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ONE.Summer, 1943.The soul selects her own society,
Then shuts the door;
On her divine majority
Obtrude no more.Dickenson. One heard the tanks before one saw them. The approach of military vehicles rumble like distant thunder. Their arrival is inescapable and oppressive, as humidity before the storm. Soon men in drab uniforms would be an inescapable flood. From a loft of a disused outbuilding, Remus watches the blue horizon in wait.Remus has never met an American.“What do you think they’ll be like?” He wonders.“Big and strong,” Lily says. “At least I bloody well hope so!”“I suppose.”“You don’t want them to come.”“No.” Remus does not want to discuss this subject; he feels low.“Why?”“I’m being selfish.”“Too bad. I want to know.”“The Americans will dislike me. … It seems another bad thing to have them so near. I don’t know if I can bear it.”“You can’t know that.”The countryside is now reverberating with the loud rumble of motors.“They will hate me,” Remus is sure.Lily raises her thin red eyebrows.— — —When Remus realizes the regiment is practically at the gates he is filled with something like fear. He stumbles from his roost and rushes toward the house. It is painted white like a beacon. He bangs through the door. He tiptoes up the stairs in a sudden bid not to alert anyone to his presence. He finally reaches his attic room. It envelops him in blissful solitude. He resides there alone.The only other inhabitants of the attic are cold droughts and trunks of family mementos. Thus, the space went unused when scores of refugees, land girls, and conscientious objectors came in need of lodging.He has a white radiator, brass bedstead, walnut bookshelf, rag rug, and small desk that keeps him relatively warm and content. Sitting on the quilt, he feels guilt when opening a book. His mother might need him to help greet the soldiers. Remus hears noise from the fields behind the farm where there was silence not long ago.He turns on his side to support his weight on one elbow. He casts his gaze out the window, where it skitters against a flat metallic sky. The black-toothed treeline moves backwards and forwards. Ragged white patches show where the sharp treetops have broken through the overcast. Remus stares at one light scrap until everything else fades.As any person that reacts to unfavorable encounters with life by obscuring themselves from it, Remus does not define this reaction as unusual. As well, he does not realize that his behavior brings ugly wounds onto himself and those around him. Remus believes that these pains stemming from isolation are worth bearing. After all, obscurity blocks the more acute injuries the wider world can inflict. Obscurity, however, also hides one’s location from all good things that would otherwise come upon you.Indeed, Remus had become so separate from the world of action that he knows it no better than a medieval prisoner confined to some high turret. He regards that high turret as a place remote enough to escape the tangling yarn of destiny.Remus had been ignored from boyhood to manhood. This particular fate bears a sting whose bitterness never lessens. Thus Remus thinks it better to ignore the world before it turns the same upon him, and retreat behind walls.But in this fortress, with few windows and locked doors, he can not see that a siege is coming with the intent to bring his tower to the ground.— — —Remus wakes to a world that is indifferent to his desire to stay inside. His morning tasks demand he feed the stock and milk the cows. This opens the possibility that he might be forced into direct contact with the soldiers. But the task must be done, and Remus ventures out.It is a lovely morning. Mists cast the farmland into floating islands hiding mythical creatures. The damp in the air creates a thin film over the fibres of his sweater. The earth yields its most intoxicating cologne, hinting richness and fertility. The cows are still kept indoors this time of year, but will soon be left to wandering the pastures. Remus shreds some feed for the stock and works his way through the task of administering it. The sun is shining by the time the milking machines are running, making the clean white-washed milking parlor a happy refuge. Feeling lifted, Remus whistles through his teeth as he waits for the machines to complete the job. He runs his hand over Bess’s prominent hip bone. The cows, too, seem content, their long lashes drooping over dark eyes. All is peace and tranquility.That is, until Remus’s soul is separated from his body by a knock at the door.