Work Text
“Alex..?” “Alexander.” “ALEXANDER. You’re gonna be late if you don’t get up.” I jolted up in my bed in sheer panic as I looked around at the familiar surroundings of my room, my mother standing just inside the frame of my door. My mom shared a look with me before leaving the room and just barely closing the door, leaving a little crack of light through it to shine into my almost pitch black bedroom. How early was it? I thought to myself while checking my phone and seeing “5:36” pop up on the screen. I shut my eyes for a second, still sitting up in my bed. I put my hand above my chest, feeling my heart race as I did a little breathing exercise to try and stop the panic. I had a weird dream.. or a nightmare? It was always hard to figure out which was which nowadays. My mind always seemed to enjoy haunting me at night.. What if it had worked out? What if you hadn’t fucked up? I tried to push away the memories of the dream through some mental exercises my therapist had taught me a week ago at my last appointment, although I couldn’t completely shake the overwhelming feeling of dread. I finally stood up, my vision temporarily going black as I stretched. My whole body ached, my neck, my back, especially my thighs. This aching was pretty usual, I always hated it. I ate a tiny bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, feeling nauseous. I never really liked to eat anymore but it was just something I had to push myself through. I thought about pretending to be sick for a second before gathering up a few pieces of scrappy clothes to get dressed. I then did the rest of my routine: brushing my hair, going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, deodorant (very important). There was still some extra time once I was ready, so I went back into my room to sit around. The dream was still hovering in the back of my mind.. it happened months ago I shouldn’t be so caught up about this? Once it was time to go I gathered my things and grabbed a bottle of perfume. It was “girly” but something I somewhat enjoyed to put on. I hadn’t really looked through the bottles, picking the first one I noticed and sprayed. I felt the cold little droplets coming from the bottle of the perfume, then there was the scent. I knew that scent.. it was nice but it made me feel sick. This perfume had memories tied to it. Right then and there I wanted to hop in the shower and wash it all away. I felt sick to my stomach, but I knew I’d be late to the bus if I did so. Later, on the bus, I couldn’t get away from the smell. The scent was hovering over me, bringing me back to that night.