Work Text
Many people cope with their problems by talking about them.Many people cope by facing their problems head on to recover quickly and safely.Virgil is not one of those people.He never has been.Which might explain why he was on the floor of his bedroom, high out of his mind, sipping on a glass of vodka.This was one of the more tame nights recently.It wasn't like he was addicted, nothing like that!He just...Well, he liked being high. Being drunk. Being black-out.What's the point in taking care of yourself? In following rules and being sober most of the time? Virgil certainly didn't see a reason.You've only got one body, you've gotta abuse it.At least, that's what he told himself whenever doubts creeped into his head.When you're created, the world is spinning. Then you spend your life being a good person, or a shitty person, or just an okay person, and when you die, the world is spinning like you never existed.He knew the vodka wasn’t making things better, but better wasn’t the goal. Better was for people who thought the world gave a damn about them. Virgil just wanted quiet.It wasn’t about dying—he didn’t want that. Not really. It was about numbing the parts of him that still gave a shit.With each sip, the final pieces of consciousness his mind was holding onto slipped, the rare guilty thoughts that slipped through drowning with the alcohol.He wasn't sure where his melatonin had gone, probably downed the box last time he was high and threw it away. It wouldn't have been the first time that he had done it.He would just have to wait until he passed out, which, considering his track record, wouldn't be too long now.----Virgil woke up slouched in the corner, his nose red and his glass empty.Now came his favourite game, 'how much of a hangover will I have today?'Place your bets now, people!Because it's wrong. Its not technically a hangover if he's still a little drunk, right?Either way, it didn't matter.The neon alarm clock on his nightshade read 5:30AM. Which meant he had time to shower without worrying anyone with his absence.Virgil always made sure to shower after a binge. The scent of vodka and smoke clung to him like a second skin, and he couldn’t risk anyone asking questions.Finally, after what felt like days, but was at most 2 hours, the smell was gone. Now, he had to actually put effort into his appearance.He changed into his usual clothes, put foundation on his nose to hide the events of last night, tried to make himself presentable, took a swig of the leftover vodka, and headed downstairs.As he walked, the waistband of his jeans slipped a little further down his hips, and he pulled at the waistband absently. When was the last time he’d eaten something other than cereal or chips?Oh well, he tightened the belt to make it look like he was a normal weight and trudged down the stairsHe was acutely aware of the fact he looked exhausted, but it seemed that was all he could look like anymore.He had lost weight, gained eyebags even without his signature makeup, and he had frequent nosebleeds. He wouldn't exactly call himself normal looking, but even today he looked worse for wear than usual.Everyone else was already at the table.Shit.Well, he was nothing if not a good actorHe walked over to his usual seat, his footsteps heavy, and he leaned against the nearest person. Who this person was? Well...he wasn't sure. And he was way too tired to check who it was.Even if it was Janus, he couldn't give a shit.Caring was for people with natural energy, and Virgil had none.A voice interrupted his thoughts, "Rough night?", Logan called out, to Virgil the voice was stiff and dull, but he didn't comment on it.He cracked a bloodshot eye open, staring at Logan as he mumbled a response. "Yup. Couldn't find my melatonin anywhere so I had to try sleep without. Went about as well as trying to teach Roman how to cook."Logan looked pale and slightly shocked, and Virgil tensed up. Did Logan know? Was he going to tell?No, he didn't. Everytime those thoughts surfaced, he knew it was irrational. No one could find out, he hid everything before he left his room, always showered afterwards to remove the scent, and always have excuses lined up for his symptoms.Shit. He was staring too long. His eye slipped shut again, a pitiful attempt at feigned nonchalance.A plate clattered down in front of him.He didn't open his eyes.He didn't feel like eating anymore.Breakfast passed in a cacophony of forced conversation, clattering utensils, and chewing that grated on his frayed nerves, each sound a spike in his skull. Someone must have noticed how the noises seemed to be making him twitch and flinch, as everything quieted down slightly, that was nice.At some point, breakfast was over. He didn't feel like moving, his limbs like lead. Virgil feigned sleep, just so he didn't have to move. There was a hushed conversation next to him between Logan and Patton, but he didn't listen too closely. They clearly bought the act, if they were being this quiet.Someone headed to the kitchen and everyone else made their way to the living room. The person he was leaning on, he still couldn't tell who, picked him up with ease. They stumbled when they did, like they were expecting him to weigh more.Whatever.As long as they didn't say or do anything, then he didn't care what they noticed.The mystery person carried him to the couch, setting him down carefully. The soft lull of the background conversation and movements was dragging him to sleep, when was the last time he actually slept besides when he passed out?It doesn't matter now, as a blanket was set over him and he dropped into a blissfully numb rest.---He woke up sometime later.His head was pounding with the remaining alcohol in his system, though at this point he was sure it was a permanent part of him.Virgil rubbed his eyes, the pain jolting him awake. He was extra careful to avoid his nose, there was no need to reveal that to anyone.Everyone was there except Logan. But, he could hear some washing dishes behind him, so that was probably where he was.Virgil pulled out his phone, pushing himself into a normal sitting position and opened his most-used app.Most people though it was Tumblr, which was fair enough, it was a close second. But it wasn't.The familiar green, blue and purple triangle-like logo burned into his glazed over eyes, making him jolt slightly. He made sure to have Tumblr open on a random post, just in case anyone tried to see his phone.3 days, 14 hours, 29 minutes and 33 seconds. His phone had reminded him, and he felt a strange sort of guilt pressing the restart on the counter.14 seconds. It now read, but Virgil couldn't mope for long, as Logan walked past. With skillful precision that could only come from practice, he switched the app to Tumblr, pretending to be interested.It was like second nature at this point, feigning interest in some random post.Hours blurred together until the fake sun was setting, and everyone started heading to their bedrooms. Everyone had been acting way too strange to be normal, but he couldn't care even if he tried.Exhaustion crashed over him in waves, most likely from his hangover. He fell onto his bed, immediately succumbing to his exhaustion, and hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.