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Nightcloud had dedicated her life to her child. To trying to help him succeed, to being there for him when he needed it.She had hoped to fix her relationship, to make amends with Crowfeather. Eventually, she realized such a ploy would never work out. That was alright though, they had a tentative sense of peace between them, flimsy as it may be.She hadn’t always succeeded when she needed to, but she was satisfied with where she was in life. Breezepelt was happy, he had found love despite his hardships, was now a dependable warrior.As for her former mate, he had been lost in his thoughts, yet after some pushing, she had helped him find his own lot. Crowfeather had a cat who adored him and he loved Harestar back.She knew she should be happy. By all accounts, these were the things she had strived for. Yet something inside her ached. She couldn’t seem to force a smile onto her face.It was selfish, this feeling. She loathed herself for even entertaining it. But, she also wanted to keep exploring it.This was sourced from an issue she had been plagued with for a long while. A friend of hers had criticized her before. Apparently, she spent all her time trying to help those around her, and as a consequence, she didn’t know what to do with herself whenever there wasn’t any assistance to give.As much as she disliked admitting it, perhaps that was true.She hadn’t known much romance in her life. What she and Crowfeather had was a fabrication, nothing of substantial value. It had only really lasted a short while anyway. She had Breezepelt, then it was downhill from there.Pickle had been close. Temptation had almost won out, part of her wanted to give in to his affections. That was why she allowed him to wrap around her, let him nuzzle into her fur. He was soft, and kind, basically a polar opposite to Crowfeather.In her own way, she was being petty.But, she knew it would never work out. She couldn’t stomach being a kittypet, Pickle wouldn’t leave his twolegs. It left them at an impasse. What they had was fun, but it didn’t amount to much.She wasn’t young anymore, not by any means. She wasn’t an elder, but she wasn’t spry enough to go chasing toms.It certainly didn’t help that most cats her age still had mates. It left her with a very small pool.She paused her steps, breathing in the air to try and clear her head. Kestrelflight turned to her, “everything alright?”Going back to camp at the moment sounded miserable. She would have nothing to do but wallow in her loneliness. It didn’t sound all too ideal.“Yes, I just… need a moment, I suppose. I’m not thinking clearly,” her explanation was flimsy as could be, but she didn’t feel like delving into her personal affairs.Clear understanding flashed across his vision, “gotcha. Feel free to take your time, the wind does wonders for the mind.”“Spoken like a true WindClanner,” she chuckled. As she began to walk away, she glanced back, “are you sure you can handle camp affairs by yourself? Harestar and Crowfeather won’t be back for a long while.”He waved a paw, “I’ll be fine! Go on, have your moment, do some thinking. Any cat in your situation would probably do the same.”She dipped her head in gratitude, “thank you.” The medicine cat hummed in acknowledgment before resuming his trek back to the camp.She allowed her paws to move on their own volition, taking her wherever seemed fitting. Before long, she found herself overlooking the lakeshore, fresh breeze, carrying a hint of moisture, against her face.A long sigh escaped her as she sat down, staring at the reflection of the stars. Love. Was that something she even needed?When she had Breezepelt, part of it was out of obligation. That was evidently why Crowfeather had got with her as well. Now that she didn’t have that, she had never taken time for herself. Truly loved, or been loved back for that matter.Where to even begin? Most cats by now had figured that out. The most she had? A crush, one that turned into a relationship. With nothing else to use as a base, she had assumed that was love.But she had seen other cats, heard their joyful laughter or the way their purrs melded together as they pressed against each other.It left her feeling excluded. She wanted something like that, yet couldn’t have it.Perhaps she needed a fresh outlook. Something completely different in order to find an understanding.A she-cat, for example. About a big a difference as possible, her last two experiences with toms had failed anyway.It wasn’t like her mind hadn’t gone there before. Sometimes, in her private moments, her mind would wander to what could be. Sometimes, a ghostly she-cat seemed to haunt her mind. Teasingly messing with her. Showing what could be if she was bold.When those thoughts resurfaced, realization struck her. Perhaps there had been a cat like that the whole time. Someone who was there for her, a close companion.A cat who had tested the waters, but she had been too ignorant to notice.Her eyes landed on the gathering island. She had so many memories with her there. It was where they bonded, talked, helped each other through hardship and agony.She had even helped Breezepelt, far more than Nightcloud ever could.Simply thinking about those times sent the memories swirling back into her head. In a moment of selfishness, she chose to indulge them, just for the night.A small smile appeared on her lips. *** Nightcloud felt her fur spiking as she glared. It was pointless, even if Crowfeather noticed he wouldn’t care, but it was satisfying regardless.What was he thinking, openly yelling at Breezepaw in the middle of camp for all to see? That was humiliating, especially when it’s a parent doing the scolding. Breezepaw had made a mistake, she could admit that, but Crowfeather had blown it way out of proportion.She had confronted him about it, yet he just waved her off, stating it was necessary. That he couldn’t show bias towards his own child. A load of fox-dung.He didn’t even have the decency to apologize to Breezepaw, or at least offer to sit by him at the gathering. He could have also chosen to keep her company, maybe they could discuss it a bit more and come to an understanding. But apparently, that would be far too big an ask.She had been so focused on her mate, she didn’t notice a cat approaching her until she heard them say, “he’s a right bastard, ain’t he?”She blinked in surprise, turning to face the newly appeared cat. A distinct pine scent told her this cat hailed from ShadowClan, but she would have known that anyways. With her melding of whites, blacks, and oranges, she looked almost like a sunrise, a few strings of orange piercing a black sky, dotted with white clouds. She was unmistakable.“Tawnypelt, right?” Nightcloud asked, more out of courtesy than anything.Tawnypelt nodded, “correct, and based on the look you’re giving Crowfeather, that would make you Nightcloud.”