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It had been Abed’s idea when this all started, really. Troy had been laying with his feet up on the couch in their apartment, idly tossing a football up in the air and catching it, when Abed fluttered into the apartment.“Abed!”“Hey, Troy. Dreamatorium?”Troy hesitated. Normally a round in the Dreamatorium with Abed was a perfect opportunity to take his mind off anything. But that day he was particularly stressed, so much so that his head was feeling a little foggy. He wasn’t sure his heart would be in it.“I don’t know, buddy. I can’t stop thinking about what’s going to happen on this date with Britta later, it’s kind of freaking me out.” He had enjoyed going out with Britta, mostly, so far, and she had kept up her agreement to take things slow with him. But she had suggested that tonight maybe they take things up a notch from a few makeout sessions in her car. Which Troy wanted to, of course. Or at least, he thought he wanted to. The issue wasn’t wanting to or not, really. It was that Britta, as his good friend, was well aware of his affinity for, well, butt stuff, and Troy just knew she would want to try that on him. The problem was the only person who had ever touched him there was himself. He wasn’t exactly going to ask the cheerleaders from high school or the hot girls at Greendale to finger him.Abed hummed, pulling Troy back to reality. “We could simulate the date in the Dreamatorium.”Troy worried his bottom lip. “Really? We could do that?”“Sure. Typically I reserve simulations of our group dynamic to my solo Dreamatorium excursions to maximize accuracy, but if it would help you feel more comfortable I’d be happy to simulate your date with Britta.”Troy brightened. “Yeah, I think that would make me feel better.” Abed always knew how to make Troy feel better, how to calm him down and make him less nervous. Maybe the Dreamatorium could show him what to say on this date to make everything less awkward. He rose to his feet and followed Abed inside.Abed simulated the inside of Britta’s apartment, where Troy would go later that night to share Thai takeout for their date. Abed-Britta suggested they paint each other’s nails while they waited for the food to arrive. Normally Troy would feel weird about doing an activity that was so stereotypically girly, but that was one of the things he liked about Britta - she made things like that feel normal.“So, Troy,” said Abed-Britta, “What do you think we should get up to tonight?”Troy paused, shaking off any momentary hesitation about having this conversation with his best friend. This wasn’t Abed, he reminded himself. It was part of the simulation.“Well. I know you had suggested we take things to the next level tonight.”Abed-Britta shot up his eyebrows momentarily before immediately regaining his character. “Only if that’s something you’re comfortable with.”“Oh I’m, uh, comfortable. With sex. And whatever. And excited!” He remembered that girls liked it when he played it cool and added, “But not too excited.”“Great! But you seem worried about something.”“It’s just, you know, we’ve been friends for a while. So you may have heard about… um… my… uh…” Troy tried to work out how to phrase what he was trying to say.Abed-Britta filled in the blank for him. “Your proclivity for butt stuff?”“Yeah. That. It’s just that, uh, I haven’t really done that with anyone. Uh, yet.”“Troy, if you want to stick to regular, vanilla, heterosexual sex, that’s fine by me. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” Troy thought for a second. “I think I might want to try it. The butt stuff, I mean. Well, not try it. I have tried it, with myself. But I think I might want to try it with a person? I’m just a little nervous. Because I’m a butt virgin.”Abed-Britta smirked. “I can totally take your butt virginity, Troy. If that’s what you want.”It was what he wanted. So much so that his body had started to feel warm all over. The actual thought of someone else touching him like that had somehow not crossed his mind among his stress about this conversation, but now it was, and his body was reacting to it, fast. He shifted slightly in his seat on Britta’s couch, crossed his legs.Britta’s eyes flicked over Troy’s change in position with a scrutiny he had hoped she wouldn’t have. He felt weirdly embarrassed, like he had been too into this, getting turned on before the Thai food even arrived.