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Akaashi hated himself.He hated the scars that decorated his hips and thighs, the same scars that he could never seem to let fade before having to make more. He hated the way he acted, the way he let people get under his skin so easily, especially his parents, he hated how he would never be good enough for them.He will never be good enough.
It started in Akaashi’s first year at Fukurodani, his dad’s Business was just starting to take off as such Akaashi was being pushed to get straight A’s in every class without exception. His father absolutely could not have a failure as a son, what would his coworkers think of their boss’s son being a failure. How could such a fuckup like him possibly run the company in the future.The pressure was starting to get to him, having to balance his grades by studying nonstop at home, making sure his homework was turned in on time if not early, having to stress over every quiz and exam, all well playing volleyball and trying to manage a social life and his parents expectations of what a good son should be.It was too much for him.He needed an outlet, something to take the stress away even if just for a second, something he could control and only him.So he turned to cutting.At first it was only when he got a less than “acceptable” grade for his parents or did something to upset them, slowly he started doing it more and more, cutting when he lost a volleyball game or messed something up at practice. Inevitably it became a habit that just seemed to never go away.Akaashi was smart though, he knew that if his parents found out or even his classmates or teammates, then he’d have hell to pay because not only would he be a failure but he’d have been caught doing something as shameful as cutting himself, surely he’d be disowned if his father found out after all what kind of father would he be if his son was cutting himself under his watch, it’d be a embarrassment to him. And the only thing that matters to his father is his appearance. It's not like the mental or physical well-being of his only son mattered, he only cared if it affected what others thought of him or his family.Therefore Akaashi had to make sure that no one finds out, in an attempt to hide the scarring he deliberately chose to cut on his hips and thighs. Although not the best for movement volleyball wise it was still better than the alternative....
In his second year at Fukurodani things only got worse when the bullying started.At first it was simple small excusable things like whispering as he walked by or people coming up to him saying their friend had a crush on him before running away and laughing with their friends as if it was the funniest thing to think anyone would have a crush on him.Akaashi wasn’t necessarily lacking in the looks department by any means, he was 183 cm and an athlete plus it helped his parents were both naturally good looking people that being said it wasn’t his looks that people had a problem with, it was his personality and upbringing.Akaashi grew up in an upper middle class household that turned into a wealthy one as his father’s business took off which set him apart from the other students. Yes they went to the same private high school as him but most were able to attend because of good grades and scholarships rather than their parents paying for them to get in, now Akaashi did get in due to his grades but his classmates automatically assumed he got in because of his wealthy parents and not because of academics putting him in a box of ‘Don’t talk to him he probably looks down on us because he’s rich’ it didn’t help none of his middle school friends decided to go to Fukurodani with him and the fact he was on the quieter side, leaving him alone.Akaashi didn’t mind having no friends, well if you didn’t include his teammates but he didn’t have classes with any of them nor did he talk to them outside of school so he wouldn’t really call them his friends, but Akaashi didn’t care he liked the peace and quiet it gave him more time to focus on things he liked like volleyball if you can call his slight interest in it like I mean don’t get him wrong he enjoyed playing it for the most part but he was a perfectionist he couldn’t stand when he messed things up playing especially if it lost his team a point or worse the match, hell the only reason he started playing in the first place was because his parents wanted him to play a sport, said it built character or something like that. The only reason he chose volleyball is because it was the only sport he was really good at and he at least somewhat enjoyed it, though he definitely would have enjoyed it more if his parents weren’t practically forcing him to play.That said his classmates seemed to not be so fond of the idea of some quiet rich kid minding his own business making it their mission to make his life more hellish then it already was.He tried to just ignore the bullys but it started to get a lot worse, they started openly stating their distaste and hatred for him, defiling his desk with words like ‘Kill yourself’ on it, slipping notes in his locker some more tame then others ranging from ‘Leave the school no one wants you here’ to full on death threats.It was starting to get under Akaashi’s skin. He wanted it to stop, he needed it to. But at the end of the day there’s nothing he could do to stop it. The teachers don’t care they’ve seen the stuff written on his desk and the things people say but they continue to turn a blind eye at most shooting a look of pity at him, even if he did tell them it’s not like there’s really anything they can do, they already hold anti bullying assemblies every couple months and because it’s more than 20 students it’s doubtful they’d all get punished even if they did it would probably just be a couple day suspension nothing that would permanently stop the harassment and that’s even if they believed him it’s not like he has any friends to back him up on his claims for all they know he could have written the notes himself for attention.His parents were also definitely not an option they’d say he was being overdramatic and that it didn’t matter as long as he kept his grades up and if for some miracle they did believe him at most they’d transferred him to a different school which was not an option for him as of right now, his volleyball team is just about to make it to nationals he couldn’t risk giving that up now he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he did. And with no friends to rely on either, the only thing he could do was endure it till he inevitably graduated in two years....
