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The morning after is not what Kouyou expected, after such an intimate moment with his fellow bandmate and close friend, after having poured out his feelings, to his own standards at least. The morning after he found himself lying on the hard carpeted floor of his living room, no remnants of the warmth that held him so dearly and gently a mere hours ago, given the golden haze he seemed to be lost in, and it was probably some time past midday, his head was pounding and his neck and back ached, having fallen asleep thinking he’d wake up in the arms of a certain raven haired man, yet he was nowhere to be seen from where Kouyou still lied behind his couch. He redirected his eyes to his kitchen then, as he groggily got up and cracked a few bones in the process, yawning lazily, he scanned the area as carefully as his hungover, sleep riddled mind could, anyways. Everything was seemingly intact, clean and placed where he supposed he’d left it the day before, causing a small tinge of pain to swirl on his chest, mixed with the fear of Yuu perhaps leaving him without as much as a 'goodbye, see you later.' Kouyou wasn’t sure how to react, whether he should be scared or disappointed, angry or sad, resigned or curious, he wasn’t the type to jump to conclusions without digging a little bit first. So he decided to make a detour from the small kitchen in his apartment, to the equally small and narrow hallway right beside it — two doors decorating the place, one on each side; his bedroom and bathroom, respectively. The blond walked as slowly as the size of his flat allowed him, as if to make his pain both shorter and longer, if Yuu was behind any of those two doors or not, he figured either of those possibilities would be just as hard to deal with. Firstly, if he wasn’t, it would crush any hope, no matter how small, that things between them had changed after last night, for better or worse, but they had. If he was, then he would have to confront him now that he was completely sober and couldn’t rely on his intoxicated state to get himself out of the humiliation of Yuu telling him it was just a one time thing, a slip of the tongue, pun intended, hell, a slip of everything. A bad decision. An impulse driven by alcohol and stress, they’d recently signed their contract with a somewhat major label and the party they were a part of the night before had been in celebrations of it, so there was still a chance the raven only succumbed to Kouyou’s own eagerness in hopes of letting out some steam. Either of those possibilities were eating away at him and he hadn’t even been awake for longer than 10 minutes, yet it was as if time moved slower or maybe he made it slower on purpose, dragged out the embarrassment unnecessarily, like refusing to walk in his room at a normal speed would make things any different. And at some point of his unbearably long walk to his bedroom, just as he placed his hand on the knob and attempted to twist it, he heard ruffling coming from the other side; the sound of fabric being pulled and tugged carefully, but the walls were thin and Kouyou was so on edge the only thing he could hear was his breathing, uneven, uneasy, anxious and possibly even nauseous with distress and then the remainder of his hangover. And so he forced himself to grow a pair and open the door at last, inhaling deeply and looking everywhere but in front of him, only to be met by the sight of Yuu rummaging through one of his drawers as if he owned the place, not unlike him, and dressed in Kouyou’s sweatpants alone, dark hair wet and sticking to his nape and a little over his back, but not too much. The blond made a mental note of the growth of his hair, unruly only when they get to be this intimate, so far away from the usual mess of dressing rooms filled with boisterous laughter from the rest of their band mates, knowing the older one took great care of how his hair looked and in the short time they’ve known each other he doesn’t think he’s seen the raven’s hair look this long. ''Mornin’, hope you don’t mind me borrowing some of your clothes for the day,'' came in Yuu’s raspy voice to awaken the younger man from whatever daydream he was in, clearly not having noticed the black haired guitarist had already turned around at the clicking sound of the door opening, and revealing a pale Kouyou, visibly nervous, uncharacteristically so, with blond hair made a mess and smeared eye makeup highlighting his already present eye bags. ''Suit yourself,'' was the best Kouyou could muster up, with some weird tension surrounding the pair, he wasn’t sure if bringing up his concerns about last night was for the best, and he didn’t feel like saying anything if Yuu wouldn’t, either. ''Why’d you close the door? I thought you left.'' The slightly saddened tone in which he said those words didn’t go unnoticed for the older of the two, and it made Yuu flinch slightly, suddenly frozen in place after putting