“Very astute of you,” she then laughed, “glaring at Crowfeather makes me his mate?”Tawnypelt shrugged, “I mean, with how much of a pain he is, surely the cat closest to him is the one who glares the most, right?” She then tapped her chin, looking up in contemplation, “though I can’t recall if Feathertail glowered that much. In fairness, she was too nice for her own good.”Hearing that name sent a pang through her chest, anger that quickly faded into envy. Crowfeather was still hung up on her, he had to be. She had seen the longing in his eyes, the way he wasn’t always present. He had spilled after she pressed enough, though she supposed him changing his name in homage to her should have been clue enough.Still, she was alive, as was their child. Surely it wasn’t too irrational to ask him to live in the moment, instead of spending every moment staring off wistfully, longing for a long dead cat.“He’s incredibly frustrating,” she stated with a sigh, “but it’s more so the things he doesn’t do than his actual actions.”“I get that,” Tawnypelt folded her paws under her as she sat down, “you don’t mind if I sit here, right?”She was already asking after the fact, which Nightcloud would normally find irritating, but something about Tawnypelt calmed her. Perhaps it was her confidence or the way she joked, but it was nice having her around.Nightcloud shook her head, “feel free. It’s nice having some company.”They sat together in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the chatter of the crowd of cats, until eventually Tawnypelt broke the silence, “Brambleclaw told me Crowfeather somehow spawned a child. Which one is it?”Nightcloud hadn’t been expecting that question, but she answered anyways. She scanned the crowd, eventually finding Breezepaw sitting near another crowd of apprentices, though he didn’t seem to be talking, in fact, he looked rather awkward. She pointed anyways, “over there, the one with the black fur. His name is Breezepaw.”“Nice name,” Tawnypelt complimented, “he certainly seems to take after his mother, at least in looks. After all, it’s no surprise a beautiful molly makes a handsome kit.”She felt her cheeks blush faintly. It had been a long while since anyone had complimented her in that way. “He looks like me, but I think he might take after Crowfeather. I certainly wasn’t this temperamental as an apprentice.”“Ah, that does sound like Crowfeather,” Tawnypelt laughed ruefully, “stars above, he made me want to rip my fur out when he was an apprentice.”“You traveled with him, right?” She already knew the answer, “what was he like back then?” She wanted to try and see if he had always acted the way he currently did. If not, was she to blame? More insight could also help her patch things up potentially.Not that she was entirely sure she wanted to.Tawnypelt snickered, “you’re going to make me sound like an elder, recounting all these tales. But, since it’s you asking,” she nudged Nightcloud playfully, then rested her head on a paw, “sparing all the semantics, I’m sure you’ve heard them all, I had to travel with him and four others. Still, even with Squirrelpaw there, I found him the most annoying. He always acted like he was soooo superior to us all, then when he spoke, it was either to complain or criticize us. I swear, if the others hadn’t been there I would have shoved him off the mountain,” she then widened her eyes, “not to offend you, of course. He’s probably better now that he’s matured a bit.”“I wish,” she huffed, “still as immature as ever. I swear, it’s like he doesn’t even understand how other cats think. Always finding fault in others actions or simply being rude.”“Honestly, he must be well-endowed, that’s the only reason I can see anyone getting with him,” she then smirked at Nightcloud, “though I guess you would know, huh?” Her eyes glimmer with humor and curiosity, urging her to answer the query.She coughed, a bit embarrassed, “your assumption holds merit. That’s all I’ll say.”Tawnypelt cackled, her whole body shaking, “well now I’m even more curious! Come on, give me an estimation!”“Out of the question!” She protested, “that’s far too informal. Besides, that’s private.”Tawnypelt sighed, pursing her lip, “you WindClanners are such sticklers. Honestly, can’t you have a little fun?” She perked up, “if it makes things better, I could tell you about Rowanclaw.”Nightcloud wasn’t sure she enjoyed this topic, but she asked anyways, “I take it he’s your mate.”“Something like that,” she twirled a claw in a piece of her fur, “I’ve got him wrapped around my paw. Anything I ask, he’ll do. He’s adorable.”Frankly, she was jealous. They sounded like they truly loved each other, if Tawnypelt’s tone was any indication. Crowfeather would hardly do anything for her. She was lucky if he brought her a piece of prey.Still, with that glint in Tawnypelt’s eyes, she could tell this was going to get scandalous quickly, so she put her paws up, “that’s enough, I don’t need any… details.”“Aw, are you sure?” Tawnypelt whined, “there is so much I could tell you. All his adorable sounds, the ways he can bend, how-““No!” She clamped her paws over her ears. She didn’t need to hear about another cat's intimacy.Tawnypelt pulled her paws off, “just teasing. I’m sure Rowanclaw would be mortified if I told you much more. But hey, my plan worked, see? You’re smiling.”“Huh?” She hadn’t realized, but it was true. She felt alleviated in a way, she was the happiest she’d been in a while. She glanced at Tawnypelt, “I suppose I am.”“You look far prettier when you aren’t glaring,” Tawnypelt flicked her nose with a paw, “I’d like to see it more.”Nightcloud laughed, mostly to cover her own embarsssment, “well, I wouldn’t mind sitting with you again next time.”Tawnypelt seemed to contemplate it for a moment, “I don’t know, I’ve got friends in every clan…” Nightcloud felt her ears droop subconsciously. Tawnypelt laughed, “I’m kidding, that would be great!”A piercing yowl from the Great Oak signaled for them to be quiet. Still, they exchanged a look with each other before paying attention to the leaders.She hadn’t expected things to go this way. *** “Is everything alright?” Tawnypelt asked, “you keep sighing while staring at your child.”Nightcloud shook herself, coming back to her senses. She was about to insist it was all fine, but she stopped herself. Tawnypelt wouldn’t believe her. She was an expert at reading cats, each time they got together proved that.