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February, 2007.Jepha hates Valentine’s Day. Dan has only been in the band for six months and he’s already well aware of this—so much so that he wouldn’t dare to even think of asking him about any potential romantic plans for this upcoming Wednesday.“So Jepharee.” Bert is currently laying spread out on Quinn’s bed with his head dangling over the side, his blonde hair just barely grazing the dirty carpet, “Tell me about your hot, sexy date lined up in Washington.” His face looks stupid like this, upside down, but Dan can tell he’s trying to pull a dirty expression, biting his lip and wiggling his eyebrows in a way that exudes sexcreep rather than sultry.“What? Me, a razor blade, and a nice warm hotel bath?“ Jepha sighs, sitting on the floor slumped against the wall. At that moment, Zelda looks up at him with her big brown eyes, as if she can sense his turmoil. He looks over at her solemnly. “I guess that could be sexy. If you’re into that sort of thing.”“Hey, not cool,” Dan tells him, pulling his limp arm into his lap to pet over the ‘Unity’ and ‘27’ tattoos on his wrist. He and Jepha have gotten incredibly close very quickly, evident by their near-constant physical contact which Bert and Quinn had presumably chosen to ignore sometime between Halloween and Christmas. Bert’s lack of comment—and Bert had a comment for everything, Dan learned—exemplifies his utter boredom with the openly homoerotic activities happening in front of him (and around him and sometimes on top of him, accidentally, when they forget he’s there).“Quinn?” Bert struggles to sit up, thrashing around until he manages to pull himself back onto the bed, settling on his stomach with his head in his hand. “You got a hot piece of ass lined up?” He can’t keep a straight face, he giggles through the last words, putting his head down to snicker into Quinn’s crumpled duvet.“I have a date with Jack Daniels,” Quinn mutters, monotone, as he attempts to shove another identical pair of black jeans into his already-full suitcase.“Like you have anything planned,” Jepha leers at Bert. “We’re getting there Wednesday night, so why even ask? Just trying to salt my wounds?” he asks with a dramatic tilt of his head, leaning it back against the wall like a maiden with consumption.“You don’t know,” Bert tells him, clearly aiming for mysterious. He shrugs his shoulders and then curls up on his side, partially laying on top of a pile of socks that Quinn has yet to pack.“I don’t?” Jepha asks, the disinterest heavy in his voice.“No. As a matter of fact, I’m meeting Mariah. I’m wining and dining her.”“And sixty-nining her,” Dan adds helpfully from his place on the floor.“In Everett?” Jepha raises his eyebrows.“Yup. At Red Lobster.” Bert flops over onto his back, gazing up at the ceiling wistfully. “She texted me. She said ‘Hey, Bert, babe’—” he starts giggling, his hand on his chest moving with his laughter. “‘Hey babe, I’m jonesin’ for some lob’.”Jepha cracks a smile at this, at least. Dan looks over and smiles at him, as if each one of Jepha’s emotions reaches him in a domino effect, their connection invisible and just slightly delayed.“And I said ‘I know just the place, baby’,” Bert puts his hand up to his ear with his thumb and pinkie extended, like he’s talking on the phone. “Meet me at the Hilton and wear something nice.”Quinn scoffs and shakes his head even though he’s smiling a little. He aggressively rips a hoodie out from under Bert’s body, half-assedly folding it before shoving it in his bag. “And then I say ‘Bert, you’re hallucinating, it’s the acid flashbacks again’.”Bert picks up a pair of socks and chucks them at Quinn’s face. They bounce off his cheek, landing impressively far away on the floor.“Fucker—” Quinn grabs his leather belt out of his suitcase, folded in half, raising it up in Bert’s direction.“No, let him dream,” Jepha tells Quinn, sounding far too serious. Quinn puts the belt down slowly. Dan knows he wouldn’t actually do it. “At least one of us should be happy. I’ll be pretending there’s nothing special about Wednesday except for the new episode of Survivor and none of you are gonna ruin that.” He crosses his arms over his chest, harrumphs, and that’s the end of that.Right before Bert leaves, Dan runs out to his car, making sure to close the front door behind him, catching Bert just as he’s tossing a blue and red striped jacket into the passenger seat. He has a black BMW. Dan can’t remember if this is his second or third one—he knows Bert managed to wrap his Beemer around a light pole two New Years Eve’s in a row. “Hey,” he says, making Bert pause and turn to face him, standing on the other side of the open car door. “So.” He puts his hands in his pockets awkwardly. “Jeph is real down in the dumps.”