Work Text
To my dear pet slug,Hope you are well.Torquay is very nice. I'm eating plums every day and walking around shops that are all as overpriced as Molevern.My hotel room is on the ground floor which I think looks out over the car park so that's interesting. I don't want to sit out in the courtyard where anyone can see me and walk past, it’s too nervous making.I hope you're eating six cheese biscuits and six choc chip biscuits every day. I miss hearing your daily updates of the exciting meals you eat for breakfast and lunch.They've got Roxy, Billabong and Rip Curl here but it's all way out of my price range. The best I could afford was a t-shirt with my cat’s face on it. I'm proud of him that he's made it big in Torquay, despite his senile nature and stubbornness to travel further than his own palace.I haven't met Brad yet. I've met a bunch of other people, including the sales and promotion team who tried to sell the premium membership to me for a total price of $18,000 ($3,000 upfront, $57 per week).I turned down their generous discounted offer on the basis that I don't go on holidays much anyway. Don't they know I have a beautiful pet slug to look after? You're too important to me.Yesterday, I had lunch at Pholklore, which is like Taylor Swift's folklore album but in Vietnamese. You know who would love it? Tony. Have you heard from him? Me either. I wonder how he's going.Please find attached a photo of your senior accountant doing yoga on fisherman's beach. He's clearly well out of my league. I am not worthy of him.Love,
Your admin worker
The most senior person to ever work as a junior clerk
Third place in debating in year 9