Work Text
“Don’t depend on someone for your happiness, because you’ll always end up unhappy in the end.”
My friend Elijah told me that this morning when I told him my girlfriend and I broke up.
“Wasn’t she more like a friend to you, anyway?”
What the hell was he even talking about? I don’t even know why she broke up with me. I saw the text notification from when she said she was leaving me, and didn’t bother reading the rest. …Should I read the rest?
“If you don’t wanna read her texts, at least let me read them.”
I snatched my phone from him, it’s none of his fucking business.
…
I’m reading the fucking messages.
Honestly, the string of text messages kinda surprised me. She sent like three paragraphs. I can’t remember the last time she talked so much. I can’t even bother to try and remind myself why I care if we’re not together anymore. But I’m still gonna look.
“Vic.”
“Vic, we need to talk.”
“Can you stop acting like you don’t care for one second and pick up the fucking phone?”
No answer from my end.
“Fine then. I was willing to work it out with you, but I don’t even want to anymore.”
“I remember when you first asked me out 3 years ago in 2021.”
“You were so caring. You took me out on dates, kissed me, hugged me, loved me. Now you’re just a distant piece of shit. You don’t ask me what’s wrong anymore. You don’t hold my hand anymore, you won’t even fucking touch me.”
“I was always fucking there for you, and I don’t know what happened to you, but now you’ve just been acting like a sad sack of shit. It’s fucking pathetic, you’re supposed to be the man between the two of us. I shouldn’t have to sit at home with your sad, lowly ass all day because you wanna be lazy and pretend to be in your feelings.”
“I can excuse all that stupid shit.”
“But it gets to a fucking point when you don’t even PRETEND to care about our relationship.”
“You knew how many other guys I was fucking in our bed, but you still stayed and didn’t say a fucking word.”
“You don’t care about me Vic.”
“Between that bullshit and the fact that you could hardly get it up when I wanted to fuck you, you clearly have other bitches in your phone. You can’t even fucking text me back now?”
Other bitches?
OTHER BITCHES?
Thank god I didn’t entertain this bullshit. I’m not gonna read the rest of this crap if she’s gonna keep going. I shut my phone off, and see my friend’s face in the reflection of the black screen.
He’s quiet.
I’m quiet.
“Look man, I’m sorry. I didn-”
“Save it. And go back to your own cubicle while you’re at it.”
I just slam my phone down, staring at the computer monitor in front of me.
I don’t care that she broke up with me.
I don’t care that she accused me of cheating when she was supposed to be the love of my life.
I don’t even wanna acknowledge the cheating, or how mad she was that I couldn’t get it up as if it’s my fault.
I forgot why I was getting mad anyway.
My work phone starts to ring. I have about ten seconds to calm down and answer some bullshit question that you can probably google the solution to.
“Hi, I’m Vic from customer service! What can I help you with?”
Fakest voice I’ve ever put on. Ever.
What the fuck does this company do again?
I zoned out again.
The person on the other end hung up, and Eli was staring at me from his cubicle. My supervisor told me to just go home. So I did.
She trashed my fucking apartment.
I’m not even gonna clean this bullshit. Stripping myself of my uncomfortable office clothes, I pull on my sweatpants for the third night in a row and lay in my bed. I couldn’t even complete half the day, and I’m drained. Picking up my phone, I kiss my teeth at the new crack in the screen I inflicted on it earlier. There’s nothing to do but mindlessly scroll through social media. Ten videos turns into twenty, twenty into fifty, and soon I’m so far into instagram reels it’s damn near four in the morning, I’m still awake, and I still reek of the office. Uncomfortably, I trudge to the bathroom. She even took her soaps with her. I don’t care. I look at the bar of Irish Spring, sitting in its place like usual. By the time the water turns warm and embraces me, I can feel the tears coming.
I don’t know how long I sat in the shower. I was probably crying. Or not. Laying in bed, I can still smell Kyra on my sheets, so I sleep on the couch in some fresh sweatpants. Fucking dirty whore.
I open my eyes.
Everything is white. I hope I died in my sleep. My hopes unfortunately fade away as I see a feather float near my face, and suddenly, I’m embraced by someone bigger than me. I feel her warmth all over again. Starting to feel tears prick at my eyes again, I try to squirm free of whoever is holding onto me. Looking around for anything to help with my escape, I notice his arms. Dark complexion. I don’t recognize the small, discreet platinum blonde hairs that slowly trail up the arm, either. Who is this? Why is this guy so fucking strong? I need to know who this is, so I turn around.
I woke up before I even saw him. What the fuck kinda dream was that? And what the fuck is scratching my side so much? It hurts.
Reaching into the side of my sweatpants waistband, that same white feather that drifted in front of me in my dream, was poking me here in real life. I’m so confused. But I go to get dressed for work. The feather might just be from the couch cushions.
Once again, I was sat in front of that monitor, reviewing customer emails. But I couldn’t stop thinking about that dream.
“Vic!”
“Viiic!”
“Yo! Dude!”
I was so zoned out, I didn’t hear my friend calling my name despite being right next to me.
“...Yeah?”
“What’s going on with you? I thought you didn’t care about the breakup with Kyra.”
“I don’t.”
“Then what’s your deal?”
“It’s nothing, I just had a weird dream last night.”
“You sure bro?”
“Yes, Elijah.”
“Damn, government name for what? I’m just worried about you, man.”
“I’m sorry… I just… That dream kinda spooked me.”
“Seriously? All this over a dream? Y’know what, we’re gonna go to the club later. You need a distraction.”
“Whatever, man. Alright.”
I look back at my monitor, replying to another email.
Time passes by so slowly. I deal with all kinds of bullshit working customer service at this godforsaken job.
Today’s workload has been lighter, I’m glad more people have discovered google. Even though the phone rang a lot more, I kinda was looking forward to hitting the club with Eli.
By the time I make it home I realize I should probably start cleaning up, even though I don’t want to. But like my mother says way too damn often, “If your home is messy, so is your mind.” I end up calling Eli as a distraction for myself while I clean. He’s a good friend, I enjoy his company even though we don’t actually say much over the phone.
When my house is finally in an acceptable state, I grab an acceptable outfit, wash my face, brush my lengthy tangled hair, and pull on the outfit.
Meeting Eli at the club, I dap him up and head to the bar area with him. Showing the bartender my ID, I ask for a simple bottle of guinness. I sat there talking to Eli, I found out why he asked me to go to the club. He claims he knows a “10” and that she wants to talk to me, but Eli and I have completely different taste in women. I don’t even wanna be here anymore, I don’t like it when he injects himself into my love life as if it’s his concern. I just roll my eyes at Eli, telling him I’ll talk to her so he’ll leave me alone. Eli suddenly takes out his phone, starting to text someone. I think it’s the “10” he was just babbling on about.
“So, can you at least tell me what she looks like?”
I ask, kinda irritated he set me up without telling me until the last minute.
“Yeah. Dude, she’s smokin’! Curviest woman I’ve ever seen!”
“Did you already fuck her then?”
“Nah, nah man. I knew shit with you and Kyra would end up badly when you were venting to me last year. That’s when I started looking for someone for you. You wouldn’t believe how many chicks were interested in you!”
“What’s next, you’re gonna tell me you paid them? You tryin’ to pimp me out?”
Eli sighed at me and shook his head, rolling his eyes.
“No, man. I made sure to look out for you. I picked the perfect girl, trust.”
“So are you actually gonna give me a description of her? Or better yet, show me a picture?”
Eli nodded, taking out his phone and pulling up a picture of her.
“Yeah, man. Her name’s Ty’Ree.”
“Ty’Ree? You sure she’s not a guy or something?”
I laughed a little and looked at Eli’s phone.
Holy shit.
I mean, she was beautiful, don’t get me wrong.
