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Beckett was fairly sure he would never understand Han.
There was something about the kid that made him nervous; he was just too damn trusting.
No matter what Beckett said Han just seemed to like people.
How could someone who had been in this line of work for so long still act like that?
Sure, Han putting his trust in Chewie, Lando, El-Three, Rio, Val and admittedly Beckett himself had worked out well.
But there were countless other times Han had put his trust in the wrong person and just wound up getting hurt.
Beckett had been working with him for a good couple months now, and he felt no closer to understanding that natural trust…
“
Emergency
,
out of the way
,” The sound of the ramp lowering was accompanied by the unmistakable mechanical monotone of El-Three’s voice, although what she was talking about was a mystery.
Beckett took his eyes off his datapad and straightened his glasses as he looked up to observe whatever was happening.
El-Three was currently pushing a very confused Chewie out of the path.
El-Three had been out with Han and Lando, the three had been out at a bar. Why El-Three had tagged along when she couldn’t drink was unclear.
It was also unclear where the other two were, it was a good minute later Han and Lando actually walked onto the ship; something was wrong.
Han was limping slightly, and Lando was watching him closely with obvious concern, his hands raised slightly as if he were preparing to catch Han should he fall; which he admittedly looked somewhat likely to do.
“What happened?” Beckett asked, already up on his feet.
“Nothin’,” Han snapped back at him, refusing to meet his gaze, “Just- outta my way,” Han tried to shove past him, but Beckett blocked his path.
Beckett was still trying to figure out what was happening, but he suddenly remembered El-Three had said there was an emergency, and only then did he notice the way Han was gripping his side- and the blood that was spreading under his fingers.
“Han, we need to get you some bacta,” Lando said, sounding like he was getting dangerously close to being frantic.
“What happened?” Beckett repeated.
“Solo, decided to defend Beedo when he got in a fight at the cantina. Beedo’s fine, Han got stabbed,” El-Three answered.
Beckett had no idea who Beedo was, but that didn't matter,
“You got stabbed, kid?”
“I'm fine,” Han insisted.
Alright.
So maybe Han wasn't quite as trusting as Beckett had initially assumed.
It seemed that Han’s trust ended pretty abruptly when it came to injury.
For a moment Beckett thought that this made no sense. He had been working with Han for a while now, and he knew this wasn't the first time he'd gotten hurt… Although, after a little consideration he realized that every other time Han had been hurt it had been something minor enough that he could just take care of it himself and act like it was barely anything.
In the past Beckett had always assumed that Han’s insistence that he was fine even when he probably wasn't was just an attempt to seem tough in front of Lando.
He found himself wishing that Val and Rio were here, but the two of them were off on a heist.
Normally more than two of them would go on any given job, but this one had been so simple that adding more people would only over complicate it.
So Val and Rio had left for Canto Bright, and the rest of them had stayed put on Naboo.
But Beckett could have really used their help now… He supposed he would just have to sort this out on his own.
“Kid, if you were stabbed you have to let us help you,” Beckett did his best to make his voice gentle, but commanding; there was no room for argument here- But of course Han chose to argue.
“Look, it was nothin’. Vibroblade just grazed my side- That's it.”
Chewie seemed just as concerned as Beckett was- probably more so.
The wookiee tried to walk over to Han, certainly wanting to inspect the injury himself.
But Han backed away from him quickly. The action clearly caused him a great deal of pain, so Chewie didn't make another attempt to get close.
Beckett had never seen Han avoid Chewie before; This was more serious than he'd thought.
“You're being stupid, Solo,” El-Three chimed in, “You clearly require medical attention,” Her tone rarely shifted, but there was something almost like concern to it now.
“I’m fine,” Han said, although his voice was shaky; he sounded scared, “Just- Just lemme handle this myself…” Han grabbed the first aid kit with the one hand he didn't have pressed into his side, and then quietly walked deeper into the ship; no one stopped him this time.
El-Three, Chewie, Lando and Beckett all looked around at each other.
No one said it, but everyone knew that the question at hand was ‘what do we do?’.
Beckett didn't have an answer to that question.
