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Tanjiro had woken up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet. The first thing he noticed was that Nezuko’s scent was absent from the house. He looked for her both in and out the house and she was, indeed, nowhere to be found. He hurried into Kaizen’s room, trying to shake him awake.“Kaizen! Kaizen!” he had whispered loudly at first. The shaking started off soft but, seeing how much of a heavy sleeper the demon was, it escalated to the point where he was violently shaking him and there was still no response.
What the- is he comatose?
Awakened by the noise and, probably, the strong smell of adrenaline, Urokodaki woke up and opened the door to Kaizen’s room, quickly heading inside and checking on Tanjiro.“Tanjiro, what’s wrong?” the old man asked, placing his hands on the young slayer’s shoulders and looking straight at him.The young slayer was nearly hyperventilating, Urokodaki’s hold the only thing keeping him grounded at that very moment.“N-nezuko… She’s not home…” he managed to make out before he pointed at Kaizen and shook his head, lost for words.Urokodaki walked up to Kaizen’s sleeping figure and kicked him in the stomach in an attempt to wake him. The demon flew against the wall, hitting his back against it.Tanjiro gasped, running towards his lover. He was, however, still unresponsive.Urokodaki’s lips pressed together as he approached the figure too and took a better look. “How strange. That would have surely woken him up and set him off.” The former hashira forced one of Kaizen’s eyes open, touching it with his finger.Nothing. No reaction.“Oh my God… Oh my God… Nezuko is gone, and Kaizen is in a coma!” the reddish brunet could feel his sanity slipping by the second. The two people most important to him were now gone.“Tanjiro, calm down. I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for this.” Urokodaki’s voice remained calm as he turned on the andon lamp and took a better look at the immobile demon. “There is a chance that this is not actually Kaizen.”The young Kamado’s spiraling stopped for a moment. He was now perplexed at the new piece of information. Not Kaizen? Impossible… He looked the same, smelled the same and even had the same sleeping expression.“Kaizen has the ability to clone himself,” he started, causing the reddish brunet’s jaw to drop. “But he is really bad at keeping his clones connected to his mind and they end up just being inactive… Which would explain why this clone isn’t really moving.”The young slayer felt his head spin as he grabbed onto the clone’s yukata.Still nothing.Still lifeless.Yet it was breathing. It was alive.“W-why would he do this? Why would he just clone himself and leave without saying anything?” Tanjiro touched the demon’s cold cheeks. There was not a single difference between that supposed clone and the real Kaizen. How could he even know if he was speaking to the real one from then on?Urokodaki sighed heavily, patting the young slayer’s head. “Because he is stupid, simple as that.” He simply declared. “He probably wanted to take your sister somewhere and left this clone here as a decoy.”For a moment, the young Kamado had a whirlwind of mixed feelings crossing his heart. First and foremost, he was worried sick about his sister. Why on Earth did Kaizen take his sister out somewhere without him present? What was he planning? Second, anger and betrayal. Was Kaizen out of his mind? What made him think leaving one of his clones with him to take his little sister out without his knowledge was a good idea? Third, leaving a clone there, sleeping with himwithout his knowledge had to be some sort of violation! He didn’t even know how to feel about that one, especially considering the fact that the clone had been hugging him. Fourth, he was worried about Kaizen too, considering how reckless he could be sometimes. The dread was amplified by the fact that Kaizen was the one supposedly caring for his sister now!“I feel faint,” the slayer made out in a whisper, his body shaking with all those unrestrained emotions, causing his stomach to twist and his vision to blur.Urokodaki was quick to stand between the young Kamado and the clone, helping Tanjiro up on his feet.“Leave this thing here, let’s go have some chamomile while we wait for them to return.” The older man declared, slowly leading Tanjiro towards the main room of the house.“What if they don’t come back?” he managed to mumble a few minutes later, as the former hashira served him a cup chamomile tea.“They will, I have a hunch.”Sure enough, not even 15 minutes later, the main door opened: showing both Kaizen and Nezuko, who was holding his hand.An immense wave of relief washed over the young Kamado as he saw his sister safe and sound. He ran over to her and checked that she wasn’t harmed in any way. He hugged her tightly and felt her presence and her scent for a few seconds. Everything was alright as long as she was unharmed.After the stress over his sister left his body, the anger at his partner resurfaced. He pulled apart from Nezuko and crossed his arms, barely holding it together as he uncharacteristically yelled.