I guess I’d call myself a feminist, and I’m not one to objectify women…
But god damn, she had the sexiest body I’ve ever seen.
Eli laughed at me as I gawked at the photo, putting his phone away as he said hi to someone. I saw a pair of legs. Slowly, my eyes trace up her figure. God damn, she looked strong. I wondered if this was the person I’d seen in my dream,and maybe it was just a strong woman… Nah, that person had to have been a man. And he was darker than her. Also, he had platinum blonde hair on his arm, but this girl’s hair wasn’t nearly as blonde. She smiled at me, and I smiled back.
This chick was way more forward than my ex, immediately asking me if I wanted to hit the dance floor as she grabbed my arm. I realized my body was stiff, so I did my best to calm down and relax. Bringing my beer with me, I watched her dance to the music. She moved fluidly with grace, her hips and long, blonde hair swaying to the music. I wonder if her hair also shed all over the place. I then wondered if we had a kid, would his or her hair be long, too? Would it be straight, long and blonde? Or messy, curly, long, and dark brown like mine? Would the kid have slim, amber eyes like us both? Would it inherit my darker skin, or hers, that was a few shades lighter than mine?
I don’t even want kids, but my mother says I should, and that they would be beautiful because she gave me amazing genes. Then, I realized that I’d zoned out again, and she was twerking on me, looking back at me as if she were waiting for me to respond and grind on her. I just went through with the motions, grinding against her ass as I thought about what I’d eat for dinner. I was zoning out again. The little Eli in my head was telling me to live in the moment and enjoy myself, so I decided to put more energy into dancing with her.
Throughout the night, me and Ty’Ree were back and forth from the bar and dance floor, and as much as I hate to admit it, I was having an amazing time. I don’t even remember how many drinks I’d had throughout the night, but the next thing I knew, me and her were making out on a couch in the lounge. She was right next to me, leaned into me, her chest pressed against mine.
“You.. you wanna get outta here?”
I asked, the alcohol helping me return her level of forwardness. We stumbled to my car, giggling with each other. I’m lucky we didn’t crash, seeing as I was damn near driving drunk. The entire ride, I was telling stories to make myself look cool to her, but mostly to boost my own ego and hype myself up. Her hand was on the inside of my thigh, rubbing it slowly, almost as if she were feeling around for something. But we weren’t even 5 minutes into the drive when she did. We kissed at red lights, eventually pulling up to my apartment. I was starting to realize that she’d probably be disappointed if she expected me to look muscular, or something of the sort, but I was in too deep now. Holding her hand, we raced up the stairs and entered my apartment, headed to my bedroom. Ty’Ree got on my lap, but I think she sat right on top of the tent in my pants on purpose. She started to rock her hips, grinding against it as I put my hands on her waist. We did that for a few minutes, making out with each other passionately and stripping each other of our clothes.
After a while, she gave me a condom and soon told me to fuck her, but I was a little nervous. Playing things off once again, I rolled it on and bent her over on my bed. With one hand on her waist, the other on my eager cock, I pushed the tip against her.. hole. I think it’s been over a year since I’ve had sex with anyone. I sigh to myself, sliding in about half my length before I realize I’m getting soft inside this poor woman.
“Viccy? What’s wrong?”
I don’t think she was oblivious to what was happening. I begin to thrust in a desperate attempt, mostly so she won’t notice.
“...Nothing, just… Give me a sec.”
I’m in panic mode now, looking around my room for that bottle of viagra I kept from when I used to be intimate with my ex. It's surprisingly still good. Silently, I pop open the bottle and take a pill, holding it under my tongue before I swallow so it gets in my system faster.
Finally, it kicks in three minutes later, and I start to thrust faster, hoping she wouldn’t notice my cock growing inside her. The clapping sound was definitely louder because of her… assets, It surprised me a little. I finally put my other hand on her waist and allowed more inches of myself to enter her, thrusting harder just to amuse myself with the clapping noise. I wasn’t as into this as I’d thought I would be. Maybe I sobered up. I listened to her moans and commands, trying to be in the moment like I was nearly the entire time tonight. But I just wasn’t feeling it anywhere besides in my cock. Picking up my phone, I began to scroll on instagram again, muting the volume. Ty’Ree assumed I was recording this for later use, smirking back at me and slamming her ass back against my hips. If I wasn’t wearing a condom, I’d probably get this chick pregnant. I zone out again like usual, but more on purpose this time. Only in my own head, her moans become muffled to me. I finally snap back to reality when I feel myself getting close to cumming, dropping my phone on the bed as I shut my eyes and grabbed her hips. I slammed my cock in her three times before I finally filled the condom, ignoring the strained groan coming from myself as I came. Me and Ty’Ree had sex for hours, I was just trying to keep going until the Viagra had run its course. When my hips were tired from thrusting her, she made me lay down and started riding my dick. I stared up at her, zoning out until the end. When she finally got off me, I glanced at the several used condoms that sat in the trashcan near my bed, and habitually wrapped my arms around her when she asked to cuddle. It wasn’t long until I fell asleep.
Once more, I open my eyes to a white void, and want to turn around early this time. But he’s right there. I’m speechless, and he just waves at me. I’m not gay, but.. This man is so majestic, so beautiful. I was probably gawking at him for even longer than I was at Ty’Ree, from his lean, muscular build, to his long, platinum blonde hair. His eyes were silvery-blue, the white, glowing markings on his face complimenting him. His feathered wings were large and white, and his golden halo glowed softly. He was like a statue of a Greek god, the linen covering him somehow elegantly draped around his body. He was significantly taller than me, but I didn’t mind. I wanted him to know how beautiful he was, if my opinion was even worthy of being spoken to him. But by the time I gather the courage to open my mouth and speak to him, I wake up.
The first thing I feel is the aching of my hangover headache,
making me groan in pain as I lay the back of my hand over my eyes. But the second thing I feel… Is much better. I knew I was hard when I woke up, but the warm feeling that slid down my tip to the base of my cock was concerning. I lifted the blanket, just hoping I didn’t make too much of a mess. But it wasn’t cum. Ty’Ree was already sucking my dick, this early in the morning. I just looked at her, not even sitting up. She smirked at me like something was funny. I stared at her, and she stopped smirking.
“I don’t think this is gonna work out.”
I told her in a deadpan tone, still holding the blanket up. She just spit my cock out, got up, grabbed her clothes, and left without a word. I went back to sleep for a few hours. I wasn’t really into her, anyway. I hope she understands.
Once again, I was in that familiar white space, staring at the angel once more. He held a hand out towards me, and hesitantly, I put my hand in his. His hand was cold, yet comforting. I could feel my cheeks get warm as we looked at eachother, standing there together. Finally, I snap out of it and open my mouth.
“You’re the most beautiful… person.. I’ve ever seen.”
Suddenly, the angel grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him quickly. He put his arm around my waist, intertwining our fingers as he looked deep into my eyes. His hold was so comforting, yet it didn’t feel wrong, for some reason. This felt so right, more than anything. I could stay in his arms forever. I looked back into his eyes, and I could see the galaxies that resided in them. I rever realized how beautiful his eyes really were.
“Thank you… Vic.”
I then woke up, thinking about the dream I just had. I didn’t want it to end so soon. His voice was so gentle… but how did he know my name? Pondering what any of this could mean, I began walking around my house. I was surprised to see she didn’t steal anything from me or trash the place. But at the end of the day, I’m not complaining. I felt sticky and gross, so I went to go shower. I actually didn’t cry in the shower this time, calling Eli when I got out.
“YOO BRO! I SAW THAT YOU WENT HOME WITH TY’REE! CONGRATS! I KNOW TAPPING THAT MUST HAVE BEEN AMAZING!”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. I wasn’t really into it when we had sex, though.