“Hullo,” says a masculine voice, with an accent nothing like Americans in pictures. “Sorry for the spook.”Remus gives him the up-and-down. The man is definitely a soldier, but dressed much nicer than the boys from home. He has a tie with a stiff collar that presses against the skin of his neck in a tactile way. He is very handsome with a squarish face and dark hair with light eyes. He leans on the doorframe like he calls the girls “honey” and their mothers by their first name. Remus suppresses the slight pull he feels toward this man.“Do you live here?” Says he.“In the milking parlor? No.”“So that’s what this place is.”“Have you eyes?”“City dweller, myself, before the war.”“Swish.”“Suppose so.”“Don’t go into Southampton much myself.”“Is that your city here?”“Naught much of it left. German bombs.”“Gee.”“That’s right.”“What’s your name?”“I’m called Remus.”“I'm Sirius. Good meeting you. Good morning.”The man smirks, and leaves.Remus turns his back as he goes hot and cold. It was not the first time someone had made fun of his name. He scrapes his teeth against his bottom lip in a grimace.“Well, Bess,” He tells the cow, “Let’s forget all about that, then.”— — —Life with an army camp near was indeed a change, but Remus had told a lie when he said he did not know if he could weather it. He had built the walls around his soul so thickly that they were almost unbreachable. What Remus had really meant is that the arrival of the Americans meant he must add another embankment to his fortress, and deep below his heart cried out for contact that was not with cruel stone. But Remus’s walls were already too thick for him to hear much of this distress signal. What he heeded he disregarded.This being said, Remus’s new attempts to delay the discovery of his existence by the Americans are becoming comical. If he heard a unit coming through the forest on a drill, he would seek refuge in the boughs of a tree. If he saw a military vehicle on the road, he would rather walk through the adjoining field than be timely. If the soldiers used their free time to play baseball on the front lawn, Remus simply had no choice but to lock himself in his room and ignore the kind suggestions of his mother to come to dinner.It made life a little more of a bother, but was not armageddon. What was armageddon was now the subject of discussion with one particular redhead at tea the next afternoon.“I can’t believe Pet’s latest letter. She’s gone mad over the hardware clerk in the shop back home! He’s vile, mind – and she’s got the hankering for a ring. Gosh, he’s awful! He used to be ever so mean when you went up to the till. He simply didn’t believe girls should be allowed anywhere near a hammer, I think, lest they bash him in the head with it! If he could see me now. He’s called Vernon and has a limp little mustache that is simply horrid and whatever goes into his mouth festers in it. And of course he hasn’t any money, so they’d have to live at home! If I go back only to be forced to live with that rat … I shudder to think.”“That’s a pity,” Remus tries. He dislikes the thought of Lily leaving.“If you pity anybody, pity Pet, marrying that brute! She always had the most terrible taste.”“Doesn’t your sister have a career?”“Well, she used to be a typist, but she quit. I shall always resent that she never does much for anybody – my mum, the war effort. She thinks she’s above a job. She’d never join the land army like I did.”“T’was a good thing you did.”“We all do our bit.”“For me, I mean. I can’t stand anybody else.”“It’s so dear that I’ve charmed a grump when I am one myself,” Lily laughs, and taps the sugar spoon against her cup. She always used it to stir in the milk and it drove Remus mad, even if there wasn’t any sugar. “Pub later?”“Allright.” Remus says, though he didn’t really want to.Later in the day, his hunch proves correct when he walks into the White Horse; it was full up of Americans. In one corner, the dark haired soldier from yesterday’s embarrassment entertains his friends and men from the local regiment. He looks like he deserves his own spotlight. Remus follows Lily to the bar with his head down. Like a round peppermint candy, the contrasting desires to remain unnoticed and to be seen swirled around and around. Perhaps if Remus forwent his fortress his image would be improved in the dark-haired American’s eyes. Remus had a deep want to be liked by everybody. This must be why he keeps glancing over to that particular corner in which the American sits as he drinks.Lily notices. “Seems our boys are getting on just fine with the Americans.”