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“Deidara.. what made you think i would chose you over anything?..” A low-toned voice spoke softly, faceless but a smile was present, not a gentle smile of a sympathetic lover but a smile of laughter from a bully, the person was pale, tall and slim, this bass voiced echoed through the empty voidDeidara stared at the figure, deidara stared hard as he tried to see this person face, but nothing it was pitch black the only thing deidara was able to tell apart from this person was their mouth and body but not their eyes or face features, just a pale face“But.. i thought you wanted to be with me forever..” a Piercing voice was heard across from the mysterious person, deidara stared as he watched his younger self in distress, deidara couldnt move or speak, no matter how many times he tried to, he was forced to watch this every nightThe mysterious creature? Moved close to younger deidara and grabbed him by his face, deidara watched before he fell and was soon woke up quickly,Deidara slowly grabbed his heart on his chest as his heart beat was pumping fast, deidara sighed slowly before looking at the celling“Stupid dream again..” deidara whispered softly as his voice cracked showing he was crying a bit in his sleep, deidara felt the sweat down his back to his armpits and his neck, his body was hot, and not the type of hot of a good sex but the type of hot when u awaken from a nightmareDeidara slowly sat up as his hair was quick to take over his vision, the bright blonde taking over his view as he had his head down as he was sitting on the bed“..it so hot..un” deidara spoke to himself as he grabbed the hair tie from his wrist and slowly started to put his luxurious hair in a ponytail. deidara looked around his small apartment, very smallDeidara hated this apartment, but it was the only affordable one he could pay for, the kitchen was small as from the kitchen you can quickly go to the living room as they was connected the only 2 rooms with doors is the bathroom and deidara bedroom which is also small, the only thing that could fit was a twin size bed and a dresser with a closet in the room alreadyDeidara looked at the clock from his dresser “it only 3:40 am?.. seriously..” deidara whispered softly again, deidara slowly got of bed as his skin started to feel the cold air once the blanket fell off him , deidara smelt the sweat off him as he scrunched his nose in disgust by the smell, he walked out his room as he entered the kitchen quickly to grab a bottle of water,The sip of cold water hitting his deserted throat, hearing his own gulping sound as the cold water rushed down his throat and body as it cooled deidara down from the heat of his body, deidara soon stopped as he heard that bass voice againDeidara looked at the dark void where his living room should of been, the figure stood there watching deidara take the last sip of his fresh drink, deidara stared back“You look pathetic since the day i meant you… how ugly you are.. how could i be with a creature as ugly as you..” the male stood there judging deidara, deidara didnt make an expression as he went to the wall, the light to the living room turned on and the dark void was gone, same with the voice, gone“What the fuck?..” deidara frowned a bit as he turned off the light and the outline of the furniture of his living was blinking into the darkness slowly turning it into the dark void..Deidara didnt stay in the kitchen long as he went to his room, he plopped himself on his bed, deidara felt for his phone as he went to look at the time ‘4:25 am’ deidara turned his phone off as he rested his eyes hoping to fall into a different dream instead of the same one for the pass 3 years
୧ ‧₊˚ 🍓 ⋅ ☆
Deidara adjusted his uniform behind the counter, tapping a pen rhythmically against the register. The store was eerily quiet, as it often was during his night shifts. He liked the solitude; it gave him time to sketch and lose himself in his thoughts. Tonight, however, the silence felt heavier, like something was pressing down on the atmosphere.The door jingled, breaking the stillness, and Deidara glanced up briefly before looking back at his sketchbook. He’d been working on a design inspired by the song playing on the radio, Killing Me Softly. His pencil glided across the page, capturing sharp lines and soft shadows. He didn’t notice the customer approaching the counter until the song ended and a deep, resonant voice spoke.“That’s a good song. Haven’t heard it in years.”Deidara startled, snapping his head up. A man stood at the counter, holding a couple of bottles of alcohol. His presence was striking—tall, with long black hair that cascaded neatly over his shoulders. His eyes, dark with a faint hint of red in the dim light, caught Deidara off guard. For a moment, Deidara simply stared.“Uh, sorry about that,” Deidara muttered, clearing his throat. He set his pencil down and moved to scan the bottles. “Should’ve said something sooner, un.”The man gave a faint smile, leaning his elbow casually on the counter. “Didn’t want to interrupt. You seemed… focused.”Deidara felt his face heat up slightly but ignored it, focusing on the register. “ID?” he asked, holding out his hand.The man raised a brow but complied, fishing out his wallet and handing over a card. Deidara glanced at the ID, noting the year of birth. “Twenty-one,” he said, handing it back. “Just barely old enough.”The man chuckled softly, the sound low and smooth. “Yeah, just made it. Feels surreal sometimes. Especially after everything we’ve been through the last few years.” He took the bottles as Deidara bagged them.Deidara nodded politely, not quite sure how to respond. As he handed the bag over, the man’s gaze flickered to the sketchpad lying open on the counter.“Nice work,” he commented, gesturing toward the drawing.Deidara hesitated, glancing at the sketch. It was a rough outline of a figure, one he hadn’t consciously thought much about but had been drawing on and off for years. Something about it felt familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on why.“Thanks,” he said shortly, closing the notebook.The man lingered for a moment, as if about to say something else, but instead, he just smiled faintly. “You’ve got talent.”Deidara watched as the man left, the sound of the door jingling once more as he walked out to a sleek black car parked outside. For a moment, the parking lot was illuminated by the car’s headlights before they disappeared into the night.Deidara exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. He opened the sketchpad again, staring at the unfinished figure on the page. The sharp angles of the face, the piercing eyes—why did they seem so familiar? He frowned, then ripped the page out and crumpled it, tossing it into the trash.The night dragged on, and as Deidara’s shift ended, he couldn’t shake the strange feeling the man’s presence had left behind. Something about him had felt… off. Like a memory Deidara couldn’t quite recall.Deidara returned home exhausted but too wired to sleep. As he stepped into his apartment, his phone buzzed on the counter. He checked the screen: Sasori—My Man.He smiled faintly and answered, his voice soft. “Hey, Sasori. What’s up, un?”“Finally. You take longer to pick up than Kisame does to apologize,” Sasori replied, his tone nonchalant but with an edge of frustration.Deidara smirked. “Guessing you two fought again?”Sasori let out a sharp sigh. “Yeah. Same old story. He’s distracted, vague about everything, and keeps brushing me off. It’s getting ridiculous.”Deidara sat on his bed, listening as Sasori vented, his voice calm but laced with irritation.“And then there’s this friend of his,” Sasori continued. “He hasn’t stopped talking about them since they showed up. Won’t even tell me much—just that they’re someone important. Important enough to ditch me last night without so much as an explanation.”Deidara leaned back, frowning slightly. “Sounds like he’s being a bit careless, un,” he said softly, trying to tread carefully.“A bit?” Sasori snapped, though his voice stayed measured. “It’s like I’m not even here half the time. He won’t even admit when something’s bothering him.”Deidara didn’t reply immediately, sensing Sasori’s frustration bubbling under the surface. Instead, he listened, occasionally offering a quiet hum or a simple, “I hear you.”“Whatever,” Sasori muttered after a moment. “I just needed to vent. I’m coming over, by the way. Can’t stand to be in that apartment right now.”Deidara blinked, caught off guard. “Wait, now?”“Yeah, now. Got some drinks with me too. I’ll be there in ten.” The line went dead before Deidara could protest.Deidara sighed, setting his phone down and running a hand through his hair. He glanced at the trash can, where the crumpled sketch still sat. The stranger’s face lingered in his mind, mingling with the weight of Sasori’s words.Something about all of it didn’t sit right.
🫧 𓇼 ೀSasori arrived at Deidara’s apartment pretty quick once deidara had left work, he just let himself in without knocking, as he usually did. Deidara glanced up from his sketchpad, raising a brow as Sasori headed straight for the couch and sat down, a bottled drink already in his hand.“…So, I’m guessing things with Kisame aren’t great, un?” Deidara asked, putting his pencil down.Sasori cracked open his drink, taking a slow sip before replying. His voice was steady, but his words carried an edge. “Not great is putting it mildly. He’s been acting… different. Distant.”Deidara nodded slightly but said nothing, waiting for Sasori to elaborate.“Every time I turn around, he’s on his phone talking with someone ,” Sasori continued, his tone clipped. “Some guy he used to know from years ago. They’re so close now, apparently. Like I don’t even exist.”Deidara blinked, leaning back on his chair. “Old friend?”“That’s what he says,” Sasori replied flatly. “Tall guy, long black hair, real quiet. Has this whole… ‘calm and collected’ vibe. Kisame says they go way back, but what does that even mean?”Deidara tilted his head slightly. “You think there’s more to it?”Sasori scoffed, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. “I’m not accusing him of anything. Yet. But it’s weird, you know? He barely tells me anything anymore. He’ll just drop everything and run to this guy like I’m not even his boyfriend?.”Deidara frowned, choosing his words carefully. “Maybe it’s… nothing? People do weird stuff when they’re reconnecting, un.”“That’s the thing, though,” Sasori interrupted, his voice sharpening. “It’s not just reconnecting. It’s like… I’m competing with this ghost from his past. And I don’t even know who the hell this guy really is. Kisame tells me to ‘chill’ and that I’m overthinking it, but he’s the one acting shady.”Deidara hesitated. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he offered a simple, “That’s tough, man.”Sasori took another slow sip of his drink, his eyes narrowing. “Tough doesn’t even begin to describe it. I don’t like not knowing. This guy—he’s too… perfect. You know what I mean? Perfectly composed. Too polite. It’s like he doesn’t belong in Kisame’s world.”Deidara hummed in agreement, not entirely sure what Sasori meant but catching the frustration in his tone.“I don’t know why it bothers me so much,” Sasori admitted, his voice quieter now but no less tense. “Maybe it’s the way Kisame looks at him. Like he’s looking at something he’s been missing. Something I’ll never be.”Deidara frowned, his expression softening. “You’re probably overthinking, un. Kisame’s with you, isn’t he? That’s gotta mean something.”Sasori let out a dry laugh. “Sure. He’s with me, but half the time, I wonder if his head is somewhere else.”Deidara leaned forward, resting his chin on his palm. He didn’t know what else to say. Sasori wasn’t the type to open up often, and when he did, he didn’t usually want advice—just someone to listen.“I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” Sasori muttered, his tone turning back to its usual nonchalance. “It’s not like you’re an expert on relationships.”Deidara smirked faintly, choosing not to take the bait. “You’d be surprised, un.”Sasori rolled his eyes, finishing his drink and setting the empty bottle on the coffee table. “Whatever. I just need a distraction. Got anything to eat?”Deidara stood up, stretching. “Not much, but I’ll see what I can find.” As he walked to the kitchen, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this mysterious friend Sasori mentioned wasn’t just some random guy.It became late as sasori vented his problems to deidara, sasori was quick to pass out from the beers he drunk alone, deidara made sure sasori was comfortable on the couch before he went to sleep in his own room
♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧
