Work Text
Cross The Breeze
By QuantumBreakFan
Hold me tight down on my knees
So I don't go burning 'cross the breeze
- Sonic Youth
Content Warnings:
Unintentional Misgendering, Stabbing, Draining, and general disregard of corpses.
Dedicated to everyone who doubts themself, and need some encourage to shine.
Act One: Essex Dogs
You'll catch flu or you'll catch the city
(Wave goodbye, you're in a hearse)
- Blur
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The alarm stuck 7:00AM. Beeb Beeb Beeb The infernal mechanism blared right in your face. You reached over and smacked the piece of shit on its top, silencing it’s cacophony. The sun began to assault the room as you tossed and turned, attempting to return to slumber. Unsuccessfully it should be noted. Eventually, you ceased this fruitless endeavour and tumbled out of bed. Putting on your glasses, you began to stagger out your bedroom and into the bathroom.
The bathroom was a lot like your bedroom; meaning that it was a shambolic mess. You reached for the shaving cream first, as is tradition. One of the many useful things your father taught you, shaving had become the main way you made yourself presentable; even more so after recent revelations. First you spread the shaving cream across your face, then with the razor you laboriously went across every inch to scrape off any trace of hair, before washing your face and razor.
Your name is JUNE EGBERT. You go to a MIDDLING COLLEGE with your friends DAVE STRIDER, ROSE LALONDE, and JADE HARLEY. You like MAGIC TRICKS, watching CHEESY MOVIES, and THE PARANORMAL. You used to be depressed until you realised that you’re a woman. However getting back into healthy habits seem to be more difficult than expected; especially when you were never that outgoing anyway.
You open the mirror cabinet, grabbing the bottle of estrogen from the shelving. Taking one of the little blue wonders from the tub, you stick it under your tongue (it absorbs better there apparently, you don’t know it’s true). You’ve only started taking estrogen in the last week or so, but you can already feel yourself begin to change somewhat. Your mind is opening up again, like a lotus flower. Your skin grows more comfortable.
You have three major goals for your first year at college: firstly, to transition socially; secondly, to make some new friends; and to figure out what the hell you’re gonna major in.
Today is a Friday, so you don’t have CS101 until 11AM - half the reason you slept in. Checking your phone, you can see that Dave is texting you. he tends to fill space when left to his own devices, so you answer.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 9:21 AM --
TG: you up dog
GT: yeah.
GT: course i am.
TG: good
TG: nice to see youve stopped being so depressive
TG: wait
TG: are you still in bed
TG: cus like i cant tell
TG: for all i know
TG: you could be an ai answer machine
GT: why would i have one?
GT: like the tech is far too advanced for me to just invent on a whim.
GT: i’d have to at least put in some elbow grease.
GT: and a dirty lab coat.
TG: well that solves it
TG: ais too dumb too fake that
TG: anyway
TG: if your not in bed
TG: mind coming to campus to give me a visit
TG: rose is busy and jade had a night class
TG: and i want to introduce you to one of my rad classmates
GT: are they anything like the last one?
TG: nah
TG: shes the real fucking deal
GT: sure...
GT: nothing else to do anyway.
TG: sweet
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] --
You hope this goes better than the last time Dave introduced you to a classmate. Mind you, as long as no diner gets smashed up, they’d pass that bar. Popping on your best outfit - your green slimer shirt and jeans, you head out to campus.
The campus’ cafeteria (which had become the common hangout spot for you and your friends) was somewhat quiet when you arrived. Most of the student population were in class or not on campus. The only people who came in at this time were people studying something like law, or photography like Dave. Speaking of Dave, you spot him hanging toward the back of the hall at your usual spot with a Troll.
You were surprised. Not because you were one of those anti-Troll people, your father would never approved of such hate; you were surprised because out of the troll population, people were either rich enough to go to a good college like Harvard or were too poor to go to college. You have never known any Trolls to be in your classes, although you can barely tell what humans are in your classes anyway. So you may just have not noticed.
She was dressed in a rather colour clashing outfit: a teal shirt, jade track bottoms, and blinding red sunglasses which accentuated her sharp teeth. Dave was dressed in his typical band shirt (today it was for a hip hop group he liked called “The Coup”) and short combo. The two seem to be nattering away as you approached.
Dave: so dirk was doing this mad flick trick like
Dave: and i am holding the camera trying to get a good shot when
Dave: oh hi john
He pointed his right hand at you, his left nursing a coke. She has a cane leaning against her left leg, coloured with red accents and black stripes.
Dave: terezi
Dave: this is john
Dave: and vis versa
You extend your arm out, trying not to cringe when Dave deadnames you; you’ve only told Rose and Roxy so far, and are too scared to tell Jade or Dave (they’d probable reject you, and it’d hurt hard).
June: nice to see you terezi!
You did not just say that to the (blind?) girl, did you!?
Terezi: W1SH 1 COULD S4Y TH3 S4M3
She gives you a look as she says it, as if to say you fell into her trap.
Terezi: BUT 1’M BL1ND >:]
You turn the colour of her sunglasses. That is to say, you blush a shade of red new to science.
June: im so so sorry man i-
Terezi: L1ST3N JOHN
Terezi: 1D B3 MOR3 UPS3T 1F YOU D1DNT F4LL HOOK L1N3 4ND S1NK3R 1NTO TH4T ON3
Dave: your not the only one to fall prey to rezis tricks
Dave: the professor did too
Dave: and it was funny as hell
You start to smile, before trying to stifle a giggle.
June: well from one prankster to another
June: i tip my hat to you.
You don’t have a hat so you mime the motion. Terezi seems to sniff the air as you do this.
Dave: dont mind her
Dave: she can smell and taste colour
Dave: its actually pretty spot on too
Dave: rezi once spotted my aj from 5 meters away
Dave: and then drank it all
Dave: in one go
Terezi takes this as a cue to lick the graphic on your shirt. You’re 99% sure that she gives you a look as she does this, trying to get a rise out of you. You do your damnedest not to appear put off.
Terezi: SO
Terezi: WH4TS TH3 GR4SS T4ST1NG GHOST TH1NG M3NT TO B3
June: that is a knock off ghostbusters shirt i bought from japan.
June: i’ve had this bad boy since i was 12 yrs old.
June: the little fellas meant to be a fake slimer
June: cuter than the real thing tho.
Dave: yeah the real thing has fucking triple chin
Dave: looking like its having mid life crisis
Dave: probably pays a morgage
Dave: and lives like it's in a shitty family sitcom
Dave: like slimer knows best
You and Terezi both chuckle at this.
June: well
June: what classes you studying?
Terezi: 1M STUDY1NG L4W
Terezi: 4LW4YS W4NT3D TO B3 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR B4CK ON 4LT3RN14
Terezi: 4ND B31NG 4 L4WY3R SEEMS L1K3 TH3 S4M3 TH1NG BUT MOR3 L4M3
Dave: yeah but did alternia have judge judy
Dave: handing asses to smucks on live tv
Terezi: W3 D1DNT
Terezi: W3 H4D PUBL1C CULL1NGS THO
Dave: eh close enough
You don’t know much about Alternia, but from what you’ve heard makes you appreciate the very ground you walk on; so the existence of PUBL1C CULL1NGS doesn’t surprise you one bit.
