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The first time she sees him is in English class. He’s sitting in the back of the room, and she, of course, takes a seat in the front. No one would ever think she’d sit anywhere else. The teacher calls the roll for the first time, and that’s when Hermione learns his name. Potter, Harry. She has two other classes with him that year, and by the second week of school, they’re sitting together at lunch. His friend Ronnie won’t stop chewing with his mouth open, but her friend Daphne thinks he’s cute, so she puts up with it. It doesn’t hurt that Hermione happens to find Harry, and everything he does, to be the most charming thing she’s ever seen. It’s his almost perfect smile, with the one tooth that’s just out of place. It’s his eyes that crinkle when he laughs. It’s his hair that swoops down in his face that he pulls it back into a tiny ponytail for soccer practice. She’s never kissed anyone, but she wonders what it would be like to kiss Harry.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Her favorite part of the day is something she, Daphne, Ronnie, and Harry have dubbed “the great note exchange.” Hermione and Daphne have Spanish the period after Ronnie and Harry, and they pass each other in the hall, each of them swapping notes with each other. When she sits down in her seat, unfolding Harry’s note, she giggles as she reads his corny jokes and complaints about Sra. Fernandez. When she gets to the end, her breath catches in her throat. The last thing Harry wrote in the note simply reads:
homecoming with me?
-hp
Sra. Fernandez calls Hermione’s name twice before she realizes there’s a pop quiz.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Daphne convinces Hermione to go to a party at a junior’s house—someone named Oliver. He’s on the soccer team with Harry, but Hermione just sits on the couch and watches as everyone else dances. It’s New Year’s Eve, and Harry’s in Florida with his family. She wishes he was there. Daphne plops down on the couch next to her and hands her a red solo cup full of punch. It has a funny taste to it, but Hermione drinks it down and is pulled to her feet by Daphne, and her cousin, Millie. The three of them dance until right before midnight, when a boy Hermione recognizes from her Geometry class comes to stand next to her. He’s nice, and she thinks his name is Dean. He’s taller than she remembers him being. Someone starts counting down to midnight, and Dean is smiling at her. Hermione feels light. Happy. She misses Harry. Dean leans down like he’s going to kiss her but she turns her head, giving him her cheek. When she does, she sees Daphne kissing a girl she doesn’t recognize. She calls her mom to come pick her up.Hermione is grounded for two weeks.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s summer vacation, and Hermione is supposed to go spend two months in France with her Aunt Phoebe. She begs her mother to cancel the trip, but she won’t. The plane tickets are purchased and her mom insists she’ll have a good time. Hermione spends the next three days crying because she won’t even be able to text her friends. It will be like she doesn’t exist. All summer. Her friends will be here without her, making memories, having fun, and she’ll be stuck with her boring Aunt Phoebe. It’s the first time she tells her mother she hates her.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Outside her house, her friends are waiting for her with a banner that reads “Welcome Home, Hermione!” She cries, and she’s not sure if it’s from the jet lag, or the sheer fact that she missed them so much, or if she’s just so glad they didn’t forget her. Harry sweeps her into his arms and hugs her hard enough she thinks her ribs might crack. His fingers tangle in her messy hair and he whispers in her ear, “Hi, Mione.”
Mione. Mione. Mione.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They don’t have any classes together this year, so they write each other notes and pass them in the halls, just like last year. They do have lunch together, and so do Daphne and Ronnie. This year, Ronnie’s little sister Ginny has joined their table, too. Harry claims the seat next to the newcomer, and nods his head at anyone who dares sit in his seat to get up and move. He’s starting on the varsity team this year, which is a big deal for a sophomore.Hermione goes to every game, even though she hates soccer. Two weeks before homecoming, he asks her to go with him again. Of course, she says yes. He’s nominated for court. Hermione isn’t. Of course she isn’t.She’s too plain. Too quiet. Too Hermione. Harry is loud and kind. He is handsome and charming. She doesn’t know what Harry sees in her. They all meet at Daphne’s house for pictures, and Hermione feels pretty. Her mom helped her do her hair, and then Daphne and Millie helped her do her makeup. Her dress is a green halter top with a sweetheart shape that cuts just low enough that she can peek down and seek a hint of cleavage. She’s finally starting to get boobs. All the other girls started wearing bras so much earlier than her, but she’s finally starting to put that A-cup to use, and she hopes Harry notices.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

State playoffs are on a Saturday. Two hours away. Daphne convinces her parents to drive them to the game. They sit next to Harry’s parents, and they’re all wearing Lions spirit gear. Harry’s dad, Monty, is even wearing a full on lion head hat, and Hermione feels a little embarrassed to be sitting next to him. The game starts, and Harry’s in the center of the field. He looks up to see them, and she thinks she can see him give her a smile and a wave, but it might be for his parents. The Lions are up 2-1 at half-time. Daphne started dating Ronnie after homecoming, and he chanced his way onto the team when the goalie broke his wrist and they needed a backup. Daphne convinces Hermione to go down to the fence with her to wish them good luck when they come out of the locker room. Harry sees her and his face breaks into a smile so bright she feels her heart float away on a string. It’s cold enough that the blush in her cheeks can be attributed to the chill in the air. “Hey, Harry?” she calls out as they walk past. He turns to look at her again. “Score the next one for me.”He winks at her and gives her a salute. When Harry scores four minutes into the second half, he looks directly to where she and Daphne are standing on the fence line and salutes her.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Ronnie’s parents invite them all to come to the beach for spring break—Daphne, Harry, Millie, Hermione. There’s plenty of room at the Burrow on the Beach. Hermione’s parents don’t hesitate—she hasn’t broken any rules since she went to that party almost a year and a half ago. She’s on the honor roll. Debate team. Yearbook staff.

It is fair to say that Hermione Granger is the model daughter for her parents.

Daphne, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of that. If Hermione’s parents knew everything she was up to, there is no way they would’ve let her go on a trip with her, four hours away, with the

Weasleys

as their adults.

Nothing against the Weasleys, there are just too many kids to keep track of.

On their last day at the beach, Hermione gets so sunburned that every movement hurts.

Except when Harry slips his hand through hers on the car drive home.

That doesn’t hurt.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

He hands her a note in the hallway. It has a drawing with a jar full of fireflies on it. Underneath it, he wrote the words to one of her favorite songs, but changed them ever so slightly. 
You are the brightest firefly in my jar.
She traces her fingers over the words, wondering if he means them.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Her parents are getting a divorce. They sit her down and tell her like it’s somehow supposed to be a surprise. She isn’t surprised. She isn’t even sad. She’s fucking livid that they’re still making her go to France. She refuses to go. Instead, she packs a bag and rides her bike to Harry’s house, which is a four mile ride. It’s not far—it’s that there aren’t any sidewalks, and everyone in their town is a shitty driver. When she gets there, Monty opens the door and ushers her inside, seeing the tear stains on her cheeks. “He’s upstairs.” Hermione drops her bag at the foot of the stairs, rushes up, and opens Harry’s door. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, laying on his bed with a pair of headphones on. He rips the headphones out like he’s about to yell at his parents for intruding, but his face softens as it lands on her. She bursts into tears and he simply opens his arms to her. The next morning, she hears Effie on the phone with her parents, telling them that Hermione is at their house, she’s safe, and that she can stay as long as she wants. She hands the phone to Hermione then, and Hermione’s mom informs her that her trip to France has been cancelled, her mom is going in her place. She stays with the Potters all summer, but after the first night, they make her sleep in the guest room. It’s for the best, she thinks. She doesn’t need to know what Harry looks like when he first wakes up in the morning.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s the night before she has to go home, and she and Harry go for a drive. He’s just gotten his license. Monty lets him take his Ford Explorer, the brand new one. The one with the CD player, and he slips in a mix he made. The first song on the CD is one she loves. Yellowcard’s Only One.  Broken, this fragile thing now And I can’t, I can’t pick up the pieces And I’ve thrown my words all around But I can’t, I can’t give you a reason Hermione rolls the window down and lets the wind whip her curls around her face as Harry drives them out into the dark night. There’s a small inlet to the Rappahannock River, and Harry parks but doesn’t turn off the car. He leaves the lights on and turns the music up as he gets out, motioning for Hermione to follow. “Your dad will be pissed if you blow the speakers out.”“Come here,” he says, reaching for her hand. The opening lines of Howie Day’s Collide begin to play and he pulls her against him. This is it, she thinks. There, with the sound of the river on one side of them, and the soft glow of the car’s headlights and the song playing so softly she can’t hear it over her own heartbeat, Harry tilts her chin up to look at him. “Do you know how hard it’s been having you live next door to me all summer?”“Why?” she asks, but she knows. She knows because it’s been torture for her, too. Knowing he’s right there. “Because you’ve been so close, but so far away, and I kept thinking if I did what I wanted to, that it would ruin this. It would ruin us.”She squeezes his hand. “Nothing could ever ruin us, Harry.”And then he’s leaning down. Don’t stop here I’ve lost my place I’m close behindHis lips brush against hers so softly that at first she thinks she’s imagined it. But then his hands are holding her face so tenderly and they’re both just laughing, trying to figure it out together—the angles of their faces and where to put their hands. It’s new. It’s all new and it’s all so good. “No, nothing ever could,” he whispers before kissing her again

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She doesn’t have to ride the bus anymore. Harry comes and picks her up every day, even though it's slightly out of the way. It doesn’t matter, though. They bicker over what song to listen to, and they scrounge their change together to split a donut most mornings. In the car, with no one else around, he holds her hand. No matter what else happens during school, it’s her favorite part of the day.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They’re going to Homecoming together. Daphne is going with Ronnie. Ginny is going with a boy named Colin. They’re all

happy.

Harry’s parents even spring for a limousine. They take pictures at Daphne’s parent’s house and go to dinner at the Japanese restaurant where they cook it all in front of you, and Hermione is so happy she can’t stop smiling the whole night.

When Harry slips his hand in hers at the dance, she’s proud to be on his arm. He won Homecoming King, even beating out the senior, Cormac McClaggen. Cormac is on the football team and everyone knows he’s a prick. But everyone loves Harry.

He jumps on the stage, bending at the waist. Ms. Sprout grins as she places the crown on his head and then he’s searching for something in the crowd. He’s supposed to dance with the homecoming queen. Everyone knows that. It’s tradition. But the queen is Cormac’s date, a senior named Ali.

The DJ starts playing

Somewhere Only We Know

by Keane, and Harry bows low in front of her, his hand outstretched to Hermione.

They dance and laugh, and Harry pulls her closer. They’re spinning. Confetti falls from the rafters, and it is a moment she will never forget.

It’s one of the happiest moments of her life.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They didn’t date. It was never official. So when Harry tells her he thinks they are better off as friends, she doesn’t have a reason to be as upset as she is. But she feels like her heart has been ripped from her body. She moves lunch tables. She doesn’t go to soccer games. When Daphne starts planning their trip for Spring Break, Hermione tells her she can’t go.  She can’t imagine being around him but not being with him. She used to belong to something more than herself. Now she doesn’t know her place in the world unless it’s beside him. Her mom tells her she’s too young to know. She’s only sixteen. She’ll get over it. But she knows better. Her mom left her dad, so how much can she really know about love anyway?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s getting easier.

Daphne sits with her at lunch three days a week, and on the other two she sits with Harry and Ronnie.

Hermione sits with some kids from the yearbook staff—Theo, Drake, and Pansy. They’re different from her other friends, they have a darker sense of humor and parents who don’t seem to care what they do.

So when Theo invites Hermione over after school one afternoon, she says yes. Drake and Pansy are there too. Theo reaches into the pocket of his skinny jeans and pulls out a bag of weed, wiggling it in front of Hermione’s face.

“Wanna get high with us, Mi?”

Fuck it,

she thinks.

She lets Theo go first, showing her how to do it. And then she lets him hold the bowl to her lips as she inhales. Coughing, she pushes his hand away. Drake and Pansy laugh, but after a few minutes, she feels lighter.

And then she feels heavy.

She’s not sure she likes the feeling.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket but her hands aren’t working. Ignoring it, she drifts away on the high with her new friends.

A few hours later she checks her phone. It was Harry.

Can we talk?

Hermione, I miss you. I’ll come pick you up.

Please don’t ignore me.

Without thinking, she texts back immediately.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She has him back. It’s not like before.They don’t touch, and he doesn’t text her all the time, but she has him back. And that’s all she really cares about. When she asks Daphne about prom, Daphne gives her a sad look. Hermione should know better than to hope. But she can’t help herself. It’s their first prom, and she and Harry have gone to every dance together of their high school career. One Thursday night, she’s having a harder time than normal with her Chem homework. Harry has an A in Chem, but she’s scraping by with a C, which is unlike her. She texts him to ask if he’ll come over and help her. He responds he’ll be right over. Perks of living so close, she thinks. He doesn’t knock, just walks in. He’s wearing her favorite green sweatshirt—the one that makes his eyes pop, and a pair of practice shorts. She can see the thick ropes of muscles in his thighs. She tells herself to stop staring as he sits down next to her at the kitchen table. He reaches across her for her assignment, their fingers brushing briefly. She inhales sharply at the contact. Harry looks at her and time stops. There, in her mother’s kitchen, she thinks she might die of want. He clears his throat. “Show me where you’re getting hung up.”So she does. He spends the next forty-five minutes helping her with her homework. When she’s finished, she can barely hide the shake in her hands, so she stands and crosses the room to get some water. “Thank you, Har, I would’ve failed that assignment without you.” “You’re welcome, Mione.” And his voice is right behind her, tickling the shell of her ear. His hands come to rest on her shoulders, his thumbs digging in at just the right spot for her to melt under him. She rolls her neck, and then she feels his lips on her skin. Her hands grip the edge of the counter. “Harry,” she whispers before turning around and staring at him for a moment. It’s a question, and one he answers in an instant. His lips find hers. Nothing about it is sweet. It’s like the time they spent away from each other made them ravenous for each other. His hands slide up the back of her shirt, and she wants to feel him everywhere. “Hermione?” She hears her mother call from upstairs, and just like that, the spell is broken. Harry takes three steps back and apologizes to her before rushing out the front door

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She thought she’d been humiliated before.

Harry asks Ginny to go to prom with him. Ronnie’s little sister.

Hermione refuses to cry over him. So he apologized to her after kissing her senseless, so what?

She can make him eat his words.

“Hey, Seamus,” she calls out to him in the parking lot after school two weeks before prom. “Wait up!”

Seamus is on the soccer team with Harry. He’s the other wing, and everyone always talks about how hot he is. Hermione’s never really noticed, but then again, she’s always been too hung up on Harry.

“Are you going to prom with anyone?” She tries to make it sound casual, like she’s not desperately trying to pull off something that will make him jealous.

Seamus’s brown eyes rove over her as he hikes his backpack up on his shoulder. “No, little Granger, I’m not. Why, you trying to snag yourself a piece of this?” He spins, showing off his admittedly nice body.

She rolls her eyes, but can’t help the smile that spreads across her face. “So what if I am?”

He throws his arm around her. “You know, Potter told us you were off limits, but fuck, who am I to deny a beautiful woman? But hold on, okay? You wait there. I’ll be right back.”

Hermione takes a few steps back to allow the cars that have gathered pass by. Seamus pulls his truck up, opens the door, and shouts so loudly that anyone can hear. 
“HEY! HERMIONE GRANGER, WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?”

She blushes, peals of laughter ripping through her. He might not be Harry, but he’s something else entirely.

He reaches over and opens the passenger side door for her. “I can’t have my date asking me, my mother would fucking roast my nuts.” Hermione climbs in and allows him to park so they can talk. “Now, what color is your dress?”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Prom with Seamus is more fun than she could’ve imagined. When she tells Daphne she’s going with Seamus, Daphne wastes no time in changing their reservation and adding two to the number.

“He fucked up. He and his little sophomore date can watch you two all night.”

And that’s exactly what happens.

Seamus is attentive, kind, and generous. He pays for their dinner, and brings her a corsage that matches her purple dress perfectly. He dances with her all night, even to the fast songs. He

did

insist on driving separately because he wants to go to a party with the soccer team instead of the after party that everyone else in their group is going to, and Hermione agreed to go with him.

Hermione almost feels bad for Ginny. Harry has refused to dance with her most of the evening. Choosing instead, to hang out with his soccer buddies and drink from a secret flask.

The last song of the night comes on and her heart breaks a little when she hears the opening notes of Howie Day’s

Collide

start to play. She can’t dance with Seamus to this. She won’t.

She’s almost to her seat when a hand wraps around her wrist. Whirling around, she sees him.

They’re in the back of the auditorium, hardly anyone can see them. He leads her out into the dark hallway. “Dance with me?” he asks.

“Are you fucking kidding, Harry?”

She wants to push him away. Wants to hurt him like he’s hurt her. But she can’t. Harry could push her away twenty times, and she would come running back twenty one. If that makes her pathetic, she doesn’t care.

“Hermione,” his voice is soft, and she can smell the vodka on his breath.

“Why? Why her?”

He looks at her, and she’s afraid that he won’t give her an answer. Instead of fighting, instead of running, she takes a step closer to him and allows him to wrap his arms around her. They dance to the last few lines of the song.

“Because she’s not you.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Her parents buy her a car. She loves it. It’s a red Ford Explorer with a 5-disc cd player.

