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His words —
“You’re always so fucking weak, it annoys me. Can’t believe I got stuck with you as my brother. You’re a disappointment.”
— have been echoing in my head, over and over, ever since.
The race to win $6,000 was everything. We had practiced so hard, hoping to make Mom proud of us. But we failed... because of me.
It wasn’t my intention to be so careless. I just never got the proper rest, neither for my body nor my mind. And then, when the time came for the most important event of our lives, everything just... blinked away.
But even before this race — no, it’s not stupid. It wasn’t the race that was stupid, it was
me.
This was my chance to change our lives, to finally make something of myself. I wanted to make Mom proud, but most of all, I wanted to prove to Zack that I wasn’t useless. I wanted him to believe in me. I wanted him to see me as strong, as someone worth believing in. But I guess I can’t change fate, and I can’t escape my destiny.
I’ve always been weak, always felt different, and I hated it. This was my only shot, and I ruined it.
Cody, dinner's ready," Mom screamed across the room, trying to get his attention.
"Not hungry," Cody muttered, barely looking up from his phone.
"Oh, come on," Mom huffed, her tone exasperated. "As if I haven't noticed you haven’t been stuffing your face in a quite a while. I know you're hungry, little one."
"Would you stop bugging me?" Cody shot back, his voice edged with irritation.
"Bugging you?" Mom said, crossing her arms as she leaned against the doorway. "I'm just trying to keep you from turning into a grumpy skeleton."
"I'm fine, okay? Just leave me alone," Cody snapped, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
Mom sighed, her voice softening but still carrying a hint of frustration. "Fine, but don't come crawling to me later when your stomach starts growling louder than the TV."
She lingered in the doorway for a moment, watching Cody as he kept his eyes glued to the screen, before shaking her head and heading back to the kitchen.
He quickly turned his tv off grabbing the knife from his drawer that his dad gave him and cut himself on his shoulders as a reminder he doesn’t deserve to eat he doesn’t deserve anything.
“Hey, Mom, I’m home,” Zack called out as he stepped through the door, dropping his backpack by the entrance.
“Welcome home, Zack. Dinner’s just ready if you’re hungry,” Mom replied warmly. “How was skating with your friends?” she added, her curiosity evident.
“Uh, it was pretty cool,” Zack said, shrugging. “By the way, we stopped by the cafeteria down at the hotel, so I’m not really hungry, but I’ll have some later.”
“Sure, sweet pea,” Mom said with a smile, though her tone shifted slightly as she added, “Also, this could just be me, but you and Cody seem distant lately. Are you two okay?”
Zack rolled his eyes instantly, a hint of annoyance flashing across his face. “We’re fine, Mom,” he said, brushing off the question. “Going to my room now. Got some homework to catch up on.”
Mom watched as he disappeared down the hallway, her expression softening into one of quiet concern before she turned back to the kitchen.
Zack threw his bookbag across the floor, glancing at his brother sprawled on the bed. Cody was being his fucking weird self as usual just sitting there in the dark, staring into nothingness. Did he even realize Zack was in the room?
With a sigh, Zack walked over and turned on his side of the light, the sudden brightness seeming to snap Cody out of whatever trance he was in. Zack guessed it worked, but something about Cody still felt off. He hadn’t been the same since
that
event.
Zack couldn’t help but notice the little things. Cody hadn’t touched his beloved science projects in weeks, the ones he used to obsess over. It was like the spark that fueled his curiosity had fizzled out. An uneasy feeling gnawed at Zack as he watched his brother, the sense that something deeper was wrong growing stronger by the day.
Cody snapped out of his thoughts. He didn’t want to be anywhere near his brother; he didn’t want his own uselessness rubbing off on him. Zack had other things to focus on. He loved his brother and knew Zack had a life worth something—a life Cody didn’t want to ruin.
Leaving their shared room, Cody headed to the darkest spot in the hotel: the so-called ghost room. It was a place he knew no one would ever bother him. Once inside, he grabbed his knife and began cutting his thigh, over and over again. The sharp pain brought a strange sense of relief, momentarily quieting the storm inside his head.
Suddenly, the door creaked open, and two girls, Maddy and London, stepped inside. They froze, their faces a mix of shock and fear. This was supposed to be their secret—or apparently, not-so-secret anymore—makeout room. Their eyes widened as they took in the scene before them. “Oh my gosh, Cody, what the hell are you doing?!” Maddy exclaimed, her voice trembling with fright and worry as she rushed toward him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Cody, drained from constant blood loss and skipping meals, finally passed out, his young energy completely worn out. Maddy carefully picked up the unconscious 13-year-old while London hurriedly called his mom to report what had happened.
Mr. Mobsley, who had formed a bond with Cody over the years, broke down in tears, his heart aching with worry for the boy.
“Mom, what happened?” Zack asked, running up to her, his gut twisting with a feeling that had been gnawing at him all day.
“Zack, it’s Cody,” his mom said, her voice shaky. “He’s been… hurting himself.”
Zack froze, the shock hitting him like a wave. He couldn’t understand—Cody had seemed fine not too long ago.
Without wasting another moment, they rushed to the hotel’s emergency medical room, panic and urgency driving every step.
The doctor approached Zack and Mrs. Martin with a serious expression, ready to ask some questions.
“Mrs. Martin, is everything financially stable at home?” he began.
“Um, yes,” she replied hesitantly. “Why? What’s happened to my precious boy? How is that even relevant?”
