it end, it's what I'm made of. It's what I'm made of.It's what I'm made of.
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Is this really all there is?Is this really it? Tethered to fear the way hospitals set up IVs,I am to panic what a church is to it's community.I am it's vessel, it's stool, it's wall to punch.My blood the wine,A test of time.It's ticking and I am bleeding dry.It drinks, and it drinks, and it feeds and it feedsAnd I die on the inside,Awake underneathA mound of quiet devastation.
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And one day I'll be in a room with my creator, on my knees and condemning what they made.The way my creations would hold contempt for me.How can I blame you?I tear myself apart in that age-old way of ripping myself to shreds because it's impossible for me to blame you because of the pain you came from. The pain you experienced. Then the cycles you repeated.I learned to equate pain with meaning and endurance and that my suffering was my greatest strength. But there is nothing poetic in the pain I feel and the way I torture myself and my blood runs thick and red and it's always been red and the only reason anything has meaning is if we give it meaning.It hasn't made me stronger. It has left me scarred.It has ruined foundations.It has annihilated futures I could have had.It festered and scorched under my skin and I bled it out until i couldn't feel anything anymore.I'm biting back rage at the injustice your parents gave you, the same way my children would bite back in anger at the injustice you did to me. We are one of the same and shaped by pain beyond our own galaxy.Time is my greatest enemy and my upmost desire, because time is love and I am broken into fractions of who I used to be.Only time and her gentle cruelty can soothe the skin and hold me close. But time also, can dull the sensations until I am unfeeling of anything below my wretched skull.
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To dream is like hopeTo the doomed,Weaving deep rooted desireInto a rope,Pausing a patternThat must be resumed.To live is like prayerTo the faithless,But isn't it such a beautiful agony?Life doesn't concern itself with what is fair,It promised to be honest, but didn't promise to be painless.To love is like sleepTo the starving,A temporary reprieve from the deep,Depths of a heart still carvingReasons out of happenings.Reasons. Reasons to dream, to live, to love.
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The good I do is just expected,None seeing all that I've collected,Marks that I never quite intended.A dulling, quiet ache augmentedTime lived in andLife unlearned andLove exchanged andPeace returned,Traded for the teethStuck in me.Watch me bleed.Lick it clean,Watch me bleed.And all you said is thatIt's not what you mean.Below me, below me,These thoughts are so below me,Below me, below me.Is this all I'll ever be?A body built to make you feel good,A body that isn't really me?
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And I will alchemiseThe things I feelInto something tangible.It is so far from poetic, to fantasiseRelease from a jaw so palpable,Filled with rows of jagged teeth,Falling into the fated maw,Tongue of the Devil,The teeth of God.Lick my wounds clean,Holding me close through aVirulent bleed,Mirrored and matching aFamiliar routine,The same quiet stepsI've takenTo be free.
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If the future is the Sun,Then I am a comet.Moving uncomfortably close toThe atmosphere,But I never quite reach a destination.My trajectory is off.There are so many things that I could have been and would have been under different circumstances, a different version of me that I reach for but will never, ever be.I am, instead, me.A near miss.Instead, I am this.You can either become the thing that changed you or you become the exact opposite.Having been knocked off course,What is my trajectory now?If the stars are one big graveyard,And if the Earth is a final chance,I'm somewhere in-between the two,Lost in the endless expanse.
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My world will end a thousand timesIn a single day until I findA way to mitigate the damage.I'll read the same thingsAnd say the same lines,Say that I'm still waitingFor the stars to alignAnd the planetsTo fall into place.Like waiting ever changed a thing in my case.It's too late for me.Falling inwards,Running outwards.Can't we see that I'm falling apart?Back to the sickened startAgain.Because I will fall apart a thousand timesAnd each time build back into a different line.Little fragile fracturesOpening membrane to bone,Create anew,Be forgiven.Forgive me.Forgive me.I won't be coming home.