Deidara’s could feel his heart race in his ears as the dream began to unfold again, the familiar emptiness of the void surrounding him. Deidara had only just shut his eyes for a moment but it feels like forever, this dream been going on for 3 years.. deidara needs a breakDeidara stood alone, as always, staring into the darkness where the figure would emerge. The shape slowly took form, but its face—its features—remained absent, a faceless shadow. The body, tall and imposing, was something Deidara had come to recognize, but the details always felt just out of reach.The voice echoed, a low murmur that Deidara could never quite place but that stirred something deep within him. The words felt like they had been said a thousand times before, and yet Deidara never understood them.“You were never enough,” the voice intoned, filled with cruel finality. “I chose what mattered. You were just another… distraction.”Deidara flinched, the words piercing into his chest like a cold blade. He wanted to scream, to ask who this person was, why they haunted him in every sleep, but all he could do was stare into the emptiness of the figure’s face—empty, but familiar in some twisted way.A cold chill crept up his spine as the figure stepped closer, its tall form looming over him. There was something almost suffocating about it. The figure’s hands moved, as if reaching for him, but Deidara instinctively pulled back.“You thought you could trust me,” the voice continued, distant and detached, as though it was speaking to someone who no longer mattered. “But in the end, I chose what would give me more. Always.”The words made no sense. Deidara could feel the weight of them, heavy and final, but the meaning remained elusive, like a forgotten language he couldn’t quite remember. Who was this person? Why did they feel so familiar?The figure’s presence was suffocating, its form burned into his memory. But when Deidara tried to recall anything beyond the body—anything about the face or the eyes—he was met with an emptiness that made his heart pound harder.There was a body—long dark hair, tall, and slender—but the face was a blur. The voice, though, that low, mocking tone, echoed in his mind, leaving a lingering sensation of betrayal. The face… it was gone. Gone, like a memory Deidara couldn’t piece together no matter how hard he tried.The figure suddenly stepped back, vanishing into the void, and Deidara was left standing in the darkness, alone once again. The words echoed in his mind, relentless.“I chose what mattered… not you.”Deidara jolted awake, his breath ragged and shallow. Sweat coated his skin, and his heart hammered in his chest. He sat up in bed, clutching the blankets, his mind whirling with the fragmented images of the dream. The figure, the voice, the body—everything felt so close, yet just out of his reach.His head throbbed with the remnants of the dream, but he couldn’t make sense of it. Who was this person? Why did they haunt him, night after night? The face—there was no face to remember. Only an empty void where the features should be.Deidara sat there in the dark, the only sound the soft hum of his apartment’s old refrigerator. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself, but the unease didn’t fade. The voice, the body, the words—he could feel them lingering, as if they were waiting for him to understand, to remember.But no matter how hard he tried, the pieces wouldn’t fit. It was like he was missing something crucial, a part of himself that he couldn’t reclaim. The face was gone, but the body was there. That tall figure with dark hair—it all felt so familiar, but still so far away.Deidara glanced at the clock beside his bed. 3:45 AM. He exhaled slowly, his thoughts muddled, the edges of his consciousness still tangled in the dream. He rubbed his eyes and reached for his phone, checking for any messages that might pull him out of the fog.Nothing.He tossed the phone aside and lay back down, staring at the ceiling, trying to push the dream out of his mind. It had been happening for years, the same face, the same voice, but never any answers. Every night, the face stayed hidden, the identity lost, and the pain of those words lingered.“I chose what mattered…”The phrase echoed in his mind as he closed his eyes. It was the same every time—dreaming of the same person who had left him with nothing but haunting words and an empty face. And though the name, the face, the memory of who this person really was remained locked away, the dream was never the same. Each time, a little more was revealed, a little more was lost.But Deidara couldn’t remember their name. He didn’t know who they were. All he knew was that they had chosen something else, something over him—and it hurt more than he could explain.And as his eyelids fluttered closed, Deidara couldn’t shake the feeling that one day, in the waking world, he might meet this person again. But when he did… would he remember?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Deidara’s restless nights grow heavier as fragmented memories of a faceless figure begin to blur the lines between his dreams and reality. forcing him to confront pieces of his past that linger like shadows, just out of reach, as the world around him begins to shift in ways he can’t explain.Deidara’s head throbbed, a dull ache that refused to subside. He opened his eyes, staring at the dark ceiling above him. Sleep had been impossible; time felt like it had frozen, leaving him trapped in a loop of restless thoughts. His nightmares, though vivid, left him feeling more lost than ever. They felt tied to his past, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember.Everything in the dream was hazy, blurred at the edges. There was no setting—no hint if it was inside or outside. Just a dark, empty void. Two figures stood there: himself and a man whose presence felt suffocatingly familiar. Deidara could only recall fragments of the man—his deep, alluring voice and his tall, lean frame. The face, however, remained frustratingly absent.With a heavy sigh, Deidara swung his legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing his temples as if that would help piece things together. The dreams were constant, nagging at him like a puzzle he couldn’t solve. He glanced at the clock; the night still stretched on. Sitting there in the quiet of his room, Deidara felt as though he was chasing shadows he wasn’t sure he wanted to catch.
Deidara glanced at the time once more before deciding he needed to clear his head. A walk might help. He pulled on a pair of sweats and a hoodie, opting to leave his shirt off since his body was still damp with sweat from the nightmare. Quietly, he left his room and padded into the living room, his steps soft.Sasori was sprawled out on the couch, sound asleep, his face relaxed for once. Empty bottles sat scattered on the coffee table, remnants of their earlier conversation. Deidara paused briefly, debating if he should wake him, but decided against it. Sasori needed the rest. Slipping out of the apartment as quietly as he could, Deidara welcomed the cold night air as it brushed against his face. It was refreshing, cutting through the lingering haze in his mind.Without much thought, his feet carried him toward the 24-hour gas station where he worked. The streets were nearly empty, and the faint glow of the station’s fluorescent lights lit his path. When Deidara stepped inside, he made his way toward the snack aisle. The store was quiet except for the steady hum of the refrigerators, the sound oddly soothing in the stillness.At the counter, he spotted a familiar figure slumped forward, head resting on crossed arms. Deidara sighed and shook his head, a hint of amusement crossing his face.“…Naruto? You do realize someone could rob this place while you’re sleeping, un?” Deidara said softly, leaning over the counter to shake the teenager awake.Naruto jolted upright, his curly blonde hair a mess and his eyes wide with panic. “Deidara-sama! I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t hear you come in—” he began, scrambling for an excuse.Deidara cut him off with a dry chuckle. “Of course you didn’t hear me. You were asleep,” he remarked, his tone dripping with sarcasm.Naruto groaned, rubbing the back of his neck as he quickly grabbed Deidara’s snacks to ring them up. “I’m sorry…” he muttered sheepishly, focusing on the task at hand.As the register beeped softly, the jingle of the station door opening caught their attention. Naruto glanced toward the entrance, but Deidara didn’t bother looking, keeping his focus on the counter. However, his eyes flicked briefly to the parking lot outside—and there it was again. The same sleek black car as before, its headlights beaming directly at the store.Deidara frowned, the sight sending a strange unease through him. He quickly grabbed his change and the bag Naruto handed him. “Thanks, un,” he muttered before heading for the door.As he stepped outside, the cold air hit him again, but it did little to shake off the tension building in his chest. The car’s lights seemed to follow him, illuminating his path as he walked away. Deidara clenched the bag in his hand, his mind racing with questions he didn’t have answers to. Something about that car, about whoever was behind the wheel, felt far too familiar—and he hated how it made his heart race in a way that wasn’t entirely fear.
Deidara walked away from the gas station, his heart racing for reasons he couldn’t fully explain. The sound of the car door opening and slamming shut behind him didn’t help. He forced himself to keep moving, ignoring the creeping unease gnawing at him. Something about that car gave him a bad feeling—an eerie, inexplicable sensation that made him want to keep walking and never look back.The further he got from the gas station, the quieter his surroundings became. The hum of the streetlights faded, replaced by the soft crunch of gravel beneath his feet. Then came the footsteps. They were distant at first, but steadily grew closer. Deidara didn’t turn around. He focused straight ahead, telling himself it was probably nothing, just someone else out for a late-night stroll. But as he turned onto the street leading home, a hand landed on his shoulder.“Deidara? Hey, what are you doing out so late, man? I knew it was you the moment you walked out of the store.”The voice was composed but familiar. Slowly, the grip on his shoulder loosened, and Deidara turned around to meet the face of someone he hadn’t expected.“Kisame,” Deidara said flatly, his expression unamused. “What are you doing here?”Kisame gave a half-smile, his tone shifting from casual to concerned. “Have you seen Sasori? I’ve been trying to call him all day yesterday and couldn’t get through. It’s not like him to disappear like that.”Deidara hesitated, but he quickly masked it with a worried expression. “No? I haven’t seen him either,” he lied, his tone tight.Kisame’s brows furrowed. “Sasori isn’t the type to just vanish… If he calls you, can you let me know immediately?”Deidara didn’t answer right away. Instead, he crossed his arms and frowned. “What were you doing in that black car earlier? Who were you with? I know it wasn’t you who walked into the store—you’re not exactly easy to miss.”The question caught Kisame off guard, but he quickly recovered. “Oh, I’ve been reconnecting with an old friend of mine. He just got back from college. We were grabbing a late snack and heading back to his place to relax.”Deidara raised a skeptical brow. “Again? So you weren’t with Sasori yesterday at all?”Kisame shifted uncomfortably under Deidara’s accusatory tone. “Well… no, but I was planning to head home today—”“You left Sasori alone?” Deidara snapped, his voice rising. “What if someone robbed your house? What if Sasori went for a walk and got hit by a car?!”Kisame held up his hands defensively. “Whoa, calm down. Sasori’s not some weakling. He can handle himself. And if he got hit by a car, I’d be the first to know—I’m his emergency contact. What’s this really about?”Deidara exhaled sharply, glaring at Kisame. “Is this ‘friend’ of yours some old ex or something? No one disappears for a whole day without their partner being okay with it.”Before Kisame could respond, the faint sound of a car engine cut through the tension. Both men turned to see the black car slowly pulling up toward them. The driver’s door opened, and a slim figure stepped out.The man approached them, his movements calm and deliberate. He patted Kisame on the back before looking at Deidara with a faint smile. “Hey… I remember you—”Deidara interrupted him , his tone sharp as he pointed at Kisame. “Go home. Go to your lover. Sasori’s probably worried sick, and you’re here at almost 5 a.m. with another man? How do you think he’ll take it if I tell him about this?”Kisame sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Deidara—”“Go. Home. Kisame.. im sure sasori home with a dead phone or something ,” Deidara snapped, walking off before Kisame could finish.The two men stood in silence, watching Deidara retreat into the night. Kisame glanced at his old friend, who had remained quiet.“I should head home to my husband,” Kisame said softly, forcing a smile. “It was nice seeing you, but I can’t leave Sasori alone like this.”The man—Itachi—watched Deidara disappear into the distance, his expression unreadable. “..he so different now then back in high school..”Kisame sighed as he made his way to the car’s passenger side. “He changed itachi.. he not the same boy you used for fun anymore..he quite stubborn now”Itachi didn’t reply. He got back into the driver’s seat, his gaze lingering on the road ahead before pulling away. The car disappeared into the night, heading toward Kisame’s home, but the weight of the encounter lingered heavily in the air.
