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“Urgh!”
Janice’s cry echoed throughout her family home. She stomped out of the bathroom in her pink slippers, padding along the hall towards the top of the stairs. “Mum, Dad! Another damn bee got in through the vent! This is ridiculous!” She cried.
Eventually her father came to the foot of the stairs holding a glass and a piece of paper. “Well all that silly shouting won’t make it leave, Janice. Just keep calm and open an window and it’ll find its way out!”
Janice scoffed and rolled her eyes, tightening her fluffy white dressing gown around herself. “That is so not true. They just fly around and then get annoyed at you for trying to help! I hate bees, wasps…Anything that buzzes! Just get rid of it!”
Her father sighed and went into the bathroom to remove the lost bee. At this point Jamie had woken up, blonde hair a mess and still in his boxers and grubby t-shirt. “Why are you yelling so much, keep it down will ya?” he grumbled.
“Another bee got in the bathroom. How can I have a shower when that thing is trying to sting me!” Janice tutted. “Dad’s getting rid of it, but I don’t see why we can’t just remove their stupid hive outside!”
“Like call a bee keeper?” Jamie yawned. “Mum’s tried, they’re only coming next week.”
“No, I think we should remove it. Like, knock it down and bury it so they’ll get lost!” Janice huffed, folding her arms again.
Jamie frowned and gave an anxious glance to the side. He’d faced the wrath of hornets and wasps, they seemed to have a keen eye for revenge if you upset them. His poor crotch could attest. “Maybe just let the experts handle the bees and skip showering today, sis.” he grumbled with a stretch.
Janice looked appalled however. “And be as gross and smelly as you? No thank you. In fact… Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen. We’ll deal with these damn bees together.”
Her brother gulped and opened his mouth to object. But Janice was already trotting back to her room with a smug smirk on her face. Jamie groaned quietly, he had a bad, bad feeling this plan may not go as his sister had planned.
Janice’s "brilliant" plan was simple: grab a stick, some matches, and a jar for stealing honey. Jamie had tried to reason with her in the kitchen, but his sister was already halfway out the door, confident she’d be ridding the garden of what she deemed irritants.
“Janice, this is stupid,” Jamie said, trailing behind her as they approached the backyard. The large oak tree where the bees had made their home loomed ahead. “You mess with the hive, they’re gonna mess with you. That’s how it works!”
“Just because you were stupid once and got your dick stung?” Janice scoffed, making Jamie blush and kick at the floor. “Besides, you deserved it for perving on that girl! This however, is teaching these little buggers to stop coming in our house!”
Jamie groaned but stayed back, watching as Janice jabbed the stick upward, prodding the hive. The bees buzzed louder, and a few flew out, circling furiously.
“Janice, I’m telling you—stop!” Jamie pleaded. “You’re pissing them off and they’ll sting you!”
“Oh,shut up, baby!,” Janice snapped, giving the hive a harder whack.
A single worker bee shot out of the hive, clearly irritated. It buzzed around Janice, who swatted at it dismissively.
“See? One bee. What are they gonna do—”
Before she could finish, the bee darted up her skirt.
“OW!” Janice shrieked, straightening up like a bolt of lightning had hit her. She nearly dropped the stick and swatted wildly at her skirt. “It stung me! It stung my butt!”
Jamie started backing away, his face pale. “I told you this was a bad idea.”
Janice’s frantic movements caused her to smack the hive one last time, harder than before. It wobbled ominously and then—
CRASH!
—it fell from the branch, landing right at her feet.
She froze.
The hive cracked open, and a swarm of furious bees erupted into the air, their collective buzz sounding like a chainsaw. Jamie was already sprinting for the house, wanting nothing to do with the giant problem his twin had just caused. He rattled the door, and realised it’d clicked shut from the inside, effectively locking him outside.
Janice came frantically running after him, taking her own turn to open the door to no avail. The angry swarm approached and made almost a pointing motion at Janice before zeroing in on her. Forcing her to run back to the garden, but as she did, a few bees found their way under the fabric of her skirt.
“GET OUT! GET OUT!” she howled, tugging at her skirt as more bees swarmed her legs and bottom, stinging her bottom and forcing her to jump mid run.
POINK!
“Eek!”
POINK!
“Stop it!!” She wailed.