She’s spent the last year and a half bumming rides from friends, but now she can come and go as she pleases. The first place she goes is Harry’s.

When she pulls up, Monty opens the door and whistles.

“Girl, who gave you a license?”

She jumps out of the car and runs over to Monty.

“Hey, love. He’s not here right now.”

“I know, I wanted to come see you. You’re my favorite Potter man anyway.”

He grins and opens the door for her. “Don’t let Effie hear you flirting with me like that or else we’ll both be in trouble.”

Effie is in the kitchen and she squeals when she sees Hermione. “Oh! There’s our girl! Where have you been all summer?”

Monty nods his head in her direction. “This one just got wheels, baby. We’ll never be rid of her now.”

His wife playfully slaps at his belly. “Like we’d ever want to. Come in, come in, sweet girl. Are you hungry?”

Hermione shakes her head but quickly changes her mind when Effie pulls out a tray of chocolate chip peanut butter cookies. Monty raises an eyebrow in question and Effie loads a plate.

“How’s your summer been?” Monty asks.

“It’s been okay. I’m taking two SAT prep classes and volunteering at my mom’s job. You know, helping walk the dogs and stuff. I’m trying to convince her to get one.”

Effie tsks. “Your mother has enough on her plate, kiddo. Maybe once you go off to college next year. I can’t believe you kids are getting so close to leaving us.”

“We have a whole year before that happens,” Hermione replies.

“A year is nothing.” Monty takes Effie’s hand in his. “It’s hardly any time at all.”

The front door opens and she hears Harry’s voice bellow down the hall. “Who’s car is that outside?”

When he enters the kitchen, he’s not wearing a shirt. And Hermione has to shove half a cookie in her mouth to keep from being entirely inappropriate. Instead she smiles and waves.

Senior year is going to kill her.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She has three classes with him this year, and varsity soccer is one of her assignments for the yearbook. Things between them are different. They don’t write each other notes anymore—he saves that for his girlfriend, Ginny. Yeah, Ronnie’s little sister.Ronnie seems more unbothered by it than Hermione is. Seamus and the rest of the soccer team are on her side, they tell her. Dean, the boy who almost kissed her at the New Year’s party a few years ago, told her he always thought that she and Harry would get married right after high school, even though they weren't ever officially dating. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him she thought so too.She sits with Daphne and Millie during lunch, listening to them talk about colleges. Millie wants to go to cosmetology school. Daphne wants to go to George Mason. Hermione wants to go far away. As far away as she can. She thinks maybe New York would be nice. Boston. Somewhere cold. She’s always liked the snow.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Ginny stops sitting at the lunch table one day right before Christmas break. Hermione sees her run towards the girls bathroom looking like she’s on the edge of crying or fighting, and knowing the redhead, it could be either.

She overhears Daphne tell Millie that Harry broke things off with Ginny. It shouldn’t, but it makes her heart soar.

“What happened?”

“Dunno, he just said he wasn’t into her anymore.” Daphne gives her a knowing stare, and Hermione shrugs in her direction.

“I’m getting fries. Do you want anything?” Millie asks.

“I’m okay,” Hermione replies.

Harry slides into the seat next to her, nudging her shoulder with his. For the first time all year, she feels like maybe things will be back on track.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Valentine's Day. She hates it with a passion. And not just because she’s never had a boyfriend or anything on Valentine’s Day. But their school just started doing singing Valentines.

Her English class is interrupted no less than five times with the constant barrage of the Madrigals serenading girl after girl after girl.

It’s honestly embarrassing for them.

She goes to lunch and sits with the yearbook staff—Drake, Pansy and Theo. Seamus comes over and hands her a rose, kissing her on the cheek. Theo looks like a feral dog the way he’s staring the boy down, and Hermione plucks it from his hand before anyone else sees.

“What’s this?”

“A rose for something sweet, of course. Unless you prefer daisies or something else. I can go see what they have in the office. Swipe something from Principal McGonagall’s desk. You know she gets bombarded with bouquets.”

Drake mumbles something under his breath, and Hermione kicks him under the table. She takes the rose and gives Seamus a smile in return.

“What are you doing Friday night?”

“I don’t think I have plans.”

“You do now,” he replies, pushing off the table and heading back to where the rest of the soccer team sits. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

It’s her last class of the day. History. And she’s barely paying attention to Mr. Binns droning on about the American Revolution. Again. The class is supposed to be taking Modern History, but Mr. Binns seems to forget that.

She’s drifted into thinking about Friday night when the door bursts open and in walk the madrigals.

Great. Here we go again.

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take my eyes off of you

“Miss Granger, will you please stand up?”

You’d be like heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

She’s blushing, and she can’t believe Seamus did this. He just gave her a rose, he didn’t need to do this, too. She raises her arms and tries to cover her face, but she feels the eyes of her entire class on her.

At long long last love has arrived

And I thank God I’m alive

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take my eyes off of you.

The rest of the class bursts into applause as Vile, one of the boys in the group, walks over to hand her the card. When she reads it, her heart constricts.

It’s not from Seamus; it’s from Harry.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Effie,” Hermione says softly. They’re sitting in the backyard by a fire Monty built, just the two of them. “Do you think it’ll be us?”

Effie pulls the blanket tighter around her. It’s the kind of early spring night that fools you into thinking warmer weather is just around the corner, only to snatch it back in the blink of an eye. When the older woman meets Hermione’s gaze, she has her answer.

“You’re both so young, my sweet girl.”

“Didn’t you meet Monty when you were in high school?”

A smile spreads across Effie’s face as she nods. “We grew up across the street from each other. I knew I loved him the first time he kissed me. We were in fourth grade.”

Hermione wraps her arms around her legs. “Did you know Harry kissed me?”

Effie opens her arm to Hermione, letting the young girl rest her head on her shoulder.

“You think that boy has ever kept a secret a day in his life?”

A tear forms in Hermione’s eye. “He keeps things from me, Eff.”

“He’s trying to protect you, love.”

“So do you think…” Hermione trails off and Effie presses a kiss to Hermione’s temple.

“I don’t think, sweet girl. I know.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Seamus is good to her. He comes to dinner with her mom, and watches soccer games with her dad, patiently explaining all the rules of the sport even though her dad would much rather watch baseball. The first time Seamus tries to slide his hand up her shirt, she balks at the contact. He’s gracious when she pushes him away. Patient. He tells her they don’t have to do anything she’s not comfortable with. She breaks up with him a week later.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Harry comes to her house with a pint of her favorite custom mixed ice cream from Fortescue’s Fantastic Cones—peanut butter ice cream with oreos, hot fudge, and marshmallows. They sit in the basement of her mom’s house and put on Armageddon.Helen shouts down the basement stairs that she’s going out for a few hours and that she expects Harry to be gone by the time she comes home. It should feel completely normal for them to be alone together. It’s something they’ve done plenty of times over the years. Only now that they’re both single again, there’s something charged in the air. When Aerosmith starts playing, she can feel Harry’s gaze on her. She’s seen this movie fifteen times. She knows what’s about to happen. Ben Affleck is about to undress Liv Tyler, and she wants nothing more than for Harry to undress her. She turns her head slightly, and he gives her that fucking smile. “What?” she asks. “You have something…” his voice trails off as his gaze darts down to her mouth. He raises his hand, tentatively touching the corner of her lips. Suddenly, she’s on fire. She’s emboldened by the way he’s looking at her. Hermione Granger has never been one for taking risks, but she does what her dad is always telling her. She takes the proverbial bull by the horns. And by that, of course, she straddles Harry, crashing her lips to his. It’s frenzied and rushed and full of all this pent up longing that she’s kept locked up inside her for years. It explodes out of her like a shooting star. He matches her shot for shot. He slides his hands under her oversized sweatshirt, and unlike when Seamus touched her, she doesn’t balk at his touch. Instead, she arches her back, pressing herself harder against his chest. She’s wearing a pair of sweatpants, and he’s wearing soccer shorts. She gasps when she feels it. She’s never felt anything like that before. But… Harry is hard underneath her. His head rests on the couch for a moment as Hermione lifts her sweatshirt off, leaving her in a tank top. She didn’t bother putting on a bra, because why would she? But suddenly she’s self conscious of the way her nipples have hardened and stand out against the fabric of her shirt. Harry rolls his hips underneath her and she whimpers, her hand shooting out to brace herself against the couch. “What…Harry…” “You’re so hot, Hermione.” His hands run up the sides of her stomach, touching her over her ribbed tank top, and with one hand, he palms her breast. Her core clenches tight. She rests her forehead against his, panting for breath. “Is this okay?” he asks her. “Yes.” A thousand yesses. A thousand ways to touch her, and it would never be enough. He pushes her down onto her back, and they kiss for untold hours. The movie has long ended, and Hermione is so overstimulated that she thinks she could explode. She wants more. She needs more. But his hands remain, infuriatingly, on top of her clothes. They hear footsteps overhead, and Harry breaks away, his lips swollen. “I guess I should go.” He cards a hand through his unruly hair. Hair that her fingers have tangled in over the last hour or so. “I wish you didn’t have to.”“One day,” he says, smiling at her before kissing her on the cheek. He grabs his sweatshirt and steps into his Adidas slides before running out the backdoor and up the hill to his car. “Hermione Jean Granger, I thought I told you Harry had to leave before I got home!” she hears her mother bellow down the stairs. “He just left, Mom.”Hermione stays in the basement, running her fingers over her mouth, remembering every moment they just shared. When she wakes up in the morning, she has to sneak some of her mom’s concealer to hide the hickey on her neck.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The following Monday, she’s called to the soccer field. The season is almost over; she’s gotten all the footage she needs for the yearbook, but she goes anyway.

When she gets down to the field, she’s instructed to wait in the announcer stand with a kid she recognizes from her history class, Justin. They talk for a few minutes before her attention is drawn to the field.

On the green, Harry has arranged the JV team into letters. Letters that spell one word.

PROM?

He’s standing in the middle with a bouquet of sunflowers.

Justin hits the intercom button. “So, whaddya say, Hermione, are you going to prom with Harry Potter or what?”

She snatches the mic out of his hands. “Yes, you idiot. I’m going to prom with you.”

She makes her mom go to three stores before she finds the perfect dress. Daphne is with them, too, giving her feedback on what looks best. Eventually, she settles on a simple black dress with thin straps covered in silver sequins.

When prom day comes, she, Daphne, and Millie all get ready together. Daphne’s mom does their hair, and then everyone comes to Daphne’s house for pictures. Even Hermione’s mom and dad show up. Harry wears a black tuxedo, with a silver vest that matches the sequins on her dress perfectly.

They pose together, and she watches as Effie wipes a tear from her eyes. As Hermione and Harry make their way towards the car, Effie comes to them and kisses them both.

“You look perfect. Have fun tonight. Hermione, your mom said you can stay at our house with everyone else after the dance.”

Harry slips his hand into hers and walks her to the car. “She’s right, you know.” He says. “You look perfect.”

She can’t help the smile that spreads across her face. “You look pretty good too, Har.”

They dance all night. Even when the slow songs come on, Harry takes her into his arms and doesn’t let her leave the dance floor.

When the final song of the night comes on, all of their friends circle together and dance as one big group. They leave the auditorium, bursting into the night as they are—young, free, full of hope.

Back at the Potters, Effie has a spread of sandwiches and snacks ready for them. She even has a few beers in the fridge, telling them that they’re allowed to drink as long as they all give her their keys.

It’s the first time Hermione feels out of control, between the buzzing in her veins and the longing in her body to kiss Harry again.

She follows him upstairs, under the guise of asking to borrow a shirt. She has one in her bag, but she wants one of his. Closing the door behind her, she clears her throat. Harry’s already shucking off his jacket when he turns to face her.

“Hey, Mione. What’s up?”

She takes a step closer to him, feeling braver than she usually does. “Can I borrow a shirt?”

Harry swallows hard, and she can see his throat work. “Umm, yeah. Do you…” His eyes rove over her, and Hermione turns around. “Do you have a preference?”

“Anything is fine. But can you unzip me?” If he can hear her heart pounding, he doesn’t say anything. His hands are on her in a flash, deftly unhooking the clasp holding together the top of her dress. Then he’s slowly unzipping her, and she’s not sure which of them gasps, all she knows is that the only thing that’s holding the dress up are the flimsy straps and her willpower.

His knuckles graze down her spine before she spins around. He looks devastating standing there in front of her in his half-undone tuxedo.

”Harry—I,” she whispers, the words barely out before his lips are on hers. She can feel his smile through the kiss, and she melts into it. His hands push down the straps of her dress until the only thing holding it up is his body pressed against hers. Eventually, it falls, and she’s standing before him in nothing but her strapless bra and underwear.

Somehow she doesn’t feel self-conscious.

They come back downstairs, both smiling and holding hands.

Daphne looks at her from where she’s curled up on the couch with Ronnie. They put on a movie and Harry holds her close until they fall asleep.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Graduation day comes faster than she thought. They all cry, promising to stay in touch no matter what happens.

Harry’s still deciding which school he’s going to go to. He’s gotten full ride offers from two different universities—William & Mary and Old Dominion. Hermione is going to George Mason with Daphne. They’ve already agreed to be roommates.

Ronnie is joining the military, Seamus is going to Old Dominion to play soccer. Two of friends from the yearbook staff are going to VCU, and Theo is joining her and Daphne at GMU.

The Potters throw a graduation party for everyone. Her parents come, and everyone toasts the graduates.

All Hermione can think about is how much time she has left with Harry.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The end comes faster than she anticipated. The night before Harry leaves for William & Mary, he comes to pick her up for a drive. It’s something they’ve done every week during the summer—finding new spots to sit together. Most of the time they just listen to music. Sometimes Harry puts the back seat down and they spend the night kissing, laughing, learning new ways to touch each other's bodies. They never go farther than they did the night in her basement all those months ago. She climbs in the passenger seat, the sounds of Jack’s Mannequin’s Everything in Transit playing through the speakers. Harry takes off driving in the direction of her favorite ice cream shop. He holds her hand as they walk into the shop, Fortescue’s Fancy Cones. Once they both have their cones, Harry drives them out past the high school. Past the housing development being built. Past the shooting range and to the park. Where the river edge is. He parks and they sit on the hood. The silence between them is comfortable as they stare into the open sky. Harry breaks first. “I can’t believe tomorrow will be the first day in almost four years that I won’t see you.”She feels her throat constrict as she forces herself to fight back the tears. “You’re my best friend, Hermione.”She turns to him, and a tear falls. Is that all I am? She thinks. “Yeah, it’s going to be weird,” she admits. If she says anything else, she might actually break. “But we can chat on AIM, and we can text.”Harry wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close. “It won’t be the same.””Your mom was right,” she says, nuzzling herself closer to him. “A year was hardly any time at all. When he drops her back off at her house, they both cry their way through their goodbyes.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Christmas break arrives without preamble and Hermione’s dad comes to pick her and Daphne up from their dorm. It’s about an hour drive home, but it’s on the way for her dad who works in the city. She sits in the front seat and lets Daphne talk about how excited she is to see Vile, or as she’s come to call him, Nev.

All Hermione can think about is getting to Harry.

By the time her dad drops Hermione off at her mom’s house, it’s dark outside. Her mom is still at work and Hermione starts a load of laundry, orders a pizza, and texts Harry.

HG: Are you home yet?

The pizza arrives and Harry still hasn’t texted her back.

She flicks on the tv and flips through the channels, settling on a rerun of

Law and Order, SVU

when her mom finally comes home.

“Hey, mom.”

”Hi, honey,” her mom bends down and kisses the top of her head. “I’m sorry I’m so late. I’m so glad you’re home; how were finals?”

Her phone dings and she reaches for it before responding.

HP: I’ll be back tomorrow.

HG: Can I come see you?

HP: Please.

She doesn’t hear the rest of her mom’s questions as she ascends the stairs, grinning at her phone like it holds the answers to the universe.

The next day, she straightens her hair and pulls on her favorite mustard sweater before heading over to the Potters. She grabs a twenty out of the emergency can in the kitchen and stops at the store to pick up flowers for Effie.

In the past, she would walk straight in the Potter’s house without knocking. But it’s been four months. Yes, she and Harry have talked almost every day but it’s not the same.

She rings the doorbell.

Monty greets her, the same green eyes and soft smile that Harry has. “There she is. Come on in, sweetie. They’re in the kitchen.”

Harry and Effie are standing at the counter, Effie covered in flour and Harry at her side, both of them laughing at something secret between them. Effie squeals when she sees Hermione, dusting off her hands and skipping over to the young woman.

“Hey there, sweet girl. Come in, come in,” Effie pulls a chair out for Hermione, but Harry gets to her first, wrapping her up in his arms.

“Eff,” Monty calls from the living room, “Can you come look at this for me?”

Hermione can see the torn look on Effie’s face, but she goes to her husband, giving Harry and Hermione a moment alone.

Harry’s hand cups the back of her head and he just holds her for a long moment before pulling back and just looking at her.

“Something’s different,” he says. She tugs on her hair. “Oh, yeah. It looks… good. I mean, you look good.”

She blushes. “I brought these for your mom,” she says, still holding onto the flowers.

“Right, yeah. Let me get some water for them.”