“I’m worried about Breezepaw,” she confessed, “I know that’s normal for mothers, but I feel in this case it’s warranted.”Tawnypelt stared at her with intrigue, “well you have to share. Perhaps I could help you, I didn’t have the easiest apprenticeship myself.”Nightcloud paused for a moment, a bit skeptical, “why do you care so much?”Tawnypelt hesitated for a moment, “I’m your friend, of course I want to know.” Her ear flicked in a tiny manner, her limbs looking ever so slightly tenser than normal.She narrowed her eyes, “you’re lying.”Her friend stared at her with surprise, then hung her head, “I’ve lost my touch if even you can tell. Fine, you’ll learn the truth,” she scooted over, leaning into her ear, “you can’t tell anyone this but… I’m going to be a mother.”Nightcloud took a second to process the words before purring, “well congratulations! How far along are you?”“A moon,” she sounded slightly proud of herself, then turned serious again, “keep it under wraps though. If Rowanclaw finds out, he’ll have me confined to the nursery for the next cycle.”“I thought you had him under control,” Nightcloud teased, “you can make him do anything you want.”She rolled her eyes, “unfortunately, he’s close enough with Blackstar to get what he wants. One order from my leader and it’s goodbye patrols, hello nursery.”“It’s almost like you don’t want to be a mother,” she commented, mostly without thinking. She felt guilty about the statement after.Tawnypelt exhaled through her nose, her brows furrowing, “at first I didn’t. The thought of being trapped in camp for moons on end sounded like misery. It certainly didn’t help that my mother left an awful impression on me,” she scowled for a brief moment, then smiled, “but also, it’ll be nice to leave my mark on the clan, to raise some kits the right way, without the misery I had to go through. Besides,” that glint reappeared in her eyes, “I should have expected this, what with how often I was forcing Rowanclaw to go at it.”Nightcloud rested a paw on her shoulder. Seeing another cat go through the complex feelings of motherhood was gratifying, but she also had experience, which meant she could be of assistance. “I’ll miss you at gatherings, but look forward to hearing good news. In the meantime, if you ever need any advice on being a mother, I could give it,” she then paused, “well, mostly on kits.”Tawnypelt clasped her paws together, “that’s right, we were talking about your worries. I can’t believe you let me get sidetracked,” she sat right in front of Nightcloud, her body language egging her on, “spill.”She had been hoping the ShadowClan cat forgot. But, there was evidently no fighting it, “he’s so angry all the time. He’s constantly getting into spats with the other apprentices, not to mention the trouble he’s gotten into at the borders before,” she sighed, “I’ve tried talking to him, but he just gets upset, and then Crowfeather is always shouting at him… sorry, I’m rambling.”“No, you’re not. It’s alright to tell me,” she blinked at her soothingly, “if it makes you feel better, think of this as preparing me for motherhood.”She was silent for a long while, then continued quietly, “he thinks Crowfeather hates him. The worst part? I worry he’s right.”Tawnypelt hummed in contemplation for a long while, “he could be acting out for attention,” she finally suggested, “to get Crowfeather to notice him. Or inversely, his misbehavior reflects poorly on Crowfeather, so it’s a means of payback.”“Huh,” Nightcloud breathed, “you really know your stuff.”Tawnypelt looked a bit sheepish, “well, that’s actually all stuff I did. With how I was treated, I had a tendency to act out of line, especially to spite my mother.”“But now you’re a well respected warrior,” she pointed out.A shrug, then she joked, “well, StarClan choosing you for a mission certainly elevates your status. But, that doesn’t mean Breezepaw can’t be too,” she then looked across the way, trying to spot him, “do you want me to have a chat with him?”Nightcloud flattened her ears, looking away, “he probably wouldn’t listen to you. I don’t want you to just get yelled at the whole time.”“Come on, I’m tougher than that,” Tawnypelt’s whiskers twitched in amusement, “I think he and I are rather similar, it could do him some good to talk.”Crowfeather had often criticized her for being overprotective. But in her defense, he was the only child of hers who’d survived. Why would she try to ensure his safety?But… her mate did have a point. Her protective nature could be smothering Breezepaw, preventing his development.“If you think it’s a good idea,” she started uncertainly, “we could head over there now.”Tawnypelt purred, immediately getting to her feet, “let’s go then! After all, soon I won’t be able to go to gatherings.”Nightcloud was surprised by how sad that made her. She had been enjoying talking with Tawnypelt, it felt like she understood her. With her, she wasn’t ‘that brat’s mother’ or ‘Crowfeather’s poor mate’. She was just Nightcloud.Still, she had lasted this long, she could handle being without Tawnypelt for a bit. It would make their eventual reunion all the more sweet.“Come on slowpoke!” Tawnypelt called, snapping her from her thoughts, “I thought WindClan cats were supposed to be fast.”She made her way over at a reasonable pace, trying not to draw attention to herself, “and I thought ShadowClan cats were stealthy. Shouting across an island is far from that.”“I mean, I am originally from ThunderClan.”“So you’re planning on hooking up with me?” Nightcloud shot back.Tawnypelt smirked slyly, “anything can happen.”She should have expected that response, but it still caught her off guard. “A-Anyway, Breezepaw’s right over there!”Her friend could clearly tell she was changing topics, but motioned forward anyway, “care to introduce me?”With a nod, she approached her child, clearing her throat, “you enjoying your gathering?” The look she received in response was angry enough to raise the dead, “I suppose not.”“What gave you that idea?” Breezepaw snapped, then faced away from her.It took all her strength not to smack him in front of her friend.“Well, I wanted to introduce you to someone,” she tried to use the calmest voice she could muster, “this is Tawnypelt.”As Tawnypelt approached, her son sniffed the air before wrinkling his nose, “what does a ShadowClan cat have to do with me?” There was such disgust in his voice, as if he’d eaten crowfood.“Why is a WindClanner so fiesty? I thought you all were supposed to be tame?” Tawnypelt retorted almost immediately. Nightcloud was thoroughly impressed.Breezepaw huffed at that, “what do you want?”“Well, I’d hoped to have a pleasant conversation, but if you have something else to do, go right on ahead,” Tawnypelt said it so casually, yet there was a noticeable edge to her tone. A warning and a test. Her son stared at Tawnypelt from the corner of his eye, but made no move. Tawnypelt tutted, “that’s what I thought.”“Hmph,” was all Breezepaw said in response.She sat down, similarly to how she’d interrogated Nightcloud, “how come you aren’t with the other apprentices?”