“Why?” Bert asks, like he doesn’t know. And then, “Oh, Valentine’s Day,” he rolls his eyes and laughs under his breath, folding his arms and resting them on the top of the car door.“And Quinn seems bummed,” Dan continues.“Yeah, when is Quinn not bummed?” he asks rhetorically, with an edge to his voice.“I’m just sayin’. We should do somethin’, maybe. I don’t know.” He raises his shoulders, internally hoping that Bert works with him here, shows a little bit of empathy.“What, are you gonna try to hook them up with someone?” Bert asks, giving him a look like it’s a horrible idea. Because it is.“No, no,” Dan rushes, shaking his head. “That would be—”“‘Pouring salt in the wound’,” Bert does air quotes with his hands and then chuckles.“Exactly.” Dan pauses, imagining Jeph giving some poor girl his diatribe on women and betrayal, showing her the chest tattoo he got out of spite—Eve’s apple resembling his heart with a bite taken out of it, held by a dead rotting zombie hand, the hand of a boy who died from heartbreak. Or something stupid like that. What Quinn’s deal was, he didn’t really know. It had something to do with a hairdresser. Pulling himself back to reality, he tells Bert “I just feel like we should do something as a band. To cheer them up.”“Well,” Bert shrugs and looks around, like Dan’s wasting his time.“Wednesday night. Think about it,” he tells Bert, knowing he won’t.
—
Tuesday is the last day of band practice before they leave for Taste of Chaos. Dan has done a lot of thinking on the matter and has come up with a rather brilliant idea, in his humble opinion. Something that’ll be entertaining for everyone involved. They always practice at Dan and Quinn’s house in Brentwood. It’s his first tour with The Used, so they make sure to go over all of the tracks from the first two records that are staples on the setlist. Dan knows Bert’s lyrics by heart, but he’s never actually played these songs live before.Jittery excitement rises within him as he surreptitiously follows Bert into the bathroom and shuts the door, as if his scheming (and Bert’s reaction to his suggestion) is more important than the nationwide adventure they’re embarking on in less than twenty-four hours.“What are you—?” Bert gives him a weird look as Dan stands in front of the bathroom door, not having waited for an invitation to Bert’s Piss Time or whatever he’s doing in here.“Shhhh,” he shushes him aggressively. “I came up with a plan,” he whispers.“…For what?” Bert asks, hands hovering around his belt, but not actually undoing it.“For tomorrow night.” He does that thing where he tries to speak out of the side of his mouth with his cupped hand shielding his lips from the imaginary crowd watching them.“Oh.” Bert gets distracted by messing with his stringy-sweaty hair in the mirror. “And?”“And, tell me what always cheers Quinn up. No matter how bad of a mood he’s in.”“Uh.” He doesn’t answer for a while, then reaches for his belt all of a sudden, like he forgot he had to pee. “Dude, I gotta—”Dan turns and faces towards the bathtub, seeing Bert undo his belt and the fly of his shorts out of the corner of his eye.“Uh, he likes Teen Wolf,” he answers. Dan hears his piss splash in the toilet. “And The Quest, and Full House, and The Wonder Years, and—”“No,” Dan cuts him off. “What does every guy like?”Bert thinks for a while. He’s done peeing. “A blowjob?”When Dan turns to him, he’s smiling, like he thinks his answer is a joke. “Yeah,” Dan says, raising his eyebrows for emphasis. “You can turn Jeph and Quinn’s night around easily.”Bert pauses doing up his pants and makes a face at him. Surprise mixed with hesitation. “You want me to blow Jeph? Don’t you do that all the time?”“Not necessarily—Wait.” He screeches to a halt. “I don’t blow Jeph all the time, what—”“Hey, it’s fine,” Bert talks over him, and puts his hands up momentarily like he’s getting arrested. “Forgetting that I’ve seen you feel him up more times than I can count, Jeph has the subtlety of a fuckin’—a grand piano falling out a two story window.” He runs one of his hands under the tap for about a second, and then dries it off by rubbing it over his t-shirt. “And y’know.” He glances at Dan in the mirror. “It’s not like me and Quinn have never—”“Listen.” Dan slaps his hand down on the bathroom counter. Bert flinches, but stops talking. “This is my plan,” he whispers. “Wednesday night we’re in a hotel because the bus won’t be there yet. Of course, I could go to Jeph and be like ‘Let’s hook up,’ but he would think I’m doing it out of pity, and that won’t make Quinn feel any better.” He tilts his head and Bert nods, like ‘go on’. “What Jeph wants is to feel wanted, and Quinn, well. Let’s be honest, the way to a dude’s heart is through his cock.”Bert snorts and stifles a laugh, turning slightly to lean against the counter. “So…?”