“WHAAAT?? YOU’RE LYING!”
“No, Eli. I’m not lying. I didn’t even care for it when she sucked me off this morning. I just told her it wouldn’t work out, went back to sleep, and she left.
“Maan… I could slap the dogshit outta you. But it’s not your fault you didn’t have a good time. Can I come over and play the game?”
“Yeah, I’ll prolly be out of the shower and dressed by then, anyways.”
Me and Eli said our goodbyes and hung up, yet I couldn’t help but think about how I woke up hard in the first place. Was it really because of Ty’Ree, or the dream of the angel?
I waited on the couch for Eli, and he soon came through the door with a case of our favorite beer. He greeted me enthusiastically, putting the beer in the fridge before coming to sit with me. I’d already turned on my PS4, passing a controller to him. We began playing various fighting games, beating each other multiple times. But I could tell Eli wanted to say something else. Turning to him, I sigh.
“Just spit it out, Eli. I know you’re just itching to say something.”
“Vic, have you ever stopped to think that maybe you could be gay?”
“Dude, what kinda question is that? Are you coming out to me?”
“WHAT? NO, MAN! I’m as straight as a board. I’m asking you.”
“You’re asking me if I’m gay.”
“...Yeah?”
“I’m not gay, Eli.”
There was a very long silence between me and Eli. God, why did he have to make it so awkward!? We used to make gay jokes so much, why is it such an uncomfortable topic now? I’m comfortable with my sexuality… I think. And Eli is! …Probably. I… don't know if I’m gay? It’s still quiet. The characters on the screen run through their idle animations over and over, while we continue to avoid eye contact with each other, sitting there. Eli eventually picked up his controller, and I follow so he doesn’t take the opportunity to kick my ass in the game.
“...Y’know, it’s okay if you’re gay.”
I could tell Eli was as uncomfortable as I was as he uttered those words. This kinda put me at ease.
“...Are you sure?”
“Yeah, man. I kinda… Thought you were, for a while now. We grew up together, man. You always seemed kinda… y’know.”
I wasn’t sure how to reply to this. Eli knows my mom is against that kinda stuff.
I
know my mom is against that kinda stuff. I wonder if Eli knows me better than I do myself. He wasn’t wrong, I
have
known him since we were little kids. We’ve shuffled through so many different friend groups together, and he knows me the best out of anyone. I feel like I lose more of myself with each month, but not Eli. I realize I didn’t reply to what he said.
“Can you explain..?”
“You’re gonna get mad…”
“Fair enough… I guess… I don’t think I’m gay. I know I’m not as interested in chicks as you are.. And, to be honest, I’ve never been too excited about having sex with 'em, either. Sex is cool, girls are cute, but I.. I don’t know if I’m gay? This is gonna sound so stupid, but… I’ve been having dreams about this angel… and he’s a man, and he’s so beautiful, and this morning I woke up hard because of it, and I had a dream where he was holding me close to him, and I just don’t know what to think, man… I can’t get it up when I’m with girls, but to just wake up hard from a dream like that..? I just don’t know anymore, I know my mom wouldn’t approve if I were gay so it’s–”
Elijah kissed me. He just grabbed my face, and kissed me. I’ve never kissed a guy before. Eli… probably hasn’t? His lips were soft, and warm. The kiss lasted only a few seconds, but I didn’t pull away until he did. Mine and Eli’s lips parted slowly, and we both just stared at each other. I wondered if kissing the angel would be as nice.
“I thought you weren’t religious?”
“What?”
“The angel. In your dreams. If you’re not religious, why would you dream about an angel?”
“Why did you kiss me?”
Me and Eli both went silent once more. I tried not to look at his lips as he sat there, controllers in our laps. I hated these recurring awkward silences.
“I just wanted to help. You were stressing yourself out over it.”
There was another silence.
“Did you like it?”
“...I don’t know.”
I did, but I didn’t think Eli could see through my lie. Until I looked at his face. Oh, he
knew
. Me and Eli picked up our controllers, quietly continuing the game. We both kept quiet for a long while.
“Eli, I’m scared.”
I finally admitted, pausing the game. I felt pathetic. I felt a lump in my throat as my voice got shaky.
“My mom would probably disown me if it turns out I’m gay.”
“Just don’t tell her.”
“Elijah, I’m twenty-six. I’m getting to be that age where she’s gonna expect me to be married, and I don’t plan on being stuck in a marriage I don’t want to be in!”
I buried my face in my palms, Eli sympathetically rubbing my back.
“Don’t stress yourself out over something that isn’t even confirmed yet, man. Maybe we should get you on some dating apps, see how you do with guys.”
“Don’t you think that’s kinda diving headfirst into the whole.. Exploring my sexuality thing?”
“Then we can go to the bar. You look like you need a drink, anyway.”
As much as I’ve just been ignoring my hangover today, I don’t think another drink could hurt.
“Didn’t you bring an entire case of beer?”
“There’s no fun in drinking at home when there’s people at the bar.”
I smiled a little at Eli’s remark, he always loved to go out. Maybe socializing would take my mind off things. Hesitantly, I agreed to go to the bar with Eli, leaving to my room for a minute to change again.
Before I knew it, I was in the passenger’s seat of Eli's car, driving with him to what he claimed was a new bar we’ve never been to before. Or even heard of… I doubted that, me and Eli were always out somewhere damn near every other day. I don’t know how he drinks so much, let alone where he gets the money to afford it. I haven’t been in Eli’s car for a while now, and yet it reeks of marajuana the same way it did last time I was in here. I’d forgotten how that scent follows Eli around so much. It still amazes me that his house and office clothes don’t smell like weed.
After almost a half hour drive, we made it to the new bar Eli was going on and on about in the car. Of course I’d never heard of it, it was a gay bar. I give Eli a look of disappointment, while he’s giving me a look of pure entertainment, as if I said the funniest thing in the world and he was trying to hold back his own laughter. We walk in and make a beeline to the bar area to order some drinks, but I end up getting something without alcohol. I want to be sober this time. As I sip on my drink, zoning out again like usual, Eli is socializing with any guy within five feet of us, but I’m not paying attention to a word he’s saying. Out of nowhere, I suddenly get a tap on my shoulder. I finally come back to reality and spin around in the barstool, trying to get a look at who tapped me on the shoulder. It’s a man. For some reason, I was hoping that he’d at least resemble the angel from my dreams.
“I ain’t seen you ‘round here before. You new to the bar?”
He asked me, his large afro seeming to cover his eyes. But what caught my attention was how this man nearly resembled a bear! He looked so strong, yet he still had some fat on his body. Like a dad bod... I hope this guy isn’t a dad. He also had a lot of body hair. I don’t think I’d mind that in a partner.
“Yes sir, I’ve never been to this bar before…”
I cringed at myself a little, this guy couldn’t be too much older than me. I don’t know what about him was so intimidating though. He laughed at me, looking at me with a smile.
“You’re cute. But I ain’t no sir. You can call me Argelo.”
“I’m Vic… It’s nice to meet you, Argelo.”
“So, if you live ‘round ere, what brings you to this bar?”
“I.. ah… I’m just trying to explore my sexuality..? I think I may be gay…”
“Mm… I read ya loud and clear. I can see it ‘happenin.”
“You mean… you think I’m gay?”
He grunted in reply to my question, which I can only assume was a yes to what I’d asked him. Is it really that obvious? And why can everyone tell but ME?
“You’re the second person to say yes… can you at least tell me why?”
“Mm. I’ve seen a lot in my thirty-three years. Just by lookin’ at ya, I can tell. You’ve got the messy hair, bright lookin’ eyes, ‘yer dimples, n’ that stubble ain’t foolin’ nobody.”
I kinda looked at this guy, I could feel my cheeks getting red as I looked embarrassed. If he could read me that easily, what does this say about ME?