The silence in the car was thick, broken only by the quiet hum of the engine as Itachi gripped the steering wheel tightly. He glanced at Kisame out of the corner of his eye, his tone soft yet sharp.“I left for a good reason, Kisame.”Kisame didn’t look up from his phone. He scrolled absently, his thumb moving slower than usual. “You ended things in the worst way possible with everyone, Itachi. Good reasons don’t excuse bad actions.”Itachi’s knuckles whitened as he tightened his grip on the wheel, his voice dropping lower. “Is he… dating someone?”Kisame froze mid-scroll. His body stiffened as if the weight of the question had landed on his shoulders. It wasn’t just the question itself—it was the way Itachi asked, the mix of curiosity and tension laced in his tone.“Yeah…” Kisame said carefully, his voice neutral but his mind racing. Lying felt wrong, but the truth was worse. “You remember Hidan, right? He got into a serious relationship with Hidan about a year after you left.”The car jerked to a sudden stop at a red light, and Kisame lurched forward, barely catching himself. “What the hell, Itachi?”“Hidan?” Itachi repeated, his voice sharp and incredulous. “Out of all people? That freak Hidan?”Kisame’s fingers twitched around his phone, bracing for the rant.“After everything I did for Deidara? The things I gave him?” Itachi’s voice grew heated, a bitter edge creeping in. “And he goes and dates someone who’s only in love with sex?”Kisame snapped his head toward Itachi, his patience wearing thin. “Everything you did for Deidara?” he asked, his tone cutting. “Are you serious right now? Let me remind you that the only reason you ever went near Deidara was to piss off your father. You used him, Itachi. You never cared about him—stop acting like you did.”The light turned green, but Itachi didn’t move. The car idled as Kisame’s words hung in the air.“You’re only back here to ruin him all over again, aren’t you?” Kisame pressed on, his voice rising slightly. “Does it get you off, Uchiha? Watching people break? Seeing them beg for your attention or fall apart just so you can feel superior?”The words hit like daggers, and Itachi’s jaw tightened as he started driving again. The car moved, but the tension in the air didn’t fade. Kisame exhaled sharply, his own anger simmering.“Stop showing up at Deidara’s job,” Kisame continued, his tone lower but no less intense. “The only reason you want to see him is to make sure he’s still damaged. That’s your thing, isn’t it? To see if you’ve left someone in ruins?”Itachi didn’t respond, his eyes locked on the road ahead. His silence wasn’t reassuring—it was heavy, calculated.When they reached Kisame’s home, the car rolled to a stop. Kisame unbuckled his seatbelt, opening the door before pausing to look back at Itachi.“Go back to college, Itachi,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “Finish your business major or whatever it is you’re doing. It was nice seeing you, but if you’re here just to leave a trail of misery again… stay gone. Deidara’s finally in a good place. So am I. Don’t come back just to tear things apart.”Kisame stepped out and closed the door firmly behind him, leaving Itachi alone in the car.Itachi stared ahead, unmoving. The streetlights reflected off the windshield, their glow distorted by the storm of emotions swirling in his mind. Kisame’s words echoed in his head, cutting deeper than he cared to admit.For the first time in years, Itachi wasn’t sure if he was in control—or if he ever had been.Itachi drove home, his own little apartment, it was a decent place for him, Itachi plopped himself on the couch as he started at the celling itachi sighed as the words of kisame echoed through his mindItachi sat on the couch, his head tilted back against the cushion as the dull ache in his chest grew heavier. Kisame’s words clawed at the back of his mind, a constant reminder of the damage he had left behind. His gaze flicked to the dim light overhead, but the room felt darker than it was.He leaned forward suddenly, resting his elbows on his knees and pressing his hands against his face. He hated this feeling—this guilt he couldn’t shake, no matter how far he had run or how many years had passed. Coming back to this town had been a mistake.Deidara.The name forced its way to the surface, unbidden and unwelcome. It carried with it memories he had spent three years trying to forget. It wasn’t just a name; it was a wound, jagged and raw.The silence in the room seemed to swell as he closed his eyes, and the world around him began to fade. He was back there again, back to that moment—It was raining. The streets were slick with water, the faint glow of streetlights reflecting off the pavement. Itachi stood under an awning, his expression unreadable as he stared down at the figure in front of him. Deidara was soaked, his blonde hair clinging to his face as the rain drenched his clothes.“You’re just leaving?” Deidara’s voice was hoarse, a mix of disbelief and anger. His blue eyes burned with emotion, though Itachi couldn’t tell if it was anger, sadness, or something else entirely.“This isn’t working,” Itachi replied, his voice cold and measured. He refused to meet Deidara’s gaze, his hands tucked into the pockets of his coat.“Not working?” Deidara took a step forward, his hands balling into fists at his sides. “You mean I’m not useful to you anymore, yeah? That’s what you’re really saying.”Itachi flinched at the accusation but quickly masked it. “You’re being dramatic.”“No.” Deidara’s voice cracked, and he took another step closer. “You are just leaving me, again! Just tell me.. truthfully.. why did u ask me out?.. if you was always gonna leave me alone..”Itachi finally looked at him, his gaze sharp but hollow. “You’re not what I need anymore.. you’re pathetic to me now.. at first i figured you would be a useful distraction but you ended up being to clingy.. annoying.. i only used you to piss of my father and to leave once i had gotten accepted into my college with you help.. and now that it worked.. you’re useless?”“I chosen what matter the most.. and you aren’t that choice”The words hit harder than any blow could. Deidara’s breath hitched as he stared at him, his face pale. For a moment, the only sound was the rain falling around them.“You’re a coward, yeah?…” Deidara whispered, his voice trembling.Itachi didn’t respond. He turned on his heel, walking away into the downpour, leaving Deidara standing there, broken.The memory faded, and Itachi’s eyes snapped open. His breathing was uneven, and his fists were clenched tightly, his nails digging into his palms.“Coward,” he muttered to himself, the word echoing in his mind. He hated that Deidara had been right.The weight of his choices pressed down on him, suffocating. Coming back wasn’t supposed to feel like this. He thought he could move forward from the past and start new all over.. but seeing everyone here in this town and not even his own friend kisame wanting him here.. itachi wasn’t sure if he could face what he had broken.Itachi sat alone in his apartment, the soft hum of the city filtering through the window, but all he could hear was the echo of his own thoughts. His fingers gripped the edge of the couch as he stared out into the darkness, his mind replaying the words Kisame had thrown at him. They echoed relentlessly, as though the walls themselves were trying to remind him of everything he had destroyed.“Stop popping up to Deidara’s job… you only want to see if you ruined him.”Kisame’s voice had been blunt, cutting through the fog of Itachi’s thoughts. And Itachi hated that Kisame was right. His hands tightened, his knuckles turning white, as the sharp sting of regret sliced through him.He hadn’t expected this—coming back had felt like an opportunity, a chance for something new, for redemption, but now all he saw were the consequences of his past. Deidara’s face—faded, broken—haunted him. That night, in the rain, those words that had ripped through him like a blade…“You’re a coward, yeah?”Itachi’s chest tightened as the memory played on loop, each frame clearer than the last. He hadn’t meant to hurt Deidara. He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. But he had. And now, years later, he was back, and the ghosts of his past were only growing louder.Was he still in Deidara’s life? Itachi thought, the idea gnawing at him. The connection between them, once so strong, felt like it had dissolved into nothing. Kisame’s words rang in his ears again, and the weight of them nearly suffocated him.“I should never have come back,” Itachi muttered to himself, his voice hoarse, as if the very act of saying it would make the truth more real.A sharp, sudden pain shot through his chest, as though his heart were splitting. He didn’t know what he was hoping for. He didn’t know if Deidara even wanted to see him again, or if he was too far gone to ever matter.Itachi stood abruptly, walking to the window, staring at the distant lights. But all he could see was Deidara’s face—the face that had once been full of trust, full of life, now shadowed by memories he couldn’t shake.The night was heavy, and Itachi felt the weight of it as he stared into the darkness. Maybe there was no way to fix what he’d broken. Maybe there was no redemption.The thought hung in the air, lingering, as Itachi sank back onto the couch, exhaustion overtaking him.,Tomorrow, Itachi told himself, he would try—try to redeem himself, to fix what he had broken with Deidara, even if it was the last thing he did.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The cold morning air bit at Deidara’s skin as he stood on the balcony of his apartment, a cigarette dangling loosely from his fingers, its smoke curling upward and disappearing into the overcast sky.Deidara took a long drag from his cigarette, the burning sensation searing his throat as the smoke lazily escaped through his nose. He exhaled, leaning against the railing of his balcony, watching the quiet street below. He hadn’t gone to work today—something about the strange man from the night before unsettled him. The idea of seeing him again sent an odd chill down his spine.He glanced back into his apartment, his eyes lingering on the now-empty couch. Sasori had gone home earlier to patch things up with Kisame.Deidara smirked faintly at the memory of Sasori’s expression when the call came through.Kisame’s voice had been uncharacteristically soft, tinged with regret. “Babe… come home. I’m sorry. I’ll tell you everything. I shouldn’t have been so childish. Please don’t be mad at me.”The way Sasori’s face softened was a rare sight—peaceful, almost serene. After a brief thank-you to Deidara for letting him crash for the night, Sasori grabbed his things and left, leaving Deidara alone once more.Deidara inhaled deeply one last time before flicking the burnt-out cigarette off the balcony, watching the glowing ember fall into the darkness below. With a sigh, he turned back to his apartment. The faint smell of smoke, alcohol, and leftover takeout lingered in the air, making his nose wrinkle.“Time to clean this mess up, yeah,” Deidara muttered to himself as he tied his hair back. He grabbed a rag and some cleaner, starting with the living room. The coffee table bore faint rings from forgotten bottles, and the couch cushions were in disarray. He scrubbed at a stubborn stain on the armrest, his thoughts wandering as he worked.The sound of the sponge against fabric was oddly grounding, but it did little to quiet the growing unease in his chest.After finishing the cleaning, Deidara moved on to his bedroom, deciding it was time to get rid of clothes he no longer wore or that no longer fit. He rummaged through his closet, tossing old shirts and worn-out jeans into a pile.As he worked, a sudden wave of exhaustion washed over him. He slumped to the floor, leaning back against his bed, his gaze drifting upward to the ceiling.“…This feeling…” he murmured, his voice barely audible in the stillness of the room. “It’s so strange. Who is that man? An old lover? An ex-best friend?” His brows furrowed as he tried to grasp at the fleeting images from his recurring nightmares. “It’s like the dreams are trying to make me remember, but no matter how hard I try… I just can’t.”He sighed, running a hand through his messy blonde hair. His mind circled back to one of the more vivid dreams—Hidan was there, tending to him. Hidan’s voice was loud and taunting, but there had been a tenderness in the dream that felt… wrong.The memory lingered, yet something about it didn’t sit right. No matter how much Deidara tried to recall that moment in real life, it simply didn’t exist. It was as if his mind was playing tricks on him, weaving fragments of reality and fiction into an incomprehensible tangle.Frustrated, Deidara leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. “Why can’t I remember?” he whispered, his voice tinged with both anger and desperation. Whatever truth lay buried in his past, it refused to come to light, leaving him trapped in a haze of half-formed memories and unanswered questions.Deidara hesitated for a moment, unsure if calling Hidan was the right choice, but the pull of the vivid dream made him crave answers. Maybe Hidan could shed some light on the strange feeling lingering in his chest. If that dream had any truth to it, Hidan would surely remember something—anything—about their past.He grabbed his phone and scrolled through his contacts until his eyes landed on “Zombie Boy.” With a deep breath, he tapped the number and brought the phone to his ear.It rang five times before Hidan’s voice came through the line, filled with energy.“Ye-lllooo?” Hidan greeted, his tone playful.Deidara couldn’t help but smile a little. “Hey, Hidan!”“Dei? Hey man, what’s up? You don’t call me or anything! You good?” Hidan’s voice shifted from excitement to concern, the sudden change catching Deidara off guard.Deidara hesitated, trying to gauge his own feelings. “I’m fine… Can you come over? I could use some help cleaning out my closet.”A relieved sigh echoed through the phone. “Shit, man, yeah, I’ll be on my way. I’ve got you covered,” Hidan responded, his voice back to its usual upbeat self.“Thanks, Hidan,” Deidara said, feeling a sense of comfort in hearing the familiar voice, even if his mind still swirled with confusion.Deidara set his phone down and stood up, stretching out the tension in his back. He walked over to his closet and ran a hand through the clutter. Old clothes, forgotten memories, and scattered odds and ends were strewn about, and the thought of cleaning them out suddenly felt overwhelming. But he couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling, the strange sense that something important was hidden beneath the surface.As he started to pull things off the shelves, his mind wandered back to the dream—the man whose face he couldn’t remember, the strange sense of longing mixed with betrayal. Why did it feel like there was more to the dream than just a product of his fractured mind?The sound of a bike being turned off outside jolted Deidara from his thoughts. He glanced out the window and saw Hidan’s familiar bike parked outside. The engine sputtered out, and moments later, Hidan’s footsteps echoed up the stairs to Deidara’s door.There was a knock, sharp and quick. “Dei, open up!” Hidan called, his voice muffled through the wood.Deidara smiled to himself, wiping his hands on his pants before opening the door. Hidan stood there, wearing his usual grin, holding a bag of snacks in one hand and a bottle of soda in the other.“Got you something to drink, and some junk food to keep us going. Let’s get this closet cleaned out, yeah?” Hidan said, his tone light but still with a hint of concern in his eyes.“Thanks, man,” Deidara replied, stepping aside to let Hidan in. As Hidan made his way into the living room, Deidara couldn’t help but feel a little lighter, despite the confusion gnawing at him. Maybe talking to Hidan would help clear things up. Maybe he’d know something—anything—that could shed some light on the dark corners of his memory.“So,” Hidan started, as he set the snacks down on the table. “What exactly are we cleaning out here? The closet, huh?”Deidara nodded, but there was more to it than just clearing out a closet. He felt like he needed to clean out his own mind, too, and maybe, just maybe, Hidan could be the one to help him find the answers.