“You and Jeph put on a little show for Quinn. And me. But mostly for Quinn. Jeph will love the attention and he’ll love it even more if Quinn and I are into it.”Bert smiles and starts biting his thumbnail. “I don’t know if Quinn would be into that.”“You and Jeph making out in front of him? Like two sloppy sluts?”Bert laughs, tipping his head back, but he tries to be quiet about it. “Fuck, it would be funny.” He runs his hand through the front of his hair, messing it up. He seems like he’s really thinking about it. “Quinn’s not gonna like it at first, but I think we can change his mind.” He has a look in his eye, now. Like he’s accepting a challenge.“Yeah?” Dan asks, a thrill running through him, a laugh bubbling just under the surface.“Oh, yeah,” Bert nods, a hint of gleeful mischievousness in his voice. “Knowing Quinn? He won’t care what fuckin’ day it is by the end of the night.”
—
The flight to Washington is short. The very next morning they have a big First Day of Taste of Chaos meeting at the venue with their crew—Danny and CW and the entire clusterfuck required to make Used tours even possible, who were going to be flying in from all around the country. It would be responsible to have an early night, but Dan, having been a member of The Used for many months now, knew that that was never really their thing.Bert opens his hotel room door drinking something out of a complimentary Hilton-branded paper cup. “Quinn already went to the liquor store,” he says, downing the rest of his drink which Dan was sure could have only been two shots at most.“He in there?” Dan tries to peek his head past Bert, into his room.“No, he went to Jeph’s.” Bert grabs his keycard off of the TV stand, throwing the cup in the general direction of the bathroom before returning to the door, which Dan was holding open. “They’re throwing a pity party.”Dan snorts.“How’s my—?” Bert asks, stepping back and lifting his shirt up, running his hand fake-sexy over his own chest.“Yeah, yeah, you’re great.” Dan shakes his head and pulls him out into the hallway. “Don’t waste your irresistibly hot moves on me,” he tells him sarcastically.The scene in Quinn’s hotel room is so pathetic that Dan finds it funny. He knows he shouldn’t laugh—he’s an empathetic man, at his core—but Jeph and Quinn are one step away from re-enacting Elle Woods throwing her box of chocolates at the TV, tearfully crying ‘Liar!’ as she watches The Notebook.Quinn is slumped against the headboard cradling a bottle of Jack Daniels in his arms. Jeph sits beside him with an open pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, his face mirroring what Dan imagines a kicked puppy would look like. They’re watching some sort of gory 80s horror movie that Dan doesn’t recognize.“Loser time is over,” Bert announces, grabbing the remote off of the bed and abruptly shutting off the TV, standing with his arms crossed at the foot of the bed.“Hey,” Jeph makes an angry face at him, but his voice doesn’t have any bite.“Can I see your invitation?” Quinn asks Bert, motioning with the whisky bottle, as if it’s part of him now.“Yeah, here.” Bert does two middle fingers at him, thrusting them forwards and waving them around.“We’re here for a band activity, and you’re not gonna complain,” Dan says authoritatively, pointing once at Jepha so he knows he’s talking about him. “Come here.”“A band activity. Do we not spend enough fuckin’ time together?” Quinn asks irritatedly.“We’re bonding and you’re gonna shut up and like it,” Bert tells him, pulling Jepha by the arm away from Quinn, dragging him over to the unoccupied bed beside them.Quinn makes a confused face. Dan takes Bert’s lead, hauling Quinn up so that he sits at the edge of the bed facing Jeph and Bert, still clutching the bottle to his chest with one arm. He huffs and leans back on one elbow, looking disinterested as Dan settles beside him.Jeph lets Bert pull him along without a fight, acting like the sorrow in his heart has weighed down his whole body. Bert kneels onto the bed with Jeph in tow; the second they’re both seated on their knees facing each other, Bert leans in with his hand on the side of Jeph’s face, kissing him long and slow. Like he’s trying to make it sensual.“What the fuck are you—?” Quinn sputters at the same time that Jeph laughs against Bert’s lips, leaning his head away, clearly confused. Dan notes that he doesn’t look angry; he’s smiling, albeit maybe more out of shock than anything else.“Just watch, okay,” Bert says to Quinn, his voice soft, not joking at all. He gives Jepha a look before leaning in again. Jeph closes his eyes and kisses him back, his shoulders relaxing. Dan feels triumphant, biting his lip as he smiles. Bert takes the lead—he tilts Jeph’s head to the side and starts really making out with him, one hand on his neck, the other pushing back his dyed-black hair, shiny compared to Bert’s dirty-blonde.