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It wasn’t until tonight that Nathan had a true appreciation for how much went into making a gig happen. Sure, Charles handled most of the heavy lifting - working with the organizers, getting everyone from point A to point B, wrangling Murderface when he tried to chase his every whim (a task that took the majority of Charles’s effort on some days and was certain to make his hair fall out early) - but even still, there was so much left to do that it felt like it would never all be complete.Magnus, for all his faults, had made it seem so effortless, and the first gig in his absence made Nathan feel something uncomfortable in the depths of his chest, a sadness with pressure built up underneath that had no outlet. It would have seemed sensible to everyone that Magnus would be dead to everyone when he plunged the knife into Nathan’s back, but even still Nathan longed for the chance to at least have closure, but the only closure he would have seemed to be the closure of his flesh that had been split open and stitched up by Pickles. The haste in the venue at least made sure Nathan had no time to think about the absence of his former guitarist and former friend as a different type of shadow was on his heels now, something slender and fearful, clinging a guitar to his chest like it was a floatation device keeping him above the surface of the water.For all the things Nathan had at least half expected to need to do in Magnus’s absence, this was one he hadn’t counted on - Toki’s incessant chasing behind him. No one had doubted for a minute that the kid was strange. Even when he walked into the warehouse to audition, every eyebrow had raised at the scrawny thing, blue eyes wide and knees shaking, as he stuttered an apology for being late and asked if he could audition.Looking all the part of a child maybe 14 years old, no one had expected the sounds that would erupt from his guitar beneath fingers calloused and shivering, skilled beyond their years, cleaner than they’d heard from any other musician that walked in with their chest puffed out, sure that they’d be next in line for Dethklok.Maybe it was just that that had made Toki stand out; humbleness far exceeding the raw talent that he carried in on shoulders hunched in an effort to make himself seem smaller. The first concern when Skwisgaar invited him to the band was whether he was even old enough to play, but when he admitted with uncertainty that he was 17, he was pretty sure, that was enough for Charles to heave a sigh and admit him into the ranks of the band. That had only been a couple of months ago, but it felt like ancient history now to all the band members who had finally grown accustomed to the strange presence that Toki was.Effervescent on most days, all smiles and unusual questions, Toki was a mess of nerves and could scarcely leave Nathan’s side as he hustled from one side of the venue to the other, desperately trying to find all the pieces that Magnus normally carried and slot them into place where they were meant to go. More than once he had stopped to look at something and felt a small thump against his back as Toki ran into him.More than half a dozen such collisions had occurred and Nathan finally heaved a sigh. “Uh, Toki…” He cleared his throat. Confrontation, despite what most people might think based on his stature and demeanor, was not his strong suit. “Maybe want to take a step or two back?”Toki did as requested and leapt back, feet pigeon toed as he clung to his guitar and creased his brow in worry. “Sorry, Nathan,” He muttered. “Amn’ts there anything I can do to help?” His voice cracked as he said anything and Nathan had to bite back a smile; the curse of growing up was a lot more amusing to look back on once one was well past it.“Just maybe don’t walk quite so close to me.” Nathan had learned in their short time together that Toki’s talent was undeniable, but so was his fragility. They’d learned little about him in the time he’d been with the band and questions asked of him were met with wide eyed silence, but when he had his guitar in his hands, he became another person entirely, someone not entirely unlike Skwisgaar. They had a few things in common, one being that they were frequently poor with words but could speak with music in a way that most could hardly imagine. Toki nodded curtly. “Sorrys.”