on one of the blond’s band t-shirts, noticeably unsure of what to say — the truth or a white lie, like he’d intended to do if things went south and Kouyou took back his words. ''Ah, didn’t wanna wake you up, ‘s all,'' he gave the taller one a slight smile, undeniably warm, it was impossible for Yuu to be anything but, in front of Kouyou. Yet he found the tension to still linger in the air between them for however long he stood in the doorframe, looking at the raven longingly, silently watching him try on his own clothes, definitely too long for him; but the image was heartwarming as it was gut wrenching. So much he wanted to say and ask, yet so much he kept to himself in order to not ruin whatever it is that they had at the moment. Getting drunk enough to nag your band mate, convincing him to kiss you and then humping against him in your living room while your other two band mates heard and walked in on you wasn’t exactly casual, so he wasn’t too sure on how to proceed, he’d never been in such a spot. He’d had one-night stands in the past, casual and short-lived flings with girls and the occasional bandman after a live show, yet it was always mindless, emotionless, no strings attached, just a means to an end. They wanted something out of Kouyou, just one thing, and so did he, out of them, it was almost transactional, he never felt guilty, never felt the weight he now had over his shoulders, over his back, pushing him forward and making him drag his face all over the floor in shame, in hopes for something more. Had he read this whole thing wrong? He remembers asking Yuu if he had been leading him on, getting no answer out of him, he remembers then asking him if it was just for show — and Yuu assuring him that it wasn’t, that he wanted him, too. But perhaps not as much as Kouyou wanted him, it seemed, not enough to break the silence and tell him he’s just as head over heels for the blond as said blond is for him. He felt like a coward, not as straightforward as he usually was, he was overthinking too much, this wasn’t like him at all, so he chose to let things be, to go wherever they were supposed to. And so Kouyou gave away any semblance of control he could ever have over the situation, not mentioning how Yuu had quietly left his place some time after their encounter in the blond’s bedroom, after bidding goodbye to the younger with some sorry excuse of having to fix some stuff for their next live show or something like that, he didn’t actually pay attention, preferred to not look him in the eye as he lied to him, as they lied to each other, more like. Never mentioning their little living room quarrel, either, not even when Takanori and Akira made sure to tease them about it the next time they met for a band rehearsal, only joking in return as to not raise suspicions from anyone else in the room. Even though he could always feel Yuu’s intense gaze on the back of his head whenever he did, and he could feel Akira’s doubt seeping through his jokes as well, having known the blond the longest, the bassist was the one person who could tell there was more to it than Kouyou let on, yet he didn’t pry too much, not for now, at least, and the blond guitarist was always glad he didn’t. Thankful that he didn’t have to explain this pathetic predicament to his best friend who seemed to be doing so well on his own with their vocalist — thinking the band or their management didn’t take notice of their blooming relationship, but it was undeniable, always had been. Kouyou was a bit jealous, or envious, if he thought about it deeply. Not negatively, but seeing the two of them giving each other loving looks, gentle hugs, caring whispers of sweet nothings, it made him wish he could have something like that. Made Kouyou feel he could’ve had it if he hadn’t been so eager, so pushy, to get Yuu in a rough spot when they were not in their right minds that he would just take it all back next morning and dip when he got the chance. It brought back the initial guilt he felt when he realized the raven haired guitarist wasn’t as playful and smitten with him as he’d always been, remaining professional and cautious more than distant — although it did feel utterly cold and far away to Kouyou. His envy soon turned into real, deep rooted, fleshed out jealousy, when the parties with other artists from their record label soon became much more frequent, hangouts at bars and izakayas after meetings or lives or recordings, Kouyou lost track of how many nights he’d been forced by the rest of the band to join them for some drinks with the newer guys at the label. And he soon found himself struggling to look away and quit eavesdropping on Yuu as it became a normal occurrence for him to openly flirt and hit on their juniors, the little monster he called jealousy and had long caged behind the back of his throat very often clawed back at him, tried to pry his skin open, tear his way out of Kouyou in a display of the rage that boiled up within him