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The car ride home from the hospital is dead silent except for the distant rumble of the engine. Mom grips the steering wheel so hard her knuckles are pure angry white. Lily decided to sit in the back next to me, her hand rubs my back in a comforting way. She doesn’t say anything, her actions speak louder than words. Not like words themselves are very welcome right now. How do you comfort someone with simple phrases after they’ve been told they’re going to die in an estimated year? This whole situation is numbing and unrealistic, like a surreal dream. The news has yet to sink in. I was supposed to live until at least my forties and fifties, guess my body wont follow the deadline. I want to say something to them, but I can't. They're losing a little sister and a daughter. My eyes scour the passing buildings and people as we drive further into the more rural suburban area of our neighborhood. The clicking of the turn signal ticks in my ears as she turns into the driveway, vehicle jolting to a complete stop.”You girls go ahead, I’ve got to get something out of the trunk” Mom says, dull face staring at us through the rearview mirror. Lily and I share a look of concern. Eventually, my sister decides to open the door and slide out of the car into the wintery weather outside. I follow her lead in a zombie like daze. Snow crunches underneath our shoes as we walk to the porch and leave mom to herself. Lily unlocks the door and we both step into the heat of our home. “I’ll cook dinner tonight, your choice” She tries to lighten up the melancholy mood clouding over our family. I slip off my boots and place them in the shoe closet.“(Your favorite meal) would be great” My stomach can't take any more hospital food. They don't exactly serve gourmet meals. You get sick of them after a while. Lily shrugs off her coat and places it on a hanger while nodding.“Alright, if you want you can come help” She calls while strolling through the hall and into the kitchen. I bound up the two little stairs in our entrance way to the living room area where there’s a large window looking out at the front yard and driveway. My heart sinks when I spot my mom still sitting in the now turned off car. Her shoulders are shaking, muted sobs -I can’t hear but can clearly see- wrack her body. The pure despair illustrated in her expression causes my eyes to burn with tears.The situation finally begins to weigh on me...I’m going to die. I run upstairs to my room and slam the door shut behind me. My back slips down against it as I slide onto the floor. Why me? How is it fair? I knew it was coming but...not this soon. I’m supposed to live longer than 19. I should’ve been at least able to live half of my life. The medicine cabinet across the room that holds all of my supplies mocks my sorrows . The sadness slowly dissipates into absolute animosity. Something snaps inside of my chest whileI throw the first object I can find as hard as I can at the wall. The hairbrush clutters onto the floor. My tantrum doesn't end there. The cross that hangs above my bed taunts my whole entire miserable life. I stomp over to it and yank it from the hook it was hanging on, open up the window of my room, and toss the artifact out. Rage begins to take over the rational part of my brain. Any other religion related things I sentence to the snowy backyard outside like my bible. I’ve prayed so much, wished for the pain of needles, surgeries, and testing to stop. But not once were they answered. And now after going through all that effort to keep myself alive, all that torture, I’m going to die. How could God let that happen? Well here's some news, God doesn't give a shit.“(Y/N)!? Baby are you okay in there?” My mom frantically knocks on the door, snapping me out of the spell of negative emotions mixing and swirling internally. I stop my little rampage and frown at the mess I've caused. “Yeah mom, my arm went numb again and I knocked a few things over” I lie and wipe the angry salty water from my eyes. After making sure that the redness in them has disappeared and the streaks of tears on my cheeks are wiped away, I blow my nose with a tissue and sigh. No, getting upset won't do anything about this. It'll only make things worse. I hear Lily clinking pots and pans downstairs. Distractions, that's what I need for now.“Make sure to lock your doors and windows tonight folks. This is nothing to play with. Five murders in the last three weeks, the police department is issuing a curfew of 7:00 PM. Any who fail to be indoors by then will be in custody” The news reporter speaks in the background. His voice blends in with the sizzling of food on the stove. “Damn that’s gruesome, when are they gonna catch this guy?” Lily wonders out loud while mixing something in a bowl, watching the small T.V. perched on the counter by the toaster. Uncle Leo has been trying his best as Chief of police to put the so called "Kidney Killer" in custody.