Work Text
EVAN
“That was the last of the boxes!” my mom said, feigning excitement, but I could see the sadness in her eyes.“Yeah… I guess this is it,” I replied. Today marked move-in day for college— for real this time. Not the community college courses I’ve been taking for the past year. Actual, real, university. My mom and I had just made the hour-long trip across the state to get to the campus, and now I was about to unload the last box and put everything in my new dorm.This was good. I was in desperate need of a fresh start if I ever wanted anything close to contentment. Still, I’ve never lived anywhere but home, and something about knowing I’d be living at this campus was so daunting. A part of me wanted to jump back into my mom’s car and drive home. (Oh yeah! I actually drive now. Who’d have thought?)“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay a little longer?” my mom asked for the ninth time that day.I laughed, rolling my eyes and reassuring her once again that I’d be fine. We were meeting up later that night for dinner anyway, she just needed to run some errands.
“I’ll call you as soon as I’m settled in, okay Mom?”“You better.”I laughed again, giving her one last tight hug before she got back into her car and drove away.I walked into the dorm building. I’d been in there a lot that day, with all the unloading and unpacking I was doing. It was crowded. I had to look down and speed-walk past most of the lobby just to get to the elevator, where I would then pray it was empty. (Anxiety doesn’t just disappear, unfortunately for me!).In fact, after this particular elevator trip, I walked into my dorm, grateful that I would be getting some quiet and alone time. Alas, my luck always was bullshit, because when I walked in, the first thing I saw was a tall, pale boy arguing with some bald guy I assumed was his dad in the middle of my new room.I considered turning around and coming back to the room later, but it was too late. The boy already noticed me.“Oh, hey.”“Hey…”“Sorry about that,” he said earnestly, glancing at his dad. “You must be Evan,” he continued.I nodded, and he went on, “I’m Jeremy Heere, I’m gonna be your new roommate.”Shit. I forgot about the roommate stuff.Sharing a room with someone you barely knew for an entire academic year?Welcome to my personal hell. JEREMY
Thud.
“Dad, careful.”“I am being careful!”This was my dad and I’s third argument that day. Well, not argument, more petty disagreement. It was move-in day for Caldwell University, and we were having trouble keeping it together long enough to unload the first few boxes without screaming at each other.“I’m just saying, my entire life is in these boxes. Could you be a little gentler with it?”“You’re acting like I’m throwing everything around, Jeremy.”“Dad, that’s not what I—“ I began, but that was before I noticed the sandy-haired guy standing in the doorway. He was carrying a box that was identical to the boxes I had seen on the opposite side of the room. I’m guessing this was my new roommate.“Oh, hey,” I greeted him.“Hey…” he responded. He looked surprised, like he forgot I would be there. And he looked nervous, as if he, like me, was anxious as hell about starting university.“Sorry about that,” I said, shooting my dad a look. “You must be Evan.”I recalled seeing his name under our dorm number when signing in, and, maybe it’s because I’ve only ever met people named Evan who were super obnoxious, but as he nodded timidly, I thought that this guy’s nervous demeanor didn’t match the image of him I had in my head when I read his name.“I’m Jeremy Heere,” I introduced myself, “I’m gonna be your new roommate.”He looked a bit panicked for a second, then he smiled slightly and replied “Yeah, I’m Evan Hansen— but you know that so… uh…yeah.”I didn’t know what else to say, and it seemed like Evan didn’t either. My dad then cleared his throat and stated “Uh, okay. Jeremy, I’m gonna get the next batch of boxes from the car. Sit tight.”“I’m not going anywhere.”Once the door shut behind my dad, Evan made his way over to his side of the dorm, and placed what I believed to be his last box on the small pile of boxes on the bed he had in the otherwise impersonal room. Sighing heavily, he opened the first one and began unpacking it.At one point he broke the silence, and I heard him mutter to himself “‘But you know that’… what a stupid fucking thing to say, Evan.”Stifling a laugh, I turned my face away from him and back to the boxes. Another anxiety-ridden loser who talks to himself?It’s like standing in front of a mirror.—Evan had been trying to hang up the phone for five minutes. “Yeah, Mom… yeah, I know. Yes, I’ll see you in an hour. Okay- bye, Mom.”Once he hung up the phone, he exhaled heavily and leaned his head back on the bare mattress. The sun was setting, and we were there since noon. We kind of gave up on unpacking.“Well, your mom’s gonna miss you, that’s for sure,” I commented, hoping the hint of jealousy I felt wasn't too obvious in my voice.He half-smiled. “Yeah… I mean, she’s always kind of been a busy woman, with my dad not around and all. She was there, but not much. Ever since I graduated, it’s like she’s been trying to make up for that.”I raised my eyebrows. That was certainly a dose of trauma-dumping. Evan must’ve realized this too, because he then panicked and started rambling. “Yeah, you definitely didn’t want to know that. I’m sorry, it’s not like I just go around telling people stuff, I’m usually super reserved actually. But I guess I just decided to tell you about this, I'm not entirely sure why…”I interrupted him. “Hey, it’s fine.” And it was. I was surprised by what he shared, but I wasn’t bothered. It felt comfortable. Natural. Maybe it was the forced proximity of it all, but I felt like it was normal to share these things with my new roommate. I spoke up too.“It’s the opposite with my dad and I. My mom hasn’t been around for years, so there’s no one in our house to tell us how to communicate how we feel. I know he’s sad that I’m leaving, I am too… but neither of us can tell each other that, so instead the sadness expresses itself as pointless arguing.”We stayed quiet after that, but a mutual understanding had formed. We both had our own bullshit happening in our lives, but at least neither of us were alone in that sense.