The doctor sighed and gestured toward Cody. “Well, from our tests, it appears your son hasn’t been eating properly for over a month. Additionally, he’s been losing blood, and we know the reason for that. I need to ask—is everything at home okay? Any issues or stressors you can think of?”
Mrs. Martin faltered, wringing her hands. “Well… uh, his father hasn’t been around for quite some time, but both my boys understand that, so I don’t think that’s it. We… we’ve recently been struggling financially, but we’ve managed to pull through. I may have given my boys hope with this one event from before that They happily agreed to take it upon themselves to try for me, which could ultimately make a huge difference in our lives and finances. It’s taken a toll on them, but it’s nothing we haven’t been through before. So, I don’t understand what else could be the problem. Oh, my poor boy.”
“When will he wake up?” Zack asked, his voice shaky.
“It’s hard to say,” the doctor replied. “It could be a few days, or it might take weeks. We’ll monitor him closely.”
He kept going over the possible sources of stress, replaying them over and over in his mind. Then, something clicked — it could have been his fault. "Tch, you're always so fucking weak, it annoys me. I can't believe I got stuck with you as my brother. You're a disappointment," he thought. Why was he remembering those words now? He said things like that to Cody all the time, but he never really meant it. But this time... maybe it was different. It all seemed to make sense, but if it was true, then it was his fault. He had hurt his brother deeply, and he couldn't shake the guilt.
"Zack, are you okay?" London asked, noticing the distress.
Zack hadn't even realized how much time had passed. "Uh, sorry, London."
"None of this is your fault," London reassured him. "You know that, right? You're his brother, and Cody needs you for support. Don’t ever think otherwise."
Zack rolled his eyes, still uncertain. "But I can't help but think it is... I'm no victim. I say harsh things to Cody all the time, but maybe this time it finally got to him. But he always says something to reassure me if he felt a certain way. So I don’t know, I don't"
London interrupted gently, "I think you're just confused. When Cody wakes up and gets some rest, you two can talk, okay? But right now, don't get distracted. Your brother needs you."
Zack sighed, his shoulders slumping as he reluctantly accepted her words of advice.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It had been five days, and finally, Cody woke up. Zack, who had been coming in every day after school, was shocked to find his brother awake. He let out a sigh of relief, thinking he might never see Cody open his eyes again. "Glad to see you awake, Cody," Zack said, but Cody didn’t respond.
Zack frowned, his concern growing. "Has anyone visited you yet?"
Cody, avoiding Zack’s gaze, muttered, "Yeah, just the doctor."
But inside, Cody couldn’t stop thinking,
I’m useless again. The hospital bills are going to ruin us. Doesn’t Mom know I’m not worth spending money on?
Zack, sensing something was off, hesitated before asking, dreading the answer. "Did I... did I hurt you with my words again?"
Cody finally looked up, a gleam in his eyes that made it clear Zack had hit the mark. But he didn’t need to say anything more; his silence spoke volumes.
"You’re right, Zack. I am weak. I annoy everyone with my uselessness. I’ll always be the disappointment. And you didn’t even have to say it out loud for me to realize that."
Zack’s heart sank. "Cody, I want you to know that I’m a fucking idiot."
Cody looked up in shock, not expecting Zack to say that. "B-but that’s not true."
Zack shook his head, his voice heavy with regret. "No, I am. Every time I hurt you with my words, I’m an idiot. I show off, leave you in the dark, and I hate it. I hate not even looking back at you because of the things I say. My words were never meant to hurt you, but I let my anger get in the way. The truth is, without you, my life wouldn't be as fulfilling as it is now. You always make sure I don’t get into trouble, and you help Mom so much. Without you, I’d be the useless one. Don’t you get that?"
Cody’s eyes softened, and Zack continued, his voice firm but filled with vulnerability. "You’re not any of those things I told you. Your life is just as important as mine. You need to know that, Cody. Sometimes, I forget how sensitive you are, and I’m sorry for what I said then... and for all the times before. I never mean it. Please, believe me."
Cody’s eyes filled with tears as they spilled over, and soon he was crying endlessly, his body shaking with the weight of it all. For the first time in what felt like forever, he could feel the tight knot in his chest loosen, as though the darkness that had consumed him was finally starting to lift. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had said such things to him, words that didn’t condemn or push him further down, but words that brought him back to life.
Zack stood there, not knowing what to do, but he didn’t need to say anything more. He just stood by his brother, a silent promise that he would never leave him, that he was there no matter what. Slowly, Cody wiped his eyes, still sniffling, but a small, relieved smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
“I’m sorry,” Cody whispered, his voice hoarse. "I didn’t mean to be so... broken. I just wanted to be enough."
Zack stepped closer, placing a hand on Cody's shoulder. "You
are
enough, Cody. You're more than enough. Don't ever think otherwise. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world alone. We’ve got each other. Always."
The words felt like a balm on the wound Cody didn’t know he had been carrying. For the first time in a long while, he believed them. He could feel the love between them, stronger than ever. The bond that had been strained, but never broken, was now healing.
"I won’t let you down, Zack," Cody said softly, his voice barely above a whisper, but there was a new strength in it.
Zack smiled, the tension in his own heart easing as he gave his brother a gentle hug. "I know you won’t, little brother. And I won’t let you down either."In that moment, they didn’t need to say anything more. The silence between them was no longer heavy; it was comforting. They were both still recovering, but together, they knew they could face whatever came next. Cody wasn’t alone, and neither was Zack. And with that, they had everything they needed to heal