“Kaizen, are you insane?! I thought she had disappeared for good; I couldn’t smell her anywhere! And then- then you weren’t waking up!! And it turns out that thing sleeping with me isn’t even you?!” he grabbed the demon’s shoulders as he spoke, staring right into his eyes. “You- you literally cloned yourself and used that thing as a decoy?! I thought you were comatose!! For God’s sake!! Do you know how worried I was?!” he then realized that Kaizen wasn’t even making direct eye contact, was he- was he seriously zoning out. “Do you even- are you even listening to me?! Kaizen!!”No answer. He wasn’t even blinking, just staring into nothingness.Which only got Tanjiro even angrier.“Do you even take me seriously or am I- am I some sort of joke? Huh?! There’s always something with you! I’m trying to be patient, but this was- this was way out of line!” he shook the demon’s shoulders but obtained no response from him. Just the same lifeless stare. “I get it, Kibutsuji Muzan messed you up! But that doesn’t excuse you ignoring me! Hello?!”No response.Tanjiro’s anger almost immediately came to a halt.Kaizen was not zoning out.The young Kamado lifted the demon’s arm up, letting go of it after a second. It stayed up.“Tanjiro, leave him to me.” Urokodaki stood up and tried to approach them but, unexpectedly, out of Kaizen’s room emerged his clone: no longer wearing a sleeping yukata but Kaizen’s usual kimono. The older man stopped in his tracks as he saw the demon’s previously inactive clone now fully awake.Its eyes were empty, devoid of the life that characterized Kaizen’s own.“Urokodaki-san… d-didn’t you say Kaizen can’t connect with his clone very well, which is why it stays inactive?”It had no emotional scent whatsoever; its intentions were unreadable. In a swift motion, Urokodaki took one of the swords from a nearby stand and attacked the clone without hesitation: aiming at its head.The clone, however, without even glancing the old man’s way, conjured a whip-like tentacle from its spine and took the sword from Urokodaki, tossing it aside on the floor without further importance.It didn’t care for the attack; its eyes were fixated on one single objective:Kaizen.Tanjiro tried to stand between his lover and the clone, fearing it might attack him.The clone didn’t really show any signs of hostility. It just picked Tanjiro up as if he was a toy, it placed him to the side and then proceeded to walk towards the original Kaizen: picking him up bridal style. The demon’s body was limp in its clone’s hold.The clone looked at Kaizen’s face. Though, its expression remained neutral, its emotional scent was now something akin to tenderness. It was so subtle, however, that it was easy to miss. Without saying a single word, the clone walked towards Urokodaki’s room and opened the door, sitting Kaizen on the tatami floor and carefully placing covers on top of him.Both Tanjiro and Urokodaki observed the clone’s bizarre nature. It looked and smelled exactly like Kaizen. It was technically a part of Kaizen himself, as it had come from his own body. But its behavior was completely devoid of the demon’s usual liveliness.After it left Kaizen, it decided to start cleaning the dust from the main room, completely ignoring everyone’s presence. Both Urokodaki and Tanjiro had tried speaking to it, but it was no use. It didn’t respond verbally or non-verbally: it was laser-focused on its tasks.Which, alright, was unnerving enough but wasn’t too bad either.But then, while Tanjiro was lying back in his futon in an attempt to get more sleep, the clone came inside without knocking and just picked Kaizen’s diary up. It sat by the low table as it opened the diary and- was it writing in Kaizen’s diary?“What are you doing?” the reddish brunet had asked in a murmur, though the clone didn’t respond and kept writing frantically. After it was finally done writing, it left the diary on the low table and left the room once more, closing the door behind it.Curious to see what it had written; the young Kamado got out of the futon and focused his eyes on the diary entry. His eyes were wide open as he read Kaizen’s exact elegant calligraphy:
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Tanjiro quickly stood up, in search of the clone. He could write an apology with a calligraphy identical to his lover’s… was Kaizen somewhere in that clone? Was there any chance of reaching him?Wrong.The clone was now seated in the corner of the main room, its eyes closed and completely inactive. Once more, it wouldn’t wake up even if shaken violently.The next morning, when Tanjiro woke up and went into the main room, the clone was still inactive. Was that a sign that Kaizen had returned? When he went into Urokodaki’s room, where only Nezuko and Kaizen rested, he approached and kneeled down in front of the sitting demon.He looked awake, that was for sure. His slit pupils seemed wide and unfocused. His gaze didn’t even shift when Tanjiro sat in front of him, and judging by his dry-looking eyes, he was not blinking enough.
Why is he in this state? Was it because I confronted him yesterday?
No… we’ve had confrontations before… That one time I deadnamed him he reacted with violence.
Why is he unresponsive?