every time he had to sit down and take in the sight of his twin guitarist trying to get in someone else’s pants. It cemented his notion that their little night together a few months ago truly meant little to nothing, his nervousness and unwillingness to kiss Kouyou because he was drunk was just for show as was everything else they did together on stage. The amount of tormenting thoughts that plagued him every time he hung out with them had become unbearable to the point where he couldn’t conceal his discomfort any longer, and it resulted in Kouyou downing drink after drink, putting out a cigarette to light up yet another one in no time, prompting Akira to glance at him worriedly, then glance back at Yuu and the person he had been chatting up all night and the blond bassist connected the dots almost immediately. But just as he was about to get up and invite Kouyou to have a more private conversation a bit further back from the group, he was grabbed by the wrist by their short vocalist, who looked at both men and then solely at Kouyou before he whispered something to his own boyfriend, something along the lines of ‘you should stay out of it’ or so the younger guitarist thought he heard above the chatter and obnoxious music being played. He frowned, not knowing if Takanori’s interruption or Akira’s interrupted intervention annoyed him more. The blond settled with letting out a loud scoff instead of saying what he truly wanted to say, for a few seconds, that is, somewhere in the back of his mind he still preserved a sliver of rationality despite his increasing inebriation, and he refused to lash out on his friends who had nothing to do with the mess that kept growing and breathing down his and Yuu’s neck every day, the more they dragged it out. The less they talked about it. What is there to talk about? Perhaps Yuu also gave it the same amount of thought, perhaps he didn’t. No point in dwelling on one-night stands that weren’t actually one-night stands, though desecrating his dear living room and taking his clothes without returning them just yet didn’t feel fair to Kouyou. If only he could read Yuu’s mind, things would be easier. If only he could be honest.
But who?
Kouyou’s train of drunken thoughts came to a halt when he noticed the person in front of the raven haired man inched closer to him, soiled hands reaching for milky white skin, treacherous fingers held on to his jaw, while a pair of undeserving and unknown lips grazed Yuu’s own soft, plump, cherry looking ones, stealing a kiss or maybe two, maybe a few more than that. In front of their friends, their bands, their band mates, in front of Kouyou. He felt bile rise up to the back of his throat and it was suddenly incredibly difficult to not let nausea take over as he shuddered, visibly, and in an unpredictable surge of dark red anger, he abruptly got up from his seat, slamming his fists against the table as he did. Plates and glasses rattling with the force of his rage, startling everyone, chatter and laughter quickly dying out while many pairs of confused eyes stared at him and only then could he realize his reaction — his breath was uneasy, fast, faster than his chest could keep up with as it rose and fell. Hands clammy as they retreated from their spot on the wooden table, hanging shakily by his sides as he stared back with barely contained desperation, not even bothering with an explanation as he excused himself from his seat and hastily made his way out, hearing his friends call for him weakly, still confused, scared to ask him what’s gotten into him. Although they were more than aware, the only one who seemingly had the courage to say something was Akira — years of friendship backing up his concern and his own resentment towards Yuu, however small, for putting their lead guitarist in this situation, for having made him feel used, even if Kouyou never said that out loud, it would’ve been impossible not to notice with how withdrawn and quick to anger he had been acting the whole night, only getting to the worst of it, the very bottom of it, when the raven no longer tried to be discreet in his advances towards their junior, some other guitarist from some other band the bassist wasn’t interested in talking to, wary of his best friend’s eyes on whoever got too close to the poor guy. ''Get up and go talk to him, Shiroyama,'' said their bassist, crossing his arms, eyes locked on Yuu’s, trying to sound intimidating by using his last name, regardless of the huffed laugh he got from both Yutaka and Takanori behind him, making Akira turn his head to look at them with furrowed brows, instantly silencing their laughter with the sudden display of worry. The raven’s reaction was torn between shock and his own, somehow justifiable annoyance, giving Akira the same frown in return, raising a brow as if to dare him to get up and do something, just out of pride. Yuu himself was sweating cold beneath the many layers of his fit, wondering what could be going