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The situation wasn’t good.Han had clearly been hurt badly, he probably needed more intense treatment than the small bit of bacta they currently had.But Han wouldn't let anyone near him.Maybe… Well, Beckett hadn't actually seen the wound, maybe it wasn't that deep? Although, there had been a lot of blood… “How bad was it?” He knew that neither Lando nor El-Three had been allowed to examine the injury, but they had been there when it happened. “It looked… Not great,” Lando said. He was fidgeting with his scarf, quickly wrapping his fingers in it tightly and then unwrapping them again over and over again with seemingly increasing speed.El-Three nodded in agreement, “He needs a doctor.” “But how’re we supposed to get him there?” Lando asked. “Someone needs to talk to him,” El-Three remarked, “Maybe someone he's madly in love with?” She added, tilting her head towards Lando meaningfully. “You saw how he was,” Lando retorted, “He doesn't want to be anywhere near me…” “Well we can't just let him bleed to death.” “He can't be that stubborn… Can he?”There was a long silence.If Han kept refusing help it could be detrimental to his health… But he wouldn't have the strength to fight off help forever.There was just the question of if they'd have time to help by the time he couldn't stop them…Beckett had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't heard the approaching footsteps and he was rather startled when he heard Han's voice, even though it was faint, “Do we have any bacta?” He tossed down the med kit, “This’s empty.” “Kriff, let me check,” Lando replied quickly, rushing off to look elsewhere.Beckett was fairly sure that they didn't have any bacta anywhere else; all the more reason to get Han to a doctor- Well, not a proper doctor, they'd surely call some authority, but Beckett knew a good no-questions-asked-not-even-about-medical-degree sort of Doctor; Dr. Iggy.They just had to get Han to Iggy. “You’re naive to think you'll survive this with just a little out of date bacta,” El-Three commented causally but earnestly.Han glared at her, but he didn't speak a word. “Kid,” Beckett said, more than hesitant, “You need to let us help you.”Han took a step back, his gaze turned to Beckett, “I-I- I can't…” He retorted, his voice more of a whimper than anything, although he still sounded fiercely convinced of his argument. “Why?”Han paused for a long moment as if finally thinking his actions through, “Can't… Can't be weak… Can't be hurt…” Han’s voice was halting and quiet, and the way his bottom lip was trembling told him that Han was only just managing to keep from crying. “You’re safe here, kid,” Beckett promised him, “We only want to help.”El-Three and Chewie both nodded along, eyes carefully trained on Han.But Han didn't say anything, he just kept looking at Beckett.So Beckett just kept talking, “I need to see where you're hurt, I need to know how bad it is,” In truth he already had a pretty good idea of how bad it was, there was blood dripping down almost to the floor by this point; it was bad. Han didn't object, although he didn't agree either, he just stayed silent.But Beckett decided that was probably the best he was going to get.So with slow careful steps he approached, and Han didn't move away. “Move your hand for a second.”At first Beckett thought Han wouldn't do it, but then, very slowly, he took his hand away from the wound.Beckett had to work very hard to keep a straight face; the gash was gaping and deep. “It's bad…” Han said quietly.Beckett gave a small nod, because he couldn't lie, it wasn't good, but all he said was “You're gonna be okay.”At this Han’s ragged breathing became full of sobbing.It made Beckett wonder how many times Han had heard the words before- If he’d ever even heard them at all. “It hurts… S-so much,” Han managed to say between sobs. “I know,” Beckett said, “But we're gonna get you to a real good doctor, and he'll patch you up.”Han shook his head, but didn't say a word.It was then that Lando came back, “I couldn't find- What happened?”Beckett dismissed the question with the wave of his s hand, “Get me a towel.” “Sure.”Lando brought him a towel before the minute was over. “Kid, this is gonna hurt, but we need to keep pressure on that, okay?”Han gave a small nod.Beckett carefully, but firmly, pressed the towel into Han’s side, Han flinched but didn't stop him.Beckett carefully led him over to a chair, and Han all but fell into it.Beckett knelt down in front of him so he could keep the towel in place; he doubted Han could muster the necessary pressure the wound required. “Chewie, El-Three, I need you to set course for Iggy.”Chewie wanted to know why he couldn't stay with Han, and Beckett had to acknowledge that Lando was in no state to pilot.Chewie didn't argue with that.Now it was just Lando, Han and Beckett.Han looked like he was barely hanging on to consciousness, and Beckett wished he could just let him rest, but he needed to know Han was alive and keeping him awake was the easiest way of doing that. “I heard this happened because you were protecting someone named Beedo. Who is he?”Han smiled a little at this, and the knot of pressure in Beckett's chest loosened a bit, “He's Greedo’s cousin.” “Ah, so you were trying to keep your boyfriend's cousin safe to impress him.” “Greedo's not my boyfriend,” Han retorted. “He’s not? Did he break up with you, buddy?” “No.” “He's not your boyfriend, but he didn't break up with you… You didn't invite me to the wedding?”This earned a genuine -all be it small and pained- laugh. “No.” “I don't believe you.” “I’m in love with Lando, not Greedo.” “If you love me so much then don't die,” Lando chimed in, he clearly was trying to sound joking but instead he just sounded as scared as he truly was. “Not tryin’ ‘t…” Lando fell into the seat next to Han, looking about as exhausted as Han. “Doesn't look like it, Han.” “I was scared…”Beckett didn't know if he liked how Lando was poking at Han. He wanted to talk about the core issues at play here too, but felt like right then it might have been better to keep the conversation light.Although for the time being he let Lando keep talking, “You can trust us, Han. I need you to know that you can come to us when you've been kriffing stabbed.” “I'm not used to that,” Han admitted, eyes cast downwards. “We all love you, Han. Get used to it,” And with that Lando carefully -but forceful- pulled Han into a kiss.Beckett felt as if he should give the pair some privacy, but seeing as how he was the one keeping pressure on the injury the best he could do was pick a place on the floor and stare it down like it was the most interesting thing he'd seen all day.When it was safe to look back up, Beckett found Lando had settled back into his seat, and was simply holding Han’s hand tightly in his hand. “I'm sorry,” Han said, “I'm sorry I didn't just come to guys…” “It's okay,” Beckett assured him, obviously he would have preferred if none of this had happened, but he wasn't going to make Han feel worse about it. “I won't do it again.” “You'd better not,” Lando said scoldingly. “I promise I won't,” Han assured him.Beckett just hoped Han actually got the chance to make good on that promise.There was so much blood, it was such a deep cut… But Iggy would do what he could, if there was any chance Han would make it then Iggy would ensure he did…