“So, you gonna tell me about you or what, cute stuff?”
“I.. ah… There’s not much to say.”
Admittedly, I don’t know if there’s much that’s interesting about me.
“‘Course there is. You just want me to do all the ‘talkin.”
“Well… I work in online customer service at a company that sells things like computers, and laptops…”
“Mm. So you got no respect fa’ yourself?”
“I do have respect for myself! It just has decent pay, so I stay.”
Through the hours, this guy just continues to read me like a book. I end up finding out things I didn’t even know about myself. I never knew a stranger could put me on blast to myself. But… I was still having a good time with him. I didn’t even zone out while he was telling me stories.
“‘N that’s how I won a hotdog eatin’ contest only six dogs in!”
“Damn… I wonder if those other people were okay…”
I joked, laughing with Argelo. He was actually really funny, and unlike Ty’Ree, he was way less forward with me. I think I wouldn’t mind going home with him…
“You wanna get ‘outta here?”
He read me once again. But I didn’t mind. I think I
want
to go home with him.
“That sounds amazing, but I don’t have my car. I carpooled with my friend.”
“No worries, ‘darlin.”
Argelo winked at me as I held onto his arm while we walked out. I gave Eli a thumbs up when we passed him, and he began to gather his things to leave, too. The car ride to Argelo’s was nice, actually. I found myself anticipating the arrival to his home, talking with him. He was really nice to talk to, especially since we were both sober the whole time.
We eventually made it back to his house, he seemed to have it pretty good. There were two floors, the house full of warm tones, plants, and calming decor. He was so welcoming towards me, and we ended up making ourselves comfortable on the couch after he put on a Netflix show. Slowly, me and Argelo began to scoot closer and closer to each other. Eventually, I looked at Argelo, and he looked at me. We started kissing each other on the couch, his big arms wrapping around me as he pulled me closer. It was slow and passionate, and I could feel myself getting hard as we made out.
“You ready to know what it’s like to have sex with a man for once?”
“Yeah.. I am.”
Argelo slowly took me upstairs to his bedroom, his pecs subtly bouncing with each step. It was almost hypnotizing to watch, but I tried not to stare too hard. That’s not gay… I was just admiring his.. He looks like he works out. Once we sat on his bed together, he told me he had to prep my ass..? I didn’t know what he meant by that, and he just laughed at me.
“You’re adorable.”
Luckily for me, Argelo was gracious enough to allow me to freshen up in his bathroom, I’d forgotten that I’d most likely be participating in anal sex. Anal sex… isn’t gay. Straight couples do it. It’s perfectly normal… I made sure I was completely clean, and walked back in the room in my underwear. When he reminded me I didn’t need to wear them I took them off. I was kinda nervous, but he told me I was in good hands. He laid me on his bed, and I held up the bottom of my shirt so it wouldn’t be in the way. He grabbed a bottle of lube from his drawer, coating two of his fingers with it. Now I was nervous. He flipped me over and allowed me to grab a pillow, putting me with my face down and my ass up. I was stiff and even more embarrassed, and he just told me to relax again.
“You need to arch your back,”
He told me with a chuckle, and I obeyed to the best of my ability. Then, something I wasn’t expecting to happen.. Happened. He started giving me a rimjob, and I kinda froze in place. It felt… odd at first. I was starting to get soft, maybe I wasn’t gay after all? But then, Argelo soon realized I wasn’t into it and stopped.
“It’s real important that you relax now.”
Argelo told me gently, before I felt him slide a finger in my butt. I didn’t realize how big his hands and fingers were until now… This… might be gay. But this actually kinda felt good. I started to relax, and I could feel his other hand encouraging me to arch my back further as his finger moved in and out of me slowly. But then, I felt the cold presence of more lube being put on me, and then another finger. This was starting to hurt a little more, and I think he could tell as I held the pillow supporting me a little tighter. Argelo’s fingers slowly curled inside me, and he seemed to start feeling around for something inside me. It wasn’t even a minute until I felt a rush of lust wash over me, my cock twitching from the sudden pleasure. I heard Argelo laugh as my body relaxed more, and he began teasing the spot that felt so good inside me. My dick started to get hard again, and my breathing slowed as it got shaky.
“Good boy… You ‘musta needed this…”
Argelo whispered to me, sliding in another finger. The pain was starting to feel good to me, yet I couldn’t help but wonder why he was only pleasuring me. I tried to cover my mouth as I realized I was moaning a little, I didn’t even know I was able to. That’s… probably gay. I could feel my heartbeat in my dick as he started to finger my ass faster, but more than anything, I was just hoping he’d eventually touch it next.
“You like that, huh?~”
I couldn’t even respond to Argelo’s question, squeezing my eyes shut before he pulled his fingers out. I was confused now, looking back at him with a pathetic expression on my face. This is… kinda gay.
“Wait! Please, Argelo, I need you to keep doing that… It feels so good, I just need a little bit longer to finish…”
I only continued to beg, only Argelo just smirked at me. I think he knew his suspicions were right. I think they were right, too…
“Get your ass back in position.”
I obeyed him once more, feeling his hand wrap around my cock. I was really hoping he’d put his fingers back in me, but who was I to complain? Argelo started to jerk me off, one of his fingers repeatedly rubbing at my tip before covering the hole right before I came. My body was tense again as I begged him to let me cum, but this motherfucker actually told me no! Instead, I was greeted by the feeling of rubber against my ass, which I immediately knew was a condom. After listening to him squirt more lubricant onto his dick, he pressed his tip against my ass, tapping it against me slowly. I hated being teased like this, but feeling the pleasure and pain of him entering my ass made it all worth it. Argelo finally slid his finger off my tip and started jerking me off again, but I came within seconds of him doing so. My mind was screaming at me that this is so wrong, but why did it feel so right?
“Stop being so shy, I wanna hear you..”
Was what I was told as I came, only letting out a whiny moan. Argelo started to thrust in me, and it only hurt as he got deeper. His cock was so long and thick, no wonder he was the one inside of me. Mine wasn’t as good as his. He thrusted slowly so I could get used to his size, I could hear him exhaling softly with every thrust.
“Your ass is so tight… makes ‘m feel lucky to break it in.”
He laughed a little, yet I couldn’t even give a response through my own moans of pleasure. I don’t understand how I went so long without ever feeling this good, yet I was already wanting more of him. I begged him to start putting in more, but he told me we had to go slow so I wouldn’t tear. Instead, Argelo started to jerk me off again, probably hoping it would satisfy my needy body as I moan louder for him. I was praised for this, and he shoved his hand into my long, messy hair before grabbing a fistful and forcing me to look at him. He teased me for having such a lewd expression on my face, yet all I could think of was how sexy he looked as he fucked me in the ass. I understood now, no wonder girls fought over men. I’d fight over men too if they all could make me feel this good and look hot while doing it. I was so excited when he started to get closer to the base of his cock, and I wanted… No, I
NEEDED
all of him inside me. His tip started to rub against that spot in me that felt so good, and I came once again. I was much more comfortable, letting out a guttural moan as I shamelessly shot another rope of cum onto his poor bedsheets.
“Ya like that a lot, don’t cha~”
I nodded in agreement to the best of my ability, and he started to thrust faster inside of me. I couldn’t believe that he could last so long without help from any sex drugs, but the longer he lasted, the longer I’d be able to remain in heaven. Argelo seemed to get more comfortable when he realized I didn’t mind it when he was rough with me, slapping my ass if he thought I needed to fix my posture when he made me get on my hands and knees for doggystyle. I was enjoying every second of the rough sex with him, especially when he grabbed my hips and pounded me until he came like I did to Ty’ree last night. Me and Argelo had sex for hours and hours that night, but I liked it best when he flipped me on my back and put my legs over his shoulders so I could see him better.
