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This evening, Screwllum decides to do something he hasn't done for quite some time - he sits down to code the Simulated Universe. He will be happy to please Herta with a new unexpected module, especially since she has proven herself to be a true friend and has never reminded him about the delay of the planned update, respecting the fact that his work schedule has changed for personal reasons. And speaking of which - it is no coincidence that Screwllum is being kept company at work by a live interview of the magnificent gentleman Veritas Ratio, who is participating in one of the most wide-reaching popular science podcasts this evening.
Screwllum enjoys having his body resonate with the sound waves of Veritas' voice, even if he unfortunately can't see him because the interview is being conducted solely in radio format. Of course, he could easily hack into the studio's CCTV system while he's at it. But in the end, Screwllum decides not to do that - if he will see Veritas in front of him but won't be able to get his attention, he'll only miss him more. Screwllum can tell this because, after one of Veritas' dry jokes makes him laugh out loud, he instinctively picks up his phone as if to dial the studio.It won't happen, but the sentimental impulse remains with him. It's been 78 hours and 43 minutes since Veritas had to leave on the Intelligentsia Guild business, and in that time they've only been in touch for a total of 6 hours. And yet, Screwllum is genuinely glad that Veritas has been given this opportunity to impart knowledge to ordinary people, because that's his most important inner imperative.Two-thirds of the interviews involve Veritas sharing interesting facts, personal experiences with research and invention, and answering moderators' questions about science — all to support his arguments about education and personal initiative and to impress upon his listeners the importance of knowledge. He is treated almost like a magician, and Screwllum hears that Veritas is upbeat and enthusiastic, and him being happy contributes to Screwllum's own productivity.The last third of the interview is designed with keeping in mind that the listeners are likely tired of all the knowledge flowing into their heads. Therefore, the organizers show a desire to discuss the personal side of Veritas's amazing life and accordingly ask him a series of "this-or-that" questions. Screwllum enjoys guessing Veritas' answers to each of them, and he gets all of them right. But at the same time, although Veritas is perfectly capable of protecting his personal boundaries on his own, Screwllum attentively listens to the moderators' attempts to learn more about his private affairs. This development of the dialogue culminates with a comment from the female moderator:"Alright, when we were collecting questions for the podcast by a survey, this is something we were asked a lot. I mean, A LOT.”“An ominous preface if I have ever heard one. Don't keep us wondering then. What's there: stupidity, inanity, or both?”“Is there someone special in your life right now?"Pause."Like… a pet, " judging from the tone, the male moderator adds this to minimize the degree of Veritas’ potential annoyance.According to Screwllum's calculations, Veritas should grin and answer the insufferable question in a mocking and witty way - either by naming one of the great minds of the past who have influenced him in some way, or by categorically stating that he is in a relationship with the Truth. These are the only two possible answers he can give in this situation. Thus, the focus of Mechanical Aristocrat greatly increases with every passing second in which neither of his predictions come to be realized. He even stops typing.Why…?
Screwllum identifies why as soon as he hears Veritas's challenging intonations, his slow manner of speech, and quiet tone, even before the semantic content of his answer has been processed. Veritas says:
"And what if I say that there is."In the next 6 seconds, the broadcast is filled with nothing but deafening silence which should by no means occur on a podcast. Then, there is a thud of what evidently must be a fallen object in the background. A subdued murmur of excuse which reanimates the stunned podcasts moderators.“Oh… OH!”“Wow.”“C-congratulations!.. Ahm… You, you must have very high standards.""Only someone who can tolerate me at close range for longer periods of time. Which, admittedly, is a very high standard."Screwllum on his end is laughing at this point, overwhelmed by joy and tenderness. He doesn't even need to see Veritas in front of him to know exactly how he should sit up straight, arms crossed, head held high, eyes closed. Just as he often does to overcome nervousness and maintain his focus, his captivating dignity.“And… How did you two meet? Surely, on some kind of conference?”“Or perhaps it was a patient?”“How long has it been going on? Did you start to date immediately?”“No. You two listen very carefully now.”Veritas rarely speaks in this tone these days. It implies that he has prepared a speech which might assume a form of a sermon: he will make it a teachable moment. And in the middle of it, Screwllum locks his hands in front of himself to avoid taking his phone. “I don’t seek to hear your forced exaltation. I’m sharing it with you because if there is even just one person in the whole galaxy who for whatever reason may need to hear relationship advice from me, I’m willing to provide it. So. Here is my message to this individual: you may reach a point in your personal development after which you can no longer progress on your own, no matter how much you try to. If you find yourself in such a predicament, look around for an equal, however drastically different your backgrounds may be. Don’t let societal expectations taint your connection. You’re two unique entities in the history of the Universe, and your bond will be unique, too. Learn about interpersonal experiences of others but examine them critically. Reflect on your values and behavior and communicate your fears and expectations. Think about it as a long and rewarding research which will let you grow infinitely more balanced, wiser, and braver. I sincerely hope that your partner will help you become a better person. My… significant other certainly has been doing me this favor. Never mind what happens in the future, for that, I will be forever grateful.”Veritas ends his monologue, sounding much more heartfelt than he did at the beginning, reasoning rather than preaching. Screwllum is filled with admiration and calls out warmly to him, marveling at how he combines strength and vulnerability."You... described it so touchingly. It made me want to call my girlfriend right away."