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EVAN It had been a few days since I moved into my new dorm. Classes started the next day, so Jeremy and I were sorting through some textbooks he got from a second hand library and asking random questions back and forth. “What was your dream job as a kid?” I asked him, tossing aside a history textbook with half the pages ripped out. Jeremy laughed. “Something stupid, probably,” he replied. “I’m pretty sure I wanted to be a pilot.” I added a textbook that was almost in perfect condition to the Keep pile. “A pilot?” “Yeah. I guess I liked the idea of being in control of something. That changed by the time I was thirteen, back when I realized that letting myself be in control of anything was a huge mistake.” I let out a laugh too. “Who’d have thought you’d be majoring in psychology?” “Definitely not me.” He placed a spiral notebook into his bag. “How about you?” “Honestly, I think I’ve always wanted to do something to do with environmental science,” I responded. Nobody was surprised when after a year of gathering college credits, I decided to major in environmental science. My mom and I had a conversation about it before I started applying, and we came to the predicted conclusion that I would pursue a career all to do with trees. “Really?” Jeremy questioned, tossing aside another too-damaged textbook. “You never wanted to pursue anything else?” “Well, I wanted to be a writer for a while.” “A writer?” “Mhm.” He pondered the thought for a moment. “I could see that for you,” he decided. “You seem like the type to write super long essays that the rest of the class is annoyed by.” I scoffed. “No, I didn’t have enough confidence to submit any of my writings.” He smiled. “Well, that’s relatable.” “Alright, your turn,” I said as he passed a textbook with Environmental Sciences written on it in large blue letters to me. I hummed in thanks “Okay, uh… Have you ever broken a bone?” I froze. Well, isn’t that a question for the ages. I’d made peace with all of it now, but my broken arm brought back too many memories I didn’t want to think about. Still, I responded, “Uhm, yeah. The summer before senior year, I broke my arm.” “Really? So… two years ago?” “Yup.” I had told Jeremy how I spent a year after graduation taking local courses. Luckily for him, he did it like a normal person, and graduated a few months prior, only leaving one summer between his senior year of high school and his freshman year of college. I was nearly a year older than him, which felt weird. It wasn’t too big of an age difference, but I felt the need to look out for him now. “How’d you break your arm?” he asked. Again, a question for the ages. I suddenly remembered the countless lies. I remembered the anger, the sadness, the fear. I remembered the arguments, the pain, everything I broke. I remembered Connor Murphy’s voice in my head asking the same question Jeremy just did. I remembered the feeling of being on top of that oak tree, of wanting to be free of everything, of letting go of the branch. I remembered it all. Yes, I trusted Jeremy, but this was a story for another time. “I… fell out of an oak tree.” JEREMYTwo weeks into the academic year, things were finally starting to settle. I was working on an essay about Piaget's theory on cognitive development when Evan returned from his lecture, swinging his bag off his shoulder and collapsing onto his bed — which was now covered in red flannel bedding. “The people on our campus are weird,” he declared, getting up and taking his shoes off. “Oh yeah? What happened?” I asked. “Some guy that I’m, like, ninety percent sure was high on acid tried to offer me these weird pills that I’ve never seen before.” My brain flashed red warning signs. Weird pills? Never seen before? That’s a flashback I definitely didn’t need. “What?” I replied frantically. “Did you take them?” Evan frowned. “No, obviously not.” I sighed in relief. If I had to deal with another sketchy computer-pill or anything else of the kind, I might lose it. Evan was looking at me expectantly, but I wasn’t ready to talk about that part of my life just yet, so I just deadpanned, “Long story.” Thankfully he must’ve sensed my discomfort because he didn’t press forward. He shrugged and just stated “Fair enough,” before walking to the kitchen, saying he was going to heat up leftovers from the fridge. My phone started to ring, and I laughed at the familiar embarrassing picture of Michael that came up on my phone screen. I picked up the video call. “Hey,” I said, like I had said every day I called Michael since we moved to different states.