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It was going to be a long night.That was an undeniable fact.Beckett had known from the beginning that this wouldn't be simple, but things had gone from bad to worse when Han had lost consciousness a good ten minutes before they even reached Coruscant.He had still been alive, no one knew by how much or if that would last, but it was the only comfort any of them could take.Chewie had so carefully carried Han all the way to Iggy’s office.No one had been sure what was going to happen, they had all held their breath as Iggy did his initial examination.They had all been half expecting to hear that they had gotten there too late, that there was nothing Iggy or anyone else could do.But Iggy had calmly stated, “I can fix this.”There was a part of Beckett's mind that insisted on telling him, ‘What does an old IG unit know about something like this?’ But he quickly quieted those thoughts. Iggy was a good doctor, not perfect, but he had saved Beckett more times than he could count.The IG might not have looked gentle, but he could work with greater care than anyone would think possible.Iggy had sent them off to his humble waiting room.Almost all of them wanted to stay, wanted to be there watching over Han, but Iggy insisted that their presence would be distracting and unhelpful.He assured them once more that Han would be fine, and reluctantly they left.Beckett had headed for the door to leave the building immediately, this had been met with great confusion and some concern, but he quickly assured them he just needed to call Val and Rio to inform them of what had happened.Of course no one took issue with that.So now Beckett stood alone outside of Iggy’s ‘hospital’.He had his phone open to Val’s contact, but he was struggling to work up the courage to actually hit the ‘call’ button. He didn’t want to explain this all, he didn’t want to consider what was happening.But he couldn’t bring himself to ask anyone else to make the call.So after taking one more deep breath he hit the button and waited.It was only as the call went to voicemail that it occurred to Beckett that Val was probably busy and not even thinking about her phone. “Call me as soon as you can.”Beckett briefly considered saying more. Hell, he even considered explaining everything and then just putting his phone on mute and skipping any sort of conversation.But it didn’t feel right.He would just have to wait until she got the chance to call him, but who knew how long that would take.He should probably head back to the waiting room…Yet instead he found himself just standing there, thinking to himself, ‘I’ll give it one more minute, and if she doesn’t call me back by then I’ll just head back in,’ but that same thought occurred to him minute after minute until a full half hour had passed.He hated to admit it, but he almost certainly would have just kept standing there for at least a full hour, the only thing that changed was that Val actually called him. He took his time in answering the phone, tempted to just let it ring, “Hey, Tobias. Sorry I missed your call, but me and Rio just got back.” “How’re things going?” Beckett asked, taking every opportunity to stall that he could. “Things are good, the set-up’s been pretty smooth. We should be done in a few days,” Val replied, “We should be back earlier next month.” “That’s great.”Normally on a job that long they would have sent more people, but in reality it was mostly just the distance that needed to be traveled that dragged out the time…But if they had all gone to Canto Bright then none of this would have ever happened…Although that did them little good now.What was done was done.Now the only thing to do was to actually tell Val… Beckett desperately searched his mind for some trivial question he could ask instead, but before he could manage it Val asked the real question at hand, “So, why’d you call?” “I…” Beckett didn’t know what to say. He wished the roles had been reversed- Not that he would want Val to experience this sort of pain firsthand, but she was never at a loss for words. “Is everything okay, sweetheart?” Val asked, a clear concern in her voice, a concern that would only get worse when Beckett told her what had happened… Would it be wrong to just hang up?- Yeah, it probably would… “Han…” Beckett desperately tried to say more, the words ‘was stabbed’ weren’t complicated, but he just couldn’t seem to say them. “What happened with Han?” Val’s concern was only growing, “Did he do something?- Did he get hurt?”Val always liked to act like she was emotionally distant from the team. She would always say that if it had been up to her their team would be just her, Rio and Tobias; but everyone knew she was lying. She cared just as much about the team as the others did. “He…” Val didn’t cut in, she just waited silently for Beckett to continue, so eventually -and very reluctantly- he said, “He was stabbed…” “Is he okay?” The question came instantly, and Beckett had known it was coming from the second he picked up the phone, but he still had no answer at the ready.All he could say was, “I don’t know.” “Tobias, I’m gonna need more details than that.” “We got him to Iggy. And the Doc says he’ll be fine… But it was bad, Val…” “Well, if Iggy says he’ll be okay… Iggy’s not usually wrong,” She sounded as uncertain as Beckett felt. But he still agreed with her, “Yeah, you’re right.” “How did this happen?” Val asked after a minute. “I wasn’t there, but it sounds like he was trying to protect a friend in a bar fight.” “That makes sense,” Val said with a sigh. It only occurred to him then that there was so much of this story that had been left unexplained, all the newly discovered trust issues were still undiscovered for Val and Rio, but Beckett didn’t really want to talk through any of that right then; if he didn’t fully understand it how was he supposed to help any one else to? “Are you okay, Tobias?”The question didn’t make a bit of sense to Beckett for a minute.He hadn’t been stabbed, his survival wasn’t uncertain.It took him time to realize that she wasn’t asking about his physical well being.But he still just said, “I’m fine.” “Are you?” Val didn’t sound like she believed him for a second, and she was probably right to doubt him, but, just so long as Beckett didn't actually think too hard about the situation at hand, then the statement wasn’t too much of a lie. “Yeah… I mean, this’s a lot- But I’m fine.” “You don’t need to be fine right now, Tobias. It’s okay if you’re upset.”Beckett shook his head.He did need to be fine, because if he wasn’t then the others would have no one else they could lean on.Someone needed to be okay, and he wasn’t going to put that burden on any one else.But he didn’t say any of that, instead he replied, “Look, I should probably get going.” “Alright…” Val replied reluctantly, “I wish me and Rio could be there…” Beckett was tempted to scoff at that, but he knew that being planets away didn’t make this any easier. Sure, Val and Rio didn’t have to be amidst the suffering of the others, but they were left in the dark.If something happened -be it good or bad- they would have to wait, they wouldn’t know until they got a call.It was different, but it was still hell. “There’s nothing you could do if you were.” “I know… Well, call me if anything changes.” “Okay.” “I love you, Tobias.” “I love you too.”Beckett hung up, and briefly mused on unwelcome thoughts.He might not have loved Han in the same way that he loved Val or Rio, but he loved the kid all the same; had he ever actually told Han that?Would he ever get the chance?