They go downstairs a few minutes later and after talking for a few minutes, Harry gives her a look she can’t resist. She’s in his lap a minute later, his hands on her hips as they find their way back to each other.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She and Daphne drive down to see Harry play against GMU. He doesn’t start, but he finds Hermione in the stands and salutes her, just like he did all those years ago. William & Mary win 3-2, and while Daphne is too busy texting Neville, Hermione sees Harry come out of the locker room. He’s freshly showered, his hair sticking to his forehead.Effie and Monty came down for the game, and they treat all the kids to dinner at Outback. Hermione sits next to Harry, and more than once, his leg presses against hers, and she wishes she could press her entire body back in response. “You played well tonight, son,” Monty says proudly. ”Thanks, Dad.”Harry’s roommate, Michael elbows him in the rib. “Yeah, sick assist, Potter. You keep playing like that and you’ll be starting in no time.”Effie pushes the food on her plate around, taking small bites when someone looks her way. She’s lost weight since Hermione saw her over Christmas. The meal ends and the Potters tell everyone goodbye, hugging Hermione and Harry tightly. “We’ll see you in a few weeks, right? For spring break?” Harry shakes his head. “I’m going to Florida with Mike and the rest of the team.” That’s the first she’s heard of it. “I’ll come by and say hi when I get home. My break is the same as Harry’s.”“Only if you have time, sweet girl.”That night, Harry kicks Michael out of their dorm room and invites Hermione to stay with him. Daphne goes back to the cheap motel room they got by herself, promising her best friend that it’s okay. Her heart pounds in her chest when Harry opens the door. They’ve been alone before in each other’s houses. But nothing like this. He locks the door, and there’s no one that can intrude upon them. No one to interrupt them. Harry motions for her to take a sweat on his bed while he grabs them two sodas from the mini-fridge. Cracking the can breaks the silence between them, and she can feel the tension between them so thick that it’s almost uncomfortable. It’s never been like this before. She takes a sip of the Coke, unable or unwilling to be the one to be the one break first. “How’s school?” Harry asks.She can’t help the small laugh that escapes her. “That’s what you want to talk about?””What do you want to talk about instead?”She sits the can down on the desk beside the bed and turns to look at him. The gold chain around his neck. The deep green of his eyes. The little mole on his cheek. He’s so familiar to her she would recognize him in the dark. “I don’t want to talk, Har.”He moves faster than she’s ever seen him move. In an instant, he’s holding her face in his hands, kissing her softly. His lips brush against her jaw, down her neck, across the collar of her t-shirt and back again. She’s desperate for more contact. They have the room to themselves. It would be a waste not to use it. She lays back, pulling Harry on top of her. Wrapping one leg around Harry’s hip, she tries to garner as much contact as she can. Harry’s pressed against her, one of his hands holding hers as they softly rock against each other. With their clothes on, the friction they create is next to nothing, but Hermione gently prods for more. She wrenches her hand free and brings Harry’s hand to the hem of her shirt. “Touch me, Harry.”She hears the catch in his breath as he inhales. He presses his forehead to hers, his hand shaking as he slides it under her sweater. The contact makes her shiver. It makes her ache. It makes her burn. It’s still not enough. She reaches down, lifting the shirt up over her head. Harry stares at her in wonder. “You’re perfect, Hermione.” He kisses down her neck. Her chest. His hands touch her over her bra. His fingertips slide under the soft cotton and tweak her nipple just so. “Oh god, Harry,” she whispers, the feeling of his lips on her skin making her feel like she can do anything. So she does. Reaching between their bodies, she palms him over his soccer sweats. The moan that comes out of him is euphoric. It makes her feel powerful. Sexy. Desired. Harry drops his head to her forehead once more, his lips hovering just above hers and he begs her for more. “Please, Hermione. Please do it. Touch me. Please fucking touch me.””I’ve never…Harry,” she can hear the trepidation in her own voice. “I don’t want to be bad at it.”He steals a kiss, reminding her of how badly he wants this. Wants her. “Baby, you couldn’t be bad at this. I’ll show you.”He lifts his shirt off, slides his pants down his legs and then sits up beside her. He takes her hand and wraps it around his cock. It’s somehow both hard and silky smooth. There’s hair around the base and she can’t close her fingers around his girth. Then he begins to stroke himself using her hand. “Like this, Mione. Just like this.”She watches as a bead of liquid forms on the head of his cock. She’s enraptured by the entire experience. After a minute, Harry removes his hand and Hermione continues to touch him. Stroke him. He stares at her the entire time. “Fuck, Hermione.””Am I doing it…”His breathing grows ragged and then he whimpers incoherently. “Fuck, I’m coming.”Hot ropes of his spend are shooting out, covering her hand, his stomach. He looks to be in both pain and pleasure. After a minute, he reaches for his shirt and cleans himself off before kissing her again. Harry stands up, completely unselfconscious as he does, and grabs a pair of sweatpants for both of them, and a shirt for Hermione. She sleeps next to him for the first time, and when she wakes up, they do it all over again.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She keeps her word and goes to visit Effie and Monty on her spring break. Effie tells her that she’s taking a leave of absence from work—that she’s not feeling well, but she’s grateful for Hermione’s company. They sit on the porch swing and talk for about an hour before Effie tells her she’s tired and needs a rest.  When Hermione goes home that night, she crawls into her mom’s bed and cries into her mom’s shoulder. She’s not even sure why, really. She’s scared. Her mom runs her fingers through her hair, not saying a word. Simply letting her presence be a comfort. After a while, Hermione heads to her room and pulls her phone from her pocket.  HG: I miss you. I saw your parents today. HP: IMU2. HG: When do classes end for you? HP: Dunno, I’ll look when I’m back. Frustrated, she throws her phone into the bed. Her phone buzzes again. It’s Daphne. DG: A bunch of peeps are going to Wulfric’s for karaoke. They don’t check ID’s. Wanna come? She doesn’t even think as she types her response. HG: Pick me up in 20. Hermione wakes up the next morning in a bed she doesn’t recognize. She’s not wearing the clothes she left her house in. The panic starts to settle in, until Millie bursts in the room and greets her. “Hello, baby Granger girl. I didn’t know you had it in you to drink like that.” She hands Hermione a bottle of Pedialyte and a sleeve of crackers. “Daph says you never really go out drinking with them at school so I didn’t expect to see you.” She groans, her head throbbing as she sits up. “Yeah, well, I guess there’s a first time for everything. Where is Daphne anyway?”Millie smiles, jerking her head in the direction of the bathroom. “In the shower. She, unlike you, is not an amateur.” She reaches for her phone to see if Harry texted her.Nothing. “You know, Hermione, Harry Potter isn’t the only boy in the world. And certainly not the only boy who’s interested in you.”Her eyes flicker to Millie, but she doesn’t care. A vague memory of Seamus sitting next to her at the bar last night dances across her mind. She remembers leaning against him, him whispering in her ear. But she shakes her head. There’s no one but Harry. There never will be.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

For the first time in her life, Hermione wants to spend a few weeks in Paris with her Aunt. She’s looking forward to it. Her mom even agreed to put international texting on their phone plan so she can stay in touch with her friends. After her exams ended, her dad picked her up, piling her bags and books into the back of his car. He started dating someone this year, and Marlene sits in the front seat while they drive back to her mom’s place. Marlene, Hermione decides, is nice. She’s talkative, and is trying to get to know her. “Your dad tells me you’re studying Journalism. What do you think you want to do with that?” Be a journalist, she wants to say, but she reels it in. “I think I’d like to travel. Write about what’s going on in impoverished countries. Tell the stories of people impacted by the war. I was on my high school’s yearbook staff, so it’s something I’ve always been interested in.”Her dad reaches across the console and squeezes Marlene’s leg. “I work at the paper in Reston. Maybe next summer, if you’re looking for an internship, I can help you with that. I mean, if you want.”Hermione meets Marlene’s dark blue eyes. “Yeah, that would be really nice.”She’s home for two weeks before she leaves for France. She spends most of that time with Daphne and Millie, and Millie’s new friend Luna. Luna is unlike anyone Hermione has ever met. She’s their age, but she’s already covered in tattoos, smells like patchouli, and reads their tarot cards with a confidence that’s a bit unsettling. For the first time, her trip to France is something she enjoys. She and her Aunt Phoebe spend an afternoon at Monet’s gardens, another doing a bicycle tour of the city. Her Aunt married well, but her husband died a few years ago, so she has nothing but time and money, as she often tells Hermione. But it’s the evenings that Hermione grows homesick. Her friends are fast asleep when she’s her loneliest. She scrolls back in her texts with Harry. HP: When do u come back?HG: June 28! When do you leave for camp?HP: July 8. Who is picking u up from the airport? HG: I think my mom. Why? HP: No reason. What did u do 2day?Missed you. When she lands in DC, her mom isn’t there to pick her up. Instead, Harry stands in the airport holding a sign with her name on it in his sloppy handwriting and a bouquet of sunflowers. She runs straight to him. Laughing. Crying. Not caring that she’s jet-lagged and her hair is a mess. He’s never cared what she looks like, just that she’s there. That she’s his.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They spend the Fourth of July at the Burrow on the Beach with Ronnie, who’s home for a brief leave. Daphne comes with her boyfriend, Neville, who they all keep calling Vile, and Ronnie keeps shooting him dark looks even though he’s there with his new girlfriend, Gabrielle. They take Ronnie’s dad’s boat out on the sound, cutting the engine and diving off the back into the cold water. Harry swims toward her, pulling her close. She tries to be coy, tries to be subtle, to pretend that it’s casual. When they’re back on the boat, he pulls her into his lap and wraps his arms around her, kissing the sun-burned skin on her collarbone. Everyone is there. Anyone can see the way he touches her so intimately. But he doesn’t care, so why should she? She tangles her fingers in his hair as they all sing along to the music on the radio, the sky setting behind them as Ronnie races the boat back to the dock. Harry sneaks to her bed that night, and they spend the entire night kissing. Nothing else. She feels like she’s sixteen years old again

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

A few days before they go back to school, Harry texts her to come over for dinner. She misses his parents, and while helping her mom at the clinic has been nice, and has put some extra money in her pocket, it means that she hasn’t had much free time.

She makes the short drive with the windows down and the music up. She blares The Format, and turns it down right as she pulls into the Potters driveway. There are sunflowers blooming on the side of the house, and Monty hung a new bird feeder in the willow tree out front.

The door opens and Harry sneaks a kiss before they join Effie and Monty at the table. Effie, Hermione notices, is quieter than usual. There are dark circles under her eyes. She tries to keep up with the conversation but excuses herself after only a few minutes.

Monty goes to check on her.

“Is she okay, Har?”

Harry pulls Hermione’s chair closer to his, kissing her forehead. “She’s okay. She’s not feeling great, but you know how the two of them are. If one of them is sick, it’s the end of the world.”

Hermione nods. She understands, to an extent. If Harry were hurt, or sick, or in any pain, she’d do whatever she could to make it better.

They finish their dinner and clean up. Monty comes back down a little while later and apologizes.

“I’m sorry, kids. Mom isn’t feeling great. She wanted me to tell you bye, Hermione, and to tell you how sorry she is that she couldn’t make it through dinner.”

“It’s okay, Monty,” Hermione waves him off. “Just tell her I hope she’s feeling better soon.”

Harry and Hermione skip out the front door and drive into the night with nothing but thick summer air and hope between them.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Did you know Pansy transferred to William & Mary?” Daphne asks as she gets dressed for a night out.

“Who?”

“You remember Pansy. She was in yearbook with you. Dark black hair. She was my next door neighbor. Remember?”

“Oh, yeah. I remember her.”

“Anyway, I saw on Facebook that she and Harry were tagged in a few pictures together.”

The panic that shoots through Hermione is unwarranted. She and Harry officially started dating after the fourth of July. They talk on the phone most nights, and he came to visit her the weekend of her birthday. They’re going to spend Thanksgiving together—her parents have even agreed to come and play nice at the Potters.

Hermione pulls up Facebook on her computer and goes to Harry’s tagged photos. Sure enough, there she is. Pansy Parkinson. Short black shorts and boots, a ripped band t-shirt and her fringe bangs. Too much black eye-liner. She’s leaning against Harry, whispering like they’re in on some secret together.

Hermione texts Harry immediately.

HG: What are you doing tomorrow?

HP: Practice and have to write a paper.

HG: What if I come visit and we do homework together?

HP: It’s a little last minute, don’t you think?

HG: I miss you.

HP: I miss you too, baby. But I’ll see you in a few weeks.

She tells herself not to worry. It’s nothing.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She antagonizes over what to wear to dinner with the Potters. Her mom is just wearing her usual—a pair of black slacks and a red blouse. She can’t deny that her mom looks nice, especially when she curls her hair. But Hermione hasn’t seen Harry yet over break.

Effie is sick, and Hermione has wanted to give them their time together. She’s nervous about seeing them all.

So half her closet is pulled out in piles on her bed when her mom comes in. “What’s going on in here, munchkin?”

“You know I hate when you call me that.”

“But you

are

my munchkin,” her mom says as she settles on the edge of Hermione’s bed.

“I can’t decide what to wear,” she huffs out.

Helen pulls a simple black dress from the pile, holding it up for her daughter. “What about this?”

Hermione scrunches her nose in disgust. “It’s too short.” Her heart is pounding in her chest. Something in her tells her this is important. She needs everything to be perfect.

“Do you want to borrow something of mine?”

Hermione’s eyes widen; her mother never lets her borrow her clothes. She knows immediately what she wants. It’s in the back of the closet, in a dry cleaning bag. Her mom wore it to a work event a few years ago.

“Can I borrow the long sleeve navy dress?”

Her mother nods in acquiescence. “I’ll go get it.”

Thirty minutes later, they’re knocking on the Potter’s door, a sweet potato casserole, a winter salad, and a bottle of wine in tow. She can see her dad’s car parked on the street. Monty opens the door, greeting them each with a generous and warm hug.

“Come in, come in. Everyone’s in the living room.”

Effie, Harry, Effie’s mom, Agatha, whom everyone calls Aggie, and Effie’s sister Lydia sit on the couch. Effie looks more frail than Hermione has seen her, and it makes her want to crawl inside herself. Effie has always been so full of life, and she’s withering away in front of them.

Harry sees her then, and his face breaks into a smile as he stands to greet her. He presses a kiss to her cheek and pulls her into the living room to introduce her to his aunt and Aggie. She’s heard about them over the years, but they rarely leave Florida anymore. Hermione supposes that Effie’s sickness prompted his visit, and she swallows down the lump in her throat.

In the kitchen, her dad, Marlene, Monty, and the Potter’s neighbors, an older couple named Rod and Bella argue about the best way to carve a turkey.

Her mom tells her she can have a glass of wine, and though she doesnt

love

the taste, she wants to feel like she belongs. Effie scoots over on the couch, making room for her.

“How’s my favorite girl?”

Hermione bites back the sob that threatens to spill out of her.

“None of that. I’m going to be fine.” Effie tilts Hermione’s chin up, forcing her to make eye contact. “I’m going to be

fine,

Hermione, do you hear me?”

Hermione nods.

When dinner is over and Helen is ready to leave, Hermione stays behind. Harry tells her he’ll drive her home later. They go upstairs to his bedroom and crawl under the covers.

“You didn’t tell me it was so bad,” she whispers in the dark.

“I don’t think it’s as bad as it looks. She’s doing chemo.”

“Harry,” she grips his shirt like it will keep them both rooted to reality.

He drives her home a few hours later and she’s more scared than she was when she left.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Her dad tells her he won’t be home over the holiday; he and Marlene are going to visit her family in Vancouver. He gives her a subtle wink, as if to tell her to do something wild in his absence.

But Hermione has never been wild.

The last few weeks of the semester she had so much trouble focusing that she barely finished her assignments on time. She’s been worried for Effie. Harry’s been pulling away. Not to mention, she’s been seeing more and more pictures of him and Pansy on Facebook.

She runs into Theo in the cafeteria the day before they leave for break.

“Well hey there, stranger Granger,” he says, brushing his wild curls out of his face.

“Hi, Theodore.” She lets him envelop her in a hug so tight it pushes the air from her lungs. She’s always loved the hugs Theo gives. She didn’t realize until this moment how much she’s missed his friendship.

“I can’t believe I’ve barely seen you around the last year,” Hermione muses. “What are you studying?”

“I’m pre-med. I’m gonna be a surgeon, you know, make a disgusting amount of money, save lives, and look fine as fuck while doing it. What about you?” He walks with her to the cereal bar and she watches as he fills a bowl with Lucky Charms and Frosted Flakes.

“Journalism.” She fills her own bowl with Cheerios and follows Theo to a table in a quiet corner. He waves to a few people on the way, squeezing the shoulders of a handsome man Hermione’s never seen before.

He digs into his insane bowl. “So, are you and Potter still together?”

She nods, smiling in spite of herself. “We are. But things are… I dunno…” Her voice trails off, and she pushes the cereal around in her bowl.

“Is it Parkinson?”

Her eyes flash to his. He was friends with Pansy in high school, and she doesn’t know where his loyalties lie now. “It’s a lot of things. It’s hard not being with him all the time, you know?”