“No need to be bitter, Lils.”“I’m not! Mr. Potter can do what he wants. He always has regardless of anyone’s feelings.”Remus could not think of a good response.Lily and James had a whirlwind affair months before. Lily had broken things off because she thought he was going round with other girls. Remus knows she was speaking from experience, and felt terrible for it, but Remus is sure it was a misunderstanding. Potter is extremely friendly and has an open heart. It often comes off the wrong way. There is a reason why he has the image, but not the relationship history, of a prolific flirt. But Lily doesn’t know this latter fact.“Damn it all.” Lily looks away as Potter and the dark-haired American arrive at the bar to order drinks.“Rosy! Hello there!” Potter launches into familiar conversation with the barmaid. In wait, his handsome friend puts his hands in his pockets and surveys the scene.Both Remus and Lily look away from the bar. Feeling worse for his friend than he does for himself, Remus says, “Let’s go,” pulls some shrapnel from his pocket.“Rosmerta!” An unknown force guides him into catching the barmaid’s attention and sliding the coins over. “Tip.”“Ta, Remus,” Rosy says. Lily already has her coat on and Remus joins her to leave.“Hold on a minute,” The dark-haired American says. “I met you yesterday. I don’t believe I ever introduced myself properly.”“Oh, yes,” Remus says.“Sirius Black.” Sirius extends a hand and almost wrenches Remus’s arm from his socket.“Oh, gosh. That really is your name – I thought you were making fun after I told you mine. Remus Lupin, good to meet you.”Sirius’s laugh is like a dog’s bark. Remus wonders if he is being genuine.“You must think I’m a bit of a heel, then. I hope you’ll accept my apologies.”“No problem.”“So you’re the farmer’s son?”“Yes, lived here all my life. Parents own the land you’re camped on and that the woods the nissen huts are built in. Government thought ours was a good spot for military training.”“It’s a lovely place. You like farming?”“Suppose. What’s there not to like?”“Funny, I wouldn’t really know. Only animals I’ve ever seen before this were the fancy hunter I used to take through the park and my mother’s disgusting little lapdog. Terrible creature! Bit everything in sight, except, of course, my mother. It gave me this lovely little blemish,” Sirius holds his hand out and points to the place between his pointer and thumb, where there were indeed the puckered remains of a wound that would have been quite nasty.“I expect if anyone asks it was a great big hound,” Remus observes.“Oh, yes, I was defending a lady dressed in a skimpy white bedsheet with her hands tied to a rock,” Sirius says sardonically. “I freed her and carried her off.”Remus laughs but makes sure to furrow his brow. The joke wasn’t wholesome.During the conversation he had been very conscious of Lily’s discomfort. He looked over at her. She is burning a hole through James with a great fierce glare. James himself looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.“What’s wrong with them?” Sirius asks bluntly.“Nothing’s wrong with me,” Lily snaps. “Let's go, Lu.”Lily whirls out of the place. Remus ducks around tables and errant elbows to catch up. At the door he looks back. Mr. Black raises a hand in farewell. James appears forlorn.Lily is marching toward the hostel the land girls are put up in at the other end of the High Street.“Sorry,” Remus pants, trying to keep up. His limp does not make it easy for his speed or pride.“I can’t believe him,” Lily rants. “Not an apology, not a hello, not a bloody word!”“Lily,” Remus tries.“I don’t know why I expect anything from him, I’ve done so much worrying and he doesn’t care one bit!”“Lily!”“What?”“Did you ever tell him what you think he did wrong?”“What I think he did wrong?! Oh, I shouldn’t have expected you to understand! I shouldn’t expect anything from anyone, it just lets me down!” In her rage, Lily stops watching where she is going and steps off the sidewalk into the road. “I try and I try to let everybody in and be kind and willing to help, but it never goes right! And I’m exhausted, everything hurts, and I just don’t know how much longer I can stand it!”