You check your phone. It’s 30 minutes until your class, but it’s all the way on the other side of campus, so you best be getting off. You bid the two farewell, and begin the trek to CS101.
Once you make it over to the classroom, you notice that your usual spot near the front is wet. Water drips from above and assaults the seat, making the prospect of sitting farther back seem sensible (even if you’ll have trouble seeing the projector screen). Once you get there, you unpack your laptop (Dave swears by Apple products, and gave you a MacBook a few years back) and plopped it on the table.
A few minutes pass before two Trolls (guess you were right about not noticing) takes their seats to your left. One of them, wearing a gray coloured sign (which is apparently a thing), scowls at you a bit before sitting next to you. The other, wearing red and blue lensed sunglasses, sits to the left of him.
Professor: Today, you will learning about ~TH and how to make actual useful programs in it.
Professor: Some of you might have some experience, but making a virus or a will is rather different to production software...
The professor drones on about the basics of ~TH for a while, none of which is new to you but is made more sleep inducing than Valium. It’s kind of amazing how he does it. While he yammers on, you overhear the Troll next to you having a conversation (loudly):
????: THIS IS THE EASIEST LECTURE I’VE EVER ENDURED. ~TH IS SUPER SIMPLE.
????: well iif iit’2 2o ea2y, then why do all your program2 cra2h numbnut2.
????: WELL I’M PROBABLY MORE EXPERIENCED THAN MOST PEOPLE IN THIS CLASS.
????: TAKE THIS GUY FOR EXAMPLE,
The shouty one turns and points at you, the one with the lisp also turns to face you.
????: HEY NUMSKULL, HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY WROTE A FUCTIONAL ~TH PROGRAM? OR ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE LAMEOS WHO COULDN’T WRITE HIMSELF OUT OF A PAPER BAG.
Well he seems like a bit of a cunt...
June: unfortunately yes.
????: unfortunately?
????: what diid iit do, briick your hu2ktop or 2omethiing?
The shades touting Troll was smirking real hard at your statement, and while you hate to trauma dump, he did ask... And he seem like a bit of a douse-bag.
June: well it was meant to print a joke when ever something died in a 5 mile radius.
June: using the standard library.
June: and it went off like a week later.
June: at first i thought a dog had died
June: only to learn that my dad had gotten killed and mangled in a road accident.
Said smirk quickly dropped off his face. The shouty one seemed to look horrified, more so then you were expecting or are comfortable with, so you try to spin it more humorously.
June: he would found it funny, especially considering it was a dad joke.
You force yourself to giggle a tad at the irony (you’ll always hear that damn word in Dave’s monotone drawl). He seems to ease up a bit at this revelation, looking less like a kid had been shot in front of him.
????: LISTEN, SORRY ABOUT SOLLUX MAKING YOU SAY THAT. AND SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS; I WOULDN’T WISH DEATH UPON ANYONE...
Sollux: KK, diidnt you threaten 2 “FUCKING DEFENESTRATE” your up2taiir2 neiighbor thii2 morniing?
KK: HE WAS BEING EXTREMELY LOUD, I COULDN’T SLEEP EVEN WITH SULPHOR.
June: listen sollux and...
Karkat: KARKAT.
June: thanks!
June: listen sollux and karkat
June: it happened ages ago
June: like when i was 13
June: besides
June: the woman he was dating adopted me
June: and now i have two awesome sisters!
June: so i wouldn’t feel too bad.
Sollux: ok.
Sollux went back to his notes, having taken your advice to heart. Karkat seemed to also return to his note taking, and so did you. After a while the lecture ended, and you began to pack up your things when Karkat placed a note in front of you.
Karkat: I KNOW YOU DON’T MIND BUT I STILL FEEL KINDA CRAP ABOUT EARLIER.
Karkat: I PROMISE I’M NOT AS MUCH OF AN ASSHAT AS SOLLUX OVER THERE.
Sollux: (biit me.)
Karkat: SO HERE’S MY TROLLIAN HANDLE.
Karkat: IT’S COMPATIBLE WITH PESTERCHUM BEFORE YOU ASK.
June: thanks karkat!
June: i’ll pester you later k?
He nods before heading out, although not before giving the professor a look of contempt (you have no clue why). What an odd guy... You too head out, making note to sit there next lecture, figure out what his deal is.
Next up on the agenda is to head off to the apartment and give the bitch a deep clean. But first you must grab a bite to eat, and meet up with your sister. Said sister was lounging outside, the weather was nice enough to sit in if you had a coat. Which she did. Today she was reading “Brideshead Revisited”, a favorite of hers.
Rose: Hello June. How was cyber-spell-crafting?
June: man i wish it were even half as cool as you make it out.
June: instead we learnt about how to properly code in ~TH...
Rose seems to dim a tad once ~TH is mentioned, knowing your... complicated feelings about it. You sit down next to her and try to reassure Rose.
June: i’m ok rose
June: the only time i thought about it is when a classmate asked if i had coded in ~TH before.
June: and he gave me his chat handle to apologise.
You pull out the slip of paper and show it to Rose. The Handle (carcinoGeneticist) is written in gray, scrawled block capitals.
Rose: Well it seems I’m not the only one meeting new people today.
June: who’d you meet?
June: let me guess
June: terezi?
Rose: Is the name meant to be familiar?
June: she’s this troll chick dave introduced me to earlier.
June: she’s pretty chill.
Rose: More chill than diner guy?
Rose arches her brow at this, in the typical Rose Lalonde manner. Her sarcasm matched only by Dave’s irony.
June: most death row inmates are chiller than that guy ever was.
Rose: True.
Rose: But alas, I met a different “troll chick” today.
Rose: A fashionable young woman in my creative writing class by the name Kanaya.
June: well what people consider fashionable can differ
June: so she was probably wearing the most goth clothing known to man.
Rose: Incorrect June dear, she was wearing what we in the business call “New Wave”.
Rose: Which is the diametric opposite to goth.
June: wasn’t “new wave” also an 80s music genre?
June: dave did tell me that correctly right.
Rose: Yes indeed.
Rose: And I’m surprised one could actually listen through his stream of conscience rants and learn something of any use.
June: so what’s she like?
Rose: I haven’t got a clue, I haven’t had the chance to parlay with her...
June: ah.
June: classic rose, pining over girls from a distance.
Rose: Well, you know. Next thing you know I’ll be re-enacting Rear Window to find out more about her.
You hope to god she’s being sarcastic. Rose’s phone does off, after all she does have to go to work tonight. You bid your sister farewell and decide to head back to your apartment. Once there, you realise you need to clean the place up. Massively.