on inside Kouyou’s head, in his mind, what had he been feeling the past few months after the living room incident? Did he overthink the matter as much as Yuu did? He’d left Kouyou’s house quietly that day, when the blond was getting into his clothes after a shower, he unknowingly pushed all of his cowardice and awkwardness onto the blond he so badly longed for, yes. But Kouyou never called, never asked him why when they met again some days after, never brought up the subject, he remained as stoic and aloof as he’d always been, traits that never once bothered Yuu until then, and even then, he didn’t have it in him to be bothered, or angry, he felt he couldn’t. The blond’s distance easily became his own, he returned the treatment he felt he was getting, he returned the feelings he thought Kouyou harbored for him — contempt and resentment for having used each other just to never mention the fact again. But what did Yuu expect? They had only said they wanted each other, and the word want lost much of its meaning all the time that kept passing after it was said, it was something purely physical, a need to be met conveniently, perhaps. No other explanation to the ever growing bridge between him and Kouyou. Even though the shorter man was never able to downplay his feelings, very quickly spilling them out to the blond through actions and displays of affection that were once requited but lately weren’t there. And in light of such a rejection, however silent and unspoken, he chose to distract himself in the easiest way available to him; which was flirting and hitting on people who were technically, for all intents and purposes, his coworkers. In front of the object of his desire, no less, as if to add fuel to the fire that was Kouyou’s blooming jealousy, the older one was more than aware of it, because it showed in the other’s honey brown eyes, it showed in the way his eyebrows would twitch and his fingers would curl in on his palms forcibly, no matter how hard he tried to disguise it with alcohol and constant smoke breaks when they hung out with said coworkers. So, after a long and uncomfortable silence between everyone at the table, but more so, Yuu’s companion, he scoffed and got up from his own seat, inhaling and exhaling anxiously as he made the walk of shame from their secluded table to the front door. Just as anxiously he turned his eyes around the empty, yet well lit streets a few times, until he saw the blond sitting pitifully on a sidewalk not too far from the establishment where discord hit them not even ten minutes ago, head held in one hand as he held a cigarette between the other, shakily guiding it to his mouth and taking a long drag from it, letting the smoke out weakly a few seconds after. And if the raven squinted, he could’ve sworn he saw him sniffling, but he must’ve been seeing things. ''Kou?'' He called out for him, doing so for the first time in some time now, and it came out faintly, again feeling so scared of his reaction, scared he might get up and leave him there alone, like he felt back in the elevator. At first, no response, not even a glance was spared to him, just ragged breathing and the sound of cars driving by in front of them but then, when the blond did turn his eyes to look at him, they were slightly reddened, irritated, as if he’d been holding back tears. ''Came here to make fun of me or what?'' Was the first thing the younger asked, still looking at Yuu with so much disappointment behind those bloodshot eyes. ''Or are you gonna tell me I should’ve never gotten my hopes up with you? Whatever it is, spare me the speech and fuck off, Yuu.'' ''Fuck you, Kou, I just wanted to make sure it’s all good, jeez,'' Yuu had the gall to sound irritated, which only made the blond’s pent up anger rise up and curl itself on his chest, from the pit of his stomach, nauseating, uncomfortable. ''Oh, I’m sure it is, Yuu, I’m so fucking sure it is,'' his tone was a mixture of hurt and hostile, a concoction of all the things he wanted to say but never had the courage to, until now, until it took an unworthy stranger stealing a kiss from the raven right in his face, like Yuu belonged to them, as if Yuu was a prize to be claimed in front of the one who seemingly failed to attain him. ''What the fuck is your problem, Kouyou?'' The older man immediately spat out, so easily infuriated by his bandmate’s childish tantrums as of lately. But such a hostile response made Kouyou jump to his feet and ditch his cigarette almost instantly, tears long dried from his face for all that was left on it was still the crimson flush of his anger painting his cheeks, accentuating his eyes. And now that he stood in front of Yuu, towering over him with the couple of centimeters of height he had to his advantage, he scanned the raven’s face; his trembling lips, the nervousness of his gaze despite his own anger, and then the flickers of red from the street lights that revealed a bit of his own hurt, too. ''No. What is