His third year at Fukurodani had arrived and Akaashi started to spiral.His habit of cutting was only getting worse as he cut deeper and deeper the cuts taking longer to heal, hurting more each time he did it. Yet he still craved the sting he felt each time, the sting that made his mind go quiet and finally shut out his thoughts, the sting that was making him able to keep going as long as he has.Although the pain on his hips and thighs was a lot he had to endure it because he needed to. He was too deep in now to just quit cold turkey.Especially now that he had the added stress of graduating within a couple months and the pressure of his father making him pick out a good University that he could get into. Akaashi had zero interest in doing anything business related in his future but his father never seemed to care about what Akaashi wanted, only what he thought Akaashi needed to do in order to be successful in life.
Akaashi spent countless nights thinking about ending it all. Staring up at his ceiling thinking about what would be the quickest least painful way to go about it, what his parents would think, what his father would think hearing the news that his only son took his own life. Would he cry? Would he wonder what he could have done differently? Would he even care… Who was Akaashi kidding? His father would probably be grateful that he was dead; it would be a burden off his back.Akaashi was never all that serious when he had these thoughts but on the night of his graduation after attending the ceremony as the valedictorian of his grade and shortly after having dinner with his parents he found himself lying alone on the floor of his childhood bedroom with the lights off staring up at that all too familiar ceiling.Akaashi knew that if he was going to take his life it had to be tonight. He was going to start University in a couple of weeks and move into his own apartment, he needed to end it before he had any new big commitments.But that was easier said than done. Ironically Akaashi hated pain he knew he didn’t wanna end it all in a painful way that left him with limited options. He could jump off a bridge the thought of the cold night air on his pale skin as he fall freely into the icy cold water that still held ice chunks in it from the cold winter that still purged the atmosphere even though it was spring did sound tempting the idea of him floating freely slowly drowning as his skin turned red and blue from the cold slowly losing consciousness suffocating.. on second that didn’t sound as painless as he thought.With nothing to lose, Akaashi decided that overdose would be the least painful and most effective way to go out.For the first time it what felt like years Akaashi felt at peace as he stood up grabbing two pieces of paper and a pen as he sat down at his desk the same desk he’s sat at a 100 times before the only thing different is that instead of doing homework or reading he was writing his parents his suicide note. This would be his last time sitting at his desk like this, he felt a spring of sadness at the thought but he knew it would be for the better in the long run.He finished writing both his Father and Mother separate notes before labeling each one with their names. After setting them neatly on his desk he cleaned up his room. His room was for the most part always spotless. His parents hated messiness but today in a hurry to get ready for his graduation there were a few pieces of clothes and knickknacks around he needed to pick up.After he finished cleaning he headed to the bathroom connected to his bedroom, he opened up the medicine cabinet looking for any pills he could find. His eyes landed on a bottle of prescription painkillers that he had from when he got injured in volleyball. Grabbing it with shaky hands he crouches down his back leaning against the bathroom sink. He sits fully down on the cold but oddly comforting bathroom tiles as he contemplates if he should really do this or not.He takes a longer than necessary deep breath before opening the pills, hands shaking uncontrollably. He glances in the bottle. There can’t be more than maybe 10 pills inside. Shit.He knows it’s not gonna be enough to actually kill him, still he dumps the pills into his palm, shoving them into his mouth before standing up, turning on the sink and filling his mouth with as much water as he can fit gulping down the pills as he does.Once swallowed he turns off the sink flicking off the bathroom light as he walks back into his dark bedroom, his head already starting to feel a bit dizzy as he laid down on the floor again staring back up at his ceiling.Was this really what he wanted to die on his bedroom floor after overdosing? He was only 18 for god's sake he just graduated as valedictorian he should be celebrating with his friends not dying. Shit, shit, shit. He really didn’t want to die, not yet at least…Tears began to fall from Akaashi’s eyes as his vision started to blur and his mind started to go black. Was this really how it was going to end?.
..
The next thing Akaashi knows is that his head is pounding and he feels like shit.He slowly blinked his eyes open as they adjusted to the light that was now peeking through his bedroom curtains.Realization hit him all at once. He tried to overdose and was laying on his bedroom floor. His head was pounding like crazy as he sat up slowly looking down he realized that he had puked up all of the pills all over his shirt and the floor. Just great.Not only did his attempt fail but now he feels sick and has to clean up his own puke.He doesn’t even know how much time has passed since he passed out but he really doesn’t care as he stands up on shaky legs heading into the bathroom stripping his clothes off as he runs a bath for himself turning the water as hot as possible. The Water burns his skin as he gets in but he couldn’t be bothered to care right now. Washing the bail off himself he ducks his head under the water for as long as he can just to feel something. Once his bath is finished he cleans his puke and checks his phone for the first time since he’s woken up. It turns out he was only passed out for a couple of hours.After his failed attempt Akaashi decided to hold off on trying again for a while both because of the fact now he was unsure if death was what he really wanted and he wouldn’t know how to go about it now since overdose was ruled out. He still wanted a painless death.Because he couldn’t die yet he decided to just breeze through life the best he could till he could attempt again hopefully successfully this time.