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He had taken his time, but in the end Beckett had never really had a choice as to whether he was going to return to the waiting room.He was briefly acknowledged, but then everyone returned to what they had been doing before.El-Three was pacing, muttering to herself about how fragile and stupid humans were because that was how she displayed concern.Chewie had taken a seat in the corner, head in paws; he would be heartbroken if Han didn't make it- They all would be, but the Wookiee had taken the young man’s safety as his responsibility and Beckett was becoming increasingly sure that if Han didn't live than Chewie would blame himself completely.Then there was Lando, he was leaning against the wall, he looked thoroughly shaken up, he had returned to his rapid fidgeting with his scarf. He had barely said a word since Han had lost consciousness.No one knew what to do.But Beckett couldn't just stand around, he needed to do something, he needed to help someone.He quickly made up his mind that he should speak with Lando first; he seemed the closest to a complete breakdown.He -casually as he could- walked over to Lando. “Do you wanna talk, Lando?”Lando glanced up at Beckett for a second, but his gaze quickly returned to its intense focus on nothing. The only real acknowledgement that he had even heard Beckett speak was a small shake of his head. “Iggy will handle this,” Beckett said, trying to sound more confident in that statement than he was, “Han’s gonna be okay.” “What if he's not?” Lando spoke so quietly, but Beckett managed to understand what he said. “He will,” Beckett said, putting a comforting hand on Lando’s shoulder, “He's too stubborn to die over something this small.” “I can't lose him, Beckett,” Lando said, voice still quiet, but as desperate as could be, “I can't…” “You're not gonna.” “It was my fault,” Lando insisted as if he hadn't even heard Beckett, “I didn't stop him- this is my fault,” he was speaking faster then he could think, disconnected guilty words over following, “I should have- I couldn't- if- It's all my fault.”There had been times in the past where Beckett and Lando hadn't gotten along. Beckett thought of Lando as largely impractical and deeply incompetent whenever he wasn't at the sabbec table.Lando thought Beckett was too strict, generally ‘unfun’. But in that moment none of that mattered.All their petty squabbles were forgotten as Beckett pulled Lando into a tight hug.Lando didn't consider moving away, he all but collapsed against Beckett, his arms instantly thrown around him in return. “It's gonna be okay, Lando. I promise.”Beckett doubted Lando believed him, he wasn't sure he believed himself, but there was nothing else he could do but offer that uncertain reassurance and the pressure of the embrace that was an attempt to keep them both grounded as best he could.Beckett closed his eyes, just focusing on keeping his breathing even and calm, hoping to set an example because he could feel the irregular and far too fast rise and fall of Lando’s chest against his.It only registered to him then that Lando was crying.He rubbed gentle circles into his back, but there was nothing else he could do to help.There was nothing he could say to make this better, nothing he could do.He couldn't remember a time he'd felt this helpless… Beckett had almost completely lost himself in thought, but he suddenly found himself brought back somewhat to that moment when a new pair of arms wrapped around both him and Lando, and then another pair came along as well.Both El-Three and Chewie had silently come over to them and wordlessly joined the embrace.No one said a word, because there was nothing to say.All they could do now was hold each other close as they tried to dream of what they'd like to happen as they fought off the nightmare of what was and what they feared would be.It was a long night.