“You’re lucky the camcorder’s in Dan’s room. I’d film this shit—” Quinn cuts himself off by taking a swig out of the bottle “—put it on MySpace.” He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Makeout Club 2007.”Bert puts his hand in the back of Jeph’s hair and starts kissing down his neck, shuffling forward as much as he can. They’re knelt with their legs slotted between each other’s—Bert in baggy shorts and Jepha in tight black skinny jeans that are very hard to take off, in Dan’s extensive Taking Off Jepha’s Pants experience.A crumpled up ball of paper suddenly hits Bert in the side of the head, just thrown by Quinn. “Boooo,” he calls, like he’s watching sports. “Take his shirt off.” Dan looks around before noticing the complimentary hotel notepad that Quinn had managed to reach off of the desk.Bert turns and glares at him, which makes Quinn laugh. “Don’t heckle the performers,” Dan tells Quinn, only half-joking.“Alright, alright,” Quinn relents, seeming at least slightly amused when Bert starts putting his hands up Jepha’s shirt, like maybe he will actually take it off. They kiss sloppy and sort of slow. Dan bites the inside of his cheek when Jepha lifts his arms, inviting Bert to pull his shirt off. He can tell that Jepha’s liking this, regardless of Quinn’s bored nonchalance. Jepha’s eye’s flutter and he sighs all breathy, clinging shirtless to Bert as he’s kissed. Jepha’s beautiful, Dan thinks, his stomach sinking hotly when Jeph rubs his hand over Bert’s chest and makes a soft noise that must have been involuntary.With his arm around him, Bert turns his head and whispers something in Jeph’s ear that Dan can’t hear. Jepha sighs and tries to push closer to him. Dan steals a quick glance over at Quinn, and he’s leaning back on his elbow, not smiling anymore, watching them with an obviously interested expression. Looking back to the show—Bert strips his shirt off over his head with both arms, dropping it to the floor, before leaning up on his knees so that Jeph has to tilt his head back to kiss him. Dan trails his eyes over them, following the way Jeph’s hand moves over Bert’s skin, from his back, to the sprawling tattoo over his ribs, up to his pecs, like he just wants to feel him.“This is like watching two lesbians that have never had sex before,” Quinn says from beside him. It catches him off guard and he laughs, despite not meaning to. ‘Would Quinn want to watch them fuck?’ he thinks suddenly. ‘Would I want to?’ he asks himself, before Bert starts pushing Jeph backwards on the bed—he lets himself be laid down gently with Bert’s leg between his—and Dan quickly thinks ‘Yeah, yeah I would watch that’.With one hand, Bert starts undoing Jeph’s belt, and Dan feels his cheeks get warm as if he’s blushing. As if he’s not a 29 year old man who’s done far worse than watch his maybe-boyfriend and his best friend’s fuckbuddy dryhump helplessly like two desperate bottoms. He’s done worse, right? Bert’s back arches slightly as he rolls his hips into Jeph’s; they’re not really getting anywhere with the belt situation, his hand rests there on his waist as Jeph slides his leg to the outside of Bert’s, trying to pull him closer.After a healthy amount of lazy grinding, Bert pushes himself back, kissing down Jepha’s chest and stomach as he goes before he sits up. He swipes his hair off his face and then easily moves Jeph’s leg up and over so that he’s not between them anymore.Quinn takes another swig from the bottle. “You done with your gay little pervert show?” he asks with a mocking smile.Bert shakes his head ‘no’, sitting with one of his arms resting on Jepha’s thigh. “Come take our clothes off.”Quinn just stares at him. “I’m not fucking you. Are you insane?” Dan wants to say ‘That’s not what he asked,’ but before he can, Jepha sits up and says “We’ll blow you.” And Dan thinks ‘Whoa.’“…What?” Quinn asks with an almost-laugh, hesitant and disbelieving.Bert nods and gives him sex-eyes while leaning his head into the crook of Jeph’s neck. “Come over here.” Dan is impressed with his acting skills, that is, if he is acting. Maybe he’s not.“What do you mean ‘you’ll blow me’?” Quinn asks, like he’s stupid, but he lets go of the bottle and stands up slowly, crossing the short alley between the beds to stand in front of Bert all casual-like. “You’re not gonna do that,” he says, quiet and testing, like perhaps he wants them to.“We’re not?” Bert asks, sitting up and grabbing the bottom of Quinn’s shirt, pulling him further, further, until Quinn makes a startled noise and clumsily lands on the bed in-between them, twisting around awkwardly.