“Watch out!” Remus cries, and pulls her out of the way of an oncoming car. It roars by in a cloud of dust and honks at them twice. It fades into the distance. Lily looks like she’d rather have been run over.After a moment, Remus says, “The last few years have been a bit rot.”“Yes, horribly. Horribly rotten.”“…Well, did you?”“Did I what?”“Tell him what you were thinking.” “Of course not, I thought it was obvious!”“Lily. Poor sod has no clue what he’s done.” Remus says carefully.“Of course you side with him.” But Lily is less sure.“Think about it?”“I’ll do what I bloody well please,” Lily says, but with an attempt at humor. “Well, here we are. Suppose I’ll see you tomorrow.”“Yep. Night.”“Night.”In an odd temper, Remus walks back to the farm. Now golden hour, the treeline glows with heavenly green-gold. Wildflowers in colors of untold richness thread through the fields set on flaxen fire. The sky is a brilliant lapis lazuli. Clouds with russet-red backs and sweet yellow bellies flock around the sun, a chunk of amber through which heaven beams its light.The roar of a military jeep and shouting shake him. Potter and Black are yelling his name and flagging him down.“LUPIN!” Potter shouts. “Ride?”“Come on!” Black impores.Remus shades his eyes against the sun. “I – I think I’ll walk.” He says quietly.“WHAT?”“He wants to walk, Pot-head,” Sirius explains loudly.“Crying shame,” Potter says. He liked fast things and believed everyone else should too.“So long,” Both boys bellow as the jeep roars away.“Bye,” Remus says into their wake, and continues in his former way.– – –
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Late Summer, 1943.Turn away no more:Why wilt thou turn awayThe starry floorThe watry shoreIs giv'n thee till the break of day.Blake. “Where are you off to?”“Up to Chapman’s,” Lily says. “Thanks for the ride. It’s such a bother to cycle up those hills.”“Yes, especially with our bodged up bikes,” adds Lily’s friend, who looks like Betty Grable, with her blonde curls and red lipstick.“Oh.” Remus doesn’t know what to say with Marlene in the backseat. “Why Chapman’s?”“Marlene and I were assigned to help with a harvesting job.”“They’ll be glad of the help.”“But they wouldn’t let you know it. They’re so suspicious of us townies!”“Yes,” Marlene agrees. “They don’t think we can do the work.”Marlene has an abnormally soft voice. It makes Remus look in the rearview into the backseat. She is very pretty – her face is heart shaped with a cleft at the chin and her eyebrows are so light they might not be there at all.“What do they know,” Lily sighs, about the farmers.“A lot,” Remus says. “But I suppose they know some things wrong.”Remus catches Lily's smile as she turns to look out the window.The trees toss, making a great shushing sound; the sky is rubbing its hands together. The wind whips through the Ford's open windows. Remus drives on a fence-lined road cut through a field of crops that ripple from the gale sweeping down from the river. The sky is cushioned in gray, and it smells like rain.Remus drives up to the Chapman farm house. The passengers climb out. Lily walks around to the driver’s side and crouches, with her hands on her knobby knees, to stick her head through the window.“There’s a dance in the village hall Friday evening. You should come.”“Me?”“Yes, you! It could be your world debut!”“I don’t know.”“You could take Marlene,” Lily whispers mischievously.“You already have a date?”“Yes. Some American. Please come?”“I’ll think about it, okay?”“Right. If it makes any difference, I’d be glad to see you there.” Lily straightens and jogs to rejoin Marlene.“Bye, Remus,” The girls wave. He throws the car into drive and rolls away.He thinks about the dance on the way back. He would never go on his own. But he supposes since Lily asked him outright, and made it clear his presence is wanted, it would be rude to refuse. Dances demanded the sociability Remus lacked. He figures he’d be sitting out most sets. How embarrassing.Then there was the girl bit, which he’d forgotten about. He figures Marlene isn’t interested. He feels that to ask her to go with him, to like him, is much too large a leap of faith. He is sure upon trying, he will miss the mark by a mile and fall into the canyon between insecurity and confidence. The ultimate humiliation will be the failure to breach the gap itself, to which the shame of being on insecurity’s side pales in