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There have been a lot of strange developments in Eddie’s life as of late.He’d been left, one day, with a basketful of food for thought and a whole lot of time alone to chew on it. A simple premise - allow yourself what you’ve denied all along; a difficult task - recognize what you’ve been denied, recognize what you’ve never known.Allowing himself joy started off in tiny increments. Dancing alone in his underwear, stuffing his face with sweets, tuning in to that romcom that Adriana and Sophia used to watch when they were kids - while Eddie stuck out his tongue and scoffed at it - airing on TV one Sunday afternoon. It started small - simple pleasures sprinkled throughout his weeks, then his days, until it became habit. And then it was suddenly so obvious, glaring directly in his face, the things he’d been closing the blinds on all along; that stirring in his chest and in his stomach, these feelings that he’d conditioned himself to ignore. He stops ignoring it. He starts noticing it all the time.What he’s noticing is men. He notices their hands and their arms and their bodies, where their eyes land on his face when he talks to them. He notices attention he gets from men in a way he’s never ever noticed it from women; fluttering nerves in his belly and heat in his cheeks or just an otherwise obvious weight in his gut - a good weight. He feels it in a way that’s so impossible to ignore, Eddie wonders how he managed to do it for so long.So there’s the first strange development. Eddie comes out as gay.And for thirty-odd years he’s navigated life with flaccid passivity. Not joyless by any means, but noticeably and remarkably unfulfilled. He only participated up to base level, he wore his masks and his costumes and did his little song and dance and thought everybody lived such bland and toothless lives. But suddenly there was so much to bite into. Suddenly there was so much to take.He’s having the early-20s he never had; the early-20s that he spent treating bullet wounds and under fire; the early-20s he spent with a toddler and a wife waiting for him at home. Eddie’s social life is thriving, he’s going out all the time and he’s meeting all kinds of new people and he’s hooking up with strangers. He’s experimenting with all kinds of things: sex, drugs, life in general. Is it a little bit hedonistic? Sure. Is he having so much fun it’s bordering on self-destructive? Absolutely. But Eddie keeps finding himself with a grin on his face and stars in his eyes, wondering if the world has always been in such vivid technicolour, and tells himself he’ll get over this, at some point, when the celebration doesn’t feel so new.But perhaps the strangest development in Eddie’s recent life is Buck.It’s not so much that Buck is any different. It’s not so much that their relationship, in general, has changed whatsoever. It’s that Eddie has changed. It’s Eddie taking notice of it. He’s paying attention, now, to everything he’s brushed off before; the way their conversations hang heavy and overstuffed in the air, the way their eyes linger on each other, the way they operate in tandem like one inseparable unit. The way Buck wants him, so clearly wants him, and the way he wants Buck, too.They talk to each other in encrypted, loaded small-talk, they let their eyes rest on their mouths for moments too long. When they bump elbows or brush knuckles or drop a hand to each other’s knee they stick together as though they’ve been rolling in tar and let themselves touch for just a little while longer. Even if it’s just a beat. They bravely, unashamedly flirt with the flimsy line between friend and something else and it’s driving Eddie crazy that no matter how often he tilts his head back or bats his eyelashes or otherwise makes his interest known, Buck has yet to stake his claim.He goes out with Eddie, too, all the time. Sometimes he goes home with someone and other times he doesn’t. But he’s always there. He’s always around.And maybe that’s half the fun that Eddie’s having. Maybe that’s why this new life of his feels so exciting all the goddamn time, like he’s strapped in on a rollercoaster, like he’s constantly sucking down laughing gas. Because yeah, sure, it’s nice that Eddie’s getting attention from good looking men; he’s having a great time flirting back and actually wanting it, he’s even getting pretty good at it. He shoots coy smiles and loaded glances at strangers, laughs bashfully, touches their arm, lets them pick him up and take him home because he’s doing it all with an audience. He’s doing it all with the unmistakable sizzle of eyes glued to his skin, burning into him, searing through him. Eddie flirts and he makes a fucking show of it because he knows, nearby, Buck is somewhere watching.Tonight is different, though. Tonight, Buck hasn’t left his side.It’s all body heat and thumping bass, somewhere in the swarm of the dance floor and blinded by spinning lights. Eddie is all kinds of fucked up, however-many-shots deep into whatever Buck’s been ordering for them, a tiny hit of whatever that guy in the bathroom had offered. He had a cross tattoo on his wrist and he had smiled at Eddie with big white teeth and said to him, “good job, gorgeous,” and then Buck had wrapped a