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Mikey had a problem. Well, problems. He was in a sort of situationship with the soccer star, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III (or at least, that was what his brother and that tiny shit, Frank, said), he hadn't slept in about 46 hours, he was almost out of anxiety meds- again-, and he was getting depressed again.He blamed it on the weather.He wasn't sure when his disorder started. Maybe when he was in bed for three days because he was too depressed to move, or maybe it was when he finally got up to shower and discovered that his hip bones stuck out just a bit. Maybe it was when he discovered that he liked what he saw.From there, he went down a rabbit hole of research. What diets would make him skinny (which led him to pro-ana sites that he surprising loved), how many calories were in what foods, the like. By the time the sun came up, Mikey had a solid Plan in his notebook.The Plan went as follows. Monday and Friday, he wasn't allowed any more than 500 calories. 250 was ideal. Tuesday and Thursday he survived with water, black coffee, cigarettes, gum, ice, and zero pop. Saturday and Sunday, he was allowed to eat full meals, but no sugar or fat. On the weekends, he was to exercise and burn off whatever calories he had consumed, and if he were to slip up, he purged whatever he ate within the next hour. And if he didn't purge everything, he was to take laxatives to get it out.His goal by the end of the year was 110. Lose 29.5 pounds in twelve months.He wasn't expecting it to be so hard at first. The hunger clawed at his stomach, and he broke more than once. Which meant that he was purging a lot. Which was risky with a brother and two parents lurking around. Within a week, his throat was chronically sore and he felt terrible. He wasn't even sure if he could even do it. And if he couldn't, then he wouldn't be pretty enough for Pete. He would be single forever. Maybe, if the loneliness got to be too much, he would kill himself. That was better than whatever bullshit he was going through right now.But he found it getting easier as time passed. After about a month, he fell into the rhythm of The Plan, and didn't binge or slip once. He was proud of himself. Even prouder when he stood on the scale a month later and saw he lost two pounds. He felt amazing- but it still wasn't enough. That annoying pudge of stomach wasn't going away.☆•☆•☆Two months had passed, and Mikey was steadily losing weight. He lost five now, and he was wearing baggier clothes so his friends wouldn't get suspicious. Sure, he was paler, but he could blame that on the lighting.Lunch time came around, and, as usual, Mikey sat with Gerard, Frank, Ray, Pete, Patrick, Joe, and Andy. The supergroup of friends he had hung out with for as long as he could remember.It made him happy to find that Pete was willing to sit beside him. Maybe the pro-ana tumblr page he followed was right- getting skinny equaled getting pretty. He was snapped out of his thoughts with Frank waving a French fry under his nose."Dude," he was saying. Mikey blinked at him, his hazel eyes staring at Frank's own green-y- hazel ones through his glasses. Frank frowned. "I asked if wanted some. All you've had is a Coke Zero." Mikey shook his head."I'm good, thanks." Patrick looked at him, face contorted in concern."Are you sure?" He asked, ever being the sweetheart Mikey always knew him as. "You've gotta be hungry. You haven't eaten all day!" Mikey's heart rate spiked. He shook his head again."Yeah," Ray spoke up. "Actually, come to think of it, I haven't seen you eat in, like, months." Gerard nodded in agreement."And, I swear, I heard him throwing up one night.""He looks half dead.""He's a bag of bones."Mikey hadn't even realised he was crying and clawing at his arms until a muddled blend of Ray, Pete, Patrick, Gerard, Frank, Andy, and Joe's voices were in his ears and leading him somewhere. He didn't know where. Nurse? An empty hallway?He came to on a crappy couch. He was in the nurse's office, and Pete and Gerard were flanking his sides. His head was pounding, but that wasn't anything new. He had been dealing with headaches since he got used to The Plan and started losing weight. He had tear streaks on his cheeks, and his hands were trembling. In fact, his whole body was. But that was also normal nowadays."Are you okay?" Gerard asked worriedly when he noticed Mikey looking around. "That was the worst panic attack you've had in forever.""That's what it was?" Pete piped up. Gerard nodded, and Pete looked at Mikey despairingly."Don't," Mikey croaked. "Everyone looks at me like that when they find out I have anxiety."Gerard sighed and gave Pete a sympathetic glance. That didn't deter him, however."How long have you been starving yourself for?" He asked. Mikey bugged his eyes out at him."What the fuck?" He sat up, becoming lightheaded for a minute. "I'm not fucking starving myself, Pete.""Mikey-""No. Just cause I have a panic attack over you and everyone fucking else talking about my weight," he shifted his eyes to his brother, "doesn't mean