“Dunno, hope they do soon” I sip on a juice box and swing my legs, heels of my feet bumping the island in little thumps.“Me too, he must be smart to avoid the cops for this long” She mutters with a head shake, arm moving the whisk in her hand frantically. “Oh well...mom went out, she should’ve watched the news before leaving” I comment in a hostile tone. Lily glares at my passive aggressive statement. She believes we should respect mom, but I disagree. I've got none for her.“(Y/N)...you’re mad, I know, but-“ I cut her off before she can even think about finishing that sentence. “No, you don’t get to say anything about that. Mom finds out her child is dying and goes out to some goddamn party to get drunk on the same day? Wow, we should give her the best parent of the year award!” I taunt and squeeze the now empty little box in my hand. Lily doesn’t respond because she knows I’m right. I’m tired of her always trying to make excuses for moms alcoholism. Maybe I am bitter she spent more money on beer than my medical bills or time with us. Mom always chose being at the bar than with her sick kid in the ICU. Lily places the bowl on the counter and turns to face me. “You aren’t going to die'' She flat out tells me. That’s my sister for you, always in denial. Lily is too optimistic and hopeful about every single problem. It's annoying, although I know it's because she can't take the ugly truth. She prefers pretty lies.“I am, did you not hear Dr. Simons? Did you not see my scans?” I mutter and hop off the island. Those chest X rays were horrendous. I've learned how to read them a long time ago. My heart won't last too much longer after a year, even with the proper medical procedures and medications. “How can you be so calm about it?” Tears well up in her eyes and she grabs me by the shoulders. I stare at her with a startled gaze. It hurts to see Lily like this...so heartbroken and afraid. “I’m...not. I've just come to the realization that there's no hope for me" Someone needs to remind her the reality of the situation. It'll only hurt more if she has too much faith in the two little options that most likely won't work.“You’re not going to die, You still have two chances-“ I cut her off from her bullshit rant about not giving up. It's useless, she shouldn't even waste her breath. ”Two chances that are unlikely to work. Even if I were to somehow survive, I’ll be in a wheelchair with even more complications. It’ll get worse the older I get and it’s already pretty fucking bad right now” I argue and hop off the counter, throwing away the juice box in the trash. That's the real question, do I want to live out the rest of my life in and out of hospitals? In pain? Maybe this is gods way of having mercy on me. “I don’t think you realize how selfish you’re being! What about me? What about your friends?” Friends I haven’t seen since I was hospitalized. Lily is going to forget all about me when she goes away to medical school, she already barely visits. ”You don’t need me, you’re a twenty three year old who got into medical school. You have your college friends, a good future, and a boyfriend. You don’t need me and you never will when I’m gone” I snap at her, turning around so she can’t see the tears starting to form. All of a sudden when I'm dying is when I matter again. To her, to them. “How could you say something like that? I’ll always need you, mom needs you, everyone needs you” That’s the thing, they don’t. Mom has alcohol, Lily has her own life, and my friends don’t care enough to visit. ”I’m going to take a shower, dinner will be ready soon right?” “(Y/N) don’t change the subject...(Y/N)!” She calls out after me as I walk upstairs. Grabbing a pair of sweats and a T-shirt with clean underwear and a bra from my dresser, I trudge into the bathroom. After setting my things on the sink counter, I turn the water on the hottest setting and strip while it warms up. My reflection in the mirror looks back at me. I can see the black,purple, green, and yellow splotches over the middle of my arms from all the IV’s, blood tests, and other medical assessments. A long scarred line is noticeable on my chest from my heart surgery. My skin is paler than what’s considered healthy from anemia. I shake my head and step into the bathtub underneath the rain of burning water. I think...Lily might actually have a point. Maybe I am being selfish...she loves me and I can’t imagine the pain she’ll go through when.....oh god, I’m really dying. I clutch my chest and slide down the shower wall onto the floor, placing my face in my hands. It’s impossible to differentiate my tears and the droplets from the shower. I hiccup and sob into my arms. What’s going to happen? Will everyone forget about me when I’m six feet under ground? Do