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Christy heard her alarm go off and winced as she turned on the light.She turned to her left, for 12 years she'd been turning to her left, watching Evelyn wake up next to her, and it's been two months, and she's still not used to her absence.Christy had cried and begged her to stay, but Evelyn had still left, and that was that. Two months later, the pain was still sharp in her chest, but she could look at her side of the bed without crying, without longing for a drink, it was a positive step.
I need coffee
She yawned dramatically, laughing at herself as she crawled out of bed. ***She sat at her desk, sipping her coffee and tried not to think about Evelyn.
“You make me happy.”

“You don't know how to be happy.”
All these months later, it still stung, the harsh words, the cold look in her lover’s eyes, how could it not sting, her words were meant to hurt.Christy grabbed a case file, a new client one of her law partners, Justin Cruz, had handed her before she even sat down. She perused the file, a civil suit, wrongful termination, history of sexual harassment documented at the business.They'll settle, she thought to herself as she closed the file. She smiled, a small one, but it always felt good, this part, doing good for her clients. She had regrets and guilt to spare, but her long journey through college and law school, that wasn't one of them. She had done some good things too, that's what she told herself again and again. It didn't erase the bad, but it made her feel better when she was trying to get to sleep.Her phone buzzed in her purse, and she pulled it out, surprised it was still ringing. The number was blocked, but the caller hadn't given up, was doing their best to reach her.“Attorney Christy Plunkett, how can I help you?”The caller sucked in a breath, and Christy automatically pulled out her notepad, ready to help.“Hello?” she asked softly. This wasn't the first time she's had a reluctant client, and it wouldn't be the last, but she kept her voice level and welcoming, even if she wanted to tell them to hurry up.She heard a sigh first, a sad one, and she sucked in a breath, prepared to speak again, when she spoke instead.“Mom?”Christy's blood froze, her heart started to flutter as her daughter spoke to her for the first time in more than two years.“I need your help.”***
When was our last conversation?
It was at her mother's funeral, two years ago. Violet and Roscoe had both come, but Violet had refused to sit near her during the service. Christy had called her using her mother's phone, Violet had changed her number since the last time they'd talked, and Christy had reasoned that she had needed to know.Her anger at Christy breaking the rules was less important than knowing that her grandmother had died.
She was always angry, what harm was more going to do?
Christy hadn't contacted her again, even after Bonnie's estate had been settled, she'd given Roscoe the package of photos and the check for his sister and hoped he would deliver them to her.And now here she was, sitting in a police station, waiting to help her daughter.Violet, Violet, had asked her to come, and she had. Violet had asked her to wait, and here she was. She had a credit card and her favorite bail bondsmen standing by, and she waited.Two hours of waiting and worrying finally paid off as Violet stepped out from behind the barrier, escorted by a police officer with a surly look on his face.Christy stood up as the officer nodded to Violet. “She should be there in an hour or so.”Violet nodded back, the shell shocked look on her face vanishing as soon as she laid eyes on her mother.
There she is
Christy froze her face, letting the lawyer come out.“Did you talk to the arresting officers?”Violet scowled and shook her head.“I wouldn't let them question her without an attorney, but she's being processed soon.”
Who is she?
She wanted to know so much, but she held herself back. Eventually, she would find out what led her daughter to contact her. “That's good,” Christy said. It made her job so much easier when her clients stayed silent. “I can meet you at the courthouse and talk to her there about the next steps.”Violet’s nostrils flared, she hated every part of this, Christy could still read her, but she had called.So she waited.After an eternity, or maybe five minutes, Violet nodded.“Courtroom 10, Judge Lewis.”Violet turned and walked out, not even saying goodbye.***Christy sat in Judge Lewis's courtroom, letting the irritation pass through her.She was happy to see her daughter, to know she was more-or-less alright, that she had made something of herself, whatever that was.That joy was nearly palpable, but …She looked at her phone and sighed to herself. She had canceled and shifted her whole day around, moved appointments with clients and even a meeting with her other law firm partner Marianna Kincaid. She was glad to do it, but would a thank you be too much? Would a conversation about what she was doing here be a bridge too far?Christy closed her eyes, breathing in and out, letting it go as much as she could.“Docket #4389, the people vs. Madeline Plunkett.”
Madeline
In a daze, Christy stood up, finally understanding why Violet called her, why she would break the one rule she had for her life.But she had a daughter, a daughter who needed a lawyer, and that trumped everything else.She walked to the table as the bailiff led her in, and in a flash her granddaughter was standing next to her.Christy held her breath as she glanced at the girl; Madeline was already taller than her, her hair the same color as her mother's, but her face, she'd know that face anywhere.
Did Bonnie get to meet you? Did she see herself in you?
The assistant district attorney handed her a file, and Christy read through as quickly as she could, getting the facts of the case.She briefly scanned her birthdate, April 12, near her mother’s.
She's 14.
She's been a grandmother for 14 years.She pushed the thought aside, focusing on her counterpart.“The defendant was caught stealing from a retailer, the third time this defendant has been caught at this shopping center.”Christy eyed Madeline quickly, but the girl's face was stoney, even as Christy could see the fear in her eyes.
She's too young to mask it properly 
“Ms. Plunkett, how does your client plead?”Christy leaned over.“Say not guilty, your honor.”“I know,” Madeline snapped at her, but she followed her instructions anyway, even managing to keep the anger out of her voice.“People on bail?” “We're requesting $10,000.”“Your honor,” Christy interjected. “My client is a minor with no income.”Judge Lewis looked at her sheet, and she couldn't know and wouldn't ask, but she thought this was the moment the judge noticed their names were the same.“That does seem steep for shoplifting,” Lewis said, keeping her eyes on the ADA.“The defendant is a habitual offender -”“Alleged offender, your honor.”Christy did not miss the breath Judge Lewis inhaled; she knew her, casually, she rarely worked criminal cases these days, but for a long time, the judge had a reputation for softness in juveniles.She hoped it held true.“Ms. Plunkett, can you guarantee your client will appear at her next court date?”Christy nodded. “Yes, your honor.”She had no idea if that was true, if Violet would let her keep her word, but for Madeline’s sake, it had to be true.“Alright, the defendant is released ROR, next case please.”***While they waited for Madeline to be out of processing, Violet sat next to her, but she didn't speak.She wouldn't even look at her.Finally, Christy cleared her throat, breaking the tension as best she could.“I'll need your contact information, both address and phone number.” Violet winced at the words, but still said nothing.“In a few days, I'll meet with the ADA, discuss our options, but I'll need some time with Madeline afterward.”Christy could practically see Violet's skin crawling as she shuddered next to her. She stood up, shaking her hands, shaking her head, before stopping herself, taking a breath.“Is that really necessary?”She did what she could to suppress the rage in her, but Violet was only so strong. 
If she had to speak more, she'd just start screaming
Christy saw herself in her daughter, wondered what it would have felt like to ask Bonnie for help when she thought she was rid of her.
What would I not give to see her again?
“Yes,” she said quietly. “I can negotiate on her behalf, but she'll be the one to accept or reject their offer.”Christy pulled out a folder in her briefcase, handing it to Violet.“You need to sign that, when you do, I will officially be her attorney.”It was a simple form, and while her hands were still shaking, Violet signed it.“When do you need your payment?”Christy stood up, Madeline and a bailiff were headed their way.“No charge,” she said. “I need a certain number of pro bono hours every year, this will put me over the top.”She knew she shouldn't lie, Violet hated lying, but it was a kind lie. 
And Violet never could accept kindness from her
End of the day, Christy couldn’t blame her, so she made peace with her lie and watched as her daughter embraced her client as she was released from custody.Her breath caught in her chest as she watched them; Madeline resisted Violet’s crushing hug, but Christy saw through her, watching her hands clinging to the back of Violet’s shirt. 
Such a good thing they have each other
Eventually, Madeline pulled away, wiping away the scared child she was, trying to look tough in the face of her scowling mother.Christy walked up to her, holding out her hand.“Madeline, we didn’t get a chance to meet earlier, but I’m Christy, and I’m your lawyer.”Madeline took her hand and shook it quickly, and Christy sighed inside, so thankful she could have this moment. “I know who you are,” she said, the hardness in her voice just like her mother.“Ok, ok,” she said, nodding as she did. “As I told your mother, I’m going to see about working out a deal for you, and when I do, we can meet and discuss your options. Ok?”She was speaking too fast, her voice was too high, a teenager should not be making her this nervous, but those were her mother’s eyes looking at her, and it was hard to let that go.“Ok,” Madeline said. She paused, looking Christy over. “What do I call you?” “Christy is fine,” she said. “Do you prefer Madeline?”The girl made a face, and Violet scowled, and Christy held back her giggle.“Maddie.”Her phone pinged, and she looked at it automatically, a phone number and address showed up in her texts.“1610 Summer Tree?”Violet nodded. “That’s us. Call before you come over.” She grabbed Maddie’s hand and left.No thank yous, no questions, but it was a start.
A start
***“Janet, be reasonable.”Christy had asked the ADA to meet her for lunch, because she hated discussing plea bargains, but if she had to do it, with food was the best plan.It was more fun when she could bill the client, but at least the food was good, the cafe was a favorite of hers.
And they don’t serve alcohol
She was going to a meeting tonight, but she couldn’t deny the need had felt greater this past week.“You be reasonable,” Janet shot back. “It’s her third time getting caught, this is a girl who needs to learn when to stop.”“And two months in juvie is gonna teach her?”Janet had no response to that; Christy hadn’t worked with her, but Janet had been a defense attorney for many years, she knew what happened to kids who got caught in that system.“She’s a kid,” Christy pleaded. “A year of probation and community service should be enough.”Janet shook her head, but Christy knew she’d won when she smiled at her.“She screws up this gift, I won’t be able to do this again.”Christy nodded. “I’ll tell her that too.”Christy paid the bill, and Janet tried to help, but Christy waved her off.“You’ve done enough,” Christy said, meaning every word.***Like Violet had asked, Christy had called first, setting up a time for the three of them to meet. Violet had suggested a place near her home, a restaurant called Joey’s. Christy would have preferred somewhere more private, but she didn’t push it.“It’s a good deal,” she said, dipping a fry in ketchup. “Maddie will be on probation for a year, which means regular check-ins with a PO, but if you stay out of trouble, the whole record is erased after it’s over.”Violet glared at her. “That’s it?”“Community service will also be required, but I wouldn’t imagine too much, 20 hours or so during the year.”Violet looked at her daughter, she’d been surprisingly quiet through the whole lunch.“We’re going to take it,” Violet said. “Do you agree Maddie?”“She doesn’t get to disagree.”Violet took a breath, grabbing her soda and drinking it with too much force. Christy gave her a minute.“That’s true, you can decide for her, but it’s better for everyone if Maddie agrees too.”Christy looked at her granddaughter, and Maddie’s face was hard, just like Violet’s.“I agree,” she said, no trace of defiance in her voice now.Christy nodded, eating another fry. “I’ll call the ADA, and I’ll let you know when we’re due back in court.”She left first this time. It was better for everyone if she got used to leaving them behind.***“Now, the judge is going to ask for your plea, you say guilty, and then you say you're sorry, you understand?”Maddie nodded.“I'm not sorry,” she whispered, and Christy rolled her eyes.“That doesn't matter,” she said, and she couldn't help but notice the hint of respect in Maddie's eyes. “You say it, and mean it, and promise not to do it again.”The glint in her eye didn't falter, but Maddie nodded anyway, at least willing to listen to her.They stood up as Judge Lewis entered the courtroom. She explained the procedure for Maddie's benefit, then asked for her statement.“I did steal the necklace your honor,” Maddie said, her voice level. “And I'm sorry, and I won't do it again.”Christy exhaled softly, as a whole ball of tension left her body. This part was always the hardest for her, because she couldn't shield them, this moment was always on them. 
And they're not always up to the task
But Maddie was.Violet had raised her well.“Ms. McCoy, are the people satisfied with the plea?”Christy looked at Janet briefly.“We are your honor.”Judge Lewis closed her eyes for a minute, and Christy's inner alarm bell started to go off.“I am amending this plea arrangement,” she said. Christy quickly grabbed Maddie's hand, squeezing tightly, trying to keep her silent.She wanted to hold her, the fear was practically visible in the girl, but her hand was all she could grasp at this moment.“Ms. Violet Plunkett?” Christy heard her stand up, heard her slowly walk toward her daughter.“Yes, your honor?”“You're steadily employed?”Violet nodded, her face still and calm, Christy was so proud of her.“And does Madeline's father contribute to her welfare?”“No your honor. He's not in our lives.”She nodded, taking another pause.“I suspect your child is acting out due to a lack of attention.”It was not a question, and truthfully Christy had no idea what to make of this. In all her years practicing, this was a first for her.“Christy, I'm assuming this is your granddaughter?”“Yes, your honor.”“In lieu of community service, would you be willing to supervise Madeline for 10 hours a week for the length of her probation period?”
Yes
She looked at Violet, and the fury in her face was unmistakable. Christy kept her composure, but inwardly, she shrank in the face of her daughter’s rage.
I always did
“Yes, your honor.”She jumped as Judge Lewis banged her gavel. “So be it. I will expect regular check-ins, time sheets from both parties, and in a year from today, with the hours met and no more transgressions, Madeline's record will be wiped clean.”She stood, not noticing the shock wave she had set off from three generations of Plunkett women. ***“Christy, let me go.”She released Maddie's hand, still not over what had just happened. She looked at Violet, her face was red and pinched, but she said nothing, just grabbed her daughter's hand and walked out of the courtroom.Janet walked over to her, her sympathies clear.“I'm so sorry Christy, I had no idea she would do that.”She handed Christy a bundle of papers.“You'll need to fill those out every week, and drop them off at the end of the month with me.”She reached out, stroking her arm.“Again, I'm sorry.”
I need a drink
Christy let out the breath she was holding and drove to a meeting, the closest one she could find.***The meeting had helped. She hadn't known anyone there, but she said her piece, she let the group carry some of the burdens along with her, and most importantly, she didn't drink.But afterward, she went home and stared at her phone.She had to call, she had to set up a schedule, she had to convince Violet she had nothing to do with this.
Easier to get the sun to rise at night
But still, she made the call.Violet didn't answer, she could picture her staring at her phone, squeezing it hard, almost trying to break it.“Hi Violet, it's Christy. I know you don't want to hear this, but we'll need to talk, work this out. Call me, I'm available, but we don't have a lot of time.”She hung up.She made herself dinner, she considered heading out to another meeting, but she was tired, so tired, she drifted off to sleep before she could get ready.***Violet had agreed to meet her.She was glaring at her, arms crossed across her chest, but she had come.Christy sighed.“Say what you need to say Vi.”“Did you do this?”
No
“No.”Violet's glare didn't end; she didn't believe her, Christy knew it was pointless to fight harder. “I don't want you in our lives.”
Always the straight shooter, aiming for the heart 
“I know.”Christy sighed, looking away from Violet's hate.“But we're stuck.”Violet didn't say anything, couldn't say anything in the face of that harsh truth.“The easiest way to get through this is an overnight stay -”“Absolutely not.”Christy paused, giving her a second.
Maybe we'll work up to that.
“Ok then, all day on Saturday or Sunday -”“She has homework and soccer, she can't just change her schedule to fit you.”“Alright Violet, then I'll come over, Monday through Friday, for two hours, five days a week, for a year.”Christy wanted to spare her daughter's feelings, wanted to make this as easy as possible, but there were limits.“Fine,” Violet said, that harsh edge back in her voice. “Sundays. You can pick her up at 9, drop her off at 7.”She held out her hand, and Christy shook it. Violet left without another word.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Week 1
Maddie was quiet.Christy had texted Violet when she arrived, and before she could even get out of the car, Maddie was closing her front door, walking down the path toward her.She climbed in the front, slamming the car door behind her, not saying a word.
Definitely your mother's daughter
“Anywhere you want to go?”Maddie kept her eyes straight ahead.“The library, I have some reading to do.”There was a branch open on Sundays, and Christy programmed her GPS to get them there, doing her best to ferry her silent passenger next to her.She pulled into a spot, it was early, not too busy yet, but Maddie made no effort to move.“Mom says you're a drunk.”Christy nodded.“I am.”“And that you were a terrible mother.”She looked at Maddie and nodded again.“I was.”“She said -”Christy held up her hand.“The things your mom says about me, they're all true.” Maddie looked at her, shocked by the simple admission.“You can ask me anything you want, but just know that I haven't had a drink in 30 years, and I have no plans to have one today.”Christy gave her a small smile, and to her surprise, Maddie smiled back.“Do you want a drink?”Christy laughed. “Every minute of every day.”Maddie's eyes went wide.“Admitting that is the hard part, but it gets easier with time.”Christy got out, and Maddie followed her inside.***While Maddie worked on her school project, Christy read through her phone.This morning, she's gotten a text from Evelyn that she has ignored, saving it for the right time, but here it was.
Can I come by today, pick up the last of my things?
She had left quickly, only later did Christy find out she'd rented an apartment a week before their last argument. 
There was nothing I could have done
Somehow it made things both better and worse. 
Sure, I'm not there now, leave the key on the end table.