hand around his arm and dragged him back out on the dance floor, where he has an excuse to press so close to Eddie their skin may as well combine.All night, Buck has pulled Eddie away from the attention of others and into his own bubble. All night, he’s been breathing hot air down his neck as he speaks into his ear, holds him close by the waist, buys all his drinks, dances with him. It’s so exciting, painfully exciting, stirring around to mix with whatever substances course through him and putting bubbles in his chest.But here’s the thing: Eddie’s taken giant mouthfuls of life and chewed every last one of them up. He’s taken enough, he’s still taking enough - he doesn’t want to be the one to ask for it. All he can do is offer himself up, over and over, and hope that Buck will finally get the hint and dig his claws into what’s been his from the very start.Buck’s hand is hot on his hip. His finger dips into the gap between the fabric of his shirt and the waistline of his jeans, like a brand against his skin. The room is too hot and the music rattles Eddie’s bones and his entire body buzzes, alight in more ways than one. The lights behind Buck’s head blare down to rest so prettily in swathes across his shoulders and glow around him like a halo; he looks like fucking Hercules; his body is so warm; his mouth is so curly and it continues to curl, wider and brighter and meaner the longer Eddie stares.But Eddie can’t stop staring. He can’t stop thinking: Kiss me. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, fuck me, have me, love me, whatever you want with me, just take it, just make me.A wide palm splays across the small of Eddie’s back, pulls him in against Buck’s body, where he already is, where there isn’t any room. Buck ducks his head, his mouth brushing the shell of Eddie’s ear.He asks him, “should we get another drink?”Eddie groans, frustrated. He curls a fist in the fabric of Buck’s shirt. “I want-”“Oh, I know what you want,” Buck says. Eddie can feel his smile pressed to his hair. “I can see it all over your face.”Eddie groans again. Frustrated and embarrassed.Buck pulls back to beam down at him, a thousand stinging watts in Eddie’s tender blown-out pupils.“Eddie!”Both of their heads whip around to face the source of the voice and Eddie breaks into a grin. “Liam!”Even though Buck’s hand instinctively digs into Eddie’s tailbone, he manages to wriggle out of Buck’s hold to greet the familiar face. Eddie wonders if Buck remembers him; he met Liam about a month ago, on a night that looked a lot like this one, and Buck had watched from across the bar as the two of them slid out of their barstools and to the door. They’ve kept in touch ever since - a genuine friend that Eddie’s made over the course of this bizarre new life he’s found himself in.Liam says into his ear, “we were just heading back to our booth! You wanna come?”Eddie looks over his shoulder at Buck. He’s glaring so hard into Liam’s face he may as well be turning green before their very eyes.He spins back around to grin at Liam, ear-to-ear. “We’d love to!”As they weave their way through the crowd to the line of booths that encircle the dance floor, Liam cocks a pointed eyebrow at Eddie and flits his eyes to Buck who trails along behind them. He asks, out of the side of his mouth, “boyfriend?”“No,” Eddie says with a sigh. He looks over his shoulder again and Buck tilts his head at him, wide-eyed and puppy-like. Eddie gives him a grin.He turns back to Liam. “Ask me again tomorrow.”“I like your attitude.”There are already bodies in the booth when they arrive, so they all have to pile in and squeeze together in a way that can really bond a group of wasted thirty-year-olds. Eddie ends up squished between Liam at his right and Buck at his left - who sits at the end of the booth and probably would’ve been pushed out onto the floor by now if he didn’t have the body mass of a literal skyscraper - with a knee slung over Buck’s thigh. Some guy with long dark hair that pools over his shoulders pulls a vodka out of the bottle service tray that sits in the middle of the table and asks them, “drinks?”Buck’s hand falls onto Eddie’s leg and curls around the curve of it. He answers for both of them.Conversation picks up or carries on around them but Eddie doesn’t pay any attention. He accepts the drink that’s slid across the table to him with a blind hand that reaches but his eyes, his chest, his attention is all swiveled toward Buck. Buck, who sits with a hand tight above Eddie’s knee and a hand around his drink, held to his lips, watching Eddie over the rim of his cup. Flashing red and blue lights pass over Buck’s skin and cast shadows under the jut of his face bones, familiar, similar to the way Eddie’s seen him a hundred thousand times before. But it’s also so different. He needs Buck to kiss him so bad.He presses his upper body into Buck’s and says over the music, “you don’t have to worry about him, you know.”“Who?” Buck says, raising an eyebrow. Their faces hover so close together, their eyes track the movement of their lips. It’s surprisingly intimate, carrying conversation in a room so loud and full of others. He nods his head past Eddie’s shoulder. “Him?”