“Wha—” he begins to ask, giving up when Jepha kisses his neck, Bert kisses his lips, and both of their hands go up his shirt. His eyes slip closed, his arm going around Jeph as if instinctually. When Bert trails his hand down to rest over his crotch, Quinn slides his legs apart slightly, and mumbles “Okay, yeah,” against his mouth.Hook, line, and sinker. Dan grabs the whisky, since it’s conveniently sitting right beside him, gulping down a few mouthfuls before setting it on the nightstand.He looks back up at them, and Quinn and Jeph are making out as Bert is in the process of taking Quinn’s jeans off. “You kiss like a girl,” Quinn says as he’s practically cradling Jeph in one arm, holding his face with his other hand. He lifts his hips to help Bert slide his jeans down and off, gasping when Jeph rubs his hand over him deliberately. He’s wearing black boxer-briefs, the outline of his cock clear against the cut of his hip. Dan can tell that something turns in him; he shoves Jepha back and starts taking his jeans off hastily, his breath fast and heavy.Dan feels a flash of heat and that distinct, familiar throb. Quinn covers Jeph with his body, settling between his legs and rolling his hips with ease, their hands laced together on the pillow beside Jepha’s head. When Bert crawls back onto the bed, his shorts thrown into the pile of clothes on the floor, Jepha tries to shove Quinn off, pushing at his chest and letting his legs fall open from where they’d been wrapped around his hips. “Lay down,” he says, sounding breathy.Quinn strips his shirt off and lays down in the middle of the bed, after which he’s descended upon by Bert and Jeph. “Fuck,” he groans, tipping his head back, because Bert suddenly has his mouth on his cock and Jeph is licking down his stomach and Dan can’t believe this. They take turns sucking him off, though Bert does most of the work. Jepha settles against Quinn’s side eventually and kisses his neck as Bert goes down on him, his face obscured by his long hair, only the sloppy sounds of a good BJ indicating how well he’s doing. Quinn swears and bites his lip, his chest expanding with desperate breaths, reaching down to grip the back of Bert’s hair.Quinn makes a series of increasingly slutty noises, breathy and urgent before he cums, his eyes closed and mouth open, hips trying their hardest to push his cock further down Bert’s throat.Immediately afterwards, Bert sits up, crawls onto Jepha and grabs his face with both hands, kissing him deeply open-mouthed. At least, Dan thinks it’s a kiss.“Is that…?” Jepha asks with his mouth full after Bert backs away. He then swallows as he grimaces.Bert bursts out in hysterical laughter, eventually wiping the side of his mouth where spit-cum has dribbled into his scruffy stubble. Dan can’t help but laugh along with him—it’s funny in a gross-demented sort of way. He’s so hard that it’s uncomfortable and yet he doesn’t touch himself, he just watches, intrigued and curious and increasingly horny.Quinn doesn’t react to the cum surprise because he’s busy catching his breath, looking up at the ceiling with his eyes half-closed, Jepha still plastered to his side. After a moment he turns to Jepha, kisses him, and then says “I think Bert should fuck you.”“Quinn,” Bert makes a fake-surprised face at him, like he’s scandalized, as he sits between the tangle of Jepha and Quinn’s legs. “You’re a nasty whore,” he says as he’s smiling. “You want to watch Jepha take it.” His voice is loud and goading, like a middle school kid calling their friend gay. He lurches forward towards Quinn; Dan’s not sure what he’s really trying to achieve, but they start wrestling half-assedly. Quinn has both of Bert’s forearms in his hands; they struggle against one another as Bert makes little amused shrieks.Before joining the band, Dan would never have imagined that Bert was like this—dirty and tattooed, his low-lazy stoner voice and smoker’s cough was anything but feminine. Though like anyone, Bert was multifaceted. Dan was now accustomed to the impressive array of girly high-pitched noises Bert tended to make, possibly just because he could.Quinn manages to push Bert over. “You wanted to put on a show for us? Then fuck him.” He says it all menacingly like it’s a dare. Dan thinks of frat dudes playing soggy biscuit because it would be ‘funny’—thinly veiled excuses to jerk off with one another. “Or are you too much of a pillow princess?” He sits on Bert as he smiles down at him evilly. “Do you fuck your girls or do you get them to ride you ‘cause you hate being on top?”Before Bert can yell at him or knee him in the dick—Quinn’s naked, after all, and if Dan were him he’d be much more careful about provoking Bert while your junk’s all out there and vulnerable—Jepha says “I’ll let you, if you want.” Quiet, like he’s not really sure if it’s a good idea. Like maybe Quinn is actually kidding and he’s currently making a fool of himself, admitting that he’d be down.Quinn raises his eyebrows at Bert. “Show us.”