I love you
She erased that last part before sending. It was true, but it would do no good. Evelyn loved her too, she didn't doubt it, but loving and living with were separate things. Deep down, she had always hoped Violet still loved her, even if she never wanted to see her again, but after this last week, she figured it was time to kill those hopes.
Just like with Evelyn 
She glanced at Maddie, deep in the throes of her essay, and she left her there, getting herself a library card and browsing through the fiction section for something to pass the time.***She had picked up a mystery, it was a romance too, but it was primarily about solving a murder, and Christy found herself so absorbed she barely noticed the time.Maddie tapped on her shoulder, and she jumped.“I'm done with my assignment.”Christy stood up too quickly, her book slamming to the floor, and she couldn't help the blush from hitting her cheeks as she quickly picked it back up and headed outside, Maddie in tow.She checked her phone, Evelyn had written back.
I'll stop by and be outta there by 1
It was 11:30, and she didn't want to see Evelyn about as much as she didn't want to introduce Maddie to Evelyn. “Let’s go out for lunch.”Maddie looked away, like a shame was enveloping her, but Christy reached for her, holding her shoulder until she looked back at her.“My treat,” she said, and Maddie smiled. “Anywhere you want to go.”A mischievous glimmer appeared in her eyes, but Christy shook her head.“In town.”Maddie grinned at her, set up the route on GPS, and they were off.***“What do you normally do on Sundays?”Maddie looked up at her, her eyes wide, and Christy took a minute to really consider the question.Sundays used to be for her and Evelyn.On Saturdays, they would do any household chores, Evelyn would grade papers, Christy would catch up on any paperwork, and then she'd go to a meeting, sometimes with Evelyn, but mostly without.But Sundays were family time, for seeing movies or hiking or even once, visiting a museum, or just laying in bed, doing as little as possible, but always together.But now …“I mostly work, go to a meeting, watch TV, nothing special.”She took a drink of water, hoping that would mask the sudden ache in her chest.“You need to get a life.”Maddie spoke with such disdain, such horror in her voice at Christy’s life, she couldn't help but burst out laughing.“Trust me, I had one,” Christy said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I'm better off this way.”Maddie shook her head, smiling at her grandmother, a youthful, foolish smile, from a girl who had no idea what was ahead of her, and Christy couldn't help it, something stirred in her chest, this need to protect this young, foolish girl at all costs.
It was inevitable 
“If I asked you why you like to shoplift, would you tell me?”It was one of her lawyer tricks, the one she was best at using, at getting reluctant clients or witnesses to open up.Maddie only stared at her, letting the words swirl around her head.“No.”Simple, direct, just like her mother. Christy nodded.It was a start.***Christy knocked on the office door, and Janet smiled at her, waving her in while she spoke on her phone.“I hear you, but you have my offer. Speak with your client and let me know if we're going to trial.”She rolled her eyes at Christy.“I gave his client a deal, a good one I might add, and still, just won't take the W.”Christy sat on her couch, and Janet joined her, just missing Christy’s knee as she sat down.Without waiting, Christy opened her briefcase and handed her the folder, her timesheets for the first two weeks with Maddie.Without waiting, she stood up, snapping her briefcase closed and heading for the door before Janet's voice pulled her back.“Wait, please.”She stood up, and Christy waited.“I really had no idea Judge Lewis was gonna sucker punch you like that.”She took in a breath, grabbing her satchel.“Let me buy you lunch to make up for it.”***Christy laid on her back, looking up at the ceiling as Janet nuzzled her neck.It has been more than a decade since she had kissed anyone but Evelyn, and she and Janet had practically fallen into her bed after Janet offered to make her lunch.She still missed Evelyn, but it had been nice. Good even.
Really good
She kissed her, smiling as Janet blushed from her attention.“I didn't mean to pounce on you,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “But I wasn't missing this chance.”Janet kissed her again, and Christy’s body warmed.“What does that mean?”Janet laughed, sighing slightly.“I've had a crush on you for years Christy Plunkett. But I'm not a homewrecker.”
Years
She wanted to unpack that, think about what all of this meant, but then Janet was kissing her stomach, maneuvering herself lower and lower, and Christy forgot it all as she let pleasure burst over her.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Week 4