His life was boring. The days felt long and never ending, constantly repeating the same cycle over and over again everyday. He had finally started University for a business degree that he didn’t want but his father was as persistent as ever that he needed a business degree because he just had to run the company in the future regardless of the fact Akaashi still had zero interest in doing business he begrudgingly agreed not wanting to upset his father and disappoint his parents.He had also moved out of his parents house into a cheap studio apartment within walking distance to the school, his parents lived over an hour away so there was no way he could stay living there well he went to school not that he even would have wanted to. His parents wanted him to live in the school dorms or high class apartment at least but he insisted on the studio apartment he chose because rent was low enough even with his part time job at the library he got when he started school he’d be able to pay the rent on his own. He didn’t want his parents to be able to hold even one more thing above his head considering they had basically forced him to let them pay his University tuition that is as long as he did a business degree, not that he really had a choice.The studio was small but still nice with a newer more modern style kitchen with visual brick on certain walls and what seemed to be good security, he had noticed a few cameras on the first floor and hallways which gave his parents enough peace of mind to let him live there even though they clearly weren’t happy about it he was 18 and could live where he wants if he’s paying the rent plus he was still doing a business degree like they wanted so they couldn’t be to upset about it. The apartment was quiet with barely any residents; the whole top floor was empty besides Akaashi’s unit.Akaashi enjoyed the quiet he grew up in a relatively quiet house his father always working his mother busying herself with her own work on top of the social advents his parents were invited to or expected to host and the fact he was a only child he was left alone a lot which he didn’t mind it gave him more time to focus on school and not letting his grades slip. Loud people were a nuisance to him anyway. They made him slip up and making mistakes were not acceptable to either him or his parents so as such if he made a mistake he’d have to be punished. That punishment for him was getting yelled at by his parents and silting fresh cuts. Therefore he avoided loud people as much as possible.
Unlike in high school his University classmates didn’t seem to mind the fact Akaashi kept to himself if anything it seemed like they preferred it comparatively to his more loud and outgoing classmates. Akaashi was grateful for this and grateful that he could start from scratch without people knowing about the bullying or his upbringing.He took this as an opportunity to try and make actual friends for the first time since Middle school that weren’t just his teammates that were forced to socialize with him. Although he struggled at first with it he got used to the commitment of hanging out on the weekends when he didn’t work and texting throughout the week.For the first year at University Akaashi’s life went through the same cycle every week Monday-Friday he went to his classes, did his homework, studied in the library at school and occasionally ate lunch with one of his friends if he had the time. Saturday-Sunday he works all day at the library every once and a while having a weekend off he spends time with his friends catching up on sleep and studying. Akaashi doesn’t play volleyball anymore so he should have more free time but any free time he has extra he spends studying or doing homework.Even without his parents there pressuring him to be perfect he still felt like he had to be no he needed to be he couldn’t be a failure he just couldn’t no matter what.Without the consist stress or yelling of his parents on top of the fact the bullying stopped and he actually has friends now and he doesn’t have the pressure of volleyball either it lifted some of the weight off of his shoulders, though he still felt stressed about school and he still needed to turn in his assignments as early as possible refusing to let himself slip up enough he’d ever turn in a assignment late or forget to study that being said with less stress he was cutting less and less.Him cutting less felt like a good thing to him. It meant he was healing bit by bit but at the same time he hated it. The scars that painted his thighs and hip closing and healing becoming less and less visible turning from a bright red to a partly faded white line. It felt wrong to him, it wasn’t right, he needed them, they represented a part of himself he hated and despised but he still needed them. So he made more.Like they always say old habits die hard.