”I get that. You know me and Drake are dating. He’s at that all boy’s school, Hamden Sydney. If anyone has a reason to be jealous, it’s me. There are boys swarming him all the time.” He takes another bite of his cereal, talking around it. “Plus, Pansy is nothing to worry about. She’s too into herself to be into anyone else.”

She hopes that’s the truth.

“Do you want to come to a party with me tonight?”

Hermione has hardly gone to any parties all year. Classes are over, and she finished exams today; she’s just waiting for Daphne to take her last one tomorrow.

“Where?”

“Phi Delta. My roommate pledged last year. It’ll be fun, come on, Granger Danger, I never see you out.”

She looks down at the sweats she wore to the dining hall. “I’d need to change.”

“Well, obviously.” He smiles, and Hermione texts Daphne. “Can Daph come too?”

“Ducky is always invited. Go change. What dorm are you in?”

“Brunswick.”

“Okay, I’ll come pick you two up in an hour.”

She leans over and kisses him on the cheek. “Thanks, Theo. See you soon.”

Back in the dorm, she and Daphne dress for the party. Daphne lets her borrow a short black dress that Hermione feels uncomfortable in, but Daphne swears she looks “hot enough to stop the sun” in. Theo picks them up and escorts them to the Phi Delta house but immediately ditches them in favor of a game of flip cup. She and Daphne head to the kitchen, opting to make their own drinks.

A few hours pass, and Hermione feels good. She feels loose. Daphne convinces her to dance, and they’re all scream singing the lyrics to Rihanna. For those few brief hours, she’s not thinking about Effie, or Harry, or her grades, or anything else. She’s just there with her best friend and taking shots.

The next thing she knows, she wakes up in a hospital.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Do you know where you are, Miss Granger?” Someone asks from beside her.
Everything hurts, and she can’t move her arm.

“Oh, thank god. Baby, can you hear me?” That’s her mom’s voice. She turns her head, her vision blurry.

“Mom?” Her throat burns and she wants some water. She tries to raise her hand to reach for the cup on the tray in front of her, but the limb is too heavy.
She’s starting to panic, the heart rate monitor betraying her.

“Miss Granger, you were in an accident. You’re at Fair Oaks Hospital. Do you remember what happened?” The doctor at the foot of her bed is talking, but she can’t focus on him.

Hermione shakes her head, and she feels tears track down her cheeks.

“That’s okay. That’s pretty normal. You were in an accident. Someone hit the car you were in last night. You’re okay. You suffered a concussion, a broken wrist, and a broken rib.”

“What about—”

Daphne. Theo. They were in the car together. What about them?

“Your friends are here too. They’re stable. You’ll be discharged in a few days, we just need to monitor you a bit longer, okay?”

Her mom squeezes her hand, and she bursts into tears. She should’ve never gone to that party. 
Hermione tries to sleep, but people keep coming in to take her blood, check her vitals, give her medicine. It’s exhausting. Plus, they tell her that she really

shouldn’t

sleep.
Her mom stays with her, flicking through the channels until she finds one of their favorites: My Best Friend’s Wedding.

Her dad flies back and makes it to the hospital early in the morning. He and Marlene rush into her room and he bursts into tears at the sight of her.

“Hi, dad. I’m okay.” Her voice is still scratchy, and she’s covered in tiny cuts from shards of glass. She has a bruise on her face from the air bag. Everything hurts. Her mom leaves around 9:00 to get some sleep and to bring Hermione back some clothes to wear other than the hospital gown.

Her dad and Marlene refuse to listen to her when she tells them they didn’t need to come back. They tell her that she’s more important. That they would have crossed oceans to get back to her. Marlene has tears in her eyes as she says it. She tells Hermione she always wanted children but couldn’t have her own, and she’s just grateful that she gets to be in Hermione’s life.

They finally let Hermione doze off around noon. When she wakes up again, there are more voices in the room.

She focuses on one.

Harry.

Slowly, she opens her eyes. It hurts. The pain meds are starting to wear off, and she presses the button for more, but just seeing him there makes her feel better.

“Hi,” she says, already on the verge of tears.

“Let’s give them a minute, Eddie,” Marlene says.

Harry stands against the wall. He looks at her like he’s afraid of her. They’re finally alone in the room, and he sits on the edge of her bed, taking her hand in his. He kisses her reverently, like she is precious. Like she’s breakable.

She won’t get a cast for a few days—the swelling has to go down first.

“You’re here,” she says.

“Of course I am, baby." He looks at her like he doesn't know where is safe to touch. "You scared the shit out of me. I could kill Theo.”

She takes a deep breath, the air that fills the space between her ribs painful in a way it’s never been before. “It’s not his fault. Someone hit

him

.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just… I was so scared, Mione...I can't lose you. I can't... .” She sees a tear at the corner of his eye, and she knows. She knows he's thinking about his parents.

She scoots over in the bed, making room for him. “Will you hold me? I’m scared too, Harry.”

He gets in. Gingerly, Hermione lays her head on his chest. She lets herself cry. His fingers rub gentle circles on her arm.

“What are you scared of, baby?”

”Everything. Losing you, mostly.”

She feels him take a deep breath. “You’ll never lose me, Hermione. Never.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Christmas break goes by too fast. She’s not allowed to do much other than rest, so she and Harry spend most of their time on the couch watching movies. She goes to visit Daphne when she can. Daphne’s injuries were minor, just some lacerations and whiplash from the seatbelt.Effie has surgery planned the week after they return to school. She’s having a double mastectomy, and her doctors are hopeful.Hermione just wants to stay home. She’s so tired all the time. And she’s still so worried about Effie, even though Effie tells her repeatedly she’ll be fine. Harry already lost his birth parents when he was a baby, he can’t lose Effie.Neither of them can.The night before they go back to school, Harry comes over. Her mom orders pizza and doesn’t say anything about Harry having to leave at a certain time. They curl up together on the couch in the basement and Harry draws on her cast.When he leaves, he kisses her so softly, so sweetly, she starts to cry. He tells her he loves her. Not like a friend, but like Cecelia and Robbie loved each other in the movie they just watched.That breaks her heart more than comforts her.Doesn’t he pay attention? Robbie and Cecelia don’t end up together.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hermione and Daphne’s parents agreed to let them rent a townhouse after their accident. They say it’s so they’ll have a place to study off campus, away from the parties. The distractions. Little do they know they’ve given them both the opportunity to come and go completely unsupervised. Theo comes by with bouquets of flowers for them. He keeps trying to apologize for his part in them getting hurt, no matter how many times they keep telling him it’s not his fault. Harry comes to visit one weekend and sees the bouquets. He grills Hermione about it, demanding to know who’s filling the apartment with flowers. “Well, it’s not you,” she snaps at him. She doesn’t mean to. After the accident, he did bring flowers. He brought her favorite sweatshirt of his so she could have something of his to wear when he couldn’t be with her. “If you want flowers, Mione, you just needed to fucking say something.”She doesn’t want to fight. She wants to feel better. Anything other than the gaping hole that’s begun to form between them. “I’m sorry, Harry, I didn’t mean it. It was stupid of me to say.” The rest of the weekend is fine. They go to dinner with Daphne and Theo. Theo doesn’t talk much, letting Daphne rattle on about her classes and her boyfriend, and how Ronnie keeps texting her. Under the table, Hermione reaches for Harry’s hand, lacing her fingers through his. He turns to her and gives her that smile she’s loved since she was fourteen years old.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Ginny sends everyone a massive Facebook message. Her parents are selling the Burrow on the Beach and she’s planning one last hurrah over Spring Break. Everyone is invited. Ronnie won’t be there—he’s stationed in Florida for the next two years. But everyone says yes.

Daphne and Hermione pack her Explorer to the brim with everything they could need for a week on the beach. Even though it will be too cold for swimming, they pack swimsuits and floats and sunblock. The beach in Virginia in April is still barely breaking 70º.

Harry and Drake come up a day after everyone else—they had a game in North Carolina. And when they get there, that’s when the party

really

begins. Beer pong and flip cup and truth or dare. It’s full on debauchery. At one point Hermione sees Neville streaking around the house after losing a bet with Theo.

One afternoon, she and Harry are laying in bed when he turns to her, tracing his thumb over one of the scars on her arm. She hates that she has the tiny white specks, but she tries not to let it get to her. The next thing she knows, Harry is straddling her, pulling his shirt over his head. She feels a familiar tightening in her core as her eyes rove over his body. He’s grown another few inches and packed on muscle this year, and he wears it well.

Harry slides his hand beneath the hem of her dress, his fingers dancing over the soft fabric of her bikini bottoms. The breath in her throat catches as Harry leans down and kisses her with a determination he hasn’t shown before. She turns her head to the side, letting him trail down her neck. She wraps a leg around his waist, feeling him already hard against her. They’ve pushed the imaginary boundaries over the years, but they’ve never gone all the way.

She wants to. More than anything she wants to.

“Harry,” she whispers. Their eyes meet, and she cards a hand through his hair. She doesn’t have to say anything else. Just nods her head and something unlocks between them.

She sits up and pulls the dress up, over her head. Her elbow catches his shoulder, and they laugh before their lips find their way back to the other. It’s awkward and it’s perfect and it’s

them.

He pulls her bottoms down, exposing her for the first time in their relationship. She feels self-conscious, but the look on Harry’s face is full of desire. He stands, shoving his own suit off and then climbs back on the bed. Hermione’s already undone her top, and he pulls her on top of him. She grinds on him, feeling the slick of her body coating him as she does.

“Fuck, baby. I want… I need…” Harry’s voice is ragged and pained as he tries to string together a sentence.

He flips them and lays beside her, his lips hovering right above hers as his fingers find her swollen pussy. He slides one finger into her core, and she arches off the bed. “Oh,

Harry,”

she cries.

He curls and presses and tries to figure out what works for her. She begs for more.

“Are you sure?”

“Please. Please, Harry,

please

.”

He positions himself at her entrance and bends over her, capturing her mouth with his own. “I love you, Hermione Jean. I love you so much.”

Tears slide down her cheeks at his admission, and her mouth drops open as he pushes in. He grunts, and Hermione wonders how they’ve never done

this

before. They’ve wasted so much time doing everything else when they could’ve been having sex. How can she ever do anything else now that she knows what this feels like?

Slowly, Harry begins to rock over her. His hips thrusting in and out. It doesn’t last long, and just as she thinks she might start her climb towards an orgasm, Harry shakes.

“Oh, fuck, Hermione. Fuck, you feel… oh, Jesus fucking

Christ

. Baby, I’m coming.”

He stills, and Hermione thinks he might be the most devastatingly beautiful thing she’s ever seen.

When he recovers, he fingers her until she’s her own shaking mess.

Untold hours later, when they finally descend the stairs, applause erupts around them.

“Y’all put on a hell of a show,” Theo exclaims.

Hermione turns and hides her face in Harry’s shoulder. He kisses her head. They spend most of the remainder of their break in bed.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The week after Spring Break, Harry calls her early on Saturday morning. He’s up early for a game and she can hear the excitement in his voice.

“Baby, did I wake you up?”

Hermione was up most of the night working on a paper, but she rolls over and wipes the sleep from her eyes.

“Yeah, but it’s fine. What’s up?”

“You won’t believe this. There’s a scout coming to the game today. From Stanford. He’s here to see me and Graham.”

Hermione sits up. “Harry…that’s…”

“I know! I can’t believe it. I wish you were here. Mom and dad will be here today, but I wish you could be here too. I’ll score for you, though, okay? I miss you. I love you, I gotta go.”

The line drops and Hermione’s heart drops along with it.

Stanford.

That’s three thousand miles away.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Harry flies to California to visit Stanford. Hermione drives home. Marlene helped her secure an internship at the Reston Letter, the local newspaper there. It’s not a glamorous job by any means, but it’s experience. She decides to stay with her dad that summer, so she can ride in with her soon-to-be step-mom every day.

Yeah, her dad is getting remarried.

When Harry comes home a week later, he calls her to come over. The second she steps inside the Potter home, she knows something is wrong. They’re all sitting around the dining room table, and it’s quiet.

She tries to break the tension by hugging Monty first. “There’s my favorite Potter man,” she jokes, but it doesn’t land like it usually does.

Harry pulls out the chair next to him, and she swallows.

Fuck,

she thinks, Effie’s cancer is worse. That has to be it.

Instead, Harry tells her he’s transferring to Stanford next year.

“You should

see

the facilities, Hermione. They’re incredible. The practice field and the weight room. They have trainers for each position on the team, and there’s actual charter buses, not the cheap ass buses that WM has.”

Monty’s eyes don’t leave her, even when she starts to cry. “How am I supposed to visit you? We barely saw each other this year and we were only a few hours away!”

Effie reaches across the table and takes Hermione’s hand in hers. “Oh, sweet girl. It’s okay, Harry will still come home on breaks–”

“No I won’t,” he cuts in. “I’ll come home on summer break but that’s it. We have training camps the rest of the year. Maybe Christmas break for a week, but it won’t be like before. This is my chance to get noticed by the league.”

“Harry, you’re not even a junior, yet!” Hermione sobs. “You still have two whole years of school left.” She knows her voice is rising, knows she’s making a scene in front of Monty and Effie but she can’t stop herself.

Harry reaches for her hand but she pulls back. “No, don’t. I’m going home. I need… I don’t know. I just can’t be here.”

She hears Effie call her name as she runs out the door. Once inside her car, she lets herself fall apart. Instead of driving home, she drives to Daphne’s house. Daphne opens the door and sees Hermione’s tear-stained cheeks and immediately wraps her in a hug.

“Oh, Mouse, it’s going to be okay. Come on.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The internship is the only thing that keeps her from losing her mind. She wakes up every morning and rides in with Marlene. She alternates her evening plans between seeing Daphne and Millie, wallowing in bed in her sorrows, and running. She was never an athlete, but in the wake of her heartbreak, she needed something to expel all this hurt from her body, and Marlene suggested it. She’s worked up to four miles without stopping. The phone doesn’t ring. There are no texts coming through. She can’t bring herself to log into her instant messenger. She doesn’t want another place to be available that Harry won’t contact her. One Friday, late in the month, her phone vibrates with a text from a number she hasn’t seen in years. SF: HERMIONE GRANGER. HG: SEAMUS FINNIGAN! What a surprise!SF: What are you doing RIGHT NOW?HG: I’m about to go for a run.What are YOU doing? SF: Oh, didn’t you see that article on Facebook? Running is absolutely terrible for you. You  should ditch that plan and meet me at Wulfric’s. HG: When?SF: Actually, you should let me pick you up. SF: An hour?Hermione touches her fingers to her mouth. Seamus was always kind to her, and she hasn’t seen him in almost two years. She tells herself there’s no harm. HG: Okay. I’m at my dad’s. She sends Seamus the address and calls Daphne immediately. She doesn’t know what to wear. Is it a date? Is it not a date? Daphne shrieks into the phone, “Oh my god, Hermione, this is so exciting! When’s the last time you even saw him?”“It was a few years ago, I think. That night I got so drunk and we crashed at Millie’s.””He’s always had a crush on you. Ever since you guys went to prom together and then broke up with him a few weeks later.”“That’s not true, Daph.” “Sure it’s not. What are you going to wear?”“That’s why I called you. I was thinking my blue dress—you know the one that has the white polka dots on it.”“That dress does make your tits look great. Is that the vibe you’re trying to put out?”Hermione sits down on the edge of her bed. Suddenly she’s unsure about all of it. “I don’t know, Daph. I… I don’t want to think about him.” “Okay, then wear the dress. And text me if you need anything. I love you, Mouse.”She doesn’t text Daphne. She doesn’t even make it home to her dad’s house. She tells him she’s staying the night with Daphne, but she goes back to Seamus’s apartment. It’s easy. Too easy. Seamus is like a sweater she used to love but found it had a hole in the elbow so it didn’t serve a purpose anymore. They spend the night fooling around in his bed, and he tells her how beautiful she is, over and over again. So many times it stops meaning anything. When she gets dressed in the morning and leaves, he asks when he can see her again. Hermione shakes her head and runs out the door, tears streaking down her face.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She takes a page out of Daphne’s playbook. Daphne told Neville she wanted to put their relationship on pause for the semester so she could see other people. Neville said he was fine with that because he had someone he knew Daphne was it for him and she’d come back. Their junior year is finally here and Hermione has more boys rotating out of her bedroom than she knows what to do with. She doesn’t like going home with them—it’s never clean, there are too many boys in one apartment, and they all have the same t-shirt sheets. At least if she brings them home, she has control. She can kick them out when she wants. It’s on her terms. The day after her birthday, her phone rings. Without looking at the caller ID, she answers it. It’s her mom. “Hey, munchkin.” “Hey, mom. What’s up?”She hears her mom take a fortifying breath on the other side of the line. “It’s Effie. Monty just called me. Honey, she’s in the hospital.”The world stops spinning. “What hospital?”“She wouldn’t want you to see her like this, I just wanted you to know.” She’s squeezing the phone tight in her hand. “Mom, what hospital?” “Memorial.” “Does Harry know?””I’m sure Monty already called him.””I’m skipping the rest of my classes for the day. I’ll be there in an hour.” At this time of day, traffic won’t be too bad, but Memorial is on the other side of the city. She sends her professors emails, telling them she has a family emergency and calls Daphne to tell her she’ll be home late. When she gets there, they won’t let her back because she’s not family. Hermione nearly has a meltdown at the nurse’s station before she sees Monty coming up. “You’ll let her back. She’s like a daughter to us.”The Potter patriarch opens his arms to Hermione and she crashes into him. She’s not sure when, but at some point she started crying. “She’s okay, Hermione. She has an infection, that’s all. They’re going to take care of her, but you need to wash your hands and put a mask on before you come in.”She nods and goes through the motions. And then she’s staring at Effie. Her other mom. The kindest, best person she knows. She wants to crawl into bed with her, but she can’t. She doesn’t know what to do, exactly, so she sits in the chair next to the bed and smiles, even though the mask covers her mouth. “Hi, sweet girl,” Effie whispers like it costs her something to do so. Hermione tries. She tries really hard to keep the tears at bay. But she can’t do it. The dam bursts. “Effie, I’m scared.”“It’s okay to be scared, baby.” Effie pats her hand. “Can I tell you a secret? I’m scared, too.”A heart-wrenching sob fills the room, and Hermione realizes it didn’t come from her. It came from Monty. Monty comes over and kisses Effie so softly, so tenderly on the forehead that it nearly breaks Hermione’s heart. “But I’m doing better, right, Mont? My numbers are getting better with every treatment. I just have a cold. All this chemo wrecked me, and I’ll be okay.” She looks to her husband. “You didn’t call Harry, did you?”Monty has the good sense to look guilty. Effie winces as she readjusts in the bed. The room has a nice view of the grounds in the center of the hospital buildings. From where she looks down, seven stories up, she can see families sitting at picnic tables, a winding path through the center, and a pond in the middle. “He’s coming home tonight.”Hermione’s heart sinks. “Montgomery James Potter, you better be lying to me. Our son better not be flying across the country because I have the flu.” He laughs, takes his wife’s hand, and shrugs like he’s done nothing wrong. “He misses you, Eff.” “If I had known all it took was getting sick to get my son home, I would’ve done it when school wasn’t in session.”They spend the next few hours catching up, Hermione tells them about her internship. Monty tells her about the garden he started. She realizes it’s the longest she’s gone without seeing them in years, and that is the saddest thing about losing Harry. She’s lost the Potters, too. “It’s getting late, I should probably head back.”Effie squeezes Hermione’s hand. “It was good to see you, sweet girl. Thank you for coming to see me.” Hermione nods, and promises she’ll call. She won’t come visit while Harry is here, but she’ll come see them one weekend. She will do that. They tell her they love her, that she’ll always be welcome. That she’ll always be part of their family. Hermione bites back a sob as she gets into the elevator to head down to the parking lot. On the ground level, the doors open, and there he is. His hair is longer than she’s ever seen it, and he looks tired. But fuck, he looks good. “Hi,” he whispers. “You’re here,” she replies.She can’t help it. It’s a Pavlovian response. She’s in his arms before she knows what’s happening. His arms wrap around her and she feels safer than she has in months. It’s only then that she realizes that there’s someone with him. Someone she’s only ever seen when she stalked him on Facebook late at night. A blonde girl who plays volleyball at Stanford. “Hi, Hermione, I’m Lavender.”She rests one hand on Harry’s chest and nods at him before walking away.  The last thing she says to Harry is “you’re here,” and what she meant was “you’re all over me. You’re written inside of my bones. You’re never going anywhere. I can’t get rid of you.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s graduation day. She and Daphne made it. Daphne already has a job lined up at a government contractor, thanks to her dad’s connections. Theo is going on to med school at UVA, and Hermione is still trying to figure it out.