“‘Cause they’re all annoying,” Breezepaw muttered.“You should give them a chance.”Breezepaw scowled, “did my mom put you up to this?”Nightcloud was about to protest, but Tawnypelt cut her off, “no, I insisted on coming over. Don’t blame her.”“Why?” Breezepaw spat, “you have no reason to talk to me.”“You’d think that, and perhaps you're even right,” Tawnypelt smugly grinned, “but I believe I do. After all, I would bet I’m one of the few cats who stands any chance at understanding you.”Breezepaw rolled his eyes, “what would you know?”“A great deal,” Tawnypelt stated, “I’ve been around an awfully long while. Still, back when I was your age, I believe we were rather similar.”Breezepaw narrowed his eyes, yet there was an obvious amount of curiosity in his tone, “how so?”“Well,” she cleared her throat, not unlike an elder before a tale, “you see, back when I was an apprentice, I wasn’t exactly the most popular cat in ThunderClan. Apparently, having aspirations at such a time wasn’t a good thing,” she rolled her eyes, clearly attempting humor. It didn’t seem to land with Breezepaw. Tawnypelt didn’t let it faze her, “I could handle other cats talking. The looks I got from Bluestar, the way Fireheart would stare at my brother and I with fear. It didn’t matter, I had Bramblepaw with me. But, what eventually broke me was my mother,” she sighed deeply, “although I didn’t look anything like my father, my personality was apparently too similar for her tastes. I would hear her whispering to her friends. She called me a blight, a threat to the clan. She told them how I ruined her, simply by existing. Being hated by your own parent… it was so awful, I couldn’t be around it any longer. So, despite knowing the awful things he’d done, I fled right into Tigerstar’s open arms.”“So you have mommy issues. Remind me again how this is supposed to help me?” Breezepelt looked so coy, evidently trying to rile her up. In all honesty, Nightcloud wouldn’t have even been upset if Tawnypelt shredded his ears then and there.“My point,” Tawnypelt gritted out, clearly reaching a limit, “is that I’ve seen how these feelings can lead cats down poor paths. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m available.”Breezepaw suddenly stood up, his fur spiking, “all I need you to do is kindly piss off! I don’t need more cats shoving their noses into my business. I am perfectly fine!” He growled deeply, then turned and disappeared into the brush.Both mollies watched him leave, then Nightcloud turned to her friend, “I’m so sorry about him, I’m sure he didn’t mean any of what he said.”Oddly enough, Tawnypelt didn’t look upset. If anything, she seemed rather pleased, “oh, don’t worry. I think I got through to him.”“What makes you say that?”She shrugged, as she always did, “I can just tell. He acted all defensive to not give me the satisfaction, but I’d bet he’ll be thinking about my words for a long while.”“You’re far too kind. You told him about your past and he waved it off,” Nightcloud shook her head, lip curling in disgust, “I can’t believe him.”Tawnypelt laughed, “well, if that was my child, I probably would have clobbered him. But, he’s not. Besides, sometimes a gentle paw does far more than claws.”“You’re going to make a great mother,” she couldn’t help but sigh in envy. Far better than me.Tawnypelt nudged her, “give yourself more credit. Looking for help doesn’t mean you failed. You’ve raised him, despite the hardships and lack of assistance from Crowfeather. He just… needed another opinion.”Emotion surged within her, “you’re right. Thank you, sincerely.”“I’ll always be here. And who knows,” she mused, “maybe one day you’ll help my kids through a rut.”“I owe you that much, at the least.”She smirked, “don’t worry, I’m keeping track of your favors. There’ll come a time to repay them.” *** She hadn’t wanted to come to this gathering. In truth, she had desired nothing more than to curl up under the briars that surrounded the WindClan camp and sleep for the next moon.But, she also knew she couldnt avoid it. If she wallowed in her own misery, then she was proving them all right. She was weak. She was a pathetic cat who had failed to seduce even the father of her own child.She thought being a second mate was bad. Yet all it took was the words of one cat, she looked so similar to Crowfeather, his had she not noticed before? That one cats words, and her whole life was turned upside down. She was third. Hardly even qualified for that title either.She hated those cats. Those three kits who were living jovial lives in ThunderClan. That medicine cat who had thought it fitting to break multiple codes at once.Crowfeather most of all. He never cared for her. She was just an excuse to cover his tail. And she was stupid enough to fall for it!She wanted to claw out her own mind, squishing into nothing but a pulp. There were so many signs. The awkward conversations at the border, the strange amount of ThunderClan sympathy, everything about Hollyleaf’s looks! Stars above, there wasn’t even a black-furred tom in ThunderClan! Why had nobody questioned it?Then there was poor Breezepelt. All his feelings had been vindicated. Crowfeather was more committed to his kits in another clan, the ones from a Molly he wasn’t even with, than the one right in front of him.She had thought Breezepelt foolish. Turns out the opposite was true.Hardly a whiff of the familiar scent had entered her nose before she was wrapped in a warm embrace. She fought the quivering of her bottom lip as she leaned into the touch.Tawnypelt never relinquished her. She held until Nightcloud was ready to be released.Nightcloud used the moment to calm down. To collect her breath, let one of the few things in her life that hadn’t changed ground her.Eventually, she pulled away. She sniffed, feeling awfully selfish. Trying to ease into a conversation, and avoid that topic, she asked, “how are you here?”“Rowanclaw is watching the kits,” she said plainly, evidently not focusing on the question. She looked at Nightcloud, her eyes serious yet gentle, “did you really think I wouldn’t check up on you? I heard what happened, ugh, those lying mange-pelts!”It was ever so vindicating to hear someone else express her very thoughts. She had been fed far too many rumors as of late.