By the time we finished, it was into the wee hours of the morning, and we’d used over half a dozen condoms. I didn’t even know aftercare was necessary, but he helped me into the tub when he realized I was walking funny, and even cuddled me to sleep when we went to bed. With my face smothered in his pecs, I drifted off once more.
Back in that familiar white void, me and the angel looked at eachother. I felt guilty now, but I didn’t know why. He didn’t seem sad.
“How do you feel?”
“What do you mean?”
I was really hoping this beautiful angel wasn’t asking me if I was okay because I just fucked a guy for five hours.
“That was your first time with a man, no?”
He knew. And he smiled at me. He was definitely asking me if I was okay for that.. reason.
“It was… Why?”
“Then… how do you feel?”
His question shook me to my core. Was he really concerned about me after knowing I fucked two random people two nights in a row? And should I get tested tomorrow morning?
“I don’t mean to surprise you. My name is Sylvian.”
I woke up again, but I didn’t move. I chose to stay with my face full of Argelo’s pecs, and his embrace was comforting to me anyway. But these dreams were starting to concern me. I pondered my thoughts for a while, but I think the next course of action is to keep going to sleep until I get an answer. Maybe not here, though…
Eventually, I felt Argelo sit up, yet we both awkwardly stared at each other when he saw I was awake.
“...I need to go home.”
I quietly told him, breaking the silence.
“Leavin’ so quick?”
Argelo seemed a little sad, yet I still nodded in response to his question.
“Yeah… I forgot I have something really important due today.”
“I can drop ya’ home.”
Argelo gave me a warm smile, yet all I could do was feel bad for lying to his face like this. But I
needed
to know more about this angel… Sylvian.
Sylvian
ARGELO… took me home in an awkward car drive, mostly awkward due to the fact that neither of us said anything. I can’t help but think Argelo was a little butthurt because I left early.
Walking into my apartment, I sighed happily. It’s not like I didn’t
like
Argelo, Argelo was great. Argelo
is
great, but I need to know more about Sylvian. Why is he visiting
me
of all people? Why is it only while I’m asleep? Why do the dreams feel so short, yet I get a full night’s sleep? I need to know, I need to talk to Sylvian. I walked into my room, putting on the most comfortable outfit I own before tossing myself onto my bed. I shut my eyes and just laid there for… I don’t know how long, but I could finally feel myself drifting off.
In that familiar white void, I looked at Sylvian.
“Who else are you visiting while they sleep? Or is it only me?”
“It’s just you, Vic. You’re special to me.”
“Why am
I
the special one? I’m not even religious.”
“I don’t know Vic… something about you is different. It doesn’t matter if you’re religious or not.”
“But… why do I need to be asleep to be able to see you and talk to you?”
“Because I’m not allowed on earth yet.”
I looked at Sylvian, he may have heard my disappointed sigh, since the next thing I knew, he pulled me close to him once again. His touch was addicting. Maybe being gay with him wouldn’t be so bad.
“How… how do I even know you’re real?”
For some reason, I felt fear, anxiousness just at the thought that these dreams aren’t real after all. That
Sylvian
wasn’t real after all. He felt real to me.
“Trust me, Vic. You’ll know when you wake up.”
Sylvian took one of my hands, opening it gently before he plucked a feather from one of his wings and placed it in my palm. It was very soft. He closed my hand around it and kissed my forehead, which woke me up.
I sat up in my bed, my eyes watering from fearing that Sylvian isn’t actually real. I don’t know why I wanted him to be real so bad when I hardly knew him. Then, I realized there was something in my hand. It was the feather. I felt so…
relieved
. This was the second time Sylvian gave me one of his feathers, and there was no denying it this time. Sylvian is real, and it feels like I can breathe for once. I’m actually well rested, and finally, something has gone in my favor for once. I finally checked my phone to see that I was WELL INTO THE NEXT DAY!? There were
so
many missed calls from Eli and my supervisor, I can’t believe I slept through over half a day of work! Nervously, I picked up the phone to call Eli in hopes I wasn’t in much trouble. It rang for a while, and went to voicemail. Yet before I could even sigh in defeat, Eli called me back.
“DUDE! WHAT THE
FFFUCK
IS YOUR PROBLEM!? ME AND SASHA HAVE BEEN CALLING YOU ALL DAY!!! I HAD TO USE MY BREAK TO CALL YOU BACK, SO YOU BETTER BE SICK OR DYING.”
I didn’t need to double check to know that was the truth. I felt like it would’ve been too silly for me to tell Eli what really happened, so I put on my best fake cough and sick voice before I told him I caught a cold, and was asleep all day. If there’s one good thing about this job, it’s that they take our physical health very seriously. I could hear Eli sigh in relief through the phone, telling me to rest up, and he’d bring me some soup from my favorite Japanese ramen restaurant once he got off work. I felt a little guilty for faking sick, especially because I knew Eli would start checking on me more often until I got better.
After me and Eli said our goodbyes and hung up, I shut my eyes, holding the feather close to me as I tried to sleep again. I had time to talk to Sylvian, and it’s not like I have anything else to do. After all, I’m “sick”, right?
Hours passed as I tossed and turned in bed, but nothing. I couldn’t sleep. I eventually heard keys in the door, it was Eli coming in with the spare key I gave him. He knocked on my bedroom door gently, calling to me right after.
“Viic… It’s Elijah… I got your ramen…… Can I come in?
”
“Yeah.. I can’t sleep, but I’m tired.”
I made my voice raspy, really playing it up to avoid telling Eli the real reason I slept almost all day. Eli came in slowly, looking at me with pity. The guilt was eating at me, I hate it when I have to lie to Eli.
“Try and eat your ramen, it’s still warm. I’ll pick you up some melatonin from the pharmacy in case you need it. Get well soon, bro.”
“Thank you, Eli… I appreciate you so much…”
I watched Eli leave, my stomach growling as I caught the scent of the ramen. Opening the lid of the to-go container, I breathed in the steam. The smell was amazing, more than usual. He must’ve told them I wasn’t feeling well. I haven’t been there in a while, but I used to be a regular. A lot of the employees still know me by name. Grabbing the chopsticks, I began to quickly slurp down noodles and toppings, tilting the bowl so the hot broth helped it all go down. It was the best thing I’ve eaten in a while, in the times I remember to eat, anyway.
Before I knew it, I finished the bowl of ramen and I was finally full. Setting the empty containers aside, I laid down and curled up with Sylvian’s feather once more, finally drifting off again.
Finally, I was reunited with Sylvian. He smiled at me, and I smiled back.
“Where is your happy place?”
I was a little confused by his question, wondering why he’d ask me that. But I still replied. I trust Sylvian.
“It’s… just my room… my bed, but bigger.”
Sylvian told me to close my eyes, and I listened to him. Shutting my eyes, I hoped I wouldn’t wake up again. I could feel myself lying down now. Was I already waking up? I then felt a weight heavier than my own slip next to me, and this made me open my eyes. I know these arms, and I know this bed. Sylvian was cuddling me… in my own bed? Was I still asleep? I don’t even wanna risk it.
“Is this right?”
“It’s perfect.”
“I noticed you like the ramen Elijah brought you. Do you eat that often?”
“Not as much nowadays…”
There was a silence between me and Sylvian. But it wasn’t awkward. He pulled me closer into his body, and he was the perfect temperature. But soon, he broke the silence before I could.
“I’m very fond of you, Vic. There’s something about you that I’m drawn to.”
“I… I think I feel the same way.”
I could feel my heart beating faster as I turned to face Sylvian, his warm hand moving up to my face, resting on my cheek as we looked into each other's eyes. His eyes are so beautiful, the silver compliments his dark skin. His face moved closer to mine, and mine moved closer to his, until we kissed. I could feel butterflies in my stomach and fireworks in my heart as I wrapped my arms around him, resting my face in the nook of his shoulder when we finally pulled apart. Laying there, we embraced each other comfortably until I woke up again.