Christy didn't recognize the number, but she answered it anyway. It was a bad habit, but she knew enough about scammers to protect herself.

And she never knew when a client would be trying to reach her.

She briefly wondered if it was Janet calling her; they hadn't exchanged personal numbers, or really even been on a proper date, but even with just a handful of casual meetings, there was something there.

“Christy Plunkett.”

She heard a woman clearing her throat.

“Ms. Plunkett, I'm a doctor at Napa General, and it's my understanding you're the emergency contact for Ms. Evelyn Pierce?”

Her hand started to shake, her blood went cold, and she nodded before she remembered she had to speak.

“Yes, that's me.”

“Ms. Pierce suffered an injury, and while she's stable, we do need someone here to help her get home. Are you available?”

She nodded again, her pounding heart starting to settle at the woman's words.

“Yes, I can be there in …”

She looked at her watch, it was ten minutes to Napa General, but it was 8:30, she had to pick up Maddie.

With a silent curse to Judge Lewis, which she took back immediately, she sighed.

“I can be there in an hour.”

“Good. We’ll need to discuss Ms. Pierce’s care after she's released, so be prepared to spend some time here.”

The doctor wished her a good morning before hanging up.

Christy hoped she did the same, but she couldn't remember, in her mind, she was already there, already comforting Evelyn.

But no, she told herself, Maddie first.

***

“You'll be alright here?”

Christy handed Maddie all the change in her purse, a good chunk of the cash too, enough to get some snacks, maybe grab a sandwich in the cafeteria too.

“I'm not a little kid, I can take care of myself.”

You're too young for that to be true

But she had that at her age, Violet had too, and she was certain Bonnie had too, so at least Maddie was keeping that tradition alive.

“You call if you need anything, I'll come back.”

Maddie rolled her eyes. “Just go, see your friend.”

Christy nodded, her heart pounding in her chest as she made her way down the halls to Evelyn’s room.

She didn’t knock, she should have, she knew that, but she had to know too, she had to know if Evelyn was alright.

She looked up and smiled at Christy for just a moment before her face fell back into a mask.

“You came.”

Christy couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, it had been three months since she’d seen her, and here she was.

She was pale, sweaty, her normal wavy brown/grey hair oily and wan.

She was still the most beautiful woman Christy had ever seen.

She nodded, catching her breath.

“I'm here.”

She crossed the room, but she didn't sit. It didn’t feel right to be so close to her with Janet's kisses still on her skin.

“What happened?”

Evelyn rolled her eyes, shaking her head with a small smile.

“I was walking on an uneven road, and I wasn't looking, and my foot gave out beneath me.”

She mimed a swan dive, and Christy winced.

“It’s not broken, but it’s a really bad sprain, so now I'm bed bound for the next three weeks.”

She leaned back into the pillow, the irritation clear on her face.

“I didn't want them to bother you, but I'm getting released tomorrow, and I'll need someone to take me …”

Her voice trailed off, and Christy watched her, Evelyn's face going through a slew of emotions she didn't want.

“Where?”

Evelyn sighed.

“I was going to say home, but I can't go home, it's on the third floor, and I'd never make it.”

She grabbed her phone.

“If I find a hotel, can you bring me there?”

Christy nearly laughed.

“Don't be ridiculous Ev, you'll come home with me. I can work from home, you'll rest, and we'll get you healed.”

She was silent.

“I can't ask you to do that.”

“You didn't ask.”

Evelyn was quiet, but after a minute, she nodded. It was the best thing, it would be awkward and painful at parts, but Christy would care for her.

“I don't want to get back together.”

Evelyn didn't look away from her as she said it, and Christy nodded.

“For the record, I'm seeing someone.”

Christy did not miss the look of surprise as it crossed her face and just as quickly wiped away.

“Oh.”

Christy couldn't think of anything else to say. While she wasn't sure what she and Janet were to each other, Evelyn needed to know.

God I could use a meeting right now

A nurse came in, breaking the awkward atmosphere with instructions for her rehab, her home care, all the things Evelyn could do and not do as she healed.

It was daunting, and the nurse handed her a packet of papers before she left.

“You can always call if you have questions,” she said with a small smile before leaving.

Christy looked at her watch, it had been an hour since she'd left Maddie, she had to be back to her.

“I have to go,” Christy said. “Call me tomorrow, I'll be here.”

Evelyn gave her a look she couldn't read.

“I know.”

Something stirred in her chest as she gently closed the door behind her, but she swallowed it down, not letting those feelings surface.

Evelyn had been clear; she wanted more from life than what Christy's small, safe love could offer her. It had hurt, and she wasn't over her, but dwelling on what

could

be would only lead to disaster.

Maddie was engrossed in her phone, oblivious to the world and in her own bubble.

“Let's get some food, and we've got some shopping to do.”

Maddie groaned, but smiled too.

***

“She dumped you?”

During lunch, Christy has quickly scribbled a list of supplies for her house guest, while also giving Maddie a rundown of her past with Evelyn.

Christy nodded while leafing through some towels, trying to find the softest ones to support her foot.

“And now she's moving back in?”

“Temporarily, yes, she needs someone to help her.”

Christy pulled out two she liked, red and yellow, Evelyn's favorites. She pushed the cart toward the medicine aisle, grabbing heating pads and ibuprofen bottles as directed.

“Is that a good idea?”

She was reaching for a box of socks, and she paused for a moment, looking at her granddaughter.

Her eyes were narrowed and her face twisted, she hadn't even met Evelyn, and she already disliked her for breaking up with her grandmother.

She cares

Christy smiled at the thought, and shook her head slightly.

“Truthfully, no, it's a terrible idea, but I still care about her, and someone needs to help her, might as well be me.”

Maddie didn't smile, or lose the serious look on her face.

“Mom said you didn't care about anyone but yourself.”

Christy sucked in a breath, but still nodded.

“When I was drinking, when your mother was growing up, that was true. But it hasn't been true for a long time.”

The shame of those years, what she did, what she didn't do, it hadn't left her, and as Majorie had told her again and again, it probably never would.

“You have to live with it, one day at a time.”

Maddie didn't say anything, the awkwardness of the moment passing by in silence.

Christy wondered what Violet was saying about her to Maddie, but brushed it aside. Violet had made a whole podcast about her childhood, it's possible Maddie had found that.

Or Violet was just trying to keep Maddie on her guard against me

It hurt, of course it hurt, but could she really blame her, having this contact forced on her daughter, it must be infuriating.

And if she had to badmouth Christy to get herself through it, well, that's what she would do.

As long as she didn't drink and Maddie stayed out of juvie, nothing else mattered.

“Can I meet her?”

Maddie whispered the question, like she was embarrassed to say it outloud.

Her face was red as Christy looked at her.

“Of course,” she said. “She's moving in tomorrow, and we'll need to stay there for the next few Sundays.”