“It’s fine.” Nathan dug in his mind trying to find something Toki could help with, but he’d managed to get everything set up even with Toki attached to his side. Finally given a few minutes to breathe, Nathan joined the other guys in the green room where Pickles was drinking clear liquid that Nathan was sure wasn’t water, Murderface was idly stabbing a pocketknife into the ratty couch on which he sat, and Skwisgaar reclined with eyes half closed as he played his guitar.No invitation was needed for Nathan to swipe Pickles’s drink from his hand and throw it back.“Dick,” Pickles mumbled as he produced a small bottle of whiskey that he sipped, wincing at the flavor. He began to extend the drink toward Toki and Nathan slapped his hand back down, glaring.Unbothered, Pickles shrugged. “So kid, you ready for your first show?”“Lot riding on thisch, Toki. Lotsch that could go wrong.” To accent wrong, Murderface stabbed the knife into the couch and Toki jumped. “Don’t tell the kid everything that could go wrong, like the stage lights falling or the audience going crazy or -“ Pickles slurred as Nathan flopped onto the couch next to him and elbowed him.“Shut up, man,” Nathan sighed. This was another thing Magnus was better at than he was, corralling the overflow of anxieties that seemed to bubble up from Pickles and Murderface right before each gig. Without meaning to, both of them had a tendency to look for the worst possible thing that could happen and, if the mood was right, turn it into a self fulfilling prophecy and make sure that exact worst case scenario came to fruition. “Not helpful.”The attempt to quiet them before they’d poisoned the air of the room was a failed one and Toki’s blue eyes had gone wide and his mouth had dropped open. “Ams going to really happens, maybe?” It seemed his grasp on the English language faltered as his nervousness increased and already the wavering in his voice alongside the dropped words and strange syntax didn’t bode well for his state of mind.“It’s going to be fine, Toki. Just take a deep breath.” Nathan was terrible at this and longed for Magnus’s confidence that bordered on mania at times like this. But he wouldn’t be there to help, not this time, and the terrified teenager before them was the one intended to fill shoes that couldn’t be filled. “If I messes up, what happens? If it ams wrong, then…” Already his thin chest began to to rise and fall too quickly and hyperventilation became a real possibility.“You ams fine under pressure.” Skwisgaar finally spoke up and stopped playing long enough to roll his shoulders, stretching them in preparation to shred. “You dones it before when you auditioned. You cans do it again.”Toki looked on the verge of tears. “I messed up then too,” he whispered.“Nej. You wouldn’t be heres if you’s messed up. Miss a note, plays another.” Words failed him at that point and Skwisgaar leaned back to resume his playing. “When you get onstage, focus on something,” Nathan added.“Likes what?” Toki sniffled but his breathing had calmed.“Uh, I don’t know. A chick with huge tits?” The second the words came out of his mouth, Nathan knew he had misspoken as Toki’s cheeks blushed fiercely red. “Or just…something! I don’t know, just focus on something and keep playing.”“And like Skwisgaar said, if you miss a note, keep playing.”Mercifully, the organizer popped their head in to tell them it was time to go onstage before Murderface could add any “helpful” advice. Skwisgaar was first out the door as always, followed by Pickles and Murderface. Though he’d steadied himself some, Toki’s shoulders still quivered.“You got this, Toki.” Nathan said as he nodded. “Let’s go.”Charles had promised the band bigger venues and bigger crowds, but tonight wasn’t quite it yet. Better than where they had started in the lowest dive bars, at least this venue could be called a place for music rather than just a watering hole with a tiny stage. The crowd that had been drawn in brought the place to what was undoubtedly above capacity and a sea of maybe 100 faces all fixed eyes on the band as they filed onstage. A few halfhearted “whoos” broke the quiet that had fallen over the crowd as Nathan took the stage, his presence bringing every voice near to silence. The lights flickering on overhead blinded Toki and he squinted against them, blinking a few times as a sudden wave of calm rushed over his body as he gazed into the lights, hardly hearing as Nathan walked to him and announced to the crowd, “This is our new rhythm guitarist, Toki. So shut the fuck up and listen.”The slam of drums behind him sent a terrific jolt through Toki and guided by forces he’d never been