Work Text
The circus was always so eerily quiet at night. Back in the real world, there would be some sort of ambient noise to lull Pomni to sleep. A whooshing vent, roaring traffic, or chirping crickets. But here, there was none of that.It wasn't completely silent here. There was a low sort of hiss, like speakers that were activated, but making no real sound. The jester had been here for almost three whole days now, and it was still difficult to get used to.Pomni rolls over, burrowing her face into the pillow. If her ears were covered in fluff, then it would make more logical sense for the world to be quiet.She couldn't sleep. It had been hard every night due to her anxiety and existential crisis, but tonight was different. She wasn't anxious, not like she usually was. Instead, it was a deep, painful numbness mixed with a sharp, aching sense of hurt and betrayal. She hadn't been betrayed that day, not really. But it still felt like it to her.Pomni's brain kept circling back to one incident that happened today. Compared to the rest of the adventure, compared to Gangle's struggles, it really wasn't that big of a deal. She really shouldn't let it get to her that much. Ragatha didn't even mean any harm; she was far too nice for that.Then why did it bother her when Ragatha told Gangle she was flirting with Gummigoo?For as long as she could remember, Pomni knew that she was different. From sappy shows on TV, to classmates asking her who she had a crush on, to shocking centerfolds in magazines. Everyone around her seemed positively obsessed, but Pomni? She just… wasn't.She tried not to think about it most of the time, which was actually really easy for the most part. There was always something else to focus on. Work to do, goals to reach for, numbers to keep track of. And here in the circus, it was even easier. Who had time to worry about romance when adventures were a prison and reality was a lie? At least it had been, until now.When Ragatha accused Pomni of being weird, she had been completely taken aback. Gummigoo was her friend, the first one I in the circus the jester had felt close to, even though he was an npc. Alarmingly close, if she were honest with herself.Pomni usually had a hard time bonding with people. Socializing really wasn't her favorite thing to do; she always felt so awkward, and weird, and what if everyone was secretly judging her? But Gummigoo was different, in a way the girl didn't have words to describe.And that scared her. Because if she didn't know how to describe the way she'd felt about Gummigoo, how could she convince others that it wasn't romantic? Because it wasn't! Pomni doesn't know what it was exactly she had with the gator, friendship certainly, but something about it felt different. But somehow, the jester simply knew for a fact these feelings were not romantic in nature.But what else could they have been? It's not like there were any other options, were there? You didn't feel this way about friends. Especially when you barely knew them. And when you were a girl, and he was a boy.Pomni knew how it looked. She knew why Ragatha had assumed what she did, especially while being lost in the sauce, as it were. But it felt invasive, to just say such a thing and send a work-crazed Gangle on her trail for what, seeing her once friend again alive and well, but not quite himself?Suddenly, a new feeling began to bubble up with all the rest. Pomni knew it wasn't fair, that Ragatha hadn't been thinking clearly. She never meant to make the jester feel bad. But Pomni was mad.How dare she? How dare Ragatha make light of something so traumatic and cruel, and twist it into something that it wasn't? How dare she treat Pomni like a rowdy teenager behaving inappropriately at work! She was not a teenager, thank you very much. Pomni was twenty-five years old, and she missed her friend!As soon as the rage had come, it burned out just as quickly, replaced by a wave of grief. She squeezes her eyes shut, desperate to keep the tears inside.She'd have to talk to Ragatha about this eventually, wouldn't she? Pomni was dreading that encounter. She knew once she mentioned it, the living doll would no doubt regret how she'd handled the situation while under the influence. And she already knew Gangle regretted how things went as well. Pomni didn't want to cause problems anymore. She didn't want to be selfish again. But she also knew that if she kept this all bottled up, it couldn't lead to anything good.Pomni sighs. It was going to be a long night…