"Totally. And at the same time you cleverly avoid giving us even a single word about the identity of this person."
“Oh, and I’m also very skillful at disappearing. You shall see it for yourself quite soon if you don’t ask me another, preferably scientific question.”“Hold on, you can’t expect us not to ask you at least one more question on the topic!”“Yeah, at least tell us one thing you like about this person."Screwllum notes to himself that this is a very good tactic on the part of the moderators — even being irritated, Veritas cannot resist pondering an interesting question. So, when he goes on to reply, he sounds thoughtful and almost calm.“Just one quality? Decisively impossible.”“Alright, then what do you like about them the most?”Screwllum concentrates all his attention on the sounds of the podcast. He cannot imagine what Veritas will answer. How does Veritas see the core of his personality? After all, not only does he know Veritas very well at this point, but Veritas knows him very well, too.Before answering, Veritas chuckles. And then he says, softly and earnestly:"In that case, let it be his boundless, amazing love and interest in life."“Aww. Our audience can’t see it right now, but Mr. Ratio is just a li-i-ittle bit blushing.”“Ms. Salomniki, while you’re entitled to absurd personal opinions in your private life when you speak out of your role of a journalist you mustn’t misinform your audience.”“I mean… I see it, too... Ahm, sir.”This discussion is cut short when, a few seconds later, everyone on the air suddenly hears the sound of a message notification. Thus, Screwllum with the phone in his hand, who sent "Doctor Ratio" a single symbol, learns that, despite his participation in the interview, Veritas has not disabled messages from one particular sender. Later, on the phone:“You’re full of surprises.”“So are you. Who would have thought that the ruler of Planet Screwllum squanders his precious time on this sort of programming?”“It is my burning desire to participate in or at least witness anything which is important for you. Besides, it is a rare event - a moment when Mr. Ratio enjoys withholding information rather than sharing it. Still, I think you have said enough to make your interview a subject for much speculation. I hope you will not regret it later on.”“Hah. Only a monarch could be so sure that his personal life will be so interesting to the masses. This podcast's audience still primarily is aimed at people who are interested in science, not in gossip.""However, they insistently demanded from the organizers in an open-ended survey that they would ask about your personal life. In this regard, could you help me understand something?”“Oh. I see, you are you in the mood for flirting.”“Ha-ha. With you – always.”“What were you going to ask, dear man?”“Was this confession on air truly a spontaneous action? Or did you anticipate this question all along and were you perhaps even eager to be asked it?”“So, that was your impression?”“I know the way you sound when something unexpected occurs. However rarely it might happen given your exceptional ability to foresee the course of any events.”“I see. It is an expert opinion of a proud holder of a degree in Veritas Ratio studies then?”“Ha-ha. I was, indeed, very proud to guess every one of your answers to their questions.”“Well, well. That would be ten points, Mr. Screwllum.”“I hope that this episode makes you happy.”“How exactly?”“Because you made it known to everybody that you are, as they say, ‘happily taken.’”“Feci quod potui. My only hope in relation to this episode is that it will help somebody who needs to hear it from me.”“Judging from the comment sections of several media platforms reporting on this episode, you can count on it. Quote: ‘If Dr. Ratio can find someone to match his freak, I have my chances, too.’”“Appalling language. A case where the form hides rather than reveals the meaning.”“Since we turn our attention to linguistics: you adopted the term ‘significant other’ when referring to me. Is this what you call me in your head?”Pause.“I… don’t call you anything. Why would I, Screwllum? Your name in itself is all-encompassing.”“Veritas Ratio.”“Yes?..”“I’ll be eagerly waiting for your return.”“Heh.”