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No one slept much.Lando had briefly fallen asleep in his seat, but he had woken quickly, in tears all over again.Everyone had been quick to reassure him, but of course there was only so much they could do because there was still no word from Iggy.After that Lando hadn't dared fall back asleep for fear of another nightmare that's details hurt too much to share -although everyone could pretty well guess the subject- thankfully there was plenty of caf to go round.Even El-Three took a mug. Of course she couldn't drink it, but she could stir the drink with her finger and watch the way the liquid moved.They all took every distraction they could get.The sun had risen recently, although Beckett had no idea of the exact time.No one had spoken in what felt like hours, it gave Beckett time to think- too much time.He felt so… Empty.Everyone else who could cry had.El-Three had an excuse, she was physically incapable of doing so.But Beckett just didn't feel the same heart wrenching pain that had brought Chewie and Lando to tears several times by now.Beckett’s body ached from tension, felt sick to his stomach, his chest felt so tight that he wasn't sure he was breathing enough; but that was physical. Mentally he felt next to nothing.This was hardly something new.Beckett normally experienced this emotional pause. When the walls were closing in his brain just forgot about emotions. He knew that in time this numbness would fade, and it would hurt like all hell when it did.He couldn't say he was looking forward to the return of those feelings, although he had to admit that he felt odd being surrounded by all these intense emotional displays.Of course he did feel bad, he felt scared, he needed Han to be okay; but the emotions all felt distant, and he knew he couldn't have expressed them visually if he'd wanted to.For a moment he worried that the others would think he didn't care, but he found it impossible to put too much thought into it. They surely knew…Then Beckett’s thoughts came to an abrupt stop; the door had opened, Iggy was standing there looking out at them.In the half a second before Iggy spoke Beckett’s thoughts jumped back to life on a rapid barrage of terror:Han was dead, that was surely what had happened.What would Beckett do? How was he supposed to help the others through this when he had no idea how to get through it himself?He couldn't believe this had- “The patient is stable-”As soon as Iggy spoke the words the room was filled with cheers.When the sound died down Iggy resumed speaking as if he had never been interrupted, “And conscious; He wishes to speak with you.”No one waited for further instructions.Han had been moved into a small fairly comfortable looking -although very worn- bunk.And he was awake; he was alive.Beckett found himself hanging back somewhat, he couldn't bear to get in the way of the others.Chewie was the first to reach Han, and it clearly took every ounce of self control the Wookiee had not to scoop the little human up into his arms.Instead he just knelt down at his side, carefully ruffling his hair. “Watch it, fuzzball,” Han retorted, although his smile and tone showed the words had no bite.Chewie scolded him for giving them all such a scare, although his voice was so gentle it was more of purr than a growl. “I’m sorry, Chewie,” And Han was completely earnest now, “I'm sorry,” He repeated, looking around as he spoke, clearly addressing everyone this time.No one knew quite what to say, but eventually Lando just said, “It's fine, Han, you're alive and that's all that matters.”Chewie reluctantly moved aside so that Lando could get closer. “I'm still sorry… If I had just trusted you all to start with then this wouldn't have been as bad.” “That's true,” Lando admitted with a nod, “But who cares? You're alive- I know I'm repeating myself- but kriffing hell you're alive!” He kissed Han passionately at this, and once again Beckett found himself taking a great interest in the floor. “Out of the way, Landonis,” El-Three said, and when Beckett looked up he saw her all but dragging Lando out of her way. “Fine, fine, have your turn,” Lando relented.El-Three took Han’s head in her hands, staring him down intently, for a moment Beckett thought he was going to have to politely avert his gaze again- not that he was sure how El-Three could kiss someone, but El-Three didn't attempt to, instead she just very earnestly said, “You are never allowed to do anything like this ever again.” “I-” Han began a response, but El-Three cut him off, “I love you, you stupid stupid human.” “I love you too, El,” Han said with a small smile, clearly caught off guard, but he meant what he said. “Alright,” El-Three said, drawing back, “Okay, your turn, Beckett.”For a moment Beckett didn't even register his name had been spoken, but by the time he did everyone was staring at him expectantly.No one was standing at Han’s side any more, there was an empty space reserved for Beckett himself.Beckett was almost tempted to insist that he was fine, that he would talk with Han later, he had no idea what he was going to say after all. But he found the request impossible to turn down.His legs carried him to the bed, although he felt almost separate from his body.Everyone else had seemed to know exactly what to say, but Beckett was at a loss.There was so much he wanted to get across, but he didn't have words for any of it.He silently reached over, taking Han’s hand in his and squeezing it tightly. “I'm okay,” Han assured him, answering unspoken concerns that still ran rampant through Beckett's mind. “That’s good, kid,” Beckett said with a small smile, because he had no idea what else to say. “I owe you all my life,” Han added after a minute, “I'm not gonna forget that any time soon.”Beckett was still struggling to accept that Han was alive.He knew that possible trouble still wasn't over, it was a serious injury and Han would have to take it easy for a while to let it heal properly, and Han wasn't good at taking it easy.But he was alive right now.He was pale, shaky, and clearly exhausted, but he was alive.Only then did it hit Beckett how close he had been to losing Han.Sure, the kid had only been in his life for a few months, but he couldn't imagine his life without him now.He had felt so numb before, but suddenly his chest ached unbearably, a sharp stabbing pain spread through his throat; it was agonizing, but he managed to speak because he suddenly knew what he needed to say, “What do we need to do to make you feel safe, Han? How do we make sure this never happens again?- We'll do anything, you just say the word and it's done, kid.”Han looked at him wordlessly for a moment, as if thinking over what had been said, then eventually he replied, “I think this was enough… Trusting people is scary… But I think this more than proves I can trust you guys.”Beckett just gave a nod, he was once again out of things to say. All he managed was, “Good,” Then he slowly let go of Han’s hand, “I need to call Val… Let her and Rio know you're okay.” “They're worried about me?” Han asked with a smile, as if the thought were improbable but delightful. “Of course they are, we love you, kid.”Han didn't respond for a moment, then, with a smile that carried nothing but childlike wonder, he said, “I love you too, Becky.”Beckett gave another nod, and then turned away, heading for the door, but before he quite made it there Han called after him, “Tell Rio and Val I love them too!”He paused so he could look back when he said, “Of course.”Han looked so damn happy, he didn't look a bit like someone who had just almost lost their life.And Beckett couldn't help but smile back at him.He watched as El-Three, Chewie and Lando all swarmed back around Han, fighting for his attention.And, for the first time in what had barely been a day but felt like ages, everything felt okay.
