Work Text
The storms in vernon's head was ruining the garden that his soul holds.
Being bipolar was vernon's enemy and his friend.
He enjoyed the loneliness, loved being left alone–because his members Knew that he was bipolar, they have had accepted him a long time ago and whenever he asks to be left alone, they leave him alone.
Vernon was impossible to be around.
His mood swings was uptight all the time, yet, the members loved him nevertheless–they lived in his shadows and embraced Vernon in their arms.
And today was one of those days where he was in his extreme lowest with a manic episode.
Vernon layed in bed, he had woken up about half an hour ago, yet he still couldn’t move.His thoughts were tangled—a mess of weird noises and fleeting memories that wouldn’t let him rest.This was the second episode this month- usually, stress would cause him such episodes, and from seventeen's intense tour and practices, vernon was not feeling any better.
The laughter of the members echoed through his bedroom walls, today he that's God that they don't have any practice.During his episodes, vernon would feel invincible, his mind would race with ideas, words tumbling out faster than he could catch them."Hansollie?"
It was jeonghan's gentle voice, knocking the door."Hey, you okay in there, aegi?" jeonghan knocked again, and vernon Hates himself for not being able to answer his hyung.But the chaos in vernon's head silenced his own voice.Vernon wanted to answer but his throat felt tight with a robe. The door handle turned slowly and jeonghan hesitated before pushing the door open.When he stepped inside, jeonghan's eyes immediately softened as he watched his dongsaeng.Vernon was still lying in bed, his body curled and his face pale and void of emotion.Jeonghan didn’t need Vernon to explain—he had seen this before multiple times—in fact, jeonghan was the first to notice vernon's episodes— He walked over quietly as he sat on the edge of the bed."Aegi," jeonghan whispered, in his gentlest tone, "hyung will be here with you, alright?"
Vernon blinked slowly as he tried to swallow the fore inside his throat but his body was still unresponsive, but jeonghan could see the flicker of recognition in vernon's eyes."It's okay, hyung will be here, hm" jeonghan cooed once again, kneeling down so he could be beside vernon's level. "I'm here" stroking his hair gently as he kept repeating.
Jeonghan and wonwoo handled vernon's episodes best—it's not that the other members don't know how to deal with vernon, they do. But jeonghan is gentle with everyone and everything, and he have specific ways with what he do.
And wonwoo—he's just wonwoo, his presence alone calm vernon down.Humming soft melodies was jeonghan's favourite thing to do when vernon's having an episode–vernon could eventually calm down the storm inside of him, and it always works.
Jeonghan picked up his phone from his pocket and texted the members through their shared group without removing his hand from Vernon’s hair.
'vernon's having an episode, calm it down outside and send wonwoo in her.'
When jeonghan finished texting, he focused back on his dongsaeng, and despite being used to vernon's episodes, seeing his baby so vulnerable and pale- made him upset.Seconds after the text, the door opened slowly again and wonwoo merged inside.
"Hey baby" wonwoo murmured as he held vernon's hand and sat on the bed with jeonghan still keeling down "his hands are cold hyung"
Wonwoo noticed as he was holding the youngers hands.
Jeonghan stood up and moved quitly to the cupboard to take a blanket and quickly cover vernon with it.
Vernon's breathing steadied at the touch of wonwoo's soft hands, and although he still couldn’t speak, he felt Warm enough.
"Close your eyes baby" wonwoo touched vernon's cheek, running his hands as slow and gentle as he could–treating vernon like a sick child was important during his episodes.
Vernon slowly closed his eyes, feeling jeonghan and wonwoo murmuring about something that he couldn't really understand.
"I've got you, my sweet baby"
★
Waking up a few hours later, the room was dark, not pitch dark, the lamp was open and the light brightened up vernon's room.
his body felt heavy but not as tired as before, He blinked at the ceiling a few times before focusing.There was no people screaming inside his head like before, and that was enough for him to move. He sat up slowly—his limbs still stiff but he was able to move at last as he swung his legs over the side of the bed.For a a brief moment he just sat there remembing jeonghan and wonwoo and his episode, then he started hearing laughter from the living room and this time, it didn’t feel so overwhelming.