“Mhm,” Eddie nods. Buck’s hand slides further up his leg, his arm awkwardly crushed between their bodies. Eddie shrugs, says, “he’s just a friend.” Buck is all low lashes and tracking eyes and Eddie preens under the attention, equal parts shy and spot lit.“Okay.” Buck narrows his eyes. “And you’re telling me not to worry about him because…?”“Because,” Eddie shrugs, reaching away from Buck’s warmth to pluck a maraschino cherry from the tray. He pops it in his mouth and pulls the stem free. Buck’s eyes stay fixed on his mouth the entire time, well after he’s chewed and swallowed. “I can see it all over your face.”The grin that splits Buck’s face in two is toothy and lopsided and a little bit predatory. “Nice.”“Thank you,” Eddie says. “I thought that was pretty clever.”Leaning an elbow on the table and propping his cheek up against his fist, Buck turns his entire upper body toward Eddie, an open invitation to crawl right up in behind his sternum and stay there. His hand slides up Eddie’s leg to snake around his lower back, like he can’t stand the idea of Eddie turning around to face the rest of the world with Buck right here in front of him. Pressed to him. He’s looking at Eddie with these dreamy eyes, his cheek squished up against his knuckles; Eddie is helpless but to shift just that much closer.“It’s uh, kind of a funny story actually,” Eddie says, because he’s addicted to the way Buck’s eyes hang heavy as they read the words on his lips. “I mean, sure, we made it all the way to bed but, uh, ha ha-” he shrugs, laughs, “then neither of us wanted to top. So, yeah, we- we laughed about it for probably too long.” Buck’s lazy, sweet smile spreads with amusement, his eyes gobbling up every inch of Eddie’s face. “Then we exchanged friendly blowjobs and called it a night.”“Friendly blowjobs,” Buck repeats, a befuddled furrow in his brow and dopey smile on his lips. “How drunk are you?”“Very.”“Same.” Buck’s teeth are shiny in the spinning, flashing lights. “Was that ket or coke in the bathroom?”Eddie looks up at the ceiling, does a headcount of all his senses. “Coke.”“Aaaand how’s that makin’ you feel?”He might be imagining it, but there’s pressure against his lumbar. It almost feels like Buck is trying to pull him into his lap. (He practically already is.)“Mm,” Eddie bites his lip as he thinks about it, just because he knows Buck’s looking. “Less drunk.”Buck nods, thoughtful. This time, his hand pulls Eddie in with purpose. Eddie’s stomach erupts with butterflies as he lets it happen, as Buck lifts his elbow off the table so his hand can land on Eddie’s thigh, as he settles in comfortably bridal-style across the seat of Buck’s lap. Their mouths are frighteningly close, intimately close. Eddie can smell Buck’s sweat and he can smell his cologne - woody, musky, Eddie wants to lick every inch of his skin - and he can smell the alcohol on his breath. His eyes are like burning headlights, shining through the dark and a breath away from impact.He brings a hand to Eddie’s jaw. Eddie’s heart catches in his throat.“You look good right here,” Buck says. He barely has to raise his voice, Eddie can feel the words rattling in his chest.“I feel good here.”Buck nods and their noses bump together. “I can tell.”“Ha,” Eddie breathes. Buck’s eyes are locked on his mouth. “Shut up.”This must be it, Eddie thinks, this is finally where it happens. Their faces fall into each other as if in slow motion, as if sinking through opaque and viscous molasses - until suddenly Buck is drawing back with observant eyes on Eddie’s face. Eddie blinks at him, affronted.“Sorry,” slinks out of the curve of Buck’s smile. His thumb trails back and forth, feather-light, across Eddie’s bottom lip. “Just wanted to see that look on your face again.”“Hmph.” Eddie slides a hand over the wall of Buck’s chest, up, up, until he’s curling a fist around the seam on his shoulder. “The one where I’m begging you to fucking kiss me already?” he asks, a little fed up at this point despite that giddy and thrilled stirring in his gut.The hand that rests on his jaw slips down to settle on the side of his neck. His thumb rests over the jut of his adam’s apple. “Yeah,” Buck breathes, droopy-eyed and distracted. And Eddie is suddenly, greedily tugged down onto Buck’s mouth, where he’s met with wet warmth and sweet-sour breath.There’s a chorus of cheers from around the table. Eddie forgot there were people nearby.“Oh,” he gasps into the gap between Buck’s teeth. He slides his hand from Buck’s shoulder to the back of his head, where he tangles his fingers into Buck’s curls and tries to pull him further into his face; like he’s trying to fit all of him in his mouth, like he’s trying to gulp down his soul. Arousal pools in Eddie’s gut and sits a heavy weight between his legs. The room spins, everything spins, but that could be a symptom of anything.Buck hooks a hand behind Eddie’s knee and pulls, the hand at his waist maneuvering him to sit properly straddled in Buck’s lap. His ass digs into the table behind him, but with his knees planted in the velvet beneath them he has all the leverage he needs to roll his hips into Buck and do his very best to dive right down his throat. His arms wrap tight around Buck’s neck, their chests press so close their ribs practically tangle together.He doesn’t hear it over the bass, but he feels the moans that rattle