“I’m glad you’re here,” Nightcloud tried to smile, but it was hard to force one. She looked like an utter wreck, of that she was certain.Tawnypelt evidently noticed, “let me groom you,” she offered, “I know for a fact you can’t reach every spot.”On a typical day, she would have been too prideful for such an activity, especially in public. But, right now she needed it. Comfort, closeness, companionship. She nodded silently, and before long, Tawnypelt began.The strokes of her tongue were rough. They pulled at her fur, tearing away at the mats and messes. Nightcloud felt embarrassed, but Tawnypelt never said a word about it.Each rasp seemed to yank away a few of her aches, alleviating her a bit. After a while, she realized she had been leaning into the touch, a loud purr emanating from her.It just felt so nice. Having someone this close to her, someone caring for her. She didn’t have that back at her camp. Crowfeather certainly didn’t, and it wasn’t like she had any friends. Any she did possess had avoided her after Crowfeather’s scandal was exposed.When Tawnypelt eventually stopped, it was as if something was torn away from her. It took her best efforts not to let out a small whine, still yearning for that touch.“You seemed to enjoy that,” Tawnypelt teased.She frowned to hide her blush, sheepishly responding, “you’re not wrong. It’s been a while since I’ve had any help with grooming.”Tawnypelt rolled her eyes, “some mate Crowfeather is.” Unwillingly, Nightcloud’s body tensed up. Tawnypelt panicked, “sorry, I told myself I wouldn’t mention him! Forget I said anything, want me to groom you again?” She scrambled to try and change the subject.“No, it’s alright,” she murmured, “I can’t avoid discussing him forever.”Tawnypelt nodded, her expression showing she was impressed by Nightcloud’s tenacity, “then, and I hope I’m not overstepping, I wanted to ask… have you left him yet?”Somehow, Tawnypelt had landed on the one issue that had been bugging her for ages. She flung her paws up, collapsing forwards and covering her face, “I know I should, but I just can’t make myself.”A paw comfortingly rested against her shoulder, “why not?”“I’d have nothing left,” she admitted, both pitifully and full of bitterness, “he’s all I ever aspired for. Other than him and Breezepelt…” she couldn’t finish her thought, the words catching in her throat. Air seemed to struggle to enter her lungs.Stars above, was she actually going to cry?“You have me,” Tawnypelt stated, her words barely a breath. Whether or not Nightcloud was supposed to hear, she wasn’t sure. Tawnypelt continued on anyway, “let’s talk about something else. How is Breezepelt holding up? Heard he was made into a warrior, good for him.”She was trying to act casual. As if this was any other time they were meeting. Gratitude welled up in Nightcloud to the point she was sure it was pouring out of her ears.“You were right last time, about your words. He seemed to be trying much harder, attempting to get along with the other apprentices,” her cheeriness fell, “this set him back though. If I hadn’t stopped him, he would have pounced on Crowfeather at that gathering. Now, he just sits alone, something behind his eyes I can’t discern. He also keeps getting these scratches and marks that look like bites. He won’t talk to me.”“You couldn’t predict this,” Tawnypelt soothed, “anyone would need time to recover. I say you let him be.”She found solace in the stars for a bit, before solemnly asking, “do you think that’s best?”“You’ve done all you can, now it falls to him whether or not to let this break him,” Tawnypelt affirmed. She sat down, beckoning Nightcloud with her tail. As she sat down, she pulled her closer, “you’ve been under a whole lot of stress. Let me keep you safe, just for the night.”Her better judgement told her to reject the invitation. That this was not only inappropriate, but could spawn more rumors. But that was drowned out by something else. She couldn’t quite place what it was, but it was more powerful than her worries. It roared in her ears, filled her thoughts.Tenderly, she ever so slowly rested her head against Tawnypelt’s neck. She was so warm. Comforting.She felt her eyelids growing heavy, but she tried to fight it. She felt Tawnypelt purr in laughter, placing a paw against her head, “it’s alright. If you’re tired, then sleep. I’ll wake you up when things are over.”“It wouldn’t be right,” Nightcloud murmured, still fighting the urge. It certainly didn’t help how soothing her friend's voice was.“You’ve had a rough moon. Here, no eyes are on you. Recuperate, then work harder again. I know you’re better than the criticisms,” Tawnypelt licked her ears, “when I see you next, you’ll be happier. If not, then I’ll keep doing this until you are.”Her words stopped registering as Nightcloud leaned into Tawnypelt. The warmth seemed to drown out everything around her. Instead, it lulled her into it’s warm embrace, keeping her safe as she was guided to sleep.Gentle purring was the last thing she heard. *** It was rather odd seeing the clans so close. Typically, they were having disputes with each other over borders or prey. Yet now, there was a strange sense of closeness between them all.Well, perhaps that was to be expected, considering what they had all just gone through. After all, fighting off the souls of the damned does tend to outweigh petty disputes.That didn’t mean it was all peaceful. Conflicts were now far more internalized. After all, the Dark Forest hadn’t just attacked, they had been training current warriors. All of them had sided with the clans.All but her own son.She felt awful. For her poor child, driven to breaking and right into the Dark Forest’s open arms. If she’d been better, perhaps he’d have confided in her or found some other outlet for his frustrations.Crowfeather had talked to him. Apparently, he felt ignored. The Dark Forest gave him the attention and praise he lacked, made him feel wanted and powerful. They should have given him that.Instead they spent all their time fighting.Even after the turmoil, he still would struggle. Harespring would have an easy enough time being accepted back, he had sided with the stars after all. Breezepelt would have this on him for the rest of his life.“Frog-dung…” Tawnypelt buried her faced in her paws as she flopped down on her stomach, “I’m the worst.”“Don’t say that!” She protested, “it’s not you’re fault.”Tawnypelt chewed her lip, eyes wide and anxious, “but it really is! You don’t understand, the signs were so obvious. You spelled it out for me and I still didn’t realize,” she paced the ground, claws sliding in and out, “of course Tigerstar came for him, he came for me once! The wounds, the temper, stars above it was clear! But no, I tell you to leave him be, I practically shoved him into Tigerstar’s hungry maw.”Nightcloud stepped in her way, huffing crossly, “you know that’s not true. Besides, Breezepelt is my problem, not yours.”“I still gave you terrible advice,” Tawnypelt spat, evidently loathing herself, “some friend I am.”