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Prologue“You are the one they’ve been waiting for Akito, everyone has been eagerly waiting for you to be born. So, they can love and adore you.”Akito’s eyes brightened, Itsuki could see the way her posture changed as she took in the information. Their father’s words were an anthem, Itsuki swore the air vibrated like power.Then just like that, something in his mind broke.Itsuki blinked, Akira caressed Akito’s face gently.He knew then that Akito was fully accepted as God. Though by their father’s faith as he comforted his daughter, or Akito’s own ignited in that moment, Itsuki could not tell.In one sentence he felt his skin turn cold.Itsuki stared down at his hand.Losing something you never knew created a keen sensation. Itsuki frowned and grabbed his chest, his heart hurt.Itsuki spent most of the day in a daze. Unable to talk to anyone or remember what people said. His tutors gave up halfway through class and left. Afterwards he sat upon the deck facing the inner gardens and stared at the pond. The sounds of their bamboo waterfall feature tapped hollowly in a steady rhythm.Being reborn in this strange world took some getting used to. He’d never experienced such a traditional household before. Nor lived with so many people. His clan, the Sohma, was massive. Spanning what felt like generation to the point he wondered if they were even related to him anymore.Akito and Itsuki were both considered heir’s to the clan being born on the same day. Until today, not even the elders could tell who out of the two of them was God. Only the Zodiac held that level of sensitivity. Itsuki figured the title would fall naturally to one of them. Akito being named it so casually felt like a trick. None of the Zodiac had stepped foot in the main compound for years.Akito visited him as always near bedtime. She felt different somehow to him. When she smiled her lips trembled as if she held something in.Itsuki stared at her as she settled next to him.“Did you hear father? I’m going to be loved by every one of the Zodiac. It’s my destiny as God.”Itsuki looked away, Akito resembled their mother nearly exactly. Especially with her long dark hair.“I’m happy for you.”“I can’t wait to meet them all. Father said Shigure is going to visit me.”Itsuki imagined what it may feel like to be trapped in the Sohma Curse. Either as God or a member of the Zodiac. God was said to hold a certain amount of control over them all. Spiritually tying the members in a way only God themselves could undo.Akito took up the position so effortlessly.Akito left him when the sky grew dark, and he stared out at the stars. He placed a hand on his chest. He felt…
Empty.
Could one even feel empty when nothing was there to fill them in the first place? No one knew which of them would be God. Twin heirs had never been born to the Sohma before. Itsuki told himself he had no interest in the position. He hated the idea of keeping people under a curse that didn’t allow touch of the opposite gender. Hundreds of years these animals had been tied to their God. Why desire to be the keeper when they all obviously hated it?
I’m so cold.
Itsuki mentally scrambling to pick up the pieces he never knew mattered.The morning after Akito got served breakfast first. Itsuki sat in his room quietly, alone for a bit. Dressed himself and stepped out into the hallway. He could hear conversation and laughter.“Of course Akito-sama-.”Itsuki turned away and headed off to complete his morning lessons.As usual, class went over the basic academics someone six years old would need to know. Specifically, the Sohma’s hired the best for him and Akito to learn from. Going to public school was considered too commoner for either of them to go. He spotted Akito walk down the hallway for the first time that day after class, their matching dark eyes met for a moment. She brushed past him, and he watched a piece of her dark hair get caught in a soft breeze of wind.“Akito-““Don’t talk to me.”Itsuki blinked, lowered his hand. Akito tossed her head and walked away.
What?
His chest hurt.When his normal caregiver approached around teatime she had little words for him. Itsuki peered at her closed off body language. Even she acted out of the norm. He dismissed her without either of them sharing words.
Was this how his life would be now?
Ren found him like a dog being lured by the scent of prey. She stared down at him with cold black eyes.“Do not speak to me, demon.”Itsuki watched her pass, just as Akito had dismissed him. Ren pushed him away like a particularly annoying fly. He stared after her.
Demon.
Funny how abruptly one could go from potential God to Demon.…..When they were born the elders told her it was a curse. Ren looked down at the squalling babes in her arms and knew they spoke the truth. The Zodiac were never wrong, they touched her stomach the moment Akito had been conceived. Akito was their God.Itsuki, she named after the moon. Though he looked eerily similar to Akito, a certain solemn aura hung over his head like a cloud. When the elders looked at him after she recovered from giving birth, Ren saw the looks on their faces.