I'm fucking starving myself. Maybe I'm insecure." He stood."Where's Ray?" He asked Gerard. He looked at Mikey incredulously. Pete just looked hurt. After a beat, Gerard cleared his throat and looked down."Uh, outside." He gestured vaguely at the door."Great," Mikey said through his teeth. He opened the door. "He's driving me home." He left without another word, and was met by everyine sitting outside the door. They stood as soon as they saw him."Are you okay?" Patrick asked."Do you want water?""Food?" Andy offered. Mikey almost gagged."I'm good," he forced, looking for Ray. He found him and walked up. He knew he was being irrational in his decisions, but he wanted to hurt Pete for hurting him.He grabbed Ray's wrist and all but dragged him out to the school parking lot."What the fuck?" Ray asked when Mikey let go in front of Ray's Toyota. He kissed Ray's lips, hard. Ray pushed him back. "Are you drunk or something?"Mikey shook his head. "I just want you to fuck me." Ray blanched."What? What about Pete?""What about him?" Mikey's voice was lower now, silkier. He liked that.Mikey kissed him again, but this time, Ray accepted it. So well, in fact, that he was being tossed into Ray's backseat with his tongue down Mikey's throat. Just before Ray crawled on top of him, Mikey held him back."Wait a second," he breathed."What's wrong?" He asked, staring at the boy beneath him. Mikey shook his head."Nothing, nothing." He gestured around. "But we're... kinda in a school parking lot, and people'll see." Ray's cheeks flushed, and he nodded."Right. Of course. Sorry." He clambered into the front seat, and Mikey clambered into the passenger.He only thought about his decision when Ray pulled out of the parking space.But payback was a fucking bitch, and Mikey wanted Pete to know her as well as Mikey himself did.
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"Why would you do that to me?" Pete looked hurt. Crushed, even. But Mikey didn't really feel anything.Pete had found out after seeing hickeys on Ray's neck. He also knew that Mikey had the hots for Ray before he got into the mess with him, so it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.Mikey was silent. He hated seeing the tears in those beautiful brown eyes, but he couldn't say anything that wouldn't make him sound more like a dick than he already was."Why, Mikey?" Pete said again. Mikey met his eyes. Then, he stared at the ground again. The cold was really starting to get to him now that he was losing weight. He bundled more into his coat."You remember what happened at lunch, right?" He risked looking at Pete again. He dyed his hair. Pinkish red streaks in his bangs. Mikey liked it."So, just 'cause of a few comments, you go fuck Ray?" Pete looked angry now. "Did you think of how that would make me feel, Mikey?" Mikey looked away again. "I really thought we had something," Pete continued, quieter now. Hurt."All that we had was some kisses and a hookup. And we were drunk.""That doesn't mean that I don't like you, Mikey!" Pete snapped. Mikey's shifty eyes dared to looked at Pete. "Yeah, that's right," the short boy seethed. "I really liked you, Mikey. Gerard knows, too.""I-""You could have just said something," Pete cut him off. "You could have said you still liked Ray, or that you just weren't into me." He sniffled.Sniffled. Pete was crying."You're a fucking dick, Mikey Way." And he walked off, leaving Mikey standing in the bitter New Jersey January cold, staring after the whole reason he was getting skinny.He was right. He was a dick.☆•☆•☆"You did what?" Gerard cried. He was pacing his basement bedroom, head in his hands. Mikey picked at the pills on his Star Trek blanket, sitting cross-legged, watching his brother."I didn't think it through, okay?" Mikey defended. "He said some things, and I thought I would get back at him.""And your solution was to go hook up with Ray?" He asked, stopping to look at Mikey. "Who, may I remind you, is a senior. Three years older than you.""I'm aware, Gerard," Mikey said dryly. "The age gap didn't stop you from dating Frank, though. And he's the same age as me."Gerard sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "This isn't about me, this is about you and your stupid choices." He crossed his arms across his chest and jutted his hip out to the side. Classic Gerard sass pose. "Pete really liked you, you know. He thought that he was getting somewhere with you."Mikey rolled his eyes. "Well, he ruined whatever we did have. Whatever he thought we had." Gerard just scoffed."You're hopeless.""You're worse."Gerard paused then, staring at Mikey. He swallowed, pooking down at his brother's bedspread self consciously."You are skinnier, though," he mused. Mikey looked up. He was met with a concerned expression. "You sure you're okay? Eating, sleeping? Taking your meds?"Mikey sighed. "Yes, Gerard. I'm fine."But he wasn't. He was slowly killijg himself for love. For someone to find him attractive. He knew that he was, yet he couldn't stop. He wanted everyone to love him. Even if that meant death. He was willing to take it over being unattractive.