University is also when Akaashi’s bipolar depression and panic attacks started.Even when all his assignments he could possibly have turned in are turned in and he’s studied for hours he still feels like it’s not good enough and like he’s going to be a failure and disappointment of a son sending himself into a spiral which almost always leads to a panic attack and more cutting.He had days that were worse that he labeled ‘bad days’ on these days he’d often get really bad migraines sometimes to the point he couldn’t see or stand up. These days he’d often have to skip class causing him to spiral about the missed class even though it won’t affect his grade due to his perfect 100 in every class. The teachers all knew he had personal stuff going on and since he kept his grades up they never said anything to him about it. These ‘bad days’ he’d feel like the world was crashing in on him and like everything mattered and nothing mattered at all the guilt would eat him alive.He ended up seeing a psychiatrist about it and they diagnosed him with bipolar depression and anxiety. All they could really do about it was offer counseling and drugs that would help regulate some of the hormones causing him anxiety and depression. He refused the counseling much to the dismay of his psychiatrist but she couldn’t exactly make him go to it so she kept her mouth shut and just prescribed him the antidepressants and antianxiety medicine.He was told to take one of each every morning and every night and he did as he was told, although he was ashamed of the fact he needed pills in order to function properly he knew it would help or at least he hoped it would.The pills only worked so much they made his episodes and panic attacks less common as well as his bad days but he was still continuing to cut and stress over every little thing school related. I guess that’s just how he was wired.The psychiatrist also said that his migraines were a likely result of his failed suicide attempt explaining that even though he throw up the pills some of them still dissolved in his stomach and due to the permanent affect they left on his body he would probably always struggle with migraines.Akaashi hated that because of a past mistake it would permanently affect him; it only made him want to attempt again more just to get rid of the migraines but he didn’t.Ever since he started the medication his life felt even more dull than before. The days taking forever but the weeks flashing by in a blink of an eye. The urge to end it became more persistent by the day.
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----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
After Akaashi started his medication his life felt even more dull than it did before feeling almost impossible for him to feel more than a small spark of emotion. The days flew by, turning into weeks turning into months before Akaashi knew it he had finished his first year at University and was back at his parents for summer break.
He dreaded visiting his parents, having to put on a fake smile in front of them, having to act like the perfect son that they thought he was that he needed to be in order to be loved by them. The fact that no matter what he did they would continue to belittle him and put down his efforts even if he was doing the absolute best he could do.
On top of seeing them he’d have to go work with his father, meeting his father’s coworkers doing a job he despises all well desperately trying to keep up with his father’s expectations of how the work should be done and how he should act from his posture to his mannerisms to the very way he would speak with others each part getting picked apart piece by piece by his father degrading him for every slip up he made no matter how minor.
Summer break was meant to be a break for students yet as Akaashi was seated in his parked car outside of his parents house he couldn’t help but stress more than he ever did during his classes. Math he could do, seeing his parents he couldn’t.
His breath began to hitch in his throat as his heart rate became faster, his chest tightening, he felt like he couldn’t breathe like all of the air had been sucked out of his lungs almost like he was drowning. He wanted to throw up, every part of his body tense and covered with goosebumps. He was shaking uncontrollably as his mind raced with the only thought he could process right now that he didn’t wanna leave this car no he couldn’t even if he tried.
He tried to calm himself down but that only made things worse as tears began to fall from his eyes choked sobs leaving his mouth. Pulling his knees up to his chest he shoved his face into them wrapping his arms around his legs.
After a good 20 minutes his sobs finally let out and his breathing steadied, wiping away the reminisce of tears on his cheeks and eyes. Taking a deep breath and confirming in his phone camera that his eyes were no longer puffy and red, he finally got out of his car walking to his parents' doorstep.
Upon knocking, the door gently opened, greeting him with a small smile his mother stood on the other side. She was dressed elegantly as she always was with her hair in an updo, and a knee length black dress that complimented her raven colored hair.
Akaashi spoke first. “Hello, mother” He started trying his best to sound happy, painting a fake smile on his face. “How have you been?” Her smile widened at him.
“Come inside” She stated and gestured with her hand as she spoke.
Doing what he was told almost instinctively as he stepped inside following his mother through the house.
Akaashi’s mother’s heels clicked on the wooden floors as she walked. “Your father is still at work but he should be able to join us for dinner.” She sighed. “He’s been working overtime lately, that workaholic. I told him to take the day off since you’d be coming home today but he insisted on working” She sounded irritated as she spoke, her arms crossed over her chest, finger tapping her arm. “But-“ She stopped in her tracks turning to face Akaashi. “Aside from your Insolent father, I’m happy you could make it” She said her smile was almost warm, but Akaashi knew his mother and he knew what that smile meant.
His mother was a cunning and persistent woman. If she wanted something then it was going to happen no matter what anybody had to say about it, And it just so happened that one of the things his mother wanted was Akaashi to marry. Akaashi hated the idea of marriage, not because he didn’t believe in love but because he knew he most likely wouldn’t have a choice in who he marries. His parents already had his whole life planned out from birth, whether it was the school he went to, the fact he played a sport, the University he went to, the degree and job he got down to who he married and how many kids he would have. Akaashi hated this but he knew any disagreement to their plans and he could risk getting disowned and as much as he hated his parents they were still his parents and the guilt would eat him alive if he disobeyed them or worse got disowned, he knew this wasn’t right but there was nothing he could do about it.
“I’m happy too, mother.” He stated a fake warm smile on his lips. The same smile he’s faked for years.
“Good. Now then, I have someone I’d like you to meet” And there it was, Akaashi internally sighed he knew this was coming from the second he stepped inside still he was hoping he was wrong.
Obediently he nodded following his mother into the lavish living room. A short blonde girl who was kinda cute was seated on the couch. Upon entering the room she immediately stood up walking over to Akaashi and his mother.