“You did plenty to help him too, don’t forget that. Besides,” Nightcloud packed a paw against her shoulder in comfort, “I talked to Harespring. I wanted to get an idea of what it was like to train there, to try and help Breezepelt. After all, a cat like him, so skittish and jumpy, doesn’t seem the type. The cats from the Forest were smart, they knew what insecurities to pluck and pull at. They promised to make Harespring braver and strong, for example. They’d make him admired. For Breezepelt, they would make him so powerful that none could ignore him.” She frowned, saddened by the prospect, “no matter what, they would have found their way into him. He was dealt a rotten lot that Crowfeather and I only exacerbated,” she shrugged, trying to mimic how her friend would comfort her, “at least, that’s what I tell myself.”Tawnypelt was silent for a long while, then sighed with a smile, “always the smart one, aren’t you?”“I find it helps,” she then paused for a moment, “it’s what Crowfeather tried to tell me.”“Crowfeather?” The surprise was evident in her voice.“Yeah,” she chuckled, “it surprised me too. But after the battle, he came up to me. He apologized for everything, told me how great a mother I was for picking up his slack. I wasn’t expecting it, but it was nice to hear,” she looked at Tawnypelt, then smiled, “even if we aren’t together anymore, I think we can still be close. At least, slightly so. We still have a child to worry about, after all.”Tawnypelt blinked at her a few times, then rested a paw against her, “I’m happy for you, truly.”She felt a bit embarrassed by the moment, especially being so vulnerable, so she pivoted the topic, “speaking of, I never got to ask you about being the deputy’s mate. That must be nice, huh? Lots of freedom.”They stared at each other for a while. Being jovial like this didn’t exactly settle right with either, but it was better than the alternative. Tawnypelt scoffed, “you’d think so. But now I can’t do anything! I used to be able to drag him out every night in the woods, now he’s so busy I only really see him when we sleep. Not to mention the prospect he’ll become leader soon, Blackstar is getting up there. At this rate, I’ll be lucky to get him once a moon.”Nightcloud nudged her, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “well, if he does become leader, you get a den all to yourselves. Then you don’t even have to sneak out.”Tawnypelt put a paw to her chest, “in the middle of camp? I thought I was the dirty one.” She made a haughty sound, hamming up her false dismay.They shared a good laugh, beaming at each other. If Tawnypelt had taught her one thing, it was that a bit of humor, a few smiles, some laughs, could go a long way to making things seem better.The sound of shuffling behind them caused them to pause. Nightcloud couldn’t help but widen her eyes in surprise when she heard Breezepelt speak, “um, excuse me?”“Breezpelt!” Nightcloud exclaimed in surprise, whipping her head around, “what are you doing here?”He looked surprisingly meek, shifting his weight repeatedly and keeping his head low. It was a start contrast to how he’d been just moons prior. “I really needed to talk with Tawnypelt. I-If that’s alright. I understand if you don’t want to, especially not after I colluded with Tigerstar and…” his voice trailed off, breaking as regret seeped into his words.“It’s fine,” Tawnypelt asserted. She shifted over, making room between herself and Nightcloud, “come join us.”Breezepaw awkwardly sat between the two of them. No one seemed to want to speak, Breezepelt hardly lifted his head. His fur was matted in all sorts of places, his eyes seeming heavy and distant.Eventually, in a voice that kept bordering on breaking, Breezepelt broke the silence, “I’m sorry. I brushed you off before, I said some awful things, yet here I am, coming to you for help.”“I already told you I didn’t care,” Tawnypelt snapped. She the softened, “besides, I knew you didn’t mean it. Your dear mother told me some things that led me to believe you cared more than you let on.”Breezepelt gave her a look that showed he had expected this, but was still a bit disappointed. Nightcloud ran a claw along her cheek, looking upwards and smiling sheepishly.Breezepelt shook his head, but then turned back to Tawnypelt. He hung his head, ears pressed down against his head, “you said before you picked the wrong side. But now, cats look at you with respect…” his eye were cloudy as he looked up, pleading, “how did you get them to stop looking at you with dismay? How did you make them trust you again? How… how do you make the right choices?”Nightcloud’s breath caught. He was being so vulnerable, he was evidently hurting. He had been keeping this in for so long.Some selfish part of her was upset it wasn’t her being confided, but Tawnypelt was far more competent in such a situation. She had lived through something similar, after all.She kept her features calm, the faintest bit of pity glimmering in her green eyes, “that’s a very difficult question to propose, young one.”“I understand,” Breezepelt scuffed the ground, tracing small circles with his paws, “it’s alright if you can’t answer.”“I never said that,” she chastised, “I just needed a moment to compose my thoughts,” she smiled comfortingly, “when I was with Tigerclaw, I felt far safer than at home. I felt accepted,” she hummed for a second, “in all honesty, I was probably better off staying. The only thing that kept me away was this nagging sensation. It sat at the back of my mind every moment I was there.”Breezepelt looked with interest, “what was it?”“My morals. Deep down, I knew it was wrong. Being with Tigerstar, supporting his endeavors, it didn’t feel right. So, I had to ask myself. ‘Do I do what's best for me or what I know is right?’ I mulled it over for a while,” she turned serious, her jaw steeling, “when Firestar started opposing, I knew what I had to do. Despite abandoning them before, I pleaded to rejoin his side. It was fortunate they allowed me to fight by their side.” She looked at Breezepelt reassuringly, “it took a long time afterwards, but I found a place. Cats started to forgive me for my past transgressions,” she gently rested her paw against him in comfort, “I just had to keep going through the motions. If I let despair take hold, I would have probably curled up in my nest and never gotten up. So, just keep your chin up. In time, your clanmates will forgive you.”“Who knows?” Nightcloud chimed in, “some already may have.”Breezepelt jaws were parted, he stared between, eyes shaking. His jaw quivered, he hung his head, “you’re so much more than I could ever be. I never stopped to question things. I let my anger control me.” His breath shook, Nightcloud watched a teardrop fall to the ground, “I’m the worst.”“No, no,” Tawnypelt soothed, lifting his head. She wiped the tears away with a paw, “you’re young, you made mistakes. Stop being so hard on yourself.”Breezepelt shook, “I’m so sorry. You tried to warn me, I failed you both.” Pure despair laced his words, they bordered on a wail.Nightcloud pulled him into a hug, gently rubbing his back, “sweetheart, no. It’ll be alright.” She held him, continuing to soothe until he got it all out of his system.He pulled away, wiping his eyes. Tawnypelt smiled, “feeling better?”