Maddie gave her a mischievous grin.

“Good” is all she would say.

***

Her back ached.

Getting Evelyn to her car had been easy; a nurse had wheeled her out, even lifted her up gently to get her in Christy's car.

Getting her out, without hurting Evelyn, had proven impossible, but with a crutch and Christy's now aching back, they had gotten her inside and in bed where she would stay for the next three weeks.

Evelyn had fought her, briefly, on taking the main bedroom, what used to be their bedroom, but Christy had won in the end.

It was easier to keep things on the bed within arms reach, the bathroom was closer, and they both knew it was the more comfortable place to sleep.

So Christy would be in the guest room and that would be that.

It was nice having her back, even if she was sleeping in the other room, even if the mattress in here was a bit too lumpy.

She turned off the light, still smiling.

So this is happiness

***

She had set up her temporary office in her living room, close enough to Evelyn if she needed her, but far enough away that she could give her privacy too.

Marianna and Justin had given their blessing to her idea, and as she scoured client files on her laptop, she knew this could work.

What she hadn't expected was her first call to be from Violet.

Christy's heart was pounding as she answered.

“Is Maddie ok?”

“You left her alone!”

It wasn't a question, the way Violet screamed the words into the phone.

And Christy could only sit there, clutching her phone, willing her heart to settle down as her daughter screamed at her.

I don't need this

She pulled the phone back from her ear and hung up on her.

She laughed, a great big belly laugh, her eyes started to water, she couldn't believe what she had just done.

Violet called back a minute later, and Christy declined the call.

Instead, she sent her a text.

Call me when you've calmed down, we can discuss this then

Her hands were shaking as she typed out the words, but it was the right thing to do.

She doesn't get to treat me like that

Violet didn't respond to her text, and Christy hadn't expected her to, but it felt like a small victory nonetheless.

I'm still her mother

However much Violet hated her, that would always be true.

***

It has been a long first day of their arrangement.

Evelyn had been polite, respectful, and it drove Christy crazy.

After lunch, Christy knocked on her door, coming in to collect the dishes when she saw Evelyn, her face red and sweaty as she was attempting to get up on her crutches.

“Dammit!” she yelled as it slipped from her hand, landing on the floor near Christy.

Evelyn laid back on the bed, breathing heavily.

“I didn't want to bother you.”

Christy rolled her eyes and held out her hands, swiftly pulling her up, as Evelyn maneuvered the crutch under her right arm.

“I'm here so you can bother me.”

Christy smiled weakly as Evelyn hobbled away to the bathroom.

She waited for her, got her settled again as she gathered up the dishes.

“You're not a burden Evelyn,” she said, meeting her eyes. “You never were.”

She closed the door softly behind her, hoping her words would sink in.

***

It took her two days, but eventually, Violet called back.

Christy answered, and after taking a breath, her daughter spoke.

“Tell me what happened.”

Christy cleared her throat.

“A … friend of mine was in the hospital, and I'm her emergency contact; I needed to go there and make a plan once she was released, because she won't be able to walk until her ankle heals.”

Violet inhaled, exhaled, trying to keep herself calm.

“And Maddie?”

“I had to take her with me, that's our agreement. I wanted to give Evelyn privacy, so I gave Maddie my cell phone number in case she needed me, and some money, in case she got hungry. She was alone for maybe an hour that day.”

“You left her.”

“She's not eight, Violet, she can be by herself in a waiting room for an hour.”

She could practically hear Violet grinding her teeth, but she was staying calm, a victory.

“In the moment, I was mostly thinking of making sure Evelyn was alright, so I apologize for not keeping you informed.”

Violet sighed and then hung up.

It’s only fair

Christy set her phone down, doing her best to let the irritation go.

***

After three days of being quiet and unobtrusive and doing her absolute best to be as small as possible, Evelyn gave up.

At 7 am, just after her alarm went off, her phone shook with a text from Evelyn asking for help getting up.

Finally

Christy heard the word in her head again and again as Evelyn called for her, asking for the help she needed.

It was distracting, but it made Christy smile throughout her day.

“I know I've been a pain -”

“Stop,” Christy said, holding up her hand. She sat down on the bed, reaching for Evelyn's hand. “You haven't. I'm here to help you.”

Christy started to stroke her hand, without thought, like she used to. Evelyn's skin was thin, like hers, she still knew all the crevices, but she forced herself to stop, letting her go.

She stood up, but Evelyn grabbed her wrist.

“I was going to watch a movie, ‘The Fugitive,’” she said. “Grab some drinks and watch with me.”

Christy nodded. It wasn't a question, but she liked the idea, it was something they used to do together, it would feel good to do it again.

“I'll make popcorn too.”

She didn't look back, didn't want Evelyn to see how red her cheeks were, how goofy her grin was.

***

She woke up on the wrong side of her bed.

But Evelyn was asleep next to her, and she reached out, draping her arm across her torso, feeding off her warmth as she drifted back to sleep.

***

“Christy.”

Someone was tugging on her arm, Violet, Roscoe maybe, she couldn't place it, and she was so comfortable and so sleepy, she started to drift off again, until fingers began running through her hair.

She sighed, reluctantly opening her eyes, and Evelyn was smiling down at her.

“Can you help me?”

She looked over, her arm clinging to her ex’s torso, and she blushed as she let her go and stood up.

She helped Evelyn to the bathroom, and the night came back to her, watching the movie, laughing at all the same moments, how many times had they laughed at that movie together?

And once it was over, Evelyn asked if she was up for another one, and she said yes, but she was asleep before the opening credits ended, she didn't even know for sure which one Evelyn had picked.

And I reached for her

Even now, three months later and after Janet, her heart still wanted what it wanted.

It was cowardly and wrong, but she left the room before Evelyn was finished, climbing into a cold bed in her guest room, alone with only her thoughts.

***

Evelyn didn't bring it up.

That’s what she does

She would be hurt or angry about something, and then let it fester, until she lashed out, all the while Christy would have no idea what she was so upset about. It drove her crazy, never knowing if she was stewing about something or just genuinely happy.

And for her part, Christy was more than willing to let things slide, to let moments drift by without confronting them, anything to keep the peace going.

In their months apart, she hadn’t missed that dynamic, but things had changed for both of them.

She steeled herself, dropping off Evelyn’s breakfast tray, and sitting down while she ate.

“We should talk about last night.”

Evelyn wouldn’t look at her. “We don’t need to.”

Christy bit her lip, shaking her head. She could see another version of herself, letting it go, letting the moment pass, but this version was diving in.

“Were you upset that I touched you?”

Still she wouldn’t look at her, but she nodded.

“If you’re seeing someone, you can’t do that. We’re over.”

Evelyn whispered the words, but she said them, she even looked up, and Christy saw a flash of hurt cross her deep brown eyes.

“I’m sorry I slept here,” she said. She wasn’t, but it was the right thing to say. “I should have left after the movie. It won’t happen again.”

She stood up, nodding, and she couldn’t read the expression on Evelyn’s face.

Christy smiled as she left the room.

Progress

***

She heard laughter as she entered her house.

When was the last time she'd heard that laugh, Evelyn's guffaw filled the air, filled the house, and she didn't remember.

She was back now, for a while, and Christy wanted to erase everything bad about what had led to her leaving, but the rich sounds coming from her bedroom wouldn't let her.

But she brushed that aside as she walked to her room, and saw Roscoe sitting next to Evelyn.

She gasped, she couldn't help it. They talked semi-frequently, they texted often enough, but it had been years since seeing him, and she couldn't contain her excitement as she wrapped her arms around her son.

He squeezed her back, she loved him for that more than he would ever know.

“When did you get here?” Reluctantly, she let him go, taking a spot on the bed, him sitting across from her.

“About an hour ago, I came straight from the airport.”

Her face fell. She tried to hide it, but he saw it too as he reached for her hand.

“She asked you to come, to keep an eye on me.”

He sighed, nodding his head.

He had joked once that Violet was his second mother and Candace was his third, and Christy had laughed even as she knew it wasn't a joke.

Violet loved him like a son, and when she needed a favor, he would come, he always did.

She should have called him to help Maddie

She wondered briefly why she hadn't, but she knew why. Roscoe wasn't a lawyer, and he lives in Vermont, he couldn't have helped.

Christy shook her head, letting it go as best as she could.

“How long are you in town for?”

He smiled again.

“A week or two, we're on break at my school, so the timing worked out.”

My son, the professor

She loved thinking it, she loved saying it. Her little boy had loved science and race cars, grew up, got himself into a prep school, and now taught other kids all the things he had loved as a boy.

She would never love Candace, but she loved that Baxter had found her, had given this gift of a woman to their son.

“How's Hari?”

“She's good, she sends her regards. She would have come too, but she didn't want to board the dogs.”

Harri, bless her, actually tried to like Christy, tried to include her when she could, even though it would have been so much easier to just think of Candace. Christy wouldn't have blamed her for any of it, especially after she and Roscoe eloped in an effort to avoid having to choose who to invite to the wedding, Violet or Christy.

It was a shame they never really clicked, but Christy reminded herself again and again, some people were just like that.

Evelyn cleared her throat, possibly to remind both of them she was there.

“Can you help me up?”

Christy leaped up, but she wasn't quick enough, Roscoe helped her without breaking a sweat.

“I'm gonna take a shower, you too can catch up.”

Christy led Roscoe to her couch, and just like he always did, he made them both ice waters before he sat down next to her.