This wouldn’t be the first nor the last time his parents, more specifically his mother tried to set him up with someone, ever since he graduated high school they have been trying to set him up with various women who were children of his mother’s friends or father’s coworkers. Akaashi had zero interest in dating any of these women but still he agreed to go on at least a date with each of them just to satisfy his mother.
The short girl introduced herself as Hitoka Yachi. Her voice was soft but shaky. She looked riddled with nerves. Akaashi just smiled, introducing himself as well.
Follow the procedure, follow the procedure. He repeated in his head the whole time as they made awkward conversation. It was obvious that Yachi didn’t want this set up either but as procedure follows they went to lunch anyway.
The lunch went as you would expect awkward. Yachi was nice but she just simply was not his type none of the women his mother introduced him to were or would ever be. Akaashi was pretty certain he was into women, back in high school he dated a couple different girls (without his parents knowledge of course) and he didn’t dislike the women he dated and got intimate with but there just wasn’t that spark with any of them so none of the relationships lasted very long.
After the lunch he headed back to his parents house continuing the procedure of telling his mother that it just wasn’t a match and the look of disapproval on her face as she sighed and said she’ll have him meet someone else soon.
Once that conversation was over he headed to his childhood bedroom. He had some free time before he had to have dinner with both of his parents so he decided to spend it reading in his room since with the stress of school he didn’t get much time to read even though it was one of the few things he ever actually enjoyed.
His room was exactly the way he had left it. Bookcases full of unread books, navy curtains draped over the window, bed made neatly with a brown stuffed bear he’s had since he was a baby neatly placed on top of it, and his desk full of all of his old school notebooks and pens. The familiar yet now foreign smell of air freshener the cleaners always used filled the room. It sent a wave of nausea through Akaashi’s whole body as he remembered the nights he spent locked in his room having panic attacks cutting for what felt like hours, the red blood soaking the carpet never fully washing out no matter how much he scrubbed.
He felt sick to his stomach, he was going to throw up.
He quickly ran to the bathroom connected to his room throwing up bail as he clenched his stomach. He despised throwing up and even more the empty feeling he felt after emptying his stomach. Once he was done he cleaned himself up feeling even more drained then when he had got to the house he decided he was going to nap instead of reading. Slipping into the familiar yet foreign bed exhaustion hit him all at once instantly drifting off into a much needed deep sleep.
...
Begrudgingly he squinted his eyes open as his phone alarm was buzzing like crazy. Shutting it off he checked the time. 4:39pm. Shit. He suddenly registered the fact he was at his parents house and was going to have to have dinner with them in less than 2 hours. He rolled out of bed stretching his arms behind his head yawning.
He walked to the bathroom taking a shower with the lights off avoiding the mirror afterward dressing himself in a tan sweater, black jeans, and his glasses. Before meeting his mother in the kitchen helping her finish preparing dinner as his father walked through the front door.
Akaashi’s father was a stern intimidating man as he stood at 185 cm and always had a scowl on his face when he was serious or working. Naturally Akaashi feared his father even though he didn’t like to admit it he always had since he could remember.
Once dinner was ready they all seated quietly.
His father broke the silence. “So Keiji, you’ve been keeping up in your studies?” He asked though it came out more like a statement. His father already knew the answer, still Akaashi answered. “Yes father. I’m still taking to the classes well and finished this semester with A’s in every class” His father smiled at his response. “Good. I wouldn’t expect anything less of the future owner of my business” Akaashi grimaced at his words the thought of running a company let alone his father’s made him want to throw up again. Sipping at his glass of water just barely he was able to keep the bail down.
The dinner couldn’t have finished quicker as Akaashi sat disassociating as his father continued to rant about the business and how much he disliked certain things his workers did and how they acted. Much to Akaashi’s sanity, the dinner finally ended.
He washed the dishes before meeting his father in the sitting room due to his request. “You’re coming to work with me tomorrow.” His father stated, it wasn’t a question. “Yes, father.” Against everything Akaashi wanted he agreed to go knowing that this was already a part of the plan as soon as he had agreed to come visit.
Work was hell. He worked from 5am to 6pm without a break having to keep up with his father’s unrealistic standards of a ‘good worker’ by the time he got back to the house he was burnt out but still had to help with dinner, eat with his parents and wash the dishes before he inevitably passed out in his bed after showering.
He repeated this cycle everyday over the course of the 2 weeks he stayed there. He was originally supposed to stay the full 5 week break but by the second week he couldn’t take it anymore and he needed to leave much to his parents dismay.
On the bus ride home he finally felt a sense of relief wash over himself as the thought of his parents started to be a bit blurry and he could finally focus on resting before school started again.
Once he was back to his apartment he immediately crashed into his bed passing out. By the time he had woken up again it was noon the next day and he could finally think clearly again about everything that had happened over the past two weeks along with the reminder of every single mistake he had made.