Buck’s bones. He feels them on his tongue, in his molars. Buck’s hands roam as much of Eddie as he can; he holds him close with strong, possessive arms, and shoves his tongue as far down his throat he can get, like he, too, is trying to get so close they’re one.Buck’s tongue swipes the arch of the backs of his teeth, pulls back with a shiny pink mouth to breathe, “you taste…” and dive right back in like that’s where the thought begins and ends. Eddie moans, tries to press even closer - he lets his kisses get sloppier and his body get looser. Here you go, Buck. Drool gathers in the corners of Eddie’s mouth, of Buck’s mouth, they have only one mouth at this point. Taste, taste, taste.A sigh bleeds out from Buck, deflates the firm, warm body under Eddie. He says, right into Eddie’s teeth, “want you.”“I know,” Eddie says. He kisses Buck sound and hard, pulls back with his jaw unhinged around laboured breath. “I know you do.”Buck groans. His head rolls back to rest atop the back of the booth and his fingers dig into the meat of Eddie’s ass.Eddie drops a kiss to Buck’s lips. “Been waiting for you. Been waiting for this.”“Eddie,” Buck admonishes, a fire beneath his heavy eyelashes.“’scuuuuuuse uuusss,” a voice to Eddie’s left sing-songs.The rest of the club reappears: swinging lights and thumping bass and about a hundred or so bodies. Eddie, wide-eyed and discombobulated, looks down at Buck beneath him, staring up at him with a mirrored expression. They laugh. They laugh and then press in tight together so that Liam and his friends can squeeze their way out of the booth.“We’re hitting the dance floor again,” Liam says, standing right outside the booth. He pulls a little vial out of his pocket. “Poppers?”“Oooh, fun!” Eddie beams.“Oh, god,” Buck says.Eddie starts to climb out of Buck’s lap but doesn’t get very far. Buck’s hands stay on his thighs, tight like a vise, and keep his feet from hitting the floor. It’s there, in Buck’s lap, that he takes a little whiff from the vial held under his nose. In a sudden, full-bodied rush, his body feels as though it’s dropping out from underneath him. Fuck yeah.“You gonna come dance?” he’s asked.What Eddie wants is to get Buck somewhere private enough for them to jump each other’s bones. But, yeah, dancing sounds fun, too.He manages to get out of Buck’s lap and Buck follows as he clambers out of the booth. Out of the fortress he created on the bedrock of Buck’s lap, everything else shifts into focus - faces Eddie can put to names around the table, their drinks sitting practically untouched and undrunk, flashing lasers glinting in the rising bubbles. But then the headrush from all of it - poppers, booze, Buck, whatever - catches up with him. His knees buckle, just a bit.Just enough for Buck to notice, to catch him by the upper arm. He peers down at Eddie and Eddie only stares back, thinking, take me, or take me, or- yeah, that’s all he’s thinking.Buck speaks very carefully, for someone as blasted as he is. “We’re gonna go get some air.”“Oh, I’m sure you are.”Buck’s hand is a searing hot bind around Eddie’s arm, his grip sturdy and unbreakable. Eddie’s senses fall away entirely, content to blindly follow along and let Buck do all the navigating, weaving, thinking for him. His mouth still buzzes like a bag of bees from the ferocity of Buck’s kisses. His tongue still tastes like Buck’s.“I’m okay, I promise,” Eddie says, struggling to keep up with the pace of Buck’s unfairly long legs. “S’ not the booze making my knees weak.”The door remains open to let patrons freely come and go, the damp smell of humid asphalt and light pollution seeping into the thick nightclub air. Buck peers down his shoulder at Eddie, just as they step through the threshold into the night, the music collapses into only muffled bass, his smile is wicked and greedy and all-knowing.“I know, baby,” he says, so sweet it’s sour, so sweet it’s mean. “I know it ain’t the booze.”Eddie’s not one-hundred-percent sure why they’re out here - stumbling out on the premise of getting some air but looking at each other like they’re on the hunt for some place private. He’s still spinny and sloshy and loose from the poppers, in that way that has his jaw tingling and saliva pooling in the pockets of his mouth; in the way that has him looking at the lines of Buck’s body, his muscles straining against his shirt, his chest, his stupid long legs, his everything that Eddie’s desperate to climb on top of and clamp the suction of his mouth all over.In a few minutes this will whittle down to lax and useless limbs. In a few minutes he’ll just be droopy and dopey and malleable. He needs to get Buck alone while he still has enough energy in him to climb.And thank god, Buck wastes no time. He drags Eddie by the arm around the corner and down a narrow alley, further, deeper, until it’s so dark back here Eddie can’t see anything. Buck slams him into the wall and seals their mouths together.Yes, yes, yes, yes, Eddie’s belly is full of wings, full of bubbles, full of want. Desire courses through him violently, mind-numbingly, as though it’s an entirely separate being that crawled under Eddie’s skin to tug at all his strings. He groans into Buck’s devouring mouth, his arms wrap around Buck’s sturdy shoulders; they kiss and kiss like they’re feasting on each other’s breath, each other’s spit, each other’s voices, all hot hands that wander and cool brick at Eddie’s back.Eddie climbs, as best he can. He brings a knee up and tries to get some leverage but his foot slides back to the ground. Buck laughs, a shake of breath between his teeth, and digs his hand into Eddie’s thigh.