Deidara led Hidan into his bedroom, the closet door creaking as it opened to reveal the cluttered mess inside—clothes, boxes, and forgotten things strewn about. Hidan stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room, before letting out a low whistle.“Man, this place is a disaster,” he remarked, though his voice softened when he saw Deidara’s weary expression.“Yeah… I haven’t been up to it lately,” Deidara muttered, avoiding Hidan’s gaze as he moved toward a pile of clothes in the corner. “Been thinking about stuff.”Hidan raised an eyebrow. “What kind of stuff?”Deidara paused, his fingers absently tracing the edge of an old jacket he hadn’t worn in a while. “Dreams. I keep dreaming about someone… I know him, or at least I think I do. But every time I try to remember his face or who he is, it’s like… I can’t.”Hidan’s brow furrowed. “A guy? Like an ex or something?”Deidara shook his head, frustration creeping into his voice. “I don’t know. He feels important, but I can’t remember why. It’s just… frustrating.”Hidan stepped closer, his tone more serious now. “Could be your mind just blocking it out. I’ve seen people go through stuff, block out what they don’t wanna remember. Maybe that’s all it is. You’re overthinking it.”Deidara looked up at him, eyes searching for something in his face. “Maybe… But it feels like there’s more to it. Like I’m being pulled back to something.”Hidan gave a small shrug. “Could be. But, you know, if it’s something you’re really struggling with, I’m here to talk about it. Don’t have to keep it bottled up.”Deidara managed a small smile, though it was strained. “I don’t know if I can get it out. It’s just… confusing.”The two of them worked in silence for a while, sorting through the mess in the room. Eventually, Deidara glanced over at Hidan, his voice hesitant as he spoke again.“Hey, Hidan… did you ever take care of me? Like… when I was… not so well?”Hidan stopped what he was doing, glancing at Deidara with a sharp look. “Take care of you?” he repeated with a dry laugh. “What do you mean, take care of you?”Deidara shifted uncomfortably, his voice low. “I don’t really remember it, but… there were times when I wasn’t myself, right? When I… wasn’t in a good place?”Hidan paused, folding a shirt with exaggerated care before he finally spoke, his tone rough but tinged with something deeper. “Yeah, I had to take care of you, alright. You were completely out of it. You didn’t want anyone around, but I stuck around because I didn’t wanna see you fall apart but this was so long ago..you’re 19 now.. you must of been 16 turning 17 by then.”Deidara stayed quiet, watching him closely. “What happened?”Hidan’s expression darkened, his eyes hardening as he threw another shirt into the donation pile. “You got lost, Dei. Completely lost in your head. You were obsessing over someone, someone who didn’t even deserve to be in your thoughts. All you could think about was him, this guy with dark hair, brooding eyes… He had you wrapped around his finger, and you couldn’t see it. You couldn’t get past it.”Deidara felt a tightness in his chest, the mention of the same what description he had of the person he been dreaming about sending a wave of unease over him. He didn’t want to press, but the question slipped out before he could stop it. “What was he like?”Hidan’s voice grew colder, more biting. “He was the type who would just take and never give back. You couldn’t get enough of him, and it was messing with your head. All you did was cry about him, or get drunk or whatever else, just to try and numb it. I had to drag your ass out of that hole more than once.”Deidara didn’t say anything, his hands so still as he tried to process what Hidan had said, the appearance description it all felt familiar, but too distant to hold onto.“You were a fucking mess,” Hidan continued, his voice laced with frustration. “Barely eating. Barely sleeping. Just staring off into space, like you didn’t even recognize yourself anymore. Hell, I remember having to drag you out of your apartment just to make sure you didn’t do something stupid like the first few weeks.”Deidara’s stomach twisted at the words, but he didn’t interrupt. He could barely remember those times, but hearing it from someone else made it feel too real.“Not that you made it easy,” Hidan muttered, his face hardening. “You’d push me away, try to tell me to leave. But I wasn’t gonna do that. Not when you were fucking falling apart over some guy who wasn’t even worth your time.”Deidara’s chest tightened, a sharp pang of guilt cutting through him. He hadn’t known how bad it had been. How much Hidan had been there, fighting with him just to keep him grounded.“I hated it,” Hidan went on, his voice softer now but still raw. “But I couldn’t leave you like that. You needed someone to pull you back before you did something you’d regret. I had to make sure you didn’t destroy yourself over someone who didn’t give a damn about you.”Deidara swallowed, his thoughts swirling in a haze. The weight of Hidan’s words pressed heavily on him, making him feel both embarrassed and grateful. He had no idea how much Hidan had done for him, how much he had suffered through it all without ever saying a word about it.“I don’t even remember half of it,” Deidara said quietly, his voice breaking slightly. “But… I guess I owe you for all that. I didn’t know how bad I was.”Hidan gave a dismissive wave. “Don’t go getting all soft on me. I did it because I would of lost you a long time ago.. you’re like a brother to me and it Not because I wanted some fucking reward. You were too far gone for anyone else to step in, and I wasn’t just gonna let you throw your life away.”Deidara nodded silently, the weight of Hidan’s words settling in. He wasn’t sure what to make of it all yet, but he knew one thing—he wasn’t as alone as he had thought. Even if he couldn’t remember it all, there had been someone there when he needed it most.“I think the whole problem started with that boy named Itachi,” Hidan said, his voice rough but sure. He didn’t seem to pause to consider the impact of his words, but Deidara’s chest tightened at the mention of the name.“He was best friends with kisame at the time.. and since kakuzu was friend with kisame as well, kakuzu met the dude, just around the time you met the dude as well?” Hidan spoke with frustration before he spoke softlyDeidara inhaled sharply, his heart pounding. The name Itachi. Somehow it felt like it had always been a part of him, buried deep within memories he couldn’t quite access, yet the weight of it pressed on his mind like a shadow.Hidan glanced back over his shoulder, his expression unreadable. “You’ve told me bits and pieces, but I think it all traces back to him. The way you spoke about him, the way he made you feel like you mattered… and then how everything fell apart. I think that’s where it all began.”Deidara didn’t respond right away. The word “Itachi” echoed in his ears, spinning a web of confusion and emotion that tangled up his thoughts. The memories were there, like whispers just out of reach, yet he couldn’t connect them fully.Hidan shifted his weight, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I know you don’t remember everything about him, but trust me, man—whatever he did to you, it fucked you up. You were already in a dark place, but when he left, it was like you lost yourself completely.”Deidara blinked, his mind still racing. The silence in the room was heavy, filled with the unspoken understanding that Hidan was right. The scars from that time—whatever it had been—still lingered, even if Deidara couldn’t recall the specifics.With that, Hidan started to pack up to leave “i should head home, i forgot to tell kakuzu i was leaving? He must be worried sick about me!” Hidan smiled a bit before he looked at deidara “i dont know the full story of this itachi guy.. but whatever you’re trying to figure out, please just forget about it? I dont wanna have to take care of you where you try to kill yourself again-..” hidan sighed before he stepped outside, leaving Deidara standing in the middle of his bedroom.His mind was a storm of emotions,He stood frozen for a moment, his mind spinning with everything Hidan had just said. He could feel the anger bubbling up inside him, the heat rising in his chest as the pieces began to fall into place.“Itachi… Uchiha?” Deidara murmured under his breath, the name tumbling from his lips with disbelief. The image of the man from the gas station flashed in his mind—the cold, indifferent stare that had haunted his dreams for the past three years. He remembered everything now: the feeling of unease when the man had been near him, how that familiarity had sent a shiver down his spine. It had all been him. It had all been Itachi.The realization hit like a punch to the gut. The nightmares, the unshakable dread, all of it tied back to him, to Itachi. The name was no longer just a distant echo in his mind. Now it was real. Now it had a face. And he was back in town.Deidara’s blood boiled with a mixture of anger and frustration. He had suffered for three years, haunted by the memories of a man who had come into his life and left him broken. It wasn’t just the nightmares that tormented him—it was everything about that man. The way he had used Deidara, how he had discarded him when he was no longer of use. Itachi had never cared about him. He was just a pawn in some game Deidara didn’t understand, a pawn that had left him shattered.Deidara felt his fists clench at his sides, the anger surging through his veins. He wanted to scream, to shout until his lungs burned, but he couldn’t—he couldn’t disturb his neighbors. He was trapped, trapped by his own rage and the suffocating silence of his apartment.This time, when he went to sleep, he wouldn’t just let the nightmare come in pieces. No, this time he would face it head-on. He would stay with it, watch it unfold in its entirety. He needed to see how it ended—how everything had fallen apart. What had been more important to Itachi than Deidara? Why had he been cast aside so easily? He had to know the truth, even if it tore him apart.And so, with that burning question in his mind, Deidara prepared for the night to come. This time, he would confront his past. No more running from the nightmares. No more hiding from the memories. He would make Itachi answer for what he had done.────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
Deidara stared at his bed for a long moment, the quiet hum of his apartment filling the space around him. He could feel the weight of everything pressing down on him, but tonight, he wasn’t going to shy away from it. He wasn’t going to avoid the nightmare anymore.He laid himself onto the bed, his body sinking into the sheets, but his mind was elsewhere. He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breath. He was done hiding from this. He wanted the full truth, all of it—no matter how much it hurt.The room fell into a tense silence as Deidara drifted into sleep, his body heavy with exhaustion but his mind racing with thoughts of the man he hadn’t been able to forget.It wasn’t long before the dream came, as it always did.At first, everything was blurry—distorted, like a forgotten memory struggling to reassemble itself. But then the fog started to clear, and there he was. Itachi.Deidara could feel the weight of his presence even before he saw him. The air around him seemed to thicken, the temperature dropping slightly as he locked eyes with the Uchiha. The same cold, indifferent gaze—the same haunting stare that had been with him in his dreams for years.Deidara was standing in front of him, but this time, he wasn’t just a passive observer. He was there, feeling everything in his chest, that anger, that heartbreak, burning like a fire in his gut.“What do you want?” Deidara found himself asking, the words spilling out without thinking. He hadn’t planned on speaking to him, but something in him needed to hear Itachi’s voice again. He needed to know why.Itachi remained silent for a long moment, his eyes scanning Deidara’s face, like he was studying him. Deidara could feel the heaviness of the silence, the weight of everything that had been left unsaid.And then Itachi spoke, his voice as cold and distant as ever. “You’re still here, still struggling with the past. I thought you would’ve forgotten me by now.”Deidara’s heart pounded harder at the words, his anger rising. “How could I forget you?” he spat. “After everything you did to me? After everything you made me feel?”Itachi’s expression remained unchanged. “It wasn’t about you. It was never about you.”The words struck Deidara like a slap to the face. He could feel the tightness in his chest, the suffocating sense of betrayal that had never truly gone away. It was never about you. Those words rang in his ears, a reminder of the truth he had buried deep inside himself.“Then why?” Deidara demanded, stepping closer to him, his hands trembling. “Why did you make me feel like I was something more to you when all I was… was a distraction?”Itachi’s lips curled into a faint, emotionless smile, a smile that only made Deidara’s blood boil. “You were nothing more than a tool. A means to an end. You were convenient for a time, and then… you weren’t. That’s all there was.”The words were like a dagger, twisting deeper into Deidara’s chest. He could feel himself losing control, his fists clenched, his body shaking with the weight of everything he had kept bottled up for so long.But Itachi didn’t flinch. He didn’t move. He stood there, like he always had, untouchable. Unbothered.Deidara wanted to scream, to tear everything apart, but instead, he just stood there. His breath came in shallow gasps, and for a brief moment, he wondered if he would ever be able to truly let go of the anger, the hurt.And then, without warning, the scene shifted. The dream twisted, and Deidara was back on that balcony again. The same balcony where everything had started to fall apart. He was alone this time—Itachi was gone. But the feeling of emptiness remained.Deidara’s hands trembled as he leaned against the railing, staring out at the night, the city lights stretching before him. The weight of everything—of all the broken promises, the lies, the self-doubt—crashed down on him, suffocating him. The darkness was swallowing him whole, and he didn’t know if he could fight it anymore.And then, as if to prove to him that he had never truly been alone, the voice came again.