comparison.The impossibility of Lily’s request is bolstered by the strong feeling of contentment Remus feels in his solitude. The wind, like water, rushes through the countryside. It’s pull is too sweet, too safe, too satisfying. It tugs at his clothes and hair and whispers to him that this moment would be ruined by the crudeness of companionship. He breathes in the crisp air deeply. The cinematography of it all makes his soul rejoice to be lonely. Who was he to try to play a different part other than his assigned? Everyone had their own character, and the world had room for all stripes.Assured that he will refuse the invitation, he puts hand over hand to turn the car into the courtyard at home.A figure dressed in shirtsleeves and light trousers waves at him from the porch step. As Remus pulls to a stop in front of the house, he detects light eyes, dark hair, and good looks. It is Mr. Sirius Black.“‘Lo there!”“Hello,” Remus gets out of the car. “Mr. Black.”“Mr. Black is my father. Please call me Sirius.”“Oh, I –”“Please! ‘Mr. Black’ is just so… odious.”“Right, then.”“Your mother invited me to tea.” Sirius explains his presence and nods at the car. “Where were you?”“I sometimes drive Lily to jobs.”“Lily? The girl we saw at the pub? The one James is afraid of?”“Yes, that’s the one. James was Lily’s beau for a while. She liked him a lot, but believes he did her wrong and gave him the boot. That's why they look at each other like they’re on opposite sides of a court case.”“James said as much. He hasn’t got a damned clue what he’s done, though! The boy’s a mite clueless. I mean, it’s clear the girl thinks he’s an infidel. Shame, really, he claims he was loyal to her and I believe him. Gosh, I’ve known him for – how long has it been? – a month now, and I’d take a bullet for him.”Remus didn’t realize they were so close. Sirius’s clear affection for James makes Remus like him more. “He hasn’t a single clue what she thinks about him?”“No, and I told him, you have to ask her or live forever in woe, but he wasn’t having it! Says he wouldn’t know what to say to her. Say, you know that dance tomorrow?”“Yes.”“Will you be there?”Remus flounders. Sirius looks very handsome in direct sunlight. All his edges are highlighted in the ruddy tone skin glows when it is backlit. His hair is really black, not dark brown, like he’d thought.“I hope you’ll come awfully. I have this plan to get James and Lily to reconcile, and I need a wingman.”“You want me to be a … a wingman? Me? Why, that’s as ridiculous a notion as I ever heard. It’s like imagining myself on the moon,” Remus exclaims.“Why not?!”“Oh, I dunno. I don’t like sticking my paws where they shouldn’t be.”“I get the notion you don’t like sticking your paws anywhere.”“It’s not my place, allright?”“Were you always so uptight?” Sirius says curiously.Remus misinterprets this as derision, and wants to impress Sirius very badly. So, he cries, “No!”Sirius smiles, “No?”“No! I used to be a bit wild and play pranks on teachers and sneak off with my dad’s lager from the icebox back when I was a nipper.” This was true.“What’s changed?”Remus deflates. He says, “I don’t know.”“I'll tell you this; will you come? To the dance? Help me out? ” Sirius asks. “I think you’ve got some ripping and roaring in you yet,”Remus pauses and looks at Sirius some more. Sirius appears eager. More importantly, he seems honestly interested.“I – yes. I’ll come to the damned dance.”“Lovely!” Sirius rejoices. “Look sharp. See you there.” Sirius grips his shoulder as he walks away.Remus doesn't move after he’s gone. Sirius affects Remus like a horse or motorcar race; he leaves him breathless, smiling, and fevered. Like a spectator after the great event is past, Remus treats Sirius’s wake as sacred ground; suddenly that front porch is a lot more important than it was before.– – –Remus is true to his word and dresses on Friday night for the dance. He puts on a nice suit, a two piece flannel with an old brown vest that is soft and familiar. It fits well enough for him to be something near comfortable.He had gone and asked Marlene to the dance. He had phrased it as a favor to Lily; she wanted her friend there but could not invite her herself. It was a good job that alleviated him from any connection that may be more-than-polite, which he was desperate to avoid.“Mum,” He goes into the sitting room. “I’m going.”“Are you sure? This is new for you. I know you don’t like these sorts of things.” Hope was a kind and perceptive mother. Remus couldn’t ask for a better one.