I even want to be buried? Cremated? It only makes me cry harder.I step out of the bathroom with my hair wrapped up in a towel. I’ve calmed down after the conclusion that I didn’t want to die. It isn't that I’m scared, it’s the fact I’ll never get to do what I really want to do. I don’t want Lily to be alone. I don’t want mom to kill herself by drinking even more than she already does because even after everything she’s done, I still love her. And I know if- when I die, her problem with liquor is going to get significantly worse. So, I’ve made a decision. To keep fighting till the end, like Lily told me to in the kitchen. Speaking of Lily....I owe her an apology. So, I dump my dirty clothes in the hamper in my room before running down the stairs. She looks like she’s finishing up supper in the kitchen. “Lily?” She turns around to face me with a frown.“What is it (Y/N)-“ I wrap my arms around her waist and squeeze tightly. Lily tenses up in surprise before returning my hug. We stay like that for a while until I pull away. She smiles at me and swipes the towel off of my head making my wet messy hair fall over my shoulders. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said those things...it was too harsh” I admit while she sits me down on a chair and dries my hair with the cloth. “It’s alright, I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I didn’t take it too personal” She pats my head and leaves the towel draped over me to go turn off the stove. I only said those things cause...well...I’m upset. My worst fear is being forgotten, and it seems like it’s going to happen one day. “You’re right...I was only thinking of myself. The surgery...when the time comes and If I can’t get a transplant...I’ll take it” At the hospital, I was given an option. I’ve already had a few heart surgeries before, but this one would be the most dangerous. Of course the ultimate goal is to get a heart transplant ,but that isn’t very likely to happen. The waiting list is way to big, I’ll never get a new one in time and I'm not sure I even qualify for one. So, the final option to save my life is a risky procedure that only has less than a fifty percent chance of working. At first, I thought that it was pointless, it only gave me less time, I’d die on the operating table instead of peacefully at home. “Really? I- wow I’m- beyond happy you haven’t lost hope but what’s with the sudden change?” She exclaims and gives me another bone crushing hug. I smile as she pulls back to look at my face. “You made me realize that I’m still alive. I’m not dead yet. I still have time, even if it’s only a year. And...I shouldn’t spend it moping around” Hell, if I’m going to die I’ll make the best of it. “That’s my girl” Lily looks like she’s about to cry again so I quickly change the subject. “Anyways, dinner ready?” I clear my throat. ”Oh right! Yeah it is” The rest of the night goes...weird. There’s this surreal feeling in the air. Even though we addressed the problem...it’s still hovering over us. Mom...still isn’t back from her party. The wedge between her and I now turning into a canyon. Lily and I watch old Disney movies from when we were smaller for the evening. Her phone rings in the middle of The Lion King and I pause the DVR.“Are you serious?! Fine. Whatever. Meet me in the front. Bye” She hangs up the phone with a frustrated growl. “What happened?” “Moms passed out drunk in Louis’s apartment” “Gonna go pick her up?” I mean, if I was Lily I wouldn’t but then again, she’s always been the nicer of the one of us. “Yes, because I’m afraid of the maniac roaming around town and I don’t want her walking home alone at 12 AM” That’s a fair point. No matter how angry I am at mom, I wouldn’t ever wish her to get hurt. “Have fun” She flips me off and I laugh. This wasn’t unusual for Lily to have to go grab mom. In fact it happens almost every week. I walk her out and make sure to lock the door behind her after telling her to be safe. Hopefully the cops don’t pull her over for breaking curfew. I run upstairs to hang out in my room until she comes home. When I step into it, I’m shocked by how freezing it is inside. “What the hell?” I mutter as I step inside and close the door behind me. The window that I was throwing my stuff out of earlier is cracked open. Didn’t I shut that? Oh, maybe not all the way, I wasn’t exactly mentally there. I shrug and hurry over to close then latch the lock on. Well now it’s too cold to stay up here, guess it’s the living room again. I bound back down the hall, failing to notice the black sticky substance on the wooden floor that leads to under my bed.