“What happened?”

A simple question, with no real answer that she knew of.

But she tried.

“She wasn't happy, and she left.”

He narrowed his eyes, but said nothing.

“You'll have to ask her about it, she certainly didn't tell me.”

She hadn't

Evelyn stopped laughing, stopped smiling, and Christy did what she did, avoided the problem, looking away at her partner's discomfort, just trying her best to push through it.

Of course it wasn't enough, how could it be, but she'd been blindsided just the same.

“But, you want her back, right?”

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

No

Of course I do

She doesn't

But yes

All those thoughts hit her at once, and she closed her eyes, trying to shut them all out.

“I'm seeing someone.”

She whispered the words, they didn't protect her from his eyes.

“Mom, that's not an answer.”

He grabbed her hand, squeezing gently.

“I've never seen you as happy as you were with her.”

He stood up, kissed her quickly on her cheek.

“Don't give that up without a fight.”

He took their glasses back to the sink, rinsing them before putting them in the dishwasher.

“My room is ready, I've got to check in, but I'll come by later.”

He hugged her again, and waved as he left.

She scowled as the door shut.

She had fought, she had begged, and Evelyn had still left. She’d gotten her back, but only as a friend, and who knows how long that would last.

No, she thought, shaking her head.

I can feel what I feel, but she chose, and I have to move forward

Janet’s face came to her, the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled, or the soft grey hairs at her temple that she loved to touch.

That could be something

“Christy?”

She shot up, running to Evelyn, one of her crutches was stuck in the doorframe, and Christy let her lean on her to get herself free.

It hurt her back, but she got Evelyn settled in bed, and she had to fight the urge to hold her, to make sure she was OK after that scare.

Instead, she said nothing, walking away quietly, letting her rest alone.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Week 5

“Can I meet her today?”

Maddie had practically run to her car, tapping her fingers on the dashboard, almost begging Christy to drive faster.

“Yes,” Christy said, wincing at Maddie’s squeal. “But she needs to rest, so we can’t bother her too much.”

Christy snuck at a glance at her, expecting a smile, but her face had fallen.

“Should I not tell Mom about her?”

Without a word, Christy pulled over, parking the car abruptly, staring at her granddaughter.

“Maddie, look at me.”

Christy stared at her, at the hesitation, the fear in her shoulders as she turned to look at her.

“I don’t want you to lie to your mother. No matter what happens, you tell her the truth.”

“But she was so mad -”

Christy chuckled softly. “Your mother was born mad.”

Maddie laughed too.

“She’s going to be angry at me, and that doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

She reached out, tilting her chin up, so their eyes met.

“Do you hear me?”

She nodded, and Christy let her go, starting the car, taking them home.

***

“Evelyn, this is my granddaughter, Maddie.”

Maddie glared at Evelyn, her arms crossed protectively over her chest.

Evelyn didn't get up, didn't reach out her hand to a girl who looked like she would bite.

But she did smile, that smile, her whole body lit up, and Christy tried to stop the rush of love and memory from overpowering her, but she was helpless underneath that tsunami.

“So you're the bitch that dumped my grandma.”

Her mouth hung open as she stared at the girl next to her. Her face was hard, her cheeks inflamed, but she was resolute, righteous in her fury at Evelyn.

“Go outside.”

Christy was surprised at the firmness in her words, but she didn't back down from her granddaughter’s hurt look.

She pointed behind her, and she did her best not to flinch as Maddie rolled her eyes as she walked out, slamming the bedroom door behind her.

Evelyn’s soft laughter brought Christy’s eyes to hers.

“My god Christy, she reminds me so much of Bonnie.”

Christy laughed too.

“She certainly pulls no punches.”

Christy sat at Evelyn’s feet, wanting to reach for her, to comfort her, but she held herself back.

“I am sorry though, she shouldn’t talk to you like that.”

Evelyn shook her head.

“No, I’m sure you’ll set her right,” she said. “But did you see that look in her eye, that instinct to protect you? She already loves you.”

Christy closed her eyes; she didn’t want to believe it, it would be too hard to deal with if Evelyn was wrong, but she gave herself this moment of peace.

“It’s way too soon for that,” she said softly, keeping her voice low. “I can’t expect that Violet’s daughter would ever …”

Evelyn leaned forward, stroking her arm.

“She’s not her mother,” she whispered. “And Violet loved Bonnie.”

Christy heard the front door open and close.

“I should check on her.”

She stood up, Evelyn’s warm handprint lingering on her skin as she left her.

Outside, Maddie was marching on the front lawn, digging her boots into the grass as hard as she could, taking her anger out on the innocent blades.

Christy just watched her, sitting on her front steps, letting her work out whatever she needed.

Eventually, Maddie, sweaty but calm, sat down next to her.

“Do you want me to apologize?”

Maddie wouldn’t look at her.

“She didn’t deserve that.”

“But she hurt you, and you took her back.”

Christy sucked in a breath.

“I didn’t,” she said, and Maddie’s eyes widened. “She needed help, but we’re not back together.”

Maddie paled, just before a deep red hit her face.

“Oh.”

Christy nodded, giving her a second to collect herself.

“Why did you think we were back together?”

Maddie’s hands started to shake, and Christy watched as she clenched them to get them to stop.

“Mom would kick Dad out, but she kept letting him come back. And I had to pretend like everything was OK.”

Christy froze.

She learned that from me

She didn’t say it, she didn’t want Maddie to keep going, to learn more about her daughter then Violet wanted to tell her, but, she reasoned, this was Maddie’s life too.

“What happened?”

“He left, for good. He has a new wife, a new family, and he sends me a check on my birthday but I haven't seen him in years. And I think if he showed up at our door, Mom would still take him back.”

Maddie stood up, the fury back inside her.

“So if Evelyn hurt you, she doesn’t deserve an apology.”

Christy stood up too, looking up to her granddaughter.

“She didn’t hurt me.”

After Evelyn had left, Christy had crawled into her bed, what was

their

bed, and cried and cried, wishing for her mother more than she ever had in her entire life.

But eventually, she had to get up.

So she did.

“She left me, it's not the same thing.”

Maddie nodded, and Christy gasped as her granddaughter wrapped her arms around her, squeezing her like a life preserver.

She let go quickly, but Christy wouldn't forget it.

“I'll tell her I'm sorry. I'm not sure I'll mean it, but I'll tell her.”

She gave Christy a wicked grin, but when back inside, a lightness back in her step that wasn't there before.

***

Christy had some paperwork to catch up on, so she left Maddie in Evelyn's care, hoping against hope that Violet wouldn't object to Evelyn teaching her daughter the finer points of poker.

An hour into their game, as Maddie decided to risk her meager stash of buttons on her last hand, Roscoe knocked on her door, just in time for lunch.

Christy wanted to be mad at both him and Violet, but her son, with a sheepish grin, had brought lunch for all of them, and getting to see him was worth the mild blow to her ego.

He knew them all, he knew what they liked, so he and Christy set up plates of sandwiches and chips (salt and vinegar for her, barbecue for Evelyn, plain for Roscoe, none for Maddie), and she tried to cling to her annoyance, but in the end, she let it go.

Violet would hate her or forgive her, and Christy couldn't do anything about either one, but Violet loved Maddie best, and it was only right for her to worry.

“Is this what you normally do, hang out here?” Roscoe asked.

“It's been five weeks, we don't normally do anything.”

Her tone was too harsh, he had a job to do here, for the sister who loved him.

Roscoe wouldn't meet her eyes.

“I know you mean well, and you love your sister, and you are absolutely free to tell her anything you want, but if she has questions, she can ask them. If she wants to join us, she's welcome. But I'm not a suspect in a crime, I won't be interrogated.”

He didn't say anything as Maddie raced into the room, throwing her arms around her uncle.

“Did you bring it, did you?”

He laughed.

“Of course I did, it's in the car, I'll get it after lunch.”

Maddie raced Evelyn's food to her, running back for hers, wolfing it down as fast as possible, and fuming while Roscoe ate his roast beef with almost tortuous care.

Finally, he took pity on her, tossing her his keys.

“In the trunk.”

Christy raised her eyebrows at him.

“A Switch,” he said. “Violet doesn't have the money for one, so I let her play with mine when I'm in town.”

Always in the middle

“And I'll tell Violet what you said.”

Christy had never seen Maddie move so fast as she zoomed back into the living room, clutching the Switch as she collapsed on the couch, her laugh filling the room as she started her game.

Maybe I'll buy her one

She liked the thought, but she quashed it, knowing that she would have to talk to Violet first.

Do I?

She pulled out her phone and winced slightly at the price, a reflex from her old life she feared she would never lose.

She was comfortable now, not rich, but Bonnie had left her the bar, which she'd sold, and her income was steady, she didn't have to live in fear of a car repair or a trip to the doctor.

She would never really be used to money, but a splurge on her granddaughter wasn't out of the question.

“What's she playing?”

He raised his eyebrow, and shook his head, but he smiled too, holding out his hand.

“Hand it over, I'll find her favorites.”

Christy laughed, her son, at long last, her partner in crime.

***

Roscoe had volunteered to take Maddie back, and Christy had sent them home, feeling lighter and happier than she had in years.

Years

She stopped walking, standing still for a whole minute while the words washed over her.

She saw herself, a year ago, six months ago, sitting at her table, Evelyn dressed and ready to go to dinner with some friends of hers, asking, nearly begging Christy to come with her.