“A bit.”“Like I said, just keep moving forward,” Tawnypelt purred, “things will improve.”Breezepelt swallowed, then nodded, looking up at her, “thank you, Tawnypelt. You’re…” he trailed off, clearly catching himself mid sentence.Before either could ask, a voice cut through their conversation, “there you are!” Heathertail stomped upwards to the crowd, her cheeks puffed as she glared at Breezepelt, “you promised you’d sit with me!”Breezpelt’s tail straightened, his fur spiking slightly as he blushed, “o-oh, I did, didn’t I?”“Honestly, it’s like you don’t even care about me,” she pouted, yet her tone was teasing. As she approached, she paused, “are you alright? Your eyes look puffy.”She rested her paw against his cheek, tilting her head as she blinked in concern. Breezepelt leapt away, his fur spiking and his face red, “I’m totally fine!”“Are you sure?” Heathertail asked, “I worry about you.”Nightcloud smirked, “see? I told you so.”Breezpelt’s eyes were wide, “s-shut up!”Tawnypelt clicked her tongue, “that’s no way to talk to your mother.”He looked between them, ears down and tail curled in as he blushed, “let’s go, Heathertail.”“Aw, you sure? This was starting to get fun!” She teased, poking his nose with a paw.The poor tom was curling in on himself, so furiously flustered Nightcloud was shocked he didn’t overheat. Still, she relented, “alright, that’s enough teasing. Off you go, have some fun! Just don’t forget, you’re at a gathering. Behave yourselves.”“Mom! We’re not, um, we don’t…”“We’ll keep ourselves in check, don’t worry,” Heathertail vowed. She traced Breezpelt’s cheek, “won’t we?”Breezepelt muttered something incoherent. Heathertail laughed, then lead him away with her tail. She beamed at the black tom, who looked at her from the corner of his eyes.Tawnypelt sighed, “reminds me of myself.”Nightcloud laughed, “I can see that. She’s got him completely figured out.”“Wonder how long it’ll be until she’s expecting?” Tawnypelt mused, putting a paw to her chin.Nightcloud’s eyes went wide as she exclaimed, “Tawnypelt!” She smacked her, though not too roughly, “don’t say that! I don’t want to think about… you know.”Her friend rolled her eyes, “they’re both grown. You should be too surprised.”Nightcloud scoffed, “I mean, that would require Breezepelt actually realizing she likes him.”“How could he not?” Tawnypelt retorted, “that was some of the most obvious flirting I’ve seen in my life.”“Have you met Crowfeather?” She deadpanned, “Breezepelt takes after him and StarClan knows how oblivious he is.”Tawnypelt narrowed her eyes skeptically, “he’s managed to land three cats. I think he understands.”“You haven’t seen him at camp,” Nightcloud pointed out, “poor Harespring has been trying to impress him constantly, yet Crowfeather hasn’t picked up on it once. He just thinks Harespring is trying to be a good deputy.”“Harespring? Huh…” Tawnypelt looked towards the deputy thoughtfully, “can’t say I expected that. It doesn’t bother you, does it?”Nightcloud waved her paw, dismissing the question, “let him have Crowfeather. If we’re not together, there is no reason to simply sit around and not love again. If Harespring can make him see that, then he can win. Simple as that.”“Very mature of you,” she then seemed to think of something, “does that mean you’re back to searching?”Nightcloud shrugged, “I mean, I’m available, yes, but I haven’t gone looking. I guess, if some cat approached me, I may give them a chance.”She blinked a few times, “very interesting.”“Thank you, by the way,” Nightcloud dipped her head in respect, “for consoling Breezepelt like that. I think he needed to hear it, especially from someone who understands him. That’s not something I could have done.”Tawnypelt smiled, stretching as she stood up, “well, I’m just glad I could be of assistance. Chalk that up to your list of favors while you’re at it.”“Stars above,” Nightcloud sighed, “at this rate, I’ll be serving you even after we join StarClan.”“That is the plan,” she smirked deviously as she ran a paw along her chin, “my dear.” *** “For the love of StarClan, must ThunderClan always get everyone else involved in their troubles?” Nightcloud groaned, standing up to stretch her legs. She felt relieved as she heard them pop and crack, brushing away the stiffness from ages of sitting, “now we’re stuck guarding their leader.”“Not their leader,” Tawnypelt reminded her from the other side of the entrance to the prison, “just his body.” There was a strain in her voice, a mixture of raspiness and heart ache.Nightcloud’s eyes went wide, quickly approaching her, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Bramblestar will be okay, I’m sure of it. Rootspring and Tree will figure out something, they’re experts on ghosts!”“Experts is a bit much in terms of faith,” Tawnypelt chuckled, “but it’s all we’ve got. I know he’ll be alright,” she looked back at the prison, “he’s too powerful to be done in by some half-wit like Ashfur.”“He truly is the pettiest cat I know,” Nightcloud jeered, “and I thought I was bad.”Tawnypelt sighed, “it’s been too long since we’ve joked like this.”“Indeed it has,” Nightcloud nodded, “it’s fortunate we were assigned together.” Though the more she thought about it, perhaps it wasn't a coincidence at all. Tawnypelt’s son was the clan leader after all. One request would be all it takes for this to happen, especially since Ashfur was being held hostage in ShadowClan camp. That made her heart soar, the fact Tawnypelt cared so much.Her theory was confirmed by that swishing tail, “fortunate indeed.”They shared a good laugh, but that tone still bothered her. Not to mention the distance behind Tawnypelt’s eyes. She tilted her head, “are you alright?”“Oh, um, yeah,” Tawnypelt responded. She hung her head, “just missing him.”“You mean Rowanclaw?”Tawnypelt sighed, “he was such an idiot, but he was my idiot.” She looked towards a den in the corner, based off its look, Nightcloud assumed it was the elder’s den, “I miss seeing him lounge about or telling stories to the kits,” her voice became monotonous, no emotion left in her words, “it feels like the world is out to get me.”“Tawnypelt…”Her confidence was gone, no more cocky words, just defeat, “my mate died, my home was taken over, my grand-kit almost bled out in a ravine! Now my brother might be slaughtered, and through all of this, I couldn’t do anything.”Nightcloud approached as her friend curled up in herself. When she brushed against her, she could feel Tawnypelt quivering, “you did your best.”