“Jer! Finally, you picked up.” ”I answered after two rings, Michael.” “Whatever. How was your first week at Caldwell?” “Meh, nothing unexpected. I do feel like the dumbest one in my Psych I class, though.” We both laughed at that, and as we did, I remembered how much I missed this. I really did miss Michael, but I wasn’t gonna tell him that, obviously. Michael and I were way past the “macho, emotionless man” spiel, but I don’t think I’ve ever told someone I missed them before, (spare the few messages I sent to my mom that always went unanswered) and I wasn’t going to start now. Instead, I asked “So… how’s Massachusetts?” I couldn’t keep the pride out of my voice when I said it. Michael had always been the smartest person I knew, but it certainly wasn’t on either of our bingo cards for him to go to university at MIT. (Yes, MIT!!!). In fact, when Michael brought it up for the first time, we both treated it like a joke.
“I don’t know, man. Maybe I’ll apply to MIT.” He’d said, blowing out a white smoke ring.
“Really? After everything, you wanna study at an Institute of Technology?” I replied, and we both laughed it off. After careful consideration, though, and multiple long talks with his moms, Michael decided to actually apply there. The neighbors could hear our screams of excitement from all of us —Michael’s family, and all our friends— the day he got his acceptance letter. “Honestly?” Michael started “I also feel like the dumbest person in all my classes.” “Now, I’m sure that’s not true.” “I’m serious, Jeremy. They all have like… 5.0 GPAs! I’m starting to seriously wonder how I got in…” “Well, ‘dismembered and defeated an evil Japanese supercomputer pill’ does look pretty good on applications!” We laughed it off again, then Michael said, “And also, my roommate kind of scares me.” I thought of Evan, and how much he didn’t scare me, and I frowned. “How so?” “I don’t know, man, but he gives me total ‘creepy secret spy who never sleeps for some reason’ vibes.” “Yikes.” “Yeah…” Michael and I continued our conversation, and a few minutes later, Evan walked back into the room, holding a plate with microwave-heated pizza on it. He didn’t seem fazed, he’d witnessed me calling Michael and a few of my other friends before. (I tried to keep in contact with everyone after graduation. Rich and I still texted regularly and the two of us plus Christine were planning on meeting up for lunch next week. I also kept up with how Jake, Brooke, Chloe, and Jenna were doing. Michael was the only person I contacted every day, though.) Remembering what Michael had said about his roommate, I decided that, Hey, why not introduce them? And I asked Evan. “Hey, Evan, you wanna meet my best friend in the whole world” Evan’s brows furrowed, and he looked kind of confused, and also scared, probably at the prospect of talking to someone new. (Me too, buddy) . Despite that, he said “Uh, sure. Okay.” I turned the phone screen towards Evan and immediately Michael exclaimed, “Hey! You must be Evan! Jer told me about you.” Evan looked puzzled. “Did he?” “Yeah. He said you were taking science or something.” “Environmental Science, yeah…” “Cool, cool… Listen, dude, I know Jeremy might seem super annoying, but I swear you’ll get used to him eventually.” Evan let out a laugh, and I turned the phone back towards my face. “Oh, go to hell, Michael.” “With the amount of work I’ve got? I think I’m already there, Jeremy.” The two of us laughed once again, and Evan got up and sat at the desk near the door. He put his headphones on and opened up a textbook, studying for something, I presumed. As Michael got up to get a drink, I wondered about Evan for a while. I didn’t know the guy really well, but based on what I did know, I didn’t think he had anyone to talk to like this from back home. He hasn’t told me much, but it seems back at his hometown wasn’t a place he was eager to talk about. I could relate to that, but at least I had people from there that I cared about. As Michael came back with his drink and immediately started rambling on about something, I thought about how lucky I was to have someone like him in my life that I could rely on whenever things got too overwhelming. Evan didn’t have that, at least I didn’t think. So, I’m glad he and I are becoming friends. It’d be good for both of us.