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Mikey was doing good. Losing weight. Getting skinny. Getting what he wanted. Except for Pete.Since he had found out, Pete hadn't spoken a word to any of them, and seemed to be getting really close with some kid named Patrick. And Mikey hated that. The only solution was for him to get skinnier. Faster.He changed The Plan. The only things he was to consume now we're zero sugar pop, water, and black coffee. He was to live off of ice, gum, and the occasional rice cake or plain crackers. If he was generous.Gerard noticed before everyone else. Of course he did. He knew his little brother better than anyone else in the world."Mikey," he said, getting him to sit on his bed. Gerard sat in his chair. "What's going on?""Nothing." He picked at the fuzz on his hoodie. Ray's hoodie. The same that he took after that... incident. "I'm fine.""No you aren't, and you know it." Gerard stood. "You're pale as a ghost and look like your a step away from death." He approached his younger brother. "What the hell is wrong?""Nothing!" Mikey repeated. "There's nothing wrong, Gerard!""Then why are you always cold, huh? Never eating with me and mom and dad? Going through gum like it's your only lifeline?!"To tell the truth, Gerard was worried. Really worried. He knew the signs. The way the scale was always in a slightly different place, the nights he swore he could hear the sounds of throwing up in the bathroom above his head, or the constant creaking of floorboards at random times in the night. How, every week when he took the trash out, he found at least five empty gum packages and tossed food. How his poor mother had to go buy coffee every other day.His brother was starving himself."I see you, you know," he piped up after a while. "I know what you're doing." Mikey scoffed."And what's that, exactly? What am I doing?""You're losing weight on purpose. You have an eating disorder, Mikey.""No the fuck I do not!" He stood. A little too quickly, apparently, because he felt lightheaded. Weirdly, he liked that feeling. It told him what he was doing was working. "And fuck you for assuming that."He stormed upstairs to his bedroom, and then collapsed into his bed. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. It was a weird feeling. He pulled up the pro-ana site he belonged to.skeleton-b0nez: my brother js accused me of my edwtf do i dod33p.isnt.d33p: throw him offeat n purgeMikey almost gagged. Eating? No way. But if it was to get Gerard off his trail...He ate an entire plate that night at dinner. And he felt absolutely awful. He wanted to break down after every note of mashed potatoes he ate, purge everything right then and there for every green bean he put in his mouth.He couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough. He didn't even stay for dessert. As soon as he was done the plate, he (sort of) politely asked to be excused, then dashed up to the bathroom.The only setback was how careful and quiet he had to be. He stuffed a towel in the crack between the door and the floor, made sure to lock the door, and turned on the sink tap to cover the sounds of his purge.The meat came first. That was gross. He wanted to cry. Not from sticking his fingers down his throat, but from the feeling of the food coming up. He always kind of having throwing up.By the time he was done, he was shaking and sweating. But he still wasn't done. He needed to exercise tonight. Two hours. An hour at least. Burn off everything.He was honestly terrified. Gerard kind of knew, and he would definitely tell their parents. And then he would tell his friends. And then Mikey's life was over.Rest in peace to Michael James Way. Cause of death? Shame.skeleton-b0nez: @d33p.isnt.d33p i did what u said tohopefully he thinks hes wrong and gets off my ass lold33p.isnt.d33p: good job <3js remember to stick w ur planbut if it starts to srsly affect u, get helpstay safe xx