And she said no, every time she said no, choosing to stay home, stay inside her small little life of work and meetings and home.

She sat down at her table, a table where her son, her granddaughter and her ex had all recently spent some time, and she pulled herself back in time, trying to find when it had all changed …

She took a sharp breath, she knew, she didn't want to know, but she knew.

She saw her mother, dragging her to meetings, forcing her to hang out with a new crowd of people after most of their friends had moved on, or in Marjorie’s case, died.

She'd hated it, she'd complained every second she could, but she'd loved it too, loved that she had still cared enough to make the effort.

She reached for Bonnie's hand across the table, the hand she could never touch again, and she caught herself, but not before she could deny what she was doing.

I want my mom

She wiped away the tear that formed, and instead stood up, almost running to her room, to Evelyn's room.

“Christy?”

Evelyn's face was kind, slack, only concerned as Christy walked to the other side of the bed, her side when it had been their bed, laying her head in Evelyn’s lap, sobbing while Evelyn ran her fingers through her hair.

***

Christy woke up in her bed.

No

At some point, she'd fallen asleep curled up in Evelyn's lap. Her back,  her neck ached, and she groaned as she rolled over and stretched her arms, wincing at the pops in her shoulders.

“How long was I out?”

“An hour or so.”

She nodded, not trying to hide the red on her face, but not quite prepared to meet her eyes.

“Sorry.”

She stood up, walking out as fast as she could.

“Christy.”

Her hand on the door, she looked back, and Evelyn's soft eyes stared back at her.

“I miss her too.”

She nodded, ignoring the pounding in her chest as she laid down in the guest room and tried to sleep.

***

I want her back

She woke up to that sentence rolling around her brain, and while she tried to parse which one she meant, Bonnie or Evelyn, she knew it wasn't relevant.

Both

But she could only have one, and

she

was right down the hall, in their old room, their old life so close she could almost taste it, but so very far away too.

Her phone buzzed, and she grimaced as she read the text from Janet.

Got time for a quick meeting

With actual food ;)

She smiled, and sighed quietly.

It will be painful, but I'll make it quick

She replied to her text, a laughing emoji she didn't feel and got herself ready for the day.

***

As lunchtime rolled around, Christy could only grimace.

She liked Janet, she was a good person, she would be an amazing girlfriend, but it wasn't fair to keep her on the line while Evelyn was sleeping in her bed.

While I was waking up next to her

She shook her head, stood up and went to Evelyn's room.

“I have to run an errand, you gonna be ok while I'm gone?”

She nodded, not looking up from the magazine she was reading. Evelyn had worked out how to get herself out of bed, she'd been relying on Christy less and less.

It was what was supposed to happen, but still, she missed holding her, even for those brief moments.

“I'll be back soon.”

She left without looking back.

***

Janet smiled and kissed her.

She'd gotten them a table outside, and Christy tried to smile as she sat down and grabbed her hand.

Janet slowly pulled her hand back as the smile fell from her face.

“What's wrong?”

“Evelyn injured herself, and she's been staying with me so I can look after her.”

Janet leaned back, sucking in her breath like the atmosphere was leaking.

“You're back with her.”

It wasn't a question, but Christy shook her head anyway.

“No,” she said softly.

“But you want to be.”

She couldn't say it, it was the truth and she couldn't say it out loud.

She nodded instead.

Janet leaned forward, grabbing Christy's hands before kissing them, one each.

“Ok.”

She stood up, Christy did too, and Janet embraced her, holding her with all her might.

“I told you, I'm not a homewrecker.”

She kissed her quickly, a last kiss, Christy could see the tears in her eyes as she fled.

An urge to chase after her coursed through her, but she stayed put, just watched her go.

I made my choice

***

Christy pulled into her driveway and fought against the urge to cry.

In the grand scheme of things, Janet was nothing, a blip, a fling who she had flung away.

But there was something there, something that, with enough nurturing, could have grown. She saw Janet's face light up, and it hurt all over again.

Janet wasn't nothing, but she wasn't Evelyn, and if she had to choose, she would choose Evelyn every time.

And I still lost her

She gasped, sucking in the tears. She had work to do, she had a life and clients to attend to, sitting her sobbing over her ex was no way to spend her time.

She told herself that over and over as she shut off the car, walked back inside, turned her laptop back on.

But it didn't help.

Instead, she went to Evelyn’s room, and laid next to her on her bed. Not touching, not even looking at her, staring at the ceiling.

“Am I sad?”

She whispered the question, hoping that Evelyn would hear the real question buried in her words.

She heard Evelyn put her book down, felt her eyes on her, but she kept her gaze fixed to the ceiling.

“You've been sad for a long time.”

Her words were soft, but her voice didn't waiver.

She leaned over, gently pulling Christy's face toward her, not letting her look away.

“But I think you're coming back now.”

She smiled, a small but hopeful smile.

Christy only nodded before getting up and going back to work.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Week 6

She heard the knock in her dream.

As the sound pulled her from sleep, she tried to hold on to the dream, Bonnie had been there, but the memories vanished as her eyes opened and she groaned as she flexed her stiff neck.

She was on the couch, a law magazine across her lap. Justin had given it to her, an article about eviction law that she could use for one of her clients.

She heard the knock again, and she yawned as she stood up.

She looked at the clock, after midnight, and the alarm bells began firing off in her head.

She didn't think, she didn't want to think, she yanked open the door, and Maddie fell into her arms, almost knocking her over.

“Grandma,” she said with a giggle, and Christy could already smell the cheap tequila and vodka coming out of her pores.

“I'm wasted!”

Maddie laughed, kept laughing as Christy guided her to the couch, laying her down so she wouldn't hurt herself.

A cough pulled Christy's focus behind her, a tall woman was standing in her doorway.

“I'm her Uber driver,” she said softly.

Christy nodded. In her drinking days, she had taken plenty of cabs home like this, and she seemed to recall a few drivers who had helped her to the door.

“Did you get paid already?”

She nodded.

“She gonna be alright?”

Christy laughed, shaking her head. “Not when her mother finds out, but for now, I'll get her through the night.”

Christy grabbed her purse, fished out a twenty, handing it to her.

“Thanks for getting her here.”

The woman nodded, and for a second, Christy wanted to hug her, but she let the moment go, letting this stranger get on with her night.

She closed her front door, happy that Evelyn was a heavy sleeper.

Maddie was stroking the couch blanket, the blanket Marjorie had crocheted for her. She kept giggling, poking her fingers through the holes.

“Time for bed Maddie.” She held out her hands, and it hurt, but she got the girl on her feet.

“But I'm not sleepy.”

Christy didn't respond, just led her down the hall to her room, getting her to the bed where she promptly fell over.

Christy got her shoes off before tucking her in.

She left her for a minute, and heard a soft giggle when she came back.

“Maddie, look at me.”

Christy grabbed the trash can, pointing to it so Maddie would see.

“When you wake up, it's right here.”

She laughed again, but her eyes were already shut, and she drifted off with a smile.

***

Christy's face hardened as she grabbed her phone.

She loved this child, she would do anything for her, even this, but goddamn, calling her estranged daughter in the middle of the night wasn't something she ever wanted to do.

But, she straightened her shoulders, set her mouth into a grim line and made the call.

It rang and rang, and Christy's resolve started to falter; she didn't want to leave this in a voicemail, and she didn't want to call again in an hour, she needed her daughter to just this once pick up the phone.

Please Violet, this time and hopefully never again

“What do you want?”

She could have cried with the relief at her daughter's surly words, but she didn't, she held it all in.

“Maddie's here, at my house,” she said, not missing the sharp intake of breath from Violet. “She showed up drunk about 10 minutes ago.”

Silence.

What memories were flowing through her head right now? Christy had taken care of Bonnie, she knew what it was like, she would never forget the anger, and she doubted her daughter would either.

“I put her to bed, but I can take her home if you'd like.”

Silence.

“Or you can come get her in the morning. If you come after 10, that will count for our hours.”

She was babbling, she was so tired, and she just needed her to say something.

“Tell me what you want to do.”

And she waited.

For two minutes, she stayed silent, waiting for Violet, but finally, she spoke.

“I'm not at home,” she whispered, her voice so sad at that moment. “I'll come get her in the morning.”

And Violet hung up.

***

“Good morning.”

Christy clutched her coffee to her chest, letting the warmth of the drink and the mug itself wrap around her.

Maddie was pale and sweaty, clutching her head as she joined Christy at the table.

She didn't say anything as she gently placed her head on the table, closing her eyes, shutting out the light.

Christy yawned, maybe a bit over the top, but it has been a long night of sleeping on her couch, checking on Maddie as she threw up again and again.

She'd drifted off sometime around dawn, but Evelyn had needed her help around 7, so she'd been up since then.

Karma

She chuckled to herself as she plopped a burrito in the microwave, and she saw Maddie flinch as the beep went off, but it couldn't be helped.

Maddie sat up as she placed the plate next to her, and she shook her head.

“My stomach,” she whispered, wincing at the sound of her own voice.

“I know,” Christy said softly. “Eat this, and you'll throw it up, and then you'll feel better, and then you can have some real food.”

Maddie gave her a look, and Christy could only laugh.

“I know what I'm talking about here.”

Slowly, Maddie reached for the burrito, trusting the wisdom her drunk of a grandmother had to offer.

She made it more than halfway before she abruptly stood up and ran down the hall to the bathroom.

Some days were worse than others, the

longing

for a drink never really left her, but this, she did not miss this part.