“Here,” he says, lifting Eddie’s knee to his hip and hoisting him against the wall. “Here, I got you.”“UUUNNGGHHGHH,” Eddie’s so turned on he’s gonna pass out. His dick is so fucking hard in his jeans.Pressed to the wall with his legs a belt around Buck’s hips, he wonders if Buck can feel it against his belly. He rolls his hips up, moans onto Buck’s tongue - the hard lump in his jeans grinds against the squishy muscle over Buck’s stomach and sends lightning up his spine. Buck must feel it too, because the sound that crawls out from the cavern of his chest and into Eddie’s mouth can only be described as animal.With great determination, Eddie peels their mouths apart with a sticky wet sound, a string of spit that stretches between them and snaps in two. It’s dark back here, barely illuminated by the lights at the juncture between alley and street. The light stretches across the damp pavement, reaches for them, but stops just a few feet short. Buck’s eyes may as well be beacons.“Fuck me,” Eddie says through heaving breath. Buck stares at him with gulping, blown-out eyes and sweat seeping through the collar of his shirt. Eddie shakes his head, delirious. “Please, please, Buck, I need you so bad, I-” he dives in, drags his tongue all over Buck’s teeth, “I feel- Buck, please, anything, anything.”Buck lets go of one of Eddie’s thighs so he can grip his jaw in the cup of his palm. He pulls back, furrowed brows and stare ablaze. Eddie tries to lean in for more kisses but Buck shoves his head back into the wall perhaps a little too tough.He says, “holy shit, Eddie,” on a breath, like he can’t believe what he’s seeing.Slowly, Eddie’s legs fall from Buck’s hips until his feet hit the ground. His back drags against the brick hard enough to sting.Here, like this, lower than Buck, he can peer up at him with wide, pleading eyes, his jaw still clamped in the vise of Buck’s grip. He tries to beg him, in silence, for whatever he has to offer.“Fuck,” Buck breathes. The awe in his features bleeds into devilry, an amused and predatory grin on his lips. “God, you want it so bad you’re gagging on it.”Eddie nods. He is. He’s so chock-full of want he’s choking on it, high in the back of his throat and aching to burst out of him.The entire world spins on its axis, whipping by so fast Eddie’s eyes struggle to follow. His cheek, his chest, are suddenly pressed into brick, a warm and towering Buck at his back. He can hear the bass, through the wall, in the wall, rumbling against his ear like he’s got his face pressed to a beating chest.Buck’s mouth brushes the shell of his ear. “You want it, baby?”“Yeah.”“How bad? I wanna hear it.”“Nnnnnghh-” Eddie can’t answer, his knees threatening to give out beneath him. He stays standing by virtue of the wall-and-Buck sandwich he’s squished in alone.The alley talks back to them. Their breaths and voices, the scuffle of their feet on pavement, bounce back against the walls and corners and ridges and sing back in their ears. Eddie wonders if there are windows nearby. Eddie wonders if there are people nearby.Buck snakes a hand between Eddie’s stomach and the wall, slides it up over the planes of his body, slowly, deliberately, until it wraps around Eddie’s throat. He huffs and shakes, his knees buckling between them. Buck’s other hand hooks into the back of Eddie’s jeans.A hot kiss behind Eddie’s ear. “Tell me.”“Ah- Buck,” Eddie breathes. Buck’s knuckles dig into the flesh of his ass, threatening - promising - to push his jeans down and out of the way. A shiver starts at Eddie’s ankles and wracks up all the way to his nape. “I- I- god, I want it, I want it. I want it so bad I’ll die without it. Buck.”“Mmmm,” Buck growls, and Eddie can hear his smile. It takes a lot of force, what with his belt still on and everything, to shove Eddie’s jeans down to tuck securely under the swell of his ass. His cock remains trapped in the prison behind his zipper. “I’ll give it to you. If you want it so bad I’ll give it to you.”Buck’s dry finger sneaks between his cheeks and Eddie’s moan catches in his throat on a gross, embarrassing choke. When he opens his mouth to speak, his tongue sticks to his teeth all tacky and thick.“Ha- like- like you’re not- dying to give it to me.”“Ungh,” Buck groans into Eddie’s skin, digging his teeth into the back of his neck. He breathes, all hot air, “yeah, fuck. I really am.”His hand departs from where it teases Eddie’s rim, his fingers materialize in front of Eddie’s face. They smell like sweat and musk and Eddie doesn’t even need to be told to open up. He just does.It tastes like he expected: salt and skin and redolence. Buck’s fingers prod at his mouth, rub against his teeth, press down hard on the back of his tongue so that he gags and tears up and conjures up all the more drool to spill over Buck’s knuckles. He misses them when they go.But then they’re back on him. Then they’re back in him, a single slippery finger breaching the lax muscle of his rim and sliding home with no resistance.