“It’s okay.” He reassures her, and himself. “I’ll see you later.”He picks Marlene up at the hostel in the suburbs around High Street. She looks different without the collar, tie, and green sweater of the land army. She wears a beautiful bi-color blue jersey dress and has painted her eyelids to match. It goes with her coiffed blonde hair wonderfully, which is long at the back with rolls at the top.“You look nice,” He tells her, because he should. “Shall we drive or walk?”“Oooh, I don’t know. It’s such a short walk, but so glamorous to arrive in the motor,” She says.“Motor it is, then.”“I want to thank you for inviting me,” Marlene says as she lowers herself into the passenger seat. “But I do need to tell you something.”“Yes?”“I want to get this out of the way. I said yes because I want to have fun with my friend. I, er… I don’t … oh, I sound terribly mean! Well … I don’t fancy you!” “Oh!” Remus is relieved. “That’s okay, Marlene. Honest. I only asked you because Lily wants you to be there, and I do what makes Lily happy. I guess now we both sound a bit rude.”“No, you’re a good friend to her. I just really didn’t want you to think something was there that wasn’t.”“Thanks for being honest.” Remus parks the car on the street near the hall. He looks over and makes eye contact with her for the first time. She’s so sincere, yet has a sort of gravity to her. He doesn’t want to leave her at the door when the dance is done. “Maybe, if you wanted, could we still be friends?”“I’d like that,” Marlene smiles. “Friends.”They shake on it.Making a friend is a little thrill. He pops out of the driver's seat to open Marlene’s door, feeling chivalrous.“Thanks,” She giggles and they head toward the village hall.“I’m a little nervous,” Marlene admits. “Are the people here nice?”“Yes, I suppose. I don’t know many of them.”“Oh, good. They weren’t very back in my hometown.”Remus, not knowing what to say, opens the door for her. Lily, who has an inbuilt people radar, spots them and waves them over to where she leans against a wall. She too looks lovely, in a sage green dress with white spots. She’s put her red hair in fluffy curls.“Fools rush in…” Lily says. “I’ve never seen you in a suit, Remus!”“I'll say, doesn’t he look handsome?” Marlene fakes.“Shut up,” Remus says.“I should have shown you how to dance,” Lily jokes. “This is Caradoc.”“Hello. Nice to meet you all.” Everything about Caradoc is very square. His jawline, hair, and shoulders are so angular a protractor would yield 90°. His nose has a divot at the brow and his upper lip has a mole. Remus keeps glancing at him and can’t stop doing so.“I know a little bit of jitterbug,” Caradoc says.“You don’t!” Lily gasps. “I’ve always wanted to try it.”“It seems …complicated,” Marlene says.“Fun, you mean!”“I really only know how to foxtrot.” Remus contributes. He feels dull and stupid. “Everybody knows it. It’s useful.”“Oh, but it gets boring. Sure you can chat while you dance, but there’s only three steps! The jitterbug, though! Wow!”“I can show you some,” Caradoc says, and their party is immediately halved.“Gosh, and I thought she wanted to spend time with me,” Marlene smiles. “That’s Lily for you, here and there in a flash. I’ve never seen her in one place for more than three seconds. Say, don’t you think that Caradoc is lovely? I mean, you wouldn’t know… but he’s quite a looker.”“No, I suppose I wouldn’t,” Remus says, though he sees where she’s coming from.“Oh! There’s Mary! Do you mind if I run off for a bit, I haven’t seen Mary since she moved out of the hostel.”“Sure.”“You sure you’ll be okay by yourself?”“Why not?”Marlene leaves Remus feeling what he’d anticipated in the car earlier that week. The leap had failed and he was left with a familiar sting. Shame, perhaps, or anger. He so disliked being without a companion in public; it unveiled how alone he truly was. His friends were not close enough to him that they would like to spend time with no one else.Thus he ruminates, leaning against a wall, conscious that everyone can see and judge his solitude.Remus looks up to read the room, and a tall handsome figure suddenly appears out of the crowd.“Christ on a cross,” Sirius swears. “It’s a madhouse in here!” “People like to dance,” Remus mumbles. He tries not to smile too much, but he’s so happy to see Sirius.“You're here!”“Well, yes.”“Couldn’t resist the call of mischief?”