your problem?'' He breathed deeply before he began talking, knowing at this point it would’ve been impossible to contain all that was about to fall from his lips, letting his index finger point at the shorter one and then softly push him over the chest, as if to emphasize his words. ''Why did you kiss me that night, Yuu?'' The first thing Yuu did was look down at where his friend’s finger had pushed him back slightly, though it left a small sting on his skin beneath his shirt, but he quickly looked back up at him, in defiance, and in utter disbelief of such a question, replying with nothing more than defensiveness in his voice. ''Weren’t you the one who practically begged me to kiss you?'' Wrong answer. Yuu immediately thought when he saw Kouyou seething with rage now, so much so his words came trembling and with barely contained tears. ''I begged you?'' He inhaled, exhaled, one, two, a few times, and then continued on. ''You don’t get to say that to me when you were the one who said you wanted me, when you’ve always looked at me like I’m everything you’ve ever wanted. You don’t get to wash your hands off of using me and leaving me in the dark for months, Yuu.'' ''I left you in the dark? Did it ever occur to you I was also waiting for you, Kouyou? For a call, a goddamn text?'' It was Yuu’s turn to hold back his own tears now, all of his yearning accumulated until this one final moment, as if Takanori never warned him the time would come when they would both explode and it’d tear them apart, and it seemed he was right. ''And all I got in return was a cold shoulder, every damn time.'' The blond took a small step back at that, baffled almost, partially shocked to hear those words. Bold of Yuu to accuse him of giving him the cold shoulder, when not too long ago he was on the verge of making out with someone else, right in his face. As if he hadn’t done that several times before, poor Yuu, right? ''I guess you got tired of waiting and that’s why you went for the easy fucks, or am I wrong?'' The taller one wasn’t even looking at him anymore, far too tired of whatever this was by now, not understanding how the entire situation was suddenly his fault. ''I’m not the one who walked out and acted like we don’t even know each other anymore, think about that for a second.'' Yuu was at a loss for words, at a loss for what to do now, guilt hitting him like a train square in the face, unable to come up with a witty response, something to save face, to spare himself the degradation of admitting he’s the one who held the most responsibility for things having turned out this way between him and the guitarist in front of him. When did his feelings for Kouyou become something so fickle? So frail, so easy to betray when presented with the opportunity of drowning out his longing for him in someone else’s skin, someone else’s lips, betraying himself, too, every time he closed his eyes and forced himself to think those lips belonged to the blond, even if they didn’t quite fit like his, had never felt like his, either. At the cold realization that there was no answer from Yuu, all the taller one could do was nod with pursed lips, pain more present than ever in his gestures as he turned around and started to walk away — where? He didn’t know, his car, perhaps, although he had sobered up enough after the brief argument, he was still too tipsy and dizzy to drive, and maybe Yuu noticed this, because with a lot of embarrassment, he followed behind Kouyou’s sluggish steps, and noticing this the man himself scoffed loudly without even turning around, until he made it to his car and as soon as he went to open the driver’s door, it got slammed shut by Yuu’s hand abruptly. ''What do you think you’re doing now?'' Kouyou sighed, rage simmered down bit by bit until he was just left with the pooling sadness it left behind, and the immense disappointment that followed afterwards. ''You’re drunk, I’m not letting you drive like that,'' the older man mused, almost shyly, tentatively yet resolute to look after Kouyou, to somehow mend up his mistakes however slowly that would be, so, in a flurry of seconds, he made himself with the blond’s car keys inside his palm tightly, a sense of déjà vu hitting him — remembrance of the time he had to inspect him for the keys to his apartment only to end up lying on his living room and something more. Kouyou was a cute, whiny, clingy drunk, except this time he could only lash out in jealousy and anger, for the way Yuu had been acting so shamelessly got in his last nerve and felt like a stab to the chest every single time. ''Why do you care now,'' it wasn’t even a question, it was more of a complaint, the raven had understandably pissed him off, not only did he manage to play victim, he did it after kissing some random dude in front of Kouyou. ''First of all, I heard that,'' shit, was I thinking out loud? The taller one asked himself and quickly averted his eyes, too shy himself by having accused Yuu of