Her mom, dad, Marlene, and the Potters all come to her graduation ceremony. Harry’s is apparently a week away, and he’s got an offer to play for the New England Revolution out of Boston.

In celebration, Theo, Daphne, Neville, Hermione, and their families all go out to dinner. Neville didn’t go to a four year school, he went to trade school—he’s had a job as a lineman for the last two years and has more money than any of them can dream of at their young age. So it shouldn’t surprise any of them when he reaches into his pocket and drops to a knee in the restaurant.

“Daphne Lenora Greengrass, I’ve loved you since we were kids, you just didn’t know it. Marry me and let’s make it official, yeah?”

Hermione wipes the tears from her eyes as Daphne nods her head, tears streaming down her face.

She always thought one day she’d see Harry drop to a knee, but they haven’t spoken in over a year. Effie catches her eye and winks at her. She’s doing better. She’s stronger. The doctors tell her she’s in early remission.

Theo orders them a bottle of champagne and they all go out to a party after. Marlene makes them promise to call her when they’re ready to leave. She tells Hermione it doesn’t matter how late it is, or where she is, she’ll come get them.

Hermione is grateful her dad fell in love with Marlene.

They spend the night dancing and drinking, and Hermione does her best to forget that Harry’s not with them.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

After a few months of doing odd jobs, babysitting, and a brief stint in their local bookstore, Hermione is finally offered a job in her field. Granted, it’s in Boston, but she tells herself Boston is a huge city. Over 620,000 people. The chances of running into him are slim to none.

Her parents help her pack up her things, and her dad drives the u-Haul up with Marlene, while she and her mom follow in the car. She almost can’t believe it’s happening. When they pull out of the driveway of the home she grew up in, she cries.

“It’s just a house, munchkin.”

“I know. Can we stop by the Potters? I want to say bye.”

“Call your dad and tell him so he knows.”

She knocks on the door to the house she once knew like her own. After a few minutes, Effie opens the door and a smile breaks across her face. “My girl! Oh, it’s so good to see you.”

Her dad pulls up with the u-Haul a few minutes after Helen parks the car. “Can I come in for a sec? I just wanted to say bye to you and Monty before we leave.”

“I can’t believe you’re leaving too. All my kiddos, grown and gone. Yes, come in. Come in.” She steps aside to let Hermione through the front door. “Montgomery, come here.”

“Yes, my love?” Monty calls as he descends the stairs.

Hermione’s standing there, holding Effie’s hand, and it takes everything in her not to break. Monty. Effie. Harry. They’re the best of everyone she’s ever known, ever loved. How can she do the next part without them?

“Come say bye, Hermione is leaving us.”

“I’m actually moving to Boston,” she informs them.

Monty nods. “Yes, your dad told us. You’ll say hi to Harry for us?”

Hermione catches his eye and does her best to keep her composure. “If I see him, of course.”

“We’re coming up for Thanksgiving in a few weeks, you know, help Harry get settled into his new apartment and all. We’ll call you, okay?” Effie hugs her once more and Hermione practically runs to the car.

“Drive, mom. Please drive.”

Her mom puts the car in drive and then reaches for her daughter’s hand. She doesn’t let go until Hermione is ready.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hermione goes home for four days for Christmas. It’s lucky for her that Christmas is on a Friday, and her boss tells her he doesn’t need her for research on the holiday or the day before. It means she’ll lose one day of pay, but it’s worth it to see her parents. She never thought of herself as a sentimental person or particularly attached to her hometown, but as she nears the exit to get off the highway, she feels waves of nostalgia wash over her. Her aunt Phoebe is in town for six weeks, so she’s been relegated to the basement room at her mom’s house. It’s fine. It’s only for a few days. She splits her time between her parents—spending Christmas Eve with her dad and Marlene, who give her a brand new MacBook, and Christmas Day with her mom and aunt. Her mom gives her a pair of boots and a gift card to her favorite bookstore. Phoebe gives her some makeup she’ll never wear and a necklace with a crystal hanging from the chain. She texts Monty and Effie on Christmas, telling them Happy Holidays and that she misses them. Anything else is too much. They tell her they love her and miss her too. That night, she goes out with Daphne and Neville to meet up with a bunch of their old classmates. Seamus is there, Ronnie is home for the holiday. His little sister Ginny is there, and Drake and Theo. And that’s when she sees him. Harry. He’s sitting at the end of the bar, hand around a bottle of beer, and smiling at someone whose back is to her. He’s grown a beard since she last saw him. She’s changed too, she realizes. Her hair is shorter, she has a tattoo he doesn’t know about, and he’s no longer the only boy who has known her body. Hermione tries to squeeze into the booth before he sees her, but it’s too late. Harry’s eyes light up and he excuses himself from the conversation to rush toward her. He doesn’t even say anything. He doesn't have to. He pulls her into his familiar embrace and she’s melting. Ronnie looks up at them and clears his throat. “What am I, chopped fucking liver? Were you even going to tell me you were in town, you prick?”He releases Hermione only to wrap Ronnie in a hug, their palms clapping each other’s backs. “It’s a quick trip, sorry dude. I wasn’t sure I’d even make it in time.”And then he’s pulling up a chair and his knee is brushing against hers beneath the table and she feels like she’ll explode if she stays a minute longer. “Sorry, I just—” she excuses herself and grabs her coat, heading out the back door to the patio. She doesn’t even smoke but she needs the fresh air. It’s not a minute later that the door opens behind her and she doesn’t even have to turn around to know who it is. “You couldn’t just leave me alone, could you?” She asks, her tone bitter after two gin and tonics. Harry takes a step closer to her, the heat from his body seeping into hers. “Now why would I do that?”She inhales sharply. Is she brave enough to say it? “Because we aren’t anything to each other anymore, Harry. Haven’t been in a long time.” He slides his hand around the back of her neck as he comes to stand in front of her. “Try saying that to me again.” His eyes search hers. She’s never been able to resist the pull he has on her. He is like gravity. She’s just an object lost in his atmosphere—constantly being pulled back in. Loving Harry is torturous. Dangerous. There have been times she’s wished she never met him. If only she’d been so lucky. Instead, he drops her breadcrumbs of affection and she devours them as though she is starving. “Harry, please…” She never gets to finish that sentence. Never gets to find out what she was going to ask him for. Before she does, his mouth is on hers and it’s like they never stopped. Lips coast over her jaw, down the exposed skin leading to the cut of her sweater. “Come home with me,” he begs. “I can’t do that. I can’t see them,” she whispers. “Then let’s go somewhere. Anywhere.” There’s a voice inside her head telling her not to, but she turns it off and follows him back inside. He doesn’t stop holding her hand. Not even when he has to awkwardly fish his wallet out of his pocket and pull some cash out to cover their tabs. He waves goodbye to their friends, and Daphne shakes her head. They make it all the way to the backseat of his car.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

After their brief encounter on Christmas Eve, Hermione reinstates her no contact rule with Harry. It’s easier this way, she tells herself. Her boss has her working on the high school sports section of the paper. It’s something she’s familiar with, and it earns her her first byline. When she goes out to celebrate with her coworkers that night, she meets a man who changes the course of her life. Remington Lupin. Remmy for short. He’s a professor at Boston College, and the second their hands touch, Hermione knows she’s in trouble.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Remington Lupin is kinder than she ever expected anyone to be. He sits up late with her while she works on perfecting her articles. He listens to her talk about the books she loves, even though they have wildly different tastes. When she stays the night at his place, he brings her breakfast and coffee in bed. Every time. He makes slow, sweet love to her. He unravels her, stitch by stitch. With Harry, the sex was good because she loved him so much. The two things were inseparable in her mind. With Remmy, it’s good because he makes it good. He learns what she likes, and what she likes is when he is soft with her. When he holds her in his arms, and she can feel almost whole again.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

In bed one morning, Remmy hands her a box. It’s small and Hermione’s heart stops in her chest. She knows what comes in small boxes. And it’s

far

too soon for something like that. He must sense her reticence, because his hand closes over it as he reassures her.

“Just open it, love.”

She does, and it’s nothing but a key. On a simple keychain.

He kisses her shoulder. “Move in with me. I know you said your lease is up in a few weeks, and you spend so much of your time here anyway.” His caramel eyes search hers, imploring her. She can’t say no to him. “Let me have you all to myself.”

He pulls her underneath him, his beard tickling the sensitive skin of her belly as he makes his way south.

She comes twice and agrees to move in with him in a few weeks.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“What would your parents say? I’m practically old enough to be your dad, princess.”

“What they don’t know won’t hurt them,” she replies as she sinks onto his lap.

“So, where do they think you’re living now?”

She buries her head in his chest and breathes him in. Sandalwood, citrus, and leather. “Again, my love, what they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

His thumbs rub circles on her back, but she can tell he’s growing irritated. “Hermione, please do me the kindness of answering the question.”

“They think I’ve moved in with a friend.”

“A friend.”

“Yes, Remington. You said it was better to keep this a secret for now, so here I am. Keeping it a secret.”

He sighs, and Hermione stands. “It’s just until my divorce is finalized, baby.”

“So you keep saying.”

“Do you not think I would be proud to have you publicly be mine?”

“I’d really rather not have this fight right now. Please, I’d just like to keep unpacking my things and order takeout and watch something together. Like a normal couple.”

“A normal couple,” he says, as he wraps his arms tightly around her and kisses her on her nose.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Her phone vibrates with an incoming call.

Harry Potter.

She throws her phone on the bed like it’s burned her.

It rings again and she just stares at it. When it rings a third time, she picks up.

“Oh, thank god you picked up. Are you going home this weekend for Daphne’s wedding?”

“Are you being serious right now? You called me three times in a row like someone died to ask me if I am going home for my best friend’s wedding? What the fuck, Harry? Of course I am.”

“Awesome. Can I send something with you?”

She rolls her eyes but agrees. Remmy isn’t coming with her. She’s not ready to explain

that

to her parents, but Daphne knows. “Send me your address. I’m leaving tomorrow at 8 and I’ll pick it up on my way.”

Pulling up outside his apartment building, she sees him waiting on the curb. She could fucking murder him. The

something

he wanted to send with Hermione?

It’s him. He’s riding down to the wedding with her. For a seven hour drive.

“Is this a new car?” He asks as he carefully lays a suit bag in the backseat.

“No, it’s a rental,” she grits out.

“Oh, I didn’t see a rental sticker on it.”

“Fine, it’s a friend’s car.”

‘That’s some friend to let you borrow their Audi.”

“Yeah, well,” she slams the door shut, securing her seatbelt. “He’s the kind of friend whose dick I suck on the regular, so he’s fine letting me borrow his car.”

That shuts him up.

When they stop for gas, Harry runs inside for snacks. He comes back out with armfuls of her favorites—Twizzlers, Hot Cheetos, and Swedish Fish, and a giant Dr. Pepper.

“Look,” he says once they’re back on the road. “I should've been honest with you about riding down with you. But I knew you’d say no, and I wanted to spend time with you.”

She lets herself chance a look at him. “Why?”

“Don’t be stupid, Hermione. You know why.”
A lump forms in her throat and she reaches for another twizzler to distract herself. 
“Even after all this time?”

“Always.”

They’re about to cross the Virginia border when their fingers brush as they both reach for the iPod. “You’re fine,” she says, “I’ve picked most of the ride. Go ahead.”

He scrolls through her music for a minute until he finds what he’s looking for. The first notes of the guitar fill the car, Hermione bites back a smile. It’s what she was going to play.

A year from now

We’ll all be gone

All our friends move away

And they’re going to better places

But our friends will be gone away

“Look,” Harry points to the sign on the highway that greets them as they cross the border into their home state. “We’re home.”

Nothing is as it has been

And I miss your face like hell

And I guess it’s just as well

But I miss your face like hell

“Are you staying with your parents?”

“No,” Hermione responds, “Daphne got us a few hotel rooms so we can all stay together. What about you?”

“No. I uh—I didn’t tell them I was coming home.”

“Why?”

“Just drop me off at the Hilton, okay?”

Hermione swallows hard. “That’s… that’s where we’re staying. Did you reserve a room ahead of time?”

“No, I just assumed there would be plenty of room. I mean, it’s not like tons of people left town and need a place to stay.”

“No, but their families have to travel. I don’t know if there will be room.”

“I’ll figure it out, Mione.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It turns out that Harry’s version of figuring it out involves Hermione sharing her room with him for the weekend. She tells herself it’s fine.

What she

doesn’t

do is tell Remmy. She didn’t tell him Harry rode down with her, and she’s certainly not telling him that he’s on the other double bed in the room with his headphones on.

She snaps her fingers trying to get his attention.

“Stop playing Angry Birds and listen.” He doesn’t even bother to look sheepish at her reprimand. She knows him like she knows the way home. “I have to go meet Daph and the rest of the bridesmaids for manicures.”

“OK.”

“Are you going to be okay by yourself?”

“Hermione, we’re in our hometown, not a third world country.

She hugs her arms tightly around herself. “I know, it’s just… I mean, you don’t have a car.”

“Ronnie is coming to get me. We’re going out for dinner. You don’t need to babysit me; I’ll see you later.”

Did he just

dismiss

her from her own room? She huffs and grabs a jacket before leaving. In the lobby, she sees Daphne and wraps her in an embrace.

“I can’t believe you’re getting

married,

Duck.”

Millie comes up beside her and hugs her, then she sees Daphne’s half-sister, Tori.

“Hey, Tor, long time no see.” Tori has spent most of her life in England, but she and Daphne have always been close.

“Alright!” Millie claps her hands. “Let’s go! I’m driving.”

Twenty minutes later, they’re all debating the merits of pink and nude and red. Daphne is, of course, getting a simple pink with a glitter accent nail. Hermione decides on a rich red that complements the spray tan she got before driving down. She felt silly standing nearly naked in front of someone while they air-brushed her, but now she feels like a goddess.