“If Dan comes over here,” Jepha says, turning his head and reaching his arm out towards him.Without even thinking about it, Dan gets up and crosses the short space between them. kneeling onto the bed beside Jeph. “What, Jepharee?” he asks, pulling his arm into his lap just to hold it.“Can I fuck Jeph?” Bert asks as he leans up on his elbows and looks over at them casually, as if he said ‘Can you pass the milk?’ Quinn has slid to the end of the bed and is rifling through the floor-clothes to presumably find his underwear.“If you want to,” Dan shrugs. He wasn’t expecting them to go this far. Bert blowing Quinn he could predict. He thought maybe Bert and Jepha would dryhump until they came like drunk highschoolers and then they’d all go to a bar or something. Get wasted while they laughed about it like it was already a funny story. This was far more exciting. “Don’t do it without lube though,” he tells Bert firmly. Dan was very lube-conscious. As much as Jeph liked pain, he never wanted to hurt him like that.“Quinn, did you bring lube?” Bert asks as he rests his head on Jepha’s chest. “Y’know, for all the pussy you’re getting on tour?” he giggles, like he can’t not make fun of him for more than five minutes, while moving his hand up on Jeph’s chest to play with his nipple rings, as if he just noticed they were there.Quinn doesn’t answer Bert at first. He walks over to the nightstand wearing just his underwear and picks up the whisky bottle, taking a long drink from it. Between him, Dan, and Jeph, it’s almost half-empty—Dan isn’t sure exactly how much Jepha drank before he and Bert barged into the room, but he concluded that it was The Amount Of Shots Required For One To Get Assfucked In Front Of Two Other Dudes. After sufficiently intoxicating himself, Quinn goes over to his suitcase on the floor, digs through it, then stands up and turns around. “If that’s what you call your ass.” He throws a single-use packet of lube at Bert, which hits him in the chest.Bert laughs and looks over his shoulder, up at Dan. “What did you say the other day? Boobs, butts, bagina?” He picks up the lube and squeezes it around in the packet without opening it.“The three Bs,” Dan nods, patting Jepha’s chest to the rhythm of some song that’s been stuck in his head.“Up,” Quinn commands Bert, shoving his shoulder as he crawls back onto the bed. Bert is sprawled out lazily over Jepha; he rolls onto his knees and shuffles between Jeph’s legs and then all four of them are sat on the bed together like they’re about to tell each other secrets at sleepaway camp.“As sexy as these are, we’re gonna have to take them off,” Bert tells Jepha, sliding his Batman-logo underwear down without waiting for a response. “Do you still have the teabag tattoo?”“Where would it have gone?” Jeph asks while giggling, spreading his legs slightly, his head resting on Dan’s knee now that he’s completely bare. Jepha was never exactly modest, he traipsed around half-naked in front of the guys on multiple occasions, the latest in Dan’s memory being the morning he came downstairs to find Jepha making tea in his and Quinn’s kitchen in nothing but little red briefs. Quinn didn’t seem phased.“Oh, the squirrel,” Quinn sighs fondly, pointing to the tattoo on Jepha’s inner groin like it’s an old friend that he missed dearly.“He protects my nuts,” Jeph says, even though they all know. Dan’s had to look at that thing more times than he can count. He’s contemplated putting a piece of tape over it’s little squirrel face so that it doesn’t have to see the debaucherous things he does to Jeph’s body—on it—in it.Bert’s wearing these ratty plaid boxers with a hole near the waistband, which Quinn sticks his fingers in, pulling until the elastic snaps back against Bert’s hip. Bert flinches and then shoves them down while muttering “Don’t, fucker,” smiling at Quinn all the while.“Can you prep me?” Jepha asks Dan, looking up at him while Bert shifts around awkwardly, Quinn helping by yanking his underwear from where it gets stuck around his ankle.“I can prep,” Bert tells him before Dan can answer, almost like he’s trying to be convincing. “I’ve been fingerin’ since ‘98.” He holds his right hand up and wiggles his fingers around, and then does The Shocker. Dan laughs.“I want Dan to do it,” Jepha says, not looking convinced.