playing the victim out loud. ''And I care, because I care about you.'' ''Is that why you were hooking up with the new guys behind my back?'' the younger guitarist mocked with more sadness than bite behind his words. ''What? No—'' ''Didn’t you? Weren’t you going to, if this,'' Kouyou gestured with his left hand between them both, referring to the ridiculous fighting that seemed to drag on and on. ''Hadn’t happened?'' ''Kou, would you please listen to me?'' Yuu had long given up on arguing with the feisty guitarist, now he had chosen to talk things out for good. ''Why should I? Just so you can lie to me again?'' He crossed his lithe arms across his chest, leaning back against his car, he wasn’t allowed to leave, but he would not allow Yuu to get inside, either. He had started to behave like a petulant child, trying to get his way, feeling he deserved to. ''I didn’t lie to you — when I said I wanted you,'' he breathed in, deeply, slowly, prepared himself for what came next. ''I didn’t hook up with anyone, and it’s fine, if you don’t believe me, I just want to apologize.'' Kouyou was almost petrified in his place, he had never expected such straightforwardness from Yuu and much less for him to say sorry, apologize, he’d known since they met just how hard apologies came to the raven, even if he was in the wrong, even when he had undeniably, unequivocally fucked up. And fucked up he had this time around, big time, it’s what the blond thought. Yet he couldn’t not forgive him, not when the warmth laced with each word, the softness in which those words came out of those lips he longed to kiss, had done so for a while since he last had the chance to, it all faced him and cornered him, left him with no escape, no way out. The only way out is through, he thought, holding himself from stealing a kiss from Yuu right then and there, knowing he wasn’t done with his apology, but the urge to show Yuu he was far more deserving of kissing him, lovingly and gently, so softly he could melt and be molded back into existence by his very own lips than any other stranger could ever possibly be, it was overpowering. ''You’re right, have been from the start. But you pushed me so hard into kissing you, telling you I wanted you… I just — I wanted you to come after me, to show me you meant it, too.'' Yuu exhaled, those last words merely a ghost of a whisper, though it felt like he’d taken a tremendous weight off his shoulders by just saying that. ''And when you didn’t, well, all I wanted was to feel something more, anything that took you off my mind.'' ''Well, aren’t you stupid,'' was all Kouyou could give him, making the raven shoot his eyes back up from where he had stared at the ground beneath them, his confidence from earlier overshadowed by the vulnerability he’d been showing the youngest in their more calm conversation now. ''You could’ve just said that, instead of going off to hook up with other people and making me feel like I was just there when you needed the release.'' ''You could’ve said something, too, doesn’t that make you stupid as well?'' ''I guess it does, a little,'' he muffled a sad laugh, not too certain of where they stood after opening up like this, or where the conversation would eventually lead. ''Yuu, listen… I lo-'' ''I love you,’'' the raven was faster than him and blurted out those three words, interrupted Kouyou in the right second, managing to say the one thing he’d been wanting to say for longer than he remembered then. ''Since when?'' Kouyou sounded a bit doubtful, but overall, he seemed amused - the raven was blushing all the way to his ears, and he was breathing agitatedly. ''Longer than you’d think. What, don’t you love me, too?'' there it was, his usual smugness, the playful arrogance that made the blond fall for him, in the first place, he had started to wonder where’d it go all these months of coldness and pretending. ''I was going to tell you that I love you,'' he mused, imitating the coyness Yuu displayed, blushing slightly, though it would have been easy to play it off as being drunk, again. ''But you interrupted me, so I couldn’t-'' Déjà vu hit the blond this time around, having been interrupted by plush, soft lips against his own more chapped ones, and it hadn’t been a sweet, coy kiss like the first one they’d ever shared; it was aggressive, kind of forceful, soon enough those lips had opened up just the tiniest bit, enough to let the teeth behind them graze lightly at Kouyou’s bottom lip, tugging right after and robbing the taller one of a sweet, quiet whimper, one that had Yuu grinning against his mouth, never breaking the kiss, however. One whimper had quickly turned into several more, bordering on soft mewls when the raven had gotten more rough in his kisses, leaving barely any room to breathe or for the younger to do anything other than melt in his hold and against his car still. Reluctantly, it had become Yuu’s turn to lavish the other man’s neck with kisses, starting from his