“You’re still here.”Deidara’s eyes snapped open, his body jerking up in bed, his breath ragged. He was drenched in sweat, his heart hammering in his chest as the remnants of the nightmare lingered in the darkness of his room. The echoes of Itachi’s voice still haunted him.Deidara’s chest tightened, a heavy weight pressing down on him that felt like it could crush his very soul. His breath came in shallow gasps, the suffocating fog of his thoughts enveloping him. The room was too quiet, too still, and yet inside him, everything was unraveling. The nightmares had returned with such force, sharper, more real than ever, and the truth—the crushing truth—had hit him with a force that left him gasping for air.Itachi.His name echoed in Deidara’s mind like a slow, painful drumbeat, a constant reminder of all the things he could never forget. The man in his dreams—the one whose face had haunted him for years—was no longer a shadow in the past. He was real. He was here. And he had been the source of all of Deidara’s pain, all the dark corners of his mind that he couldn’t escape from.His heart ached, each beat slow and heavy, like it was dragging through molasses. Deidara’s hands shook violently, his fingers trembling with the weight of emotions that he couldn’t control. His thoughts were a swirl of chaos, his mind unable to comprehend how one person—one fleeting, cold-hearted man—could destroy so much of him.The tears came in waves, without warning. Hot and unrelenting, they burned down his face, leaving him raw and empty. His chest heaved with each sob, each one louder than the last as he curled in on himself, unable to find the strength to stop. He wanted to scream, to shout at the world, to scream at Itachi for doing this to him. But all that came out was pain—raw, unfiltered, uncontrollable.Itachi. The man who had come into his life, just for a moment, and had left him broken in ways Deidara couldn’t explain. He had once been so sure of himself, of his own strength, but now, all that was left was a shattered version of himself—an empty shell, clinging to fragments of something he would never have again. The warmth, the connection, the feeling of being seen—those fleeting moments that had felt so real, only to be destroyed by the coldness of Itachi’s indifference.Itachi had never cared about him. He was just a pawn, a distraction. And yet, Deidara had fallen for him. He had let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, this man who had paid attention to him—who had seen him as something more than a tool—had cared for him, too. But that was all it had been. A lie. A cruel, twisted lie that Deidara had let himself believe for far too long.The anger bubbled up again, hot and fierce, but it was quickly drowned by the overwhelming sadness that had taken over his body. He had tried to forget. He had tried to push the memories of Itachi to the back of his mind, tried to move on from the pain that had settled deep within him. But the truth had come crashing down, shattering everything.He had been nothing to Itachi. He had never been anything to him. And now, the ghost of that betrayal haunted him, refusing to let him go. Deidara couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. He could only feel the suffocating grip of the past, pulling him deeper and deeper into a place he couldn’t escape.Why had he let Itachi do this to him? Why had he let himself get lost in the illusion that there was something real between them? The tears flowed freely now, soaking his shirt as he buried his face in his hands, trying to stifle the sobs that wracked his body. He wanted to stop, to pull himself together, but the weight of everything was too much. His heart felt like it was breaking all over again, the sharp pain too familiar, too real.He had tried to heal. He had tried to move on. But how could he, when the one person who had caused all this pain was still a shadow in his life, still a presence he couldn’t shake?Deidara curled into himself, his body shaking with sobs, as the memories of Itachi’s face flashed behind his closed eyelids. That cold, emotionless stare. The way he had turned his back on Deidara, without a second thought, without a care. Deidara had given him everything. His heart. His trust. And in return, he had been left broken. Alone.A deep, gut-wrenching sob tore from his throat, as he finally let go of the last remnants of hope. He had never been enough for Itachi. And now, he wasn’t sure he could be enough for himself.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Itachi’s eyes fluttered open, the morning light piercing through the thin curtains and casting a soft glow over the room. His body ached, his muscles stiff from a restless night. The remnants of the dream clung to him like a fog, hazy but unsettling. He lay still for a moment, trying to shake off the unease that lingered from the dream. Deidara’s face was still vivid in his mind, the image of him from so many years ago, and yet, it felt…different. More real.He sat up slowly, the weight of the dream pressing down on him, and he rubbed a hand across his face. It felt like a memory he couldn’t grasp, a fragment of something he had tried to bury deep inside himself. There had been something about Deidara in the dream—something intense, something that hadn’t been there before. His heart tightened, his chest constricting in a way that was both foreign and familiar.Deidara…The name hung in his mind, an echo from the past that he could not escape. He had tried to forget, tried to convince himself that Deidara was just another part of his past, a fleeting moment that no longer held any meaning. But as the dream lingered, and as the pain in his chest grew sharper, he realized he couldn’t shake it. Not this time.Itachi stood and walked to the window, gazing out at the quiet streets below, the world continuing on as if nothing had changed. But he knew better. Everything had changed. The fact that Deidara had been in his dream, even after all these years, meant something. Itachi couldn’t deny it, though he tried to reason with himself. Maybe it was just a sign of his mind playing tricks, maybe it was nothing.But deep down, he knew it wasn’t nothing.His thoughts wandered back to that night when he had crossed paths with Deidara. The gas station. The strange sense of recognition he had felt, as if the universe was throwing them together again. Itachi had tried to push it aside, to dismiss it as a mere coincidence, but now, in the quiet of the morning, he couldn’t ignore the weight of it.Deidara’s face, his words, the raw emotion he had seen—everything about that brief encounter had lingered in his mind longer than it should have. Itachi felt a strange sense of guilt twist inside him, an emotion he had long buried deep. Why was this still haunting me?The dream had been different, though. It hadn’t been a simple memory; it had been a confrontation, a reckoning. He could still see Deidara’s eyes—hurt, angry, broken. They had held so much pain, so much fear. But there was something else there too, something that felt like a plea, a cry for help, though Itachi had never heard the words. He had seen the desperation in Deidara’s expression, and the feeling of helplessness had been suffocating.Itachi clenched his fists at his sides, the guilt tightening his chest. He had done so much damage to Deidara, and for what? For his own selfish reasons, his own fear of getting too close. He had walked away from him, without a second thought, without realizing the consequences of his actions. Now, it felt like the past was catching up to him, reminding him of the mess he had left behind.The image of Deidara from the dream was still fresh, burning in his mind. He couldn’t escape it. He couldn’t escape him.Itachi turned away from the window, his thoughts swirling in a storm of confusion and regret. He had tried so hard to move forward, to bury the past, but it seemed that Deidara’s shadow still loomed over him, pulling him back, dragging him into the wreckage of a life he had left behind.He needed to face it. He needed to find Deidara, But a part of him dreaded it. What could he say? How could he possibly make up for the pain he had caused? Was there even a way to fix it, or had he destroyed any chance of redemption long ago?Itachi exhaled sharply, shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts. He couldn’t keep running from this. He couldn’t keep pretending that the past didn’t matter. Deidara mattered. He always had.The guilt gnawed at him, the reality of what he had done settling in like a heavy weight on his chest. Itachi knew he had to find him, had to face the consequences of his actions. But deep down, he feared that Deidara would never let him in again, that he had lost him for good.He couldn’t help but wonder if it was already too late.Itachi walked out of his bedroom, his bare skin exposed to the cold air of his empty apartment. The only piece of fabric on him was his boxers. He moved toward the kitchen, trying to make something to eat, a distraction from his spiraling thoughts.“Go back to college, Itachi…” Kisame’s voice echoed in his mind, the words cutting through his focus. Itachi paused, breathing in deeply before exhaling slowly, trying to shake off the memory.He shut his eyes for a moment, the weight of the thoughts pressing on him, but then, like an intrusive wave, his mind wandered back to the past.Deidara’s smile. The sound of his voice, soft and tender, floating through the quiet night.“So, you’re graduating this year?” Deidara asked, swinging his legs casually on the kitchen counter as Itachi prepared something quick to eat.“I am..,” Itachi replied quietly, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. “But I need to figure out this thing with art or something… they said I need to express emotion. I don’t really understand like instead of writing an essay of why i should join they want me to make art.”Deidara got up, moving behind Itachi, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind. “I can help you with that,” he whispered, the warmth of his body pressing against Itachi’s back.Itachi smiled, feeling Deidara’s heart flutter as they stood there together. “I would love that,” Itachi murmured. “More time with you… sounds perfect.”“When you go off to college… will we still be together? Since you’re graduating this year..and you’ll be off to another state?” Deidara asked, the vulnerability in his voice barely above a whisper, unsure if it was the right moment to bring up such a question.Itachi fell silent, the weight of the question settling between them. He felt Deidara’s grip tighten, the sound of his heart beating against Itachi’s back. The moment hung there, suspended in time, but soon the sound of a knock at the door broke Itachi’s thoughts.He walked over to the door, looking through the peephole to find his younger brother standing on the other side. Itachi opened the door slightly, frowning when he saw Sasuke’s frustrated expression.“Sasuke? What are you doing here?” Itachi asked, confusion lacing his voice.Without waiting for an answer, Sasuke barged in, ranting immediately. “Naruto’s so ignorant! Can you believe we had an argument about his job? I told him to quit so we could spend more time together—”Itachi shook his head, a small chuckle escaping his lips despite the situation. Sasuke, always the whirlwind, marched into the living room, still venting.Itachi walked toward his bedroom, hearing his brother’s voice still angry and full of frustration from the other room. He moved to get dressed, chuckling softly at Sasuke’s rant.“I told him I could take care of him, but you know what his damn response was?”“But Sasuke, I want to be independent,” Itachi heard his younger brother mimic Naruto’s voice, making an exaggerated noise of frustration.Itachi walked back out into the living room, a smile tugging at his lips. “Good morning, little brother.”“Morning, Itachi…” Sasuke grumbled, sitting down on the couch, his voice still laced with frustration but now softened by the presence of his older brother.“I’m sure Naruto isn’t chasing you for your money, Sasuke. He probably just wants you to understand him. Let him be. You’re both still young, only 16. What’s the rush?” Itachi leaned back on the couch, crossing his legs as he looked at his younger brother, who sat across from him, clearly frustrated.Sasuke huffed, crossing his arms. “He’s using that job to avoid his problems at home. He knows he can stay at my place, but instead, he spends his nights at that stupid gas station.”Itachi raised an eyebrow, his tone calm but pointed. “So go visit him at the gas station, then.”Sasuke scoffed, shifting his position.Itachi sighed, his patience thinning a bit, but he wasn’t about to lose his cool. “You know, sometimes you just need to take a step back and see things from his perspective. If you really care, show it.”Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Why are you giving me advice? You have relationship issues worse than me. Like that girl, Izumi—remember her? She was banging on our door non-stop when i was in middle school you started sophomore year she was yelling those empty promises you gave her.”Itachi’s expression darkened slightly at the mention of Izumi, but he didn’t react too strongly. Sasuke smirked, leaning back as he continued.“You said we’d have a family, Itachi! You promised me a future together! And everything!”Itachi’s face hardened at the mocking tone Sasuke used to imitate Izumi. “Stop. Don’t do that…” he muttered, his voice colder than before. “I only did that for Father. Izumi’s dad was the chief of police, and when he got Father that promotion to chief, she became irrelevant to me. I didn’t want any part of that anymore.”Sasuke scoffed, the sarcasm in his voice sharp. “Oh, right. You blame everything on Father, but you were always quick to do whatever he wanted. He died a year ago, Itachi. What excuse do you have now for breaking someone’s heart?”Itachi was silent for a moment, his gaze distant. He knew his brother was right, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. “…Nothing. I was young and stupid,” he finally muttered.Sasuke leaned forward, his expression still annoyed. “Like that time you broke that blonde chick’s heart. I remember that one vividly. It was raining, and you just left her standing there, heartbroken. You used her to get into college and for your own pleasure. I even remember you hiding her when Father came home randomly—”Itachi’s jaw tightened, and he cut Sasuke off with a quiet but firm response. “She… was a he.”Sasuke’s words died on his lips as he stared at Itachi, his expression shifting from frustration to something more confused, more thoughtful.There was a long, heavy silence before Sasuke spoke again, his voice quieter this time. “Wow… so you dated a man to pass college? That cold?”Itachi didn’t reply immediately. He just stared ahead, the weight of his brother’s words settling in.