You tidy up your bedroom first, removing all the empty chip packets and laundry that you left lying around. You then vacuum up all the dust from the halls, making them look a bit less haunted house. And you even clean the bathroom, making it not look like a crack den. By 5PM, the apartment actually looks nice for once.
You then change into your more fem casuals (perfect after a long day of boy modeing), and check your Pesterchum. You then remember to add Karkat’s handle, and decide to pester him.
-- ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 6:21 PM --
GT: hi
GT: it’s the person from CS
CG: OH RIGHT, THE TRAUMA DUMPER
GT: to be fair, that sollus fella did ask.
CG: FIRST, IT’S SOLLUX. SECOND, I WOULDN’T TAKE HIS EXCREMENT TOO PERSONALLY.
CG: HE HAS THE PROGRAMMING KNOWLEDGE OF A GOD, BUT THE SOCIAL SKILLS OF A PAN DAMAGED BRICK WALL.
CG: HE THROWS OUT JABS LIKE THEY’RE OUT OF DATE BY A PEDEGREE.
GT: fair enough.
GT: sounds like a close friend of mine, dave.
GT: except replace programming with irony.
CG: HOW DO YOU STUDY IRONY?
CG: IS HE OUT HERE MAKING THE WORST JOKES CONCEVABLE AND THEN JUST CLAIMING THE SHITTINESS ITSELF TO BE THE JOKE!?
GT: yep.
GT: he’s pretty chill tho.
CG: WELL IF THAT’S WHO YOU CONSIDER GOOD COMPANY THAN YOU MUST BE LEAKING SOMETHING FIERCE.
CG: AND WHILE YOUR AT IT, GIVE ME YOUR NAME.
CG: LAST THING I WANT IS SOME MYSTERY MAN WITH NO TASTE KNOWING ALL MY INFO AND I KNOW ZILCH ABOUT HIM.
GT: oh, um.
GT: it’s
GT: it’s john.
GT: my friends mostly call me egbert tho.
CG: WELL EGBERT, THAT’S THE DUMBEST HUMAN NAME I’VE EVER HEARD. AND THAT INCLUDE GODDAMN HUMAN AND TROLL GALLAGHER.
CG: WHY ARE WE CURSED WITH TWO OF THE GLOBE SUCKERS.
GT: i know right?
GT: i much prefer someone like bill murray to those two.
CG: I’D PREFER A BUNDLE OF STICKS TO THEM ASSWIPES.
CG: YOUR NAME STILL GIVE THEM A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY THOUGH.
CG: GOT TO GO, I’VE GOT A STEAMING TURD OF A JOB TO WORK AT.
GT: smell ya later.
-- ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
Well that was fun! You guess his "thing" is just that he’s super ornery guy; with friends like Sollux though it’s easier to explain. You decide to practise some piano with your cheap midi keyboard (your actual piano is at home in NY), playing one of those tracks Dave always sends you (Roygbiv if you remember rightly), before calling it a night.
Slipping into your PJs, you check your calender. Seems your first shift at your new job is tomorrow. You hope the co-workers are tolerable before clambering into bed and falling fast asleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
You had always preferred the darkness of earth’s nights; always have, always will. You’d place the blame on Trolliana Jones. When you were only a sweep past your pupitation, you had gotten your hands on a box set of all 4 films. Being at an age where the average wiggler just clings to the nearest interests, you quickly became infatuated with archaeology and paranormal lore.
Now, if this was Alternia, one could just go and dig up some ruins then and there. But you’re not on Alternia, are you. This is Earth. And on Earth, you need to study archaeology at college before they let you go splunking. And college requires either grades (like what Terezi got) or cash.
Hence working at a record shop you half believe is a drug front, with Vriska of all people (at least she’s mellowed out a tad since moving to Earth). Today, you two will be meeting your new co-worker. You hope to all that’s good and holy that they aren’t one of those anti-Troll people; you don’t want to have to get blood on your shirt again.
Vriska: Araaaaaaadiiiiiiiia!
Vriska: Who'd you think's gonna 8e dead meat?
Aradia: why are y0u being s0 mean ab0ut s0me0ne we haven't even met
Vriska: Cus they're pro8a8ly either a tool8ag like the last guy, or a massive looooooooser.
Aradia: like us
Vriska: H8y!!!!!!!!
Vriska: You can 8e all self defeating and that, 8ut don’t lump me in!
You roll your eyes, before checking the system for any new vinyl deliveries; there being none, as usual. The owners only buy new stock whenever it’s dangerously low, which is rare. Mind you, you’ve only actually seen the owners once or twice.
The front bell rings, for someone who you assume to be a customer at first. They are about 5”9’ give or take an inch or two (around your height, shorter than Vriska), with long brown hair and wearing a (Wish You Were Here themed) Pink Floyd shirt ‘n’ Trousers. They looked to be around your age.
????: hey, is this Herbert’s Records?
Aradia: yep
Aradia: what can we help y0u with
????: then you must be my new co workers!
????: nice to meet ya!
They put their hand out to shake yours, when Vriska intercepts you.
Vriska: Nice to meet you!
Vriska: I’m Vriska.
Vriska: Quick question, what's your opinion on Trolls?
Vriska: 8ecause, I'm not dealing with another Xenopho8e...
Vriska does her best to appear threatening to the newcomer, baring her teeth and giving the guy a death stare. He just shrugs though.
????: i’m good with them, i just met like 3 yesterday.
Vriska: Ooooooooh! Do tell...
Aradia: vriska
Aradia: y0u havent even ask them their name
They take a second to respond... Before they replying.
Egbert: it’s egbert.
Vriska: Well Eg8ert
Vriska: I hope that you're not a dum8ass, 8ecause if you mess up at this jo8, you couldn't even 8e trusted with a fork!!!!!!!!
Vriska: This is the easiest jo8 on this piss poor excuse of a planet.
Egbert: which is?
Aradia: stand ar0und waiting f0r s0me0ne t0 walk in
Aradia: and then sell them shit
Egbert looks puzzled for a moment. He thinks you’re joking. You’re not. He realises this after a moment.
Egbert: then how does this place make any money!?
Aradia: its pr0bably a drug fr0nt
Egbert: then where’s the drugs,
Egbert: like hidden in the vinyls or some shit.
Vriska: I like your thinking Eg8ert!
Vriska: If we find any, we could have a party.
Vriska: Wait, why not an awesome Gam8ligant themed party!
Vriska: Everyone in costume, with mine 8eing the 8est, o8viously.
Aradia: wh0 wh0uld y0u invite th0ugh
Aradia: its n0t like y0ure the m0st p0pular girl
Vriska: Well, at least Nepeta would come, 8eing into that roleplay shit.
Egbert: sorry, did you say nepeta?
Vriska gives Egbert a suspicious look, probably wondering how the hell he knows nepeta.
Vriska: Yep.
Vriska: You know her?
Egbert: she’s friends with one of my friends, jade harley.
Egbert: the two have gone hunting together if i remember rightly...
Egbert: small world, eh.
Egbert: anyway, what do you two do to kill time.