temples, down his jawline until he was leaving open-mouthed kisses and short licks on the side of it, and over his Adam's apple, and he had allowed his right hand to slip down from the car window to Kouyou’s thin frame, hovering over his clothed waist and grabbing it harshly, quickly and successfully he had pinned the taller one against the cold steel of the door and the equally cold glass of the window, as well as his own body, not missing the hiss that escaped those plump lips of the blond at the faint friction between their lower halves, hardness now evident in their pants, causing a little bulb to light up in Yuu’s head. He retreated delicately from where he had the younger between his arms, using the man’s keys to open the doors to his own car, it was then when Yuu hastily grabbed Kouyou by the wrist and pushed him to the backseat; he giggled stupidly when he almost made the taller man hit the back of his head with the steel door frame, although the giggles soon died out, being replaced by hushed breaths and the rustling of the fabric of their clothes as they clung to each other and attempted to create any friction between their bodies in search of relieving the constrictive tightness that only seemed to grow more intense in their slacks, and when that ceased being enough for Yuu, he figured there was not much they could do in such a cramped space, unprepared and exposed, so he dragged himself back outside, as he left the door open and pulled Kouyou by the hips as to get his lower half outside as well. Kouyou was now left in a haze, confusion clouding his sight, and yet he had no time to ponder on why they suddenly stopped or why he was being dragged to sit on the edge of the backseat; soon enough, Yuu’s intentions had become as clear as day — the raven was on his knees over hard concrete, mouthing kisses all over the blond’s abdomen now that he had slipped up his shirt a bit higher up to reveal creamy, softly sun-kissed skin, while he had busied his left hand with crawling from one thigh to a belt buckle, wanting to tease but not having the time to do so, not wishing to risk getting caught by anybody who wandered around in the parking lot, even if it was mostly empty, he had suddenly remembered their friends were still inside the bar where they chose to hang out that night, yet the thought served no purpose in his mind, he did not relent in his touches nor his kisses, on the contrary, he seemed to put far more intent and aggressiveness into all of it. The taller guitarist had been reduced to a babbling mess in no time, as soon as his zipper came undone and his pants and underwear had been tugged down to his thighs, his own hardness now released of its confines and quickly embraced by the tight warmth of Yuu’s right hand, the same that was solely focused on delivering slow, yet firm strokes, from the base to the swollen tip, warm and reddened lips had followed not long after, accompanying each caress with a soft kiss and some nibbling along the length, and the raven reveled in the small moans that had started to fall off Kouyou’s sweet, sweet mouth, as well as the squirming of his thighs and the buckling of his hips, urging Yuu to go further, to quit teasing him. ''Stop teasing me- fuck, somebody’s gonna come here,'' shockingly enough, Kouyou still conserved some of his sanity and rationale to be able to form a full sentence despite the quivering of his whole body, despite how good the raven made him feel, so Yuu thought he was not doing his best, if the younger could still manage to talk coherently. Just like that, he had dropped and left behind any playfulness in his actions, he'd replaced it with the clear intent to leave the blond panting for air and in a few minutes, that where Kouyou had found himself; clinging to Yuu's black strands of hair painfully tight, as he pushed his face forward and lower, until he could feel the tip of his nose make contact with his groin, too out of himself to be truly shocked at the surprising dexterity with which the raven had been sucking him off for the past ten minutes or so, barely even gagging despite the tip of his band mate’s cock grazing the back of his throat while all he could do was shiver in place, moan around the girth in his mouth — heavy on his tongue and mind blowingly hot against it as well, those same vibrations sending the blond into another fit of whimpers and mewls, quiet whispers of please and don't stop . As if Yuu could ever do such a thing, he'd found himself in what felt like his rightful place, with his head squished between Kouyou's sinfully firm thighs, borderline choking on his cock, he couldn't bring himself to stop. In a rush of more weak whimpers and louder moans, Kouyou tried to warn the older one that he was close, just as weakly he had pushed his head off him, but to no avail, although he was no longer engulfing it to the hilt, he remained in his spot, lazily mouthing on it, bobbing his head in drawn out motions, while he had