“Something like that.”“I knew it,” Sirius is smug. He looks lovely in his civvies. He’d slicked his hair back, but has already been up and about; one wavy lock has escaped the pomade and falls in front of his eyes. When he grins a little dimple shows itself. Only on one side though.“So, do you have a master plan? To rope Lily and James into matrimony?”“Nope!”“What?!”“No. See, we have to do some planning first.” Sirius beckons and walks into the crowd. Remus follows and is led out to the hall’s backyard. Commotion and heat is replaced with silence and the coolness of the evening.The hall has a wonderful garden full of dappled blue shadows and abundant ruffled leaves. Sirius flops onto a wooden bench, one leg bent under and the other splayed out with the foot pointing outward. He’s wearing blue socks with black clocks.He takes out a carton from his breast pocket and offers Remus a cigarette.Remus hesitates and takes it. Sirius lights them both. He looks sort of mystical, like Lysander in the fresh moonlight coming through the woods outside Athens.Remus inhales and ruins the moment by coughing up a lung.“Not a smoker then!” Sirius exclaims, probably like how Archemedies shouted “Eureka!”“Obviously – obviously not.”Sirius makes direct eye contact. Remus can’t remember holding such an intense gaze. Sirius’s stare is silvery gray, like fish scales, or an ancient coin. Tiny black eyelashes flick out along the waterline in groups of three.Sirius asks, “What are you then?”“Why are you asking?”“I think you’re fascinating and I want to know more about you.”“I wonder why you think that. I don’t think I’m interesting at all.”“Oh, everybody is interesting in their own way. Don’t bother denying it! What do you like? What are your interests?”“Oh. I – I’m not sure, now you’ve asked.” Remus says.“Well, let me go first.” Sirius dramatically extends his arm, as if orating a speech. “I like the movies, especially crime thrillers, blues records, and driving in the country. I don’t like empty houses, waiting, nor indifference, particularly other people’s.”Sriisu turns expectantly toward Remus. “Now your turn.”Remus wracks his brain. He feels like doesn’t know himself. “I like to read … I write sometimes. I like in the summer when the sky gets the most wonderful shade of purple in the evening. I dunno, I like chocolate from this posh shop in Southampton.”“What do you write?”“Rubbish.”“What!”“All my writing is rubbish.”“So you like to write but you don’t like your writing. What else do you dislike? I’m sure it’s what you read, too – oh! Are you one of those fellas that dislikes everything and anybody? Have I found a misanthrope?!”“No, no! I like life a lot, really. I like the farm and the animals and my home. I’ve read the same things ten times over, though. I guess I don’t like newness. I like things to be the same.”“I suppose I shall have to go, then!”“You needn’t. I quite like you.” Remus wishes he could take it back as soon as he says it. What a horrible thing to say.“Oh, wonderful, because then I’d have to go find another young farmer to bother, and there’s not many of those around here.”“Yes, they all got drafted. …I guess you’d think I’m a great failure since I’m not off fighting.”“Nope.”“You should. Britain has more at stake than America. We’re alone in fighting against Germany. Every other country fell to them! What will happen if Britain falls? Awful things. And it very well could happen, and soon.”“You want to fight?”“I wouldn't want to kill anybody.” Remus says carefully. “No matter what side you’re on, you’re a human being. But I would fight if I could despite that. A German invasion is almost too terrible to think of, and we must all do what we can to prevent it.”“Why can’t you fight?”Remus taps his left leg. “Polio.”Sirius gasps.“What? It’s a rare disease, and I was lucky, I only have to wear a brace.”“From the way we treat it in the U.S. you’d think it was the black death.”“I pulled out all right.”“I suppose you did.”“SIRIUS?” Someone calls through the whisper of the cicadas from the back porch of the hall. “MATE, WHERE’VE YOU GONE?” “COMING, JAMES,” Sirius returns over his shoulder. “I’ll see you later, huh?”“Sure.” Remus says. Sirius is gone in a flash.Remus crosses his legs and stares out into the blue abyss of the garden, watching the fireflies. How did they decide when to turn on, or turn off?He wonders what would happen if he were to follow Sirius. But he hadn’t, and doesn’t.