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Iggy was still standing around in the waiting room when Beckett got there. “There you are, Tobias,” Iggy greeted him, “I thought you would want some time alone with the injured one. But if you have free time now I would like to speak with you.”Beckett could feel his heartbeat pick up, he didn't know what he was worried Iggy was going to tell him but he knew he was worried, “What do we need to talk about?” He asked, hoping his concern didn't come through too clearly in his voice. “Nothing too serious, you may relax.”Oh.Maybe Tobias hadn't hidden his feelings as well as he’d thought he had. “I'm fine. I'm relaxed.” “That is untrue, but I will continue,” Iggy replied, “I used a mix of bacta and stitches to fix the wound, the patient will require rest. And he will have to return in about two weeks to have the stitches out.” “I figured.” “Yes, but I felt I should reinforce the idea. I will send you home with bacta and bandages, the patient informed me you didn't have any.” “You spoke with Han?” “Yes, not at length, but he seemed very open with deep childhood trauma, he may have believed he was dying.” “Did you tell him he was?” “No. But I may have failed to reassure him he wasn't.” “What did you do this time, doc?” Beckett asked, too tired to actually be very upset with him in that moment. “Well, when he first woke up, he wanted to know if he was alive, and I attempted humor and replied ‘for now, but I wouldn't count on that continuing’. Looking back it may have been an inappropriate time to try humor.” “Kriffing hell, Iggy.” “My apologies.”Beckett knew it wasn't right to ask, but he still found himself saying, “What did he tell you?” “He seemed saddened that he had turned you all away, he said he had spent so long wanting people who looked after him, and now that he finally had the opportunity to achieve that very dream he simply pushed you all away.” “What did you tell him?” “That if given the opportunity he should do his best to remedy that mistake. He agreed that such a course of action would be wise.” “That's not bad advice.” “Then I informed him this was irrelevant because he was in fact dying. It was another attempt at humor. It was not enjoyed.”Beckett just shook his head, “I need to call my spouses.” “I see. I will get out of your way,” Iggy walked a few feet away but didn't actually leave the room.Iggy wasn't good at keeping secrets, he didn't seem to care about the concept of privacy.So Beckett decided to step outside before he made the call. “What's happening? Is Han okay?” Was the first thing Val said.He could only imagine how challenging this was for her and Rio to be so far away during something so frightening. “Han’s okay,” Beckett answered quickly, “He’s awake, and Iggy says he should be fine.” “Thank goodness!” Val exclaimed.He heard her call Rio over to give him the good news, but couldn't make out anything in particular that Rio said, although he could hear that Rio was overjoyed. “Han wanted me to tell you both that he loves you,” Beckett added somewhat awkwardly. “Aw, isn't that precious?- Rio, he says he loves us!”Beckett felt somewhat calm.Just listening to people he loved be happy was such a welcome change of pace after the previous night. “Don't let us keep you, Tobias. Go back to Han.”Beckett was somewhat surprised by Val’s advice.He didn't know why really, because in truth the words made sense, but he had somewhat assumed he would just stay on the phone with Val and just let the others enjoy their time with Han.But it seemed wrong to tell Val, ‘No, I’d rather not.’ So instead he said, “Alright, I'll call you later.” “Sounds good. Bye, babe.” “Goodbye.”With that Beckett hung up and tucked his phone back into his pocket, although he wasn't quite ready to walk back into Iggy's ‘hospital’ just yet.He knew he belonged in that room just as much as anyone else who was there, and he did want to be with Han, but he had now lost the emptiness that had so well protected him from his emotions.Thinking about what had happened hurt like hell.It was early in a quiet corner of Coruscant, so no one was around.It didn't really matter if Beckett let himself fall apart, there was no one to see him silently crying there, face hidden in his hand, body shaking with every ragged breath.It had been a long night.But the morning had brought hope of better days than ever.Han really had seemed to have gained a new sense of trust.Beckett could almost laugh when he realized that just yesterday he had so misunderstood Han that he had been judging his eagerness to trust.Han was cautious. He liked people, but by the end of the day he was scared of them.Beckett didn't want Han to become careless with his trust, but he would do everything within his power to make sure that Han was always surrounded by people it was safe to trust.