They too knew Itsuki was abnormal.
He never cried and looked at the world though eyes too sharp for his age. Akito asked for her tender love and care, the retched creature she was. Itsuki’s refusal to do the same made her feel like the elders were right.Akira took careful care of their daughter. Cooed at her tiny hands, sang her songs and whispered promises.“You’ll be loved by them my little one, just you wait.”If Akira felt Akito was God, then he was right. Ren felt hatred simmer in her gut.Why did Akito have to be born God? When they had a son, one who would never threaten to take Akira away from her. Akito took her face and used it to lure Akira deeper into her claws. Akira had doted over her so much during pregnancy, why did he not look at her at all now?Because she bore him twins. Cursed children. Yin and Yang. If Ren had given him one male child then Akira would never have left her side. Now God set to punish her by taking her husband away.Itsuki was easy to punish. She failed to see why he was even born.She met the elders alongside Akira when the twins turned six. After spending years going back and forth in her head over the twins.“A member of the Zodiac will come to decide who amongst the twins is their God. Expect Sohma Shigure to be here within the next three days.“I have no doubt Akito will be the one they feel pulled to.” Akira responded. “I just know it’s her.”Ren forced a smile on her face. Akira would never see the ugly side of her. The precious man he was, Akira deserved better. His words were the truth though, as much as she hated to admit it. Akira never lied, the elders just needed proof themselves, the fools.Sohma Shigure met her daughter and affirmed the fact.
Akira was always right.
…...“Who are you?”Being questioned so boldly in his own compound threw Itsuki off. He turned away from the moon to look at the newcomer, a boy a few years older. He didn’t recognize him at all. A weird feeling was in his chest, anxiety perhaps. Not many children were allowed to come in contact with him and Akito.“Who are you?” Itsuki replied, keeping his tone neutral.The kid stared at him. A cool breeze picked up and Itsuki brushed his hair out of his face. His chest tingled, a physical itch made him want to scratch at his heart.“Sohma Shigure.”
Oh.
His heart thudded, cold sweat dotted his forehead.
Wrong.
Nothing spanned in him like a massive cavern dug into his psyche. Itsuki turned away from that curious gaze, Shigure appeared entirely normal. Could he not feel the hot twist of his gut? The endless yearning of reaching out.No one responded.
No one.
But the possibility remained in the back of his mind. A temptation of warmth that avoided his desperate mental grasp.
Not for me. None of them are for me. And that’s okay.
Itsuki stared at the full moon.“Sohma Itsuki.”His name felt dead in the air. He turned away.This one was Akito’s. He could tell.He fell into a fitful sleep that night, dreams of anticipation taunted him. He ran as fast as he could into the surrounding darkness, where just out of reach a light flickered. Woke up with a start, eyes wet, and stared at the sun peeking through the cracks of his sliding doors.Itsuki followed the pull, walked into the main courtyard and stopped.Shigure stared at his sister, tears fell from the corner of his eyes. She reached out a hand and placed it on his face.Akira, their father promised eternity. Akito would be loved forever.Itsuki walked away.
Not for me.
And that was okay.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Don’t be scared Akito, I will always be with you. Even if you can’t see me, my special child.”A hand reached up and touched Akito’s cheek. Akira smiled at her softly. The light made his body look that much thinner. Itsuki never realized how much weight he loss until right then.Hypnotized by his word Akito hovered over the head of their father. He called her up there as soon as she entered the room. Itsuki sat himself closer to his legs. Akira had never requested him to be closer. The snub was an ice pick to his chest, Itsuki told himself he wasn’t bothered.Akira was nothing to him, right? Barely even a father. Itsuki had one in a prior life who actually loved him, that was enough.
Why did he still want Akira to look at him? Just for a moment.