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It is a lie that Time is unfeeling.She dances under the summer sun,and swims through spring's bluest skies,She walks her way through autumn's leaves,and gives winter her coldest goodbyes.Time has the brightest eyes I've ever seen.The eyes of a thousand different versions of me.Some of which I'll never know,And some of which I know too well.Time has the prettiest singing voice,She sings when she must ring the bell.Another death.Another birth.A new breath.A new beginning to unearth. Time tells the sweetest lies.Whispers as if reading from the warmest tomes of something ancient,something divine,Something I can delve deeply into,Something I can call mine.Time tells the harshest truths.Screaming, throat hoarse and eyes blurring withTears of a thousand apparitions,Rage of a thousand hurts,Peace dying a death on chaos-hearing ears.Yelling a warning about Death and his flirts,And how he'll steal away my golden years. I'm on my knees and Time has her gentle hand in my hair, crouched beside me."You lie.""That I do." She cooed, giving a gentle smile,"But you're still alive, so every lie is worth the while."
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The rain is cleansing the air again.Showering down and cooling everything it touches.Soothing the burn.Nurturing the lost.Reminding the alive, that they can feel.Reminding me of the cost.An ode to wounds that never quite heal.Seeping sutures know no friendBut the bandage.So what does that make you?What does that make me, to you?
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Time heals all wounds, so they say,But time is as cruel as she is fair,Neither night nor day,Demanding my complete faith in her.But my faith wears thinWhen I am on my knees and asking for answers,Crying out for the smallest sacrifice.But a droplet is the start of an ocean,And the tide receding occurs before the waves race in,And suddenly the smallest sacrifice isn't so small.And suddenly, it hits me like a floodHow souls become strangers,And Time, with pretty painted lips the colour of bloodLooks at me with eyes of a thousand endings and beginnings. A thousand lives. A thousand different apparitions, and they are all screaming,"Look at who we are! Look what we made! Look what we've become!"Some rejoicing. Some sobbing. Some ablaze with rage. Some with the tenderness of my love's eyes before the end."Oh, but look at the fact you still live."
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All this blood that I can bleedCherry and whiskeyJust as fieryJust as sweetJustice sinks into idolism's fleshBecause where is justice,In the wake of our mess?Only justified in the disconnectLaying inches away from my redemptionAnd inches away from attentive death.It's nothing less than cataclysmicBut nothing more than sickness, systemic. Cry me a river and let it flood through my streetsBut you can't hide my body foreverFloating up from underneath.And there is space where you should beTaking everything from me.Perfect the bleedThe bleedThe bloodAnd flood the trenchesWith my blood.Oh, sorry hands know no peaceWhen the mind remembers. And my mind remembers.Remembers.Remembers.
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I've felt this way before.Through younger, brighter green eyes,Wondering constantly whyI wasn't ever enough; back then.These green eyes are darker, now.Older, now.Wiser to howYou are justA product of a placeWith cycles you mustPartake in.Because you run too muchTo break them.Time is running out now;Running thin with wear and chances.Yet still you choose the option;What the haunter of my thoughts is,That forever, isn't me. You hand me the knife andSay it doesn't hurt andIt's only onceBut it's never only onceAnd it's painfulAnd IWillNeverForgiveMyself.
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I sit on my bathroom floorHaving soaked in saturated reasonsAs to why I cannot stand myself.Lathered up once againIn my bloodAn unsurprising turn of eventsWhen the tide comes in.The razor sharp allocated feelingOf nothing and everything all at onceReminds me of who I was beforeThe medication.And who I am now with the medication.And how the baseline differsBut it blurs when the soundSurrounding my brainDistorts and buffers,Jarring gaps in quietMelodies,Haunting shadowIn plainest memories.Bathing in the darkHoping not to see a thing.My body isn't mineAnd I just wantTo dream of the feeling.Of it finally belongingTo me.
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The days drag onAnd time knows noAntiseptic.Skin splits and healsAnd splits againScars intertwine with inkAnd thenThe bandages cover allBut blood seeps through andStains my shirt.What do I do with all this hurt? I sleep and I wake and I sleepUntil I lay staring at my ceilingHoping, praying, needingA calmnessLike being underwater.It's too late for me.Never who I wanted to be.All these things I'd buried deepBubbling up until I feel nothing.Nothing.Everything.Everything.
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A cellular explanationFor your depths of desperationSplitting at the many seamsThat only you can see.Easy, like warm water.Stings like it, too.There's not a hope in the heartFor a wreckage quite like you.Sink deeper again;Tear off your bandageAnd soak in,Bathing in the darkJust so you don't have to see.Is this how you'd ever thought you'd be?Sink until the sound is drowned,Deeper than your familiar depths,Into space so profoundYou'd have no idea how to clawYour way back out this time.And for now,It's just warm water.