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It was still early by the time they all left Iggy’s.It was good to be finally headed back to the Falcon.Just like when they'd last left the ship Chewie was carrying Han, but this time Han was awake and chatty as ever. “How far’s the Falcon? It’s cold out here!” Han remarked, because when Han was chatty he normally complained about everything, he did so jokingly, but insistently. “Not far,” Lando replied. “Surprised you lot actually managed to fly her without me.” “You forget that me and El-Three had her first.” “Just cause you met her first doesn't mean I didn't get to know her better.” “She'll always love me more.” “No!” Han tried to reach out and hit Lando, but he quickly stopped with a gasp of pain, grabbing at his side.Everyone paused to check on him, but he insisted, “I'm fine.”This was met with slight skepticism.So Han added, “I promise.”If they were going to ask Han to trust them then they would have to trust Han in return.So although they would all be keeping a close eye on him, for now no one furthered the conversation and they just continued on their way.By the time they reached the Falcon the sun had climbed slightly higher in the sky, but it was still early enough that most of them normally wouldn't be awake by this time.In fact after the sleepless night they'd had they probably would get some rest.Han was settled in his bunk, and one by one the others left, all headed back to their own beds.Even El-Three left, saying something about everyone here being exhausting, although she was sure to add that she loved them all and would lose her mind if something happened to them.No one had said it, but Beckett knew that someone should stay at Han’s bedside.He could rest later, for now he would just watch over Han.The kid had been asleep for a while now, but Beckett would be there the second he needed anything.But there was nothing to do for the moment, so Beckett took out his phone and texted Val, ‘We’re finally back on the Falcon.’Val texted back almost immediately, ‘Good! How’s Han doing?’ ‘He’s sleeping.’ ‘That’s probably for the best’ Then a second later another text popped up, ‘You should probably get some sleep too sweetheart’Beckett paused for a moment. He typed ‘I’m fine.’ but then quickly deleted it, he tried, ‘I slept earlier.’ But he doubted Val would believe that. The message he eventually settled on sending was, ‘I’ll do my best.’ ‘You can't take care of anyone if you don't take care of yourself’Beckett knew she was right, but he still found himself rolling his eyes and setting his phone aside.He tried to just refocus his attention on Han, but soon found himself distracted by the sound of approaching footsteps.He looked up in time to see Lando hesitantly walk into the room. “What’re you doing up, Lando? Thought you were getting some rest.” “I was…” Lando replied, clearly trying to sound casual, “Couldn’t sleep long.” “Nightmares?” “You know it.”Beckett gave a nod, but didn’t actually say anything, so Lando just kept talking, “I thought it might help to- I don’t- just sorta remind myself he’s not dead.” “I hear ‘y.” After that neither of them said much of anything, they just stood there silently watching over Han.It was good few minutes before either one of them spoke, “It’s weird to think how close we got to losing him,” Lando remarked. “Yeah.” “I mean… What… What would have happened if- if-” “Try not to think about it, Lando.” “I’m trying,” Lando retorted, arms crossed defensively over his chest. “Look, Han’s okay, everything's gonna be just fine, I promise.”Lando gave a silent nod. “What in the galaxy are you two talking about?” Han asked, his words mumbled from lingering sleep. “I'm sorry, buddy,” Beckett said quickly, “We'll be quiet.” “It's okay,” Han replied with a yawn, “I don't mind… You guys can keep talkin’.” “Alright,” Beckett said with a nod, “Since you're up, is there anything you need?” “I'm okay,” Han replied, “My side hurts a bit, but I think it's okay.”The thought, ‘what if Iggy did something wrong?’ suddenly appeared in Beckett's mind and it immediately made his chest feel so tight it hurt. “Is it okay if I take a look at Iggy’s work?” “Knock yourself out,” Han replied with a small shrug, pulling up his shirt so the stitched up wound was on full display.Iggy was careful, but his work was never neat.The stitches looked painful, but no blood surrounded him. Although, without blood covering the area Beckett could now see that the scar this would leave wouldn't be the first there.Another deep -although now healed over- line ran across his skin.This certainly wasn't the first time Han had been cut by a vibroblade.Beckett wondered how Han had survived in the past, although he didn't spend too much time on the thought. “Looks good.” “I hope so, you're the one who vouched for that guy,” Han replied, tucking his shirt back in. “Iggy’s a great doctor,” Beckett assured him, “I just worry… That's all.” “Alright then,” Then somewhat abruptly he added, “Okay, I'm going back to sleep. G’night.” “Sweet dreams, kid.” “Seriously though, you two can keep talking,” Han said, eyes already shut, sounding more asleep than awake, “It's nice background sound… Makes sleepin’ easier…”Beckett could have pointed out that Han clearly would have no problem falling asleep, or that their talking had seemingly been what woke Han up to start with, but Han was back asleep before any of that could be said. “You probably should get back to bed, Lando,” Beckett remarked. “Yeah…” Lando agreed but he didn't move an inch.Beckett didn't ask him to leave again, because it was clear he didn't want to.In the end they settled on instead having rather trivial conversations about Life Day movies.Neither of them put much stake into what was said, because it was really just a way to pass the time.They both knew that sooner or later they themselves would need to rest, they couldn't stay at Han’s side forever, but for the time being they were more than happy to ignore that fact.