Please learn this lesson quickly

She didn't say anything as Maddie came back, her legs a little shaky. Christy pushed a glass of water toward her, and she eagerly drank the whole thing.

“How did you do this for so long?”

Christy laughed, she couldn't help it, and Maddie laughed too.

“Because I needed to keep drinking.”

And she had, she told herself. She had needed every thought and memory in her life to go away, and drinking was the quickest and cheapest way to get her there.

And it worked, for years it worked.

And even now, she could feel that siren calling her, telling to escape from all her feelings about Bonnie, Evelyn, Janet, Violet, and still, she said no.

A victory

Without a word, she handed Maddie a bacon sandwich.

“It's the best thing for a hangover.”

She looked at the clock, 9:30, Violet would be here soon.

“What happened last night?”

Maddie grimaced and sighed before finally speaking.

“I told Mom I was going to spend the night at my friend Chloe's house, and after her parents went to bed, we snuck out and went to a party.”

She paused, like she was pulling herself back.

“It was fun at first, and I kept drinking and drinking, and she wanted to go and I didn't, so she dragged us out of there, and I was so mad and embarrassed I called an Uber and had them take me here.”

Christy couldn't speak at first. She didn't even know this girl, and she wanted to hug her fiercely, to thank her for being the kind of girl that wouldn't abandon a friend.

Especially an obnoxious drunk friend

“You should call her, let her know you're ok,” Christy said softly.

“Nobody calls anymore.”

Christy spent all that was left of her willpower to not roll her eyes.

“Text her then.”

Maddie's face went red, but she pulled out her phone, and Christy watched her send off a quick note before putting it away.

“I called your mom last night, she'll be here soon.”

Maddie's eyes went wide and her hands were shaking as she stood up so quickly, her chair fell over.

“Why would you do that?”

Christy stood too, slowly walking toward her, but that only pushed her back further.

“Maddie I had to -”

“No you didn't!” she shrieked, her voice going higher as the panic set in. “I trusted you!”

Without another word, Maddie stormed off, slamming the door to the guest room behind her while she waited for her doom.

And Christy could only stand there.

Could she have protected her from her punishment? Should she have? Should she have prioritized the granddaughter who liked her over the daughter that hated her?

No

She knew that was the right answer, she knew she'd done the right thing, but she saw Maddie's face, the fear in body, and it didn't feel right.

She grabbed the chair, sat it upright, as Evelyn called out to her.

But before she could go to her, she heard a knock on her front door, and she braced herself as she opened it.

Her daughter did the exact same movements, nearly flinching as she stood in her mother's doorway.

Christy didn't say anything, just stepped aside, letting her in without a word.

Instead, she watched as Violet looked around her living room, at the couch Bonnie had left her that she couldn't bear to replace, at the photos on the walls of Roscoe, Evelyn, her AA friends, and even one of her with Marianna and Justin.

In her nightstand, she kept a picture of her with Bonnie and her kids, but most days she couldn't bear to look at it.

Violet looked around for a minute before getting back to business.

“Madeline!”

Christy winced, but again, she said nothing, just stood there waiting for Maddie to emerge.

After a minute, she did, dragging her feet and not even looking at her mother.

“Let's go.”

Maddie shot her a look, fear and anger mixed in her glance, but still, she did as her mother said.

Violet followed her, but she stopped at the front door, not turning back.

“Thank you for being there for her.”

She closed the door behind her.

***

Christy was still standing there when Evelyn hobbled out to the living room.

Christy snapped to attention as Evelyn made her way to the living room and plopped on the couch.

“Evelyn, you shouldn't be walking.”

She just shook her head, laughing.

“Wanted to practice before tomorrow, I'll need a ride to the doctor's.”

Like

before

, she didn't ask, and it annoyed her, but in that good way. Evelyn assumed she would be there for, because she would, of course she would.

Always

She sat down next to her, not missing the concern in her eyes.

“How did that go?”

Christy shrugged.

“I'm not sure if Maddie will forgive me anytime soon, but that might have been the first time in her life Violet has thanked me for something.”

She laughed, it wasn't funny, but it was true, and that was funny enough.

“Give it time,” she said softly. Leaning over, she lightly kissed her on her temple. “You did the right thing, and sometimes that bites you.”

Christy helped her up, watched her walk around the living room for a bit before heading back to bed.

She let Evelyn’s words sink in, wrapping the words around her like a blanket.

As a parent, she had rarely done the right thing, but now, as a grandparent, maybe she finally knew what to do.

It wasn't much, but it wasn't nothing, she told herself as she made sure Evelyn was comfortable.

It's not nothing

***

The doctor's appointment took less time then getting there; they had had a bit more practice getting Evelyn in and out of Christy's car, but still, they left 30 minutes early, and only barely made it on time.

But Evelyn was a trooper, never complaining, not even when Christy accidentally nudged her bad foot.

And it only took ten minutes for the doctor to examine her foot and send her back home.

As they drove away, Evelyn gave her the news.

“So, my foot is healing fine, but I need another week of rest.”

She paused, looked outside briefly before finishing.

“So you're stuck with me for another week.”

Just one more week

She smiled, she couldn't tell how sincerely, but she kept her eyes on the road, not looking at her passenger.

One week

I can keep you for one more week

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Week 7

Violet had texted her when she arrived to pick up Maddie.

She's grounded

Nothing special, just your place

Maddie got in the car, not saying a word, not even looking at her.

“How long are you grounded?”

“Two months,” she snapped. “Thanks.”

Christy winced, but she understood. Violet had cleaned up after her, after Baxter, she would want to squish this behavior out of her daughter as fast as possible.

“How's your friend?”

Maddie crossed her arms over her chest.

“Her parents caught her while she was trying to sneak back in, and she's also grounded, but for only a month.”

Christy nodded, not taking her eyes off the road.

“I'm sorry.”

Maddie scoffed.

“Sure you are.”

Christy let it go, she didn't remember Bonnie ever punishing her, and maybe she would have been better off for it.

But it wasn't going to be any fun for her

now,

and she didn't want to rub it in, so they drove the rest of the way in silence.

As she parked, Maddie jumped out of the car, heading inside without another word.

Christy stayed behind, giving herself a few minutes of freedom from her sulky granddaughter.

But eventually, she left her oasis and went inside.

She'd expected Maddie to be with Evelyn, but instead, she was splayed out on the couch, on her phone, tuning the world out.

And while trying to hide her smile, but not trying too hard, she set the heavy box on the coffee table.

“Help me set this up.”

Maddie slowly turned to her, sitting up quickly when she saw what was inside: a Switch and a bunch of games Roscoe had picked out for his beloved niece.

“No way,” she whispered, her eyes agog as she looked at her grandmother.

But her face fell, and she pushed the box aside slightly, falling back onto the couch.

“You can't bribe me into forgiving you.”

She picked up her phone again, and Christy pulled out the receipt.

“I was going to give this to you last Sunday, as a belated birthday present. But you had other plans.”

Her voice was a little sharper than she meant it to be, but Maddie took the paper all the same, read over it, saw with her own eyes the day it was ordered.

“I wouldn't try to bribe you, this is a gift, no strings attached.”

She sat down next to her, pulling out the main box and placing it in Maddie’s lap.

“Do you want it?”

Maddie gingerly opened it, almost like she was expecting Christy to snatch it away.

But she held it in her hands, and Christy did not miss the smile that grew on her face.

“I'm still mad at you.”

“Ok.”

Maddie looked at her and Christy just smiled back.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Week 8

