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“Alexei, can you just please put the bottle down?!” Colette spat out, almost yelling.“Huh?” He jumped as he heard her.“Can you put the bottle down?” She repeated, slowing down her words.Alexei had the question faced on him, to put the drink down or not. The cold sting of the beer bottle on his hands was often something addicting, like he couldn’t get enough of it. Sometimes, all he could do is press the glass bottle to his lips, a hopeless escape. Sometimes, the drink felt like family. Sometimes, it was his only resolution. He looked at the bottle, then back at Colette. Alexei swallowed harshly, and just put the bottle down, it was the smartest decision. He eyed the bottle as Colette stared at him, with sheer disappointment.It was jarring.This moment was so… Numbing for him. The shame he felt, for doing something he’d think was normal his entire life. The empty promises he’d made to all those people, finally caught up to him, and he hated that. The mere feeling of her just simply looking down on him, was so sickening.
“Are you okay..?” Colette said, stopping his train of thought.“Yeah.. Yeah.” He nodded slowly, his voice close to a whisper.
Colette looked at him with judgement in her eyes. It was saddening to see him drink, nothing good comes out of that. Nothing ever. This moment was so mundane, yet so heartbreaking. How many other people has he promised to stop, but just never did?“Is there a reason why?” Colette narrowed her eyes. She watched him sit in silence, no answer.“Why won’t you just— Talk to me!” She yelled, already frustrated with him. It almost felt like he never wanted to talk to her, almost like she was a nuisance every time he picked up the goddamn bottle.“I—” Alexei’s eyes averted, unable to even look her right in the eyes. It felt so pathetic of him, so shameful.“I don’t even know what to do with you, Alexei. I really don’t know.” Colette shook her head in pure disappointment, walking away.He watched in silence as she walked away. Alexei felt the sting in his heart, the constant reminder that he’d be much better off if he just stopped. If he just let go. He promised to himself so many times that he’d stop, but he’d just eventually come back like a lost dog.
Always.
The cycle never stops.