Aradia: we spin s0me 0f the LPs fr0m time t0 time
Aradia: and in the-
Vriska: And it s88ms like something’s c8me up 8n 8nventory that me and Aradia hav8 t8 sort out...
Vriska practically grabs you by the collar and drags you into the storage room in the back. The storage room is not small, but you wouldn’t correct anyone if they said it was. In the middle of the room sits a table and two chairs, on which a Tabletop RPG sits all set up. Vriska turns and looks at you as if you suggested committing arson.
Vriska: Aradia, are you 8rain damaged or something?
Aradia: n0
Vriska: Then why were you a8out to tell the new guy about our campaign????????
Aradia: well i th0ught that having a third pers0n w0uld make things m0re interesting
Vriska: Well we hardly know the guy, lets wait till we know he isn't like a serial killer or something.
She grabs some tarp-like material and uses it to cover the TTRPG setup, muttering to herself about mental people (ironic, coming from her). The two of you return to the counter, where Egbert is stood staring at the turntable sat to his left.
Egbert: all sorted?
Vriska: Yep.
Vriska: Now, go gra8 a record. Need to check you don’t listen to crap, otherwise I’ll make you quit!
At this request, Egbert seemingly ran at full tilt. Scanning aisle after aisle at a rather alarming pace. Pop, Hard Rock, Electronica, Punk, Disco; teared though like thin toilet roll. He finally came to a sudden, physics defying stop at what you think might be the 70s progressive rock records.
Aradia: think hes g0nna pick pink fl0yd
Vriska: You see the shirt, oooooooo8viously he’ll pick something pedestrian like, dark side of the moon.
Cue both of you being proven wrong when he comes back with Fragile by Yes.
Vriska: Come oooooooon, that’ll take 8 sweeps to finish one measly side.
Egbert: firstly, no it won’t.
Egbert: secondly, you didn’t say it had to be short...
Vriska: Ok, just get it on.
Egbert did just so, sliding the disc onto the turntable. He went to place the needle on the record, before you interrupted, telling him it was automatic. As the opening track (Roundabout) began to stream out the PA system, you begin to clock watch for day’s end.
The good thing about being the heir to your grandfather’s millions, is that you can choose whatever car you want. You chose based off what was sitting in the local used car dealers. And lucky you, they had a SAAB 9-5 sitting pretty.
SAAB was known for safety, not that you’re in any particular danger. Granddad made his millions based of his long running nature and travel books, and later shows; not something evil like gun running. You like the 9-5 because the stereo had been modified by the previous owner, meaning it can get loud without blowing out.
“The angels are on TV tonight / Grey puke, celluloid shit” Steve Ignorant belts out, at a decibel level which will probably make go deaf with in the decade. The only thing between you and having what might as well be a live performance in your car, is the GPS telling you how to get to John’s apartment.
You haven’t had much chance to see him since he moved here for college, and you want to surprise him. After getting the address from Rose, who you also wish you saw more, you’ve driven to the place to give him a visit. Parking up in front of the tower block, you head up to John’s place.
Rocking up to the front door, you rap your knuckles against the cheap wooden thing.
Jade: john, are you there?
Jade: its your friend jade!
Jade: here to see her best friend!
Jade: hello?
No response emerged from the other side. Must not be in... You turn to leave when you notice something silver on the floor. A spare key. You pick it up, knowing that you shouldn’t mess with it. But you know John, he wouldn’t mind if you took a sneaky look inside...
Unlocking the front door, you notice how clean the place looks. Sure it’s a bit grimey, but the whole apartment block is, so it’s probably irreplaceable dirt or something. The next thing you notice is a pesterchum alert going off, not from your phone (a new HTC One M8), but from John’s desktop.
On the desk, much to your surprise, sat a pill container. Last time you checked, John didn’t have any medical conditions what would require the use of pills. Maybe he didn’t want you to worry? Picking them up, you read the text aloud:
Jade: estova, to be taken twice a day?
Another pesterchum notification blares out.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 8:17 --
TT: Have you remembered to take your Estrogen?
GT: it’s the one thing i wouldn’t forget to do every morning.
GT: of course i have.
TT: Just checking, June.
TT: Your scatterbrained bouts of amnesia are well recorded.
GT: one could say
GT: it’s in the annals of lalondian lore? :B
TT: Yes, enshrined too.
TT: In aeroplane aluminium.
GT: lol
GT: do you think the coworkers will take it well.
TT: It depends. When do you plan on telling them?
GT: after jade and dave
GT: obvs
TT: Well, I hope they have the empathy to not close their hearts to such a kind woman.
GT: awwww, your going to make my heart melt...
TT: *You’re
GT: rose
GT: that’s roxy’s thing
TT: And as your older sister, I believe you need to know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
GT: ok
GT: got to get to work, the shop opens at 9 am
GT: see ya!
TT: Farewell.
-- ghostyTrickster [GT] is now an idle chum! --
TT: Nearly for to tell you June, but Jade is coming by your place for a visit.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! --
-- ghostyTrickster [GT] is now an active chum! --
GT: on my way back from work rn, thx for the heads up.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT]--
You have some questions:
• Why did Rose call John “June”?
• Why did she call John a woman?
• What is John gonna tell you and Dave?
You step back outside, leaving everything where it was and locking the front door, before placing the key back where you found it. Pulling out your phone, you google “estrogen”. You click on the link to the Wikipedia page:
“An estrogen (E) is a type of medication which is used most commonly in hormonal birth control and menopausal hormone therapy, and as part of feminizing hormone therapy for transgender women.”
Feminizing hormone therapy? You google the term, which comes up with result about “transitioning” and “gender dysphoria”. You click on the Wikipedia link again:
“Feminizing hormone therapy, also known as transfeminine hormone therapy, is hormone therapy and sex reassignment therapy to change the secondary sex characteristics of transgender people from masculine to feminine.”
You try and parse the information in front of you. Not that Wikipedia’s typically wordy answer is helping. You click the word “Transgender”:
“A transgender (often shortened to trans) person is someone whose gender identity differs from that typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth.”
Oh, you found the answer. John (June?) wants to be a woman? You weren’t expecting this. You guess this is what June(?) was going to tell you. What will this mean? Can you invite her to girls nights now? How did she know? You google “how to know if your trans?”, which brings up some results, most about gender dysphoria. You look at the Wikipedia page:
“Gender dysphoria (GD) is the distress a person experiences due to a mismatch between their gender identity—their personal sense of their own gender—and their sex assigned at birth.”
You scroll down to symptoms:
“Adults with GD are at increased risk for stress, isolation, anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem, and suicide.”
This... Tracks. June (better start getting used to the name) did seem depressed for years after her dad died. You understand that morning can go on for quite a while, when your grandad died you spent 6 month feeling like the bottom had fallen out your world; but June seemed to be in a catatonic state for years. Perhaps gender dysphoria helped keep the flame smothered.
You hear someone coming up the stairs, so you close the tab on your phone and swap over to pesterchum.
June: coming jade!
June strolls in view, rucksack in one hand, door key in the other.