“Fuuuuuuck, Eddie,” Buck moans. God, his chest is so big and warm on Eddie’s back, his breath so hot and damp as it fans across his face. “Oh, god, you took it so easy, baby, you’re fucking starving for it.”“Ah.” Eddie is seriously going to die. He genuinely fears that he is going to die.A second finger joins the first, then a third when there’s still not enough resistance. It’s like Buck’s dug a thumbnail into his skin and peeled back his shell; he’s all raw, exposed skin (and still fully clothed), fried nerve endings, tender and pink and vulnerable to puncture. Buck’s grip burns around his throat, his fingers push up inside his body and explore, tugging little gasps out of Eddie’s chest and numbing all his motor functions.“Are you this desperate for all of them?” he asks, suddenly, darkly. A sound leaps from Eddie’s mouth as Buck digs the pads of his fingers into the sensitive bunch of nerves inside him. The hand on his throat tightens, ever so slightly; Eddie wishes he’d squeeze harder. “Do you fall apart like this for them?”“Mmnh- ah.”The chest at his back heaves with hard breath, Buck’s voice a sinister hissing in his ear.“You’ve been wasting your time, baby, you should’ve come right to me,” he breathes, low, sending a shudder down the length of Eddie’s spine. “No one wants to see you like this more than me, gorgeous, no one deserves it more than me.”Eddie shakes his head as best he can, with a cheek squished to cool brick and Buck’s mouth on his ear.“All those fuckers I watched you go home with,” Buck says, low in his chest and frighteningly personal. “None of them could ever fuck you as good as me. ‘S good as I can.”There’s a wet spot on Eddie’s cheek, where tears spill over his lashes and smear against the wall. “Buck.”The fingers in Eddie’s ass continue to bully his prostate, staying right there and not once letting up. His dick hurts, aching hard and suffocating in his askew tight jeans, waves of painful pleasure soaring through him. Eddie can hear the squelching of Buck’s fingers. He can hear his breathy moans, the reverent pleas that slur off his tongue. He can hear it all echoed back to them off of asphalt and masonry, like it all floats up into the sky to rain back down over them. Buck’s hand around his throat tightens again, enough to send sparks to the corners of Eddie’s vision and yank a moan right out of his chest.“Ssshhhhh,” Buck soothes. His ministrations do not get any less punishing. “Shh, baby, you don’t want someone to catch you like this, do you?”“Hahh,” Eddie exhales. He thinks if he were to bow his head a bucketful of drool would come spilling out of his mouth. “N-no, it’s for you,” he slurs, squeezes past the grip around his throat. “It’s all for you, s’always been for you.”A steaming, shaky breath folds over Eddie’s flesh like a blanket. Buck’s teeth dig into the cartilage on his ear, chew down the side of his neck.He says, “I want you to come like this.”“AH!” Eddie hiccups loud and uninhibited as Buck’s fingers crook just right. Something horrible and vivid and a little bit viscous slithers up Eddie’s spine and curls up at his brain stem. “Oh, fuuuuuuck, right there, Buck. Fuck, fuck.”“SHHHH!”“I will, I swear, I’ll come, fu-” Buck’s hand slides up from his throat to clamp over his mouth. Eddie blinks stars out of his eyes and feels the moisture in his lashes. Muffled into Buck’s palm, he blabbers on, “I’ll come, just like this, I’ll come, it feels s’good, I feel so. Nnhhh.”“Jesus Christ,” spews between Buck’s teeth. “God, it fucking kills me.”Eddie can’t breathe. Buck’s hand is over his nose, too, and he probably doesn’t even notice. Eddie just lets his eyes roll back and presses into the wall and trusts Buck to keep him standing.“Kills me that others get to see you like this,” Buck adds.“Mmf- no,” Eddie shakes his head, kind of. He doesn’t have a lot of mobility right now, confined in the tight vise of Buck’s grip, his stature, his whole fucking body - a lot like his imprisoned cock, straining against the confines of his jeans.How does he explain it? How can he possibly find the words when he’s being so carefully plucked apart? That no one’s ever seen him like this, it’s never been this intense; he’s had his fun, he’s had his thrill, but it’s never shattered him to pieces quite like this. And what people have had, what he has given away has always been with closed eyes and thoughts of Buck. Images and ideas of him. He’d arch his back and put on a show and pretend that it was all for his viewing pleasure.He likes that idea; Buck always watching him, even when he isn’t around. A phantom camera that tracks his every move, learns all his secrets, witnesses his shame. His pleasure.Oh, god, Eddie’s got it so bad. He’s making himself sick with it.And he still can’t breathe. He hmphs into Buck’s palm and quivers head to toe.“No?” Buck’s mouth is hot on his neck, his hand graciously falling from Eddie’s mouth to cradle his jaw; he swallows down a giant gulp of air. “This is all for me?”“Mm- uh huh,” Eddie babbles, nods. His crotch feels hard and wet and achy, like a balloon that’s been overstuffed with air and ready to burst; his cock jumps in its confines and begs for release.Buck moans into his skin, rolls his fingers in circles over Eddie’s prostate. “That’s right gorgeous, just for me. Just for me and no one else. You’re my girl.”