Between that and the nails, and the hair and makeup Millie is insisting on doing for everyone, she’s sure they will

all

feel like goddesses, but none more so than Daphne. 
She doesn’t tell Daphne that Harry came with her, or that he’s in her room. Or that she’s currently thinking about what sharing that room will be like for the next three days.

No, she keeps that all locked up inside her chest.

The next day, though, she’s found out. Daphne comes knocking on her door, because why

wouldn’t

she? Before Hermione can get out of bed, Harry’s there. Sleep-mussed and in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts.

“Oh, hey Daph! Congrats, I can’t believe you’re getting married

tomorrow

.” He holds the door open for her. “She’s still in bed.”

Daphne walks inside with a look that Hermione knows all too well. She’s already up, pulling a sweatshirt on over her head and glaring daggers at Harry.

“Well well well, what do we have here, my little mouse? Shacking up with Potter, are we?”

Daphne’s tone is playful, but Hermione can read between the lines. She’s pissed.

“No, nothing like that. Look,” Harry interjects. “I wanted to come down and I didn’t even tell Hermione I was getting in the car until I was getting in the car, and I didn’t plan ahead to make my own reservation.”

This time, it’s the bride-to-be who interrupts. “So why aren’t you staying with your parents, then?”

Harry has the sense to look down at his feet, at least. “I didn’t tell them I was here.”

“Okay, and?”

“And they have enough on their plate right now, Daph. So I’m just here to celebrate you. You and Neville getting married. Can we let that be enough right now?”

Daphne grabs Hermione’s hand and pulls her out of the room. Once they’re in the hallway, Daphne gives Hermione a look she knows well. One that says “spill it, sister.”

“There’s nothing to tell, Daph. I swear. We rode down yesterday, and he’s telling the truth. I didn’t know about it until he got in my car. I haven’t told anyone because it doesn’t matter.”

Daphne crosses her arms. “Right, and I’m not slightly pissed that I saw Ronnie downstairs. What is he even doing here? It’s

my wedding.

You didn’t even tell Remmy that Harry was with you?”

Hermione shakes her head. “No, that… that doesn’t seem like a fight worth having during my best friend’s wedding.” Throwing her arm around said best friend, she nuzzles her head into Daphne’s perfectly bleached blonde hair. “I want everything to be perfect for you, Ducky.”

Daphne rolls her eyes but hugs Hermione back. “Okay, Mouse, let’s go pick up my dress. It’s at my aunt’s house.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The wedding takes place at an old factory downtown overlooking the river. Hermione is the maid of honor, and the entire time Neville and Daphne are up there, exchanging their vows, it’s all she can do not to seek out Harry’s eyes in the audience.She left him early that morning, whispering that she’d see him later. He mumbled something and rolled back over. But she saw him when he came in. He’s wearing a dark green suit that compliments the color of his eyes perfectly, and it’s perfectly tailored to fit him. The bridesmaids are all wearing variations of the same dress. Hermione’s is a cinnamon colored, one-shoulder chiffon dress that hits right above her knees. Her hair is pinned back, and she can feel his eyes on her, even as she takes Seamus’s arm and walks down the aisle after the bride and groom. Seamus whispers in her ear and she can’t help the smile that blooms across her face. “He’s staring, let’s make it worthwhile, yeah?”She nods against his chest, not knowing what, exactly, the unruly boy she’s known all these years has up his sleeve, but trusting him nonetheless. They get to the end of the aisle and go back to the holding space for photos. “Did you see that movie, Crazy Stupid Love?” He asks. She nods. “Did you? ” “Yeah, my ex-girlfriend made me go. Do you remember the move?” Hermione snorts, and Tori shoots her an unappreciative glare, the Greengrass is too busy trying to get her groomsman to pay attention to her. “Do you mean the move from Dirty Dancing ?”“No, I mean like in Crazy Stupid Love when Emma Stone runs into Ryan Gosling’s arms and he lifts her up and she slides down his body.” “Yeah, that’s literally from Dirty Dancing,” Hermione tries to correct him, but he’s not having it. “Whatever, I can do that. I can lift you up. I see the way you and Potter are still making eyes at each other all these years later. You wanna make him jealous?”Hermione bites her lip and considers the ramifications if she does. There will certainly be pictures. Can Seamus really do it? Will Harry even care? Will Remmy? “Okay.”Seamus gives her a wide grin. ”Let’s go outside and practice first.”She kicks off her shoes, the ground cold beneath her feet. Hermione can feel her blood thrumming in her veins and she’s trying to convince herself that she can do this. That Seamus is someone she can trust. He already lifted her up once, just to show her he could. Now, she just has to run at him and jump. And trust him. What she needs is a shot. Thankfully, Seamus is ever the groomsman and pulls a flask from his jacket pocket. “C’mere, Granger. Come take a sip.” She does, and the cinnamon whiskey warms her as she does. “Okay,” she says, “let’s fucking do this.” Hermione’s heart begins to pound in her chest, and even though she has a grin on her face, she’s nervous. She lets the courage from the shot fill her as she runs, full speed, at Seamus. He lifts her up and she’s nearly horizontal in the air when he begins to drag her down his body. Slowly. And then she hears a clap. Her eyes dart, searching for the source. And it’s Harry. Her heart sinks. She’s torn. She and Seamus have to rejoin the group in a moment for their entrance to the reception, but Harry is walking away. “Go,” he says. “I’ll stall.”She runs after him, chasing him around the back of the venue. “Harry!” He keeps walking. “Harry, stop!”He doesn’t. “Harry James Potter, stop walking away from me.” She throws a shoe in his direction for added dramatics. That gets his attention. “What, Hermione? What is it?” He spins on his heel, grabbing her shoe and stalking towards her. His eyes are ablaze and she sees it then. She sees everything between them burning so hot she’s shocked they’re both still standing. “You put on a nice little show back there with Seamus, and you’ve got your boyfriend back home, so what do you fucking want from me, huh?”He’s ramrod straight, his shoulders square as he breathes in through his nose. She shoves him. He doesn’t budge an inch.“You got my attention, I’m here now. So what is it?” Hermione rips her shoe from his hand and turns to walk away from him. She doesn’t know what she wants, but she knows what she needs . She doesn’t know what to say to him. But his fingers are wrapped around her wrist and it’s just like prom night. She spins. She spins into him and just loses it. She starts sobbing into his chest. Big, ugly tears that she’s not supposed to lose until her speech.  Fuck, her speech. His arms wrap around her and hold her until she regains her composure. “Do not follow me inside, Harry." She looks at him and she's so angry she can feel her hands shaking. "But if you’re not back in five minutes, I’ll be so angry with you.”His thumbs swipe under her eyes, and he gives her that smile that she’s loved for nearly half her life. Once inside, she heads for the bathroom, swipes on a fresh coat of lipstick and gives herself a pep talk. She can do this. She  downs two glasses of champagne, and puts her mask back on, and is the maid of honor she is supposed to be. Dinner is served and she forces herself through the motions as she replays the last hour. The look on his face. The way he reached for her. The way he looks in his fucking suit. Before she knows it,  it’s time for her speech. She clinks her fork against her glass and reaches for the microphone. “Hi, everyone. I’m Hermione, the maid of honor. Let me ask you guys a quick question. Who here believes in love at first sight?”Waiting, she watches as a few young hopefuls raise their hands, and a handful of older couples do as well. “I think I do, but I know Daphne and Neville don’t. But what I do know is that they believe that love is work. They’ve shown me, in the time they’ve been together, what it means to sacrifice. To work. To honor, and to rely on the strength of the person beside you.” She smiles as she looks at the newly married couple. “Daph, I never believed you would be the first one to get married. But I am so, so honored to have stood with you and Nev and listened to you make vows to each other. But as my best friend, I have to make a vow to you now.”Hermione feels a tear slide down her cheek at the same moment she sees one slide down Daphne’s. “Daphne Lenora Longbottom.” Her voice cracks as she begins. “I vow to always be here for you. I vow to always answer your absurd questions and let you drive and order mimosas no matter what time it is.” She pauses, smiling broadly as a soft rumble of laughter rolls through the room.“I vow,” she continues, turning back to her best friend, “to you and Neville, to always remind you of the promises you made to each other today, and be the best aunt to your future little monsters. I love you both, congrats, you two!”Both Daphne and Neville stand and hug her, Neville kissing the side of her cheek while Daphne holds her for a moment longer. Neither of them are willing to let go; they both know when they do, something will have shifted that can’t be shifted back. Their arms tighten around each other, just another second. Just another breath. Hermione might call Daphne first in an emergency for years to come, but no longer will Daphne call her first. Neville has claimed that space, and Hermione…Hermione has to let go. She takes a fortifying breath and gives Daphne her best smile, nods, and walks back to her seat. Seamus stands to give his speech, and Hermione slips out the back. It’s a habit she hides from everyone else. Only in the quiet of the night does she let herself do it. She finds a group of people and asks if she can bum a cigarette, but before she brings the lighter to her mouth, a hand appears and lights it for her. “You know, you really shouldn’t do that.”She doesn’t even inhale. She drops it, feeling too caught and too guilty to partake now. “Can I ask you something, Mione?” He pulls her away from the couple she bummed the cigarette from, and she nods her acquiescence. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”Her cheeks burn as she meets his eyes. 
Freshman year. English class. The notes they passed. The way he held her hand in the backseat of the car on the way home from the beach. The first time they kissed. 
It’s too much for it just to be first sight .  “I don’t know. Do you?”“I think so.” He reaches out, brushing a curl out of her face. “Come back inside and dance with me.”“That’s a ba—” Harry cuts her off, holding his thumb against her lip, and she wants him to smear her lipstick. Hike up her dress and remind her who loved her first. She opens her mouth slightly, eyes locked on his, and nips the pad of his finger. “No more excuses tonight, Mione. No more hiding from me.” She attends to Daphne the rest of the night, being the consummate maid of honor. Everyone dances. Everyone drinks. Laughs. They cut the cake. They dance some more. Finally, the DJ announces it’s the last song of the night. The slow opening chords of Hold You In My Arms by Ray LaMontagne begin to play, and Hermione stands off to the side. Seamus is dancing with Astoria, much to Hermione’s surprise. And then she feels him. His hand at the small of her back leading her out onto the floor. She turns into him without a word, their hands interlocking as she rests her head on his chest. He smells like home. Like the sea, and fresh air, and him. Her other hand is wrapped around the back of his neck, and her fingers scratch at the hair there. She’s always loved the way the short hair feels against her fingertips. “Hermione,” she feels him whisper against her ear. When she looks up, she knows. She nods, and when the dance ends, he waits for her to finish helping Daphne into the getaway car. To finish helping clean up. To get Millie and Dean into a car. He waits for it to be the two of them. And then he takes her hand and drives them back to the hotel.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The drive back is silent. He holds her hand, his thumb stroking hers, and when they pull into the parking lot, he turns to her, a question in his eyes.

“Let’s go inside, Har.”

At some point, he loosened his tie, and she can see the gold chain under his shirt, and she wants to tug it between her teeth.

They manage to keep their hands off each other in the lobby, which is crawling with their former classmates. But the second the elevator doors close, Harry pushes her up against the wall.

“Tell me, Hermione,” his breathing is ragged. “Tell me I can have you.” His eyes dart back and forth between her eyes and lips.

“You’ve always had me, Harry.”

His lips crash into hers so forcefully that Hermione gasps, and when the doors open, Harry pulls her down the hallway. Hermione giggles, and Harry doesn’t look around. Doesn’t care if anyone sees them. She can’t say she does, either.

Inside their room, Harry undresses her with a practiced ease. When he tells her she’s beautiful, she knows he means it. It’s not like when Remmy says it and she has to wonder how he means it.

Harry presses his lips to her collarbone as he gently lowers her to the bed. She’s almost completely bare before him, and he’s still wearing his suit. Something about that turns her on more than she can say. When his fingers find her clit, when he makes her come for the first time, she twists the fabric of his shirt so roughly she’s certain it will never come unwrinkled.

He finally undresses and Hermione climbs on top of him. He’s all hard muscle and sinew, and she’s nothing but putty in his hands.

He pulls her face to his, kissing her as she lowers herself onto him, inch by inch. “It’s not like this with other people,” he says. It’s a confession, a promise.

“I like you more than other people.”

“I don’t just like you, Hermione.”

She’s rocking her hips back and forth, chasing the feeling they both crave. “Don’t say that, Harry.”

“Why?”

His arm snakes up between them, roughly  palming her breast. She closes her eyes and pushes the thought of Remmy out of her mind.

“I love you, Hermione. I’ve always fucking loved you.”

A tear slides down her cheek. She stills on top of him. Instead of finishing, Harry wraps his arms around her and holds her.

Guilt gnaws at the corner of her mind like an errant mosquito. It’s complicated. It’s

always

complicated between them. It should be as easy as breathing, but they’ve never gotten it quite right.

But he said it. And she knows it’s true like she knows the way home. He loves her.

That outweighs any guilt she should feel as she burrows herself into his arms. As he wraps her up, she feels safer, and she pushes thoughts of the other man she loves far from her mind. Hermione

knows

this is temporary. But she allows herself to enjoy this little corner of the universe they’ve managed to steal. She won’t let anything muddy the waters. 
The next morning, when she wakes up, he’s gone. There’s a note that simply reads: I meant what I said. I got a rental. Let me know when you’re ready to talk.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She keeps the note folded up in her phone case. She has to keep it close to her at all times. A reminder of her secret. Hermione knows better than to call it forbidden. There’s nothing wrong with loving Harry. It’s wrong to lie to Remmy, and to hide herself away the way she does, but what she has with Harry transcends everything else. It has for years. And so, not five weeks after the wedding, she can’t bear it anymore. The stolen texts from Harry in the middle of the night, the way she watches her phone, hoping every notification is from him. She tells Remmy everything. She tells him about the boy she met when she was fourteen years old and how she’s never been able to let him go. She tells him that she saw him at Daphne’s wedding and one thing led to another and… Remmy takes her hands in his. “Shhh, come here, please don’t cry.” Hermione can’t look at him. He sighs, heavy and horrible and she feels, more than anything, that she’s disappointed him. His thumbs brush over her knuckles and she can’t catch her breath. He laughs a sad laugh, and that’s when she realizes. He doesn’t love her. It hurts. Just for a moment. Part of her wanted him to be hurt. Devastated. To be angry and mourn her. Not because of the time they’d spent together but because of who they’d been to each other. But she’s never mattered to him in a real, substantial way. She was just a placeholder.“I think, Mi, I understand better than you know, that love can be messy.”“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just…” “You just did. And I forgive you.” He sighs, standing from the kitchen table where they’ve unravelled the strings of their relationship. “I think I’ll go stay with a friend tonight. Give you some space.”“You don’t need–”“Yeah, I do.”Remmy leaves her alone, and she calls her mom. She hadn’t intended to. Daphne would’ve been her first thought, but she doesn’t want to burden her with it. “Hi, my sweet munchkin, how are you?”The moment she hears her mom’s voice, she unravels. The torrent of emotion spills out of her. She lays it all bare for her mother to hear. All the sordid details of her and Harry’s relationship over the years, the truth about Remmy… all of her messy parts. She wasn’t a liar. She wasn’t a cheater. She was a good girl. Her mom had raised her to be good. And all of that had fallen apart and she’d found herself in a relationship that led her to not only cheating on the man she thought she loved, but not trusting herself with making decisions. She didn’t recognize herself. Helen does not have a single word of judgment or contempt, or even disappointment. Instead, her mom offers to come help her move out. Find a place of her own. She stays the night in an empty house until her mom arrives first thing in the morning.They pack her things, sorted through what was hers and what wasn’t. The entire time, her mom encourages her, even though Hermione doesn’t feel like she deserves it. Of course, Remmy makes himself sparse while they pack her life away into boxes, another kindness she doesn’t deserve, but one he gives her all the same. Perhaps that is why the tears continue to fall, and the ache in her chest continues to expand. He’s kind to her. She betrayed him. He knows it, she knows it, and he’s acting like it’s just another Tuesday. They spend a few nights in a hotel while they look at apartments, all of Hermione’s things in her car and the rest in her storage unit. At night, she and her mom get takeout and watch tv in comfortable silence, and she’s just grateful her mom isn’t making her feel worse than she already does.Hermione finds a small place five blocks from her job. It’s smaller than she’s used to, and it’s expensive, but it has a window in every room, and plenty of kitchen space for her to cook. Her mom stays for a week to help her unpack and get settled. One afternoon, while Helen is doing just that, Hermione takes the subway across town to return Remmy’s key and a few other things, as well as get a few final things of her own. She’s tired, and her arms burn from moving furniture up three flights of stairs, and when she rings the bell, she can see a woman in the kitchen window. His not so ex-wife. Her heart sinks at the realization. It hasn’t even been a week, and the woman crawled her way back into his life. He’s not yours anymore, Hermione, she chides herself. Remmy answers. “Hey, come on in.”She gives him a tight smile and steps through the door into the house she used to call home. Dora, his ex-wife, leans against the counter, sipping out of a mug that Hermione gave Remmy. She nods to Hermione as she walks up the stairs. She and Remmy enter their old bedroom, which looks much different than it did just a few weeks ago. On a chair in the corner there’s a box of her things. “So, I’ve boxed up everything else I thought you might—”“Remington, I’m so sorry.” Her voice is barely a whisper, and she feels like she might break at any moment with the weight of everything that’s happened in the last few days. She wants to reach out, touch him. Hold him. Put the broken pieces back together, if only for a moment.“We’ve been through this, Hermione,” he chides. Remmy turns to her and his face is so full of genuine kindness it cracks her heart even more. “You made a choice, and I am not holding that choice against you. I think you’ll see I’ve made a choice as well, she’s downstairs.”Hermione’s cheeks flush. She waited the better part of a year for him to make a different choice, for his divorce to be finalized. She reaches out and takes his hand, squeezes once. He was always kind to her, she can’t fault him for that. She was just a proxy. It’s then that she understands he was too. That thought allows her to give herself a bit more grace than she’s allowed herself over the last month. The last week. Remmy was never hers. She was certainly never his.“There’s the photos we took together on that beach trip… I thought you might want those. Keep them or destroy them, there are no other copies. And I’ve deleted them off my phone.”Her cheeks flush hot with the memory. “Thank you, I appreciate that.”“There’s also the vase I bought at the flea market—the one with the sunflowers on it. I put that in there. And the Little Women first edition.”“You can’t—”He raises his hand to stop her. “I can, and I want to. I know how much you love that book; you deserve to have it.”She runs her finger across the spine. “I didn’t deserve you,” she whispers. He wraps her in a hug, and she tells herself she won’t cry. It’s not that she’s sad over the dissolution of their relationship—it’s that she mourns who she was. That she will never be someone untouched by Harry, and she can never unlove him, and that has tainted her for everyone else she will ever love. “You deserve more than me, love, and you’ll get it. I wish you every success and happiness, and I’ll be watching for your articles. I know you’ll be great, Hermione.”She kisses him on the cheek and grabs her box. Outside, it’s begun to snow. It’s a week before Christmas, and for the first time in a long time, Hermione feels like herself.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