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“Six murders so far. Police have no leads and can’t seem to pinpoint where the killer is located. Everyone is strictly advised to stay indoors with your doors and windows locked. Please contact the local police department if you have any information on his whereabouts. This man is deemed extremely dangerous-“ I turn off the T.V and bite my lip, glancing at the front door of the house. They still aren’t back and Lily hasn’t called once. It’s nearing one in the morning. My grudge against mom only grows. If only she didn’t go out drinking, Lily would be safe at home. There’s nothing I can do about it now. Might as well take my meds and get to bed. Thud. Thud. Thud. “What the hell?” I whisper underneath my breath and freeze. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. There it is again! My head tilts upward to look at the ceiling. It’s coming from upstairs. Everything goes silent, I don’t dare move from my spot on the couch. My heart jumps out of my chest when the sound of muffled footsteps fill the quiet house. I get off of the sofa and hurry into the kitchen. The footsteps stop and then continue in a repeated manner. It was on and off. There’s no doubt in my mind that someone is in my home, and it wasn’t Lily or mom. I slip my phone out of my pocket and hit the emergency call icon, typing in 911. Weapon, that would be a smart thing to grab. Very quietly, I grip the handle of a butcher blade and slide it out of the knife holders slit while the phone dials. “911 what’s your emergency?” The footsteps upstairs stop again. I’m paranoid that whoever it is can hear me. Fear courses through my veins and cause me to shake. I'm not too keen on dying a gruesome and horrible death. If I'm going to die let it be natural. “There’s someone in my house. I’m home alone” I whisper. That’s when all hell broke loose. The footsteps become hard and rapid, I can hear them running down the stairs. How the hell could they have heard that? What the fuck? Not expecting the sudden attack, I squeal and grip the knife handle tight. My palms sweating from how nervous I am. “Ma’am-“ “(Your address), HURRY GODDAMNIT!” I drop the phone and am about to leave the kitchen until a large figure blocks my path. “Ma’am? Hello? Are you still there? Can you hear me?" Neither of us move. I don't speak, too stunned by his appearance to utter out a single word. The operator continues to try and prompt me to answer. There's another exit to the outside a few feet away from me. A glass sliding door that's locked. If I can't get it open before he catches me, I'm dead. I pick up a salt shaker off the counter. The man cocks his head to the side, looking at me then the tiny object in my hand. My adrenaline kicks in as I chuck it straight at his mask. There's a loud clunk that indicates that I did hit him. I dash to the door, unlocking it and slamming it open. For a moment, I thought I was free as I take a leap onto the patio. I'm going to make it- or that's what I thought. A hand grabs onto the back of my shirt, causing me to fall back against his sturdy broad chest. He covers my mouth with his dirty blood soaked glov as I try to struggle. The knife in my hand is taken away, leaving me defenseless. A muffled scream rips from my throat as I'm dragged back into the house. He throws me down onto the cold tiles of the floor. The man shuts the door and locks it up before turning to face me. Oh fuck that isn't a good sign. My phone that was dropped on the ground is crushed. Bastard must've stepped on it on purpose. I glance into the dark eye holes of his mask and shiver. What a creepy accessory. That black stuff...what is that? There's a strange goo oozing from the sockets.. I crawl backwards at a frantic pace, he steps closer each time I move back to taunt me. The man pulls out something small but shiny from his hoodie pocket. What kind of fucked up irony is this? A scalpel."Well isn't that a bitch" I scramble to stand up. If I'm going to die, I'll give him a peice of my mind. I flinch at the rapid beating in my chest that causes a stab of pain to blossom down my ribcage. "Want to hear something funny?" He nods his head yes. Hah, what a comedian. "I was told, only about 12 hours ago, that I was dying by my doctor" A small laugh escapes my lips. Not a happy one of course. More like "I can't believe this shit is happening to me" kind of giggle. Maybe I'm losing my mind, I don't know. "One year, one year to live. And the universe can't even give me that" I mutter more to myself than him. It's been one hell of an emotional day. He looks at me, not moving an inch. His scalpel hovers in his fist. The man looks ready to strike at any second. So why did he stop? "Your heartbeat is very irregular" A deep voice rumbles out from under the mask. It's all raspy like he just woke up. I take in his appearance a bit more. All black clothing, blue mask, and brown hair that sticks out of the hood that covers his looks. None of his skin is showing. I give him a bewildered stare in response to his strange comment. "I...know? It's broken, my heart I mean" To