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The people who survived the bathroom incident were already settled back in their bunk beds. Namgyu was visibly shaken, unresponsive and distant, his eyes dull. It almost felt like he was in another dimension, ignoring everything else around him, clutching the cross-necklace tightly in his hand.Instead of heading towards his own bed, he went for Thanos’ bed sitting down, his right knee being upward, resting his right arm on it while his other leg is stretched out on the bed using his other arm for support to steady him. He tightly held the cross-necklace in his right hand, inspecting it carefully. He memorized every single detail on this cross like his life depended on it.Namgyu still had the Fork in his pocket that he pulled out of Thanos’ neck earlier, remembering that he felt his eyes fill up with unshed tears. He refused to let them escape wiping his eyes with the sleeves.He continued looking at the necklace that he was desperately clutching onto, he didn’t dare to put it on. The longer he stared, the stronger his overwhelming emotions grew, he couldn’t help but open the cross with the pills in it. He immediately got one of them out with shaky hands as he threw it into his mouth munching on it before swallowing, the pill was working fast, but Namgyu didn’t feel satisfied.Running his trembling hand over his hair before popping another pill in his mouth, this time he felt satisfied so he closed the cross putting it away, hands still shaking uncontrollably.Namgyu’s eyes ran around the room restlessly, almost as if he was trying to spot purple hair anywhere, but failing. The ugly truth was slowly creeping up his whole body sending shivers to his back.The trembling man refused to accept the truth still holding onto a small string of hope. He kept replaying the scene in his head, the way he fell beside him seeing Thanos’ lifeless body, his instinct being instantly reaching for the cross for some reason. But before he could take it he was getting repeatedly kicked by some random X voter, so he took the fork instead that was sticking out of Thanos’ throat.The realization of what had happened settling in after the whole fight, before leaving the bathroom Namgyu stared at the lifeless body in front of him, kneeling down beside it.Before he could remember any further—he was pulled out of his thoughts by the female voice that spoke through the speakers, announcing that it was now lights out.The lights turned off as promised and it went quiet.After about 30 minutes, Namgyu still couldn’t fall asleep, turning and tossing around the bed uncontrollably, groaning in annoyance as he sat up again on the bed, rubbing his temple with his fingers.He sat on the bed, knees close to his chest, not knowing what to do, eyes were shut and he could only hear the occasional quiet breathing of other people.He decided to open his eyes—to see if anyone else might be awake.As soon as he opened his eyes he saw a black figure standing not too far away from Thanos’ bed, Namgyu got startled. But the figure stood unmoving, the figure became more and more clear the longer he stared. Namgyu couldn’t help but stare longer even if he didn’t want to.It was male, messy hair and also in that tracksuit everyone wore. Namgyu still couldn’t put a finger on who it was, so he stared even longer, now wishing he’d had just ignored it. The figure became as clear as air.It was Thanos, Thanos was currently standing in front of the bed. Namgyu couldn’t believe his eyes blinking a few times thinking it would disappear, but it didn’t.Thanos just stood there, his eyes lifeless like it had lost their spark—same expression that he had on his face when he died, his neck still dripping blood, his tracksuit soaked in his own blood.Namgyu’s breathing became more unsteady by the second, still speechless, pressing himself against the wall behind him his hands shaking even more than before.“It must be the drugs playing jokes on me..definitely.”
He thought to himself, trying to calm himself down, he grabbed his face shakily trying to wake up from whatever this was a dream, a hallucination or delusion whatever it is, he wanted it to stop, immediately. He didn’t like the tricks his brain was pulling on him right now.After a few moments he built the courage to look up again, the figure was gone, relief washed over him relaxing immediately. After a minute or two he felt his eyes grow heavy the worry about the figure disappearing immediately, he positioned himself in a comfortable position before falling asleep.What he didn’t know is that the figure didn’t disappear, it was in fact now standing beside him by the bed, one hand resting on Namgyu’s shoulder while watching him sleep. Still the same expression as before.Time skip-next morningNamgyu had already caught up that the figure did in fact not leave. After waking up he noticed it standing beside him he held back a scream not wanting to draw attention to himself.Now he was just sitting motionlessly on the bed with the figure standing beside him still resting its hand on his shoulder. Namgyu had accepted the fact that he was probably stuck with this. And there was nothing, he could do to make it leave. He also still believed it was the drugs fault so he was doing everything he could to not take them again. The urge was overwhelming though.While sitting on the bed he played with his rings subconsciously, turning them around the whole time. He stared off into nothing, completely zoned out.The female voice echoed through the room catching Namgyu’s attention announcing that it was now breakfast time. The guards stood in the room with food on trays, some people already made their way over to the stand, Namgyu stared at those people when he decided to also make his way over now standing in line to get some food at leastIt was just some bread and milk nothing too special after he got the food he made his way over to Semi and Minsu, the figure followed him the whole time keeping the hand on his shoulder at all times, the figure was always behind him so he didn’t really bother looking back. Nor did he wish to look back.He sat down on the stairs with them, he quietly started eating his food, making some comments here and there while also quietly just listening, trying to ignore the figure’s hand on his shoulder that constantly sent shivers through his body.The day went on, the figure hadn’t left him alone. He quietly sat in Thanos’ bed feeling the hand on him constantly. Because the figure was behind him the whole time he didn’t notice how the figure’s appearance had started to change into something more, unsettling, something unapproachable.The figure’s hand had grown on him, mixing in with Namgyu’s skin, the figure’s hand had slowly growing onto him. Namgyu hadn’t noticed a thing, he was too upset with the whole situation. He felt like he was drowning, slowly dying with all his regrets and emotions.It felt like he was choking on something, he didn’t know what it was but that feeling kept drowning him not letting him swim to the surface. Walking around got really hard for Namgyu for some reason, he mostly stayed put, unable to move.He was basically paralyzed, unable to move, unable to speak and unable to even think, the only memory in his head being the scene from yesterday that kept replaying the whole time. Namgyu’s breathing was slow and heavy. Every second he was sinking further, deeper into this unknown feeling.He just stayed like this, one knee upward the other leg stretched out on the bed, both of his arms laying motionlessly by his sides. His eyes tired and barely blinking, the shine in his eyes was fading.The longer he stayed still the more he sunk, no going back anymore. Every noise was annoying background noise for Namgyu’s ears. He just couldn’t stand it.The figure beside him kept on growing onto his body, almost fully covering Namgyu’s unmoving body, the human alike body of this figure was not the same anymore, it had the form of something questionable.Namgyu’s eyes felt heavy, finally noticing the figure that’s basically interlinked with Namgyu’s body now, the drowning sensation was blame, guilt.Blame, he had felt guilty and blamed himself about everything, he wasn’t able to save Thanos, he blamed himself for Thanos’ death and he felt guilty about it. The realization hit too late, the unbearable blame and guilt had already taken over his whole body. Consuming him whole.There was no way back now,
he was drowning in it no one there to pull him out, help him out.It was only him, guilt and blame.
It was eating him alive.Namgyu let his eyes slip shut with the realization that he his life id now full of undeniable guilt, the heavy feeling getting stronger by every second.Before Namgyu fell completely unconscious, he reached into his right pocket, holding onto Thanos’ cross tightly.The figure covered him like a blanket, they’re never going to get separated now.An uneasy feeling in Namgyu’s chest kept lingering even if he’s unconscious the feeling never left his body.Why did he have to leave him.