“Hhnnughhh.” Eddie wonders if he’s already dead.“Ha,” Buck breathes and rolls his hips up into Eddie’s back - his hard cock pressing through too many layers of clothing between them. Eddie moans, and this time Buck doesn’t bother to silence him. “Got the only cock you need right here.”There’s not a single entity or force or will in the world that could stop Eddie’s eyes from rolling back, stop the violent shake that wracks all the way through him. His head sits heavy in the cup of Buck’s palm, there’s a fist curled up tight at the base of his gut that threatens to splay open and set the hounds loose. He barely manages to mumble, “m’ coming,” and then he becomes really and truly a dead weight in Buck’s arms.He comes, untouched, in his underwear and in his jeans. Warmth seeps through the fabric of his crotch, blossoms in the center of his chest. He moans. He moans and moans and moans and Buck’s hand slaps back over his mouth just long enough to work him through it.“Oh my god, baby, that- yeah, that’s it,” spills out on Buck’s exhale. He works him through it, surprisingly gentle, stares at the side of Eddie’s face that’s visible from where he stands and watches it all bleed out of him. “Just like I wanted, did you do that for me?”Eddie grins, open mouthed and useless. “Yeah. Ha. For you.” He tries to think of the last orgasm he had - by way of another’s touch or his own - that wasn’t for Buck. He comes up unsurprisingly short.Buck pulls his fingers out and takes a minute step back. The moment his entire bodyweight isn’t pressed to Eddie’s back, Eddie collapses against the wall.“Oh!” Buck catches him with a hand beneath each arm. He wheezes a laugh, hoisting Eddie enough to spin him around and hold him up against the wall and get a good looks at his face. Eddie blinks back in slow motion, weak of limb but strong of will; his clumsy fingers fumble with Buck’s belt. Buck’s grin is sinister. “Determined little doll, aren’t you?”Eddie is so unbelievably come-drunk (and otherwise-drunk) and loopy and soft. He hums from the bottom of his lungs, unzips Buck’s fly. “Let go of me.”“No.” Buck shakes his head, but the pressure of his hold against the wall softens. “How ‘bout I let you down gently, huh?”Eddie nods and sinks down the wall until he falls to his knees, Buck’s hands under his shoulders the whole way. He settles onto his haunches, grinds his knees into the rough pavement, and tilts his head back to stare up at Buck - a looming, towering, gorgeous presence above him.He probably looks like he’s praying to him. He probably looks like he’s worshipping him. Buck cups Eddie’s jaw in one gentle hand and Eddie wonders if Buck would find it weird if he bent down and kissed his feet.Buck asks him, “you gonna suck my cock, baby?”His face is still cradled in Buck’s palm, likely hot to the touch and shockingly red. His thumb trails up over Eddie’s chin, presses into his bottom lip. Eddie opens his mouth to allow Buck’s thumb past his teeth.“Yeah,” he breathes. He pushes his tongue against Buck’s thumb and delights in the pressure he gives back.The thumb falls away, Buck’s hand sliding around to tangle in his hair. “Well?” he asks. “What are you waiting for?”Eddie hums, licks his lips, and lifts his hundred-tonne arms to hook his fingers in Buck’s open fly. He can barely consider his extremities part of his body at this point, his entire nervous system shot to shit and stuffed with cotton. His fingers don’t move the way he wants them to, his arms are so heavy they threaten to flop into his lap, and Buck stands there with one hand in Eddie’s hair and the other hanging at his side, watching him struggle with a smile. He manages, finally, to dig into Buck’s underwear and pull his cock free, the weight of it in his palm a little appalling.His mouth waters. His stomach churns. There is absolutely no way in hell Eddie’ll be able to fit all of that in his mouth, but he’s damn well willing to die trying.Buck’s hand joins Eddie’s around his shaft, squeezes himself from base to tip. Eddie’s hand drops into his lap. Pre-come pearls at the tip, catching ever so slightly the miniscule light, and Eddie thoughtlessly, automatically drops his mouth open.“Ha,” Buck laughs under his breath. He uses his grip on Eddie’s hair to pull his face in close; Eddie’s lashes flutter as a thrill rolls through him. “Look at you. Fuck.” He rocks his hips forward, barely breaching the circle of Eddie’s mouth with his cock - but enough to make Eddie groan wanton and shameless in frenzied anticipation. “You want me to do all the work, hm?”Oh, that sounds nice. Eddie opens his mouth that much wider, blinks up at Buck with watery dark eyes. He nods as much as he can with Buck’s knuckles tangled up in his hair.