The slayer tried to move Kaizen’s hand. As soon as he let go of it, it remained in the same position, unmoving.He doesn’t seem unconscious, but his body is not responding.“Kaizen… why won’t you talk to me?” he sighed heavily, cupping the demon’s cheeks. “I’m sorry… I said many things I didn’t mean yesterday… please, talk to me…”There was not as much as a blink, as the demon remained unresponsive.“I shouldn’t have brought your father up… I know you don’t take me as a joke… And I know you’re not ignoring me…” the young Kamado spoke, caressing the demon’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I freaked out because you took my sister and didn’t tell me about it… You know she’s the only family I have left… But I still shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”There was not a single ounce of change in Kaizen’s expression or scent. His base emotional scent, which was usually subtle, and underwhelming was now completely absent. There was nothing, he smelled just like the clone.“You’ve improved a lot in having personal confrontations, you never shut me out like this… what changed…?” he thought for a moment before answering his own question. “Was it the yelling? Did the volume and tone of my voice send you straight into freeze mode?”The more the reddish brunet thought about it, the more sense it made. In none of the previous confrontations they had had as a couple, had he raised his voice like that. It was the first time he had used an aggressive tone with him ever since they got together. He felt so angry and betrayed that he reacted terribly in the heat of the moment. In hindsight, he knew Kaizen didn’t mess up with ill intent. Knowing him, he probably had an idea in his crazy head that didn’t translate well into reality.It was the first time Tanjiro even raised his voice as Kaizen’s lover, yet the freeze response was automatic. Why did Kaizen become unresponsive within just a few seconds of the yelling? It wasn’t a recurring thing; it couldn’t be because they argued a lot either.Unless…He felt his stomach drop at the realization.Sure, it was the first time Kaizen had ever been yelled at by a lover. But it wasn’t his first time being yelled at by a loved one. And it was surely not Urokodaki, he had never seen that man raise his voice at his adoptive son, even when he clearly messed up.Kibutsuji Muzan.The young slayer knew Kaizen to have loved Muzan very deeply, to the point of worship. After all, Muzan was Kaizen’s biological father. He also knew from his lover that Muzan was an extremely abusive parent. He didn’t just lash out verbally. His physical punishments were grotesque and horrifying. He knew that Kaizen used to dissociate to the point of blacking out as the aggression took place.Oh, no… he’s blacking out now.
I caused this.
Before he could spiral any further, Kaizen’s clone suddenly came in, holding a piece of raw meat in its hand.The young Kamado was confused. Why had the clone awoken again? And why did it have a piece of meat in its hand.Without even looking at the slayer, the clone knelt by Kaizen’s side and- was it trying to shove the raw meat inside of Kaizen’s mouth?His clone… it’s trying to take care of him. It’s trying to feed him.He was absolutely distraught by the whole situation. Kaizen had taken out his sister without his knowledge and he had tried to deceive him by using that clone as a decoy. He had messed up badly, sure. But, at the same time, he felt guilty for his terrible reaction. Especially considering his lover’s lack of ill will and his very delicate mind.The clone kept on mindlessly pushing the piece of raw meat onto the demon’s closed mouth, as if he was somehow going to eat in his sleep. As expected, there was no response. Still, the unsettling being kept on pushing and pushing until Tanjiro finally intervened.“Stop, he’s not going to eat it. He’s not here with us, just go.”He wanted to kick that thing out so badly, but he was afraid that yelling at his clone would further disturb his state.He didn’t want to raise his voice anymore.Still, that thing was nowhere near done.For three entire days, the clone picked up Kaizen’s routine. It activated late in the morning, it cleaned the house thoroughly, it cooked for Tanjiro and Urokodaki and it even made those ohagi Kaizen had been meaning to make for him. At night, it wrote in Kaizen’s diary. It was the same entry every time: ‘I’m sorry’ repeated throughout the entire two pages that the demon usually wrote. It then prepared Tanjiro’s futon and even went outside. Once out, it took care of the crops and hunted for both the home and for Kaizen himself: attempting to futilely feed him every single day. When it was finally done with the routine, it went into Kaizen’s room and fell asleep in a corner.It was as if a part of Kaizen’s subconscious mind was operating through his clone, even when he wasn’t really there. It copied his routine down to the millimeter. Tanjiro even caught the clone mending his haori on the third day of the demon’s unconsciousness.“Urokodaki-san… I’m going out to train. If Kaizen comes back… please, let me know.”“I’ll let you on any news I have, Tanjiro.” the older man had said to him as he left for training.By the time he returned, Urokodaki was nowhere to be found or smelled in the house. He had probably left to run some errands in town, as he many times did. Exhausted, he dragged himself into Kaizen’s room, just to find the clone looking at him and-“Tanjiro! I’m so sorry, I fucked up big time!” he exclaimed, kneeling on the floor and touching his head against it in a dogeza posture.Alright, that was not Kaizen’s clone. That was the real one.…Wait, THE REAL KAIZEN WAS BACK!