June: so, so sorry to keep you waiting.
June: just started this new job.
June: the place is probably a money laundering place, cus the only customer was one old fellow who bought a raunchy looking LP.
June: whipped cream or something.
June: anywho
June: just give me a sec to sort my stuff, ok.
She enters the apartment, closing the door behind her. You can hear a faint fuck as she seems to run around (probably hiding the pills). After a moment or two, she opens the front door.
June: welcome to my humble abode!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Aradia: fiadeira finds a large 0blilisk bl0cking the main entrance t0 the grand meeting hall
Aradia: since y0uve ch0sen t0 barge in thr0ugh the front y0u have t0 either aband0n the plan
Aradia: l00k f0r a way 0f 0pening the d00r as intended
Aradia: 0r try t0 smash it
Vriska: I think I’ll smash it. Much easier.
Aradia: r0ll f0r strength
You do just that, flinging the d20 across the table. After some searching, Aradia manages to find the die lying face up on the floor. And it says:
Vriska: Nat fuckingggggggg 20 8a8y!
Vriska: That’s why they call me Lady Luck!
Aradia gives you that look she always gives you, that goofy grin that always seemed a tad unsettling to you. She excitedly looks in her notes, hidden from you of course, before responding:
Aradia: y0u manage t0 turn the 0blilisk int0 a pile 0f r0cks after a few strikes
Aradia: and 0ut 0f the sm0ke stands a c0rnac0pia 0f neer-d0-wells l00king t0 make y0u their next wall tr0phy
Aradia: and thats all we have time f0r
Vriska: Alreadyyyyyyyy?
Aradia: yep
Vriska: I didn’t even get to fight them!
Aradia: what can y0u d0
Aradia: sh0ps g0t t0 be shut
Aradia grabs her coat from her seat, tossing the cover you placed over the set up earlier (an excellent bit of quick thinking on your part). You head out the door to the shop counter, noticing you had left a vinyl on the turntable (original US print of Green Day - Insomniac). Picking up the needle, you see someone outside the front door.
The man was around 5’8”, with a black hat atop his head; which matched up quite nicely with the rest of his all black getup. The only spot of colour on him, was a red diamond adorning his lapel. He looked sketchy, but your not being paid enough to deal with bullshit like that; so you turn and head out the back exit.
Your vehicle of choice is a Yamaha FZ1 (Second Gen), because motorcycles are the coolest vehicles ever constructed (that don’t cost exorbitant amounts of money). Unlocking the bike from the pole you had hurriedly strapped it to, you start it up.
You start it up.
You Start It Up.
Come on!!!!!!!!
The engine comes roaring to life *first try*. You take off from the mall parking towards your apartment, as the sun finished setting. The wind rushes through your hair as you fly through traffic, weaving in and out of cars, and zip through back-alleys; without a helmet obviously, they’re for wimps (and you don’t want to deal with the hassle of cutting holes for your horns).
You manage to get to your place, in a blistering 14 minutes; likely your fastest time yet! Parking your bike in the bike shed round the side of the apartment block, you see someone you don’t know walk out of the front door. The woman is wearing a blue woolly jumper and snazzy red boots (totally unbiased). She is, eyeballing it a bit, between you and Aradia in terms of height. And she climbs into a vaguely European looking car, so she’s probably too wealthy to live here.
After what might turn out to be a close brush with celebrity, you head up to your room on floor 8 (just your luck the other new tenant had apparently picked a place on floor 10, not that you know who the mystery person is).
Your place is covered in posters for some of your various interests, apocalypse media (Armageddon, 2012, The Stand, some Alternian flicks you can’t remember the names of); various action movies, and even some FLARP drawings (for old times sake).
After taking your pills, you head to your desk. Booting up the computer, you notice that a blocked user is trying to contact you. Usually you’d ignore it, but then you notice who it is; and how much fun mocking them will be...
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --
CA: vvris
CA: i knoww youre there
CA: the client says so
CA: i havve somethin rather important you need to here
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] unblocked caligulasAquarium [CA] --
AG: Wh8t is it!
AG: And 8e quick you festering 8eefgru8 of a troll.
CA: I havve an oppotunity for you to become one of the savviour of alternia
CA: to become a hero of the highest of degrees
AG: I'm listening........
CA: i havve become invvolvved in a faction fightin for control of alternia
CA: and diggin through some intel wwe collected i discovvered somethin big
CA: the day the condence died
CA: and the day my ship wwas stolen
CA: a satelite detected a craft leavvin the planet
CA: it contained one piss blood
CA: one unknowwn blood
CA: possibly a mutant
CA: and one tyrian blood
CA: fef
CA: and they wwere headin towwards earth
AG: So how do I tie into this, I have to track her down?
CA: i wwill be sendin a go betwween
CA: cant be seen doin this
CA: it is off the record
CA: once wwe confirm her location
CA: wwe wwill extract her
CA: and wwith the heiress in our alliance
CA: wwe wwill be the most legitimate
CA: and i wwill givve you a route back
AG: What's the catch?
AG: You wouldn't do this out of the kindness of your heart.
CA: i wwill be a major player in the neww regime
CA: leadin the military
CA: and get to make up wwith fef
CA: more than enough for me
You think for a moment. You left because being friends with one of the high bloods was not an advantage but a danger. Being even one person separated from Feferi could have gotten you into some major shit; more than you felt was survivable. Now you have a way back home, and another change to live out your gambligant dreams.
AG: Ok.
AG: Any code names?
AG: And don't pick something stupid or lame.
AG: Although that might 8e hard for you...
CA: flarp names
CA: easy to explain to onlookers
CA: i wwill be gettin in touch later
CA: mindfang
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --
Your head thumps to the rhythm of a marching band’s drum. The light shone with the power of an atomic blast. You groan as you regain your mental faculties. This is the worst hangover you’ve ever had; mostly because it’s your first. You pull yourself up from the ground, nearly falling over a stray can or two.
Turning on your phone, you see two things. Firstly, you have accedently changed the background to a picture of a family picture taken this time last year at halloween. The photo makes you physically cringe a tad, specially looking at pre-transition you, emanating an aura of misery over every photo of you.
Secondly, and more importantly, you’re late for work.
June: fuck fuck, fuckity fuck!
You race to make your apartment not look like a tip. Especially if Rose makes a surprise visit. You don’t feel like having that conversation at all. After clearing the trash, you go to the wardrobe to get clean clothes.
And the only clean clothes are your feminine clothing. You pray to God that no one notices, or causes a stink about it. Slipping on the leggings and long jorts, and pull the green blouse over your head. Plopping on your Vans trainers, you run out of your 10th floor apartment with the speed of a bullet.
You drive an 2006 Ford Fusion, which was currently refusing to start up.
come on!
You kick the shitbox into submission, which works as the car begins to cooperate. The mall where the record shop is located is only a 20 minute drive, but you were already 45 minutes late, so you don’t think you have much need to rush.