Our last Saturday
Christy woke up with an ache in her chest. Evelyn had already tried walking on her foot, the muscles were still tender, but she could do it in short bursts. She'd be going home on Monday, and she was ready to leave, she was itching to leave, and Christy wanted her to stay.She had no idea how to tell her that, but that's what she wanted.That and coffee.She yawned as she headed toward the kitchen, getting a fresh pot ready. She made a cup for Evelyn, placing the cup on the nightstand next to her like she used to do, neither one saying a word.She sighed as she drank hers at their table, alone. But she'd been doing that for months now, she could do it again. And if she got a little more mopey at her meetings, well that's what they were for.Her phone started to ring, and she looked at the clock, just after ten.
Maddie
Her heart started pounding as she answered.“Are you alright?”“Christy, can you come get me? Please?”She breathed out, trying to settle her nerves, repeating to herself over and over that she was ok.“Where are you, I'll be there as fast as I can.”***She was outside a shopping center, sitting on a bus stop bench, just like she said.Christy found a parking space and ran up to her, slightly out of breath, but she looked fine.Well, not fine, she was slumped over, clutching her stomach, but Christy didn't see any signs of injury.“Maddie.”She looked up, her face was red, and Christy could see the tear stains on her shirt.Slowly, she sat down next to her, and after hesitating, wrapped her arms around her shoulders.“What happened?”She sat up, pushing Christy's arm off her, wiping her face as best she could.“Nothing, I just need a ride home.”Christy stared at her granddaughter, this girl she barely knew but loved so much already, and she drew her mouth back into a firm line.“Tell me what happened.”Her voice was firm, not hard, but clear and Maddie shuddered a bit. But she shook her head again, not even daring to speak. “Did someone hurt you?”“No!” Maddie shouted. “I just want to go home.”She started walking, and Christy raced to catch up with her, pointing her in the direction of her car.Once they got in, and Maddie had buckled her seatbelt, Christy again turned to her.“Tell me.”She said nothing, she didn't look away, she was a statue in her seat, refusing to act until she got answers, and finally the effort of holding it all in got to Maddie.“I was in the backyard, and I just left, just started walking, ended up here.”She started crying again, and Christy held her breath, waiting for her to continue.“I was walking around this store, and I was staring at these ugly ornaments, and I had this urge to just take one, slip it in my pocket and walk out. This voice in my head just kept telling me to do it, because it didn't matter if I got caught or not, nobody cares either way.”Christy wanted to interrupt, to hold her and assure her it wasn't true, but she knew if Maddie stopped now, she'd never start again.“And my hand was hovering over it, when I heard someone behind me walk down the aisle and I just ran out of there.”She wiped her face, but more tears came.“My dad left me, Mom resents me, and you're only in my life because that judge ordered you to. And I'm just nothing.” Christy let her cry.That worthless feeling, even after 60 years of living, it was still there, lurking in the shadows, waiting to see if she'll silence it with a drink.“You're not nothing.”Christy whispered the words, she wanted Maddie to make the effort to hear her.“Your mother loves you so much she called me, the one person she hates most in the world, to come help you.”Maddie looked up at her, her eyes wild with doubt, but she didn't look away.“I've known you for two months, and I can't even remember what my life was like before you came into it.”Maddie turned away from her, doing her best to wipe her face.“And I don't know your father, but if he doesn't see the value of having you in his life, then fuck him.”Maddie snorted, trying to hide her glee at the casual profanity.“And I'm so proud of you for fighting back, for refusing to give in to that voice.”She blushed at Christy's words.Christy hoped they would sink in as she started the car, drove her back home.“Mom is gonna be so pissed at me.”Christy didn't have words for that. “Go back in the way you came out, maybe she won't notice.”Maddie's eyes widened.“You won't say anything?”“Not this time.”Maddie did her best to hug her before she bolted from the car, running around the house to the backyard.She hoped Maddie would get away with it. As she drove away, her conscience needling her, she reminded herself of how much Violet had needed Bonnie, and Maddie wasn't her mother, (and thank God Violet wasn't her ), but just this once, she would keep this to herself.***
Monday
Evelyn was limping slightly, she didn't fully trust her ankle yet, but with the rest and the brace, she could walk without the crutches.And she was leaving.Christy had helped her bring some stuff to her car, moving as slowly as possible, delaying this goodbye for as long as she could.And here it was, Evelyn at her doorstep, waiting for her to drive her home.
Your home is here
She wanted to scream the words at her, beg her to stay, but she'd done that once, and she didn't regret it, but there's only so much humiliation she was willing to endure.She grabbed her keys, her purse, and Evelyn was leading the way out the door when she stopped, her foot on the threshold.“I know you didn't have to look after me, but I'm glad you did.”She rushed forward, embracing Christy, and Christy held on to her.“Don't go,” she whispered into her hair, cursing herself for speaking, but unwilling to take the words back.She released her, Evelyn's shocked eyes staring back at her. “Stay with me. Please.”Evelyn was silent, just staring at her.
She's not saying no

She's not walking out
Christy gave herself a second of hope.“You're seeing someone,” Evelyn said, her voice sad but clear as Christy shook her head.“I was,” she said, “but I ended things weeks ago.”“Weeks?”Christy nodded. She'd seen Janet here and there, offering her a weak smile, and Janet would wave back, but she kept her distance all the same.“She's a good person, but she's not you.”Evelyn walked back in, sat on her couch and Christy closed the front door, still waiting for an answer, and still hoping for the right one. “I don't want to come back if it will be the same.”Christy could see it now, Evelyn watching her, waiting for her to pull out of her grief, and when that didn't work, trying to help her along, and when that failed too, just giving up.She had done what she could for Bonnie after Adam's death, and even she had needed a break now and then.Christy sat next to her, taking her hand.“I didn't realize how bad it was until you left, but I'm better.”It wasn't even a lie. She still missed her mother, her old friends, their old life, but it had grown easier to live with.Evelyn leaned forward, kissing her lightly, then not so lightly, like a woman starving.She pulled back and smiled, stroking Christy's face.“You still feel like home.”“Marry me.”The words were out before Christy could think it through, but she shook off her doubts quickly.She had resisted the idea, not wanting another divorce (because if she got married it would only end in divorce), and Evelyn had been ok with that, but here and now, with that kiss fresh on her lips, she wanted it all.“Marry me, this week, today, tomorrow, whenever you'd like.”She didn't have a ring, but she knew all the ins and outs of her courthouse, a quick ceremony binding them together forever, that she could do.Evelyn smiled.“You're sure about this?”Christy kissed her again, that old spark bursting alive between them.“No doubt.”
None
“Then yes.”Evelyn drew her to her, and there were no more words.***
Can we meet today?
Christy had sent that text to her daughter three hours ago, and still no answer.Evelyn had spent the last day breaking her lease on her apartment and arranging movers for her things; her foot was much better, but not good enough for moving.Christy told her she'd cover the costs as a wedding present. Evelyn had only laughed.Christy had spent the day calling in favors for a license and a slot with a judge. Christy shook her head as Judge Lewis, the woman who had brought so much havoc and joy to her life, was the only one with an opening on Friday.She was at a jewelry store, picking out bands for them when Violet texted back.
In one hour, will meet at Joey's 
Christy sighed, with traffic, it would be tight, but she could get there.“These ones,” she said, picking out a set of matching gold rings. Nothing too fancy, just a band with a small row of rubies for Evelyn, sapphires for her. She briefly looked over at the engagement ring section, but Evelyn had said she didn't want one, and well, Christy smiled, she had already said yes.
And maybe that’s a present for down the road
***At Joey's, Violet was already waiting.Christy gulped softly, her daughter hated waiting, but, she reminded me herself as she sat across from her, she had come, she had waited, that meant something .Violet didn't say anything, just stared, and Christy could see she wasn't glaring, she wasn't shooting daggers at her, she was just looking.
There's that hope again
“Well, um, I'm getting married on Friday.”Violet sucked in a breath, and she forced herself to speak.“Congratulations,” she said, not a hint of warmth in her voice. “Who is he, Maddie hasn't mentioned anyone.”“She,” Christy said, and Violet's eyes widened. “Evelyn is her name.”Violet nodded, Maddie probably had mentioned her, and Christy could only wonder at how much information she’d given to her mother about her. Maybe she liked having a secret  Christy pulled out a note card, passed it to Violet. It was handwritten, just the basics of the event.Friday, September 27th, 4 pm, Judge Lewis' chambers“I’d like you and Maddie to come. If you can.”Now came the glare.“How long have you been planning this?”Christy checked her phone, and did not manage to smother her laugh.“About 20 hours.”Even Violet chuckled at that.“Is Roscoe coming?”She shook her head.“It's too short notice, but they'll be out here over winter break.”Violet picked up the note card, and began tapping it on the table, like she was using the rhythm to help her decide.“I’ll think about it,” she said as she stood up quickly. And she left.Christy exhaled as she watched her leave.She stood up, leaving a small tip on the table. That was the best she could hope for, she supposed. And maybe Violet would surprise her.
Maybe not
But Evelyn was back to stay, and she couldn't stop the smile from growing on her face. ***At 3:50 pm, as Christy, Evelyn and the rest of the wedding party (Justin, Marianna, and a handful of Evelyn's friends) waited outside Judge Lewis' chambers, Christy gave up.
She's not coming
It hurt, and as if she could read her mind, Evelyn reached over and squeezed her hand, kissing her lightly on her cheek.“Maybe she ran into traffic.”She smiled, she didn't believe it, she doubted Evelyn did too, but it was a kind thing to say.“Maybe.”She had hoped they'd made some progress, that maybe with this court order, Violet would allow her back in, would even let herself back into her mother's life.
She only got the bad from me

I wanted her to have a piece of the good
She shook her head, almost like trying to shake the thoughts out of her mind. If Violet didn't want in, that was her choice, her right, and she would just have to live with it.“Christy!”She stood up quickly as Maddie ran down the hall toward her, wrapping her arms around her.“Am I too late?”Christy didn't even bother trying to stop her tears, most likely ruining the makeover Marianna had given her as a present. And she didn't care.“No, we haven't gone in yet.”Maddie beamed, almost vibrating with excitement as Christy looked behind her for Violet.“Mom's not coming,” Maddie said softly. “And she asked me if I could stay overnight with you.”She saw the bag at Maddie's feet, and she looked at Evelyn, who gave her a devilish grin, and nodded.“That's fine, I'll take you home tomorrow.”Maddie beamed again, before pulling her eyes to Evelyn.“Do not hurt her again.”She was serious, her eyes were cold slits, her mouth a hard line. 
Like Bonnie

Like Violet

Like me
Evelyn only nodded as the chamber doors opened, a clerk giving them the ok to enter. “Christy, wait.”Evelyn held her back, and Christy's mind went in a thousand directions at once, but she loved her, she trusted her, she would listen first.“Before we go in, I wanted to tell you,” she said, looking right at her. “When I was injured, I had other friends I could have stayed with, that would have helped me through it.”She reached out, lightly stroking her hair.“I wanted to stay with you.”
She chose me
Evelyn kissed her, and Christy wanted to melt into it, but no, they had a wedding to get to.  So she pulled back, and smiled at her soon-to-be wife as they walked into the chambers arm-in-arm, ready for whatever came next.And, she thought, maybe someday, her daughter would be willing to walk with them too.