“Uh- Shit!” Jamie whined, looking around for something to try and help his sister. It wasn’t like he should be helping, she had caused her own mess. But he knew she’d not be happy when the ordeal ended if he didn’t at least attempt to help. He went back for the jars on the floor, and when one bee was about to pincushion Janice’s bottom again, Jamie swiftly slammed the jar onto it, catching it with a grin. “Got ya! You leave my sister alone, bee!”
The small creature buzzed angrily in its glass prison. Jamie looked around for Janice, wondering if she had managed to escape the bees. He spotted her trying to scale the neighbours fence, as she got to the top and tried to wriggle herself over, the swarm had caught up to her.
As her bottom wriggled trying to get herself up and over, the swarm approached in an angry black mass. One half of the swarm split away and formed into a hand-like-shape. Delicately lifting up the girl’s skirt and presenting her bottom to the other half of the swarm.
“Get off me! Stupid bees!” Janice shrieked, trying to kick them away. But the bees had other ideas. The black cloud took the sharp of a pointed arrow, and before she could react, they began stinging her bottom through her white panties. Poking her bottom with the end of the bee-shaped point.
POINK!
“Aagh!”
POINK!
“Stop it! Not there!”
POINK!
“Oww! My butt!”
POINK!
“Jamie for goodness sake help me!” She screamed.
Meanwhile, Jamie, still holding the jar with the captured bee, watched the scene unfold with equal parts horror and amusement. “I told you this was a bad idea!” he yelled from a safe distance. “You made them mad and I’m not going to get my butt stung too!”
Finally, Janice managed to pull herself over the fence and tumble into the neighbor’s yard, swatting at her backside as the swarm regrouped on their side of the fence, buzzing menacingly.
Suddenly, the trapped bee’s furious buzzing attracted another from the swarm, which darted toward Jamie. Panicking, he turned to throw the jar away, but as he raised his arm, the bee veered straight for him and stung him square on the backside.
“OW!” Jamie yelped, clutching his shorts. The surprise sting caused him to lose control of the jar, which went flying through the air.
Time seemed to slow as the jar tumbled, the lid popping off mid-flight. Jamie’s face paled as the jar sailed downward…right into the waistband of his basketball shorts.
THWAP!
The jar landed snugly inside, its open mouth suctioning around his most tender area.
“No, no, no, no!” Jamie wailed, dancing in place as the bee inside the jar found itself an unexpected roommate. The insect rubbed its tiny legs together gleefully, as if plotting its next move.
Inside, the bee gave him one final parting gift—a sting in the worst possible place.
Jamie let out a high-pitched yelp, and the jar finally fell free, landing on the grass with a thud. He dropped to his knees, clutching his shorts and whimpering.
He could kill his sister. She ALWAYS got him in trouble.
As the chaos finally subsided, Janice climbed back over the fence (with considerable difficulty, given her stung and swollen backside) to join Jamie, who was still crouched on the lawn, whimpering. Both siblings limped into the house, trying to avoid their father’s watchful eye.
But they weren’t so lucky.
Their dad stood in the kitchen, arms crossed, raising an eyebrow as he watched the pair shuffle in. Janice was gingerly holding her skirt away from her stung bottom, while Jamie walked bow-legged, his hands hovering protectively over his shorts.
“What happened this time?” their father asked, though his tone already suggested he knew.
Janice and Jamie exchanged a look, neither wanting to explain.
“It was
her
idea,” Jamie finally muttered, gesturing weakly at his sister.
Janice gasped, wincing as the movement pulled at her sore spots. “You didn’t stop me!” she shot back.
Their father sighed deeply and shook his head, retrieving two ice packs from the freezer. “I told you not to mess with the bees, didn’t I?”
“But Dad—” Janice started, only to stop with a yelp as she sat down too quickly on one of the kitchen chairs.
“No buts,” he said firmly, handing her an ice pack. “Or, in your case, maybe a ‘butt.’”
Jamie snickered quietly, which earned him a glare from Janice.
“And you,” their father said, turning to Jamie with the other ice pack. “What exactly happened to
your
shorts?”
Jamie blushed furiously, clutching the ice pack and mumbling something unintelligible.
“Uh-huh,” their dad replied, clearly not convinced. “Next time, maybe listen when I say leave the bees alone. You’re lucky they didn’t do worse.”
Both twins slumped in their seats, carefully holding the ice packs to their stung areas, too embarrassed to argue further.
As their father walked away, shaking his head, Jamie leaned toward Janice and whispered, “This is all your fault.”
“Shut up, Jamie,” she hissed, glaring at him.