Heading around the back of the Moore-Morris Mall Complex, you find the backdoor to Herbert’s. Which gives you an idea. Using the key you got three weeks ago, you quietly enter through the storeroom. Tiptoeing through the area, you slowly open the door to the counter.
And then.
-- ghostyTrickster [GT] Began Pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] At 19:20 --
GT: hi vriska :B
AG: How the hell did you get my tag????????
GT: aradia gave it me when i asked obv.
AG: You must 8e in reeeeaaaal need for some good advice then ::::D
AG: Like how to ditch that shit ride for something actually cool.
AG: Like a sweet motorcycle.
GT: what wrong with my car?
AG: First, the scuttle8uggy's lamer then a 8oy-skylar.
AG: Secondly, it looks fourth fucking hand.
AG: And finally
AG: It's lame!!!!!!!!
GT: what’s a boy-skylark?
AG: A lame FLARPing class for wimpy losers.
GT: well i only needed a vehicle to get me to work and college.
AG: Well that explains it.
AG: You clearly spent all your cash going to college.
AG: As if they teach anything actually useful at college!
GT: i’m only going so that my mom pays for my medication...
AG: Medication?
GT: for blood pressure, get stressed easily that’s all.
You may have not have known Egbert that long, but you can tell he’s lying through his teeth right now.
AG: Ok.
AG: What do you even do at college????????
GT: computer science
GT: i actually know this one guy in my class.
GT: short shouty guy named karkat.
Wait
A
Minute.
AG: Karkat.
AG: As in Karkat Vantas.
AG: The Troll????????
GT: don’t tell me you knew him too?
AG: He went missing fucking sweeps ago...
AG: You sure you mean him?
GT: confident.
AG: Do you also know a Sollux Captor?
GT: yeah, sits right next to karkat in cs.
AG: Eg8ert.
AG: Do you know Feferi Peixes?
GT: who’s that?
AG: Listen 8ud, I'd love to keep chating, 8ut I've go things I need to do.
AG: So 8ye.
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling ghostyTrickster [GT] --
You’ve hit the god-damn jackpot! You just need to tell Eridan and get the heir’s location out of the two missing trolls.
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --
AG: Duelscar.
AG: I have some of the most significant infomation your fins will ever hear.
CA: mindfang
CA: i told you
CA: i am sendin a go betwween
CA: they wwill be at your place of wwork tommoroww
CA: you can tell them
CA: i wwill contact you only wwhen needed
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] --
Parking your motorcycle in it’s usual spot round back. you strap it to a nearby pole, locking it in place. Entering through the back, you notice that a light on inside the shop. It’s not dark enough outside for Aradia to usually turn it on.
Walking to the counter, you see a familiar face looking at some vinyls.
Vriska: So you finally decided to come inside the shop?
Vriska: My question is, how the fuck did you get in here?
????: Because, Vriska dear, I represent not only Mr. Ampora, but also your employer.
Vriska: Well then, what should call you?
Vriska: Or do you have a FLARP name????????
????: I do not have a FLARP name.
Droog: You may call me Droog.
Vriska: Well, Droog.
Vriska: I've got some gooooooood information, that you'll find tantalising.
Droog: Go on then.
Vriska: On the night of Peixes' disapperance, two other known friends of her's disappered at the same time.
Vriska: A piss 8lood called Sollux Captor, and a Troll of unknown 8lood called Karkat Vantas.
Vriska: The satalite recorded that a yellow 8lood and a Troll of unknown 8lood were on the same ship as the heir that night.
Vriska: And I have an eyewitness who can confirm that Karkat and Sollux live on Earth, and within the county at that.
Vriska: They attend the computer science class at the University of Iowa, at least every Friday at midday.
Droog looks extremely pleased with your investigation, and you can almost feel the hero’s reward for saving the Alternian Empire. The hordes of trolls chanting your name, in an almost religious manner. It’s so close you can taste the applause right now.
You see him slip a hand into his jacket.
And then.
Lucky you, you’re on tidying up duty. Vriska and Egbert have both left, leaving you to have to make the store not look trashy. Not that cleaning up a shop no one ever enters is particularly hard to clean up. You check the vinyl section to the front left, next to the special offer table when the flooring slides under your feet.
Aradia: Wh0a
You nearly trip onto the table, which would have hurt bad. Instead, you fall flat on your back. Which just plain old hurts.
Aradia: man, thats danger0us.
Aradia: ill have t0 warn the 0thers t0m0rr0w
Aradia: get s0me new fl00ring f0r that bit
You decide to tread carefully as you go to clean the other parts of the place.
You strike, bashing through the door.
June: boo!
Vriska: AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!
*CRACK*
*THUD*
You turn to look at where that sound came from. On the floor, a man dressed in all black (save for a red diamond) can be seen twitching. A briefcase is held in his left hand. The flooring has moved beneath him. There's a table next to him. You and Vriska slowly walk towards the man. He is still convulsing at this point, but less and less as time pass. Vriska places her hand onto the man’s now crooked neck.
Vriska: He’s dead.
Vriska: He's fucking dead!
Vriska: Eg8ert.
Vriska: Do you have any fucking idea what you've DONE!
June: how was i supposed to know that'd happen??
Vriska: Well you've really fucked up now!!!!!!!!
You notice the briefcase is ajar, the latches not fully fastened.
June: maybe there is some useful infomation in the case, like an insurance number or something. i don't know!
You open the case. To your suprise, it contains a shit ton of cash. You take a closer look at the bands. They are $10,000 dollar bills stacked atop each over. Each band worth $500,000. You quickly realise the suitcase is worth multiple millions of dollars.
June: we hit the jackpot!
Vriska give's you a look, before you point at the cash. Her face goes from annoyed to elated.
Vriska: Holy shit!
June: we’re rich!
June: we’re filthy fucking rich!
Just then, Aradia finally arrives through the back. She takes one look at you, one look at Vriska, one look at the body, and one look at the cash.
Aradia: what the fuck
End Of Act One
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Act Two: Death Of The Party
The death of the party
Came as no surprise
Why did we bother?
Should have stayed away
- Blur
Egbert: i can explain-
Aradia: what
Aradia: that y0u and vriska clearly murdered a guy
Vriska: No we didn't!!!!!!!!
Aradia: well serket
Aradia: y0ur past makes it quite hard t0 believe
Aradia: a sentiment the c0urts will share
Egbert: what about the money.
Aradia: what m0ney
Egbert pulls out his phone and opens the calculator app, he begins mumbling to himself as he analyses the briefcase and it’s contents.
Vriska: Nice 8louse Eg8ert.
Fuck, you’re gonna have to give Egbert the “Vriska is a terrible person” talk before the flirting gets to-
Before you can finish that train of thought, Egbert blurts out the loudest Fuck you have ever heard. He turns to you and Vriska, holding up his phone to your faces. The total sum of money is
Aradia: f0urty five milli0n d0llars
Egbert: if all straps are the same, which they seem to be!
Ok, guess you’re going along with this then. That amount of money could send you to the best archaeology program in the world, with millions to spare. You could do whatever you want.