“For a man, he looked very feminine,” Sasuke said, trying to lighten the mood with a smirk.Itachi looked down, a distant expression crossing his face as he recalled Deidara. “He’s not like that anymore… He has a perfect figure now, a muscular body… just a different face shape now,” Itachi murmured, almost to himself.Sasuke’s interest piqued. “Wait… you met him again? Are you talking to him again?” His tone was suddenly more serious as he sat up straight, eager to hear more.Itachi paused for a moment, considering his words. “No… but I was planning on talking to him. It seems like he doesn’t remember me at all. I saw him at his job, and when I faced him, he looked like he fell in love with me all over again. He didn’t even realize it was me. But… it seemed like he was drawing something that looked similar to me.”Sasuke let out a soft “hm,” signaling that he was listening, his arms crossed as he leaned back into the couch, waiting for his brother to continue.Itachi let out a sigh, his voice softer now, as though revealing a hidden vulnerability. “I was thinking… maybe if he doesn’t remember me, I could start over with him. Make things right. I’ve been having dreams about him… but not nightmares. They’re more like dreams of what we could have had, if we’d stayed together, even now. He’s so beautiful, Sasuke. I just… I want to hold him again…”Sasuke winced, clearly uncomfortable with his brother’s words. “Eugh… stop there. I don’t care about that man, Itachi. Maybe you should start over if he doesn’t remember you. Things could turn out differently, who knows?”Itachi fell silent, his eyes clouded with thought, as Sasuke’s words cut through his moment of vulnerability. He didn’t respond immediately, but the weight of his emotions remained, hanging between them.Itachi sat in silence, the weight of Sasuke’s words hanging in the air between them. His brother’s dismissive attitude gnawed at him, and for a brief moment, he found himself questioning everything—his choices, his emotions, and his desperate longing to fix the broken past with Deidara.Sasuke leaned back, arms crossed, his expression a mix of impatience and indifference. “You’re really gonna keep obsessing over him, huh? This whole thing with this skinny dude?. After all this time, you still can’t let go what you did to hurt him? I have to know? Did u make love to him that u got emotionally attached to him to the point you actually feel bad for breaking his heart?”Itachi’s heart twisted at the words. He felt the old bitterness rise in his chest, the frustration that he couldn’t explain to Sasuke. It wasn’t just some passing feeling—it was a wound that had never healed, something deeper than simple regret. It was the ache of loss, of missed chances, and of things left unsaid.“I… I can’t forget him, Sasuke, we never made love but he made me feel love.. he was stubborn but kind, he would get mad at me easily but he loved me.. unlike my other relationships before him” Itachi said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I cant forget him.. Not after everything we went through. It’s not just a memory I can erase. I can’t just move on like you except me to.”Sasuke scoffed, clearly frustrated. “Well, maybe you should. This isn’t healthy, Itachi. You can’t keep chasing after something that’s not even there. You’re wasting your time thinking you can fix something that you had broken.”Itachi’s breath caught, a sharp pain lancing through him at Sasuke’s words. But deep down, Itachi knew that wasn’t the truth. Deidara wasn’t gone—not entirely. He could feel it, the way his heart ached for him, the way every fleeting memory of Deidara felt like a thread pulling him back into a past that refused to let go.“Maybe you’re right,” Itachi said, his voice cold, though his chest tightened with the lie he was telling himself. “Maybe I should let it go. But I can’t. Not when I know how much I hurt him. Not when I remember what we had.”Sasuke shook his head, clearly done with the conversation. “You can’t keep dragging yourself down with this. If you want to be with someone, then be with someone. Stop holding on to this ghost of the past.”Itachi’s heart raced at the thought of moving on, of letting go. He had tried. He really had. But the truth was, Deidara’s face, his voice, the way he had made Itachi feel—it lingered in his thoughts, in his dreams. And no matter how hard he tried to push it away, it was always there, waiting for him.“I can’t just forget him, Sasuke,” Itachi said again, this time with more conviction. “Not yet.”Sasuke exhaled sharply, standing up and walking toward the door. “Do what you want, Itachi. It time for you to change.. is this how u expect to get married? Or are you going to be the only uchiha that has never found love?. I’m out of here.”Itachi sat in silence, his mind swirling with thoughts of Deidara—of everything they could have been, of everything they had lost. The door slammed behind Sasuke, leaving Itachi alone in the quiet of the apartment, the weight of his unresolved past heavier than ever.He had to do something. He had to face Deidara. He couldn’t let the past stay buried, not if it meant staying in this unbearable limbo forever.Itachi walked in the cool evening air, the weight of his brother’s words still heavy in his chest, gnawing at him with each step. His mind kept wandering back to Deidara, to the feelings he had tried so hard to push away. He couldn’t understand why it was so difficult to just move on. Every time he thought he was close to letting go, something about Deidara—his smile, the way he made Itachi feel alive in a way no one else had—pulled him back in.As he walked, Itachi’s thoughts became tangled with memories, each one sharper than the last. He could still hear Deidara’s voice, soft and comforting, the way his laughter had always made Itachi’s chest tighten in the best way. He could remember the warmth of his body when they had held each other, the quiet moments in their shared solitude.It was all so distant now, like a dream he couldn’t quite reach.The cool breeze felt refreshing against his heated skin, but it couldn’t clear the fog in his mind. His heart was a mix of regret and longing, caught between the pain of what had happened and the hope that maybe—just maybe—there was a chance to fix things.He walked without destination, letting his thoughts carry him through the quiet streets. His feet moved on their own, his mind consumed with thoughts of Deidara and the shattered past. The burning sensation in his legs, the soreness in his muscles, seemed to match the ache in his chest. The physical exhaustion mirrored the emotional weight he was carrying.Eventually, Itachi found himself at a park bench, the cool shadows of the evening creeping over him as he sat down. He rested his elbows on his knees, staring out into the darkened horizon, his mind still racing.His phone vibrated in his pocket, snapping him out of his thoughts. Itachi checked the screen, but it wasn’t a name he wanted to see. Sasuke. He sighed, rubbing his temples, but didn’t bother answering. It wasn’t that he didn’t care—it was just that he didn’t know how to explain himself anymore. He didn’t know how to make Sasuke understand the hole Deidara had left in his life.The breeze ruffled his hair as Itachi leaned back, closing his eyes for a moment. He could still hear Deidara’s voice in his mind, the soft whisper of his laugh, the sweet comfort he’d once provided.Itachi felt so far from that life now, so detached from the warmth he once had. But he couldn’t forget. He couldn’t erase it. Not the way Deidara had made him feel like he was worth something, even when the rest of the world had seemed like it was crumbling around him.“Why did I have to screw it all up?” Itachi whispered to himself, the words carrying into the night like a confession he didn’t even know he needed to make.He couldn’t shake the thought that Deidara was out there, somewhere, living his life without him. It was the kind of pain that stayed with you, gnawing at your insides, and no matter how much Itachi tried to bury it, it always resurfaced. He was stuck in this loop of longing and regret, and he had no idea how to break free.With a final sigh, Itachi stood up from the bench, the weight of the night pressing down on him. The walk had done nothing to clear his mind; if anything, it had made the ache in his chest worse.But he knew one thing for certain—he couldn’t keep running from the past. Not anymore.He had to find Deidara. He had to try.Itachi rounded the corner, lost in his thoughts, when he accidentally bumped into someone. He quickly reached out to steady them, his hands making contact with Deidara’s shoulders. Deidara’s body stiffened at the touch, his wide eyes locking with Itachi’s in stunned silence.The collision caused Deidara to stumble back, and he dropped to the ground in a slight tumble, the impact jarring enough to pull him out of his daze. His face twisted in shock and anger as he looked up at Itachi, trying to push himself up.“I—” Itachi quickly knelt down, offering his hand to help him up, concern written on his face. “I didn’t mean to—are you okay?”Deidara blinked at him for a moment, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He was visibly shaken, and Itachi could see the mix of emotions flash across his face: surprise, frustration, confusion, all of it locked together in a look that felt like a punch to his chest.“You— get away from me please ” Deidara’s voice was sharp, though it was tinged with disbelief. He pushed Itachi’s hand away as he stood up on his own, he didn’t expect itachi to be here deidara was thinking of so many ways to confront itachi if he sees him again but seeing him in front of deidara face, deidara was stunnedItachi was about to answer when Deidara spoke again, his voice thick with frustration.“I—I don’t get it… i tried to think of so many ways to confront you.. now you’re in my face.. i cant even speak to you.. seeing your face after so many years disgust me..” Deidara’s voice wavered as he struggled to keep his composure. His breath was shallow, and his hands clenched into fists. “You pop up to my job and you just stare at me as if you fell for me the moment you saw me..”“You pop up in my dreams every night ever since that day in the rain, and you pop up in my neighborhood.. it feels like you’re trying to ruin my life even more then before..”Itachi opened his mouth to say something, to try and explain, but Deidara cut him off, his tone rising slightly as he took a step back. “No! Don’t—don’t try and apologize. I don’t need your apologies or your excuses.” He paused, taking a deep breath as he glanced around, his eyes darting between Itachi and the people passing by. The anger didn’t dissipate, but he seemed to fight the urge to escalate things.“I’m not going to make a scene,” Deidara muttered, his voice laced with bitterness as he kept his distance. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he held himself back, knowing the eyes of strangers were on them. “Please, i dont want to interfere with you anymore, i want to leave you in the past.. and ignore every part of you”Itachi felt the sting of those words, the realization that Deidara was far from the person he had known years ago. It felt like the weight of everything they had been through was suffocating him in that moment. He opened his mouth to try again, but Deidara shook his head.Deidara took another step back, his eyes dark and unwavering. He turned his head away, trying to keep his composure in front of others. “Just leave me alone.”Itachi stood there, frozen, his chest tight with regret. He watched as Deidara walked away, his back to him as he disappeared into the crowd. Itachi wanted to chase after him, to try and explain, but something told him that Deidara had already made up his mind.The weight of his mistakes pressed down on him harder than ever, and as he stood there in the middle of the street, Itachi realized that the distance between them might have already been too great to overcome.Itachi hesitated only for a moment before his legs carried him forward, weaving through the crowd to follow Deidara. He didn’t call out to him; the look in Deidara’s eyes told him that wouldn’t work. Instead, he trailed him silently, keeping his distance as they moved further from the bustling streets and into quieter neighborhoods.Deidara walked briskly, his hands stuffed into his pockets, his shoulders hunched like he was trying to shrink away from the world. Itachi’s heart clenched as he watched, the anger and hurt emanating from Deidara like a storm cloud. Finally, when the street grew quiet and the noise of the city faded, Itachi made his move.“Deidara,” he called out firmly, his voice carrying in the still air.Deidara froze for a moment before spinning around, his face twisting in anger. “What the hell are you doing? I told you to leave me alone!”Itachi closed the distance between them in a few strides, his expression calm but determined. “I can’t just leave it like this. I need to explain—”“Explain?” Deidara’s voice rose, cutting him off. He threw his hands in the air. “What’s there to explain, huh? You think words are gonna fix anything? You think you can just chase me down and suddenly make it all better?”“I’m not trying to make it better!” Itachi snapped, his voice sharper now. He grabbed Deidara’s arm, not forcefully but enough to stop him from walking away again. “I know I can’t fix what I did, but I can’t stand here and let you believe that I didn’t care.”Deidara yanked his arm away, glaring at him. “You didn’t care. You used me. You left me like I was nothing. How the hell am I supposed to believe you cared when everything you did said otherwise?”Itachi’s jaw tightened as he struggled to find the right words. “I was selfish,” he admitted, his voice quieter but no less intense. “I was young, and I was trying to do what I thought was best for my future. I thought cutting you out would make it easier for both of us.”Deidara laughed bitterly, the sound harsh and full of pain. “Easier for who, Itachi? Because it sure as hell wasn’t easier for me. Do you have any idea what you did to me? What you left me with?” His voice cracked, and he turned his head away, refusing to let Itachi see the tears threatening to fall.Itachi stepped closer, his hand hovering in the air like he wanted to reach for Deidara but wasn’t sure if he should. “I know I hurt you. I know I can’t undo that, but I never stopped thinking about you. Not once.”Deidara whipped his head back toward him, his blue eyes blazing. “You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to come back after all this time and say you were thinking about me. If you cared so much, why didn’t you stay? Why did you leave me with the thought that no one would love me because i was easy! Because i was stupid enough to help you succeed while i stood back and had my life ruined..”“I could of went to college! I could of be an professional artist! I could of had my life but instead i ruined it because i was so inlove with you!.. why did you leave me..”Itachi’s throat tightened, and he looked away, unable to hold Deidara’s gaze. “Because I was a coward,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I was afraid of what being with you would mean for my future, for my family, for everything. And I hated myself for it.”Deidara stared at him, his chest rising and falling as he tried to process Itachi’s words. For a moment, neither of them spoke, the silence stretching between them like a chasm.“You don’t get to hate yourself for it,” Deidara finally said, his voice trembling. “You left me with all of it, Itachi. All the pain, all the questions. And now you want to come back and what? Apologize? Make yourself feel better?”