HP: What are you doing tonight?HG: I haven’t heard from you since the wedding and this is how you break radio silence?HP: Come to the game tonight. HG: I haven’t come to one of your games since college.HP: I know. Come. Mom and dad willbe there. HG: Since when do you use your parents as bait?HP: Since now. Is it working? HG: What time is the game? HP: Kick-off is at 5:30. I’ll leave youa ticket at will-call. You’ll be in thebox with mom and dad. HP: And Hermione? Don’t leave rightafter the game. I need to see you.She has four hours until the game starts. She immediately FaceTimes Daphne. “Daph.”“Oh my god, Hermione, why do you look like you’ve just been hunted down by the Volturi?” “Are you alone right now?”She sees Daphne move something next to her. “Nev, go downstairs. This is girl time.” Turning her attention back to Hermione, she says, “I am now. What’s up?”“I have to tell you something and you have to promise not to be mad at me.”Her best friend rolls her eyes. “I’ll bet you a hundred dollars I already know.”Hermione pauses. “What… What do you know? Or think you know?”Daphne takes a sip of her Diet Coke. “That you fucked Harry the night of my wedding.”Hermione’s jaw drops. “How did you know that?”“Mouse, how long have we been friends? And how long have you and Harry been doing this same fucking song and dance? I’m not stupid, babe. What happened?”Hermione tells her everything, what Harry said, the way Remmy was so gracious about it, how she and Harry went radio silent again. Until today. “You’re going, right?”“I mean, yeah. I just… Duck, what am I doing?”“I think that’s a question you have to answer for yourself.”Hermione lays back on the bed, bemoaning her life. “Can you at least help me pick out what to wear?”They decide on a white cotton shirt with textured eyelets, high-waisted, green pants, and a pair of platform sandals. Cute. Simple. She grabs her denim jacket to throw on over the blouse, in case it gets colder later. At will-call, she picks up her ticket and asks a staff member to direct her towards the box section she’ll be in. She can’t believe she’s not seen Harry play at a professional level. There’s still thirty minutes until kick-off, and she seeks him out on the field. It’s easy. She can find him in a sea of people. Number nineteen. She pulls open the door to the box section and Effie nearly knocks over an entire pitcher of water in her excitement. “Oh my god. It’s Hermione! Montgomery, it’s Hermione! Oh, come here, sweet girl. Come let me see you.” She embraces Effie and Monty, their presence sorely missed in her life these last few years. Monty points to the large screen tv in the room and tells her that while they can watch the field, they can also watch the screen, which follows play. She can order whatever she wants to eat or drink, and it’s free. After a few minutes, another family joins them, and Effie tells her they share the box with Harry’s teammate, Blaise. A young woman waves to them. She’s holding a baby on her hip while she points at the screen. Hermione can hear her saying, “Look, there’s dada.”She follows Effie’s lead and orders a vodka tonic, slowly sipping through the first half. The Revolution are playing the Houston Dynamo, and at halftime, the game is tied 0-0. All she can think about is that game nine years ago when she asked him to score for her and he did. And how it felt like butterflies erupted behind her lungs. She’s not sure why, but she feels nervous again. She wishes he could see her. “Are we allowed to go closer to the field?”Effie looks at her, her eyes full of wisdom and admiration. “There’s nothing that says you can’t, baby girl.” Monty looks at his watch. “You’ve got about fourteen minutes until they come out of the tunnel. If you hurry, you’ll be able to see him before he takes the field.”She curses herself for having worn the sandals, but Effie reads her mind. “Switch shoes with me.” Hermione slips on Effie’s flats and takes off running down the stadium stairs, rounding the concrete cylinders in search of one thing. One man. She makes it with three minutes to spare, and she’s waiting on the edge of the gate when the players reemerge. “Nineteen,” she calls. Her heart is pounding wildly in her chest like she’s fifteen years old. It’s been months since she’s seen him.  Harry’s head pops up and he gives her that same smile she’s always loved. She winks at him. “Score for me, yeah?”He grins, and salutes her. Hermione swears she’s sixteen again. She quickly punches out a text to Effie, telling her she’s going to stay down by the field for a few minutes. She tells herself it’s just until he scores. It takes him most of the second half, but she doesn’t mind. Watching Harry play is something she’s always loved. He’s so good. So fast. So dedicated. Briefly, she wonders what it would be like if he could dedicate himself to her—what they could be like. Thirty three minutes in and he does it. Hermione shouts, pumping her arms into the air. She’s so proud of him. As she gets up to return to her seat, the crowd around her tells her to turn around. They’re all pointing to something on the field. It’s Harry. They’re pointing to him and he’s pointing to her. The game is being televised and she can read his lips. “That was for you, baby. It’s all for you.”She’s blushing and rolls her eyes. He’s always been a show-off, but this once? After everything? She doesn’t mind everyone knowing. Finally.She makes her way upstairs, whistles and high fives being given as she does, and Monty slow claps as she enters the room. “I’ve been waiting for you two to get your shit together for longer than I can remember.”Effie slaps his hand. “I’m just so happy, Hermione. It’s about time. You two can be together at last.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

For Harry’s birthday, he rents a house for the two of them in Bar Harbor. For a week. Hermione keeps telling him she can’t take that kind of time off work. He tells her she can. She finally relents. It’s not like she doesn’t have the PTO.

So they spend a week together, just the two of them. It makes her feel like an adult, and even though neither of them are old enough to rent a car, Harry talks the manager at the airport into doing him a favor. He’s a big soccer fan, and Harry signs an autograph for the guy’s son.

They go on a whale sighting boat ride, and while they don’t see anything, Harry’s hand in hers makes up for it. They eat lobster rolls, take a hike in Acadia National Park, and play VHS tapes in the old VCR in the living room. They play Scrabble every night, and spend countless hours in bed.

Harry tells her he loves her. That he’s sorry for wasting so much time.

On their second to last night, they share a bottle of chardonnay on the dock leading up to the house. Their feet dangle off, barely skimming the surface of the water.

“What are you thinking about?” Hermione asks.

He’s quiet for a minute, and she studies him. His hair lightened by the time in the sun. The way his skin tans while hers burns. Her heart is near to bursting with how much she loves him.

“I’m thinking about how much we’ve changed over the years. About how much we don’t know each other anymore.”

His tone is light, but something about it scares her. “What do you mean? We’re still the same people, Har.”

“I mean, is your favorite ice cream still the same? What’s your favorite band? How do you like to be fucked, really? Do you want kids? Do you still want to go to the Middle East and write about the war?”

Lacing her fingers through his, she brings his hand to her lips, brushing his knuckles with a kiss.

“My favorite ice cream is still the same, and I go to Fortescue’s every time I’m home. My favorite band is Fleetwood Mac, but you already knew that. I do want kids. But I only want them with you. I don’t want to go to the Middle East anymore. I want to be here. I want to be with you.”

Harry pulls her into his lap. “And as for how I like to be fucked. Well,” she rolls her hips. “I think that’s something you’re already exceeding expectations in, wouldn’t you say?”

He kisses her, but she can tell something’s off. “Harry,” she whispers against his lips. “How do you like to be fucked?”

“It doesn’t matter," he says, making his tone light. "I have you, and I love you, and that’s all that matters.”

She runs her fingers through his hair. “Tell me.”

He picks her up, abandoning the wine glasses, the bottle… all of it, and carries her inside. Once they’re back inside the house, he lays her out on the bed. Her two hands held between one of his above her head.

“Do you want me to show you, baby? Can I show you how I like to fuck?” His breath is a whisper against her skin, and she erupts in goosebumps as he kisses down her neck. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes, Harry.”

He pulls her into a seated position, looking her in the eyes. “First, Hermione, you need to know that I would never do anything to harm you. But… I might…”

She reaches out to brush his cheek. “You want to hurt me, don’t you?”

He closes his eyes, and for a moment, she can see the shame written all over him.

“I don’t want to hurt

you

, baby. But, I… I like it rough. I might…”

“I trust you.”

“You can’t just say–”

“Harry, I’ve known you since we were fourteen years old. I’ve loved you every day since then, even the ones I didn’t want to.” She rests her forehead against his. “I trust you not to harm me.”

“You’ll tell me to stop if you want me to stop.” She nods, and he kisses her again. Rougher. Harsher. Like he’s laying claim to every one of those days they weren’t together.

“I love you, you know that, right?” Again, Hermione nods. Her heart is pounding in her chest. She can feel her pulse racing and she feels electric. Harry pushes her back on the bed.

He’s so beautiful,

she thinks.

He unbuttons her linen dress, exposing the fact that she’s not wearing anything underneath. “Look at you,” he pinches one of her pert nipples between his fingers. Just enough to hurt, and then more. “You’re so

perfect.

”

“Turn over,” she hears him say. His voice is harsh. Harder than she’s heard before. She complies, and Harry reminds her, “Tell me to stop, and I will.”

His hand rubs her ass in small circles for a minute before he brings his palm down in a sharp smack. She jolts forward with the motion, surprised by the uncharacteristic show of violence from Harry. He smooths his palm over her skin and does it again. This time she’s ready for it.

He alternates back and forth between soothing and spanking, and by the time he’s done, she’s crying silent tears. She can feel her arousal, but it’s laced with something else.

Something heavy.

When he pushes into her, she’s still on her knees, facing away from him. Hermione wants to look at him. She needs to see him, look him in the eyes. She needs to be reassured of his love for her. He pounds into her. His fingers tangle in her curls and pull backwards, and he’s telling her what a

good girl

she is.

Hermione doesn’t come. When Harry finishes, he collapses beside her and pulls her to his chest. He tells her he loves her.

But why doesn't it feel like it?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She operates on auto-pilot for months, and really, she’s just so happy that she and Harry are finally making it work. They wasted so much time with their stubbornness that she drinks up every moment they have together as if he is her own personal oasis in the midst of a desert. The novelty of being together sets in, and they establish little routines. Take-out Friday’s. Sleeping in on days Harry doesn’t have a game. He comes to visit her at work after practice and the girls all fawn over him.When he’s scouted by Chelsea just three months into their relationship, the problems begin.  She can’t leave and he can’t stay. He promises to come home as often as he can, and she’ll go visit, too. But when he comes home, it’s like Bar Harbor. That night they never talk about. He’s so hungry for her and she’s so desperate for him that she consents before she can even think about it. Hermione’s spent her whole life loving him and missing him. It costs her nothing to love him the way he needs. That’s what she tells herself, anyway. That she can suppress the need inside of her that aches for him. Every stolen moment they’re together just doesn’t feel like the time to tell him she needs more. It certainly never seems like the right time to tell him that she doesn’t like it when he pulls her hair, or pushes her up against the wall. Ever since that night, he’s been more careful. She can give him that. It clearly wasn’t something that either of them could move past, but she needs more, and he needs her to need less, and it’s just not working. Not when he's only home for three days at a time. Four, if she’s lucky. She doesn’t want to ruin it. Not when she finally has the boy she’s loved longer than she hasn’t. But she spends more time alone than they do together. And being with Harry shouldn’t be hard. 
It wasn’t supposed to be this hard.
Then again, she’s not even really with Harry. She tells him that she misses him, and when he’s there, it’s so good. It’s so easy. He kisses her. Holds her in bed. Tells her he loves her. The longest they go is a month. A month and one of them is on a plane. But then Harry calls one week and tells her he has training… he’ll be home in two weeks. “Baby, I’m sorry.”“I wish I could believe you, Har.”He’s sweaty from practice, and she watches him drag a hand through his hair on screen and she knows it was the wrong thing to say. She knows he’s not cheating on her. She just so sick of doing it all alone. “I’m doing this for us. Just be patient with me, okay? I promise I’ll make it up to you.”She takes a deep breath and nods. She shoves down the little voice that tells her not to believe him. It’s Harry. Of course she says yes. It’s another month before he makes it home. And the first thing he does is ruck up her dress and fuck her against the door. He kisses her and she can feel how much he’s missed her, but not how much he loves her. There’s something inherently violent in the way he holds her hips. She turns her head so she doesn’t have to see his face when he comes. Hermione knows. She knows he doesn’t mean to make her feel like this. But he can’t see that she’s not meant to be deprived of his love for so long. And so the distance grows a bit further. His hunger for her grows, and they spend more time in bed than they do talking. And maybe that’s why she tolerates it. The ferocity with which he craves her makes her feel like…at least, on some level, he still desires her. Even though it’s not how he would have it, or how she would have it… they can still have this. The last night before he leaves, she tells him. “I don’t… Harry, I don’t think I can keep doing this.”His head whips to hers. She’s in the kitchen of her apartment. He’s lying on the couch on his phone. “What?”Her voice is shaking and the tears are already streaming down her face. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Effie said she knew she loved Monty from the time she was a little girl. And Hermione has always known.
So why can’t they make it work?
“This. I can’t keep missing you like this just to have you here but not have you. When you’re here, we fuck, and we don’t talk, and then you sleep and you’re gone again in three days. And all I do is miss you. I’ve spent my whole life missing you, Harry.”He climbs over the back of the couch in a rush to get to her. “Don’t…Hermione, please, I told you, this isn’t forever. Baby, please don’t.” He crushes her to him, his arms a comfort and an agony.She pushes him off, and she can see that he’s crying too. “I love you, Hermione. I have always loved you.”She hits her chest. “Then why don’t I feel it? You say it, and you say it, and you come home and you fuck me like I’m just some girl you met at a bar. Not someone you’ve loved since you were fifteen. And then you leave.” She wipes at the tears. She can’t meet his eyes. If she does, it’s all over. “I don’t want to do this anymore. Please, Harry, I am begging you.” She doesn’t need his permission; it’s over, but she needs this one thing from him. The one thing he has never given her. “Please let me go.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It was getting easier to breathe.

She’s sleeping through the night again. There are days she doesn’t even

think

about Harry. Living without him becomes bearable once more. She’s achieved a promotion at work. She has bylines. She even had a piece picked up by the NYT.

Then Daphne calls her to tell her she’s pregnant.

Hermione lays down on the floor and cries.

There is a hole inside her chest that is so large it threatens to swallow her. Nothing else matters. Not the promotion. Not the raise and the

slightly

larger apartment she moved into across the hall.

The thought occurs to her… perhaps she could call Remmy. If for no other reason than to ask if she could lay her head on his chest. To hear his beating heart. He was always so kind to her. She thinks he might say yes.

Hermione needs to be reminded that she was

loved.

She needs to be reminded that she was touched by someone who cherished her. That she was holy to someone.

It feels like at every turn, she’s being lapped. She’s starved for touch, but she’s starved for

progress.

If Hermione looks back at her life, can she pinpoint where she went wrong? Every time she blinks, someone else is engaged. Someone else is pregnant. And she hasn’t reached a single

one

of the milestones she set for herself.  Ronnie and his girlfriend are expecting, and Millie and Dean just got engaged… and

fuck.

Hermione missed it.

She’s still standing in the station, waiting to board the train everyone else is already on. She’s stagnant.

She calls Theo, forgetting he’s too busy with his current rotation to answer. She just needs

someone

to talk to.

When he doesn’t answer, she watches her hands from outside her body. They’re shaking as they do what she promised herself she wouldn’t. She breaks her rule and calls Harry.

He picks up on the first ring.

“Hey, you,” he says, and it’s like no time passed at all. Like nothing changed between them, and she tries her best to stifle her sobs. “Mione, what’s wrong?”