The overwhelming guilt of the mistakes he had made and the fact he had left early was to much for him to handle so like always he turned to cutting it was as natural as it was to drink a glass of water for him if he was stressed cutting would help relieve it and give him a sense of clarity if only for a couple minutes. He knew it was wrong of course he did but as he dug the blade deeper across his hip more blood pouring out of him the stinging turning into a sharp pain it made him feel alive more importantly it made him feel something other than guilt.
With shaky hands he dropped the blade. The sound of wet metal hitting tiles rang through Akaashi’s head as dark red blood stained the white bathroom floors. Clarity finally washed over Akaashi as he realized what he just did, he relapsed again. Shit.
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----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Akaashi still had three weeks until he started classes again so to fill space he started working overtime at the library on weekdays.
Akaashi hated the emptiness he felt from being alone in his apartment, it was too quiet for comfort although he enjoyed the quiet he didn’t like how he was left alone with his thoughts even more so the guilt of feeling like a failure and like he wasn’t working hard enough even though he was already working a 40+ hour work week.
When the weekend finally came around Akaashi slept as much as he could, which usually only meant a couple of hours for him. With no school or work to occupy his thoughts and his body physically not letting him sleep anymore he decided to get lunch with one of his classmates.
The lunch went okay, he wasn’t particularly close to any of his classmates or anyone for that matter even the ‘friends’ he had at college that he would hang out with were more like acquaintances than anything, they’d eat together and maybe once in a blue moon go to a party together if they could convince Akaashi to go. That’s it. They’d talk about school and their classes, maybe work etc all superficial things therefore Akaashi never really felt a true connection or friendship with any of them.
Once Akaashi returned to his apartment complex he noticed boxes outside of the apartment next to his along with voices coming out from inside the room. Akaashi sighed he knew this meant that his days of peace and quiet were ruined. Even though the apartment complex didn’t have very many residents Akaashi could still tell that the walls were very thin and likely if he did choose a unit next to someone he’d most likely be able to hear their voices through the walls even if they weren’t talking loud hence why Akaashi chose the top floor where he was the only resident.
Accepting that he would now have a Neighbor that he prayed wouldn’t be too loud he twisted a key into his door unlocking it. As if on cue a head popped out of the door a few meters away. A man with black messy spiky hair stepped out of the unit, he looked a little bit taller then Akaashi.
“Hey, you must be our new Neighbor,” He said with an almost cat-like smirk on his face. “I’m Tetsuro Kuroo but just Kuroo’s fine” He stuck out his hand.
Akaashi looked down at his hand begrudgingly shaking it before introducing himself as well. “Akaashi Keiji” He stated, trying to end the conversation there he really didn’t feel like socializing anymore today. But of course he could never be that lucky.
“Cool, I’ll let you get back to what you were-“ Before he could finish his sentence he was cut off by another much louder man. “Kuroo, who are ya talking to?” A tall bulky man with frosted tipped spiky hair walked out of the unit looking oddly familiar. The man stopped in his tracks when he saw Akaashi almost like he was starstruck before snapping out of his dazz sending Kuroo a look. It seemed like whatever look he gave was enough for Kuroo to understand turning his gaze back to Akaashi, Kuroo spoke. “This is Kotaro Bokuto, he's my roommate, Bo this is Akaashi Keiji.” Bokuto grinned ear to ear, his smile so bright it was almost blinding. “Nice to meet you!” Bokuto said excitedly, sticking out his hand for Akaashi to shake. Again begrudgingly Akaashi shook Bokuto’s hand, he had a surprising amount of calluses on his hand that reminded Akaashi of his volleyball days. He wasn't big on physical touch let alone with a complete stranger but he got used to shaking hands with them from working with his father though he still hated the contact. “As to you” He returned the greeting.
Akaashi paused for a moment before speaking again. “Wait? You said roommate? I thought all of the units in this complex were studios?” He asked confusedly. “Huh? No? Well the owner of the complex did say that most were studios but apparently there were a couple units on the top floor that had two bedrooms so we got one of those” Kuroo said matter-of-factly. “Oh”
Great. Not just one Neighbor but two and they were loud. He sighed internally, regretting ever choosing this apartment. For once he wished he listened to his parents. Wait, scratch that never mind.
“Hey, so after we finish getting moved in we are gonna go out to eat for dinner would you wanna join us?” Bokuto asked expectantly, Kuroo gave him a look but kept his mouth shut. Thinking about it Akaashi really didn’t want to but it was true that he didn’t have anything else going on for the rest of the day and as much as he hated to admit it he didn’t exactly want to leave a bad impression on his new Neighbors plus he didn’t really wanna be left alone with his thoughts right now he still hadn’t fully recovered from visiting his parents. “I suppose” His answer made Bokuto’s grin somehow grow even wider than it was before. “Awesome!” He pumped a fist in the air. “I’ll knock on your door when we’re about to leave” Akaashi nodded in response before entering his studio.