Taking a deep breath, Vernon pushed himself up and walked toward the door. His room was right next to the living room, and as soon as he stepped out, the chatter and talking stopped.Because was looking at him, but it was only for a second and then they got back to their conversation.Because vernon doesn't like the attention–he opened up once to his members how he feels overwhelmed when they all look at him weirdly.
he feels so out of place.
only jeonghan was looking at him was he smiled and gestured to the empty spot beside him.As vernon walked slowly, he sat down beside jeonghan and Joshua on his other side.
"Feeling okay?" Joshua asked him in English, as he smiled with his eyes to the younger American boy.
Vernon was feeling okay, truly, his head wasn't throbbing like before and his heart wasn't a war battle anymore."Fine" he simply said, lifting his head to look at Joshua."You were so brave, my brave little baby" Jeonghan had a habit of embarrassing his dongsaengs, because vernon's face was a color of all shades or red and pink."Hyung!" Vernon’s lower lip turned into a pout and jeonghan giggled at that before he wrapped his arms around the younger's shoulders.A few members turned their attention to vernon when they saw the boy faintly smiling.
"By the way hansol, do you want to eat?" The leader asked, gently looking at vernon.
Vernon did not have an appetite to eat, or to drink—but he knew the leader was being attentive caring towards him.
And saying he wasn't hungry was not an option."We still have soup, I'll pour you a plate" mingyu sweetly said as he rose from his seat and moved to the kitchen.
Vernon loved how the members knew him so well.
Sometimes—vernon himself doesn't know what's wrong with him, but the members knew every detail about him, they know what's going on inside his little Brain.
Vernon barely waited for five minutes before mingyu came back with the soup and placed it in the table in front of vernon.
Vernon lifted the spoon and took a small sip—not even a three year old would take—and then placed it down again.This was a big movement–years ago, vernon wouldn't eat for days, and even taking a small taste of the soup was an improvement for him."Good job buddy" Joshua encouraged him, placing a hand on his back as he rubbed it.
Vernon loved when the members complemented him, he could feel their love coming through their eyes.
And slowly he was able to finish at least half the soup only. None of the members said anything about it. This was big, and they knew vernon couldn’t take more.
★
A little after midnight and vernon was still wide awake, his insomnia never helps.
and one member would help him in this situation—woozi.
the producer would be awake by now—three am was his working time not sleeping, and vernon was always welcome to go there.So he dragged his feet and moved to woozi's room, which it was also a tiny studio.He didn't have to knock, and woozi didn't have to turn his head and look at the door, because he knew that it will be vernon at his door at three o'clock at night.
"Hey sollie" the peoducer—who didnt bother to turn his head—greeted vernon.
vernon replied with a quiet hum as he moved to sit on the sofa.
"Can't sleep?" Woozi finally turned and glanced at vernon who was looking at his hoodie."Yeah"
Woozi felt sympathetic at how low vernon was–woozi loved his dongsaengs but vernon held a special place in his heart."My baby producer"
as he would call him."You can lay there while I finish" woozi gestured to the sofa, as he returned his eyes to the computer.
This is why vernon loved woozi, because he doesnt feel overwhelmed with him.
Vernon did lay on the sofa, staring at the ceiling listening to the track that woozi was playing.
"What should I call this track?" Woozi hummed to himself mostly, but vernon without realizing it, answered "no one noticed"
"Oh?""No one noticed" Vernon replied again, still looking at the ceiling."I like that" woozi approved as he typed something.
Vernon smiled to himself—helping woozi with his producing was always a pride and his biggest honor.
"Aegi, you think you could help me with the other song I've been telling you about?"
There is a song that woozi has been writing for the past week–it's not that he wasn't able of writing it, no—he wanted vernon's help with the writing.He loves the youngers way of writing so flawlessly.
Hearing woozi say that, vernon stood up and moved to sit next to woozi. Staring at the computer so he could continue what woozi wrote.
It helped vernon to concentrate, and after an hour he and woozi finished three songs eventually. The two of them slept in the room.
Woozi on the right side of the bed and vernon on the left.
And Slowly, like a flower opening to the sun after a storm, vernon's heart began to mend, finding light again with the help of his members.