“I just feel so alone…” Tawnypelt whispered.Nightcloud pressed against her, as her friend had done so many times before, gently leaning against her. She couldn’t find the words for such a moment, so she just held her for a bit, grooming her fur to fill the silence.A long while past, cats continued to mill about, the sun crossed the sky, yet they sat there. It was peaceful, even with the trees, wind found its way to brush across them.For a moment, Nightcloud wanted this to never end. But, Tawnypelt eventually blinked, “sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.”“That’s alright, take as long as you need,” Nightcloud soothed, resting against her neck.Tawnypelt shifted away, “I’m fine now. It’s just difficult. I feel like I’ve had Rowanclaw my whole life. When things got rough, I could just slip into his nest and wash my worries away,” She sounded on the brink of tears as she admitted, “just now reminded me of that.”Nightcloud stepped back, “I’m sorry.”“No!” There was pleading in her voice as she stepped closer, “don’t apologize! I needed something like that. So, so badly. I can’t stand being alone like this…”She didn’t sound all there. Her grief was clouding her thoughts, making her sound incoherent. Nightcloud approached, steering her with a tail, “let’s get you to Puddleshine. I’m sure he can get you something.”“I don’t want herbs!” Tawnypelt spat, her fur bristling. Her anger dissipated as quickly as it came on, “I just want comfort, like you provide. That’s why I had Tigerstar assign us together…” she buckled, nearly falling over. Nightcloud scrambled to hold her up. Tawnypelt grumbled quietly, “I’m such an idiot.”Nightcloud’s eyes were wide with panic. She turned around, scanning the camp, eyes landing on a cat she was too panicked to properly identify, “you! Watch Ashfur until I get back.”“Huh?” The cat squeaked out, stopping in their tracks and looking immensely confused.“Just do it!” She barked, shifting around to get Tawnypelt to her paws, “I’m taking her to Puddleshine.” Without waiting for the cat to protest further, she started her slow steps forward. Tawnypelt dragged her paws, but didn’t complain. Nightcloud whispered under her breath, “you’re fine, you’ll be okay.”She had hardly pushed through the ivy covering the den before Puddleshine was on top of them, “what happened?” He asked, going into what seemed to be a routine. He reached Tawnypelt’s other side, not even giving her time to answer before motioning to a nest, “set her down there.”Tawnypelt didn’t try to fight it as she was lowered, her head flopping against the edge of the nest as she exhaled, long and slowly. Puddleshine quickly got down, circling her and feeling with his paw, before standing up, “I think she’s just exhausted. A lack of sleep, probably. She most likely just needs rest,” he thought for a moment, “though I should give her some of my stock just in case…” not even acknowledging Nightcloud, he disappeared into the back of the den.Nightcloud watched him leave, then looked down at Tawnypelt. She was surprised when piercing green eyes stared at her, so intense and fiery Nightcloud’s instincts told her to back away.The moment ended as quickly as it had started, Tawnypelt turning to curl in on herself. She never said a word, yet Nightcloud could tell she was still awake, her mind churning.Nightcloud stepped forward, crouching down. Carefully remaining outside the nest, she leaned her head in, resting her nose against Tawnypelt, “you’re not alone. I won’t stop being your friend, no matter what happens. I know you feel agonized right now, but you’ll pull through. After all, you’ve always been stronger than me,” she nuzzle against Tawnypelt’s neck, “I’ve always admired that.”As she backed away, sharp claws dug into her leg. She flinched, but didn’t move as Tawnypelt stared once more, “stay. Please.” Nightcloud couldn’t speak, there was such desperation in Tawnypelt’s eyes. “I was thinking about you, missing you. I… I had to see you.”Her throat seemed to close. She yanked herself away, wincing as a chunk of her fur was torn off. Tawnypelt didn’t move after her.Nightcloud swallowed hard, her breathing coming in short bursts. She stepped away, her heart thumping.
No.
She was wrong. Her thoughts were out of line.She slid along the opposite wall, pausing at the exit, “I have to return to duty,” she risked one glance back, “feel better.”She was gone in a moment, not waiting for a response. *** Nightcloud snapped back to reality, surprised to feel her heart pounding. Her chest rose and fell repeatedly, her mind racing.Why had she run away that day? How come she had abandoned her friend in that musty, drab den?That had been her out! A means to rekindle a feeling long lost. A way to repay her mountain of debts she owed that cat.Yet she had fled. Her head was a confused mess.She knew why. Had known all along.It was because she was a hypocrite, completely and utterly. She criticized Crowfeather for running from his feelings, teased Breezepelt for doubting Heathertail’s intentions, but in reality… she was just like them.She always tried to act proud and stoic, to pretend as if her failed relationship had no effect on her. But in reality, she and Crowfeather were one in the same. Afraid to try again. Fearful they weren’t made for such a feat.Selfishly, she had pushed Crowfeather to overcome that. To see if he really could.Because if he was capable, then surely she was too.They hadn’t returned yet, she would have seen them on the moor. That meant Harestar and Crowfeather had managed to work out.So she had to uphold her promise to herself. If Crowfeather could do it, she could too.Her paws were moving before her thoughts had finished. Sand crunched as she reached the lakeshore, she pivoted, and before long, she was full-on sprinting.Water splashed as she drifted too close, she stumbled occasionally as the sand grabbed at her paws, but she didn’t stop.Her heart was thundering as she skidded to a halt, struggling to catch her breath. She stared forward, the pine trees towering in front of her.Those words Tawnypelt had said bordered on a confession. Nightcloud knew that, at times had even felt the same.That mysterious ghost that haunted her dreams had seemed so familiar. It was clear why.Her paws continued forward, sand turned to dirt. Dirt turned to needles and mud. Then, they stopped.She couldn’t just wander into their camp. It was out of line. Even as her chest ached, trying to pull her towards that camp and the cat within. Her mind knew better.She would get her chance. Perhaps at a gathering, where they had so many fond memories.If she had read those words right, if they weren’t delirium, things should go smoothly. Then, she could make do of those favors she owed.She smiled, turning back into the wind and returning to the lakeshore. With a clarity she hadn’t felt in moons, she began to walk back towards her clan.The sunrise greeted her, it had never seemed so inviting.