“Kaizen! Oh my god! You’re back!” the young Kamado quickly ran and knelt down in front of him, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him up from his dogeza and hugging him tightly. “I am so sorry for yelling at you the other day, I really didn’t mean to-”“What are you apologizing for?” the curly-haired boy asked in genuine confusion. “I’m the one who fucked up, you should be kicking my ass instead of apologizing.”Tanjiro pulled back from the hug and blinked, slightly perplexed. “Alright, first of all… You’re my lover, I’m not going to ‘kick your ass’. That’s not something we’re going to do.” He started, slightly concerned by Kaizen’s immediate expectation for violence and punishment. “Second of all, I reacted terribly, and I said awful things I didn’t mean and-”“Tanjiro, it’s fine. I don’t remember anything you said, so don’t apologize for it.” Kaizen answered, looking at the human boy straight in the eyes.“What do you mean you don’t remember?” his concern grew by the second, and he didn’t like what he was hearing at all.“I don’t know, I blacked out like one second after you started yelling and suddenly, I was in my dad’s room and, turns out I’ve been sitting there for three days.” He stated, matter-of-factly. “So don’t worry about it.”It felt like a punch to the gut. That was all the confirmation Tanjiro needed to know that he had, in fact, unknowingly triggered Kaizen’s deep-seated trauma response to Muzan’s abuse. He just lost three days of his life, and he didn’t even remember.“I still feel bad for what I said to you, even if you don’t remember. So, for that, I am very sorry.” He started, trying to organize the words he wanted to say in his head. “Also, shutting down like that for three whole days isn’t normal… How can I not worry?”The demon boy shook his head, taking the human’s hands in his cold ones before he spoke once more.“Let’s not change the topic… I sincerely want to apologize to you,” the curly-haired boy said, sighing heavily.“But-”“No buts, Tanjiro. Please, let me own up to my mistake, alright? I really care about you and I wish to make it up to you, but I can’t do it if I don’t apologize properly.” The demon insisted, planting a soft kiss on the back of Tanjiro’s hand, inadvertedly causing him to blush slightly.“I am sorry I took your sister without letting you know, I’m sorry I used a clone to deceive you and, the thing I’m the sorriest about is causing you pain. I really didn’t mean to, but I did. So, for that, I am extremely sorry.” Kaizen said, now letting go of the reddish brunet’s hand and cupping his cheeks with both of his hands. “I hate that I hurt the person I love the most.”As the human boy felt his lover’s hands on his cheeks, he suddenly became aware of the fact that a steady flow of tears had been rolling from his eyes for some time now. How long had he been crying?The demon gently wiped his tears using his thumbs, placing a soft kiss on his forehead and hugging him tightly once more.“I’m sorry, Tanjiro… You always do so much for me, I really love and appreciate you… I wanted to give you something in return, but now I see how wrong my operating logic was.”The young slayer sniffled, wiping his own tears now and trying to breathe steadily. “What are you talking about…?” he barely made out in a whisper.Kaizen searched inside his obi belt and, sure enough, he pulled out a couple of small boxes from it. He then handed the first one to Tanjiro. “I took your sister with me for this sole purpose. I wanted her help in choosing something for you. Still messed up, I know, I’m not excusing myself. It’s just an explanation.”The reddish brunet looked at his lover and then at the small box, opening it up to reveal a thick-looking silver bracelet with small suns engraved all around it. His eyes widened, he had not expected a gift, let alone such a seemingly expensive one.“Kaizen, I can’t- I can’t accept this…” he started. He had never owned anything that pricy in his life, it felt like too much.“Yes, you can, and you will. You deserve it, alright? You deserve much more than this.” The demon took the bracelet from the box and, in a swift motion, closed it around the slayer’s left wrist.“Kaizen… I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay something like this, I-” he started, but was quickly interrupted by the demon.“Repay? What are you even talking about?” the curly-haired boy tilted his head. “Everything you’ve done for me is way more valuable than this bracelet. I’m simply attempting to even the field a little, alright? I’m still learning, so I’m thanking you for your kindness and patience.” He took the human’s hands in his once more, looking straight into his eyes. “Tanjiro, you don’t even understand the extent to which you are helping me every single day. I am the one who is unable to repay you.”More tears started flowing down the reddish brunet’s cheeks unbidden. It all felt so overwhelming. The intense scent of both the demon’s regret and affection, the feeling of the cold bracelet on his left wrist, the feeling of his tears irritating the skin of his cheeks, his lover’s cold hands in his own warm ones, the feeling of his pain slowly being washed away and the feeling of unfiltered love and gratitude spreading through his chest.Of all things Kaizen could have said or done, he would have never expected that. Maybe, deep down, he had never expected that level of reciprocity at all. He had fallen in love with a highly emotionally unavailable person, which made the moment of sudden devotion feel unreal.He didn’t have much more time to think about it, as the demon swiftly wrapped him in his cold embrace and whispered sweet words of comfort and reassurance into his ear. He had never felt so cherished, so valued, so seen, so understood, so…“Kaizen, I’m so turned on right now.”“Tanjiro, what the fuck?”