“No,” Itachi said firmly, stepping closer again. “I don’t expect forgiveness. I don’t expect anything from you. But I couldn’t let you walk away without telling you the truth. I owe you that much.”Deidara scoffed, shaking his head as he took a step back. “The truth? The truth is, you broke me, Itachi. And I had to pick up the pieces on my own. So don’t stand here and act like you’re doing me a favor by telling me how sorry you are.”Itachi flinched at the words, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he took a deep breath, his voice softening. “You have every right to hate me, Deidara. I won’t stop you. But if there’s even a chance you’ll let me make things right—”“Make things right?” Deidara interrupted, his voice laced with bitterness. He shook his head, his lips curling into a pained smile. “There’s no making this right, Itachi. You can’t undo what you did.”He turned away, his shoulders trembling as he tried to keep his composure. “Just… stay away from me,” he muttered, his voice breaking slightly. “I don’t want to see you again.”Itachi’s chest tightened as he watched Deidara’s back retreat into the distance. For a brief moment, he hesitated, but the thought of letting Deidara walk away again, leaving things unresolved, was unbearable.“Deidara!” Itachi called out, his voice ringing with desperation.Deidara froze, his fists clenched at his sides. Slowly, he turned around, his eyes blazing with anger and hurt. “What? What more do you want, huh? You said your piece. You got to feel better about yourself. Isn’t that enough?”“No,” Itachi said firmly, stepping closer despite the venom in Deidara’s glare. “It’s not enough because you’re not listening. You think I just came here to soothe my guilt? You think this is easy for me?”“Easy for you?” Deidara spat, his voice rising. “Don’t you dare act like you’re the victim here, Itachi. I was the one left to pick up the pieces of my life while you moved on, while you—” He stopped, his voice breaking, and he turned his face away as if to hide the tears welling in his eyes.Itachi took another step forward, his voice softening but still resolute. “I didn’t move on. I couldn’t. Do you think I wasn’t haunted by what I did to you? By the way I left things? I hated myself every single day, Deidara. But I didn’t know how to fix it.”Deidara’s laughter was bitter and raw as he looked back at him. “Hate yourself? Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you sat around hating yourself while I was breaking apart, wondering what I did wrong? Wondering why I wasn’t enough?”Itachi flinched as if struck, but he didn’t look away. “You were enough,” he said, his voice trembling. “You were more than enough. It wasn’t about you, Deidara. It was me. I was selfish and scared, and I let you pay for it.”“You let me pay for it?” Deidara’s voice cracked, and the tears he had been holding back finally spilled over. “I lost everything because of you! Do you even understand what you did to me? I gave you everything, Itachi. My time, my trust, my love. And you threw me away like I was nothing!”Itachi closed the distance between them in one swift motion, his hands trembling at his sides as if he wanted to reach out but didn’t dare. “You were never nothing to me,” he said, his voice raw. “You were everything, Deidara. That’s why it was so hard to let you go. I was afraid that I would ruin you. And I did anyway.”Deidara stared at him, his chest heaving with emotion, his tears glistening in the dim streetlight. “You’re right. You did ruin me. But you don’t get to stand here and act like you’re the only one who suffered. You had a choice, Itachi. You chose to leave. I didn’t get a choice.”Itachi’s composure cracked, and his voice broke as he replied. “I know, and I’ll never forgive myself for it. But I’m here now. I’m trying to make it right, even if it’s too late. Just—please. Please don’t walk away.”Deidara shook his head, his expression a mix of anger, sorrow, and something deeper—something vulnerable. “Why, Itachi? Why should I even give you the time of day? After everything, why should I believe anything you say?”“Because I still love you,” Itachi said, the words spilling out before he could stop them. His voice was quiet but steady, carrying a weight that hung heavy in the air.Deidara stared at him, his breath hitching as the words sank in. For a moment, the world seemed to stand still, the tension between them thick and suffocating. Then, with a sharp intake of breath, Deidara turned on his heel and stormed off, his movements rigid and unyielding.Itachi didn’t follow this time. He stood there, rooted in place, his heart pounding painfully in his chest as Deidara disappeared into the night. The echo of his own confession lingered in the empty street, a stark reminder of the chasm between them that even love might not be enough to bridge.Itachi stayed frozen in place, the weight of Deidara’s retreating figure crushing him. The words he wanted to say, the explanations and apologies that had been trapped in his chest for years, felt useless now.He ran a hand through his hair, his breath uneven as his emotions churned violently within him. The image of Deidara’s tear-streaked face burned into his mind, each word of anger and pain echoing like a blade cutting through him.I still love you.The confession had slipped out so easily, yet it had done nothing to bring Deidara closer. If anything, it had pushed him further away.But he couldn’t give up—not yet.With a shaky breath, Itachi turned in the direction Deidara had gone. He walked briskly at first, then quickened his pace, his determination rising above his fear. He wouldn’t let it end like this—not again.After a few blocks, he spotted Deidara in the distance, his shoulders hunched as he leaned against the side of a building. Itachi hesitated, his heart hammering in his chest. Deidara looked so small in that moment, his anger drained, leaving only exhaustion and sadness in its wake.Gathering his courage, Itachi approached quietly, stopping a few feet away.“Deidara,” he said softly, his voice barely carrying over the stillness of the street.Deidara didn’t look at him, his arms crossed tightly over his chest as if trying to hold himself together. “What do you want now, Itachi?” he asked, his voice hoarse from the earlier shouting.“I want to fix this,” Itachi said, his tone pleading. “I know I can’t erase what I did, but I can’t let things end like this. Not when I still care about you. Not when—”“You think this is about fixing things?” Deidara interrupted, finally turning to face him. His eyes were red, his face streaked with drying tears. “You can’t just fix this, Itachi. You broke something in me that can’t be undone. You took the one thing I gave you freely—my trust—and you shattered it. How do you fix that?”“I don’t know,” Itachi admitted, his voice shaking. “But I’m willing to try, if you’ll let me. I’ll do whatever it takes, Deidara. Just don’t shut me out completely.”Deidara laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You don’t get it, do you? You think this is about me shutting you out? You’re the one who left, Itachi. You’re the one who decided I wasn’t worth staying for. And now, after all this time, you want a second chance? How do you think that makes me feel?”“I never thought you weren’t worth it,” Itachi said, his voice cracking. “I thought I wasn’t. I thought I would only drag you down, ruin your future. But I see now that I ruined everything by walking away.”Deidara’s lip trembled, his anger faltering under the weight of Itachi’s words. For a moment, he looked like he might say something, but then he shook his head and turned away again.“You don’t get to do this to me,” he said quietly, his voice laced with pain. “You don’t get to come back and act like you care when you left me to fall apart. I don’t owe you anything, Itachi.”“I know,” Itachi said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t owe me anything. But I’m still here, Deidara. I’ll wait as long as it takes, even if you never forgive me. Just… please know that I mean every word. I’ll never stop caring about you.”Deidara didn’t respond, his silence heavy with unspoken emotions. Without another word, he walked away, his steps slow and unsteady, as if he were carrying the weight of their past with him.Itachi stood there, the cold air biting at his skin, his heart breaking all over again. He had said everything he could, yet it still felt like nothing at all.As Deidara disappeared into the shadows, Itachi whispered into the empty street, “I’m sorry.”But the words fell on deaf ears, swallowed by the night, just like the man he had loved and lost.Deidara stormed down the quiet streets, his chest heaving with anger and pain. The cold air bit at his skin, but he barely noticed, his mind a storm of emotions he couldn’t control. He shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets, his fingers trembling—not from the chill, but from the weight of seeing him again.Itachi.Even the name felt like a curse. He’d spent years trying to forget, trying to bury everything that name represented. But now, just hearing Itachi’s voice, seeing his face, it all came rushing back with a force that left him breathless.Deidara’s steps slowed as he reached a dimly lit park. He wandered toward a bench, collapsing onto it with a defeated sigh. The night was silent except for the rustle of leaves in the wind, but his mind was anything but quiet.Why now? Why after all this time does he get to show up and act like he cares?He clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palms as he tried to steady his breathing. The memory of Itachi’s voice played over and over in his head: “I still love you.”Deidara let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow in the empty park. “Love,” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head. “If that’s love, I don’t want it.”But the truth was, the words had struck a chord deep inside him, one he’d been trying to ignore for years. He hated Itachi for what he had done, for how he had left. But a small, traitorous part of him still ached for what they had once been.He wiped angrily at his eyes, frustrated to find tears there. I’m stronger than this, he thought, but the tears kept coming, refusing to be ignored.For years, Deidara had tried to rebuild himself. He had thrown himself into his art, into distractions, into anything that could dull the pain. And it had worked—at least, he thought it had. But now, standing face-to-face with the person who had shattered him, it was clear that the pieces were still jagged, the wounds still raw.He stared up at the sky, the stars blurred by the tears in his eyes. “Why couldn’t you just stay gone?” he whispered, his voice breaking.A part of him wanted to turn around, to march back to Itachi and scream at him until his voice gave out. But another part of him—the part he hated—wanted to hear more. Wanted to believe Itachi’s words, even if they didn’t make sense.Deidara buried his face in his hands, his emotions spiraling out of control. He hated how easily Itachi could still get under his skin, how just a few words from him could undo years of effort.But most of all, he hated himself for still caring.After a while, he stood, his legs shaky beneath him. He didn’t know where he was going, but he couldn’t stay here. He needed to get away, to escape the memories clawing at him.As he walked, his thoughts kept circling back to Itachi’s face, the regret in his eyes, the tremble in his voice. “I’ll never stop caring about you.”Deidara shook his head, trying to banish the words from his mind. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered to himself, his voice hollow. “It’s too late.”But no matter how far he walked, he couldn’t shake the feeling that some part of him didn’t believe that. Some part of him wasn’t ready to let go.The following morning Deidara sat in his cramped apartment, the faint smell of burnt coffee lingering in the air. His sketchpad lay abandoned on the table, pages scattered haphazardly as though they had been thrown in frustration. The pencil he had been gripping so tightly earlier now rolled idly across the wooden surface.He leaned against the wall, his knees pulled to his chest, staring at nothing in particular. His mind wouldn’t stop racing. Itachi’s words, his voice, his presence—they were like an echo that refused to fade, no matter how much Deidara tried to push it all away.“Because I still love you.”The confession played on a loop, relentless and cruel. Deidara felt a hollow laugh escape his lips, though it sounded more like a choke. “Love me?” he muttered to himself. “He doesn’t even know what love means.”He ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the strands as if that would somehow shake the memories loose. Memories of Itachi’s touch, his voice, the way his eyes used to soften when they were alone. But those moments were fleeting—overshadowed by the betrayal, the abandonment, the way Itachi had left him broken without a second thought.Deidara slammed his fist against the floor, the sharp pain grounding him momentarily. His breathing was erratic, and he fought to calm the storm inside him. But it was no use. The feelings were too strong—anger, sadness, longing.Why did he have to come back? Why couldn’t he just stay away?He stood abruptly, pacing the small living room. His eyes landed on the scattered sketches, and he kicked at them in frustration. Drawings of fragmented memories—his nightmares, his dreams, and the face he couldn’t seem to stop recreating. Itachi’s face.“I hate you,” Deidara whispered, though his voice wavered. “I hate you so much.”But even as he said the words, his chest ached with the truth he refused to admit. That no matter how much he hated Itachi for what he’d done, a part of him still yearned for the man who had once held his heart.His phone buzzed on the table, snapping him out of his spiraling thoughts. He hesitated before picking it up, the name on the screen making his stomach twist. Hidan.He answered on the third ring, his voice hoarse. “What do you want?”“Wow, sunshine, you sound cheerful,” Hidan’s sarcastic tone came through the line. “I was just checking in since, you know, you’ve been acting like a ghost lately.”Deidara didn’t respond immediately, his mind still clouded.Hidan’s tone shifted slightly, softer but still teasing. “You okay, man? You sound… off.”Deidara let out a shaky breath, sitting back down on the floor. “I saw him, Hidan. I ran into him.”There was a pause on the other end of the line before Hidan spoke again. “You mean him him? Uchiha?”“Yeah.”“Shit,” Hidan muttered. “What happened?”Deidara closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. “He said he still loves me.”The line went quiet for a moment, and Deidara could almost picture Hidan rubbing the back of his neck, trying to figure out what to say.