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If it had been up to Beckett he would have stayed with Han.But El-Three and Chewie had been very insistent that Lando and him take a break from their constant watch. They had assured them that they would take perfectly good care of Han, and Beckett believed them that they would, but it still felt wrong to be out of the room- Not just out of the room in fact, out of the ship.At first Lando and Beckett had been very insistent that they had nothing better to do than to stay with Han, so El-Three had given them something to do, she had sent the two of them off to pick up breakfast for everyone who could eat.Technically there was food on the ship, but no one really felt like cooking, and Lando did know a good diner that wasn’t far at all.So -allbit it somewhat reluctantly- Lando and Beckett had agreed.Now the two of them were walking along the busy streets of Coruscant. The place had been so quiet that morning, but now that they were safely into the afternoon it had begun to get somewhat crowded.For the standards of Coruscant it was still relatively quiet, but there were still more people than Beckett would have preferred.Crowds meant a higher chance that he and Lando would encounter someone who one of them had crossed in the past.Normally, even when there were more sentients around than he could easily count, he did a good job at keeping an eye out for trouble. He had a fairly reliable sense for when there was someone around who wished him harm.But he found his mind was elsewhere.It felt so wrong to be away from Han… But El-Three and Chewie were there; everything would be fine. “How’re you holding up, Lando?” Beckett asked, doing his best to distract himself from his own concerns. “Could be better,” Lando said with a faint smile, “I’m not used to going this long without sleep.” “What kind of space pirate are you? It’s barely been twenty hours.” “I may be a cheat and a con man, but I’m no pirate.” “Right, it’s just all of your co-workers are.” “Complete coincidence.” “Of course…”A few minutes of quiet went by, and Beckett did his best to focus on their surroundings. People all around them went in and out of neverending buildings on all sides. Although no one moved with any sense of urgency. This was a nice part of Coruscant after all.How Iggy had ever managed the funds to set up shop here was a mystery, as was why he would want to even if he somehow collected the necessary credits. The sort of people who hung about here were in no way the type who would ever consider visiting Iggy.But Beckett had long ago learnt that questioning Iggy’s choices was a waste of time.Iggy simply didn’t make sense.All that mattered was the results of Iggy’s decisions.The current result being that Beckett felt massively out of place.He had been to Coruscant many times before, but he rarely visited the high levels of the city, he was quite used to the lowerer ones- Well, not the true lower levels of the city, but certainly lower than here.Places that would never see natural light but had seen just about every crime you could imagine. Even now it was dark down there, the streets internally lit by artificial lights, most of which were bright signs advertising various bars and shops where you could sell or buy just about anything.Although the lower levels were infinitely less safe Beckett knew he would have felt far more at home there.Down there people knew to keep their eyes down, up here he couldn’t help but notice the way people looked at him.Lando fit in. His clothes were nice, and -even in his worn out state- he carried himself with a certain grace that clearly said he belonged.Beckett knew his clothes were torn and patched; far too practical in style compared to the fashionable garments of everyone who surrounded him. He knew he looked about as dangerous as he was, and that no one in their right mind would ever mistake him for a citizen of this level. “How much longer till we get there?” Beckett asked, already eager to be on his way back. “Shouldn’t be too long,” Lando replied, “It’s right around here… Somewhere.”Beckett stopped in his tracks, and Lando followed suit, “Lando, do you know where we’re going?” “More or less…” “That’s not exactly the answer I’m looking for.” “I'm sorry,” Lando replied, hands going to his scarf, pulling at it nervously, “I… I guess my mind was elsewhere…” “What do you need, Lando? Talk to me.” “I don't know,” Lando said with a sigh, eyes nervously darting around, “I just… We almost lost him- It all happened so fast- I mean, me and El were right there- And we still couldn't do anything.” “You know this wasn't your fault, right?”Lando didn't respond. “Talk this through with me, what happened last night?” “We were all at a booth in the back, Han got up to get drinks- And- And we heard this argument start up, at first we didn't care- But then we heard Han try to get in the middle of things- Y’know? Calm stuff down,” Lando gave a quiet, nervous laugh at the thought, “He was never any good at de-escalating… Me and El were on our way to help… But it was too late,” He hung his head, pulling his cape around himself.He looked so small, so unsure of himself; so unlike Lando. “Sounds to me like you didn't do anything wrong,” Beckett remarked. “But if we hadn't let him go- Or if we'd went with him- Or moved faster- Or- Or-” “Was it a dangerous bar?” “No!- It was a really nice place…” “Then of course you did what you did. You were just acting normal. Look, if you'd been back on Tatooine this would be a different conversation. But in this case you didn't do anything I wouldn't have.” “It was just… It shouldn't have happened…” “I know,” Beckett agreed with a nod, “But it really wasn't your fault…”Lando didn't reply, but Beckett knew he didn't believe him.And Beckett had been worried that Chewie wouldn't forgive himself… “Let’s just work on finding the diner,” Beckett said, “You'll feel better after you've had something to eat.” “Right, the diner,” Lando took a long pause before he actually set off walking again, saying, “It's this way… I'm pretty sure.”In the end they did find the diner, although that was hardly Beckett’s top concern.In the beginning of all this he had somewhat assumed that the only person who's recovery would have to be at all considered was Han’s.Now he was starting to fully understand how wrong that was.Han might have been the only one physically hurt that night, but it seemed they all needed to heal.