“I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…” She tries to take a calming breath but it backfires, and she’s gasping for air, stammering over her words, and between her lack of oxygen and her nerves she blurts out. “I miss you, Harry.”

He mumbles something, and she can hear him shifting around.

“Hold on a sec, Mione.”

She can hear him talking to someone, but it’s muffled by his hand. “Okay, sorry. What’s going on?”

Her heart drops and she knows better than to ask. But in for a penny, in for a pound, as they say. And she’s never had any control when it comes to Harry.

“Is that…are you with someone right now?” She immediately regrets it. She’s played her cards and her heart is pounding wildly in her chest. She’s too exposed.

She never should’ve called.

The line is quiet for a few moments, and she hears him inhale deeply. “That’s not—”

“Harry, tell me. Are you with someone right now?”

She hears him take a deep breath. “Yes.” He isn’t mad. He doesn’t try to explain it further.

“Well, don’t let me keep you.” She hangs up the phone.

She throws her phone into the pile of clothes on her bed, unsure who she’s angrier with: Harry or herself. He did what she asked. He let her go, and she has no claim to him anymore. She feels lonelier than she did when she called, and she hates herself for that.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Charlie

fucking

Weasley? Is that you?”

Hermione let her new coworker, Padma, talk her into going to the Hamptons for the Fourth. Padma’s family is

filthy

rich, and they’re at someone’s party Hermione doesn’t know. But the alcohol is free, and that’s really all she cares about tonight. Padma convinces her to wear something white and halfway sheer that she feels more than uncomfortable in.

“Oh fuck, little Hermione Granger all grown up. I haven’t seen you since Ronnie’s graduation. Jesus,” he says, carding a hand through his hair. “How the fuck are you?”

His crass words stand out at such a posh place, but that’s something Hermione’s always admired about the Weasleys—they don’t care what others think of them, while she is busy trying to clock everyone’s opinion.

“I’m okay,” she says, attempting to convince herself of that fact. And it’s mostly true.

She’s started running again. She found a therapist. She talks to Daphne once a week. The baby, a little girl, is due any day.

Charlie wraps her up in a crushing hug and then steps back, his eyes roving over her in a way that makes her feel seen for the first time in far too long.

“Oh, I call bullshit on that, pretty girl. Come on, tell me what you need. You need a drink? A pill? You need me to off someone?” His thumb grazes her jaw, and Hermione’s skin is suddenly on fire.

Her eyes flash to his. The same crystalline blue as Ronnie’s, but with crinkles at the edges. His long red hair tied in a bun on top of his head. He’s a good eight years older than her, and she wants to know what those eight years have taught him. His hands are rough, and he’s covered in tattoos.

“What are you even

doing

here, Charlie?” She playfully pushes him away and pivots the conversation away from herself, trying to land on easier ground.

“Oh, I was just helping captain a boat for some rich fucks for the last few months while they sailed. Now I’m back, looking for my next gig.” He lifts his drink and takes a sip before handing it to Hermione. “What are

you

doing here?”

She takes a long drink. “Trying to forget.”

He leans down, his lips brushing the shell of her ear. “Come on, I think I can help you with that, miss.”

He slips his arm around her and leads her down the green hill of the yard, past the fence, and out to the beach, where he slips into a boat like it’s his.

“Charlie, what are you doing? This isn’t your boat.”

“No, but they’ll never know. Now get your sexy ass over here.” He holds his hand out to help her over the ledge. “Come on.”

He doesn’t drop her hand as they walk towards the bow. “Now, you hang tight here for just a sec while I go below deck and grab a few things. Don’t go all Rose Dawson on me and jump, okay?”

She nods. The night sky looks different out here than it does from her apartment in Boston. She moved to a two bedroom last month, after a promotion—Assistant Editor, and columnist. It’s more than she could’ve hoped for and she tries not to take it for granted. The stars reflect on the water, and she wonders what it would look like even further out. Wonders what Charlie’s seen in his travels.

Stepping out of her ridiculous shoes, she waits for him to reemerge. When he does, he comes carrying a blanket, a bottle of champagne, and a box of crackers.

“I found the buried treasure,” he whispers, as though it's a secret between the two of them. He lays the blanket out and motions for her to sit.

“That’s quite a dress you’ve got on there, little miss.” Charlie’s hand skims over the sheer fabric covering her ribs.

“You think so? It’s um… it’s not really my style. This whole thing,” she motions to the boat, the party, the whole absurd scene around them. “None of this is really my thing.”

Charlie pops the bottle of champagne and hands it to her. “What

is

your thing?”

She half-laughs, half-sighs before taking a long drink from the bottle. Quiet mornings. Her friends. The cat she got from the Humane Society. Learning new things. A boy with curly brown hair that she can’t stop thinking about.

“I don’t think I know anymore.” She hands the bottle back to him and watches his throat work. “What about you?”

His eyes shine in the light of the moon, and Hermione realizes that she’s never

really

seen Charlie Weasley before. Not like this. Not like he was meant to be—free, wild, wind-whipped and sunkissed.

“Oh, I’m simple. I like the open sky above me. A good meal before me. A beautiful woman underneath me.”

His eyes cut to hers as he says the last bit, and she can’t help the grin that spreads across her face. “Charlie Weasley, are you flirting with me?”

He straddles her, his thick thighs bracketing hers. “Why, Hermione Granger, I bring you up onto a boat. I ply you with the finest champagne money can buy. And you think I’m

flirting

with you?” The redhead reaches behind her, his arms gently laying her down against the hard surface of the boat. “I’m doing much more than that, sweetheart. I’d like to think I’m

seducing you.”

She laughs, loud and free. He steals it. Captures it. Holds her in his arms and drinks her laughter down. His lips are full and chapped and taste like champagne and salt. He slides his tongue into her mouth and Hermione lets herself forget everything.

Charlie doesn’t undress her. He doesn’t need to. She slides her panties off and watches as he pockets them. He rucks her dress up over her hips and slides two thick fingers inside, hitting the spot within her almost instantly. She arches, wrapping her arms around his neck and whispering in his ear.

“Yes, yes, yes, Charlie.

Oh, fuck.”

She comes on his fingers the first time, and watches with rapt attention as he brings them to his lips to suck them clean. When he frees his cock from his jeans, Hermione nearly loses her mind. He’s so thick.

He’s uncut.

She’s never seen an uncut cock before, but she doesn’t let that stop her. She watches as he pulls a condom on and spreads her legs. He runs the tip through her slick core and teases her until she begs. It doesn’t take long for either of them. He hoists her up onto his lap so she’s bouncing on his cock when he finishes with a growl at the base of her throat.

He holds himself still as she climbs off. “There’s a bathroom downstairs if you want to clean up.”

When she comes back up, Charlie’s waiting for her. He asks if he can see her again. She tells him she doesn’t think it’s a good idea… that she’s leaving to go back to Boston in two days.

When she returns to the party on shaking legs, Padma is nowhere to be found. But she sees a familiar face in the crowd.

Drake.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Theo is in his first year of residency at UVA. He and Drake bought a condo close enough to the hospital that Theo can ride his bike during the warm months. Drake works remotely for his father, and when he calls Hermione to see if she wants to spend a long weekend with them, she jumps at the chance for a break.

The paper has laid off two reporters in the last few months. Readership is down and she’s worried for her own job. She needs some time away.

When she lands in Charlottesville, Drake picks her up. “Granger, good to see you again.”

She hugs him, even though they were never as close as she and Theo were, but after the party back in July, he’s become a better friend to her. “It’s good to see you too, Drake. Where’s Theo?”

“He’s almost finished with his shift. He’ll be home soon. I figured we could start dinner, just need to stop and pick up a few things first.”

It turns out, Drake is an incredible cook. He makes them pasta bucatini with a garlic butter sauce from scratch, a caesar salad, and some garlic knots on the side. Hermione stirs the sauce just to feel like she’s doing something, but mostly just drinks the wine Drake pours.

Finally, Theo collapses through the door. “Granger danger, my love! Hello, I have missed you.”

Drake kisses Theo softly, and for a moment, her heart pangs in jealousy. Not of either man, but that she doesn’t have

that.

That familiarity that lends to softness. That person to come home to at night.

They spend the next few hours catching up, Theo gets her to spill the lurid details of her hookup with Charlie, who he admits to having always had a crush on. Drake rolls his eyes and clears the table. When he comes back, he brings the mail with him, sorting through the junk and bills.

“Oh, what do we have here?” He pulls the gossip magazine out and turns it around to show them. “What is little Parkinson getting up to across the pond?”

It happens in slow motion. Theo reaches for the magazine, his hand covering the corner. Drake spills his water and Theo pulls his hand away and she sees it. Harry and Pansy on the cover of the magazine. It’s just in the corner, not the main photo, but it’s them.

She can’t breathe.

Before she knows it, she’s flipping through the magazine for more photos, and she gets what she wants. Three photos of them. Harry’s got his arm slung around Pansy in a possessive manner. Pansy’s black manicured fingers holding his. The two of them at a cafe.

They’re calling them Posh and David 2.0.

“Oh, Mi,” Theo’s voice is soft as he leads her to the couch and presses a glass of wine into her hands. “Come on, let's talk about it.”

“I don’t want to.”

“And I didn’t want to go to work this morning, but I did.”

Drake is clambering about in the kitchen, banging pots in the sink as he cleans up from dinner. “Babe?” Theo calls, “Can you please… stop? I’ll clean up later.”

“Theo,” Hermione mumbles through her tears, “What if I never get over him?”

“Oh, honey, it always seems so much worse at night. Do you want more wine or tequila?”

She manages to laugh through her tears. “Seriously?”

He wraps his arm around her. “Seriously, babe, more tears or are we dancing? Posh was never my favorite Spice Girl anyway. Always a little too somber. And I know Pansy and Drake and me were all close once upon a time, but you’re

my

friend. You’re

my

Baby Spice.”

She shoves his arm away. “I am

not

Baby Spice, Theodora. Now go pour us some tequila before I change my mind.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Helen, and her new fiance, Gil, decide to come spend Christmas in Boston. They get a hotel so they don’t “overwhelm” Hermione, but she suspects it has more to do with the way her mom and future step-dad can’t keep their hands off each other.

Gil is kind, if a bit vapid. He’a a weatherman for their local news station back home, and utterly enamored with her mom.

Hermione wouldn’t have it any other way.

Her mom even suggests that Hermione reach out to her dad and Marlene to see if they want to join them. So she does. Her dad responds that they’d love to.

Hermione has never felt so awkward. She’ll be a fifth wheel with her parents and their new partners.

Great.

It turns out, though, that it’s exactly what she needed. She manages to get them tickets to the Nutcracker, a table at Deuxave, and a slot for her, her mom, and Marlene to get facials at her favorite salon. It’s the best time she’s had in months. When they walk past a newsstand and see a magazine with Harry’s face on it, her dad picks it up and starts to say something, but her mom quickly shoots him a look that says

don’t even think about it.

She has them all over on Christmas morning. She wakes up early to make cinnamon rolls and pigs-in-a-blanket, a quiche, and sausage balls. They spend the morning exchanging gifts and listening to the classics.

Hermione’s phone is on the counter in the kitchen, so it’s not until later that afternoon that she sees the text come through.

HP: Hey, Merry Christmas, Mione. 🌲🌲

It was sent at eleven. She does the time math in her head. Four. It was four in the afternoon. It’s three now, and she wonders if he and Pansy are sitting down for a fancy Christmas dinner somewhere with his fancy fucking friends.

Hermione can’t believe it. It’s been almost a year, and

this

is how he chooses to break the silence between them? A merry fucking christmas text? She screenshots it and sends it to Daphne.

She’s fuming, but she doesn’t want to tell her parents. Doesn’t want their input on this tumultuous relationship. Her phone buzzes in her hands again and she expects it to be Daphne.

HP: I need to talk to you. Can I call you tomorrow?

HG: Why?

HP: It’s mom.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

There was never any question in her mind that she would go see Effie one more time. When Harry called her the day after Christmas and told her that his mom’s cancer was back and she was choosing not to do treatment this time, she cried for three days. Helen knew. It was why she’d come to stay with Hermione. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Harry or Monty or someone to tell her. She tells Gil and Marlene and her dad to leave them alone for a while so Hermione can breathe. But that’s just it. She doesn’t know how. “Mom, what… Why isn’t she doing treatment? It worked last time. It saved her. It can work again.” Helen smoothes Hermione’s hair back as she cradles her daughter. “I think, munchkin, because it’s worse than last time. I don’t think… baby, I don’t think it would work this time around.”A fresh sob tears through her. “But why isn’t she trying?”Helen just holds her and lets her cry herself out. And then Hermione buys a plane ticket to visit at the end of January. And now that she’s here, in front of Effie, she understands what her mom meant. Effie looks sick. She’s frail, and Hermione can see the pain she’s in every time she moves. Gingerly, she sits on the edge of the bed, next to the only other woman who knows her like her own mother. “Hi, my sweet girl,” Effie manages. Hermione fights back her tears. This isn’t about her. “I’m so glad you came. I’m so glad to see you.” Effie reaches for Hermione’s hand. It’s frail and cold and bony in her palm, and she places her other hand on top to try to press some warmth into Effie. “Can I get you anything, Eff?”“No, my girl. Just sit with me, tell me about you. What’s going on? I’ve missed you, you know.”She feels the dam break and a tear makes its way down her cheek. “Oh, nothing, really. I,  um… nothing seems important right now. You’re the only thing I can really think about.”Monty comes in, carrying a mug of tea for both of them. He kisses Hermione on the top of her head, and places the mugs on Effie’s hospital table. She’s moved into the living room so she no longer has to climb the stairs. “Wanna know a secret, sweetie?” Effie says to Hermione. Hermione nods. “When you’re dying, you get the really good drugs.” Monty rolls his eyes. “You’re not due for another dose for another few hours, baby.” He looks at Effie like she is the reason he breathes, and Hermione can’t stand it. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. They both look at her with bewildered looks on their faces. “What do you have to be sorry for?”“For not coming sooner. For not visiting more.” She’s fully crying now, and Monty sits down next to her, rubbing circles on her back. “For not being able to make it work with Harry. I wanted nothing more than to be part of this… to be part of your family. And–”Monty takes one hand in his, Effie holds the other. “Honey,” he says, “you’ve always been part of this family. You always will be.”Effie adds, “You’re our girl. We love you. No matter what. Come here.” Effie opens her arms to her, and Hermione shakes her head. “You’re not going to kill me, and I need to hug you real good, for me, okay? Now come give a dying woman what she requests.”She wipes her cheeks, waiting while Monty helps Effie resituate in the hospital bed. Hermione scoots up and lets herself curl into Effie. She can feel her heartbeat. She can hear it, right below her cheek. Something she’s taken for granted all these years, and it’ll be gone soon. Monty raises his phone and snaps a picture. “Print that out for me tonight, I want that on my table.”“Yes, my love.” “Now, leave us alone, please my beloved. We have girl talk that needs to be had.”Effie’s frail hand is wrapped around Hermione’s shoulder, and Hermione just wants to hold her there. Keep her. If she doesn’t move, nothing bad can happen. “Now you listen to me, Hermione Jean Granger,” Effie begins. “Don’t give up on him.”Hermione raises her head to look at Effie, shock written on her face.“Eff, this isn’t about him. I’m here for you, and—”“Oh, but this is about me, my sweet girl. And I am asking you not to give up on my boy. He has loved you since you were just an awkward little thing with hair bigger than the sky. And he doesn’t know what to do with it all. He hasn’t known how to talk about his feelings since he was a little boy.” Hermione stares at her hands so she doesn’t have to look at Effie. “Let me tell you something I know about my son. He loves you. He still lights up when he hears your name, or talks about you. That little hussy that he’s with?” Effie laughs, and it wracks her body with a coughing fit. She looks on helplessly for a moment until Effie regains her composure, then hands her the mug of tea Monty left. “That’s what I get for speaking ill of Pansy. She’s fine. She’s nice enough and she tries hard with me and Mont, but she’s not you. She never will be, and she knows that. And he does too. So don’t give up on him, okay? Promise me that.”“I can’t…”“Make this dying woman a promise, Hermione.”She takes Effie’s hand once more, brushes her lips over the cracked knuckles, and promises. She spends another few hours at the Potter’s house. She tells Effie everything she’s never told her mom: about Remmy and his ex-wife getting back together. About Charlie. About the almost threesome she had in college. She and Effie laugh, and cry, and then Monty comes in with a nurse to administer another dose of pain medication. “This is going to knock me out, sweet girl.” “Okay,” Hermione gathers her strength, alongside her belongings. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” Monty follows her to the door and hugs her in the way that only a Potter man can. “Mont, how much time does she have?” He looks down at his feet. One hand on the door, the other on Hermione’s shoulder. She tries not to notice the tears in his eyes. “A few months.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Before she left her hometown back in January, she made Effie promise to send her a text every morning. Nothing long. Oftentimes it's just an emoji. Today it’s an airplane. Hermione knows immediately what it means.

Everyone does.

The Golden Boy of soccer is coming home after tearing his MCL and ACL in a game two weeks ago. He’s had surgery and they’re saying he can return to the game next season. But Hermione knows.

After what’s coming for him, he won’t.