Once the door had shut he sighed and leaned against it as he heard Bokuto and Kuroo shuffle back inside their apartment. Begrudgingly he got ready for the dinner, showering and putting on one of his signature sweaters and tan cargoes.
Around 6ish he finally heard a knock on his door. Opening it he finds the two men standing there dressed in casual but still nice clothes. “Ready to go?” Kuroo asks with the same smirk as before on his face. Akaashi nodded “Yes” They headed out of the apartment to a small local Onigiri place, Onigiri Miya apparently one of Bokuto’s friend’s owns it or something like that.
The place was relatively small but decorated nicely with only a few customers which was surprising considering it was dinner time but Akaashi wasn’t complaining.
They sat down at the bar seating area ordering their food as Bokuto loudly chatted up the worker who he seemed to know, presumably the friend in question that owned the place. Akaashi didn’t mind though it kept the attention off of him which he liked.
Once the worker left to go make the food both Kuroo and Bokuto had turned their attention back on Akaashi. “So whatcha majoring in? I assume you’re in college, that is I could be wrong though” Kuroo asked curiously.
Akaashi’s body tensed up. He knew this was coming and it certainly wasn’t the first nor the last time people had asked about his major, still the mention of him doing a business degree felt shameful. It wasn’t an embarrassing degree by any means but he knew he’d be lying if he said that was what he actually wanted to pursue in life.
Clearing his throat he spoke. “I am in college, I’m going for a degree in business. I’ll be starting my second year once summer break finishes” Both Kuroo and Bokuto had a look of surprise on their faces. “Wasn’t expecting a business degree but I can kinda see it now since you’ve said it” Kuroo broke the silence.
Akaashi wanted to gag at what Kuroo just said, he knew he meant no harm by it. Still, the idea of business ever suiting Akaashi made him nauseous and reminded him of his father. He did not want to even be remotely close to the ‘man’ his father was.
“I think it’s cool! I would have gone to college too but I decided to pursue volleyball professionally“ Bokuto said excitedly. It surprised Akaashi to hear that but it did explain the calluses on his hands and his muscular build.
Akaashi smiled a little party because Bokuto’s smile is contagious and because he really does miss volleyball he didn’t think he really did but after being off the court for so long he misses the sensation of hitting, serving and setting the ball.
“Oh really? What team do you play on?” He asked curiously. Bokuto immediately perked up at his question. “Msby Black Jackals! Wait, do you watch volleyball??” He somehow asked with even more excitement in his voice than before.
So that’s why he looked familiar. Akaashi remembered watching a couple of their games a while back when he had the time. “I do, I used to play back in high school and middle school so I’ve always had an interest in it” Bokuto lights up at that.
Kuroo chimes in before Bokuto can speak. “Oh no, shouldn’t have told him that.” He says before shrugging and taking a bite of an Onigiri that had just been served.
Bokuto glares at Kuroo before grinning like the sun again. “We have to play together! Wait, what position do you or ah used to play?” He jumbles up his words a bit in excitement. Akaashi answers anyway. “I played starting setter in both middle and high school” Bokuto’s jaw drops a little. “You’re literally perfect! You’re a setter and I’m a spiker you have to set for me in a match!” Although Bokuto was a lot, the idea of setting a spike for him and playing volleyball again did sound appalling.
“If that’s what you want Bokuto-san” Bokuto was grinning from ear to ear practically glowing, he stayed that way throughout the whole time they were eating, continuing to ask Akaashi volleyball related questions or talk about what it was like to be a professional volleyball player, Kuroo adding commentary every once and a while as well since he also played in middle and high school, apparently he and Bokuto were on rival teams.
Once they were done eating they started to walk back to their apartment complex. It was only about a 20 minute walk back and It was starting to get dark out, a little bit of the sunset was still visible in the distance. It was peaceful.
They turned a corner where a couple of college age guys were talking amongst themselves in a group loudly as they passed Akaashi could have sworn he saw two of the guys staring daggers into him but he tried to just brush it off as his anxiety and that they were probably just looking over because they recognized Bokuto or something like that, at least he hoped. Boy was he wrong.
Once they had gotten far enough away from the group that they couldn’t hear them anymore the same two guys that were staring daggers into Akaashi came running after them. “Hey! Wait up!” The blonde one of the two shouted.
Akaashi swallowed hard before stopping in his tracks turning his body to face the blonde and brunette, Bokuto and Kuroo followed suit. Both the guys taking a second to catch their breath before the brunette speaks up. “You’re Akaashi Keiji right? From Fukurodani?” Akaashi freezes even if he didn’t remember these guys he knew if they knew something about his past it most likely wasn’t anything good they could be one of Akaashi’s bully’s for all he knows, hell he suppressed so many memories from his high days he wouldn’t be surprised at this point.
