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Stephanie sat at the edge of her bed, staring down at the hardwood floor her eyes distant, her mind elsewhere. It was only moments ago she had awoken to the cold, empty space beside her, which would have bothered her any other night, but not tonight. Not when traces of her dream still clung on her brain, scenes flashing in fuzzy recollection. Not when the warm feeling in her chest still warmed her whole body in a state of bliss she had never felt before, something she knows she should feel with her boyfriend.She tried to kid herself at first. As if she could will away the bright pink highlights in their hair or contort their soft features into sharpness of Evan’s. As if she could pretend that their hand had not reached out and brushed her bangs aside, that she couldn’t feel the phantom feeling of lips pressing against skin in such a tender, sacred way.The guilt ate her alive. Her stomach twisted in knots, and she felt like she could throw up. A gag. She stands quickly and stumbles to the bathroom, lifting the toilet lid — she isn’t even on her knees yet before the contents of her stomach come rising. The nausea came in a wave rendering her chained to her spot on the floor. Even when all that came was dry heaves the sudden dizziness left her immobile. Stephanie remembers the last time she was this sick. She had a bad stomach bug that quickly made the promise of no school bittersweet to her preteen mind. She spent most her morning in the bathroom, but she wasn’t alone. Her mom held her hair back and placed a cool wet rag to her forehead. Afterwards, mom had tucked her in bed and brought her a stomach gentle yogurt squeeze to snack on while she made chicken noodle soup. Delirium clouded her judgement as she felt fingers run through her hair. Tenderly they brushed aside her bangs filling her chest with a blissful warmth, as they tucked the strands behind her ears, cupping her cheeks.“Hey, are you good?” His voice whispered between shushes, breaking her from her daydream and reminding her of where she is. She can only groan and give into the soothing feeling of his cold hand. It isn’t enough to soothe the ache of longing. He pats her cheek a few times making her eyes snap open. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed. Yeah?” Evan says gently, lifting her from under the arms and helping her walk back to the guest room. The closeness makes her all too aware of the strong sugary strawberry scent clinging to his clothes, conversely different from her taste of dark florals. She swallows the accusation with ease, however, finding it seemingly easy to ignore.Evan lays her in bed, her body falling limp at first contact against the mattress. Her thoughts continue to jumble in a muddled mess making her eerily silent as she stares up at the ceiling.“How long have you been feeling bad?" Evan's question breaks through her daze. Stephanie looks at him awkwardly and half attempts at a shrug."I just woke up feeling... bleh." She explains, and a soft look of affection crosses Evans face and stays there. He reaches and brushes her bangs aside like he did before and holds his hand there, felling for any extreme warmth. She can't help but notice the lack of internal reaction on her end."Your temp is normal to me. A thermometer is probably more accurate."He leans forward seemingly to kiss her forehead but blows a raspberry instead. He giggles at his action before she can even scoff and backhand him inoffensively a few times. "Don't move, I'm coming back." He says between giggles before exiting. Stephanie is left alone again, but she doesn't feel the crushing emptiness she usually does. She does not know if what she feels with Evan is exactly what she should feel, but it seems close enough to be alright. She is not alone anymore. If Stephanie has learned anything in the recent years it was not to be picky. Beggars can't be choosers, and while, she was not a beggar, she was also not ungrateful.She decides to shove away her dream into a hidden place in her mind with the intent to wash its memory to nothing. She also figures she should buy a pregnancy test.