“Most of all I wanted Ren to be happy.” Akira muttered. “In the end we all knew I was going to die soon. But I was able to have a ‘special child’, so that makes Ren and I special too, right? In the end I couldn’t make up with Ren, even though I wanted to.”Torrential rain drummed the roof of their compound. Itsuki felt like even breathing was too loud as he listened to his father. Their caregiver sat silently by the wall, as did a few other members who tended to Akira during his sickness.All of them gave him and Akito a wide birth.Touched gently like a treasure, his sister was given once last caress. Itsuki watched the life leave his father’s eyes in the next moment.Akira hadn’t even glanced in his direction.Akito’s shoulders slumped as Akira stopped breathing. Then stillness, he couldn’t see his sister’s face through the veil of her short hair. Cut suddenly with no explanation. He suspected Ren and her obsession with Akito’s gender was the cause. With hair like that, his sister and him were nearly identical now.Akito sniffed; he watched a tear drip down her chin.He made a move to get up and comfort her.Ren came bursting into the room like a clap of thunder. Slamming the sliding doors open in her haste. A few younger clan members hesitantly followed her, he could see the defeat in their faces. No one could stop her.She took one look at Akira. Her fingers trembled. No one alive looked so pale and stayed that still.“Why didn’t you call for me? Why…Why did you let him die alone?” She demanded, voice wet with tears.“Lower your voice.” Their caregiver snapped. “We had no time to call for you. Besides Akira-sama did not die alone. Akito-sama was with him.”Ren’s eyes landed squarely on his sister. Itsuki felt goosebumps rise along his skin.“His dying words were naming Akito-sama as the new clan head.” Their caregiver finished.Ren’s arm snapped out, at first Itsuki thought she sought to hit someone. He tensed, as did a few of the girls closest to her. But Ren instead pointed directly at Akito.“Head of the family? This thing?! It was just a toy to help Akira pass the time!”Their caregiver reared in response. “How dare you- ““Now that Akira is gone there’s no more need for toys! No one needs you!” She screamed. Staggering forward to get closer to his sister. Their caregiver scrambled up to meet her and press their mother back.Itsuki kept quiet. He stared at his father’s face.
Death must be nice.
Akito finally stood up, she stared at their mother with dark eyes. Barely even blinking. Itsuki couldn’t see a single tear on her face or emotion. The effect of witnessing a child her age so closed off twisted his gut.“I am needed, father said I am a special being. I am needed. I know this because father told me.”Even Ren stopped her rampage in response. Akito seemed to hold control over the whole room by the way they stared at her with slack expressions.“You dare mock father’s words? The one who is not needed is you mother.”Ren curled her fist. Face twisting in anger. True disgust aimed at them, he felt her gaze pass over him as well.“Bond? Eternity? Go ahead and listen to those silly delusions. They won’t last forever. At some point those dreams will be broken, and you’ll realize you never had anyone waiting for you! Itsuki is proof enough you will end up unloved and worthless!”Itsuki stiffened.A dozen set of eyes landed on his form. Akito peered at him through her mask of ice.Ren let out a breathless laugh at the sensation of taking back control of the argument. Even their caregiver seemed to hesitate. A few girls in the back of the room whispered to each other as they glanced at him.“He’s the devil here to steal your precious bonds after all. We all know it! Akito you are born here so he can rip everything dear to you away and drag the clan into despair! Why else did I have twins?!”Akito’s breath hitched.
She believed her.
Itsuki tried to block it all out. He closed his eyes and wished himself away. Dead.
Was he really only alive to hurt his sister?
Things fell apart.In fact, Ren wanted nothing to do with either of them after Akira’s passing. A firm smack to Akito’s head as his sister cried said enough about her feelings toward them. He grabbed Akito’s arm and pulled her away with a firm tug.Ren screeched after them.“Run away you cowards! I don’t want to see your faces anyway!”Itsuki rounded a corner and finally stopped. Ren never ran after them after her episodes. Huffing, he turned to look at his sister. Akito fought to control her own breath as she wiped at the corner of her eyes.“Why? Why does mother hate me so much?”Itsuki took one of her hands in his and squeezed it tightly.“Mother is different then everyone else Akito, she’s…wrong. I know it’s hard, but don’t listen to anything she says to you.”Akito nodded.“O-kay.”His heart softened at her hesitant response. Itsuki pulled her to his chest, and she sobbed in his arms harder. Akito allowed him the touch for a moment, then pushed him away suddenly.Itsuki kept himself on his feet this time. He viewed his sister with a stoic expression.Her dark eyes hardened, and she straightened.“Don’t touch me.”“Of course, sorry.”Akito peered down at him, though he remained to be the tallest. She turned on her heel and marched away.