Trying to keep his composure, Akaashi speaks. “Yes?” Quickly he gets cuts off “I knew it was you!” The blonde practically shouts. “Do you know these guys?” Kuroo asks after sensing how tense Akaashi had gotten. Akaashi shook his head afraid his voice would start to crack if he spoke. “Oh come on, you seriously don’t remember us? I’m Yuji Terushima." The blonde says, wrapping an arm over Akaashi’s shoulder.
Suddenly Akaashi remembers exactly who he was. He was the same guy who used to trap him in his classroom whenever he had volleyball practice just so he would have to show up late. He was also the same guy who would write stuff on his desk and throw things at him during class. Although he never outright told him that he should off himself he was pretty positive that at least one of the notes telling him to were written by him not to mention he would tell him everyday to his face that he should leave the school and that nobody wants him there. He also had a weird thing about always feeling the need to touch Akaashi in some way because he knew how much Akaashi hated physical contact. Without even realizing that he was the reason Akaashi hated it in the first place.
Akaashi’s whole body visibly shuddered as Yuji touched him. “We were best buddies back in high school right?” Akaashi felt disgusted at the fact he couldn’t stand up for himself and the fact Bokuto and Kuroo were having to watch him like this. “Hey, let go of him he clearly doesn’t want you touching him” Bokuto grabs Yuji’s arm pulling it off Akaashi. Akaashi let out a sigh of relief as the weight of his arm was lifted off his shoulders, not even registering that Bokuto had been the one to take it off.
Yuji looks Bokuto up and down with a judging look on his face. “And why does it matter to you if I touch him? It’s not like he said he was uncomfortable with it” Bokuto’s jaw practically drops to the floor. “Because you don’t just touch a person without consent? And his body language clearly showed he was uncomfortable with it?” Kuroo chimes in immediately.
Yuji just scoffs before turning to the brunette boy beside him. “Can you believe this?” The other boy lets out a laugh. “Apparently our little Keiji has two ‘bodyguards’ now” Yuji looks back at the group of boys, Akaashi looks scared out of his mind and like he’s on the verge of tears, visibly shaking, whereas Both Bokuto and Kuroo look pissed.
“Seriously Keiji did you get yourself two fag ass boyfriends or something? I mean the way they’re glaring at me like that one would have to assume” Before Bokuto and Kuroo have a chance to speak Akaashi’s hand is already slapping across Yuji’s face leaving a visible red mark on both his hand and The blonde's face.
Even though Akaashi hasn’t known Bokuto and Kuroo for that long he still will not tolerate Yuji harassing them like he did to him all throughout high school. Akaashi could handle it, he was used to it but they weren’t.
“We’re leaving,” Akaashi said, his voice shaky but stern. He stormed away, refusing to look back as he heard shouting coming from Yuji and the other boy. Kuroo and Bokuto followed closely behind him.
Once they could no longer see them anymore and things had calmed down Bokuto finally spoke up, breaking the heavy silence that plagued the air. “Are you okay?” Bokuto asked hesitantly. “Yeah what the fuck was the deal with those guys anyway?” Kuroo added. Akaashi wanted to answer but he just couldn't, no words would come out. His whole mind felt foggy and he felt sick to his stomach. All he could think about was getting home so he could cut, and clear his mind. Luckily They dropped the topic for the rest of the walk to the apartment complex.
When they got inside the apartment building and to the top floor Kuroo spoke up again “Seriously man are you okay you look like you’re gonna pass out?” “We’re worried about you Akaashi” Bokuto cuts in.
Akaashi sighs, putting on a fake smile. “I’m fine, don’t worry I just need to sleep and I’ll be fine after” They both give him an unsure look but drop the topic. “Who were those guys anyway you said you didn’t know them but they clearly knew you?” Kuroo asks the same question as before. “Just some guys I went to high school with that didn’t like me very much.” Kuroo gives him another unsure look but fully drops it taking the hint it’s a touchy subject. “Well we’re always here if you wanna talk about it” Bokuto adds.
“Thanks. Night.” Akaashi states not waiting for a reply before entering his apartment and shutting the door. Immediately he goes to the bathroom.
Inside the bathroom he immediately pulls one of the drawers open grabbing out a black case, unzipping it he pulls out one of the razors from it. He pulls down his pants and boxers dragging the razor over the bumpy sensitive skin on his hip. Blood gushes out of the newly reopened cut, a strong stinging fills his body as he winces from the pain and his mind starts to clear.
He drags the blade over several times waiting for it to fully satisfy him but it just doesn’t so he goes deeper and deeper till he can’t take the pain anymore and has to stop, till his bathroom is soaking in blood and his hips and thighs look like a crime scene.
He can finally breathe again. He lets out a deep sigh of relief as he drops the blade.
.