show him, I lower down the collar of my loose T-shirt down my chest a little to show him part of the surgical scar left behind from my last operation. Not enough to expose cleavage though. "Why?" I'm a little thrown back by his curiosity. He lowers the blade down to his side. "Because...reasons. Why do you want to know? Aren't you going to kill me? Get on with it" Seriously, what's he waiting for? It's strange...I thought I'd be more scared when my time came. It's like I'm watching a movie of my own life happening before my eyes. "Eager are you? No, not yet" The male chuckles and looks me up then down. I glare at him and rub my arm, feeling exposed under his observation."Then why are you here if you aren't going to tear my organs out?" What's the point? The cops are on their way right now, he should hurry it up." Trust me, that was the orginal plan" He sighs and scratches the back of his head. "Tell me more about your illness" Way to be blunt about it. I furrow my brows, dumbfounded by his behavior. Why does he care? "If I do, will I get my organs taken like your other victims?" I think...he’s curious about me. What’ll happen after he gets bored? That's what I'm afraid of. Maybe if I keep him entertained, I'll be safe. "Most likely" At least he's honest. "Then No" I'm feeling a bit bolder now that the immediate danger is sort of gone. "I'll find out myself" He warns and begins to circle me. I swallow the lump in my throat and respond. "You can't do that if I'm dead" I point out. "You're a cheeky little one aren't you?" He hums and places his hand on the chin of the mask in thought. "Guess I am" A small sarcastic grin tugs at my lips. The more you look at him, the taller he gets. This guy must be 6'5 or something. I'll admit it's very intimidating. His British accent makes him sound almost soothing. "Alright, l have a proposal to solve this dilemma-'' The sound of police sirens become closer and closer, cutting him off. The red and blue lights shine outside my front window and illuminate the room. "Looks like your time is up" You’re screwed now buddy. This is where it ends for you. I wish they'd hurry up though, I could've been dead already. "Trust me love, I'll kill every single cop out there, then your family, friends, and make you watch if you don't provide a hiding place for me" In a swift motion his blade is on my neck before I can do anything. It digs into my skin hard enough to form a thin white line, cutting through the first layer. I go pale at his threat. The need to protect Lily makes me abandon my morals. Damnit! I’m going to hell for this. "Go to my room. Hide underneath my bed, they won't find you there. I'll tell them you ran off into the woods" I explain quickly. He nods and sprints to the staircase, bounding up it loudly. With a sigh of relief from not getting my throat slit, I do a quick sweep around the lower level to make sure everything seems semi normal. I open the back sliding door in the kitchen for my plan. There's frantic knocking in the front of the first floor. "Police open up!" A gruff familiar voice yells. It's Uncle Leo. "Officers help!" I scream and lay down on the kitchen floor. The front door is hit once, twice, and on the third one it's kicked open. "Kiddo! Are you in there?" Uncle Leo panics, voice nearly to the volume of shouting. "He went out the back and jumped the fence!" I put on my best act and clutch my chest like I’m in agony. Past the backyard, there's a forest. They'll be sent on a wild goose chase for hours. "Units 1-4-7 go in pursuit of the suspect who is on foot, go around back!" Uncle Leo speaks into his police radio and runs over to me, crouching down to aid my trauma induced self. The rest of the cops run out into the yard. "It's alright I got you, are you alright?? Anything injured?" He cups my face in his hands. Guilt eats away at me, but I remind myself that this was to keep him and the rest of my family alive. Because I don’t doubt for a second that the killer was joking. He's many things, but maybe a Liar isn't one of them."M-my heart, I need my meds. Too much for it to handle" I pretend to gasp out in pain. It wasn't all an act, my heart is acting up a lot from the excitement of the situation. "Shit- alright common" He helps me by wrapping my arm around his neck, hoisting me up. I fake a couple of stumbles and lean my body weight on him. "Do you need the medics to take a look at you?" He asks as we walk down the hall and enter my room. "No no, just...get me my pills please. The Antihypertensive" He brings me to my bed and has me sit down on it. The mattress feel slightly sturdier, I'm probably smooshing the strange man, but he deserves it so who cares. "Kiddo what happened? You nearly scared me to death" Uncle Leo rummages through my cabinet and pulls out the prescription bottle, handing it to me. "I'll tell you in a second, can you grab