“If you want,” Britta said after a beat, “We could even start right now. I know the delivery guy always stops to smoke on the way to my street, we probably have at least a half hour.”Blood rushed to Troy’s cheeks. And also elsewhere. For a second, he considered pulling the plug on the simulation. He had already got what he needed from practicing the conversation. And even though it was simulation Britta, wouldn’t it be weird to say yes to something like this to Abed? But he reminded himself that right now, it was not in fact Abed. And if he bowed out now, Abed would probably never let him play in real life scenarios again. Plus, he trusted Abed to make the right decisions, to not do anything that would be weird or would cross a friendship line.Also, he was starting to get really hard.He blinked rapidly. “Um… okay.” His mouth was dry, his heart beating fast.It all happened in a blur. Britta pulled him over her lap, laid him facedown, pulled off his pants, his boxers. Troy tried not to moan and grind into the pressure of her thighs under him. She slowly began to stroke the curves of his ass, his hips. Gentle touches became more pressure, and soon she was massaging, pressing into the muscles. Troy squeaked out a gentle, “Mmmmm,” trying his best not to whimper, not to beg for more. Britta said to him, “I need you to tell me how you feel, Troy. Tell me what you want.”“I feel really good. I want, um, fingers.”Britta smiled. “Good.” She reached under her coffee table and pulled out a bottle of lube. It squelched as she poured some into her hand. “This is going to feel a little cold,” she said (like he didn’t know) as she gently spread him and used a finger to massage his rim.Troy dug his face into the couch pillows, trying not to moan, trying not to black out. Touching himself had never felt this good, never felt like being face down, ass up in someone else’s lap, having someone else explore him. He allowed himself to grind into her lap, just a little, just to relieve some pressure.“Troy?” Britta asked, her face quirked in question. “Does that feel good?”“Hnnnnnngh” was the only sound he could muster in reply as Britta continued to circle his hole, sometimes pressing in slightly.“I’m gonna need more than that, please.”Troy tried to compose himself. “More, please. Inside. Please.”“Sounds good.”She gently, slowly, curled one exploratory finger inside of him, and Troy’s brain exploded at the feeling. He could no longer contain his absolute desperate, needy moans. The finger gently, firmly explored inside of him, building a steady rhythm.“More more more more more,” Troy whined, forgetting himself, forgetting his need to play cool, forgetting everything except the feeling. Britta plunged another finger inside of him, joining the steady rhythm of the first. He rutted desperately against her lap, chasing the rhythm of her fingers. He felt Britta getting hard beneath him.His thoughts stuttered. Oh yeah. Because it wasn’t actually Britta. It was Abed-Britta. It was Abed, actually, with his long fingers curling inside of him, reaching spots he had never been able to himself. It was Abed whose lap he was grinding into, who he was whimpering to. And it was Abed now who was shifting him slightly, retracting his fingers, spreading him still, and craning his neck almost impossibly to replace the pressure of the fingers with an exploring, probing tongue.Troy saw stars. He had never felt anything like this before. He was also sure he had somehow crossed some sort of line. He had missed some cue where they were supposed to stop, and Abed had chosen to go along with it, to humor him, to save him from total embarrassment, because that’s what best friends do. He was about to tell Abed they needed to stop, he was sorry he made him take things so far. But he felt Abed’s lips on his hole, the same soft, full lips Troy had watched him put cherry chapstick on so many times, the same lips Troy tried to pretend he never imagined kissing, sucking on, biting and never letting go, and in an instant he was coming all over Abed’s lap.When Troy could think again, Abed had ended the simulation. He tried to hand Troy a wet rag, but when Troy had just stared up at him Abed changed course and wiped Troy’s stomach down himself, clinically, without any flicker of emotion crossing his face.“Thanks, buddy,” Troy mumbled, but it was barely audible. He found his pants and pulled himself up, hugging his knees and watching as Abed buzzed through the Dreamatorium, resetting it. He had already changed his clothes, clearing the evidence that Troy had come all over Abed’s jeans.There was a rapid knocking on the door. “Come in,” called Abed, before Troy could say, wait, hold on, what the fuck, what the hell just happened. Annie swung the door open.“Boys,” she sung, “I just got home. Buttered noodles? Buttered noodles? Wait, Troy, don’t you have to get ready for your date with Britta?”Troy imagined how he looked right now. If it was anything like how he felt, it was completely wrecked. His clothes were rumpled, his hair was mussed, his mouth suddenly parched. Abed, by comparison, looked completely normal.“Oh yeah,” he mustered, plastering on a weak smile, “I must have gotten caught up in the Dreamatorium. Thanks, Annie.”He shuffled out to their bedroom to get ready for his date.As he walked by Abed and Annie fifteen minutes later, eating buttered noodles on the couch and watching Friends reruns, Abed called, “Bye, Troy. I hope our simulation was helpful for your date.”Troy didn’t know how to tell him, no, it wasn’t helpful. Because how could he tell Britta he was a butt virgin now?He left the apartment without saying goodbye.