able to quite understand, his fingers pressed to the strings of his guitar and one swift downstroke was all it took for his hands to begin the dance they’d become so skilled at.Even though the venue was flooded with the stench of sour beer and cheap weed, it may as well have been heaven to Toki for each breath came easily and the music poured from him. Whenever he felt nervous, he would look back up into the stage lights and again feel calm before gritting his teeth and sinking into another punishing rhythm line, keeping in step almost with Skwisgaar, something that he’d grown to be quite proud of.Even the occasional stumble over the notes didn’t manage to trip him up and all the trepidation he had felt before walking onstage had melted away; this was where he was meant to be.Too soon the set was over and Toki’s fingers tingled with the desire to keep going. He was nowhere near bold enough but he wanted to shout “encore!” as he had heard concert attendees do, screaming their hunger to hear just one song. Pouring sweat, Nathan slammed the mic onto the stage and as it shattered, so did Toki’s hope that he could play one more song.“We’re Dethklok, and fuck you all.” Nathan flipped off the audience to raucous applause and left the stage with the rest of the band on his heels, Toki taking one last glance back to flash a grin, a gesture that was met with a wave of cheers that made Toki’s fingers and toes tingle. Alone together in the green room once again, the five stood in silence for a few seconds before Skwisgaar was first to speak. “That was… Good.” High praise, coming from him.Murderface wasn’t satisfied with that assessment. “It wasch GREAT!” He slammed his bass into the ground for emphasis and as the strings snapped, Toki held his own guitar closer lest Murderface get any ideas. Nathan grinned and playfully punched Pickles in the arm before turning to Toki. “You did good, kid.” He began to reach out to pat Toki on the shoulder but remembered that he seemed jumpy about touch and opted to give an awkward thumbs up before cringing that he had done that.Sitting down on the couch, Nathan gestured for Toki to sit as well. “You were staring at something out there, Toki. What was it?”“A chick with huge titsch?” Murderface asked and Toki shook his head fiercely.Uneasy with all the eyes on him, Toki hung his head and whispered an answer no one could make out.“Talk a little louder, it’s okay.” Everyone in the band was half deaf from playing and Toki would have to get used to speaking up eventually. “Ah… Engler.”All eyebrows cocked up. “What?” Nathan asked.“Engler.” Toki said a little more forcefully, perhaps a little desperately.“Angels,” Skwisgaar volunteered. The word in Swedish and Norwegian was close enough that he knew what Toki was saying.“Yes, angels!” Toki had spoken naught of his religious upbringing to the guys in the band and had no intention of beginning tonight, but they had asked and he had answered. “What’s that look like then?” Trying to spare his feelings, Pickles asked him to elaborate.“Like…” Toki held his hand up. “Spikes of sunshine!” He pointed his fingers up and drew the shape of a star in the air.“Shpikes of light…” Murderface seemed contemplative. “I think that’sch aschtigmatischm you’re describing.”Toki shrugged. “I knows what I saw.”“Have you ever been to an eye doctor?” Nathan asked, realizing suddenly how little he knew about the teenager on the couch next to him.“I gots a splinter in my eye once and the doctor took it out. Ams that what you means?”“Not quite…” Nathan sighed and decided this was a conversation best had another day. “Anyway. You did good, Toki.”Skwisgaar nodded and chimed in. “You did.”Beaming with pride, Toki couldn’t hold back a grin and decided to be bold just this once. “Cans we maybe plays an encore next time? You knows, likes when they chant one more songs, we plays one more song.”Everyone in the room save for Toki groaned; they knew well that Magnus had enacted a solemn “no encores” rule in the band, but with Magnus no longer in the picture, maybe that could change.Nathan shrugged. “Maybe. We’ll see next time. But you’re going to be playing a LOT of songs for the rest of your life. Maybe you won’t always want to play just one more.”The thought of being told he would be playing a lot more songs for the rest of his life filled Toki with joy and a certainty that the angel he had seen onstage had been real. It didn’t matter to him if anyone else could see it. What he was living now was all the proof he needed.