“I’ll do it.” Dan takes the lube from Bert. “Don’t worry.” Since Jepha’s practically laying in his lap, he can reach from here. He tears open the packet, drips some on two of his fingers, and then sets it down on Jeph’s stomach for safekeeping. With his clean hand, he pets lovingly over Jepha’s hair, reaching down between his legs with the other to rub his wet fingers over him. “‘Kay?” he asks, looking at him. Jepha nods, his black hair messy over Dan’s lap, his face calm and trusting.As soon as he puts one finger in, Quinn starts snorting a little bit, like he can’t stop himself from laughing. “I’m sorry, it’s just like—” he rubs both of his hands down his face, smiling into his palms. “—I fell asleep on mushrooms and this is a really weird dream.”“A wet dream. About Jepha’s asshole.” Bert pokes the place where Dan’s finger disappears inside of Jeph, nudging right beside his knuckle.“You have wet dreams about me, Quinn?” Jepha asks, smiling like he’s joking.“No, I can’t say I have.” Quinn shifts so that he leans on his hand, looking up at the ceiling. “I can’t even remember…” he trails off.“The last time you jizzed yourself?” Dan finishes his sentence. He pushes his second finger into Jeph and actually starts prepping him, alternating between slow scissoring and pressing in deep. Jeph barely starts to laugh before it turns into a moany-sigh, tilting his head back against Dan’s leg and closing his eyes. His ‘Choke’ neck tattoo is on full display. Dan watches him slide his hand against the sheets, curling his fist into the comforter right beside Quinn’s hand. He had been half-hard but that’s changing quickly; he spreads his legs further, pushes back on Dan’s fingers and breathes a series of quiet, frustrated pants.When Dan dribbles a tiny bit more lube on his fingers and presses a third in—he needs to save enough for Bert—Jeph groans and says “Just do it already,” his face scrunched cutely. This feels much tighter; Dan forces his fingers in slowly, ignoring Jeph’s impatience in favour of stretching him enough for Bert to fuck him without the chance of injury.“Let him prep you so Bert can show us how to be a man,” Quinn tells him. He pets over Jeph’s hair while looking at Bert. “You hard enough?” he asks Bert with a raise of his eyebrows.Dan hears Bert say “Yeah,” kind of softly. He glances over at him, and he has his cock in his hand, not jerking off, just looking between Dan’s fingers inside of Jeph, then back to Quinn. Dan’s seen his dick before but not hard like this—he can tell that Bert’s really turned on because there’s no dumb jokes, no poking or flicking or prodding any of the guys. His eyelids look heavy and he’s gripping his thigh with his other hand as if to stop himself from rubbing all over Jepha and finishing before they even start.When his fingers sink into Jeph easily, his hips pressing down against his hand in a blatant attempt to force them deeper, Dan knows that he’s ready. Fleetingly, he remembers when he first joined the band; he knew Jeph was into him when he all-too-casually held his hand up against Dan’s after he gave him a sarcastic high five. ‘Whoa,’ Jeph said, pressing their palms together to see how Dan’s hand was bigger than his. ‘You could beat the shit out of me,’ he told him with this weird little grin, eye contact so brief that it was awkward. Dan felt like a full-fledged pervert for the blooming sensation he felt in his chest at Jeph’s words, the shy smile that always seemed to tug at his lips when he knew he was being flirted with. The Used were fucking freaks and he fit right in.“Bert’s gonna use the rest of this lube and then he’s gonna fuck you, okay?” Dan tells Jepha, as both warning and reassurance, sliding his fingers out of him and wiping them on the bottom of his shirt. He knows that Jeph gets whiny when he really wants it, and this particular scenario—getting plowed in front of his best friends—is an unfulfilled fantasy Dan knows has him practically drooling for it. He moves Jeph’s head off of his leg and onto the bed so that he’s lying flat, thinking that it might hurt his neck to get his shit rocked with his head at this angle. Jeph doesn’t say anything, he just looks up at him with big eyes, shifting his hips restlessly against nothing but the air in mindless desperation. “I know, baby,” Dan whispers, sliding his hand up his chest to rest against the side of his neck.Dan’s stomach feels hot when he hears that familiar slick-wet sound; Bert breathes out shakily as he lubes up, cock sliding through his fist deliberately slow and measured. Quinn is right up against him—Dan’s not sure when that happened, exactly, but it doesn’t matter. He watches, highly entertained, as Quinn grabs the back of Bert’s hair and says, “You should always make the girl cum first.” It sounds less like a suggestion and more like a command.Bert’s hand stills, his head tips back involuntarily from Quinn’s grip in his hair. “Bottoming doesn’t make you a girl,” he defends himself.