I wanted to lay there with Sylvian forever. Why can’t he come to earth? I looked at his feather laying next to me, holding it close to myself. I turned to my nightstand, seeing the bottle of melatonin gummies Eli got for me. The bottle was tempting. I turned on my phone, and apparently, I’d been asleep the whole night, but I can’t comprehend why or how. But I won’t complain.
Normally, I’d be rushing to get to work. But I don’t have to.
I’d be there, with Eli, drinking coffee. But I’m not.
The phone would be ringing, and I’d have to be the one to answer it. But I’m not there to.
The customer service emails I’d have to read would be annoying, degrading, dehumanizing. But I don’t have to read them.
I’m sick, right? I can stay home until I’m better.
I look over at the bottle of melatonin gummies.
Just one wouldn’t hurt.
So I ate one and laid back down.
Before I knew it, I could sleep again. And there was Sylvian. Without even greeting each other, he pulled me into a hug, and I returned it.
“You’ve been sleeping a lot lately.”
“But I’m here. With you. I called in sick, and we can be together for a little longer.”
“I know. Thank you for that, Vic.”
Sylvian smiled warmly at me, and for a while, we just stood there together, looking at each other. He didn’t seem as happy to see me as he usually did, though.
“Syl… When do you think you can come to earth?”
“I’ll come to earth when I have a proper reason to…”
I frowned at his response, and I think Sylvian noticed it. I couldn’t help but feel like Sylvian considered me as someone unimportant to him, and it hurt. I pulled away from him.
“What’s wrong, Vic?”
“Am I not a proper reason?”
I cringed at the words that left my mouth, I hardly knew Sylvian, yet I wanted to be important to him? It felt wrong to feel this way about someone I was still getting to know, but Sylvian grabbed my chin, and kissed me.
“Not yet, angel. I can’t come down to be with you yet.”
“You love me?”
Sylvian smiled at me, I think that was a yes.
“But we only met recently. How do you know you love me already?”
“Then we can get to know each other. Let’s go on a date right now.”
Sylvian snapped his fingers, and suddenly, we were in a fancy restaurant. Even our outfits had changed. I was wearing a black suit with purple accents, while Sylvian’s suit had white accents. It was all confusing, my face getting warm as I looked at Sylvian, who was sitting across from me. Sylvian began to tell me about what it was like in heaven, and I listened intently. Apparently, he was born in heaven as an angel, and his job has always been to welcome people into heaven.
“Isn’t that a busy job? How do you find time for me?”
“I have coworkers, like you Vic.”
He laughed a little at my question, which made me feel foolish for even asking something like that. Still though, this dream was.. a nice change to my recent attempts at “romance”. Me and Syl talked for what felt like hours, and we seemed to have more in common then I’d thought. For example, we both like cats, we both got a job we like or wanted, and we even agreed to take things at our own pace. We talked about how if he actually comes to earth to be with me, he’d get a job and we’d buy a house together, and maybe even adopt a kid together when we feel we’re ready. As we talked, I started to realize… Sylvian is… the type of person I’ve dreamed of.
When the date came to an end and I woke up, I had an epiphany. What I wanted with Kyra was… never going to happen. To own a house with her, get married, raise kids together when we got older… that was never going to happen. That wouldn’t work out with her. She… didn’t want that.
But do you know who does? Sylvian. Sylvian
wants
to grow old with me. Sylvian
wants
to create a stable future with me. And
I
want that with him. I… I love Sylvian. And if he can’t come to earth, I’ll come to him.
So I grabbed the melatonin gummies. They rattled in the jar, and that’s when Eli came into my room. I didn’t even know he was here.
“Hey, man… You’ve been sleeping a lot… You okay? You’re looking a little skinny…”
“Eli, I’m in love.”
I finally admitted to my best friend with a big smile, Eli smiling back at me. But it wasn’t a happy smile. It was almost melancholy, I could see the sadness in his eyes.
“May… Maybe you should get up and go see them… Instead of sleeping all day.”
“Eli… It’s the angel… He wants the same things I want, and he’s even gonna come to earth to marry me someday. He’s real, Eli. He even proved it to me.”
“Vic… you can’t marry an angel that visits you in your dreams. Please just get up, we can go get a drink and you can talk to some guys…”
“No, Eli… If I want him to come to earth, I need to see him often enough and be loyal to him.”
“Vic, I know you don’t have a cold. I just… If you’re not at work tomorrow, I’m gonna be real disappointed in you. I can’t stand to see you acting like this and talking crazy. Please don’t make me do something I’m gonna regret.”
Eli.. left. I heard the door close and lock, and the apartment was still quiet. Finally, I checked my phone. I’d slept for nearly an entire 24 hours? That couldn’t be right. Maybe I
should
go to work tomorrow. It wouldn’t be so bad to talk and laugh with Eli again…
Sighing softly, I finally got out of bed to make myself something to eat. I hadn’t even realized how hungry I was until now. Opening my fridge, there were a few to-go ramen bowls in there. Eli had been buying me meals while I was asleep. Once again, I felt guilty. I took one bowl out and poured its contents into a saucepot, turned on the stove and began to allow it to cook once more so it’d at least be similar to fresh from the restaurant. The smell made me feel a little better. Once the broth began to simmer, I cut off the stove and waited for my food to cool. I feel.. Weak. I need to eat, whether it’s hot or not. I grabbed a large fork and scooped up a large bite, furiously trying to blow on it before giving up and shoving the scalding food into my mouth. I had never eaten so quickly in my life, and by the time I finished my food, I could feel layers of the roof of my mouth slowly peeling due to being burned. My mouth and throat were screaming, not from the spice, but from the hot food being recklessly shoveled in. But I was full now, and that made me happy. Searching for a sense of familiarity, I went into the living room and turned on my PS4. I wanted to play a calming game, opting to test my luck with minecraft since I couldn’t sleep. I played for hours, and before I knew it, my work alarm went off and I was made to get dressed and go to work. It’s been a while since I’ve been back… I wonder what they’re all gonna think when I show up.
Getting in my car, I drove to work, it felt nice passing familiar sights with each minute. Until I pulled into the parking lot. I felt a wave of dread wash over me, since these people are either gonna be very angry at me, or give immense pity for a reason that isn’t even valid. I just feel like a piece of shit for lying. Hesitantly, I opened the door and walked in, and like I assumed, I was put on a pedestal. I was surrounded by my coworkers asking if I was okay, but someone was missing. Eli wasn’t anywhere in this group of people. Looking past all the heads in the crowd, I could see Eli at his desk, looking at me. He waved and smiled at me, and I did the same in return. Eli looked.. tired, and I didn’t understand why. I took my seat next to him, logging into my work computer with a small sigh.
“I’m glad you decided to show up, lover boy…”
He said with a small chuckle, admittedly making me laugh, too. Eli’s hardly ever serious.
“Eli, me and Sylvian really want a future together…”
I can tell he doesn’t take me seriously.
“Okay, fine. Let’s say he
does
come to earth. What then?”
“Well.. we’d move in together after he gets a job, then we’d probably get married…”
“Bro. How do you think people are gonna react when they see a guy walking around with wings and a halo?”
“I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t wanna come down because he’ll lose them… And if he doesn't, don't you think my mom would approve of me being in a relationship with ‘one of god’s angels’?”
“I mean, I guess, you make a point… I don’t know how to argue with
your
delusions.”
“Yeah, you don’t know how to argue with a lot of things..”
Eli and I laughed, he seemed to be more relieved. I’m glad he doesn’t look as sad and worried…
“I’m glad to have you back, dude.”