“And how do you feel about that?” Hidan finally asked, his voice surprisingly gentle.Deidara didn’t answer right away. His throat felt tight, and the words wouldn’t come. Finally, he managed to whisper, “I don’t know.”“Listen, Deidara,” Hidan said, his tone firm but not unkind. “Whatever you’re feeling, it’s valid. But don’t let him mess with your head again. You’ve worked too damn hard to get to where you are now.”Deidara nodded, even though Hidan couldn’t see him. “Yeah. You’re right.”But as he hung up the phone and stared at the mess around him, he couldn’t shake the lingering question: What if Itachi really meant it this time?Deidara sat in silence, the weight of Hidan’s words pressing down on him. The apartment felt stifling, as though the walls were closing in, suffocating him with memories he’d tried so hard to bury.He stood up abruptly, needing to do something—anything—to clear his mind. The scattered sketches on the floor caught his attention again, and he bent down to pick them up. His fingers brushed over the rough pencil lines, tracing the familiar contours of a face he knew too well. Itachi’s face.With a frustrated growl, Deidara crumpled the paper in his hands and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall with a dull thud before falling to the floor, joining the mess of broken dreams and unfinished thoughts.“This is pathetic,” he muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair. “I’m pathetic.”The sound of rain began to patter against the window, soft at first but quickly growing heavier. Deidara walked over to the window and leaned against the sill, watching as the water blurred the city lights outside. It reminded him of the night Itachi had left him, the way the rain had soaked through his clothes as he stood there, waiting for an explanation that never came.“You were everything, Deidara.”Itachi’s words from earlier echoed in his mind, and Deidara clenched his jaw. How dare he say that now, after all this time? After all the pain he’d caused?But beneath the anger, there was a flicker of something else. Something that scared him more than his rage.Hope.Deidara shook his head, as if trying to physically dislodge the thought. “No,” he whispered. “I’m not doing this again. I won’t.”He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair and threw it on, heading for the door. He didn’t know where he was going, but he couldn’t stay here. Not with his thoughts suffocating him, threatening to pull him under.As he stepped out into the rain, the cold droplets stung his skin, grounding him in the present. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and started walking, his feet moving on autopilot. The streets were quiet, the sound of the rain the only thing accompanying him.He didn’t notice where he was going until he found himself standing in front of the gas station. The same place where he had seen Itachi for the first time in years.Deidara hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest. He could see his reflection in the glass doors, rain-soaked and disheveled, a far cry from the confident person he tried to present to the world.Why am I here?He turned to leave, but before he could take a step, the door opened. A coworker stepped out, giving him a curious look. “Hey, Deidara. You okay? Thought your shift wasn’t until tomorrow?”Deidara forced a smile. “Yeah, just… needed some air.”The coworker nodded, pulling up their hood against the rain. “Well, take care, man. This weather’s brutal.”As the door closed behind them, Deidara stood there for a moment, torn between going inside or walking away. Finally, with a deep breath, he turned and started walking again, his footsteps splashing against the puddles.He didn’t know where this path would lead him, but for now, he just needed to keep moving. Away from Itachi. Away from the memories. Away from the hope that threatened to destroy him all over again.Deidara walked aimlessly, his head bowed against the rain, water dripping from his hair and jacket. The city around him seemed muted, its usual liveliness dulled by the storm. His thoughts swirled as chaotically as the raindrops falling from the sky.He didn’t want to think about Itachi, didn’t want to remember the look in his eyes, the trembling in his voice. And yet, no matter how far he walked, those memories clung to him like a shadow he couldn’t shake.His steps eventually led him to a small park. The place was deserted, save for the occasional car passing in the distance. Deidara sank onto a damp bench, the cold seeping through his clothes as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees.The rain continued to fall, but he didn’t care. He welcomed the discomfort, the biting chill that cut through the fog in his mind.“You were everything, Deidara.”Itachi’s words echoed again, and Deidara let out a bitter laugh, his breath visible in the cold air.“Everything,” he muttered to himself. “If I was everything, why wasn’t I enough?”The question hung heavy in the air, unanswered, just like it had been for years.Deidara pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, as if that would stop the flood of memories. But they came anyway. The nights he’d spent waiting for Itachi, the way his heart had soared every time they were together, the way it had shattered when Itachi left without explanation.The rain began to ease, turning into a light drizzle. Deidara tilted his head back, letting the cool droplets fall onto his face. His throat burned, not from the cold but from the raw emotion he’d been holding back for so long.“Why did you come back, Itachi?” he whispered to the empty park. “Why now, after all this time?”He didn’t expect an answer. There was no one there to hear him. But voicing the question felt like a small release, a crack in the dam holding back his pain.Deidara sat there for what felt like hours, staring at the dark sky, until the cold finally became too much to bear. Slowly, he rose to his feet, his legs stiff from sitting.As he walked back toward his apartment, the streets quiet and slick with rain, a new thought crept into his mind.What if Itachi doesn’t leave this time?The thought scared him more than anything. Because if Itachi stayed, if he truly meant what he said, Deidara didn’t know if he had the strength to let him back in—or the strength to push him away again.By the time Deidara reached his apartment, the rain had stopped completely. He stood outside the door for a moment, staring at the chipped paint and the faint light coming through the windows.Taking a deep breath, he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. The familiar silence of the apartment greeted him, but this time, it felt heavier, as if the space was holding its breath, waiting for him to decide what to do next.Deidara leaned against the door, his gaze drifting to the crumpled sketch still lying on the floor. Slowly, he walked over, picking it up and smoothing it out. The lines of Itachi’s face stared back at him, a stark reminder of the unresolved emotions swirling inside him.He folded the paper neatly and placed it on the table, his hand lingering on it for a moment.“I need to figure this out,” he muttered to himself. “I need to figure me out.”With that, Deidara turned off the lights and headed to bed, his mind restless despite the exhaustion weighing down his body. As he lay staring at the ceiling, the image of Itachi’s eyes refused to leave him.And somewhere, deep down, he wondered if he’d ever find the closure he so desperately needed—or if Itachi’s return was the start of something entirely new.Deidara lay awake, the silence of the night thick and oppressive. His mind kept returning to Itachi, to their confrontation in the street, to the emotions that had surged through him in those brief moments. Anger, pain, confusion… and something deeper, something he couldn’t quite grasp.He turned onto his side, staring at the dim light coming from the small crack in the curtains. He tried to quiet his thoughts, but they only grew louder, a whirlwind of fragmented memories and unanswered questions. The feeling of Itachi’s presence, his touch, his voice—everything about him seemed to haunt Deidara, even in his own apartment, even now.Why did you leave? Why did you hurt me like that?The questions circled endlessly in his mind, but there was no answer. Itachi had come back, but was it too late? Had everything between them already been destroyed beyond repair?The storm outside had settled into a soft drizzle, and the world outside was quiet. Deidara shifted restlessly, trying to find a comfortable position in the tangled sheets. But the thoughts wouldn’t stop.Suddenly, his phone buzzed on the nightstand, breaking the silence like a crack of thunder. Deidara reached for it, half-expecting it to be a message from one of his friends or even a work-related reminder. But the screen lit up with an unknown number.He hesitated for a moment before answering, his heart beating a little faster than usual.“Hello?” Deidara’s voice was thick with exhaustion, but he couldn’t shake the anticipation building in his chest.“Deidara?” Itachi’s voice came through, quiet and tentative, like he was testing the waters. The sound of it made Deidara’s heart skip a beat, but he didn’t let it show.“What do you want, Itachi?” Deidara asked, his voice sharp despite the weariness settling in his bones.“I… I wanted to apologize. For earlier, for everything,” Itachi said, his voice soft and sincere. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness… but I need you to understand that I’m not the same person I was.”Deidara felt a pang of anger rise within him, the familiar ache of old wounds reopening. “You think you can just come back after all this time and apologize? Like that will fix everything? Do you have any idea what you put me through, Itachi?”“I know,” Itachi responded quietly. “I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, and I’m not asking for it. But I need you to understand that I never stopped thinking about you. Never stopped regretting what I did.”Deidara squeezed his eyes shut, the tears he’d held back threatening to spill over. The pain in Itachi’s voice was unmistakable, but it wasn’t enough to undo the years of hurt that had piled up between them.“You don’t get to decide when it’s too late, Itachi,” Deidara whispered, his voice trembling despite his best efforts to keep it steady. “You don’t get to come back and act like everything can be fixed with a few words. I can’t just forget what you did.”There was a long pause on the other end, and Deidara could almost hear the weight of Itachi’s regret in the silence. Itachi exhaled softly, the sound filled with the heavy weight of his own guilt.“I know,” Itachi said quietly. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. But if there’s any chance… any chance at all that we could try again, I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll prove to you that I’ve changed.”Deidara’s hand tightened around the phone, his pulse racing. Try again. The words hung in the air like a promise, but Deidara couldn’t decide whether to believe them or dismiss them as empty hope.“I don’t know, Itachi,” Deidara muttered, his voice cracking slightly. “I don’t know if I can go through that again.”“I understand,” Itachi said softly. “I’ll give you time. I just… I wanted you to know that I’m not going anywhere. And if you ever… if you ever decide you want to talk, I’ll be here.”Deidara didn’t respond immediately, the storm of emotions crashing over him once again. He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing, but the weight of it all was suffocating. It was so hard to let go of the past, especially when it was standing right in front of him, asking for a second chance.Finally, he took a shaky breath and spoke. “I’ll think about it.”Itachi’s voice softened with relief. “That’s all I’m asking for.”Deidara ended the call and dropped the phone onto the bed beside him, his mind reeling. He wanted to believe it, to believe that this time would be different. But a part of him was terrified. Terrified of what might happen if he let Itachi back in, terrified of the pain it could bring, and terrified of how much he still cared.He sat in the silence of his room for a long time, his thoughts swirling like the rain outside. And though he didn’t know what the future held, for the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to consider the possibility of a new beginning.Deidara sat on his bed, staring at the screen of his phone, his fingers hovering just above the keys. He could feel the weight of Itachi’s words pressing against his chest, an aching reminder of everything that had passed between them. He wasn’t sure if he could just forget everything, but the thought of giving Itachi another chance… it made him feel both alive and terrified at the same time.He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the silence of the room surround him.I’ll think about it.The words he had told Itachi echoed in his mind, the promise hanging in the air like a fragile thread. It wasn’t an answer, not really. It was just an opening, a crack in the wall he had built around himself.But could he really go back? Could he truly give Itachi the chance to prove himself again? To reopen the door that had been slammed shut all those years ago?He let out a shaky breath and glanced back down at his phone. It felt like his whole world had come to a standstill, his mind racing with memories of the past—the good, the bad, the heartbreak. It was like trying to stitch together pieces of a puzzle that had been scattered too long ago.Deidara ran a hand through his hair, feeling the weight of exhaustion creeping in. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up, this endless cycle of doubts and questions.Was it worth the risk?He stared at the screen again. Itachi’s words, his sincerity, they were enough to break down the walls Deidara had spent so long building.But the truth was, he didn’t know. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to open that door again. He didn’t know if he could survive another fall.The silence in the room seemed to stretch on forever, the phone resting on his lap like a heavy anchor. Deidara’s heart pounded in his chest, the internal battle racking his mind, and for the first time in years, he was torn between two possibilities.What if I give him one more chance?The question lingered in the air like a fragile hope. But what if it was too late? What if the pieces of them were too broken to be fixed?He closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head as he pushed those thoughts aside. He wasn’t ready for an answer. Not yet. He needed more time.Deidara took a deep breath and set the phone down on the nightstand, the decision hanging in the balance.But even as he laid back, the feeling in his chest didn’t fade. It only grew stronger.And as the storm outside began to fade into the quiet, Deidara found himself wondering—was he truly ready to face the past, and the future that might await him with Itachi?Only time would tell.