“Oh? You always whine and beg like one,” Quinn smiles. He lets go of his hair and then jerks his head towards Jepha. “Prove it,” he tells Bert, something lively flickering right behind his eyes. Dan admits that he’ll probably never figure them out—their ever-changing power dynamic seemed inherently sexually charged, unpredictable and oh so tumultuous.Bert places his hands on Jepha’s skinny hips and yanks him down the bed towards him, sidling up as close as he can get.”Yeah, please,” Jeph gets out right before Bert pushes into him, his cock sinking in easily until he’s holding Jeph flush against him, as far as he can go. The noise Jepha makes when Bert rolls his hips into him the first few times, deep and sure, makes Dan painfully aware of how hard he is—Jepha’s noises affecting him like he’s classically conditioned, his cock aching and jealous and confused as to why it’s not getting any action.Bert sighs loudly and looks down at Jeph like he’s tortured. “Fuck,” he breathes, and then looks at Quinn.“Yeah?” Quinn leans in, kisses him dirty, and then says “That’s what you feel like,” against his lips.Bert pants into his mouth as he thrusts into Jepha, like he’s helpless to the pleasure. Quinn is holding his face, their foreheads resting together; Dan imagines they’re having some sort of psychic mind-meld before Quinn says “You always get frustrated when I fuck you slow like this.” When he lets go of Bert, Dan can see he’s smirking.“Fuck you,” Bert growls at Quinn. He looks at Jeph like ‘You’re really gonna get it,’ pushes his thighs up, apart, and then leans over him fully so that he can really fuck him. Bert looks good like this, Dan will admit. His back is toned, muscles shifting just under his skin, the dip in his spine obfuscated by Jeph’s leg against his ribs. He leans on his elbow and gets a good pace going, his hair hanging down towards Jepha as he looks at him.Jeph makes constant “Ah”s as Bert drills him, his body shifting against the bed with each of his thrusts. Dan watches as he squeezes his eyes closed and tips his head back—it’s exactly how he likes it. Dan knows it won’t take long. He grasps Bert’s bicep, fingers digging into the rose/spiderweb tattoo, his other hand skating along the expanse of his back. “Don’t stop, I can—I can, like this,” Jepha tells him, his voice strained and breathy.Bert ducks his head, grinding into him hard and slow before speeding up again. “Hah, didn’t even have to touch you. You take it so good.”That seems to send him over the edge; Dan watches Jeph’s face as he cums, as pretty as ever. With his brows scrunched together and his mouth open, he pushes up into Bert seemingly as hard as he can, nails making little indents into his back. It really is kind of gorgeous, how even his involuntary, urgent breaths sound high in back of his throat, the way his face softens and it all melts away as he comes down while Bert still fucks him. Dissolving wet and sweet into Bert’s arms, Dan knows he’ll let him use him until he’s finished.When Bert sits up, Dan sees how the shiny metal of Jeph’s Prince Albert stud glistens in the low light of the room, his softening cock smearing cum over his stomach, semi-transparent over the typewriter tattoo’s keys.Immediately, Bert grabs Quinn by the back of the neck and pulls him close, kissing him messy and desperate, clearly close by the noises he makes into Quinn’s mouth. “Quinn,” he says, and it almost sounds like a question, the way his voice gets strained at the end. Normally, it would be a major faux-pas to moan someone else’s name as you’re fucking them, but in this situation it feels perfect, Dan thinks.“Now you say ‘Where do you want it?’” Quinn tells Bert. Dan can’t see his face, but his hand is buried in the back of Bert’s hair, the blonde strands woven through his fingers clutched tight. He’s up against Bert’s side, their faces close together.“In me, I don’t care,” Jepha says with a lazy smile, laying there pliant and relaxed and slightly amused. Dan cups his cheek in his hand and leans down to kiss his forehead, brushing his thumb over the side of his face affectionately as Bert finishes in him—shallow, uncoordinated thrusts, mindless instinct.Quinn’s arm is wrapped around Bert’s back as they make out and whisper incoherently to each other. The only thing Dan catches is Quinn saying “—so good.”Dan stares at Jeph, something strangely close to pride beaming in his heart. He kisses the tip of his nose, his lips, and then leans up just enough so that they can see one another. “Do you still feel lonely?” he whispers.Jeph breathes out a laugh, just audible enough for Dan to hear. “No,” he tells him. He reaches up and grabs the front of Dan’s shirt, pulling him closer. “I just feel warm.”