“I’m glad to be back, Eli.”
The work day dragged on and on and ON, It just felt longer than usual. I stared at my monitor all day, answering emails and picking up the phone. It almost felt repetitive. By the time Eli went on break, I was spaced out while typing an email, and he poked me to bring me back to reality. We went on break together, opting to go to a starbucks that was nearby since both of us had forgotten to bring lunch to work. Eli ordered his usual, a pink drink and some random sandwich, while I chose a latte and a cheese danish. Eli always hated how I poked fun at him for ordering a pink drink, and he’d almost never leave the restaurant before finishing the damn thing.
“Gay.”
“Man, shut up!…”
I laugh at Eli, who’s embarrassed of his order. We go and sit down at a table to wait for our food. It was always refreshing to leave that boring, depressing office during lunch break.
“Why do you always order a pink drink if you know I’m gonna call you gay for it?”
“
You’re
the gay one… And you should try it before you wanna talk shit. I’ll let you get a sip off mine, if you haven’t been sucking on angel dick.”
“Sylvian and I haven’t even gotten physical!”
“You were the one fuckin’ on Ty’Ree and that guy from the bar.”
“Yeah, whatever. Like you haven’t been busy either.”
“Yea, I get more than yo punk ass!”
It wasn’t long until our order arrived at the table, and despite me and Eli telling the cashier what we wanted respectively,
I
was given the pink drink instead of him. But that didn’t stop Eli from taking it and downing the whole thing anyway. As I expected, Eli brought up Sylvian.
“So.. you named him Sylvian?”
“No, Eli. That’s his name. He told me himself.”
“You think it’s in the bible?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know… ask my mom.”
“Speaking of that bitch, when’s the last time she called you to ask for something?”
“Man… don’t remind me. You remember when my phone rang during that meeting last month?”
“Mhm..”
“Yeah. That was her. She left me a voicemail damn near cussing me out and demanding me to send her half of
MY
next paycheck because quote, I was a ‘spoiled little brat as a kid who asked her for so much.’”
“Oh, yeah! I remember that! Didn’t she show up at your apartment and cuss you out wit Kyra when she found out yall was arguing before she came in?”
Eli and I laughed at this memory, gathering our leftovers to take them back to the office. We couldn’t stop laughing as we reenacted parts of the whole thing while we walked out. On our way back to the office, we only continued to talk and laugh like normal. I think I missed this more than anything, just joking and laughing together, basking in eachother’s company.
Getting back to the office, the day went quickly after that. I think it was because Eli was finally acting normal again, talking and laughing with me when we weren’t on the phone with customers. I mean, yeah, we got some stares due to the noise, but we didn’t care. We were having fun. But the fun had to come to an end when we clocked out, as Eli had a date to go to. It was fine by me, I said my goodbyes and got into my car, driving home with some music. The drive home was short.
When I finally got home, once again, I went into the fridge and took out a bowl of ramen, warming it on the stove. It was nice not being so hungry, since I actually had the patience to let my food cool when it got off the stove. It was much more enjoyable to eat something when it isn’t fresh off the stove. I got to actually enjoy the flavor of the food, eating slowly and savoring every bite. I was happy and full once more by the time I finished my food, going to shower and get ready for bed right after. Except I laid down, and I couldn’t sleep. I looked back at the bottle of melatonin gummies. Taking a few to get back on my sleep schedule wouldn’t be so bad. So I opened the bottle and popped a few, laying back down right after. I shut my eyes, waiting for the sleep to hit.
As soon as I opened my eyes in the familiar white area, I ran to Sylvian and pulled him into a tight hug. I’d nearly forgotten how much I missed him all day.
“It feels so long since you’ve been back. But maybe I got used to your company before you had to leave.”
“It felt like forever for me too, Syl. I missed you.”
“How was work, my angel?”
I felt butterflies in my stomach when Sylvian called me his angel... I ached to be with him, I just wanted him to come to earth already.
“Work was great,, ..”
I paused.
I
didn’t have some lovey dovey nickname for Syl… It’s so hard to come up with one on the spot, though…
“What’s wrong? Are you alright?”
“Nothing’s wrong, my love.”
He smiled at me warmly, holding my face and kissing me on the lips. My heart beat faster.
“Did you have fun talking to Eli? I noticed you two bonded a lot today…”
“I did, I think he was happy to see me ‘well’ again. I was happy to be able to laugh with him.”
“That sounds so nice, angel… But I want to ask you something.”
“Anything. Go ahead, my love.”
“Do you think you’re financially supported enough for me to come down to earth next week? I have been approved to get the paperwork, but I don’t have to turn it in if you have second thoughts…”
“Yes! Yes, of course! Please come next week, Syl!”
“Do you really mean it..?
“Of course I do, my love.”
“I’ll see you then, angel baby.”
I then woke up, to… Eli standing over me? With my mom in the room? Eli looked panicked, making me panic. Sitting up in bed, I stared at them, still dazed from my sleep. I had so many questions, but before I could think to ask just one, my elderly mother began to yell at me.
“So you’re a fag now? Is that it? You wanna have unholy dreams about god’s servants and get us BOTH SENT TO
HELL?
”
“Evangeline, please calm down… you don’t need to yell…”
“What the f… Eli, you TOLD MY
MOM
?”
“Well… yeah, but… it was taking you longer to wake up–”
“Elijah, you don’t need to defend yourself to my faggot, disappointment son. GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED, VIC. I’M SICK OF YOUR SHIT! GET UP FOR WORK.”
“I’m sorry, mom–”
“Get. Up. Vic.”
I listened to my mother, who was being coaxed by Elijah to leave. She was still yelling at me on her way out, jeez… I just walked past them, going to the bathroom to wash my face and clear my head. I could hear the commotion outside the bathroom, but I don’t feel like going to check it out just to get yelled at all over again. I ended up waiting them out before I went to work.
I took the long way to work, just to clear my mind of all that unfolded in such a short amount of time. What the fuck was that? Why did Eli bring my
mom
of all people? God, I had so many questions. Why should I even go to work at this point? I don’t want to. I’m not in the mood, not after this morning. Instead, I double back to my apartment. I’m so tired. Maybe I could sleep for just one more day…
Going back up to my apartment, I was grateful Eli was able to get my mother out of here. I’m so sick of her. Heading to my room, I look at my nightstand. My melatonin gummies were gone. What the fuck? Did Eli take my melatonin gummies? He knows I need those.
I
know I need those. I raced back down the stairs, outside to my car. And begin to drive to walgreens. They should be open by now, anyway. But why did I see Eli’s car parked there, too? Hesitantly, I march straight to the pharmacy area, but I see Eli talking to a pharmacist..?
“...and if he shows up, please don’t sell him anything with melatonin in it, I’m begging you. It’s not worth the risk.”
…Is he seriously telling them not to sell me anything with melatonin in it? That’s none of his fucking business, why is he telling them that?
“ELIJAH, WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU SERIOUS?”
“Vic, you need to calm down. Your addiction to sleep is out of control, please just go to work, I’ll see you there…”
“Elijah, I’m a grown ass fucking man with my own shit to deal with, and you are too. How about
you
take your motherfucking ass to work and stop sticking your fucking opinion where it isn’t needed.”
“Dude…”
Eli didn’t say anything. He just looked at me with some punk ass expression. I refuse to take pity on him when it’s not his place for him to be doing all this. I made sure he went out of that fucking door.
Sighing, I tried to calm down and grab a bottle of melatonin, but I knew damn well they weren't gonna let me buy it now. So I shoved it in my pocket and bought a granola bar instead.