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In my eyes, in waves, you are affliction.But so unknowing in your destruction,Unaware of the weight of the water.Or the way that you consume every shelter. Is it ignorance to disregardHearts around you for glass and tin?Is it arrogance for me to believe this isAll it was ever going to be,Bubbling to the brim?I'll be damned if I ever become you.Never to birth a childTo put it through what you put me through.I have such hatred of your sickness that burns through every nullified memory that occasionally ripples the surface of my mind.I feel it in the depths of my guts and in the nerves behind my eyes and in the tight skin of my knuckles every time I think about crashing.Every time, I think it's my fault.My fault.My fault.
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The blue of the bottle cap beside the sofaSeen through young green eyes. That's how it started, then.Then the looks of others seen through tired eyesAs I buy anotherAnotherAnotherFitting haphazardly intoA see-through prescription bag.All because I can't say noI can't say noI never could say no.And it ate me alive, eventually.
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I am complicit in your design.
The fault is mine, is mine, mine.
Tethered; tied to blurring lines
Between what is killing me
And what is fine.Because you never hear me anyway.
Lost; a broken record on display.
But it means nothing if it cannot play.And I cannot play, I cannot play, I cannot play.Cracking at the edges,
Ripping at the seams,
Would it even mean a thing,
If you could see what you've done to me?I don't even want to be in the same room as you.
I want to be as far away as possible, as detached as my ability to cry, that way maybe it would stop hurting and I would stop bleeding and pleading to skies of silence for an end to it all.I don't think we were ever destined to be happy.
Maybe we're a happy family in another timeline.But not this one.
It will never be this one.
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When has the rain ever stopped me?Sitting cross-legged on the linoleum floor, cup of coffee in hand as I peer out of the window and at the rain falling onto the world.Hammering down, thundering against the glass. Washing away the blood from my hands.I set down the cup and pull myself up,And out into the downpour.Tell me that the peace I'm feeling lasts after the clouds have dried up and moved on.Relishing in the numbness of my skin, the feeling of feeling clean again.Peace so seldom felt by a Cobweb mind like mine; it knows not when to stop, thinking it's way into making the stars align.The rumbling of distant thunder and crashing of the rain against the ground are sounds more grounding than any words of comfort the professionals ever offered me.I don't think there are any words of comfort that work for me, anymore. I'm long past consolation.I did quite well, taking my mechanisms into consideration.I've always just been waiting for a rainy day.Waiting for a rainy day.
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Candlelit cradleStraight from the dawn,The morning doesn't know you,So the Night drags on.She never wants to leave you,Linked to your timeline,Marvelling at your perseverance,Eyes like a city night skyline.Darkly lit and haunted,Smoke on your breath,Flirting with pain,Shotgunning death."Does this not bring you peace?""Is my dark not a comfort?""Yes," You respond, "The frenzy does cease,"Ghost of a smile on your lips, "But the lack of noise brings waves of hurt." Night longingly watches the sigh leave your lips,Gentle, scarred hands tugging on your hoodie strings,Pulling you into an eclipse.A murder of moments, a heated alignment,A relaxing of tension,A brand new assignment."I'll learn to live with it," You whisper, her hands tracing the scores from the Day on your arms,"I'll accept it and grow, with patience for my scars, the way you hold patience for the creation of your stars." Another eclipse as the world shifts, horizontal,A smile, a touch, a human response, quantal.An uncomplicated science,A galaxy of loving her,An understanding alliance.City skyline eyes bloom with cosmic expanse,"If you're willing to stay, won't you join me in a sublunar dance?"In this fundamental interaction,An act of worship,An astral attraction.So honest, so true, so brutally human,"Sleep evades me, my love, so bring me to ruin."
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I don't believe thatIt could ever beAnything otherThan me carryingYour coffin,After you're found on the floor.Over and over,It's clear as can beThe choice that you makeWill never be me.You would rather fill the voidsOf your arteriesAnd thicken your bloodThan face what you have created.Wash it all away, in a flood.How could you?How could I?How could I?How could I?I could bleed into the bottles you drinkAnd it wouldn't mean a thing.It's all the same to you.It's all the same to you.