Aradia: what d0 we d0 with the b0dy then
Vriska: Hang on a minute.
Vriska: Didn’t you want to turn me in 8 fucking seconds ago?
Aradia: well the situati0n has changed
Vriska: You mean you saw how much money was involved.
Vriska: How very unlike you Megido ::::)
Egbert: listen you two!
He snaps at the two of you, something you didn’t expect from the guy.
Egbert: god it’s like herding cats...
Egbert: i know someone who can help us deal with the body.
Vriska: Are they trustworthy?
(Rich coming from her)
Egbert: i’ve known her since i was 10, so yes.
Egbert: she’s a safe pair of hands.
Egbert: and before you start, we are equally dividing the cash.
Egbert: no 60/30/10 bullshit!
He devides the sum by 4
Egbert: you’ll still have 11 and a quarter million dollars, so no reason to bitch eh?
Damn, he is a lot more assertive than you thought he could be; even Vriska looks surprised, although in a more “Guy’s got spunk” kind of way. He dials a number on his phone and the three of you wait for the body burier to pick up.
Jade: hi john!
Jade: how you been?
Jade: a bit out of the blue, but you know im happy to chat :)
John: i need your help.
Jade: oh no! whats happening?
Jade: is the college being shot up!?
Jade: is it an axe murderer??
John: listen, i can’t tell you over the phone.
John: just come to the mall, the backlot parking, say you’re a cleaner to get let in.
John: i’ve got a good reason btw.
Jade: ok john, just cough twice if youre a hostage.
John: i’m not a hostage, but thanks.
John hangs up the phone.
Vriska: Well she sounded competent...
John: well vriska.
John: she is a university level chemist with a large side of biology knowledge, so i’d say she’s competent.
Vriska: Damn Eg8ert, you’ve gotten so tetchy...
John: well i’m sorry, but there is a dead guy right here, and his 45 million dollars in cash. so yeah, i’m a bit fucking stressed.
Parking Supervisor: Purpose of visit
Jade: im a cleaner for Herbert’s-
Parking Supervisor: I don’t give a shit which store
Parking Supervisor: Just enter
That was easy, the parking guy just let you in. Seems like a security oversight but you’ll take it. You park your SAAB right in front of the back entrance. You don’t know why June needs you so badly, or why she can’t say to you what is going on; but if she needs help, you got to help her out (she’d do it for you).
You send her a quick pester, letting her know you’re here. Roughly 8 seconds later, the door busts open as two figures carry what looks like a roll of tarp. The front woman’s wearing a denim jacket with various patches, both to add personality, and to keep the old thing somewhat together. She is also wearing red sneakers, which match up with your red boots.
????: Nice 8oots. You must be Jade
Jade: yep! nice to meet you?
Vriska: Vriska ::::)
Vriska: Now, is your trunk 8ig enough?
Vriska: Come on Megido! Ain’t got all day!!!!!!!!
Megido: c0ming
Megido: at least give me a sec
June comes walking out with a suitcase, one you know ain’t hers because she never liked suitcases. She looks super stressed as well. Whatever is going on, it ain’t any good.
Jade: hey ju- egbert!
June: jegbert? that’s a new one.
Jade: why were you so cagey on the phone? and why do you need the trunk?
June: give me a sec.
June: hey vriska! does it fit?
Vriska and Megido manages to get the tarp roll into the trunk, and Vriska slams it shut.
Vriska: Yes it does. Quick question Jade, do you always keep the trunk open?
Jade: fuck, i forgot :(
Vriska: Well that 8odes well...
Jade: listen, could you please tell me whats going on pleeeeeze?
June responds to this request by opening the briefcase and flashing it’s contents. Rows of 10K Bills upon Rows of more 10K Bills, which you’d dismiss as fake if it weren’t for the look on June’s face. How the hell did they get this much cash!
June: jade, if you help us deal with the tarp, you’ll get 11 and a quarter million dollars in cash.
Jade: really?
June: hand on my heart. now, can we get a lift to your place, it’s probably got the things we need.
Jade: sure!
You and Aradia try to squeeze into the back of Jade’s car, which wouldn’t be as hard if it weren’t for the suitcase taking the middle of the three seats.
Vriska: 8udge over Aradia!
Aradia: y0u kn0w theres barely en0ugh space
Jade: them two bicker like siblings...
Egbert: eh, me and rose didn’t argue this much tbf.
Jade: yeah, but you have two sisters so half the arguing per sister.
Egbert: can’t argue with the maths.
Jade: why do you need tarp anyway??
Vriska: To hold the 8ody, o8viously...
Jade turns paler then a plate, and as desaturated as a old sepia photo.
Jade: the what?!?!
Vriska: Did Eg8ert not mention it?
(Egbert shoots you daggers with their eyes, not that it does much)
Egbert: course i didn’t!
Jade: did you fucking murder someone june???
Aradia: (june?)
June: it was an accident, i swear on my dad’s grave.
June: (did you just call me june btw?)
June: (how the hell do you know?)
June: (anywho)
June: that’s why we need to get to your place to grab shovels.
Jade: to bury the body in my garden???
Jade: no goddamn way i’m letting you tear up my greenery for corpse disposal.
June: hell no, we are gonna bury the body in the woods
June: a whole mile away from your flowerbed.
Jade: and then what, were you going to just give me the cash and fuck off???
June: well, yeah?
Jade: listen.
Jade: i can not in good conscience let you do this
(You begin to ready yourself to attack her if she does anything)
Jade: on your own.
June: but the three of us-
Jade: i already have the blood money, so i’m in.
Jade: besides, youre my friend, and friends help each other out with stuff
Jade: including hiding a body :)
June: thanks jade.
Jade: besides, you cant just bury it as is silly!
Jade: that’ll make it super easy for the cops to find it.
Jade: what you should do is this:
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The first thing you do once you get to Jade’s place, a somewhat secluded house on the outskirts of town, is unload the trunk. Inside the tarp roll lies what you once thought to be your one shot at making it in life. Ironic, in death he still has helped you more then you could have imagined. You and Aradia, on your count, lift and carry the roll into the house’s hatched basement.
Once inside, you plop down the tarp, and June begins to unroll it. Inside, the body is a tad banged up; but the damage won’t be much of a problem. Jade then gets all of you to wear some disposable medical gloves, double bagged at that; don’t want risk contamination. Your prongs feel like they’re losing circulation, but at least you’ll leave no fingerprints.
Jade: ok
Jade: firstly we have to drain it
Jade: otherwise itll be like a 80s horror film!
Jade points at Aradia
Jade: could you grab the blood bags, there should be one in that drawer
Jade: the middle one.
Jade: june could you grab the pump from down there
Jade: and ill grab the tube!
The three collect the equipment and you all gather round the body.
Jade: ok, which one of you is strong enough to stab someone in the heart with this!!
Cue her holding up a tube with a sharp blade-esc thing on the end.
Vriska: Me, o8viously...
Aradia: yeah seems accurate
June: sure.