allowed his hand to hold the base once more, looking to finish the blond off now that his trembling form gave him away. Legs tensed up and jaw going slack with pleasure, Kouyou was seeing red now, not in anger, as he had done earlier — but something close to it, both arousal and love, and the thought caused him to erupt in laughter, silly and child-like giggles that were replaced by breathy moans again as he felt himself tipping over the edge with every passing second, and he'd given up on pushing Yuu away or even warning him, merely letting himself go as he let his release fill the shorter one's mouth and slide down his throat partially, some of it had made its way to the corners of his mouth, had tainted his chin and his plushy lips, too. The sight was nothing short of endearing, sickeningly so, obscenely endearing, yet Kouyou had no time to fully collect himself and lean down to kiss Yuu's soiled lips, because he heard chatter and laughter nearing his car and no matter how quickly he'd attempted to cover himself or pull his pants back up, Yuu remained in place; never mind the throbbing pain in his knees by that point, they both froze as they heard their vocalist’s voice behind them. Everyone sighed. ''Didn't I tell you to close the door next time? What the fuck is wrong with you two?'' Takanori almost gagged in disgust as he spoke, Akira and Yutaka breaking down in laughter beside him, but both the drummer and vocalist soon retreated the scene, leaving only the blond bassist standing there, much to the guitarists’ displeasure. ''Are you just gonna stand there? What are you, some sort of voyeur?'' Asked Kouyou in spite of his shame. ''Just wanted to make sure it's all good with the two of you now, but that much is obvious,'' he mocked, an annoying grin plastered all over his face. ''But please do take this to a more private place, I could've lived without seeing this.'' ''Then stop seeing it and go away, Akira,'' said Yuu, who had started to get up, haphazardly, considering the ache in his knees and calves, not without making sure the blond's lower regions were fully covered by his clothes again. ''Alright, man, I'm going, be sure to get him home safe, Shiroyama,'' the bassist warned, his tone uncharacteristically stern, still not fully trusting of the older guitarist, all things considered and Kouyou was dumbfounded by that, so out of the blue, yet it left him with a slight smile on his face as he nodded off goodbye to his best friend. And as soon as the other man was gone, he had quickly pulled Yuu up to his feet to plant a dizzying kiss on his lips, tasting himself on them for a second, he pulled away shortly after to dramatically collapse on the backseat again, he yawned, just as dramatically, and signalled Yuu to get on the driver's seat with clumsy hands. ''You heard the man, get me home safe, ‘m too sleepy to drive.'' ''Yours or mine?'' Yuu asked, full confidence and smugness back in his voice. ''Wherever you want, Yuu,'' answered the taller one, curling on himself as he heard the older one get in the car and start the engine, not even bothering to ask Kouyou to sit in the passenger seat next to him. ''I'm glad we've cleared up some stuff, but there's more we should talk about, you know?'' ''We will, Kou, after you get some sleep, that is.'' ''And you won't be awkward tomorrow again?'' There was a bit of fear beneath the layer of amusement in the blond's sudden question. ''I won't be, I promise.'' ''I trust you, then, is that a bad thing?'' ''Not sure that's good or bad, but you trusted me enough to tell me you love me,'' the black haired man teased, glancing at Kouyou through the rearview mirror, catching a glimpse of blush on his face. ''You said it first, I had to trust you,'' he gave the older man, sounding so certain in what he felt it tugged at Yuu's heart lovingly, filled him up with renewed hopes, as did the blond. The jealousy was still buried somewhere deep within Kouyou regardless of the new found knowledge that Yuu did in fact love him and wanted him all the same, yet it no longer are away at him and drove him to the edges of his patience and his rationality as it had been doing earlier in the evening. It slowly dissipated, the longer they drove home, the longer he could think about all the things he said, the things Yuu said, what they meant, how they weighed on him and nested themselves in the depths of his mind. Kouyou felt a bit silly for the rest of the drive back home, he'd spent the last months thinking too much, far too much, allowing bad thoughts to linger on his mind far longer than he should've allowed them to, than he would've ever allowed them to, had it been about anyone else, yet when it came to Yuu he felt lost, he could only hope the raven wouldn't give him up, not so soon, not yet. He could only hope Yuu wouldn't want to leave any time soon, and it seemed as if he had no intentions to do so. He's fine, the bad thoughts will fade out in no time, that much he knew.