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You painted with my blood,It runs thick like rivers,Right into your palette.A portrait; a testament to your design.Me; a fracture, you; a hero, a tale of your truth; alignedIn your favour.In your light.It depicts not; why my skin splits like waterOnly that it does.Not why the oceans recede,Only that it impedesOn your comfortability.The artistic voice speaks not ofThe fracture's reasonBut of the hero's patience,AltruismWith the darkening season.It forgets the begging and pleadingOf the fractureFor the pressureTo be relieved.It casts aside the realityThat of my peace;You were the thief. So paint your portraits for onlookers,Feel justified in the sympathy they aim;But I know when the curtains fall,It's only yourself to blame.
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You look at me likeYou didn't sink your clawsInto my side and pull,Like you don't smell the bloodAnd ash from perceived broken rulesBut I will write with the ashOf the bridge between you and IThat has fallen,Crashing out of the skyIn a blazing, searing burst of lightBut without a single sound.Structures weather awayUnder brunts of broken storms;Eroded down to bare bone, anyway,Then eventually corroded.Standing at remnants,Swallowed by the mess it became,A single solemn whisper,"Flicker, little flame.You're burning, all the same."
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Committing every detail of you to memory like it's the last time I'll ever see you,So afraid of fragility; changing allI've ever known intoSomething beyond recognition.But even after it all;You're still the tone I recognise before it even reaches my ears.You're still the summer nights I chaseIn between darkness and light.You're the inches between myAttentive deathAnd redemption.You're those moments of peace after the fire fizzles out.Nothing more than tiny embersCatching lightly on the heelsOf your shoes.Like the relief of antisepticWhen the stinging stops,Knowing it's clean.Droplets of red in atlantic blues.You're irresistible in this light.You're irresistible in this light.
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Bleed out every word thatBinded me to you in thorned thread,Sutures splitting under theWeight of my own name,Traded out for hushed beggingHalf-slumbering emptinessLeft after the lack of careIn the void of your handTearing through my fibersAnd sinking deeper still,Telling me you love me.You were just scared to be alone,It hurts less to believe you were unconscious in your destruction,But ultraviolet light shows allHidden in plain sight.Conscious caving,Nothing more than a sorry screen.Nothing more than a sorry scene. I bet you remember it differently.I'd bet you remember it differently.
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Low, the anchor sinksBelow the surface,Breaking, SplittingFreezing skinAnd settlingWhere light does not reach;But might begin.There is no murder, butThis is a crime scene.An assault of my senses,Regardless of what it means.Gather the chain andPull backBefore all is finally lost.You're sinking again,Acutely aware of the cost.
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And I'll feast on stale blood
And old mahogany
Splintering into splitting memory
Coagulating under scarred flesh.
Not a first; you know the rest.It's hardly surprising, as the tide draws near
Even shadows flinch at the words I hear,
So take your pity and bury it deep
Under rotted wood and the lies you keep.No rest for the wicked
No forgiveness for the divine;
That would make you a martyr,
And me, the victim of your crime.
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It's just reminiscing flesh,
It's just my Attentive death,
Swallowing who I was
And spitting out who I am
Until I finally rest
When the sun comes up.I cry out
And the space sings back
Even after you've taken your leave,
It's rotted away a piece of me.Feasting on the filth
In the dark,
Suspended in the silence
Lost in reminders of quiet violence.Why am I still afraid?
Remembering the way we'd lay.
Remember the product I became.
Don't lie to me.Love clouded in lust
I just filled your gaps
And indulged you, if I must.It's death in repetitive motion
Tearing through my skin in a mockery of love.Sometimes in my nightmares I awake in that bed.
Crying in my sleep over the horrible things you said.Only in the back corridors of my mind do you
Find out what happens when I snap back,
Ripping out of what tied me to you.
Biting back with broken teeth from
Swallowing the rocks you threw.Wires that I'm still chewing through,
Until I'm finally free or they begin to electrocute.Either way,
I refuse to continue
To let you take the space in me
You so clearly do.I will let it sink to the bottom of my well
Like bricks tied to ankles,
Lower than the hell you put me through.
I hope you know yourself, it wasn't fair.Because God knows, when the time comes,
I will see you there.