Jade hands you the blade tube, removes the jacket from the body, and rips a hole in his shirt right where she wants you to stab them.
Jade: ok
Jade: on the count of three, thrust!
Jade: one
Jade: two
When she starts to say three, you plunge the dagger into the large blood vessel under the body’s skin. Jade grabs the first blood bag of Aradia and puts it in the other end of the pump. An interesting thing about it’s design is that is has a small chamber, to help if the bags need swapping.
Jade switches the pump on and the blood starts to get drawn into the bag. Jade takes the rest of the blood bags and counts them.
Jade: great, we have more than enough bags for this to work! now to sort out the vacuum freezer...
Jade runs into another room - passing you the blood bags, and Aradia takes this as an opportunity to make off with June. Guess you’re on blood bag duty.
Aradia pretty much drags you upstairs, at a brisk pace, into Jade’s living room. You’re not too sure what she wants but it’s better than watching blood get drained out of a man. Jade’s living room is rather homely, but there is a catch.
June: aradia, you might wanna take your shoes off, or jade will kill you.
Aradia: why
Aradia then looks at the floor, and sees it’s made of carpet.
Aradia: 0h thats why
June: exactly, now pass them.
She does just that, passing you her boots; and you take off your sneakers, placing the pairs to the side.
June: now, why did you drag me all the way up here for?
Aradia: because y0u need t0 stay the fuck away fr0m vriska
June: what? why?
June: you think she’s flirting with me?
June: omg is she?
June: are you jealous?
Aradia: n0pe
Aradia: its cus shes a h0micidal s0ci0path
Aradia must be joking, cus she said it in such a deadpan way.
June: oh really?
June: what, did she do, smash up her motorcycle?
Aradia: h0w ab0ut blinding her best friend
Aradia: crippling 0ur mutual friend
Aradia: feeding th0usands 0f tr0lls t0 her lusus
Aradia: 0h and trying t0 murder me
JESUS CHRIST. Vriska did that? What the fuck???? You feel the colour drain from your face. You have just gotten involved with a serious dangerous person. She could kill you if she thinks you’ll snitch. Fuck, you knew this was a horrible idea. You begin to shake a tad, and begin muttering to yourself.
June: (i’m screwed i’m screwed i’m screwed i’m gonna die and no one’s gonna miss me and my family will)
You go on for what feels forever, until Aradia mutters something to herself about cant believe and gives you a big hug. This shakes you out of your spiral. Aradia feels warm and cosy, like wrapping yourself in an electric blanket. You almost don’t want to let go.
But Aradia does, and she lets go of you. She seems a bit flustered.
June: sorry...
Aradia: its 0k
Aradia: just its been a while since ive been that
Aradia: pale with s0meone
Fuck, isn’t that a Troll romance thing? You barely have a grasp on how human romance works, so you feel a bit at sea here. Isn’t pale the platonic one? Wait, so is the ashen one. Oh yeah, it’s the super close friends one.
June: me neither.
June: i hope you don’t mind me saying this
June: but you’re real nice to hug.
Aradia’s face turns even more red. Guess she gets as flustered as you do.
Aradia: thanks
Aradia: n0w we sh0uld get back
Aradia: d0nt want them thinking were scheming
June: yeah.
The two of you pop your shoes back on and head back to the basement.
After setting up the vacuum freezer for the body, which involved checking to see if you could fit the body in there, and removing all the trays, you check back up on the body. Vriska is doing a good job with the blood bags, while June and Aradia are nowhere to be seen. You stand next to Vriska, who’s watching the pump like a hunter watches prey.
Jade: youre doing a good job btw :)
Vriska: Of course, I oooooooonly do good jo8s.
Vriska: why do you need the 8lood anyway?
Jade: twofold.
Jade: one, in case we need to chop up the body to make it fit in the vacuum freezer.
Jade: and two, so i can use the blood when im hunting
Jade: to lure animals and such!!
Vriska: And why are we “Vacuum Freezing” it anyway?
Vriska: Does it wrap the 8ody or something.
Jade: itll shrink the body a bit, so we can stuff it in a box and bury it.
Jade: dogs cant smell things that are in a box, unless its opened.
Vriska: Clever.
You decide to talk to Vriska something else.
Jade: is it just me, or is june annoyed at us right now :(
Vriska: Just you, considering you outed her.
Vriska: Which is a 8ick move 8y the w8y.
Vriska: You c8n’t go out8ng peop8e like th8t!
Jade: i didnt mean to, it was a slip of the tongue you know.
Vriska: Weeeeeeeell you’re lucky you slipped your tongue in front of Trolls.
Vriska: Cus we tend to not give a fuck, unlike some humans.
Vriska: How’d you know 8efore she told you anyway????????
Jade: she left her front door unlocked, and her estrogen bottle on her desk, along with pesterlogs with her name on.
Jade: it doesnt take a genius to figure that out.
Vriska: Wow Jade, I didn’t know you liked walking into people’s hives like that!!!!!!!!
Jade: come on, i thought she was pulling a prank you know.
Jade: its not my fault she forgot to tell me she was at work.
Vriska: Well, it’s not me you got to apologise to you know...
June and Aradia arrive from upstairs, which explains where they were at least. The pump is seeming to dry up, the blood must have finish draining.
Vriska detaches the tube and the last blood bag.
Jade: good timing you two!
Jade: you better have taken your shoes off, and not gotten dirt in my carpet again june.
June: we did.
Jade: great!
Jade: now could you two carry the body and follow me to the vacuum freezer.
You and Aradia place the body next to the big machine, which you guess is the “Vacuum Freezer”. Jade places the blood bags into the fridge next to it.
Vriska: Where did you get this thing anyway?
Jade: off my grandpa, its his old unit.
June: and does it work?
Jade: course it does, i used it last week to taxidermy my newest catch!
Jade: now, we have to stripe the body, the clothes might interfere.
Jade begins to take off the body’s clothes, until they’re completely naked. You try not to look at the genitalia. Jade then drags the body and successfully fits it into the freezer.
Jade: now, this will take a while.
Jade: so id take this opportunity to head home and rest.
Aradia: isnt that a bit risky
Jade: i live out of town, and the only person who goes in here is nepeta.
Jade: and we aint going hunting till november.
Vriska: What a8out the cash?
June: we can leave it with jade.
June: we’re already trusting her with the body.
Aradia: sure
The three of you decide to call a taxi to the mall, and drive your vehicles back to your place. Said taxi arrived about 25 minutes later and once you get to the mall, you get into your ford fusion and head to your place. Checking your phone, you see some messages from Dave and Roxy. Nothing that seems to indicate a problem.
You arrive at the apartment complex. Behind you, you hear a motorcycle getting closer. To your new found horror, Vriska rolls up in her shitty Japanese bike and parks right next to you.
Vriska: Hey, didn’t know you lived here too.
Vriska: Nice to know I have suuuuuuuuch upstanding neighbours.
Vriska: Right June????????
June: right...
She heads inside, giving you a new thing to worry about tonight.