“Good.”Back to normal now. God-Akito needed no one to comfort her, especially her twin brother.He resumed his day, the servants sent him strange looks as they passed by. He knew from the looks on their faces what they thought about.Demon. Devil. Curse. They all thought he was a plague.Father dying just made everything worse.He resumed his day and finished with the tutors. Unlike Akito, he had an additional class to take, self-defense. So, his day ended sore and sweaty once his sensei left. Some man from the Somha clan hired Itsuki barely knew, with a soft smile.Not many people smiled around him, in many ways his sensei was a balm to his fried nerves. Afterwards he cleaned up and headed to have dinner with his sister. Sitting formally by the Chabudai Akito didn’t bother to greet him.He sat in his spot atop his knees in a formal seiza.“Good evening, Akito.”She motioned toward the servants, and they started to bring warm meals to their table. For a moment Itsuki watched the way someone of her age commanded the room. Drawn in by the strange dynamic. Adults in their thirties listened to her without complaint.“Eat fast, I have people to meet.” Akito said.He offered a smile and ate as commanded. The food was always good, though his new life lacked in many areas, good food was not one of them.“Another one of your Zodiac?”She peered at him through her dark lashes. Face near identical to the one their mother made when she saw them.“Yes. You may not speak of them. They’re mine.”You force me to eat dinner with you every night. It’s not like I wanted to be here. Itsuki wanted to say. Akito proved to be just as explosive as Ren, so he stayed silent. Sometimes not responding was the best tactic for his family.Akito lunged up and slammed her hands on the table.“Respond when I talk to you!”An edge of panic in her voice. Itsuki settled his cup as it threatened to tip over. “Yes Akito.”“Akito-sama! I am your God as well!”Itsuki finally looked up at her. Akito trembled under his gaze, out of anger and some other emotion. He debated mentally for a moment, then replied.“Yes Akito-sama.”She let out a loud breath and sat down. Then resumed eating. A few servants exchanged glances but said nothing. They knew better by now.No one questioned the word of God.Itsuki finished the meal in silence. Akito lost interest in him like one would a toy they played with too long. So, when he asked to leave, she let him without complaint.Itsuki came upon an older boy on his journey back to his room. Within the shadows of the sunset that streamed through the open sliding doors. Undoubtedly years older, with hair covering one eye. He had a look about him that made Itsuki think he may be a Somha. Perhaps from a wing he had yet to meet.His chest tingled.Itsuki knew what that sensation was. Found himself letting out a long breath from where he subconsciously held it in.They passed each other.Itsuki stopped and turned. Watching the boy knock on the very doors Itsuki just shut.“Akito-sama.”“Hatori, welcome.”Itsuki looked away.
Not mine.
Sleep does not find him, so he stared at his dark ceiling the whole night. No number of blankets made the cold go away.In the morning, he woke up with the sun and started his daily kata. Light exercise to warm up the body from his long not-rest. Moving around seemed to help clear the fog a bit. The spring weather offered warm enough temperatures to wear his warm weather training gear. A pair of black linen trousers and matching top.“You must be Akito-sama’s brother.”Itsuki slipped and fell with a solid thud onto the ground. He groaned in pain. Footsteps neared him and the boy he saw last night, Hatori, peered at him. Suddenly the pain turned into a horrid emptiness. Itsuki found himself missing the pain.“Are you okay? Here.”Hatori held out a hand.Itsuki kept his face neutral. His heart hammered in his chest. He raised a hand to take Hatori’s and get up from the ground.
“Don’t touch him!”
Akito dove at him with a fury Itsuki was not prepared for. His sister’s body slammed into him, nails dug into his arms, hands tore at anything they could reach. Clothes, hair and skin. Itsuki protected his face from the onslaught.“Never touch them, none of them! I forbid it!”Her voice was a banshee’s cry, piercing in her young age and edged with frantic energy. People came running down the hall, other clan members who tore Akito off him. No one was safe from her, as she turned on them as well.Itsuki held his stinging face in his hands. People hovered over him and asked questions in the fake concerned tones they always used. No one touched him. He shoved at a leg and someone stumbled.Then they backed away from him in whispers. He could feel their eyes. Hatori’s burned the hottest on his skin.Akito squirmed and panted, the person holding her bore matching red scratches identical to Itsuki’s own. She leveled Itsuki with a withering glare, face coated in sweat.“I forbid you from talking to any of the Zodiac members in the compound. Devil.”Hatori wisely kept quiet. Itsuki had no such luxury. He forced himself onto his feet and into a bow.A wave of whispers spread out like a rock being dropped into a lake.