“Fuck. Okay.” The barrel of Buck’s chest fucking heaves and Eddie watches his ribs stretch against his shirt. He wants to curl up in there. He wants Buck to consume him. “Of course you do.”The salty flavour of pre and sweat burst on Eddie’s tongue as Buck finally pushes past his lips. He moans like he’s starving, his lashes fan over his cheeks. He tries, really hard, to keep his eyes open and trained on Buck, but the chaos of tonight is catching up to him and Buck’s dick is so unfairly huge, sheathing itself into his throat inch by inch. Can he be helped? Can it be avoided?It can. Buck tells him, “look at me,” and Eddie’s eyes fly back open instantly. The smile Buck gives him - proud and satisfied - falls over Eddie all warm and soft. He coos, “there’s my girl,” like he’s stuck his fist into Eddie’s back just to rip out his spine.He shakes. He’s a pile of bones on the ground at Buck’s feet, he’s a wide open mouth; Buck draws back, just a bit, and thrusts forward again. It hurts a little. Eddie’s cock stirs in his sticky jeans.A pace is set - shallow thrusts at first, little hiccups in Buck’s chest, alkaline in Eddie’s mouth. It builds and builds as Buck gets a feel for this, as Eddie gets a feel for this; every muscle in his body is made of plasticine and softened wax and he unhinges his jaw and melts in his seat. Sloppy, gummy, sounds are punched out of his throat by the width of Buck’s cock, sounds that have Eddie’s soupy brain sparking left and right with firing synapses.“Oh, fuck,” Buck breathes on his next thrust. “I’m not gonna last.”Awww. Eddie knows that’s probably for the better, knows his throat is going to be so fucking wrecked tomorrow, knows he isn’t gonna talk right for days. It still bums him out, just a little, that he can’t do this forever. He blinks at Buck, slowly and maybe kind of affectionately, and huffs all the air out of his lungs through his nose.Buck gets the hint. He leans a shoulder against the wall above Eddie, grabs his hair in both his hands. Eddie moans, one more time for good measure, and goes positively boneless. Buck moans in response, his face all twisted up in ecstatic perfection, staring down at Eddie as he fucks and fucks and fucks his mouth. There’s definitely drool dripping off of Eddie’s chin; there’s definitely tears streaming down each of his cheeks; his body is once again buzzing, as if he’s snorted and drank and whiffed his delirium all over again.His throat hurts. His neck hurts and his knees hurt. He feels fucking amazing.“Unh, Eddie,” rolls out of Buck’s agape mouth. His lips are so unbelievably pink, an open o around his heavy breath, a furrow in his brow. Eddie watches him with faucets for eyes, watches him grind his curls against the wall, waving his face back and forth as his release approaches. “You- ah, you want my come, baby?”Eddie’s affirmation is but a pathetic gargle. As if Buck even needs to ask.“Ha- ah, okay baby.” Buck is breathless and mostly blabbering at this point and Eddie’s tummy clenches with excitement. “Here- here you go. Unhh.”Eddie watches it hit him - a shiver in Buck’s wide shoulders, a contraction in his expression. Then he feels it hit him, like his cock somehow grows in his mouth, and then he tastes it, too, spilling out into the gauntlet of his throat. Eddie struggles to swallow around the obstruction in his trachea, but he manages by sheer will alone. And Buck watches him, the whole time, panting through his swollen mouth and rapturous eyes observing. Eddie drinks, swallows, takes as much as he can, stares back at Buck like he’s trying to ask him to keep going, dive all the way down, until he settles in Eddie’s stomach and they become one great big thing.There’s definitely not enough oxygen getting to Eddie’s brain right now.Buck’s cock slips from his mouth with a wet and awful sound. Eddie moans, swallows around a ring of air, his throat unable to constrict all the way. His tongue tastes salty and bitter, his mouth is tacky and sore. He couldn’t stand up right now to save his goddamn life.So Buck gets on his level; he falls to his knees and smothers Eddie’s face in kisses.“Oh, baby,” he coos, he sing-songs, he hums into Eddie’s damp cheek. His hands squeeze Eddie’s shoulders, slide up his neck to cup his cheeks in his hands and dig his knuckles gently into Eddie’s tender jaw. He presses a kiss to Eddie’s mouth, earnest and full-bodied and perfect. “Thank you.”“Hmm,” Eddie hums with a smile. He manages to get his arms around Buck’s shoulders and draws him back into another kiss. He doesn’t say anything more.It’s damp down here, on gritty, gravelly asphalt in a dark, dank alley. They’re still safe in the pocket of shadows back here, but at the mouth of the alley people walk by this way and that, voices chattering and laughing and bouncing around from wall to wall. A whole world exists, golden under amber streetlights, just beyond the tunnel of dark at Eddie’s back. The reality of the situation falls over them, settles like the year’s first frost, and they look at each other with wide, disbelieving eyes.Well. Eddie thinks about all the life he’s been chewing up and tearing with his teeth; he thinks about, well, everything he knows about Buck and thinks it’s maybe not all that surprising, that they’d find themselves here.Buck beams at him. He looks like a disaster and Eddie knows he must look worse. “I guess I should take you home now, huh?”He rises to full height and offers Eddie a hand. Eddie stares at the open palm before his face and thinks, out of all of life’s mouthfuls he’s tasted thus far, this one is by far his favourite.So, with a dopey, satiated smile, he slides his palm into Buck’s and allows himself to be lifted.