me a glass of water?" I ask while causing my hand to shake as I take out a capsule. "Yeah sure thing" He leaves the room and I don't speak until his footsteps disappear. "It'll be safe to come out soon, stay quiet and still" I tell the lump underneath me. "Did you have to sit right on top?" A muffled response comes from beyond the matress. "Well yes if I want to make this suspicious" Uncle Leo bounds back up to my room and walks in with a cup. "Thank you" "No problem. Now explain to me what in the hell happened" He continues standing, thank god because I don’t think the killrr would be happy with another 200 lbs of weight crushing him. "I left my window open earlier, forgot to close it, a man snuck in but I was able to scare him off when I called the cops. The scare was too much for me and I started getting painful palpitations. He ran out the back five minutes before you arrived" I rant to him a bullshit story. "Damn it, that fucker escaped again. Do you think you can fill out a report?" He questions in a quiet tone. "Do...I have to now? I still need to take my night meds, I'm very tired" I give him an exhausted look. Which wasn’t exactly fake, this whole day has sucked the life out of me-no pun intended. "I guess we can wait until tommorow. Where's my sister and Lily?" Oh boy, Uncle Leo wasn’t going to like this."Mom is off drunk somewhere and Lily had to go get her. They haven't called..." His face turns beet red with clear rage. He’s angry at my mom. But, Uncle Leo doesn’t say it out loud to avoid the obvious. I’m actually extremely glad that they weren’t at home. This night could’ve had a different outcome if that were the case. "Do you want me to stay over?" He asks and crosses his arms. Would it be to suspicious to deny the offer? "Yeah...I’d feel safer, you can use the guest bedroom downstairs" I explain and stare down at the ground, fidgeting on my bed. "All right...I'll take care of everything. You get some sleep, no one will be able to lay a hand on you now that I'm here" He ruffles my hair and I swallow the lump in my throat. Uncle Leo doesn't know yet...I thought mom would've called him, but I guess...not. "Uncle Leo?" The thought of telling him and breaking his heart...I don't think I can do that. And so, I chicken out. "Yes?" "I...Love you. A lot" I really don't mean to tear up with a serial killer hiding under my bed. Although, when I think about having to admit my condition to thean whose raised me...it breaks my heart straight in half."I love you too kiddo. I'm glad nothing bad happened. I was so scared" He places a kiss on my forehead and I feel my guilt becoming more unbearable by each second that rolls by. I stand up from the bed and wrap my arms around his waist for a hug. Tears slip down my cheeks in an uncontrollable flow. Uncle Leo hugs back with a squeeze and pets my head. He only thinks I'm breaking down because I'm scared. "Don't worry, I'll be alright" I whisper and bury my face into his shirt, smelling his comforting aroma of old library books and gunpowder. That's the biggest lie I've ever told.I gaze out my window as the police cars and ambulance leave the driveway. Uncle Leo is somewhere downstairs, I'll make sure to keep an ear out for him. He left me to get ready for bed and to adjust with the terrifying event. "Come out. They're gone" The masked male crawls on the floor from underneath the bed frame and stands up, cracking his back. That must've been very uncomfortable being all squished at his size. "Well wasn't that touching?" His voice dripping in mirth."Shut up" I grit my teeth and glare at him, wiping the still present tears in my eyes. To my surprise the killer does what I say. He stares at me for a while, the tense ringing of silence filling my ears. "He doesn't know, does he?" The man asks in a condescending way. He's judging me, I can tell. "No" I croak out before clearing my throat. "The solution, let me figure out what you have. If I'm able to solve your case, I get to kill you. If I don't, congratulations, you'll live a full pathetic year" "But...why not just kill me now?" It would be so much easier for him. "Where's the fun in that? You interest me, consider yourself lucky. This is my first time playing a...game with my prey. It's exciting" I bite my tongue to keep from insulting him. Sadistic cold hearted freak. I shudder at his disgusting words. Toying with peoples lives just because you're bored? That's inhumane. "And if I don't want to play?" "Your organs are going to be splattered all over the room" How delightful. The main reason I'm going along with this is because I'd rather die peacefully, drugged up on pain meds, surrounded by family."Alright, but so that it’s fair...I only have to give you one clue a day. I'm not going to make it easy" I add in. If he wants a game I'll give him a fun one. " I do enjoy challenges of the mind, I accept"