Devil. Demon.
They all looked at him with fear and hatred.“Yes, Akito-sama.”He walked away without prompting and stared out at the garden, sitting on the deck with his legs curled into his chest. At what point did he get to know why he was born here? Didn’t reincarnation have a reason it happened?Maybe this was hell. His personal one.Akito stopped calling him to dinner after that, Itsuki turned seven quietly and heard of the celebration no one invited him to. A few of the Zodiac had been there to celebrate Akito’s birthday, he wondered which Zodiac. Surely Shigure would be there.Funny how one simple and short interaction lead to him thinking about Shigure so much. The dog Zodiac was one of the older ones, around sixteen if he remembered correctly. Shigure, Ayame and Hatori were sure to attend the party.Perhaps it was better for him not to be there, to avoid the heavy ache the Zodiac caused. Akito never seemed happy to be around him anyway.The only one who treated him normally was his martial arts teacher.“They fear what they do not understand Itsuki.”Itsuki stared at the chocolate brown hue of Kazuma’s hair in the sunlight. He hadn’t had chocolate in so long he missed it.“Right.” Itsuki replied.He knew Kazuma did not lie. People reacted to strange things badly sometimes. It just so happened his entire existence triggered that in everyone in the Sohma family. Since the moment he was born, the heavy weight of being alive exhausted him.Kazuma reached out a hand, Itsuki stilled at it rested on his head.“You are loved Itsuki, remember that. Akito may be God, but that does not make you any less worthy.”“Tell that to the clan.” He snarked back, then bit his own tongue in reprimand.He hid from Kazuma’s searching look and stared at the ground.“Oh Itsuki…”“It doesn’t matter.” Itsuki said, he forced his voice not to waver. He stood up and rolled his shoulders back. “Forget I said anything.”Just as Akito was destined to be God, perhaps Itsuki was fated to be alone.He focused more on his studies after that. Because at least his grades were something he could control. Getting approval from tutors was the only way he received praise. Mother certainly couldn’t careless, and father died. Akito hated him. The elders had no empathy for the spare.For the other.
It will be okay.
…...Sohma Yuki arrived like soft snowfall. Silent but beautiful. From across the courtyard Itsuki stared at his sister who clung so desperately onto the rat Zodiac. Like God, the rat had not been reincarnated in a while.Akito took it as a good sign, he had never seen his sister smile so brightly before.He also never witnessed God and a Zodiac finding each other in it’s entirety. Shigure had been recovering, and he only glimpsed Hatori once in a while. He heard rumors that the reunion could be felt even by normal people.
Did they all feel like a sword gutted them?
Itsuki turned away from the two children and walked back into the compound.Akito had a new…friend after that. Or maybe a new toy. Itsuki saw the way she handled Yuki and compared it to a child playing with a China doll. Yuki looked like a doll in many ways. With wide eyes, silver hair and pale skin.Itsuki found his slight body and hair color reminiscent of the rat Zodiac. As well as the quiet and elegant demeanor Yuki held himself with.Itsuki turned away.
Welcome to hell, Rat Zodiac.
A Week went by, he watched and listened as everyone simpered over the two. ‘Gods favorite’ they called Yuki. Being the first Zodiac afforded Yuki more privilege then any other Zodiac. He and God held a special bond.At least that was what they all said.Itsuki watched the way Yuki never left the compound, soon he stopped spotting the Rat outside at all. Akito took all of his time eagerly, and of course threatened Itsuki if he so much as thought about visiting Yuki.He simply nodded his head and left her when his sister demanded he leave them alone. He wasn’t to even consider wandering into her side of the wing. For a while he waited and listened. Snuck around to the point people stopped noticing he slipped into Akito’s side of the compound.No one cared about the spare after all.He needed to make sure Yuki was okay.Itsuki became confident in his success while peeping on Akito’s progress with Yuki. So when he turned to leave after watching them for a while, bumping into a firm body was the last thing on his mind.Automatically he quieted the shocked gasp that wanted to escape his mouth. Akito was still just down the hall, Itsuki needed to avoid another confrontation with her and those sharp nails of hers.His chest tingled. He almost didn’t want to look at who he bumped into.“It’s you.”Breathed out like a sigh, Itsuki paused. He peered up at the boy through dark bangs.Somha Shigure stared down at him.