I’m surprised they didn’t catch me stealing, but there’s no complaint here. Getting in my car, I got the smartest idea I’ve had in a while. I can just pop a handful so that I’ll be asleep by the time I get in my bed at home! But I’m not dumb enough to take them in the parking lot. Then they’ll know I stole. I’ve driven drunk before and I was fine, so this should be fine, too. It's not that big of a deal.
(PSA, guys don’t drink and drive, it’s not cool :C Don’t be like Vic and drive on any kind of drugs either, it’s never worth the risk👍🏾)
I eventually pulled out of the parking lot and began the drive home, starting to tear at the plastic seal when I was at a red light. But the seal wasn’t perforated enough, and the light turned green when I hardly made a dent in it. That’s.. No problem, I’ve driven with my knees before. I’m able to multitask, so it’s gonna be fine. Finally, I get the seal open and see that I grabbed the wrong bottle. Extra strength? I didn’t know they sold those. It'll be fine, I probably have a tolerance to those anyway… I opened the bottle, dumping a few of them into my hand before putting them in my mouth, eating them all. Only a few more minutes from home, I know I can make it regardless. Yet I could feel myself getting tired. But I can still make it home, I’ll just take a faster route. It’s just more people on that road. I think. I turn my car around, nearly getting hit from the side. But I didn’t. I breathe a sigh of relief, driving back towards the main road where the traffic lights are. My eyes squint as I struggle to stay awake, but the light is green. I continued to press on the gas but glanced to the right.
A man in a large truck is on his phone.
The light wasn’t green.
This is what I wanted, right?
Deep, deep down?
I can be with Sylvian forever.
Nothing can come between us now.
Right?
My head hurts.
But i feel… awake.
alive, even.
so then…
why is everything white when i open my eyes?
And yet, 5 years ago, I didn’t die.
I can still recall everything like yesterday.
These 5 years with Sylvian have been…
some of the best years of my life.
Well, for me, at least. I can’t tell you what life was like in the outside world without me. Do I miss Elijah? More than anything. But I know he’s out there, living his best life with his girlfriend. Yeah, I’m surprised that Eli’s dating. But I’m proud of him. Me and Sylvian actually eloped here, too! We preferred not to leave it as the white void for our own sanity, and actually designed our own house to make a reality here. But if I’m being honest, I miss the real world. A lot. There’s some things here that just… aren’t the same. And knowing that the last words Eli heard from me was me yelling at him is something I’ll never forgive myself for. I don’t know how he forgave me, because I wouldn’t.
The days here go by… as you’d think. If we’re bored, they end up boring half the time, unless Syl manages to change where we are for entertainment. It makes me wonder what life would be like if I never got into that crash.
Where would me and Sylvian be now?
Would I have made up with Eli?
What would our house in the real world be like?
Would we create a family like we’d planned?
Just the thought of living a normal life and being able to experience the world with Eli, Sylvian, and even my mom again makes me tear up. I don’t know why I still miss that bitch down in my heart.
Me and Sylvian have faced our challenges, after all, only being allowed to talk to one person for five
years
is tough. It can drive some people crazy. But not me. I love Sylvian, and he loves me. That’s all that matters to us.
…
But lately these past two years, I’ve developed and began to master a special skill.
When I concentrate really hard, close my eyes, and tune everything out…
I can hear everything that goes on in the real world.
It sounds crazy, I know. I didn’t believe it either. But it happened while I was attempting to meditate. I haven’t tried anything like that in the real world, but it can get boring here. Very boring. So when I sat on the ground, keeping the silence around me, I began to hear a steady stream of beeps. Like a heart monitor. I managed to keep my focus despite my excitement, but I could hear the beeps of my heart monitor quickening on the outside. So what I hid from you was… tuning out of this fantasy, and tuning into the real world every day is the one thing that keeps me going. I’ve managed to keep some comprehension of time, and I learned that every day.. After work…
Eli comes to visit me.
And he talks to me.
He tells me about how his life is going with his girlfriend, he’s even introduced me to her.
He talks to me like I can respond.
Like how we talked before I met Sylvian.
Back when it was me and Eli.
Just me and Eli.
I’ve heard so much, even things I don’t want to hear… Like Eli convincing my mother to continue paying the hospital to keep me alive.
Sylvian only confirmed it to me that I was on life support.
I also found out my mom flirts with Eli… and it makes him uncomfortable. He tells her to stop a lot… I feel bad for him.
Sometimes, Sylvian even has to make sure I stop listening, because I break down.
I miss everyone.
If I’m being honest, I can’t help but push down the memories of the life I had before everything.
It hurts to remember.
I don’t want to remember.
I can make memories here, with my husband.
Forever.
It doesn’t sound too bad.
so why remember now?
why am i remembering everything now?
things i could never recall happening before when i tried
are all coming back to me now.
and it hurts
i remember
everything.
i remember losing the spelling bee in first grade.
i remember going out with my mom on weekends.
i remember what my dad looks like.
i remember my dad.
i remember the things me and eli would get up to after school.
i remember so much
but it feels like i’ve done so little.
events of my life flash through my mind.
good, bad, emotional, cringe moments.
it’s all a blur
it’s all coming back to me, and i can’t help but cry about it.
i can hear sylvian shouting my name in one ear. but i ignore it.
eli is shouting my mother’s name in the other. he sounds sad. am i finally coming back?
i hesitate to open my eyes.
my mind goes blank.
i can’t open my eyes.
I can’t move.
Why?
I can see a blinding light against my eyelids. Finally, I can open my eyes.
A secretary in the white void. What is this, some kind of joke?
He’s an angel, yet he’s not Sylvian.
“Sylvian, this isn’t funny… change it back.”
“Sylvian? He’s upstairs. That’s where you’re headed. I’ve heard a lot about
you
, though.”
“What?”
“Upstairs?”
The angel points to a door on my right.
The door is white with an LED sign of a person going up a flight of steps.
I walk towards the door and begin climbing the stairs.
But I look back. I’m not ready.
But there’s just stairs in this white void. So I go up.
It feels like hours of endless stair climbing. I’m tired, and moving pretty slow. But I can see Sylvian at the top now, and I gain a final boost of energy.
Racing up the stairs, I feel hopeful. Hopeful that Sylvian can take me away from all the stress and upsetment as tears well up in my eyes.
He embraces me when I get to the top, and I just want to cry in his arms more than anything else.
But he doesn’t hug me for long. He turns me around, sitting me down at the edge of this cloud.
The stairs are gone.
But I can see my hospital room.
My mother is holding the plug to my life support.
It’s just her and Eli in that room.
With my mom holding the plug.
Why is she holding the plug?
Why would it not be in the wall?
And then I see Sylvian fly down into my room. He looks at Eli, then my mom. I can see lips moving, but I can’t hear anything that’s happening.
Until I see my mother mouth the words
“Faggot son.”
I don’t care what happens to her anymore.
And neither does Sylvian as he wraps his hands around her throat until she can no longer stand.
Even though I can’t hear the screaming or the shouts at Sylvian to stop, I can see the life drain from my mother’s eyes.
I can’t help but feel she had it coming.
He hasn't come back yet.
But I don’t want to look away.
I watch as he leaves the hospital, walking outside.
But something surprised me. Sylvian’s halo no longer glowed. In fact, it faded. And his wings became a pile of feathers on the ground.
I just watched my husband lose his status as an angel.
Sylvian then pulled a glowing sword off his back, no, out of nowhere, engulfing its surroundings in a bright light.
He looks at the sword.
Then up at me.
He waves, and I wave back.
But the beacon of light plunges into his chest, turning him into a giant ball of light.
The light implodes, engulfing the world in flames.
Sylvian is… dead.
Everything is blazing red.
Everyone is dead.
Everything is on fire, and I can’t fucking watch anymore.
Yet it’s all my fault.
Wise words from Eli pop into my mind again.
“Don’t depend on someone for your happiness, because you’ll always end up unhappy in the end.”